Made a decision. I'll face sunny sad on my head A vision by too.
What's up everybody? Welcome to our special Thursday show with we have a
special guest in studio, comedian Laura House. Hello. Podcast Tiny Victories.
Yes, on iTunes wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, it comes out
of maximum fun. We celebrate little winds. It's a fifteen minute podcast.
Little winds, like I sewed that button on my shirt instead of throwing it
away. I mean, there's nothing too small for us to get excited about.
Love it. I love that. That's so funny. That is actually
a little wind. It is. It's a little wind. Did you mail
a letter? We want to hear about it? Genuinely. Stephanie gives me
my portion of check once in a while and it sits in my purse for
months. I forget get to send it and forget to deposit it. Yeah,
there's just right right, I'm writing her the check out of my bank
account. It's like, wait, where it all my middle I thought I
had? Yeah, yeah, there's all these my tiny victory Yeah. When
I do it with Annabelle Gurwich, who's a great author and actress, and
yeah, we find when we unpack tiny victories. For one, the world
is so kind of let's just say, big and terrible that we're like,
you know, go for the little winds and celebrate the little victories or like
fleeting joys, or like one day I found a fruit I'd never seen before
at the store. It was called like Buddha fruit or something and just shaped
bizarrely, and I was like, I'm very old to see a new fruit,
right I never like you think you know all the fruit in the world,
like there's I was like, I'm well past the age where I'm pretty
sure I've heard of all the fruit. And there was just something like what
it was just a tiny little moment of joy at the dumb store. Did
you buy it or were you just like that's nice, that's very expensive.
It was curated just to be an expensive fruit. I think it was like
sixteen dollars, like a giant Central Market grocery store in Texas. And I
was like, you know what, it's enough to grab a picture. It
was like, you know, when I get it for you know what I'm
I can guess what you taste like fruit, and then it sits in your
photos and then eventually you post it on Instagram and you're like, another tiny
victory. Look at that. I got two followers from this fruit, Like
I mean, the tiny victory that just keeps on given. So yeah,
that's what we focus on, very small, like all those little things that
you're like, you want to meddle for and you'll never get it. We
give it to you. I love yea. And people call in with their
tiny victories. Why that's so cute? How do you get the like where
do they call? You? Put it out on three two three two eight
five, sixteen seventy five. Oh there you go. People, it's a
hotline, and you leave it like a message of what your tiny victory is
you finished a book, like reading one, not just writing one, like
you did you know, you decluttered an area or whatever it is. Now
finishing a book like reading a book. I feel like that leaves tiny victory
and becomes like big victory. Oh dippen. What I have learned a couple
of things. One is it's so relative right to the person. So there's
a person who's like, I finish a book, So what I do that
once a week? Big? Not a victory. It's really it's that little
bit of background from the person that's like, I never finished books. I
buy them all they sit on a shelf, but I sat down. You
know, like, so you're really unpacking it is big, which is what's
fun. You're really unpacking what people have overcome the procrastination or a certain amount
of self doubt or asking for what they want or whatever that you know,
old pat, You're overcoming an old pattern right to accomplish this minor thing.
But but it's still like it's not going to make news, but I don't
know, it's it's it's fun to hear everybody's version of their their winds.
I think that's fun. Yeah, I love that. So can you tell
us? Tell us how you get your start? So you also have a
huge background in stand up and TV writing, but I think your story about
just how it all began is very interesting. Really Well, I'm from Grand
Prairie, Texas, and that's you know, we all know that's where stars
are made. That's you know, I can't think of a famous person that's
not from Grand Prairie, Texas. Frankly, we're all that's just where we
come from. But I just as a kid, like you know, everybody
in this time, I just watch TV, and I would look around where
I live and then look at TV and be like, I want to be
there. I just want to be somewhere else, Like it's a very charming
town in retrospect, land of chili cookoffs and you know, little It's it's
a countrified the suburb, even though it's between Dallas and Fort Worth, so
it's it's near things. But I went to I just wanted to like perform,
and so I went to ut Austin. I went to the University of
Texas at Austin. That's a hard school to get into. Now I'm a
very old. It was a regular. It was it was the state school
that you know. I mean, it was fine, but I don't.
I mean I was listen, I'm not super bright. I'm yes, you
have, I'm like in regular near the top. But I was in honors
classes and maybe middle like, so I'm not I'm not like the superstar,
Okay. I was identified as a as a little kid, as gifted and
talented. So I had a lot of pride in that. And when I
was older, I asked my mom about it. I was like, was
my i Q really high or something? And she literally laughed and she said,
oh no, you were just like, you know, part of the
best of what they had. Oh my god. So and this is a
loving mother who thought well of me, and she was a teacher, but
she was just like, no, like, you were not a genius anyway.
So I but she was, you know, you have a certain something.
So I yeah. So I was always like I always did well in
school, but also had this very strong notion that when I get into the
world, I won't be that impressive, like you're smart for Grand pre Texas.
And then it was like okay, And so that that has been my
experience. But I know something about you that I feel like would really interest
our listeners, which is which is that when you were pretty young, you
decided that you wanted to be a foreign exchange student. Oh yeah, and
then I did. Really I had a weird well, oh my gosh.
I I'm so hesitant to get into anything on the topic of manifesting or whatever.
Stupid. Every now and then you know something weird and you can't explain
it, and you mostly don't mention it to people, and you certainly shouldn't
talk about it on a podcast, but I guess not this podcast, we
talk about everything I'm like, listen, anything goes here. But I had
eighth grade two foreign exchange students from England came and spoke to our English class,
Miss Anderson's Honors English of course, and everybody knows and they came and
spoke and I just I remember I had this thought, Oh, I'm going
to be a foreign exchange student, like like it was a desire, but
a knowing, Like it was more than just a when you go, oh,
I'm gonna have a burger for lunch. It was like a it hit
deep. I remember that having the thought. Don't think about it again.
