1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:05,120 Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual assault that some people may find 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:14,679 disturbing. Please listen with caution. If you didn't catch the last five episodes, 3 00:00:15,039 --> 00:00:18,480 What are you doing here? Go start the story from the beginning. 4 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:22,760 We left off last time with my ex sorority sister letting me know that her 5 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:27,399 and my other ex sorority sister were worried that I was going to Title nine 6 00:00:27,519 --> 00:00:37,479 because it might get the sorority kicked off campus. Snapped. I wake up 7 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:44,240 and in about an hour and a half, it's my meeting with Title nine. 8 00:00:44,719 --> 00:00:48,000 I can't believe that this is real life. You know when some ship 9 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,560 goes down and you wake up and you're like, please, let that not 10 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:54,960 be real. I checked my phone and I looked at my messages from last 11 00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:59,399 night, and yeah, this was real. And I can feel my anxiety 12 00:01:00,039 --> 00:01:06,120 in my heart, in my hands, My brain is foggy. I call 13 00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:15,159 my mom and I'm bawling on the phone with her, and she asks me, 14 00:01:15,599 --> 00:01:19,519 like, I do I know everything that's going on? And you know, 15 00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:26,079 she didn't. She didn't know about Derek. And there's just something about 16 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:33,519 the word rape that is really scary to say, Like it's almost like you 17 00:01:33,599 --> 00:01:38,159 don't want to define it as that, because then it that makes it real. 18 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,760 So she asks me if she knows everything, and I tell her no, 19 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:47,560 and I tell her she's of course very upset, and she tells my 20 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:53,200 dad and he calls me. He's like, mom told me that something awful 21 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:57,400 happened to you. Like he didn't even want to say the word rape, 22 00:01:57,799 --> 00:02:00,760 and like, you know, even like with talking to friend ends about it, 23 00:02:00,959 --> 00:02:07,000 no one wanted to say rape. Oftentimes people just refer to it as 24 00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:10,400 like what happened, but not never really rape. I mean, we're taught 25 00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:15,879 that rape is violent and it's like getting pulled into the bushes, and we're 26 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:21,639 taught that a rapist is a villain. And for a while I was more 27 00:02:21,719 --> 00:02:29,319 comfortable saying sexual assault instead of rape because it felt like people could handle that 28 00:02:29,439 --> 00:02:32,680 more. And sometimes I felt like rape didn't describe what I went through because 29 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:38,000 it wasn't violent, it wasn't with a stranger. But if I had my 30 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:42,879 stuff stolen for me, I'd call that person a thief. If someone killed 31 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:46,360 me, no one would have a problem with calling that person a murderer and 32 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:52,120 saying I was murdered. In Jessica Valenti's article, when you call rape anything 33 00:02:52,199 --> 00:02:55,719 but rape, you are just making excuses for rapists. She poses a question 34 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,800 that I would like to ask you all right now, and that is, 35 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:06,240 how can we stop rape if we're not even willing to call it what it 36 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:10,439 is. I actually have a journal entry from that morning that I wrote when 37 00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:15,360 I got off the phone with my parents, and it says I told my 38 00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:21,520 parents that I was raped today. I was so stressed and anxious because my 39 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,919 quote friends were insinuating it was selfish for me to go to Title nine because 40 00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:31,120 ute some of my good friends might really be affected by it. All the 41 00:03:31,159 --> 00:03:36,919 trauma and pain that the sorority has put me through doesn't matter to them. 42 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,840 But I guess I'm just realizing who my real friends are. I just feel 43 00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:47,120 like everyone is against me, and it sucks. The last thing I want 44 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:52,360 to do right now is go to Title nine, which if you don't remember, 45 00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:58,599 is the Office of Civil Rights and Student Misconduct. But nevertheless, I 46 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,000 persisted. When I leave, my roommate says, good luck, You've got 47 00:04:02,039 --> 00:04:08,680 this, and I'm like, yeah, I got this. And I'm walking 48 00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:14,039 to the bus that takes me to campus, and I'm texting with my ex 49 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,839 boyfriend who I hadn't talked to in about two months, but we had dated 50 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:23,439 prior to this for about two years. And so he's someone in my life 51 00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:26,439 who I know very well, and I had just been through a bunch of 52 00:04:26,439 --> 00:04:29,560 shit in these last two months, and I guess I was texting him to 53 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:34,120 seek comfort in him. And something that I remember from this conversation, after 54 00:04:34,439 --> 00:04:38,959 me giving him a rundown of everything that I was going through, he told 55 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,680 me like, Lucy, like I'm really worried about you, Like you need 56 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:48,040 to be more careful. This really pissed me off, because yeah, I'm 57 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:53,959 worried about me too, but no, I am not the one who needs 58 00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:57,879 to be more careful, So please shut them up. I can no longer 59 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:02,360 engage in these text messages. I get to the Title nine Offices, which 60 00:05:02,439 --> 00:05:10,439 is on campus, and I'm sitting a bit waiting. A representative from the 61 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:14,639 place on campus that helps survivors of any type of abuse, assault, etc. 62 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,839 Comes and sits with me. She is joining me in this meeting for 63 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:26,639 support. Eventually, a representative from the Title nine office comes and gets me. 64 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,240 We walk into the office, she makes me some coffee. I hand 65 00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:38,319 her the twenty five page staple document that I've made, which includes a whole 66 00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:41,560 bunch of stuff. Go back to episode five if you want to hear more 67 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,519 about that, but pretty much it shows proof and explanations of all the ship 68 00:05:45,639 --> 00:05:48,399 that went down in this meeting. We don't go through every single thing in 69 00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:53,279 the document. I give her a long story short of the major events, 70 00:05:53,680 --> 00:06:00,000 and I tell her how the sorority told me that what happened wasn't considered haze 71 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,959 because it wasn't before new member initiation, but I wanted to make clear to 72 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:09,639 her that to me, this still was hazing. She sympathizes with me and 73 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:14,759 gives me a bit of information about reporting the rape and what that would look 74 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:18,480 like, and she tells me that she will get back to me in about 75 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:24,759 a week or two to tell me if they could potentially break the housing contract, 76 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:28,199 because that was the primary reason that I was here. I wanted to 77 00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:32,920 break the housing contract. I also emphasized to her that I really don't want 78 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:36,680 the sorority to be kicked off campus for this, because it's just going to 79 00:06:36,759 --> 00:06:42,279 make my life worse because I'm going to be the one to get the backlash 80 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,519 for that. So yeah, please don't kick the sorority off of campus. 