WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:06.240
You're listening to kaf I Am six
forty on demand kaya by Am six forty.

2
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:10.119
You have doctor Andy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh

3
00:00:10.199 --> 00:00:13.759
Show and here we are for the
next two hours. You would not believe

4
00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:17.600
what I need to talk about.
Well, what I always talk about human

5
00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:22.079
mating strategy that can be very treacherous. And I'm going to tell you a

6
00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:29.280
story about a real life thing that
happened that really hurt three people. Also,

7
00:00:30.120 --> 00:00:33.840
is your relationship a little too enmeshed? You might not even know it.

8
00:00:33.960 --> 00:00:37.600
Maybe you were raised in a family
with a lot of enmeshment. I

9
00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:43.320
like to say where nobody can remember
whose problem is? Who's But before we

10
00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.600
get into it, Row, we
got you in the studio. How are

11
00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:49.359
you on the board? I'm great? How are you good? So you

12
00:00:49.399 --> 00:00:53.640
know, I have some pops of
sound and I wrote out some cues.

13
00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:57.320
You're gonna watch the paper when I
get there because I want to hear this

14
00:00:57.399 --> 00:01:00.799
girl's story about her Tinder date.
Okay, okay, cool, coo cool

15
00:01:00.840 --> 00:01:02.600
and Sandy, we got you in
the newsroom. How are you? I'm

16
00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:06.159
right here, good, good?
Do you know about the tabby tinder thief?

17
00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:10.079
Tabby tinder thief. Oh you're gonna
find I'm looking forward to interesting.

18
00:01:10.280 --> 00:01:12.400
Yeah, I had to look up
what tabbies were first of all. Uh

19
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:19.159
speaking speaking No, it's a fashionable
shoe. Uh speaking of fashion. So

20
00:01:19.239 --> 00:01:25.519
this week I have been cleaning out
my closet, and my closet has stuff

21
00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:29.799
in there from not much, but
only a few things from like the late

22
00:01:29.840 --> 00:01:34.200
eighties, early nineties that I saved
some certain suits, like Chanelle's suits.

23
00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:38.040
And you know, I was a
young news anchor in the early nineties and

24
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:41.680
I had a little cash and I
bought a few nice things and I thought

25
00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:44.840
I would save them for my daughters. My daughters aren't really interested in them.

26
00:01:45.319 --> 00:01:49.200
So I am trying eBay for the
first time in my life. Kayla,

27
00:01:49.680 --> 00:01:52.920
I'm freaked out by this whole thing. I put a bag up there,

28
00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:57.359
and I'm watching all these bids come
in and anyway we will see.

29
00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:00.519
What do you think like strange or
danger? What do you scared of?

30
00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:02.760
I don't know. It just feels
first time, and it's you know,

31
00:02:02.760 --> 00:02:06.879
it's a lot of money and they're
bidding, and what if I don't send

32
00:02:06.879 --> 00:02:09.840
it on time, and what if
it doesn't get authenticated correctly, and there's

33
00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:13.840
just so much tech to it.
Uh So, anyway, here I go,

34
00:02:14.039 --> 00:02:16.280
but I do want to say something. I'm changing the subject so fast,

35
00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:20.400
but I promise you it's all connected. So do you remember last time

36
00:02:20.439 --> 00:02:23.759
we were in the studio, Kayla, you brought me that delicious fish and

37
00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:30.719
the salad because she goes to this
restaurant. That's the restaurant to Hombrea.

38
00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:37.439
I don't kill me. It was
brand Zeno and a beautiful salad. They

39
00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:39.240
shared your post on their story.
They were so happy you shout at the

40
00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:44.120
nut. So you know you had
a birthday recently and I didn't make it

41
00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:46.719
to our birthday dinner. So as
I was going through my closet, I

42
00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:51.719
found this little product. I know
you were not giving me a product right

43
00:02:51.719 --> 00:02:54.199
now. Yes, I am that
freck wind you go. I'm not going

44
00:02:54.280 --> 00:02:58.520
to sell everything on eBay. I
gotta give some things away, okay,

45
00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:04.840
but you always wear that nice orange
outfit. And I saw that orange prod

46
00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:07.840
a bag and I'm like, oh, Kayla would love that. And plus

47
00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.560
we have the Orange Kfi logo.
It's all connected. I got you a

48
00:03:10.639 --> 00:03:19.560
salad, okay, you got me
a product. I think it's Evenin's all

49
00:03:19.639 --> 00:03:24.479
right. So moving on. So
one of the things I the reason why

50
00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:30.520
I'm obsessed with human mating strategy is
because long ago, when I was a

51
00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:34.719
young dating, single woman, and
I spent a lot of time in pain,

52
00:03:35.479 --> 00:03:40.719
I would be played by somebody and
be heartbroken. I would be really

53
00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:46.879
interested in somebody who wouldn't like me
back. I would hang out with girls

54
00:03:46.919 --> 00:03:51.439
that seem to get better guys than
I did, and I really wanted to

55
00:03:51.719 --> 00:03:55.039
understand, and there wasn't There is
a science. I finally found the science,

56
00:03:55.039 --> 00:04:00.520
and the science to it is all
in the realm of evolutionary psychology.

