1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,439 When Mike left, and of course I was devastated about the end of my 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,960 marriage, and I was convinced at the tender age of whatever I was twenty 3 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:10,039 eight or twenty nine, I was sure that having and you know, and 4 00:00:10,199 --> 00:00:17,320 it's an ugly word, but having the burden of a child with such extraordinary 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:28,440 special needs, I genuinely believed I would never even have another kiss. On 6 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:33,159 the right podcast, And before we get to the topic usure, can we 7 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:38,359 please just remind all of our listeners and all of our watchers please support Mike 8 00:00:38,399 --> 00:00:43,640 Lindell and the fantastic company that he started from the ground up my Pillow as 9 00:00:43,679 --> 00:00:49,320 they go through their humongous betting sale right now. 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I mean, you need to just like check 19 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:23,480 everything out because everything. The savings are incredible. They're incredible right now. 20 00:01:23,519 --> 00:01:27,760 So visit my pillow dot com slash chicks enter code checks to check out for 21 00:01:29,079 --> 00:01:32,359 like the best discounts ever, including the GI's a Dream Dream sheets, which 22 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:37,200 are amazing, and go to my pillow dot com slash chicks use code chicks, 23 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:45,400 MyPillow dot com slash chicks chicks. So this is this topic that we're 24 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,640 doing today is like years in the making. People have been asking about this 25 00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:55,120 particular subject for years and we've never done this, and so I think it's 26 00:01:55,879 --> 00:01:59,400 long overdue that we talk about this. We're gonna be talking about your son 27 00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:04,519 Thomas. Yes, and we have questions. I know that you asked some 28 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,560 questions. You asked our insiders and locals, folks, Hey, what kind 29 00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:13,240 of questions do you have about my son Thomas? And they came up with 30 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,199 some questions. Oh my god, so many, yeah, so many. 31 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,280 So I think you narrowed some of those down, try to encapsulate the questions 32 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,199 that people had and try to narrow them down so we could get through some 33 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:25,159 of them today. But I know that, like the I wanted to at 34 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:30,000 least sort of kick it off with one of the first times or the first 35 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:34,439 time that I met you. People can listen to our story and how we 36 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,800 met. But the first time that I met you, it was during a 37 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:39,960 job interview that turned into like, oh my god, did we just become 38 00:02:40,039 --> 00:02:46,919 best friends session? Yes, it was just like the serendipitous meeting. And 39 00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:52,639 one of the things that you talked about with me was Thomas. I don't 40 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,759 think you remember that. I don't. I totally do not remember this. 41 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,240 Yeah it was and it wasn't like you went on and on and on about 42 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,919 him. But you know, when I first met you, I just remember 43 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:09,280 thinking, self, she's so happy, you know, And not that that's 44 00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:15,199 a bad thing, but when people are so have this such a happy, 45 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:20,080 positive disposition, sometimes I can be a little leery, you know, because 46 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,919 unless that person has gone through some stuff, I'm not real sure if that 47 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,319 person and I are going to be some potigo, you know. And because 48 00:03:28,319 --> 00:03:32,960 I've gone through some stuff and you have gone through some stuff, but the 49 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,680 way that you handle it, and I think in that moment when you started 50 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,159 talking to me about Thomas, I was like, wow, she just the 51 00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:46,439 way that you talked about him, and in the very it was a very 52 00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:49,560 abbreviated way that you talked about him. It's not like you went on and 53 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,439 on, but just the abbreviated way that you talked about him, and you 54 00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:57,199 did it in such a positive way, and that just I don't know your 55 00:03:57,199 --> 00:04:00,400 disposition about him. I thought we're going to be really good friends, this 56 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:05,199 chick and I because I just loved it, and I loved like your face 57 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:12,599 lit up when you talked about him and there was just nothing negative about him 58 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,079 or his disability or just anything. I just loved it. I just I'll 59 00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:20,680 never forget that day talking to you about all the things that we talked about 60 00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:24,959 and how we basically became best friends that day, but just the way that 61 00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,839 you talked about him, and I'll get emotional talking about it, but he's 62 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,519 just a but it was just a it was really cool the way you talked 63 00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:34,519 about him and how you've always just been very positive about him and positive about 64 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:39,800 taking care of him. And it's never been like a burden or anything like 65 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,279 that. Like I hate to even use that word, but it's always been 66 00:04:44,319 --> 00:04:46,800 a joy to have him. And I love that about you. I love 67 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:51,399 that about both of you. I just love that about Thomas. Yeah. 68 00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:56,160 Well, Annyway was a very special, special boy. Yeah, yeah, 69 00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:59,839 and there were you know, I don't know why. I guess I don't 70 00:04:59,879 --> 00:05:03,240 know why we haven't spent time talking about him and his story in the past. 71 00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:06,120 I don't know. Maybe it's just because, like we've always been focused 72 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:13,000 on politics and cultural things and not as much personal stuff. But now that 73 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,879 we have these like two communities, like the local supporters and the insiders who 74 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,759 you know, there are like number one like primo fans, right, And 75 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:25,920 so it's it makes sense that the more they get to know us personally, 76 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:29,040 the more that they attend meet and greets, the more that they interact with 77 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,199 us. There's curiosity about the more they want to know, the more they 78 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:35,040 want to know, right, Yeah, And so I didn't really you know, 79 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:39,360 if you would have said, let's just have a deep dive about Thomas 80 00:05:39,399 --> 00:05:41,519 and just say whatever it is that you want to say about him, I 81 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,120 would have no clue where to start, because I have I've you know, 82 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,959 I've been his mom for twenty seven years, so to me, I don't 83 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:51,639 know what other people see and are curious about. And that's why I reached 84 00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:56,000 out to everybody to say, what are your questions? And there were definitely 85 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,240 themes, Like, there were definite people had like a lot of people have 86 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:01,399 the same question, right, So I figured, well, this is this 87 00:06:01,439 --> 00:06:04,879 is going to be pretty easy to make sure that people get their primary questions 88 00:06:04,879 --> 00:06:08,079 answered. And then there were just so many that I don't know that we'll 89 00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:10,120 get to all of them, but we'll, you know, we'll get to 90 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,000 a lot. And I don't think it's important for us to talk about that 91 00:06:13,079 --> 00:06:15,680 because you and I've been doing this for fifteen years now, and I think 92 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:20,079 that just in the past week, you know, like you put up a 93 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:26,199 birthday post that showed his picture and there was some nastiness coming back in you. 94 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,399 Just not a lot. I mean, there's just a touch, like 95 00:06:28,439 --> 00:06:30,959 maybe one couple, just a couple of little, tiny, teeny tiny handful. 