81 00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:50,079 I leave the meeting, and life goes on for these next two weeks. 82 00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:56,120 I dye my hair brown. Actually we all know that moment. I had 83 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,199 been blonde for maybe like seven years. Now I'm truly brunette. But I 84 00:07:00,399 --> 00:07:04,199 have never felt comfortable to go back to brown and fear that I wouldn't look 85 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,920 good. But now that I'm out of the sorority, where there's not as 86 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,480 much pressure to look good, I don't give a fuck. Let's fucking do 87 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:15,199 this. I'm going back to my roots and I have brown hair to this 88 00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:17,759 day. Hanna, I posed a picture on Instagram of me with my brown 89 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:26,279 hair that says Hannah Mont Hannah to meet Miley Cyrus. I'm also dressing more 90 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:32,000 like myself again. Feels so good to throw away and give away my sorority 91 00:07:32,079 --> 00:07:38,399 clothing and that I'm waiting to hear back from Title nine. I hear from 92 00:07:38,519 --> 00:07:44,399 my friend who was worried about me going to Title nine, she replies to 93 00:07:44,439 --> 00:07:46,560 one of my snapchat stories. I don't remember what she said, but it 94 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:49,839 was acting like our friendship was normal, and I told her, hey, 95 00:07:49,839 --> 00:07:56,199 like I'm not comfortable to talk normally. After our conversation, and then she 96 00:07:56,639 --> 00:08:01,800 tells me that she doesn't want to continue this friendship because she doesn't want to 97 00:08:01,879 --> 00:08:05,240 be made out to feel like a bad person for her opinion, and it 98 00:08:05,279 --> 00:08:09,680 was too hard to be friends. She said, you're a good person, 99 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,720 but I won't be around. I genuinely don't know what I would have done 100 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:18,600 if I didn't have such supportive new roommates and my freshman year of roommate and 101 00:08:18,839 --> 00:08:26,639 another friend who was not in a sorority. I finally hear back from Title 102 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:31,120 nine and they let me know that they cannot break the housing contract because the 103 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:37,200 sorority is a private organization. But they say that they could open up a 104 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:43,200 case on gender discrimination slash sexual harassment against the sorority, and I could also 105 00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:48,480 still report the rape. After a lot of thinking, I ultimately felt like 106 00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:54,320 I'm not ready to go up against the sorority and I don't I don't know 107 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,039 what this is going to turn into. Like Title nine said that, you 108 00:08:56,039 --> 00:09:00,360 know the sorority would be involved in the investigation, it would probably in clude 109 00:09:00,519 --> 00:09:05,799 people being questioned. I didn't trust people to tell the truth. I didn't 110 00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:09,559 trust people to have my best interest at heart. I expected them to have 111 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:16,080 the sorority's best interest at heart, and also knowing that these are million dollars 112 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,600 organizations I don't know, maybe more. Either way, they're fucking rich organizations 113 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:24,840 who will probably have rate lawyers. And I don't want my parents to have 114 00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:28,120 to now put all this money into a lawyer. And even if they don't 115 00:09:28,159 --> 00:09:31,840 have to put money into a lawyer, if this investigation does go well, 116 00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:35,120 like, what's that going to mean that the sorority gets kicked off campus? 117 00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:39,080 Like there's no way that this investigation is going to go down without more trauma 118 00:09:39,159 --> 00:09:43,200 for me and bullying. And I also want to start the healing process, 119 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:48,200 like if money is going anywhere, it's going to therapy. So I decide, 120 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,600 yeah, no, I'm not doing an investigation for that or for the 121 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:56,360 guy who raped me. The things that I've heard about investigations when it comes 122 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:01,720 to rape and sexual assault have been all on that negative. My friend from 123 00:10:01,759 --> 00:10:07,960 another school who was raped, her investigation process with the school lasted a year, 124 00:10:09,279 --> 00:10:13,399 and the criminal case started in her freshman year and it went till the 125 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:18,679 summer of her junior year. Also, her rapist family hired a private investigator 126 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:24,799 who took pictures from her Instagram, some of her bikini pictures and brought them 127 00:10:24,799 --> 00:10:30,919 into court and slut shamed her and tried to show the jury that she was 128 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:35,080 promiscuous. So yeah, I didn't have faith in society. I didn't have 129 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:41,080 faith in my school. I didn't have faith in anyone to provide justice. 130 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:45,759 And you know this is not me saying don't report, like definitely not. 131 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:50,240 That is a personal choice, and I support anyone who decides or has decided 132 00:10:50,279 --> 00:10:54,080 to report. I'm just explaining that for me, I had no faith that 133 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:58,960 this would go down in a way that would heal me. So yeah, 134 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:05,639 I told Title nine no, not right now for both of those potential investigations. 135 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,960 In terms of the housing contract, I mean now, my only hope 136 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:13,679 of breaking it was with my meeting with the adults who represent the sorority. 137 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:20,960 I was going to meet with two advisors of the sorority and make them aware 138 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:26,679 of the injustices that occurred and try and break the housing contract. I wake 139 00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:31,639 up with a pit in my stomach because, like, at this point, 140 00:11:31,639 --> 00:11:37,639 it was still so fucking draining to tell the story again, because it was 141 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:45,159 still so recent and it's hard to reveal your trauma to two strangers who probably 142 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:50,679 definitely don't have my best interest at heart. So I walk into the building, 143 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:56,440 I meet the two advisors and we find a classroom to have our meeting 144 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:01,200 in. I then hand them the twenty five page Staple document, you know, 145 00:12:01,279 --> 00:12:07,000 the one I'm talking about, And in this meeting, I actually go 146 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:11,679 through each point and read it aloud rather than just summarizing. So the whole 147 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:16,039 meeting, my eyes are looking at the document. I don't look up until 148 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:20,320 I'm done reading. At the end of the document, I start tearing up, 149 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,480 and they empathize with me. One of them says, as someone who 150 00:12:24,639 --> 00:12:30,320 has had a similar experience, I'm so sorry. And I'm not sure if 151 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:35,480 she was referring to the slut shaming the rape, but that statement seemed genuine. 