57
00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:05.159
You see this research, most of
it has been done. I mentioned them

58
00:04:05.159 --> 00:04:09.400
a lot by doctor David Buss at
the University of Texas. Awesome. But

59
00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:14.560
there are tons and tons and tons
of evolutionary psychologists who specialize in studying human

60
00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:18.680
mating strategy. But the point I'm
going to make is human mating is not

61
00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:25.199
all about love and sunshine of flowers. It's also treacherous. It also may

62
00:04:25.319 --> 00:04:31.160
seem evil in some way. It
has an underbelly that breaks many cultural rules.

63
00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:34.519
And I will say this, when
I talk about culture, you can't

64
00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:38.120
say, oh, that's just how
they are in America. Oh, that's

65
00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.639
just how those Frenchmen are, That's
how those Italians are. Nope, nope,

66
00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:46.040
nope. Actually the research is pretty
cross cultural. It's the same everywhere,

67
00:04:46.439 --> 00:04:51.439
and it involves six things. The
first is competition for mates. How

68
00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:57.360
do we compete against other people who
are competing for the same mates. Well,

69
00:04:57.680 --> 00:05:01.319
people who identify as female might use
a lot of cosmetics, or get

70
00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:09.800
plastic surgery or put in hair extensions. Men traditionally have displayed resources. I

71
00:05:09.839 --> 00:05:15.040
actually heard a story once that a
bunch of guys, so somebody got dropped

72
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:17.560
off at the airport in a Lamborghini
and as he got out of the car,

73
00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:21.120
every young guy, baggage handler and
whatever said can I take a picture

74
00:05:21.160 --> 00:05:26.120
for my Tinder profile? And they
stood in front of the car, one

75
00:05:26.199 --> 00:05:30.120
by one. Okay, So it
does involve deception as well, so it's

76
00:05:30.279 --> 00:05:33.439
showcase of resources. Men also go
to the gym and try to bulk up

77
00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:39.600
and look all fit and like a
good, good reproducer. Right, good

78
00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:44.000
jeans, that's what you want to
get. But then once you've competed and

79
00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:46.360
you look better than all the mates
who are also competing with you, then

80
00:05:46.399 --> 00:05:49.720
You've got to find a way to
acquire that mate, and that may involve

81
00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:56.120
lying. Let me tell you,
on first dates, most people give an

82
00:05:56.160 --> 00:06:01.000
Academy Award winning performance. Remember and
one of Chris Rock's comedy specials, he

83
00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:04.079
said, you know, for the
first six months that you're dating a guy,

84
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:09.360
you're not actually dating him, you're
dating his representative. Right, so

85
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:13.240
it takes well, you know,
at the beginning, everybody is like on

86
00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:15.720
their best behavior. They make sure
they look really good. I have to

87
00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:18.959
tell you a funny story, kaylet
so I you know, most of the

88
00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:21.800
summer, except for when I had
to work on camera, I didn't really

89
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:28.680
wear any makeup because why, I
have a boyfriend who loves me. Why

90
00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:30.720
do I need to I don't need
it so tonight because we're gonna go live

91
00:06:30.759 --> 00:06:33.360
on Instagram later when we're taking calls
and everything. I said, you know,

92
00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:36.920
I'm gonna take some time. I'm
gonna blow draw my hair properly,

93
00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:41.279
I'm gonna put on a little makeup. And when I walked into the room,

94
00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:46.600
Julio look like he had just seen
a ghost, like jaw drops whatever.

95
00:06:46.680 --> 00:06:48.759
And I looked at him and I
go, oh, you forgot,

96
00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:53.959
didn't you you forgot the value of
your mate, didn't you. You could

97
00:06:54.000 --> 00:07:00.000
turn it. Yes, I did
forget. But then he decided to follow

98
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:02.240
me to work tonight. He's down
in the conference room, so we're working

99
00:07:02.279 --> 00:07:08.480
because the next part about human mating
is mate guarding. Maybe because I looked

100
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:11.199
so good tonight, he decided to
come to work with me. He didn't

101
00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:14.519
want any of the co workers running
down on right. And the way that

102
00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:17.920
people guard a high value of a
mate that they think is high value is

103
00:07:17.959 --> 00:07:23.759
they put down other competitors. And
funny thing, I got pinged last week

104
00:07:23.839 --> 00:07:27.560
by an old friend, literally friend
nobody I dated, but he is gorgeous

105
00:07:27.560 --> 00:07:30.800
and he's a retiring doctor and all
this stuff. And he's like six foot

106
00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:32.759
four and all muscly, And I
mentioned to Huli, Oh, I got

107
00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:36.439
pinged by this guy I knew like
thirty years ago. Maybe I could fix

108
00:07:36.519 --> 00:07:40.120
him up with this friend of mine, and he goes, i'd even want

109
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:44.920
to do like that around anyway,
there's no reason it never even read the

110
00:07:44.959 --> 00:07:50.480
email. His little jealousy mate guarding
right there. But there's there's a dark

111
00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:56.399
side to mate guarding. It might
involve controlling your mate's behavior. A few

112
00:07:56.399 --> 00:08:00.680
weeks ago we talked about I can't
remember who. It was a singer whose

113
00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:05.519
boyfriend said, why are you wearing
that your right? Right? Right?

