Hello, I'm Katie, I play val. We are an independent podcast,
so please consider joining us on Patreon and giving us a follow on Instagram and
Twitter at cbhpod. Thanks Could Have Been Heroes is a role playing game podcast
where six old friends adventure as six total strangers who, after missing their shots
at destiny, now get a second chance to make a mess of everything in
the lands below. You have one life, filled with love and pain and
strife, to walk the star and then lie down, sift within, and
join the crown. But if they should remember you, you'll live and love
and hurt anew and then the Ewes will number two. Another life, another
death. But if your story stands the test, another you might come to
be, And then the Ewes will number three. The cycles turn, and
times they change, and stories tend to rearrange. When one of you,
your own eye, spies, you may not even recognize, But separations not
always sure. A few have minds that merge and mangle. Memory stick,
and death's no cure, especially for those who tend to tangle using crude but
effective illusions. The nearly started a riot among the tower's defenders confronted the Briar,
which got an icy reception from Laveline's daughter, and Clementine filled Martin's head
full of nonsense about being a primal shifter god who could be anything or something
or whatever. I don't know. There's a lot going on in this tower.
The nearlys now press on to bring down the tower's magical defenses. All
right. Meanwhile, outside, Laveline's having a hard time. I think she's
probably just like in a bit of shock. The fire is crackling, you
know, the room is nice. Do you want to talk about it?
No? Oh, absolutely no. I need to keep a clear head for
the further treading of the tower. Yes, yes, of course we're not
done, right. I still don't have my daughter, and she's still trapped
here. Yes, and she's still about to be sacrificed to some ritual that
will, according to the Brier, which eliminate a third of all people.
Let's see, two thirds of all humans take the population. Yeah, and
that's about a third of all the Fari tall realms. Was it just humans?
Yeah? Just humans? Ars are gonna be okay, Yeah, ogs
would be fine. And like what about like manatees, well just like well,
no, chyme rights are fine. Yeah, because like we're not humans.
So literally, it's the hated kind. I think we're safe guys.
No, that's right, but that is about one third of all sentient humans,
which is about one third of all all people. I misunderstood. Same.
Yes, and we're not gonna let that happen. We are going to
stop the sacrifice of the world and also get my daughter back, or at
least get her out of here. Yes, that's what I said. Okay,
well it's not precisely what you said. What you say is get her
back. Yeah, yes, which is I hope that is what happens.
Yes, well, we just have to get her away from Briar Witch.
I mean, she's had a long time to she doesn't know what's so big
you can. I might be a dumb ass, but I don't get that.
Yeah, she's old. So Xanator would think about the standing stones that
were warped by glorious magic, the alteration. So those standing stones were stones
of stillness that the wishes used to like prolong their lives by slowing time down,
and they were warped and twisted, remember, and they were accelerating the
grass and trees around in the area through their life cycle. That's what the
standing stones were destroyed for and the witches growth. Accelerate her growth, get
her old enough, or what they're gonna have her do tonight. Select bottled
time like trapping time inside of the could be interesting because she seemed to know
her as her grandmother, and she talked and moved around. And I'm not
super smart about how people work, says the sentient tree person. But it
takes a while to teach you all that right, like to walk around and
say things. So she's lived those twelve years. Who knows what poisoned the
old nasty put in her head. That's why we have to get her away
and then we can Sorry, sorry, she doesn't know what she needs right
now. She's never had the chance to choose right, and we're gonna give
that to her. What she likes is that more diarrhea. Something hit that
we have got to stop. No, I mean, I mean, I'm
just kidding. It's totally fine about it, but a diary. So the
tower shakes. It sounds like something has struck the tower from outside. And
then there's another explosion like something has shaken the floor above. The floor shakes,
dust falls, particulates like loosen from the floorboards, or the ceiling boards.
That's probably good. Right, let's just draw some attention. Oh,
they can't be here already. We don't know how long we've been here.
And then it gets really hot. Goddamn dragon. The stones all around you
start to like heat up, and even the towers protective magic. The dragon
fire makes the room increase about six degrees just in a few seconds. This
is not good. We need to get the fuck out of here. And
then, Martin, I'm staggering out from the pantry. Do you have a
good chat seven heaven? Yeah? I get that. Yeah, all right?
Where are we going? What are we doing? To the next floor?
We gotta get isn't it the sixth floor where the ritual is? Top
floor? Top floor? Do we not know which floor that is? Gotta
keep going up and keep going up, and we are running out of time.
Kate, h is Clemente coming out of there? Uh? I don't
know. She's she'll be fine where she is. Let's go, let's h
we might need another shape shifter. Yeah, she was really helpful. She'll
she'll catch up if she needs to catch up. I smell pineapple. No,
this is this is this is Martin. She just I don't know.
She's she's I don't know if we can trust her. She's kind of trying
to like mind fuck me. Oh my god, is that your safe word?
Mind fuck? I totally thought you were making a calm joke. It's
the pineapple safe word. It was like a man though, what like I
thought you were. You were like insinuating that they had banged in the back
and you smell so sorry, Okay, all right, it's the safe word
right from earlier. I remember that. Now. Sorry, we've been joking
about diarrhea for three hours, but now it is disgusted. No, do
you guys know that thing about if you eat a lot of pineapple? Yes?
You know that joke, right, yes, okay, well that's what
that's the joke I thought you were making. That's fine, God, it's
fine. Just keep going without me. No relieving into her Hoodey, it's
just disappearing. Martin, Did you kill Clementine? No? No, she's
fine. She checked the closet. Check the closet. I'm in the closet.
No, you guys, I'm holy, it's empty. I'm serious.
I just don't know if she's on some kind of weird game. But we
should keep at the mission at hand, She's gone, Yeah, where is
she empty? Pal? I have no idea, but it trust me,
it's better that we don't have her. There's like a little hole burn in
the back. She was saying some weird stuff I don't think, like what
really on our side, Like stuff about like me being some sort of like
god of chaos and something about Senator's familiar or I don't know. See that's
so, Senator says Grisbell. And that's usually when a familiar shows up.
That's usually when a familiar comes crawling out of wherever pocket dimension it stays in
Grisbell. We look at my sleeves, there's no there's just a little bit
of fur in the pocket he normally sleeps in. Where did he go?
I don't know. I usually can feel him, like sometimes he runs away
to like go get snacks. I didn't feel him leave. Why would she
bring up his familiar in that conversation. I have no idea, Like what
did Clementine do? She didn't do anything. She just what is that behind
your ear? Holy ship? Is that is that fucking white fur? I
mean, yes, I what did Cirq kill Grisbel? No? No,
it seems like you've been in control of them. Yeah, yeah, no,
I know I would have known. Would you have what do you have?
What do I have? Would you have known? He's like completely gone,
you guys, yeah, trust me, like we got him stamped down.
No, no, no, no, Grisbel is gone. Like usually
if familiar like becomes attached to your the mages like soul. That's why Todd
was able to come back after eating some black curl pie. Can you bring
him back? I don't know. I mean, this is kind of a
mystically weird place. I'm sure he's around, Maybe he's outside. Maybe did
his forget behind your ear? I don't know. We sleep close to each
other. Girls say about my familiar. She just was like exactly as to
ask senator about where's Grisbel? What was the context? When did she say
that? She just said it like threateningly. I guess so she destroyed Grisbell.
Why would she do that? Doesn't make any sense. She just helped
us, right, That's I don't know. That's kind of why I'm saying,
like it's better that we move on without her and we just keep going
forward. Mh fuck, we are wasting time. Figure out Grisbel let's just
focus on what's in front of us and added to the list of things to
deal with later. This tower is horrible. They're trying to break our fucking
spirit before we get to them. We're not gonna let them right. Shove
it down and get in the elevator. Y'all. Well, unpacked that Gwenn
recognizes that we have to move forward and doesn't say anything, but all trust
in Martin is gone from Gwenn. Also Todd, like sur he didn't be
like Todd. Todd comes out of his where he was nesting, like in
the hat and ties a little like string around your finger. Don't let him
get me. I won't stay close. I will Okay, he ain't the
little fuzzy guy, didn't he? I think he did? Was it sirc
thought Cirque was inside his head? We don't know, but we can't deal
with that right now now. But you have to stay close. Don't fly
away. I don't leave my shoulder. I want not even for snacks.