152 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:39,159 They also said it's good that I told them because they only get told 153 00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:43,320 so much by the sorority, and there's a lot that they're not made aware 154 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:48,039 of. The conversation ended with one of them saying the sentence that I had 155 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:54,799 probably received like twenty times now, and that statement is Greek life isn't for 156 00:12:54,879 --> 00:12:58,120 everyone. And I said, it's an episode four, but I will say 157 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:03,480 it again here who is Greek Life for. They told me that they will 158 00:13:03,519 --> 00:13:09,639 discuss the situation with the housing board and then get back to me. And 159 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,320 I leave your meeting. After this, I get a message from them that 160 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:18,799 says, just wanted to follow up with you since our meeting blah blah blah, 161 00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:22,480 and I appreciate the time you spent with us and the information and concerns 162 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,519 you shared with us. We have already begun discussing some of the issues with 163 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:30,840 the chapter and will continue working with them to evolve as a chapter and sisterhood. 164 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:35,039 I hope finals went well, and happy holidays to you and your family. 165 00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:43,200 Happy holidays to you too. The housing contract was never broken. My 166 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:48,919 parents continue to pay for the room for that whole semester and continued to pay 167 00:13:48,039 --> 00:13:52,080 for my dues for that semester. At this point, that's exactly what I 168 00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:58,159 expected and just wanted to start the healing process. Now stay with me. 169 00:13:58,279 --> 00:14:01,960 I'm going to be jumping around a bit to show you how this affected the 170 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:07,080 rest of my college experience. Twenty eighteen begins. It's the second semester of 171 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:13,639 my sophomore year and I move into what we call the crib. In that 172 00:14:13,759 --> 00:14:18,480 semester, it was me and my roommate against the world. She was friends 173 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,679 with the guys down the hall, and so I became friends with the guys 174 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:26,639 down the hall, and it was lovely to form platonic relationships with them and 175 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:33,039 not be suspicious that they're scheming to get with me, Like it was genuinely 176 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:39,360 platonic, which I had never experienced before. The Sorority of It still recruiting 177 00:14:39,399 --> 00:14:43,879 new members, and so of course I see pictures on Instagram of their bid 178 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:50,879 day, and seeing these pictures definitely makes me feel uncomfortable, and in a 179 00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:56,279 way, I feel bad for these new members. I feel like I know 180 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,600 something that they don't end. I hope for their sake that they never have 181 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:07,600 to find out. And I realized that I wanted to officially uninstall this SIMS 182 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,960 Sorority expansion pack from my life, like I'm done associating with this glitch, 183 00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:16,840 and I slowly start on following right when I disaffiliated, some of them had 184 00:15:16,879 --> 00:15:20,960 already began to unfollow me, and you know, it happens one by one, 185 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,639 it happens daily. But I delete the instant on follow app and I 186 00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:30,639 just start on following myself. Every time I see something that has to do 187 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:35,919 with Greek life on my feed on follow Sorry not sorry, I'm no longer 188 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:41,240 getting as many likes or comments, but at least I have real friends now. 189 00:15:41,759 --> 00:15:45,480 My old friend and the sorority, who was upset that I was going 190 00:15:45,519 --> 00:15:50,159 to Title nine, ended up apologizing. She sends me a long, genuine 191 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:56,799 email apologizing for her actions and her words, and you know, saying maybe 192 00:15:56,799 --> 00:16:00,600 sometime we can meet up and talk about it all all. And I respond 193 00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:04,679 letting her know that, you know, one day I would like to talk 194 00:16:04,679 --> 00:16:10,159 about it all, but for right now, I'm still really hurt about everything 195 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:14,200 that happened last semester, and I need time to heal and be away from 196 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,279 things that remind me of my troubling time so that I can move on and 197 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:22,720 forgive. In terms of my other old friends from the sorority, I hang 198 00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:29,480 out with them a few times the semester and individually as people. You know, 199 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:33,120 I still respect them, but something's not sitting right with me. I 200 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:38,559 felt like I still needed to ask about sorority stuff, like going to formal 201 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,080 like all of that. What I wanted to escape I still got when I 202 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,600 would hang out with them. And I'm also starting to feel a sense of 203 00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:51,360 betrayal that they're still in the sorority, and I like, I know we 204 00:16:51,399 --> 00:16:53,440 didn't have the same experience, but I don't know. I can't help it. 205 00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:56,799 Like hanging out with them just triggered a sense of rejection that I no 206 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:02,960 longer wanted to be reminded of. And so slowly I just kind of stopped 207 00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:07,920 hitting them up, and slowly they stopped hitting me up. In terms of 208 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:12,559 Derek, the guy who raped me, I believe I saw him around once 209 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,200 and I just put my head down and didn't make eye contact. And in 210 00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:25,920 February I received a text from his friend, and this text said, Hey, 211 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:30,519 Lucy, it's Derek's good friend. He's having an extremely hard time moving 212 00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:33,200 on with his life and trying to potentially get back into Greek life. Is 213 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:37,359 there any way that I could act as a mediator between you two to get 214 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,880 some closure for the both of you. He wants to contact you and discuss 215 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,319 things, but obviously that hasn't worked. The only way he can move on 216 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:47,839 with this is if he can somehow talk to you or get into contact with 217 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,119 you. And I say, what does he want to say? I don't 218 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:56,079 have an interest in meeting up and he says he's just extremely distraught about the 219 00:17:56,119 --> 00:18:00,200 situation. I'm sure you are as well, but this whole situation is really 220 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:03,599 messing with him. He's just looking to potentially talk to you about it. 221 00:18:03,599 --> 00:18:07,000 It honestly has messed him up pretty bad, especially within Greek Life, and 222 00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:11,440 I say, I don't see how that's my problem or how slash why I 223 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,799 should change that. It has messed with me badly as well, and his 224 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,160 reputation in Greek life is not my problem. And that's just the dumbest part 225 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:26,640 about it. I'm sure that this situation did mess with Derek pretty badly, 226 00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:32,799 and I for sure see how it was probably traumatizing to be barbarically yelled at 227 00:18:32,839 --> 00:18:38,160 by your almost frat brothers and then shunned by the entire Greek Life community because 228 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,039 the word gets around. But there is just so much that's wrong in this 229 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,599 message. First of all, if I'm going to have a fucking mediator, 230 00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:52,720 it's not going to be you. Second of all, I'm sorry, why 231 00:18:52,839 --> 00:18:56,319 is this being put on me? Like what do you want me to do? 232 00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:03,039 Make an announcement to the Greek Life community being like oh, like never 233 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:07,440 mind, he didn't rape me. His frat kicked him out for nothing? 