Sophomore year, we have a foreign exchange student, Johnny Show. He's a
very successful musician in Europe s Jo but it's pronounced Show anyway. He's fantastic.
He's a foreign exchange student and he's in our theater group. And he
started passing out pamphlets and it was like it woke up this little thing I
had planted had been planted or I plant whatever in eighth grade. And I
was like, Oh, that's right, I'm going to be a foreign exchange
student. It was like it was just like, oh, that's right.
These are the shoes I'm gonna wear today, and I faked a. I
got my parents to sign a thing so I could get more information about it
without really telling. I was like, just sign this and they weren't looking,
and I didn't explain and just piecemeal got more information and then finally had
to come out with it and say, like, I what if I'm a
foreign exchange dent? And my mom always wanted to travel. They're very conservative,
middle class, Hey, we don't do stuff like this people, but
my mom thought travel was important and she wanted to do it, and she
let me do it and kind of lived vicariously through me. So they said,
yes, you can be a foreign exchange student, now where? And
then I ended up choosing Norway. Yeah, I kind of snack what ww
fluent in Norwegian? Really? And that was your junior year, right,
Yes, That's what it came down to was. I was like, I
was like, well, if I can go my junior year, I won't
go my senior year because that's like when you're a celebrity, right, when
you're like live for that since kindergarten, like all THEO. When I'm a
senior, you know, like you're basically going to be famous of Grand Prix
high school. And then so it turned I could go my junior year.
So yeah, my junior year, I lived in Norway the whole year,
like fifteen. That's amazing. But before she got to Norway too, you
gotta tell them that the story what when you stayed by yourself? Oh you
want to hear my London story? Yeah? Oh wow? And senior,
well, because I have I have two seniors. Yeah oh really yeah,
oh yeah, this would be crazy for you to hear. So I don't
know that is such a wild story, Okay, I will try. So
it wasn't before I went to Norway. So what so there was a whole
process on why even Norway? And it turns out because Johnny Show was so
cute and as with a lot of my stories, a cute boy said something
to me and then that changed the course of my life. And so but
also he was so into Norway. Like I couldn't go to France or Spain
you had to speak the language. And I didn't want to go to England
or Australia. I wanted to learn a new leg. Anyway, I got
narrowed down to Scandinavian. Then I was like, all right, Norway.
So while I was in Norway. My class that I would have been with
in high school. They a teacher took the class to Europe every other year
or whatever, and so my group, a lot of my friends were going
to go to Europe with this teacher, this world history teacher. And so
I being a little piggy in things that I want, like here now I
want to do that, Like I'm already in Europe, and I was like,
what if I go to England. So they were doing England and Scotland,
you know, like on spring break, like a ten day trip England,
Scotland, spring Break, London, Edinburgh, and so yeah, super
fun. And I was like can I mean, I'm around lady mostly there.
It's just a couple. It's just a two hour plane trip for me
or whatever it was. And so I talked my mom into it, and
I so my class is gonna meet and I had two choices with the flight
it turned out, so we're going to meet up in London. I'm flying
out of Oslo, and the two choices where I could arrive Friday night,
so the class arrives Saturday afternoon. I could arrive Friday night, but then
they don't get there until Saturday afternoon, what do I do? Or that
same flight on Saturday so I could arrive Saturday night, but then I would
have missed like five hours with my friends. So at I think I was
sixteen years old, I sort of lied to I omitted many truths from both
my parents and my host parents in Norway, and I did the Friday night
flight and my thought was, well, I'll just stay up all night.
It's London. Like I was like, like I think my little Texas his
brain was like, I'm sure there's like a waffle house or somewhere to sorry
like in London, but like but not literally a waffleog, but like there's
gonna be a twenty four like a diner or you know, like a Fish
and Chip's waffle house that you can just have coffee and stay up and all
that. It's insane. At sixteen, I would be hard as I recount
the story, and I think of all my friends that are parents. I
don't know how horrifying this must must sign it just like flu. But this
was also the eighties, right at different times we were. I mean I
had a you know, I had a season past to six Flags since I
was you know, eleven, or whatever, like we were at six Flags
all day long as like eleven and twelve year old girls. So yeah,
but so my kids have done that too at at twelve years old. But
this is different. But you so you fly flu to London by myself and
then you know, I was like, I want to see I had these
ideas. I want to see the theater. I was some theater. I
just had the even figure out public transportation. I know there's no Uber back
then. No, for sure, there's no Uber I but that's kind of
the deal with London, right as you can do that like you can you
can subways, you know, tubes, the tube, but at sixteen you
were able to like figure out where how to get where you needed to do?
You well, I had to figure out so it wasn't a thing in
Grand Prix, you know, like big city bus systems. But in Norway,
I had to figure out busses and so I think, you know,
like you could find there wasn't even I mean this was nineteen eighties. My
kids couldn't figure out how to toast a bagel, and so I could do
that. I could do those things. Don't do their own laundry. There's
not a lot of they just started making their lunches and they're almost right,
you know. And my older one didn't even make her lunch even senior year,
so that I just can't I'm trying to picture them figuring out that's schedule.
But if they wanted to, though, they must do elaborate stuff that
they want to do, right, I mean they don't want they don't want
to make their lunch, so they're like, I want to do right,
Like I just learned in quotes, I'm making hand air quotes. I just
learned how to load the dishwasher, because I have pretended not to know for
many decades, right, but I finally learned. So you get so you
get to London, you figure out get Tobe a little bit. Yeah,
I don't know where I would have looked it up, to be honest.