96 00:06:31,319 --> 00:06:36,879 Because people will make assumptions, you know, jackasses out there will make 97 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:43,319 assumptions about your life, my life. They'll just make assumptions about people that 98 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,360 they think that they know because they see us every day, but they don't 99 00:06:46,399 --> 00:06:48,600 know. They don't know about your life. So I think that's another important 100 00:06:48,639 --> 00:06:51,839 reason to go, Okay, well you want to know, we'll answer some 101 00:06:51,959 --> 00:06:55,759 questions about Yeah. I mean, I've always been in an open book about 102 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:59,000 right about him, about everything really, and so it's not you know, 103 00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:02,720 it's not for shame, you know, it's not we haven't not talked about 104 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,720 him because we're like I'm like ashamed of him, or don't or I want 105 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:09,600 to keep it private or anything like that. It's not about that at all. 106 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:13,160 It's just like there's so much news all the time that I always feel 107 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,600 like, well, my life, that doesn't mean anything exactly. I think 108 00:07:15,639 --> 00:07:17,560 we both feel that way. It's like, why are people why would they 109 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:21,000 be interested in our lives? Our lives are completely boring? Yeah, right, 110 00:07:21,839 --> 00:07:26,360 So I think the primary question to answer right out of the gate is 111 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,480 because some people are not aware of this, and I was surprised, And 112 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,240 then I was like, why am I surprised? These people don't know all 113 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,759 the ins and outs of my personal history, so why would it surprise me 114 00:07:33,879 --> 00:07:41,199 that some people are just now discovering that my husband Ron is not Thomas's biological 115 00:07:41,279 --> 00:07:45,920 dad. Of course, they wouldn't know that necessarily, and so I guess 116 00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:49,079 it makes most sense to tell the story with how Thomas came to be. 117 00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:55,079 And that starts with me getting married basically right out of high school to my 118 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:59,240 high school sweetheart who joined the military. And the reason we got married so 119 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,720 young is so because he was in the Air Force and he got stationed in 120 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,879 Okinawa. Immediately I wanted to join him. I was madly in love with 121 00:08:05,959 --> 00:08:09,800 him and I wanted to be with him, and so that was the simple 122 00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:13,480 way to do that, right, get married as an absolute child. When 123 00:08:13,519 --> 00:08:18,120 I think about the pain I caused my parents, oh my god. So 124 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,920 but anyway, was a child bride. She was a child bride. Seriously, 125 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:24,879 Like, I turned eighteen and got married like three weeks later. And 126 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,839 it's crazy because it was like two weeks. And it's crazy now because you 127 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,360 have an eighteen year old son and you're probably looking at that going, oh 128 00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:35,399 my god, can you imagine, Jackson, I'm married right now? Oh 129 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:39,279 my gosh, there's no way, no right. Oh, different back then 130 00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:43,919 anyway. So anyway, so we were married for a good long while and 131 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,840 at about I want to say ten years into our marriage. We were we 132 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:54,480 were married for almost eleven and ten about well about eight or nine years in 133 00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:58,840 that's when we started thinking because we were really really young and so but there 134 00:08:58,919 --> 00:09:01,960 was a moment where I decided I want to be a mom, like more 135 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,840 than anything in the whole wide world. And unfortunately it wasn't easy, Like 136 00:09:03,879 --> 00:09:07,960 we had to go through a lot of infertility mumbo jumbo. Never got to 137 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,840 the point of doing like in vitro or anything like that, but like did 138 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:16,679 some artificial insemination and drugs and all that kind of stuff to boost our chances, 139 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:22,720 and lo and behold, I became pregnant with twins, and so that 140 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:26,960 I didn't know that until I lost one of them very very early on. 141 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,399 So I want to say, I was I don't know, seven weeks into 142 00:09:30,399 --> 00:09:33,120 the pregnancy, and I was delighted to be pregnant, like you have no 143 00:09:33,159 --> 00:09:37,039 idea. I was over the moon. I was so so so happy. 144 00:09:37,039 --> 00:09:41,279 We both were and super super excited to be pregnant. And then at thirteen 145 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:48,320 weeks I started bleeding and was crushed. We went to the emergency room and 146 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:54,039 I was told in the emergency room to prepare for the loss of Thomas, 147 00:09:54,240 --> 00:10:00,080 who was the remaining child because I bled early on lost a twenty early on 148 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,399 and actually Thomas got his name because it means twin. That's how I sort 149 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,039 of landed on that name is because it means twin. And so at thirteen 150 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:11,320 weeks, I had a placental abruption and that's why I started bleeding, and 151 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:16,759 Thomas was a huge risk and so went to the emergency room was told, 152 00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:18,600 here's a cup, you know, like try to catch what you can, 153 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,720 but you're gonna lose this baby. And so when I went to go see 154 00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:28,240 my obgyn a couple days later, she did an ultrasound and he was fine, 155 00:10:28,399 --> 00:10:33,720 and so it was like this amazing miracle and it was super joyous and 156 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,679 we were super excited. And I continued on with my pregnancy as a high 157 00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:41,159 risk person, and I had the worst pregnancy ever. Like it was I 158 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:46,399 had the sciatica, like I was miserably uncomfortable, and then I developed at 159 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:50,399 twenty eight weeks, I thought I was okay, but like at twenty eight 160 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,000 weeks, I developed pre eclamsia, which I didn't know anything about at the 161 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:58,200 time, because when you're a new time pregnant person, you just assume everything's 162 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,759 gonna go great because women have been have babies for billions of years and they 163 00:11:01,759 --> 00:11:05,039 are good at it. So I didn't look at all the scary stories. 164 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,480 I thought, oh, that happens to other women. But everything was happening 165 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:13,159 to me. So I'm just not a good pregnant person. And when I 166 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,039 went to my twenty eight week checkup, and you know how they immediately take 167 00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:20,000 your blood pressure, she said, she took my blood pressure. I don't 168 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,639 know what it was. It was sky high, and she immediately said, 169 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,159 get on your left side. I'm calling an ambulance because I was at a 170 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:30,600 doctor's office in a hospital that did not have nick you type of care. 171 00:11:30,639 --> 00:11:33,360 They were not equipped to deal with a premature delivery at that young at twenty 172 00:11:33,399 --> 00:11:37,480 eight weeks, and I'm just like, what are you talking about? I 173 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:41,320 feel fine, Like this is crazy, and I joked all the way downtown 174 00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:45,279 in the ambulance ride. I was like making fun of everything. I was 175 00:11:45,279 --> 00:11:46,879 like, this is so stupid. There's got to be some mistake. This 176 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,320 is crazy. What I didn't know is that I was very very very very 177 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:56,240 very ill, and I didn't know how dangerous preclamcy it was. But long 178 00:11:56,279 --> 00:12:00,759 story short, the Saturdays. I was in the hospital for a few days 179 00:12:01,159 --> 00:12:03,879 during the week. Saturday that's when things got really really bad. And so 180 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,039 on a Saturday, which I mentioned it was a Saturday because it was a 181 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:13,440 teaching hospital and there were no staff physicians there on the Saturday, was all 182 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:18,559 like residents and kids and learning people and not anybody that really wanted to take 183 