234 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:15,640 What And third of all, I don't give a fuck about his reputation in 235 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,319 Greek life. I try and become a better person, joined some fucking clubs. 236 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:23,079 And if Derek had sent this text, by the way, I don't 237 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:27,359 know what he was referring to about contacting me. I heard from him once, 238 00:19:27,519 --> 00:19:30,160 like the day that he was kicked out. He was asking to talk, 239 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,519 and at that point I was not in the head space at all to 240 00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:36,519 talk, so I said no. Other than that I had never heard from 241 00:19:36,599 --> 00:19:41,279 him again. But if he messaged me and was reaching out with the intention 242 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:48,839 to understand and make amends, I would have been far more inclined to consider 243 00:19:48,039 --> 00:19:52,839 having a chat with Derek. But the fact that I'm like his solution to 244 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:59,000 cure his reputation in Greek life, get the fuck out of my face. 245 00:19:59,559 --> 00:20:06,079 I've heard from many individuals that numerous members of the Greek life community at my 246 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:11,559 school called me crazy. The first time I heard this was when my friend 247 00:20:11,799 --> 00:20:15,160 told me that she was with the group of friends and someone was talking about 248 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:22,319 Derek and saying that he got kicked out of the frat because some girl accused 249 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,200 him of raping her. But she's crazy though, And I was told that 250 00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:33,079 other top tier sororities were going around calling me crazy as well because of my 251 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:37,359 disaffiliating song. And I was told that they loved it because my sororities reputation 252 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:41,559 was taking a hit from it or whatnot, and it was just embarrassing that 253 00:20:41,599 --> 00:20:47,480 the black eyes would sing it like apparently was making my sorority look bad, 254 00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:52,119 and so the other top tiers were excited because that made them look better. 255 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,880 And I get that my disaffiliating video was bold, and I could see how 256 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,759 someone might cringe because of it, because they would never choose to disaffiliate through 257 00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:06,880 a song or disaffiliate at all. But just how quick they jumped to put 258 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:11,599 me down and call me crazy and get joy about the fact that my old 259 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:17,640 sorority's reputation was taking a hit from this and it would make them look better. 260 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,720 I think shows a lot to what values these organizations perpetuate. I mean, 261 00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:29,440 if sisterhood isn't about coming together to support one another and make every woman 262 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:34,839 feel safe, then what is it about. It seems that the Brotherhood does 263 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:41,920 a great job at protecting each other at all costs, while the Sisterhood values 264 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:48,359 being popular, which in sorority world means being accepted and approved of by the 265 00:21:48,519 --> 00:21:55,799 brotherhood at all costs. When I see my old sorority sisters on campus, 266 00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:00,799 I become very hyper aware of how I look, what I'm doing. We 267 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,359 slowly stop waving to each other. If it was someone that at one point 268 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:10,400 I was friends with, maybe we'll chat for twenty seconds, but this was 269 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:14,119 rare. One of my old roommates who lived with me in the sorority house 270 00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:17,000 is actually in one of my classes this semester. You know, at first 271 00:22:17,079 --> 00:22:19,240 we talk a bit, we chit chat. I asked her about rush because 272 00:22:19,279 --> 00:22:25,279 I feel obligated too, and then eventually we stopped chit chatting in class and 273 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:32,119 stop saying hi. Summer twenty eighteen, I'm on a boat millions of miles 274 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:38,759 away from sorority world and the song Mister bright Side comes on, you know, 275 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:45,880 the fucking song. But it comes on. My heart tightens, my 276 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:51,640 brain becomes foggy, and I need to sit down. This is not the 277 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:56,640 last time I'm triggered by things that make me feel like I'm back in sorority 278 00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,359 world. One of my favorite quotes is by alex This Haynes in her book 279 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:07,119 Recovering from Reality, and the quote is healing means having your heart shatter over 280 00:23:07,799 --> 00:23:12,759 and over again. And this is exactly what my junior year of college felt 281 00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:18,640 like. I didn't go out at all. I'm always feeling kind of uncomfortable 282 00:23:18,759 --> 00:23:22,599 when my friends asked if I want to go to the bars, and I'm 283 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,640 kind of just like, like, you, you can go without me. 284 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,279 And usually my friends would be very supportive and fine with it, but there 285 00:23:29,279 --> 00:23:33,839 were definitely moments where I can tell that I killed their vibe. But I 286 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,920 was just constantly afraid that I was going to run into people from the sorority 287 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,359 or that I was going to feel alienated by that environment. I hadn't been 288 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:45,680 to a frat party since I disaffiliated, Like that wasn't even in the cards 289 00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:49,519 for me. Like my friends wouldn't even ask me to go to that because 290 00:23:49,519 --> 00:23:53,400 they knew I was not stepping foot in a frat house ever again. And 291 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:57,279 you know, don't feel bad for me, Like I am happy than not 292 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,240 ever step foot in a frat house ever again. And I'm even happy to 293 00:24:00,319 --> 00:24:04,160 not go to the bars, Like I still love my roommates. I'm becoming 294 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:08,200 closer with people in my major, and I'm still hanging out. I'm still 295 00:24:08,279 --> 00:24:14,000 doing my thing at the crib, having dance parties, but I just really 296 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,039 don't want to go out. Two of my old sorority sisters are in one 297 00:24:18,079 --> 00:24:25,559 of my classes this semester, and I transfer out of that class. Campus 298 00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:30,920 and the areas around campus start to become a lot smaller for me. The 299 00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:34,920 area by the sorority houses in frat row. For a while, I wouldn't 300 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,759 even dare to go, and if I would drive by, I couldn't not 301 00:24:37,839 --> 00:24:42,319 stick my middle finger out the window. I kind of just go on my 302 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:47,720 route from my apartment building to the Performing Arts building, where I don't have 303 00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:52,960 to go on campus. Because just seeing people wearing Greek life shirts, especially 304 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:59,559 seeing women wear frat shirts, especially the frat that my sorority was obsessed with, 