Out, Welcome back a Deviance Junior Adventures and Friends to Quest for Competence.
We uh, it's it's been a fun ride so far. We're gonna see
where they happen to go today. But let's introduce our panel, beginning with
the wonderful Ari Car. Damn it, Judy Black, why do you ever
have to be named? I am Judy Black? And if you're watching the
video, despite looking like I'm in the afterlife, I am just very pale,
not in black and white. I am a writer of mostly Dungeons and
Dragons modules. Currently, the most recent one is Voodoo Children, which is
a Bubba the Monster Hunter adaptation so that you two can fight the Jockstrap Priest
and stop a horde of zombies in Chattanooga, Tennessee. You can find that
on Drive Through RPG and now alphabetically, I believe we go to R.
E. Car. Well. Hello, I am the one, the only,
the R. Carr, author of urban fantasy, horror, comedy,
and sometimes science fiction. And you know, because I'm chasing the Denna bucks,
I am actually now working on a lit RPG. If it's a lit
RPG that really has no combat and lots of baking and the plot of Blazing
Saddles. When I'm not doing that, I am Hilda Swington, the plant
based druid who is a little miffed, but she won't say why, but
I'm sure you can figure it out. Yes, Hi, it's me Teresa
Glover. And in the game, I play Trin Karen beIN Tegler And in
real life I'm just actually kind of a goblin. I do writing and stuff,
one of them be the Caitlin Kelly Monster Hunter series with False Staff Books.
I'm also an editor with Falstaff Books and The General con Bitch. And
if you're in the North Carolina area you should come see us the Saturday after
Thanksgiving because we will be down at get some games. Hey everyone, my
name is Rick Qultery and I play mog Freezeater, the moogiest Moog whoever moved
your mom in the Moog. In real life, I write several things,
including the Toe Mobil series, Tales of the Crypto Hunter, and much more.
If you want to see my latest, head on over to Royal Road
and look up Time Chaser, which you can read for free, or even
better, you can add over to my Patreon throw a few bucks in my
coffer and you can read ahead of all those cheap skates. How awesome is
that? It's awesome? I won't lie. I'm one of those people who
pays for it. And wow, well, and I and Misty Massey segueing
hard. I am playing, I'm playing, And where are you all right?
Are you all right? And we're crow the smoothest of smooth criminals in
the daylight. I'm the author of the Madchestral series of pirate fantasy adventures and
an editor for a number of small presses, And I am MK Gibson.
When I'm not pretending to be a dungeon master. I write certain such books
as the Technomanser series to Beat the Devil, shadow Master series include Villain's Rule
and a few others. And I m chasing the Dinno Bucks with Level one
sucks, and I'm not even close to being finished. So when last we
left off, this wonderful ragtag group of let's say friends air quote, I've
decided to screw each other over by jump into a bunch of circles, making
giant versions of themselves and beating each other up, forcing even Gigi to cast
two whole spells. Gasp, gasp, gasp, Uh are even, I
mean, the plant based druid even actually saved a human begrudgingly, but she
did it. So but there saving a meal for later? Fair enough?
Uh depleted the street, depleted of spells, depleted of hit points, and
just depleted of giving a shit. Our friends have decided to take a long
rest after that grueling encounter. So well, you've the area seems to be
secure and safe. May set up a watch if you like, whatever you'd
like to do. But now it's time to get a little cozy, get
a little campfire, have a little chat and see. However, let's take
the temperature of how everybody's doing. Well, I would like to virtually cast
Liaman's tiny hut so that I we have a nice little dome of no thank
you in which we can rest our weary heads. All right, yeah,
well you take ten minutes to cast that? Or eleven minutes? Yeah,
I know, eleven minutes, okay, oddly specific Well, it's ten minutes
for a spell and one per level, so it's eleven minutes. So I'm
gonna just be doing that. I'm doing magic ship. It's so tiny and
a hut, wow tiny the hut. I can't find my way to the
hut. It's too dark. I have, but I don't know. She
got a great sword. That's right, has a new sword too. Yes,
cry does have a sword in the middle of her bosoms. And around
every few minutes you'll hear, oh, oh shit, because I'm bumping into
all the rocks that I can't see in the dark. I may not be
enjoying this. Say next time, buy a torch. Fucking cheapskate, You're
still within the glow of the meditato though you should be able to see me.
Yeah, will help you. Let's see, Karen still has the flavor
of gary in trian Karen's mouth, so the flavor of gary slightly and rot
cinnamon rot checks you know, more like toasted ROTI flavor mm hmmmmm. Moo
likes hut reminds Moog when Moog was child and we went on raiding party and
came upon an elf nursery, which we then nailed the door shut and set
on fire. Shut the hell up so hot. This isn't fair, Universe,
Oh sweetie, don't listen to him talk just jim. Elf babies we
found were hot too after we were I'm with them. Maybe you should put
his mouth to work somewhere else. No Move does not wish all elves are
dead. Dead Moke would like to keep a few elves alive so that Mooke
can prolong the torture. That's fair. I'm a fish around in my I
just need to go to a hot elf boy brothel and get this out of
my system for for just from my knowledge, Gigi, did who all did
you designate entrance to the hut? Ah? Everybody that I can see currently,
okay, just to know if you were like just playing little favorites.
I don't. Nobody else was in loud, even Mademoiselle Calci and Gaily.
But for now they're going to stay outside. Okay, that's fair. I
can come in even though I appear to be sideways. Well, they stay
yourself. Oh sorry, I'd lead you down because you get knocked down.
I can character. I'm like, I'm blind and on the sideways on.
You haven't a day on wear got hit so hard as headed perpetually to the
side. Now, well that gollim hit you knocks you flat. It's just
like I said, permanent, like just crack did knocked me silly? All
right? Uh? Are you all just gonna power down for the night.
Are you going to God? Yes? Move, keep watching. If anybody
stays up with Move, and Move will regell them of stories of like couching
o elf eyeballs and cutting like elf widows burning elderly elves. What kind of
music do you like? Moog got Wat considered elf screams to be using your
favorite, like if you had to pick one in the disail like pain,
which particular type of thing is your favorite? You can believe one that like
when they scream and you can feel that their spirits have broken and they are
hopeless and know they are going to die, And that never fails to make
move last. You have a fine sense of humor, sir. Have you
ever thought about branching out killing other races? Or is it really just branch
and kill elves? Branch? What she meant rachel real fast check or slack
hm hm. But anyway, so you're killing you dream about killing things with
branches, elves with branches? Is that what you're saying? Dreams about killing
elves in many ways? All right? So you guys are bowering down.
That is how Move gets asleep. Some you know weak humans count sheep who
counts that elves, and given the network in the place, the things and
the bullshit toy that has happened here, they helps keeping a watch throughout the
entire night is a good idea so that we do not I mean that Martiny
had to keep out most things, but you think there's someone who knows magic
shows up because his problems. I would just really potentially keep watch throughout the
night. Moog agrees. Moog will take first watch, take first watch,
so that he can he can read stories to us and and send us off
to sleep with with happy dreams of balls and speaking heads. And all right,
so Moo's taking first watch, my zombas and I can take the second
watch. If you want to take the third watch? Sure, why are
not take the middle one? So that the spellcasters can keep sleeping as long
as possible? I shall, I shall take first watch with Moog. Well,
so far that's two people taking the first watch. Like because like just
said, no, no, no, no, I went I thought you
were taking you gotta take notes. I want the way of the mood,
the Milda. I haven't come up with a good ship name yet. We
had sounds like Swiss confection. Oh, let's have a lovely Milda and some
new tell on too well they were when I when I had them fused the
first thing, they were muda or swoogh. But yees, yeah, Milda
does sound too much like a wholesome Swiss confection or urban effect or an infection
of some kind. So you got building your bathroom. Its gross. So
I will take third watch with trend Karen, yes on weird can take the
lonely middle watch with the zombies. I will leave them for you, all
right? So, uh, it's moog and it is Hilda up. Crickets,
a chirp and cicadas in the background, a wolf house in the distance.
