WEBVTT

1
00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:30.760
Weird things happened in Weird Weird weird. Everyone, Good morning, good evening,

2
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:36.960
good night, depending on where you
are in this world, good dawn,

3
00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:40.920
good dusk, good time to you
all. Hello. Maybe to be

4
00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:43.920
here, very nice to be here. Well, we got an Australian in

5
00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:52.359
the studio. Was that an Australian
thing? Maybe? I supply. Uh.

6
00:00:53.000 --> 00:00:56.840
It is the return of the amazing, the fantastic, the lovely,

7
00:00:56.920 --> 00:01:03.039
the wonderful Casey ellen Man Firm,
and it is give her a hand,

8
00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:08.159
folks. How you doing, lady? I'm here, So I'm literally here.

9
00:01:08.239 --> 00:01:11.159
Now you are, Yeah, you
are here, and this is I

10
00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:15.400
think. Did we say on Derek's
episode that it was going to be like

11
00:01:15.439 --> 00:01:17.840
the last one that we did in
the studio? Yeah, and then things

12
00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:21.599
changed. Yeah, so we're gonna
do a couple more in the studio and

13
00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:23.480
then we'll be in our new No. No, we said he'd be the

14
00:01:23.560 --> 00:01:27.079
last guest. Oh gotcha, gotcha? Yeah, but that ended up not

15
00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:30.719
being We're going to be in a
nice, new, beautiful studio soon.

16
00:01:33.159 --> 00:01:36.640
But yeah, we had to bring
in good old Casey. How long has

17
00:01:36.680 --> 00:01:38.359
it been since you've been on the
show? What number would this be?

18
00:01:40.319 --> 00:01:44.519
This is this is one forty six, so I think it's been like maybe

19
00:01:44.599 --> 00:01:48.159
years. We were on one hundred. We were on sixty nine. That's

20
00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:52.959
right. I thought I had sixty
nine plus sixty nine. Yeah, one

21
00:01:53.040 --> 00:01:55.519
thirty eight. If I had to
get on the top of my head,

22
00:01:55.719 --> 00:01:57.680
probably one thirty eight. You were
on one hundred though I was on one

23
00:01:57.719 --> 00:02:00.640
hundred. Yeah, I'm always about
that. I'm always on one hundred.

24
00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:07.719
Yeah, so it's been a little
bit. How have you been and what

25
00:02:07.879 --> 00:02:09.960
have you been up to since the
last time you were on the show.

26
00:02:10.039 --> 00:02:14.199
I don't because I don't know.
I have no idea, wish I probably

27
00:02:14.199 --> 00:02:17.120
should have checked in where I was
last time. I've been doing a lot

28
00:02:17.159 --> 00:02:21.759
better. I've been doing a lot
better. I think that I'm in a

29
00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:27.199
good mental health place right now.
Yeah, but we moved to Wilmington since

30
00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:32.439
the last episode. That's been kind
of crazy, just kind of resetting life

31
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:36.400
a little bit. Yeah, what's
that like? I wouldn't know anything about

32
00:02:36.439 --> 00:02:39.000
it. I know Ryan and Jenny
are like in the midst of it right

33
00:02:39.039 --> 00:02:45.240
now, but like packing your house
and then moving is like literally it's brutal.

34
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:49.080
It's brutal. I mean that episode
was like two years ago. I

35
00:02:49.080 --> 00:02:52.240
feel like you've been through just as
much in two years. In the last

36
00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:57.879
two months, yeah, that three
months. I think that. Like especially

37
00:02:57.919 --> 00:03:00.439
twenty twenty three, I kind of
just was like, I'm gonna conserve as

38
00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:06.120
much energy as possible, so I
didn't do a lot like in twenty twenty

39
00:03:06.120 --> 00:03:07.280
three. I was just like,
I'm gonna sit down for a little bit

40
00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:15.560
and just chill. It's good to
do that. Sometimes I honestly do that

41
00:03:15.599 --> 00:03:19.960
too, Like I mean, especially
when you come off of like a super

42
00:03:19.960 --> 00:03:23.800
stressful time in your life, sometimes
you just gotta like bury your head and

43
00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:28.120
get through it, like get in
your groove of like the day to day,

44
00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:32.319
get into it and just like get
through it right now or lately,

45
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:36.840
I guess I should say, it
kind of feels like the polar opposite of

46
00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:40.800
that, and I'm almost like looking
forward to being able to just like trudge

47
00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:46.199
through it again. But you want
to trudge No no, no, no,

48
00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:47.680
not like no, not like in
a bad way. But I don't

49
00:03:47.719 --> 00:03:52.000
know, like things could slow down
a little bit and I wouldn't be too

50
00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:55.719
mad about it. How do you
like Wilmington so far? I love it.

51
00:03:55.719 --> 00:04:01.080
It's just different not being like where
I've been for the last ever.

52
00:04:01.560 --> 00:04:04.360
I don't know. I've lived in
faybe the longest. I grew up,

53
00:04:04.360 --> 00:04:09.520
like up moving a lot, so
then Fayiteville was like my hometown, you

54
00:04:09.560 --> 00:04:14.520
know. Oh, I know,
it's it's it's it's weird. I've only

55
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:15.800
ever lived there. But I mean
I love it too. I think this

56
00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:18.439
place is cool, and I think
there's lots to do here and lots of

57
00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:21.720
opportunities, and I love that.
I love finding all the things that,

58
00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:26.399
like I didn't know about Wilmington,
even though we've been here for like two

59
00:04:26.439 --> 00:04:29.920
months. Well even saying even before
that, we've been coming to Wilmington for

60
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:32.560
years, and there's stuff that I'm
just finding out about because I'm now like

61
00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:36.439
experiencing it firsthand. I mean,
I've lived through seven years and there's stuff

62
00:04:36.439 --> 00:04:40.360
I'm finding out about. Well,
there's just so much. There's a lot

63
00:04:40.360 --> 00:04:44.399
of little gems hidden in this place. There's a lot of good food.

64
00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:47.120
Love that for me, there is
good food. Yeah. There. The

65
00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:51.240
strawberry patch that we went to the
other day was just so pretty. It

66
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:55.839
was so pretty. Lewis Farms,
Yeah, yeah, you already know.

67
00:04:56.399 --> 00:05:01.279
Yeah, it was where you go
absolutely the nursery was like, so it

68
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:04.920
was beautiful. You get the ice
cream? No, Nick, it was

69
00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:08.560
like, I'm not in the mood
for ice cream. Oh. We were

70
00:05:08.600 --> 00:05:12.959
there at like ten thirty or something
in the morning. In the am.

71
00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:15.399
I'm just learning that there's a bad
time for ice cream. There is.

72
00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:19.160
It's not ten thirty. You're just
learning that it's not ten thirty at the

73
00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:23.279
strawberry patch. Let me tell you, Hey, they don't have to agree.

74
00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:25.879
Do you agree with me? Absolutely? You got my back. Yeah,

75
00:05:25.879 --> 00:05:28.240
it's just so much I tream at
ten thirty in the morning. Yeah,

76
00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:31.040
no, like, what are we
doing that? Children? No?

77
00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.399
Okay, here's the thing. We
got there at ten. Our friends were

78
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:40.720
running a little late, I think
about fifteen minutes and we actually we got

79
00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:44.720
there about ten minutes late. They
were running fifteen minutes late. We went

80
00:05:44.759 --> 00:05:47.120
through the nursery, went through the
whole strawberry patch, so it was not

81
00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:51.079
ten thirty. I just want to
say, nursery okay, probably like eleven

82
00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:56.040
what nurse thirty? There's a nursery
attached to it, like huge, No,

83
00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:01.000
like yes, I have been there. Cabbage No, it's like they

84
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:04.720
have all like plants that you can
buy, like big palates. Yeah,

85
00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:09.560
the nurse plants, it's strawberries and
daycare. Yeah, no, it's actually

86
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:13.600
the children are slaves and they're forced
to pick the strawberries for the people who

87
00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:16.680
come to the There was a moment
where I was like, they're literally having

88
00:06:16.759 --> 00:06:24.000
us pay to do their job.
That's like business minded. All the strawberries

89
00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:26.480
and like they would normally just have
to pick them and sell them. They're

90
00:06:26.519 --> 00:06:29.199
like, what if we sell them
to them for more? You know?

91
00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:31.519
That's how I feel. It like
a fond due place. Oh, King

92
00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:35.399
pay us one hundred dollars to cook
your own food. That's like the Korean

93
00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:41.879
barbecue and that and the hot pot
place that worth every single dollar. It

94
00:06:41.959 --> 00:06:46.000
was. I sat there feeling like
royalty after Cape Pot because we had the

95
00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:48.879
soup. We're getting one yea,
is it in Jacksonville? Have we confirmed?

96
00:06:49.000 --> 00:06:50.959
No? No? No? No. When we confirmed it the other

97
00:06:51.079 --> 00:06:55.519
night, yeah, okay, looked
they closed down CC's and it's gonna be

98
00:06:55.519 --> 00:06:59.480
a k pot And that's crazy.
Casey wasn't here for that conversation. Dude.

99
00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:00.639
We were talking meant that the other
night when we were doing the discord

100
00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:03.240
event and Nick was like, oh
my god, we're getting a K pot

101
00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:06.480
And I was like, no way. For like the last six months,

102
00:07:06.519 --> 00:07:10.560
I've been thinking in my mind,
never said this out loud. I was

103
00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:15.120
like, some sort of Korean barbecue
joint is the one culinary experience that this

104
00:07:15.720 --> 00:07:19.240
city has been missing, period,
and we're getting it. Yeah. There

105
00:07:19.319 --> 00:07:25.319
was a time like a week or
two ago where we were like thinking about

106
00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:30.040
something to eat and I googled like
Korean food and there was nothing. Nothing.

107
00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:32.839
I've even looked like in the Facebook
groups to see like what y'all recommending.

108
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:36.040
There's not really they even got a
Bulgogi truck or nothing. Nothing.

109
00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:42.240
I did have bogogie. It means
there's two weekends ago, we're at a

110
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:49.360
Vietnamese place. Oh my gosh.
It was just it was you know,

111
00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:55.600
yeah it's the it's one of the
other restaurants by the same owner. Oh

112
00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:58.319
nice, Yeah, but it's not
an end. No. We had bulgo

113
00:07:58.360 --> 00:08:01.120
g k pot. M Oh yeah. It was great and it was like

114
00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:05.360
next level and I kept ordering it
over and over. I was like more

115
00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:09.199
more more. Okay, this is
gonna sound weird, but this is a

116
00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:13.800
thing that has happened to me more
than once with food where you'll eat food.

117
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:20.319
Well, I will eat food that
to me is so delicious and creates

118
00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:26.000
such an experience for me that I
start getting like like artistic downloads. It's

119
00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:30.879
almost like the food is like inspiring
me or something. Have you seen that?

120
00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:35.080
Do you remember the scene in Ratatuwi
eats the cheese and then it's like

121
00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:39.240
the colors and then he eats the
strawberries like yes, yes, like he

122
00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:41.600
eats them at the same time and
then it's like jazz in his brain.

123
00:08:41.879 --> 00:08:48.600
Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Like the first time I had that,

124
00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:54.480
that Hispanic food truck and fava.
What's it called i takiriri, tak

125
00:08:54.159 --> 00:08:58.279
refu refugio. Yes, I'm sure
I'm butchering that. That was really clean

126
00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:01.039
for me. Good job. I'm
proud of you. I'm so proud of

127
00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:05.279
you. The first time I had
that, my dad had been talking about

128
00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:07.720
it forever and he was like,
he invited you came with me, right,

129
00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:11.200
I think he went and picked He
was like, listen, you gotta

130
00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.440
try it, like we're gonna pick
up a ton of it, and then

131
00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:18.279
he just came back to the house
with like literally just bags, like a

132
00:09:18.559 --> 00:09:22.600
stupid amount of food. Five big
you know, like the boxes you get,

133
00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:26.480
like every single one was filled and
we just feasted and it was transcendent.

134
00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:31.159
Yeah, I don't know, that's
a that's a thing that is because

135
00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:35.960
like I don't know, personally,
I consider like food to be like an

136
00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:39.480
art form. It can be,
yeah, you know, it's it's not

137
00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:43.799
necessarily always, but I think it
can be. And it's like something that

138
00:09:43.879 --> 00:09:48.519
I've always been super interested in.
And I find that like my kind of

139
00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:54.960
like artistic like interests almost bleed into
each other or kind of like one will

140
00:09:56.000 --> 00:10:00.480
inspire the other in a big way. Like I'll play a video game that

141
00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:03.679
I'm getting really really into, Like
I like single player, like story mode,

142
00:10:03.879 --> 00:10:09.200
like you know, narrative type video
game. Those are my favorite.