There was no internet. It was nineteen eighties, right, you don't have
a hotel to go to or anything. No, you're just gonna wait for
everybody's show up. No, I was gonna see. I was gonna do
London and then meet them the next day at the airport. So this is
what I did, And I honestly don't remember how I figured that out,
you know what, I might have just gone, you know what, there
will be a tube map at the airport. That's probably what I did,
because again no internet. It's nineteen eighty six. So I flew in.
I know I did this. I flew I wore regular plain clothes I flew
in, and then I put on fancy clothes and I went it and I
threw, you could somebody might have told me this that at the airport you
can get a locker for like two dollars or you know, a dollar or
whatever and put your suitcase in it. So I went in, you know,
I went in a little girl into the bathroom, and I came out
a fancy London lady, and I put my bag in and just took what
I needed and I took you take a train, you know, half hour
train for dollar or whatever into town. And then I went to West End
and I saw some play. I think it was called Decadence, and it
was very dirty, but I but like with a lot of word play,
but a lot of just sexual. Hey we're gonna have sex word play?
I don't that's that was really my impression. And I knew it was dirty,
but I was also like I'm seeing theater. I felt very so I
might as well have just been, you know, having coffee with toll Story
or something. I felt extremely, very fancy, and so then I was
like, I'm going to the Hippodrome. This is the days of Princess Diana
and fanciness or whatever. It's nineteen eighty six, and just when you think
of okay, there's internet now and social media. We know everything about everything,
but back in the day, you just a few things were filtered through,
like magazine covers or whatever. So I just my my sixteen year old
brain was like the Hippodrome, it's a disco where Lady Diana has been.
And so I did get in a cab, I remember, because I was
like, I got to say that take me to the Hippodrome, right or
whatever. Yeah. So I get out and I go in, and I'm
wearing a long coat, which to me is like the fanciest thing a human
woman can wear. Right I'm in, I don't. I'm wearing my shiniest
shirt. I had gotten it for Christmas. It has because so nineteen eighty
six, it has like I'm pointing it like my neck. It has like
that pin we wore like where a tie would go right at the your clavical
indentation or whatever it like. I to me, I am like so fancy,
but I am. I think I was about to turn sixteen, so
I think I was literally fifteen. Yes, my birthday was that week.
I was the last few days of fifteen. And I you can't see him
on me on the podcast, but everyone I have a baby face now,
I always so I look like I'm twelve, but I'm like, mmm,
I'm up the steps that At one point, Lady Diana and I and there's
a bouncer and I'm like, one, please or whatever I thought you're supposed
to say, and he just shook his head and was like no. And
I was like, I was like language barrier, maybe he didn't understand.
And I was like, you know, i'd like to please. I'm saying
I'd like to come in, and he was like no, and I was
like I'm here to dance or whatever, and he was like I think he
said we're full, and I oh, like I took that in like,
oh, yes, they're full, right, So I turned I started to
go and then he let somebody else in and I turned around like aha,
they went and you're not full, and he was like, get out of
here. Oh yeah, and I was like, well, I think he
actually said there's another club across the street, which was basically like, you're
not lady Diana disco people. Also, are you twelve years old? Where's
your parents? My gosh, hold on, well let's take a quick break
and we're back. Okay, So you go to the club across the street,
right, I do. I go to the club across the street and
I meet. I'm just I don't know what to do in a club.
I'm fifteen. I don't. Before I went to Norway, I didn't even
drink, like I was adamantly Southern Baptist, non drinker. It changed very
quickly, but I was just like, oh, you know what I had
started at this point, I would have started drinking because I was. I
had been in Norway for a little bit, so I think, I but
I don't know what to do in like a bar necessarily, so I sit
there. I might have gotten a drink like a Gin and tonic or but
I remember a man, an like a twenty five year old or something like
a Youngish man talk to me, which I knew. Man I was pretty,
but he and I think he bought me a drink. Every every mom
who's listening to this, their butt is that, I know. They're like,
this is how every sex trafficking story, it starts right, totally.
It's how a lot of bad stories, yeah starts, Yeah, it is.
And I because I really was, I was too dumb to know what
could have transpired. I just felt very I was a confident, cocky kid,
and so I ended up what happened at the bar was now it's like
midnight or whatever, and I and now I'm getting sleepy, Like I did
not count on getting sleepy. You know, when you're just you're not you
don't even sleep the first twenty years of your life. You're just doing.
If something's exciting, you're just doing it. And I was like, I'm
getting tired, and he and I apologize moms. He was like, you
can stay at my place. Oh my god. He seemed he seemed really
nice, but I'm also I'm telling you at the time he seemed nice,
but I'm also telling you in retrospect, he did like, you know,
when there's a creep bredator vibe, and you know when there's you don't necessarily
know when you're fifteen. But I can tell you now, like, yeah,
like he was dorky, I guess, is what I want to say.
Like he wasn't super hot. There's a lot of very dorky serial killers,
and that's probably one of the reasons they are serial killers. Listen,
there's a lot a lot of murder podcasts, there's a lot of murder shows
out there, and of course it's people you can trust, and it's but
I guess, I'm just I guess. I'm just telling you I am here
and alive. Yeah. But I did go home with him and so,
and it was only and it was like a subway and then a bus and
a transfer and it was only kind of midway through the route that I was
like, huh, maybe adventure, right, and so and we go and
he had like a roommate asleep on there was like someone sleeping there and he
anyway, we ended up it was like a floor. It was very much
like I experienced later in college pretty commonly. You know, like the guy
who's like, oh, let's go do this fun thing and it's like,
oh, my roommates here, we have to sleep on the floor. Like
we slept on the floor, but he made a little bed for me,
and he gave me like his sweatshirt, and we we did I mean we
made out a little, but we just slept like we just slept. And
I would you made out with him? Oh yeah no, I mean I
look, I was a lady at a club in London, a drink.
