I know it's time for me to record a fifty plus and I was like,
what I usually I know what I wanna say. We are kind of
a topic and I don't know. I've so much different things going on right
now that it's been amazing. I will one thing that I will mention as
I get older. My mother had her birthday June twenty ninth, and Spinina
and I understand, I got the gift of second chance. We almost lost
her last year's with you know, I was told to say goodbye to her.
It was it. I was preparing myself for sakea by preparing life without
her, and she came back first. And everybody's get the same chance,
so my heart. Lots of those who don't, but I do. But
I'm in the mode of caregiver, caretaker oversea or over watch her. I'm
like, I'm literally doing her laundry still, I'm helping her with I'm like
a project manager. How I got that at her house stuff? It's and
I'm watching her. And for the many of us fifty plus who are that's
our role now we are having to make it. She eating, is she
talking, and she walking and she out the house, is she's Okay,
it's very interesting that I thought I thought it would be later, but I
forgot she married an older man who passed last year in Moses, and that
kind of cut that sooner. I thought. I just thought he'd lived till
ninety or I don't know, ninety five, and by then she would be
in her eighties. I'd be in my sixties, like it would just be
a little different. But no, it's happening now. That's very interesting,
and many of you guys know how it feels like Number two, I'm having
some mixed feelings about my children as they get older, as I get older,
I'm recognizing things that I don't like. I feel like I'm being not
treated as well as I should be. So I'm dealing with that and what
that feels. I'm trying to figure all that out and how what that feels.
And I'm not listening to this program. So if they do they come
talk to me about I don't think they are but sharing with my views.
I I'm very transparent with you guys. I just I'm feeling like they could
do better with me. I feel I was a good father to them.
I feel like I've been really good in terms of always making it easier for
them in many ways. But I don't know. I know I'm going through
a hard time and there's been some support, but not very much. I'm
trying to figure out what that means for me. So I'm part of that
again Sandwich generation. I have the older parents and the grown kids. Then
I have the grandkids who are coming of age, and so if forming our
own relationships there that I'm learning how to lead on my friends more because I
do a lot of stuff. When I'm tired, I need you, knew
bad. That's another thing am getting older. You can't just sleep anywhere anymore.
Your body does change. Your body changes, and what was great at
twenty five is not good at fifty five anymore, or at thirty five.
So I was forty five. My mattress is twenty something years old. Yes,
folks, I know there's reasons why it was old, but now it's
just not comfortable anymore. And so now and I'm trying to And mattress are
expensive. I don't have credit cards because I did on purpose, so everything
that I do is I pay cash etting, so I try, I don't,
And mattress are expensive. I thought I found one and anyway, they
just they didn't have it size. So I'm dealing with that. So when
you don't sleep very well. I tossed to her all last night, it
makes your life look be hell. Now right now it's summer, I don't
have recognitioning, so during the day it's hot as f here the things to
get older, you know you can't. You're not as easily. I mean,
they'll say he's not hot when you're young too, but just that you
put up a lot of stuff when you're older. When you're younger, you
know that. I'm hustling and doing what I can to make money. I'm
making as much as I could be. I'm trying to figure out ways to
do the next level and start making more money. But at the same time,
I'm also not fully freeze my mom still taking care of my mom and
stuff on some levels, so it's like I'm not completely free to do what
I want to do. This weekend, I'm going outtown. I am very
excited. It's the last minute trip that I feel like I don't even care
if I do nothing. I need to go somewhere else. I just see
something different and I might do a show on where I went I'm gonna tell
you guys on here, but I may tell you where I went afterwards.
But I'm getting away excited. Seriously, Friday can't get here fast enough,
Okay, I just say, just can't. I can't wait to get here.
The last couple of days, I had a jaw issue on my left
side. I think I popped it and then I chewed too hard, and
so I was in pain. I was smollen for a while. Now it's
gone and sol's gone down a lot, but I was in pain. Oh
my god. So I had to stop. I stopped eating soft foods.
Say here's the first day I was. They woulda eat a little more than
just soft food. I'm gonna continue for the next coupleys. So you just
eating soft stuff. But it was it was painful Antony's I was just like,
oh my, that's correcting itself. I think I feel I feel good
than I did they before. I feel eve th I did two days ago.
Uh so I did so just like little things. Does this happen all
the time? I'm tired all the time most of time too, because of
this stuff. So as I and then of course are the state of the
world. We have some crazy stuff happening in America, that is is changing
the face of America. Basically had to start listening to that. I'm viral
again cause my breadfrigerator video and I and it's funny. I've gained a thousand
followers the last month and they're permeating all of my spaces. That's very interesting.