This would be nicer with a bit of blood, guts and screaming,
wouldn't it moove? Well? Occasionally as a wolf's house move move will stand
up and shout and shout, shut up for mook kills you moove. You're
actually louder than the wolves. You know that, right? Yes? Move
nos, yes, but you're more likely Are you injured in any way?
Okay? Then I will just cast my last first levels be on healing word
on myself before I go to sleep. Makes sense? So why are you
guys just sitting there having this lovely converse station. Let's see, let's wor
all a de four real fast. Well there's only three of you actually,
so they don't count. Uh, I gotta we'll take the one anyway.
Uh, Gigi, because you're the top of the screen. Uh, give
me a dream of Gigi's that is personal, that is either your greatest fear
or your greatest desire, something that would come into Gigi's dreams greatest fear,
greatest desire, because that is what's good, because that is what's going to
manifest outside of the hut that moog And and Hildoor are going to see like
as if all as if, as if ghost holograms are acting it out,
that's what they're going to seem. Okay, So it is a Gig and
a very large eldridge looking tree creature basically wiping out a king them very happily.
So Moog and Hilda, while you're sitting there outside the tut, outside
the hut, right around these circle, these glowing circle areas that we were
in before, you see this vision of Gigi and a eldritch tree creature.
I'm assuming maybe a giant eggplant, who knows, Uh, decimating what'd you
say, Uh? A village, a kingdom? Uh, crying orphans and
all, and they are just cackling and giggling as they do it. Move
joins in with the cackling held it breaks some hard tack to be like popcorn
and offers a piece to move. Either we're hallucinating or I don't know,
some mighty projecting cromancer dreams. What kind of tree beast is it? Truty?
What kind of tree beast is it? I don't know that it would
be anything in the Druid, So yes, of course I'm interested in the
trees. Screw the destruction, although that's nice too. Hmm. She's not
the Lorex, but she does speak for the tree and destroying all those who
come at them. Believe me, if I talked to the Lorax, we
would have wasted bill by. Now that's a totally different movie and one that
I would love to see. It's the Killed, The saves a tree and
destroys the civilization, kills the whos kill one dead, two dead, three
dead, red dead. It is definitely not a tree native or anywhere near
this area. It has two legs, two arms, but sort of rotten
bark skin talk about the leaves, baby, I want to hear all about
the leaves. There are leaves, no full bush, no full bush.
This is this is a this is a shorn okay, shaven tree. Someone,
this is some sort of phantasm here or or does it look very very
real, like you know, just it's and I'm out of dragons? Congratulations,
y'all broke me so, oh my goodness. But yeah, so does
this tree monster kingdom destruction? Does it look like slightly translucent or fantastic fantasmal
or yes, all the above. Okay, so so it's obvious we're watching
some sort of projection. Yeah, I think like the old tiny Ways where
they would like, you know, put like images on that smoke screen kind
of look. So it's like the moon the moonlight miss comes in and you're
seeing these images play out. Then that kind of like that blue Jedi Sith
hologram kind of think. So you're seeing it, it's very clear what it
is, but it is, but you look back over your shoulders and there's
a tendril of light going from the mist into the huts. You're a suit.
You can make all the assumptions, but it's connected to somebody. But
then the vision starts to blow Gigi out there. I don't think it's a
huge stretch, but then the vision starts to streaming. Then the vision starts
to blur, and an We're crows either greatest Fear or Greatest Desire starts to
play out for you too. What do you? What are the what do
they see? On Georgy? I'm gonna throw up? Yeah, sorry,
but that was my first thought. And where has been away from town way
too long? So he's he dreams that he's walking along a city street,
you know, like you do. And suddenly over to the right he sees
this fabulous building with lights shining and women and and really good looking men too,
hanging out the windows, going come inside, come inside, and so
he does. So it's the Beatles like girls, girls, girls like yeah,
maybe girls boys girls boys, and where is not particular? He likes,
Oh sure, sure, Hey, all holes filled? I'm tracking,
And so he goes up the steps and nah, I'm here, and they
say, oh, we've been waiting for you, And then then all the
clothes come off. Oh there's so much about you. It's just it's I'm
not sure I'm old enough to be having this this nightmarees or this dream?
All right? Uh, Hilda, give me a consultation, saving you throw
from throwing up seeing all this? Thank you welcome mood. You can you
can either like furiously fap it or just not care. I don't care whatever
your business happens to be. That's even Hilda. Get to ten. So
a ten is middle, So that's your call. If you want to hor
you can work dag in the back of the mouth. Get put down the
attack I was Can we please bring back the rotting tree? It was so
much more interesting and there might have been destruct Oh God, what are they
doing? Move? Move? Didn't didn't know so many human dicks could fit
in one mouth? You had to decide to go? How is that even
physically? You need to work to this level? God? What for?
No, No, we don't talk about the goat. We won't talk about
I might fail that constitution. That this interesting use of healing potions not healing
potion, honey, and the only bottom And now we all understand why and
where was sideways? Why is he upside down? Why are there two goats?
And as as that image fades out, tell me what? Uh you
know it's next for Charon drink Karen, greatest fear or greatest desire? Oh,
for what do your friends see? Her greatest fear would be losing greatest
desire and both her up and her downline, and also running out of all
her essential oils because I mean Gary. Her greatest dream would be to rank
up in all of her opportunities and just be sitting back on a pile of
gold like a dragon while her her income streams passively shower her with cash.
Move board mood. Look at Hilda. Hilda just takes this opportunity to check
all of her her potions and herbs and do anything to stay awake. One
of missing. Simple, I'm just saying, one of my potions is missing.
Yes, one of your healing potions is missing. Sep Hey, moog,
what that human thief didn't go around me while I was unconscio? Did
he give me deception attention to link to humans? So moo just assumed that
they steal everything? Give me a deception check, moog. Four, it's
a four. It's like so the the bulge of your potion is sticking out
of his like Vestre as he's saying this to you, just letting it,
drinking it down like that potion looked awfully familiar. Wait this was yours,
Mook thought this was gatorade. Moo, get that my potion? Move see
name on it? Was it on my body while I was trying desperately not
to leave this mortal coil. When you did, your possessions become free to
Hoover take. But I'm not dead, considers that's minor, minor setback,
So could I have my push back? Okay, say, okay, move
give it back because eventually you die and Moo just take it back anyway.
Fine, when I die, you focus has seen you fight, and well
Moo is not betting for But if Moo was others who healed move fully expects
to be only survivor of party. Yeah, but who healed your ass?
Mooch's asses fine becoming healed. As this argument goes on, sleepiness overtakes us
uncomfortable. Way all right, So the first watch comes to an and so
with Gilda and Mood retiring into the hut, I believe it is on Weird
doing the middle shift. Yes, and the zombies and the zombies, oh
Thanky with her sword with your I was just gonna bring that out, just
sitting outside because I was gonna ask, but like that last I knew it
was left in Mademoisine Crunchies. All right, so true, Karen. Uh,
you get up, you step outside of the hut, you take a
seat, and uh, give me a perception check because it is dark unless
you have a torch? Well one, can you see before she goes out?
Okay? Then I will put a light source out here, just just
just for the sake of like having it outside. All right, So give
me a perception check once you're outside. Okay, for the zalbies too.
I think it would be funny. Yes, so helpful. Well, the
perception is just to see if she notices. Well, it's not hard.
