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You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. The holidays are here and

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everything's changing with this season, right
see music changing goodness. Many radio stations

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started playing Christmas music the moment Thanksgiving
stopped, so music started to change.

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Decorations changing coming out, people putting
up lights, doing all kinds of things

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on their home. The stores,
whether it be a grocery store, department

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store, decorations are changing, and
even people's attitudes tend to change. Have

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you noticed that interactions with each other
tend to be a little more pleasant,

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little more seasonally happy? And this
is what seems to happen around this time

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of the year, every single year. And just like that famous Christmas song,

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and we all know it, there's
beauty in these these small moments of

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comfort and joy. But what is
the true meaning of joy and where does

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it come from? It seems that
because it tends to be a part of

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this season, that the assumption is
that comfort and joy or joy itself lies

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in material things. Because this time
is associated with gift giving and those types

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of things, that it seems that
the overall attitude is that joy is somehow

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attached to that. Does it really
come from material gifts. That would be

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sad if that was the case.
It must come from the things of God.

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See. To the believer, joy
is much more than a feeling.

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You can't just wrap it up in
a box, put a bow on it,

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and hand it to someone. It's
not just wow, I'm in a

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really good mood today, or I
really feel happy today. Joy is much

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bigger than that. Joy is much
grander and much more pure than something that

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can be stuffed in a box or
a bag or handed out to everyone.

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Joy has to be bigger than that. It has to be It has to

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be from God for it to be
real. People confuse joy with happiness,

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which is really not a good thing. We've said this over and over on

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the show, because really happiness is
kind of this this flash feeling of joy

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due to a happening, something that
happened. So you have this happiness.

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Somebody gives you a gift, somebody
says something nice, whatever it is,

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you have this happiness because of that
happening. But joy is altogether different.

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It's pure, and it's in an
intense concentration. It doesn't have the ebb

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and flow of happiness. It certainly
can't be given to you because of a

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pill you're taking, or because of
a gift you've been given, or because

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of a movie you just saw.
If anything, these things that you call

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happiness are just a little bit of
that curtain that keeps you from that joy,

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the joy that's there all the time. It's just a little bit of

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that curtain being pulled back and in
just glimpsing that joy that's always with you.

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Believe it or not. They say
that if you're looking and looking and

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looking for something and can't find it, chances are you already have it.

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And so so many people search for
joy thinking they're going to lift up a

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rock, or they're going to open
a door or come around a corner,

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and there joy is seeking that going, well, where is this joy?

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I keep hearing about? But it's
with you always. It comes from God,

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and it can only be realized,
It only be seen and appreciated and

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really understood when you're in God's presence
here on earth, not the same way

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you'll be in God's presence in heaven, but in a state of having a

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relationship with God, in a state
of a prayer and connection with God,

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that's when you'll know joy, real
joy, that concentrated joy, and not

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just the glance or the glimpse or
the little peace or the taste of joy

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that you get during happenings, things
that just make you happy. And during

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this time of year, it seems
that there's this shift, this shift where

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even the non believer starts experience experiencing
just a little bit of what the Christian

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does all year round. Because joy
is not attached to a day, whether

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it's the celebration of my birth or
not. Joy is always there. Joy

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is inside. It lasts and lasts
and lasts. It's not moved or changed

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by circumstance, and it's incredibly powerful. It's what keeps you stable in times

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of great chaos and turmoil. Having
joy doesn't mean you understand everything going on

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around you, or that your circumstances
are always pleasant or funfilled. That's a

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misrepresentation of joy. Joy comes from
understanding your life is in God's hand,

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and that's where your comfort lies as
well. The song comfort and joy.

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There is a wonderful marriage there,
but it's not because of circumstances. It's

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not because well, things seem to
be going my way, and therefore I

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have joy and I have comfort.
The comfort is knowing that God has you.

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You've heard it before, right,
It's not what the future holds,

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but it's who holds your future that
matters. Well, if God is holding

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your future, if God is holding
you, your heart, your faith,

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then you won't be swayed and caught
up in the things of every day.

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Doesn't mean that you won't it down
from time to time, but being up

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or down due to circumstances is normal. But joy can exist simultaneously even when

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you're not in the best of moods, because it's not just that feeling.

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The joy is there in the simplicity
of life itself, enjoying mere existence.

