Weird things happened in Weird Weird weird. Everyone, Good morning, good evening,
good night, depending on where you are in this world, good dawn,
good dusk, good time to you all. Hello. Maybe to be
here, very nice to be here. Well, we got an Australian in
the studio. Was that an Australian thing? Maybe? I supply. Uh.
It is the return of the amazing, the fantastic, the lovely,
the wonderful Casey ellen Man Firm, and it is give her a hand,
folks. How you doing, lady? I'm here, So I'm literally here.
Now you are, Yeah, you are here, and this is I
think. Did we say on Derek's episode that it was going to be like
the last one that we did in the studio? Yeah, and then things
changed. Yeah, so we're gonna do a couple more in the studio and
then we'll be in our new No. No, we said he'd be the
last guest. Oh gotcha, gotcha? Yeah, but that ended up not
being We're going to be in a nice, new, beautiful studio soon.
But yeah, we had to bring in good old Casey. How long has
it been since you've been on the show? What number would this be?
This is this is one forty six, so I think it's been like maybe
years. We were on one hundred. We were on sixty nine. That's
right. I thought I had sixty nine plus sixty nine. Yeah, one
thirty eight. If I had to get on the top of my head,
probably one thirty eight. You were on one hundred though I was on one
hundred. Yeah, I'm always about that. I'm always on one hundred.
Yeah, so it's been a little bit. How have you been and what
have you been up to since the last time you were on the show.
I don't because I don't know. I have no idea, wish I probably
should have checked in where I was last time. I've been doing a lot
better. I've been doing a lot better. I think that I'm in a
good mental health place right now. Yeah, but we moved to Wilmington since
the last episode. That's been kind of crazy, just kind of resetting life
a little bit. Yeah, what's that like? I wouldn't know anything about
it. I know Ryan and Jenny are like in the midst of it right
now, but like packing your house and then moving is like literally it's brutal.
It's brutal. I mean that episode was like two years ago. I
feel like you've been through just as much in two years. In the last
two months, yeah, that three months. I think that. Like especially
twenty twenty three, I kind of just was like, I'm gonna conserve as
much energy as possible, so I didn't do a lot like in twenty twenty
three. I was just like, I'm gonna sit down for a little bit
and just chill. It's good to do that. Sometimes I honestly do that
too, Like I mean, especially when you come off of like a super
stressful time in your life, sometimes you just gotta like bury your head and
get through it, like get in your groove of like the day to day,
get into it and just like get through it right now or lately,
I guess I should say, it kind of feels like the polar opposite of
that, and I'm almost like looking forward to being able to just like trudge
through it again. But you want to trudge No no, no, no,
not like no, not like in a bad way. But I don't
know, like things could slow down a little bit and I wouldn't be too
mad about it. How do you like Wilmington so far? I love it.
It's just different not being like where I've been for the last ever.
I don't know. I've lived in faybe the longest. I grew up,
like up moving a lot, so then Fayiteville was like my hometown, you
know. Oh, I know, it's it's it's it's weird. I've only
ever lived there. But I mean I love it too. I think this
place is cool, and I think there's lots to do here and lots of
opportunities, and I love that. I love finding all the things that,
like I didn't know about Wilmington, even though we've been here for like two
months. Well even saying even before that, we've been coming to Wilmington for
years, and there's stuff that I'm just finding out about because I'm now like
experiencing it firsthand. I mean, I've lived through seven years and there's stuff
I'm finding out about. Well, there's just so much. There's a lot
of little gems hidden in this place. There's a lot of good food.
Love that for me, there is good food. Yeah. There. The
strawberry patch that we went to the other day was just so pretty. It
was so pretty. Lewis Farms, Yeah, yeah, you already know.
Yeah, it was where you go absolutely the nursery was like, so it
was beautiful. You get the ice cream? No, Nick, it was
like, I'm not in the mood for ice cream. Oh. We were
there at like ten thirty or something in the morning. In the am.
I'm just learning that there's a bad time for ice cream. There is.
It's not ten thirty. You're just learning that it's not ten thirty at the
strawberry patch. Let me tell you, Hey, they don't have to agree.
Do you agree with me? Absolutely? You got my back. Yeah,
it's just so much I tream at ten thirty in the morning. Yeah,
no, like, what are we doing that? Children? No?
Okay, here's the thing. We got there at ten. Our friends were
running a little late, I think about fifteen minutes and we actually we got
there about ten minutes late. They were running fifteen minutes late. We went
through the nursery, went through the whole strawberry patch, so it was not
ten thirty. I just want to say, nursery okay, probably like eleven
what nurse thirty? There's a nursery attached to it, like huge, No,
like yes, I have been there. Cabbage No, it's like they
have all like plants that you can buy, like big palates. Yeah,
the nurse plants, it's strawberries and daycare. Yeah, no, it's actually
the children are slaves and they're forced to pick the strawberries for the people who
come to the There was a moment where I was like, they're literally having
us pay to do their job. That's like business minded. All the strawberries
and like they would normally just have to pick them and sell them. They're
like, what if we sell them to them for more? You know?
That's how I feel. It like a fond due place. Oh, King
pay us one hundred dollars to cook your own food. That's like the Korean
barbecue and that and the hot pot place that worth every single dollar. It
was. I sat there feeling like royalty after Cape Pot because we had the
soup. We're getting one yea, is it in Jacksonville? Have we confirmed?
No? No? No? No. When we confirmed it the other
night, yeah, okay, looked they closed down CC's and it's gonna be
a k pot And that's crazy. Casey wasn't here for that conversation. Dude.
We were talking meant that the other night when we were doing the discord
event and Nick was like, oh my god, we're getting a K pot
And I was like, no way. For like the last six months,
I've been thinking in my mind, never said this out loud. I was
like, some sort of Korean barbecue joint is the one culinary experience that this
city has been missing, period, and we're getting it. Yeah. There
was a time like a week or two ago where we were like thinking about
something to eat and I googled like Korean food and there was nothing. Nothing.
I've even looked like in the Facebook groups to see like what y'all recommending.
There's not really they even got a Bulgogi truck or nothing. Nothing.
I did have bogogie. It means there's two weekends ago, we're at a
Vietnamese place. Oh my gosh. It was just it was you know,
yeah it's the it's one of the other restaurants by the same owner. Oh
nice, Yeah, but it's not an end. No. We had bulgo
g k pot. M Oh yeah. It was great and it was like
next level and I kept ordering it over and over. I was like more
more more. Okay, this is gonna sound weird, but this is a
thing that has happened to me more than once with food where you'll eat food.
Well, I will eat food that to me is so delicious and creates
such an experience for me that I start getting like like artistic downloads. It's
almost like the food is like inspiring me or something. Have you seen that?
Do you remember the scene in Ratatuwi eats the cheese and then it's like
the colors and then he eats the strawberries like yes, yes, like he
eats them at the same time and then it's like jazz in his brain.
Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Like the first time I had that,
that Hispanic food truck and fava. What's it called i takiriri, tak
refu refugio. Yes, I'm sure I'm butchering that. That was really clean
for me. Good job. I'm proud of you. I'm so proud of
you. The first time I had that, my dad had been talking about
it forever and he was like, he invited you came with me, right,
I think he went and picked He was like, listen, you gotta
try it, like we're gonna pick up a ton of it, and then
he just came back to the house with like literally just bags, like a
stupid amount of food. Five big you know, like the boxes you get,
like every single one was filled and we just feasted and it was transcendent.
