Welcome to you, softcore History. Welcome back to softcore History. I'm your
host for the week, damn Regester and that's always. I am joined by
my two co host, Jake Goldman and Rob Fox. What is up boys?
Hello? Nice gun? Not much like our salt gun? Spread it
on. I ain't here the crickets since pulled this bad boy out. Not
a chirp, so that single chirp. Have you ever used a bug of
salt gun before? Oh? Shout us to a Gus one of the listeners.
He sent this in appreciate it. Yeah, bug of salt. It
shoots like a shotgun, sprays. Oh nice, poor you gotta pour table
salt in there. I don't know how sea salt pink salt. I don't
know. I don't know how the chunky salt would do, but the sea
salt, and it's just like so I wanted to use it on like when
the crickets are flying like you're shooting ski. Oh that's kind of sick,
right, no, right, yeah? Can we hang out for like an
hour after this episode. I also wanted to get an air rifle that shoots
like the metal babies. Yeah, and like do just like a marksman ship.
Just play like metal Sights, Iron sights, you know. Yeah,
just get real old schools. Yeah, just get Marksman on the Fucker's Crawling
Dove season. Like we could totally just have a little cricket skeet day and
like make a little barbecue cricket, wrap him in bacon, put cricket poppers.
Yeah. I lived in Texas for Less World Order, making us try
to eat cricket bars. Yeah, dude, if you kill him first,
it's cool. They're gonna make you. Yeah, if you hunt them,
it's fine, it's it's alpha. If you hunt them, it's a great
time for our or at least my friend Eli. Yeah right, yeah,
Golden Cricket. There's a free read for you, just getting ahead on the
New World Order, just like beating the New World Order to want you to
eat bugs. Elis a conspiracy theorist, to the point that he probably did
start his nutrition company because he's like, this is kind of where the world's
gonna get in sall, where the market was going. Yeah, yeah,
see what happened, and need to cash in on it. All they acquired
by the Illuminati, all the people, yeah, theyll all the people in
the Illuminati, like steak and beef and stuff like that, uh, scallops
whatever. They've already all already reached their peak tastiness. So what they need
to do is like, they can't can't taste any better for them in their
own mouths, so they have to increase the taste gap right for it to
for it to right, they have to they have to now be satisfied not
only by the taste, but by how little, how terrible the taste everyone
else is getting. Yeah, it probably really that's why skirts steak got so
expensive, because they found out how tasty the poor cuts were and they're like,
damn it, we gotta raise those prices. Yep, d damn it.
These poor has been eaten so good. Yeah, their strife has made
their cuisine better. How like, yeah, classic, it's all sizzle though,
it's all fajitas. No, No, it's not true. Shit,
it might be true, It might be true, it might be true.
I don't give a fuck. I think the popular already of fahitas have made
scarts steak go up. Yeah, definitely has. When people realize, oh,
I can buy a cast iron skillet and do this myself at home.
It's a little to show me. I want to go to a restaurant.
Oh cool, you got faitas. Everyone's gotta look very rarely what our fahda
is to be honest, yeah, I never do. There's better dishes.
Yeah, Like, hey, I would rather not assemble my meal. Yeah.
Doing all the work for them, it's like fun do It's like you
do it a couple of times they're like, I'm just they're warning me.
They're giving me health code like guylines here, don't cross conterminate. Like okay,
man, maybe you should just cook it a rebate almost. Yeah,
you get a little bit. It's like you want to to tab you want
to patacos together. Yeah, Like imagine if someone it's like tableside guawk,
but they just dump all the guak ingredients on the table. I thought you'd
like them. You make the guawk. Here's a knife cut the on any
bitch, Yeah, I would. Actually, you know what, we gotta
take it a step further on fahitas and be like, here's an open flame
and a skillet and raw. It's like skillet you do it. Wait,
that's a Korean barbecue. Korean barbecue. Shit, that's different flavor profile.
I bet we could get a bunch of Texans to be in a Mexican barbecuet
morons like easily good. Yeah, dude, we just get them to cook
their own damn phahitake your own Philly cheese steak. We also get them to
make their own marks. We open a restaurant with no overhead. It's just
here's the raw ingredients that everything you want. Have fun, bring your own
ingredients. Isn't this just your fucking sauce truck? That was That was box
ideas where you it's biof You bring your own food and they have just every
sauce known to man. And that truck existed here in Austin and went out
of business pretty quick. Yeah, it was called a Sauce Obyssey. Anyway.
Yeah, let's get down the business. Get down as tax. Make
sure to leave a review five stars please, and thank you. If this
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We have a patre patreon dot com, slash software history. You get two
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years now, three years of content, three years where we didn't really miss
I think it has been three years. I think we've only missed once.
Yeah, we forgot to sell right at three year anniversary. We're pretty good
at that. Yeah. I think we just throw a big Christmas party,
Yeah at Boomers obviously at Boomer's. True it might maybe we do a fan
meet up at Boomer's Yo, that's the only appropriate place to have a fan
and then we maybe I'm not saying we're gonna do this, but what if
we had a bart up okay, and we got on where when what?
Dude, it's cheap as fuck. It's fine, you know. If we
have fifteen fans show up and we go to Boomers and we can pay for
we can actually talk about this off air because I have a connection with that
as well. Oh, I talked to the bartender. No, no,
no, a Boomers. It's something with something else. But to be on
when wear what whatever, blah blah, that would be the weakest one,
it's like, uh app boomers this podcast buying some drinks. I would be
so fucking drunk at that, not even because I'm like pirty they're padcast,
because I'd be like, oh my god, I gotta talk to so many
fucking people today. It would be hilarious, nah man, Actually yeah,
because people just show up for the drinks. I would just be like getting
drunk. Like, yeah, it's like when TFM used to have those the
tailgate that one year and I was the only fucking writer. Basically, it's
like me and Boosh and you. I don't even know if you were there
a lot, but I was like I was there. Yeah, we were
like shoot up. We were the only ones that I would talk to people
because everyone else was an awkward turd and I would just get fucked up because
I just couldn't take talking to that many strangers. Yep. That's my job.