Okay, I'll make sure you by the way here some sacks, they're good,
They're good. I'm sorry, but that's all. It's just very salty.
Okay, all right, everybody, this has been hard so far.
It's going to get harder. This is our moment, though, we have
to We knew it was going to be hard if being a hero was easy.
Blah blah blah everyone blah blah blah. So wow, focus, get
your shit together. Wow, it's beautiful. Yeah, don't let your distractions
get in the way, and let's move forward, all right. The door
opens in one of the closets in the back, and inside it's an enormous
stone elevator, another elevator, Grigory. Gregory shakes another strange key and fixes
it to a strange little lock, and he like knows the vibe is bad.
Yeah, he's just trying to be quiet and unseen. Yeah, And
the elevator shakes and starts to raise up up through this closet and then into
an enormous dark space and floor five. When the doors open on floor five,
there are dozens of gollums, twisted familiars, huge like bramble folk beasts.
There is even a small drake like kind of drag draconic shaped creature made
out of wood and twings of twigs and brambles, and they are all ripped
to pieces, exploded, burned, smashed, destroyed, pulled apart in this
long alley that goes back into the tower, and at the end of the
tower you see a huge, like sixty foot tall, rectangular door, and
through that you see a pulsing green emerald the size of a small cottage,
dangling on the ends of huge chains in an open expanse. In this corridor,
some sort of carnage took place, some sort of battle has left the
walls scarred with magic, has left the remains of the guardians of this this
floor pulled and pulped and smashed. That wants that emerald. It's the side
of a freaking small that just looks like swirling eyes. It looks at the
way back, it just goes a wow, Dan, wow, diet wow.
I'm gonna try to look around for clues to try to diagnose what did
happen, all right, So if you want to look for magical residue,
intellect checks, if you want to just observe the bodies for damage and like
how they were destroyed, cunning, can I do one of those? You
can do whichever you like. You're doing the intellect one, I'll do the
cunning one, yep. So or canised inquisitive twenty three. Nice, it's
twenty hit all right. So some of the creatures look like they were pulled
apart. You've seen similar injuries on things attacked by, like plants that have
lots of tentacles. Some of them were strangled. Some of the softer fleshield
creatures were strangled by like some sort of like heavy like almost like a rope
or something like knotted around their neck and then just their spine and windpipe.
Some of them were yeah, pulled apart. Some of them were smashed if
you were smashed up against the wall by something like something grabbed them by a
limb and just like flailed them against the wall. The magic here is also
incredibly impressive, like searing blasts of flame and lightning and like green fire.
And you recognize a couple of spells like in particular, but they're all cast
at this weird tilt, like they were cast in such a way to like
get around some sort of magical interference or like magical binding. So whoever did
this is quite a powerful or like adaptable spell caster. When finds embedded in
the neck of one of the individuals, a long, thin blonde hair embedded
in the wound, and you pull it up and keep pulling and keep pulling,
and the thread of gold is long longer, it's so long. It's
still going. Is it's still going? And you like follow it around a
corner and you pull and tug on it, and then you hear someone go
ow that hurts. I'm sorry, that's attached to my head? Would you
please? Would you please set that down? Yes? Of course, I'm
so sorry. No, that's all right. Oh are you you're here to
save me? I mean assist you? Yeah, I guess no. I
could really use some saving. That would be just great. Okay, why
don't you so? A tall, very tall, thin woman with fair skin,
beautiful features and the longest flowing gold hair you've ever seen, kind of
comes out of this like corridor to the side. She has the longest hair.
It trails away from her. It writhes like it's alive, and she
is slowly winding it up into like this elaborate knot on top of her head,
and as she does it like shortens and shorts. But there seems to
be no end to it. Ever, It just keeps coming. Hold on.
This takes a minute and there and loop. Could you pick that up?
You pick up just like a big like chunk of hair. Could you
fold that over the top of that one? Please? Thank you? And
then so and she flips her neck and it coils up into like the finishing
touch of the knot on top of her head. Did it say it looks
beautiful? Oh God, that is a real hassle. I can only imagine.
Hi. Hi, I'm Zell Hi, I wow, I'm Gwendolin.
Eventually includedly interesting. Are you aware you have a sacred curse on you?
Oh? Yes, well aware? Oh so they're trying to bloom the white
tree again? I guess so that would render you immune to the glorious is
control. Yeah, that's incredible. You're just what we need, all right,
we're heroes? Well sure, why not? It doesn't really matter what's
a hero anyway. Wow. No, sorry, that came off very condescending.
That is not what I'll go No, no, wait wait, no,
you're better than a hero. You're eh, you're I'm listening. You're
not formulaic. You're something that is original. You You think for yourself.
You're completely independent and you're new and the glorious powers can't work on you because
you are a chimera, a hodgepodge made of different pieces. Okay, I'll
stay. I really need your help because there is a huge, terrifying,
glorious in the next room and I can't fight it because every time I get
close to it, I can feel its pole starting to control my mind.
So I need you to Hi. Hello everyone, I'm Zelle. This is
Gwendolen. Have you met Gwendolyn yet? We're all very close. I'm sure
pleasure to meet you. This is Lovelyn. She's a queen and bird.
Oh, Queen Lovelyn of the Laudrador. Yes, I am familiar. This
is well she might be awarewolf. That cloak, Oh my gosh, she's
an ever going to believe it? They made a sacred out of that is
so wonderful. It is so nice to meet you. Yeah. Thanks,
I know that senatory. He's a zombie. He killed the whole town.
That's not true, he killed half a city doom of Yeah. Interesting,
that's nice. Now we're back your parents before they were unmade. She have
long haired is an absolute honor. I do as well, and I would
love to spend more time getting to know you and all of your strange quirks.
But there is a giant monster in the next room that I need you
to kill, and I need you to do it as quickly as possible.
I also need you to destroy that big green rock in there. Okay,
great, I want to whisper and aside, does she have long hair that
nobody else can hear? Keep an eye off for the one with the other
guy in his head. Oh, holy fucking shit, that's gross. Hi,
I'm Martin. You don't hear this? Yeah, she stares over at
him. I don't trust him. That seems wise. Okay, let's go
kill the monster. She whispers the word Janice under her under her lips.
Janice jeans Janus Genus Genesis. And then there's another thunderous blast from outside of
the tower and the whole tower shakes. So in the long, narrow,
canyon like hallway ahead of you dozens of destroyed gollums, their emerald hearts poking
out at jagged like you know, jagged shards. Destroyed briar men, and
even a some sort of massive multi headed thorn and briar hydra like creature have
been eviscerated by Zell's magic, and some of them actually constricted and crushed by
her long and snakelike hair which is now braided up. As you turn and
look back at her at the end of the at the corridor, she gives
you a little like like good luck storming the castle sort of wave because she
is not immune to the glorious is like overwhelming like all of corruption, So
fighting her could or fight. If she was to join in the fight,
she could become like basically infected or poisoned or mind controlled. H So that
leaves the group of you with Arbor Limb, Applejack, the tree like sister,
Slash Stappelganger, Slash whatever mystical infant in the corridor like by yourselves slowly,
you know, moving forward. Okay, So I've never fought alongside of
all of you, but I'm fairly big. I'm made of wood, and
so I'm just gonna be in front, if that's all right with all of
you, And I'm gonna just try and get hit as often as possible in
lieu of you guys getting hit. Does that make sense? Uh? Yeah,
I think I phrased that a bit off. I'm gonna try and get
hit as little as possible, but if one of you were to be hit,
I'm gonna try and have every me instead. Great, that's so kind
of you. Oh you're very welcome. Do you want backup? Oh?
I'm also formidable and what and what? And yet strangely, hey, sap
sisters be high five, but then our hands get stuck together. They stick,
and then they try again, and it just sounds like like like a
wood block, like someone just clacking above. Are we going to try to
actually kill Glorious? Because if so, then there's something else we need to
talk about. Oh right, why do we have to go? Yeah?
I have vague memories of how to do this. I think I got the
butterflies inside ready to go. Laveline, would you like to care to reprise
your right? Somebody else gets DIBs on that one to me immediately because you
didn't hesitate, you did? You did good a little. That's not how
we're choosing to remember. It was pretty Yeah, it seemed pretty reactive to
me. And I mean, you hit her six times, so get down
and he just started screaming Lizzy bored and Lizzy Borden shooting like shapes like stencils.