143
00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:16.840
No, couldn't couldn't be further from
what I'm talking about, Like got a

144
00:10:16.919 --> 00:10:20.919
war, Yeah, Like I mean
there's a freakin' there's a well, I

145
00:10:20.960 --> 00:10:24.320
guess it's not on our album that
we released, but there's a there's a

146
00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:28.600
different song that is about Oh no, No. The one about Odin was

147
00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:33.399
largely inspired by God of War.
That happens with me a lot, Like

148
00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:37.720
I'll watch a movie, I'll play
a game, I'll read a book or

149
00:10:37.720 --> 00:10:41.080
whatever, and I'll hear music or
even sometimes often the opposite, I'll hear

150
00:10:41.480 --> 00:10:48.159
music and I'll start thinking of like
random narratives. I'm not like even trying

151
00:10:48.200 --> 00:10:52.360
to do it. It's not conscious, it's like just coming to me,

152
00:10:52.600 --> 00:10:56.080
you know, which, Yeah,
I've always been really interested in, like

153
00:10:56.159 --> 00:11:01.159
where does inspiration come from? Especially
like I don't know, being a quote

154
00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:07.200
unquote artist, Like it's kind of
fickle sometimes I don't even think it's like

155
00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:11.720
quote unquote artists though you're an artists. Okay, well Jesus thanks, but

156
00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:16.960
I don't know. I literally see
like direct correlation with my art and food.

157
00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:18.799
So like I get it. Well, you make a lot of like

158
00:11:18.919 --> 00:11:22.840
food art, which which is really
cute. And I think that like every

159
00:11:22.919 --> 00:11:26.399
I say this all the time,
like whenever I talk about art, is

160
00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:30.799
that like art is like one hundred
percent unoriginal, do you know what I

161
00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:33.120
mean? Like, Yeah, here's
nothing that has ever been said or done

162
00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:37.279
that hasn't been said or done before. And like any idea you've ever had

163
00:11:37.399 --> 00:11:41.200
is like born out of another idea
that somebody else had given you, So

164
00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:46.840
it's like all a shared experience.
So the idea of being drawn like from

165
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.360
one art to form to another.
It's just like, oh, it's just

166
00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:54.799
bridging the gap between those things.
It just still it's happened to me pretty

167
00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:58.000
much forever. It just still shocks
me sometimes that like just hearing some kind

168
00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:01.919
of like instrumental music, I'm thinking
it's like making me think about some freaking

169
00:12:03.799 --> 00:12:07.600
sci fi narrative or something. You
know. It's I find it really interesting,

170
00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:13.320
especially when I get into modes where
like the inspiration is not coming.

171
00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:16.840
That's when I don't know, I
don't know if it's depression or what it

172
00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:22.399
is, but that's when I I'm
really like, man, I wish I

173
00:12:22.519 --> 00:12:26.679
knew where it came from so that
I could like harness it. I don't

174
00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:31.519
know. Like I think it's like
your like spirit being cleared, right,

175
00:12:31.600 --> 00:12:37.200
because like it's when you get bogged
down by life and like stress and emotions

176
00:12:37.399 --> 00:12:41.600
and like the more worldly aspects of
life. I feel like that like completely

177
00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:46.759
shuts down those like creative channels because
you're so focused on like the more tangible

178
00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:48.720
objectives in your life, like I
have to get this done, I have

179
00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:54.720
to do this. I totally agree. Yeah, I mean yeah, personally

180
00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:56.799
it does work kind of like that
for me. If I'm not in a

181
00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:01.159
good place in life, like it
just doesn't come out naturally. But then

182
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:05.279
you then you like see artists where
it works the complete opposite for them,

183
00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:11.159
like their best art comes from under
pressure. Yes, yeah, well it's

184
00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:13.879
like almost think about like picking like
a scare, do you know what I

185
00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:16.519
mean? It's like if you have
to work under pressure, Like yeah,

186
00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:20.120
it's great, you can come up
with great things, but like ideally you

187
00:13:20.120 --> 00:13:24.279
would like the process to be like
not painful or under or stress based.

188
00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:28.360
Because I used to be very much
that type of person, where like I

189
00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:31.720
could not do something without stress or
pressure because it was just like the only

190
00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:39.879
motivating factor the artistically or or just
anything that like create like required like a

191
00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:43.679
little bit of like brain power,
just anything anything that effort, like in

192
00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:48.080
high school. And like that's like
typical ADHD. Yeah behavior, I say

193
00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:50.720
that from experience. Yeah what do
you mean? What do you mean by

194
00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:56.720
Oh, it's just like classic ADHD. You want to one Like I don't

195
00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:03.000
know how to like condense and say
it in a simple way. It's like

196
00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:07.320
your brain is so hyper stimulated all
the time. And in case you can

197
00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:13.120
can speak from experience, it's like
you have so many different running trains of

198
00:14:13.159 --> 00:14:16.440
thought and so many different focuses and
hyper attention in so many different areas that

199
00:14:16.600 --> 00:14:22.960
like to do something that requires you
to to to divert your brain power into

200
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:28.840
a specific task that requires some sort
of time and dedication and focus, It's

201
00:14:28.879 --> 00:14:33.720
like you have to be under pressure
to use that brain power on that task.

202
00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:37.279
So like me, I dude,
I started making straight a's in college

203
00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:41.919
my senior year when I realized I
function the best waking up at six in

204
00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:46.080
the morning and doing my homework the
morning it was due. Really, yeah,

205
00:14:46.279 --> 00:14:52.080
I started making good grades. Writing
my papers, I'm the same way

206
00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:56.720
the day before they Yeah, you're
like a last minute Like absolutely not because

207
00:14:56.759 --> 00:15:00.559
I want to be right. No, yeah, no, it's painful.

208
00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:03.639
Like that's every single thing I did
like successfully in high school, Like any

209
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:07.320
project, my teacher would be like, oh my god, this was incredible

210
00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:11.320
whatever I was doing it like eight
am in the auditorium before like like I

211
00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:16.919
remember literally like editing my video project
and like my name being called and be

212
00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:20.679
like could you just like have me
go at the end because I'm like in

213
00:15:20.720 --> 00:15:24.600
the middle of editing it in prior
to presentation. It's like, yeah,

214
00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:26.759
you can do it with pressure,
but like the goal for me at least,

215
00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:30.879
and that's not everybody's school, but
for me, it's like I understand

216
00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:33.559
that that's not like a good or
healthy way. It's like optimal no,

217
00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.440
because it's like you're you're having to
like literally use force, like you're pushing

218
00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:41.679
everything out one one tube. Whenever
you thing is usually going out in all

219
00:15:41.679 --> 00:15:46.759
different directions. Right. The thing
about ADHD is having like intense hyper focus,

220
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:52.600
but like not on the things that
are external that require you to focus

221
00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:54.440
on them, you know what I'm
saying right now? Like Nick will literally

222
00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:58.600
be like we have to clean our
apartment because you know, our parents are

223
00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:00.639
coming up, and like we want
it to be nice, and I'm like

224
00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:06.279
literally color coding buttons because like to
me, I'm like this has to get

225
00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:08.240
done. It's all you can think
about it. And he's like, don't

226
00:16:08.279 --> 00:16:11.720
you see the big picture? And
I'm like this is this is me doing

227
00:16:11.799 --> 00:16:15.559
the like but it's really my I
know now, like the older I get,

228
00:16:15.559 --> 00:16:19.799
I realized it's like my brain creating
a comfortable diversion. Yeah. Yes,

229
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:25.799
And so now like I'm having this
like internal monologue where I have to

230
00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:29.399
say like Okay, stop, what
are we doing? How did we get

231
00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:33.759
here? What was the goal?
I get walk it back, I get

232
00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:37.519
the whole thing up by the way. In school, just to just to

233
00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:41.639
so y'all know where I was in
school, I did the same thing with

234
00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:47.279
the cramming at the last minute,
except I failed almost every class. So

235
00:16:48.200 --> 00:16:51.440
it was like I was I was
like trying to cram and rush to do

236
00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:55.120
it all, and then like halfway
through, I'd be like, fuck it,

237
00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:59.159
I don't care whatever, I'm just
gonna fail. I'm was solid middle

238
00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:03.600
of the really between those two extremes. Yeah, and I The only book

239
00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:07.440
that I can remember reading for school
was because I got caught plagiarizing a book

240
00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:11.759
report. And then she was like, you gave me the book on Friday,

241
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:15.960
said the book reports do on Monday
if you want me to not go

242
00:17:15.079 --> 00:17:19.200
all the way up to the top
with this plagiarization thing. So I read

243
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:33.039
the book in one night. Wait
wait wait, wait wait something everybody I

244
00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:37.680
know. It was it was like
Ella liked the name Ella Minno yeah,

245
00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:45.519
like the the no, like the
like the vegetable. And it was a

246
00:17:45.519 --> 00:17:52.160
book about this dystopian society that had
this sign and the sign was like the

247
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:56.359
quick brown fox jumped over the lazy
dog had every letter in the alphabet,

248
00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:00.799
and every this sign was getting old
and dilapidated. And they lived and died

249
00:18:00.839 --> 00:18:03.640
by this sign. And every time
a letter fell off, you were forbidden

250
00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:08.359
to use it in speech or text. Wow. Instead of being able to

251
00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:15.000
say l mnop, they had to
go into ella minnop. So they started

252
00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:19.279
writing to each other phonetically. Okay, but how would you spell ella without

253
00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:23.440
the letter L? I get you
know. I didn't make the title.

254
00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:30.240
I'm just trying to give you,
guys a what what age was this?

255
00:18:30.359 --> 00:18:32.920
Like? What? What? How
old were you? A book for children?

256
00:18:33.039 --> 00:18:37.640
This was freshman year of high school? What? Yeah, that's actually

257
00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:41.799
a really cool She was a very
good looking teacher. Oh so that was

258
00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:47.119
the problem. No, she was
actually her class was hard as shit,

259
00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:52.640
and she would give these cumulative spelling
tests. So your first spelling test was

260
00:18:52.680 --> 00:18:55.880
ten words, and your second was
twenty, and your tenth was one hundred.

261
00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:59.960
Whoa, I was doing spelling tests
in high school. Yeah that's weird.

262
00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:03.240
Oh no, no, no,
it wasn't spelling. It was it

263
00:19:03.279 --> 00:19:07.119
was definitions. Okay, that's different. I'm sorry, it was it was

264
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:12.720
definitions. I remember. I remember
the fourth grade. Okay, the last

265
00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:19.400
time I spelled school. I also
got a concussion during this class because it

266
00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:22.240
was not in the class but at
the same time period. Just too many

267
00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:27.759
definitions for you, dude. It
was so bad passed out only the only

268
00:19:29.079 --> 00:19:32.480
one I got one hundred on was
the first week and ten ten definitions.

269
00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:36.400
I was like, I can remember
ten words, ten definitions. By thirty

270
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:41.240
I was just tapped out. I
am not committing to doing this. So

271
00:19:41.440 --> 00:19:48.400
I just kind of guess were you
really like, was it like a thing

272
00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:51.920
where you had this is my favorite
thing? Yeah? Was it one of

273
00:19:51.920 --> 00:19:56.079
those things where you had to like
do it exactly right? Yeah? I

274
00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:00.240
think I think you had to like
draw line, like you had the word

275
00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:06.640
and the definition and you had to
like like connect the two. That is

276
00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:12.680
so easy made or there were thirty
of them, but it sounds like you're

277
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:17.160
learning them in like compound time.
Like I mean, it wasn't like easy

278
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:19.359
word and then I learned ten more, and then I learned ten There was

279
00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:27.519
tough words. Elles. I also
graduated early, failed Spanish, and didn't

280
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:30.319
go to college, so you were
in the same boat. Well, no,

281
00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:34.240
I'm in a worst boat. I'm
in a boat that's underwater. Those

282
00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:40.000
are called submarines and they're coolest shit. Yeah. Yeah, I felt math

283
00:20:40.119 --> 00:20:42.960
like every time I ever took it. And you know what really grinded my

284
00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:45.640
gears about high school? Who did
you tell me? Dude? Tell me

285
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:51.359
what grinded your gears? I had
all the math credits. I needed all

286
00:20:51.440 --> 00:20:56.599
of them, and for some reason
the last semester, my last semester of

287
00:20:56.640 --> 00:21:00.079
high school, they put me in
another math class. Wow, And I

288
00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:03.920
was conscious to the fact that I
did not need this math credit, so

289
00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:06.960
I did not obtain it. I
failed because I'm like, why did you

290
00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:10.799
put me in this class? Would
your GPA down? Dude? So I

291
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:15.759
showed up late every day. My
schedule was so interesting. I had online

292
00:21:15.799 --> 00:21:19.920
class, which is not real,
and for second period. Then I had

293
00:21:21.000 --> 00:21:25.880
math for second period, so math
for an hour, lunched, lunch for

294
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:30.880
an hour, and then senior project
for an hour, and then early release.

295
00:21:30.119 --> 00:21:36.240
So I had two classes and an
hour lunch for my final semester of

296
00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:41.480
high school. And technically I had
an online class that I never attended until

297
00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:45.680
I got caught never attending and then
had to come in in the morning and

298
00:21:45.880 --> 00:21:52.039
prove that I was taking this online
business or like entrepreneurship or something. I'm

299
00:21:52.119 --> 00:21:55.279
running a business at the same time
I'm doing this, and I was just

300
00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:57.440
like, I don't really care about
this. Class y'all probably don't know this

301
00:21:57.480 --> 00:22:02.000
about me, but I actually was
a success full businessman in middle school.

302
00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:04.759
Okay, hold on, hustle,
tell me more, tell me more.