305 00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:06,640 really fucking triggered me. Seeing sororities go around doing the lanthropiece shiit just 306 00:25:06,759 --> 00:25:11,599 makes me angry because I know that's not why you exist, and I'm mad 307 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:18,880 at my school for so openly enabling this. I truly start to resent my 308 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:22,680 school. And when those are the people that are supposed to protect you, 309 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:27,960 you just kind of lose trust in anyone. When I hear the word slut, 310 00:25:29,279 --> 00:25:33,119 I just feel really triggered. Even if it's used it with a positive 311 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:37,599 connotation, my heart just like tenses up. I start to have reoccurring nightmares 312 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:44,000 every night. For a solid two months, I would have nightmares ever every 313 00:25:44,279 --> 00:25:48,799 night. And one of these reoccurring nightmares was me being in the sorority house 314 00:25:49,319 --> 00:25:56,960 screaming and people just like looking at me. Another reoccurring nightmare is me reporting 315 00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:03,440 Derek and the sororities standing outside the court room protesting against me, and people 316 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,039 would often times ask me like, oh, why did you drop? And 317 00:26:07,519 --> 00:26:11,519 usually I would just be like, it's a long story. Sometimes I would 318 00:26:11,559 --> 00:26:15,519 get into it. But for a while, I'm feeling really lost with all 319 00:26:15,559 --> 00:26:22,279 of this and still not really feeling any sense of closure. Something that did 320 00:26:22,319 --> 00:26:26,759 make me feel a small sense of closure was when I talked with my old 321 00:26:26,799 --> 00:26:30,880 friend from the sorority, the one who was upset that I was going to 322 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:37,200 Title nine in fear that it would affect the sorority, and we meet up 323 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,440 to talk and I find out that the semester she disaffiliated. I actually asked 324 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:47,039 her if she wanted to share anything on this podcast to show a bit of 325 00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:52,440 her perspective, and her comment is, I think from the ending of me 326 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,839 and Lucy's relationship, our breakup, I learned that catastrophic things happen when you 327 00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,279 know you're doing something that doesn't align with who you are. I know that 328 00:27:00,319 --> 00:27:04,119 being confused about your identity is a very common thing in college. So when 329 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,839 you finally realize that something doesn't match up with the identity that you're growing into 330 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,039 and finding that's a problem and it's your own responsibility to fix it for yourself. 331 00:27:12,279 --> 00:27:15,400 Greek life kind of comes in it shapes the world around you for you, 332 00:27:15,519 --> 00:27:18,359 and I know, for the ones found that on social values, your 333 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,720 identity ends up being shaped around sex, drugs, alcohol, and being conventionally 334 00:27:22,759 --> 00:27:26,319 hot. I felt that I was in a volatile environment and wanted to get 335 00:27:26,319 --> 00:27:30,200 out of that and see what else was out there for me. I felt 336 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,880 like my growth was just completely stunted, and I didn't give myself the respect 337 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,680 to grow into the person I wanted to be because I was too busy remodeling 338 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:41,400 myself into what other people wanted me to be. And if you're not respecting 339 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,759 yourself, how can you give respect to other people. I've just decided to 340 00:27:44,839 --> 00:27:48,920 leave that part of my life behind with the bittersweet understanding that it overall didn't 341 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,240 do as much good for me as I anticipated, and affected a lot of 342 00:27:52,279 --> 00:27:56,680 the things I care about, and Lucy is one of them. Full fucking 343 00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,720 circle, and I'm really proud of her and happy for her that she was 344 00:28:00,799 --> 00:28:07,480 able to realize how this organization was affecting her and take action. You guys 345 00:28:07,559 --> 00:28:14,400 know how I've been feeling this past semester of junior year. And during this 346 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,720 I hear that my friend who's a freshman, is rushing a sorority, and 347 00:28:19,799 --> 00:28:23,720 she knows about everything that went down in my time in the sorority, not 348 00:28:23,759 --> 00:28:27,200 to the extent of all the details that I share in this podcast, but 349 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,519 a general play by play. You know. I try and warn her and 350 00:28:30,599 --> 00:28:34,359 give her the spiel. I tell her join other things I promise you, 351 00:28:34,519 --> 00:28:40,119 Like it's toxic, Like they're fucking cults. You know, She's a wide 352 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:44,759 eyed freshman. All of her friends are rushing. Everyone's telling her to rush. 353 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,279 She doesn't want to end up with no friends. She doesn't want to 354 00:28:47,279 --> 00:28:52,200 be the only one not rushing, and she rushes. I see from Instagram 355 00:28:52,519 --> 00:29:00,200 her mid day pictures and she joined the sorority that I was in. This 356 00:29:00,319 --> 00:29:06,519 takes me back to feeling like I'm screaming to be heard, to be validated, 357 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:12,440 but instead feel shut down and silenced. And around this time I actually 358 00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:18,599 have a pretty big falling out with my freshman year roommate as well, because 359 00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:22,200 she's still in a sorority, and to be honest, I can no longer 360 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:26,720 handle it. I'm taking it personally, and I know that she was in 361 00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,960 a different sorority than me, but at this time in life, I'm aware 362 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,920 that this is a systemic issue, like it's not just my sorority that's the 363 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,799 problem. I'm feeling like, oh, then she must not care about me, 364 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,880 Like, oh, but we must not have the same values. And 365 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,720 I end up breaking down and telling her how I'm feeling, and we end 366 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:53,279 up taking a break as friends for that semester, which killed me because I 367 00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:57,559 love her. And in this semester I start therapy, and through lots and 368 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:06,079 lots of talking and thinking and crying, I realize that I have two options. 369 00:30:06,519 --> 00:30:11,559 I can continue to be angry and hurt and take it personally that my 370 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:17,680 friend is in Greek life and project my feelings and lack of control for what 371 00:30:17,759 --> 00:30:22,759 I went through on this friendship, or I can acknowledge that I had a 372 00:30:22,799 --> 00:30:27,160 really traumatic experience and it's changed the way that I view the world. But 373 00:30:27,519 --> 00:30:33,079 while I may not agree with my friends choices, I can still understand them 374 00:30:33,119 --> 00:30:37,720 and remember that she was one of the most supportive people throughout all of this, 375 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:41,720 and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about me. Interestingly enough, 376 00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:48,279 my freshman year roommate ends up disaffiliating from her sorority. I don't know this 377 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:52,119 until we become friends again, which is at the end of my second semester 378 00:30:52,279 --> 00:31:00,079 of junior year, where I apologize or projecting my trauma onto her, and 379 00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:03,039 in my first semester of senior year, I go abroad. This helps me 380 00:31:03,119 --> 00:31:08,319 a lot to distance myself from everything that I went through and look at it 381 00:31:08,359 --> 00:31:12,160 more from a bird's eye view. And what really helped me do that was 382 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:17,920 creating this podcast, and I'll talk more about that process in the Q and 383 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,839 