It's not hard to miss the sword sticking out of the chest, so your
rape you're sitting in Madam Crunchy's chest. Then I will I will go over
to Madam Crunchy and say, excuse me, madam, but may I remove
that for you. I'm sure it will be more comfortable if it's not in
you sticking out of you all the time. Does she say anything, I'm
gonna take that as a yes and yank it out. I'm not control of
these zombies, so Judy, how do they react? I mean they are
still technically under my control even while asleep, and they've been directed to be
docile to my party, so they would not attack. Okay, all right,
so on we are. You're sitting outside. You've got your It stinks
bad, like it's been left for like a couple of hours inside of a
rotting person, you know, So you better get some dou d forty or
something. Anyhow, Yeah, I'll sit down and start cleaning my sword,
you know, anything to keep myself awake in these small hours. Yeah,
fantastic. Uh let's start with Moog. So why you're cleaning it? Get
moog greatest fear or greatest desire? Well, Moove's greatest fear. What will
appear is essentially kind of like almost like a Leave It to Beaver scene in
which Moog is married to a beautiful elf woman with these lovely elf children like
you know, who are who are well behaved in doing elf things, and
uh yes, this is the sort of thing that would make Moog scream.
All right, So odd wear, that's what you see in this misty projection
of light is just saying outside this fog rank rolls in and you see like
a tendril of light going back into the yuh and to the hut. But
you see this holographic projection of Moog and leave it to mger like with like
he's you know, my three moogs, uh you know, and he's got
like kisses the kid case. I got a little briefcase. The little the
little muglings are very well behaved and somewhere deep inside the hut of year.
But does the I don't know, Like I said, she's she's just like
beautiful elf, like you know, like like princess type. I I'm I'm
fascinated. I see the I see the light extending into the hut. Yep,
Okay, I'm just for fun. I'm gonna poke my head in the
hut. Does the light go all the way to Moog? Right to his
head? Right to his head? That's interesting. I'll turn around and watch
the show some more. Okay, uh, Judy, what's your what'd you
give last time? Your greatest desire? Now give me the opposite. You're
muted. I see your lips moving, but there you go, yes,
ma'am. So it is a human woman with redish hair who is a impaled
with several swords and is currently on top of a burning pyre, burning to
death. Oh my, and you see this tendril. Go back inside the
hut and I look just to see whose that is, since it's not entirely
clear, and the tendril has moved over and now it is on gig.
Oh, poor Gigi. This is terrible. I should probably wake her up
so she doesn't have to dream that, I say, as I continue cleaning
my sword and watching this show not giving us shit. And so we got
so now it is drink carrot? How far are we up or down the
line? Now what do we see? What is? What is on?
Weird? Seee'm getting your needs or at this time takes practice? Awesome?
Did you go with more of like the best dream of being like Mellem Queen
just lounging back on the pile of gold coins while more trickle from the ceiling.
Yeah, totally passive income all the way, babe. So again,
you see this image of drink carrotsying on like a like a dragon sport of
money and oil. I highly approve. I don't even have to check this
one. I can I see or she's up there and and I highly approved.
Wait a minute, you're not a dragon? Are you? Well?
Before you can ask that one more dream pops in? Wait, so one
more go ahead? We are you gonna what what? I was just saying,
Oh no, there's another show. This is great. It's like TV,
all right, Hilda. Either Greatest Fear or Greatest Desire. It would
probably be a little girl with green skin and white hair and pigtails, surrounded
by elves, being walked up to a group of nasty, dirty humans covered
in blood and muck, and being handed a knife and being told we want
dinner. You need to earn your keep, little brat, and the elves
just standing back and waiting to see what this poor little girl has to do.
We've all been in New Jersey. I understand, but I don't.
But they didn't do, and just disapproving looks, until finally you start hearing
the screams as a small child is forced to dismember people to please her over
exacting parents while tears are running down her face. Oh this almost breaks my
mercenary heart. Oh my gosh, this is this is the saddest thing I've
ever seen. And then of course being told you wasted too much meat on
the bone, you'll have to do it again. Yeah, and that fixed
the problem. Right there feeling much better. That was what her parents said
to her, just to clarify, No, I got it. Yeah,
do I get to see Do I get to actually see you dismembering the people
and and eating. Imagine a small child trying their best to do it and
then being criticized for their butchery skills. Do you know how hard it is
to butcher a whole shank portion of any large animal, let alone a huge
It's an elbow reason to that thing. Okay, I had to joint and
break apart several turkeys in the past few days, So I might know a
little too much about butchery because my poor little Minnie Hildy is being forced to
do that. And on that appetizing note, thus ends your sleep shift.
Last up would be Gigi and drink karen as as we trade positions as they're
coming out and I'm going in or whatever I say. You people have an
amazing imagination going on. Wow wow, and I just roll onto my bed
roll and go to sleep. Just look at you might not I think the
best of the group might not understand. The point of watch is that you
inform the people who come after you of the things that you have seen.
No one's done it yet, so this is great. Yeah, the game
so that we have some kind of pet inflammation that PATY members did not believe
or live in, which is not entirely are you are you? Are you
asking an where he means no. Once you have said your vague statement and
walked into the hut, I have just accepted that I work with empathiles and
that this is fine. It took you this long, That's what it took
you. This law. It was never really a question. This is more
confirmation and the you know, observation growth. Yeah, you know, there's
a difference between knowing something and accepting it. It is half the battle,
all right. So when you so, once you settle in last thing,
as they're going out, I'll go enjoy the show and then roll over.
Okay, fantastic. So Madam crunch vaguely and helpfully information that is information to
it, so helpful challenge of course, I mean, I think we're in
the right group for that. Yes, I could never want from a vaguely
helpful inflammation. So Madam Crunchy comes up to you and gives you the most
despondent zombie look like, and the whole the missing sword, just like like
that bitch you love your sir teet, No fingure's the hole the chest.
The Uni line blue bo look is out of fashion, so you will be
much happier without it. Looks at the hole in the chest, pokes it
a few times, makes a squishy sound, points at you. Yeah,
goes back all right, final walks off, goes back to the standing their
standing spot. Thank you for coming me of your chest wound. And okay,
you will not get better, but you'll be one day. Yay.
Deal with the smell and well, I mean, yeah, certain ways you
can deal with the idea's some spells and things that you can do to disguise
the smell. And honestly, after a certain amount of time, you just
kind of get used to little little dangley cardboard things. Much of those like
a car fresheners. Stuff them full of potpourri. Tree parent's going through her
bag for her oil to put under her nose so she doesn't spell it anymore.
Yeah, I can have some standing, little fell away. When I
go for bike rides around my country where I live, there's a lot of
dead animals, and like that smell is very otent. Anyway, he got
cicadas, we got howling wolves, We've got all that nice misty feeling,
and once again, well for you guys, this is new. A little
bit of smoke rolls in and let's start at the top. Let's go with
moove, moove, what's your opposite? Last time it was your fear,
and I'll give me your greatest desire? All right? Well, you see
an image of a gnarly seven foot tall orc, and he's got another orc
who kind of looks like like he's got mystical trapp trappings on this on this
other orc, and he's tied basically crucified, and the first orc is slowly
skinning the second orc alive, cackling as he does it. And every time
he cuts a piece off, he like he's like sure to like you know,
to to take like you know, this mallet, like he has a
nearby amount of salt, and he just like rubs it in the wounds and
laughs harder. What in the actual fuck you see a glowing tendril going back
into the the the uh the the hut? Does it look like Moog doing
the flying? Not even remotely For funzies, No, I'm gonna send my
maid hand over and try and see if I can grab some of the Yeah,
and just what's all the flesh on the on the image? Yeah,
the mache hand goes through it. It's it's just it's like a light image
being projected on the mist. I could try to dispel magic to see if
that would stop it, but damn, I don't want to. That's not
so we would that we would see the little magical trail back into the hut,
right, yes, ma'am. Okay, so if since I have Gigi
out there too, I'm gonna follow that trail, see that it connects to
Moog and just kicking. Okay, Moog, you have been kicked. Have
I woke it up? That's all that's up to you, baby. If
you want to wake up to a kick, that's on you. Well,
I mean, if I wake up to a kick, I'm probably going to
kill whoever kicked me. That's how hard did you kick? Mug? I
mean, did you just mean trink? Karen is not very large, so
probably didn't wake him up. It's a halfling kicked you with his fury with
a furry foot, sony to you. Now that being said, it might
feel like a mosquito bite. Probably in response, outside just sees like you
know this, this this orc torture just starts sawing harder. Now that being
said, no, I'm not trying to I'm not trying to say make this
one way or the other. But Moog is also an adventurer who is a
barbaria who gets up to fight. So how about this, Uh, let's
say you just kick Trink Careen really hard to launch them out of the uh
uh like you just donkey kick and said that halfling, Yeah, Halfleen,
you punt the Halflet give me give me an athletics role alone, give me
an athletics role. Let's see how far you punt uh Trink Karen twenty two
like Goofy going off a cliff burst through the roof of the hut. That
boom gg. You sit there and watch, oh my, just this like
Roger Rabbit action going on. Yeah, and Trek Karen hits with a pile
of dirt like a like an ACME cartoon. See what meant about the show?