Yep, Yep, that's my job. Yep, that's what I do.
And then they like relied on me and Boost to bring women to the
tailgate. Yeah, it's like, well that they were all married and yeah
I was not at that point. The funny thing is you can still bring
your wife to the down you can. Yeah, and it was always a
bit trying to bring everything. But regardless, you know what Patreon dot com,
slash software History software history dot com. We have new merch, new
merch brand new two shirts. We got three shirts. Three shirts. That's
right, then no one will remember you T shirts we have. We kind
of try to cash in on the Roman Empire shirt if you like that mean
by it. Yeah, it'll be irrelevant by the time that gets shipped to
your door, but you'll always have the tea. We're in the second stage
of it now. Where so I get served a lot of history articles on
my feeds just because I read a lot of history stuff and for this show
in because I like history, read everything. And now every single historical outlet
or or even like normal outlets at right history stuff sometimes like Wall Street Journal
or The Atlantic and stuff like that, every single one is like historian explains
why why men are still so obsessed with the Roman Empire. It's like even
the Onion had a fucking thing. It's so late, but we we're gonna
be quicker with the T shirts. We should have printed this two weeks ago
and probably actually sold itself. Yeah we didn't. We didn't think about it
then, though. We're gonna be better about that. We're gonna be better
with new design. Yeah, Dan, we're talking about how late it was.
I was like, man, you told me about it last night at
seven and we got it up at like ten am or whatever. I know
what I'm saying. It was late on my Should we do it? Should
we do an Irish shirt that says Happy Halloween? Ask me how you're appropriating
my culture? Oh? Man, we could workshop that. Yeah, yeah,
you know what I mean. We could spre gonna watch Spooky Month coming
up next week. Yeah, first episode of Spooky Month. It's you two,
right, Yeah, yeah, I think I'm man your main I got
a special guest for a Patreon Oh really little extra potentially tarot card reading.
Oh okay for all of us now, not just me. Oh I love
Veronica a seasoned witch. Oh that's a that's a shot that's insulting. Yeah,
you shots fired, Veronica or Taylor. If you're listening and you want
to let Veronica know to curse Dan, curse. You don't have to curse
me. You can come too. We can have a battle of the witches.
Oh my god, you guys can bring your wands my tarot cards.
Now, if two witches come into contact with each other, do the tarot
cards then become like Yugio cards and they battle each other? Yes, I
think. So it's like, are you hit them with like the reverse Unil
card? Yeah, it's like Uno, but one of them dies at the
end. That's fun. It's like pick up seven or like draw seven,
but it's like seven poisons. Yeah, it's like seven death cards in a
rown. Yeah. Yeah, so keep a lookout for that. It just
gets the same reading both times. It's still the same ship from the last
time. The Twin Tower card. Yeah, and my life has only gone
downhill since your life is a national tragedy. It's great. From the outside,
it looks so good. Went on the outside of nine to eleven looked
good. I guess there's a lot of press coverage. I don't have any
of that. The outside of the buildings probably looked better than the end.
Brought the nation together, Yeah, on a lie, that's united any three.
Maybe you're at the bar dan Steel being Yeah, Jeffield, Well you
ain't that hot. I need some Jeff fuel because I'm a little tired and
I but we're gonna press through. We're gonna give you a love that energy.
A nice episode on Geronimo tonight, Geronimo, are you familiar with this
guy? Here? About this guy Indian? Now? Fun fact about Geronimo.
I don't know if you included this, but a bunch of on D
Day, or I should say the day before D Day, a bunch of
paratroopers cut mohawks before they jumped in. It was because they had watched a
Western or a film or something featuring Geronimo and they were like, the guy's
a fucking animal. Let's go. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm cutting
my hair. Like the guy in the movie who had a mohawk. He
kind of took over pop culture even at the time. Really yeah, okay,
we'll see a mohawk. No, like a mohawk Indian. Yeah no,
but he had a mohawk the movie. He's an Apache, Okay,
Yeah, which apaches are. There's a lot of them. Apaches are like
the spartans of Native Americans. But apaches are also just kind of like this
umbrella term for the Southwest Indians. Uh. Yeah. The apaches had like
a little empire, I believe, and so so many different like subsexx Yeah.
It's similar to the way, you know, the Aztec Empire, they
weren't you know what I mean. It's like they weren't necessarily Aztecs, or
the way like Germany is still like there's Bavarians and you know whatever. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. He was also not born Geronimo. He earned that
name. We'll get to that. But he was born Goya Fla, which
translates to the one who yawns Goya. Okay, so he's a real snooze
man, lave laying goys. Huh, I do I love did not live
up to his name though, just one. Yeah, exceeded expectations. Oh
undt were of land boys with I don't know what that means. Oh man,
you're both Catholics, say in a more jewey, I love land boys.
There you go staring up. The goy is a non Jewish person.
Okay, my wife, Yeah, you do. You lay one boy.
There's a cricket. There's a cricket's salt. It doesn't come loaded. You
gotta pump it too. It's a pump action. Is there salt in it?
Now? There's nothing in there loaded. I thought it would. I
told you we had to get we had to go get a thing of Morton's
table slot right, Yeah, that'd be you'd be a funny thing in a
movie as if like you're fighting off witches and someone just takes a bug assault
and starts blasting holes. Yeah, which is because it's a protection. Yeah,
you'd make the circles. Yeah, that would be dope. Hey,
it's which gonna lay circle around the studio or assault circle around the studio?