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,519 control of the situation. So I had a monitor on that was monitoring Thomas's 184 00:12:22,519 --> 00:12:26,960 heartbeat after each contraction. I was in labor for I don't know, eight 185 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:31,759 hours or so, and every single contraction his heart would decelerate. And I 186 00:12:31,799 --> 00:12:37,799 didn't know enough at the time to like demand an emergency se section. I 187 00:12:37,879 --> 00:12:41,039 don't I'm twenty eight or whatever, twenty seven, I have no idea, 188 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,840 and so I just went with it. They weren't making a huge fuss about 189 00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:48,120 it, so I wasn't either. And then finally a staff physician arrived for 190 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,559 the night, took one look at all of the tapes that had been gathered 191 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,840 throughout the day, and then immediately called it an emergency. I was wheeled 192 00:12:54,879 --> 00:13:01,080 in, got the sea section. He came out completely blue, and they 193 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,799 did all the things to make him not blue anymore, but the fact remained 194 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:11,000 that he had the cord around his neck and he lost oxygen for way too 195 00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:15,039 long of a time. And so what we found out I think about six 196 00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:20,600 days later, because to us he looked perfect, right like once they revived 197 00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:22,799 him, he looked perfect. He was just very small, he was three 198 00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:26,519 pounds and two ounces when he was born, but he looked physically fine. 199 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:30,960 And so I was like, yay, I was still recovering and very very 200 00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:33,960 ill and not even realizing that I was at death's door, apparently because I 201 00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:39,320 just couldn't believe that because I felt okay. But we found out when they 202 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:45,519 did a brain ultrasound that he was anything but okay. And so he ended 203 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,279 up had like CP. When I say that he has CP, that stands 204 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:52,120 for cerebral palsy for people who may not know that. And so what that 205 00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:56,679 does is it affects the motor area of your brain and there's varying levels of 206 00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,279 CP. You probably know someone with CP that walks around and talks and is 207 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:05,679 fine. Unfortunately, Thomas's CP also came with something called PVL, which stands 208 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:11,840 for periventricular luco Malaysia, I learned a lot in those early days, and 209 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:16,360 that just meant that the white matter of his brain was also deeply impacted by 210 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:20,320 injury and lack of oxygen, and so we were told that he wouldn't see, 211 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,360 he wouldn't hear, he wouldn't I mean, he would essentially be a 212 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:28,320 vegetable. And so that's how I went home, is knowing that, and 213 00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:31,399 I cried for days. I mean, I you know, you say and 214 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,399 people say, oh, you're so happy and positive, but it's not that 215 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:39,000 I didn't have a complete breakdown. Like, of course, I was a 216 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:46,679 mess and absolute mess. I probably slept and cried interchangeably NonStop for two or 217 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,679 three days. And then I just you get to a point where you're like, 218 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:56,080 Okay, well I can either continue to sleep and cry or I can 219 00:14:56,679 --> 00:15:00,480 just live with this and move forward. And I have a kid that I've 220 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,639 got to take care of and I've got to figure out how to do that. 221 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,320 And so, you know, he was a nick you for quite some 222 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,559 time. He came home, I want to say, like six or seven 223 00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:13,120 weeks later. The problem is is that when I emerged from my room to 224 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:18,960 stop crying and sleeping, my husband at the time did not, And so 225 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:22,720 there was I reached a point where I was like, Okay, I've got 226 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,159 this, you know what I mean, Let's do this, we can do 227 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,840 this, and we're going to love him all the same. But he just 228 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:31,720 never got there and just handled it in a very, very different way. 229 00:15:33,519 --> 00:15:37,200 And I will say just a side note that if you are a mom of 230 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,120 a child with disabilities and you have never read the poem Welcome to Holland, 231 00:15:41,799 --> 00:15:50,919 I literally attribute that to saving me, like that poem saved my soul in 232 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:54,600 essence, in essence, what's a synopsis of it? So the synopsis is 233 00:15:54,399 --> 00:15:58,759 that when you're expecting a baby, you are planning a trip to Paris, 234 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:03,799 for example, and you have all these dreams and hopes about how amazing Paris 235 00:16:03,879 --> 00:16:06,399 is gonna be, and you're gonna see the Eiffel Tower and you're gonna do 236 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,840 all these incredible things and see the best of Paris. And then you step 237 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:14,399 off the plane and you realize there's been a mistake. You've landed in Holland. 238 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,399 And so it's a different kind of journey. It's a different kind of 239 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:22,960 trip, but it still has so much beauty if you just allow yourself to 240 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,799 see it. And it was that perspective that I was like, Oh my 241 00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:32,840 gosh, that it just it just completely shifted my entire thinking about, you 242 00:16:32,879 --> 00:16:37,799 know, getting out of that woe is Me mentality and just jumping in into 243 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,919 being a mom of a special needs boy like that poem changed my life, 244 00:16:41,039 --> 00:16:45,600 literally changed my life. Tulips. There are tulips. There, you go, 245 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:51,039 there's tulips. Beautiful, beautiful tulips. Yeah, that's right. So 246 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,960 that saved me. But unfortunately it did not have any impact on my ex 247 00:16:53,039 --> 00:16:57,240 and so we you know, we did the best we could. I you 248 00:16:57,279 --> 00:17:00,679 know, I tried to give him grace, but then he became such an 249 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,119 asshole later that it's hard to maintain grace. And I know you have a 250 00:17:03,119 --> 00:17:07,240 lot to say about that. Yes, at some point you just say, 251 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,319 you know what, I can do this on my own right, and I 252 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:15,119 cannot. I'm parenting this kid that has CP and I don't have time to 253 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,279 deal with your crap. So I'm going to go ahead and just let you 254 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:22,279 go. Yeah. So, I you know, I tried everything I could 255 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:27,200 to break him out of his shell and be in this with me for a 256 00:17:27,319 --> 00:17:32,759 solid year, and by the end of nineteen ninety seven, which is the 257 00:17:32,839 --> 00:17:37,519 year because my Thomas was born in January, and by around December it was 258 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:40,480 just untenable. He was never you know, I don't want to make I 259 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,720 want to make clear he was not abusive to me or anything like that, 260 00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:48,079 but he was mean. He was cold and distant and not supportive and just 261 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:52,839 not in it with me, and so which can be just as bad. 262 00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:55,759 Which is bad. Yeah, it can be just as bad as somebody. 