Yeah, I don't know, that's a that's a thing that is because
like I don't know, personally, I consider like food to be like an
art form. It can be, yeah, you know, it's it's not
necessarily always, but I think it can be. And it's like something that
I've always been super interested in. And I find that like my kind of
like artistic like interests almost bleed into each other or kind of like one will
inspire the other in a big way. Like I'll play a video game that
I'm getting really really into, Like I like single player, like story mode,
like you know, narrative type video game. Those are my favorite.
No, couldn't couldn't be further from what I'm talking about, Like got a
war, Yeah, Like I mean there's a freakin' there's a well, I
guess it's not on our album that we released, but there's a there's a
different song that is about Oh no, No. The one about Odin was
largely inspired by God of War. That happens with me a lot, Like
I'll watch a movie, I'll play a game, I'll read a book or
whatever, and I'll hear music or even sometimes often the opposite, I'll hear
music and I'll start thinking of like random narratives. I'm not like even trying
to do it. It's not conscious, it's like just coming to me,
you know, which, Yeah, I've always been really interested in, like
where does inspiration come from? Especially like I don't know, being a quote
unquote artist, Like it's kind of fickle sometimes I don't even think it's like
quote unquote artists though you're an artists. Okay, well Jesus thanks, but
I don't know. I literally see like direct correlation with my art and food.
So like I get it. Well, you make a lot of like
food art, which which is really cute. And I think that like every
I say this all the time, like whenever I talk about art, is
that like art is like one hundred percent unoriginal, do you know what I
mean? Like, Yeah, here's nothing that has ever been said or done
that hasn't been said or done before. And like any idea you've ever had
is like born out of another idea that somebody else had given you, So
it's like all a shared experience. So the idea of being drawn like from
one art to form to another. It's just like, oh, it's just
bridging the gap between those things. It just still it's happened to me pretty
much forever. It just still shocks me sometimes that like just hearing some kind
of like instrumental music, I'm thinking it's like making me think about some freaking
sci fi narrative or something. You know. It's I find it really interesting,
especially when I get into modes where like the inspiration is not coming.
That's when I don't know, I don't know if it's depression or what it
is, but that's when I I'm really like, man, I wish I
knew where it came from so that I could like harness it. I don't
know. Like I think it's like your like spirit being cleared, right,
because like it's when you get bogged down by life and like stress and emotions
and like the more worldly aspects of life. I feel like that like completely
shuts down those like creative channels because you're so focused on like the more tangible
objectives in your life, like I have to get this done, I have
to do this. I totally agree. Yeah, I mean yeah, personally
it does work kind of like that for me. If I'm not in a
good place in life, like it just doesn't come out naturally. But then
you then you like see artists where it works the complete opposite for them,
like their best art comes from under pressure. Yes, yeah, well it's
like almost think about like picking like a scare, do you know what I
mean? It's like if you have to work under pressure, Like yeah,
it's great, you can come up with great things, but like ideally you
would like the process to be like not painful or under or stress based.
Because I used to be very much that type of person, where like I
could not do something without stress or pressure because it was just like the only
motivating factor the artistically or or just anything that like create like required like a
little bit of like brain power, just anything anything that effort, like in
high school. And like that's like typical ADHD. Yeah behavior, I say
that from experience. Yeah what do you mean? What do you mean by
Oh, it's just like classic ADHD. You want to one Like I don't
know how to like condense and say it in a simple way. It's like
your brain is so hyper stimulated all the time. And in case you can
can speak from experience, it's like you have so many different running trains of
thought and so many different focuses and hyper attention in so many different areas that
like to do something that requires you to to to divert your brain power into
a specific task that requires some sort of time and dedication and focus, It's
like you have to be under pressure to use that brain power on that task.
So like me, I dude, I started making straight a's in college
my senior year when I realized I function the best waking up at six in
the morning and doing my homework the morning it was due. Really, yeah,
I started making good grades. Writing my papers, I'm the same way
the day before they Yeah, you're like a last minute Like absolutely not because
I want to be right. No, yeah, no, it's painful.
Like that's every single thing I did like successfully in high school, Like any
project, my teacher would be like, oh my god, this was incredible
whatever I was doing it like eight am in the auditorium before like like I
remember literally like editing my video project and like my name being called and be
like could you just like have me go at the end because I'm like in
the middle of editing it in prior to presentation. It's like, yeah,
you can do it with pressure, but like the goal for me at least,
and that's not everybody's school, but for me, it's like I understand
that that's not like a good or healthy way. It's like optimal no,
because it's like you're you're having to like literally use force, like you're pushing
everything out one one tube. Whenever you thing is usually going out in all
different directions. Right. The thing about ADHD is having like intense hyper focus,
but like not on the things that are external that require you to focus
on them, you know what I'm saying right now? Like Nick will literally
be like we have to clean our apartment because you know, our parents are
coming up, and like we want it to be nice, and I'm like
literally color coding buttons because like to me, I'm like this has to get
done. It's all you can think about it. And he's like, don't
you see the big picture? And I'm like this is this is me doing
the like but it's really my I know now, like the older I get,
I realized it's like my brain creating a comfortable diversion. Yeah. Yes,
And so now like I'm having this like internal monologue where I have to
say like Okay, stop, what are we doing? How did we get
here? What was the goal? I get walk it back, I get
the whole thing up by the way. In school, just to just to
so y'all know where I was in school, I did the same thing with
the cramming at the last minute, except I failed almost every class. So
it was like I was I was like trying to cram and rush to do
it all, and then like halfway through, I'd be like, fuck it,
I don't care whatever, I'm just gonna fail. I'm was solid middle
of the really between those two extremes. Yeah, and I The only book
that I can remember reading for school was because I got caught plagiarizing a book
report. And then she was like, you gave me the book on Friday,
said the book reports do on Monday if you want me to not go
all the way up to the top with this plagiarization thing. So I read
the book in one night. Wait wait wait, wait wait something everybody I
know. It was it was like Ella liked the name Ella Minno yeah,
like the the no, like the like the vegetable. And it was a
book about this dystopian society that had this sign and the sign was like the
quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog had every letter in the alphabet,
and every this sign was getting old and dilapidated. And they lived and died
by this sign. And every time a letter fell off, you were forbidden
to use it in speech or text. Wow. Instead of being able to
say l mnop, they had to go into ella minnop. So they started
writing to each other phonetically. Okay, but how would you spell ella without
the letter L? I get you know. I didn't make the title.
I'm just trying to give you, guys a what what age was this?
Like? What? What? How old were you? A book for children?
This was freshman year of high school? What? Yeah, that's actually
a really cool She was a very good looking teacher. Oh so that was
the problem. No, she was actually her class was hard as shit,
and she would give these cumulative spelling tests. So your first spelling test was
ten words, and your second was twenty, and your tenth was one hundred.
Whoa, I was doing spelling tests in high school. Yeah that's weird.
Oh no, no, no, it wasn't spelling. It was it
was definitions. Okay, that's different. I'm sorry, it was it was
definitions. I remember. I remember the fourth grade. Okay, the last
time I spelled school. I also got a concussion during this class because it
was not in the class but at the same time period. Just too many
definitions for you, dude. It was so bad passed out only the only
one I got one hundred on was the first week and ten ten definitions.
