1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:31,640 Comedy Central Podcast J BYA Wowow. This is great. I could be like 2 00:00:31,679 --> 00:00:39,520 this all afternoon, or I can assure you, or I have a limited 3 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,439 time. And besides, the subject doesn' t go with it. Hey. 4 00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:46,399 Well, I' m inaddin' good night. I' m here 5 00:00:46,439 --> 00:00:50,320 to tell you what I' m addicted to. It' s very common 6 00:00:50,399 --> 00:00:55,520 among people like me, fat people. Ostoy hooked the sugar, which you 7 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,640 didn' t look like. He' s surprised not to paint coke and 8 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,159 not bad. I don' t have it, but tampa berry, yeah, 9 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,319 motherfucker what' s for me in sugar is more drug than drug. 10 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:08,439 The drugs are really pipes, what do you say, well, the pipes 11 00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:11,120 are drugs, too, and it' s true. Hey, you catch 12 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,519 yourself, a bag and it' s like that normejo en sal you get 13 00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:15,079 to leave pipe aja? Asaja pipe? Ajala pipes? Pipaf puts your nose 14 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:18,439 on, as well as the pussy. The tits bat, you know, 15 00:01:19,239 --> 00:01:23,319 you piped ja, pipe, you do that with cocaine. You don' 16 00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:26,280 t do it in ten minutes You' re looking at the lamppost. That 17 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,680 ' s it, I can do that Let' s hit it You know, 18 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,319 no, really. For my taste of sugar. It' s a 19 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:38,760 problem. I' m worried. But the worst is chocolate. The chocolate 20 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:42,480 in mieroin chocolate in my cruc, man, I tell you, you think 21 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,200 you control it and overnight and you' re going to listen in the bag 22 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,000 in case you find a muse, you know if you' re there. 23 00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:53,439 It' s sad. It' s sad, man I stole my mother 24 00:01:53,480 --> 00:02:00,560 ' s thermomix to buy me a Starbucks smoothie. And it' s sad, 25 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,079 especially because it' s two things that image doesn' t even know 26 00:02:02,079 --> 00:02:06,920 how to pronounce. You know like Facebook. It' s just sad. 27 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,599 It' s sad and I can' t eat in an onzal and I 28 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:12,879 can' t eat a piece of chocolate. I' m impossible. In 29 00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:15,319 my house there is a chocolate tarvet and when I remain aware of nothing really, 30 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:21,319 I look at my hands, chocolate stains, I look for myself, 31 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:27,479 I look at my clothes, I look at my folds, I find myself 32 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,439 eating it and there is nothing left. Nothing. It' s what gives 33 00:02:30,479 --> 00:02:34,560 remorse and silver paper. Dude, like in the' 80s. I' 34 00:02:34,599 --> 00:02:38,199 m not fucking saying that. I' m thinking of getting help. I 35 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,680 ' m going to point to something, some situation, compulsive dining rooms, 36 00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,479 which I' ve looked at. I' ve been looking for compulsive comedros. 37 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,680 That' s what it' s like to eat compulsives, like alcoholics, 38 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,520 anonymous, but paragords. What we can' t call ourselves is anonymous 39 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:54,919 canteens, because of course you know it' s like you' re an 40 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,560 alcoholic ananisms and you' re tattooing bacardi on your forehead You' re making 41 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:10,719 yourself spoiler. I really think it' s the worst addiction of all is 42 00:03:10,759 --> 00:03:14,759 food, because the others more than least have tools. Man, you' 43 00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:19,599 re gonna take us, because don' t stick to the PP and what 44 00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,120 ' s alcoholic, because you don' t get hung up, Bacano, 45 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,319 resolved, but how you' re gonna stop eating if I can' t 46 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:29,199 even stop thinking about eating, man, if I wanted to aim for art 47 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,840 in martial in mystad because they thought it was with Ham Yurick, cheese, 48 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:37,400 that is, it sucks and you say good, because it makes you famous, 49 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,560 because like all famous, they have addictions and I say already, but 50 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,439 other additions. Aunty, my guahija died of an overdose. Jim Morrison, 51 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,120 super rocker gala tub, I' m going to die of Miguelito' s 52 00:03:44,199 --> 00:03:53,639 filling of the roll, he doesn' t have love. That' s 53 00:03:53,639 --> 00:03:58,159 what I mean, and being fat has a lot of bad stuff. It 54 00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:00,960 ' s the inviting consequence that you' re hooked blue, that you get 55 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,000 fat and there' s the hat. He has a lot of bad things, 56 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:05,800 but he also has good things. I really know because I' ve 57 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:10,319 