You're listening to kf I Am six forty on demand. KFI Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show. I want you to sit back, relax. I'm going to help
solve a lot of your relationship dilemmas because it is complicated, isn't it.
It's a science. There are biological pieces to love, psychological pieces, and
social pieces. I'm a psychology professor, but I write about the science of
love because I am obsessed with it. On today's show, we are going
to talk about the Golden Bachelor. I'm actually very excited to see this show
that begins on ABC on Thursday nights. We're also going to talk about red
flags if you're single, I want you to listen up. We're gonna be
talking about red flags that we often normalize, like we find ways to go
you know what, that's the reason why they did that? Is this so
actually they do like me and they are a good partner. But no,
no, no, I will be here to tell you no. Also,
five things if you're married that therapists say people do that hurt their marriage is
the most Also, how to remove improve your relationship very very quickly. Plus
I'll be taking your calls and answering your questions on social media. So before
we get going, we need to do a little role call because producer Kayla
is not here. We have producer Christina. How are you hello, I'm
excellent. It's nice to see another face there. Yes. And then on
my TV screen, I see Raoul You're on the board. You're gonna count
down for me because you know, I talk and I rattle and I go
on. I got to Wendy and there's a new face in the newsroom,
Courtney Adaman. How are you? Yes, Hi, I'm doing good.
How are you welcome to KF I am six forty. Thank you. I'm
happy to be here. Is this really your first day? I've been training,
but this is my first like official shift, doing it on my own
lion solo. Yep. Well, don't you worry. We're all here to
support you. And if I do talk about anything that interests you, you
can just pipe on right in. You're welcome to throw in there. All
right. So I'm sitting here today feeling a little bit stiff and store and
I'll tell you what happened. So this morning, after I prepped my show.
My boyfriend Julio said, what do you want to do today. Let's
just go to the gym. And I said, well, we have a
few things to pick up at the grocery store. Why don't we walk there?
And he goes, Honey, I think it's like three miles on the
one oh one, like we're going to cross the freeway. And I said,
I think there's a fire road that goes along beside it. I go
out there and I put on my Lulu lemons and I didn't bring a hat,
and because I thought it was cool, cool day, and carried a
little water bottle and we start walking, and then I started opening the old
all Trails app and I said something, I think this way, I think
there's anyway. What I didn't plan on the fact is that there were up
hills, big uphills, a few downhills, more up hills, and that
it did get hot, it did get dry, and by the time we
got to the mall, we had walked six miles. Apparently on foot is
longer than a car six miles. And then we had to grit grocery sto
shop and so I had the stuff. I sat my butt down and I
just said, get me an uber. I'm not walking six home, So
I am going to be sore tomorrow. I can feel it all right.
So that's my day. But last night, before we went to sleep,
we watched this new series and I was prompted to watch it. I'll tell
you by who in a minute called the Supermodels on Apple TV? Did you
see that one yet? It's just about beautiful women. I have not but
beautiful women, Christina. I'm always down for watching beautiful women. So in
the nineteen eighties, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, and Christy
Turlington basically were the fashion icons. So this documentary series tells how they changed
the industry, how they became supermodels, and it was by uniting right and
getting them together. So the reason why I was prompted to watch it is
one of the supermodels, Linda Evangelista, actually had married. I think he
was like the president or CEO of Elite Europe at one point. And if
you followed me, and if you know where I'm going with this, you
will know what I'm about to say. She married my rapist, the man
who raped me as a teenager when I was a model. And we have
a group of women who pinned me. We call ourselves the Victorious Angels.
