Caloroga Shark Media. I don't know how to do this. My mom passed
away on Thursday, and at some point the podcast test to go on.
I come from show business, and the show must go on. I also
find it a therapeutic to try and keep my life normal as possible during troubling
times with these, So that's why you got the generic episode yesterday that had
been sitting in the can for at least six months. But that's what that
was for. Heading forward here, it's Friday, around one eastern. I'm
going to try and record a bunch of these for the next few days,
so I'm sure you'll understand if my rhythm is a little off, if the
stories aren't as timely as usual. I just spent the morning writing a few
episodes, and I can tell my writing isn't a short as usual, and
I'm moving things around. I'm okay. I feel like Rocky mid Round,
not the twelve round Rocky. I feel like I took a punch to the
face and got knocked down and got up and did the motion with the gloves
of hey, come get me again. So I'm going to be all right
here. I know you all downloaded a comedy podcast, and you're getting this
at the first two minutes. But again, I'm sure you can understand.
So what I'm going to try and do here is barrel through and see if
I can summon up my normal, vaguely bimuse delivery. And a lot of
times I find doing something like that will help me actually feel better. Just
by pretending everything's okay, then I'll start to feel okay. So let me
switch my delivery and just jump in the pool. Now you didn't hear there
was me staring at the screen for forty five seconds trying to find my fastball.
All right, let's do this. Did you see TikTok might get banned
of the United States? Seth Meyer said, Hey, if you guys are
worried about the Chinese gathering information about Americans, wait to hear who makes the
phone. It's a good joke. Fallin. Then Alexa was like, yeah,
TikTok, that's the one that's spying on you. Bannett Desi Leideg hosted
the Daily Show for most of the week. She was reacting to new teenagers
calling their congressperson and said that's how you know this issue is important, and
forced gen Z to make their very first phone call, and you know,
congressmen must have been ticked with teenagers blowing up their phones all day. I
mean, well, Matt Gates didn't mind ouch. Jimmy Carr will have a
new special. I'm excited. He is one of my favorites. Natural Born
Killer premieres on Netflix April sixteenth. There is a clip in which Jimmy Carr
offers his take on how to apologize for jokes. I didn't pull that.
Let me see if I can find it. Well, here it is.
You can't go round apologizing for jokes. They're jokes. So I've got a
plan. The next time I get canceled over a joke, the next time
upset people with a joke, I'm gonna come out on the day of the
cancelation. I'm gonna make a statement, a public statement. I'm gonna say
I've rehearsed this, I'm gonna say I'm sorry, and the people that I've
offended will say, you don't really mean that apology, and I'll say,
so, you're saying I could say something and not mean it. Now you
gain it. Not bad. But that's Jimmy at about fifteen percent of what
he can do. I am a big fan of his. I'm looking forward
to that one Natural Born Killer Jimmy Corus fourth special for Netflix. The others
are called his Dark Material, the best of Ultimate Gold, Greatest Hits,
and Funny Business. Greg Gutfeld is going on tour. I know, aren't
you excited me too? It's the Gutfeld Live twenty twenty four tour, five
dates including Las Vegas, The Other City's, Durham of Fort Lauderdale, and
Red Bank, New Jersey. Maybe I'll have to pop on by. Special
packages in some of the shows include premium seating and access to a pre show
sound check. Really, I mean, if it were I don't know,
Pearl GM and you could go to the sound check. That's cool, Greg
Gutfeld sound check going testing one two check check? Can you hear me?
Has it sound good? Hey? You see President Biden did something dumb?
Yuck? Yuck? I mean, what is a comedy soundcheck? I'll tell
you I've been at a comedy soundcheck. I just did it for you.
Don't spend money on that Fox News personality. Tom Shalou is built as a
special guest at each of Guttfeld's Summer twenty twenty four tour dates can't Wait.
ABC's executive vice Presidents of Unscripted and Alternative Entertainment, Rob Mills. Here's a
title. He was singing Jimmy Kimmel's praises. He spoke to Variety and said
he planned to beg Jimmy Kimmel to host the Oscars again next year and said
if he wants to sign a lifetime contract, I would love that. Jimmy's
got this down, He's got the playbook perfected. I think Jimmy is the
right choice for that show. Now, did Mulaney crush Yes, But Blaney
could host the Emmys. I want to see Joe Cooy get another shot at
the Golden Globes. You know, Joe Cooy. He said this really horrible,
terrible joke about Taylor Swift. Dare I play it? I don't want
to offend Taylor, but here, let's listen the big difference between the Golden
Globes and the NFL. On the Golden Globes, we have fewer cameras shots
of Taylor Swift. So that's my vote. All right, Let's have Mulaney
do the Emmys, Kimmel does the Oscars. Joe Cooyd as the Golden globes.