I'm not gonna make out with him? Holy what am I? So?
I'm not a monster? Yeah, I'm not a monster. I'm yet.
But it was like, but I remember it not being super super charged,
and that he was very like I get this. I would say this in
retrospect. I think he I mean, he couldn't have known I was fifteen.
I mean that's look. I can't defend him on that count, but
I think he was pretty aware of He might have been very aware of a
a a significant aged friends and was a little like, oh we're making it.
But also he wasn't he wasn't an animal. Okay, next day I
woke up early and I was like, uh, I gotta get back to
the airport like I had so now I'm on now we start the clock right
now? Is like they're gonna land at like twelve ten or whatever. I
need to get get to the place where I can take the train, like
I need to get to Victoria station or wherever it is, or Piccadilly some
one of those very well known stations and then get the train to the airport,
which is in the trains going to take a half hour. And here's
what happened. So I wake up and I'm I kind of like sneak out.
He's asleep, and I like switch shirts and I'm like and he woke
up a little, and I was like, thank you. And then then
I wandered down and I'm looking for like the bus, and I'm looking on
the signs, and I stole some chocolate to eat for breakfast, and I
was and I and I was. I made my way. I got the
bus system that I figured out, and I got back to the subway place.
I got on the train back to the airport, and I had they
were gonna land in forty minutes. The train was thirty minutes. Why I
made it. I was gonna the train broke down. No, only the
train. I was like, I made in the shade and I'm sorry what
And they were like trains And I was like, well, what do we
do? And they were like, we just sit here the train, like
like the train just broke when there's nothing we can do. This is our
lives. And I was like, this is not okay. And I get
to the airport and then it's like one or whatever, and everybody had they
had gone to the hotel. I had not written down the name of the
hotel because I was gonna meet up with my friends. Oh no, So
I get my suitcase out of the thing. I changed back out of my
lady and into my regular girl jeans, and I am like what do I
do? And I'm just trying to remember, and I took I got my
suitcase and I took it back to the I get back on the train,
so I go back into I go to that subway station and then I was
going to I had a phone number I could call. I remember that,
like I had something in my backpack I had, like I'm gonna make this.
So I've set my bag down and I and I get on the phone
and I call this number to like what's the name of the hotel or whatever
it is? Or I had a number for the tame Like I can't call
my mom and I can't call my host parents, right like, oh,
I lied right, I came to England by myself. Now I can't find
my friends. Hey, what's the hotel? Like, I'm like, I
can't, Like you cannot tell anyone I to this day, I haven't told
them, like, oh really no, I never it's too embarrassing. So
I mean, maybe they'll hear it. I don't know, my apologies,
but I this is a really big show, so yeah I will. And
they're like, you know, it's the one I did hear. I don't
usually follow your work, but I did hear that one story and I don't
appreciate it. I suddenly get in trouble for all the things I like,
I get grounded, but I so what, So I make the I set
my back down, I make the phone call and then I got the name
of the hotel and then I turned. I was like, okay, I
turned around. My suitcase was gone, oh I I'm not kidding. And
I I've never been so panicked. This was when it was all really coming
apart, Like this is what I had felt, very blessed, blessed,
blessed, this worked out, this worked, and now I'm feeling very curse,
curse, curse, like like I don't know what to do and I
and I run one way and I run the other, and then I go
up to the desk of it was a little some kind of little shop,
and I said, I had a suit case and I had a thing.
And the guy said, oh, I saw these two guys go that way
with it, and my heart sinks and I and tears come to my eyes,
and I sat out and he is, wait, wait, wait,
and then he put my suitcase on the counter. He had it behind the
counter, and he said, don't ever leave your suitcase unattended. Real shit
taught me schooling you. Yes, I mean, to this day I appreciate
the lesson, to be honest, like what a wake up call, but
also for what I had really been getting into in that moment. That list
could have been so long. Don't ever fly to London by yourself, don't
ever not bring all the information you need, go home with some guy trying
to get into the hipodrome, and even go see decadence. I really just
made a series of bizarre choices. But he had my heat because he was
like, what were you gonna do if two guys had gone off with your
suit case? And I was like, no, no, thank you,
anyway, the hotel was like across the courtyard. Oh wow, like I
was. It was like right there the whole time. Like if I had
just I wouldn't even had the airport and back like if I had it was
it was walkable. Did Yeah. So I met up with them and was
just like hey, like hey, sorry, I missed you at the airport
and like then it just had a crazy week of drinking too much and making
out with all those boys that I could. That's an amazing story, right,
that's a story. Okay, so fast forward? What stop? Fast
forward? You didn't move to La you started stand up and started stand up
and on Austin and I had a very weird start, like when an amazing
start. When people say like how do you become a TV writer? I'm
like, I will tell you what happened. It will not be useful to
you at all. And I apologize, and I think a lot of you
will have that story of like I'm so sorry, un like it's all a
unicorn path, right, it's all just like this happened. And so I
was always afraid to do stand up, but I when I got my English
degree, I got it. I got it in three and a half years,
which to me it was like I got it in five minutes. I
really felt like Doogie Houser. But it's just one semester, like I was
like, yeah, three and a half years, like four, yes you
did, you took some junior college in summer, like calm down. But
my head is there's are you the same? There's nothing I'm right sized about.