Speaking of on Weir, Yeah, give give me your next dream.
The last one was your desire. I'm assuming it was like your uh uh,
your horny uh uh uh, your house of horniness. So go the
opposite route if that's your desire. What's on Weir's greatest fear? Well,
the dream picks up right where it left off, except that Onwear is alone
in the bed and he gets up and he's looking around and nobody's around.
He doesn't know where everybody went. And he pulls on his pants and he
goes downstairs and finds a note on the door that says sorry, better party
to go to see another time. And he starts looking around and there's nobody
in the house. He's been left behind, all alone by the people he
thought were his friends. And he runs outside and there's nobody even in the
town anymore. They've all gone to the party and left him behind. And
he's very sad and lonely. You paid for sex with these people and you
think that your friends. Okay, it's a zoom or two. We found
another orgy. I'm sorry, it's not you. It's you. Yes,
we found another orgy, and we're not taking you along, so that I
know a hansole felt now that sucks. Your junk didn't fall off. I'm
just saying, oh, give me a minute. Couldn't get there, No,
no, no, I did not need to see any more of it,
and we was junk since honors I put pants on, you got full
frontal. This was full frontal and weird. So at least you didn't see
what we saw. That was full frontal, full behind, full, butthole,
full spread. We saw consoles through the other direction. Oh yeah,
yeah, if it's if it's in the Cama Sutra. I don't know why
they needed a rectal speculum, but there it is. So uh, you
are not dead and we as naked on the misty mouse. Oh I definitely
don't need to see that. I don't need them. But if I am
cussed with it, you should be cast too. I will not suff this
in. I'll come back to Jigi with my hand over my eyes and the
meditato just kind of guiding my steps like I'm not what. By the time
you get there, it's the end of the vision. And on we were
standing outside alone like a sad clown on a French film. It's raining and
like with an umbrella, you know, but the umbrella breaks and a tear
down the face and you know, a cigarette and then all of that and
then you just see a cigarette fin. I yeah, it just and then
as that sadd ring dissolve happens, a new image pops in, so we
give me the opposite. There, uh, miss car So picture if you
will, a beautiful white and silver ballroom filled with people dancing in masks,
and in the center a green skinned woman with her white hair piled on up
in a tiara and a little lace mask and a beautiful poofy ball gown,
drifting through looking until finally in the center she finds a blonde, tall,
pointy eared. We all know it's yeah, it's move dressed as Jariff from
Labyrinths. White hair, blond hair, sorry, white hair. They it's
her fantasy in the pan. You know what pants anyone who is a bizertin
edge knows exactly what pants Mooog is in. He's all bulch, got the
bowie bulge. And then she's just like and he asks her to dance,
and you see them dancing, and she's blushing and he's flirting, and it's
wholesome, sweet dancing with flowers. You two can roll for vombit if you'd
like. I'm not gonna roll for vomit, but I'm just gonna peek into
the hut to confirm this is coming. From Hilda, and I just want
to look at Gigi and be like Hilda's gout issues romance. That's why,
that's why we do these, not to know that people don't do this Labyrinth
levels of of dancing and flirting and punch and little plant based desserts. Is
the is the skirt on your your poofy dress? Is it swinging left and
right like a ginormous bell? Kind of Yeah, it's one of those you
know, the big poopy. It's the samee from Labyrinth. Okay, guys,
what I mean when he swings around, it's the thing swings like a
big bell. The dance from a legend where the girl dances with a death
dress. So I like that. Oh I love that scene. That would
be that might turn into that if it was a nightmare, but that is
a very different thing. There is blushing. And then at the last time,
is Hilda Swinton, may I court you so that we may savage the
ovid lunch together and rape and pillage Jesus. That went deep? Okay,
food or what I mean? I don't think you can dress that up any
older way. Okay, I love it. Dirty dreams. And then and
then it turns into hardcore fucking so no, I think it was that this
is Hallmark labyrinth f in this case. There it is all right, Well,
at the end of that shift, your long rest is over, and
the the cock crows that morning, right, and which the cock crowed what
we want? The cock crowed several times last night, several crocs. It
is now gone. Uh, the hut is still up because it's an eight
hour thing. But yeah, you all refreshed, hit your long rest buttons.
You all know a little bit more about each other. Do with that
as you will, and you have the two pieces to enter the the dungeon.
So first welcome. Anytime we nap here, your dreams are going to
be displayed or big in color, so they don't be freaks. What did
you see? None of your business? You was in your head. I
mean we saw Moog wearing gym socks. But you know, I'm gonna look
at it. We're like, I just have to know one thing. Are
you double jointed when I need to be? And you, my, you,
my dear, were a ball down surprisingly well what you weren't awake for
that one? Oh that's right, okay, sorry, never mind, never
mind, I forgot I forgot but you you slaughter humans very well, that's
what you saw. Yeah, I'm not gonna say that. Okay. I
don't need to be given the woman ideas. Okay, So let's do this
magical so we can get out of here before I see anything else from anybody
else's head. Yeah, I don't want to see any more, y'all.
Win. What did you see? Things? Did you see moves? We
saw his really, budge. I saw him his home, his his happy
home life. It was charming and a little unnerving. What was going to
go with a lot of unnerving? Oh he was. He was married and
had children and it was all wonderful. He did what you're talking about.
As as I see Hilda get all like tenth and start to question what's going
on, I'm going to shove the meditato at her and be like, here,
hold this. Wish to know who was married? And I'd like to
know who Moog was married to. I am c I did not recognize the
person he was married to, but I mean, I want to know if
you're married. I have left this conversation. I don't know where I am
going. I can move on, but this is too good. I want
to see where this goes not married one's head, moo one's head or girlfriend
that Moo was fond of but eventually ended up getting annoying. So Mug broke
up with her by way of drowning. Okay, that's go find me one
of those orgies. Just not so huge. I'm just or goats any who,
So you go down. It's not like clingy chicks. Mug is aheaded
and quit it kind of works. Hit it hard, break its neck,
hit it again? Oh on weird? Who was move married too? I
didn't recognize her. It was not someone I've ever seen before, but did
she? And I lean over close? I lean over close to Hilda and
kind of put my hand up and go. But she wasn't elf. It
was it was a dream, love, It was a dream. It was
probably you, but here he dreamed about elf women. Is that what you're
telling me? He was dreaming you. Definitely this move so if this move
will be very angry more just like that volume. No, there's no way
you didn't so there was no volume control on the hill. What what?
