WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:06.480 I know it's time for me to record a fifty plus and I was like, 2 00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.039 what I usually I know what I wanna say. We are kind of 3 00:00:09.080 --> 00:00:13.039 a topic and I don't know. I've so much different things going on right 4 00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:24.440 now that it's been amazing. I will one thing that I will mention as 5 00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.879 I get older. My mother had her birthday June twenty ninth, and Spinina 6 00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:41.359 and I understand, I got the gift of second chance. We almost lost 7 00:00:41.359 --> 00:00:44.759 her last year's with you know, I was told to say goodbye to her. 8 00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:48.920 It was it. I was preparing myself for sakea by preparing life without 9 00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:54.679 her, and she came back first. And everybody's get the same chance, 10 00:00:54.840 --> 00:00:58.560 so my heart. Lots of those who don't, but I do. But 11 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:03.759 I'm in the mode of caregiver, caretaker oversea or over watch her. I'm 12 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:08.920 like, I'm literally doing her laundry still, I'm helping her with I'm like 13 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:12.400 a project manager. How I got that at her house stuff? It's and 14 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:19.680 I'm watching her. And for the many of us fifty plus who are that's 15 00:01:19.719 --> 00:01:23.519 our role now we are having to make it. She eating, is she 16 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:26.959 talking, and she walking and she out the house, is she's Okay, 17 00:01:26.680 --> 00:01:33.079 it's very interesting that I thought I thought it would be later, but I 18 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:37.599 forgot she married an older man who passed last year in Moses, and that 19 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:42.000 kind of cut that sooner. I thought. I just thought he'd lived till 20 00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:46.319 ninety or I don't know, ninety five, and by then she would be 21 00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:48.879 in her eighties. I'd be in my sixties, like it would just be 22 00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:53.480 a little different. But no, it's happening now. That's very interesting, 23 00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:59.079 and many of you guys know how it feels like Number two, I'm having 24 00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:05.719 some mixed feelings about my children as they get older, as I get older, 25 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:13.199 I'm recognizing things that I don't like. I feel like I'm being not 26 00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:16.240 treated as well as I should be. So I'm dealing with that and what 27 00:02:16.919 --> 00:02:20.719 that feels. I'm trying to figure all that out and how what that feels. 28 00:02:20.759 --> 00:02:23.719 And I'm not listening to this program. So if they do they come 29 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:29.360 talk to me about I don't think they are but sharing with my views. 30 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:32.599 I I'm very transparent with you guys. I just I'm feeling like they could 31 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:38.639 do better with me. I feel I was a good father to them. 32 00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:45.000 I feel like I've been really good in terms of always making it easier for 33 00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:51.879 them in many ways. But I don't know. I know I'm going through 34 00:02:51.879 --> 00:03:00.280 a hard time and there's been some support, but not very much. I'm 35 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:02.879 trying to figure out what that means for me. So I'm part of that 36 00:03:02.919 --> 00:03:09.000 again Sandwich generation. I have the older parents and the grown kids. Then 37 00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:13.800 I have the grandkids who are coming of age, and so if forming our 38 00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:23.199 own relationships there that I'm learning how to lead on my friends more because I 39 00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:25.439 do a lot of stuff. When I'm tired, I need you, knew 40 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:30.680 bad. That's another thing am getting older. You can't just sleep anywhere anymore. 41 00:03:31.120 --> 00:03:37.080 Your body does change. Your body changes, and what was great at 42 00:03:37.080 --> 00:03:39.960 twenty five is not good at fifty five anymore, or at thirty five. 43 00:03:40.199 --> 00:03:45.599 So I was forty five. My mattress is twenty something years old. Yes, 44 00:03:45.719 --> 00:03:50.439 folks, I know there's reasons why it was old, but now it's 45 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:54.400 just not comfortable anymore. And so now and I'm trying to And mattress are 46 00:03:54.479 --> 00:04:00.240 expensive. I don't have credit cards because I did on purpose, so everything 47 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:02.360 that I do is I pay cash etting, so I try, I don't, 48 00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:11.960 And mattress are expensive. I thought I found one and anyway, they 49 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:15.519 just they didn't have it size. So I'm dealing with that. So when 50 00:04:15.519 --> 00:04:20.720 you don't sleep very well. I tossed to her all last night, it 51 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:24.199 makes your life look be hell. Now right now it's summer, I don't 52 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:29.000 have recognitioning, so during the day it's hot as f here the things to 53 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:31.759 get older, you know you can't. You're not as easily. I mean, 54 00:04:31.879 --> 00:04:34.240 they'll say he's not hot when you're young too, but just that you 55 00:04:34.279 --> 00:04:40.319 put up a lot of stuff when you're older. When you're younger, you 56 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:46.040 know that. I'm hustling and doing what I can to make money. I'm 57 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:49.600 making as much as I could be. I'm trying to figure out ways to 58 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:58.240 do the next level and start making more money. But at the same time, 59 00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:05.240 I'm also not fully freeze my mom still taking care of my mom and 60 00:05:05.240 --> 00:05:10.639 stuff on some levels, so it's like I'm not completely free to do what 61 00:05:10.759 --> 00:05:19.600 I want to do. This weekend, I'm going outtown. I am very 62 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:28.959 excited. It's the last minute trip that I feel like I don't even care 63 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:33.199 if I do nothing. I need to go somewhere else. I just see 64 00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:36.959 something different and I might do a show on where I went I'm gonna tell 65 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:40.120 you guys on here, but I may tell you where I went afterwards. 