Victorious Angels, and there are a group of survivors who all found each other
thanks to the Internet and a few reporters. And this man is still out
there. He was often I heard it was reported he was funded by Jeffrey
Epstein. His partner, Jean Luc Brunel, another French agent, died at
his own hand in a Paris jail cell last year. This dude is in
Spain and he hasn't been extradited to France yet. We have a female lawyer
working on things. But the reason why I watched the series because the series
is real puff piece. It's not like down and dirty about the modeling industry
like it should be, because unfortunately, this kind of television makes young girls
go oooh ah, I want to get into this industry. And this is
an industry of youth. It is a highly unregulated industry. Young mothers with
stars in their eyes like my own mother send them off on airplanes and private
jets. I mean, my mother just let me fly to Paris the day
after high school graduation. I didn't even speak French. And yeah, you
can blame the mother. Okay, blame the mother, No, blame the
rapist. Because this man sat in a cafe with my mother a few months
earlier, holding her hand and telling her things like, oh my gosh,
I can tell where your daughter got her looks from. You're so beautiful.
And I'm watching this man flirt with my mother and I'm thinking, my little
seventeen year old stomach is going, that's weird. My mother has a disfiguring
skin disease called lupus. No one's ever talked to her that way, and
she was eating it up, and he was saying, I'm going to take
care of your daughter. Everything's going to be wonderful, etc. Anyway,
so the gals from Victorious angel pinged me and said watch the series. I'm
only on segment too. You know how they divide it all up and you
gotta wait. And apparently Linda Evangelista, so when we came out as a
group a year ago and did a lot of media talking about this having happened,
she put out a statement, they're divorced now. She put out a
statement saying, I knew nothing about the abuse that my husband was doing,
but basically I wouldn't put it past him like it's not surprising, But she
didn't say anything else. Well, apparently in this Apple TV series she says
that she was also abused by him as a young woman. So I can't
wait to get to that to find out. I do want to say,
Although the series is about Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, and
Christy Turlington, all lovely, beautiful, smart women, they forgot to include
a lot of other women. Claudia Schifferd, Tyra Banks, Stephanie Seymour,
Christie Brinkley, Sheryl Ts, Tatiana Patitz who sadly Tatiana died of breast cancer
this year, el McPherson, Helena Christensen, Kate mossm for all those names,
right, they're all supermodels too, definitely, But I bet it was
the budget that Apple TV had that they were kind of like, you know,
we can only afford to pay these four women. They're going to ask
for the most, so let's do that. Anyway, It's interesting if you
want to see beautiful women and you want to live back through the eighties and
nineties, that there it is. So when we come back, I do
want to talk about the Golden Bachelor that's coming out starting this Thursday. I'm
much excited about it. But if you have been following me on my social
media, the handle I'm just gonna throw it out there is at doctor Wendy
Walsh. You know that I went through a period where I was posting every
day, sometimes twice a day, some is three times a day. And
if you've been following me more than a million and a half followers across four
social media platforms, you know that I haven't posted a video all summer long.
I'm in an identity crisis. I don't know who I am, but
I will say this, since I've been doing a social media dtox, I
am much happier, but I feel guilty. Like so this week I posted
a little video on TikTok where I basically said, hey, has anybody else
ever been kind of an identity crisis. I'm in this transition where I'm,
you know, doing my jobs, but I'm building another thing on the side,
and it's exciting to me and I'm and I got so much love and
support, and I just want to thank anybody who saw that TikTok video and
commented is I literally laid in bed one morning before the sun came up,
scrolling through the comments, and I had a tear in my eye, and
I was reminded that there are real people out there on social media who say
very kind things. I was guess I was so used to the trolls.
You know, they're in the minority. Yeah, so maybe maybe I should
go through my identity crisis. They said, why call it a crisis,
It's just a transition. Why I should go through my identity crisis on the
TikTok or on the Instagram or whatever and just sort of talk to people about
it and get their feedback and find out what they're going through. Because I
found out a lot of people it's a state of the age. I don't
know if you've noticed, Christina. You haven't known me for many years,
but for many, many, many years, I always had that news anchor
Bob hair to my show that just would not grow whatever. And now I
have longer hair than I had in middle school. And I say that when
I when I actually figure out who I am, I'll get the right haircut
that matches it. But I remember one of my professors when I was in
psychology school said that a hair change is the biggest indication of personality change and
identity change. Yeah, so I dyed my hair dark brown when I had
my first baby because I want everybody to know I am not your light fluffy
blonde. I am a mother now. Plus I wanted to match my kid.