We should make her. What if we were just what if we just like
jokingly we're like, be you with the thing and then it really did like
just blow a hole or chest. She's just like evaporated through the roof and
burst into bats. What if that happened? Damn, what if that happened?
Stay tuned. Dront Mill was part of the Badunka Hay Band, a
smaller tribe of the Apaches with the population of a little over eight thousand one
is now modern day New Mexico Southwest Baby. His grandfather was chief, and
once his father died Neppo Baby, he and his three brothers and four sisters
went with his mother to live amongst the Cherikawhi Apaches. He was naturally gifted
hunter and provided for his first wife, who he married at seventeen and had
three children with She was the first of nine wives. Damn do they stack
wives or was that just like they did after the fact, because what had
happens to his wife, you see, what had happened was is kind of
what gets the wheels in motion for what he does. Is this like the
part in Brave Heart they made up where the English do something fucked up to
the prema nocta and then William Wallace starts starts American Brits and but his wife
dies and he's like, well, now I have to go on a revenge
spree to free Scotland. Yes, revenge slash just slang my dick around spree.
Fair enough. I imagine he becomes a leader at some point too,
and has to like marry to unite tribes or whatever. The fuck. Well
he marries this woman whose father is also a leader. So yeah, he's
just you know, pimped out. He's kind of playing the game, even
from an early age. That game exists across cultures. Yeah, yeah,
very much. So they can't kill us if he fuck if my son fucks
their daughter, Yeah, then they have a baby of both of ours.
Yeah, that's we don't kill then I have terrible news for you. Everyone
being on the run was a way alife. Or Geronimo and his people,
they were in constant conflict with Mexico, the US, and local tribes as
they constantly rated their neighbors. Oh, I thought only America fought the Native
Americans. No, he mainly has issues with the Mexicans. Oh weird.
I thought it was only America, you know, the Southwestern this time everyone
hated it. What year is it, Well, he was born I think
in the twenties, So nineteen twenties, eighteen twenties, Okay, I say,
yeah, nineteen twenties, Yeah, eighteen twenties. Okay, So this
isn't even the seventeen twenty. A lot of this stuff's gonna kind of starck
around eighteen fifty to eighteen eighty for the region I guess the seven No,
no, no, no, not for that region. Well, wait till
you find out how long he lives. Okay. What I'm saying is like
it's I gotta imagine how how long was the period of lawlessness post Mexican American
War to quite a bit, Like it doesn't even get really, people don't
even really start moving there. I mean, you have the gold Rush of
forty nine, We're gonna get to get to California. But people don't really
start moving out there till after the Civil War. In earnest things start popping
off because of the end of the Mexican American War, where it's just all
this like Freeland settlers are gonna try to eventually move to and apaches. They
love themselves a good raid. Yeah, no, for sure. They were
essentially just like plane pirates. Yeah, dude, oh yeah, it's like
we've lived here forever and you're here now, so you're you're ours. They
were the probably the fiercest tribe that the US fought, and the Mexicans well
yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know, I don't know anything about
like what they were dealing with in the Yucatan or anywhere else, but in
turn up there for sure. Well yeah, around the border, right,
yeah, Like I mean there were governments that were like fun, both Mexican
and Americans, that were like bounties on scalps. Yeah to him, get
your money. Yeah, we're gonna get to that. Okay. So he
led four successful raids himself that kind of ended up having Mexico developed that bounty
program. Oh he started it, he kicked it off. Nice. So
in response to these raids, Mexico developed the bounty system for Apache scalps,
including children scalps, for twenty five dollars. Yeah, no, it was
about right. I mean, think about it this way. You gotta get
rid of the French factor. Yeah, absolutely, well that that's actually I
didn't even think about that. That's a good point. Like if we're talking
about the banality and the it's just a fucking genocide. Yeah, you just
gotta wipe them out. Like you're looking at it. I'm not saying,
oh god, this is terrible, like I'm just saying, if they are
raiding you and you don't want that to happen anymore, you don't leave young
ones right right. Yeah, it's not it's not pretty. The logistics of
that and the semantics of wiping out of people. No, but you see
it gets there's the calculuses there. Yeah, there's math to it. Yeah,
math doesn't care not sink. My two co hosts on this show would
advocate for genocide. I'm not advocating for it, explained Jewish Man. I'm
start left. I'm sorry, Uh, I'm sorry. You don't side with
Mexico. I don't. I think you're a racist. I think you're racist,
bro. Yeah, Okay. His legend really starts on March fifth,
eighteen fifty one, when a Mexican company four hundred soldiers led by Colonel Jose
Marida Carrasco attacked their camp at Janos. Among those killed during the conflict were
Geronimo's wife, all his children, and his mother. Damn. Yeah,
that sent me on a spree. Yeah, I think you start killing Geronimo
then only twenty two would go home to wage war against Mexico for the rest
of his life. I think that's a life defining moments. So yeah,
yeah, I also like props to Geronimo, Like, I'm at war with
an entire country now right personally it's versus this part of fucking Mexico. Yeah,
that's that's just like the amount of determination in that moment, like the
amount of hate you probably have in your heart for that. This is my
life's purpose. I will end this country just random Mexicans. Yeah, and
props, dude. It became on site for any Mexican that Geronimo would encounter
in a Patchee tradition, he burned all his family, he's belongings and grieved
in the wilderness where legend has it a voice came to him and told Geronimo,
no gun will ever hurt you. Fucking sick Spirit of the Forest.
Spirit of the Forest talking tree from Pocahonas just was like, hey, no
one's shooting you. And these are also direct quotes from Geronimo because he's awesome.
