Part three, chapters three, four, and five of the Kimasutra. This
LibriVox recording is in the public domain and is read by Mark Smith of Simpsonville,
South Carolina. The Kimasutra by Vetsiayana, Part three, Chapter three on
courtship and the manifestation of the feelings by outward signs and deeds. A poor
man possessed of good qualities, a man born of a low family possessed of
mediocre qualities, a neighbor possessed of wealth, and one under the control of
his father, mother, or brothers should not marry without endeavoring to gain over
the girl from her childhood to love and esteem them. Thus, a boy
separated from his parents and living in the house of his uncle should try to
gain over the daughter of his uncle or some other girl, even though she
be previously betrothed to another. And this way of gaining over a girl,
said Gotakamuka, is unexceptional, because dharma can be accomplished by means of it
as well as by any other way of marriage. When a boy has thus
begun to woo the girl he loves, he should spend his time with her
and amuse her with various games. And diversions fitted for their age and acquaintanceship,
such as picking and collecting flowers, making garlands of flowers, playing the
parts of members of a fictitious family, cooking food, playing with dice,
playing with cards, the game of odd and even the game of finding out
the middle finger, the game of six pebbles, and such other games as
may be prevalent in the country and agreeable to the disposition of the girl.
In addition to this, he should carry on various amusing games played by several
persons together, such as hide and seek, playing with seeds, hiding things
in several small heaps of wheat and looking for them, blind man's bluff,
stick exercises, and other games of the same sort. In company with the
girl, her friends and female attendants. The man should also show great kindness
to any woman whom the girl thinks fit to be trusted, and should also
make new acquaintances. But above all he should attach to himself by kindness and
little services the daughter of the girl's nurse, for if she be gained over,
even though she comes to know of his design, she does not cause
any obstruction, but is sometimes even able to effect a union between him and
the girl, and though she knows the true character of the man, she
always talks of as many excellent qualities to the parents and relations of the girl,
even though she may not be desired to do so by him. In
this way, the man should do whatever the girl takes most delight in,
and he should get for her whatever she may have a desire to possess.
Thus he should procure for her such playthings as may be hard hardly known to
other girls. He may also show her a ball dyed with various colors,
and other curiosities of the same sort, and should give her dolls made of
cloth, wood, buffalo, horn, ivory, wax, flour, or
earth. Also utensils for cooking food, and figures in wood, such as
a man and woman standing, a pair of rams or goats or sheep.
Also temples made of earth, bamboo, or wood dedicated to various goddesses,
and cages for parrots, cuckoos, starlings, quails, cocks, and partridges.
Water vessels of different sorts and of elegant forms, machines for throwing water
about guitars, stands for putting images upon stools, lac red arsenic yellow,
ointment, vermilion, and coleerium, as well as sandalwood, saffron, betel
nut, and betel leaves. Such things should be given at different times whenever
he gets a good opportunity of meeting her, and some of them should be
given in private and some in public, according to circumstances. In short,
he should try in every way to make her look upon him as one who
would do for her everything that she wanted to be done. In the next
place, he should get her to meet him in some place privately, and
should then tell her that the reason of his giving presents to her in secret
was the fear that the parents of both of them might be displeased. And
then he might add that the things which he had given her had been much
desired by other people. When her love begins to show signs of increasing,
he should relate to her agreeable stories. If she expresses a wish to hear
such narratives, or if she takes delight in Legerdamn, he should amaze her
by performing various tricks of jugglery, or if she feels a great curiosity to
see a performance of the various arts, he should show his own skill in
them. When she is delighted with singing. He should entertain her with music,
and on certain days and at the time of going together to moonlight fairs
and festivals, and at the time of her return after being absent from home,
he should present her with bouquets of flowers, and with chaplets for the
head, and with ear ornaments and rings. For these are the proper occasions
on which such things should be presented. He should also teach the daughter of
the girl's nurse all the sixty four means of pleasure practiced by men, and
under this pretext should also inform her of his great skill in the art of
sexual enjoyment. All this time he should wear a fine dress and make as
good an appearance as possible. For young women love men who live with them,
and who are handsome, good looking, and well dressed. As for
the saying that though women may fall in love, they still make no effort
themselves to gain over the object of their affections, that is only a matter
of idle talk. Now, a girl always shows her love by outward signs
and actions, such as the following. She never looks the man in the
face, and becomes abashed when she is looked at by him. Under some
pretext or other, She shows her limbs to him. She looks secretly at
him though he has gone away from her side, hangs down her head when
she has asked some question by him, and answers in indistinct words and unfinished
sentences. Delights to be in his company for a long time. Speaks to
her attendants in a peculiar tone with the hope of attracting his attention towards her.
