WEBVTT 1 00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:20.280 Welcome to Destiny. Now here's your host, Cliff Dunning. You know, 2 00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:29.320 we talk a lot about relationships and issues around couples and self esteem and things 3 00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:34.079 like that here on Destiny, but you know a lot of us And I'm 4 00:00:34.320 --> 00:00:39.159 raising my hands on this one big time because when I was I had a 5 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:43.159 miserable childhood. My parents tried the best they could. They were not well 6 00:00:43.280 --> 00:00:48.840 matched. They had five boys. I was the oldest, and they just 7 00:00:48.920 --> 00:00:54.200 didn't know how to raise kids. They were unhappy with their with each other 8 00:00:55.560 --> 00:01:02.200 as spouses, as partners, and they were terrible parents. And so I 9 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:08.959 had a lot of problems from a very young age. And I was highly 10 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:15.400 sensitive, but I withdrew because I wasn't being mentored by my father. My 11 00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:22.920 mother wasn't there to help. He was a teacher and a college professor and 12 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:27.920 she was a homemaker, but she was not She had no aptitude for raising 13 00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:34.159 children, and so we were left to our own devices. And I've said 14 00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:38.319 this many times. If it wasn't for my grandfather, I don't know if 15 00:01:38.319 --> 00:01:41.040 I'd still be on the planet. I don't know if I would have survived. 16 00:01:41.120 --> 00:01:46.799 I don't know. I mean, his influence was big enough that He 17 00:01:46.879 --> 00:01:51.400 left this huge impression on me. He was what you can consider a cosmopolitan 18 00:01:51.480 --> 00:01:57.519 kind of a He had a worldly view of everything and really enjoyed knowing about 19 00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:04.040 other cultures. And he had come from Germany during the war to kind of 20 00:02:04.079 --> 00:02:12.080 get out of being drafted by the Germans. He was from Germany, Dusseldwarf. 21 00:02:12.759 --> 00:02:21.680 But I really praised and I appreciated his mentorship, his advice, his 22 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:29.479 counsel on a lot of different aspects of my life. And I couldn't talk 23 00:02:29.520 --> 00:02:32.120 to my father, I couldn't talk to my mother, and so I had 24 00:02:32.199 --> 00:02:39.520 to raise myself. And it was and it continues to be an issue because 25 00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:46.280 when you raise yourself, it's a very limited perspective. So you have friends. 26 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:50.599 I have, you know, plenty of friends, but I was challenged. 27 00:02:50.599 --> 00:02:53.240 I got married very very young. I was twenty two and I first 28 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:59.319 got married. I've had a number of relationships and she, you know, 29 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:04.120 had no busines being in a relationship or being marriage. She was immature. 30 00:03:04.919 --> 00:03:07.680 So it was the blind leading the blind. And so the point is you 31 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:14.000 develop a lot of insecurities, a lot of fears. I had depression, 32 00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:21.120 I had a low self esteem, and if it wasn't for some of the 33 00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:30.360 early discoveries of Eastern philosophy meditation. I discovered meditation well just before I turned 34 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:36.360 twenty one, and it saved me. It saved me because it allowed me 35 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:43.960 to quiet my mind, quiet my fears, quiet my depression and what if 36 00:03:44.599 --> 00:03:53.719 kind of attitude into more stability. So without parents and guidance, I had 37 00:03:53.759 --> 00:04:00.439 to seek my own solutions. And I used to be really jealous of my 38 00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:04.759 friends who had what seemed to be stable family life, you know, parents 39 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:09.280 who cared about their kids. You know, I'm not saying that my parents 40 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:15.120 didn't care about me. They did, but they just weren't well adjusted themselves, 41 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:24.600 you know. And I had went through some therapy right out of college 42 00:04:24.759 --> 00:04:30.000 and it was tough. And so I think I'm letting you know a little 43 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:34.959 bit a little bit about me because a lot of us are walking around and 44 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:41.000 were wounded. We were either wounded by abusive parents, and my parents weren't 45 00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:46.639 abusive, they just ignored me. In some cases, that's also a form 46 00:04:46.680 --> 00:04:54.879 of abuse. But I learned, and I continue to learn, that it's 47 00:04:55.000 --> 00:05:00.759 up to you. It's up to us individually to seek the wisdom, the 48 00:05:00.839 --> 00:05:05.639 mentorship. It can be through teachers, it could be through other adults, 49 00:05:06.279 --> 00:05:13.560 other authors, books that we like, and to find healing and find resolution 50 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:18.920 to problems. And you've heard it here many times. We come and incarnate 51 00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:29.639 to learn. Earth is a university or a high level college where you pick 52 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:35.879 and choose your partners. You discover your healing modalities. And the key is 53 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:45.680 to be as fulfilled and as happy and as prosperous as possible without too much 54 00:05:45.720 --> 00:05:51.639 blood letting. And I was lucky enough because I had some friends in high 55 00:05:51.680 --> 00:06:00.759 school that committed suicide and they just couldn't stand it anymore, had friends who 56 00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:06.040 were physically harmed and mentally harmed. I was. I grew up during the 57 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:12.759 period where there was psychedelics, but in those days it wasn't ayahuasca, wasn't 58 00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:19.759 d MT. It was LSD and it was payote mushrooms. And I didn't 59 00:06:19.759 --> 00:06:24.839 do LSD because I was always worried that I was going to lose my mind. 60 00:06:24.879 --> 00:06:27.759 I was always felt that I was always on the edge. As an 61 00:06:27.839 --> 00:06:32.160 artist, you're kind of crossing over and looking for the muse, looking for 62 00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:38.920 the inspiration to paint. And I was an artist. I was a terrible 63 00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:45.000 student in high school, but I had a gift for artistic expression, which 64 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:49.240 allowed me to get scholarships to school. So that's how I got into college. 65 00:06:49.279 --> 00:07:00.959 Was I had a killer portfolio and boy and even college which was an 66 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:03.879 escape for me. I went to Los Angeles down in Long Beach to go 67 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:10.439 to college. I started by getting a scholarship to the Academy of Art College 68 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:13.759 in San Francisco, but I wanted to get away from my parents, so 69 00:07:13.800 --> 00:07:18.600 I went to and I transferred to Long Beach, where I entered the illustration 70 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:28.560 department, and that was somewhat of a saving graces as it is by itself. 71 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:33.879 And my girlfriend, who would eventually become my wife, was working. 72 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:42.560 She worked down in Macy's. She was a buyer men's clothing buyer. So 73 00:07:42.720 --> 00:07:47.759 and that's another story. But you know, we put up the facade of 74 00:07:48.600 --> 00:07:53.920 normalcy, like, hey, we're doing fine. But I was a kid. 75 00:07:55.079 --> 00:07:57.879 I should have never ever gotten married. In fact, they should, 76 00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:01.399 they should post make it a law you don't get married until you're in your 77 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:05.600 thirties, because when you're in your twenties, you're still a kid, you're 78 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:09.120 still really trying to figure out what the hell was going on. So of 79 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:15.839 course our relationship didn't last more than seven years, and it was growing. 80 00:08:15.920 --> 00:08:18.040 We were both trying to figure out what was going on, and we're growing 81 00:08:18.040 --> 00:08:26.399 together, and it was a challenge and it was depressing, and she became 82 00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:35.039 my wife, began drinking because I couldn't. I couldn't fulfill her needs because 83 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:37.559 I was a child. I was trying to figure out what the hell was 84 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:43.159 going on. So these are my personal challenges. But a lot of people 85 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:52.399 have self esteem problems. They are deep depression, and it's just really tough 86 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:54.679 for a lot of people, even you know, as they grow older. 87 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:01.600 So today I have a new guest who is releasing a book called You Were 88 00:09:01.720 --> 00:09:11.000 Not Born to Suffer, Overcome Fear insecurity and depression and Love Yourself Back to 89 00:09:11.159 --> 00:09:18.399 happiness, confidence and peace. And the author is Blake Bauer, and I'm 90 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:24.600 just I just finished this interview and this is a wonderful look at how to 91 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:35.799 find solutions to your emotional spiritual problems. And you know, the relationships we 92 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:41.200 have our parents, God help us. Luckily, my parents weren't physically abusive 93 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:46.440 or emotionally abusive. I had friends that had emotionally abusive parents. And we're 94 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.720 gonna learn about this today in this interview. So I hope you enjoy it 95 00:09:50.879 --> 00:10:31.080 and I hope you can get something out of it. We're introducing a new 96 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:35.879 author this week on Destiny. His name is Blake Bauer. He has written 97 00:10:35.879 --> 00:10:39.840 a new book that I just had a chance to look at, called You 98 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:46.840 Were Not Born to Suffer, Overcome fear insecurity and depression, and love yourself 99 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:52.159 back to happiness, confidence and peace. I like it because it kind of 100 00:10:52.519 --> 00:10:58.759 chronicles his young years in high school, talks about his upcoming and uh kind 101 00:10:58.759 --> 00:11:03.120 of it's kind of the phoenix story where he kind of blossoms. But I 102 00:11:03.159 --> 00:11:07.639 got to say this about the book. It has great tools, got a 103 00:11:07.679 --> 00:11:15.080 lot of affirmations and other work book types of processes which are really critical and 104 00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:18.840 uncovering your own issues as well as kind of finding a path for success. 105 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:22.960 So, Blake, welcome to Destiny. Great to have you on the program. 