I was like, I can remember ten words, ten definitions. By thirty
I was just tapped out. I am not committing to doing this. So
I just kind of guess were you really like, was it like a thing
where you had this is my favorite thing? Yeah? Was it one of
those things where you had to like do it exactly right? Yeah? I
think I think you had to like draw line, like you had the word
and the definition and you had to like like connect the two. That is
so easy made or there were thirty of them, but it sounds like you're
learning them in like compound time. Like I mean, it wasn't like easy
word and then I learned ten more, and then I learned ten There was
tough words. Elles. I also graduated early, failed Spanish, and didn't
go to college, so you were in the same boat. Well, no,
I'm in a worst boat. I'm in a boat that's underwater. Those
are called submarines and they're coolest shit. Yeah. Yeah, I felt math
like every time I ever took it. And you know what really grinded my
gears about high school? Who did you tell me? Dude? Tell me
what grinded your gears? I had all the math credits. I needed all
of them, and for some reason the last semester, my last semester of
high school, they put me in another math class. Wow, And I
was conscious to the fact that I did not need this math credit, so
I did not obtain it. I failed because I'm like, why did you
put me in this class? Would your GPA down? Dude? So I
showed up late every day. My schedule was so interesting. I had online
class, which is not real, and for second period. Then I had
math for second period, so math for an hour, lunched, lunch for
an hour, and then senior project for an hour, and then early release.
So I had two classes and an hour lunch for my final semester of
high school. And technically I had an online class that I never attended until
I got caught never attending and then had to come in in the morning and
prove that I was taking this online business or like entrepreneurship or something. I'm
running a business at the same time I'm doing this, and I was just
like, I don't really care about this. Class y'all probably don't know this
about me, but I actually was a success full businessman in middle school.
Okay, hold on, hustle, tell me more, tell me more.
I used then. I used to hustle gum What I used to hustle them?
You were like, if you're gonna ask for a pizza gum, I'm
gonna make you pay. I charged a quarter a piece. I made about
three bucks a day, and then you could buy you could buy a pack
of gum for like a dollar fifty At the time. I mean, we
were so poor, like I couldn't always afford to get like a dollar extra
fries at lunch every day. So I just kind of made the money to
get made it work. Yeah, hustle baby, like I'm getting a spicy
chicken sandwich. Did you have pizza cart what we had a al a cart
line, Like it was like you could get slices of pizza, chicken,
sandwiches, Montrealistics whatever. Okay, but did you have pizza cart. No
told you what we had because regular school lunch was two fifty. Pizza cart
ticket was five dollars, like Marco's Pizza where you would buy a slice of
pizza for like three. This is a red barren personal pizza that was about
six inches like this big lunch fifty. We talked about that. It was
not cut I was like a dollar forty. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
remember that. I could be, you know, I could be. I
literally block out those things. Also, lunch, my lunch number. I
pay attention. Okay, wait, I have the lunch number. Thing is
weird because I came from you can't afford a food you want, you know
the prices. Oh yeah yeah. I came from Catholic school, so they
just I just like appeared in public middle school. Had never been through a
lunch line, like lunch number. Nobody, nobody took a moment to tell
me I had a lunch number. So I get to the checkout and she's
like, what's your lunch number? And I'm like, excuse me, like
what are you talking about? And she's like, what's your last name?
And she typed it in and figured it out. So I just like,
oh, that's all you need your last name. And then after about three
or four times doing that, she got pissed and was like, look,
it takes me way longer to do your last name. She wrote down my
lunch number. She gave it to me on a sticky note. She said,
you need to learn this by tomorrow or you're not gonna eat. Oh
my god, I learned that by tomorrow. Here's the crazy thing about that.
I keep having a reoccurring nightmare where exactly this situation. No. I'm
an adult woman twenty seven years old, and I am back at Greace Creek
High School and for some reason, I have to eat lunch there. And
I go through the line and they're like, what's your lunch number? And
I was like, you expect me to remember my lunch number from high school?
I do? And like they will not let me pay regular cash.
They're like, no, do you have the credits on your account? I'm
like, I have a debit card. They're like, no, I'm an
adult, I have a debit card. No. I have a recurring nightmare
about school. Oh, I think everyone does. I mean I do,
Alex. Do you have nightmares about school? Oh? For sure? Yeah,
And it's always high school. Yes, no, mean college. Sometimes
it's high school. Go ahead and flex on me go to college. Yeah,
hey, I'm not flexing. I'm an elementary school nightmare where I this
is so random, where I show up to my fourth grade class. I
don't know why it's that one because I don't even remember the teacher, but
I know the classroom, like I remember what direction it was in the building,
and I'm an adult again and nobody is clocking it. Everybody's just like,
okay, so where's your homework? And I'm like, I I'm not
supposed to be here. But every time I don't have pants and I'm wearing
a jacket, I have to wear that dream. I have to wear a
jacket as pants, and it's like incredibly embarrassing because I'm wearing it sounds like
a I think you should leave skit. I used to always put my jacket
on his pants, like around my house, like I thought it was funny.
And now I'm having nightmares about it. I have that I have almost
that exact nightmare and the one that I've had since I was a child.
I always have nightmares about my teeth falling out, and now it happened to
look that one up ran. What was your high school nightmare? Oh,
it's just I'm always you know, my current age, and I'm like back
and I just like got one more semester, and the dream I always never
graduated, and I got to go back and I'm sitting with all the other
kids and I got to take a math class or do one last paper this
or that or the other to graduate because I never graduated. It's like,
are you questioning it in your dream? No? I always know I'm an
adult, and I'm like this sucks. Like you're like, I know I've
finished. No. See, that's the thing. I don't ever lose ad
dream, But in my dreams I'm in I'm persistently No, I am an
adult. There's no reason I should be here. But I can never like
get anybody to understand what I'm saying. Have you there's a frustration to that,
Yeah, life, I've been there. What You've had a dream like
that? In that dream where I'm like, wait a minute, Okay,
you're not supposed to be here. Okay, No, it's just like having
to constantly explain over and over and you're like, I'm not crazy. I
know I left this school ten years ago. Why are we all collectively having
that dream because school is traumatizing. I think that's I think literal worst.
I think that's the truth. I at a similar stage in life, age
wise, right, and I think that there's some deep subconscious meaning to that
dream where you're kind of like, think about it, we're in this like
early adulthood, Like we're kind of are we well not, bro, I'm
thirty at it. Think about it this way. In your early adulthood,
you start think about this. Think about this, Ryan, you start high
school at around fourteen fifteen, right, sixteen whatever. You've been an adult
since you were eighteen. So if you do the math, you're a fifteen
year old adult. Okay, wait a minute, adult, Yeah, you
know twelve plus eighteen people. This is weird. I've been an adult as
long as I was in school, right. So you're like, we're at
the point of graduating this early adulthood and we all keep going back, well,
case keeps going back to elementary school. But these high school dreams,
the pants dream hasn't happened in a while. That, yeah, I remember,
so glad to hear that for you. Yeah, that one's just embarrassing,
which, like I don't again. I don't know why. I don't
know why. I mean, you have jagged for pants. It's pretty you
know, that's pretty embarrassing. Everyone's just like, then go to your reading
assignment. Stop talking about it. No one cares about the pants. No
one cares about Okay. This is one of those things where I'm like,
Okay, do all dreams mean something? Because yes, yeah, okay,
here's I ultimately do too, Just to be clear, Just to be clear,
I ultimately sometimes I question yeah. I mean when you have like a
super bizarre dream where you're wearing your jacket for pants in elementary school, it's
sometimes you're like, well, can this even mean anything? I know exactly
what it means. I know exactly what it means. It mean, well,
I think the pants thing is embarrassing. So it's like that feeling of
not like having control and then me as an adult like fighting for control at
like a young age where I'm put in this classroom setting up like when I
was what ten at the time, in fourth grade. That was also when
my younger brother was born, so like it's that classroom was like when I
became like a different you know, like I started taking my childhood a little
more seriously because I now had like a sibling to look after. So I
think I just keep like that dream is specifically like an embarrassment and not claiming
my adulthood, right, I think I know what mine means. When I
was a let me think about it. When I was a junior in college,
I had like a B plus in this I think it was abnormal psychology.