When she is at a distance from him, does not wish to go
from the place where he is. Under some pretext or other, She makes
him look at different things, narrates to him tales and stories very slowly so
that she may continue conversing with him for a long time time, kisses and
embraces before him. A child sitting at her lap, draws ornamental marks on
the foreheads of her female servants, performs sportive and graceful movements when her attendants
speak jestingly to her in the presence of her lover. Confides in her lover's
friends and respects and obeys them. Shows kindness to his servants, converses with
them, and engages them to do her work as if she were their mistress,
And listens attentively to them when they tell stories about her lover to somebody
else. Enters his house when induced to do so by the daughter of her
nurse, and by her assistance, manages to converse and play with him.
Avoids being seen by her lover when she is not dressed and decorated, gives
him, by the hand of her female friend her ear, ornament, ring,
or garland of flowers that he may have asked to see, always wears
anything that he may have presented to her. Become dejected when any other bridegroom
is mentioned by her parents, and does not mix with those who may be
of her party or who may support his claims. There are also some verses
on the subject, as follows. A man who has seen and perceive the
feelings of the girl towards him, and who has noticed the outward signs of
movements by which those feelings are expressed, should do everything in his power to
affect a union with her. He should gain over a young girl by childlike
sports, a damsel come of age by his skill in the arts, and
a girl that loves him by having recourse to persons in whom she confides.
Chapter four about Things to be done only by the man and the acquisition of
the girl. Thereby also what is to be done by a girl to gain
over a man and subject him to her. Now, when the girl begins
to show her love by outward signs and motions, as described in the last
chapter, the lover should try to gain her over entirely by various ways and
means, such as the following. When engaged with her in any game or
sport, he should intentionally hold her hand. He should practice upon her the
various kinds of embraces, such as the touching embrace, and others already described
in a preceding chapter, Part two. Chapter two. He should show her
a pair of human beings cut out of the leaf of a tree, and
such things. At intervals. When engaged in water sports, he should dive
at a distance from her and come up close to her. He should show
an increased liking for the new foliage of trees and such like things. He
should describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account. He should relate
to her the beautiful dream that he has had with reference to other women.
At parties and assemblies of his caste, he should sit near her and touch
her under some pretense or other, and having placed his foot upon hers,
he should slowly touch each of her toes and press the ends of the nails.
If successful in this, he should get hold of her foot with his
hand and repeat the same thing. He should also press the finger of her
hand between his toes when she happens to be washing his feet. And whenever
he gives anything to her or takes anything from her, he should show her
by his manner and look how much he loves her. He should sprinkle upon
her the water brought for rinsing his mouth, And when alone with her in
a lonely place or in darkness, he should make love to her and tell
her the true state of his mind, without distressing her in any way.
Whenever he sits with her on the same seat or bed, he should say
to her, I have something to tell you in private, And then when
she comes to hear it in a quiet place, he should express his love
to her more by manner and signs than by words. When he comes to
know the state of her feelings towards him, he should pretend to be ill,
and should make her come to his house to speak to him. There,
he should intentionally hold her hand and place it on his eyes and forehead,
And under the pretense of preparing some medicine for him, he should ask
her to do work for his sake in the following words. This work must
be done by you and by nobody else. When she wants to go away,
he should let her go with an earnest request to come and see him
again. This device of illness should be continued for three days and three nights.
After this, when she begins coming to see him frequently, he should
carry on long conversations with her. For says Gotakamuka, though a man love
a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great
deal of talking. At last, when the man finds the girl completely gained
over, he may then begin to enjoy her, as for the saying that
women grow less timid than usual during the evening and in darkness, and are
desirous of congress at those times, and do not oppose men then, and
should only be enjoyed at these hours. It is a matter of talk.
Only. When it is impossible for the man to carry on his endeavors alone,
he should, by means of the daughter, of her nurse, or
of a female friend in whom she confides, cause the girl to be brought
to him without making known to her his design, and he should then proceed
with her in the manner above described, or he should, in the beginning
send his own female servant to live with the girl as her friend, and
should then gain her over by her means. At last, when he knows
the state of her feelings by her outward manner and conduct towards him at religious
ceremonies, marriage ceremonies, fairs, fastisestivals, theaters, public assemblies, and
such like occasions, he should begin to enjoy her when she is alone.