There's I subscribe to newspapers dot com. Awesome resource now kind of been
kind of massive overside of my part. I subscribe to newspapers dot com.
Dude, you can search anything and they will pull up like literal newspapers from
the eighteen seventies. That's where I was doing. When I was doing the
newspaper blocks I was. I was also subscribed to newspapers dot com and yeah,
I was just going through I was going through literal day by day editions
of the Post dispatch. It was supposed dispatch from like the eighteen eighties,
eighteen nineties. I have another question about what you just said, though,
Why don't we get grieve in the woods days from work? And alright,
that's bullshit, Like Geronimo gets to baseball players, get it. Grieve in
the woods. Well, you can take time off to grieve. It depends
if you work at the right startup. You can go to Josh Witchery and
do a bunch of mushrooms. But that's like for networking and synergy and flow
in business practice. I'm talking about like, Yo, man, my dog
died. What that technical term that a lot of people use for it for
what That's what I'm trying to remember for the baseball because it's a list.
It's a it's not grievance list. It's fuck. What is it? Uh?
Like when Erlick goes out, he's trying to like figure out it's a
vision quest. Oh, vision quests? Yeah, yeah, just like anyone
can go on a vision quests. Yeah. But yeah, listen, yo,
me and my dog died, I have to go in the woods for
three days. Now. You should, especially if your dog dies. Yeah,
absolutely go cry out there when he came back. Oh, I'm sorry.
The MLB has a bereavement list. Oh yeah, yeah, so if
like your dad dies in the middle season, they can they don't have to
put you on the IL, but you can just take a step. Yeah,
but then they can replace your roster spot for they have a paternity list,
a bereavement list. Oh damn, that's pretty progressive of the MLB does
not really know they need to replace the guy on the roster. Yeah,
when he came back, he went to the Apache band led by his father
in law coaches to ask for assistance and getting revenge. He gathered up two
hundred men and hunted down every single Mexican soldier who killed his family. Damn
did he alleged in that time? It took a couple of years. I
mean yeah, and that's what makes me even more wondered. Did he I
imagine he killed Mexican soldiers. I think he killed enough to be certain,
But like, was he just killing he was Mexican soldiers? He definitely killed
this colonel. Baby, he killed the colonel. I believe that that's easy,
right, figure out that guy he's but you're to find the corporal and
second platoon Maybe not right? Maybe I think at that point you're just often
dudes in blue blue J Scott, the guy that gave the order, right,
Yeah, Yeah, he's just making a checklist. He's just killing random
Mexican sol He's killing that colonel and then and that's fine. Also at this
point, like he kills your wife and all your fucking kids. Yeah,
dude, just kill any Mexican mom and his mom. Just kill any Mexican
soldier. At that point he's made I'm not even begrudging it. He's checking
it twice. If you're Mexican, it's murder on site. Dam is coming
to the name Geronimo came about doing an a tackle on Mexicans where our boy
was surgical with the blade. Most historians believe that as the Mexican soldiers bled
out from the knife, they cried out to Saint Jerome for help and it
just kind of stuck. And as he stood over their dead bodies, was
he like Jerome, No, no, jer Was it in was that vampire
movie Thirty Days a Night when she's like it's good and he's like, oh
God, no God, and it's like Jerome, Jerome, No, No,
They're like days Geronimo. It's exactly how it went down. About it,
Like it's a pointing contention with a bunch of historians, But I'm gonna
go with that because it sounds dope. That's a sound dope, like it's
not confirmed, but we're going with ye Jerome. So comfortable with this little
mimic sawed off pump shotgun here. It's nice. It's the filly in you.
You're just you're getting a feel for it. I'm gonna get you a
real one. We have a real once in that guitar case. Don't let
people know that. People, there is a literal shotgun here with amo fucking
surgical with it short barrel. I'm a surgeon with this thing, Jake.
Let's start this bitch. I believe the surgeon with this bitch, Jake.
It's been a while since I've seen Training Day. But you get the you
get the point. It's one of my favorite movies. Attacks and counterattacks would
go on for decades. Americans came more into the picture after the Mexican American
War and the pursuit for gold brought miners and settlers into the region, which
brought about rate opportunities on stage coaches and wagon trains full of gold. You
know you got to fund your war, baby. It's funny that like Wells
Fargo's thing, right is the wagon, the covered wagon, because that's how
they transported it. Yeah, so my mind, I'm always like so Wells
Fargo was the most strapped wagon yes, Like that's why I think of when
I see that, I'm like, that's how that's why they still exists.
They were so guns up, no one bought. There was more than one
dude riding shotgun. Yeah, they were all riding shot It's a gallon gun
on every They also killed the just you know, the buffalo caught strays.
That's it. We accidentally almost wiped out the American buffalo. I think everything
around the buffalo caught strays most likely. Yeah. After American military intervention due
to these tacks on their citizens, the Apache reached a peace agreement with Coachie
his father in law, and would establish reservations of on the Apache land that
they held nearer to their hearts. So they kind of came into a nice
agreement like hey, just kind of you can keep your land, stay there,
some of your land, stop bothering us. Yes, so Coachiese is
his father in law, right, Yeah, Roby, you remember this,
Dan. I don't know if it was just my part of Florida or whatever.
Do people call people coach Cheese. I've heard that, Like I've heard
like it's from like I feel like it was big in like the seventies or
something, you know what I mean, like a quick yeah, yeah,
I also have coach cheese. Yeah, I know, I know. That
was one of my first thoughts hearing that is that used to be like slang.
It was saying for like, what's up, bro? Yeah, what's
up? Coach cheese? Chief? Really is what? Like I think?