114
00:08:05.839 --> 00:08:09.360
She was on stage with a singer, right and with usher there we go,

115
00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:13.439
and that's mate guarding. He's basically
saying, you look too good.

116
00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:16.399
I'm afraid somebody's going to steal you. And they're together, they're happy against

117
00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:20.680
Yeah, he was just guarding her
guarding. So sometimes though it can go

118
00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:24.879
into the dark side. It can
be controlling where your mate goes, it

119
00:08:24.920 --> 00:08:30.920
can be it can get into stalking, even domestic violence. You know what

120
00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:35.720
domestic violence sad to say is mate
guarding. It's highly insecure, makes mats

121
00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:41.600
who have high abandonment issues and high
testosterone and so they, yeah, they

122
00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:46.320
make a woman too scared to leave. And then the other thing are backupmates.

123
00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:50.360
Believe it or not, we all
have. I actually don't have a

124
00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:52.559
backupmate. And maybe Julio was worried
that that guy would be my backupmate or

125
00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:56.480
something, but I don't, but
I should because they say, if you

126
00:08:56.559 --> 00:08:58.799
have a backupmate, somebody in the
back of your mind, you're like,

127
00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:01.320
you know, some ever happened to
my mate? Maybe I could, you

128
00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:05.000
know, call that person from work
or something. Well, if you have

129
00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:09.440
backup mats, you tend to have
lower rates of depression. Would you be

130
00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:11.200
jealous if you found out that Julio
had a backupmate? He has lots of

131
00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.879
backup mats. In fact, I
picked her for him a friend named Tina,

132
00:09:16.279 --> 00:09:20.559
and Tina and Julio really connect on
classic cars. She has classic cars,

133
00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:22.120
he has classic cars. They both
laugh at each other's jokes. But

134
00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:26.519
she's a good friend and I trust
her implicitly. So I always say to

135
00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:28.919
Tina, if anything ever happens to
me, you have to date Julio.

136
00:09:30.519 --> 00:09:33.679
The only gone I'm unproved. I
don't know. Do you watch Vanderpump Rules?

137
00:09:33.919 --> 00:09:35.159
You gotta be you gotta protect your
mate. Man. You can't trust

138
00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:41.600
people, But I trust she's a
good person's coat, I got my eye.

139
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:45.600
She's a lawyer. Okay, But
like you said, besides backupmates,

140
00:09:45.639 --> 00:09:48.039
sometimes there's a treacherous world of mate
poaching, and you're worried that Tina's going

141
00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:54.480
to turn into a mate poacher,
exactly stealing a mate and then finally mate

142
00:09:54.559 --> 00:10:00.440
expulsion. That's breakups divorce when you
realize the mate's not working out right.

143
00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:03.960
Time to expel them all right.
When we come back, I want to

144
00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:09.559
tell you a story, beat by
beat by beat. It's a human mating

145
00:10:09.679 --> 00:10:16.799
story that involves all of these evolutionary
behaviors. You are listening to the Doctor

146
00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:20.840
Wendy Walls Show on kf I AM
six forty. We're live everywhere on the

147
00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:26.519
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to kf
I AM six forty on demand kf I

148
00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:31.200
Am six forty. You have Doctor
Wendy Walsh with you. This is the

149
00:10:31.240 --> 00:10:35.039
Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Heylo.
You remember the Tinder swindler. Oh he

150
00:10:35.159 --> 00:10:39.600
sucks? Oh yeah, he he
was using. He was targeting young women

151
00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:43.679
all over Europe and having them take
out these big loans provide money for him.

152
00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:48.080
And little did they know his human
mating strategy was to put him on

153
00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:52.679
a private jet soon after meeting them. He didn't they didn't know that that

154
00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:56.120
jet was paid for with the money
from the last grift, right, the

155
00:10:56.200 --> 00:11:01.559
last woman that he targeted. Anyway. And then there was west elm Caleb,

156
00:11:01.799 --> 00:11:05.960
remember him, west El Kayla.
He was a New York guy and

157
00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:11.759
he went he had a date and
he told this woman that he was really

158
00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:16.919
into her and he had this special
Spotify list that he made for her,

159
00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:20.759
and then she posted about it because
he goes to her and disappeared and played

160
00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:26.519
her basically, And turns out that
same Spotify list was he gave to every

161
00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:31.960
other girl too. Very common,
that's how guys do it well. This

162
00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:37.159
week we have the Tinder tabby thief. And let me start by simply saying

163
00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:43.000
I didn't even know what tabbies were. So tabby is a short slang word

164
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:50.080
for Jika tabby, which is a
traditional Japanese footwear. It literally translates to

165
00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:54.840
footbags. So the traditional Japanese tabby's
look kind of like socks or slippers,

166
00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:58.840
somewhere between shoes and slippers or moccasins. And the big feature is they've got

167
00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:03.159
a split between the big toe and
the rest of the toes. So I

168
00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:07.519
just want to be clear that if
you're if you're a fashionista, you can

169
00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:15.399
buy some very high end tabbies.
So it all started in Soho. One

170
00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:20.279
day a girl was walking along and
she locked eyes with a good looking stranger.