66 00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:47.319 But I'm getting away excited. Seriously, Friday can't get here fast enough, 67 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:53.839 Okay, I just say, just can't. I can't wait to get here. 68 00:05:55.240 --> 00:05:58.000 The last couple of days, I had a jaw issue on my left 69 00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:02.120 side. I think I popped it and then I chewed too hard, and 70 00:06:02.160 --> 00:06:04.439 so I was in pain. I was smollen for a while. Now it's 71 00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:10.759 gone and sol's gone down a lot, but I was in pain. Oh 72 00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:13.480 my god. So I had to stop. I stopped eating soft foods. 73 00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:15.079 Say here's the first day I was. They woulda eat a little more than 74 00:06:15.160 --> 00:06:18.000 just soft food. I'm gonna continue for the next coupleys. So you just 75 00:06:18.079 --> 00:06:24.800 eating soft stuff. But it was it was painful Antony's I was just like, 76 00:06:24.879 --> 00:06:28.920 oh my, that's correcting itself. I think I feel I feel good 77 00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:30.639 than I did they before. I feel eve th I did two days ago. 78 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:33.720 Uh so I did so just like little things. Does this happen all 79 00:06:33.720 --> 00:06:43.319 the time? I'm tired all the time most of time too, because of 80 00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:46.720 this stuff. So as I and then of course are the state of the 81 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:53.680 world. We have some crazy stuff happening in America, that is is changing 82 00:06:53.720 --> 00:07:02.160 the face of America. Basically had to start listening to that. I'm viral 83 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:10.199 again cause my breadfrigerator video and I and it's funny. I've gained a thousand 84 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.680 followers the last month and they're permeating all of my spaces. That's very interesting. 85 00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:29.879 Yeah, that's very interesting. I just I have no partner. Someone 86 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:35.199 hit on me recently, and I had told myself, James, as you 87 00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:40.839 get older, I know what you want if I say open, But as 88 00:07:40.839 --> 00:07:45.800 soon as you see a red flag, I just now I see it and 89 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:49.160 I don't act on it, like I don't go further. This person mentioned 90 00:07:49.160 --> 00:07:53.040 a couple of things that they do. There are red flags for me, 91 00:07:54.879 --> 00:07:59.120 and so for me, the ego stroke. You get older, you're like, 92 00:07:59.120 --> 00:08:01.759 okay, go with someone. They liked me. It was a little 93 00:08:01.800 --> 00:08:05.399 younger than me, but like like like forties. And I was being hit 94 00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:11.040 on at this barbecue joint. What's the type person I want to be hit 95 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:16.079 on? So I was like, I just was gracious and kind and and 96 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:18.720 I I said, again, the ego struck was nice, that's my he 97 00:08:18.759 --> 00:08:22.040 thought it was. And I wasn't even feeling a tract that I was like, 98 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:24.839 I was completely right now, like the way I look either right now, 99 00:08:24.839 --> 00:08:28.959 I like the way I look on the way I feel. I'm like 100 00:08:30.199 --> 00:08:33.639 I've been in an impression from a and also for other things somebody, So 101 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:37.200 I already have I so to have all that happen and then someone hit on 102 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:39.639 me, it was like okay, But then it's like that since it reflects 103 00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:41.919 me too, It's kind of like, why don't you hit on me? 104 00:08:43.960 --> 00:08:46.320 Like what can I might even putting out that kind of energy. It's like, 105 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:48.559 what kind of energy are you? Are you picking up on that? 106 00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:54.879 You're hitting on me? So there's that too. I don't have anybody. 107 00:08:54.399 --> 00:09:01.759 It's it's just it's I have a lot of feelings right now. And it's 108 00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:05.840 again, I'm in my mid fifties and feeling some things and I don't even 109 00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:11.279 know I might even fully heavily dealing with all of them. What I'm doing 110 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:15.960 is I'm waking up every day, put at one foot in front of the 111 00:09:16.039 --> 00:09:20.440 other and just handling what was right in front of you most of the time, 112 00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:24.480 and then everything else saying like right now it's seven thirty at night. 