Yeah, that's very interesting. I just I have no partner. Someone
hit on me recently, and I had told myself, James, as you
get older, I know what you want if I say open, But as
soon as you see a red flag, I just now I see it and
I don't act on it, like I don't go further. This person mentioned
a couple of things that they do. There are red flags for me,
and so for me, the ego stroke. You get older, you're like,
okay, go with someone. They liked me. It was a little
younger than me, but like like like forties. And I was being hit
on at this barbecue joint. What's the type person I want to be hit
on? So I was like, I just was gracious and kind and and
I I said, again, the ego struck was nice, that's my he
thought it was. And I wasn't even feeling a tract that I was like,
I was completely right now, like the way I look either right now,
I like the way I look on the way I feel. I'm like
I've been in an impression from a and also for other things somebody, So
I already have I so to have all that happen and then someone hit on
me, it was like okay, But then it's like that since it reflects
me too, It's kind of like, why don't you hit on me?
Like what can I might even putting out that kind of energy. It's like,
what kind of energy are you? Are you picking up on that?
You're hitting on me? So there's that too. I don't have anybody.
It's it's just it's I have a lot of feelings right now. And it's
again, I'm in my mid fifties and feeling some things and I don't even
know I might even fully heavily dealing with all of them. What I'm doing
is I'm waking up every day, put at one foot in front of the
other and just handling what was right in front of you most of the time,
and then everything else saying like right now it's seven thirty at night.
I worked a full day as an organizer. I would love to not just
turn in for the evening. I would love to right now I'm laying down
talking to you. I would love to just say, okay, I'm done,
leaving, roll over and go to sleep. But I have work to
do now. I have media work to do. But I have set up
as a person who he didn't do his job correctly, and so now I'm
paying for it, and I have to now work tonight. I don't want
to work tonight. I'm tired. It's fuck. I'm tired. But when
you're over fifty and you're adults, and you're running your own businesses, and
you're helping your parents, and you know all of the kids, and everybody's
calling on you, and I have people will call me all the time for
advice, and they call it and talk to me, and it's part of
my life. I said it. I set it up this way. I
can't complain about it. It does it. I don't it's my fault or
whatever. That everything happens the way it's happening. So I got to deal
with it now. And sometimes I don't want to deal with it. And
I know many of you who are in this age group and or play where
you understand what I'm saying. You get it too. I get it.
You know, there's you know, I believe with self care and I do
little things like when I'm in my garden, it's wonderful with my garden.
This morning, I said, James, going to the garden this morning,
take care of some stuff out there. And I did that was we're doing
some real ranching on some plants. And it's like, who cares what's going
on out there? Go and there are other things that could be doing.
And I was like, no, James, go in the garden. You
got ten to your garden. You love your garden, that's why you're out
there. But I'm telling you, I have flyers to make tonight. I'm
just like, I don't like making them. I have shows up load,
I have so much to do, and I'm like, I don't want to
do it. It's seven thirty four right now, and I don't want to
do it. I wanted to say, but I'm done with my day and
that's it. But I can't not to get early tomorrow because of my incompetence.
I have to run back to a client's house the morning, grab stand
left there, then go to the store to grab supplies for another client that
I'm going to see and it be dropped off there. I gonna do all
that, so I gotta be up like six thirty in the morning, and
by the time I'm done with this client, it'll be around two o'clock in
the afternoon. That's a full day, but I won't be done. I'm
like, I'm sure I got leaning drafted that. And then Wednesday it's like,
am I going to my mom's house to do blah blah blah? And
then I'm I gonna do it, and then it's I'll be helping her out.
And then Thursday is on July and I was told that I'm going.
My brother in law wants me to go. I went last night. He's
like, you have to come, you have to come, you have to
come here. Oh my god, I don't want to go. I canna
say anything against them. I just want to say it home. Relax.
I'm so I'm pulled so many different directions. People don't get it. I'm
like, I'm tired. I just want to like not move. So I'm
to go because they want me to go. When I went last time,
and then I and then but then Friday morning, We're out of here,
and for at least two days I'll be able to stop, not to do
anything I don't have to do, and I come back on a Sunday night
and then Monday back to work. Here go ahead. It's too much.
It's too much sometimes it really is. But I'm here. I'm here with
you guys. Thanks for letting me do these do these little mini confessionals.
Hopefully actually everything, Like say, hopefully when you're listening to this, you
get something out of it for yourself. Maybe it's uh, you get so
maybe something for the future, Like maybe you're not fifty plus yet you're like,
ooh, that's interesting. Maybe you're a situation as I am, so
you get some kind of camaraderie with it or something. Maybe you feel like
you're with it. Maybe you I don't know, I don't know, whatever
it is, I hope he gets I hope he gets something. Element I'm
James E. Jennie. Fifty plus is out every Tuesday, mostly audio only,
a few videos on jail j VideA YouTube. I'll talk to you next time.