106 00:11:24.440 --> 00:11:26.120 Well, thank you so much. Cliff. Hey, I want to 107 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:31.559 ask you why number one, Why did you write this book and was it 108 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:35.679 cathartic for you? In other words, was it a kind of a healing 109 00:11:35.639 --> 00:11:43.919 to write these chapters and then follow it up with your learning of personal growth 110 00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:52.159 techniques and other helpful studies. Yes, absolutely, the book was definitely a 111 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:58.799 part of my healing process and very cathartic, but that came after the book 112 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:07.399 came after many years of deep healing and spiritual practice and study. And so 113 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:11.879 why did I write the book, Well, the main reason was to help 114 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:18.080 as many people as I could with the lessons and the healing that I felt 115 00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:26.320 very lucky to come to understand because I was desperate and tortured mentally and emotionally 116 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:31.399 and suffering very deeply just in myself. And then, like the topic of 117 00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:37.919 your podcast, Destiny, I felt like I couldn't find freedom from suffering as 118 00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:43.200 a young man without understanding the purpose of life and the purpose of my life. 119 00:12:43.879 --> 00:12:48.240 And so the book came to symbolize a very big part of my understanding 120 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:52.279 of the purpose of life. And so, you know, as we were 121 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:58.120 talking about before the show, you know, I struggled with drug and alcohol 122 00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:01.360 addiction at a very young age, you know, starting in my early teenage 123 00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:07.840 years, and I was really self destructive and out of control, and that 124 00:13:07.919 --> 00:13:13.240 led me to get arrested a number of times as a young man and eventually 125 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:20.120 hit rock bottom. Very young, I was a captain of my varsity football 126 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:22.960 team in high school with two of my close friends, and we all had 127 00:13:24.039 --> 00:13:28.360 offers to play college football, and I got a very bad d y One 128 00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:33.600 night, I fell asleep in front of train tracks on a bunch of pharmaceutical 129 00:13:33.639 --> 00:13:39.639 pills and alcohol and cannabis, and then woke up to police knocking on the 130 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:43.120 window, was arrested, kicked off the team, lost my offers to play 131 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:48.159 in college, and then I fell into a suicidal depression at eighteen. And 132 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.919 this was the beginning of my dark night of the soul, my death of 133 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:56.440 self, and then me searching for these answers, you know, how do 134 00:13:56.519 --> 00:14:01.799 I find freedom from suffering? And what am I doing on the planet? 135 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:09.679 And as I healed and studied, and you know, it became the focus 136 00:14:09.720 --> 00:14:13.759 of all my time and energy as a young man. Eventually I found tools 137 00:14:13.799 --> 00:14:22.080 that really helped me find relief from my deep psychological, emotional, physical, 138 00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:26.840 and existential pain. And the more I got clear, the more the only 139 00:14:26.919 --> 00:14:31.200 thing that drove me in life was sharing those answers with other people. Was 140 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:37.000 that a healing process? When you were sharing your problems, it's always I 141 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:41.799 think we're always healing. I think it doesn't matter how much you grow or 142 00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:46.840 how much you heal. Like every day we're faced with things that we need 143 00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:52.759 to process. We store things on our body from our childhood, from relationships 144 00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:58.799 that have been challenging, from traumatic experiences, and so you know a lot 145 00:14:58.799 --> 00:15:03.440 of my work is around learning how to love yourself practically and take really good 146 00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:09.879 care of yourself or have the healthiest and most optimal relationship to yourself possible, 147 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:13.480 which we need to have in general, and I think today more than ever 148 00:15:13.559 --> 00:15:18.600 we need because we've created a world that's really toxic, you know, with 149 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:24.759 the toxins in terms of like physical toxins. You know, with technology, 150 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:30.639 there's a lot of toxicity out there that just gets spread and misinformation. And 151 00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:35.639 then there's you know, we we have processed foods and genetically modify foods and 152 00:15:35.960 --> 00:15:41.120 chemicals in our foods, and so you need to really up your self care 153 00:15:41.399 --> 00:15:46.360 game just to serve for your immune system to be able to function and survive 154 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:50.759 in today's climate. Talk a little bit about growing up because a lot of 155 00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:56.200 people play the blame game. My folks weren't there, I didn't have any 156 00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:02.440 parental supervision or my parents loved me too much, gave me everything I wanted, 157 00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:06.080 and I just went south. I think you bring this up in the 158 00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:08.159 book. We'll talk about it a little bit more later. This is just 159 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:17.000 the process of incarnation, right, talk about the teenage years, which are 160 00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:21.360 really the formative years for social interaction and how that's a good thing or a 161 00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:26.039 bad thing. Well, Cliff, I'd say the first big theme that I 162 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.559 think is important that I obviously had to learn and I think we all have 163 00:16:29.639 --> 00:16:36.120 to master, is that what you were born into and the trauma you experienced 164 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:41.039 and the challenges you experienced are not your fault. But once you become aware 165 00:16:41.080 --> 00:16:45.799 of them, and as you mature and grow, it is your responsibility to 166 00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:49.240 heal it. So it's not your fault, but it is one hundred percent 167 00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:56.679 of your responsibility. And as we grow and mature, every thought and word 168 00:16:56.039 --> 00:17:03.400 that we use to blame someone else is very much a waste of time and 169 00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:07.720 energy and is going to keep you trapped in your suffering. And so we 170 00:17:07.799 --> 00:17:11.880 have to really pay attention to where we blame, because blaming is like a 171 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:17.920 prayer for suffering basically, so, because we got to get really good at 172 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:21.839 using our thoughts, our emotions, our habits on a moment by moment daily 173 00:17:21.880 --> 00:17:26.519 basis to heal ourselves, to liberate ourselves, to create what we want. 174 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:32.559 And when you're blaming, you cannot create what you want. Yeah, yeah, 175 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:36.519 so I think, you know. In my work, you know, 176 00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:41.000 I go back to the origins of suffering for a lot of us, and 177 00:17:41.359 --> 00:17:45.759 I have found that a lot of that comes from a place where a lot 178 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:56.079 of people feel deep guilt and unworthiness and that arises for a lot of reasons. 179 00:17:56.119 --> 00:17:59.920 But one of the biggest reasons is that and this is where we give 180 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:03.039 we don't give enough credit to our parents or maybe have enough compassion for them, 181 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:08.000 which is that our parents never learned how to love themselves either, you 182 00:18:08.000 --> 00:18:14.240 know, and your grandparents their parents, they don't know how to love themselves 183 00:18:14.319 --> 00:18:18.240 either or have a healthy relationship to themselves, and then pass that down to 184 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:22.440 you know, your parents, and for your parents to pass it down to 185 00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:26.640 you. And what I've found is our teachers really don't get it, our 186 00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:30.400 doctors don't get it, our psychiatrists don't get it. Even our religious leaders 187 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.720 don't get it, you know. So that's really why I focus so much 188 00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:38.440 on this lesson and this theme around how do I actually love myself? How 189 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:44.400 do I have the healthiest, optimal, kind, caring, loving relationship to 190 00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:48.920 myself mentally, emotionally, and physically, because I see that as really the 191 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:53.759 process of evolution playing out. And I think that's why there's so much destruction 192 00:18:53.920 --> 00:19:00.039 and illness in the world is because this self destructive relationship to ourselves is being 193 00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:04.039 passed down from generation to generation. So when you look at your parents, 194 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:07.400 you know what I'm teaching. I often say to people, think about go 195 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:11.240 back to the time when you were conceived, you know, so like, 196 00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:14.640 think about what was going on for your parents on that night. You know 197 00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:18.559 that they conceived you, right, And then I say, so, do 198 00:19:18.640 --> 00:19:22.160 you think that they did they love themselves at that point? You know, 199 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:27.480 did they have their shit together? Had they had they heared themselves, Did 200 00:19:27.480 --> 00:19:32.359 they know how to take care of a relationship, were they financially secure? 201 00:19:32.599 --> 00:19:36.279 Had they dealt with their own you know, family trauma? You know. 202 00:19:36.799 --> 00:19:38.680 And when people start to think about it, they start to see their people 203 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:45.200 not as these gods or idols that are imperfect, but they see that, 204 00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:48.519 oh, they're actually just messy human beings that you know, are doing their 205 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:52.559 best. And they may have intentionally got pregnant or maybe it was an accident, 206 00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:56.599 or one of them wanted it and the other one did it, And 207 00:19:56.720 --> 00:20:00.519 there's all these different reasons why we come to be And so the more we 208 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:07.079 can start to understand this stuff, which is that our parents were suffering and 209 00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:11.160 doing the best with what they knew, even if their best was horrible and 210 00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:15.279 painful. And really that's where we need to get in our mindset. Now, 211 00:20:15.319 --> 00:20:22.000 that doesn't minimize a lot of the suffering that we go through in childhood, 212 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:26.519 but eventually we have to start to have a perspective that sets us free, 213 00:20:26.680 --> 00:20:30.240 because how we look at a situation, so how you know, us 214 00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:33.480 as people, us as your listeners, how we look at our child but 215 00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:38.279 either keeps us trapped or sets us free. And that's one of the most 216 00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:45.519 important parts of healing is understanding how powerful your mindset and your perspective is on 217 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:48.920 the quality of your experience today in the present. Yeah, I want you 218 00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:56.079 to talk a little bit about our culture and the problems with Western civilization. 