In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, Let's get it started in here,
right the early two thousand call they would like some new lyrics. Now,
a friend of mine, she said, a dog, And the dog's
name is Ozzie, and Ozzie is a pit bull mix. And Ozzie is
like, you know, a cuddly, fun, fat, lazy, stupid
dog. And she's like, oh god, Ozzie shit on the floor again.
I'm going to give him the needle. I'm gonna give him the needle.
And I said, you love that dog. She's like, nope,
I'm going to give him the needle. So that's kind of my phrase that
I've been trying to make happen. Yeah, you brought it up quite a
few well not quite a few, but a few times today. I need
to give you the needle. But then I'm worried that somebody's gonna get pissed
off and go I can't believe you're making fun of euthanasia and pets. I'm
like, no, I'm making fun of euthanasia and you bitch, because I'm
going to give you the needle. See, I don't know it's going to
catch on. I see, I'm gonna be honest. When you first had
give you the needle, I thought you were going to like try to shoot
me up with heroin, which is really extreme, and that's why I was
like, that's not what he means. I know that's not what he means,
but that's what I thought when I heard needle, and so I was
like, where are we going with this? So you don't think it's going
to take off and be a state fair shirt where it says I'm going to
give you the needle and has a syringe on there, I'm going to give
you the needle. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
if like you know, even though it is fake, right, you're not
going to give me the needle even pretend threatening murder on someone might not.
Yeah, take off very well on a state fair share whatever. All right?
So I learned another one at magic Camp of the conference. Okay,
and I'm going to show you visually and then I can explain what I do.
So Jenny, let me just recap. And as I said that,
I put the cap back on a sharpie marker and one of the magicians did
that this weekend, and I thought it was so stupid that it made me
laugh. So we had a sharpie marker and he's like, okay, so
I'm going to recap, and then you put the cap back on the marker.
And I laughed way harder than I should have. So I'm going to
try to make that happen too. So I'm going to suggest while if you're
listening to the Minnesota Goodbye right now. First of all, thank you,
but remember that next time you're in a meeting and you want to make your
co workers laugh, take a sharpie or a bic put the cap back.
Well you don't, You just say it first, then then you recap it.
So I'm going to recap, click, put it back on. Okay,
that's good for a laugh. So here's another one that's good for a
laugh. So this is one of my favorite jokes that it came to me.
And I've told this before, but I like this joke probably as much
as I like the whale joke. Are you ready yep? Okay. So
there's this boy. His name is Jimmy, and Jimmy was born just ahead.
He had no body. He was born just a head nobody, yeah,
just ahead, and he did find you know, he grew up and
he went to school, and you know, he never really learned to ride
a bike, but he watched a lot of TV and you know. So,
but but the doctors always said, one day, if we find a
body that we can transplant, we're going to transplant the body onto Jimmy's head.
Okay, And so years go by, years go by, and Jimmy
never finds the body, and Jimmy on his fourteenth birthday, his mom and
dad get a call from the doctor and said, oh my god, we
found a donor body for Jimmy. We can do the procedure and Jimmy will
have a body. Now. Remember it's Jimmy's fourteenth birthday. Okay. So
mom and dad rushed into Jimmy's room and he's sitting there in the window looking
out the window, and they go, oh my god, Jimmy, we
have the best birthday present ever for you. This is gonna make your birthday.
It is such good news and it's happening on your birthday. It's the
best present ever. And Jimmy looks up with sad eyes and he goes,
it better not be another fucking hat, because that's all he gets. Hat,
because you buy the kid. He can't really do too many other things.
He can buy him a bike or a skateboard and buy him a fucking
hat. So Jimmy says, it better not be another fucking hat, and
it's so stupid that I love that joke. Okay, that's a good one,
and I swear you maybe have told me that one before because I was
like, God, I feel like I know where this is going, but
I did not know the punchline at all. I like that one. Thank
you better not be another fucking hat. You gotta say fucking hat because Jimmy's
pissed because all he gets is a fucking hat for his birthday. So not
the joke to do at a child's birthday party is what you're saying. No,
that would be the now that's magic joke, which is so offensive.