made a list wait for you. It' s a little wet. I 58 00:04:10,719 --> 00:04:15,919 ' ve been here a lot of hours, but you' re waiting for 59 00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:18,439 the list of good things to be fat. The good thing about the obvious 60 00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:21,480 food, it' s not the most obvious point, but you can' 61 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,560 t. Let' s take it off. It' s important. The 62 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,120 bad thing, then self- esteem so I' m going to cheat you 63 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:32,160 recently. The good stuff. The feeling of eating how wonderful, how bad, 64 00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:38,160 the feeling of failure, which is also instantaneous. Then all the food 65 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:46,879 fits the bad, all the clothes that you no longer head, not tral 66 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:58,879 pral is already. Good thing they don' t rape you. I' 67 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:03,879 ve said it the bad thing, they don' t rape you, they 68 00:05:04,519 --> 00:05:08,800 don' t what is vera, they don' t, but fucker is 69 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,759 that yes, that rapes. Don' t leave out this thing that doesn 70 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,920 ' t matter, or whatever you do, they' re gonna talk to 71 00:05:14,959 --> 00:05:15,160 you, like, it' s got nothing to do with it, and 72 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:15,439 you' re gonna tell us why you' re making this joke. I 73 00:05:15,519 --> 00:05:19,279 ' ve already said that. The only thing I haven' t had fat 74 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,279 self- esteem for ever, ever since I was little, good, little 75 00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,680 guy. It' s a way of speaking that I' m worth the 76 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,800 Communion suit. The priest didn' t give me the fuck. I throw 77 00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,079 it at myself like I' m scared, I mean, it' s 78 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,680 like it was. What do I know as if it was his first day 79 00:05:32,759 --> 00:05:35,680 working at the circus, they would have told him you have to invent the 80 00:05:35,759 --> 00:05:40,800 hippo and uncle me. So it was, so it was in fact, 81 00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:44,319 I was given the body of Christ and I asked for bread, uh, 82 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,839 I asked for bread seriously and I say to wet man. And I also 83 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:51,759 say the same, I am hungry that Christ is all real bone. She 84 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,600 ' s a whore. She' s a whore having been complex. I 85 00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:56,839 ' ve got you someone wants you to study my mushrooms, take the presents 86 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,680 who waits for you to show up ah you spend it in the face one 87 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,040 day be famous, not sooner than later. Yes, it can be. 88 00:06:02,079 --> 00:06:06,120 Hey. She' s a whore having complexes, because you' ve always 89 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,759 had, as a child, as a teenager, and I' m ashamed 90 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,160 to go to the beach and the swimming pool that they arm bikini. I 91 00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:15,480 didn' t want people to know that there was Gorda than Ilusa. I 92 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:20,879 thought the clothes were magic. People already knew. You' re missing me 93 00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:26,800 a lot of beautiful things for being dumber than Fat fucking. I' m 94 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:38,879 telling you, oh, thank you, I' ve lost a lot of 95 00:06:38,879 --> 00:06:40,920 wishes. You' re a rock of desires. I' ve always asked 96 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,639 for wishes since I was right. I' ve always asked for it from 97 00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:48,079 the freaking faces You' re late for birthday. I' ve always asked 98 00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:56,040 for the same thing. I' ve always asked to be thin. But 99 00:06:56,040 --> 00:07:00,319 it' s just that I' ve also asked for a lot at home 100 00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:03,680 and of course it' s known that the opposite is worth the shit. 101 00:07:03,759 --> 00:07:08,120 And yet. Still. I' m telling you, everything I' ve 102 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,560 kept, I' ve been keeping up these years. I' m not 103 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,040 that bad, because you can do it to me. I' m not 104 00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:15,279 that much of a jog, but, as I' d say the Norway 105 00:07:15,319 --> 00:07:19,720 lobster, it' s all about getting on, and I' ve been 106 00:07:19,759 --> 00:07:20,879 playing sports and I' ve stayed until I broke my knee playing Rugby. 107 00:07:21,519 --> 00:07:24,360 That' s also what I' m thinking. He' s telling you 108 00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:25,639 he doesn' t hit you at all. You' re hit by the 109 00:07:25,639 --> 00:07:29,240 classic ballet. I don' t know anymore, but I lost that train. 