219 00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:00.880 I mean in the United States, where it's a marketing company, it's like 220 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:04.559 who has the best of these items, who has the most money, who 221 00:21:04.599 --> 00:21:12.039 has who looks the best? You know, it's like such in Nane desires 222 00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:17.480 are just all over the place. Talk a little bit about how that affects 223 00:21:17.759 --> 00:21:22.279 a young person and how we have to break free of that absolutely well, 224 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:26.599 So I think this we all have this core wound. Most of us have 225 00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:33.720 this core wound of unworthiness, and then that becomes I'm not enough, right, 226 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:37.839 And if you have this deep core belief and feeling that you're not worthy 227 00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:44.920 of love or worthy of good things or worthy of kindness, that becomes, 228 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:48.799 you know, I'm not enough to be lovable, which then turns into this 229 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:52.519 habit of I always need to be more, do more, have more, 230 00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:59.480 be different, to be accepted, to be loved, to survive, to 231 00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:03.480 be approved of. And so I think that's where, you know, this 232 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:10.119 becomes a really unhealthy and destructive game that we play in this consumer economy, 233 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:15.039 right, because if we if you've never learned to understand that you have value 234 00:22:15.799 --> 00:22:18.599 in and of itself just because you exist, right, and that you are 235 00:22:18.920 --> 00:22:26.000 a miracle actually in human form, then it's really easy to get caught up 236 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:32.359 in the trap that you always need to be skinnier or have a part of 237 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:36.839 your body bigger, or you need to have nicer clothes, because if you're 238 00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:40.759 if you don't have that label, then you're not enough, right, or 239 00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:44.359 you're not lovable, or if your friends have it and you don't have it, 240 00:22:44.440 --> 00:22:48.440 then you're not worthy of love and you're not enough. And I think 241 00:22:48.759 --> 00:22:52.160 one of the big struggles is we have parents who are suffering, and then 242 00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:56.000 the cost of the cost of living is so high, for example, people 243 00:22:56.039 --> 00:22:59.599 are so busy. So if you're if you're growing up in a home and 244 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:04.480 you're not getting the love and attention and support that you need, and nobody 245 00:23:04.519 --> 00:23:08.880 teaches you how to give it to yourself, then you start seeking externally. 246 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:14.839 And so many of our problems come from looking for love outside of ourselves, 247 00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:21.880 looking for value and worth and validation and approval from friends, from a girl 248 00:23:22.039 --> 00:23:25.599 you like, from a boy you like. Then you know, you grow 249 00:23:26.039 --> 00:23:30.720 from your teachers, then from your boss right, and it can become a 250 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:33.880 very unhealthy loop where you know, I talk a lot about this concept of 251 00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:41.079 betraying yourself and compromising yourself and abandoning yourself, and so I see this as 252 00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:47.200 a pattern that starts very young and then continues often through our entire adult life, 253 00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:52.240 where we are abandoning our true self, abandoning our needs, our feelings, 254 00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:59.680 our destiny. Yeah, in exchange for toxic forms of love, toxic 255 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:04.839 fling forms of support, toxic forms of companionship. And we don't realize that 256 00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:10.440 over time this dynamic actually makes us sick. So I think, you know, 257 00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:18.440 in our time, we've made physical money and material wealth and things are 258 00:24:18.559 --> 00:24:22.279 god right, Like if you think about America, we often talk about, 259 00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:26.200 like, what are the biggest buildings in a society? Right, So our 260 00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:30.880 biggest buildings, our skyscrapers, are our financial institutions. Right, Our big 261 00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:38.400 cities are you know, financial institution buildings, and that has become our God. 262 00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:42.960 And I think the bigger picture is that in the developed world we have 263 00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:48.160 lost are rarely a little bit, We've lost our soul a little bit. 264 00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:53.279 And I know you love to talk about ancient traditions, which I resonate with 265 00:24:53.759 --> 00:24:57.119 so deeply, and I think that collectively, especially in the developed world, 266 00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:03.839 we have lost the connection to our soul that everybody is craving. And in 267 00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.920 Buddhism, there's this state of consciousness called the hungry ghost. I don't know 268 00:25:07.960 --> 00:25:11.920 if you've ever heard of it, but the hungry ghost is like a state 269 00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:18.839 of being where you're not really there and nothing is ever enough to fill the 270 00:25:18.920 --> 00:25:23.880 whole inside of you, because like the next car, the next ring, 271 00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:30.039 the next clothing, the next paycheck is never going to be enough to fill 272 00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:34.319 the hole in your heart that's looking for true love and deep spiritual connection and 273 00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:40.359 a deep understanding of your purpose and your destiny in the world, and how 274 00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:45.039 your own purpose and destiny is aligned with the larger collective purpose and destiny. 275 00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:51.680 And so for me, coming back to my story, I did drugs and 276 00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:59.720 got arrested and hurt myself as an unconscious way of initiating myself into adulthood, 277 00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:03.400 into being a man. Because, for example, our culture, we don't 278 00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:07.319 have any healthy forms of initiation, Like Cliff, you and I don't go 279 00:26:07.359 --> 00:26:11.319 out in the desert for forty days and learn to hunt and do vision quests 280 00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:18.119 and meet for sul or meet your maker. Right we now are you know, 281 00:26:18.359 --> 00:26:25.079 shopping and doing drugs and you know, maybe working and going through drug 282 00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:30.119 and alcohol addiction and you know, opiate addiction. I mean, that's a 283 00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:34.319 really good point. We don't have a coming of age tradition in a Western 284 00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:42.160 culture. Some some parents may welcome like in the Hispanic community, you're welcomed 285 00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:51.839 as a young girl into maturity. But it's not like that with the men. 286 00:26:52.680 --> 00:26:55.680 We're kind of left to our own devices. I want you to talk 287 00:26:55.720 --> 00:27:02.319 a little bit about why uncon just parents aren't necessarily to blame. I was 288 00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:07.279 raised by unconscious, unaware of parents who just let me kind of do my 289 00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:11.000 own thing. And the sad thing about that is, as a young person, 290 00:27:11.480 --> 00:27:18.440 I had to raise myself. I was lucky to have a very insightful 291 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:23.839 grand grandparent, my grandfather, who was a huge influence on me. But 292 00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:30.359 a lot of people do not have a parental oversight and they are left to 293 00:27:30.400 --> 00:27:33.559 their own devices. And this is where I can see someone like you, 294 00:27:33.640 --> 00:27:38.720 like I feel hollow, i feel depressed. I'm gonna take drugs, I'm 295 00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:45.680 gonna be I'm gonna drink alcohol, I'm gonna go crazy and tell something interrupts 296 00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:49.880 that, like you know, DUI or whatever, and then you feel like 297 00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:53.960 your life's over. But it's just on one level to many. So talk 298 00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.440 a little bit about parental oversight. Well, I think, like I said, 299 00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:03.359 you know, our parents are typically struggling and doing their best with what 300 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:08.759 they learn from their parents and from society, and then wherever they're apt, 301 00:28:08.880 --> 00:28:11.640 you know, in their development when they bring us into the world and then 302 00:28:11.880 --> 00:28:18.319 and their parenting. And obviously this doesn't excuse like abuse, for example, 303 00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:21.480 because I know a lot of people. You know, I experience verbal and 304 00:28:21.519 --> 00:28:26.279 physical abuse, A lot of people experience physical, verbal, sexual abuse, 305 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:30.759 and so none of this actually justifies it. But again, like I said 306 00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:33.000 before, none of this is our fault. But at some point, when 307 00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:37.440 you start to wake up and you realize maybe you're not as happy or healthy 308 00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:40.720 as you want to be, or your life doesn't look the way that you 309 00:28:40.799 --> 00:28:42.440 want it to be, you have to get to a place where you say, 310 00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:45.440 Okay, this stuff is not my fault, and what can I do 311 00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:49.880 today to take one hundred percent responsibility for my health, for my happiness, 312 00:28:49.920 --> 00:28:53.880 for creating the life that I want. And so I think the bigger theme, 313 00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:57.559 Cliff, that I like to help with people is that this journey, 314 00:28:57.680 --> 00:29:03.079 the lesson, is really learning how to love yourself, value yourself, take 315 00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:08.160 care of yourself, and basically give yourself the love you never got, give 316 00:29:08.200 --> 00:29:11.640 yourself the support you never got. So another way of talking about this is 317 00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:15.920 that we really have to learn how to mother and father our own soul. 318 00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:21.519 And that's the real theme, because you know, it's the idea that no 319 00:29:21.559 --> 00:29:26.039 one's coming to save you, no one's coming to rescue you, you know, 320 00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:26.319 and really, at the end of the day, and you know, 321 00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:30.759 our parents, even if they're great parents, can only do so much for 322 00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:34.519 us because we still have to learn these crucial life lessons like how do I 323 00:29:34.599 --> 00:29:37.440 take care of myself? How do I earn a living? You know, 324 00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:41.680 how do I navigate the world in the time and place that