303
00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:12.960
I used then. I used to
hustle gum What I used to hustle them?

304
00:22:14.079 --> 00:22:15.880
You were like, if you're gonna
ask for a pizza gum, I'm

305
00:22:15.920 --> 00:22:18.680
gonna make you pay. I charged
a quarter a piece. I made about

306
00:22:18.680 --> 00:22:21.599
three bucks a day, and then
you could buy you could buy a pack

307
00:22:21.640 --> 00:22:23.160
of gum for like a dollar fifty
At the time. I mean, we

308
00:22:23.160 --> 00:22:27.079
were so poor, like I couldn't
always afford to get like a dollar extra

309
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:30.960
fries at lunch every day. So
I just kind of made the money to

310
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:33.240
get made it work. Yeah,
hustle baby, like I'm getting a spicy

311
00:22:33.319 --> 00:22:37.960
chicken sandwich. Did you have pizza
cart what we had a al a cart

312
00:22:38.039 --> 00:22:41.440
line, Like it was like you
could get slices of pizza, chicken,

313
00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:45.559
sandwiches, Montrealistics whatever. Okay,
but did you have pizza cart. No

314
00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:52.039
told you what we had because regular
school lunch was two fifty. Pizza cart

315
00:22:52.039 --> 00:22:57.880
ticket was five dollars, like Marco's
Pizza where you would buy a slice of

316
00:22:57.880 --> 00:23:03.799
pizza for like three. This is
a red barren personal pizza that was about

317
00:23:03.160 --> 00:23:08.200
six inches like this big lunch fifty. We talked about that. It was

318
00:23:08.279 --> 00:23:11.960
not cut I was like a dollar
forty. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

319
00:23:11.000 --> 00:23:15.000
remember that. I could be,
you know, I could be. I

320
00:23:15.079 --> 00:23:19.039
literally block out those things. Also, lunch, my lunch number. I

321
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:22.640
pay attention. Okay, wait,
I have the lunch number. Thing is

322
00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:25.839
weird because I came from you can't
afford a food you want, you know

323
00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:30.200
the prices. Oh yeah yeah.
I came from Catholic school, so they

324
00:23:30.279 --> 00:23:34.279
just I just like appeared in public
middle school. Had never been through a

325
00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:38.920
lunch line, like lunch number.
Nobody, nobody took a moment to tell

326
00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:42.640
me I had a lunch number.
So I get to the checkout and she's

327
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:45.839
like, what's your lunch number?
And I'm like, excuse me, like

328
00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:48.559
what are you talking about? And
she's like, what's your last name?

329
00:23:48.759 --> 00:23:52.359
And she typed it in and figured
it out. So I just like,

330
00:23:52.400 --> 00:23:56.079
oh, that's all you need your
last name. And then after about three

331
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:57.839
or four times doing that, she
got pissed and was like, look,

332
00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:02.000
it takes me way longer to do
your last name. She wrote down my

333
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:03.359
lunch number. She gave it to
me on a sticky note. She said,

334
00:24:03.359 --> 00:24:07.119
you need to learn this by tomorrow
or you're not gonna eat. Oh

335
00:24:07.160 --> 00:24:10.759
my god, I learned that by
tomorrow. Here's the crazy thing about that.

336
00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:15.240
I keep having a reoccurring nightmare where
exactly this situation. No. I'm

337
00:24:15.240 --> 00:24:18.720
an adult woman twenty seven years old, and I am back at Greace Creek

338
00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:22.319
High School and for some reason,
I have to eat lunch there. And

339
00:24:22.359 --> 00:24:25.519
I go through the line and they're
like, what's your lunch number? And

340
00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:29.319
I was like, you expect me
to remember my lunch number from high school?

341
00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:33.000
I do? And like they will
not let me pay regular cash.

342
00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:34.440
They're like, no, do you
have the credits on your account? I'm

343
00:24:34.440 --> 00:24:37.640
like, I have a debit card. They're like, no, I'm an

344
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:41.079
adult, I have a debit card. No. I have a recurring nightmare

345
00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:44.799
about school. Oh, I think
everyone does. I mean I do,

346
00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:47.519
Alex. Do you have nightmares about
school? Oh? For sure? Yeah,

347
00:24:47.640 --> 00:24:51.839
And it's always high school. Yes, no, mean college. Sometimes

348
00:24:51.839 --> 00:24:55.599
it's high school. Go ahead and
flex on me go to college. Yeah,

349
00:24:55.640 --> 00:25:00.160
hey, I'm not flexing. I'm
an elementary school nightmare where I this

350
00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:04.720
is so random, where I show
up to my fourth grade class. I

351
00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:07.640
don't know why it's that one because
I don't even remember the teacher, but

352
00:25:07.720 --> 00:25:11.240
I know the classroom, like I
remember what direction it was in the building,

353
00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:15.359
and I'm an adult again and nobody
is clocking it. Everybody's just like,

354
00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:19.599
okay, so where's your homework?
And I'm like, I I'm not

355
00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:22.880
supposed to be here. But every
time I don't have pants and I'm wearing

356
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:27.559
a jacket, I have to wear
that dream. I have to wear a

357
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:32.519
jacket as pants, and it's like
incredibly embarrassing because I'm wearing it sounds like

358
00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:37.519
a I think you should leave skit. I used to always put my jacket

359
00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:40.160
on his pants, like around my
house, like I thought it was funny.

360
00:25:40.200 --> 00:25:45.119
And now I'm having nightmares about it. I have that I have almost

361
00:25:45.160 --> 00:25:48.440
that exact nightmare and the one that
I've had since I was a child.

362
00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:56.440
I always have nightmares about my teeth
falling out, and now it happened to

363
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:00.240
look that one up ran. What
was your high school nightmare? Oh,

364
00:26:00.279 --> 00:26:03.519
it's just I'm always you know,
my current age, and I'm like back

365
00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:07.440
and I just like got one more
semester, and the dream I always never

366
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:10.920
graduated, and I got to go
back and I'm sitting with all the other

367
00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:14.440
kids and I got to take a
math class or do one last paper this

368
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:17.319
or that or the other to graduate
because I never graduated. It's like,

369
00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:18.759
are you questioning it in your dream? No? I always know I'm an

370
00:26:18.759 --> 00:26:22.200
adult, and I'm like this sucks. Like you're like, I know I've

371
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:26.720
finished. No. See, that's
the thing. I don't ever lose ad

372
00:26:26.799 --> 00:26:30.960
dream, But in my dreams I'm
in I'm persistently No, I am an

373
00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:33.799
adult. There's no reason I should
be here. But I can never like

374
00:26:33.880 --> 00:26:37.640
get anybody to understand what I'm saying. Have you there's a frustration to that,

375
00:26:37.079 --> 00:26:41.359
Yeah, life, I've been there. What You've had a dream like

376
00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:42.960
that? In that dream where I'm
like, wait a minute, Okay,

377
00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:47.039
you're not supposed to be here.
Okay, No, it's just like having

378
00:26:47.079 --> 00:26:49.599
to constantly explain over and over and
you're like, I'm not crazy. I

379
00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:56.079
know I left this school ten years
ago. Why are we all collectively having

380
00:26:56.160 --> 00:27:00.039
that dream because school is traumatizing.
I think that's I think literal worst.

381
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:03.880
I think that's the truth. I
at a similar stage in life, age

382
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:07.440
wise, right, and I think
that there's some deep subconscious meaning to that

383
00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:11.599
dream where you're kind of like,
think about it, we're in this like

384
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:18.680
early adulthood, Like we're kind of
are we well not, bro, I'm

385
00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:22.640
thirty at it. Think about it
this way. In your early adulthood,

386
00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:27.079
you start think about this. Think
about this, Ryan, you start high

387
00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:33.920
school at around fourteen fifteen, right, sixteen whatever. You've been an adult

388
00:27:33.960 --> 00:27:37.559
since you were eighteen. So if
you do the math, you're a fifteen

389
00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:41.599
year old adult. Okay, wait
a minute, adult, Yeah, you

390
00:27:41.640 --> 00:27:47.160
know twelve plus eighteen people. This
is weird. I've been an adult as

391
00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:49.880
long as I was in school,
right. So you're like, we're at

392
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:55.920
the point of graduating this early adulthood
and we all keep going back, well,

393
00:27:55.960 --> 00:27:59.920
case keeps going back to elementary school. But these high school dreams,

394
00:28:00.599 --> 00:28:06.359
the pants dream hasn't happened in a
while. That, yeah, I remember,

395
00:28:06.440 --> 00:28:08.559
so glad to hear that for you. Yeah, that one's just embarrassing,

396
00:28:08.839 --> 00:28:11.599
which, like I don't again.
I don't know why. I don't

397
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:15.200
know why. I mean, you
have jagged for pants. It's pretty you

398
00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:18.480
know, that's pretty embarrassing. Everyone's
just like, then go to your reading

399
00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:22.720
assignment. Stop talking about it.
No one cares about the pants. No

400
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.440
one cares about Okay. This is
one of those things where I'm like,

401
00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:33.880
Okay, do all dreams mean something? Because yes, yeah, okay,

402
00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:37.079
here's I ultimately do too, Just
to be clear, Just to be clear,

403
00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:45.720
I ultimately sometimes I question yeah.
I mean when you have like a

404
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:52.960
super bizarre dream where you're wearing your
jacket for pants in elementary school, it's

405
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:56.960
sometimes you're like, well, can
this even mean anything? I know exactly

406
00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:00.720
what it means. I know exactly
what it means. It mean, well,

407
00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:03.000
I think the pants thing is embarrassing. So it's like that feeling of

408
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:07.240
not like having control and then me
as an adult like fighting for control at

409
00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:11.960
like a young age where I'm put
in this classroom setting up like when I

410
00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:15.680
was what ten at the time,
in fourth grade. That was also when

411
00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:18.720
my younger brother was born, so
like it's that classroom was like when I

412
00:29:18.920 --> 00:29:22.680
became like a different you know,
like I started taking my childhood a little

413
00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:26.720
more seriously because I now had like
a sibling to look after. So I

414
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:30.000
think I just keep like that dream
is specifically like an embarrassment and not claiming

415
00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:33.720
my adulthood, right, I think
I know what mine means. When I

416
00:29:33.799 --> 00:29:37.200
was a let me think about it. When I was a junior in college,

417
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:44.079
I had like a B plus in
this I think it was abnormal psychology.

418
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:47.200
I'm pretty sure it was abnormal psychology, which is like the coolest class.

419
00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:51.480
It's my favorite. Everybody's FA's my
favorite. What's that like? Abnormal

420
00:29:51.559 --> 00:29:55.720
B plus? Well, in college, it's great. Grades in college are

421
00:29:55.799 --> 00:30:00.640
harder than high school. No,
I B plus is awesome. Well,

422
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:02.680
I think I made that. Well, you got to hear the rest of

423
00:30:02.680 --> 00:30:08.440
the story. The last week of
the semester, my grandpa suddenly died of

424
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:14.119
a heart attack, and I just
never I mean grieving funeral, wait,

425
00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:18.480
all this stuff. I just never
submitted the final tim page paper and I

426
00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:21.440
ended up with a D in the
class. Shit, So my dream is

427
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:25.000
always like, oh my god,
I never graduated because I didn't do this

428
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.079
one paper. I didn't get this
one credit. I think it's because of

429
00:30:27.119 --> 00:30:33.680
that was traumatized Damn, it probably
is something like that. Yeah, so

430
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:36.200
my curiosity is, oh, wait, you were gonna ask for something.

431
00:30:36.440 --> 00:30:38.200
Oh, I was just gonna say, when you were in elementary school or

432
00:30:38.279 --> 00:30:42.000
preschool or whatever, did you ever
pee your pants and an adult put a

433
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:45.359
jacket around your waist to cover you? No, it's honestly, I think

434
00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:53.200
it's one of those things where because
I did, I had some embarrassing like

435
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:56.960
coming of age moments when you're first
getting your period and like you don't know

436
00:30:56.960 --> 00:31:00.640
what's going on, like those things. But I think the backet thing is

437
00:31:00.680 --> 00:31:03.119
more like I used to do it
as a kid because I thought it was

438
00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:04.960
funny, and now I'm an adult
and I'm realizing it, like it's nonsense

439
00:31:06.039 --> 00:31:10.319
because jackets art pants, and like
the thing is, it's not my jacket,

440
00:31:10.359 --> 00:31:11.039
it's my winter coat from when I
was a kid. You put your

441
00:31:11.119 --> 00:31:17.839
legs in the arms. Wow,
wait, really you're a twisted sick legs

442
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:21.960
through the arm dole, and then
you button your zip like the back and

443
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:26.880
like hold that up. That's honestly
not when I was picturing in I thought

444
00:31:26.920 --> 00:31:30.319
you were like tying it around your
way. Ye, like when you be

445
00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:33.599
in the adult kind of covering jacket. That's what I'm saying. It's specifically

446
00:31:33.640 --> 00:31:36.599
this thing I would do when I
was a kid. So that's why I

447
00:31:36.599 --> 00:31:38.400
think I'm doing it as an adult. Oh my, I have never tried

448
00:31:38.440 --> 00:31:41.640
to do this as an adult.
I want to make that you should try

449
00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:48.480
it. No, I have like
like tree trunks. That's not gonna work

450
00:31:48.559 --> 00:31:52.640
for me. Look, here's my
curiosity. So these these random, seemingly

451
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:56.720
random dreams pop up out of nowhere, right, my curiosity is like,

452
00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:00.640
okay, is it the whole like
dream is our messages from the deep thing

453
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:06.480
where you're subconscious? What are you
laughing at? Just continue? No?

