WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:13.439 Caloroga Shark Media. I don't know how to do this. My mom passed 2 00:00:13.439 --> 00:00:17.839 away on Thursday, and at some point the podcast test to go on. 3 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:21.879 I come from show business, and the show must go on. I also 4 00:00:21.920 --> 00:00:27.359 find it a therapeutic to try and keep my life normal as possible during troubling 5 00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:33.560 times with these, So that's why you got the generic episode yesterday that had 6 00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:37.640 been sitting in the can for at least six months. But that's what that 7 00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:43.320 was for. Heading forward here, it's Friday, around one eastern. I'm 8 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.200 going to try and record a bunch of these for the next few days, 9 00:00:46.240 --> 00:00:51.640 so I'm sure you'll understand if my rhythm is a little off, if the 10 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:57.520 stories aren't as timely as usual. I just spent the morning writing a few 11 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.479 episodes, and I can tell my writing isn't a short as usual, and 12 00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:06.319 I'm moving things around. I'm okay. I feel like Rocky mid Round, 13 00:01:06.519 --> 00:01:08.120 not the twelve round Rocky. I feel like I took a punch to the 14 00:01:08.200 --> 00:01:14.319 face and got knocked down and got up and did the motion with the gloves 15 00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:15.799 of hey, come get me again. So I'm going to be all right 16 00:01:15.840 --> 00:01:19.799 here. I know you all downloaded a comedy podcast, and you're getting this 17 00:01:19.879 --> 00:01:23.000 at the first two minutes. But again, I'm sure you can understand. 18 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:26.840 So what I'm going to try and do here is barrel through and see if 19 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:32.200 I can summon up my normal, vaguely bimuse delivery. And a lot of 20 00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:36.840 times I find doing something like that will help me actually feel better. Just 21 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:41.640 by pretending everything's okay, then I'll start to feel okay. So let me 22 00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:46.319 switch my delivery and just jump in the pool. Now you didn't hear there 23 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:49.560 was me staring at the screen for forty five seconds trying to find my fastball. 24 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:53.719 All right, let's do this. Did you see TikTok might get banned 25 00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:55.799 of the United States? Seth Meyer said, Hey, if you guys are 26 00:01:55.799 --> 00:01:59.640 worried about the Chinese gathering information about Americans, wait to hear who makes the 27 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:01.680 phone. It's a good joke. Fallin. Then Alexa was like, yeah, 28 00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:06.719 TikTok, that's the one that's spying on you. Bannett Desi Leideg hosted 29 00:02:06.719 --> 00:02:09.159 the Daily Show for most of the week. She was reacting to new teenagers 30 00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:13.479 calling their congressperson and said that's how you know this issue is important, and 31 00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:15.400 forced gen Z to make their very first phone call, and you know, 32 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.719 congressmen must have been ticked with teenagers blowing up their phones all day. I 33 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:23.400 mean, well, Matt Gates didn't mind ouch. Jimmy Carr will have a 34 00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:28.759 new special. I'm excited. He is one of my favorites. Natural Born 35 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:32.719 Killer premieres on Netflix April sixteenth. There is a clip in which Jimmy Carr 36 00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:37.520 offers his take on how to apologize for jokes. I didn't pull that. 37 00:02:37.639 --> 00:02:39.360 Let me see if I can find it. Well, here it is. 38 00:02:39.879 --> 00:02:44.960 You can't go round apologizing for jokes. They're jokes. So I've got a 39 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:47.080 plan. The next time I get canceled over a joke, the next time 40 00:02:47.159 --> 00:02:51.199 upset people with a joke, I'm gonna come out on the day of the 41 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:53.280 cancelation. I'm gonna make a statement, a public statement. I'm gonna say 42 00:02:53.280 --> 00:03:00.240 I've rehearsed this, I'm gonna say I'm sorry, and the people that I've 43 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:05.080 offended will say, you don't really mean that apology, and I'll say, 44 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:07.639 so, you're saying I could say something and not mean it. Now you 45 00:03:07.719 --> 00:03:14.560 gain it. Not bad. But that's Jimmy at about fifteen percent of what 46 00:03:14.599 --> 00:03:16.080 he can do. I am a big fan of his. I'm looking forward 47 00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:21.240 to that one Natural Born Killer Jimmy Corus fourth special for Netflix. The others 48 00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.240 are called his Dark Material, the best of Ultimate Gold, Greatest Hits, 49 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:29.439 and Funny Business. Greg Gutfeld is going on tour. I know, aren't 50 00:03:29.479 --> 00:03:34.199 you excited me too? It's the Gutfeld Live twenty twenty four tour, five 51 00:03:34.360 --> 00:03:38.319 dates including Las Vegas, The Other City's, Durham of Fort