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This is the day that the Lord
has made. Let us rejoice in it,

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rejoice feeling that joy just in the
simplicity of this is a day that

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God made. And once you find
that, once you understand that it's not

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something you're searching for, it's not
something you're looking for, you look to

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know God. And with knowing God
comes that joy comes, that that altogether

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concentrate of the things of God,
not some swaying, ever changing, always

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in this state of flux kind of
feeling. Thing. The world wants to

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wants you to think that that's what
joy is. Their comfort is in knowing

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what's going to happen to you.
Comfort is knowing every step that's ahead of

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you. That's not comfort, that's
not joy. The real comfort and joy

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that's talked about in scripture deals with
being comforted knowing that God is with you,

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that God has a plan for your
life, that you have a purpose,

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and that God loves you. Therein
lies the comfort. Therein lies the

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joy. God is that source of
joy. And during the holidays, as

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you see people going throughout shopping and
buying gifts and receiving gifts and eating fun

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snacks and fun foods and everything that
comes with the holidays, the automatic place

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you go is that that's what brings
joy. And I want to reset that

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for you. I want you to
see it differently, that, yes,

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you may be in a circumstance where
you might not be with family this year,

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you may be in a circumstance where
you've lost some family and whatever it

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might be, that if you have
God with you throughout the any circumstance,

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including sometimes the sadness that comes with
the holidays as well, that that is

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where your joy lies. That is
where your comfort lies. The holidays are

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here, of course, and with
Christmas, it's every movie cliche. Every

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movie that you see dealing with Christmas
always surrounds about the magic spirit of Christmas,

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the attitude of people, and as
everything goes and changes during this time

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of the year, this season,
you start thinking about things like joy.

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You hear songs that talk about comfort
and joy, but to the Christian that

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means something altogether different. It's not
just something because someone's giving you a gift,

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just some wonderful feeling. Comfort and
joy is very real. It's very

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constant, and it's pure. When
you're a person of faith, it's inside.

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It lasts forever and good and bad
circumstances, and it keeps you stable

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and a float during times of chaos. So don't get caught up thinking that

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joy is this thing that just comes
once a year, or comes when gifts

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are present or people tend to just
be in a better mood. That's not

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what it is, because things will
fade away. True joy must be sturdier,

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much more solid than material things or
ever changing situations that come and go.

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Joy is not attached to you getting
something, and it's not attached to

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this world at all. God is
the only true source of joy and the

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comfort that comes with it. That's
it. Tewod Corinthians one three said,

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blessed be the God and Father of
our Lord, Jesus Christ, the father

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of mercies and of God and of
all comfort. God brings the fullness of

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joy, not part pieces, a
little bit here, a little bit there.

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Psalm sixteen eleven says, in Thy
presence is fullness of joy. The

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fullness of joy being in the presence
of the Maker. That is joy.

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That is where I want you to
be, not cut up in gifts or

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this or that, but being in
the relationship with God, your joy filled

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by God's purpose. That's joy,
not just by what life brings you.

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It's okay to enjoy things. It's
okay to enjoy life. It's okay to

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be happy the things that you have
in life. But the fullness of life

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and true joy can only come from
God. Rebecca, welcome to the Jesus

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Christia. Hi, Rebecca, and
I know you love me, and I

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truly love myself. But how can
I feel joy, comfort and joy during

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the holiday season when everything around around
me reminds me that I'm single, I'm

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alone, and I feel like I
have no one to love me and maybe

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no one will ever love me.
Well, that doesn't really seem plausible.

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There's no evidence that God makes people
thirsty and then doesn't create water. Just

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doesn't happen. People don't run around
looking for something to quench their thirst unless

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there is something to quench their thirst. I will question a couple of your

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statements. If you are with someone
and they love you, you seem to

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think that that then you'll be fulfilled
in that you won't go looking for another

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mate, right, true? Okay, so the hope is that there will

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be a hole there of some kind
and that you'll be fulfilled. Yet you

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tell me you love me, done, check, I love you too,

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yes. And you say that you
love yourself. Yes, But yet you

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feel the need to look for someone
else in a way that is looking for

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fulfillment. And I will tell you
this, when you truly love attracts love.

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It's just the way it works when
And I don't mean in that like

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the secret and the law of attraction
everything. I mean that it is it

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is bound together. It's materially bound
together. And when you are comfortable with

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who you are and you are in
a nice, healthy, wonderful place,

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is when you will attract those that
are in the same place. You don't

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need anybody, you know, there's
not a need in that sense. There

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is a want and a desire and
you're built for it. But if you

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have those desires, there's no reason
for you to feel that you wouldn't have

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it. Now, what is in
your mind? In total honesty, because

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if you're not honest, it's not
going to do us any good. But

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Rebecca, in total honesty, what
do you think is the reason that you

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haven't found that right person? Because
I'm assuming you've dated before, you've met

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people. Yes, okay, so
what is what is the what's the reason?