113 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:31.639 I worked a full day as an organizer. I would love to not just 114 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.720 turn in for the evening. I would love to right now I'm laying down 115 00:09:35.759 --> 00:09:37.879 talking to you. I would love to just say, okay, I'm done, 116 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:43.519 leaving, roll over and go to sleep. But I have work to 117 00:09:43.519 --> 00:09:48.960 do now. I have media work to do. But I have set up 118 00:09:50.279 --> 00:09:54.440 as a person who he didn't do his job correctly, and so now I'm 119 00:09:54.480 --> 00:10:00.399 paying for it, and I have to now work tonight. I don't want 120 00:10:00.440 --> 00:10:07.600 to work tonight. I'm tired. It's fuck. I'm tired. But when 121 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:09.960 you're over fifty and you're adults, and you're running your own businesses, and 122 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:13.200 you're helping your parents, and you know all of the kids, and everybody's 123 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:16.480 calling on you, and I have people will call me all the time for 124 00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:18.440 advice, and they call it and talk to me, and it's part of 125 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:20.840 my life. I said it. I set it up this way. I 126 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:26.120 can't complain about it. It does it. I don't it's my fault or 127 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:31.200 whatever. That everything happens the way it's happening. So I got to deal 128 00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:35.000 with it now. And sometimes I don't want to deal with it. And 129 00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:39.279 I know many of you who are in this age group and or play where 130 00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:41.919 you understand what I'm saying. You get it too. I get it. 131 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:48.759 You know, there's you know, I believe with self care and I do 132 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:54.200 little things like when I'm in my garden, it's wonderful with my garden. 133 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:56.320 This morning, I said, James, going to the garden this morning, 134 00:10:56.320 --> 00:10:58.720 take care of some stuff out there. And I did that was we're doing 135 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:05.320 some real ranching on some plants. And it's like, who cares what's going 136 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:07.320 on out there? Go and there are other things that could be doing. 137 00:11:07.360 --> 00:11:09.159 And I was like, no, James, go in the garden. You 138 00:11:09.159 --> 00:11:11.600 got ten to your garden. You love your garden, that's why you're out 139 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:15.360 there. But I'm telling you, I have flyers to make tonight. I'm 140 00:11:15.399 --> 00:11:18.080 just like, I don't like making them. I have shows up load, 141 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:20.080 I have so much to do, and I'm like, I don't want to 142 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:24.679 do it. It's seven thirty four right now, and I don't want to 143 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:26.639 do it. I wanted to say, but I'm done with my day and 144 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:31.600 that's it. But I can't not to get early tomorrow because of my incompetence. 145 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:35.559 I have to run back to a client's house the morning, grab stand 146 00:11:35.639 --> 00:11:41.519 left there, then go to the store to grab supplies for another client that 147 00:11:41.559 --> 00:11:46.600 I'm going to see and it be dropped off there. I gonna do all 148 00:11:46.600 --> 00:11:50.960 that, so I gotta be up like six thirty in the morning, and 149 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:54.039 by the time I'm done with this client, it'll be around two o'clock in 150 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:58.759 the afternoon. That's a full day, but I won't be done. I'm 151 00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:03.600 like, I'm sure I got leaning drafted that. And then Wednesday it's like, 152 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:05.720 am I going to my mom's house to do blah blah blah? And 153 00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:09.360 then I'm I gonna do it, and then it's I'll be helping her out. 154 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:15.840 And then Thursday is on July and I was told that I'm going. 155 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:18.759 My brother in law wants me to go. I went last night. He's 156 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:20.120 like, you have to come, you have to come, you have to 157 00:12:20.120 --> 00:12:24.559 come here. Oh my god, I don't want to go. I canna 158 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:26.120 say anything against them. I just want to say it home. Relax. 159 00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:33.759 I'm so I'm pulled so many different directions. People don't get it. I'm 160 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:39.039 like, I'm tired. I just want to like not move. So I'm 161 00:12:39.159 --> 00:12:41.919 to go because they want me to go. When I went last time, 162 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:46.759 and then I and then but then Friday morning, We're out of here, 163 00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:52.879 and for at least two days I'll be able to stop, not to do 164 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:56.799 anything I don't have to do, and I come back on a Sunday night 165 00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:03.360 and then Monday back to work. Here go ahead. It's too much. 166 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:11.399 It's too much sometimes it really is. But I'm here. I'm here with 167 00:13:11.440 --> 00:13:15.919 you guys. Thanks for letting me do these do these little mini confessionals. 168 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:20.080 Hopefully actually everything, Like say, hopefully when you're listening to this, you 169 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:28.679 get something out of it for yourself. Maybe it's uh, you get so 170 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:31.000 maybe something for the future, Like maybe you're not fifty plus yet you're like, 171 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:35.919 ooh, that's interesting. Maybe you're a situation as I am, so 172 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:39.440 you get some kind of camaraderie with it or something. Maybe you feel like 173 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:43.960 you're with it. Maybe you I don't know, I don't know, whatever 174 00:13:43.000 --> 00:13:48.720 it is, I hope he gets I hope he gets something. Element I'm 175 00:13:48.799 --> 00:13:54.159 James E. Jennie. Fifty plus is out every Tuesday, mostly audio only, 176 00:13:54.039 --> 00:13:58.399 a few videos on jail j VideA YouTube. I'll talk to you next time.