A. I come back to campus in my second semester senior year. Also, 384 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:25,920 I just want to make lots of shit is going on during all this 385 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:30,079 time. I'm just telling you all about stuff that's still related to my Greek 386 00:31:30,079 --> 00:31:33,400 life experience. But yeah, this semester, when I drive by the sorority 387 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,319 houses, instead of sticking my middle finger up, I just don't look. 388 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:42,359 When someone's talking about greek life, I just don't listen. And I'm able 389 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:47,640 to be completely friends with my old friend who joined the sorority I was in, 390 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,559 and have no negative feelings towards her. Life is great. I love 391 00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:56,200 to not feel resentment now. When I see people who are rushing or people 392 00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:00,160 who are in Greek life, I just kind of think to myself, good 393 00:32:00,279 --> 00:32:05,200 luck, Charlie. And you know, I still feel sad for them, 394 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:09,319 and sad that these organizations exist on campus and people are joining them, but 395 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:15,319 I just don't take it personally or look down on them for it. Because 396 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:21,920 the truth is, Greek life can sink its clause into anyone. Go back 397 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,680 to episode one, Go back to episode two. Go listen to how I 398 00:32:24,799 --> 00:32:30,160 was completely complicit with the greek life system. Go back to episode five and 399 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,599 listen to what my friend was texting me about going to title nine. She 400 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:37,680 would have never said anything close to that if she hadn't been completely sucked in 401 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:44,200 to sorority world. It doesn't matter how great the individual is once they're sucked 402 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:50,720 into a group that enforces conformity and loyalty to the group over everything, their 403 00:32:50,799 --> 00:32:54,799 values can be thrown out the window. I mean these organizations have a cult 404 00:32:54,839 --> 00:33:00,160 like psychological effect on its members. Think about it. The love bombing at 405 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:05,000 the beginning, the repetitive chanting at rush about how amazing the sororities are. 406 00:33:05,079 --> 00:33:10,799 Being discouraged or even punished for doubting or leaving the organization. The leadership dictating 407 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:16,279 how members should act, think, and feel, the us versus the mentality. 408 00:33:16,599 --> 00:33:22,279 The leader not being accountable to any authorities. The leadership inducing feelings of 409 00:33:22,359 --> 00:33:27,079 shame and or guilt in order to influence and or control members. The group's 410 00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:31,119 main focus on recruiting new members, the group being preoccupied with making money. 411 00:33:31,279 --> 00:33:37,599 Members being expected to devote a wild amount of time to the group and group 412 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:43,279 related activities. Members being encouraged or required to live in and or socialize only 413 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:47,200 with other group members. I mean, if it looks like a cult, 414 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:52,920 and it sounds like a cult, then it probably is a cult. But 415 00:33:53,079 --> 00:34:00,000 either way, these characteristics will lead you to value the group over anything at 416 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:05,920 all costs. Also, let's not forget that these groups are recruiting you in 417 00:34:06,039 --> 00:34:08,880 such a vulnerable time. I mean, as a college freshman, you'll latch 418 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:14,199 onto anything to feel a sense of community. And the power that group think 419 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:19,320 holds in these organizations can make it almost impossible to get out once you're in 420 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,519 it if you don't know what groupthink is. It's based on the desire not 421 00:34:22,599 --> 00:34:27,000 to upset the balance of a group of people, which creates a dynamic within 422 00:34:27,039 --> 00:34:32,800 a group where creativity and individuality tend to be stifled in order to avoid conflict. 423 00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:37,679 This leads to one way of thinking, one way of dressing, one 424 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,159 way of talking, and no one wants to be the odd one out. 425 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:45,360 No one wants to disaffiliate, no one wants to be the only one not 426 00:34:45,519 --> 00:34:50,519 rushing. And group think is at its highest risk when group members are very 427 00:34:50,559 --> 00:34:54,320 similar to one another. So in these sororities, you've got a bunch of 428 00:34:54,679 --> 00:35:00,320 white heterosexual ciss woman who come from wealth the backgrounds I mean, at the 429 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:05,199 least these women are middle class because I mean the money to pay dues, 430 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,280 that's to come from somewhere. And then you have the tier system on top 431 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:14,280 of it that groups the women into different categories based on how conventionally attractive they 432 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,400 are. So you have all these people that look the same and come from 433 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:21,960 similar backgrounds, and so the group of think meter is like bipthink I occurring. 434 00:35:22,519 --> 00:35:27,239 Sobrities and groupthink will always be there. The group think meter may not 435 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,480 be as high, but it will always be there. But we need to 436 00:35:30,519 --> 00:35:34,440 flip it so that the group think is fuck Greek life. This ship is 437 00:35:34,519 --> 00:35:38,239 fucked up. Let's all disaffiliate. By the way, this is not talking 438 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:45,079 about black and multicultural fraternities and sororities. Those organizations were made to hold space 439 00:35:45,199 --> 00:35:50,519 for people of color because people of color were not accepted for a while in 440 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:57,760 traditionally white sororities and fraternities and are still tokenized and or not accepted. What 441 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:04,440 I was saying before is it makes sense why my friends gave into that group 442 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,480 pressure, or why I gave into that group pressure, why you gave into 443 00:36:07,519 --> 00:36:12,840 that group pressure and got sucked into the Greek life system. But when you 444 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:17,760 gain the awareness and see the truth of what these organizations really are, and 445 00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:22,480 if you listen to this whole podcast, I hope you gained that awareness, 446 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:27,559 it's then your responsibility to think about what you're going to do about it, 447 00:36:27,679 --> 00:36:30,199 and I know some of you are like, oh, Lucy, like that's 448 00:36:30,199 --> 00:36:32,840 just your sorority, Like my sorority would never do that. I had such 449 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:38,960 a different experience than you, And to that, I say, congratulations, 450 00:36:40,039 --> 00:36:45,280 you're one of the lucky ones. And I completely validate all those amazing friendships 451 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,920 that you've made. No one can take that away from you. But what 452 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:52,239 I want to remind you of is that those friendships that you have are not 453 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,960 the sorority. Right. Let's say I met one of my friends through a 454 00:36:57,079 --> 00:37:01,079 theater company and we end up realizing that this theater company is very sist, 455 00:37:01,119 --> 00:37:05,280 sexist, and exclusive. And you know, maybe the show that we were 456 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,119 in everything was great, the director was great, but the theater company is 457 00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:13,000 actually really fucked up. You're not going to defend the existence of that theater 458 00:37:13,079 --> 00:37:16,599 company because you met some of your best friends there. So what's different about 459 00:37:16,599 --> 00:37:23,519 