we live in. 325 00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:45.799 And even the best of parents can't prepare you for all that you know, 326 00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:49.319 these are these are parts of our journey that you know, when you're 327 00:29:49.359 --> 00:29:53.279 going to bed by yourself every day and you're waking up, you know, 328 00:29:53.319 --> 00:29:56.519 and you're looking in the mirror and you have this relationship to yourself, to 329 00:29:56.640 --> 00:30:00.559 life, to the universe. You have to find this clarity for yourself, 330 00:30:00.599 --> 00:30:04.759 whether you've come from trauma and suffering or you had a bit of a you 331 00:30:04.759 --> 00:30:10.759 know, privileged and and you know, easier childhood. You know, I 332 00:30:10.839 --> 00:30:15.119 find that suffering hits everybody eventually. You know a lot of people say like, 333 00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:18.000 oh, you know, I had such a tough upbringing. These people 334 00:30:18.039 --> 00:30:22.200 have easier, had better upbringing. But the truth is is that suffering is 335 00:30:22.279 --> 00:30:26.079 the baseline of the human condition, and so you may have had an easier 336 00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:30.960 childhood, but you're gonna You're going to get it unfortunately somehow in adulthood, 337 00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:36.599 through your own children, your marriage, your finances, your health. Because 338 00:30:36.599 --> 00:30:41.079 there are lessons as a human that are unavoidable and we all have to learn 339 00:30:41.119 --> 00:30:44.240 them. And so I think, again, coming back to this theme, 340 00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:48.640 cliff for me is and you know, I work with all kinds of people, 341 00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:52.960 people who come from the worst type of abuse and trauma, and people 342 00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:57.000 who come from the most idyllic privilege that you can imagine, and people who 343 00:30:57.000 --> 00:31:02.000 are very successful, and people who are struggling, and at the core of 344 00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:07.880 everybody suffering in the present is still this same lesson of learning how to love 345 00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:11.640 and value yourself every day from the moment you wake up till the moment you 346 00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:17.440 go to bed, which another way of saying is is parenting your own soul, 347 00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:22.400 giving yourself the unconditional love that you idealize as the perfect mother and perfect 348 00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:26.839 father would have given you and taught you how to do for yourself, which 349 00:31:26.920 --> 00:31:32.759 most people ninety nine point nine nine percent of the people will never ever get 350 00:31:33.279 --> 00:31:36.599 and have to figure out how to do for themselves. Yeah, talk a 351 00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:42.400 little bit about your path, Blake, because the books filled with remedies and 352 00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:52.000 tools and transformational therapeutic types of applications. How did you discover your path? 353 00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:56.759 Did you discover it just by continually falling down and then picking yourself up with 354 00:31:56.839 --> 00:32:05.559 a new tool, or did you begin reading from a certain Indian master? 355 00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:08.759 I mean, for me, when I turned eighteen, my saving grace was 356 00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:15.680 as I learned transcendental meditation a little bit older than you, and I did 357 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:20.640 that, I felt immediate relief. And I also knew this was a tool 358 00:32:20.680 --> 00:32:24.640 I could go within twice a day for twenty minutes and just say screw the 359 00:32:24.680 --> 00:32:29.799 world. I am realized. I call it resetting my brain. I do 360 00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:36.720 this twice a day, and it didn't make me super successful, but when 361 00:32:36.759 --> 00:32:40.480 I was able to calm myself, it was a major step in the right 362 00:32:40.519 --> 00:32:45.720 direction for me. Talk about you absolutely, I love that and I resonate 363 00:32:45.880 --> 00:32:49.519 very deeply with that. So when I was eighteen, I moved away from 364 00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:53.599 home and I was tortured mentally and emotion at that time. And that was 365 00:32:53.680 --> 00:33:00.039 just after my dy and all those challenging things that I shared before I had 366 00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:05.799 blown up my ego and blown up my identity. So I had no idea 367 00:33:05.880 --> 00:33:08.799 who I was anymore, and I was waking up every day very confused, 368 00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:12.519 and my mind was a mess, and I didn't know why I was on 369 00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:16.000 the planet. And I had the awareness and the strength inside of me to 370 00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:21.279 stop drinking and stop getting high because I knew that that was the big thing 371 00:33:21.319 --> 00:33:25.200 that had I had sat how I had sabotaged myself. And then I came 372 00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:30.880 from a family with a lot of drug addiction and self destructive tendency. So 373 00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:34.799 looking at my family and realizing I don't want to end up like that, 374 00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:37.559 and then the pain of what I had already created for myself was enough for 375 00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:42.319 me to stop drinking and stop getting high. But I was a mess inside, 376 00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:45.839 and so I did all the things that you asked me. You know, 377 00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:49.880 Did I fall down and get back up? Oh yeah, all the 378 00:33:49.920 --> 00:33:54.680 time. Do I study texts and the masters? Oh yes, every day, 379 00:33:55.240 --> 00:34:00.359 every text and every master and every philosophy I can find, And like 380 00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:07.359 you share, one of my major saving graces was wandering into a Buddhist meditation 381 00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:10.199 center when I was eight, and I sat down and I learned to train 382 00:34:10.320 --> 00:34:19.159 my mind and it saved my life one hundred percent. And ironically today I 383 00:34:19.400 --> 00:34:25.039 teach with the organization that I walked into to learn meditation over twenty years ago 384 00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:30.760 and now teach with them all the time every year and help thousands of people 385 00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:35.760 through that love and that relationship we have. So you got involved a Zin 386 00:34:35.920 --> 00:34:40.679 center somewhere. It was actually just Buddhism, but I studied as well, 387 00:34:40.760 --> 00:34:46.239 and I'm not a Buddhist. I don't identify with any religion, and so 388 00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:50.639 that was a really big part of my healing. And so I basically if 389 00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:54.719 I did everything and anything I could to feel better. So that included eating 390 00:34:54.800 --> 00:35:00.719 healthy, taking lots of supplements and vitamins, eating everything I could, learning 391 00:35:00.800 --> 00:35:07.039 practices like meditation, like yoga, like tai chi, like chigong, learning 392 00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:12.599 to get good sleep, you know, going to experience different types of healers, 393 00:35:13.159 --> 00:35:15.360 you know, home me up. I have to ask you, Blake, 394 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:19.760 it must have been traumatic for your family to say at eighteen, because 395 00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:23.000 eighteen you're like you're a senior, yeah, and it's like I'm leaving. 396 00:35:23.280 --> 00:35:27.320 They must have lost it, they must have flipped out completely. Where did 397 00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:30.800 you go? Did you go to another relatives home or what did you do 398 00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:35.400 well. So this was just after high school. High school, but you're 399 00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:39.039 still young. That's very young for guys. Yeah, I moved to Colorado 400 00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:44.599 and you know, under the guise of going to college, so okay, 401 00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:47.719 and you know, and I wasn't able to focus, you know, I 402 00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:52.519 couldn't even I couldn't even think straight. I was such a mess inside. 403 00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:57.960 And so being away from my family, being away from those social, you 404 00:35:57.960 --> 00:36:02.760 know, relationships that I had developed a lot of destructive habits within, was 405 00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:07.440 really healing for me. It was kind of like, it's funny, I'm 406 00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.480 doing another podcast in a day on a show called starting Over, you know, 407 00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:17.000 and had this opportunity to start over at a young age because who break 408 00:36:17.320 --> 00:36:22.920 was died, you know, this captain of the football team, big ego, 409 00:36:22.199 --> 00:36:27.679 arrogant, doing drugs, drinking, being reckless and self destructive. Like 410 00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:31.159 that person had to die or else I was physically going to die. So 411 00:36:31.239 --> 00:36:37.840 that identity, that that facade that I had built up to survive had to 412 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:40.760 die. But then I didn't know who I was when that was gone, 413 00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:47.440 and all there was was suffering and shame and paranoia and anxiety. There was 414 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:52.800 something that was happening with you, you had your soul or some part of 415 00:36:52.840 --> 00:36:55.639 you was guiding you. You can talk about that a little bit later, 416 00:36:55.679 --> 00:37:00.760 but this is a message I think comes through in your book is that there 417 00:37:00.960 --> 00:37:07.599 is a source, there's a soul, there is some form of awareness within 418 00:37:07.719 --> 00:37:13.079 each of us that we need to tap. Absolutely, talk about that, 419 00:37:13.800 --> 00:37:17.400 absolutely. Yeah. I think, like I was saying this theme is I 420 00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:23.199 was listening to my instinct and intuition, you know, intuitively, but I 421 00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:27.119 didn't understand it from a big, big, the bigger picture. But I 422 00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:30.599 was trusting it because if I couldn't trust that, who could I trust? 423 00:37:30.800 --> 00:37:34.679 Right? And I didn't really feel like I had anybody else. So I 424 00:37:34.679 --> 00:37:38.119 had to start to listen to that inner voice and not numb it and you 425 00:37:38.159 --> 00:37:43.639 know, cover it up and run from it. And you know, I 426 00:37:43.719 --> 00:37:45.960 was also on this journey of seeking outside. You know, I was looking 427 00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:50.800 outside of myself for answers. I was looking outside of myself for healing. 