She's already dead. One of my all time favorites. Absolutely stop it,
I say that weekly. Yeah, but we might not actually need to
kill the glorious right, good point. Yeah, that big shiny She points
up at these massive, like gigantic, almost comically huge iron chains dangling from
the ceiling. There's an enormous uh ring that is like locked around this massive
emerald heart. The emerald heart is a boulder size. It's like the size
of my garage. It's huge. I was listening at home. It's the
size of a normal garage, the size of a normal garage. Rob has
four cars. Sorry, foreign, I have half a car. I have
my patre Robbie car two thousand and one Ford Focuses. We don't make enough
in Patreon for me to buy things from my car anyway. The the heart
is ginormous for a for an emerald, but normal for a garage. God
damn it. I suck at this now. Okay, now, now,
everything you like, say in size has to be in relation to a garage.
We have units of kathy, Now we have garage garage, standard garage
metrics or car holds what okay, car cooards I believe they call them.
Cars are Mo from Moe's Bar calls it a car hole. That's like where
you have a garage, but the walls I think so. Yeah, so
I've heard in Sunnier climbs. Thy god, damn it. Uh, this
is the garage content that you're craving. How would you hide all your garbage
from your neighbors. That's true, you don't have to hide your garbage from
the pilot up and get it, get it mounted, toilet, ended up
in the front yard. Uh. It's pronounced turlet if it's visible. Okay,
this is going great. So I'm just disassociated. This jump in this
right here is what you can't handle. We've heard your podcast. My god,
Yeah, we've heard your podcast. A rough night, y'all. Someone's
not yes, the garage content, absolutely not. So this massive iron ring
sits around the middle of the gigantic Emerald like a like a cinch or a
belt, and it just sort of dangles by that. It also has dozens
of other iron spikes sticking out of the side of it. I'm giving a
sort of a Frankenstein vibe, and the chains are holding it up and as
you sort of as you get closer, you can angle and you can see
the top of this room, which is a giant column with staircase staircase spiraling
around the entire its entirety. There are a few other platforms built into the
walls, and on those you can see these weird hunchbacked furry shaman looking like
they're covered in like feathers and dangling bones, and they have horns that are
curling off of the sides of their heads and and kind of spiraling. So
the fur and feathers, yeah, they have well, the feathers might be
decorative, but they also might be like growing out of them. It's hard
to tell because they're just an amalgam of like fur and feather and scales and
you know, other animal shapes. It's kind of hard to tell what is
an added like fetish and what is growing out of them. Naturally, they
basically look like big crazy muppets, like kind of picturing like the the Bridge
Guardian from Holy Crail. Answer me the questions, they're they do have that
vibe, Yeah, that each have like one logi eye and yeah, yeah
they're spakin or European swallow, I don't know. Each of them is sort
of humming in this very like crazy low like throat singing bass, so you're
getting there, like but in like you know, three parts swafting around the
room and they're they're channeling some sort of magical energy around around the heart.
But you don't see any signs of this this glorious that Zell was telling you
about, because it was her all along and then she's behind you. No,
I'm just okay, absolutely I believe. Can I make a perception check
to see if I was surprised? I think that just say it was Josh,
Were you surprised? Why roll for initiative? Keep just to keep it
orderly. Any notes on the floor like try range, Yeah, I think
there would be yeah, soap stone notes on the floor that say yeah,
range, battle ahead, guess the utmost obvious beware ambush uh first off,
behind one that just says like snakes snake, snake. Yeah. Do you
think dogs? I rolled it one nice? Give him a grim on his
initiative. Roll for your first turn you stand cross eyed and farting. Why
is it always Emerald? And then of course try finger No matter what,
did they beat me, just the way you beat Sarah and Applejacks death to
death with an act. By the way, every once in a while you
catch Arbor apple Jack like staring at you with the kind of like like suspicious
eyes. You guys can't have it both ways. I can't be the hero
who unleashed the martyr and also the betrayer. You can, you can,
absolutely can. This guy knows you're not the hero we want. You're the
hero we need, see Judas, Yeah, what if we don't actually need
to like defeat the glorious first? That just sacrificing the martyrs enough and Laveoline
wins initiative and just immediately happens to fancy. This is just like when my
sister helped me. So Laveline is up first, all right, Laveline leans
forward and you know, just stealthily starts to encroach on the space, her
eyes flicking back and forth. Would you please make a focus hidden difficulty shrewd
and instinctive sounds good? Fifteen fifteen all right, So as you start into
the room, something directly behind you, specifically like now like back into your
right and slightly behind your right ear. Colin first, it's he's making a
really making a meal out of it. I mean like he wants to win
an Emmy for this dasty Here we go again always anyways, all right,
so the arrow is knocked just behind your ear drawn tight in a composite bow
and a low growled voice. So like using this sightline of the like edge
of the doorway as like an ambush spot. You have hound's arrow like aimed
at the back of your head. He caught up with you. Finally there
you are, your God, Yeah, you're you'll be coming with me,
of course, don't make you sound. There are poisoned arrows aimed at all
your friends can see them. You your eyes like scan around and literally there's
a tiny little mouse climber ranger that's using one of the trolls as they'll have
laser Yeah, there's a red dot on the form like that. There's a
red dot on the throat of all of your friends, multiple red dots on
the throats of all of your friends from the laser pointers that they haven't solved
yet. I wave him to silence. O. She's gonna talk her way
out of this. I should consider yourself. Looky, I'm taking you with
me. You mean you're gonna try to take me with you? Wow?
Yeah, that's the plan. Got the most potent sleeping potion on record.
You don't have to be conscious for you to go home. Maybe that would
be for the best considering what Damn might have planned for you. So just
take a drink of this. You'll sleep, you'll never wake up again.
Maybe you'll outlive him, and I'll give you the antidote, and I will
send you back to your precious Baria before I take one step towards him.
Aweso, I understand that that makes sense. If I had any choice,
I certainly wouldn't ask you to. But you know what he'll do to my
friends and family if I don't bring you back. There's another crash from outside
the tower, and my god, he's close at hand. He brought a
whole army this far into the into the grim wood, hunting you. Thousands
of men are dying out there right now. I'm not the martyr hound.
I get that. I do. Nobody wants to be a sacrifice. I
want to do my winds of Heaven to try to blow especially like the little
mouse clim right away from his position with the bow and arrow. There's like
twelve little mouse came rights right. Well, there's one little mouse cime right,
and there's a bunch of everywhere there a bunch of never was more dense
animal. Now I see you thinking about attacking right there. But think about
a flurry of incredibly well aimed, poisonous arrows hitting all your friends. You
guys are okay with that, right? Yeah, he's a zombie. You're
Gonnai Wooden. I've been I've been traveling with the necromancer who made him.
Now we might be getting a little complicated here. How do your arrows do?
And would not? So good? All right, we're fine, but
saw shot does great? Okay, don't like the sound of that shipping a
bottle out? Let's go you habit shop that bottle fresh out? Fuck you
go to the spot in your inventory where your ship of the bottles are kept
and it's just a zero. Yeah, listen, they're there is something in
here that is not to be trifled with. Yeah me, Oh listen,
I have been following you for weeks. I have seen the wake of carnage
that you folks have left behind yourselves. Don't think I'm not intimidated. The
laughs, but yes, and also laughs. Now you just come along and
your friends can continue on doing whatever it is they're doing. Wow, do
I tell hell what to do? I don't have a plan. I should
have thought about that. Do you know what that thing in there is?
Don't start trying to give me this whole. We're on a much more important
mission, because the death of all my friends and family is more important to
me than whatever nonsense you're up to. Ken is kingdem is laying siege to
the tower, right, that's correct. And that garage sized emerald? Wow,
does seem to be about one garage worth of emerald? Yeah? Wow,
that's the tower's main defense, isn't it. And between us and knocking
that thing out? Is that? How did you describe it? Something not
to be trifled with. I just got a real bad feeling when I came
into this chamber. Yeah, well, we're made to kill those things.