For Vetsiayana lays it down that women, when resorted to a proper times and
improper places, do not turn away from their lovers. When a girl possessed
of good qualities and well bred, though born in a humble family or destitute
of wealth and not therefore desired by her equals, or an orphan girl or
one deprived of her parents, but observing the rules of her family and caste,
should wish to bring about her own marriage when she comes of age,
such a girl should endeavor to gain over a strong and good looking young man
or a person whom she thinks would marry her on account of the weakness of
his mind, and even without the consent of his parents. She should do
this by such means as would endear her to the said person, as well
as by frequently seeing and meeting him. Her mother also should constantly cause them
to meet by means of her female friends and the daughter of her nurse.
The girl herself should try to get alone with her beloved in some quiet place,
and at odd times should give him flowers, betel nut, betel leaves,
and perfumes. She should also show her skill in the practice of the
arts, in shampooing, in scratching, and impressing with the nails. She
should also talk to him on the subjects he likes best, and discuss with
him the ways and means of gaining over and winning the affections of a girl.
But old authors say that although the girl loves the man ever so much,
she should not offer herself or make the first overtures. For a girl
who does this loses her dignity and is liable to be scorned and rejected.
But when the man shows his wish to enjoy her, she should be favorable
to him and should show no change in her demeanor when he embraces her,
and should receive all the manifestations of his love as if she were ignorant of
the state of his mind. But when he tries to kiss her, she
should oppose him. When he begs to be allowed to have sexual intercourse with
her, she should let him touch her private parts only and with considerable difficulty.
And though importuned by him, she should not yield herself up to him
as if of her own accord, but should resist his attempts to have her.
It is only moreover, when she is certain that she is truly loved,
and that her lover is indeed devoted to her and will not change his
mind, that she should then give herself up to him and persuade him to
marry her Quickly. After losing her virginity, she should tell her confidential friends
about it. Here ends the efforts of a girl to gain over a man.
There are also some verses on this subject, as follows. A girl
who is much sought after should marry the man that she likes and whom she
thinks would be obedient to her and capable of giving her pleasure. But when
from the desire of wealth, a girl is married by her parents to a
rich man without taking into consideration the character or looks of the bridegroom, or
when given to a man who has several wives, she never becomes attached to
the man, even though he be endowed with good qualities, obedient to her
will, active, strong and healthy, and anxious to please her in every
way. Footnote there is a good deal of truth in the last few observations.
Woman is a monogamous animal, and loves but one, and likes to
feel herself alone in the affections of one man, and cannot bear rivals.
It may also be taken as a general rule that women either married into or
kept by rich men love them for their wealth, but not for themselves.
And footnote. A husband who is obedient but yet master of himself, though
he be poor and not good looking, is better than one who is common
to many women, even though he be handsome and attractive. The wives of
rich men, where there are many wives, are not generally attached to their
husbands, and are not confidential with them, And even though they possess all
the external enjoyments of life, still have recourse to other men. A man
who is of a low mind, who has fallen from his social position,
and who is much given to traveling, does not deserve to be married.
Neither does one who has many wives and children, or one who is devoted
to sport and gambling, and who comes to his wife only when he likes.