428 00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:54.320 I was looking outside of myself for love. I was looking outside of myself 429 00:37:54.360 --> 00:37:59.760 for my destiny. I was looking outside of myself for my purpose and eventually 430 00:38:00.199 --> 00:38:05.079 looking outside of myself so much and spending so much time, energy, money 431 00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:10.000 doing that and hurting myself. Really looking outside of myself, I realized that 432 00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:15.719 the love I was looking for was in me all along, and it actually 433 00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:22.159 was my true nature, and the purpose I was looking for outside of myself 434 00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:25.800 was actually inside of me. It was me, It was my true nature, 435 00:38:25.800 --> 00:38:30.280 but nobody ever told me that or taught me how to take care of 436 00:38:30.320 --> 00:38:35.159 it. And so over time, I think through learning to have a healthier 437 00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:39.440 and more loving relationship to myself, Cliff, and also through training my mind 438 00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:45.400 meditation is a big part of this. I learned to trust myself because if 439 00:38:45.440 --> 00:38:51.559 you don't train your mind, you'll never be able to trust yourself because your 440 00:38:51.599 --> 00:38:53.880 mind will be all over the place and you're always going to question your thinking 441 00:38:54.159 --> 00:38:58.519 right. And if you don't listen to the voice inside of yourself, that 442 00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:04.119 means you're always traying yourself, which means you'll never trust yourself. So I 443 00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:07.679 started listening to that voice, and I didn't realize that subconsciously and instinctly, 444 00:39:07.719 --> 00:39:13.199 I was building up this trust and this faith that over time was going to 445 00:39:13.239 --> 00:39:16.400 help me make big decision, you know, take take leaps of faith, 446 00:39:17.039 --> 00:39:20.840 you know, write a book. At a very young age, when people 447 00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:24.719 thought I was crazy and you're talking about get a real job, you know. 448 00:39:25.599 --> 00:39:31.760 So I think, you know, over time, the meditation, you 449 00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:37.800 know, healthy habits all help this awareness inside me grow and then help me 450 00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:45.559 trust it. And then my meditation practice helped me realize and grasp that I 451 00:39:45.760 --> 00:39:50.599 wasn't my thoughts, I wasn't the voices in my head, but that I 452 00:39:50.920 --> 00:39:57.000 was the presence, the awareness, the consciousness, the light behind the thoughts. 453 00:39:57.519 --> 00:40:00.480 So the more I meditated, the more I can to my true self, 454 00:40:00.920 --> 00:40:06.039 that presence, that awareness, that consciousness inside, and I began to 455 00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:12.239 trust that because that felt much more stable, much more wise right, much 456 00:40:12.280 --> 00:40:17.719 more reliable and clear. And so this snow beld over time to where, 457 00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:23.119 you know, I started to understand how I had found in retrospect the source 458 00:40:23.119 --> 00:40:28.400 of healing, the source of love, the source of peace inside of myself 459 00:40:29.239 --> 00:40:32.840 through learning how to love myself. And that's what really drove me to write 460 00:40:32.840 --> 00:40:37.840 the book. I wrote to help all the people I've helped this because I 461 00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:44.039 knew the desperation and the pain and the torture of constantly looking outside of myself. 462 00:40:44.119 --> 00:40:45.800 You know, like, maybe the answer is in this book. Maybe 463 00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:52.000 it's in this guru, Maybe it's in this training, and the truth is 464 00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:55.920 is that nobody has ever taught us exactly how to love ourselves, how to 465 00:40:55.960 --> 00:41:00.800 relate to ourselves and the healthiest, kindest, most compassionate way. And as 466 00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:06.039 you learn to do that, you realize that the source of what you're looking 467 00:41:06.039 --> 00:41:12.760 for is inside and has always been there. But these typically are very esoteric 468 00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:17.320 or beautiful ideas that are like nice philosophies, which I'm gonna use are really 469 00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:22.440 a term that is not the most tasteful, but it gets the point across. 470 00:41:22.679 --> 00:41:28.599 I call it mental masturbation. It's like, we like to have all 471 00:41:28.679 --> 00:41:31.360 these beautiful thoughts, but if we don't know how to walk that talk and 472 00:41:31.480 --> 00:41:37.119 embody it and make it practical, then all it is is maybe good conversation 473 00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:42.199 or kind of delusional, fantastical thinking. Because we need to be able to 474 00:41:42.239 --> 00:41:46.079 integrate this so that we can be in our body right now and in this 475 00:41:46.280 --> 00:41:52.480 life and enjoy being here and not be suffering and not be hurting ourselves looking 476 00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:59.159 outside of ourselves for love, for purpose, for healing. We're going to 477 00:41:59.199 --> 00:42:02.800 take a short commer. She'll break and allow our sponsors to identify themselves, 478 00:42:04.440 --> 00:42:09.679 and we will return shortly with my guest today Blake Bauer talking about his newest 479 00:42:09.679 --> 00:42:30.199 book, You Were Not Born to Suffer. We'll be right back. You 480 00:42:30.840 --> 00:42:35.639 one on the run, But do we even know about you? Run from 481 00:42:36.239 --> 00:42:43.320 you, you shy from the vain hope it will never come back again. 482 00:42:45.239 --> 00:42:54.000 Try and try your new because love is always knocking new. My guest today 483 00:42:54.079 --> 00:43:00.480 is Blake Bauer. He is a internationally recognized teacher who has tensive experience working 484 00:43:00.519 --> 00:43:09.239 with people in relationships in group settings. To discuss personal growth in spiritual development, 485 00:43:13.400 --> 00:43:17.639 you distill your experience down to these chapters, and I want to go 486 00:43:17.679 --> 00:43:24.320 through a few chapters in our time today talk about healthy selfishness as kind of 487 00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:31.639 an opening because we think of selfishness as a behavior that is abhorrent to you 488 00:43:31.679 --> 00:43:37.920 know, good communication, good socialization. When you think of a selfish person, 489 00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:42.159 you think of somebody who's somebody you want to do, not want to 490 00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:45.280 be around. But what are you referring to? Absolutely so, Cliff, 491 00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:52.079 you probably couldn't have picked a better or more loaded chapter to dive into. 492 00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:55.320 But I think on a high level, we all know that if we are 493 00:43:55.400 --> 00:44:00.039 not taking good care of ourselves and we are stressed and bread thin, right, 494 00:44:00.440 --> 00:44:04.440 So let's say, I'm trying to be the most selfless person, and 495 00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:07.239 I'm taking care of everybody, and I'm not taking care of my health, 496 00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:12.599 and I'm not sleeping well, and I'm just looking after everybody and working hard 497 00:44:12.679 --> 00:44:15.960 and picking up after everybody. Then what typically comes of that, some of 498 00:44:15.960 --> 00:44:21.360 them gets burnt out. They get resentful, they get short, they get 499 00:44:21.400 --> 00:44:23.880 snappy, and so at a high level, we all know and we realize 500 00:44:23.920 --> 00:44:28.800 at some point that we have to learn how to keep our cup full because 501 00:44:28.840 --> 00:44:30.760 eventually we're just going to burn out, right, And so that's where you 502 00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:35.079 start to think, well, okay, so some self care and self love 503 00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:38.840 is necessary because that's the only way to keep my cup full, right, 504 00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:44.400 And then you know, but then you know, I think, because we 505 00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:49.440 never learned how to love ourselves, and we're in a little bit of denial, 506 00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:53.480 which I'm going to explain, we make self love and self care wrong 507 00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:59.159 and call it selfish. And I think it's a really big part of our 508 00:44:59.239 --> 00:45:01.639 problem. And Cliff, let's say you and I are in a relationship, 509 00:45:02.000 --> 00:45:06.239 you know, and so then we start to use it to manipulate, right. 510 00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:12.199 So I might say, Cliff, you are so selfish because you're not 511 00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:16.199 doing what I want you to do, Like, you see what's wrong with 512 00:45:16.239 --> 00:45:22.920 that? Yeah, it's reversed. They're so selfish because you're not behaving in 513 00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:27.400 a way that I want you to write. So I am using this idea 514 00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:31.039 of selfishness basically to manipulate. Okay, but now I'm going to take us 515 00:45:31.079 --> 00:45:34.920 one step deeper down to the rabbit hole. And because this is one of 516 00:45:34.920 --> 00:45:37.880 the most important things that I think I can share with the community that's listening. 517 00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:42.320 So do you remember when I asked, I brought the idea of when 518 00:45:42.320 --> 00:45:47.039 we were conceived earlier in the in our chat. So if you think back 519 00:45:47.079 --> 00:45:52.480 to the night you were conceived, Cliff, and for the listeners, think 520 00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:57.039 back to the night you were conceived, your parents conceived you. And then 521 00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:00.840 this is what I do in my retreats, and I say, now, 522 00:46:00.960 --> 00:46:06.920 ask yourself, why were you conceived? Like what was the driving factor? 523 00:46:07.159 --> 00:46:09.079 Right? And so when we think about all the answers to that question, 524 00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:14.119 there's a lot of different ones. Right, there's pleasure, Right, we 525 00:46:14.119 --> 00:46:16.840 were just having sex. We were having fun, you know, there was 526 00:46:17.239 --> 00:46:22.880 I was an accident. My mom didn't want it, but he did. 527 00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:29.159 Terrible to say that though, right, But it's a very common it's very 528 00:46:29.239 --> 00:46:32.920 very common, and that's at the roots of a lot of people suffering because 529 00:46:32.920 --> 00:46:37.239 deep down, they don't even feel worthy of existing. And that's where I'm 530 00:46:37.239 --> 00:46:40.079 going with this, because if you feel like you were an accident, then 531 00:46:40.119 --> 00:46:44.960 you don't even feel worthy of being here. And if you don't feel worthy 532 00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:49.000 of being here, you don't feel worthy of love, You don't feel worthy 533 00:46:49.039 --> 00:46:52.320 of happiness, You don't feel worthy of even your emotions, or your needs, 534 00:46:52.440 --> 00:46:55.920 or your destiny and your purpose. If at your base, at the 535 00:46:57.559 --> 00:47:00.639 very root of your existence, you feel like you are a mistake or an 536 00:47:00.719 --> 00:47:05.559 accent or there are a lot of kids who grow up with parents who say 537 00:47:05.599 --> 00:47:08.679 I wish I never had children, And when you hear that message, it 538 00:47:09.400 --> 00:47:15.159 affects people very deeply. That leads to all kinds of depression and physical illness. 539 00:47:15.199 --> 00:47:17.400 And so I bring this up because then I ask, Okay, so 540 00:47:17.639 --> 00:47:22.320 you think about why you were conceived, And then I ask people, so 541 00:47:23.079 --> 00:47:30.039 was that motive selfish or selfless? So when your parents were making love or 542 00:47:30.039 --> 00:47:36.079 having sex for whatever reason, was it selfish or selfless? Right? So 543 00:47:36.440 --> 00:47:38.039 you know, do you think your parents were being intimate and they said to 544 00:47:38.079 --> 00:47:43.119 each other. Let's make love, and we're going to create life, and 545 00:47:43.159 --> 00:47:47.280 then we're going to sacrifice our needs and our peace for the next twenty years, 546 00:47:49.079 --> 00:47:52.360 just to be blamed for doing everything wrong later. Right, do you 547 00:47:52.360 --> 00:47:58.119 think that's what they agreed to? Know they were? And I break this 548 00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:01.719 down and we have these heated conversations, but eventually what you get to is 549 00:48:01.760 --> 00:48:07.639 that it's always selfish, but there's actually nothing wrong with that. And what 550 00:48:07.719 --> 00:48:14.239 you start to see is that nature is intrinsically designed to be selfish, to 551 00:48:14.440 --> 00:48:19.599 self preserve and to build itself, and then that is the way that it 552 00:48:19.639 --> 00:48:22.320 becomes of benefit to everything around it. So I like to talk about the 553 00:48:22.360 --> 00:48:27.960 apple tree. If you think about an apple tree, the apple tree selfishly 554 00:48:28.039 --> 00:48:30.519 takes what it needs right from the earth. It takes the nutrients the water, 555 00:48:31.079 --> 00:48:35.239 It takes what it needs from the atmosphere, and it takes the light 556 00:48:35.320 --> 00:48:38.840 from the sun. And by selfishly taking what it needs, it grows into 557 00:48:38.880 --> 00:48:46.000 this abundant tree that produces fruit and oxygen and shelter, becomes a home for 558 00:48:46.159 --> 00:48:53.679 animals and bugs, but then produces oxygen for decades and produces food for decades. 