I don't think that one works serious. I don't even like to tell that
joke. I don't remember it very well anymore because you stopped telling it a
while ago because everyone was like, yeah, a little too offensive. Now
out of my repertoire, out of my repertoire. Uh Okay, so let's
move on to the Minnesota goodbyes, Dave. I don't know if I should
laugh or cry. You were talking about how we should have our birthday off
because we debated whether you should have your birthday off like a holiday. Well,
my birthday is in two weeks and it's a Monday, and I was
thinking about going to Olive Garden. Now I need to think of something different.
Any other suggestions from an old lady? Thanks, Ruth. Okay,
because it came up because I said, Okay, well, yeah, you
should have your birthday off because if your birthdays on a Monday, that sucks.
It's like, well, what are you gonna do on your birthday?
Nothing, I'll go to work and maybe we might go to Olive Garden.
So Ruth is like, shit, that's my day on my birthday. So,
Ruth, it sounds like a shit birthday. To be honest with you,
I would say, go to David Busters or a crack house. A
crack house would be do you have a location you could give Ruth of one
that she might want to go to. Maybe your favorite go to Coon Rapids
and turn left. Okay, it'd be the first crack house on the right.
Yeah, so Ruth, you know what I'm gonna tell you, Ruth,
I'm gonna guess judging by the fact that you said, you're an old
lady and your name is Ruth, and I don't think there's anybody under the
age of forty that's got the name Ruth. I love the name of Ruth,
and I think it's gonna come back. But you know what, you
know how it is, Ruth. Birthdays when you're older are kind of like
whatever. This my past birthday I spent by myself, and I'll be hones
with you. It sucked. It was a bad idea. I thought I'd
be fine spending my birthday by myself. It was depressing. Yeah, it
was just not a good idea. But go do something, Ruth, cause
you're old and you're gonna die soon now, Okay, what you have plenty
of birthdays ahead, Ruth. And honestly, if olive garden is what your
heart desired, I think that that's what you should do, because, honestly,
I don't know a place besides Fazzoli's that has better breadsticks and olive garden.
They are legit, aren't they so good? They're warm and just a
little crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. Okay, don't say
my name. And this is a really interesting one, and I want you
to listen and see if you have an answer or a similar story. My
husband and I got married in twenty twenty one, so just three years ago.
We have always filed taxes married separately. This last year, we bought
a house, so we knew we would have to file jointly. I also
knew my husband owed some money to the irs, but I didn't know how
much. I've got soul customed my son who was sixteen, and I file
head of households. So imagine my surprise when I went online to my tax
place to start the process. Once I added in my info his info,
my taxes went from a refund of fifty four hundred dollars. That's what she
was going to get for a refund. Once she figured in his info,
she now owes twelve dollars, all because he owes money to thers. I
am pissed and upset. Do I have the right to be mad? He
wasn't taking care of his debts, so I guess I had to. I'm
the financial one between us. Thank goodness, just so much money I was
planning to put into a savings account and invested somewhere. Ugh. Love you
guys, so much, thanks for the vent, and I won't say your
name. A couple of thoughts here. Number one, it sucks that he
kept that from you. Number one. Number two, it sucks that you
are stuck with his debt. Number three red flag. Yeah, if he
has been that financially irresponsible, it ain't done. And I hate to say
that, but it's not done. So I mean it was fifty four hundred
that she was supposed to get back, yes, right, yep. I
mean if that's the only thing that he has a problem with, if she
knows about his credit card spending and stuff like that, I don't think it's
like that big of a red flag. I agree, But but she didn't
know about it. Yeah, she's got to pay it. That is the
part that's kind of like eh, or like was she able to ask him
for the money then for herself, Like oh, okay, you know,
he doesn't have people that don't have money don't have money, And by that,
I mean it's a really good lesson in life, and I think it's
in my book. If they don't have the money now and they need to
borrow from you, they're not going to have an abundance of money later to
pay you back. Yeah, and that's not always true, but a lot
of the times it is. So I want to ask this question, what
did you find out financially about your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife,
partner, spouse? Like, holy shit, I didn't realize they were forty
seven thousand dollars in credit card debt until I married them. I didn't realize
they had, you know, a tax lean on our house until we were
engaged. I didn't realize that he spent fifteen thousand dollars on a baseball card
collection without telling me. So I wonder if there's something there that you had
some financial experience or misadventure with your spouse where you didn't know that they were
forty seven thousand dollars in or or they went out and they brought a brand
new Mustang and they couldn't afford it. And they came home and said,
look, I got a brand new Mustang and you're like, bitch, I
can't afford this. We can't afford this. Yeah, that happened to somebody
in my family. They were so dumb, just dumb. They went to
the car dealership and it was probably used. We met that night with a
family at Red lobster for a big family dinner and they're like, check it
out, it's my new Mustang. Wow. And I'm thinking to myself,
you can't afford this. And a couple of months later it got repotd because
they couldn't afford it. Yeah, but the car dealership was more than happy
to sell it to them. Yeah, because once they gave the loan to
the bank, the car dealership was off the hook. Yeah. You do
have to get approved though, for stuff like that. So it's always weird
to me to see how certain people are capable of getting approved for certain things
and then they can't afford it and then yeah, yeah, And a lot
of times, you know, there's these things like we approve everybody low credit,
no credit, zero credit, bad credit, will approve you. I
don't know anything about it, but I think you can get approved. But
so write to me and let me know. I think it might be a
good theme instead of like, you know, shitting your pants or some of
the other themes that we've had on the show lately, about what financial secret
you didn't know that your boyfriend all of a sudden came home and he said,
I bought a racehorse. You bought a what a racehorse? Okay,
so thank you for that one. Appreciate that email. Uh, next one,
interesting one? Howdy, please don't use my name. Love your show.
