You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KF I AM six forty.
You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wells Show
and this is my drive by Makeshift relationship Advice. If you like to call
in, the number is one eight hundred five to zero one KFI. That's
one eight hundred five to zero, one five three four. Okay, Producer
Kayla, who do we have? We have y L with the question yea
L hi ya L. Hey, Wendy cl we're friends like we're friends because
I hired you from my food alogy walk years ago. I remember you have
children with severe food allergies. Yes, and I'm terrifying. I just signed
my divorce papers. So I need you to tell our people, our audience,
your audience, what is the type of therapy? Because I failed my
ex husband and I went to marriage non marriage therapy, and I thought it
was going to be something similar to what I had experienced before. A bit
after twenty seven year marriage, I want you to tell me what is the
type of therapy that you go through when you're meeting to have the type of
therapy where you go together and you go apart, but you go together and
you get the tools, so you go apart, right, So let me
explain the types of therapy. Her question for those who are watching on Instagram
is just going through a divorce. She's wondering what is the kind of therapy
where people go as a couple but then separately. So here's the thing about
couple's therapists. Their patient is the relationship. Their patient is not either of
the individuals. So a couple's therapist probably shouldn't be seeing any partner. And
they're also taught not to hold secrets, right because one'll call and go,
you know, I just don't bring it up, but I am. I
do have a mistress on the side, and I got to figure out what
I should do. You need to go. So I think two people individuals
need to have their own separate therapists so they can grow. There was a
word that you said, Yaelle, that bothered me, and it was the
word failed. I hate that word because you know, relationships, when till
death do us part was invented, death was pretty imminent, and I would
say that any marriage that lasted twenty seven years was a huge success. You
learn something about yourself, You outgrew it for different reasons. But there was
a time when there was love and there was a time where this relationship was
very much needed in both of your lives. So we have this idea that
if relationships don't last until the very last breath of our life, that somehow
they've failed. And I would say that you've you're coming out of a successful
relationship. You're in the uncomfortable awakening of new needs and new understanding for yourself.
You mentioned that you're an alanon, so you know you're learning how you
might have participated in some patterns that may have been I don't know, but
may have been unhealthy for you. And this is just an awakening, This
is just a truth telling that's happening, and then you get to go and
take care of yourself and find a healthy relationship. But as far as couple's
therapy go, I think that couples I think all kinds of whether it's cognitive
behavioral, whether it's psychoanalytic that, or whether it's just a spiritual counsel.
I mean, just going in there and being vulnerable and honest about your feelings.
The third party there calming you down is good. However, individuals if
they want to grow, might want to consider also having their own therapist.
I hope that answered your question. I hope I did. But thank you
for all the kind things you said. Yeah, very nice of you.
Oh okay, Producer Kayla, who do we have next to half? Perceeds
with the question percease? Hi? Perceeds? Hi, Doctor Randy, what's
your question? Have a coouestion? I first of all, thank you so
much for all this information you give it to us. I found out what
is my attachment and right now, twelve weeks I'm doing therapy for that.
Oh good. I dating. I'm dating a guy. He's very mentally Machel.
He's a very nice man with back, full key carrying. But five
weeks dating we went out just two times. But we're going out for some
stuff, like he bought a new house. He told me to get all
furniture, picky, every the color for the house. Everything we're doing like
a going gem, going to watch the sun seat. But I think he's
stingchy. He doesn't want to spend money, and I think that's what it
is. You think he's stingy. How much did he spend on furniture for
his house? Did he spend much or was he saying that's too expensive?
If you pointed to something, it was like middle not too cheap, not
too expensive like I did for my furniture, way more than he right,
Well, you know we all have a different psychology. Well, first of
all, what's your question? Could you sum it down to one question?
I want to see it? Should I continue? Like the way I read,
I'm a Persian girl, so always I date a Persian man. This
is the first time I'm dating someone is not from my country Persian man.