Lauderdale, and 52 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:42.680 Red Bank, New Jersey. Maybe I'll have to pop on by. Special 53 00:03:42.719 --> 00:03:46.879 packages in some of the shows include premium seating and access to a pre show 54 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:50.680 sound check. Really, I mean, if it were I don't know, 55 00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:53.199 Pearl GM and you could go to the sound check. That's cool, Greg 56 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:59.159 Gutfeld sound check going testing one two check check? Can you hear me? 57 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:02.800 Has it sound good? Hey? You see President Biden did something dumb? 58 00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:05.439 Yuck? Yuck? I mean, what is a comedy soundcheck? I'll tell 59 00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:08.680 you I've been at a comedy soundcheck. I just did it for you. 60 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.960 Don't spend money on that Fox News personality. Tom Shalou is built as a 61 00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:16.240 special guest at each of Guttfeld's Summer twenty twenty four tour dates can't Wait. 62 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:24.000 ABC's executive vice Presidents of Unscripted and Alternative Entertainment, Rob Mills. Here's a 63 00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:27.800 title. He was singing Jimmy Kimmel's praises. He spoke to Variety and said 64 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.839 he planned to beg Jimmy Kimmel to host the Oscars again next year and said 65 00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:34.120 if he wants to sign a lifetime contract, I would love that. Jimmy's 66 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:38.720 got this down, He's got the playbook perfected. I think Jimmy is the 67 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:42.399 right choice for that show. Now, did Mulaney crush Yes, But Blaney 68 00:04:42.439 --> 00:04:45.399 could host the Emmys. I want to see Joe Cooy get another shot at 69 00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:47.720 the Golden Globes. You know, Joe Cooy. He said this really horrible, 70 00:04:47.879 --> 00:04:50.959 terrible joke about Taylor Swift. Dare I play it? I don't want 71 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:55.600 to offend Taylor, but here, let's listen the big difference between the Golden 72 00:04:55.600 --> 00:05:00.399 Globes and the NFL. On the Golden Globes, we have fewer cameras shots 73 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:02.959 of Taylor Swift. So that's my vote. All right, Let's have Mulaney 74 00:05:03.040 --> 00:05:06.959 do the Emmys, Kimmel does the Oscars. Joe Cooyd as the Golden globes. 75 00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:11.560 Leave it alone. It's all working missus. Jimmy Kimmel. Molly mckenary, 76 00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:14.759 who produced this year's said I'd obviously be honored to do it, but 77 00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:15.959 I don't know. I feel like we've done a great job. We had 78 00:05:15.959 --> 00:05:18.800 four good ones, and maybe let someone else try it now. Hmm. 79 00:05:20.040 --> 00:05:23.439 He'll do it also, he'll extend his late night show. What else are 80 00:05:23.439 --> 00:05:28.079 you going to do all day? Stephen Colbert is setting up a political fundraiser, 81 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:32.519 described by some as being the most lucrative political fundraiser ever. Your guests 82 00:05:32.560 --> 00:05:36.920 at New York City's Radio City Music Hall later this month will be Stephen Colbert, 83 00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:42.639 Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton. The security will be 84 00:05:42.879 --> 00:05:46.319 around the block and then some for that one. Tickets range from two hundred 85 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:49.079 and fifty dollars, which is less than Sting is charging. I want to 86 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:53.040 Sting. I love the police, Stings going out with a trio. I 87 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:56.360 was a little late hitting ticketmaster for reasons, I explained at the top of 88 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:58.839 the show, and by the time I got it, tickets were two hundred 89 00:05:58.839 --> 00:06:00.920 and eighty nine dollars and I'm like Sting lovey but not paying that anyway, 90 00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:06.079 Biden, Obama, Kober or Clinton two hundred and fifty to five hundred thousand 91 00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:10.720 dollars apiece. Now for five hundred thousand dollars, I want access to the 92 00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:14.480 sound check. Those contributing one hundred grand or more will have the opportunity to 93 00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:17.600 have their photo taken together with the three presidents. This is March twenty eighth 94 00:06:17.600 --> 00:06:21.120 at Radio City Music Hall. See if there are tickets on sale and stub 95 00:06:21.160 --> 00:06:25.079 Hub at being get in for fifteen dollars. You never know. Bill Maher 96 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:28.600 will be on for at least two more seasons. Here's another one of those 97 00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:32.560 titles. HBO Programming, Late Night and Special chief Nina Rosenstein said for twenty 98 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:36.959 two seasons. Accounting Bill Maher remains a uniquely powerful voice in politics and culture. 