What? What? What? What? What? What? What's stupid human
talking about? Only women that move dreams dreams of elf women with move's footprint
in their dead face? Oh really, is that what you call a happy
marriage? Huh? I see, big old hypocrite? Why wouldn't move?
Marry elf? Wouldn't move? Could kill elf? Not much more satisfying,
and is like out of this conversation I have caused, I have caused a
problem. But now are the pots and walk away. We'll just point out
that calling or an elf lover is greatest insult that one can do what I
say. Are you saying that orc who love elves are devians? Yes?
Do you think they're disgusting? Quick? Somebody pointed? So you treat guy
right? So we are finishing this right here, right now? Okay,
So are you honestly saying who I tell? Our devious are wrong and they
should be punished? Sell your meditator? Please try me crazy before him in
depth which spits upon you, and kick you out of the eternal cauldron of
aternal suffering. You are a big hypocrite and you're an elf, and I'm
done with you. I'm gonna go by myself another hot boy to dream about.
Move not health. Look in a mirror, pointy boy? Oh no
oh? Move? Is orc trapped in elf body? One day? Will
cut his way out of this body and then moves. Revenge will begin.
You're going stuck being ugly. You're not ugly, said the looking mirror,
Looking mirror, look look disgusting, elf. You look at and Moog wants
to like cut his own face off. Look at these hot eight pack hairless
abs. Look at this, look look at these no no tusks. Embarrassing
would be raging right now, turned hair is gonna walk home and be like,
if they just slept together, this would all resolve itself as much fun
we just did slept and together, slept together, not sleep together, you
dear innocent man, stupid hobbits tempted to kick Hobby again. Don't we have
somewhere to be. Let's let's get on the on the road somewhere to be.
I'm curious what everybody on By the way, evil source for a woman
mook feel bad for you seeing that husband is vegetable. That it's okay,
he is very meet you with. I was about to say, I like
the tree. I mean that that's pretty hardcore. I have new respect for
you when you trim the bushes back. The log looks huge. So radulations
ever wants to know more about the stream. How do you not get splinters?
Really? All I wanted to know, well of dick splinters number one
cause of there's lots of magic that Karen. It's perhaps related to dragon kind
sour woman obviously vegetarian like like halfpas work. Oh no, no, no,
no, I am not vegetarian. You just like uh would It has
its uses clearly. All right, Moo was tired of conversation. Let's kill
other things before Moo decides must kill all of you. Okay, you wanted
an elf, don't even wants lots of elves, wants them dead. All
right, So you guys, uh, you guys go over to the lock
and do you insert the uh the keys into the lock? Something in a
hole by the end of the day. Oh, I'm not standing anywhere.
I'm not standing near lock when we're doing the insertion. All right, move
well, uh we'll stuff the that mean okay? Cool? Uh you put
in you put in the circle, You put in the diamonds into the little
locking macro from here and I'm gonna grab everybody. I'm gonna line up,
whether you want to or not, because you're getting pulled, so I will
so uh give me a vertical stance where everybody wants to be top to bottom.
Uh, I'll be behind Moog. Now vertical stramping down, give me
a line. Okay, we just uh here, we'll start with whoever wants
to start your first Okay, Moog, pick a spot where you want to
be? Are you good? Are you happy? Yep? Okay, everybody
line themselves up off of Moog and Hilda. This will determine many things.
Okay, So do you want to be behind? As Moog puts in the
lock the ground like the like the nothing attacking, uh, Fantasia starts to
pull the land away one bit by bit by bit, the rocks start falling
inward into this massive swirling uh vortex. You guys are on the very edge
of this whirlpool of time and space and it's and it's like and it's a
yet sort of it's it's it's more like, you know, Willie Walker's back
there singing this little song there about never know where we're gonna go? Yeah,
yeah, it's no, there are not. Unfortunately I'm gonna say,
I know that's a joke, but does Judy count I'm sorry, no,
actually, hang on secret, why is it not coming up? God?
Damn? It archer. It says, it says tests of skill and cunning.
Unfortunately it will not come up for some damn reason. Are you saying
we need to be cunning linguists? I used to be. No, my
first my first time in the military was a was a military linguist, and
we all called us cunning linguists. So there it is, BAMA from a
totally original test of skill and cunning. I love my movie trailer voice.
Fine, Like, do these words just superimpose themselves over reality? Yes,
as a matter of fact, they do. Good. I think I preferred
everything but the human orgy. All right, so we're going to for you,
thank goodness. This is where we're gonna leave off for the evening because
we read an hour mark. But as these words pop in, boom boom
boom, you feel yourselves go down. It's like a toilet like feeling into
this black hole of nothingness. But as it happens, you feel yourselves being
pulled apart and you get well, no, I mean like a separative from
your group. So the people to your left, and the people to the
people to your left, and the people to your right and all around you
when you come to in the next game. You will be totally alone.
Yes, totally O what moog is ready to start masturbating furiously? Oh wait,
tuning. You know reading comprehension is not a skill everyone possesses, never
changed, And that is where we will leave. And this is the hanger
for this episode. So does anybody have any questions from the or from the
audience. I have lots of questions. Here's the thing, and I'm just
gonna say this. My dad was to get to this part faster, but
once the dream thing started happening, I felt like one of those MTV reality
show producers. No no, no, no, let them do it.
I just just walk away. And that worked out so well for me.
It made me so happy. Thank you all so much. Yeah, that
was that was fun. If anyone mentions a ball gown, I thought I
thought move was going to start swinging. I seriously thought. I else barbarian
on druid action and not in the good way, and everybody else is like
barbarian arcade writer. I know, he's an Eldridge Knight, I know,
but still like, in my head, the way he talks, he's a
bar He's a barbarian. Come on, Barbarians can get people talking. I'll
see if tree I know knows somebody I was sending him. And hey,
you can know any hot trees in your area, hot single trees in your
area, looking for love, for the true would in your life, looking
for love and all the wrong not holes. Dear sex doctor, I have
splinters? Am I have a JJ? How do I deal with this?
Signed? Painful? And yeah, you haven't polished it enough before you tried
to insert it masking cape in case you ever wanted to know you use it
to pull splinters out from sica. Good if there's everything, any problem.
Your little is a lot cheaper than viagra. So do we have any actual
questions from the us from the audience, Actually we want Missy recovers herself,
all right, Yes, talking about polishing the furniture. Our friend Kyle the
copy bar asks, I think a fair amount of you work from home,
because where else are you going to write? I mean technically anywhere but Starbucks
and making smash families. How do you create a homework situation so you have
better home slash work separations you have a better chance of being productive with the
writing. I am an anti social, no partner, no kid lady.
Yeah, so I'm not. I'm the only enemy, and I'm the worst
enemy that I could possibly I have like a little nook that is my office,
and usually I put on headphones and if I super want to focus on
something, I try and light a candle because the extra having an extra scent
or just extra sensory thing kind of helps me focus a little bit more on
where I am and what I am doing. So, uh, that's that's
my short answer is headphones plus some sort of like scent, whether it's lotion,
essential oil turned Karen would be so happy, or or a candle of
some sort. But again, I have no kids, I have no partner.
I don't leave my house very often. I'm a introverted soloist. So
I have two cats. I have to cats, Yeah I do. I
applaud. I don't know what to do at this moment. Always a podcasts,
living the dream. Leave her alone, She's fine. I think my
biggest distraction is during the day of the dogs, because like especially my dog,
actually, if he wants to go outside, he will let he will
let you know and will not let you rest. I mean, the kids
are at school most of the day. You know, my wife's out working,
so pretty much between I'd say about eight thirty am and maybe like two
pm, I have the place to myself. So it's really just like,
like I said, the dogs and they want to go out maybe once or
twice during that time, but when they are here, I gotta say,
one thing about having autistic children is they're not really the most loving, like
you know, affectionate. They mostly want to go and like come home from
school and be like, Okay, we're going to go to our computers and
don't bother us. So yeah, it's like, really, it's never been
too much of a problem. I'm a little I just wrote when he was
asleep, and then when he got a little older and had his own computer,
it was like, yeah, I'm on a computer by mom. So
yeah, yeah, I'm in a similar situation. I mean, I do
work from home, and this is what I do, but I have a
passive income from my military retirement and stuff. So I take my son to
school in the morning because he goes to a school that's like thirty miles away.