171
00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.639
Later that night, she gets home
and she gets a ping on Tinder.

172
00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:28.120
Turns out she had previously matched with
him. He was one of the

173
00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:31.600
many guys in her box, and
because men are so visually wired, he

174
00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:35.519
recognized her and he had locked eyes
in her and he said, hey,

175
00:12:35.639 --> 00:12:39.120
did I see you downtown today?
So the next thing you know, they

176
00:12:39.159 --> 00:12:43.639
go out for drinks and things.
Oh well, she was really had a

177
00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:48.480
good time with them, and so
oh, I do want to say,

178
00:12:48.519 --> 00:12:50.600
I just want to pause to say, if you are using dating apps,

179
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:56.279
here's a great reason not to ghost
people, because they live in the real

180
00:12:56.360 --> 00:13:00.960
world too. You could literally go
somebody because you don't like his messages or

181
00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:03.519
something, or her messages, and
the next day walk in and they're in

182
00:13:03.559 --> 00:13:05.360
a business meeting with you, like
sirius. So you gotta find a way

183
00:13:05.399 --> 00:13:11.159
to extract yourself politely. Anyway,
after their drinks, they go out for

184
00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:15.000
a second date. Turns out they
bond over fashion. He's into fashion,

185
00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:18.480
she's into fashion. She has a
line of knitwear, and she's a social

186
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:24.440
media person for some company. So
after the second date, she invites him

187
00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:28.000
back to her place and they end
up having sex. Not unusual. These

188
00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:33.159
people are in their twenties there in
the fashion industry. I've done that.

189
00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:37.440
The next morning they continue to bond. By the way, if you want

190
00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:41.879
to follow her on TikTok, her
name is Next Level Lexus spelled l e

191
00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:48.200
x uss next level Lexus. So
anyway, they continue to bond, and

192
00:13:48.279 --> 00:13:52.679
here's what happened. So now we're
chatting and he's like, oh, can

193
00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:56.120
I show you this playlist on Spotify? I feel like you really like it?

194
00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:58.080
And I'm like, okay, sure, he's a hot Spotify. We've

195
00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:03.720
already discussed this. I give him
my phone to go on Spotify to look

196
00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:05.399
it up. I hope my phone
and everything where I I give him the

197
00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:09.600
app to Spotify. He looks it
up. So then he gives me back

198
00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:11.600
my phone. He's like, I
can't find the playlist. I'm just like

199
00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:15.000
a yeah, it's time to go. And he said I'm a head out

200
00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:18.120
and I'm like bye, and he's
like okay, like text me and I'm

201
00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:20.639
like, okay, bye. The
hours passed. I'm on my computer.

202
00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:26.720
I look over to my shoe rack
over here. I have Tabby boots up

203
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:30.519
there. We were talking about the
Tabby boots and he was like referencing those.

204
00:14:30.759 --> 00:14:35.279
He barely glanced at the Mary Jane's
Okay, I look over there and

205
00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:37.919
they're gone, and I'm like,
where are my Tabby's? Yes, he

206
00:14:39.159 --> 00:14:46.159
stole her shoes. Now, these
were Maison margiela Paris. What Marghila,

207
00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:54.399
Margella Magela. You have sat there, you go, and they are worth

208
00:14:54.440 --> 00:14:58.440
a thousand dollars. They look like
plain, old weird Mary Jane's black shoes

209
00:14:58.440 --> 00:15:01.840
with a strap over the front with
a slit between the big toe and the

210
00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:07.000
rest of it. But okay,
so she posted that video on TikTok.

211
00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:11.799
Well, the fashionista Internet girl gang
goes wild. They try to track him

212
00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:20.399
down. They find his sister and
so Next Level Lexus messages his sister nothing.

213
00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:26.679
Then the Internet finds his Instagram.
But what does he do to Next

214
00:15:26.759 --> 00:15:31.720
Level Lexus? He blocks her and
then he makes his Internet or his Instagram

215
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:39.440
private, but he is being hounded
by the Internet. He can't get away.

216
00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:43.639
Go Ahead follows me two hours later
after he privated his account and starts

217
00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:48.919
to gaslight me and tell me that
he didn't seal them and he doesn't know

218
00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:50.519
how it happened and what happened,
and he's like, that's just out of

219
00:15:50.559 --> 00:15:54.200
my character. I would never do
that, And like I started feeling crazy

220
00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:58.639
because I'm like you're really he's this
name is a psychopath. He was trying

221
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:02.559
to convey me that he didn't steal
it. I'm like, how, tell

222
00:16:02.600 --> 00:16:06.320
me how what happened? And then
he went into saying that he would give

223
00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:07.759
me money for it. And that's
when I knew he was lying, because

224
00:16:07.759 --> 00:16:11.519
he was like, Oh, I
can give you five hundred dollars. You

225
00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:12.840
know what I do for a living. You like, I'll give you a

226
00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:15.720
thousand dollars. And I'm just like, Oh, when you're offering money,

227
00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:18.799
that means you did it. Do
you think, Kayla, if he's offering

228
00:16:18.799 --> 00:16:22.080
her money, does that mean he
did it? He completely did it.