454
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:07.119
No, no, no, no, what are you laughing at? I

455
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.279
just you really want to know?
Man? Yeah, I just was sitting

456
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:15.599
here, please that we're going down
freaking the avenue of the dream theme.

457
00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:21.960
Oh joy? And then you bust
out the So here's where I'm at.

458
00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:24.519
Our dreams really messages from the deep. And you hit me with the dune

459
00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:29.559
quote. You compelled me to say, Well I laughed. There's your answer,

460
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:35.279
thank you. That's it was joy. It was joy all along.

461
00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:38.960
Uh so yeah, okay, so
is it like your subconscious just trying to

462
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:45.759
tell you something or is it more
like like a result of where you're at

463
00:32:45.759 --> 00:32:51.279
in life, Yes, what you
think, but those are those are yeah,

464
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:55.039
those whole hands they like there,
it's your mind not having like the

465
00:32:55.039 --> 00:33:00.200
the box of your ego, right, because like you're your ego will keep

466
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:02.839
your thoughts in check. But then
when you go to sleep, it's like

467
00:33:02.880 --> 00:33:08.039
your mind can like start to lace
the feelings that you feel internally with your

468
00:33:08.599 --> 00:33:13.240
like external stimulus. Right in an
abstract way. Yeah, So it's like

469
00:33:13.279 --> 00:33:16.119
I'm taking things that are happening to
me stress wise, and I'm blending them

470
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:22.000
with like long term feelings of like
associations of you know, I associate this

471
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:24.279
place with shame or this with guilt
because I'm feeling this in the moment or

472
00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:30.160
whatever. So I gotcha. So
my mind is like a dog and the

473
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:34.480
dog lives in the house. Is
that why you're scratching your nether region?

474
00:33:34.599 --> 00:33:37.000
Right? My mind is like,
my mind is like a dog, and

475
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:40.000
the dog lives in the house,
and then when I go to sleep,

476
00:33:40.039 --> 00:33:45.920
the dog goes out and just gets
after it in the yard. You know

477
00:33:45.960 --> 00:33:49.240
what I mean? Sure, I
mean I think I think the thing that

478
00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:53.400
is like your dog goes and undigs
all the skeletons that you buried in the

479
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:57.680
yard. Yeah, no, no, whatever, But then your dog puts

480
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:00.200
them all away nice and quietly,
and then you wake up and your like

481
00:34:00.240 --> 00:34:04.319
that was weirdest sort of dog wast
No, you know what I think.

482
00:34:04.359 --> 00:34:07.239
I think the dog goes and digs
up all the bones and then sorts them

483
00:34:07.719 --> 00:34:13.360
and puts them in order. I
don't know. Maybe the dog be sorting

484
00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:15.039
it out, getting it out in
the yard. Maybe, you know what

485
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:19.719
I mean, Maybe he's putting his
toys in order, he's getting his energy

486
00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:24.559
out. He's got some walking around
money. And I get what you're saying,

487
00:34:24.599 --> 00:34:29.480
though, like your dreams allow your
subconscious mind to play out scenarios in

488
00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:32.960
which you would like otherwise not do. Like your brain is running a little

489
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:36.440
bit more. Oh no, I
see that. That's all I'm saying.

490
00:34:36.599 --> 00:34:39.519
I don't have a very healthy relationship
with my dream so, like that's something

491
00:34:39.559 --> 00:34:43.800
I did try to focus on for
a little bit, but it's it's kind

492
00:34:43.840 --> 00:34:45.559
of falling off the radar because I
just feel like a lot of my dreams

493
00:34:45.599 --> 00:34:50.239
are very stressful. And like,
oh, that's what you mean by you

494
00:34:50.239 --> 00:34:52.079
don't have a good relationship with your
dream. Yes, I'd usually try to

495
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:54.960
forget them because of the amount of
stress that they caused me. You'd have,

496
00:34:55.119 --> 00:35:00.960
you would say, you have more
like nightmares or like stressful dreams.

497
00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:07.199
Like almost every dream I've had basically
in like the last six to eight months

498
00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:12.800
has been like I am at a
large event at a large building, and

499
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:15.360
like, it's so crazy because when
I tell people about this, I like,

500
00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:17.360
I have maps, I can draw
the buildings out. That's something I

501
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:21.920
really freaking me out about dreams,
like is that the places that exist in

502
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:25.199
dreams are like real places to you. But then when you think about them

503
00:35:25.199 --> 00:35:29.159
outside of dreams, you're like,
that's not the way my parents' house looks,

504
00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:31.320
or like that's not the I didn't
have that type of locker in high

505
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:35.599
school like or things like that,
And it's like, so the details are

506
00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:37.360
always off, it's always off,
but it's always the same for me,

507
00:35:37.480 --> 00:35:42.039
Like when I come back consistent,
it's consistently wrong. Yeah, isn't that

508
00:35:42.079 --> 00:35:45.039
weird? Right? It is weird. Which that kind of stuff like leads

509
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:52.119
me into the whole realm of like
dreams are a place, yes, which

510
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:54.880
is such a freaky thought. Do
you ever have a combo houses in your

511
00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:59.880
dreams. Yes, like like you
open a door and you're in someone else's

512
00:36:00.400 --> 00:36:02.199
No, no, I mean like
it maybe it's got the living room of

513
00:36:02.239 --> 00:36:05.639
your parents' house, but the bedroom. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

514
00:36:05.719 --> 00:36:07.559
yeah, right totally. I have
a lake house that I have in my

515
00:36:07.639 --> 00:36:10.519
dream a lot. I haven't had
that dream probably since like twenty eighteen,

516
00:36:10.679 --> 00:36:15.159
but like, the lake house is
so familiar to me, and nobody in

517
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:17.800
my family's ever owned a lake house. Like I've never lived in a lake

518
00:36:17.840 --> 00:36:21.760
house. No, nobody. It's
just it's like this is my favor Wait

519
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:25.039
a minute, but you kind of
did live water. Yeah, I mean

520
00:36:25.039 --> 00:36:29.840
it's different though, it's like it
and the house is very narrow. It

521
00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:34.679
kind of reminiscent of my grandma's house, like because it's very tall, but

522
00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:37.400
it's not like any of the houses
that I've ever lived in. The inside

523
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:40.719
is very different, and it's like
on It's almost like if what I imagine

524
00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:45.079
like White Lake would be like like
just like a little pond that's pretty big.

525
00:36:45.239 --> 00:36:51.039
Here's another weird thing that I've been
noticing lately, because ever since we

526
00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:57.599
moved here, we mostly casey,
but I've been I've been doing it some

527
00:36:57.760 --> 00:37:01.280
too. You've been skywatching a lotah, I think ever since we went to

528
00:37:01.320 --> 00:37:05.480
the Zaliafest I have. Yeah,
we could talk about that too, because

529
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:08.320
you didn't get it. This is
the good stuff. I was gonna ask

530
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:13.599
you don't want to talk about high
school anymore? I don't know. I

531
00:37:13.280 --> 00:37:15.400
was going at an opportunity moment.
I was going to ask about some of

532
00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:19.400
your recent skywatching. I don't know. I've always had I mean, I've

533
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:23.079
had a lot of skywatching experiences with
your family specifically, and it's always been

534
00:37:23.159 --> 00:37:27.880
with your family, so I always
thought it's them, right, But then

535
00:37:27.960 --> 00:37:30.519
like the more I talk to you
guys, that's very like something you make

536
00:37:30.519 --> 00:37:34.000
clear. It's like it's not us, Like it's the fact the relationship that

537
00:37:34.039 --> 00:37:37.000
we have, but it's not like
nobody else besides us can experience it.

538
00:37:37.039 --> 00:37:39.880
You just have to be open to
experiencing. We just had a head start

539
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:45.159
on like figuring it out and understanding
it and the connectedness that you have,

540
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:49.440
right, which I don't think everybody
experiences that part of it because I think

541
00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:52.360
I I don't want to be like
rude, right, but there's a lot

542
00:37:52.360 --> 00:37:54.400
of people who are like I want
to see I want to see and it's

543
00:37:54.440 --> 00:38:00.639
like it's not like a cloying desperate
thing. It's like you just look and

544
00:38:00.679 --> 00:38:02.920
then you get excited and then they're
there, and like, I don't know,

545
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:07.079
it's not something you should feel so
like downtroten or like beating yourself up

546
00:38:07.079 --> 00:38:10.760
against it. Like times, it
makes like the it makes it such a

547
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:15.840
tainted experience because it's like, well, it's not like it's almost like you're

548
00:38:15.960 --> 00:38:17.719
using them. Yeah, it's like
almost like like an ego boosts, like

549
00:38:17.719 --> 00:38:21.360
well, what's wrong with me?
Like nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.

550
00:38:21.400 --> 00:38:22.880
It's the attitude. And that's what
I was experiencing for years, was

551
00:38:22.880 --> 00:38:27.760
that like I wasn't seeing them by
myself because I had an attitude about it

552
00:38:27.920 --> 00:38:31.880
specifically that I thought, Okay,
well I'm maybe too closed minded or I'm

553
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:36.360
this something's wrong with me, and
that's why I don't have these experiences.

554
00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:39.800
But then I think I realized at
some point that it's like it's not like

555
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:43.519
you have to be a special person. You just have to be like jo

556
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:49.400
I don't know, you have to
like like resonate joy and like happiness and

557
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:52.079
like have a good positive attitude about
it going out there with like a stricken

558
00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:55.440
mind where you're like, they're not
going to show up because they never show

559
00:38:55.559 --> 00:38:58.880
up, and that never you know
what I'm saying, That's what like,

560
00:38:59.159 --> 00:39:01.639
I think people get to that mindset
when they're specifically trying to see something.

561
00:39:01.960 --> 00:39:05.239
I mean, if you called me
up and you were like, hey,

562
00:39:05.320 --> 00:39:07.400
let's hang out, but you know, you probably don't want to hang out

563
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:10.519
around me anyway, and you might
as well, you know, would have

564
00:39:10.559 --> 00:39:14.440
a bad time and you probably shouldn't
come because you don't want to be around

565
00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:16.199
me anyway. I probably wouldn't get
in my car and drive over there.

566
00:39:17.519 --> 00:39:22.159
I mean, that's a good analogy. It's just it's that selling yourself sure,

567
00:39:22.360 --> 00:39:24.920
you know. And so I think
that that was something that I took

568
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:30.800
away from Azalea Fest was that,
like they do really resonate to joy,

569
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.800
like the excitedness that everybody sees.
I don't know if you guys ended up

570
00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:37.599
talking about like the beach, because
I didn't. We did a good episode.

571
00:39:37.639 --> 00:39:40.079
Yeah, yeah, the like in
that big flash that everybody saw and

572
00:39:40.119 --> 00:39:44.400
it was like a tangible moment where
you could feel just like the energy was

573
00:39:44.440 --> 00:39:49.840
like a I was kind of hoping
that we could hear some of this from

574
00:39:49.880 --> 00:39:53.639
your perspective. Yeah, I mean
that flash was there's two flashes that I

575
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:57.920
saw. So the first one was
the night before when you guys are still

576
00:39:57.960 --> 00:40:01.840
in Charlotte and that we were just
all standing on the road, and you

577
00:40:01.880 --> 00:40:05.280
know, usually when we do this, like Chris will just say like,

578
00:40:05.400 --> 00:40:07.320
oh, yeah, it's probably gonna
be like eight thirty whatever, and I've

579
00:40:07.320 --> 00:40:12.639
always thought like, how's he no
just does so then we're like looking up

580
00:40:12.679 --> 00:40:15.239
there and I don't remember what happened. We were seeing a lot of stuff

581
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:19.320
just like ye, tons of stuff. There was all kinds of stuff.

582
00:40:19.400 --> 00:40:21.960
Yeah, and then it was like
almost to the moment where you felt like

583
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:23.960
everybody was on board, and we
had a couple hecklers, like a couple

584
00:40:24.000 --> 00:40:29.519
of people walking by just you know, what are you doing at ye?