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I've been in relationships and I've been
engaged a couple of times in the

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past, you know, six years, and I was married before, and

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you know, I really don't know. I feel that the men that I

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am initially attracted to, and they're
very attracted to me, I feel that

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it's just it's purely physical. There's
like there's nothing there, there's no substance

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there. Well, everything's going to
be physical at first, I mean,

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that's how you see people. That's
the the very first thing you're going to

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connect with with somebody. Is going
to be physical. I like the way

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you look, or you're pleasing to
me, or something that's it's superficial for

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a reason, because that's what you're
going to experience first. But you say

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it never goes past that. It
really doesn't seem to. It's just you

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know, and maybe you know I've
been told, but I'm I'm too picky

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about certain things, like for example, you know, maybe a data man

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who smokes cigarette. I don't smoke. And then in the beginning, okay,

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well, I can handle it,
and then after the relationships goes on,

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it's like, I'm a cigarette smoke
is just I can't stand it anymore.

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Well, smoke casually smoked marijuana,
Okay, well I'm fine with it.

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I'm you know, but after you
know, six months of you know

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him, you know, sitting standing
there, you know, at a bond

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you know, bigger than he is, you know, I just can't.

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It's like a deal breaker. I
can't do it anymore. And then I

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find myself again just I'm back in
the same place. I'm by myself,

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and I'm I'm alone. And so
maybe there's something in me that is attracting

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dysfunctional men in some capacity. Because
maybe there's something that's functional in myself and

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I'm you know, I don't know. Maybe it's work. I mean I

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pour when I go to when I
work, I pour myself into it.

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So maybe, you know, maybe
that's what it is. It could be

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many things. First of all,
you're choosing, choosing horribly. One of

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the best things to do is to
find people in places that you share experiences.

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You don't want a carbon copy of
yourself. Trust me that that's not

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what you're looking for. But if
you don't like smoking, there's no reason

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to spend the time with somebody who
smokes at all. There's no reason to

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invest in that at all. And
the same with marijuana. There's just it's

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not worth it if you if it
doesn't work out like that, or these

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are not things that you want in
your life, then don't even start going

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down that path. But each time
you do, you're wasting time in one

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sense by not having the experience of
meeting someone else because you're now in this

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relationship with someone that you knew at
the very beginning does things that you're not

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that great with. But everyone's going
to have something and I'm wondering if they're

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is either a your your sense of
what you're looking for is too great.

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And this happens. The longer that
you're single, more people tend to create

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and even more kind of exclusive and
perfect image in their head as to what

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their partner is going to be,
and it ends up becoming more difficult to

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find someone. So the real that
could be happening too. I believe that

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could be happening. And work and
everything like that that plays a part with

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everybody's life. But you can manage
all that. First and foremost, do

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you have any hobbies or anything that
you like doing? Well? I,

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you know, I like cycling,
I love traveling, I'm into sight seeing.

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You know that there's really guilty pleasures
that I'm wonderful. Then that's where

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that's that's a good place for you
to meet people now because you're you're going

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to connect with things that you like. However, you don't want to be

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going on those You don't want to
be doing those things to meet someone.

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You want to go and do those
things to better yourself and be you know,

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become a continue to become a full
person as you explore and learn and

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be curious and all of those things. But once when you're spending time,

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more time with yourself, and you
really get to a place where you enjoy

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your own company. Only then can
you have a relationship that's worth anything,

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because now it's always about adding something
to your life and you're not going to

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that way. And I agree,
I enjoy my own company. I mean

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I can spend hours and hours,
you know, just finding things for myself

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to do, even taking you know, road trips by myself, which people

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find really pretty scary, you know, for a single woman to go out

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there and take a road trip,
which I've done before and it had a

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wonderful time. You've met wonderful people. What I what I'm seeking in my

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life is a companion, you know, a true friend. And it just

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I feel that the guides that I
date, as I explained before, they

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were smokers, that they were addicted
to alcohol or drugs or you know,

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it's just they want sex and it's
like there's no substance, there's just nothing,

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you know, there's nothing for them
to stay with it. I don't

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know, I just I really don't
know how to explain it. It's a

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specific I see, well, people
don't. People don't. It's the best

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way to say this. I will
say it this way. People don't redecorate

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motels they go. They may be
unpacked when they stay at them, because

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there's something about that structure that says, this is not your home. It's

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just where you stay for a little
while. And you don't ever want to

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give out that energy to anybody,
and you want to make sure that everything

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that you're doing points to a long
term relationship, that that's what you're looking

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for for one for Secondly, when
it comes to relationships, if if you're

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fulfilled, if you are totally happy
with who you are, then there's no

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they don't have any any cachet.
They're not coming saying, oh, well,

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she's obviously she'd needs somebody or she
needs companionship or whatever, and I'm

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bringing that. So then therefore I'm
going to take something from her. When

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I say I want you to be
comfortable with yourself, I really mean it.