Okay, when we come back, let's talk about the Golden Bachelor and
your relationships. We are. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
on KFI AM six forty alive everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to
kf I AM six forty on demand AFI am six forty. You have Doctor
Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Well,
this is the week. We've been waiting for this a long time. Christy,
and I have to tell you the funniest story. Okay, So during
the pandemic, you know, there's three lost years. Yeah, I get
a call from an ex boyfriend who lives in Miami and he was a boyfriend
like you know, I don't know, thirty years ago or something. And
he was much older than me, because every twenty seventh year old and needs
a forty year old boyfriend with money. And he told me that he was
auditioning for the Golden Bachelor, and I'm like, what, he goes,
yeah, yeah, they came to Miami and I figured I would be great
and got it up. But anyway, he didn't hear back, or it
all got put on hold because of the pandemic. They didn't think it would
be great for older people to be in hot tubs with each other during the
pandemic idea it was disproportionately affecting people over the age of sixty five, right,
So it all got on hold, and now it is finally happening.
ABC's famous franchise, The Bachelor is launching The Golden Bachelor. It premiers this
Thursday night on ABC. So it made me say, like why, like
why is ABC skewing old? Well, it turns out nobody's watching TV anymore
except people over the age of sixty Did you know that? Like, literally
everybody's watching streamers. I mean, I am of a certain age, but
I don't know how to find a regular TV channel. I don't. I
only know how to get to those streamers, and you know my way.
So Christina, let me tell you this. I come from a generation that
when we wanted to watch our show we put it on our calendar and we
would go and sit there at the time, just like ABC does and NBC
and CBS and whatever, and then we would have this appointment television and then
when it was time to watch it, we would go to our box and
we would turn it on. That's it, right, We might have to
turn the dial to one of three channels or whatever. Anyway, So now
I cannot operate any technology in my house without my twenty year old there.
So the way that I watch a show now is I go to the Internet,
just like we did a few minutes ago. Christina on the break told
me there's this really good series called The Dark Side of the Nineties that has
an episode about modeling, because we were talking about modeling. So I go
to Google and I write the Dark Side of the Nineties and it got to
the production company Vice TV, and then I go like, where to watch
now, it's not just on my TV. And then I go to the
passwords. I go, do I have a password for that streamer? And
what is that password? So I know it will take me ten minutes,
no twenty five minutes to find that show, but I will do it.
I will do it well. Apparently many other people over the age of sixty
will not go through that. They want to still have their appointment and go
to their TV. And many people will be doing that. So I know
that I don't have to go on Thursday night to ABC because it will air
somewhere else afterwards. Right, we should google that for our people because we
have young, hip people listening to us, and they're not going to have
an appointment on Thursday night, So ask ask the internet how to watch the
Golden Bachelor after Thursday because it will air somewhere afterwards. I'm on it,
okay, all right. It's also an important demo because these people are watching
TV. I got it. Now. Here's what you should know about dating
and single people. According to Pew Research, the youngest and oldest Americans are
most likely to be single. Forty one percent of people aged eighteen to twenty
nine are single, and thirty six of the thirty six percent of people over
the sixty five are single. But there's a big gender gap. Here's what
you should know that forty nine percent of that's fifty percent. Let's say half
the women over sixty five are single, whereas only thirty six percent of men
are single. Now you're going like, how is that possible, because aren't
there the same numb No, they died, Okay, the guys died.
That's what happened. And so as a result, you get left with all
these single women. Now, there's a big difference, according to the research,
in people who say they're sing and people who want a relationship, because
there are a lot of women who are very happy now right their husband,
who they loved and cared for and whatever has passed away. There's research to
show that women do better after divorce or loss than men do. And they've
got his pension, and they've got his house, and they've got their girlfriends
and their book club and their garden club and they're good, right, But
apparently they are also twenty two women on the Golden Bachelor. All right,
So this Bachelor season is going to have the regular stuff, physical contest,
moonlit dinners scenes and hot tubs. I don't know if I want to see
this, and those roads ceremonies, and yes, there will also be the
fantasy suites. Now, my boyfriend Hulio said today, what's a fantasy suite?