So yeah. Much of this much to the disappointment of Geronimo. He hated
that he kind of agreed to a peace offering pieces for bitches. This man
has no peace in his heart. And again I don't fault him. I
was at war with the entire country of Mexican. Now I'm just not at
warm with anyone. He's at war with Earth. At this point, my
blood lust is not filled m hm. Around the same time, the Apachees
finally reached a peace agreement in eighteen seventy three with Mexicans. Terms were agreed
upon and Mexican troops gave the natives mescow to celebrate once they were intoxicated.
The Mexican army then went back on the treaty immediately and started to slaughter and
capture different bands of the Patuck. That is fucking insane. That's like straight
up murdering your guest in the house kind of shit, like you just did
this, like you just made the treaty. Yeah, it'd be like if
we just started unloading that Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, it's the Trojan Horse,
you know, it's like all anything like that. Really, I feel
like I just watched something where that happened too, where like I watched some
movie or something where it's just like they waited, like only half the group
was drinking, but everyone acted like they were drinking, you know what I
mean, and they turned on the other half type of thing. Yeah.
Yeah, what if the Trojan Horse was just full of other brows that wanted
to tickle fight? Yeah, or I mean, you know it's the Red
Wedding, right, it is the Red Wedding. Yeah, for sure.
It's the Oh yes, we're binding our these houses are getting married and no,
no, no no, and yep everyone's here great. Yeah, dude.
If I was a royal ever, I'd be like, I'm not going
to show I'm going anywhere. Fuck it, we are castle, Yeah,
who live here? Now, I'll probably get killed in this, but whatever,
you gotta get to me. Yeah. They were forced into the wilderness
or sought refuge on the US reservations. Those shielded from the attacks on these
reservations. Malaria was a bucking and much of the population either died or became
disabled from the disease. That sucks. Not ideal, but Geronimo, that
strong boy. Geronimo himself was at the San Carlos Reservation from eighteen seventy seven
to eighteen eighty one. So he's already like sixty. No, he's born
in the fifties, twenty nine, like twenty nine. So yeah, so's
he's in his fifties. He's in his No, he's in his forties.
He lives forever. Okay, he's a live right now. Yeah, he's
still in the reservation. That dope. Uh. He escaped in September of
eighteen eighty one. He led a small band of Apachee for the next five
years of aiding captors and picking off little raids here and there. They established
a base in the Sierra Madre Mountains. Perceptions of Dronimo were all over the
map. Who was a bit of a lightning rod. His followers viewed him
as the last great defender of the Native American way, but most of the
actual Apachee population that was on the reservation saw him as a stubborn holdout,
violently driven by revenge and foolishly putting the lives of his people in danger.
Like they come on, man, they already got us. Just it's like
a Japanese guy in the jungle after all. Yeah, but like instead he's
in like fucking Kyoto. Yeah, Like, dude, we're just doing stuff.
It's all along the Western Front. The last scene. Oh yeah,
the war's over. Why are we going to battle? I know they just
charged the trans de generals, Like we're doing it one more time. But
Germany we lost. There's no four. The US armies pursued of Dronimo is
what through gasoline onto the fire of his legend. At one point a quarter
of all US soldiers were on the hunt for Dronimo. Yeah. Although the
the sort of sticking point there is that prior to the end of World War
Two, the US basically like didn't have an army. There's about five thousand
people. Yeah, unless they're at war, it was about five thousand people.
Yeah, they were constantly hunting down draw so we didn't have like an
active army. We had did not have a large standing army until after World
War Two. Even even before like especially like before World War One and before
the Civil War, like fuck before the Civil War. Keep in mind that
like every everyone who was a general in the Civil War, for example,
Like I mean they were like before the war started, like two years before
the war started, they were like lieutenants and captains. Lee was a colonel
because there just weren't that many troops, Like you didn't, there weren't didn't
need more than a couple of generals essentially, So like all these dudes who
immediately became generals because everyone gets breveted up, you know what I mean,
everyone just beak. It's like, okay, well, you know, we
need to experience people to do this. And now these boomer troops, yeah,
keeping us all the lower ranks. Yeah, I'm just kidding. But
there was a good portion of the media that also kind of went out to
the West to follow this story with the US troops. Hell yeah, dude,
and they would either romanticize Torontimo kind of or create this like overly villainous
character. Either way, though, you got people reading, yeah, people
buying the papes. There was no hey, this guy's out in the mountains.
This is wild. But you know, I think one of the best
episodes we ever did not to toot my own horn. Here was on the
penny papers. People never wanted real news. Yeah, that's yeasty. People
never wanted real news. The invention is actually with the modern media started with
the Mexican American War, and it really just became like garbage news, sensationalism,
sensational news, like immediately, and you should check out that episode.
It's not even close to new. And this time here, shit don't change,
Shit, don't change. Captain Emmet Crawford launched an expedition into Mexico controlled
land after locating Geronimo on January ninth, eighteen eighty six. He had his
own group of Apache Scouts that he gathered up and they kind of went in
stole all of Geronimo's horses and camping equipment when they left the site, and
this kind of demoralized Geronimo's group. Yeah, losing your food and car would
on a road trip, would demoralize me. Yep, you know what I
mean, especially in the Southwest desert. Yeah, someone takes your hotel reservation
and steals your car and you're and food and when you go to check in,
take your car. Yeah, if you're shit yeah, I would feel
bad. Immediately, as Jeronimo was already on his way to surrender to the
Department of Arizona General George Crook, as they negotiated some peace terms, a
group of Mexican soldiers came along and solved the American army with the APACHE,
accusing them of the crimes against Mexico that Geronimo himself had committed. So the
Americans helped, Yeah, fucking sure, the Americans and their group of APACHE
that helped hunt down Geronimo accused the Mexicans. The Mexicans came up to them,
yeah, and accused them of committing all the crimes against Mexico. Yeah,
that's what Jeronimo's gone. Yeah, Dronimo went to surrender to Krook.