I'm pretty sure it was abnormal psychology, which is like the coolest class.
It's my favorite. Everybody's FA's my favorite. What's that like? Abnormal
B plus? Well, in college, it's great. Grades in college are
harder than high school. No, I B plus is awesome. Well,
I think I made that. Well, you got to hear the rest of
the story. The last week of the semester, my grandpa suddenly died of
a heart attack, and I just never I mean grieving funeral, wait,
all this stuff. I just never submitted the final tim page paper and I
ended up with a D in the class. Shit, So my dream is
always like, oh my god, I never graduated because I didn't do this
one paper. I didn't get this one credit. I think it's because of
that was traumatized Damn, it probably is something like that. Yeah, so
my curiosity is, oh, wait, you were gonna ask for something.
Oh, I was just gonna say, when you were in elementary school or
preschool or whatever, did you ever pee your pants and an adult put a
jacket around your waist to cover you? No, it's honestly, I think
it's one of those things where because I did, I had some embarrassing like
coming of age moments when you're first getting your period and like you don't know
what's going on, like those things. But I think the backet thing is
more like I used to do it as a kid because I thought it was
funny, and now I'm an adult and I'm realizing it, like it's nonsense
because jackets art pants, and like the thing is, it's not my jacket,
it's my winter coat from when I was a kid. You put your
legs in the arms. Wow, wait, really you're a twisted sick legs
through the arm dole, and then you button your zip like the back and
like hold that up. That's honestly not when I was picturing in I thought
you were like tying it around your way. Ye, like when you be
in the adult kind of covering jacket. That's what I'm saying. It's specifically
this thing I would do when I was a kid. So that's why I
think I'm doing it as an adult. Oh my, I have never tried
to do this as an adult. I want to make that you should try
it. No, I have like like tree trunks. That's not gonna work
for me. Look, here's my curiosity. So these these random, seemingly
random dreams pop up out of nowhere, right, my curiosity is like,
okay, is it the whole like dream is our messages from the deep thing
where you're subconscious? What are you laughing at? Just continue? No?
No, no, no, no, what are you laughing at? I
just you really want to know? Man? Yeah, I just was sitting
here, please that we're going down freaking the avenue of the dream theme.
Oh joy? And then you bust out the So here's where I'm at.
Our dreams really messages from the deep. And you hit me with the dune
quote. You compelled me to say, Well I laughed. There's your answer,
thank you. That's it was joy. It was joy all along.
Uh so yeah, okay, so is it like your subconscious just trying to
tell you something or is it more like like a result of where you're at
in life, Yes, what you think, but those are those are yeah,
those whole hands they like there, it's your mind not having like the
the box of your ego, right, because like you're your ego will keep
your thoughts in check. But then when you go to sleep, it's like
your mind can like start to lace the feelings that you feel internally with your
like external stimulus. Right in an abstract way. Yeah, So it's like
I'm taking things that are happening to me stress wise, and I'm blending them
with like long term feelings of like associations of you know, I associate this
place with shame or this with guilt because I'm feeling this in the moment or
whatever. So I gotcha. So my mind is like a dog and the
dog lives in the house. Is that why you're scratching your nether region?
Right? My mind is like, my mind is like a dog, and
the dog lives in the house, and then when I go to sleep,
the dog goes out and just gets after it in the yard. You know
what I mean? Sure, I mean I think I think the thing that
is like your dog goes and undigs all the skeletons that you buried in the
yard. Yeah, no, no, whatever, But then your dog puts
them all away nice and quietly, and then you wake up and your like
that was weirdest sort of dog wast No, you know what I think.
I think the dog goes and digs up all the bones and then sorts them
and puts them in order. I don't know. Maybe the dog be sorting
it out, getting it out in the yard. Maybe, you know what
I mean, Maybe he's putting his toys in order, he's getting his energy
out. He's got some walking around money. And I get what you're saying,
though, like your dreams allow your subconscious mind to play out scenarios in
which you would like otherwise not do. Like your brain is running a little
bit more. Oh no, I see that. That's all I'm saying.
I don't have a very healthy relationship with my dream so, like that's something
I did try to focus on for a little bit, but it's it's kind
of falling off the radar because I just feel like a lot of my dreams
are very stressful. And like, oh, that's what you mean by you
don't have a good relationship with your dream. Yes, I'd usually try to
forget them because of the amount of stress that they caused me. You'd have,
you would say, you have more like nightmares or like stressful dreams.
Like almost every dream I've had basically in like the last six to eight months
has been like I am at a large event at a large building, and
like, it's so crazy because when I tell people about this, I like,
I have maps, I can draw the buildings out. That's something I
really freaking me out about dreams, like is that the places that exist in
dreams are like real places to you. But then when you think about them
outside of dreams, you're like, that's not the way my parents' house looks,
or like that's not the I didn't have that type of locker in high
school like or things like that, And it's like, so the details are
always off, it's always off, but it's always the same for me,
Like when I come back consistent, it's consistently wrong. Yeah, isn't that
weird? Right? It is weird. Which that kind of stuff like leads
me into the whole realm of like dreams are a place, yes, which
is such a freaky thought. Do you ever have a combo houses in your
dreams. Yes, like like you open a door and you're in someone else's
No, no, I mean like it maybe it's got the living room of
your parents' house, but the bedroom. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, right totally. I have a lake house that I have in my
dream a lot. I haven't had that dream probably since like twenty eighteen,
but like, the lake house is so familiar to me, and nobody in
my family's ever owned a lake house. Like I've never lived in a lake
house. No, nobody. It's just it's like this is my favor Wait
a minute, but you kind of did live water. Yeah, I mean
it's different though, it's like it and the house is very narrow. It
kind of reminiscent of my grandma's house, like because it's very tall, but
it's not like any of the houses that I've ever lived in. The inside
is very different, and it's like on It's almost like if what I imagine
like White Lake would be like like just like a little pond that's pretty big.
Here's another weird thing that I've been noticing lately, because ever since we
moved here, we mostly casey, but I've been I've been doing it some
too. You've been skywatching a lotah, I think ever since we went to
the Zaliafest I have. Yeah, we could talk about that too, because
you didn't get it. This is the good stuff. I was gonna ask
you don't want to talk about high school anymore? I don't know. I
was going at an opportunity moment. I was going to ask about some of
your recent skywatching. I don't know. I've always had I mean, I've
had a lot of skywatching experiences with your family specifically, and it's always been
with your family, so I always thought it's them, right, But then
like the more I talk to you guys, that's very like something you make
clear. It's like it's not us, Like it's the fact the relationship that
we have, but it's not like nobody else besides us can experience it.
You just have to be open to experiencing. We just had a head start
on like figuring it out and understanding it and the connectedness that you have,
right, which I don't think everybody experiences that part of it because I think
I I don't want to be like rude, right, but there's a lot
of people who are like I want to see I want to see and it's
like it's not like a cloying desperate thing. It's like you just look and
then you get excited and then they're there, and like, I don't know,
it's not something you should feel so like downtroten or like beating yourself up
against it. Like times, it makes like the it makes it such a
tainted experience because it's like, well, it's not like it's almost like you're
using them. Yeah, it's like almost like like an ego boosts, like
well, what's wrong with me? Like nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.