Of all the lovers of a girl, he only is her true husband
who possesses the qualities that are liked by her. And such a husband only
enjoys real superiority over her because he is the husband of love. Chapter five
on certain forms of marriage. Footnote. These forms of marriage differ from the
four kinds of marriage mentioned in chapter one, and are only to be made
use of when the girl is gained over in the way mentioned in chapters three
and four, and footnote. When a girl cannot meet her lover frequently in
private, she should send the daughter of her nurse to him, it being
understood that she has confidence in her and had previously gained her over to her
interests. On seeing the man, the daughter of the nurse should, in
the course of conversation describe to him the noble birth, the good disposition,
the beauty, talent, skill, knowledge of human nature, and affection of
the girl in such a way as not to let him suppose that she has
been sent by the girl, and should thus create affection for the girl in
the heart of the man. To this girl, also, she should speak
about the excellent qualities of the man, especially of those qualities which she knows
are pleasing to the girl. She should moreover speak with disparagement of the other
lovers of the girl, and talk about the avarice and indiscretion of their parents
and the fickleness of their relations. She should also quote samples of many girls
of ancient times, such as Secuntala and others, who, having united themselves
with lovers of their own caste and their own choice, were ever happy afterwards
in their society. And she should also tell of other girls who married into
great families, and, being troubled by rival wives, became wretched and miserable,
and were finally abandoned. She should further speak of the good fortune,
the continual happiness, the chastity, obedience, and affection of the man,
And if the girl gets amorous about him, she should endeavor to allay her
shame and her fear, as well as her suspicions about any disaster that might
result from the marriage. Footnote about this see a story on the fatal effects
of love at page one fourteen of Early Ideas, a group of Hindu stories
collected and collated by Honaryan W. H. Hallon and Company, London,
eighteen eighty one, and a footnote in a word. She should act the
whole part of a female messenger, by telling the girl all about the man's
affection for her, the places he frequented, and the endeavors he made to
meet her, and by frequently repeating it will be all right if the man
will take you away forcibly and unexpectedly the forms of marriage. When the girl
is gained over and acts openly with the man as his wife, he should
cause fire to be brought from the house of a Brahmin, and, having
spread the kusha grass upon the ground and offered an oblation to the fire,
he should marry her according to the precepts of the relation religious law. After
this he should inform his parents of the fact, because it is the opinion
of ancient authors that a marriage solemnly contracted in the presence of fire cannot afterwards
be set aside. After the consummation of the marriage, the relations of the
man should gradually be made acquainted with the affair and the relations of the girl,
should also be apprized of it in such a way that they may consent
to the marriage and overlook the manner in which it was brought about. And
when this is done, they should afterwards be reconciled by affectionate presence and favorable
conduct. In this manner, the man should marry the girl according to the
Gundharva form of marriage. When the girl cannot make up her mind and will
not express her readiness to Mary, the man should obtain her in any one
of the following ways. One, on a fitting occasion, and under some
excuse, he should, by means of a female friend with whom he is
well acqu pointed and whom he can trust, and who also is well known
to the girl's family, get the girl brought unexpectedly to his house, and
he should then bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as
therefore described. Two. When the marriage of the girl with some other person
draws near, the man should disparage the future husband to the utmost in the
mind of the mother of the girl, And then, having got the girl
to come with her mother's consent to a neighboring house, he should bring fire
from the house of a brahmin, and proceed as above. Three. The
man should become a great friend of the brother of the girl, the said
brother being of the same age as himself and addicted to courtesans and to intrigues
with the wives of other people, and should give him assistance in such matters,
and also give him occasional presents. He should then tell him about his
great love for his sister, as young men will sacrifice even their lives for
the sake of those who may be of the same age, habits and dispositions
as themselves. After this, the man should get the girl brought by means
of her brother to some secure place, and having brought fire from the house
of a brahmin, should proceed as before. Four. The man should,
on the occasion of festivals, get the daughter of the nurse to give the
girl some intoxicating substance, and then cause her to be brought to some secure
place under the pretense of some business, and their having enjoyed her before she
recovers from her intoxication, should bring fire from the house of a brahmin,
and proceed as before. Five. The man should with the connivance of the
daughter of the nurse, carry off the girl from her house while she is
asleep, and then, having enjoyed her before she recovers from her sleep,
should bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as before.
Six. When the girl goes to a garden or to some village in the
neighborhood, the man should, with his friends, fall on her guards,
and, having killed them or frightened them away forcibly carry her off and proceed
as before. There are verses on the subject as follows. In all the
forms of marriage given in this chapter of this work, the one that precedes
is better than the one that follows it on account of its being more in
accordance with the commands of religion. And therefore it is only when it is
impossible to carry the former into practice that the latter should be resorted to.
As the fruit of all good marriages is love. The Gandharva form of marriage
is respected even though it is formed under unfavorable circumstances, because it fulfills the
object sought for footnote about the Gandharva Vivaha form of marriage see note to page
twenty eight of Captain R. F. Burton's Vikram and the Vampire, or
Tales of Hindu Devilry Longmand Greening Company, London, eighteen seventy. This form
of matrimony was recognized by the ancient Hindus and is frequent in books. It
is a kind of Scotch wedding ultra Caledonian, taking place by mutual consent without
any form or ceremony. The Gandharvas are heavenly minstrels of Indra's court who are
supposed to be witnesses and footnote. Another cause of the respect, according to
the Gandharva form of marriage is that it brings forth happiness, causes less trouble
in its performance than any other forms of marriage, and is above all the
result of previous love. End of Part three