229
00:16:22.120 --> 00:16:23.759
And then I in the video as
well, he said she said that when

230
00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:26.639
he was going through her or looking
for the Spotify list, he was actually

231
00:16:26.679 --> 00:16:30.000
like deleting his text message, thought
his phone number. Oh then for him

232
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.799
to give oh yeah back and say
text me. So the whole it was

233
00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:40.039
a ruse about the Spotify list,
because what he actually did is deleted his

234
00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:45.960
He deleted he deleted any messaging they've
been together. The contact list is kinder

235
00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:51.039
on profile like, he literally erased
himself. He knew he was going to

236
00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:53.399
take those shoes. She also said
another video. She thinks she can't figure

237
00:16:53.399 --> 00:16:56.919
out how he got the shoes out
of there. She thinks because he had

238
00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:59.600
baggy pants on, he put them
in a waistband of his pants. Or

239
00:17:00.519 --> 00:17:03.119
that's crazy, so crazy. We'll
wait a sec, folks, this story

240
00:17:03.319 --> 00:17:12.759
is not over yet, because then
the Internet finds his girlfriend on Instagram and

241
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.759
you won't believe the picture they found. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh

242
00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:19.880
Show on KFI AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

243
00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:26.519
You're listening to kf I Am sixty
on demand ki Am six forty. You

244
00:17:26.599 --> 00:17:29.920
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show.

245
00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:33.359
We are talking about the tender Tabby
thief, Tabby's being a pair of very

246
00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:37.480
expensive shoes. If you've just tuned
in, I'm telling the story of a

247
00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:41.799
woman in New York. Young woman
in New York this week who had a

248
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:48.160
lovely day two dates with a guy
she found charming. He at the after

249
00:17:48.680 --> 00:17:53.119
the morning after he borrowed her phone
to give her a Spotify list and then

250
00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:56.559
said he couldn't find the list.
But then she found out he had deleted

251
00:17:56.759 --> 00:18:03.480
every trace of him in her phone
and he had stolen her Tabby shoes worth

252
00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:08.440
a thousand dollars and then said text
me after deleting himself. Yea. On

253
00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:11.400
his way out the door, he
said, yeah, texts me right,

254
00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:18.680
you're deleted. So the Internet finds
this liar, but they also find that

255
00:18:18.759 --> 00:18:23.440
this liar has a girlfriend, and
so they go the Internet goes to her

256
00:18:23.559 --> 00:18:29.160
instagram and what do you think they
found, Kayla? What a picture of

257
00:18:29.319 --> 00:18:37.599
his girlfriend wearing the tabbies are stolen? Da da da da. Then the

258
00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:42.119
plot, Vickens find out he's a
girlfriend and then he gave my tabbies to

259
00:18:42.279 --> 00:18:48.000
his girlfriend. I send him a
screenshot of his girlfriend wearing my tabbies and

260
00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:52.200
he's like an hours later, at
three am, I got a text message

261
00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:55.720
and he's like, I you caught
me. I'll give you back your shoes.

262
00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:59.759
Can you take down the video?
Yeah? No, So she did

263
00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:03.799
meet him on the street with a
friend who videotaped the whole thing. You

264
00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:06.680
can go out to TikTok and see
the whole series, and there's the guy

265
00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:15.000
given back the shoes, and there
are a couple disturbing things about everything that

266
00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:18.079
happened here. If you're a woman
for sure. Well men, because he

267
00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:21.920
gives men a bad reputation, So
I'm sure men are like, dude,

268
00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:25.880
this does not look good on us. What have you done? People with

269
00:19:25.960 --> 00:19:27.680
morals are saying that, like,
right does that? Who does that?

270
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:33.279
Right? But the other thing is, you know, patriarchy and misogyny runs

271
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:41.119
so deep that even some women on
the internet we're commenting like, well,

272
00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:45.279
that's what you get for sleeping with
a guy you don't know, slut shaming

273
00:19:45.400 --> 00:19:49.880
her or saying bad things about the
girlfriend, like she's done. You know,

274
00:19:51.160 --> 00:19:56.359
he cheated on her. Why are
these women being blamed? They are

275
00:19:56.400 --> 00:20:02.319
no longer together. From my knowledge, she did not know he's a man,

276
00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:06.559
as y'all he cheated on her,
So I would appreciate it if you

277
00:20:06.559 --> 00:20:08.559
guys like try to give her a
little bit of respect in space in this

278
00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:12.160
like she she did not know that, Like this is not her fault.

279
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:17.680
The other thing I want to address
is the slot shaming, Like that is

280
00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:21.759
kind of a lot, Like it's
it's been pretty rough to see. It's

281
00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:26.000
not like I'm someone who has a
pretty thig skin, so but it is

282
00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:32.079
really it's just like like to focus
on that and not what he did shows

283
00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:37.880
how there are layers of misogyny to
this whole entire situation to punish my behavior

284
00:20:38.839 --> 00:20:42.039
and say, oh, what do
you expect when you just open your legs

285
00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:45.960
and things like that, instead of
being like that's crazy that there are not

286
00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:51.920
decent human beings out there. Yeah, he's clearly not a decent human being.