Everything is like I'm the dumbest person in the world. Are like,
I'm kind of a savant. Yeah, I don't. I don't have any
reasonable view of myself in the world about anything at all. But the problem
is in this kind of a business, when you get these weird you can't
help. It's just sort of like reinforces some weird like I guess I'm blessed
they all support yes, they all see my what's happening up here? Like
nothing supports mental illness like this business when you're just like narcissism could not be
more nurtured or you know, self obsession, like there is just nothing nothing
like it. That's where it's really like, there's no business like it,
no business. I know, any mental illness you have really gets a nurtured
Yes, yep, I've seen it witnessed it. Yes, yeah, it
within and without it and so yes. I So what happened was I After
three and a half years, I told him, I said, Mom,
I got my degree and this was my plan. You're really gonna hate this.
As as moms, I said, I want to go to New York
and make it. That was my mom's reaction. I mean, I think
she probably God bless her. I think she tried not to laugh out.
I did the same thing. But with la I was nineteen and I was
like, I was eighteen. I turned nineteen driving to Los Angeles to make
it, and I didn't even know what I would make it in. I
was, oh my god, that's yeah. I was like, I don't
know what that means, but I'm gonna do. But I'm getting out of
here. I'm up out of here and there's a lot of opportunity. And
it's acting, singing what not that I was. I couldn't sing, obviously,
but I was singing, dancing, whatever it is. I don't knew
it, but I'll figure it out. That was the same and I the
vague thing I had in my head was if I have to be a janitor
until Lauren Michaels discovers me for SNL, then that's what I'll do. And
I literally picture myself like the with that big floor buffer that the school janitor
had, right, and as if at some point Lauren Michaels walks by and
goes, you have a certain something like right shaking those floors at Rockefeller sen
Yes, exactly, And I was like, I don't know why vibe yes,
you know what? Like he like he walks by and notices the floors
and then look kind of the kind of notices me. And then it's like,
do you do character? Do you have wigs and vests? Do you
do? Do you have a catchphrase and a vests? Please come up and
come upstairs with right, You're like sweeping floors. And then Rob Schneider comes
along and he freaking steals this. Yeah, and then he starts He's like
I'm making copies. Then I just riff with him, and then he's like,
You're the greatest partner I've ever And then now I'm yet touring with Sandler.
I mean, that was my I guess that was the plan. And
but my my sweet mom, who was a teacher from a family of teachers,
and she said I hear you get your teaching certificate. And she was
smart enough, like kind of genius enough to know how to Parents don't always
know how to talk to you, but in this moment it was kind of
brilliant because she said, if you never use it, fine, but I
want you to have it. I want you to have a career, you
know, in case you're making it doesn't in case what like? Can you
imagine the call with her friend. Immediately after that call, Laura just called
Verna. Laura just called and said she wants to make it. What is
wrong with she just graduated college? Dumb? What an idiot like? She
must have had? So she my mom was Carol and her best friend is
Verna, and they would walk around the high school track and talk about everything.
And it must have just been along and talking about nick what even is
that naked? Naked? And what she used to make good grades? We
had such high hopes. What happened? So what I did get a teacher
certificate and and I finally tried to stand up. It was the night before
student teaching started, Like I finally became too afraid to not do it,
and so I did stay. I wanted to always be able to say I
did comedy longer than I taught if I never got to do comedy professionally,
and so I did open mic. It went well, and then I taught
seventh grade. I did stand up at night, a year of open mics,
and then MTV. Some producers from MTV came to town. Because again,
now it's the night. I really hopefully older people listened to this,
because otherwise I sound like I'm one hundred and sixty eight years old. Because
this was pre YouTube, right, this was I mean we had AOL maybe
or we were about to get it. Anyway, it was like nineteen ninety
three and I so MTV came to town. I was not in the showcase.
I was too new. I was just an open micer. But as
with many of my stories, a cute boy said something to me and it
changed the course of my life. So this cute boy was a comedian and
he said, you've got to get in that showcase. He said there's only
one other female even in it, and she's not to be rude, but
forty No, it was it was like, this is MTV, right,
you're twenty four. He's like, you're cute and you're funny. But it
was like, you know, you would do like a five minute showcase set,
like I had six minutes. Like I was an open micro. I'd
never even been in the big room, you know. I had just done
the little lounge, you know, stage, but I sold tickets there.
And so I went to the manager and I asked, can I do the
show? And I was like, I'll go first, I'll whatever, and
she was like, you don't have to go first, but okay, I'll
put you in the show. And she made me go first, and but
I was I rehearse so hardcore. I practically hung upside down to rehearse that
set, just like if like a bomb could have gone off and I would
have just still. I knew that inside an hour and I did the set
and I did well, and it was it was a huge win just to
do well within the comedy scene in Austin, like people who I love the
local hilarious people were like, hey, that was funny, and I was
like, oh my god, I can't, like I can't amos youing is
And I'm on a show with a good friend of mine just passed away this
week named Johnny Hardwick, and he ended up being Dale on King of the
Hill, but like he was an Austin comic and we were anyway. It
was all part of this big show and so what. So that was already
a win. I'm teach seventh grade all day and then I'm you know,
a rock star at night doing stand up. And the next day I went
to work and the manager said, you need to find someone to fill in
with you for you, which I was like, what did I do?
I thought I was getting fired from teaching. No, I went to I
went to my teaching job, and then I went to the comedy club to
sell my tickets regular life. The manager at the comedy club said, you
need to find someone to fill in with you for you, and I'm scared,
like, oh no, I did I blow it? And she said,
because MTV wants to take you to dinner. Oh my god, what
a moment. I'm a seventh grade teacher. I mean I take role in
grade papers. And I was like, really an MTV. The two MTV
producers had seen me, and they took me and the three funniest guys in
town to dinner. And I couldn't even believe I was sitting with them.
It was with Chip Pope Howard Kramer and really so sadly he just passed away
a few days ago. Johnny Hardwick and I couldn't even believe I was at
the table, you know, and and a free dinner on top of it.