Right, and so now they're accusing US troops of doing what Geronimo did.
Yeah, along with their group of like us friendly Apache. Right, that's
a CIA. We have any fucking reason to do that, Like, buddy,
if we wanted this land, we could have had it. So yeah,
there's a great joke on Saturday ight live back in the day from colin
Quim where like Scientology was complaining that they were being persecuted in Germany, and
he was like in Germany responded, we're Germany. When we start persecuting your
religion, you'll know, is that weekend update? Yeah? Yeah, classic.
So the Mexicans slaughtered this American unit, including Crawford. Damn, this
seems like a great opportunity for Dronamo to make an escape, so he does,
why not, well that people are hunting us down? Are gone?
How was this not? What came of this literal international incident? You know,
a whoopsie daisy more or less? All right, yeah, we all
get a free one. Yeah, especially in the wild West. It's yeah
right, where did they do? Ass? Get dragged their bodies right across
the border? Who's gonna see, it's very no country for old men,
just like you know what. Nah, Yeah, we're gonna just let this
go. So Geronimo and his boys a skip. They continued to hit up
some raids, but ultimately, feeling the pressure of even more you as interference,
they surrender in the summer of eighteen eighty six. Over the next several
years, Geronimo and his people were bouncing around, first to a prison in
Florida, then a prison camp in Alabama, and then Fort Sill in Oklahoma,
man, the worst places you could be in prison and then the worst
state, well, the Indian prison state. Yes, giant, yeah,
prison. Yes. In total, the group spent twenty seven years as prisoners
war gods. That's a long time to be a pow. He doesn't die,
He just keeps all in trucking. Hate. It's not the worst fuel.
It is quite the motivator. Look, all you need to stay alive
is a reason to stay alive. And if he's just pissed, wakes up
every day looking forward to being fucking furious. While he and the rest of
the Apache remained under guard, Geronimo had a bit of a glow up experienced
a bit of celebrity from his white former enemies. Less than a decade after
he surrendered, crowds long to catch a glimpse of the famous Indian warrior.
In nineteen oh five, he published his autobiography. In that same year,
he received a private audience with President Teddy Roosevelt. Okay, this is six
super on brand for Roosevelt. Dude. Also, he's like now, he's
like eighty seventy, like mid seventies probably, I mean, and look,
how is this any different? In fact, it's not any different than people
wanting to take selfies with OJ Simpson at a sports bars, which happens all
the time. Uh yeah, OJ didn't have a good enough reason to kill
what OJ didn't have a good enough reason to kill? Look, he found
a man tearing apart his family. Jeronimo's family was torn apart. Listen,
I'm not gonna let you conflay what happened to Jeronimo with the anti Semitic sentiments
of OJ Simpson. Okay, he's just mad because one of mine got one
of his. And what was it, Jeff Goldman, h Ron Goldman,
Ron Goldman whatever. He's a legend, all right, even though I don't
remember his first names. Yeah, uncle, sure, that's how that works.
Yeah, like everyone with the last name Smith is related. Yes,
but if you go back far enough, we'll If you go back far enough,
we're brothers. Hell yeah, brother, hell yeah brother. But dude,
like that. It's the same people do that now. But it really
was just like they want to see like the scary man. Oh my god,
if like one if like Ted Bundy or like Ted Grazinski Kazinski, Yeah
we're alive, they'd be like, oh dude, there would be so many
fucking a little like you would absolutely do that. Shut up, not you,
I mean the royal you, but also you. Ted Kasinski made like
Yo Ted the book though five some bars, some bars, bro just a
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five parade Inaugural Parade where he rode horseback down Pennsylvania Avenue with five Indian chiefs
who wore full head gear and painted in paint faces. Yeah, mister frontier,
mister fucking West Teddy Roosevelt is. It's sad that we could never do
an episode on Teddy. There's so much to cover. It's too much,
and we don't like to do anthology. We did him fixing football kind of
we it was a blip of it because there's a general like football. Oh.
We also did him on the Patreon Fruit War episode where yeah, he
was essentially responsible for cleaning up banana injuries. Yeah, he did an appeal
injuries. He saved the United States of America from suffering the most infuriating Mario
Kart step back. I think, like I think there are certain people in
history that we avoid because there's just no way we could do one episode on
them, like Teddy, Julius, Caesar. Yeah, people like that,
but I conna blasted like twenty episodes on Caesar because of course we don't do
that. We'll do like of course they did, because it's a lifetime of
work. Like for us, I like when they make a weird cameo and
our normal in our weird ass stories where it's like Teddy Roosevelt stopped the banana
or if it's or it's another thing where he could I could do an episode
on why I think Caesar sucked ass, Yes, you know, like why
Caesar deserved to stabbed a hundred fucking times or whatever. Yeah, but I
wouldn't be going over his whole I wouldn't talk about the pirate stuff, you
know what I mean, it's superfluous to the topic. Yeah, yeah,
so you can fow zoom in on a little parts of their lives. But
yeah, I mean, Teddy is just one of my favorite things is I
would just do Teddy in the Spanish American War because Teddy rosett was just like
I'd like to see combat neat Yeah, which is an insane thing. Like
he's just like, ah, like in like maybe America's least moral war.
We should definitely make a rough rider shirt. Uh, Ron and gentlemen did
while back. Yeah, whatever, steal it. They don't exist anymore,
they do, they do. Don't do that, all right, it won't
be exactly the same design. Uh. The intent of him going down on
horseback was to show that the Natives and Americans had buried the hatchet forever.