585
00:40:29.840 --> 00:40:31.719
And I think everybody had a pretty
positive response, and you know, we

586
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:36.320
even had some people stop and like
watch with us for a while, and

587
00:40:36.360 --> 00:40:38.599
I think everybody was just like at
this good point where they were like,

588
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:43.639
all right, we're doing this,
and it was like at that moment,

589
00:40:43.719 --> 00:40:46.079
I don't remember, but I think
Corey specifically was pointing out to Zeke like

590
00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:51.119
yeah, look over there, look
at that one, and then like because

591
00:40:51.159 --> 00:40:53.079
she said it, everybody was looking, you know, and so we all

592
00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:58.599
looked, and then that one just
went like bright and flash and everybody went

593
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:02.719
just like on sun night and like
me and Jenny will go to the beach

594
00:41:02.760 --> 00:41:06.360
and we'll see stuff like that,
but we can tell the difference between like

595
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:09.199
a shooting star and like that was
like a bright long flare, do you

596
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:14.360
know what I mean. It wasn't
like a It was very slow burning that

597
00:41:14.440 --> 00:41:16.760
came out well. And the craziest
part is you're watching it as and it

598
00:41:16.800 --> 00:41:21.159
looks like a normal or we were
already tracking it before that, and then

599
00:41:21.199 --> 00:41:22.760
all of a sudden, it just
flares. And it's like, you know,

600
00:41:23.119 --> 00:41:27.920
if if the first moment when you
saw it it was bright and then

601
00:41:27.960 --> 00:41:30.320
it went away, it might be
a little different. But you're following it

602
00:41:30.360 --> 00:41:34.719
with your eye and it's pretty dim
and like seems far away, and then

603
00:41:34.880 --> 00:41:39.079
suddenly it's like five times as big, five times ten times as bright,

604
00:41:39.199 --> 00:41:45.639
and it's it's shocking. It's like
so shocking. The the reason I brought

605
00:41:45.639 --> 00:41:51.639
it up is because I don't know
if you guys have experienced this, but

606
00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:55.559
I feel like almost every time I
have some kind of sighting. I have

607
00:41:57.000 --> 00:42:01.039
very vivid dreams like that night.
Again, I have a really really like

608
00:42:01.079 --> 00:42:05.760
different relationship with my dream So I
think that's like part of my subconscious being

609
00:42:05.800 --> 00:42:07.880
like, oh, maybe we're not
ready for that because there's a lot of

610
00:42:07.960 --> 00:42:09.840
there's a lot of chaost going in
there. But I understand that, Like,

611
00:42:09.880 --> 00:42:14.920
I know that's an issue for me
and that's something I'm working towards future.

612
00:42:15.039 --> 00:42:16.800
But as a present, I'm like, it's fine. Have you thought

613
00:42:16.800 --> 00:42:21.159
about, like as you're falling asleep
at night, like meditating on having good

614
00:42:21.239 --> 00:42:24.679
dreams, not specifically good dreams,
But I have been getting back into meditating

615
00:42:24.800 --> 00:42:28.920
like before I go to sleep,
and that might be a good intention to

616
00:42:28.920 --> 00:42:32.639
set whenever I go. A lot
of my meditation focuses around like my ADHD

617
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:37.480
because it's like about turning off my
mind and like allowing myself to fall asleep.

618
00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:42.039
And like I've been doing a lot
of meditation focused on like patients because

619
00:42:42.039 --> 00:42:45.079
that's something I just feel like I
need to grow in. But like I

620
00:42:45.079 --> 00:42:46.280
said, it's kind of one of
those things where dreams for me has been

621
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:51.079
like a back burner issue, do
you know what I mean? And I've

622
00:42:51.159 --> 00:42:53.599
like even sometimes stopped and like,
Okay, I'm gonna take this more seriously,

623
00:42:53.639 --> 00:42:57.880
but then life just gets in the
way, right, Yeah, it

624
00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:01.239
happens. I didn't have any dreams
thoughially after that incident. Well, it's

625
00:43:01.239 --> 00:43:07.559
just it's just something that I've noticed
happens pretty like somewhat often. Is like

626
00:43:07.599 --> 00:43:09.880
I'll have a really vivid dream and
then later that day I'll be thinking about

627
00:43:09.880 --> 00:43:13.360
it and be like, wow,
I had a sighting last night, and

628
00:43:13.719 --> 00:43:17.079
you know whatever. Another thing I
was gonna ask is do you have you

629
00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:22.519
like thought about a pinpoint reason as
to like why you felt more drawn to

630
00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:30.119
go on outside because these days Casey
spends pretty much every night, like almost

631
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:36.559
every night, well that would be
outside a lot of skywatching. I got

632
00:43:36.599 --> 00:43:38.599
really depressed when I first moved to
Wilmington, and it had nothing to do

633
00:43:38.679 --> 00:43:44.000
with moving. It was just like, dress, yes, there'll be this

634
00:43:44.079 --> 00:43:45.719
moment and I hope that, like
you guys are able, like you know,

635
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:49.840
everybody handles it differently, but it's
like a moment after all the chaos

636
00:43:49.880 --> 00:43:53.159
where you're like, well, it's
like you're going on thousand miles an hour

637
00:43:53.199 --> 00:43:55.760
and then you crash to a stop
and you still feel like you're going a

638
00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:59.760
thousands and I'm to be happy and
I'm supposed to be excited, and every

639
00:43:59.840 --> 00:44:02.440
days like how excited are you?
How happy are you? And You're like,

640
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:07.440
I'm I'm lost. I feel like
I'm like in a daze. And

641
00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:12.039
that got me very depressed. And
then like just being at the house all

642
00:44:12.119 --> 00:44:14.760
day, I was like, oh
god, so like getting out has been

643
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:17.039
a good you know, I had
to. I basically told Nick probably about

644
00:44:17.079 --> 00:44:22.320
two or three weeks into us being
here, like I'm gonna needed some help,

645
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:25.519
like I'm not doing well. And
so for me, like part of

646
00:44:25.519 --> 00:44:30.880
that was like getting out staying outside
Azala Fest was like really good because it

647
00:44:30.920 --> 00:44:35.840
was just like a very social event
and it kind of I don't know,

648
00:44:35.880 --> 00:44:38.360
like I rode that wave of like
joy. I don't know. I just

649
00:44:38.360 --> 00:44:43.719
felt joy after that experience, and
I kept that has been sitting with me

650
00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:45.960
still, so like to this day, I still feel so much joy from

651
00:44:46.039 --> 00:44:49.960
that. Me too. Yeah,
it was a huge pick me up.

652
00:44:50.159 --> 00:44:53.000
And so then like seeing I think
seeing the flash there, seeing the flash

653
00:44:53.079 --> 00:44:58.239
on the beach, you know,
we were seeing all kinds of stuff and

654
00:44:58.280 --> 00:45:02.079
then coming back from that, it
just kind of like led me to want

655
00:45:02.119 --> 00:45:07.760
to think about it a little bit
more than I usually do. Usually I

656
00:45:07.800 --> 00:45:09.760
have the experience and I'm like that
was cool, anyways, like next time.

657
00:45:10.239 --> 00:45:13.840
But I was like, you know, if I'm serious about like wanting

658
00:45:13.880 --> 00:45:17.920
to understand this phenomenon more than I
need to, like maybe take it a

659
00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:21.719
little bit more seriously and stop putting
like a boundary in my way of saying

660
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:27.320
that I'm too science brained or like
close minded to experience this thing. So

661
00:45:27.519 --> 00:45:30.599
I kind of just treated it as
like a relationship where I was like,

662
00:45:30.639 --> 00:45:34.119
Okay, if I want this to
happen, like I need to be invested

663
00:45:34.360 --> 00:45:37.360
in it. So like going outside
and being like okay, I'm gonna just

664
00:45:37.400 --> 00:45:42.840
get excited about seeing them and just
you know, maybe even praying or like

665
00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:45.000
for me prayers mostly just like all
right, this is what I have to

666
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:49.119
you know, this is what's going
on right now, and like this is

667
00:45:49.159 --> 00:45:52.119
what I need and this is what
I want to give in exchange. And

668
00:45:52.199 --> 00:46:00.360
so like after I think after like
maybe that Aziale if I sented on I

669
00:46:00.360 --> 00:46:02.679
think it was maybe the Tuesday after. It might have been the Thursday.

670
00:46:02.719 --> 00:46:07.360
I don't know. We have re
seed somewhere. I went outside and I

671
00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:09.639
was just like it was it was
Friday, okay, yeah, because you

672
00:46:09.679 --> 00:46:14.960
were you were at the Battle the
Fall Friday. Yeah. So I was

673
00:46:15.039 --> 00:46:16.480
just like, I don't remember what
it was. I was just like,

674
00:46:17.519 --> 00:46:20.920
if this is going to be okay, like the feeling that I was having

675
00:46:20.920 --> 00:46:23.360
off of going from that weekend,
like if we're going to continue to like

676
00:46:23.440 --> 00:46:28.639
move forward, and like there's a
lot going on politically right now, there's

677
00:46:28.679 --> 00:46:30.920
a lot going on in the world. There's a lot of stress. And

678
00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:34.480
I was like, I felt so
much joy from this weekend and then I

679
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:37.559
feel so much heartbreak from like when
I step outside and get back in the

680
00:46:37.599 --> 00:46:39.000
real world around you. Yeah.
Right. I was like, I just

681
00:46:39.039 --> 00:46:43.320
need to know that it's gonna like
this is gonna persevere, right. That

682
00:46:43.440 --> 00:46:46.760
was like it's that that this the
good will overcome in that way. And

683
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:49.960
I was like I would just love
a sign. And so then like I

684
00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:52.519
saw a little not even like twenty
seconds later. That was the first one

685
00:46:52.559 --> 00:46:57.239
that I saw that I text you
guys about. Yeah, and Ryan is

686
00:46:57.239 --> 00:47:01.039
is three hours away, hours away, and at the same moment saw one

687
00:47:01.400 --> 00:47:05.519
and by the moon. Yeah,
I saw one up by the moon.

688
00:47:05.679 --> 00:47:08.119
Oh really, y'all saw like it
was like similar, they were both by

689
00:47:08.159 --> 00:47:13.679
the moon. Yes, I didn't
know that. Yeah, that is impossible

690
00:47:14.320 --> 00:47:19.079
with us being hundreds of miles away. Completely you were in Virginia. Yeah,

691
00:47:19.280 --> 00:47:22.440
yeah, I mean and I'm in
Wilmington, So it's like how And

692
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:25.400
I wasn't even gonna tell anybody because
I was just like, okay, like

693
00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:30.599
I don't want to like get like, oh look at me, I'm a

694
00:47:30.599 --> 00:47:32.519
hot shot, like I saw my
own or I didn't want it to become

695
00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:36.119
about me, you know. I
wanted to like this was something I asked

696
00:47:36.119 --> 00:47:38.320
for and I don't want to like, oh, guys, look what I

697
00:47:38.519 --> 00:47:42.599
did. Yeah, So I wasn't
gonna say anything. Nick was like say

698
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:44.800
something. So then I was like, okay, I'll text, and then

699
00:47:44.840 --> 00:47:45.920
I text the group and then Rhyd's
like I just saw one too at the

700
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:49.920
same time at the same place.
I was like, you kidding. I

701
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:52.480
think the opposite is true. I
think when you see them it's important to

702
00:47:52.519 --> 00:47:54.480
share. That's why they come in
the first place. They want their presence

703
00:47:54.519 --> 00:47:59.559
to be known. Oh no,
I definitely agree. Like after sharing that

704
00:47:59.719 --> 00:48:01.320
with you, then I was like, oh, well, I should tell

705
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:06.760
people more when this happens. Because
it's exciting one and I think it like

706
00:48:06.840 --> 00:48:09.360
still fuels that fire for me,
like I get excited to continue to do

707
00:48:09.440 --> 00:48:15.800
it. Yeah. Yeah, No, It's like when I am seeing orbs

708
00:48:15.880 --> 00:48:24.840
the most frequently is when I'm in
a place where I'm like effortlessly excited and

709
00:48:24.960 --> 00:48:30.480
curious to see them, right.
Like, it's when I'm not consciously thinking

710
00:48:30.519 --> 00:48:34.599
about it all the time. I'm
not thinking about like, man, you

711
00:48:34.639 --> 00:48:37.320
know, I should really go out
and SkyWatch tonight, and like I really

712
00:48:37.360 --> 00:48:43.639
want to see orbs tonight or anything
like that. It's like driving down the

713
00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:46.559
road late at night and just happen
to look up into a spot in the

714
00:48:46.599 --> 00:48:51.239
sky and there it is, right
where I happen to look. You know.

715
00:48:51.280 --> 00:48:54.719
It's not it's not like an active
seeking thing. It's like this whole

716
00:48:54.840 --> 00:49:01.559
experience, every aspect of it is
all about letting go of the outcome.

717
00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:08.280
Yeah right. It's like not expecting
a certain thing to see, not expecting

718
00:49:08.280 --> 00:49:13.039
it to make you feel some kind
of way, not expecting you know,

719
00:49:13.280 --> 00:49:19.760
just just not having expectations set in
stone. Because in my experience, every

720
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:23.119
time I have had like a rigid
expectation or something, I don't see anything,

721
00:49:23.320 --> 00:49:27.559
right, Oh, no, I
definitely feel like it's like almost like

722
00:49:27.559 --> 00:49:30.199
I feel like my brain's forcing it, like you have to show up now,

723
00:49:30.679 --> 00:49:32.119
yes, exactly. And it's like
not fair first of all, because

724
00:49:32.159 --> 00:49:36.760
somebody expected me to do that,
like hey, where are you show up?

725
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:38.559
Do something make me entertained, I'd
be pissed, I'd be annoyed.