It's the attitude. And that's what I was experiencing for years, was
that like I wasn't seeing them by myself because I had an attitude about it
specifically that I thought, Okay, well I'm maybe too closed minded or I'm
this something's wrong with me, and that's why I don't have these experiences.
But then I think I realized at some point that it's like it's not like
you have to be a special person. You just have to be like jo
I don't know, you have to like like resonate joy and like happiness and
like have a good positive attitude about it going out there with like a stricken
mind where you're like, they're not going to show up because they never show
up, and that never you know what I'm saying, That's what like,
I think people get to that mindset when they're specifically trying to see something.
I mean, if you called me up and you were like, hey,
let's hang out, but you know, you probably don't want to hang out
around me anyway, and you might as well, you know, would have
a bad time and you probably shouldn't come because you don't want to be around
me anyway. I probably wouldn't get in my car and drive over there.
I mean, that's a good analogy. It's just it's that selling yourself sure,
you know. And so I think that that was something that I took
away from Azalea Fest was that, like they do really resonate to joy,
like the excitedness that everybody sees. I don't know if you guys ended up
talking about like the beach, because I didn't. We did a good episode.
Yeah, yeah, the like in that big flash that everybody saw and
it was like a tangible moment where you could feel just like the energy was
like a I was kind of hoping that we could hear some of this from
your perspective. Yeah, I mean that flash was there's two flashes that I
saw. So the first one was the night before when you guys are still
in Charlotte and that we were just all standing on the road, and you
know, usually when we do this, like Chris will just say like,
oh, yeah, it's probably gonna be like eight thirty whatever, and I've
always thought like, how's he no just does so then we're like looking up
there and I don't remember what happened. We were seeing a lot of stuff
just like ye, tons of stuff. There was all kinds of stuff.
Yeah, and then it was like almost to the moment where you felt like
everybody was on board, and we had a couple hecklers, like a couple
of people walking by just you know, what are you doing at ye?
And I think everybody had a pretty positive response, and you know, we
even had some people stop and like watch with us for a while, and
I think everybody was just like at this good point where they were like,
all right, we're doing this, and it was like at that moment,
I don't remember, but I think Corey specifically was pointing out to Zeke like
yeah, look over there, look at that one, and then like because
she said it, everybody was looking, you know, and so we all
looked, and then that one just went like bright and flash and everybody went
just like on sun night and like me and Jenny will go to the beach
and we'll see stuff like that, but we can tell the difference between like
a shooting star and like that was like a bright long flare, do you
know what I mean. It wasn't like a It was very slow burning that
came out well. And the craziest part is you're watching it as and it
looks like a normal or we were already tracking it before that, and then
all of a sudden, it just flares. And it's like, you know,
if if the first moment when you saw it it was bright and then
it went away, it might be a little different. But you're following it
with your eye and it's pretty dim and like seems far away, and then
suddenly it's like five times as big, five times ten times as bright,
and it's it's shocking. It's like so shocking. The the reason I brought
it up is because I don't know if you guys have experienced this, but
I feel like almost every time I have some kind of sighting. I have
very vivid dreams like that night. Again, I have a really really like
different relationship with my dream So I think that's like part of my subconscious being
like, oh, maybe we're not ready for that because there's a lot of
there's a lot of chaost going in there. But I understand that, Like,
I know that's an issue for me and that's something I'm working towards future.
But as a present, I'm like, it's fine. Have you thought
about, like as you're falling asleep at night, like meditating on having good
dreams, not specifically good dreams, But I have been getting back into meditating
like before I go to sleep, and that might be a good intention to
set whenever I go. A lot of my meditation focuses around like my ADHD
because it's like about turning off my mind and like allowing myself to fall asleep.
And like I've been doing a lot of meditation focused on like patients because
that's something I just feel like I need to grow in. But like I
said, it's kind of one of those things where dreams for me has been
like a back burner issue, do you know what I mean? And I've
like even sometimes stopped and like, Okay, I'm gonna take this more seriously,
but then life just gets in the way, right, Yeah, it
happens. I didn't have any dreams thoughially after that incident. Well, it's
just it's just something that I've noticed happens pretty like somewhat often. Is like
I'll have a really vivid dream and then later that day I'll be thinking about
it and be like, wow, I had a sighting last night, and
you know whatever. Another thing I was gonna ask is do you have you
like thought about a pinpoint reason as to like why you felt more drawn to
go on outside because these days Casey spends pretty much every night, like almost
every night, well that would be outside a lot of skywatching. I got
really depressed when I first moved to Wilmington, and it had nothing to do
with moving. It was just like, dress, yes, there'll be this
moment and I hope that, like you guys are able, like you know,
everybody handles it differently, but it's like a moment after all the chaos
where you're like, well, it's like you're going on thousand miles an hour
and then you crash to a stop and you still feel like you're going a
thousands and I'm to be happy and I'm supposed to be excited, and every
days like how excited are you? How happy are you? And You're like,
I'm I'm lost. I feel like I'm like in a daze. And
that got me very depressed. And then like just being at the house all
day, I was like, oh god, so like getting out has been
a good you know, I had to. I basically told Nick probably about
two or three weeks into us being here, like I'm gonna needed some help,
like I'm not doing well. And so for me, like part of
that was like getting out staying outside Azala Fest was like really good because it
was just like a very social event and it kind of I don't know,
like I rode that wave of like joy. I don't know. I just
felt joy after that experience, and I kept that has been sitting with me
still, so like to this day, I still feel so much joy from
that. Me too. Yeah, it was a huge pick me up.
And so then like seeing I think seeing the flash there, seeing the flash
on the beach, you know, we were seeing all kinds of stuff and
then coming back from that, it just kind of like led me to want
to think about it a little bit more than I usually do. Usually I
have the experience and I'm like that was cool, anyways, like next time.
But I was like, you know, if I'm serious about like wanting
to understand this phenomenon more than I need to, like maybe take it a
little bit more seriously and stop putting like a boundary in my way of saying
that I'm too science brained or like close minded to experience this thing. So
I kind of just treated it as like a relationship where I was like,
Okay, if I want this to happen, like I need to be invested
in it. So like going outside and being like okay, I'm gonna just
get excited about seeing them and just you know, maybe even praying or like
for me prayers mostly just like all right, this is what I have to
you know, this is what's going on right now, and like this is
what I need and this is what I want to give in exchange. And
so like after I think after like maybe that Aziale if I sented on I
think it was maybe the Tuesday after. It might have been the Thursday.
I don't know. We have re seed somewhere. I went outside and I
was just like it was it was Friday, okay, yeah, because you
were you were at the Battle the Fall Friday. Yeah. So I was
just like, I don't remember what it was. I was just like,
if this is going to be okay, like the feeling that I was having
off of going from that weekend, like if we're going to continue to like
move forward, and like there's a lot going on politically right now, there's
a lot going on in the world. There's a lot of stress. And
I was like, I felt so much joy from this weekend and then I
feel so much heartbreak from like when I step outside and get back in the
real world around you. Yeah. Right. I was like, I just
need to know that it's gonna like this is gonna persevere, right. That
was like it's that that this the good will overcome in that way. And
I was like I would just love a sign. And so then like I
saw a little not even like twenty seconds later. That was the first one
that I saw that I text you guys about. Yeah, and Ryan is
is three hours away, hours away, and at the same moment saw one
and by the moon. Yeah, I saw one up by the moon.
