Chapter thirty one, Making conversation effective. Quote in conversation, avoid the extremes
of forwardness and reserve unquote Cato quote. Conversation is the laboratory and workshop of
the student unquote. Emerson essays circles. The father of W. E.
Gladstone considered conversation to be both an art and an accomplishment. Around the dinner
table in his home, some topic of local or national interest, or some
debated question was constantly being discussed. In this way, a friendly rivalry for
supremacy and conversation arose among the family, and an incident observed in the street,
an idea gleaned from a book, a deduction from personal experience, was
carefully stored as material for the family exchange. Thus, his early years of
practice in elegant conversation prepared the younger Gladstone for his career as a leader and
speaker. There is a sense in which the ability to converse effectively is efficient
public speaking. For our conversation is often heard by many, and occasionally decisions
of great moment hinge upon the tone and quality of what we say in private.
Indeed, conversation in the aggregate probably wields more power than press and platform
combined. Socrates taught his great truths not from public rostrums, but in personal
converse. Men made pilgrimages to Getha's library and Coleridge's home to be charmed and
instructed by their speech, and the culture of many nations was immeasurably influenced by
the thoughts that streamed out from those rich well springs. Most of the world
moving speeches are made in the course of conversation. Conferences of diplomats, business
getting arguments, decisions by boards of directors, considerations of corporate policy, all
of which influence the political, mercantile and economic maps of the world, are
usually the results of careful, though informal conversation, and the man whose opinions
weigh in such crises is he who has first carefully pondered the words of both
antagonist and protagonist. However important it may be to attain self control in light
social converse or about the family table, it is undeniably vital to have oneself
perfectly in hand while taking part in a momentous conference. Then the hints that
we have given on poise, alertness, precision of word, clearness of statement,
and force of utterance with respect to public speech, are equally applicable to
conversation. The form of nervous egotism, for it is both that suddenly ends
flusters just when the vital words need to be uttered, is the sign of
coming defeat, For a conversation is often a contest. If you feel this
tendency embarrassing, you be sure to listen to Holmes's advice quote. And when
you stick on conversational burs, don't strew your pathway with those dreadful errs.
Here bring your will into action, for your trouble is a wandering attention.
You must force your mind to persist along the chosen line of conversation and resolutely
refuse to be diverted by any subject or happening that may unexpectedly pop up to
distract you. To fail here is to lose effectiveness utterly. Concentration is the
keynote of conversational charm and efficiency. The haphazard habit of expression that uses bird
shot when a bullet is needed insures missing the game. For the omacy of
all sorts rests upon the precise application of precise words, particularly if one may
paraphrase Talleyrand. In those crises when language is no longer used to conceal thought.
We may frequently gain new light on old subjects by looking at word derivations.
Conversation signifies in the original a turn about exchange of ideas, yet most
people seem to regard it as a monolog Bronson Alcott used to say that many
could argue, but few converse. The first thing to remember in conversation,
then, is that listening, respectful, sympathetic, alert listening is not only
due to our fellow converser, but due to ourselves. Many a reply loses
its point because the speaker is so much interested in what he is about to
say that it is really no reply at all, but merely an irritating and
humiliating relevancy. Self expression is exhilarating. This explains the eternal impulse to decorate
totem poles and paint pictures, write poetry, and expound philosophy. One of
the chief delights of conversation is the opportunity it affords for self expression. A
good conversationalist who monopolizes all the conversation will be voted a bore because he denies
others the enjoyment of self expression, while a mediocre talker who listens interestedly may
be considered a good conversationalist because he permits his companions to please themselves through self
expression. They are praised who please, they please, who listen well.
The first step in remedying habits of confusion in manner, awkward bearing, vagueness
in thought, and lack of precision in utterance is to recognize your thoughts.
If you serenely unconscious of them, no one, least of all yourself,
can help you. But once diagnose your own weaknesses, and you can overcome
them by doing four things. One will to overcome them and keep on willing.
Two, hold yourself in hand by assuring yourself that you know precisely what
you ought to say. If you cannot do that, be quiet until you
are clear on this vital point. Three, Having thus assured yourself, cast
out the fear of those who listen to you. They are only human and
will respect your words if you really have something to say, and say it
briefly, simply, and clearly. Four, have the courage to study the
English language until you are master of at least its simpler forms. Heading conversational
hints, choose some subject that will prove of general interest to the whole group.
Do not explain the mechanism of a gas engine as an afternoon tea,
or the culture of hollyhocks at a stag party. It is not considered good
taste for a man to bare his arm in public and show scars or deformities.
It is equally bad form for him to flaunt his own woes or the
deformity of someone else's character. The public demands plays and stories that end happily.
All the world is seeking happiness. They cannot long be interested in your
ills and troubles. George Cohan made himself a millionaire before he was thirty by
writing cheerful plays. One of his rules is generally applicable to conversation. Always
leave them laughing when you say goodbye. Dynamite the eye out of your conversation.
Not one man in nine hundred and seven can talk about himself without being
a bore. The man who can perform that feat can chief marvels without talking
about himself. So the eternal eye is not permissible even in his talk.
If you habitually build your conversation around your own interests, it may prove very
tiresome to your listener. He may be thinking of bird dogs or dry fly
fishing while you are discussing the fourth dimension or the merits of a cucumber lotion.
The charming conversationalist is prepared to talk in terms of his listener's interest.
If his listener spends his spare time investigating Guernsey cattle or agitating social reforms,
the discriminating conversationalist shapes his remarks accordingly. Richard Washburn Child says he knows a
man of mediocre ability who can charm men much abler than himself when he discusses
electric lighting. The same man probably would bore and be bored if he were
forced to converse about music or maddag Asca. Avoid platitudes and hackneyed phrases.
If you meet a friend from Keer Cook, on State Street or on Pike's
Peak, it is not necessary to observe how small this world is. After
all, this observation was doubtless made prior to the formation of Pike's Peak.
This old world is getting better every day. Fanner's wives do not have to
work as hard as formerly. It is not so much the high cost of
living as the cost of high living. Such observations as these excite about the
same degree of admiration as is drawn out by the appearance of a nineteen oh
three model touring car. If you have nothing fresh or interesting, you can
always remain silent. How would you like to read a newspaper that flashed out
in bold headlines nice weather we are having or daily gave columns to the same
old material you had been reading week after the week. Questions and exercises.
One give a short speech describing the conversational bore. Two, in a few
words, give your idea of a charming converser. Three what qualities of the
orator should not be used in conversation? Four? Give a short, humorous
delineation of the conversational oracle. Five Give an account of your first day at
observing conversation around you. Six Give an account of one day's effort to improve
your own conversation. Seven. Give a list of subjects you heard discussed during
any recent period you may select. Eight. What is meant by elastic touch
in conversation? Nine? Make a list of bromides, as glet Burgess called
those threadbare expressions which bore us to extinction itself a bromide. Ten What causes
a phrase to become hackneyed. Eleven Define the words A trite, B solecism,
C colloquialism, D slang, E, vulgarism, F neologism. Twelve
What constitutes pretentious talk? End of Section thirty one.