So I drive him there in the morning and I drive home and that
helps just clear my head and refocus, listen to music, our podcasts.
Then I sit down and write roughly from nine to thirty till they get home
around four thirty. But I take a little break where it's like I'll do
a little workout, or I'll clean the house because I'm the house stat so
I prep the meals for that day. I clean the house, I you
know, laundry, dishes and all that shit. But you know, I
sit down and work, but I usually work. I'm up in my office
now, but I don't work my office during the day because I've got two
dogs and three cats and they all want attention. So I work down in
my kitchen kitchen table where I work so I can like pet the dogs.
Is they know where I'm at. And then when the family comes home.
You know, my wife's a teacher, so soon she comes home, she
goes right back to work, grading, grading, you know, for the
next couple of hours. My son is just coming up on twelve, so
he's like, hey, I love you. Hi, bybe going downstairs to
talk to my friends online and play games. So like is you know,
like all right, so I have the time. Fortunately, my my biggest
enemy is myself. Like you like, if I go in my office,
I've got a candle back there for that exact. I got a pine cented
candle just so I can like focus on something, or I play music.
I put my phone far away, I turn off the internet, and then
I just put my music on my phone and put it over there in the
side of the room and then I just focus on that. Yeah, yeah,
I've there's this so stupid, But there's this app called Forest that you
plant a little digital tree and tell it how long you want to focus,
and if you leave that screen, the little digital tree dies. And that
helps me stay off of my phone because I'm like, I can't kill the
ghost Lily Valley plant. That was a monster, and so then I don't
get on my phone. So it's you know, like, yeah, that's
that. Yeah, same. I talk to myself too. I do the
I walk and talk around my house because like when I got to work out
an walking in walk talk. Yeah, I get out my legal pad.
I'm like, that's a dumb idea. No, that's a good idea.
What if they do this, I don't know, And then I and my
dodgs just follow me in a circle the wave retreats. So yeah, it's
yep, I find it funny. I've never anyone I have the notebook that
I have, I have a station. The notebook either goes on the washing
machine or on the cat desk, because yes, my cats have desks next
to my desk, and I will walk and talk and then jot down ideas
when I have it. I had to put I had one desk next to
my desk for Griff because otherwise you would sit on it. And then now
that I have Coco, I have to have a desk next to Griff's desk
so that Cocoa can sit. And then Tsunami sits on my desk. And
sometimes I'll have three cats on my desk while I'm trying to work. And
I do have a day job, so I work in my I have one
half of my desk is my day job half of my desk, and then
my writing half is the other half. So my poor adhd brain gets hurt
a lot. And I have I have to do sprints when I have free
time, basically often. Now, Dear God, explain what a sprint is.
Oh, yeah, a sprint. So what I have to do is
because my time is so limited, basically, I have to have set times
during it. It's just like schedule. I schedule a meeting for myself at
either in my lunchtime or right after work or write before work, and for
that hour, basically my phone is off in the other room. It's lock
and I just work on writing during those times and I do nothing but that
one task during it, and then when my time is up, I have
to go and be chaotic again. So the only way I get stuff done
is in burse. Like anyone who's been a co writer with me knows,
it's like nothing nothing, nothing, Oh my god, There's like three thousand
words and then nothing nothing, Oh my god, another three thousand, right,
Rick, I did the Sprint thing for about two years when it got
me out of a serious slump. I was in because because I was,
like you said, it was a meeting with myself and so and it forced
me to sit down and do writing at that time and nothing else. And
so you know, I had to do it because I was I was being
accountable to myself, and it really helps. I've been thinking about doing that
again. So it does suck, though, if you get ADHD paralysis right
at five minutes in, and then it's just it's hell because you won't do
anything else. I will sit there and I will stare, and then I
will start messaging people. Rick knows this, so does Judy. She knows
this since the messages start. If I start talking about random things, it's
like, Oh, she got ADHD paralysis when she's supposed to be writing and
can't do anything else. So got you, Teresa. My job is actually
not at home, which is it does help, but it's also equally as
bad because when I get home, there's the laundry and the dishes and the
housework and all the other bullshit that I need to do that is more important
than getting the writing done. So most of the time I am more productive
if I go sit somewhere like Starbucks or a coffee shop or whatever, because
I literally can't get up and get distracted by doing something else. The only
purpose I have being there is to sit in right other than that, I
have a notebook at work, I have notebook in my purse, I have
apps on my phone, and I kind of treat it like a crying baby.
So if the idea pops up, I take care of it right then
and there for as intensely as I can until I have to move on to
the next thing. When I had my old job, after retired from the
Air Force. For the next six years, I was a government contractor,
but I was a tech writer, and the last thing I wanted to do
after writing for eight and a half hours a day was to come home,
drive thirty miles back to my house, and then start writing again. It
was very hard because it was tech. It's easier, it's Mortan's cutting dry,
it's no flavor. But after you write all day and get edited all
day, and write all day and edit day and you come home again,
now let's engage the fantasy brain, like, fuck me, I don't like
my characters are sad and they hate life. That's where I was. It
was very hard to make that. One of the things that helped me.
When I was in a regular office job where I spent all day on a
computer, I did get more done during the day for the writing because I
would sneak it into little times where I had downtime at work. But to
switch from being on a computer is work to writing. I would switch formats
so I wouldn't write on a computer. I would write long hand. Yeah,
I would do that in meeting different part of the brain. Oh,
you do that in meetings a lot. Yeah. When I was in meetings,
I'd like to be like, just not your head. And and then
the fair analogy is pretty good. Like when an idea hits, it's like
you have to tend to it because otherwise that I could you can get the
opposite I can get. The worst thing in the world is when you get
hyper focused on something that you're not supposed to be doing at the times,
like fun I was. Guilt is strong enough that the guilt is strong enough
that when you're dealing with the crying baby, you're trying to write faster because
you know that you're supposed to be doing something else, or that you have
another type of deadline that requires your actual physical you know, interactivity, So
you're trying to get it out as fast as you can so you can get
back to the other thing. The hyper focus happens, but it happens in
microbursts because it has to. I'll just say, like when I get an
idea like that, you know, I treat my phone like a crying baby,
a throat in the toilet and drown it. See. I also came
from after I stopped writing, I literally pulled over down. I wouldn't have
anything I have done that I have a thousand percent done that. Yeah,
Like because I carry with me and if I'm in the car and I'm like,
oh shit, oh shit, I'm gonna lose this if I don't write
this down right now, I will find somewhere to pull over and write it
down. Yeah. There was a time I was driving home from work and
I didn't have my notebook with me. So I got home and I had
notes all over my arms because oh, I switched to another formats because it
frees up my brain. Like after six o'clock six thirty, I switched to
art. Or if I have to, I'll take my pen and paper and
I'll sit down and watch them bad TV and just let the brain de compress.
But I'll start outlining ideas for like stories down the road, just like
because it pulls me out of that mode. So that way I had to
come back and look at with fresh eyes. I'm like, oh wait a
minute, I was too hyper focused on this scene. If I take a
step back, I can write it better if I do it this way,
you know, because you get the blinders on real hard when you're in those
moments, you know, because I'm unfortunately that guy that writes two chapters,
then re edits that chapter and then writes two more chapters. It goes back
to the other chapter, and like, I like that guy kneading dough.