I have a question for those of you that sleep next to somebody every
night, but you have your own setup. Do you have your own set
of blankets or companis or do you share? Susan and I don't sleep together,
but when we do on occasion, we have the same blankets and sheets.
What about you, Yes, we have the same blankets and sheets.
Andrew does not sleep under the top sheet, so he is kind of separate
in that way, but we use the same everything. Yeah, you can't
reach out and touch feet, no, usually not no. But he what
ends up happening is he just kicks all the sheets off the bed, like
the corner. The fitted sheet is halfway off the bed half the time with
him, like I do not know what happens in his sleep. So the
sheet that he does sleep on top of ends up getting kicked to the side
anyways, and all ends up on my side. Okay, pretty much,
so I almost have my own sheet in that aspect, but we have the
same comforter. They go on to say, if you each have your own
blankets. What does it look like when you make the bed? Do you
separate the blankets? Do those separate blankets match or does your bed look like
a half and half pizza situation like this color on this side that on the
other. I don't know. My finance and I have sheets on our bed,
but only I use the top sheet and he lays on top of it
and uses a separate comforter, and I have a weighted blanket on my side,
so they don't match by any means. Just wondering if people have a
third secret comforter that they put on top of the entire bed to make it
look cohesive. Thank you from your BFF and p one who's dart licking days
are long over, but you gotta try everything once, am I right?
I love that? Let me know. I've seen videos on TikTok of people
who do the separate sheets or blankets whatever, and then they have one that
goes on top of all of it to kind of hide that there's two separate
sets of things on the bed. Okay, So I think that might be
an option for a lot of people who do do the separate things. I've
never heard of people doing like different blankets and sheets. But then again,
I haven't been to a lot of people's bedrooms and experience that. Yeah.
So now this one gets a little long, but I really like it.
So we're gonna wrap up with this one, I believe. Let me just
see here if there's yeah, I'm gonna get to some of these later,
So let me go back to this one. It's a little bit longer now.
They wrote in last week and they said that basically, they said,
I'm so glad that somebody agrees with me that Taylor Swift is only okay,
she's a good singer, she also has overcome somebody's calling me and I don't
know who it is. You need an answer it? No? Do you
want me to answer it? No? Okay, I don't know who it
is? Okay, Anyway, they said, I can honestly say her songs
sound the same, and I don't know what it is about to day's youth.
I'm twenty seven, by the way, but I feel like everything is
about having the same Stanley cup, the eclectic archy kid and me, or
the same phone, the same shoes, the same whatever, whatever happened individuality.
Now, we read that last week and some people came after this person
and they said to the person that wrote in the other day that I had
an issue, and they're calling again. Maybe answer at this time, make
sure everything's okay. Okay. I just answered my phone and we took a
pause. There. It's Fred. This is so cool, the chef from
the Old Country Buffet training video that was gone viral and we played it a
little bit last week, and he's like, so, if you tried lasagna,
it's my favorite. And he's kind of sweaty, and he's wearing a
chef's hat and he's carving meat at Old Country Buffet and the thing is all
about make sure you talk to your guests, including our younger guests. So
Fred goes, so, what great are you in? Hey, you thought
about dessert yet? And it's just corny and very dated and silly and funny.