263 00:17:55,799 --> 00:17:57,880 I mean, seriously, it can be. Yeah. And it got to 264 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:02,079 the point I think he was doing it on purpose, like he was being 265 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:06,799 mean on purpose so that I would be the one to end the marriage, 266 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,839 right, And that was a very cowardly thing on his part, But ultimately 267 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,119 it worked because I couldn't take it anymore. And so I was just like, 268 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,720 you have got to go, like you have to leave, and I'll 269 00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:21,200 just do this on my own. And for a while, you know, 270 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,640 I thought, well, maybe we can go to counseling. We went to 271 00:18:22,759 --> 00:18:26,720 one counseling session and I was like, this is this is utterly pointless, 272 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:32,240 Like this is just it's just not going to work. And so he left. 273 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,880 And there was a long period of time that he sort of kind of 274 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:41,079 pretended to be engaged. He would send a little money here and there, 275 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:45,720 He never at any time paid the amount of child support that he was supposed 276 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:51,079 to, and I didn't want to deal with courts and all of that, 277 00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:53,079 and so I was just like, at some point it just got to be 278 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,559 I got tired of asking for help, and I finally just said, just 279 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:02,359 you know what, just pretend you never had a son, and I'll I've 280 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:03,839 got this on my own now. And then we didn't speak for like three 281 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:08,720 years. He is he continues to not be involved nor his family. I 282 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:15,839 don't hear from anybody in his family ever. But he has apologized at least 283 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:22,079 three or four times now in these very genuine and sincere, I believe messages 284 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:27,799 to me where he has said very very like complimentary and glowing things about how 285 00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:33,079 I handled Thomas and had what a good mom, right, what a good 286 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:37,640 mom I've been. How he feels tremendous guilt about his lack of ability to 287 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:44,000 do the same Thinghoul. So I mean, I'm glad, I don't you 288 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,680 know, I don't. I don't care enough about him to worry about his 289 00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:49,839 feelings. And so a lot of times when he has said that I'll just 290 00:19:49,839 --> 00:19:52,920 be like, you know, thanks, but I'm if you're asking me to 291 00:19:53,000 --> 00:20:00,079 forgive you or give you a pass. Uh yeah, between that's between you 292 00:20:00,079 --> 00:20:03,519 and your maker. Dude. I'm sorry because like you and I we've been 293 00:20:03,559 --> 00:20:04,440 friends for a long time. I just don't have a lot of talk. 294 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:08,799 I don't have any tolerance for people who abandon their children. That's yeah, 295 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,240 that and a lot of that has to do with my own hang ups and 296 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:15,319 my own background, but I just don't have tolerance for that. You abandon 297 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:18,839 your kid and you're schmuck, so yeah, and you ban He abandoned you 298 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,039 too, Yeah, abandoned. Not only did he abandon his kid, but 299 00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:26,599 he abandon you at a time where you really needed that help. So I 300 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,240 just don't have a lot of tolerance for that. He can ask for forgiveness 301 00:20:29,319 --> 00:20:30,799 or whatever, but he needs to take that up with his maker. Sorry. 302 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:36,440 Yeah, well, and I get maybe the reason that I do that 303 00:20:36,519 --> 00:20:41,720 I don't have like a huge bunch of what's the word like animosity towards him 304 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:48,240 now is because I believe that all of that led to where I am now, 305 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,319 Like it led to me finding Ron, it led to me having Jackson, 306 00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:53,039 and so I can't be mad about that, right, because like, 307 00:20:53,839 --> 00:20:57,559 man, what a different world it is? Now, what a different marriage? 308 00:20:57,599 --> 00:21:02,119 I mean, I thought my Maryria to him was okay, but now 309 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,400 I realize what how just mediocre and average and not really all that special it 310 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:10,720 was, because now I have what I'm supposed to have and it's a huge 311 00:21:10,759 --> 00:21:14,079 difference. And I mean that's yeah, I mean that's a whole So I 312 00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:18,119 can't I can't really hold a lot of hostility towards him because of how good 313 00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:22,119 life is today. Okay, so then speak So then speaking of that, 314 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,480 so you get, so he gets, he moves out. So you're with 315 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,240 Thomas and you're by yourself and you obviously I'm assuming your parents were around to 316 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,759 help out a little bit, right, So you had my Perramida. Actually 317 00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:37,480 my ex's sister was still very much engaged and helping me while I worked. 318 00:21:37,519 --> 00:21:40,279 She was taking care of him. And to say at that full time she 319 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,079 was still there. Yeah, you were still you were working. You've always 320 00:21:42,079 --> 00:21:45,000 worked full time, so you were working, you had some help. And 321 00:21:45,039 --> 00:21:49,400 then like, okay, so then how long was it before you met Ron? 322 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,759 Well that's an interesting thing because as when Mike left, and of course 323 00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:56,960 I was devastated about the end of my marriage, and I was convinced at 324 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,880 the tender age of whatever I was, twenty eight or twenty nine, I 325 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,559 was sure that having and you know, and it is it's a it's an 326 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:10,759 ugly word, but having the burden of a child with such extraordinary special needs, 327 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,480 I genuinely believed I would never even have another kiss from a from a 328 00:22:15,519 --> 00:22:18,279 man as long as I lived. Like I was like, there's no way 329 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,599 anybody's gonna want anything to do with me after this. This is like I 330 00:22:21,599 --> 00:22:23,480 would never This is like a burden I can't expect anybody else to shoulder. 331 00:22:23,799 --> 00:22:27,519 And so I was convinced of it. I went and saw a therapist who 332 00:22:27,559 --> 00:22:30,559 completely set me straight, and she was fantastic. I'll never forget her. 333 00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:34,400 I only saw her once, but her name was Reagan, and she said, 334 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:40,480 you are so arrogant to have that attitude. How dare you think that 335 00:22:40,519 --> 00:22:42,160 you're the only one that can love your son? And I was like, 336 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,119 oh damn. I mean, I was like, yeah, slap in the 337 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,400 face of reality. But it was what I needed. And I went home 338 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,240 after that that session with her, and I was just like, I am 339 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,240 this is I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine. And I went 340 00:22:57,279 --> 00:23:00,400 out to like, I went out with my friends to the bars, and 341 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,279 I thought, you know, I'm young, I'm gonna party it up. 342 00:23:03,279 --> 00:23:06,160 I'm gonna find somebody. And like, I found some young guy who was 343 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,960 like twenty one at the time, and like, I had makeout sessions with 344 00:23:08,039 --> 00:23:11,759 him for a few weeks, and I was just like, you know, 345 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,480 living my best life right right. And then I was set up with Ron, 346 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:21,400 who worked with a guy whose wife I worked with, and they set 347 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:26,039 us up and we met at a Memorial Day barbecue at their lake house that 348 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,759 same May. So Mike left in January and in May, five months later, 349 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,240 yeah, five months later, I met Ron. And then a few 350 00:23:34,319 --> 00:23:37,359 weeks after we met, he called. He lived in Columbus, Ohio at 351 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,200 the time, but he called and came to Indy and wanted to have a 352 00:23:41,279 --> 00:23:42,880 lunch date. So we did that, and then he had a headache. 