I was, I was like, this is living. It was incredible.
And so we went to dinner with them and then showed them around Sixth
Street and did some things. And then they called a like a week later
and they said, we want to do a show with you. Holy yeah,
And it was a it was a longer road and blah blah details,
but but I ended up starring on an MTV show called Austin Stories. You
remember that show? Yeah, it was another couple of years, but yeah,
hold on, let's take let's take one more break. Okay, we're
back. Okay, so you do so you're on Austin Stories. Yeah.
So, uh, we do a TV show where we came to LA and
we wrote it and we had did you tell your mom? By the way
I made it? You know what is so funny is I wish I had
it. I did talk to them and what I had told I had quit
teaching. Did you have to quit midyear? No? Great? Geez.
Yeah, it's had something what the weird little details kind of maybe they're a
little bit important now was so our first iteration. We did a we filmed
some little bits and stuff, like it was the days of Beavis and butthead,
Right, so what's our show? Like are we and Donald Loge did?
Donald Loge did interstitials as the cab guy and Dennis Leary did certain things,
you know, So we were like, are we interstitials you know,
hey? Or we Beavis and buttheads early Beavis and butthead they just watch videos
and made fun of them. So we tried that version and interstitials and like
Chip did a thing of like young guy Cooking show where he's really just making
a TV dinner in the oven, like acting like you know, you're gonna
open this up here and pull this, don't forget this part, and that
the dessert's gonna get real hot, give that a minute, you know whatever,
like as if it's a culinary experience. And so yeah, we did
the and so that was the first iteration, and then they passed. So
I went back to teaching, right, I mean I had been teaching,
but I had I had kept my day job, like they tell you too.
And two years later, the people who had passed on us went to
Comedy Central and the people who had liked us rose in the ranks, and
there was some MTV retreat. I didn't know about this. Meanwhile, I'm
I'm reaching year three of teaching and I can't do it for another year.
And I had actually put in my notification to not come back. This is
I love the mom ango because what I said to my mom was, Mom,
I'm thinking about quitting teaching. She was horrified. She was like,
Laura, like, can you imagine, Like, Mom, I've done open
mics for three years. Like I'm I'm very much on the side of my
mom now. But I was like, I was like, I can't do
it for another year. I was like, if I have to, you
know, work part time at Taco Bell to figure out how to be a
comedian, I will, which, of course that's not what she wants to
hear. She was like, what about what about benefits? And I was
like, I apologize to all mothers. I said, Mom, what about
the benefit of liking your work? Wow? Smartass? What an entitled little
Jerney mom. Mom. I did the artist way, like there was just
no Mom, I've done some morning papers. I just really feel like my
morning pages have really revealed what's in my soul chart. Yes, I've taken
myself on some artistic dates and here's where I've landed. She was mortified for
me, But what are you gonna do? I'm twenty four or whatever at
this point, Like what can she do? And so two weeks later,
I don't, MTV call and said, now we do want to do a
show with you. Like like that, the move to Comedy Central of those
and the rising and the rank that had been going on, I did not
know. I quit teaching and then MTV called and they flew us out to
la which already was beyond my wildest dreams. Anyone when if somebody buys me
a plane ticket to that's amazing. That's made it to me. Yeah,
and some people private jet or where I'm like, any ticket any at all.
If I'm if I'm writing where the luggage goes, I'm like, so
bummy a flight. Oh. I flew coach too for my first TV gig,
which was Star Search, and I was like, well, I don't
I guess this guy's the limited I mean, what agent am I going to
go with? This? Like fighting over me like this is about to get
crazy. And then I got two and a three quarter stars back on a
coach flight the next day, so I'm similar, Yes, I'm similar,
of just I could not believe, like they flew us out. We're at
the Universal Building which overlooks Universal Studios, like we're weight twenty something floor and
we're meeting with them and they're like, we think it could be this and
this and a half hour and you know, like a show. And then
I was I was like, can we go to the park for free?
And they were like yeah, and they sent a pia too, so like
we're We've flown here, tall building, right, you know, I'm listen.
They're like, do you want to shoot a show? And You're like,
could I just ride some of the rights? I just ride the new
Jurassic Park rides at the time and exactly, and we but that was listen.
You know me well enough to know I feel fancy if I'm wearing a
long coat, so I mean I am, and a shiny shirt and some
kind of plastic jewel. So I'm Graham Prairie through and through. So I
was, I mean, this is like iouga cartoonized, Like I can't even
believe any of this is happening. And then they we had and we ended
up on television. So I I quit seventh I quit teaching seventh grade,
and one year later I was starring on a show on MTV. Because it
was international, it was around it, MTV, it was everywhere. It
was a huge show. It was a show. We got you as celebrities.
I remember knowing who you are. Oh my god, Laura House,
like the people in Austin Stories, that was a huge deal. But you
really kept it to yourself. You really was the first time hearing about it.
That's true. I didn't think you ow, you really derored. But
the real the real world Austin Stories were preceded the real world. Right,
No, there had been some real world, but we were earliest or whatever.
Okay, yeah, but like they like we met the casts of real
world like they we went to the Video Music Awards and we went to the
Film Award. I mean, I know that stuff is fun. It's wild,
right, yeah, you would have been a right, yeah, it's
yeah. It's crazy. You're in a room with like four hundred celebrities,
like when you're like everywhere you look at like but you don't you have to
keep reminding yourself that you don't know them, you know, because like Snoop
Dog didn't want to talk to me or whatever. You walk the red carpet,
Yeah, I think we might have. We were there before it aired,
so they were a little like, I mean, you can be here,
but just you know, Mum's the word, right, They were like,
nobody really cared yet. But so you do a season. We do.