Oh really, y'all saw like it was like similar, they were both by
the moon. Yes, I didn't know that. Yeah, that is impossible
with us being hundreds of miles away. Completely you were in Virginia. Yeah,
yeah, I mean and I'm in Wilmington, So it's like how And
I wasn't even gonna tell anybody because I was just like, okay, like
I don't want to like get like, oh look at me, I'm a
hot shot, like I saw my own or I didn't want it to become
about me, you know. I wanted to like this was something I asked
for and I don't want to like, oh, guys, look what I
did. Yeah, So I wasn't gonna say anything. Nick was like say
something. So then I was like, okay, I'll text, and then
I text the group and then Rhyd's like I just saw one too at the
same time at the same place. I was like, you kidding. I
think the opposite is true. I think when you see them it's important to
share. That's why they come in the first place. They want their presence
to be known. Oh no, I definitely agree. Like after sharing that
with you, then I was like, oh, well, I should tell
people more when this happens. Because it's exciting one and I think it like
still fuels that fire for me, like I get excited to continue to do
it. Yeah. Yeah, No, It's like when I am seeing orbs
the most frequently is when I'm in a place where I'm like effortlessly excited and
curious to see them, right. Like, it's when I'm not consciously thinking
about it all the time. I'm not thinking about like, man, you
know, I should really go out and SkyWatch tonight, and like I really
want to see orbs tonight or anything like that. It's like driving down the
road late at night and just happen to look up into a spot in the
sky and there it is, right where I happen to look. You know.
It's not it's not like an active seeking thing. It's like this whole
experience, every aspect of it is all about letting go of the outcome.
Yeah right. It's like not expecting a certain thing to see, not expecting
it to make you feel some kind of way, not expecting you know,
just just not having expectations set in stone. Because in my experience, every
time I have had like a rigid expectation or something, I don't see anything,
right, Oh, no, I definitely feel like it's like almost like
I feel like my brain's forcing it, like you have to show up now,
yes, exactly. And it's like not fair first of all, because
somebody expected me to do that, like hey, where are you show up?
Do something make me entertained, I'd be pissed, I'd be annoyed.
And it's like a browdie attitude to have to. I think that's like one
of the things that like goes hand in hand with me practicing patients is that,
like me sitting in skywatching has been kind of a meditative thing for me,
Like that's part of my meditation, is that, like I will just
sit there and look and I'm like part of it's practicing like not getting too
antsy or like not expecting much or not. And like I can hear in
my mind when I'm doing that, like just wait five more minutes. Just
do this for five or ten more minutes, and then I'll see something within
five or ten minutes, because it's like it's asking me just to be patient,
and that's what I feel like. That's like why I started doing it
more was because I felt that those two things needed to like be they started
feeling they went really well together. Yeah, lessons in patience and the sky
watching. Yeah, it's almost like it's like a reward for your diligence or
your dedication. Yeah, like I was waiting. I don't know I was
the first. I don't know if it was the first time I saw them
or if it was a different night, but like you would came outside,
and I remember sitting there thinking like, Nick's gonna come out hut eventually,
but I wasn't planning on it. I was just thinking, like, he'll
come outside, I'll just wait, and then he did, and then like
literally the second that came outside, we saw like this orange bright light,
which all the ones I'd seen that night were blue. I didn't see anything
orange, nothing orange at all, like blue or like light white, you
know what I mean. Yep, that color and so just blue. And
that one was bright orange and it was so slow and it was so much
lower than the rest of them. It was like a totally different thing than
what I had been seeing because it just went Yeah, it was pretty like
big looking too. It was big and it went over like the roofs and
it would duck down and it was like I got excited and I was like,
come on now, like what you do, and it would just pop
back up and then like go a little bit farther and duck back down.
That was a weird one because it felt like it was like playing hide and
seek with us. It felt very childish or like a kid, I don't
know. It felt like very youthful energy, like different than the ones that
I was seeing later. At one point it started going back the opposite direction
that it came from. Yeah, it was like hopping around. It would
like go up above the trees, go back down, go up, and
then it was going left, and then all of a sudden we saw it
going back right and it kept ducking down like. That was a really weird
one. Yeah, And I hadn't seen anything even close to that, Like
nothing got interacted that whole night. But it was just like the fact that
I sat there and waited because I knew you were going to come out,
and then as soon as you did, we had like a really crazy experience
together. Yeah, and that was another thing I just thought about is I
haven't really considered this until this point, but it seems like they really appear
or I see them a lot if I'm in a place in life where I'm
like very present, like, which is something I kind of I do struggle
with, Like I've always kind of struggled with feeling present like I have.
I don't know, I don't remember when I talked about it, but I
did recently where I often feel like very ungrounded and like the other night on
the discord event, is that what it was? Okay, I feel like
my head is in space all the time, like you know, Anyway,
those moments where I feel kind of like lost and confused and not grounded,
I almost never had experiences or see stuff or but then if I'm in a
place where I'm like present and even you know, if I'm like doing good
with meditation and gratitude and stuff like that, that is when I see them.
It's like it's like this delicate like dance of when you when you have
because I struggle with depression and like when you it's like this delicate dance of
getting yourself out of that state of depression, doing good, taking care of
yourself. And then that's when you see them, and you love seeing them
and it makes you feel good and it and it's like a I feel the
same thing I feel when I have like synchronicities, like it's like a sign,
like everything's good, you're doing good, stay on the path, like
that kind of thing. But then it is that it is that dance because
then when things are going good, then I don't want to put the work
in and I don't want to like take care of myself and I'm like,
oh, everything's fine, now, everything's good, and then it goes right
back into that like cyclical depressive like it's not working kind of less work.
Yeah. Yeah, what was that documentary called that we watched? Oh,
I can't recommend it now, really is there some Jonah Hill? Oh oh
oh yeah, yeah, yeah that's true. But it's a therapy doc produced
by Jonah Hill. Yeah. It was a fantastic documentary And that was one
of the things incredible. Oh yeah, that was one of the things that
they said that like was a rude awakening for me. It was just a
very simple thing he said, which is that life is constant work. Yeah,
he said, there's constances in life, endless work, suffering, and
like the passage of time. He's like, those things are always going to
exist. And like if you if any version of yourself or any of your
ideals exist. Where those three factors aren't in play, then you're striving towards
goals that are like they're unreachable, right yep. Because at any moment,
even if you had a picture perfect life, like all the things that lead
up to that picture that snapshot like a single moment in time, you know,
there's stress, there's time, there's work, there's things that all go
into that. Like there's never gonna be a time where everything is perfectly balanced.
It's like, yes, it's just not realistic. It's a game of
like spinning plates. You know, many are called, but few are chosen.
That's what Jesus said about how to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Or
it's like something like easier for the camel to pass through the eye of a
needle. You know. It's the point is, you know, it takes
constant work and focus and diligence to stay on the path of you know,
self perfection. I used to get really beat up when I would get depressed
again, like that would be the big thing, because I go through like
very constant cycles of depression, right, And it's like when I get really
depressed, I'm like how did I get here? Like what did I do
like I was doing so well, Like rather than noticing that it's me stumbling
and having that patience for myself to say, like what do we gotta do
to get your impact like on track? You know, well, it's hard
to have the foresight or the strength to even pull yourself out of that when
you're in it. That's why you can't pull yourself out of a hole.
