You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. The holidays are here and
everything's changing with this season, right see music changing goodness. Many radio stations
started playing Christmas music the moment Thanksgiving stopped, so music started to change.
Decorations changing coming out, people putting up lights, doing all kinds of things
on their home. The stores, whether it be a grocery store, department
store, decorations are changing, and even people's attitudes tend to change. Have
you noticed that interactions with each other tend to be a little more pleasant,
little more seasonally happy? And this is what seems to happen around this time
of the year, every single year. And just like that famous Christmas song,
and we all know it, there's beauty in these these small moments of
comfort and joy. But what is the true meaning of joy and where does
it come from? It seems that because it tends to be a part of
this season, that the assumption is that comfort and joy or joy itself lies
in material things. Because this time is associated with gift giving and those types
of things, that it seems that the overall attitude is that joy is somehow
attached to that. Does it really come from material gifts. That would be
sad if that was the case. It must come from the things of God.
See. To the believer, joy is much more than a feeling.
You can't just wrap it up in a box, put a bow on it,
and hand it to someone. It's not just wow, I'm in a
really good mood today, or I really feel happy today. Joy is much
bigger than that. Joy is much grander and much more pure than something that
can be stuffed in a box or a bag or handed out to everyone.
Joy has to be bigger than that. It has to be It has to
be from God for it to be real. People confuse joy with happiness,
which is really not a good thing. We've said this over and over on
the show, because really happiness is kind of this this flash feeling of joy
due to a happening, something that happened. So you have this happiness.
Somebody gives you a gift, somebody says something nice, whatever it is,
you have this happiness because of that happening. But joy is altogether different.
It's pure, and it's in an intense concentration. It doesn't have the ebb
and flow of happiness. It certainly can't be given to you because of a
pill you're taking, or because of a gift you've been given, or because
of a movie you just saw. If anything, these things that you call
happiness are just a little bit of that curtain that keeps you from that joy,
the joy that's there all the time. It's just a little bit of
that curtain being pulled back and in just glimpsing that joy that's always with you.
Believe it or not. They say that if you're looking and looking and
looking for something and can't find it, chances are you already have it.
And so so many people search for joy thinking they're going to lift up a
rock, or they're going to open a door or come around a corner,
and there joy is seeking that going, well, where is this joy?
I keep hearing about? But it's with you always. It comes from God,
and it can only be realized, It only be seen and appreciated and
really understood when you're in God's presence here on earth, not the same way
you'll be in God's presence in heaven, but in a state of having a
relationship with God, in a state of a prayer and connection with God,
that's when you'll know joy, real joy, that concentrated joy, and not
just the glance or the glimpse or the little peace or the taste of joy
that you get during happenings, things that just make you happy. And during
this time of year, it seems that there's this shift, this shift where
even the non believer starts experience experiencing just a little bit of what the Christian
does all year round. Because joy is not attached to a day, whether
it's the celebration of my birth or not. Joy is always there. Joy
is inside. It lasts and lasts and lasts. It's not moved or changed
by circumstance, and it's incredibly powerful. It's what keeps you stable in times
of great chaos and turmoil. Having joy doesn't mean you understand everything going on
around you, or that your circumstances are always pleasant or funfilled. That's a
misrepresentation of joy. Joy comes from understanding your life is in God's hand,
and that's where your comfort lies as well. The song comfort and joy.
There is a wonderful marriage there, but it's not because of circumstances. It's
not because well, things seem to be going my way, and therefore I
have joy and I have comfort. The comfort is knowing that God has you.
You've heard it before, right, It's not what the future holds,
but it's who holds your future that matters. Well, if God is holding
your future, if God is holding you, your heart, your faith,
then you won't be swayed and caught up in the things of every day.
Doesn't mean that you won't it down from time to time, but being up
or down due to circumstances is normal. But joy can exist simultaneously even when
you're not in the best of moods, because it's not just that feeling.
The joy is there in the simplicity of life itself, enjoying mere existence.