They're spending money. They take you out, you never pay for it any
day. You know all the ways they take it off everything. But this
is the first time I'm dating someone like a never going out like well,
that's the that's the you know less about the psychology of money. My red
flag goes where you've been seeing each other five weeks and you've only gone out
two times. So how have you been seeing each other for five weeks?
You're talking on the phone regularly? Are you texting regularly? We're talking on
We're talking on the phone, like Saturday morning, we're going just for a
walk. He asked me, do you want to go for a walk?
Do you want to go for four. It feels like he's not courting you.
He's not trying to impress you, right, I don't think because he
cooked for me three times with where he stept up very nice. Oh so
he cooked for you three times, but you've only took you out to dinner
twice. Okay, so you've seen each other more, gotcha? Yeah,
we think they've rather luck three times four times? So my question is are
you attracted to him? Is he sexy to you? Yes, he's a
very nice man. He's a very nice man. And then I but I
don't know. He's bothering me, kind of bothering me? Why he not
taking me out? Well, how I would like Let me reframe it for
you rather than you wondering and why why is he not spending money on you?
Why is he not courting you in a big way? He just wants
to go for walks and cook for you, et cetera. Instead, ask
yourself, what boundary do I have and what do I accept? In other
words, you may say to yourself, you know what, I don't care.
This guy is so good looking, and he seems so nice in mature
and he's so interested in me. I will put up with a different financial
because we're really talking about gender roles here, right, there's a downside to
being with a guy culturally who has very traditional gender roles in his head,
because you may not want those gender roles. So you might want to say
to yourself, well, you know, I'm going to put that aside because
there are all these other things that are so great, or you may say
to yourself, you know, it's a deal breaker for me. This is
not the way I was raised and this is something in my culture that is
important to me. And so then I would say, don't lead him on.
If your question is to try to understand, like why is he doing
this and how can I change him, that's the wrong way to deal with
it. Just figure out who you are and what you want. That's far
more important than understanding why he's doing it. You understand. Does that make
sense anyway? Thank you so much for calling. I appreciate it. All
right. Let me go to social media real quick because there are a bunch
of very interesting questions that are coming in and someone on my Instagram just now
posted the same question, which is would well the question on that was sent
in as DM earlier was would you date someone who's the miss of divorce.
Someone else said that they met an old flame, and that old flame is
in the middle of divorce. It is seeing them a lot, but they
feel a little uncomfortable, and I'm like, yeah, you should because you're
the rebound person. So here's the thing. It gets messy because when people
are going through a divorce, here's what they need. They need a new
attachment figure to help them get it through. They need a shoulder to lean
on, they need somebody to talk to about it. They need a best
friend and a lover or whatever to get their mojo back. But this may
not be the same person who's hunting for a long term relationship later. In
other words, when they're in the middle of a divorce, they're just treading
water wanting to grab onto any kind of life ring, and you might just
be the life ring at that moment. So I would say, if I
met somebody who was in the middle of divorce, is you know I wouldn't
like to be known as the other woman in any way. So I would
say to them, look, we can be friends, but we're gonna have
to have boundaries until your divorce is c because the other thing is There are
also these people in the middle of divorces that never really finish it because they're
getting everything they need from you. There's that, right, They're kind of
like, well, you know, if I actually complete that divorce, then
I'm gonna lose half my fortune. So this person is gonna sleep with me
anyway, so why not? Right, So I would say that, go
cautiously. If someone's in the middle of divorce, set up very clear boundaries.
I would not have sex with them. You're gonna end up in somebody's
divorce papers. They're gonna call in adultery. Honestly, don't have sex with
somebody who's in the middle of divorce. Just you know, if you want
to be their social support, if you want to be there arm pieced events
they're social person and their emotional support, fine, do that, but have
boundaries and be careful, be very careful, because what they want in the
short term might not be what they're looking for in the long term. That's
what I'm gonna say, All right, do we have time for one more?