I said, honey, you need to watch the Bachelor. Okay,
at the very end, when the dude picks his last three, he gets
to go into a private suite with them and spend the night and hook up
with them. Do you think that's gonna oh my, just the thought of
it out of the sight of prime cameras. Well. I looked it up
because I was concerned, does everybody have sex on the Bachelor if you're one
of the final three? Turns out? There have been a total of three
hundred and thirty five contestants that have entered the Bachelor mansion that's the beginning,
and only seven have openly said that they did not have sex in the fantasy
suite. Oh now, some were virgins, Okay, so they were waiting
for These are people who are twenty five, twenty eight years old. They're
waiting for marriage. One woman, I like her. She didn't accept the
invitation because she wanted to model good behavior for her daughters. I like that.
It's a good idea. But now we have a bachelor, Gary Turner,
who's seventy two years old. Is he going to go and hook up
with these women in the fant I don't know. I don't know. Okay,
let's meet Gary Turner. He's a retired restaurant her, a doting father,
a grandfather. He lives in his dream house on a beautiful lake in
Indiana. However, six years ago, he and his wife Tony, they
were tired. They bought their dream house on this beautiful lake, but soon
after moving in, things did not go as planned. Three years of a
beautiful love the love your life, Tony or high school sweetheart. I'm a
relatively newly married guy myself. Oh wait, wait, wait, that's not
what I wanted to hear. There was another. Did you get the one
before that? I didn't do it in Red's you missed it, probably,
okay, so let me tell you. I'm just having you stop for a
second roll. So the sound that we missed is him crying literally on camera
about how his wife became suddenly ill, got a bacterial infection and died so
like as soon as they moved into their retirement house. And he's literally like
showing real emotion on camera. That's amazing. He said it was the closeness
of his two daughters, his young adult granddaughters. There's four women around him.
They got him out of his dark place. So then they did this
promotional show where the host of The Bachelor, Jesse Palmer asked him this,
where'd come beautiful love, the love of your life to your high school sweetheart.
I'm a relatively newly married guy myself. I'm going to be picking your
brain throughout this entire thing. Do you have any advice for people out there
that are looking for a long lasting, happy marriage? Jesse? If there's
if there's one thing only that I would tell you or anyone else, it's
like, look at your spouse every day and tell them you love them,
because the day comes too soon for one of you that you can't do that.
And I would give anything to be able to do that one more time.
All Right, when we come back, let's meet the twenty two women
vying to meet Gary. You're listening to doctor Wendy Welsh showing KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio apps. You're listening to kf I
AM six forty on demand. Kf I AM six forty. You've got doctor
Wendy Walsh. Would you that share? And that's the song they're using for
The Golden Bachelor that airs on Thursday on ABC. At what time, Christina?
I don't time, but I know where you can watch it after where's
that? If after it premiere is on Thursday, then it'll stream the next
day on Hulu Hulu. Okay, that means I got to find out my
password or something. Yes, does Julio have Hulu? Julio might have Hulo
Hulu. I might have Hulu. My daughter might have Hulu. Somebody will
have a password for me because I'm gonna watch it. That's it. Okay.
So the Golden Bachelor, as I said, the Bachelor, Gary Turner
is seventy one years old when they taped it, a retired restaurateur. He's
now seventy two. We'll be meeting twenty two female contestants aged sixty to seventy
five. Now. They have careers in education, real estate, finance.
Some of them even were former cheerleaders or did competitive aerobics. They come from
all over the country, because you know ABC's national, they want to cover
the country from Tennessee to New York to Miami. Their musical tastes run from
you know, classical music to Harry Styles and one of them even attended the
Real Beatles concert. And they do have names like Edith and Joan and Peggy.