287
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:56.119
But as I began the show,
human mating strategy can be ugly and

288
00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:02.319
it can be treacherous. And remember, we are all wired to reproduce,

289
00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:07.200
even if you're not thinking about it
consciously. You have reflexes, you have

290
00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:12.640
behaviors in you designed to increase your
reproductive odds. In his case, you

291
00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:17.599
know, maybe you look at it
just on the surface and go, what

292
00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:19.119
are you making so science about it, doctor Wendy. This is just a

293
00:21:19.119 --> 00:21:22.000
guy who wanted to seal some shoes
and have sex with a girl because it

294
00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:27.400
felt good. No, on some
deep evolutionary level, he was out there

295
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:33.480
spreading his seed. He wasn't keeping
it in one house. He was spreading

296
00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.640
his seed. Now another trend that
I'm seeing. He used to be historically

297
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:42.400
that women would deceive men to try
to extract resources from them, But now

298
00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:47.960
we are seeing more women rise in
economic power, and as a result,

299
00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:52.039
this new breed of men is not
only trying to extract sex from women,

300
00:21:52.359 --> 00:21:57.799
but also extract resources, in this
case, these expensive shoes. And you

301
00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:02.880
should know you can sell as I've
been putting my first bag up on anybody

302
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:06.319
this week. I'll tell you you
can resell high end fashion. And even

303
00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:08.440
if it's old people white, vintage
are used. And that's probably what he

304
00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:11.720
said to the girlfriend. You know, I bought these vintage, or I

305
00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:15.240
bought these on a what do they
call it resale site? Right, Kyl,

306
00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:18.839
Yeah, yeah, because and he
say he works in fashion too,

307
00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:22.160
so maybe he thought like and then
for you to be so excited that your

308
00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:25.359
man bought you and a thousand dollar
pair of shoes, he's so thoughtful,

309
00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:26.920
he's so sweet, and then you
find out he stole it from a girl

310
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:30.039
he cheated on you with, right, And you find out because the internet

311
00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:33.319
goes into your DMS and started going
a girl, those shoes you're wearing,

312
00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.920
your boyfriend, he just stole them
from another girl. I just can't imagine

313
00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:41.039
the reaction being to attack that woman. And the woman also who got our

314
00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:42.119
shoes stole him, Like, what
is wrong? With this world. But

315
00:22:42.160 --> 00:22:47.279
a greater point is so we are
talking on a cultural level. Culturally this

316
00:22:47.359 --> 00:22:49.359
is considered morally wrong. Right,
We're all in one tribe together, we

317
00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:53.240
have a certain set of room rules, don't steal, et cetera. But

318
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:59.480
from a human mating strategy, it
might except for the Internet, it might

319
00:22:59.480 --> 00:23:02.680
have been successful for him. He
might have been doing this kind of stuff

320
00:23:02.720 --> 00:23:06.119
for a long time. Like I
said, some of this stuff can be

321
00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:10.680
very very dark. But it's I
mean, I hate to say it like

322
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:15.160
this. I'm not condoning it.
I'm just saying it's natural behavior. In

323
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:18.960
the same way, if any woman
ever tells me that she's not a goal

324
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:23.640
digger, I will tell you right
now that she is a liar. Yep,

325
00:23:25.079 --> 00:23:30.960
because if identical twin men stood in
front of her and one was rich

326
00:23:30.039 --> 00:23:33.079
and one was poor, there would
be no question which one she would take.

327
00:23:33.119 --> 00:23:37.359
The rich one. Yeah. Yeah, women get excited when men have

328
00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:41.920
resources, So don't lie about it. You know, I love the women

329
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:44.160
they're more honest about it. You
know, those the ones on all those

330
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:48.000
sugar Daddy sites or whatever. They're
just like they're so honest. They're just

331
00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:49.559
like, this is a deal,
that's what I want. I don't know

332
00:23:49.640 --> 00:23:55.359
because there is so much deception that
goes on. Now, when we come

333
00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:57.799
back, I want to talk about
why it was so easy to try to

334
00:23:57.839 --> 00:24:03.000
gas lighter. You heard talk about
you know, he tried to say you

335
00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:04.160
know, and I didn't know what
to think. He said he didn't steal

336
00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:07.799
them, and this and that and
she was trying to So I want to

337
00:24:07.839 --> 00:24:12.559
talk about gender differences and emotions.
Why it's easier to gaslight a woman than

338
00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:18.680
a man, and who has more
empathy and who has more guilt. We'll

339
00:24:18.680 --> 00:24:21.519
talk about this when we come back. You are listening to The Doctor Wendy

340
00:24:21.559 --> 00:24:25.799
Walsh Show and kf I AM six
forty but live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

341
00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:32.400
You're listening to kf I AM six
forty on demand KFI AM six forty.

342
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:34.680
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh

343
00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:38.000
Show. I'd like to welcome my
Instagram audience. If you'd like to come

344
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:41.920
onto the studio and see what we
do here. There's producer Kayla over there.