It's riding high, it's doing well in the ratings. It did do
well. I was I was actually just revisited. I read some articles about
it. It was doing well, but then there was another structure change.
Boy, so people from Comedy Central then I think, came to MTV and
then our people were not and so Brian Grayden came to MTV and then he
he asked it, you know, like it didn't really help him. It
wasn't his show, and it was apparently I just read an article because I
don't remember any of it from the time. You know, at the time,
you just think it's about you, like at the time in a bad
way. You know, at the time, up until two days ago,
at the time, and for decades after, in many many therapy sessions,
there's just that thought of like, well, if I'm really good, it'll
go well, oh it was canceled. Oh maybe I wasn't that good,
you know, like it's it's a nightmare way to think of the world.
But when you don't really know, like, look, shows come and go
and sometimes it's political and it doesn't matter and like one of many shows.
But when a show happens to you, like or for me that young,
it just was the big you know, there's no perspective, like I don't
know what kind of Buddha you would have to be at that age to be
like no, you know, shows come and go right right on TV.
So yeah, but it but that's what led me to LA and then I
pursued acting and I've done it a little bit. I'm really not that I'm
the one person in town that will tell you not really a good actor.
I'm not a good actor either. I'm a horrible actress. It's like a
lot of people are horrible, but they do not know it. No,
no, no, I knew it. And when I got a TV show,
when I was hosting my own show, and that was like such a
huge deal to me, and I was so excited. But they were like,
okay, so we're going to do these like kind of cold opens,
like these little sketches, and I was like, let me stop here there.
Yeah. I was like I really can't act, and they're like,
well, of of course you can't, like you're a comedian, like you'll
just you'll act a little bit. And I was like no, no,
you don't understand. I'm so bad. And then I had to do this
sketch. I've told you this story before that, but back for sketch.
Sketch acting is yeah, but okay, so we have to do this sketch
and quotes acting Okay. I think it makes it even hard I'm supposed to
be playing. We go to my lady, who does basically this scene is
I'm like laying on a table and I'm getting like a facial or something,
and my nails are going to get done. And then I get a call
on my phone and it's my husband and he can't find my daughter's cleats.
And it's supposed to be like, oh my gosh, I can't even relax.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's like mom oh the cleats they're
by the front door. Well, so I and my friend Laurie was was
the head writer of the show, and she'd kind of written the sketch out.
So I'm laying on this table and then the phone rings and then I'm
like, I get up. And afterwards she's like, I don't know how
to say this, like nice, really nice, Like I don't mean this
in a bad way, but like when you got up from the table,
it was like you were rising out of a coffin. Like You're like,
I didn't even know how to sit up. Yeah, I don't know what
acting class they teaching up in a more natural she was like, can you
just just like sit up, like you're really like sitting up? I was
so so warm thing I did. I was so self conscious in your head
sitting up. I'm like, oh, I've got to sit up. I
was always narrating whatever is Yeah, now all the phone's call. Now I'm
taking a call, Like, how do I how would I talk to my
husband? Like I can't ever if I'm not just making it up. If
I'm reading that, I'm like, I don't know how you tell me that.
I really would say to her, just give me the line reading,
Just tell me how to say it sounds natural? Right? How you hear
it, There you go. I got I got better at it as it
went on, but I'm saying like at the beginning, I was just like,
I don't I'm not good at this. I'm not a natural. I
totally get I totally get that because there is something and there's a point where
there's no fixing it. There's a there's a point where you're pushed off the
edge with feedback where you're like, am I sitting up? Now? Now
I can't sit up? How do humans sit up? What is sitting up?
I'm sitting I'm I'm sitting. I'm saying the line, am I is
this sounding? And you're you're what you want it to be in your brain
and it's coming out and you're like, this is it's gonna get today?
You know, like yeah, yeah, well this I Oddly I kind of
was a good actor on Austin Stories. We were I mean when I was
playing Laura House, but we it was it was scripted, but we would
also improvise and then they would adjust the script from there. And we really
wanted it to sound like at the time, like Larry Sanders ish. We
really wanted it to walk the line of like we wanted people to go,
wait, is this real or is it not? And they we were their
first scripted sitcom, so we really wanted people to kind of not know.
So there was something great about that, and also that it was mine where
I'm really really terrible. I learned quickly in la is like auditions because I
don't know. I didn't write it. I wasn't part of the process.
I don't know what you're talking to context. Hey, yeah, And when
you tell me to split the difference, I do not. I cannot.
I cannot wrap my you know you're too big. Oh that's too small?
Split the difference. I'm what. I'm not an air condition, Like you
can't just put me on six, you know or whatever? Like I don't
know. And making choices is just like there's only one way, like when
I read it, this is the way it funds to me, so like
I don't know another way to make it? Do you want to go outside?
Like do you want to go outside? No? Can you make it?
Want to go outside? Do you want to go outside? Yes?
It is it's so weird. No, But like but like you're I did
an acting class one time and there was this scene where it was like it
was like a marital breakup disillusion and it was like, I did the scene
and then she goes, well, I get that you're mad at him,
but you were married him. You also love him. And I was like,
I'm out, like can you put that in You're mad at him but
also you love him? And I was like, I don't see how I'm
mad at him or I love him? So yeah, really, good actor
over here. Really I can't wait till I get all those words for acting.
So you did, but you did some acting I did, and then
I yeah. And then I got into writing, like I just learned.
I wrote. I wrote in San Francisco on web series stuff and again I'm
very old. Before we even called it webs it was years before web series.
We were what we just called internet cartoons. And I was like,
I love writing. I love that I write it, and then it exists
in the world and if somebody watches it. Unlike my acting, it doesn't
depend on how I do that day, like my stand up, my mood
or what it's like. You exist, it exists, it's in the world.