353 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,519 I'll never forget this, because he had a really bad headache. Came to 354 00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:51,599 my house after lunch and fell asleep on my couch and I remember sitting there 355 00:23:51,839 --> 00:23:56,720 like this, looking at him and saying to myself that day, I'm gonna 356 00:23:56,759 --> 00:24:00,519 marry that guy, and I did so I love it. I love it 357 00:24:00,599 --> 00:24:04,319 so much. And then he Thomas that day, but he knew about him 358 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:08,000 immediately, and it was so funny because so many people said, don't tell 359 00:24:08,079 --> 00:24:11,880 him, like, I know you're excited about this date, do not tell 360 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,720 him about Thomas. That's going to completely overwhelm him. Resent himpacking. Oh 361 00:24:15,799 --> 00:24:18,000 yeah. I had so much advice from my parents too, who were like, 362 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:22,119 just you know, that's not something that you say to somebody on a 363 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,319 first date. And I was I thought to myself, Yeah, that's probably 364 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,400 right. I mean this, it's so funny. Care I knew Ron, 365 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,559 I grew up with Ron, Yeah, I wouldn't have. And if I 366 00:24:30,599 --> 00:24:33,519 would have known you, which I didn't know you until later on in life, 367 00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:37,920 but if I would have known you, and I would have known you 368 00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,000 were going on a date with Ron, I wouldn't have said that. I 369 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,200 wouldn't have said that. I would have been like, tell him, he's 370 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,720 totally cool. He would he'll love him, he'll love Thomas. He'll I 371 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,640 won't scare him, it won't it. Yeah, I don't. It wouldn't 372 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,160 have scared I don't. I mean, just knowing who he is as a 373 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,759 person. I just, yeah, I wouldn't have I wouldn't have said that. 374 00:24:53,799 --> 00:24:56,519 I would have been, like's not going to scare him. It's not 375 00:24:56,519 --> 00:25:00,119 going to freak him out. It's going to be fine. So I once 376 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,640 again made dinner last night, and I had all the colors, okay, 377 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:08,920 So I had the protein, I had the veggies, and I had the 378 00:25:10,279 --> 00:25:12,920 potatoes. So I did from Omaha Steaks, because you know, I got 379 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:17,960 some of their seafood, which is just as amazing as their steaks. Oh 380 00:25:18,279 --> 00:25:19,960 my gosh. We had already tried the red snapper. This time, I 381 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:26,960 made their lemon dill salmon, Oh my god. And it's so easy. 382 00:25:26,279 --> 00:25:30,920 So comes frozen, already marinated in these individual packages. You just take them 383 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,640 out of the packages, throw them in the oven. Twelve minutes later you 384 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:40,319 have perfectly cooked lemon dill salmon. Tastes like it's from a restaurant. We 385 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:45,119 also had the individual scalloped potatoes, which are also amazing and so delicious. 386 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,119 And then I just made like some green beans whatever that's like. That sounds 387 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,799 really really good. You're so Poaladine. Now I don't even know who you 388 00:25:51,839 --> 00:25:56,119 are. It's crazy that does sound amazing. I'm all about the pork jobs. 389 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:59,000 But listen, like it's Omaha Steaks, you guys. For a limited 390 00:25:59,039 --> 00:26:02,559 time, you can go there Maha Steaks dot com slash Chicks. You can 391 00:26:02,559 --> 00:26:07,680 get four free boneless chicken breasts and four free boneless pork chops with your order, 392 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:12,400 which those are my favorite. The pork chops, people are very underrated 393 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,799 the pork chops from Amaha Steaks. But go to Amha Steaks dot com slash 394 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:22,960 chicks and you can get this. Amaha Steaks dot com slash Chicks. Get 395 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:26,000 it. And I told him at lunch, like on our first date, 396 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:30,680 I said, so listen, I you know, I can't I don't know 397 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,160 how to say this except to just say it, but you need to know 398 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:37,960 that I have a son and he's kind of a mess, Like he's got 399 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,759 a lot of disabilities, and I just felt like I needed to say that 400 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,400 to you upfront in case that that's a problem. And he goes, why 401 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,599 would that be a problem, and I was like, well, it was 402 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:56,359 a problem for his dad, So that's why I just wanted to make sure 403 00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,440 that I just say it out loud and upfront. And he was like, 404 00:27:00,039 --> 00:27:02,519 all your ex sounds like a huge prick. Those were his words, and 405 00:27:02,559 --> 00:27:07,000 I was like, I'm totally going to marry this guy. So so I 406 00:27:07,079 --> 00:27:11,519 know, I mean, he's and he's been amazing obviously this entire time. 407 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:15,319 So okay, So that gets I think that answers like the whole how did 408 00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,039 this? How did how did we get to where we are? So then 409 00:27:18,079 --> 00:27:22,720 how quick was it until you got married? So we got married, we 410 00:27:22,759 --> 00:27:26,880 got engaged. So we started dating in June of nineteen ninety eight, and 411 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:32,839 we got engaged Valentine's Day of nineteen ninety nine, and got married in November 412 00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:37,240 of two thousand. I love that, okay. And then then Jackson was 413 00:27:37,279 --> 00:27:42,240 born right yeah, five years into our marriage, and I people that was 414 00:27:42,279 --> 00:27:45,240 one of the questions people asked is were you scared to have another kid? 415 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:51,640 So scared you guys, and so convinced that I couldn't because of the problems 416 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,640 I had before that. We went and saw like what do they call those 417 00:27:53,680 --> 00:28:00,000 period natologists and like all kinds of you know, super like high risk pregnancy 418 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,319 people for consultations, and we were told that there were some scientific studies that 419 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:10,880 seemed to suggest that a different father could make a difference in your pregnancy, 420 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,480 and so I held on too that with some hope, thinking Okay, well, 421 00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:18,759 maybe it'll be easier this time around, and unfortunately it was not, 422 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,480 so it was a disaster. I once again had a disastrous pregnancy, and 423 00:28:22,519 --> 00:28:27,519 in fact delivered Jackson two weeks earlier than I did Thomas, so he was 424 00:28:27,519 --> 00:28:32,480 two pounds and five ounces, and he also had the same brain ultrasound which 425 00:28:32,559 --> 00:28:37,720 also showed bleeds in his brain. And I remember getting that news and really 426 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,759 feeling like I could not handle it, Like I thought I was going to 427 00:28:40,799 --> 00:28:45,720 have a nervous breakdown. But Ron held everything together and he was like, 428 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,319 it doesn't matter what happens. We're going to do this and it's going to 429 00:28:49,359 --> 00:28:55,480 be okay. And we've got this and somehow, by some miracle and a 430 00:28:55,480 --> 00:29:00,240 lot of prayer, Jackson is a completely healthy, perfect, strong, amazing, 431 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:06,039 perfect human. I think it's just incredible. So yes, I was 432 00:29:06,079 --> 00:29:10,640 scared to have another and but I'm super glad I did. Obviously, Ron 433 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,279 got snipped shortly thereafter because I was like, I can't do this again. 434 00:29:14,359 --> 00:29:17,119 I will die. And that's actually what the doctors said. They were like, 435 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,240 you can't, no more like no, Mas, you are done being 436 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:23,119 pregnant. That's right, that's it for you. So one of the other 437 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:27,559 big questions was what are the extent of Thomas's disabilities and like, you know, 438 00:29:27,759 --> 00:29:30,920 what is he like, what does he know? What? How does 439 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,559 he communicate? I would say it's very hard to answer that question. Like 440 00:29:33,559 --> 00:29:37,640 people will say, like what age would you put him at? Mentally, 441 00:29:37,079 --> 00:29:44,079 It's impossible to answer that question because I don't know, Like physically, he 442 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:48,519 is one hundred percent a quadriplegic. He has no functional use of his arms 443 00:29:48,559 --> 00:29:52,480 and legs. He's very tight and stiff due to the CP he is he 444 00:29:52,519 --> 00:30:00,000 suffered, you know, obviously mental deficiencies as well. He's completely mentally retarded. 