I make a big dough ball, spread it out that I'm bubble and I'm
constantly it's kind of throwing clay getting all the bubbles out, and I wish
I couldn't. I used to be straightforward. And then second past and third
past. Now I'm like that. I'm that pottery stype of writer. Now
I didn't want to be. But anyway, we got some more questions for
you. Yeah, it works. Next question, yea, our friend Heinous
Lizard, asks, what's one popular trope that drives you absolutely bat shit?
Magic Baby? I cannot stand the magic baby. The magic Baby's the one
where the character goes, oh my goodness, I have magically become pregnant.
Oh it's Tuesday, here's the baby. Oh it's Wednesday. The baby's grown.
No, no, I hate that. Oh like that episode of Star
Trek the Next Generation that started season two with Troy. Honestly, that episode
of Damn Near Everything. It is done so much like Angel. They did
a whole bunch of times Star Trek forty four hundred. I mean, yeah,
and it makes me crazy because I'm not I'm not really a sciency person,
but I am a sciencey person and I'm I know enough to go,
Wait, how is this baby growing this fast? How did the mother not
get completely used up as fuel to grow this baby in one day? How?
You know? How is this happening? How is this not happening?
How's that? And it makes me it's funny you say that, And I'm
the same way about Wolverine, Like where's he drawing the calories from to heal
that fast? He should be about the size of like you know, like
one of those paleo vegan guys who sprints, who plays does marathons. He
should be a twig. He should be a twig. He should have no
mass on his body because he's using all his galleries to heal. So but
that's yeah, I get you. Yeah, So that's mine. The one
that really getshes, I mean, I can keep bitching about it. The
one that really gets me And it might just be because I've listened to all
of the Audien books for the Song of Fire and Ice in the past month
and a half. Is the medieval equals misogynist true, Like, uh,
like I said, it could just be very biased in that I've taken in
a lot of that content in the past month couple of months, but yeah,
can we not. Yeah, that's a very good to have. You
had a side posession with Emily Leverett. No, because I'm terrified of what
Emily Leverett would say and her head would explode and I would never hear the
end of the conversation. She could go, But that's go off on this
aside from things like time, like time travel and prophecies would just irk me
in most stories, not saying time teachers, but like, uh, it's
it's when Lord of the Rings. Okay, I was there, And if
I was there three thousand years ago, fucking were you? Because you were
wearing the exact same clothes, doing the exact same thing, in the exact
same Martin, in the exact same level of technology. But three thousand years
later, nothing's changed at all. Like just in human evolutions, we went
from like muskets to space in one hundred years. And this baffles me and
I hate it. It's a trope in fantasy, Like I get there certain
times, like oh no, if you look back, was actually had flying
cars? And we had a great discombobulation that ruined it. But it happens
all the time in a lot of fantasy series. We jumped five thousand years,
but like nothing has changed because there's no evolution now unless the l's are
retarding this ability. And I'm using the word properly, so I keep everybody
down because they're a long lived I can accept that, but then make that
part of your story where they are intentionally keeping humanity and dwarves and all the
other things from growing. I wanted to see these crusty ass old dwarves like
back back in mind, Hey, three thousand years ago. You know we
had to dig these things with and pick axes, none of these steam powered,
No miss jack hammer exactly. Damned volcanoed the forge one fucking ring exactly.
We had to go uphill both ways to Mount Doom to throw the rig
in barefoot flying eagle. We had dodos, blind dods, and we liked
somebody throwing that throw that back at him. So I was there three thousand
years ago when the strength of man failed. Then what the fuck did you
do about it? You just stood there and watched piece. Why did you
push him? You should have pushed him, and he's right there, push
him. He's a dick anyway, one fell one eagle Cat would have just
gone nope, just you've done all right. So so it's one trope I
hate and and for like it was like for years literally every like CW Superhero
show would fall back on this every goddamn week. Is the whole Hey,
I got to drop on the bad guy. Oh look like my my,
like you know, my friend, child, wife, whatever the fuck is
in grabbing distance of them, and they've grabbed it, grabbed them and said,
oh, throw down your weapon, and you do. And it's like
it's like nails on a fucking chalkboard. That's why I'm so grateful for that
scene in uh four y eight hours where like, you know, the bad
guys holding Eddie Murphy and Nick just shoots him in the face. Anyway.
Yeah, it's like that. That that that's that's That's how I feel about
that. That and or Speed. Yeah, so many, so many,
so many places, like you know, like the uber good characters who can't
kill and can't do this and can't are just dumb and it just it just
is nails on a chalkboard to me. Yeah, I think I don't know
if it's a trope so much, it's just lazy writing. Is when you
have like an anti hero or a hero who has to make a difficult choice.
I think I call it the Dexter problem. He has. Dexter doesn't
kill anyone but killers but he had but Doakes has him dead to rights and
he has him in the cage, and I'm like, Okay, he's gonna
have to decide is he gonna kill an instant man and break his coat and
be caught or is he gonna let him go and get caught, you know
that kind of thing and fuck your girlfriend that the time comes in and kills
him and it takes that whole big dramatic choice away. So I really hate
it when there's like I get it occasionally, especially in humor. You might
be able to do it for fun, but I just hate it when there's
a big moral decision and it's just cheaty, weedy and waved away from the
protagonist of the story. And Dexter's probably the most egregious one I can think
of doing that. That's a good one. That's really good. Yeah,
I have another No one wants to go. Yeah, I'm trying to think.
And so I mean we could go on love triangles and a whole bunch
of other stuff. But I write love triangles just because I hate them so
much I have to do them. It's like it's an abusive relationship with trope
writing. Yeah, Like I definitely would say probably along the same lines of
Teresa. When people have like a fantasy type of world and still choose to
bring in like misogynistic or racisty type of things, that's definitely obnoxious. But
all I can think about that fade is a tweet I saw earlier today that
was just fantasy writers really out here building a society around their kinks. And
now that's all I can think about with every fantasy But another one. That
another one that's really gotten to me also because you know, I've heard a
lot of it in the Song of Fire and Ice but also in other series.
Is the fat phobia bullshit? Now I am not a scar any person.
That is very clear. So that kind of ship where the bad guys
are fat and evil, or there are fat and evil, get over it,
like make up something that's actually credible. This is boring as fuck and
it lacks imagination. Yes it is, uh, I've got one word's know
your timetable or no you're no, no, you're Also when you write,
write something like if it's kind of like okay in Star Wars like okay,
boom ocle oh and buys R two D two and C three PO fantastic,
except when they do the prequels then like, well, and he built C
three p O so he bought the same droid twice because he's seen this thing
before. It's like it's been on the farm before. Uh, it's this
thing's been it showed up. All that shit bothers me. But the other
one, the timetables, is they could well actually that one because I did
have to explain why he did didn't know that because no un and arguing about
Star Wars. No, I understand why see three PO doesn't know they wiped
his mind, But why Owen doesn't because he was actually married to the second
husband of Shmi Skywalker and never met three Po because Anakin was already gone.
No no, no, he built it and like he this is my this
is my son Owen and his girlfriend Beru, and this is the joy that
works on our farm named C three p O. No, so what Larsen
wasn't there. At the same time, there's Creed, the dad who lost
the month. Yes, and because this is in Phantom Menace, didn't he
no see three po was in Uh? I think it was it. Yeah,
we could go back this like, but I swear he's on the farm
as his entire life shoveling's hand. Do you think because an attack of the
clone him those those stormtroopers, no attack of the clones. He shows back
up, He shows back up to Tattoo and he's like the maker, Oh
my god, Master Andy, you're all growing up. And the uncle Owen
was working the farm because he goes and finds his mother, Mom was dead
by the Ta the Tuscan Raiders. The other thing that bothers me about time
table. I blocked it out for my own loss. But the other one
at the timetables is U take something like uh cause not not ice and fire,
not George marmp The other one wheel have time. That entire story takes
two years. That's it. Two years and these people go from like dirt
nothing farmers to heads of state and blade masters and all these things in two
years. I don't care what dead guy's living in your head or how magical
you are. You don't become a grand master black belt in two years.