Later that same week, Geronimo met with Roosevelt and made a request for his
apache group at Fort Sill to be relieved of their prisoner of war status and
allowed to return to their homeland. Prisoner when he was in the parade,
yes, back up, like when he's having a private audience with the president.
Still prisoner of war. Doesn't sound like a hatchet was buried during the
parade, by the way, if he's your prisoner. Yeah. Roosevelt refused,
and he said he's like, you're not going back to your homeland.
Uh, You're gonna have to deal with this. So he was Roosevelt's pet.
Yeah, that sucks more or less. What a ship ball. That's
a dick move, ted and Roosevelt stared Geronimo in the eye and told the
Native that he had a bad heart. Thanks for the audience, bad heart
prisoner Teddy doesn't give a fuck. And I but I do like that Teddy's
like I kind of feel like he saw combat just to get the clout of
seeing combat, just so no one could one up him, right, he
could be like he could be like I've I've been shot at, you know,
like I've not to say that he like San Juan Hill was a real
battle, you know, like and he was charging up against machine guns and
stuff like that, but which is a not an ideal thing to do in
that time period anytime, heero, but especially that time period that one.
Yeah, that's relatively new. Yeah yeah, but like at the same time,
I do just kind of feel like he just it was a bucket list
item. Yeah. No, I mean that's a thing, like that's very
much a thing I personally, like, I know, I will never go
into war or anything like that that I that I plan on, right,
like God forbid, But like there's always other than your few tours in the
id F. Of course, of course that's a pleae action again. I
don't know how many times I have to fucking tell you stop talking about that
on the podcast, Like I'm not it's not cut it out, okay,
Like I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be hush hush about that. And this
is the main save for the Patreon Okay, come on, guys, that's
where the idea of stories have. That's that's where you get it. Patreon
dot com. Slosh off course. No, but for real, though,
Like there's obviously been times in my young male life where I'm like, there's
some glory in though, right, there's some like this, there's got to
be. I don't know it's glory. Well, like there's something like there's
some elevate and I know this is naive, but it's like I know in
my little like heart of heart, it's my little boy brain back there.
I'm like, that's like the elevated life experience. No, that's how they
view it. Yeah, that's how they view it. The people that were
in combat. No, I mean, but like absolutely how they view it.
I've listened to enough of them talking it is. It is the most
extreme version of existence to be at war. Yeah, Like yeah, I
literally are fucking boss who was in a ton of combat is like, there's
no bigger thrill than killing someone who's trying to kill you. That's an almost
direct quote I am barely paraphrasing. The closest I've ever gotten is like sacking
a QB when I played d lock, like in JV football, you know
what I mean. Like, and when you feel that, you're like,
man, imagine that time's infinity. Basically, I think probably the closest I've
ever gotten is probably buying a Plan B pill for a girlfriend. I beat
that, I beat the charge. I think the best field is just knocking
somebody out cold in front of the group. Never done That's awesome. Never
done that, damn of all the people here. Obviously, mister tat sleep,
you're holding a fake saw it off. You got a full sleeve tattoo.
Well it's your lighthouse. Oh it's beaming. It's beaming light. See
you should have had it not beaming light. And then many people ask you
need to be you need to be like because this arm put your lights out.
This arms lights out. It's a sleep arm. Yeah, I would
defeat the purpose of a lighthouse. No, that's due the fucking metaphor of
the lighthouse that's not shining any light because this arm lights out. I'll get
what you're saying, so get it filled in. No, he needs fist
hats n I T E N T E night night. That's pretty good,
right, do it? Please do that? All right? Well, we'll
think about it, okay, thanks dragging. His death came four years later
after meeting with Roosevelt. While riding home in February nineteen o nine, he
was thrown from his horse. What a ship with that's like pattent that's literally
like Patton dies in a jeep accident a couple like a month or couple of
weeks after the end of World War two. Death always finds you, Yeah,
and if you outlive it when you shouldn't have, it finds you in
a very mundane way. I feel it's the opposite of final destination. Yeah,
he didn't be funny. Let's make a final destination. Maybe just gets
cancer. Well he didn't die instantly. He survived a night out in the
cold and when a friend found him the next day. Geron in those health
was rapidly deteriorating. On his deathbed, he confessed to his nephew that he
regretted his decision to surrender, and he would never he wouldn't he wouldn't have
done it, you know, after twenty to thirty years of pow existence.
Oh, he confessed that. I don't think it had too. They were
like, hey, we know, bro, we need get it. Yeah,
Like, but I mean I like that he didn't back down from his
actions of like murdering cold blood. He backed down from trying to like find
pieces. Dude, he was man on fire. I don't even fucking blame
him. No, no innocent people he killed in like a raid on a
gold wagon. He did all the time though. Yeah, that's and that's
kind of why Roosevelt like, no, fuck off, we're not giving your
land back. Like actually, nah, man, I like, I don't
is it fucked like it's the wild West? Get yours. That's what that
place was. For the fact that he was able to live, Like I
can't believe he wasn't hung not like a cowboy that did that was a good
person, I know, right, they were hanging horse thieves. This guy.
Yeah, like and this guy kills like a thousand people and they're like,
you're banished to Florida. I guess because maybe if they didn't like Natives
would like rise up or some shit. I don't know, but even most
of the APACHE were like, you're kind of like, yeah, they didn't
like him. Yeah, even like that happened a lot with Native tribes.