I loved it. And then I wrote on Blue Collar TV and the
George Lopez Show. I sold some shows I've written on Samantha Who and the
show Mom and the Bath to winning UK show a couple of years ago and
again sold some more shows and so I just love Yeah, it's great right
now, but hold on, let's take let's take one more break and then
we have more interesting Yeah said, Yeah, we were talking before the show
and I want to hear about a story. Okay, all right, here
we go, let's take a break. All right, we're back. So,
Laura, before we were, before we started the show, you were
talking about an interesting story about you getting engaged, but also do you well
there's two Okay, we wanted, well I'll just stay the night I now,
Well, okay, first, what would come first? Talking about finding
because you're adopted my birth mother? Yeah, which, naturally, which part
of this which story comes first? Getting engaged? Okay comes first? Okay,
Yeah, because I was with him and said it, I ended up
in a stable relationship. So Laura, you're engaged. We're such good interviewers.
Yea. So so how did that come about? How did you meet
it? How can you meet someone? Well? I had I had been
so here's what I like. So I met, I'm in love and we
met in late forties, and I'm at the age where me finding someone who
loves me gives people hope. And I know this because they say that right
to my face. Like people were just like, I just you know,
if you can find someone after all that, And I'm like, why don't
you just pump the rest of that sentence. But it was like I had
been married twenty years ago, was not awesome, And then a series of
relationships and then I was with someone who I thought was final destination and then
one day and we lived together, and one day he said I don't want
to work on it anymore. And I was like, uh, oh,
well, I mean that I feel like it's something you have to do.
So I guess we conclude Like it wasn't like it was kind of a cowardly
breakup, right of just like I don't want to work on anymore. So
I went through you know, it wasn't a divorce, but it was like
a like emotionally for me, it was like a divorce, like, oh,
the big thing. And I went through like what do I want?
And who am I? And I took here's another story that we don't have
time for it, Like I took an orgasm workshop. I was like,
I've taken back my spirit and my I did all that like if you you
know, if there's a Diane Keaton movie about your divorce thing, like that's
what I was. I did all. I signed up for all the like
divorce lady things that you do to like get your power back or whatever.
Then I started dating, and I was very like, how do I do
this better than I've done it before? Like I'm I'm today, I'm sixteen
years sober, but you know I was like ten years sober or whatever,
like how do I really do this in a good way? And so I
fumbled with that, like I you know, I'll like I'm impulsive. I'm
impulsive, and I'm compulsive. It's fun. And so I'll start the morning,
you know, intentions are important, and so I'll like, you know
what, I'm just gonna date like a lady. How do I do that?
And by noon, I'm on every app and I answering every message,
you know, and I don't know whatever. And so I had a couple
of you know, misfires, and then I was so exhausted and I did
I did it. I was on several apps, but I did one okay
Cupid, which is kind of a dorky. It's a middle of the road
when it's not a racy and it's not a you know, evangel it's not
you know, farmers only or whatever. And so I didn't do those,
but I was on okay Cupid. So I just I don't know what got
into me other than just kind of exhaustion, and I just told the truth.
I used to really just try to try. Like I used to write.
One time, put a Watchman like. I knew a guy who loved
the comic book, the graphic novel The Watchman, and I was like,
he seems cool, and I put a Watchman reference I never read. I
didn't even know what it was, but I was like, here's something guys
like or like I'm like guys like Star Wars, and I wouldn't the headline
would be like han shot first and like, I don't know what that means
to you. But I was just like trying to signal anything, right.
This was my headline for the Man I am now with. My headline was
wordy, nerdy and kind of sturdy. Oh that's awesome, is it?
I mean it's not like adorable like people's headlines are like I love kissing in
the rain, right, and mine is basically like listen, I'm a bookish
and tired and love dessert anyway, you know, Like it was a very
and now that I'm with someone and have more of a sense of what people
really want, it's like that really is what people want. Like you might
as well just like listen, I love dessert and television. Be with me,
you know, like I a normal people are going to be like yes,
as opposed to what we put on those things of like sailboats and sunsets,
Nobody does that. Nobody, not Jeff Bezos, not anyone like no,
Like people go to work and then they just want to like eat and
watch TV. That is human life. So anyway, but I just was
like, this is it, and and I had put where you list your
favorite TV shows and movies. I had also listed podcasts and comedians. It
didn't even ask for that. And so I get a message from this guy
and he was like, oh, I also, I really like Mitch Hedberg.
Here's my favorite Mitch Hedburg joke. What's yours? Because I had listed
Mitch Hedberg and I had worked with him, and I just want to say
like love really, what is it? What's okay? Mine is where when
he goes to get a donut and they go to want a receipt and he
goes, am I gonna need to prove I forgot? Yeah, like I
don't think we need to bring paperwork into this transaction. Same. That was
the exact same. Yes, that's my favorite. We are so much three
times over already, so funny. I always I think about that joke anytime
I go to buy like or so anytime they say do you want to receive
the same? That's why, Am I gonna have to prove? It's gonna
be a matenne? Am I gonna have to prove it? Yeah? It
was like unless you plan on tackle me me as I walked to the door.
And yes, always same. There's also the when when a guy hand
you a flyer, like outside, like to promote a club or whatever.
When a guy like you're walking on the street, guy hand you a flyer,
he's basically just going, here, you throw this away and gift cards.
Hey, everybody, we are having so much fun with Laura that we
want to keep this conversation going. So uh, tomorrow our Friday show,
She's going to finish this story, and then she has another story that we
are dying to hear. And yeah, so Laura, thank you so much
for being on our Thursday. Thank you, thank you. But everyone's going
to be tuning in tomorrow, so like literally see I'll see. You're a
parent now, don't have it up, letting go