Let us do it. Let us knock out the emerald. That'll lower the
defenses, it'll further Kingdom's goals, and we can and we can revisit,
revisit. You want me to give up this very well crafted drop I got
on all of you, by which I had to make a deal with the
Briar Witch to get. By the way, we should not have made fun
of her like we did. Oh, the pooping one somehow, Hound has
already heard of that. Yeah, I heard that She's called the ship and
witch rough stuff. Yeah, ships. That stuff spreads quickly. Literally,
no one can forget that once they see it. You know, I you'll
never let that down, whether they're paying her angle, Yeah, yeah,
you can't. You can't see your boss as intimidating after that. So you
what exactly you're saying? So we bring the Emerald down. Hell, once
that happens, people can transport into this building, yeah and out. Yep,
that's a disaster. It depends from whose perspective, just from the perspective
of chaos. This chaos, it's gonna be chaos. Doesn't Kingdom want to
take the tower? I think he just wants his wife back. That might
be all he wants, But what about the thousands of men dying for him.
He hasn't justified this invasion based only on his libido. No, that's
that's true. Well, I don't think he wants to. I think he
just wants to. Never mind, I don't If you attack us now,
he has no shot of taking the tower. If that gets back, it
completely undermines an entire war effort. That kind of thing can that kind of
thing can even sink a monarchy, then that'd be on you. Would everyone
please make a persona check watching hound, think of hound process that it's difficulty
for difficulty five? Why do you always choose the things that I don't have
strong part authoritative? Yeah? Pass? All right, wow, you guys
all pass. He's got face blindness. So this dog. So by the
way, I don't know if it's been a while since he's only shown up
in book ends so or no, that's not true. He was in that
one scene for a brief moment, uh, in the in the woods.
So this is a man sized dog with just floppy ears, brown fur,
long muzzle with kind of wobbly almost not quite bloodhound, but like almost bloodhound
like jowls. And he's got an arrow or a bow and arrow with those
like complicated like wheels at the top so it can like stay drawn forever,
and and like green sort of robin hood, you know, like clothing on
and these and apparently incredibly expressive eyebrows, so you can read his facial features
despite the fact that he is a dog, because when you say that can
sink a monarchy, relief, joy, happiness at the fall at like the
thought of DEM's monarchy falling like passes over his face. Listen, this attack
is I don't know what's gonna happen if that emerald gets broken. But what
I do know is that Damn is not likely to fall, and it'll be
me and mine and many others that suffer horrible deaths if I fail him.
And if he ever found out that I was even having a conversation with you
rather than dragging her in by the ear, I would be skinned and made
in living throw rug. Well, we've been recording in this conversation, so
it's exact eighteen. Fuck. Yeah, you've been recording this conversation. Yeah,
I have a yes, has a yakba that has like eternal memory.
What do you mean recording? You know when love each other? I know
what the word means. She means evidence and she grabs it. It's maroon.
She pushes the buttons. What are you holding yack? You don't have
yak she does? Why not? How dare you? Because that's how the
game works. You don't get to There are games that let you make from
like stuff. Hold on, give me just lawyer, lawyer, save me,
senator, save present the blowbok in that global case. Oh my god,
gosh, memory jar? Yeah, so we're gonna we're gonna memory jar.
Yeah, clear you're the one with the yakback. So I think I'm
gonna memory jar you you have been recording it? Sure, so Xenator,
with a flick of his hand, opens a crystalline witch glass jar siphons so
So falcants like blank like look on her face for a few seconds as her
memory of the last couple of minutes is siphoned out of her head into the
jar. What is there? What are you doing? Stop? Stop casting
or I will sho and you can see the like memory like glinting around in
there. Like I said, evidence, alright thatator, make a guard difficulty
five. Check the mouse has just trying to try to shoot the jar out
of your hand. Hey show me that thirteen five. All right, the
jar is struck by the by the arrow comes loose off his hand clatters to
the ground. You can hear a of the the glass just starting to fissure.
And now we have I'm gonna plug them all into the initiative order and
Lava leone, you actually have the highest initiative. It's still technically your turn.
You've been through it. No, I want to use my power.
I want to use a point of power for instigator because I'm right next to
this. I want to grab that with my cloak and okay, it's an
instigator, you go first, okay, so Val, it's your actually your
turn, yep. And I want to grab it with my cloak, okay,
and then just like hide it inside with the what's it called the red
swaddling yep. Okay, encounter over so a bell. Yeah. In an
insane burst of hyper speed. As it's tumbling through the air, there is
just this of the red of the of the red cloak that swoops up and
like an octopus, just like simons it away and then and then suddenly all
of the little all of the little red dots and radicals are all over Val
like looking for where where the jar is, but they can't find it.
It's like it's somewhere. Gave it back, gave it back. It's already
been teleported away to safe location through her magic cloak to it. And if
anything happens, it'll be released to the It will be released press four of
the top newspapers will be publishing this novel. Taking me down with You is
not going to make him go away. We're really good at kicking the candy
problem, you know, even if I fail. He's coming for you.
He's here because you brought him. I didn't bring him here. Queen Bevil
brought him here. The the dragon brought him here. An army brought him
here. Not going back, hound. There are only two things that happen.
Next you go back, or he dies and he is surrounded by an
army. Then we got a bring down the towers defenses. I guess he
dies. Then she does alackly kind of perks up at something that she'd never
actually thought of. Awesome, you never actually thought that. What if he
just what if I killed him? Just never seemed like an option. No
good, Well, I'm probably taste it all? A great song? What
a great song? Ship Josh? Just oh hell yeah, oh my lord,
Okay, he could come on, Marianne. He could die. He
it's not likely. He's probably got his protector with him. He's got a
whole army around him. He's not going to come into battle you know where
he'll be. Team up, help us take him down right now. All
l smell is that he stays outside in the But if but he knows you're
in here, and if the if he could, would he come running ride
in once? Say the Wizard's right. The wizard is right. The Wizard
is right. Shut up, dead man, they're living or speaking? Oh
my god, shut up. You hate him just as much as I do.
Yeah, he could die today, persona jack hidden difficulty come that wasn't
great, instinctive, empathetic and vengeful double vengeful us a point of helping for
me, plus a point of helping from the wizard. Double. He could
die today if that you, if that shield falls, he comes running right
in with a small group that could be teleported inside of the tower, A
very small group. Okay, Hella, I'll see you on the bridge,
and then he makes a gesture with his hands and they're all just gone,
like they dip back into Heidi spots and shadows and just vanish. Nice.
Look, we're good at this, queen, very queenly, turn into your
to your thief and your wizard queenly and then pulling it home. Good job.
A little bit of regicide would make this day just completely cherry. A
second, as he leaves, like she slumps down like to the floor and
is like shaking. Yeah, all of her feathers are bristled up, and
it's okay. Harbor just puts a hand on your shoulder. This could be
a good day after all. Take a pen it, but not to We
have to go one thing at a time. Hey maybe I'll die here.
That would be okay too. All right, So that was Lovelon's you can't
val jumped ahead of and then uh then love into her turn, all right,
Gwen. So the the like adrenaline starts to drop again, and now
you're just looking at this like boom boom of the giant emerald heart, the
three trolls and the staircase spiraling upwards into the like chains and glowing green.
I want to approached the trolls. The first one is on the ground floor
to your right. He's sitting on sort of like this altar like structure,
cross legged, and his like, you know, doing like strange hand gestures.
He looks like a bapfha met. So he looks kind of like a
bapfha met, like a statue or something, the way he's got his hands.
I'm gonna start talking to this troll and I love doing that. I
want to send Todd, discreetly, if possible, ahead to do some scouting.
So like you draw the trolls attention and then they're just like the two
of you go, yeah, like we know, and yeah, there's lots
of shadows because of all the chains. So he just slips around. Now
he's just this tiny little black nugget and hello, Hello, hello, Knockna,
I'm just not stop chat. Oh what happens if you stop chanting?
And weird? Oh the one with the diarrhea? Oh yeah, that's kind
of crazy, right, bad small tower. Yeah, man, that's funny.
That's a good joke. How long you been down here? Josh?
So long? Yeah? Do you like being down here? It's irrelevant whether
or not you like it. But you stop talking to me. You're making
it hard to concentrate. Oh what happens if you lose your concentration? Right?