345
00:24:41.960 --> 00:24:49.200
Look say say hi Instagram, there's
Kayla. Then just log onto Instagram

346
00:24:49.200 --> 00:24:52.359
and my account which is at doctor
Wendy Walsh. All right, we were

347
00:24:52.400 --> 00:25:00.279
talking about the Tabby tinder thief in
New York and how he had two days

348
00:25:00.279 --> 00:25:03.680
with this young woman, they had
sex, and the next morning he stole

349
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:11.359
her very expensive Tabby designer shoes,
and how when she contacted him later,

350
00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:15.759
he tried to gaslight her and tried
to say no, I couldn't have steal

351
00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:18.240
even though she knows that was the
only person in her apartment. They were

352
00:25:18.279 --> 00:25:22.160
talking about shoes, et cetera.
So I want to talk about some gender

353
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:27.160
differences and why women are easier to
gaslight according to science, not all women,

354
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:34.559
but some, and also why men
may not feel as much empathy or

355
00:25:34.680 --> 00:25:37.480
feelings of guilt as women. Now, I have to give you a disclaimer

356
00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:45.759
first that it's not fair to make
any kind of sweeping generalizations about any gender,

357
00:25:47.319 --> 00:25:52.880
because we have the widest range of
gender expression of gender at all in

358
00:25:52.920 --> 00:25:56.319
our species. So you're going to
find, for instance, within the male

359
00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:00.319
species, male species, the human
species, the male gender, you're going

360
00:26:00.359 --> 00:26:06.519
to find men who are loving and
caregiving and compassionate and motivated by guilt to

361
00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:10.559
do the right thing. And you're
going to find cold, callous men and

362
00:26:10.759 --> 00:26:15.400
everything in between. And the same
thing about women. However, there's also

363
00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:22.000
a research that points to certain trends
in certain areas. Right there are sex

364
00:26:22.200 --> 00:26:27.039
brain differences, physiological differences in the
brains of male and female. So let's

365
00:26:27.079 --> 00:26:32.319
talk first of all about empathy.
You all know what empathy is. It's

366
00:26:32.359 --> 00:26:40.599
the ability to understand and actually share
in the external state of somebody else.

367
00:26:40.759 --> 00:26:45.519
Right, Well, there's resources show
that women are so much better at reading

368
00:26:45.559 --> 00:26:48.440
faces and having empathy than men are. I can't tell you how many times

369
00:26:48.839 --> 00:26:52.640
I've been with a man and I've
had to explain what's going on socially by

370
00:26:52.680 --> 00:26:56.480
what I'm seeing around me. I
don't even have to see the words out

371
00:26:56.519 --> 00:26:59.400
of their mouth. I could see
what's going on, right, And they're

372
00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:02.839
like, how did you know that? Like I'm a magic mind reader.

373
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:04.960
I'm like, you didn't see the
looks she just gave him. You didn't

374
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:11.880
see what that was? Right?
They can't read They can't read faces like

375
00:27:11.920 --> 00:27:17.440
we can read faces. Here's what's
really interesting on the research on empathy.

376
00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:22.920
Empathy is observed in all kinds of
animals, but most of all in animals

377
00:27:22.960 --> 00:27:26.440
that have what we call prolonged parental
care and humans tend to have some of

378
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:30.119
the longest like we don't you know, if you're a horse, you're up

379
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:33.960
and running with the herd. If
you're a cult cult you're up and running

380
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:38.359
with the herd a few hours after
birth. But if you're a human,

381
00:27:38.519 --> 00:27:41.640
we don't let you run with the
herd. We call that kindergarten until like

382
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:45.119
five years. So there's this big, long nurturing phase, and we need

383
00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:48.960
to have a lot of empathy,
especially for a pre verbal infant. So

384
00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:53.319
that's why we've had it. Now
here's one of the reasons women can more

385
00:27:53.400 --> 00:28:00.720
easily be gasolt. In one study, females compared to males reported greater sceptibility

386
00:28:00.839 --> 00:28:07.640
to emotional contagion think about it,
and displayed more overt signs of contagion in

387
00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:11.839
semi naturalistic setting. Basically, here's
what happens. Feelings are contagious, right,

388
00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:18.960
completely contagious. We get them from
each other, but women are because

389
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:23.759
of our empathy, are more easily
misled by those great actors. And I

390
00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:29.079
mentioned earlier that human mating strategy can
be very treacherous and involve a lot of

391
00:28:29.079 --> 00:28:33.240
deception. And it's women's job.
It's your job because you're protecting your eggs

392
00:28:33.240 --> 00:28:37.599
in your bloodstream. And you know, you don't want to catch an eighteen

393
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:41.200
year case apparenthood unless you want to
catch that eighteen year case apparenthood, right,

394
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:45.400
And so as a result, women
have to be very, very very

395
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:49.559
cautious. Here's another interesting thing.
You know how we mimic each other.