That's the progress though, that Like that's the joy in my life is the
moments that where I am feeling low and I can have compassion and empathy for
myself still and be like, this is just a low moment for you,
Like, girl, you are not going to break down today because like what
you had a couple bad things happen, Like, we are not going to
let this ruin you, Like this is not you know, this is not
how we're gonna fall apart today. You have to have compassion for yourself and
be like, yeah, okay, great, this is so human for me
to have this cycle like I'm ankle deep now, Like let's figure out how
I get out of this and like not be disappointed that like it's I guess
it's not a step back, it's just like a step. It's a step
forward that maybe just doesn't look like it's elevated. I guess it's a sad
step. Yeah, Like going back into that cycle is not like anything wrong
with you or like a downfall on your end. It's just like that's part
of life, is that there's you are constantly going to go through these like
different cycles in life, and part of that is like having low moments and
like I don't know, experiencing joy like that after these aliafests and like riding
that wave, you know, and then you come back down and then you
have to like remember that, like I have to be grateful to have those
highs even when I'm in my lowest lows, Like I have to remember that
those moments feel good. Yeah, exactly. That's what it was like growing
up seeing this phenomenon with nobody else was seeing it and judging us and mocking
us and ridiculing us. But we're seeing it at night and having to remember,
like, no, we're seeing it there not, you know what I
mean. Yeah, Like it's exactly what it was like all this time.
I mean, there was a time where people weren't just so regularly seeing it,
you know. And yeah, and now now look at like your life
now where there's like groups of strangers traveling across the country to like across the
planet to look with you and like to have that experience with you, Like
they believe you so much that they are willing to stand by your side and
publicly. You know what I'm saying. It's like, so it's so beautiful,
right. I know that it's still like very like it's still a wound
that you had to experience and that we're getting like a joyful side of it.
But I think like you almost have to look at it as like you
laid down the foundational work for everybody who follows the podcast to like have these
experiences. Yeah, the more I reflect on it, I think, I
think the work that we're doing, I think we talked about this on the
Azalia Fest episode, but I think that the work we're doing is more important
than we ever realized. Yeah, ou yeah, Oh my god. People
who listen to the show, you know, one hundred what are we one
hundred and forty seven now forty six one hundred and forty six, one hundred
and forty six episodes plus you know, fifty two episodes of Full Disclosure a
year as of last week. Hearing all of this context and all of this
stuff, plus reading the book, plus you know, watching XYZ stuff is
like, now, all those people, I feel like they get it and
they're going out there and they're seeing it. Yeah, and they're seeing it
and they're they're choosing to spread it because of how it helps them in their
own lives, right, because so many people it's just life is hard.
It's very hard for everybody. It's not easy for anybody period. And this
phenomenon is it just gives you something that is a reminder that there are things
out there that are bigger than you, smarter than you, and more.
It's just it's like something to aspire to. It's something to comfort you and
show you that, like everything is fine like this. Sometimes it feel it
feels like everything's crashing down and you have such limited time and whatever, but
it's like this reminder from the infinite that like, dude, don't don't worry
about it, Like, yeah, there's a grand design to it all.
Yes, exactly, that's what I mean, Like there's a yeah, there's
a there's things in the works that are far beyond you that that are going
to ensure that everything is okay, right, Oh, I truly believe that.
Like that's like my mantra just to like get through the day. Sometimes
it's just like to tell myself that, like I'm taken care of I learned.
I'm sorry I cut you off, but I learned. That's what faith
is. It's not about like, oh, yeah, I have faith in
God, like you know, some people could say they have faith in God,
but in reality, I think that's more like a knowing yes, you
either know God is there or not. Yes. The faith comes in when
you're having the hard time, the bad day, you're at the low,
and you're like, are you gonna help me or not? Yes? Yes,
I have faith that you will, right right, I know you're there.
Yeah. Are you gonna help me or not? Yes? I know
you will. That's the faith. Yeah, if that makes sense. And
I think in the area that we like grew up in it the whole,
like faith versus knowing thing often is very confused. Like I think most people
where we grew up kind of feel like faith is just knowing right that God
is real. Faith. Growing up in church, that like faith was always
described as like you being willing to buckle down and just accept it like,
yeah, you're gonna weather the storm. You're gonna have to go through hell
and go through the valley of death and then you'll have your peace. But
it's like, I don't know, it was felt like don't expect too much,
don't expect good things. You know, God's gonna take care of you,
but You're also gonna have to suffer, like yeah, and like that
faith was like just you know, it was like pin such in a reverse
way, it's like despite the suffering, you better like it, where it's
like, no, that's literally what it is, like despite the suffering,
I still feel joy. I still can, like you know, one of
the something that I did right around your birthday last like your thirtieth birthday last
year. As I started doing this practice where like when I was having very
like joyful moments in my life, I would like physically do something to kind
of track it. So for me, I always just like did this little
thing on my chest because then it's almost like I'm checking it right like for
somebody who experienced his depression. When I'm in the lows of it, I
have so much like resilience. I'm so resistant to like be grateful. I
would rather oh yeah, I would rather feel like woe is me, look
at my sad, pitiful life. Like. And so that was one of
those things like when we were at your birthday party, I was around like
all these people I loved, having the best time, just feeling pure joy,
and I was just you know, remembering to track it. And it
was like, you know, maybe four weeks later, I was going through
a depressive episode and I just remembered I did that, and I could feel
the joy inside of me. It was like, just remember that you can
be grateful despite you know, like I was able to tap into an experience
where I was like, I know life is good because I felt it in
that moment. And it's just like I try to keep track of that rather
than like allowing those things to go by and not feel grateful for them.
Yeah. What else are our great moments for other than to like remind you
that life can be great when you're in the shit. Yeah. And also
sometimes we just have to give up and understand that, like there are natural
forces, external forces that grind against us, and not every day you wake
up is supposed to be a great day. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's
got to have a long time to realize you have to have bad days to
have good days. That's just how it works. Yeah, I think my
ego will get in the way of like that that taking it personally like this
is some sort of like attack against me and like me trying to get better,
like why is this happening to me? And like that's that effort of
like no, you know that you feel joy, You know that you felt
happiness, Like this is not like an attack against you, It's just the
equilibrium. Yeah, I've always like felt that, like especially when I'm feeling
really high in my life, like I'm like, wow, this is a
great moment for me. I'm succeeding. I'm being like on the top of
my game. I have all these things going for me. And then when
I don't have those things going, like everything's going wrong. I tried to
now phrase that as like this is for this is time for somebody else to
get those blessings, Like the equilibrium is shifting out. You know, maybe
it's not my time to thrive, but like I try to at least see
around me, my friends and the people close to me, maybe it's their
time to bear fruit. And I'm you know, having to give a little
bit more of my resources or my new so that I can survive until I
can bear fruit again. But I can't like strip myself or like take that
away, because everybody deserves to experience joy, even when I'm in a low
moment. So it's trying to give the perspective like and also it will pass.
Oh my god, please remember that. If that's please remember that it
it. It's so momentary, Like time is so fickle, and like you
might feel like you were in the pits right now, but like, dude,
two days from now, you could be on the high of your life
and be like, what was I even thinking back then? Absolutely, I
you know, I've experienced a lot of points in my life where I'm like,
I can no longer move forward. This is you always do, Yeah,
but I do. We always do, and I'm always grateful that I
do. And then I hold on through that. There's always something to live
for, there's always a reason to try and shift and be positive. Like
it's it's never too late. I have literally seen people turn around from the
brink of death, you know, whether it's drug addiction or cancer or whatever.