Just starts to tickle it? Are you like have you ever like been
to like England people in the red outfits with the fuzzy hats, and they
like can't they can't smile even if you touch it, or you like one
of those? I'm sorry I couldn't hear you. Are you like one of
those? All right? All right, this sounds like, Oh I think
I could go for persona or cutting undertaking either. I mean, I think
my scores are the same either okay, okay, then right, like,
I don't say like cause I'm really not sure which one. I feel like
it could be either. That's fine. There are double checks. You can
do stuff that's like, I'm gonna do this a strength originally like, oh
okay, so if I'm using persona, then I want to call on brave
because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Wait wait, that's
ah, that would be that describes our whole season. I know, but
I've never encountered a troll before. And I'm just right there, poad,
well not this kind of trolle, this kind of troll, ye inquisitive because
I am just doing a child like what but then and then what? And
then what? And then what? And then I want to do to use
beauty to try and uh maybe coax a little more attention from live because yeah,
you're good at trying to get attention. I mean, you may hate
he likes he likes a hefty woman like I like that. That's double cleaves
Seen eleven twelve, squad Im eighteen very good, very funny. And as
he stops chanting an invisible glimmer around around the giant emerald heart disappears, and
you can see there are three panels, so it's like protective magic, like
surround like bubbles surrounding the You're welcome force field down. Hey, hey,
don't be dread. Have to concentrate. Why do you wait? Wait?
Wait wait wait wait wait wait. Okay, nothing that happened when you stopped.
We're all right here. Look around. Just take a deep breath.
Everything's fine, so you can get back to your chanting in a minute.
I just have some questions while while we're here. See nothing bad's happening right
right here? Where are the gourds? The gourds orts is a decorative gorge?
These Oh, the guards have thousands of dead guards in the hallway.
Uh, they're on lunch break. They gotta eat. What are you abated?
Yeah, they're in the union infant groups we chant. Oh you're fed
grubs while you't? Do you like grubs? Yes? Oh good, then
I'm glad they're taking would be nice variety. Well, I might have some
snacks here. You got some little tree argue you're the lunch lady. Yes,
I'm the ladi. Okay, so I'm gonna take where's my I should
have taken hand sleeping question. Should I give him either a bottle of alcohol
or an enchanted cake? Hm? Hmm cake? Wait? What's the cake?
Do I have no idea? That's fine now it's in your mystery pile.
Well we know rap I took from Mollie Merrow's house. Oh gosh,
oh we know what alcohol does? This could make him like into super guard.
I'll give the booze. Yeah, hey, you give him the cake?
All him choice. Okay, I have two options. Cake o shoogy.
He just takes the whole cake, opens his massive underslung jaw, places
it in, and then slowly like a hydraulic press, just closes his mouth
like squish in among his teeth. That's so nice. Do you think your
other friends might want some cakes? Or you don't? Do you think I
shouldn't bother that? God? And then you can you can see his skin
is starting to like crinkle a little bit. He's starting to sort of raisin
up a little bit, like he's drying out. And then he just goes
still, and you hear as he sort of dries out and turns to stone
him, kill him. Why. I guess that takes care of that one
panel of the forest field in this Senator, do you know what happened?
You know? Magic Key turned a stone. Nice, that's the result.
What's the cause. The alcohol gave him cake to give the alcohol, and
we gave him cake. The cake, all right, and then turns over.
I hold something huge and green, big around as a mighty oak and
long and swinging, comes hurtling at Gwen and hits the troll. Rock,
dust and blood spray all over her face. And the tail of an enormous
snake snaps through the troll and comes for your body. Please make a guard
difficulty eight. Check well I rolled twenty one. Oh shit, fucking somehow
even this incredible lightning fast tail snap. It's a very matrix, cuts through
the older size troll, destroys the altar that it's on, cracks the stone
floor like like a little canyon under the ground. The sound is so loud
that it actually like knocks all of your hair and oats back. But when
the dust clears, Gwen is cartwheeling, cart wheeling away. Okay, Elden
rang the alban Arx cartwheels. You guys, we'll know what I'm talking about.
Gwen cartwheeling, cart wheeling away danger. And then out of the gloomy
green us. I mean, I don't even it's hard to tell even how
long. Coils and coils of serpent appear around the spiral staircase of the top
the tower, and a huge viper's face this big across across like a kathy
and a half across so and very normal tight yeah like no, like like
well, yeah, like a normal person tall. I mean the head,
the head would would fill a garage about yeah, about halfway huge pit viper's
face dangles down from among the chains in the ceiling, and then it splits
in the middle and opens. Huge rows and rows of fangs intermingled with human
teeth appear, and a face pushes out from the green from the from inside
the green scales, a soft, pink, fleshy face with a tongue like
that that like gross, like serpent's tongue, and venom sacks everywhere, and
then the tongue walls out and the face forms up. An eye is open
in it, and it is eledus face staring down at you from among the
We can't get away from her crash, and it is Martin Stern. I
think I am I'm gonna try to serve as a distraction for uh elieda.
And to do that, I think of the natural prey of a serpent,
and I'm going to turn into a just a giant fucking mouse. Oh wow,
so you guys can can go and all right, so plump he plumps
up first, sprouts out of his body. His clothes disappear, and for
a moment there's a half nude or half mouse, half man, and then
there's a whole nude. Well I mean all right, sorry, that's a
ninety three. Here we go. Just a huge, plump, juice looking
mouse pops into existence. Guys, Oh boy, season this is they have
guns. This is legally different from from any kind of anything bliky bous run.
All right, so it is effectively taunted. The snake's eyes snapped onto
you. Alright, so it's taunted. It won't target anyone else at the
expense of not targeting Martin. All right, Senator, I'm gonna has jealous
flames on Mickey Martinet. There his hands and fire appears around around Mickey Martin.
And I'm going to pay the control toll and activate uh what else?
We never write the rule book down in a publishable fashion. People are gonna
be like, fucking what the hell is a control toll? You're going to
explain it in the book. And then I'm gonna activate. I'm also gonna
activate four songs, but I'm gonna just gonna drop the bottom roll right,
and then the other one. And I did roll a ten, so I
got the top one activates pure so it's a deals with ten additional burn damage.
So basically this gives him like a flame shield and when if she attacks
him, she's gonna get burned. And this is the damage of that significantly
nice. And then it also activates purifying fire, so the flames burn away
freezing, melting or putrefied conditions. But I doubt you have any of those
at this moment, right, You just might have melting before you know it.
All right, And then I'm going to move. I want to go
up by where Gwynn is. Great, so you run up to the like
pile of rubble that used to be that troll. Okay, so now is
Vale again because you move your initiative to the front. Yeah, all right,
Ellida is glowering down. Her poison glands are beginning to swarm and swabble,
and neither of those words are correct, but they're starting to swell and
and drip on the stone, and the stone is dissolving underneath the acid.
How much damage do we have to do to these trolls too? Oh you
want to know? I want to I guess, so I'll target the defense
there. About how much much health they have? Yeah, alright, so
you want to analyze enemy you want to use? Sure? All right?
They have about uh about eighty health each. They're strong, but they are
emaciated a little bit on you. I thought it was gonna be higher.
I'm just gonna be I'm gonna shoot shoot a boring ass regular arrow. I
have some cool arrows, but you're not gonna shoot one of them. No,
because like we're an eighty HP situation, we don't need got it?
They do? Where to be male? If that's they only have eighty,
like they have eighty eighty Like I'm not eighty saying. They just take a
dramatic and they distracked the ship out of whoever they hit. They shoot,
the arrow shoots out towards its prey with incredible accuracy, and then veers off
and play wordled a man to get off the world. I'm not on word
no, I know, but I I saw you going to where I want
to. I'm not going to get off of word nowhere. No, stop
trying to get word all right? Yeah, somebody used to witch hair at
the one that Martin is next to, or the high up one at the
top of the tower. That's going to be a long shot. But you
do have long shot on that bow. Yeah, that's that's long shot,
all right. She drops to a knee, pulls it down like who's the
guy who shot Apollo? Like, pulls the arrow down and the Apollo stands
and then fires it off and it rockets all the way to the top of
the tower. So that guard is going to be from five to sixty seven.