726
00:49:39.159 --> 00:49:43.480
And it's like a browdie attitude to
have to. I think that's like one

727
00:49:43.519 --> 00:49:46.000
of the things that like goes hand
in hand with me practicing patients is that,

728
00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:51.239
like me sitting in skywatching has been
kind of a meditative thing for me,

729
00:49:51.480 --> 00:49:53.480
Like that's part of my meditation,
is that, like I will just

730
00:49:53.519 --> 00:49:58.840
sit there and look and I'm like
part of it's practicing like not getting too

731
00:49:58.880 --> 00:50:02.199
antsy or like not expecting much or
not. And like I can hear in

732
00:50:02.239 --> 00:50:07.239
my mind when I'm doing that,
like just wait five more minutes. Just

733
00:50:07.239 --> 00:50:09.519
do this for five or ten more
minutes, and then I'll see something within

734
00:50:09.559 --> 00:50:14.920
five or ten minutes, because it's
like it's asking me just to be patient,

735
00:50:15.079 --> 00:50:17.239
and that's what I feel like.
That's like why I started doing it

736
00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:22.000
more was because I felt that those
two things needed to like be they started

737
00:50:22.000 --> 00:50:25.880
feeling they went really well together.
Yeah, lessons in patience and the sky

738
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:32.239
watching. Yeah, it's almost like
it's like a reward for your diligence or

739
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:37.760
your dedication. Yeah, like I
was waiting. I don't know I was

740
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:39.320
the first. I don't know if
it was the first time I saw them

741
00:50:39.400 --> 00:50:43.280
or if it was a different night, but like you would came outside,

742
00:50:43.480 --> 00:50:45.400
and I remember sitting there thinking like, Nick's gonna come out hut eventually,

743
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:49.199
but I wasn't planning on it.
I was just thinking, like, he'll

744
00:50:49.199 --> 00:50:51.840
come outside, I'll just wait,
and then he did, and then like

745
00:50:51.920 --> 00:50:57.039
literally the second that came outside,
we saw like this orange bright light,

746
00:50:57.119 --> 00:50:59.519
which all the ones I'd seen that
night were blue. I didn't see anything

747
00:50:59.559 --> 00:51:02.440
orange, nothing orange at all,
like blue or like light white, you

748
00:51:02.519 --> 00:51:07.599
know what I mean. Yep,
that color and so just blue. And

749
00:51:08.559 --> 00:51:13.039
that one was bright orange and it
was so slow and it was so much

750
00:51:13.079 --> 00:51:15.639
lower than the rest of them.
It was like a totally different thing than

751
00:51:15.679 --> 00:51:17.559
what I had been seeing because it
just went Yeah, it was pretty like

752
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:22.559
big looking too. It was big
and it went over like the roofs and

753
00:51:22.559 --> 00:51:24.679
it would duck down and it was
like I got excited and I was like,

754
00:51:24.719 --> 00:51:27.840
come on now, like what you
do, and it would just pop

755
00:51:27.920 --> 00:51:30.360
back up and then like go a
little bit farther and duck back down.

756
00:51:30.760 --> 00:51:34.960
That was a weird one because it
felt like it was like playing hide and

757
00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:37.440
seek with us. It felt very
childish or like a kid, I don't

758
00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:42.239
know. It felt like very youthful
energy, like different than the ones that

759
00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:45.320
I was seeing later. At one
point it started going back the opposite direction

760
00:51:45.400 --> 00:51:49.199
that it came from. Yeah,
it was like hopping around. It would

761
00:51:49.239 --> 00:51:52.000
like go up above the trees,
go back down, go up, and

762
00:51:52.079 --> 00:51:54.960
then it was going left, and
then all of a sudden we saw it

763
00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:59.840
going back right and it kept ducking
down like. That was a really weird

764
00:51:59.840 --> 00:52:01.840
one. Yeah, And I hadn't
seen anything even close to that, Like

765
00:52:02.000 --> 00:52:06.239
nothing got interacted that whole night.
But it was just like the fact that

766
00:52:06.280 --> 00:52:07.599
I sat there and waited because I
knew you were going to come out,

767
00:52:08.159 --> 00:52:10.719
and then as soon as you did, we had like a really crazy experience

768
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:15.679
together. Yeah, and that was
another thing I just thought about is I

769
00:52:15.719 --> 00:52:21.760
haven't really considered this until this point, but it seems like they really appear

770
00:52:22.159 --> 00:52:25.360
or I see them a lot if
I'm in a place in life where I'm

771
00:52:25.599 --> 00:52:32.599
like very present, like, which
is something I kind of I do struggle

772
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:37.360
with, Like I've always kind of
struggled with feeling present like I have.

773
00:52:37.119 --> 00:52:39.199
I don't know, I don't remember
when I talked about it, but I

774
00:52:39.239 --> 00:52:45.119
did recently where I often feel like
very ungrounded and like the other night on

775
00:52:45.119 --> 00:52:46.639
the discord event, is that what
it was? Okay, I feel like

776
00:52:46.679 --> 00:52:52.079
my head is in space all the
time, like you know, Anyway,

777
00:52:52.840 --> 00:52:57.320
those moments where I feel kind of
like lost and confused and not grounded,

778
00:52:58.519 --> 00:53:02.719
I almost never had experiences or see
stuff or but then if I'm in a

779
00:53:02.760 --> 00:53:07.639
place where I'm like present and even
you know, if I'm like doing good

780
00:53:07.679 --> 00:53:14.880
with meditation and gratitude and stuff like
that, that is when I see them.

781
00:53:15.719 --> 00:53:23.079
It's like it's like this delicate like
dance of when you when you have

782
00:53:23.559 --> 00:53:29.159
because I struggle with depression and like
when you it's like this delicate dance of

783
00:53:30.159 --> 00:53:35.039
getting yourself out of that state of
depression, doing good, taking care of

784
00:53:35.079 --> 00:53:37.119
yourself. And then that's when you
see them, and you love seeing them

785
00:53:37.119 --> 00:53:40.719
and it makes you feel good and
it and it's like a I feel the

786
00:53:40.760 --> 00:53:45.000
same thing I feel when I have
like synchronicities, like it's like a sign,

787
00:53:45.159 --> 00:53:49.800
like everything's good, you're doing good, stay on the path, like

788
00:53:50.159 --> 00:53:53.840
that kind of thing. But then
it is that it is that dance because

789
00:53:54.719 --> 00:53:59.639
then when things are going good,
then I don't want to put the work

790
00:53:59.639 --> 00:54:02.199
in and I don't want to like
take care of myself and I'm like,

791
00:54:02.199 --> 00:54:05.840
oh, everything's fine, now,
everything's good, and then it goes right

792
00:54:05.880 --> 00:54:10.639
back into that like cyclical depressive like
it's not working kind of less work.

793
00:54:12.599 --> 00:54:15.119
Yeah. Yeah, what was that
documentary called that we watched? Oh,

794
00:54:15.159 --> 00:54:21.079
I can't recommend it now, really
is there some Jonah Hill? Oh oh

795
00:54:21.320 --> 00:54:24.760
oh yeah, yeah, yeah that's
true. But it's a therapy doc produced

796
00:54:24.760 --> 00:54:30.280
by Jonah Hill. Yeah. It
was a fantastic documentary And that was one

797
00:54:30.320 --> 00:54:32.000
of the things incredible. Oh yeah, that was one of the things that

798
00:54:32.039 --> 00:54:37.840
they said that like was a rude
awakening for me. It was just a

799
00:54:37.960 --> 00:54:42.719
very simple thing he said, which
is that life is constant work. Yeah,

800
00:54:42.760 --> 00:54:46.400
he said, there's constances in life, endless work, suffering, and

801
00:54:47.079 --> 00:54:51.280
like the passage of time. He's
like, those things are always going to

802
00:54:51.320 --> 00:54:55.119
exist. And like if you if
any version of yourself or any of your

803
00:54:55.159 --> 00:55:00.320
ideals exist. Where those three factors
aren't in play, then you're striving towards

804
00:55:00.320 --> 00:55:06.719
goals that are like they're unreachable,
right yep. Because at any moment,

805
00:55:06.760 --> 00:55:09.480
even if you had a picture perfect
life, like all the things that lead

806
00:55:09.559 --> 00:55:15.239
up to that picture that snapshot like
a single moment in time, you know,

807
00:55:15.280 --> 00:55:17.480
there's stress, there's time, there's
work, there's things that all go

808
00:55:17.559 --> 00:55:22.079
into that. Like there's never gonna
be a time where everything is perfectly balanced.

809
00:55:22.079 --> 00:55:23.400
It's like, yes, it's just
not realistic. It's a game of

810
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:27.719
like spinning plates. You know,
many are called, but few are chosen.

811
00:55:28.599 --> 00:55:31.039
That's what Jesus said about how to
enter the Kingdom of heaven. Or

812
00:55:31.400 --> 00:55:37.199
it's like something like easier for the
camel to pass through the eye of a

813
00:55:37.239 --> 00:55:40.559
needle. You know. It's the
point is, you know, it takes

814
00:55:40.679 --> 00:55:45.880
constant work and focus and diligence to
stay on the path of you know,

815
00:55:45.039 --> 00:55:50.239
self perfection. I used to get
really beat up when I would get depressed

816
00:55:50.239 --> 00:55:52.519
again, like that would be the
big thing, because I go through like

817
00:55:52.679 --> 00:55:57.920
very constant cycles of depression, right, And it's like when I get really

818
00:55:57.960 --> 00:56:00.519
depressed, I'm like how did I
get here? Like what did I do

819
00:56:00.639 --> 00:56:07.440
like I was doing so well,
Like rather than noticing that it's me stumbling

820
00:56:07.559 --> 00:56:09.320
and having that patience for myself to
say, like what do we gotta do

821
00:56:09.360 --> 00:56:13.159
to get your impact like on track? You know, well, it's hard

822
00:56:13.199 --> 00:56:16.239
to have the foresight or the strength
to even pull yourself out of that when

823
00:56:16.280 --> 00:56:20.480
you're in it. That's why you
can't pull yourself out of a hole.

824
00:56:20.760 --> 00:56:22.679
That's the progress though, that Like
that's the joy in my life is the

825
00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:28.760
moments that where I am feeling low
and I can have compassion and empathy for

826
00:56:28.840 --> 00:56:31.159
myself still and be like, this
is just a low moment for you,

827
00:56:31.280 --> 00:56:36.039
Like, girl, you are not
going to break down today because like what

828
00:56:36.559 --> 00:56:37.960
you had a couple bad things happen, Like, we are not going to

829
00:56:38.039 --> 00:56:42.119
let this ruin you, Like this
is not you know, this is not

830
00:56:42.159 --> 00:56:45.400
how we're gonna fall apart today.
You have to have compassion for yourself and

831
00:56:45.440 --> 00:56:50.039
be like, yeah, okay,
great, this is so human for me

832
00:56:50.079 --> 00:56:53.960
to have this cycle like I'm ankle
deep now, Like let's figure out how

833
00:56:53.960 --> 00:56:59.119
I get out of this and like
not be disappointed that like it's I guess

834
00:56:59.159 --> 00:57:01.920
it's not a step back, it's
just like a step. It's a step

835
00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:05.960
forward that maybe just doesn't look like
it's elevated. I guess it's a sad

836
00:57:06.039 --> 00:57:10.840
step. Yeah, Like going back
into that cycle is not like anything wrong

837
00:57:10.880 --> 00:57:15.719
with you or like a downfall on
your end. It's just like that's part

838
00:57:15.760 --> 00:57:19.840
of life, is that there's you
are constantly going to go through these like

839
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:23.559
different cycles in life, and part
of that is like having low moments and

840
00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:29.360
like I don't know, experiencing joy
like that after these aliafests and like riding

841
00:57:29.400 --> 00:57:32.519
that wave, you know, and
then you come back down and then you

842
00:57:32.559 --> 00:57:37.320
have to like remember that, like
I have to be grateful to have those

843
00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:39.559
highs even when I'm in my lowest
lows, Like I have to remember that

844
00:57:39.599 --> 00:57:44.320
those moments feel good. Yeah,
exactly. That's what it was like growing

845
00:57:44.400 --> 00:57:47.880
up seeing this phenomenon with nobody else
was seeing it and judging us and mocking

846
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:52.960
us and ridiculing us. But we're
seeing it at night and having to remember,

847
00:57:52.159 --> 00:57:55.360
like, no, we're seeing it
there not, you know what I

848
00:57:55.360 --> 00:58:00.119
mean. Yeah, Like it's exactly
what it was like all this time.

849
00:58:00.119 --> 00:58:04.599
I mean, there was a time
where people weren't just so regularly seeing it,

850
00:58:05.239 --> 00:58:08.280
you know. And yeah, and
now now look at like your life

851
00:58:08.360 --> 00:58:13.599
now where there's like groups of strangers
traveling across the country to like across the

852
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:17.000
planet to look with you and like
to have that experience with you, Like

853
00:58:17.039 --> 00:58:21.440
they believe you so much that they
are willing to stand by your side and

854
00:58:21.519 --> 00:58:23.519
publicly. You know what I'm saying. It's like, so it's so beautiful,

855
00:58:24.119 --> 00:58:29.760
right. I know that it's still
like very like it's still a wound

856
00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:31.840
that you had to experience and that
we're getting like a joyful side of it.