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I want you to get to a
place where you are so comfortable with

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yourself that you that if somebody was
hitting on you, you wouldn't even recognize

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it because you're just so comfortable with
where you are. And maybe that sounds

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like an annoyance. Oh, they're
going to interrupt my day or where I'm

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at, and your happiness and look
towards really fulfilling yourself and being in that

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mode. And I think once you
get to that place, once you get

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to a place where you feel super
comfortable with who you are and you're enjoying

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yourself and you're exploring and you're going
out and you're traveling and you're doing whatever,

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it'll come. So to break it
down, it's have legitimate expectation.

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Manage your expectation as to what you
want, what you're looking for. Don't

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go down a path that begins with
something you're not looking for. You don't

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want to date a smoker, and
I would suggest not dating a smoker,

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then don't start with that. Don't
even bother having that. If somebody see

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someone smoke, then move on.
If there are things that show themselves early

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on, there's no reason to dig
deeper for you if that's going to be

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a deal breaker down the line,
because then it's just going to be a

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deal breaker with someone that you've sort
of connected with. And chemistry is a

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wonderful thing and should be a part
of it both physically. There should be

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some initial chemistry, but there should
also be some intellectual chemistry. And if

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guys constantly want to take you to
bed, it's because they're not seeing that

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there's something else there. And that's
partly on them, but it's partly on

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you too. You have to show
them that there's something more to the picture

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and that there's something more to the
package of who you are, and they'll

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want to explore talking with you and
going to other places and hearing what's on

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your mind and learning about the way
you think and what you think and why

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you think it, and all those
things come together, But really it starts

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with you. You have to be
in a place. The assumption is that

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when you're single, you're available,
and that's not the truth. That's never

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the truth. Single is a state
of physicality, whether you've met somebody or

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have somebody in your life. But
being available is really a state of mental

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and emotional state. It's about being
healthy. It's about being ready and primed

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and comfortable with who you are.
And it's almost like when you're comfortable being

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alone and not needing anybody is when
somebody will come along. Relationships, Really,

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the entirety of the Bible is set
upon the foundation of relationships. Even

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the Ten Commandments are really about roughly
half deal with your relationship with God and

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half deal with your relationship with Man, Adam and Eve. From the beginning,

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really dealing with relationship not only between
each other, but also between the

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animals, the earth, the natural
resources, and they're very important. But

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everything goes back to that peak relationship
on this planet, and that is going

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to be interpersonal relations with each other. Of course, God is always above

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all of that. God is your
first and your foremost love. But as

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you look for a partner, a
good partner in life, you have to

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be prepared mentally and emotionally as to
where you're going to be, and above

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all, really enjoying who you are
and having your life right with God.

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I know that it's a cliche to
go through a breakup or go through something

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rough in life and then go running
to the church, but I will tell

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you that that's no different than going
through a car wash after mudwomping in your

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truck. It's just a matter of
getting all of that off of your person

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emotionally and physically, and taking the
time to reconnect with your God and prepare

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yourself for another relationship, just another
another, another another, but really being

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in that mindset of no, I
want to be prepared for this. The

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assumption is just because you're single or
you don't have somebody in your life that

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makes you prepared. That's not being
prepared for anything. The absence of something

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is not the preparation for something else. Ever, that's just the beginning.

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It's like saying, well, I
don't have a car, therefore I'm prepared

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to get one. No, have
you saved up money for the car?

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No, so you don't have the
dawn payment? No? Okay, do

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you have any money in the bank. No? Do you have a home

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where you could park the car?
No, don't have a home. Don't

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have money. Then, just because
you don't have a car doesn't mean you're

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prepared for one. Likewise, prepare
yourself for a relationship. Put away experiences

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in your emotional bank, things that
you've enjoyed doing, have hobbies and interests,

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and things that aren't going to make
you just a barnacle on someone else's

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life. You don't want somebody like
that in your life either. You don't

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want somebody to come in and go
eh and latch on. You want somebody

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who has depth and interest, and
you need to prepare yourself for that as

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well. So being single doesn't mean
you're available and you're ready. Prepare yourself,

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and the way you prepare yourself is
to really enjoy your own company,

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the things around you. Explore life, Enjoy life, have hobbies, love

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yourself, love your God, and
love will come. KFI AM six on demand