It's gonna be seven because of the distance. Nineteen satisfying tank off of
the microphone? Is that a crit? Are do you? I think you
have expanded? You do? What? Do you totally? Do you?
I think you cred on a nineteen and twenty? Sure? Yeah? No,
no, right when you're right, you're right. Hey, you're the
boss rebel and red you create on A nineteen to twenty with range, attacks
your kriits with tap not still can't roll twenty? No, we can't just
in the future. Your critical hit with your dagger is now on eighteen to
twenty all right, so the era whizzes out the troll, so it has
gone directly to his left eye. Would can you give me the damage in
types? Please? Sure? Can? That will be twenty thousand? Oh
sorry, twenty piers twenty piers damage and it is doubled because oh h do
you how much power do you have? I have six power? You've got
the power? Darn, darn, darn uh okay, so twenty doubled is
forty path checks out plus six power is another thirty great, so it hits
him for seventy fantastic, So it hits him in the eye and just an
insane amount of control. Blood is now missing down from the top of the
tower. He has just sl sliver of life force remaining in his body as
he desperately like clings to the side of the u of his his altar,
trying to maintain his chant. You'd love to see it. Have you been
practicing? I've never seen you good without trying. And it feels great when
you think. When you think about that, you suddenly in your mind you
see a world made of white mist and white stone and a coiled white tree
that has grown much larger as you've been adventuring. The branch wrapped in red
cloth, that is Val has stretched out and put out red leaves that look
like little knives and arrows in all directions. Because you guys leveled up a
bunch. So so yeah, when just when you think about it, am
I better? Yeah? I'm better. I'm stronger the sake of curse and
and me are much more more powerful. Weird situation to be thriving in.
I'm not gonna lie, but I'm feeling good. Let the curse wash over
you. Yeahs fucking spoken like a true moon witch. All right. So
Val, okay, So I'm gonna and try to finish off the one that
Val just hit. Yeah, he's like clinging to the side of the all
her like eighty feet up in the air. All right, So his and
I want to move at least three spaces first. So she dances in side,
pirouettes, aims upwards. It's a long shot. So it's seven guard
seven again, all right, So no brutal all right. By the way,
that was just a normal arrow. Yeah you didn't say I know,
I just know. I think you're pulling one over on me. No,
I legit am saving them for I know someone else. I bet, I
know. I can't imagine who that was. I can't imagine what you would
be saving your most deadly weapons for. All right, So the arrow is
just just at the end of its arc. It doesn't have enough speed to
penetrate deep enough into the troll's hide, even though it like thumps into it.
Okay, so Laveline, so you moved. Did you have any other
actions to pull? All right? And when? Okay, I want to
go after the third troll, the one up in the air. Todd has
been fluttering around in the rafters, so he is in position right behind the
third troll. Okay, I'm going to cast give me the juice. Yeah,
I want to. I was gonna say, I think I want to
empower him, all right and let him do stuff great, So you spend
one power to empower to empower Todd. There is a crickle and a crack,
snake tails bursting out of his back, his mouth growing long and wide
like scissor scimitars. Mighty Todd the Destroyer emerges from the shadows behind the troll
up there, and he and says Gwenda and said to the gods, yeah,
all right, so roll a percentage check for his attack. I want
her to know it was me watching that seems that one and the other one
looks like it. Where's my other? I had it out seeing Todd Senator
like kind of hopefully checks his his sleeve. I'm so sorry, that's not
I want to roll a low right no thirty eight. So he misses on
a one to thirty five, it's for fifteen damage on a thirty six through
ninety four. And I believe this is plus Harry, Yes, plus Harry.
This will not matter though, as he has gone over his health limit.
So so all you see, all you hear is graded incentivey gods.
And then the troll plummeting from and then just like a like an overripe coconut,
I killed him again, No, not control was sorry the troll plumbing
didn't make that. I'm sorry. I thought it was pretty clear. That's
the troll number two. Yeah, two trolls. So now another glimmering like
bubble around the emerald disappears. You like you all food, no part crawn?
Okay, alright, so gwhen so you empowered familiar which is a offensive
defense. Holy ship, I didn't do something else. Yeah, you still
got moves. I'm going to target the glorious Great and I'm gonna go ahead
and try to burn lightning that you know, how right is seven ship?
You guys are on fire, all right? So leading into that witch thing,
I know, damage is damage is uh ten plus will and it is
shock damage to roll my mutation, which this could ruin it. But let's
see conductive the lightning bursts out around your body as you channel it for deal
ten shock damage to any enemies of your choice who are adjacent to you.
If cast targeting plant ma andah blah blah blah. Gotcha. So I don't
know where exactly I am? Am I near the third troll? Can I?
No? No, he's way up in the a's That one's up,
Well, you're nearest corpse because it fell down to the ground next to you.
But yeah, is there okay? So that one, the second one
is up on a platform like up in the air above you can so I
don't have any enemies here that one. Yeah, we just will skip that,
okay, So that deals I just look really cool. Eighteen times two
thirty six plus your power which is oh sorry, eighteen times two. She
has ten shock of vulnerability, so that is so that's twenty more so that's
fifty six powers too, so that's sixty six. Who that is quite a
little blast there, all right. A crackle of brilliant green lightning erupts from
Gwen's fingertips, and then you can't tell where the green lightning and the green
emeralds of the snake begin, and it writes its whole body like shaking and
sputtering stor you did it kill? God? Yeah, they were gross.
Let's taunt the snake already, which is why it's which is actually what its
turn is now. So alright, it opens its mouth and releases its hate
and bile, which sprays out of the pink Elda faces, eyes and mouth,
and the poison glands all around it, and it absolutely coats the platform
that Martin is standing on. So I'm gonna need you to make three grit
checks, and then would would you also make three grip checks for the trolls
standing next to you. They are difficulty five each uh well, fail fail
and then a fifteen fifteen that's ten or that's a success all right, fail
failed, nail fail fail nail for it is uh so it is three spirit
damage on a fail. Oh, and it is one body damage on a
success. Okay, So I am depleted on spirit? Is it at zero
or below zero? At zero? Okay, that's that's You're still good.
You get essence broken below zero and then body, yeah, okay, then
body and then now for the troll. Okay, he has a on grit
plus seven plus seven. Okay, that's a fail. That's a fail,
and that's a fail okay. So he oh wait, I'm sorry. I
was I was applying my own grid to it seven as great as seven,
So it's it's past past fail. Oh okay. You actually want him to
fail because you want him to get hurt, right right, So that's significantly
the worst result than it was at first, despite the fact that you look
happy. So sorry, buddy. Okay. So so he takes ten and
ten and thirty, so he takes fifty damage from that all told. So
yeah, fifty acid damage. He's neutral to acid, so he is just
coated to toe in acid. All of his fur burns off. He looks
just sort of like a naked chihuahua version of himself. We're good, Copron
Martin has also lost all of his fur and is now just a naked mouse.
Yeah, they literally have something called a naked mole rat and you're just
like he's like, he's like he's a mouse with no fur anymore. And
so it must be like a peanut. Like, well, peanuts are actually
a I think they're rabbits or mice that are born with a double double dwarf
jeene. They never get to grow up. They they just stay little pink
peanuts forever and then they pass like pretty quickly. They're really beautiful like little
animals, but they they die pretty quickly. And sorry, they're a thing.
It's called that look up, look up a peanut. The Yeah,
they're just for me. They're just don't ruin peanuts for me. Sorry,
I don't know why they call them that. I think probably just because of
what they look like. Peanut rabbit. A peanut never survives, Yeah,
it's fatal. Rarely will they live as long as two weeks and they usually
die in two to three days. But they're just they're Robbie's favorite animal,
you know, you know he's got a problem with Well, I hope they're
not hormone. Yeah, it is it's they have the dwarf rabbit Jean twice.
So it's just messes. You can't get on a podcast without a creepy,
sad person, Like you're on with me and I'm depressing, and you're
on with Lucy, who's a ghoul scared. We're in a necklace made out
of human teething, her own husband's gall bladder. Like she's it's like doll
stone, well a goall letters in her freezer. You're the constant here.
I know she's around yourself in somehow, somehow you did this to us.
Why why did they saved? Because why not? He took it out?