Is there time? No? We have to go to break? All
right? When we can back? Ill caninue to take your calls and go
to social media the number is one eight hundred five to zero one KFI.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KFI
AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the
Doctor Wendy Wall Show. My drive by makeshift relationship advice continues. There are
so many dms on my social I know you guys are shy, so you
just type it in, so let me get to them right now. Dear
doctor Wendy, I'm looking for advice here. I'm currently dating a guy long
distance and I really like him and how he treats me, though we haven't
met in person yet. I'm gonna pause right there just to say that you're
not in a relationship. If you've never met somebody, it is a fantasy
in your head. I know you're like, yeah, but they text every
day, and you know what, you're in love with each other's projections.
That's what a psychologist would say if you go to a therapist that you're in
love with your own projections. You've projected on them who you think they are.
It's like reading a horoscope. You know, you can hand anybody any
horoscope and they go, yeah, yeah, that's me right. So,
however they behave you have a kind of confirmation bias in your brain when you're
dating somebody long distance, texting, relationship, whatever, and so you're bias
only looking for things that support your idea of your fantasy of him. And
then this person goes on to say, I feel comfortable with him to the
point I'm considering dropping my friend with benefits, Like I'm starting to get annoyed
whenever I talk to my friend with benefits. I would like to know your
take on this and any advice you may have. Well, a friend with
benefits is also not a secure, safe, trusting relationship. The fact that
it's a friend with benefits means that they're probably friends with other people with benefits,
and so you don't have a sense of security or commitment. If that's
what you're looking for. Depends what you're looking for, right. I think
that your long distance person who you've never met is giving you the emotional stuff
that you're not getting from your hookup friend, your friend with benefits, and
so you've compartmentalized two sides of a relationship. My advice get rid of the
friends with benefits. I'm just talking as a girlfriend here, get friend,
get rid of the friends with benefits, and find a guy in your own
town where you can have a full relationship with. I think you can do
it. Also, if this long distance guy's not like getting on a train,
plane, automobile and rushing to see you, you should dump them.
So remember a few weeks ago I had the author on from that book The
Rules, and she was saying, like, they have to make an effort
right and try hard. Otherwise, No, they're not interested. They want
to feel like they're getting a prize. Those guys, all right, Dear
doctor Wendy says this DM. What does it actually mean when a guy says
I'm not in a position to be romantic or date. It could mean a
million things, but it means run from him as fast as you can and
don't get any ideas. I'm not in a position to be romantic or date.
Could mean they're married, could mean they have a girlfriend on the side,
could mean they have an emotional avoidance problem. Could mean they just don't
like you. Whatever, it doesn't matter what it means. What it means
is, you know, when someone tells you something about themselves, believe them.
Funny that, huh, just believe them. It means you should not
hold any fantasies that he's going to change. Just move along. There's lots
of old fish in the sea. Okay. Someone asked me on a DM
on Instagram on this not a DM, what do you call it? A
comment on the when we were live last segment, if I would describe what
reciprocation looks like in the early stage of courting. Now, I want to
be very clear there are sex brain differences. While gender is a scale and
it is fluid, we do know that their biological sex brain differences and sperm
chases egg, not the reverse. So reciprocation should look like a guy trying
a little harder at the beginning, and if he's not move on, I
mean, he's got to really feel like he's getting a huge prize and he
has to work for it. So reciprocation, though, should be at least
responding to someone's text. If they take hours to respond, that's not good
reciprocation. If you're responding quickly. If you know, you suggest that they
go, you go out and do this activity. Then the next time it's
their turn to you look for like mirroring. Are they doing what you're doing?