99 00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:41.399 Real time is the rare place where people can both disagree and find common 100 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:44.360 ground, which is more vital than ever. We're thrilled to continue working with 101 00:06:44.399 --> 00:06:46.720 Bill and his incredibly talented team for two more seasons. Bill Maher said, 102 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:49.839 two more years in the dream job of a lifetime on the network so many 103 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:54.240 dream of being on. I think that's what we call a no brainer. 104 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.040 John Oliver has also been extended three seasons. He'll be on through at least 105 00:06:58.040 --> 00:07:02.480 twenty twenty six. Saturday Night Live has announced two more guest hosts April sixth, 106 00:07:02.600 --> 00:07:08.199 Kristin Wig, April thirteenth, Ryan Gosling. There's a great new website 107 00:07:08.199 --> 00:07:11.720 called Late Nighter that covers late night and they say, as of Wednesday morning, 108 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:18.680 Scarlett Johansson's impression of Alabama Senator what's her name? That woman, Hey, 109 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:21.160 I'm running at half speed here today. Got me some slack, you 110 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:25.600 know the senator she made fun of that that had been viewed five point four 111 00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:29.560 million times on YouTube. That makes it one of only four clips to break 112 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:31.879 the five million views mark. The other is Protective Mom two. I don't 113 00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:38.639 remember that Washington's dream that was Naperghatzy and I'm just Pete to Pete being Pete 114 00:07:38.680 --> 00:07:42.319 Davidson. Jimmy Fallon has confirmed that he'll be one of the hosts of NBC's 115 00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:46.199 coverage of the Paris Olympics closing ceremony on August eleventh. And a little Inside 116 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:51.160 Baseball. This from Bloomberg, a podcast production company that was accused by THEO 117 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:57.560 Vaughn and others of owing content creator millions of dollars has filed bankruptcy in California. 118 00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:01.240 Through the filing, we learned that Cast Media owed THEO Vonn's company four 119 00:08:01.360 --> 00:08:07.600 hundred and fifty six three hundred and ninety eight dollars. OU see, this 120 00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:11.199 is making me feel better already. Kyle Kenneine is on Neil Brennan's podcast this 121 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:16.000 week. Didn't get to it for reasons previously explained. Good wishes to Olivia 122 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:18.879 Munn, the girlfriend of John mulaney. She announced on Instagram she was diagnosed 123 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:22.199 with breast cancer last year. She said, I'm thankful to my friends and 124 00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:26.439 family for loving me through this. I'm so thankful to John m'lany for the 125 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:30.759 nights he spent researching what every operation and medication meant and what side effects and 126 00:08:30.759 --> 00:08:33.440 recovery I could expect, for being there before I went into each surgery, 127 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:37.600 and being there when I woke up, always placing frame photos of our little 128 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:39.720 boy, Malcolm so it would be the first thing I saw when I opened 129 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:41.960 my eyes. M'lani tagged the comment and said, thank you for fighting so 130 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:46.279 hard to be here for us, malcol and I adore you heart emoji now. 131 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:50.639 Originally this was in Friday Script but there was no Friday episode for reasons 132 00:08:50.679 --> 00:08:56.519 already explained. But Joe Coy played Kansas City Thursday night, so this would 133 00:08:56.559 --> 00:08:58.000 have made more sense then. But let's have some fun with it. The 134 00:08:58.039 --> 00:09:03.200 headline from The Kansas City Star Taylor Swift fans were so mad at Joe Koy 135 00:09:03.360 --> 00:09:07.840 for Golden Globes joke. Now he's coming to KC. Now you might be 136 00:09:07.879 --> 00:09:11.200 thinking, why would anyone be mad at Joe Cooy? What could he possibly 137 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:13.360 have said that would infuriate people? Well? Wait, do you hear this? 138 00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:18.360 Uh? The big difference between the Golden Globes and the NFL. On 139 00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:22.320 the Golden Gloves, we have fewer climber shots of Taylor Swift. Casey Star 140 00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:26.600 reminds us Taylor Swift didn't smile, She just shipped her champagne. The Star 141 00:09:26.759 --> 00:09:31.080 tried to interview Joe Coy to ask him about his vicious joke, but his 142 00:09:31.159 --> 00:09:35.000 representative said he didn't have time to talk because of his busy schedule. Okay, 143 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:37.679 jan the Rock says, Kevin Hart's got a small butt? What? 144 00:09:39.279 --> 00:09:43.600 Yes, he was onn Drew Barrymore's show. She brought up how Kevin Hart 145 00:09:43.639 --> 00:09:46.519 convinced Dueene the Rock Johnson to show off his beer butt in the twenty sixteen 146 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:52.600 comedy Central movie Intelligence Now. The Rock was asked to describe Kevin Hart's butt, 147 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:58.120 The Rock says, wildly small and muscular. Maybe net your comedy needs 148 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:00.559 for today see Tomorrow.