What's wrong with that. That's what I say. What is wrong with
that? As I mentioned, there are twenty two women who will be on
the Golden Bachelor. They range an age from sixty to seventy five years old.
Hi, I'm Peggy. I'm sixty nine years old. Leslie, I'm
sixty four, Maria, I'm Susan. I'm Joe, I'm so good.
I'm Christina, I'm Faith, I'm Sandra. I'm seventy five years old.
Love Now, I've been ready for a long time. People have a mental
picture of what a seventy three old person is and what they look like,
which is not me. There's no ton It's a good time for us to
realize in these golden years that we have a lot of life to live.
I am sixty six and my heart is wide open, live life out loud.
We're still we have a lot of zest for life. You know,
I don't watch anything with old people on it because I don't want to get
old. Well, the contestant who said that, by the way, looking
at her face, has visited some plastic surgery offices to make sure that she
doesn't. Those are some fine looking ladies. They all look gorgeous. A
little tip for Gary. By the way, did you notice the range of
voices. Some of those still had high voices and some of them had low
voices. Yeah, there's hormones behind that. So when a woman's voice goes
deeper, it's her loss of estrogen. And there is some correlation between a
decline and estrogen and decline and sex drive. So Gary's going to pick the
one with the high SWO. You know they did this study I think I
featured on one of my podcasts, ones out of UCLA, where they simply
asked men to talk on the phone to women and all the women said it
was UCLA study. All they said is hi, I'm a UCLA student.
And they had to say which voice sounded hot or not. And then they
all so looked at their Oh this was ovulation, right, They looked at
their cycle and where they were, and the guys unknowingly picked women who are
ovulating. That's fascinating, they said. Oh, they didn't know why they
spo but I'll tell you that the high are your voice, and the high
are your voice, the more estrogen you have. Just say, I'm always
amazed. All right, let me come back. Let's talk a little more
about how to find love over fifty if you're not on the Golden Bachelor,
and also some dating behaviors that are red flags you should look out for.
You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and kf I Am six forty with
Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to kf I Am sixty on
demand. Okay, kf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you, and this is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I would like
to welcome my Instagram listeners if you would like to come on into the studio
visually, just open your Instagram app and look for doctor Wendy Walsh and there
you'll be here with us. I do want to say this both to the
Instagram listeners, though, you should download the iHeart Radio app because when I
start taking listener calls in a few minutes, you won't be able to hear
the question. So unless you're listening on the iHeartRadio app. All right,
we are talking a little bit about the twenty two women who we are going
to meet on Thursday night on ABC with The Golden Bachelor, ranging an age
from sixty to seventy five. But I will say this, they all look
really young for their age. It's not the end of your life. There's
so many more things to do. I love to travel the Bahamas of my
favorite I love dance. I also flight to kayak. I love pilates.
I love to play pickle ball. I like to play pickle ball, pick
a ball, pick a ball. I love pick a ball. I bought
my pickle ball with me. I hope Gary is ready for it. Yeah,
I guess we're going to see a lot of pickle ball on the Golden
Bachelor. Listen. I mentioned earlier that when a woman's voice gets lower,
it's indicative of reduction in estrogen, and sometimes that's correlated with a decrease in
libido, orgasm, or frequency of coit is, but some menopausal women get
an improved sex drive when they have a new partner. So maybe Gary will
be lucky. I think the bigger question though, for these twenty two women
is are they willing to go to Indiana and move there because he's already got
his retirement house on a lake in Indiana? And what if you're from like
Chicago or Miami or New York or LA and you've got connections friends, family,
grand kids. Are you really at that age going to pick up and
move off to Indiana? But maybe bachelor Gary, because of the limelight that
he's in, might be liking the La life and maybe he'll move to a
more urban area. I don't know, all right, I do want to
say this, if you are over the age of fifty, you should get
on those dating apps. Is the fastest growing group of people on dating apps.