If they're not, and you're doing all the work, whether it's the
emotional work, the communication work, the financial paying for work. If you're
doing everything and you're getting nothing back, that is not reciprocation. That is
when you should move along. Move along. Oh, this is a cute
one, okay, doctor Wendy. So I adopted a pop for the first
time ever. I don't know if she talks like this, I don't know
what I'm doing. So I signed up for private dog training classes. I
have had five so far, but the last two my homework has been terrible
because I have the biggest crush on my dog trainer. Oh, how cute
is that? I feel like a giddy teenager. I know I'm overdoing it,
but in the last class he called me by my first name. Before
that, we just went by the dog's name. What you go to dog
training class and you get called Fido? I'm so confused. And today,
like we had a moment when I was handing him my dog's leash, and
our hands kind of touched. I love it this. I feel so silly.
But he's so cute and seems like so much fun with his classes,
and I imagine probably in his personal life. He doesn't wear a wedding ring.
What should I do? You know what to do? You need to
flirt? Okay, first of all, there's nothing illegal about having a crush
on your dog training instructor. People meet in all kinds of situations. It's
not like you're in a workplace and he's your boss, right, So what
you need to do is what girls do so well, you need to batch
your eyelids and flip your hair over your shoulder and laugh at his jokes harder
than you normally would. But you don't say, hey, so are you
single? Would you like to go out sometime? Lady? No? Cool
it sperm chase's egg, not the reverse. Remember, So you need to
just turn on your feminine wiles and learn to flirt just a little bit.
And if he's not reciprocating, like if he starts to go like he's not
gonna say it out loud, but if you kind of like, ooh,
that's a little weird and starts giving you less attention after you've been doing the
flirting. Then you know, see, you got your message. It's all
done. You don't even have to embarrass yourself by having the conversation. Are
you single? Whatever, it's just all done, all right? Do we
have time for one more? I think no? Oh dear, there's some
good ones too, all right, we'll get to them next week. Hey,
when we come back. Signs that you're having a bad relationship with yourself,
I'll explain. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM
six forty We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM
six forty on demand KFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with
you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. You know, I've always
said the most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself.
And there are certain relationship patterns that you can have with yourself that are
negative and others that are positive. If I actually think that there are some
signs that you're having a toxic relationship with yourself, and I want to explain
it because you're like, what do you mean? You love yourself. Well,
I want to remind you that forgiving yourself is loving yourself. Keeping yourself
safe is loving yourself. Caring for the temple of which you reside inside your
body is loving yourself. And you know you've probably heard the saying, and
I've said a lot, you have to love yourself first before you can love
somebody else. One of the reasons is because if you're completely insecure and you
don't believe that you're lovable, then when that other person loves you and compliments
you, you're not going to believe them. You're going to be very mistrusting
because there's a critical voice inside your head that saysn't nah, I'm not that
great, right, And so self love is not about boasting or creating some
kind kind of fake personality outside. Self love is being able to put your
own oxygen mask on first, but give to others because you know you can,
because you have the confidence in the backbone. So there are some things
that people do that I think are signs that they're actually having a toxic relationship
with themselves. Here's one. You don't hold your own self accountable, so
when bad things happen, you blame people, places, and everything. Else,
you blame others for your misfortune. You never take responsibility for your life
to say, well, wait a second, I put myself in that situation.
You know. I have to say. If you've been following me a
long time, you know that when I was a young woman, I spent
years, decades in relationships with people who could not love me back, and
I stuck to them like glue. People who hurt me, abandoned me,
practice financial abuse with me, practice physical abuse with me, and I didn't
take responsibility for it. I lived in a place of blaming them for everything.
But you know what, I chose them. I chose them, and
I chose to stay. And when I got to that place working with my
therapist, and I went, oh it takes two to tango, I put
myself there. I'm going to be responsible for my happiness. I'm going to
choose someone who treats me well. That's called being accountable to yourself. Now,
this was something I did when I was in those bad relationships. One
way to have a toxic relationship with yourself is not honoring your own boundaries.