857
00:58:34.159 --> 00:58:36.239
But I think like you almost have
to look at it as like you

858
00:58:36.320 --> 00:58:40.199
laid down the foundational work for everybody
who follows the podcast to like have these

859
00:58:40.239 --> 00:58:45.480
experiences. Yeah, the more I
reflect on it, I think, I

860
00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:47.079
think the work that we're doing,
I think we talked about this on the

861
00:58:47.119 --> 00:58:51.519
Azalia Fest episode, but I think
that the work we're doing is more important

862
00:58:51.519 --> 00:58:55.000
than we ever realized. Yeah,
ou yeah, Oh my god. People

863
00:58:55.039 --> 00:58:58.800
who listen to the show, you
know, one hundred what are we one

864
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:01.760
hundred and forty seven now forty six
one hundred and forty six, one hundred

865
00:59:01.800 --> 00:59:07.800
and forty six episodes plus you know, fifty two episodes of Full Disclosure a

866
00:59:07.920 --> 00:59:10.639
year as of last week. Hearing
all of this context and all of this

867
00:59:10.679 --> 00:59:15.199
stuff, plus reading the book,
plus you know, watching XYZ stuff is

868
00:59:15.280 --> 00:59:20.719
like, now, all those people, I feel like they get it and

869
00:59:20.760 --> 00:59:23.360
they're going out there and they're seeing
it. Yeah, and they're seeing it

870
00:59:23.400 --> 00:59:28.199
and they're they're choosing to spread it
because of how it helps them in their

871
00:59:28.199 --> 00:59:32.360
own lives, right, because so
many people it's just life is hard.

872
00:59:32.440 --> 00:59:38.760
It's very hard for everybody. It's
not easy for anybody period. And this

873
00:59:38.800 --> 00:59:46.760
phenomenon is it just gives you something
that is a reminder that there are things

874
00:59:46.800 --> 00:59:52.039
out there that are bigger than you, smarter than you, and more.

875
00:59:52.159 --> 01:00:00.320
It's just it's like something to aspire
to. It's something to comfort you and

876
01:00:00.400 --> 01:00:04.960
show you that, like everything is
fine like this. Sometimes it feel it

877
01:00:05.039 --> 01:00:08.519
feels like everything's crashing down and you
have such limited time and whatever, but

878
01:00:08.679 --> 01:00:15.519
it's like this reminder from the infinite
that like, dude, don't don't worry

879
01:00:15.519 --> 01:00:17.280
about it, Like, yeah,
there's a grand design to it all.

880
01:00:19.119 --> 01:00:22.280
Yes, exactly, that's what I
mean, Like there's a yeah, there's

881
01:00:22.320 --> 01:00:27.880
a there's things in the works that
are far beyond you that that are going

882
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:31.320
to ensure that everything is okay,
right, Oh, I truly believe that.

883
01:00:31.400 --> 01:00:35.719
Like that's like my mantra just to
like get through the day. Sometimes

884
01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:39.920
it's just like to tell myself that, like I'm taken care of I learned.

885
01:00:40.280 --> 01:00:44.599
I'm sorry I cut you off,
but I learned. That's what faith

886
01:00:44.840 --> 01:00:47.159
is. It's not about like,
oh, yeah, I have faith in

887
01:00:47.239 --> 01:00:52.079
God, like you know, some
people could say they have faith in God,

888
01:00:52.119 --> 01:00:55.199
but in reality, I think that's
more like a knowing yes, you

889
01:00:55.239 --> 01:01:00.800
either know God is there or not. Yes. The faith comes in when

890
01:01:00.800 --> 01:01:02.840
you're having the hard time, the
bad day, you're at the low,

891
01:01:04.000 --> 01:01:07.760
and you're like, are you gonna
help me or not? Yes? Yes,

892
01:01:07.960 --> 01:01:12.000
I have faith that you will,
right right, I know you're there.

893
01:01:12.199 --> 01:01:15.280
Yeah. Are you gonna help me
or not? Yes? I know

894
01:01:15.360 --> 01:01:17.440
you will. That's the faith.
Yeah, if that makes sense. And

895
01:01:17.480 --> 01:01:22.320
I think in the area that we
like grew up in it the whole,

896
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:29.639
like faith versus knowing thing often is
very confused. Like I think most people

897
01:01:29.719 --> 01:01:36.199
where we grew up kind of feel
like faith is just knowing right that God

898
01:01:36.239 --> 01:01:38.639
is real. Faith. Growing up
in church, that like faith was always

899
01:01:38.639 --> 01:01:45.159
described as like you being willing to
buckle down and just accept it like,

900
01:01:45.760 --> 01:01:49.480
yeah, you're gonna weather the storm. You're gonna have to go through hell

901
01:01:49.639 --> 01:01:52.920
and go through the valley of death
and then you'll have your peace. But

902
01:01:52.960 --> 01:01:58.719
it's like, I don't know,
it was felt like don't expect too much,

903
01:01:59.199 --> 01:02:02.119
don't expect good things. You know, God's gonna take care of you,

904
01:02:02.159 --> 01:02:06.079
but You're also gonna have to suffer, like yeah, and like that

905
01:02:06.159 --> 01:02:08.880
faith was like just you know,
it was like pin such in a reverse

906
01:02:08.920 --> 01:02:12.400
way, it's like despite the suffering, you better like it, where it's

907
01:02:12.440 --> 01:02:15.360
like, no, that's literally what
it is, like despite the suffering,

908
01:02:15.559 --> 01:02:19.280
I still feel joy. I still
can, like you know, one of

909
01:02:19.320 --> 01:02:23.360
the something that I did right around
your birthday last like your thirtieth birthday last

910
01:02:23.400 --> 01:02:28.719
year. As I started doing this
practice where like when I was having very

911
01:02:28.760 --> 01:02:32.159
like joyful moments in my life,
I would like physically do something to kind

912
01:02:32.199 --> 01:02:35.719
of track it. So for me, I always just like did this little

913
01:02:35.920 --> 01:02:39.760
thing on my chest because then it's
almost like I'm checking it right like for

914
01:02:39.880 --> 01:02:44.320
somebody who experienced his depression. When
I'm in the lows of it, I

915
01:02:44.400 --> 01:02:51.280
have so much like resilience. I'm
so resistant to like be grateful. I

916
01:02:51.280 --> 01:02:54.039
would rather oh yeah, I would
rather feel like woe is me, look

917
01:02:54.039 --> 01:02:58.320
at my sad, pitiful life.
Like. And so that was one of

918
01:02:58.400 --> 01:03:01.119
those things like when we were at
your birthday party, I was around like

919
01:03:01.239 --> 01:03:06.679
all these people I loved, having
the best time, just feeling pure joy,

920
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:08.280
and I was just you know,
remembering to track it. And it

921
01:03:08.360 --> 01:03:10.920
was like, you know, maybe
four weeks later, I was going through

922
01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:15.840
a depressive episode and I just remembered
I did that, and I could feel

923
01:03:15.840 --> 01:03:17.480
the joy inside of me. It
was like, just remember that you can

924
01:03:17.519 --> 01:03:22.719
be grateful despite you know, like
I was able to tap into an experience

925
01:03:22.719 --> 01:03:25.480
where I was like, I know
life is good because I felt it in

926
01:03:25.519 --> 01:03:30.239
that moment. And it's just like
I try to keep track of that rather

927
01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:34.679
than like allowing those things to go
by and not feel grateful for them.

928
01:03:34.840 --> 01:03:39.519
Yeah. What else are our great
moments for other than to like remind you

929
01:03:39.679 --> 01:03:43.960
that life can be great when you're
in the shit. Yeah. And also

930
01:03:44.039 --> 01:03:47.440
sometimes we just have to give up
and understand that, like there are natural

931
01:03:47.480 --> 01:03:52.280
forces, external forces that grind against
us, and not every day you wake

932
01:03:52.360 --> 01:03:55.840
up is supposed to be a great
day. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's

933
01:03:55.840 --> 01:03:59.880
got to have a long time to
realize you have to have bad days to

934
01:03:59.880 --> 01:04:01.920
have good days. That's just how
it works. Yeah, I think my

935
01:04:02.039 --> 01:04:06.239
ego will get in the way of
like that that taking it personally like this

936
01:04:06.280 --> 01:04:13.039
is some sort of like attack against
me and like me trying to get better,

937
01:04:13.119 --> 01:04:16.519
like why is this happening to me? And like that's that effort of

938
01:04:16.599 --> 01:04:20.119
like no, you know that you
feel joy, You know that you felt

939
01:04:20.119 --> 01:04:24.079
happiness, Like this is not like
an attack against you, It's just the

940
01:04:24.119 --> 01:04:28.800
equilibrium. Yeah, I've always like
felt that, like especially when I'm feeling

941
01:04:28.880 --> 01:04:30.360
really high in my life, like
I'm like, wow, this is a

942
01:04:30.360 --> 01:04:33.559
great moment for me. I'm succeeding. I'm being like on the top of

943
01:04:33.559 --> 01:04:35.960
my game. I have all these
things going for me. And then when

944
01:04:35.960 --> 01:04:40.679
I don't have those things going,
like everything's going wrong. I tried to

945
01:04:40.760 --> 01:04:45.320
now phrase that as like this is
for this is time for somebody else to

946
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:48.280
get those blessings, Like the equilibrium
is shifting out. You know, maybe

947
01:04:48.320 --> 01:04:51.719
it's not my time to thrive,
but like I try to at least see

948
01:04:51.719 --> 01:04:55.360
around me, my friends and the
people close to me, maybe it's their

949
01:04:55.440 --> 01:04:58.360
time to bear fruit. And I'm
you know, having to give a little

950
01:04:58.360 --> 01:05:01.159
bit more of my resources or my
new so that I can survive until I

951
01:05:01.199 --> 01:05:06.119
can bear fruit again. But I
can't like strip myself or like take that

952
01:05:06.199 --> 01:05:11.119
away, because everybody deserves to experience
joy, even when I'm in a low

953
01:05:11.199 --> 01:05:14.960
moment. So it's trying to give
the perspective like and also it will pass.

954
01:05:15.440 --> 01:05:19.440
Oh my god, please remember that. If that's please remember that it

955
01:05:19.440 --> 01:05:26.559
it. It's so momentary, Like
time is so fickle, and like you

956
01:05:26.639 --> 01:05:30.679
might feel like you were in the
pits right now, but like, dude,

957
01:05:30.679 --> 01:05:31.400
two days from now, you could
be on the high of your life

958
01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:35.199
and be like, what was I
even thinking back then? Absolutely, I

959
01:05:35.360 --> 01:05:40.159
you know, I've experienced a lot
of points in my life where I'm like,

960
01:05:40.239 --> 01:05:44.079
I can no longer move forward.
This is you always do, Yeah,

961
01:05:44.119 --> 01:05:45.880
but I do. We always do, and I'm always grateful that I

962
01:05:45.920 --> 01:05:50.280
do. And then I hold on
through that. There's always something to live

963
01:05:50.320 --> 01:05:56.440
for, there's always a reason to
try and shift and be positive. Like

964
01:05:56.519 --> 01:06:00.280
it's it's never too late. I
have literally seen people turn around from the

965
01:06:00.280 --> 01:06:03.920
brink of death, you know,
whether it's drug addiction or cancer or whatever.

966
01:06:04.039 --> 01:06:10.199
I mean, it's never too late. And another point is when you

967
01:06:10.239 --> 01:06:14.480
saw the orb by yourself that Friday
following the Azaia Festival. You were literally

968
01:06:14.519 --> 01:06:19.280
praying to the heavens and whatever way
you you know, phrase that as you're

969
01:06:19.280 --> 01:06:25.480
praying to the heavens for a sign
about the state of the world, and

970
01:06:25.519 --> 01:06:29.199
you got your sign. I think
it's important for the people out there to

971
01:06:29.360 --> 01:06:38.000
understand, like you're not born into
this world to bear the pressure of the

972
01:06:38.079 --> 01:06:44.760
state of the world, everything out
there, and for one, yes,

973
01:06:44.960 --> 01:06:47.599
it's the allegory of Atlas. Yeah, you have to like detach yourself from

974
01:06:47.599 --> 01:06:50.679
what's going on out there and out
there in the world. I'm not saying

975
01:06:50.719 --> 01:06:55.519
don't have compassion and be like,
you know, a thousand yard fluoride stare

976
01:06:55.519 --> 01:06:57.960
and be a zombie. I'm not
saying that. I'm just saying you have

977
01:06:58.000 --> 01:07:02.320
to focus on the good and spreading
the good and shun fear, radically reject

978
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:08.360
fear, radically reject judgment of other
people, no matter you know where they

979
01:07:08.360 --> 01:07:11.840
come from or what they're into or
what they think, and just understand that,

980
01:07:11.920 --> 01:07:14.840
like there is a grand plan to
everything. You can go back and

981
01:07:14.880 --> 01:07:18.039
you can listen to episode seventeen of
the show, which we recorded three years

982
01:07:18.039 --> 01:07:21.199
ago. Now we've been saying it
all the way back then, if you

983
01:07:21.239 --> 01:07:25.639
believe the lady even occurred, if
you if you have a shred of a

984
01:07:25.719 --> 01:07:29.159
thought that that even actually happened,
and she actually had a message. The

985
01:07:29.199 --> 01:07:32.519
message was that this negative state of
the world is going to build and build

986
01:07:32.559 --> 01:07:36.719
and build, and then poof,
it's going to change. It's going to

987
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:40.079
change. Yeah, and there's going
to be a new order to things,

988
01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:44.920
and you know there's there's going to
be ultimately a positive outcome. Yeah.