other types of organizations and sororities is that sororities do an amazing job at making 460 00:37:23,559 --> 00:37:29,159 you equate your friendships to that sorority. And I mean, that's what a 461 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:35,039 positive sorority experience is. No like meeting your forever friends and maybe gaining some 462 00:37:35,159 --> 00:37:39,079 leadership skills. I mean what else does a positive sorority experience mean that you 463 00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:45,559 didn't get raped and that you didn't get excluded or ostracized and bullied and slut 464 00:37:45,599 --> 00:37:52,039 shamed or discriminated against. Because yes, let's say none of these things happened 465 00:37:52,039 --> 00:37:54,880 to you, and maybe the people in power at the time that you were 466 00:37:55,000 --> 00:38:00,039 in the sorority were great and didn't abuse the power. But just because it 467 00:38:00,039 --> 00:38:04,079 didn't happen to you, it doesn't mean that it's not happening to your peers 468 00:38:04,519 --> 00:38:07,159 or that it won't happen in the future, because the fact of the matter 469 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:13,760 is that these organizations are set up for abuses of power. These systems aren't 470 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:20,199 broken. These organizations are working exactly how they were made to work, which 471 00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:24,480 is why reform is not possible. People have been trying to reform this system 472 00:38:24,599 --> 00:38:30,159 for years and years now, and as we can see, it's not working. 473 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,960 Also, why are we putting it in the hands of our diversity chairs 474 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:37,360 literally like nineteen year olds, to solve this systemic issue? And if you 475 00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:43,679 weren't aware of what these organizations are capable of, then I urge you to 476 00:38:43,679 --> 00:38:47,679 open your eyes, literally, just open your eyes and count the amount of 477 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:52,719 women of color in your chapter and know that that's not an accident, and 478 00:38:52,800 --> 00:39:00,559 know that it's not an accident that we rarely hear about the traumatic experiences because 479 00:39:00,599 --> 00:39:07,559 those individuals were very likely silenced, either by the chapter or by society in 480 00:39:07,599 --> 00:39:10,639 general. When Greek life fails you, it's easy to feel like it's a 481 00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:15,920 U problem, Like all Greek life isn't for me, That's what everyone's telling 482 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:20,039 you. But I'm here to tell you with this podcast that it's not a 483 00:39:20,159 --> 00:39:24,119 you problem. This is a Greek life problem. And I am done with 484 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:30,559 our schools treating these organizations as something that's remotely safe. I mean, what's 485 00:39:30,559 --> 00:39:36,760 it going to take for schools to abolish Greek life? High schools, high 486 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,760 my school. I know you're listening. I'm asking you right here, straight 487 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:44,360 up, what is it going to take for you to abolish Greek Life? 488 00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,920 How many people need to be rape? Who needs to die for you to 489 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:52,760 take these organizations off of our college campus? People fucking die from hazing from 490 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:57,880 these organizations, and yet there's still excuses to keep them around. And yes, 491 00:39:58,119 --> 00:40:05,599 there are apologies, workshops and investigations, and sometimes with these investigations will 492 00:40:05,679 --> 00:40:09,199 kick a few of the sororities or fraternities off of campus, but those will 493 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:15,400 never address the systemic issues that are built into greek life. Just because you 494 00:40:15,519 --> 00:40:19,840 kick one sorority off doesn't mean that the next isn't designed to fuck someone over 495 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,840 in the exact same way the next day. And that's one huge reason why 496 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:28,800 I want to share my story through podcast and not open an investigation against my 497 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,199 sorority after having gained the strength to potentially do that, because I don't give 498 00:40:32,199 --> 00:40:37,360 a flying hoot if my sorority gets kicked off campus. I'm interested in abolishing 499 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:43,559 the entire system. And it's time that you schools start caring about your students 500 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:51,880 instead of openly supporting organizations that perpetuate and give a huge platform to sexism, 501 00:40:52,079 --> 00:40:58,840 racism, classism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, and white supremacy. And 502 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:00,880 I know in this podcast, I don't name my school because I wanted to 503 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:05,480 make it clear that it's not just my school, and I still want to 504 00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:07,960 make that clear. But now that we're at the end of the podcast and 505 00:41:08,039 --> 00:41:15,280 I have your attention, I'm calling on University of Maryland to abolish greek life, 506 00:41:15,599 --> 00:41:22,039 set an example for other schools, and do what's right, And I 507 00:41:22,079 --> 00:41:24,039 know you schools are like, oh, but Lucy, we get we get 508 00:41:24,039 --> 00:41:28,559 so much money from the Greek Life alumni. And so that I say, 509 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:34,840 you are charging your students thousands and thousands of dollars to attend your universities, 510 00:41:35,079 --> 00:41:37,400 you will be just fine. And then there's an argument of, oh, 511 00:41:37,639 --> 00:41:42,280 then everything is going to go underground, and then the schools won't be able 512 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,679 to control them at all. And I'll tell you right now, you're not 513 00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:49,320 controlling them at all. And you so openly supporting it shows a lot to 514 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,280 what you schools are willing to tolerate. And if you schools denounce it and 515 00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:59,000 ban it from campus, less people will join it. Maybe then all the 516 00:41:59,039 --> 00:42:04,880 wide eyed freshmen who come in trusting their school won't join those organizations or go 517 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,679 to a frat party and get raped in their first month of college. Because, 518 00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:13,039 by the way, more than fifty percent of reported college sexual assaults occur 519 00:42:13,119 --> 00:42:16,199 between August and November, and freshmen are at the highest risk since they have 520 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:21,360 fewer friends, less drinking experience, and an eagerness to fit in. And 521 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:25,920 let's not forget that frat men are three hundred percent more likely to rape than 522 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,559 someone who is not in a fraternity. All my citations will be in the 523 00:42:30,599 --> 00:42:34,400 episode notes if you'd like to check. We need all that support and money 524 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:38,400 to go to groups and organizations on campus that will include all students and not 525 00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:45,440 base the membership eligibility on looks, social skills, gender, and money, 526 00:42:45,639 --> 00:42:51,280 Like why are schools holding so much space usually an entire fraternity row for those 527 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:55,719 who are already so privileged and uplifted. These spaces need to go to the 528 00:42:55,800 --> 00:43:00,960 students that actually need it. And those positive things you can get from Greek 529 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:05,760 life, like making friends, gaining leadership skills, and participating in philanthropy, 530 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:10,760 you can still do that in other organizations that aren't built off of exclusivity and 531 00:43:12,159 --> 00:43:16,840 gen z. It's time that we shut this ship down. Greek life doesn't 532 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:21,440 align with the future that we want to create. New Being in Greek life 533 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,840 doesn't just affect college campuses, it's affecting our political climate as well. Do 534 00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:30,039 some research about where the money of your dues is going towards. But