And she thinks she loves to practice black magic, so she wants to if
he ever crosses her, she wants something to curse him with. Maybe is
it really black man? She just likes to collect things. She's more like
a horror thing. She's a creepy, creepy creepy. Yeah, she's a
creepy creep person. Okay, So Ellida has done her first action and her
second action is to sort of coil around. So now her her tail is
in a circle around Gwen, Xenator and Graw because the three of you are
saying next to each other, all right and rattling dangerous fashion like a like
like a trap of some kind. Alright, So next up is Martin.
Oh, go, I'm gonna the troll with thirty life of eighty left like
turns and looks at you. Happened a little accident, No worries, I
gotta go by. Martin leaves well. I transforms into a smaller mouse and
I try to like distracted into like like, are there's still like acid pools?
Like where like can I get to try to like run into an acid
pool or something? There's acid all over the okay, the alter like,
Yeah, so I pictured the folder a sort of con cave in the middle,
A sort of concave in the middle. So yeah, there probably is
like a big upside down contact or god damn it. I do describe things
in really weird ways, like buy garages and Kathy's Yeah, so the two
of you are right next to basically like a pond full of like a coy
pond full of worth of acid. How big would you say this? COI
pond is like sixty Kathy ounces, Can I try to just push them?
Yes? Scurry around and watch your step. Look Okay, strength Jack,
isn't that in who framed Broader Rabbit? Watched that Last Step or something like
that? Ah? God, I don't know. I think so that movie
is so scary. It's not something you fuck around with. WHOA this guy?
So what? This guy, the troll shaman is just chanting for years
and then he's hit with acid, opens his eyes. A naked mouse rat
sits there and then goes, sorry, watch that stand and pushes him anywhere
at bat. Damn, dude, that's brutal. Ship can go on erratic
and weird. Yeah, you better ship. He's pretty strong, but you
know twenty we were looking for eighteen plus. The only sound the troll makes
when you push him into the acid is trolls didn't do anything like they're working
for the enemy. Yeah, we don't know how much autonomy they have devoted
the lateral damage. The first what I asked said he did not he was
not happy to be down here. Justifiable claudal damage. So he goes and
then just troll. That's more like a if you know anything about my character,
you know, I mean the character that I'm gonna have it, not
Martin but necessary evil. Ah. Nothing is scarier than Mickey mouse yelling in
German. So you shove, so you shove, shove him in and then
he disappears and then just troll bones float up, float up from the from
the puddle, and then the shield disappears around Not very nice, all right?
Is that it's our shields? Done? Shot? Damn I love it.
I'm gonna try to hit it with a spectral strikes using outer white staff.
So that's gonna be sacred crush damage. Yes, indeed, do I
make an attack one, Yes, you do, just like you're attacking her
with the saft. Yeah, I'm not attack I'm attacking the crystal law,
oh the crystal the Emerald got. So you're checking for chrits or chrit misses
Christmas? Basically I can't miss no fucking dude. What is happening? And
by the way, you think about how screwed I want us to have by
you, Elda has been all of her plots and schemes three in a row
doing fucking completely derailed like they were nothing by you. You should have stayed
in your fucking lot. Sucks to suck. Come for the king, you
best not miss. All right, that's that's gonna be a lot of damage
because it has ten ten sacred and fifteen crush vulnerability. So those are both
double to that's twenty and thirty. So it's fifty extra damage. So and
my my accumulated power will cone on this roll. Right, the damage and
vulnerabilities are doubled, and then the power is added. Now you don't double
your power, okay, So base damage is twelve alright, so twelve plus
fifty or so. So twenty four plus fifty is seventy four plus thirty five
plus thirty five. It's one hundred and seven. Yeah, so one hundred
and nine damage. As the Wizard thrusts his staff out and there is an
explosion of force around the middle of the emerald. Emerald dust expelled outwards like
a moth just got hit with a tennis racket. It's settling down on every
surface. A huge jagged crack has opened up in in the Emerald. And
then you hear out outside of the tower. Something strange starts to change,
swivels around, like snaps around, uh, like that one great shot of
beetlejuice, and you know, used to say, wow, what a blow.
So Ellen his head swivels around and she sees the emerald sees that it
is exposed and now sees that it has a massive fissure in the middle of
it. Okay, I got a little bit of turn left, great,
I'm going to careful move careful okay, so that I get to move half
to be but it can't trigger uh enemy response. Okay, are you going
to move over the uh try and get over? Okay. So the circle
so her tail or her body is so big it's like like a kafe across
and like shoe Kathy's tall. So so uh, you can't careful move over
like a ridge or like up like a jump. Okay. So, but
you can move like to the extremity, so as far to the outside,
as far away from the other two as possible. So yeah, you get
to the end and they're like again the flesh like like like uh shimmers dangerously
around you. All right, vow you're up, go go. So remember
you're coiled in a serpent serpent tail, which seems dangerous. All three trolls
are down and the emerald heart is exposed, the giant emerald snake glowering down
at you. Puddles of acids starting to spread across the room in multiple spots
like up just like all right, so I'm taking this bomb that we don't
know what it does for sure, you guys, it's Katie who did just
I think we should do a shout out just this bomb brought to you by
let me Oh yeah Swindler, Right, yeah, Kate Swindler. This bomb
it's been sitting in Valve's bag for many episodes, burning a powerful artifact hole
in And I'm sure, I'm sure her name is Apropos of Nothing, and
she definitely gave us the version of the bomb that does exactly what we want,
right so post you know, it's definitely helpful bomb out of out of
her pack. It has like interestingly, I think I remember describing it as
having like Mickey Mouse hands and feet like wow, like coming off of the
sides of it. And it's like little TikTok face. So it looks up
at you with a big smile and it's it's the arrow and hour or the
hour and minute hand making like a smile in the middle of the clock face,
and it looks so innocent. It would never betray you. God damn
it, I hate all right, good to me to us, Okay,
do the right thing. No matter what, we love you unconditionally. Listen,
tap under your way. I know, I know, We're gonna do
the damn thing. Okay, now let's fly. It does like a mighty
mouse like punch as it like aims up towards the fissure in the emerald.
So we go. Yeah, so we all right, you disappear into the
cloak, which is its range has been increased in ten so before it was
three. So she rockets up with a like incredible amount of speed and slams
into the side of the Emerald and then she does the like Spider Man like
like like a spread. Visually, I picture it hanging like a really fucked
up disc ball, and it's just like got this like totally. It has
chains and stuff dangling from the top of it swinging cool. So I'm just
gonna like shove So I take the bomb. I kissed it on the forehead,
be good, and then I like shove it down. And then for
some reason, it feels fitting that like that has been carrying around Sarah Marble,
I think let's just put that in there for good. Juju. Oh,
I love that calling card. Yeah, calling car These ones from to
the Glorious from Santa. Yeah, okay, uh from Sarah. Well,
she's a glorious now transformed out. I know she's a glorious I just swooping
down, not just anything. All right, Well, actually I think you.
I don't think you can swoop again because you so you're clinging to the
side of the Emerald the super good up here. Don't worry about me.
Guys, we may be very secure, so she could go up and get
them. But I do have a wolf's tale broom. Yeah, but I
don't know what you didn't have enough action? Yeah? Fair enough, that's
fair. Yeah, I'm a shooter. Okay, do you want to shoot
her in Elia's face or the Emerald serpent? Or do you want to do
a cold shot on something like an eye or a butthole? What's the Emerald
serpent? Just? Oh, I want to shoot that is Guard nine?
You were the old I'm also I don't know, I don't know if anything.
Now I want to stepsisters. Woll I do you think I keep stepsisters?
Who is an effect on Sparrow? Yes? I know which blind,
Yes, i know I'm trying. No, I'm I'm asking. Oh,
yes, I'm checking my mar it will take what's power and it adds an
eighty plus versus women, which I think she still counts as true. Yeah,
she does. She's still a female character. So I thought I had
to tell you before it hit. Yep. As you knock the arrow and
activate the Stepsister's woe ability, the arrow turns into a flock of sparrows lined
up ready to fly out of the bow. So sad it was nine.
So it's difficulty nine on the attack roll to hit her in the face.