You know, I have a friend she's actually been in AA and been clean
and sober for go oh gosh, like twenty five years now, and I'm
very proud of her. And she told me a story once of the day
she knew it was time to enter rehab and join AA, and she said
she was getting ready to go out on a date. She was getting all
dressed up, and she looked in the mirror and she made a promise to
herself that she was not going to have sex with this first date, this
person. But she got drunk, she had sex with him without protection.
She woke up the next day worried about pregnancy or an STI and realized she'd
broken a promise to herself. She hadn't kept her own boundaries, and for
her, that was the turning point moment to go enough right. Here's another
example of how you might be having a toxic relationship with yourself. You're not
living out your purpose. Are you adjusting your life for everybody else? Because
you want to be liked by them, so you want to wear what they
think is the clothes to wear. You want to have the job that they
think is the job to have, and you're just trying to be this perfect
person for everybody you date, instead of you going who am I, what
is my purpose, What is my meaning on this planet. That's when you
know you're having a good relationship with yourself. Then let's say you're I mean
great example, Let's say you're going to law school at night and you meet
the greatest guy in the whole world. But he says, oh, I'm
out after the semester and when I'm moving somewhere, and you're like, okay,
well I'll just drop out of law school. I'll come see you.
Right, you're not living your purpose. Then that's what you're not doing.
Oh, this is a big one. And I used to have this all
the time. You can't take a compliment. Somebody compliments you and you make
a self deprecating joke about yourself, and that means you don't love yourself.
You know what I learned to say. I was walking the other night,
very funny. I was walking outside over to the pool area at my apartment
complex. Actually it was a very bad hair day for me. I'll just
say, I know that it's time to go to the pool when I have
dirty hair, because then I can wash it again afterwards. But if I
have good hair, I'm not kidding swimming pool, right, So you know
that if I'm walking to the pool, it's not a good hair day.
And as I'm walking to the pool, this sweet old gray haired lady looks
up at me and says, you have the most beautiful hair. Dear,
you just have the most beautiful hair. And you know what, I like.
I didn't have to think about it. I said, thank you so
much for telling me. That's so sweet of you, instead of, oh,
no, it's actually bad hair day. You should see when I do
it nice. You know, I didn't say that. I said thank you
for telling me because compared to her hair, mine was great. Their natural
curls are beautiful. If you had your curly mane, I know you were
young. I've been doing curly in a while, you know why. I
actually get more days out of blow dried straight hair. But the curly hair,
if I sleep on it the next day, it's a mess. Yeah,
and then I can't do it. And you try a bonnet. I
know. My girls got me into the bonnet. It's a little weird to
sleep in. It feels weird. You'll get used to it. Yeah.
Maybe. All right, here's another sign that maybe you're in a bad relationship
with yourself. You're a pessimist about everything, you know, if you're shooting
yourself down all your opportunities. I knew this guy once. He was a
poet. He was a super talented poet, had gone to an Ivy League
university, was amazing, and he never once sent one poem to any publication
anywhere. But what he did is he pointed out all the other writers who
never made money, were never successful, who wallpapered their bedroom with rejection letters.
He literally didn't even have the guts to send in and he was so
brilliant. You know, my favorite line is from Wayne Gretzky, hockey player
Canadian. You know he's our god over there. You miss one hundred percent
of the shots you don't take right. So if you're a pessimist and you
think you're going to lose, you will guaranteed. Here's a big one.
You're having a bad relationship with yourself if your coping style against stress is dangerous.
If you feel stressed and sometimes there are days where there are a cascade
of stressors, and if you turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, or
binge eating, you're not having a good relationship with yourself. Well, what
are you supposed to do when you get stressed? After Wendy. Okay,
well, I'll tell you I happened to have a very stressful day today.