I don't care what you do. This does not happen. And these type
of things they even Lord of the Rings took thirteen months at least they weren't
like Ninja Hobbits by the End or anything like that. But the point is
like they weren't like, they weren't dritch to order and like beating people up,
you know, but over the course of thirteen months they got a little
tougher. But like some of these stories, you're like, these people accomplished
a lot of shit in like a year or two, and that's that's not
possible. You know, Luke got off a lucky shit because it obi one's
like, shoot there, just right there, I'm over your shoulder. Hit
the button now like a ghost made him do better, So I had nothing
to do with his skill. So those those things do irk me. I
think we could have another Star Wars thing. Everyone's related to everyone else.
Everyone's a skywalker. You're a skywalker, and you're a skywalker, you're suddenly
it's like a it's a galaxy far far away, full of you know,
thousands of planets. We always end up on tattooed and someone's related to Luke
Skywalker. I mean, yeah, that's storytelling. That's King Arthur. It's
like you're actually the son of Uther and you're actually my Baster's son. Like
that whole lineage thing has been storytelling forever. I'm not saying it's right or
it's wrong. It's just your usually galaxy is involved, know that. To
the thing bothers me is it's like we have this myriad galaxy. We can
go anywhere. Let's go to Let's go to the planet where there's nothing but
fucking sand ye hate. Then it's scretty and it gets everywhere. Sorry,
so I don't go to the beach for the same reason. Fuck that place.
We're all Anakin Skywalker here. Basically, what other questions we got?
Yes, ma'am? Oh is it? Oh? Is it my turn?
Now? Yeah? Okay, we'll move to Facebook. Let's see. I
still do not know how to pronounce this person's name, and so I apologize.
Jamn's statch says, oh, what random advertisement jingle lives rent free in
your head? No, no, do not let it back in time because
the pizzas on a bagel, I mean the pizza bagels we get that ship
at Costco in the big and like we we have too many pizza bagels in
this house, and we sing that song constantly. So oh man, I
always get the JG Wentworth off for a commercial in my head. Oh my
god. Yes, it is one eternal jingle and it's in my head now.
And all I can say is, let's go Krogering, Krogering, Krogering.
But if you don't know of grocery stores in the southeast through the Midwest,
but that damn jingle and it's in my headicaan And now I'm just gonna
have to sing the one, eight seven seven cars for kids to get it
out. I have never heard either of those ever, count yourself. Fortunately,
this one is really ancient. But it crawls in. It crawls into
my awareness every now and then, and then it stays a while. And
I don't even know why, because I don't like fig Newton's. But it's
wrapped the inside in the outside. Is it good? Darned Tutin doing the
big Big Newton? Is that too old for everybody? I've never heard?
Is big Newton car from back in the black and white with like a title
card you know, like it was a guy dressed in a fig. You
know what a fig looks like, right, It's kind of a boring looking
little fruit, and and his arms and legs and are sticking out, and
he's got his his face sticking out, and he's like doing these poses and
singing and it's just the cheesiest thing. But for some reason, I don't
like humans dressed in fruit costumes. I think that's we're we're teetering on a
line there. Yeah, this was my Saturday morning torture. When I was
speaking of Saturday morning, Like, the only thing was going to get this
out of my head is the X Men nineties cartoon. So we can all
agree that gambit sucks, right, he's like the worst X Men. Yes,
okay, fantastic, Oh he was. He was made in a lab
just to like be edgy, like he's got the Highlander gloves that don't matter
cajun. Okay, oh he is the worst one episode of the like you
know of not episode she was the X Men. Uh, they're on the
ex jet. There's get there's a whole that gets like blown aside. Rogue
is holding on by her hand and she's like, save me Remy and I
remember like like a bunch of people online were like, you can fucking fly,
Yeah she can fly? Okay that But I do actually love Gambit and
Rogue and I have the Mystery And if you haven't read Mister and Missus X
the Kelly think it's Kelly Armstrong's series. Oh my god, it's so good.
I won his Gambit one year as for Halloween, and I don't mean
that it showed up to this Halloween party and I was the only person in
fucking costume when I'm standing there with this Gambit, with this Gambit costume,
when I got this like this the head thing, the like you know,
the like the trench coat, and I have this this wig on but like
you know, the poofy hair, and I'm the only person wearing a cost
and I'm just like, god, damn all of you. Oh that's not
that's not cool at all. You got you got Elmwoods. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't get like the commercial jingles and stuff. It's more like either
shows or like movie stuff. Mostly, I find myself getting the Spider Man
theme in my head and just making up words as like you know, as
it goes spider Man, bider man, that's whatever a spider came. That's
pretty don't really get jingle stuck in my head. I get either songs or
just random words. Like I'll wake up with just a random word rattling around
in my head and it just keeps coming at me over and over, whether
I know what it means or not. The one that stuck around the longest
was vituperation. I don't know why, I don't know where it came from,
but it was stuck in my head like an earworm. I'll get.
I'll get a line or two of poetry in much the same way, just
a line or two of from a poem all of a sudden stuck in my
head, and I'll just hear it over and over and over and like a
like an earworm song. But I've had I've had scenes that I haven't written
yet. I've had those play on repeat in my head, and I'll be
like trying to do other things, like Nope, the scene keeps coming,
like, but I'm not there yet, too bad? Can I write the
scene to get to it? No, No, you can't do that,
Rachel, you can't possibly do that. No, We're just gonna keep interrupting
you washing the dishes with the scene that's like three chapters down the line.
You want to see any other Sure we'll we'll go with another one from Jamin
again. If you were a cammon household object, what would you be?
I would be the keys because I never know. I would be the keys
because I never know where the hell I am. I'll be a shammy cloth
because I'll be soft and useful. So, uh, coffee maker, that's
what I do. Help you to the toilet because like in the world keeps
giving me a lot of shit all I just want to be a rumba that
just seems like fun, like just doodling log sucking up crap. But everyone
thinks I'm cute and the cats around me. I mean, that would be
fun. There was a video yesterday of a room but getting free of the
house and it's like down this, down the walkway to the truck. Yeah,
there's no natural pre so it's just like they go for everything, go
out. I would be a fancy notebook that never gets written in. But
you bought the best of intentions. Oh that's pretty awesome that I have artads
like this is too nice looking for my stupid doodles, Like I can't do
this. I got get a good I'm looking over towards my stack of notebooks.
I tried to reach for one just now, but it's too far behind
my monitor. But I don't know where it is. Yeah, I love
it. Taking notes is my notebook. Thing I do is digital, Like
if I take notes, it's on my phone. Yeah. I like taking
for D and D. I like writing down the notes because it helps me
remember it a little bit better. Oh, I like your know I have.
I still have that one and it's still not written in my whiteboards on
the other end of my office, gibbe, so I can't show it.
It was all my French from when I spoke French. Oh yes, time.
Well, the dog is telling Rick he is done. Yes, yes,
I got Falca over here, growling and barking. I mean because he
wants to go outside to take a ship. Well, yeah, we're gone.
We got it's often. We're done. All right, everybody's getting barked
at. Thank you all very much for tune again, and we'll see you
all in a couple of weeks. Bye, everybody. Authors and Dragons brought
to you under Creative Commons license, meaning you were free to share this material
so long as credit is given to those who created it, which is us
people. You just started to play the game opening and closing themes performed by
the Gore Core four jacket. You will not get better there, but you'll
be a skeleton one day.