That's a critical miss. In fact, it's a two. Oh I thought
it was one. It's normal normal, But I have also leveled up so
I can activate too now as well as what now? You can't call it
rue? All right? The sparrows hurdle out in the air, diving for
Elida's face, and then the snake hood around her face snap shut, and
just a puff of blood and feathers appears, and that attack is I hope
I'm getting all my bad luck out now because I have things I need to
do. All right, What do you got for anything else you want to
do? Get as far away from your three friends from the question zone.
It's your turn by a deadly emerald tail. You and Denatur are still in
the kill zone. Okay, I want to summon cast my tree friend and
summon the creekwood Strider nice to assist us. So you slice your hand and
flick blood onto the ground next to you. I'm paying one body of one
spirit, and a massive tree creature cracks and creaks up out of the ground
next to you, hopefully five Kathy's tall. He is, that's true.
We don't know yet. I haven't. I haven't cast him yet. Diesels
Yeah, fucking why? Also legally different from another Disney Press. What the
fuck don't they own anymore? My God twenty Jesus Christ. He comes towering
up out of the ground, extra bag, extra strong. He picks and
Gwen up in each of his hands and lifts them up out of the danger
zone. I wanted to just put us down so that he could still attack.
Yeah, he's gonna just toss you out of the ring, the tail
ring, and with two of his hands. He's got four grow he's got
grows extra arms. So he is going to attack on the tail on the
tail and I have to roll a percentage to see what he does because he's
using his splinter strike, and then I will roll his spell mutation Okay,
that's twenty six. One of those is an eight, so reroll that eight.
Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, so you want to reroll it
could be hotcast. Well just just the shape, it's way better. But
yeah, lucky, you're right. So splinter strike eighty seven percent, fifteen
pierce damage, seventy percent hobbled for one turn. Ooh and now I'm going
to roll the spell mutation and see what happens there. Zero is ten,
so loyal green the spell becomes permanent. Choose another mutation to resolve. Oh
shit, choose so you can make him cold fire or what was the only
one? Yeah, there's sentinel Oak emits protective magic and ally within three spaces.
I don't want to use that burn boughs. That's the fire heavy with
snow poison Oak. Strider is infected with zerulant water I think might do extra
damage to a snake. I would imagine cold would fuck it up. And
what are the Pokemon rules? Yeah, I'm I'm definitely triggering of the frost
Pine. The Strider is a frost prime pine, freezing to the touch and
dripping with icicles. Add fifteen frost damage to its attacks, and it's enormous
Christmas tree bursts out of the ground, carries the two of you. I
am so fucking badass with two of its arms. It lifts the wizards and
the Wizard and the Witch out of the ring of crushing death to safety.
Oh thank you, and puts hants sets you down on either side of it,
and then it slams its big icy hands into the things side. So
that's fifteen uh, and then another fifteen, so it's thirty cold damage plus
another twenty, so that's fifty or fifty five. I love that math.
And she's hobbled. That's especially a seventy, and she's got twenty five physical
resistance, So roll a D one hundred and roll fifty five or lower.
It feels especially appropriate given what she did to fifty years, what she did
to Holy shit, she was there for the Santa Claus murder. Oh my
god, Oh Nicholas colon quotation, get fucked Ellen, Yeah, what was
it? Twenty three? So she's hobbled, so it smashes into her.
It sends a ripple up and down her body, and the muscles that move
the snake are crippled, and now she can only move a little bit.
She would move two spaces on her next turn, and sounds like and we're
free wow, all right, So Ellen his turn, the crushing coil goes
off. It deals ten body damage to uh to anything inside of it.
So it's snaps shut and the oak is snapped in half, toppling over on
the top end, laughing all the while like just so happy to have died
in such a glorious fashion, all right. And then with her other turn
she hears of the ticking top clock bombs, baby bomb click, doing his
little dance, kicking down as fast as he can, and no, and
she turns, snaps her head out and bites into the side of the Emerald,
and then starts to pull and pry, and more cracks and fishers appear
in the side of it it, and she wrenches it loose of the ring
on that that the like cinch that it was in, and shakes it wildly
foul. Would you like to try to cling to the emerald or get hurt?
Or or do you want to let go? In which case you will
be hurdled loose, hurdled loose into a vat of acid? It? Possibly
can she allow herself to be hurdled loose while mounted on her broom, so
then she can control. No, you're gonna be thrown at incredibly high speed
into one of the walls of the tower, or you can try to cling
to it. Basically, do you want to try to fly off and control
your landing and not get hurt or do you want to try and cling to
it and not get thrown off? Is she in a classy that like I
could possibly cushion a fall if she gets flung? Yeah, your your turn
is next, actually, so maybe yeah, maybe, but this let go,
all right? Agility difficulty seven, chick, you are thrown This is
the probably the fastest you've ever moved. Picturesque of giant snake going like this
and flipping its neck to the side, and you are thrown off at like
one hundred and eighty miles an hour. No, one hundred exactly, It's
just a twelve, and I can add to it, right, Okay,
what did I say? Seven or eight? Seven? Difficulty seven? Said
seven? Yeah, okay, so shut up. Okay, my role negates
my role with seven, so it negates that. But my agility is an
eight, so you need to I just need to let's go Bold Wild Urban
Explorer alright, park that parkour, that parkour, alright, you swing it
through the air and you get that parkour and you uh cushion as much of
the velocity as you can. It's still a lot. So you take five
body damage instead of squeeze me instead of ten, and an affliction as well.
So you stop it, you but the momentum catches up with you.
Your bones feel all squishy, okay, okay, all right. So you
hit the wall and then gravity starts to carry you down and you are falling
right towards one of the bats of acid because that way the piles of acid
that she spit because I'm playing her tactically, and then she swings and swings
and swings. It just shakes it wildly, and the little guy you can
see him desperately trying to hold on to his spot in the fissure. Katy
is looking at me so angry, say it, I have to uses his
grip and flies out of the fissure and smashes into the wall all of his
cogs and we all spray out. Little oil comes out, and he starts
sliding down the wall, all right, And then Eleda's jaw unhinges and muscles
start to contract, and the huge emeralds Emerald starts to disappear inside of her
mouth. There's just a sliver of it left. By the time Martin takes
his turn. The guild Master winced visibly as Val hurtled towards the stone wall
with enough force to crack a giant's spine. He had been very careful to
keep emotion off his face. He knew every tiny nuance, even the normally
imperceptible movements of his aura, were being read carefully by Cabal. Watch them
matter, Eleb, the Herald of the Glorious, said, in that unsettlingly
silky voice of his, when we agreed to these terms for our battle,
you seemed ever so confident. You even seemed surprised I agreed, so sure
were you? The guild Master dawned again, his mask of cool observation and
indifference. You know very well things in the world above have shifted somewhat grotesquely
since the beginning of our contest. My calculation for a hopeful future has dimmed
somewhat. But I am still confident. The tree will bloom and bloom brightly.
Cabal's smile stretched to sickening proportions if you did not see how steep a
slope the mortals were standing on, you were not paying enough attention. Electricity
crackled behind them. The towering vortex that surrounded the palace aloft brimmed with static
Lightning snaked like hungry vipers through the storm. The light the flickerings shed illuminated
a face within the vortex, something watching, something vast and consumingly cruel.
It is often said that evil loses so many of the great conflicts because it
is in its nature to be cannibalistic, and the childlike face peering through the
storm a glorious that had betrayed its own kind. So complete was its selfish
lust to own creation, it would not share the spoils even with its siblings.
Cabal's master had done every bit as much to save the world below from
the glorious as the guild Master himself, or as Kingmaker, or even the
trial I will have them all, and none shall have them but me,
he had heard it say once. In a strange way. Its madness made
it trustworthy up to a point. You could genuinely count on it, as
long as you drew a line straight from where you were to it, gaining
control. The guild Master turned his eyes back down to the scrying pool.
A new age, a new kind of hero as it has ever been.
You do not deserve them, Cabal hissed, No, not likely, but
still they will come. The tree will bloom, and you and your master
will be pitched into the gray, cursing and howling. That is how these
stories end. The guild Master tried his very best to make it sound as
if he believed Thanks for listening to Could Have Been Heroes. Production and editing
by Aaron schoenrock theme song by Bo Hoover and cover art by me Robert Knutsen.
Could Have Been Heroes is an entirely independent podcast, so if you like
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