989
01:07:45.239 --> 01:07:47.960
We just have to have faith,
have faith, keep our head forward and

990
01:07:48.159 --> 01:07:51.239
do it. If I do,
you believe that, right, Yeah,

991
01:07:51.840 --> 01:07:56.360
just have to be positive. We
have to not be you know, just

992
01:07:56.400 --> 01:07:59.679
because everybody else is out there saying
it's the world is terrible, it's falling

993
01:07:59.679 --> 01:08:00.639
abar all oh my god. Well, you know, maybe to you,

994
01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:04.960
but not to me. It's not
to me. I go outside and I

995
01:08:05.000 --> 01:08:09.079
talk to this guy, and poof, I see lights And you go outside

996
01:08:09.079 --> 01:08:13.920
and you know, there's a lot
to behold that is glorious and is positive

997
01:08:14.440 --> 01:08:18.560
and is full of love and light. And that should be the singular focus.

998
01:08:19.119 --> 01:08:26.399
The thing that our awareness is constantly
pouring into is that that infinite,

999
01:08:26.760 --> 01:08:32.720
just point of love and light and
awareness and positivity and just radically reject fear.

1000
01:08:33.600 --> 01:08:36.079
I agree, I do have a
lady's story. I don't think I

1001
01:08:36.079 --> 01:08:40.399
told you about this, share it. I told your father about this.

1002
01:08:40.520 --> 01:08:43.680
I think I told Nick about it. But I did have like an orb

1003
01:08:43.800 --> 01:08:47.039
siding. I've been going after that
first night, I've been going out like

1004
01:08:47.760 --> 01:08:50.840
pretty much every night for the most
part. I think the last week I've

1005
01:08:50.920 --> 01:08:54.520
kind of slowed down. But you
know, for the most part, every

1006
01:08:54.600 --> 01:08:57.319
night I go out for even ten
to fifteen minutes just to see if I

1007
01:08:57.319 --> 01:09:00.399
see anything. It's worn up too. It's just nice to set outside.

1008
01:09:00.840 --> 01:09:08.000
Just look at this guy. Yeah, So I just sit outside and I

1009
01:09:08.119 --> 01:09:11.560
enjoy just looking at the stars,
even if it's just that like getting to

1010
01:09:11.600 --> 01:09:15.239
be familiar with my what what it
looks like outside, you know, in

1011
01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:18.560
my new neighborhood and everything. And
I had a night the other night where

1012
01:09:20.119 --> 01:09:25.239
I was feeling very emotional and I
was kind of almost feeling like a little

1013
01:09:25.279 --> 01:09:30.680
bit like I was kind of pushing
the boundary of what I was I should

1014
01:09:30.680 --> 01:09:34.680
be saying to these people who are
listening right like almost being a little bit

1015
01:09:34.800 --> 01:09:41.800
uh, what's the word where you're
butting up against something m I was kind

1016
01:09:41.800 --> 01:09:44.520
of pushing back a little bit,
like all right, well then do this,

1017
01:09:44.800 --> 01:09:46.159
well, then do that, like
being a little bit testy, which

1018
01:09:46.199 --> 01:09:49.760
I shouldn't have right with the orbs, Yes, okay, because I was,

1019
01:09:49.960 --> 01:09:55.239
I just you know, I'm on
one. Whatever. You just start

1020
01:09:55.239 --> 01:10:00.239
getting into your head and I I
remember just again told like the message I

1021
01:10:00.319 --> 01:10:03.279
kept coming in my brain. It
was like just like just chill, just

1022
01:10:03.279 --> 01:10:06.359
just sit here, just sake here
for like ten minutes. What are you

1023
01:10:06.399 --> 01:10:10.439
doing? Like you're doing too much? Like it was just this concert reminder,

1024
01:10:10.479 --> 01:10:12.560
and it was very friendly. It
was very calm, just like a

1025
01:10:12.640 --> 01:10:15.640
voice in my head just being like, no, you're fine, just wait,

1026
01:10:15.199 --> 01:10:19.039
just be patient. Stop asking for
so much. And when I was

1027
01:10:19.079 --> 01:10:23.119
sitting there, I don't know if
everybody experiences this, but I have really

1028
01:10:23.159 --> 01:10:26.560
poor eyesight, especially at night,
and when I look at things in the

1029
01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:30.239
darkness, like I see like a
lot of noise around them, streaks and

1030
01:10:31.159 --> 01:10:36.720
like like almost like an aura type, like it's like white noise. It's

1031
01:10:36.760 --> 01:10:41.199
like seeing like dots constantly. Right, So like if I when I was

1032
01:10:41.199 --> 01:10:43.239
a little kid, when I would
look around my room at night, the

1033
01:10:43.279 --> 01:10:46.319
dots would turn into like huge monsters, and like when I was laying in

1034
01:10:46.359 --> 01:10:49.520
bed or something like then the white
noise, I could see shapes in them,

1035
01:10:49.680 --> 01:10:54.319
and I always thought it was just
like me being a nightmarish child or

1036
01:10:54.359 --> 01:11:00.000
whatever, like being struck or stricken. But that's always something I've experienced.

1037
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:03.479
When I look at darkness, I
see like noise and so like I see

1038
01:11:03.520 --> 01:11:09.479
an orb and it's going so slow
and it goes all the way up and

1039
01:11:09.520 --> 01:11:13.720
I'm leaning back and like looking on
the porch, like up and it's like

1040
01:11:14.039 --> 01:11:17.359
I felt at that moment like the
world had stopped a little bit because it

1041
01:11:17.399 --> 01:11:21.920
was just very faint. But then
all the noise around it started to form

1042
01:11:21.960 --> 01:11:26.760
the shape of like a woman,
like a lady with her arms out,

1043
01:11:27.199 --> 01:11:30.359
and it started flying and it was
going so slowly, and I could feel

1044
01:11:30.359 --> 01:11:34.760
it, like just the outline around
the noise was like almost like just somebody

1045
01:11:34.880 --> 01:11:38.840
just like kind of showing up and
like here's what she wanted to see,

1046
01:11:39.000 --> 01:11:41.520
right. But the funny thing is, I was like, but I'm not

1047
01:11:41.680 --> 01:11:45.479
seeing it. It's only me seeing
this, Like you know what I'm saying.

1048
01:11:45.520 --> 01:11:50.439
I knew it was my eye seeing
it, and it I was looking

1049
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:55.479
up at it and once I realized
that, like I had been looking at

1050
01:11:55.520 --> 01:11:58.279
it for a couple of minutes,
there was just tears streaming down my face

1051
01:11:58.359 --> 01:12:00.319
the whole time. I was just
like it's almost like I cracked open and

1052
01:12:00.399 --> 01:12:03.840
just like just tears were welling out
of my face. And so I was

1053
01:12:03.880 --> 01:12:08.079
like, okay, that was you
know. She wanted me to just be

1054
01:12:08.239 --> 01:12:11.359
quiet and listen, so I did, and I sat there and I listened,

1055
01:12:12.039 --> 01:12:15.520
and eventually, like the shape kind
of just like went up and I

1056
01:12:15.520 --> 01:12:17.800
could see like the bottom of the
feet and it just went up in the

1057
01:12:17.840 --> 01:12:20.920
sky and then the orb disappeared,
and I felt like, okay, that's

1058
01:12:21.479 --> 01:12:25.600
a little kooky for me, but
whatever. So then I told your dad

1059
01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:27.680
about it because I was like,
yeah, it was really weird. And

1060
01:12:27.720 --> 01:12:30.279
he was like, yeah, you
saw that because she wanted you to see

1061
01:12:30.279 --> 01:12:33.239
that. Like it wasn't even supposed
to materializes, like here's me a tangible

1062
01:12:33.279 --> 01:12:38.359
woman, but like it was given
in a way that like you asked for

1063
01:12:38.399 --> 01:12:41.960
it, here you goe. Which
it was funny because I was like,

1064
01:12:42.079 --> 01:12:45.520
yeah, well I can't prove that
to anybody. Yeah I know, but

1065
01:12:45.560 --> 01:12:47.840
that's again that's my brain fighting it
and like that's what I think the whole

1066
01:12:47.880 --> 01:12:53.439
point of me having that experience,
in that sensation was that like, hey,

1067
01:12:53.720 --> 01:12:56.079
science girl, you're not gonna be
able to prove this anybody. You

1068
01:12:56.079 --> 01:12:59.119
can't point to this and say look
at the look at the white noise around

1069
01:12:59.199 --> 01:13:02.159
the shape. But like I know
it happened, and I have to like

1070
01:13:02.239 --> 01:13:04.760
sit, well, just for you, Yeah, it's just for you.

1071
01:13:04.840 --> 01:13:10.520
It was a beautiful experience that you
had just for you, and it did

1072
01:13:10.800 --> 01:13:13.800
for you exactly whatever it needed to
do. It filled me with a lot

1073
01:13:13.840 --> 01:13:17.239
of peace. Well there you go. That's beautiful, and yeah, I've

1074
01:13:17.239 --> 01:13:20.079
been having a lot of fun skywatching
and I hope we keep doing it.

1075
01:13:20.399 --> 01:13:24.600
Love it. You keep saying science
girl, but you're actually a very right

1076
01:13:24.640 --> 01:13:29.039
brain person what she was in the
Science Olympia she competed, I love science

1077
01:13:29.119 --> 01:13:30.680
that they're saying, like, just
just knowing you, you're a very right

1078
01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:33.960
brain dominant person. Yeah. I
think there's a part of my brain,

1079
01:13:34.119 --> 01:13:39.640
especially growing up in church, that
like always wanted an explanation, right,

1080
01:13:39.880 --> 01:13:43.199
and not to me was like,
well science is an explanation, right.

1081
01:13:43.279 --> 01:13:45.680
You ask a question, then you
get the answer, whether or not.

1082
01:13:45.760 --> 01:13:48.920
It's what like that's what sciences is
the practice of asking questions and getting answers

1083
01:13:48.920 --> 01:13:53.199
about how things work. Right.
Yeah, So for me, like I

1084
01:13:53.239 --> 01:13:56.439
always approach religion in a scientific way
where it's like, well, what's the

1085
01:13:56.520 --> 01:14:00.840
hypothesis, how can we prove that
that's real? What do you that's proved

1086
01:14:00.840 --> 01:14:03.960
that this happened? And I think
that was a big gate for me getting

1087
01:14:04.279 --> 01:14:09.760
more spiritually close to where I am
now because I let that be a boundary

1088
01:14:09.800 --> 01:14:12.039
to say, like, well,
I'm not open to it because I need

1089
01:14:12.079 --> 01:14:15.359
an explanation. And once I let
go, like I'm sitting in public and

1090
01:14:15.520 --> 01:14:18.640
downtown Wilmington, there's just like twenty
people and it's just happening. I just

1091
01:14:18.760 --> 01:14:23.239
let go. And you have to
realize those things like that just doesn't happen.

1092
01:14:23.800 --> 01:14:26.920
You have to be comfortable with the
fact that you will not know,

1093
01:14:27.359 --> 01:14:31.880
you will not get answers. And
that was That's what it was, is

1094
01:14:31.880 --> 01:14:38.239
that I was bucking up and trying
to like bring my own ego into it,

1095
01:14:38.399 --> 01:14:41.239
and I was kind of humbled in
a way where like you're gonna see

1096
01:14:41.239 --> 01:14:44.680
something, but it's not gonna be
something you can explain to anybody, because

1097
01:14:44.680 --> 01:14:46.880
it's gonna be white noise and it's
gonna be for you only, but you're

1098
01:14:46.880 --> 01:14:50.720
gonna see it like and I don't
know. It definitely gave me like a

1099
01:14:50.720 --> 01:14:57.079
little bit more perspective, like our
kid, don't ask for so much next

1100
01:14:57.119 --> 01:15:00.840
time. Well, you're you're a
very actual person, and it's happening to

1101
01:15:00.960 --> 01:15:04.760
you for a reason. It's it's
happening. It's happening for a reason.

1102
01:15:06.520 --> 01:15:10.560
I love you. Thank you for
coming on again. Don't look at me

1103
01:15:10.640 --> 01:15:13.680
like that. Thank you for coming
on again. I hope you had a

1104
01:15:13.720 --> 01:15:16.600
good time. Yeah, yeah,
I did. Thanks And of course,

1105
01:15:16.760 --> 01:15:21.239
of course you know how we do
it. Ready to do it? Oh

1106
01:15:21.279 --> 01:15:30.760
bye guy. Weird things happen in
the backyard of Blood show House ship.

1107
01:15:34.159 --> 01:15:49.079
Look up, it's so weird coming
cluster like smiring on the inside of it.

1108
01:15:51.760 --> 01:16:36.600
No one knows that coming right ever
taught a sad not because getting happy happy