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice in it,
rejoice feeling that joy just in the simplicity of this is a day that
God made. And once you find that, once you understand that it's not
something you're searching for, it's not something you're looking for, you look to
know God. And with knowing God comes that joy comes, that that altogether
concentrate of the things of God, not some swaying, ever changing, always
in this state of flux kind of feeling. Thing. The world wants to
wants you to think that that's what joy is. Their comfort is in knowing
what's going to happen to you. Comfort is knowing every step that's ahead of
you. That's not comfort, that's not joy. The real comfort and joy
that's talked about in scripture deals with being comforted knowing that God is with you,
that God has a plan for your life, that you have a purpose,
and that God loves you. Therein lies the comfort. Therein lies the
joy. God is that source of joy. And during the holidays, as
you see people going throughout shopping and buying gifts and receiving gifts and eating fun
snacks and fun foods and everything that comes with the holidays, the automatic place
you go is that that's what brings joy. And I want to reset that
for you. I want you to see it differently, that, yes,
you may be in a circumstance where you might not be with family this year,
you may be in a circumstance where you've lost some family and whatever it
might be, that if you have God with you throughout the any circumstance,
including sometimes the sadness that comes with the holidays as well, that that is
where your joy lies. That is where your comfort lies. The holidays are
here, of course, and with Christmas, it's every movie cliche. Every
movie that you see dealing with Christmas always surrounds about the magic spirit of Christmas,
the attitude of people, and as everything goes and changes during this time
of the year, this season, you start thinking about things like joy.
You hear songs that talk about comfort and joy, but to the Christian that
means something altogether different. It's not just something because someone's giving you a gift,
just some wonderful feeling. Comfort and joy is very real. It's very
constant, and it's pure. When you're a person of faith, it's inside.
It lasts forever and good and bad circumstances, and it keeps you stable
and a float during times of chaos. So don't get caught up thinking that
joy is this thing that just comes once a year, or comes when gifts
are present or people tend to just be in a better mood. That's not
what it is, because things will fade away. True joy must be sturdier,
much more solid than material things or ever changing situations that come and go.
Joy is not attached to you getting something, and it's not attached to
this world at all. God is the only true source of joy and the
comfort that comes with it. That's it. Tewod Corinthians one three said,
blessed be the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the father
of mercies and of God and of all comfort. God brings the fullness of
joy, not part pieces, a little bit here, a little bit there.
Psalm sixteen eleven says, in Thy presence is fullness of joy. The
fullness of joy being in the presence of the Maker. That is joy.
That is where I want you to be, not cut up in gifts or
this or that, but being in the relationship with God, your joy filled
by God's purpose. That's joy, not just by what life brings you.
It's okay to enjoy things. It's okay to enjoy life. It's okay to
be happy the things that you have in life. But the fullness of life
and true joy can only come from God. Rebecca, welcome to the Jesus
Christia. Hi, Rebecca, and I know you love me, and I
truly love myself. But how can I feel joy, comfort and joy during
the holiday season when everything around around me reminds me that I'm single, I'm
alone, and I feel like I have no one to love me and maybe
no one will ever love me. Well, that doesn't really seem plausible.
There's no evidence that God makes people thirsty and then doesn't create water. Just
doesn't happen. People don't run around looking for something to quench their thirst unless
there is something to quench their thirst. I will question a couple of your
statements. If you are with someone and they love you, you seem to
think that that then you'll be fulfilled in that you won't go looking for another
mate, right, true? Okay, so the hope is that there will
be a hole there of some kind and that you'll be fulfilled. Yet you
tell me you love me, done, check, I love you too,
yes. And you say that you love yourself. Yes, But yet you
feel the need to look for someone else in a way that is looking for
fulfillment. And I will tell you this, when you truly love attracts love.
It's just the way it works when And I don't mean in that like
the secret and the law of attraction everything. I mean that it is it
is bound together. It's materially bound together. And when you are comfortable with
who you are and you are in a nice, healthy, wonderful place,
is when you will attract those that are in the same place. You don't
need anybody, you know, there's not a need in that sense. There
is a want and a desire and you're built for it. But if you
have those desires, there's no reason for you to feel that you wouldn't have
it. Now, what is in your mind? In total honesty, because
if you're not honest, it's not going to do us any good. But
Rebecca, in total honesty, what do you think is the reason that you
haven't found that right person? Because I'm assuming you've dated before, you've met
people. Yes, okay, so what is what is the what's the reason?