I had a big computer crash and lost some very important files. I found
some other problems with all tech. You know, you're stuck on a computer,
and there were tech problems, techpile. And then I was paying bills,
and there were some problems with cash flow. And then my boyfriend said
something. I snapped out him. It was a cascade of nonsense, sounds
like I need a glass of wine, see But instead I got up and
said I need to go for a walk. And where was that lady complimenting
me on my hair today? She was not there. No, here's the
funniest thing. After my walk, I jumped in the car and I said,
I'm just going to go to Trader Joe's because if I have a full
fridge, I will feel stock to make good meals for the week and that'll
be healthy and whatever. I'll go get some vegetables and so well, you
know how all the cashiers at Trader Joe's are extroverts, and they're like,
how's your day going? And I go out It's okay, but I got
to go to work, and he goes, oh, what do you do?
And I know I have a radio show. He goes where I said,
Cafi. He goes, I'm a big Cafi listener. Are you doctor
Wendy Walsher? Am I own? No. Here we go right after my
bad day and my bad walk. Then he goes, I have a question
for you. He said, how come I've been married for many, many
years? My wife and I love each other, But how comes she could
be nice to people she barely knows? But and I said, you don't
even have to finish. We save the most sadistic parts of our personality for
those we love the most because we know they won't leave and they have to
baby us. All right, when we come back, I've got some help
for you. I have an author, Katie Silcox, who is the author
of the new book glow Worthy Practices for Awakening your Inner Light and loving yourself
as you are, broken, beautiful and sacred. That's me. Well,
hell, Katie, when we come back, you're listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walls showing KFI. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand mirror.
Oh no, why those Tom draws, Lush Summer South, a bag of
Crystal Ball. That's the baby issue. I'm shunning everybody wanna shine well like
his own, even out of the try shining leggad better than I just say.
I'm not a medicine lie payment. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywell Show
on k f I A M six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You know, I have done episodes before where I've talked about Remember I'm a
psychology a psychology I'm not. I am a professor of health psychology. And
one of the most interesting things about our health is that religiosity is highly correlated
with long life, better mental health, better physical health, and virtually any
religion doesn't matter what it is, and you could break it down, Oh
well, it's the community, it's the incense, it's the chanting that relaxes
people. They're all kinds of pieces that create religiosity, not just the doctrine.
You don't necessarily you can actually follow a religion and not believe it and
still get the health benefits. Just to let you know, but I was
really excited to bring on a woman who knows how certain forms of spirituality can
actually lead to better mental health and even stronger relationships. I like to welcome
Katie Silcock. She has a master's degree in Hinduism and I your Veda?
Did I say it right? Are your Veda? Katie Beda Silence? You're
known around the world for being a great teacher and mentor. Your books the
number one New York Times best selling Healthy, Happy, Sexy, Ay your
Veda Wisdom for Modern Women and new book coming Out glow Worthy Practices or Awakening
your Inner Light and loving yourself as you are? Okay, Katie Silcox.
The first thing I hear, because I'm all about science and concrete, literal
things, is what is an inner light? And what is you loving yourself?
Really? Well, it's dolphins and unicorns and bond bonds and all the
good things. Now, I you know, I most people don't know this,
But before artificial intelligence was even a thing, I studied AI and I
worked in AI, and I'm definitely a lover of science, and so I
completely understand the need to sort of understand and go into the woo wooness,
right, But really it's just it's that basic. You said the word.