I mean, it's never too late. And another point is when you
saw the orb by yourself that Friday following the Azaia Festival. You were literally
praying to the heavens and whatever way you you know, phrase that as you're
praying to the heavens for a sign about the state of the world, and
you got your sign. I think it's important for the people out there to
understand, like you're not born into this world to bear the pressure of the
state of the world, everything out there, and for one, yes,
it's the allegory of Atlas. Yeah, you have to like detach yourself from
what's going on out there and out there in the world. I'm not saying
don't have compassion and be like, you know, a thousand yard fluoride stare
and be a zombie. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you have
to focus on the good and spreading the good and shun fear, radically reject
fear, radically reject judgment of other people, no matter you know where they
come from or what they're into or what they think, and just understand that,
like there is a grand plan to everything. You can go back and
you can listen to episode seventeen of the show, which we recorded three years
ago. Now we've been saying it all the way back then, if you
believe the lady even occurred, if you if you have a shred of a
thought that that even actually happened, and she actually had a message. The
message was that this negative state of the world is going to build and build
and build, and then poof, it's going to change. It's going to
change. Yeah, and there's going to be a new order to things,
and you know there's there's going to be ultimately a positive outcome. Yeah.
We just have to have faith, have faith, keep our head forward and
do it. If I do, you believe that, right, Yeah,
just have to be positive. We have to not be you know, just
because everybody else is out there saying it's the world is terrible, it's falling
abar all oh my god. Well, you know, maybe to you,
but not to me. It's not to me. I go outside and I
talk to this guy, and poof, I see lights And you go outside
and you know, there's a lot to behold that is glorious and is positive
and is full of love and light. And that should be the singular focus.
The thing that our awareness is constantly pouring into is that that infinite,
just point of love and light and awareness and positivity and just radically reject fear.
I agree, I do have a lady's story. I don't think I
told you about this, share it. I told your father about this.
I think I told Nick about it. But I did have like an orb
siding. I've been going after that first night, I've been going out like
pretty much every night for the most part. I think the last week I've
kind of slowed down. But you know, for the most part, every
night I go out for even ten to fifteen minutes just to see if I
see anything. It's worn up too. It's just nice to set outside.
Just look at this guy. Yeah, So I just sit outside and I
enjoy just looking at the stars, even if it's just that like getting to
be familiar with my what what it looks like outside, you know, in
my new neighborhood and everything. And I had a night the other night where
I was feeling very emotional and I was kind of almost feeling like a little
bit like I was kind of pushing the boundary of what I was I should
be saying to these people who are listening right like almost being a little bit
uh, what's the word where you're butting up against something m I was kind
of pushing back a little bit, like all right, well then do this,
well, then do that, like being a little bit testy, which
I shouldn't have right with the orbs, Yes, okay, because I was,
I just you know, I'm on one. Whatever. You just start
getting into your head and I I remember just again told like the message I
kept coming in my brain. It was like just like just chill, just
just sit here, just sake here for like ten minutes. What are you
doing? Like you're doing too much? Like it was just this concert reminder,
and it was very friendly. It was very calm, just like a
voice in my head just being like, no, you're fine, just wait,
just be patient. Stop asking for so much. And when I was
sitting there, I don't know if everybody experiences this, but I have really
poor eyesight, especially at night, and when I look at things in the
darkness, like I see like a lot of noise around them, streaks and
like like almost like an aura type, like it's like white noise. It's
like seeing like dots constantly. Right, So like if I when I was
a little kid, when I would look around my room at night, the
dots would turn into like huge monsters, and like when I was laying in
bed or something like then the white noise, I could see shapes in them,
and I always thought it was just like me being a nightmarish child or
whatever, like being struck or stricken. But that's always something I've experienced.
When I look at darkness, I see like noise and so like I see
an orb and it's going so slow and it goes all the way up and
I'm leaning back and like looking on the porch, like up and it's like
I felt at that moment like the world had stopped a little bit because it
was just very faint. But then all the noise around it started to form
the shape of like a woman, like a lady with her arms out,
and it started flying and it was going so slowly, and I could feel
it, like just the outline around the noise was like almost like just somebody
just like kind of showing up and like here's what she wanted to see,
right. But the funny thing is, I was like, but I'm not
seeing it. It's only me seeing this, Like you know what I'm saying.
I knew it was my eye seeing it, and it I was looking
up at it and once I realized that, like I had been looking at
it for a couple of minutes, there was just tears streaming down my face
the whole time. I was just like it's almost like I cracked open and
just like just tears were welling out of my face. And so I was
like, okay, that was you know. She wanted me to just be
quiet and listen, so I did, and I sat there and I listened,
and eventually, like the shape kind of just like went up and I
could see like the bottom of the feet and it just went up in the
sky and then the orb disappeared, and I felt like, okay, that's
a little kooky for me, but whatever. So then I told your dad
about it because I was like, yeah, it was really weird. And
he was like, yeah, you saw that because she wanted you to see
that. Like it wasn't even supposed to materializes, like here's me a tangible
woman, but like it was given in a way that like you asked for
it, here you goe. Which it was funny because I was like,
yeah, well I can't prove that to anybody. Yeah I know, but
that's again that's my brain fighting it and like that's what I think the whole
point of me having that experience, in that sensation was that like, hey,
science girl, you're not gonna be able to prove this anybody. You
can't point to this and say look at the look at the white noise around
the shape. But like I know it happened, and I have to like
sit, well, just for you, Yeah, it's just for you.
It was a beautiful experience that you had just for you, and it did
for you exactly whatever it needed to do. It filled me with a lot
of peace. Well there you go. That's beautiful, and yeah, I've
been having a lot of fun skywatching and I hope we keep doing it.
Love it. You keep saying science girl, but you're actually a very right
brain person what she was in the Science Olympia she competed, I love science
that they're saying, like, just just knowing you, you're a very right
brain dominant person. Yeah. I think there's a part of my brain,
especially growing up in church, that like always wanted an explanation, right,
and not to me was like, well science is an explanation, right.
You ask a question, then you get the answer, whether or not.
It's what like that's what sciences is the practice of asking questions and getting answers
about how things work. Right. Yeah, So for me, like I
always approach religion in a scientific way where it's like, well, what's the
hypothesis, how can we prove that that's real? What do you that's proved
that this happened? And I think that was a big gate for me getting
more spiritually close to where I am now because I let that be a boundary
to say, like, well, I'm not open to it because I need
an explanation. And once I let go, like I'm sitting in public and
downtown Wilmington, there's just like twenty people and it's just happening. I just
let go. And you have to realize those things like that just doesn't happen.
You have to be comfortable with the fact that you will not know,
you will not get answers. And that was That's what it was, is
that I was bucking up and trying to like bring my own ego into it,
and I was kind of humbled in a way where like you're gonna see
something, but it's not gonna be something you can explain to anybody, because
it's gonna be white noise and it's gonna be for you only, but you're
gonna see it like and I don't know. It definitely gave me like a
little bit more perspective, like our kid, don't ask for so much next
time. Well, you're you're a very actual person, and it's happening to
you for a reason. It's it's happening. It's happening for a reason.
I love you. Thank you for coming on again. Don't look at me
like that. Thank you for coming on again. I hope you had a
good time. Yeah, yeah, I did. Thanks And of course,
of course you know how we do it. Ready to do it? Oh
bye guy. Weird things happen in the backyard of Blood show House ship.
Look up, it's so weird coming cluster like smiring on the inside of it.
No one knows that coming right ever taught a sad not because getting happy happy