I've been in relationships and I've been engaged a couple of times in the
past, you know, six years, and I was married before, and
you know, I really don't know. I feel that the men that I
am initially attracted to, and they're very attracted to me, I feel that
it's just it's purely physical. There's like there's nothing there, there's no substance
there. Well, everything's going to be physical at first, I mean,
that's how you see people. That's the the very first thing you're going to
connect with with somebody. Is going to be physical. I like the way
you look, or you're pleasing to me, or something that's it's superficial for
a reason, because that's what you're going to experience first. But you say
it never goes past that. It really doesn't seem to. It's just you
know, and maybe you know I've been told, but I'm I'm too picky
about certain things, like for example, you know, maybe a data man
who smokes cigarette. I don't smoke. And then in the beginning, okay,
well, I can handle it, and then after the relationships goes on,
it's like, I'm a cigarette smoke is just I can't stand it anymore.
Well, smoke casually smoked marijuana, Okay, well I'm fine with it.
I'm you know, but after you know, six months of you know
him, you know, sitting standing there, you know, at a bond
you know, bigger than he is, you know, I just can't.
It's like a deal breaker. I can't do it anymore. And then I
find myself again just I'm back in the same place. I'm by myself,
and I'm I'm alone. And so maybe there's something in me that is attracting
dysfunctional men in some capacity. Because maybe there's something that's functional in myself and
I'm you know, I don't know. Maybe it's work. I mean I
pour when I go to when I work, I pour myself into it.
So maybe, you know, maybe that's what it is. It could be
many things. First of all, you're choosing, choosing horribly. One of
the best things to do is to find people in places that you share experiences.
You don't want a carbon copy of yourself. Trust me that that's not
what you're looking for. But if you don't like smoking, there's no reason
to spend the time with somebody who smokes at all. There's no reason to
invest in that at all. And the same with marijuana. There's just it's
not worth it if you if it doesn't work out like that, or these
are not things that you want in your life, then don't even start going
down that path. But each time you do, you're wasting time in one
sense by not having the experience of meeting someone else because you're now in this
relationship with someone that you knew at the very beginning does things that you're not
that great with. But everyone's going to have something and I'm wondering if they're
is either a your your sense of what you're looking for is too great.
And this happens. The longer that you're single, more people tend to create
and even more kind of exclusive and perfect image in their head as to what
their partner is going to be, and it ends up becoming more difficult to
find someone. So the real that could be happening too. I believe that
could be happening. And work and everything like that that plays a part with
everybody's life. But you can manage all that. First and foremost, do
you have any hobbies or anything that you like doing? Well? I,
you know, I like cycling, I love traveling, I'm into sight seeing.
You know that there's really guilty pleasures that I'm wonderful. Then that's where
that's that's a good place for you to meet people now because you're you're going
to connect with things that you like. However, you don't want to be
going on those You don't want to be doing those things to meet someone.
You want to go and do those things to better yourself and be you know,
become a continue to become a full person as you explore and learn and
be curious and all of those things. But once when you're spending time,
more time with yourself, and you really get to a place where you enjoy
your own company. Only then can you have a relationship that's worth anything,
because now it's always about adding something to your life and you're not going to
that way. And I agree, I enjoy my own company. I mean
I can spend hours and hours, you know, just finding things for myself
to do, even taking you know, road trips by myself, which people
find really pretty scary, you know, for a single woman to go out
there and take a road trip, which I've done before and it had a
wonderful time. You've met wonderful people. What I what I'm seeking in my
life is a companion, you know, a true friend. And it just
I feel that the guides that I date, as I explained before, they
were smokers, that they were addicted to alcohol or drugs or you know,
it's just they want sex and it's like there's no substance, there's just nothing,
you know, there's nothing for them to stay with it. I don't
know, I just I really don't know how to explain it. It's a
specific I see, well, people don't. People don't. It's the best
way to say this. I will say it this way. People don't redecorate
motels they go. They may be unpacked when they stay at them, because
there's something about that structure that says, this is not your home. It's
just where you stay for a little while. And you don't ever want to
give out that energy to anybody, and you want to make sure that everything
that you're doing points to a long term relationship, that that's what you're looking
for for one for Secondly, when it comes to relationships, if if you're
fulfilled, if you are totally happy with who you are, then there's no
they don't have any any cachet. They're not coming saying, oh, well,
she's obviously she'd needs somebody or she needs companionship or whatever, and I'm
bringing that. So then therefore I'm going to take something from her. When
I say I want you to be comfortable with yourself, I really mean it.