559 00:48:53.760 --> 00:48:58.679 Right. But it's only when it gets what it needs, and we 560 00:48:58.800 --> 00:49:01.199 are like that apple tree, right, and we need to learn how to 561 00:49:01.360 --> 00:49:07.480 give ourselves what we need on a regular basis so we can sustain our giving 562 00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:12.599 and keep our cup full. And so one of the biggest blocks that we 563 00:49:12.679 --> 00:49:17.079 have to overcome to do that on a daily basis is this confusion around the 564 00:49:17.079 --> 00:49:22.280 theme of selfishness, because what it brings up is our guilt. Right, 565 00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:29.320 I feel guilty for taking care of me instead of focusing on everybody else. 566 00:49:29.760 --> 00:49:32.920 And what I have found, Cliff now, from working with hundreds of thousands 567 00:49:32.960 --> 00:49:37.519 of people over the last two decades, is that everybody has this guilt and 568 00:49:37.559 --> 00:49:43.119 it goes back to the beginning of our life because we were born to selfish 569 00:49:43.159 --> 00:49:46.119 people. And it's not that they're bad people or wrong, it's just human 570 00:49:46.239 --> 00:49:51.679 nature. They were selfish. They were figuring out their own stuff, which, 571 00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:53.960 like you've alluded to, left us to try and figure out a lot 572 00:49:53.960 --> 00:49:59.840 of stuff on our own. And so a lot of us have this guilt 573 00:50:00.039 --> 00:50:04.880 where we feel guilty for being here, We feel guilty for having feelings, 574 00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:09.000 we feel guilty for having needs, and we have guilty. We feel guilty 575 00:50:09.039 --> 00:50:14.719 for having a calling, which is directly connected to the theme of your destiny 576 00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:17.119 and your purpose. But if you don't know how to honor your needs, 577 00:50:17.559 --> 00:50:21.679 if you don't know how to honor your feelings, if you don't know how 578 00:50:21.679 --> 00:50:27.199 to honor your desires, you can never walk the practical path every day to 579 00:50:27.239 --> 00:50:30.559 your destiny and to the fulfillment of your purpose. You have to learn to 580 00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:37.639 say I matter, my feelings matter, my needs matter, this voice, 581 00:50:37.679 --> 00:50:42.599 this calling matters. And when you learn to say I matter, this matters, 582 00:50:42.880 --> 00:50:46.079 every day you walk towards your destiny, towards your purpose. Yeah. 583 00:50:46.119 --> 00:50:49.880 I like that a lot. That leads me to my next topic, which 584 00:50:49.920 --> 00:50:55.159 is self esteem. Yeah, and you have a chapter called Healing Guilt, 585 00:50:55.360 --> 00:51:01.840 Shame, and Insecurity, which leads to self esteem. And i'd like you 586 00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:07.199 to talk a little bit about how we nurture our self esteem. And of 587 00:51:07.239 --> 00:51:15.239 course your book provides excellent affirmations and tools for nurturing self esteem, but i'd 588 00:51:15.280 --> 00:51:20.760 like for you to talk to the listeners about some of the technique perhaps that 589 00:51:20.800 --> 00:51:27.159 you've found are the best and most beneficial. Yeah, absolutely so, thanks 590 00:51:27.159 --> 00:51:31.000 clip So that's the perfect segue from what I just said before. So to 591 00:51:31.039 --> 00:51:36.599 me, the most important insight when it comes to self esteem and confidence is 592 00:51:36.719 --> 00:51:42.719 understanding this idea of trusting yourself and valuing yourself and how do I do that 593 00:51:42.840 --> 00:51:46.519 practically? And so if someone's listening and they feel like they struggle with their 594 00:51:46.719 --> 00:51:52.599 sense of self esteem and self worth, the most important thing to understand is 595 00:51:52.639 --> 00:51:59.400 that we got here because early on we never learned to feel and believe that 596 00:51:59.440 --> 00:52:04.000 we were work and that we mattered, okay, And practically, how that 597 00:52:04.079 --> 00:52:07.519 shows up is that because basically we repeat our habits every day and that's how 598 00:52:07.559 --> 00:52:12.599 we get to where we are. And so the habit that leads to bad 599 00:52:12.679 --> 00:52:19.599 self esteem and poor self worth is saying to yourself, I don't matter or 600 00:52:19.639 --> 00:52:22.360 I'm not worthy. And how that plays out is when you say, my 601 00:52:22.559 --> 00:52:28.840 feelings don't matter, my needs don't matter, my preferences, or my calling 602 00:52:29.400 --> 00:52:32.920 doesn't matter. And so a lot of times in relationships and throughout our life, 603 00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:36.239 a lot of us are living on a day to day basis where we 604 00:52:36.320 --> 00:52:43.440 internalize, repress, reject our feelings, we internalize, repress, reject our 605 00:52:43.519 --> 00:52:50.639 needs, we internalize, repress reject our calling or our desires either because we're 606 00:52:50.679 --> 00:52:52.760 just not aware of them. Right, We're on an autopilot, or we're 607 00:52:52.800 --> 00:52:57.800 afraid to talk about them, or we haven't we have never learned the tools 608 00:52:57.840 --> 00:53:00.000 to talk about them effectively, and we don't want to make a mess. 609 00:53:00.119 --> 00:53:06.880 You know, we're self conscious about even beginning the conversation. And so when 610 00:53:06.920 --> 00:53:12.119 you feel something and you don't express it, you're betraying yourself. When you 611 00:53:12.239 --> 00:53:16.360 need something and you don't express it, you're betraying yourself. When you feel 612 00:53:16.440 --> 00:53:21.639 called or passionate about something, but you're always stopping yourself out of fear, 613 00:53:22.039 --> 00:53:27.320 you're betraying yourself, which means you're hurting yourself with all these habits. Okay, 614 00:53:27.599 --> 00:53:30.000 And then the other thing that comes in the same theme is that when 615 00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:34.840 you don't train your mind and your mind is running all over the place every 616 00:53:34.920 --> 00:53:39.280 day, you're betraying yourself. You are hurting yourself because you're allowing your mind 617 00:53:39.280 --> 00:53:44.800 and your thoughts to just do whatever, and you're the victim of those unhealthy 618 00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:49.119 thoughts. So, you know, Cliff, if I was your brother and 619 00:53:49.199 --> 00:53:53.880 I betrayed you and hurt you on a daily basis, would you trust me? 620 00:53:55.360 --> 00:54:04.639 No? Would you like me? It depends because there's friends that you 621 00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:07.800 like so to a certain level, and then you have people that you love 622 00:54:07.880 --> 00:54:13.199 which you think, oh love one, So it'd be tough. So if 623 00:54:13.239 --> 00:54:16.280 I don't train God, i'd be It'd be tough if I was abusive to 624 00:54:16.360 --> 00:54:20.599 you but betraying you on a daily basis, right, it'd be hard to 625 00:54:21.039 --> 00:54:24.440 like me right and hard to trust me right. So I'm drawing this out 626 00:54:24.480 --> 00:54:29.679 because this is actually the relationship that most of us have with ourselves. We 627 00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:35.760 abuse ourselves, We allow ourselves to be mistreated, We reject and betray our 628 00:54:35.840 --> 00:54:38.920 true feelings and our true needs and our true calling too much on a daily 629 00:54:38.960 --> 00:54:45.840 basis, and so that the result of that is me feeling like I don't 630 00:54:45.880 --> 00:54:50.599 have a lot of value. But also I don't trust myself. And a 631 00:54:50.639 --> 00:54:54.480 lot of self esteem has to do with trusting yourself and valuing yourself. So 632 00:54:54.519 --> 00:54:59.079 then the question is, Okay, well, I see I don't value myself 633 00:54:59.280 --> 00:55:04.519 because I keep letting myself be mistreated. I'm abusing myself, I'm rejecting my 634 00:55:04.639 --> 00:55:08.000 true self. So how do I change this? While the key is to 635 00:55:08.079 --> 00:55:13.000 learn how to start being your own best friend, being good to yourself, 636 00:55:13.119 --> 00:55:17.599 being loving to yourself in the present as a practice, just like transcendental meditation. 637 00:55:17.760 --> 00:55:21.800 Right, it's like twenty minutes a day, twice a day. It's 638 00:55:21.840 --> 00:55:25.800 a practice. Learning to love yourself and have a healthy relationship to yourself is 639 00:55:25.840 --> 00:55:30.719 a practice that you have to practice throughout the day every day, from the 640 00:55:30.719 --> 00:55:34.159 moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. And every time 641 00:55:35.800 --> 00:55:39.400 you express what you're really feeling, every time you express what you need, 642 00:55:39.840 --> 00:55:45.360 every time you act in integrity with your inner calling, your instinct, your 643 00:55:45.360 --> 00:55:49.920 intuition, what's really going on inside of you, you start to trust yourself 644 00:55:49.960 --> 00:55:52.960 again, and you're telling yourself just a little bit more that day that you 645 00:55:53.079 --> 00:56:00.280 are worthy, you matter, you're valuable, and over time you rebuild old 646 00:56:00.519 --> 00:56:02.880 trust in yourself. It's just like, let's say you've been married to someone 647 00:56:02.920 --> 00:56:07.760 for twenty years and you have kids, and you have this life together, 648 00:56:07.119 --> 00:56:10.440 and one of you really fucks up and betrays the other one, Right, 649 00:56:12.199 --> 00:56:16.039 there are a lot of certain situations where in that marriage they will work to 650 00:56:16.119 --> 00:56:20.679 come back together and try and trust each other again because they have built so 651 00:56:21.000 --> 00:56:24.000 much together that they don't want to lose it all. Right, Yeah, 652 00:56:24.039 --> 00:56:29.800 And that's kind of like our relationship to ourself is like you've been with yourself 653 00:56:29.880 --> 00:56:34.400 for decades and you can't get rid of yourself. You can't reverse yourself, 654 00:56:34.440 --> 00:56:37.599 even if you would like to write. Then the question is how do I 655 00:56:37.760 --> 00:56:44.480 rebuild trust? I have to heal this and so to rebuild self esteem, 656 00:56:44.920 --> 00:56:49.119 to rebuild confidence, to rebuild trust in yourself, you have to learn to 657 00:56:49.199 --> 00:56:52.119 be good to yourself, to be your own best friend, practically from the 658 00:56:52.159 --> 00:56:54.480 moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed, and so I 659 00:56:54.480 --> 00:56:59.000 and a lot of my work, that's what I focus on helping people understand 660 00:56:59.079 --> 00:57:01.480 is what I learned the hot way, how you actually do that? And 661 00:57:01.519 --> 00:57:06.320 so, for example, taking care of your mind is one of those secrets, 662 00:57:06.639 --> 00:57:09.360 because if you don't take care of your mind and train it, you'll 663 00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:14.639 never trust yourself fully. How can you have full self esteem and self confidence? 664 00:57:15.280 --> 00:57:17.239 If your mind is all over a place and you don't trust your thinking, 665 00:57:17.480 --> 00:57:22.679 and you don't trust your reactions, and you don't trust your perception on 666 00:57:22.760 --> 00:57:27.559 reality, you can't have strong self esteem. Right. So that's the key 667 00:57:27.639 --> 00:57:30.320 is to learn how to to take really good care of yourself in the present, 668 00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:36.000 and then you're rebuilding trust on a daily basis. Let's bring in a 669 00:57:36.039 --> 00:57:39.679 tool because each chapter ends with a series of tools. Why don't you give 670 00:57:39.760 --> 00:57:45.519 us a suggestion for an affirmation for self esteem? Okay, beautiful, I 671 00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:49.519 think it'd be great. Give us you know how we proceed, how we 672 00:57:49.559 --> 00:57:54.119 would use an affirmation to begin building self esteem. Absolutely so. I'm sure 673 00:57:54.400 --> 00:58:00.119 most people who risksen are familiar with affirmations and affirmation to refresh our memory. 