And Fred gets that. Yeah, So he was calling because he's gonna
be on the show tomorrow about nine o'clock Tuesday. Don't miss Fred. All
right, we were reading this email and so I don't think you set your
focus point on the main focus on the main point I was trying to get
across. I know, I said, gen Z, come at me.
But that was more in regards to Taylor Swift fanatics than not having personalities.
And I'm apologized if I didn't if I didn't come off that way. Truthfully,
I'm not mean spirited, but the issue I have isn't with gen Z
as much it is now. Remember there are only twenty seven, They're not
some old lady. The obsession with having and doing what everybody else does for
the sake of fitting in. I fully understand that as a teenager this is
what seems most important, but with the help of social media, knowing what
everybody else does is a lot more accessible than it was before. Capitalism is
a much bigger problem, making people believe they need some materialistic thing to achieve
a higher status because that's what's most important. And if you don't have that,
then not only are you lesser than, but you're a target for bullying.
Parents are willing to spend more money on their kids for the reasons that
they don't want them to be bullied at school. I'm just gonna stop there
because I've been thinking about this a little bit. If Alison or Carson really
wanted a Stanley Cup, I'd get him a fucking Stanley cup. Not because
I don't want them to be bullied, but because they're a kid one time.
If I could afford it, they're a kid one time. You get
eighteen summers with your kid, and there's a stat somewhere that by the time
a kid is eleven years old, you've already spent seventy five percent of the
time that you will spend with them. Think about that, by the time
your kid is eleven years old, you've already spent seventy five percent of the
time you will spend with that kid. It's true because they get busy going
to summer camp and sleepovers and playing at a friend's house, and school and
band and gymnastics and cheerleading or whatever. You don't see them as often once
they turn about eleven or twelve. Once they turn sixteen, you see him
even less often. So I'm not doing it to spoil Alison or Carson.
I'm doing it because they're a kid, just one time, So why not
get him a Stanley bottle if I can afford it. And it reminds me
there was this I've maybe told this story before. I was probably four or
five years old. My dad and I were at the rodeo We went to
the rodeo in Colorado Springs and I wasn't spoiled at all. But here comes
the cotton candy guy, and I remember he's coming up the stairs and I
can still picture him. He's got a rack of pink cotton candies. And
I'm there with my dad watching the rodeo, and I said, Dad,
can I have one of those? And he said, uh, you don't
need one of those. They were probably a dime or a quarterback then,
and I'm okay with it. It didn't mar me for life, but I
never forgot it how it would have made me so happy to have that cotton
candy And would it cost my dad a quarter? Yeah? Do you think
you would have remembered that story had you gotten the cotton candy? Gill,
I would not know. That's what I'm saying. You're remembering it because it
was like so something you like, just wanted so badly, But had you
had gotten it, it's I don't know. I just think there's a lot
of life lessons and not getting everything that you wanted. And I mean I
come from someone who didn't get anything. Growing up. My parents argued about
money. We barely had money to get groceries half the time, like sometimes
in certain parts of my life. So like for me, like I say
this now, not having kids, I'm sure it would change if I had
the financial capability capabilities, but I would not be giving my kids everything that
they wanted. Would I give them a little more luxury than what I had
growing up? Absolutely? Because I think that if you have the means too,
then sure, but it wouldn't be as easy for me for my kid
to come up to me and ask me for money to go get something,
as I think some people are. But also I think your kids will ask
for those things if they see, like you spending a lot of money yourself,
you know. And I'm not saying that you specifically, I'm saying that
if you see your parents doing luxurious things, then they're going to get salty
when they ask if they can have a Stanley thermos because you have one,
you might have three of them, so why can't they have one? You
know? So I think you have to have a Stanley thermis or three of
them, and your kid doesn't have one, then you should get them as
Stanley thermis, right for sure? But yeah, I think I don't know.