a 535 00:43:30,159 --> 00:43:34,760 hint is that there's a good chance that your political values don't align with the 536 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:38,840 people that are being supported by your dues, and acknowledge that you're participating in 537 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:44,920 a system that is making it so white men stay in power. Eighty five 538 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,559 percent of the fortune five hundred executives belong to a fraternity. Forty of the 539 00:43:47,599 --> 00:43:52,719 forty seven US Supreme Court justices since ninety ten were fraternity men. Seventy six 540 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:57,159 percent of all congressmen and senators belong to a fraternity. If you've ever thought 541 00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:01,039 about disaffiliating but haven't out of fear, this is your sign to take the 542 00:44:01,159 --> 00:44:04,519 leap. And maybe you're like, oh, but if you know, if 543 00:44:04,559 --> 00:44:07,920 I disaffiliate, what's that going to do? It's gonna make those around you 544 00:44:07,039 --> 00:44:12,639 think about what they're doing. Sing it with me, add up the socials 545 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:19,519 and into the bus. But I'll see you all that happy, and I'll 546 00:44:19,519 --> 00:44:24,920 become a jed, do my thing, go my pace, and disaffitlyate. 547 00:44:29,599 --> 00:44:34,159 So yeah, this has been my story about how Greek life failed me. 548 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,920 But I am only one victim of the Greek life system. This is only 549 00:44:38,039 --> 00:44:43,079 one story, and I know that there are more stories out there and I 550 00:44:43,119 --> 00:44:45,400 want to hear them. That's the power behind me too. The more we 551 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:51,000 share our stories, the more we discover how many others can relate. Our 552 00:44:51,119 --> 00:44:57,119 voices are our power our stories are our power. Our bravery to share our 553 00:44:57,199 --> 00:45:00,960 stories are our power, which is why I think there's should be a Snap 554 00:45:00,039 --> 00:45:05,440 season two to give a platform to more of these stories. There are so 555 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,000 many perspectives that we have yet to hear from. I want to hear about 556 00:45:08,199 --> 00:45:14,400 people of colors experiences in these institutions. I want members of the LGBTQ plus 557 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:17,079 community to come on and share what it was like to be in such a 558 00:45:17,119 --> 00:45:22,360 heteronormative space. I want to talk to fraternity men, I want to talk 559 00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:27,400 to sorority women. I want to keep talking about rape culture and slut shaming 560 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,199 and any other topics that young adults have to deal with. This conversation is 561 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:36,320 not over yet, and before we close this off, I have a few 562 00:45:36,639 --> 00:45:43,360 more questions ready. What are you willing to put up with to be part 563 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:50,360 of a community? What are you willing to ignore? And my final question, 564 00:45:50,679 --> 00:45:53,880 and this is to everyone, but specifically to those who are in Greek 565 00:45:53,920 --> 00:46:01,159 life, and this final question is is it worth it? The answer for 566 00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:14,519 me is no, none of it was worth it. Snapped. I just 567 00:46:14,559 --> 00:46:19,760 spoke by truth, and that truth would not have been able to be spoken 568 00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:27,840 without the motherfucking Snapped team. In alphabetical order by last name. We're gonna 569 00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:34,840 start it off with Isabel Preacher. Isabel was best friends with me throughout all 570 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,079 of this bullshit. She helped move me out of the sorority house and has 571 00:46:37,119 --> 00:46:43,519 provided so much support throughout this entire podcast. This amazing woman has been helping 572 00:46:43,519 --> 00:46:49,719 me write pitches and provide outreach. Next, we've got Rose Crusa. Before 573 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,519 Snapped was anything, Rose sat with me and went through all of my pages 574 00:46:53,559 --> 00:46:59,400 and pages of bullet points and helped me organize all my thoughts. Next up, 575 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:05,239 we've got Kneel Gotlia, our audio engineer. We fucking stepped our sound 576 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,960 quality up when knee La joined the Snap team in episode three. Let's slide 577 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:13,679 on over to Sadie heck Off. Oh my gosh, she just texted me. 578 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,679 She's sending us good vibes, and that's something that she's always been doing, 579 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:21,280 sending Snapped good vibes. When this podcast was originally a web series, 580 00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:25,079 Sadie sat hours and hours with me, asking me questions to help me tell 581 00:47:25,119 --> 00:47:30,840 my story. Up next, we've got Jonathan high On. Jonathan helped me 582 00:47:30,039 --> 00:47:35,599 direct and film the interviews that you can see on at Snapped. The podcast. 583 00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,840 There you can find all of the names of the lovely actors who participated 584 00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:44,320 in this project. So Fia ilk I don't know anyone else who could have 585 00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:49,639 done such a beautiful job at creating the Snapped cover art. What an iconic 586 00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:54,519 design. Taylor Jones, thank you for letting me use your song. This 587 00:47:54,559 --> 00:47:59,480 song you're listening to you right now in the Snapped finale. The song is 588 00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:05,199 called Regular and you can find it on Spotify and iTunes. It's by Taylor's 589 00:48:05,199 --> 00:48:10,039 band Magic. Elizabeth Piper actually my life coach throughout all of this. She 590 00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:15,039 is a life coach for gen Z and Millennial Woman. At the beginning of 591 00:48:15,039 --> 00:48:19,199 this project. She also that hours and hours with me, helping me put 592 00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:23,280 a lot of this story into words. Next, we've got Sienna Share. 593 00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:30,079 Sienna made the iconic Snapped theme song. If you need any type of music 594 00:48:30,119 --> 00:48:35,000 for your projects, hit up Sienna. Megan Thompson. Megan has been my 595 00:48:35,079 --> 00:48:37,239 roommate for the past three years. She also helped me move out of the 596 00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:40,519 Storty house and we were barely friends then, so that just shows a little 597 00:48:40,519 --> 00:48:45,599 bit about what kind of person she is. The amount of questions that I 598 00:48:45,639 --> 00:48:49,760 have asked this woman about this podcast is absurd. Thank you Megan for answering 599 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:53,079 all my questions, correcting all my grammar, helping me create in Brainstorm, 600 00:48:53,360 --> 00:49:00,039 social media captions, episode titles, and information you name it, Megan and 601 00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:05,239 has been there to at least check my work. There are so many friends 602 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:08,679 who have supported me so much with uplifting words and told me to keep going 603 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:12,800 when I felt like I couldn't, and have been such a huge source of 604 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,280 inspiration throughout this podcast. You know who you are. I love you so 605 00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:20,559 much. Thank you, and thank you to my parents who have shown me 606 00:49:20,639 --> 00:49:23,960 nothing but love and support towards this podcast. Also, big shout out to 607 00:49:24,159 --> 00:49:29,840 my role model Miley Cyrus. You have been such a huge source of inspiration 608 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:36,199 throughout my entire life and if anyone has any connection to Miley, please send 609 00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:42,159 her this podcast. I guess I'll shout myself out as well for being the 610 00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:46,519 narrator, creator, editor, and producer of this series. And I want 611 00:49:46,519 --> 00:49:52,000 to thank myself for never giving up. There were moments where I was close, 612 00:49:52,159 --> 00:49:54,800 but there was always something in me that kept going. Who knows what 613 00:49:54,880 --> 00:50:00,559 the future holds. All I know is that I'm not stopping here. Bom bom bom