One in six Americans over fifties say they have been on a dating app.
According to the research, the apps they're using. People always ask me
what apps? What apps? I always say the apps are pretty much all
the same. Just don't lie on them and be truthful and you'll find what
you're looking for. It's like going to like different nightclubs and restaurants. It's
often the same people you see at the same one. Same with the apps.
Let's see, nineteen percent of online daters over fifties say they've used Tinder.
Wow. Well, I'll say this. Older people don't use it as
the hook up app. Of course they don't. Maybe some of them do,
and but they're more likely to use Okay Cupid because that's where they do.
The psychological profile of you and you have to answer a lot of questions.
It takes twenty minutes to make your profile answer those questions, and they
also use Bumble. Also, they're also more likely to usematch dot Com.
I met my boyfriend on Bumble. It's not an advertisement for Bumble, just
saying that's where I met. So if you do get on those dating apps,
and if you are starting to date, I want to talk about a
few dating behaviors that sometimes we normalize and we rationalize and we find ways of
forgiving. But I'm here to tell you that some of those things are not
okay, so they're actually problematic behavior. So let's go through a few of
them. The first one is ignoring boundaries. I always say when you first
date somebody, you should give them the teeniest, tiniest boundary just to see
if they respect it. Your boundary might be you know a lot of people
call me Kate, but I really prefer Catherine. And if he says,
yeah, but I like Kate better, I'm gonna call you Kate. That's
boundary violation right there, tiny little thing. If you say to somebody,
hey, I'm not a big texture, I'd prefer if you called and they
still continue to text you. That's a boundary violation. You've been very clear
about who you are and want you want, and sometimes people plow right through
your boundaries and you interpret it as passion, like, well, they really
wanted to see me and they must be really interesting interested in me. No,
they're testing you to see how much they can get away with. Here's
another one. In the early stages of dating, or at any time really
in a relationship, if you're arguing constantly, if your whole relationship is about
a fight and then great makeup sex, that is not passion. That is
a very unhealthy relationship. I think it was last week a listener wrote in
and said something like, you know, we fight all the time, but
we're bickering all the time, and it's been three years. When is it
going to stop. It doesn't stop because you petered out. You've now set
up a system. This is the system, right, So until you learn
good conflict resolution skills, it's going to continue. And it's not healthy.
Jealousy and posiveness. Some people think, oh, they're really into me,
they're so jealous that I'm going there with my girlfriends, and or they're stalking
me. Well they'll call it stalking. They just showed up to surprise me.
Yeah, just showed up to surprise you. Now that's control, and
that's stalking, and that's jealousy, and that's possessiveness, and that could go
down a slippery slope into terrible things. Okay, So how about falling in
love too quickly, too fast, where you're talking every single day and texting
every single day and it's the first few weeks that you met stop it.
Okay, that's called codependency. You see, we all have to learn at
the beginning of a relationship to stay in the land of unknowing, not knowing
where it's going or what is going to be. And that can last a
few weeks, a few months where you're not quite sure you should be able
to contain yourself. I always just say wait and see, let them reveal
who they are. How about making big, huge sacrifices for somebody, now
stay with me. Relationships are about a compromise. Relationships are about sacrifice.
Yes, you want to test somebody a little bit to see if they will
put you first in the early stages of dating. But big things like leaving
their job in the city they live in to move to your city and you've
only known each other three months. Stop hold your horses. That is way
too fast. Do not romanticize the idea of making really big sacrifices and that
that's a sign of love. No, that's a sign of low self esteem
somebody who thinks you're more important than there. Take care of yourself first.
I want to say that. All right, when we come back, I
will take your calls. I'll be answering some of your social media questions.
The number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. Just a reminder, I'm a
psychology professor, not a therapist. This is Wendy's wisdom. If you want
Auntie Wendy to weigh in, I'll be happy to weigh in on your love
life. One eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show on k f I AM six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app kf I AM six forty on demand