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Chapter thirty one, Making conversation effective. Quote in conversation, avoid the extremes

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of forwardness and reserve unquote Cato quote. Conversation is the laboratory and workshop of

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the student unquote. Emerson essays circles. The father of W. E.

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Gladstone considered conversation to be both an
art and an accomplishment. Around the dinner

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table in his home, some topic
of local or national interest, or some

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debated question was constantly being discussed.
In this way, a friendly rivalry for

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supremacy and conversation arose among the family, and an incident observed in the street,

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an idea gleaned from a book,
a deduction from personal experience, was

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carefully stored as material for the family
exchange. Thus, his early years of

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practice in elegant conversation prepared the younger
Gladstone for his career as a leader and

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speaker. There is a sense in
which the ability to converse effectively is efficient

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public speaking. For our conversation is
often heard by many, and occasionally decisions

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of great moment hinge upon the tone
and quality of what we say in private.

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Indeed, conversation in the aggregate probably
wields more power than press and platform

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combined. Socrates taught his great truths
not from public rostrums, but in personal

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converse. Men made pilgrimages to Getha's
library and Coleridge's home to be charmed and

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instructed by their speech, and the
culture of many nations was immeasurably influenced by

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the thoughts that streamed out from those
rich well springs. Most of the world

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moving speeches are made in the course
of conversation. Conferences of diplomats, business

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getting arguments, decisions by boards of
directors, considerations of corporate policy, all

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of which influence the political, mercantile
and economic maps of the world, are

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usually the results of careful, though
informal conversation, and the man whose opinions

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weigh in such crises is he who
has first carefully pondered the words of both

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antagonist and protagonist. However important it
may be to attain self control in light

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social converse or about the family table, it is undeniably vital to have oneself

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perfectly in hand while taking part in
a momentous conference. Then the hints that

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we have given on poise, alertness, precision of word, clearness of statement,

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and force of utterance with respect to
public speech, are equally applicable to

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conversation. The form of nervous egotism, for it is both that suddenly ends

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flusters just when the vital words need
to be uttered, is the sign of

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coming defeat, For a conversation is
often a contest. If you feel this

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tendency embarrassing, you be sure to
listen to Holmes's advice quote. And when

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you stick on conversational burs, don't
strew your pathway with those dreadful errs.

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Here bring your will into action,
for your trouble is a wandering attention.

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You must force your mind to persist
along the chosen line of conversation and resolutely

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refuse to be diverted by any subject
or happening that may unexpectedly pop up to

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distract you. To fail here is
to lose effectiveness utterly. Concentration is the

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keynote of conversational charm and efficiency.
The haphazard habit of expression that uses bird

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shot when a bullet is needed insures
missing the game. For the omacy of

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all sorts rests upon the precise application
of precise words, particularly if one may

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paraphrase Talleyrand. In those crises when
language is no longer used to conceal thought.

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We may frequently gain new light on
old subjects by looking at word derivations.

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Conversation signifies in the original a turn
about exchange of ideas, yet most

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people seem to regard it as a
monolog Bronson Alcott used to say that many

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could argue, but few converse.
The first thing to remember in conversation,

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then, is that listening, respectful, sympathetic, alert listening is not only

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due to our fellow converser, but
due to ourselves. Many a reply loses

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its point because the speaker is so
much interested in what he is about to

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say that it is really no reply
at all, but merely an irritating and

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humiliating relevancy. Self expression is exhilarating. This explains the eternal impulse to decorate

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totem poles and paint pictures, write
poetry, and expound philosophy. One of

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the chief delights of conversation is the
opportunity it affords for self expression. A

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good conversationalist who monopolizes all the conversation
will be voted a bore because he denies

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others the enjoyment of self expression,
while a mediocre talker who listens interestedly may

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be considered a good conversationalist because he
permits his companions to please themselves through self

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expression. They are praised who please, they please, who listen well.

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The first step in remedying habits of
confusion in manner, awkward bearing, vagueness

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in thought, and lack of precision
in utterance is to recognize your thoughts.

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If you serenely unconscious of them,
no one, least of all yourself,

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can help you. But once diagnose
your own weaknesses, and you can overcome

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them by doing four things. One
will to overcome them and keep on willing.

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Two, hold yourself in hand by
assuring yourself that you know precisely what

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you ought to say. If you
cannot do that, be quiet until you

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are clear on this vital point.
Three, Having thus assured yourself, cast

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out the fear of those who listen
to you. They are only human and

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will respect your words if you really
have something to say, and say it

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briefly, simply, and clearly.
Four, have the courage to study the

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English language until you are master of
at least its simpler forms. Heading conversational

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hints, choose some subject that will
prove of general interest to the whole group.

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Do not explain the mechanism of a
gas engine as an afternoon tea,

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or the culture of hollyhocks at a
stag party. It is not considered good

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taste for a man to bare his
arm in public and show scars or deformities.

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It is equally bad form for him
to flaunt his own woes or the

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deformity of someone else's character. The
public demands plays and stories that end happily.

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All the world is seeking happiness.
They cannot long be interested in your

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ills and troubles. George Cohan made
himself a millionaire before he was thirty by

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writing cheerful plays. One of his
rules is generally applicable to conversation. Always

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leave them laughing when you say goodbye. Dynamite the eye out of your conversation.

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Not one man in nine hundred and
seven can talk about himself without being

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a bore. The man who can
perform that feat can chief marvels without talking

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about himself. So the eternal eye
is not permissible even in his talk.

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If you habitually build your conversation around
your own interests, it may prove very

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tiresome to your listener. He may
be thinking of bird dogs or dry fly

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fishing while you are discussing the fourth
dimension or the merits of a cucumber lotion.

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The charming conversationalist is prepared to talk
in terms of his listener's interest.

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If his listener spends his spare time
investigating Guernsey cattle or agitating social reforms,

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the discriminating conversationalist shapes his remarks accordingly. Richard Washburn Child says he knows a

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man of mediocre ability who can charm
men much abler than himself when he discusses

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electric lighting. The same man probably
would bore and be bored if he were

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forced to converse about music or maddag
Asca. Avoid platitudes and hackneyed phrases.

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If you meet a friend from Keer
Cook, on State Street or on Pike's

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Peak, it is not necessary to
observe how small this world is. After

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all, this observation was doubtless made
prior to the formation of Pike's Peak.

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This old world is getting better every
day. Fanner's wives do not have to

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work as hard as formerly. It
is not so much the high cost of

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living as the cost of high living. Such observations as these excite about the

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same degree of admiration as is drawn
out by the appearance of a nineteen oh

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three model touring car. If you
have nothing fresh or interesting, you can

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always remain silent. How would you
like to read a newspaper that flashed out

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in bold headlines nice weather we are
having or daily gave columns to the same

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old material you had been reading week
after the week. Questions and exercises.

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One give a short speech describing the
conversational bore. Two, in a few

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words, give your idea of a
charming converser. Three what qualities of the

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orator should not be used in conversation? Four? Give a short, humorous

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delineation of the conversational oracle. Five
Give an account of your first day at

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observing conversation around you. Six Give
an account of one day's effort to improve

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your own conversation. Seven. Give
a list of subjects you heard discussed during

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any recent period you may select.
Eight. What is meant by elastic touch

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in conversation? Nine? Make a
list of bromides, as glet Burgess called

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those threadbare expressions which bore us to
extinction itself a bromide. Ten What causes

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a phrase to become hackneyed. Eleven
Define the words A trite, B solecism,

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C colloquialism, D slang, E, vulgarism, F neologism. Twelve

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What constitutes pretentious talk? End of
Section thirty one.