Leave it alone. It's all working missus. Jimmy Kimmel. Molly mckenary,
who produced this year's said I'd obviously be honored to do it, but
I don't know. I feel like we've done a great job. We had
four good ones, and maybe let someone else try it now. Hmm.
He'll do it also, he'll extend his late night show. What else are
you going to do all day? Stephen Colbert is setting up a political fundraiser,
described by some as being the most lucrative political fundraiser ever. Your guests
at New York City's Radio City Music Hall later this month will be Stephen Colbert,
Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton. The security will be
around the block and then some for that one. Tickets range from two hundred
and fifty dollars, which is less than Sting is charging. I want to
Sting. I love the police, Stings going out with a trio. I
was a little late hitting ticketmaster for reasons, I explained at the top of
the show, and by the time I got it, tickets were two hundred
and eighty nine dollars and I'm like Sting lovey but not paying that anyway,
Biden, Obama, Kober or Clinton two hundred and fifty to five hundred thousand
dollars apiece. Now for five hundred thousand dollars, I want access to the
sound check. Those contributing one hundred grand or more will have the opportunity to
have their photo taken together with the three presidents. This is March twenty eighth
at Radio City Music Hall. See if there are tickets on sale and stub
Hub at being get in for fifteen dollars. You never know. Bill Maher
will be on for at least two more seasons. Here's another one of those
titles. HBO Programming, Late Night and Special chief Nina Rosenstein said for twenty
two seasons. Accounting Bill Maher remains a uniquely powerful voice in politics and culture.
Real time is the rare place where people can both disagree and find common
ground, which is more vital than ever. We're thrilled to continue working with
Bill and his incredibly talented team for two more seasons. Bill Maher said,
two more years in the dream job of a lifetime on the network so many
dream of being on. I think that's what we call a no brainer.
John Oliver has also been extended three seasons. He'll be on through at least
twenty twenty six. Saturday Night Live has announced two more guest hosts April sixth,
Kristin Wig, April thirteenth, Ryan Gosling. There's a great new website
called Late Nighter that covers late night and they say, as of Wednesday morning,
Scarlett Johansson's impression of Alabama Senator what's her name? That woman, Hey,
I'm running at half speed here today. Got me some slack, you
know the senator she made fun of that that had been viewed five point four
million times on YouTube. That makes it one of only four clips to break
the five million views mark. The other is Protective Mom two. I don't
remember that Washington's dream that was Naperghatzy and I'm just Pete to Pete being Pete
Davidson. Jimmy Fallon has confirmed that he'll be one of the hosts of NBC's
coverage of the Paris Olympics closing ceremony on August eleventh. And a little Inside
Baseball. This from Bloomberg, a podcast production company that was accused by THEO
Vaughn and others of owing content creator millions of dollars has filed bankruptcy in California.
Through the filing, we learned that Cast Media owed THEO Vonn's company four
hundred and fifty six three hundred and ninety eight dollars. OU see, this
is making me feel better already. Kyle Kenneine is on Neil Brennan's podcast this
week. Didn't get to it for reasons previously explained. Good wishes to Olivia
Munn, the girlfriend of John mulaney. She announced on Instagram she was diagnosed
with breast cancer last year. She said, I'm thankful to my friends and
family for loving me through this. I'm so thankful to John m'lany for the
nights he spent researching what every operation and medication meant and what side effects and
recovery I could expect, for being there before I went into each surgery,
and being there when I woke up, always placing frame photos of our little
boy, Malcolm so it would be the first thing I saw when I opened
my eyes. M'lani tagged the comment and said, thank you for fighting so
hard to be here for us, malcol and I adore you heart emoji now.
Originally this was in Friday Script but there was no Friday episode for reasons
already explained. But Joe Coy played Kansas City Thursday night, so this would
have made more sense then. But let's have some fun with it. The
headline from The Kansas City Star Taylor Swift fans were so mad at Joe Koy
for Golden Globes joke. Now he's coming to KC. Now you might be
thinking, why would anyone be mad at Joe Cooy? What could he possibly
have said that would infuriate people? Well? Wait, do you hear this?
Uh? The big difference between the Golden Globes and the NFL. On
the Golden Gloves, we have fewer climber shots of Taylor Swift. Casey Star
reminds us Taylor Swift didn't smile, She just shipped her champagne. The Star
tried to interview Joe Coy to ask him about his vicious joke, but his
representative said he didn't have time to talk because of his busy schedule. Okay,
jan the Rock says, Kevin Hart's got a small butt? What?
Yes, he was onn Drew Barrymore's show. She brought up how Kevin Hart
convinced Dueene the Rock Johnson to show off his beer butt in the twenty sixteen
comedy Central movie Intelligence Now. The Rock was asked to describe Kevin Hart's butt,
The Rock says, wildly small and muscular. Maybe net your comedy needs
for today see Tomorrow.