People don't realize, like you're from another time. They were like even you
know, Sitting Bowl resisted, but other other like Sioux chiefs were like,
nah, right, we surrender. Not that they want I'm sure that they
didn't want to, right, but it's just like at some point you're beat
and it's just you gotta start looking around at the people you're leading and be
like, we can't just continue a guerrilla war indefinitely. There's fucking kids here,
there's old ladies, like I think. I think though, there is
something like deep down at least admirable of like fuck it, I'm going till
I'm dead, Like you'll never have me. It depends not if you drag
other people with you against their will, that's fine. I like, can
they surrender without you? And that's what that's what they did. Yeah,
that's what the other APACHE did. That's what like. But I guess I
see what you're saying to you from like a cultural simpoint where it's like we're
trying to just be alive here and you're fucking like you can't. What do
you do after your checkmate and start a fistfight with the guy you're playing chess
with? Like, yes, that is exactly what you do, because you
know what, chess ain't real. But like at that point, you're just
there's nothing you can do. I mean, like it's at some point you're
when you're a leader and you're in a war or whatever, like there's other
people you're responsible for. Totally I get that. But at the same time,
years get it, get it, never quit. So if a Geronmo
wants to take his married band of you know, other dudes who are like
fuck this, like that's fine, But if he was like a but like
the chieftains and stuff, the people leading like whole ass communities were like I
hate this, I don't want to do this, but like, yeah,
I guess I'm out of options. I'm kind of playing Devil's advocate for al
Qaida right now? Can you think about it? Like, at a certain
point right now, it's like, well, none of these folks really want
you to do this anymore, but you're just here be hard. Yeah,
so he was buried at Fort Sill in Oklahoma. Then there was a story
came out around World War One. Okay, we're a group of Skull and
Bones members. Oh, they have Geronimo's bones. I forgot about that.
They when I think that when to basic at Fort Sill. Yeah, for
world war during World War one, during World War one, and they stole
Gerona those skull. Is that the skull from Sculling Bones? I guess that's
rad. Yeah, I mean it's awful, but it's of all the fraternity
shenanigans you can get into. They haven't really confirmed this, but like there's
stories up to like two thousand and nine where like people are asking Skull and
Bones to give back Geronimo's skull. They're like, what are you talking about?
That's not a thing. So yeah, there was an AMA with a
guy by request I'm a member of Skull and Bones AMA, and he like
confirmed it. It was legit. I remember we covered it. Oh I
think anyway, he said he's kissed Geronimo's skull. Uh, dude, Like
they have Geronimo's skull. I'm pretty sure. What, Like you gotta imagine
he's the least successful Sculling Bones member to do an Ama I know, right,
w was a Skull and Bones member, right, Yeah, kissed Geronimos.
I mean Geronimo's descendants have legit sued Skull and Bones like they think su
back. They tried to patching Skull and Bones instead of suing them. Yeah
right, it's taking scalps at school. We'll kiss. Uh. Brett was
dismissed in twenty ten. Do you think the US government's all right school Bones?
Yeah? I wonder what judge. The judge is just like you can
keep the skull boys. There's a little hand signal. Yeah. And that,
as far as we know, is the story of Geronimo sick. Would
you guys learn Well, I forgot about the Skull and Bones party. That's
fun, That's very fun. That's the most recent thing that's on my mind.
But I definitely learned about Teddy just being like, this is burying the
hatchet between US and Native people. And then as soon as they're like,
you know, we've been prisoners for thirty years under the US government, He's
like, you have a bad heart. Fuck off. Okay, So the
AMA guy, okay, you get back to that fucking got so the first
question out here that isn't deleted, or it's first if you sort by best.
This user goes Geronimo's Bones question mark you got anything on that story?
And then the guy goes no comment, but yeah, we has them.
I think I don't know if this guy was in skulling bones, bro,
I don't think that counts. I think it does. I think it does.
Of course. I'm pretty jake. I want to believe. I want
to believe in something. Okay, if it's true, this guy is the
worst skull and bones. Remember, like, this guy's like a regional manager
at a Bank of America. Dude, I would give away all the Fiji
secrets if you wanted me to, because still cares about Fiji. Like,
dude, the Library of Congress has like all of our fraternities rituals. We're
all Freemason's bitch, you're not freemason. You'll know that. Why are you
here? Then I'm gonna I'm pretty low on the tunnel pole. So you're
this guy, you're the this guy of the Freemason. Yeah, sick.
I'm just looking for anything else about Geronimo's bones here. But yeah, we
has them. We has them. I believe it. That's all I need
to hear print the shirt we has we this is a pile of bones.
Who's hitler in this story? I think it's whoever you either you either die
the hero or live long enough to become the hitler. I mean the reason
his family dies is because he can committed a bunch of raids on Mexican soldiers,
killing them right, yeah, and then they retaliated, went to his
village, killed his family. But I mean he was only killing soldiers.
I assume he eventually got into civilian death. Was he not only killing soldiers?
No, No, he was raiding. Dude, all right, whoever
gets in the way of raids? Yeah, so he was killing civilians.
He got his own medicine tossed back in his fucking face, got his family
killed. Well, you know the white man though, the Paleman. Well,
when I was reading Blood Meridi and Glenn, I'm just kidding. I'm
not gonna do that till Yeah. I still want to read that book.
It's so good. I read the first I read the preview on Apple Books
or whatever. Yeah, like after a book or something like that, or
I was like that was just like part of the first Chips anyway. Yes,
Torontimo, actually Torontomo is Hitler. M he immediately reaped what he sawed.
I'm gonna do the politically correct answer, classic white Man. Yeah,
I'm gonna go with the Mexicans that killed the friendly apaches in the US that
we're trying to suss those out. I mean, they're definitely askeholes. Shot
first, ask questions later. Yeah. Well, I don't like to ask
any questions. They didn't even figure they didn't even stick around to figure out
if they were right. Ask question, answer it yourself, start shooting yet
blasted. Yeah, so I'll go with them. That's the story of Jeronimo.
Thanks for tuning in. Make sure it again. Check out Patreon dot
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Four Rob Fox and Jake Goldman. I'm damn Regester and you just got
us all served.