674 00:58:00.199 --> 00:58:05.920 Just for for those who don't use affirmations, yeah, absolutely so. Affirmations 675 00:58:06.360 --> 00:58:13.199 tend to be a positive or healthy thought or phrase that are typically a higher 676 00:58:13.280 --> 00:58:17.719 vibration than a lot of the other limiting beliefs and thoughts that we think on 677 00:58:17.760 --> 00:58:22.159 a daily basis. So like a lot of people might might think a thought 678 00:58:22.159 --> 00:58:24.880 and they're not even aware of it, like I'm not worthy of love, 679 00:58:25.440 --> 00:58:30.039 right, or I'm not good enough right, which then drives I need to 680 00:58:30.039 --> 00:58:34.760 go shopping so I can be good enough, right. Negative affirmation exactly, 681 00:58:35.079 --> 00:58:37.679 And we're very good at that, right. And then the other thing we 682 00:58:37.719 --> 00:58:40.599 do a lot is we have a lot of fear, So we also worry 683 00:58:40.639 --> 00:58:45.239 a lot, right, And we all realize that worry plays out our thoughts. 684 00:58:45.679 --> 00:58:47.679 And there's a saying, I'm sure you've heard that I love which is 685 00:58:47.679 --> 00:58:52.360 that you know, worrying is like praying for what you don't want, right, 686 00:58:53.000 --> 00:58:59.679 So affirmations help you pray for what you want. Affirmations help you pray 687 00:58:59.719 --> 00:59:04.119 for how you want to feel right and how you want to be. And 688 00:59:04.159 --> 00:59:07.079 then the other thing is is that when you wake up in the morning, 689 00:59:07.760 --> 00:59:12.719 your brain starts to fire off thoughts, right, and those thoughts are typically 690 00:59:12.760 --> 00:59:15.920 based on your conditioning, And we wake up and a lot of us start 691 00:59:15.960 --> 00:59:19.880 thinking like, oh man, what I got to do today? I'm so 692 00:59:20.039 --> 00:59:22.559 stressed, I'm so anxious. I got a zillion things to do, And 693 00:59:22.639 --> 00:59:28.639 so that's causing parts of your brain to fire that are tied to fear and 694 00:59:28.719 --> 00:59:34.360 to stress. And when that happens, your body starts producing unhealthy chemicals like 695 00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:42.159 thoasol. Right, So when you start using affirmations, which means intentionally and 696 00:59:42.280 --> 00:59:49.400 consciously choosing positive thoughts, healthier thoughts, you're also starting to activate parts of 697 00:59:49.400 --> 00:59:53.599 your brain that have atrophied or that are not fully switched on. And so 698 00:59:53.639 --> 00:59:59.440 when you start to ding in affirmation like I am worthy of healthy love, 699 01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:05.039 where I am worthy of kindness and respect is a really good one. I 700 01:00:05.079 --> 01:00:09.599 am worthy of kindness and respect. Just saying that thought to yourself turns on 701 01:00:09.719 --> 01:00:14.199 a part of your brain that has been off, and that part of your 702 01:00:14.239 --> 01:00:19.159 brain starts to release serotonin and dopamine. So instead of releasing quota is al, 703 01:00:19.800 --> 01:00:23.039 you're releasing the chemicals that actually make you healthier and make you happier. 704 01:00:23.119 --> 01:00:27.679 I really like that the fact that you're bringing that up, which is something 705 01:00:28.079 --> 01:00:32.800 rarely discussed, which is the fact that when you're actually using these I'm going 706 01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:38.639 to call them software applications, which are affirmations, you actually turn things on, 707 01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:45.039 like hormones being released in the brain. That's fascinating. I that's first 708 01:00:45.039 --> 01:00:50.480 time I've actually heard that perspective. And those are important because those are helping 709 01:00:50.639 --> 01:00:54.679 heal, right, as opposed to make you sick. And that's why this 710 01:00:54.800 --> 01:00:59.440 is so important, because when you're in a stress response, you know, 711 01:00:59.519 --> 01:01:04.000 most of the day, and your body's pumping cortisol into your body, it's 712 01:01:04.119 --> 01:01:07.760 making you sick, right. And this is like this whole theme of like 713 01:01:08.079 --> 01:01:14.440 not blaming our parents and taking full responsibility. You have to take full responsibility 714 01:01:14.480 --> 01:01:17.519 for your thoughts and your mind if you want to heal completely, so that 715 01:01:17.599 --> 01:01:22.519 you can start pumping these good chemicals through your body. Instead of thinking you 716 01:01:22.519 --> 01:01:25.719 need a pill or a surgeon to do it for you, you can learn 717 01:01:25.760 --> 01:01:30.800 to use your energy, your consciousness, your attention, your thinking to generate 718 01:01:30.920 --> 01:01:35.719 good chemistry, good biochemistry in your body, good energy. I don't know, 719 01:01:35.840 --> 01:01:42.159 are you familiar with people like doctor Bruce Lipton? Yeah, and epigenetics. 720 01:01:42.480 --> 01:01:46.159 Right. So when I think I am worthy of healthy love, I 721 01:01:46.199 --> 01:01:52.960 am worthy of kindness and respect, I am creating a healthier environment in my 722 01:01:52.119 --> 01:01:59.119 body in which my cells are living. And then that actually creates It's proven 723 01:01:59.239 --> 01:02:06.039 scientifically that creates the environment that determines genetic expression. So when we talk about 724 01:02:06.079 --> 01:02:08.760 turning on and off, if I wake up and I think I hate my 725 01:02:08.840 --> 01:02:15.920 fucking life and nobody loves me and I'll never be good enough, you're creating 726 01:02:15.920 --> 01:02:19.639 this environment and the energy and the water of your body where your cells are 727 01:02:19.719 --> 01:02:25.400 living. That's gonna turn on disease genetically and turn off the healing process because 728 01:02:25.400 --> 01:02:30.800 you're telling your body basically, I don't really like being alive. I don't 729 01:02:30.840 --> 01:02:34.280 really like being here. But when you say, you know what, I 730 01:02:34.320 --> 01:02:37.960 am worthy of a good life, I'm worthy of healthy love, I'm worthy 731 01:02:38.000 --> 01:02:42.960 of kindness and respect. You're telling your body it's safe, it's okay to 732 01:02:43.000 --> 01:02:46.880 turn on these healing mechanisms or off the disease response, that you want to 733 01:02:46.920 --> 01:02:51.320 be here, that you can make your time here better, you know, 734 01:02:51.440 --> 01:02:54.039 from your own consciousness, from choosing to make it so. And then, 735 01:02:54.159 --> 01:02:59.599 like your analogy, you're turning on healing, you're turning on more positivity, 736 01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:07.920 and you're turning on more possibilities for success, for healing, for great love 737 01:03:07.960 --> 01:03:13.000 and relationships. I love that absolutely. I mean because again, like if 738 01:03:13.039 --> 01:03:15.360 I feel, let's say, Cliff, if I have this affirmation running this 739 01:03:15.559 --> 01:03:20.920 thought loop, running this belief that I'm not worthy or I'm not good enough, 740 01:03:21.559 --> 01:03:25.800 then I meet this beautiful woman who likes me, but I'll sabotage it 741 01:03:25.880 --> 01:03:30.760 because I have this program running in my head. Whereas if I am aware 742 01:03:30.800 --> 01:03:35.519 of I have that program, and I meet this beautiful, amazing, switched 743 01:03:35.519 --> 01:03:38.639 on person that maybe is the right person for me, and I notice, 744 01:03:38.760 --> 01:03:42.800 oh man, why am I thinking this negative thought. I don't have to 745 01:03:42.880 --> 01:03:46.519 keep feeding that story and you don't have to switch. This is not about 746 01:03:46.559 --> 01:03:51.679 being delusional on switching to the other extreme, like I'm the best thing that's 747 01:03:51.719 --> 01:03:55.920 ever happened you know I'm perfect. It's not about that, but just pausing 748 01:03:55.960 --> 01:04:00.960 and being like, well, you know what, maybe I and worthy of 749 01:04:00.039 --> 01:04:05.960 healthy love. Maybe I've always deserved to be appreciated, you know, and 750 01:04:06.159 --> 01:04:11.280 just start being open, like you said, to the possibility that there's a 751 01:04:11.320 --> 01:04:14.880 new way to relate to yourself, a new way to relate to life, 752 01:04:15.119 --> 01:04:18.719 a new way to experience love. If you've experienced toxic love in the past, 753 01:04:19.079 --> 01:04:23.119 you know, maybe you've been sick for a while. You got to 754 01:04:23.440 --> 01:04:27.320 You can't hear unless in your mind you can imagine the possibility of healing. 755 01:04:28.039 --> 01:04:32.639 Right. You can't leave the job you hate and pursue your purpose and your 756 01:04:32.639 --> 01:04:38.559 destiny if you can't imagine a reality where you're making a living doing what you 757 01:04:38.639 --> 01:04:45.199 love. Exactly. Yeah, the books called you were Not Born to Suffer. 758 01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:48.519 My guest has been Blake Bauer. Blake. As we conclude, I 759 01:04:48.559 --> 01:04:56.239 want you to talk a little bit about a chapter that is called what covers 760 01:04:57.000 --> 01:05:01.199 simply living in survival mode. And I think a lot of us live in 761 01:05:01.239 --> 01:05:05.039 this situation. We're just surviving. Every day. I'm going to get through 762 01:05:05.039 --> 01:05:09.239 another day. I'm not happy. I don't like my relationship, I don't 763 01:05:09.280 --> 01:05:13.159 like my life. I'm overweight, I'm eating crap, but this is all 764 01:05:13.199 --> 01:05:16.519 I have living in a survival mode. Why is that a problem? And 765 01:05:16.599 --> 01:05:19.599 how do we get out of it? That's a big bite. I gave 766 01:05:19.679 --> 01:05:25.400 you a lot to cover. It is a big bite. And one thing 767 01:05:25.440 --> 01:05:29.280 I was going to say is maybe when we get off in the show notes, 768 01:05:29.320 --> 01:05:31.320 I can send you this little meditation I have that I give to my 769 01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:34.079 clients. I do send up show notes, So if you want to send 770 01:05:34.079 --> 01:05:36.320 that, that'd be great. Yeah, I would love to. So I 771 01:05:36.360 --> 01:05:42.199 would say the most practical thing to do in that situation is a meditation like 772 01:05:42.239 --> 01:05:45.800 I'm going to give to you to share with the listeners, which is I 773 01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:47.239 like to talk a lot about how when you wake up in the morning, 774 01:05:47.880 --> 01:05:53.519 your thoughts and your energy are literally creating and shaping your day, right, 775 01:05:54.039 --> 01:05:58.280 And we often don't realize how powerful our morning routine is, but it sets 776 01:05:58.320 --> 01:06:01.320 the tone for the day. And so with all my clients and people who 777 01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:06.320 come to my retreats, one of my big homework assignments is minimum of ten 778 01:06:06.360 --> 01:06:12.199 minutes of meditation in the morning. And that really is the most important, 779 01:06:12.519 --> 01:06:16.320 practical, effective thing you can do to shift the dynamic that you just describe 780 01:06:16.360 --> 01:06:20.199 because it starts when you wake up. You're in survival mode. You're scared, 781 01:06:20.239 --> 01:06:24.039 you're anxious, your stress, you're spread thin, and then you create 782 01:06:24.079 --> 01:06:27.800 your whole day from that energy because you get up and that's how you make 783 01:06:27.840 --> 01:06:30.599 your You typically don't even make breakfast, right You maybe have coffee and you 784 01:06:31.039 --> 01:06:34.639 skip breakfast, and you get dressed, but you get dressed quick. You 785 01:06:34.639 --> 01:06:38.440 don't take time to take care of your body, and you don't feel great 786 01:06:38.519 --> 01:06:42.039 maybe looking in the mirror because you're rushing and you're so scared to take the 787 01:06:42.119 --> 01:06:45.000 time. And maybe you don't go take a walk or exercise because you don't 788 01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:48.880 have the time and you feel scared. Right, So, first thing in 789 01:06:48.920 --> 01:06:56.639 the morning, focusing on your breathing and your body and not chasing your conditioned 790 01:06:56.679 --> 01:07:00.800 thoughts and not chasing your fear based stress thoughts. First thing in the morning, 791 01:07:01.320 --> 01:07:06.039 help you to regulate your nervous system upon waking. And if you can 792 01:07:06.119 --> 01:07:11.679 regulate your nervous system when you wake up and train your mind and train your 793 01:07:11.719 --> 01:07:16.519 awareness to be present and not lost in the fear based, survival based thinking, 794 01:07:17.119 --> 01:07:21.880 then after ten minutes you can get up and go about your day much 795 01:07:21.880 --> 01:07:28.199 more present, much more with deeper breathing, a regulated nervous system, so 796 01:07:28.239 --> 01:07:32.320 you're actually overriding the fight or flight response that you're used to waking up to. 797 01:07:32.679 --> 01:07:38.039 And so that is this meditation that I share with people to do first 798 01:07:38.079 --> 01:07:40.440 thing in the morning. So before you do anything, you can get up 799 01:07:40.480 --> 01:07:43.519 and use the restroom and have a little bit of water, But before you 800 01:07:43.559 --> 01:07:46.320 go on your phone, right before you look at the news, which only 801 01:07:46.320 --> 01:07:51.639 triggers more survival based thinking, before you look at emails which stress you out, 802 01:07:51.679 --> 01:07:57.320 before you start making breakfast or coffee, you sit and you focus on 803 01:07:57.360 --> 01:08:00.840 your breathing and your body, and you don't chase every wild horse which is 804 01:08:00.880 --> 01:08:04.360 your thoughts, you don't chase every fear based thought. You just sit there 805 01:08:04.679 --> 01:08:10.760 and you give yourself permission to focus on your breathing, your body, your 806 01:08:10.800 --> 01:08:15.199 health for ten minutes. It shifts everything, and it shifts everything more effectively 807 01:08:15.239 --> 01:08:20.199 than probably anything you can do. And that's very simplistic. Is this part 808 01:08:20.199 --> 01:08:23.319 of the first part of the book, because I didn't see it in the 809 01:08:23.319 --> 01:08:28.199 book or is it on the website. It's integrated throughout the entire book. 810 01:08:28.359 --> 01:08:32.000 Okay, And then after I have my clients or people I work with do 811 01:08:32.119 --> 01:08:38.039 this ten minutes of just simple breathing. I take them through three steps which 812 01:08:38.079 --> 01:08:42.640 actually ties together everything we've been talking about, which is the three steps are 813 01:08:42.720 --> 01:08:46.520 to just take a moment to think about three specific things. And when I 814 01:08:46.560 --> 01:08:50.000 guide people to do these three specific things, Cliff, it's doing what we 815 01:08:50.159 --> 01:08:55.720 just talked about. It's turning on the part of the brain that's healthy for 816 01:08:55.760 --> 01:08:58.760 you, that's going to help you achieve your goals, take care of your 817 01:08:58.760 --> 01:09:01.880 health, and turning off that survival, fight or flight part of your brain. 