445 00:30:00,599 --> 00:30:03,880 I have no problem using that word, and it's the truth. I 446 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:10,119 would say he has the I guess the intelligence level of a two or three 447 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,920 month old. I'm not sure, except that I know he recognizes certain words 448 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:19,799 and people and music and he's very, very joyful. So you know, 449 00:30:19,839 --> 00:30:25,279 it's hard to like put an age on that. I don't know how to 450 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:30,319 how to really say that. But he's he requires complete and total care, 451 00:30:30,599 --> 00:30:37,000 which we obviously gave him, gave him for twenty four straight years until it 452 00:30:37,039 --> 00:30:41,400 became too untenable on us physically, and so I know, you know, 453 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,599 this is the whole fight I had on Instagram as this woman judged me for 454 00:30:45,599 --> 00:30:51,880 putting him into a twenty four hour care home with two lovely roommates at the 455 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,559 time, and it was a heartbreaking decision. I can't. I mean, 456 00:30:55,599 --> 00:31:00,000 there's no two ways around that. Like, it was devastating but also super 457 00:31:00,119 --> 00:31:06,400 necessary for us to be a normal family for Jackson because we could never go 458 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:11,400 anywhere together. We either had Thomas in a wheelchair van that had one seat, 459 00:31:11,079 --> 00:31:15,200 or we had the three of us and Thomas was being babysat by someone 460 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:19,039 Like we could never do anything as a full family, and it was starting 461 00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:25,759 to affect our ability to give Jackson the life that he deserved. And we 462 00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:27,640 were breaking apart physically. I mean, I mean, he used to have 463 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,480 a bad back. Yeah, I don't think that people understand, Like it's 464 00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:34,920 because these he grew up, he got bigger, he got bigger, and 465 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:38,119 like as you I remember, you know, because I met you fifteen years 466 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:42,680 ago, he was smaller because he was younger, and as he got bigger, 467 00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:47,400 he got older, he got bigger. You had to pick him up 468 00:31:47,599 --> 00:31:49,240 and to take care of him. I mean, I think people forget that. 469 00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:53,319 They think that he's a child. He's twenty seven years old now he's 470 00:31:53,319 --> 00:31:56,079 twenty seven, so imagine. I mean, granted, he's not as big 471 00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:01,599 physically as a as a I think, I don't want to say regulars as 472 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:06,920 you can as an every day like as as say as my twenty seven year 473 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,000 old son. Right, he's not as big as Chase, right, and 474 00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:12,720 Chase is thirty now, he's not as big as what Chase was when he 475 00:32:12,759 --> 00:32:16,720 was twenty seven. And but I mean, but he's still a twenty seven 476 00:32:16,799 --> 00:32:22,799 year old man, right, And so I think people don't they don't compute 477 00:32:22,839 --> 00:32:25,839 that in their brains because they're not living your life. And so it's very 478 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,960 easy to judge when you're a sideline player. You're out here and you're not 479 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,680 living your life. And man, that pisses me off. And people do 480 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,319 that to you, oh my god, because they too, they don't do 481 00:32:37,359 --> 00:32:39,960 it. They've not lived your day to day life. They're not they're twenty 482 00:32:40,039 --> 00:32:44,480 four to seven doing this, you know. And a lot of people that 483 00:32:44,519 --> 00:32:50,680 do it to you are the people that don't have the children. If they 484 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:57,319 are mothers of kids who are special needs. They're not mothers of your kid, 485 00:32:58,039 --> 00:33:00,759 right, And then somebody is so different, right, everybody's different, 486 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:07,599 And how dear they pass judgment on you when they also have a child whose 487 00:33:07,599 --> 00:33:09,160 special needs? And like you think that they, of all people, wouldn't 488 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:14,160 pass judgment. Yeah, don't. I don't get that. I know it 489 00:33:14,279 --> 00:33:16,880 was stunner. I mean, especially because it was coming from a mom of 490 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:22,759 a boy with CP who's one year older than Thomas, And so I was 491 00:33:22,799 --> 00:33:24,240 just like, how can you? I mean, that's great that you're able 492 00:33:24,279 --> 00:33:28,599 to keep him at home. It looks like he can sit up and hold 493 00:33:28,599 --> 00:33:31,759 a phone and hug you. Those are all things that Thomas will never ever 494 00:33:31,839 --> 00:33:37,000 do. And so step off, lady. Yeah. And also and also 495 00:33:37,079 --> 00:33:44,039 how wonderful is that for you? Yeah? Exactly. I should take a 496 00:33:44,079 --> 00:33:47,119 moment too to point out that I had extraordinary help. I mean, my 497 00:33:47,279 --> 00:33:51,680 parents were I don't know what I would have done without my mom. I 498 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:55,079 mean she gave she gave me and Ron so much time to learn to know 499 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:59,400 each other and date, like even as we were married, right, she 500 00:33:59,519 --> 00:34:02,759 gave us eight nights, She gave us trips that we were able to take 501 00:34:02,839 --> 00:34:06,880 because she would take Thomas while we traveled. I mean, she was amazing. 502 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:12,079 And then we also had many many caregivers taking care of Thomas through his 503 00:34:12,159 --> 00:34:15,679 early years, and then for twenty years we had the same amazing caregiver. 504 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:22,320 Shout out to Jamie, who I mean also just a complete godsend and continues 505 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:25,440 to be Thomas's very very best friend. So had I mean, without that 506 00:34:25,519 --> 00:34:29,000 help, I don't know what I would have done. So you know, 507 00:34:29,079 --> 00:34:31,079 it has to be stated that, like I could not do this alone. 508 00:34:31,119 --> 00:34:35,559 I don't think anybody could. And so I was very very lucky to have 509 00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:39,079 like an amazing, amazing support system in place for sure. But yeah, 510 00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:44,559 that decision to move him was excruciating. Thankfully, he's fifteen minutes away. 511 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,639 His house right now is fifteen minutes away, and you know, so we're 512 00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:51,639 able to see him whenever we want, which is great. We also have 513 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,000 the trust in his care team, which has been phenomenal. And I found 514 00:34:55,000 --> 00:35:01,360 the home for him through stroke of luck by meeting this amazing who owns an 515 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:07,039 agency that provides the caregivers. And she and I had breakfast one day, 516 00:35:07,039 --> 00:35:12,239 and I just she was so amazing and just such a wonderful, wonderful woman. 517 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,639 I had every faith in her to put him in the best possible care, 518 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,360 and she has and I've been really, really happy with it. The 519 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,480 other question people have, naturally, is what's going to happen when you move 520 00:35:22,079 --> 00:35:25,400 South Carolina? Yeah. Yeah, And that same woman who was so mean 521 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:30,480 to me on Instagram, it was that same judgment in her tone. I 522 00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:32,679 know a lot of our people are insiders and supporters. They genuinely want to 523 00:35:32,679 --> 00:35:38,079 know because they're curious and they don't mean anything malicious by it. But there's 524 00:35:38,119 --> 00:35:42,639 a lot that goes into the fact that he's not coming with us. He's 525 00:35:42,639 --> 00:35:45,000 going to stay in his house where he's very well cared for, and will 526 00:35:45,039 --> 00:35:47,920 be coming back to Indy at least four times a year to see him. 527 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,119 And granted that's not the same as him being fifteen minutes away, but it 528 00:35:52,159 --> 00:35:58,960 doesn't change his care at all, and unfortunately, he would not be able 529 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,159 to get the same care in South Carolina. So Indiana is actually one of 530 00:36:02,199 --> 00:36:07,639 the very very best states in the nation in terms of the benefits that they 531 00:36:07,639 --> 00:36:14,599 provide for people like Thomas, the services that he receives, the care that 532 00:36:14,639 --> 00:36:17,960 he receives, the house that he is a part of all of that would 533 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,880 not be possible in South Carolina. And even if it was the same, 534 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:27,159 South Carolina requires that he would be a resident for a certain i think for 535 00:36:27,199 --> 00:36:30,760 a year before he'd be eligible to be put on a waiting list for those 536 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:37,239 services, none of which we could afford on our own. And so that 537 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,000 also fed into the decision. It's not an easy one to leave him, 538 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:46,360 but he's he is in a very good situation, and so that is the 539 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,239 answer. And then you'll visit and you'll visit him several times a year. 540 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,519 Yeah. Yeah, we're going to come back four times a year because that's 541 00:36:52,559 --> 00:36:57,360 required of my husband's job, and so obviously we'll be doing that and seeing 542 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,639 Thomas once a quarter and that that will be so he'll continue to live his 543 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:05,480 best life at his current house where he has amazing caregivers. And I don't 544 00:37:05,519 --> 00:37:08,000 feel guilt about that, and no one can make me right. And it's 545 00:37:08,039 --> 00:37:12,360 it's kind of like I mean, it's it's you'll probably see him more than 546 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:16,000 I see my adult children. Great point. Yes, that's a great point. 