I do think I think a little differently on that stuff. But that's
because I really didn't grow up with anything, and I think that it taught
me a lot in life, which is that like money doesn't buy you everything
that you desire, like, you can still be very happy. I was
a pretty happy kid, yea, even though I didn't have much. Same
thing, Jenny. I didn't have much either, but you know, I
had enough. I had a nice bicycle and then I get another bicycle when
I get a little bit older. I had my hot Wheels track. I
had my rock'm Sockham Robots. I had a semi working TV. But I
wasn't spoiled. But I just, I don't know. I've kind of rethought
it a little bit because your kids are little one time, yeah, and
they grow up and then things become totally different. They can buy their own
shit later, so why not give them some of the joys, whether it's
a Stanley water bottle or a snow cone or what was it what I say,
cotton scandy? An Yeah, why I'm going to the Wisconsin Dells.
And I have the same kind of story where I always wanted dippin' dots and
we got to go to the Dells a lot because my uncle to Noah's Ark,
specifically because my uncle worked for a radio station, so we got free
tickets to Noah's Ark like every summer, so we would get to go there,
and so it'd be a freak trip for us. So we could do
it, but my parents would never give in. We packed lunches, we'd
go eat out in the car. But I always wanted Dippin' Dots and they
never once let me have them because they were overpriced, Like for you know,
it's like you go to a theme park, you go to a baseball
game, whatever, a lot of the food is super overpriced. Yeah,
and I never got it. But I have that same kind of cotton candy
story of like always thinking one day I'm going to get the diping dots and
my parents never got me them. And it's like, you know what I
think that you know, I get it. I get both sides of it.
I just and I'm not going to say that if I had kids again,
that I would get them everything they asked for. I was lucky my
kids did not ask for much. Yeah, Carson liked shoes and he collected
shoes, but he did it with his birthday money and his Christmas money and
later his graduation money and his Eagle Scout money or whatever. But yeah,
anyway, they go on to say, and then they they did say something
about capitalism is a much bigger problem. I think it's really interesting that people
who rip on capitalism. I get it. It does lead to companies charging
forty dollars for a cup so your kid will feel And then if they can
charge forty, they'll charge fifty, and if they can charge fifty, they'll
charge sixty. And they don't care if they're raping the rainforest and whatever.
But from what I know, and I've done some research, name a better
system than capitalism and maybe there maybe maybe that'll get some responses. Yeah,
my mind is open. Name a better and don't get wordy, but name
a better system than capitalism. And if capitalism sucks so bad, why does
the world want to rush to live in the United States? And we've made
capitalism an ugly word, and I don't know that it is an ugly word.
I think capitalism every system has its good and bad. But there's certainly
you're not going to say communism is better than capitalism. But there are people
who believe that capitalism and Marxism is better than capitalism. But we're getting a
little bit deep in the weeds here, So go ahead and have that snow
cone. Why don't keep saying snow cone? It was cotton canny, cotton
candy. And I don't know why I say snow cone. Snow cones suck.
Is there a different story that's coming to mind, that's in the back
of your head that's trying to come out. No snow cones. They squirt
the flavor on the top, it all drains to the bottom. It's paper
pretty soon, it's dripping out all over your shirt. How slow are you
eating your snow cone? I always hammered. Mine's quick enough that it wasn't
that liquidy. Mine melts. It gets in the bottom, all the flavors
in the bottom, it drips out. There's a little bit of ice left.
You're eating basically flavorless bland eyes. It's got a little bit of yellow
or a little bit of blue, no flavor at all. It's hard.
It turns into a hard snowball, and then there's flavor in the bottom dripping
out that you have to tip it back and drink it. At the end.
I love snow cones. Those are my jam. You have all you
want, Jenny, I'll buy you a snow cone next year at the fair.
Yay, thank you, You're welcome. And that is it. Tomorrow's
Naughty Tuesday. If you got a Naughty Tuesday story, love to hear that.
Also, don't forget to use the let me recap joke and let me
know how that goes. If you're sitting in the meeting or with your husband
or with your partner, whatever, and you get a sharpie and you say
something, go let me recap and then put it back on. Let me
know how that goes. But make sure that people are looking at you too,
because I had looked down to make a note right as you were starting
that, and I looked up as you did it because I was like,
if you're in a meeting and everyone's like taking notes and they're not paying attention,
and then you do it and then you're just waiting verone, be like,
what's going on? What's so funny? And then also let us know
if you found out anything about your partner's spending that you didn't know about,
I think that could be really really interesting. And that is it for the
Minnesota goodbye. Send your emails to Ryan Show at kadiwb dot com.