818 01:09:02.680 --> 01:09:06.119 So the three thoughts I have you think, which are just take maybe 819 01:09:06.159 --> 01:09:11.119 thirty seconds each, not much, is to think about a few things you're 820 01:09:11.159 --> 01:09:15.680 grateful for to think about now, I have you intentionally think about what you 821 01:09:15.760 --> 01:09:18.600 want. So instead of thinking, oh, I dread my life, I 822 01:09:18.680 --> 01:09:23.279 dread my day, why don't you think about a couple of things you want, 823 01:09:23.640 --> 01:09:27.159 Like I want to have a good day. I want to achieve this 824 01:09:27.319 --> 01:09:30.399 today. I want to not lose my peace today. I want to have 825 01:09:30.439 --> 01:09:34.640 a walk to right. I want to carry myself with more grace today. 826 01:09:34.680 --> 01:09:39.520 Whatever your goal is, you say that to yourself. And then the third 827 01:09:39.640 --> 01:09:45.239 thought I have you choose, So you're practicing choosing, intentionally choosing your thoughts, 828 01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:47.960 which turns on that part of the brain which gets the good energy and 829 01:09:47.960 --> 01:09:54.239 the good biochemistry. Rolling is to think about the people you love and care 830 01:09:54.279 --> 01:09:58.960 about most and say prayers for their wellbeing. So first thing in the morning, 831 01:09:59.079 --> 01:10:01.479 what am I grateful or what do I want? And then say some 832 01:10:01.640 --> 01:10:05.399 prayers for the people you love and care about most. So you're giving out 833 01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:11.800 good, positive energy to people instead of just focusing on yourself and being scared. 834 01:10:12.319 --> 01:10:15.560 And it sets in motionless shift in your energy that you get to start 835 01:10:15.560 --> 01:10:19.640 your day with. And so going back to you know your question, if 836 01:10:19.640 --> 01:10:25.239 you're waking up in that much negativity, you have to train your mind because 837 01:10:25.279 --> 01:10:28.199 otherwise you'll never get out of it. And then you have to start to 838 01:10:28.239 --> 01:10:30.439 look. And it can be so simple. Just be grateful for your bed. 839 01:10:31.640 --> 01:10:35.239 Just be grateful and serious, like I'm grateful for my bed, I'm 840 01:10:35.279 --> 01:10:40.680 grateful I have a roof over my head, I'm grateful for my shower, 841 01:10:41.039 --> 01:10:44.439 I'm grateful for my cup of coffee or my cup of tea. And just 842 01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:47.880 saying those thoughts to yourself, just saying those things to yourself will start to 843 01:10:47.960 --> 01:10:54.439 shift, because if you're addicted to looking for things that are wrong, you're 844 01:10:54.479 --> 01:10:57.920 always going to be miserable, whether you're in a tent or a mansion. 845 01:10:58.960 --> 01:11:01.439 Right, So, if you're mind is addicted to being negative, it doesn't 846 01:11:01.520 --> 01:11:04.640 matter if who's around you or what's around you, You're still going to be 847 01:11:04.680 --> 01:11:09.039 addicted to being negative, which is going to make you sick. So you 848 01:11:09.079 --> 01:11:12.000 have to wake up and train your mind to look for the good things. 849 01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:15.560 So, if you're in a tent, I'm grateful for the fresh air. 850 01:11:15.640 --> 01:11:19.239 I'm grateful for my tent. If you're in a mid sized house, right, 851 01:11:19.279 --> 01:11:23.000 I'm grateful for my bad I'm grateful for my roof. If you're in 852 01:11:23.039 --> 01:11:27.000 a mansion, I'm grateful for my huge arm. I'm grateful for you know 853 01:11:27.079 --> 01:11:30.000 that I can afford to pay my bills. I'm grateful for my shower. 854 01:11:30.520 --> 01:11:33.880 And just those real thoughts in the morning are going to help shift you out 855 01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:39.600 of a hole that you're stuck in. Yeah, I love those suggestions. 856 01:11:39.680 --> 01:11:44.000 And for those of you listening, I'm always pushing meditation. If you don't 857 01:11:44.039 --> 01:11:48.920 do TM, find another form of meditation, because it's really a healing aspect 858 01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:54.840 of our daily lives Blake. As we conclude, give us your web address, 859 01:11:55.399 --> 01:11:57.760 tell us where we can get a hold of you on social media, 860 01:11:58.319 --> 01:12:02.119 and the bottom line is, you know, give us information about your seminars. 861 01:12:02.840 --> 01:12:09.079 Thank you, Cliff. So my website is Unconditional dash self love dot 862 01:12:09.119 --> 01:12:16.039 com. And on social media on Instagram, my handle is at Blake D. 863 01:12:16.920 --> 01:12:23.319 Bauer which is b a u er And then on Facebook I have two 864 01:12:23.359 --> 01:12:29.079 pages Blake Debauer and the title of my book you Were Not Born to Suffer. 865 01:12:29.920 --> 01:12:33.640 And on all of those outlets you can find the retreats that I host, 866 01:12:33.720 --> 01:12:39.760 which I do every two months in Colorado at a beautiful six hundred and 867 01:12:39.800 --> 01:12:44.119 fifty acre retreat center in the Mountain. So I want people to come out. 868 01:12:44.159 --> 01:12:46.399 You don't do zoom or any kind of video. You want them there 869 01:12:46.439 --> 01:12:50.680 physically. I do retreats in person every two months. I have a couple 870 01:12:50.640 --> 01:12:55.840 of things coming up online which they can find on my website. I have 871 01:12:55.920 --> 01:13:00.000 one free event coming up on the I think it's the twenty seventh. That's 872 01:13:00.119 --> 01:13:02.640 a free online event. If people want to come, it's totally free, 873 01:13:02.720 --> 01:13:09.159 so please come. And then I do I do private counseling, coaching, 874 01:13:10.199 --> 01:13:14.520 mentoring on zoom. Good. So you have clients I do, yes and 875 01:13:14.560 --> 01:13:18.560 all that informations on my website. Okay, you are not born to suffer, 876 01:13:18.600 --> 01:13:23.119 Blake. We could talk for error on this. This is a fun 877 01:13:23.199 --> 01:13:26.600 book for those of you listening. It's very easy to read. But really 878 01:13:26.640 --> 01:13:31.439 what makes it solid is his suggestions for self therapy. These are things like 879 01:13:31.520 --> 01:13:35.600 meditation affirmations. We didn't go through all of them because there's just so many 880 01:13:35.640 --> 01:13:40.640 of them. So and this is what I would call a tone to Blake's 881 01:13:40.920 --> 01:13:46.039 his life work here and so this is really heartfelt material. And congratulations on 882 01:13:46.079 --> 01:13:49.039 this book. I know it's been out for a while, but it looks 883 01:13:49.079 --> 01:13:55.520 like a really impactful collection of material from your life. Thank you, Cliff, 884 01:13:55.520 --> 01:14:00.239 I appreciate that very much. All Right, man, hey, congratulations 885 01:14:00.279 --> 01:14:03.680 and let's have you back him up to and thank you so much for having 886 01:14:03.720 --> 01:14:11.039 me. I thought that interview with Blake was fluid. He had a lot 887 01:14:11.039 --> 01:14:13.520 to say. You know, we get a lot of people that have written 888 01:14:13.520 --> 01:14:19.199 books that are working on one to one kinds of situations with a client or 889 01:14:19.960 --> 01:14:26.720 if it's a psychologist, it's a patient. But Blake works with large groups 890 01:14:26.960 --> 01:14:31.960 and you can tell that he wants to get across a lot of different sections 891 01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:38.439 of a thought. In other words, he's describing them and then dissecting them, 892 01:14:38.479 --> 01:14:43.720 so everybody in the audience understands what he's coming across with. And I 893 01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:46.680 really like that approach and his books. Like I said, his book's very 894 01:14:46.720 --> 01:14:51.840 easy to read and it's got a lot of really good material in it. 895 01:14:53.000 --> 01:14:59.960 You Were Not Born to Suffer. His last name is bau Er Blake Bauer. 896 01:15:00.439 --> 01:15:01.600 Yeah, I'm glad we could. We could, We could talk with 897 01:15:01.760 --> 01:15:06.039 him. Go to his website also, and he also has some social media 898 01:15:06.199 --> 01:15:11.760 that you can check out as well. Hey, we're into the vacation season 899 01:15:11.800 --> 01:15:15.840 and that means you should be thinking about getting away. We have a Mexico 900 01:15:15.960 --> 01:15:23.720 tour coming up, Sacred Temples of Mexico. It's November eighth through the seventeenth 901 01:15:23.760 --> 01:15:27.439 of this year. It's one week. It's really short. But I was 902 01:15:27.520 --> 01:15:30.640 just talking to Memo. We're gonna have Memo on the program. Memo Gonzalez 903 01:15:30.680 --> 01:15:35.800 has been the Yucatan tour expert forever. He is going to provide us special 904 01:15:35.880 --> 01:15:43.319 access to parts unknown of Chichenisa, which is a huge archaeological park. We'll 905 01:15:43.319 --> 01:15:48.279 see Ushmo ekboalam Maapan, and a bunch of other things. We're fine tuning 906 01:15:48.359 --> 01:15:53.960 this tour as we speak. And the real beauty of it is we get 907 01:15:54.000 --> 01:15:58.600 to climb pyramids, and this is off limits kind of thing that most people 908 01:15:59.079 --> 01:16:02.199 are not allowed to do when they go to Mexico simply because they're not sanctioned 909 01:16:02.199 --> 01:16:06.359 by the local authorities. But we will climb pyramids on this tour. For 910 01:16:06.399 --> 01:16:13.079 more information for details, go to earth Ancients dot com forward Slash Tours check 911 01:16:13.079 --> 01:16:16.880 it all out. If you have questions about any of our tours that you 912 01:16:16.960 --> 01:16:21.720 have heard about, go to Earth Ancients the number four of the letter you 913 01:16:21.840 --> 01:16:26.880 at gmail dot com and I promise to get right back to you. Now 914 01:16:27.720 --> 01:16:30.039 I want to mention this. I do this sparingly. But we're gonna be 915 01:16:30.039 --> 01:16:34.399 in Easter Island in March of twenty twenty five. We're almost full. If 916 01:16:34.399 --> 01:16:39.399 you want more information on that tour, it'll come out next week. That's 917 01:16:39.399 --> 01:16:44.319 with doctor Edward Barnhardt. That's really for me. Once in a lifetime, 918 01:16:44.359 --> 01:16:46.880 I'll probably I'll never go again. So if you want to join us, 919 01:16:47.199 --> 01:16:53.199 send me an email at earth Ancients for you at gmail dot com and I'll 920 01:16:53.199 --> 01:16:56.039 get you the information. Like I said, we're I think we're at twenty. 921 01:16:56.760 --> 01:16:59.920 We're gonna take maybe thirty. I don't want to do more than thirty 922 01:17:00.119 --> 01:17:02.600 because we want to move around in a single bus and we want to have 923 01:17:02.680 --> 01:17:08.560 a doctor ed talk to the group on a multiple occasions. So look for 924 01:17:08.560 --> 01:17:11.439 that a itinerary in the next couple of weeks. If you want to come, 925 01:17:12.520 --> 01:17:15.840 email me let me know what's going on. All right, that's it 926 01:17:15.880 --> 01:17:18.520 for this program. I want to think my guest today, Blake Bauer, 927 01:17:19.000 --> 01:17:25.000 you were not born to suffer. As always the team of Guil Tour, 928 01:17:26.159 --> 01:17:30.920 Mark Foster and everyone who makes this thing happen. You guys rock all right, 929 01:17:30.960 --> 01:17:33.640 take care of me well and we will talk to you next time. 930 01:18:00.840 --> 01:18:06.319 Given any giant, said the naughty Dogle, do say, Jenny go, 931 01:18:10.000 --> 01:18:16.279 don't know how an expired? Did you anything? Bag? And Johnny Lassana, 932 01:18:16.960 --> 01:18:28.239 no way, don't God, God, you're the curate. Joanna back