547 00:37:16,119 --> 00:37:19,280 I mean, I'm just putting it out there. I know that like 548 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,400 our our thirty year old are now thirty year old. I'm lucky if I 549 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,360 see them maybe once or twice a year. We talk to them every day, 550 00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:30,199 I'd say every day. We talk to them a couple maybe like a 551 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,639 couple times a week. I mean, I know we text a lot. 552 00:37:32,639 --> 00:37:37,119 We mean more than a lot, right, but I mean so maybe every 553 00:37:37,159 --> 00:37:39,679 if you count that as talking every day. We do a lot of gift 554 00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:45,199 exchanges and stuff like that. But when but seeing them in person, you're 555 00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:47,719 going to see Thomas probably more than I see my adult children. Honestly, 556 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:52,840 that might be true unless, unless you know, Chase decides to move here. 557 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,280 So I'm just saying, I so a lot of people that have twenty 558 00:37:55,280 --> 00:38:00,360 seven year olds, we get asked the question do you see them for times 559 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,400 a year? Are you if they're out of state? You know, it's 560 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:07,639 like and they you want you know, they probably go off and they live 561 00:38:07,679 --> 00:38:12,480 their lives and they do that usually around at twenty one. Yeah, well, 562 00:38:12,519 --> 00:38:14,880 and you know what that reminds me. Shout out to Sea Nunes too, 563 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,239 because I know she has a child with special needs as well, who 564 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:22,639 she also has separate from her house. And she responded to that biac on 565 00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:28,199 Instagram and made a really fantastic point, and that is she wants to be 566 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:32,920 able to feel comfortable that once she's gone, her son will still be cared 567 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:37,119 for and still have a play point. And I was like, that is 568 00:38:37,159 --> 00:38:39,199 a great I hadn't even thought that far ahead, but that was such a 569 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:43,760 fantastic point. You're not going to be We're not going to be here forever. 570 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,320 You know. That's something I had never even considered as part of the 571 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:49,920 decision making and moving him out. And it's such a great point that I 572 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,559 won't be here forever. And if he does outlive me, then I want 573 00:38:53,599 --> 00:38:57,280 to know that he's in a good place, right, you and I know 574 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,239 he is, and you know he is right feel great about that, And 575 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:05,320 that's that's a great thing. That's a fantastic thing. And that's what you're 576 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,039 supposed to do as a parent, whether no matter who that kid is, 577 00:39:09,199 --> 00:39:14,599 you're trying to set that kid up for being in a place where they're somewhat 578 00:39:14,599 --> 00:39:20,239 independent and they're taken care of whatever that looks like, that looks like in 579 00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,880 their particular situation. I mean, it looks different for me than it does 580 00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,960 for you. It looks different than for my boy than it does for your 581 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:31,599 boy. But in either case they're taken care of. Yeah, yeah, 582 00:39:31,599 --> 00:39:37,239 that's exactly right. And you know there have been is that I'm not trying 583 00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,599 to say that all caregivers have been perfect, and we've actually fired one, 584 00:39:39,679 --> 00:39:44,679 I know, that was another question, and you know, so there's some 585 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:49,159 that aren't great, and so I'm obviously very on top of that and cognizant 586 00:39:49,159 --> 00:39:53,039 of that and check in quite a bit. But also the primary ones who 587 00:39:53,039 --> 00:39:58,199 do care for him, who've been around forever, they are phenomenal, and 588 00:39:58,239 --> 00:40:00,599 I just couldn't feel more comfortable about the fact that they know. Also when 589 00:40:00,639 --> 00:40:07,280 there's a caregiver that's not treating him exactly the way that they would and he's 590 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:10,920 never been mistreated, but you know, there's just some people that give him 591 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:16,519 more engagement than others, and so that's important to me. And I just 592 00:40:16,559 --> 00:40:21,199 will say, like if there's one thing I've there's a lot of things I 593 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,880 know about Miriam about Mock since we are best friends, and she is a 594 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:30,159 freaking control freak, you guys, Like, I mean, it just is 595 00:40:30,199 --> 00:40:32,840 what it is, Like it's me, she's she is. She's a control 596 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:37,840 freak, like in about everything, and that like sometimes that's annoying, but 597 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,639 at the same time I kind of love it. I've learned to like. 598 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:45,920 I've learned to love it over the past fifteen years. And and and she's 599 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:50,360 like that in her personal life. She's like that. So when you see 600 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,960 like with their kids, with their activities, with who they are like when 601 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,360 it comes to Thomas, I've seen her in action. She is a control 602 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,599 freak. So I would imagine if somebody is not like maybe just the best 603 00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:07,159 caretaker, she's probably gonna be like, that's not gonna fly, need you 604 00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,000 and need you to go ahead to skidaddle, it needs you to go. 605 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:17,800 Yeah. So now people want to know how he's doing now and and he 606 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:21,599 and is he in pain? Last year I would have given you a very 607 00:41:21,599 --> 00:41:23,679 different answer than this year. So last year was a rough year for him. 608 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,199 And the hardest thing about Thomas is he can't communicate. It's always a 609 00:41:28,239 --> 00:41:32,400 guessing game if he if he's upset and whining and moaning, we have no 610 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,599 idea is it Does he have an itch that he can't scratch, or does 611 00:41:36,599 --> 00:41:39,199 he have something internally going on that's causing him real pain? I mean he's 612 00:41:39,199 --> 00:41:42,960 had I can't even count the number of surgeries he's had. You know, 613 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,440 he's fed with a G tube, he's got a permanent catheter. You know, 614 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,639 there's he's had a spinal fusion, and then he's had all of that 615 00:41:49,679 --> 00:41:54,119 fuse spine ripped out. Like he's gone through so much that of excruciating pain 616 00:41:54,159 --> 00:41:58,480 that I cannot even begin to imagine. So every time, you know, 617 00:41:58,559 --> 00:42:02,199 he's just having a regular day and he's uncomfortable, I don't know where. 618 00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:05,920 It's always a guessing game. We can give him tailan all, we can 619 00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,119 shift his position, we can try all these things. Last year it was 620 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:13,199 very, very difficult, and we still don't know why he suffers from kidney 621 00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:15,079 stones. Sometimes that can be a problem. We just never know. And 622 00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:20,519 last year when he came home for Christmas, it was rough and my body 623 00:42:20,639 --> 00:42:23,599 was really I mean I was hurting after he left that day because I was 624 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:28,320 constantly moving around trying to make him comfortable, hoping I could figure out what 625 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,960 is bothering. You never could, And it was a really rough Christmas. 626 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:36,599 This year, I don't know why. We never do completely different. He's 627 00:42:36,639 --> 00:42:38,599 had a much better year. He was a delight at Christmas time, just 628 00:42:38,639 --> 00:42:44,280 so happy and comfortable and just a joy. He was joyful in the house. 