396
00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:53.400
Have you ever noticed, Kayla,
Maybe you're out with someone and they do

397
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:56.400
like that, and then you do
like that, and they do like that,

398
00:28:56.519 --> 00:29:00.200
and you do like that. We
kind of copy. Yeah. Well,

399
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:03.039
actually that's one way that people indicate
they like each other on the dating

400
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:07.880
table, at the dating table,
because they mimic each other. But it

401
00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:12.680
turns out women are better at it
than men. Again, mimicking women also,

402
00:29:12.759 --> 00:29:15.880
according to science, not all women. Remember, they're cold, callous

403
00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:21.400
women who have very little empathy.
I just saw Oppenheimer last night. Oh

404
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:25.279
my goodness. That mother did not
have a maternal instinct. We're talking about

405
00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:30.680
Oppenheimer's wife at all. Literally,
he comes home and the baby is crying

406
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:33.920
and screaming, the toddler, and
she's drunk at the table and he said,

407
00:29:33.960 --> 00:29:36.160
aren't you going to go to him? And she said, I've gone

408
00:29:36.160 --> 00:29:40.240
to him all day. I'm done
So what does Oppenheimer do Because he's a

409
00:29:40.279 --> 00:29:44.400
genius and he's not nurturing, he's
not one of those dads. He takes

410
00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:48.319
the baby to toddler to his friend's
house and says, can you keep him

411
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:52.319
like for a while? All I
remember from the movie is that his name

412
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:56.880
was Peter, And as soon as
I came out, I googled where is

413
00:29:56.920 --> 00:30:00.160
Peter Oppenheimer? Now? Is he? Okay? No, he's living on

414
00:30:00.200 --> 00:30:03.240
his dad's ranch in New Mexico and
he's filled with all kinds of anxiety and

415
00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:08.000
mental health problems. At least it's
still alive. He still love. Yeah,

416
00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:15.480
okay, back to women more,
except for the women in that movie.

417
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:22.359
Most women have a sensitivity to others
pain, and we have more consolatory

418
00:30:22.440 --> 00:30:26.880
behavior, So if somebody is distressed, we're more likely to go, oh,

419
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:30.480
it's going to be okay. Think
about it. Women organize themselves in

420
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:37.000
a circle. Men organize themselves in
a competitive ladder socially, right, When

421
00:30:37.279 --> 00:30:40.759
when a man walks into a room
and there's a bunch of other dudes there,

422
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:44.160
you don't know it, ladies,
but what he's thinking is okay,

423
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:47.839
who who Who's more alpha here?
Who am I following, Where do I

424
00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:49.920
fit on this ladder? If something
goes down? Here? The dangerous?

425
00:30:49.920 --> 00:30:52.799
Who's got my back? What's the
deal? They're lying in themselves up on

426
00:30:52.839 --> 00:30:57.200
a ladder. Women are all like
you look good in those genes. We

427
00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.279
we will be so nice to every
other woman we possibly can be, because

428
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:07.799
in our anthropological past and maybe even
today, we need childcare. We need

429
00:31:07.839 --> 00:31:11.559
those other women in our village to
help with that baby, not just hand

430
00:31:11.599 --> 00:31:15.599
it. Okay, so let's talk
a little bit about lying. A two

431
00:31:15.640 --> 00:31:19.160
thousand six study out of Stockholm found
that men, surprise, surprise, are

432
00:31:19.200 --> 00:31:23.039
significantly more likely than women to lie. Now, they do these tests and

433
00:31:23.079 --> 00:31:29.119
experiments where in order to get this, it's like a game they play,

434
00:31:29.160 --> 00:31:32.799
and in order to have monetary benefit
yourself, you have to deceive others.

435
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:34.920
And women are like, I don't
know what, I want to deceive them

436
00:31:36.039 --> 00:31:40.279
right, Men are like no,
no, no, no no. Also,

437
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:48.160
there's research to suggest that frequency of
deception is higher in men. Now

438
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:51.720
I want to stop. There's some
love. I have a boyfriend who's fabulous.

439
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:56.759
He is a loving, caregiving,
wonderful guy. He doesn't fall into

440
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:01.000
this category. But who's arguing with
the research slight majority, guys more frequency

441
00:32:01.200 --> 00:32:07.079
of deception. So, and let's
talk about guilt. You think of guilt

442
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:10.839
as being a really negative trait,
but guilt is super important for curbing your

443
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:15.799
animal instincts, for curbing your selfishness. You need to feel guilt and you

444
00:32:15.839 --> 00:32:22.279
need to be able to act on
it. So some people are more predisposed

445
00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:27.680
to feeling guilt than others. And
turns out women are more influenced by guilt

446
00:32:28.000 --> 00:32:30.640
than men are. Turns out men
can feel guilt and do the nasty anyway,

447
00:32:32.119 --> 00:32:38.799
do that bad thing anyway. All
these things happened to the poor girl

448
00:32:39.359 --> 00:32:45.200
on TikTok. Dude stool her Tabby's
well, the Internet attacked him, So

449
00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:50.599
all good. When we come back, my drive by makeshift relationship advice.

450
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:52.680
If you've got a relationship question,
I want you to give me a call.

451
00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:57.279
The number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four.

452
00:32:57.759 --> 00:33:01.519
That's one eight hundred five to zero
one KFI producer Kayla's going into the room

453
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:06.720
to start screening the calls right now, by Kayla, enjoy when we come

454
00:33:06.759 --> 00:33:08.839
back, I would love to weigh
in on your love life. You're listening

455
00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:13.920
to the doctor Wendy Walls Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're Live Everywhere

456
00:33:14.200 --> 00:33:17.359
on the iHeartRadio album kf I Am
six forty on demand