I want you to get to a place where you are so comfortable with
yourself that you that if somebody was hitting on you, you wouldn't even recognize
it because you're just so comfortable with where you are. And maybe that sounds
like an annoyance. Oh, they're going to interrupt my day or where I'm
at, and your happiness and look towards really fulfilling yourself and being in that
mode. And I think once you get to that place, once you get
to a place where you feel super comfortable with who you are and you're enjoying
yourself and you're exploring and you're going out and you're traveling and you're doing whatever,
it'll come. So to break it down, it's have legitimate expectation.
Manage your expectation as to what you want, what you're looking for. Don't
go down a path that begins with something you're not looking for. You don't
want to date a smoker, and I would suggest not dating a smoker,
then don't start with that. Don't even bother having that. If somebody see
someone smoke, then move on. If there are things that show themselves early
on, there's no reason to dig deeper for you if that's going to be
a deal breaker down the line, because then it's just going to be a
deal breaker with someone that you've sort of connected with. And chemistry is a
wonderful thing and should be a part of it both physically. There should be
some initial chemistry, but there should also be some intellectual chemistry. And if
guys constantly want to take you to bed, it's because they're not seeing that
there's something else there. And that's partly on them, but it's partly on
you too. You have to show them that there's something more to the picture
and that there's something more to the package of who you are, and they'll
want to explore talking with you and going to other places and hearing what's on
your mind and learning about the way you think and what you think and why
you think it, and all those things come together, But really it starts
with you. You have to be in a place. The assumption is that
when you're single, you're available, and that's not the truth. That's never
the truth. Single is a state of physicality, whether you've met somebody or
have somebody in your life. But being available is really a state of mental
and emotional state. It's about being healthy. It's about being ready and primed
and comfortable with who you are. And it's almost like when you're comfortable being
alone and not needing anybody is when somebody will come along. Relationships, Really,
the entirety of the Bible is set upon the foundation of relationships. Even
the Ten Commandments are really about roughly half deal with your relationship with God and
half deal with your relationship with Man, Adam and Eve. From the beginning,
really dealing with relationship not only between each other, but also between the
animals, the earth, the natural resources, and they're very important. But
everything goes back to that peak relationship on this planet, and that is going
to be interpersonal relations with each other. Of course, God is always above
all of that. God is your first and your foremost love. But as
you look for a partner, a good partner in life, you have to
be prepared mentally and emotionally as to where you're going to be, and above
all, really enjoying who you are and having your life right with God.
I know that it's a cliche to go through a breakup or go through something
rough in life and then go running to the church, but I will tell
you that that's no different than going through a car wash after mudwomping in your
truck. It's just a matter of getting all of that off of your person
emotionally and physically, and taking the time to reconnect with your God and prepare
yourself for another relationship, just another another, another another, but really being
in that mindset of no, I want to be prepared for this. The
assumption is just because you're single or you don't have somebody in your life that
makes you prepared. That's not being prepared for anything. The absence of something
is not the preparation for something else. Ever, that's just the beginning.
It's like saying, well, I don't have a car, therefore I'm prepared
to get one. No, have you saved up money for the car?
No, so you don't have the dawn payment? No? Okay, do
you have any money in the bank. No? Do you have a home
where you could park the car? No, don't have a home. Don't
have money. Then, just because you don't have a car doesn't mean you're
prepared for one. Likewise, prepare yourself for a relationship. Put away experiences
in your emotional bank, things that you've enjoyed doing, have hobbies and interests,
and things that aren't going to make you just a barnacle on someone else's
life. You don't want somebody like that in your life either. You don't
want somebody to come in and go eh and latch on. You want somebody
who has depth and interest, and you need to prepare yourself for that as
well. So being single doesn't mean you're available and you're ready. Prepare yourself,
and the way you prepare yourself is to really enjoy your own company,
the things around you. Explore life, Enjoy life, have hobbies, love
yourself, love your God, and love will come. KFI AM six on demand