629 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,639 It was a joy to have him in the house. He was just 630 00:42:45,679 --> 00:42:49,199 great. And so, you know, I guess, like every person, 631 00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:53,119 he has his ups and downs. His downs are much more significant than a 632 00:42:53,199 --> 00:43:00,000 regular person because of all of his disabilities. But he's really good right now. 633 00:43:00,039 --> 00:43:01,920 He's really really good. And he has defied expectations. That was another 634 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:06,679 question. People were like, you know what, what has he defied doctor's 635 00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:13,239 expectations. His first pediatrician ever, who lasted three months before I immediately left, 636 00:43:14,039 --> 00:43:16,280 told me that he would live to be twelve. And then he told 637 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:21,079 me that when Thomas was having failure to thrive because he kept throwing up all 638 00:43:21,159 --> 00:43:25,079 of the formula, and I was just determined not to do this horrible procedure 639 00:43:25,079 --> 00:43:30,159 where they tie up the end of his esophagus and make it impossible for him 640 00:43:30,199 --> 00:43:32,159 to throw up. I was like, I'm not doing that to a three 641 00:43:32,159 --> 00:43:35,960 month old. I'm not doing that. There's going to be a better way, 642 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,920 Like I'll give him, I'll get him a G two whatever. And 643 00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:42,800 he told me that I would be responsible for his death if I didn't do 644 00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:46,159 that surgery. And I was like, you're fired. And I immediately got 645 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:52,239 a different pediatrician who's been wonderful and who's been Jackson's doctor two for his whole 646 00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,559 life. So yes, he defied all expectations. This doctor who said he'd 647 00:43:55,639 --> 00:44:00,880 lived to be twelve. Thomas is like, Hi'm twenty seven. Yeah, 648 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,559 you can suck it. He should have a cape. We should get Thomas 649 00:44:04,639 --> 00:44:07,599 a cape with the big tea on it, like super tea. He's a 650 00:44:07,639 --> 00:44:10,639 freaking superhero. This kid, he's a superhero. And and you're right, 651 00:44:10,679 --> 00:44:15,039 I mean all the she talks about all the surgeries. My god, just 652 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,519 objectively, I've washed over the past fifteen years, all the surgeries, this 653 00:44:19,639 --> 00:44:22,159 kid and you being in and out of the hospital, and it's like, 654 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:28,239 I just and then he'll just I mean he had COVID for christ say yeah 655 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,519 yeah early on where I wasn't allowed to stay in the hospital with him. 656 00:44:31,679 --> 00:44:36,239 It was horrible. I just remember all that, and I'm thinking he and 657 00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,199 the He's just like, yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, it's all 658 00:44:38,199 --> 00:44:44,239 good. I got this. It's just like if anybody is immunocompromised, it's 659 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:46,079 him. And he's just like, no, I mean this is fine. 660 00:44:46,079 --> 00:44:52,519 COVID. COVID me I've got worse thing to worry about. It's like up 661 00:44:52,559 --> 00:44:55,840 yours, China virus. I got this. Yeah, I mean he's just 662 00:44:55,920 --> 00:45:00,239 an absolute rock star. Of this kid, he believed a testament to the 663 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:08,039 human like spirit. Yeah, he's completely and totally incredibly amazing. I think 664 00:45:08,079 --> 00:45:13,440 the last question that just dealt with like moving him out, that I think 665 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,679 it was actually that same person, or maybe it was one of the insiders. 666 00:45:15,679 --> 00:45:19,280 I can't remember who asked it, but somebody was like, can you 667 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:23,800 not just have caregivers live with you? And that was never something that I 668 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:28,320 could do in this house, Like we just simply don't have the space for 669 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,199 somebody to live here full time. And I don't have the money to do 670 00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:36,559 that either. That's not some people can afford that I can't, and that's 671 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:40,679 I don't have that kind of expendable cash. And so and again, you 672 00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:45,480 know, South Carolina does not provide the same sorts of benefits that he receives 673 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,440 here in Indiana, where he's comfortable and safe, and I know he's in 674 00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:52,920 a good space, so that's why he will stay here. And then I 675 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:58,280 think the last thing is that I wanted to make sure that I shouted out 676 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:02,920 Pastor Shelley, who's only question was how can we best support you? My 677 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:07,400 God? And I was like Pastor Shelley, right, I mean it's like 678 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:13,280 we both were like, that is such a typical question of Pastor Shelley, 679 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,800 it really is. And that and and she wasn't the only one. Like 680 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,920 other people were like, what can we do? And there's nothing to be 681 00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,280 done. I mean there's you know, I guess if I were going to 682 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:27,079 give advice to strangers about how best to support me, I would say, 683 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,159 trust me to make the best decisions for my kid, that's all. Trust 684 00:46:31,199 --> 00:46:36,239 me that I know him best and that I would never put him in harm's 685 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:39,440 way, and that I would always make decisions thinking about what's best for him. 686 00:46:39,559 --> 00:46:44,360 That's the way to support me and other moms like me. Right, 687 00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:50,599 And if you continue to go after her, I will cut you. Well. 688 00:46:50,679 --> 00:46:54,079 She blocked me on Instagram, and so yeah, a lot of people 689 00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:57,800 went after her though, And thank you to all those people who might be 690 00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,960 listening that did. Just I appreciate this. All off people step off? 691 00:47:01,079 --> 00:47:06,039 Yeah, all right. So Genucel has this fantastic new product. It's called 692 00:47:06,119 --> 00:47:09,119 gen ninety, and it's sort of like they're immediate effects, but it's on 693 00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:15,440 steroids, so it's it's Gen ninety. It instantly reduces the appearance of wrinkles, 694 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:17,800 so anywhere you use it, so it could be around the eyes, 695 00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:22,199 it could be on the forehead, which is pretty much where I want to 696 00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,800 use it as on the foe because I'm always like scrunching and squinting, crows 697 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:30,880 feet, laughlines. It works in seconds, so it's just like it like 698 00:47:30,199 --> 00:47:35,880 just totally gets rid of wrinkles in seconds. It's next gen stuff, right, 699 00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:37,760 which is I'm assuming why they call it Gen ninety. So this is 700 00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,960 the one thing that you don't have to worry about anymore, is wrinkles. 701 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,719 You can use this and you don't have to put injections in your face. 702 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:45,440 You don't have to like pump your face full of all this garbage. You 703 00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:50,280 look like a feline. It's just this is the best stuff ever, new 704 00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,199 stuff from Genucel. You got to try it. Gen ninety. It's like 705 00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:57,400 two generations better than any immediate effects stuff that they've had out, which I 706 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,239 can't believe that they've done this, but they've done it. Yeah, yeah, 707 00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,119 And if you order the most popular package, which is still over seventy 708 00:48:02,159 --> 00:48:07,280 percent off. Get yourself some gen ninety. While you're at it, it's 709 00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:12,480 free shipping on all orders when you go to genusel dot com slash chicks. 710 00:48:12,519 --> 00:48:19,000 That's g e n you cel dot com slash chicks and start treating your skin 711 00:48:19,119 --> 00:48:22,800 right because you don't want to fr f with your face. No, don't 712 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:24,639 do it. Okay, So you feel good, you feel like you like? 713 00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,920 Now you feel good? I think so. I mean, okay, 714 00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,400 I hope that I am hard. Like it wasn't hard. I mean, 715 00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:35,159 you know, it's very easy to talk about your own life because you're an 716 00:48:35,199 --> 00:48:37,559 expert at it, right, Yeah, okay, I mean it wasn't hard. 717 00:48:37,599 --> 00:48:40,800 And I hope I just hope that it I hope that people got out 718 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:45,400 of it what they wanted to get out of it. I think, Yeah, 719 00:48:45,559 --> 00:48:47,800 I think we answered a lot of the questions most all of the questions 720 00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:52,440 really that we were posed to you. And if people have any other questions, 721 00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:53,280 I'm sure you can get them in the comments. We can look at 722 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:59,039 some of the comments from this one. But but yeah, I love Thomas. 723 00:48:59,079 --> 00:49:01,119 He's an angel, an angel set from heaven, and I'm glad that 724 00:49:01,159 --> 00:49:04,960 we had an opportunity to talk about him today. I'm glad of you too, 725 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,000 at you too. Until next time, we'll talk to you