You said the word religiosity, And I love that because if we study the
etymology of that word, we find religio is the exact same word as yoga,
which means to yoke or to unite. And this idea of an inner
light is that all of us are walking around with like this little secret and
that is, Oh, I feel alone, right, So we do,
and we long for connection. We long for a divine connection, We long
for friendship, We long for intimacy. And that inner light that glow,
if you will, comes from whether you believe in religion or not, as
you said at the top of the show, doesn't matter. You get that
when you are living the authenticity of who you really are, and it's intoxicating
and people want to be around it and it's beautiful. And what do you
mean by the authenticity? I mean, is it like literally getting rid of
our public face and our performance personality and only being real and raw and having
no boundaries. I'm confused. No, No, I'm so glad you asked,
Like, we all have a persona and it's beautiful and it's you're a
psychologist, you know this. It's a wonderful part of life that enables us
to play these roles that serve people. But what this really means is the
capacity to go in three hundred and sixty grease of our humanity. And so
when you're in the limelight and you're in your persona like you're able to play
that role from a place of having your heart be real and be open while
maintaining your good professional boundaries. For instance, I'm actually a psychology professor,
not a psychologist. But there is a performance when you're teaching a large group
of students, and you know that there's certain things you probably can't say in
front of that big group that you might say with intimate friends, right,
And that's actually a service to them. It's actually you creating a beautiful container
for them to be able to have an experience that doesn't necessarily involve like one
of my teachers would say, you don't show up to teach your class in
your sweatpants, like in you know, watching Netflix, Like there's a time
and a place for that. And so really this inner light is more about
learning how to tap in, at least privately in your own home from time
to time, that vulnerable self, that part of us that a lot of
us are really doing a lot lot of things throughout the day to run from,
because initially it can feel like the very thing that you want to touch
the least is actually sitting right in front of where you have that true cell
or that light. So you mentioned that all of us deep down are holding
this secret that we feel alone. And I often will say the sentence,
you know, you're born alone and you die alone, and in between,
if you're lucky, you have some people you can hang with, right,
And that is personification of that. We're realizing that we're alone in this.
But how can your teaching help people have closer, more connected and I guess
relationships where they feel more secure and less alone. Yeah, I mean it's
that paradox, right, So like it's alone, but then once you continue
to dive into that solitude, you find that you're all one. Right,
that's the whole Enlightenment teaching of all ah. So when you're doing the yogi,
then you're actually feeling more connected to the world exactly. But the secret
is that we can co like these paradoxical states coexist. So you know,
it's like when we're needy and we're desperately looking for love, all the old
wives tales like let it go and then you'll find the love. Right,
It's that it's when when I actually own and acknowledge the truth that I have
to do this work of loving myself by myself, that we actually open up
to that part of us that connects with everyone else, making us much more
available and lovable. So if you could give me two tips news you can
use for our listeners. What should they do tomorrow to start a better relationship
with themselves? Sure, I'm going to share something. I have a mentor.
Her name's Crystal Mortinson, and tonight we were talking and we're talking about
these four pillars of mindfulness, and so I'll just share these really quick ones.
And one is that you start paying attention to yourself, that you take
an active interest in yourself, whether it be through your breath or any form
of meditation. You begin to pay attention to the truth of where you actually
are physically, emotionally, energetically. But then that's not enough, because we
all know we can focus on something and it just gets worse. Right,
we also have to bring in this spirit of openness and relaxation, taking the
pressure off ourselves to beaties perfect enlightened beings. And then most importantly, we
have to look at ourselves with a warm, kind gauze aka compassion, because
if you just meditate and focus on your breath, you can you know,
pardon my friends, you can become a more focused app right. So it's
really important that you have all three of those elements, you know, a
basic meditation, and I think probably as part of that warm kind gaze is
learning how to forgive our selves for being human beings because we're not perfect pep
totally. And I will say that as we close, I just want to
remind everybody the new book is called glow Worthy Practices for Awakening your Inner Light
and Loving Yourself as you are, Broken, Beautiful and Sacred by Katie Silcox.
But I do want to say that if we can just take some time
to let stuff go and let our relationship be, then stop trying to change
each other and control everything about it, it will probably frow a lot more
smoothly. Wise advice, Thanks so much for being with me, Katie,
A pleasure to chat. Oh. Likewise, definitely, thank you so much
for having me, and thank you for listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show
here on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. A reminder
I'm here every Sunday from seven to nine pm. You can also follow me
on my social media at doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle. But will see
you next week. You've been listening to The Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
KFI AM six forty on demand