110 00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:30,839 I lost it because my knee' s stuck. He' s so 111 00:07:30,839 --> 00:07:34,399 into it. It doesn' t get through the breakup. This isn' 112 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:36,360 t bullshit, this isn' t bullshit. I' ve got it fucked 113 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,319 up. Really. I had to go to the traumatologist for this. I 114 00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:43,000 went to the traumatologist and I swear to God the first thing he said to 115 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,879 me as he agreed. I walked in the door. It' s gonna 116 00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:50,399 have to wear out and I say look at sorlock medicine studied wouldn' t 117 00:07:50,399 --> 00:07:54,399 be the nortito. They' ve already done it to me in that now 118 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:55,600 they call buoniing You' re going to say something I want to say. 119 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,120 You' re going to work, what do you recommend, astita, there 120 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,560 ' s exercise. I don' t have to do everything. I' 121 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,439 m gonna get your paycheck, motherfucker. I fae, I fae a lot, 122 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,000 man, no, not that at least it pretends to look at the 123 00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:09,639 fizha that I checked the sources that I was already fat before I broke my 124 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,079 knee. I was already fat. It' s not the jusa, it 125 00:08:13,079 --> 00:08:15,199 ' s not good for me. I was already fat. And this didn 126 00:08:15,319 --> 00:08:22,480 ' t sound like it. And now I need silence because I know it 127 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:28,519 sounds, it wasn' t going to sound. It said the sound of 128 00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:31,040 your dead. It' s not fixed. This is fucked up. This 129 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,519 sounds like a village fair. You' re gonna ride the monologue. It 130 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:37,840 ' s like this, and you don' t think that the one who 131 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,279 ' s crazy is the monkey. You know, this is bullshit I don 132 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:43,519 ' t like it That' s why they always blame health when someone' 133 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,000 s fat or when someone' s fat, but then you know that' 134 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:46,240 s killing me, but I' m still upset about fucking shitty hippies. 135 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:54,120 I' m sorry if any of you just face the typical ones who tell 136 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,159 you. Aunt ale cas your body. Your body is wise. You' 137 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,799 ve never heard that body thing is wise. It' s almost your body. 138 00:09:01,639 --> 00:09:05,200 Ma' am, if I were home, my body would sleep sixteen 139 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:15,639 hours a day and weigh two hundred and fifty pounds pure two hundred. It 140 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,600 ' s just that it' s true to touch people who say the body 141 00:09:18,639 --> 00:09:22,799 is wise. I say that' s not scientific rigor, and that' 142 00:09:22,799 --> 00:09:24,960 s a lie. If the body were wise, there would never be what 143 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,240 I call the Bloodmer effect, which is when you get the rule and hangover. 144 00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:33,559 That' s not wise. That' s what this motherfucker is. 145 00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:35,960 What a body I' m hesitant about. My body' s got a 146 00:09:37,039 --> 00:09:39,000 look at me, it' s got a mess, I' ve got 147 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:39,240 gray hairs coming out, they' re starting to want other splinters. Now 148 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:43,279 I don' t have a problem with that, but I' m also 149 00:09:43,279 --> 00:09:45,240 starting to sais grains. I haven' t had grains in my whole life, 150 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:46,559 neither in that, nor in puberty, nor in adolescence, nor in 151 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:50,399 the time of making me many wages, never grains. But now with the 152 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,200 gray hairs, all together, all together. He put it there for me. 153 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,799 Dude, uh, man, I' m confused that you' re 154 00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:58,519 looking at twenty- seven pussies, sixty- two. A little bit of 155 00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:11,440 balance. A little bit of balance is bullshit, and besides, when they 156 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,080 hit it, it still doesn' t lower my rule. Six months he 157 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,360 put the rule in like that without taking off. I had to go to 158 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:20,240 the gynecologist too and as she walked in the door. She tells me you 159 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,519 ' ve gotten really fat lately and I, like Mira Whatson, don' 160 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:26,600 t have a boyfriend. Another kills something that the hell is going on, 161 00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:39,639 because nobody here wants to work. Ha later, then the crack was my 162 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:43,919 nice. He told me not to tell you because you have a polycystic ovary 163 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,480 that I already know what I' m thinking. I know the guys I 164 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,200 ' ve lost since I said. Gynecologist, I' m not interested in 165 00:10:48,279 --> 00:10:52,159 my polycystic mario theme either It sounded like something like I went to the Pope 166 00:10:52,159 --> 00:10:54,679 de Poblos wedding and they put us in a muses pita bread. The polycystic 167 00:10:54,799 --> 00:11:00,279 father. My Greek accent sucks, but the other Greek I' m good 168 00:11:00,279 --> 00:11:05,639 at, let me explain the case. He told me not to see polycystic 169 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,279 ovary meaning various vague. So I say like the rest of the body and 170 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,360 materialized up here. A minimum service is that it commands here There' s 171 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:16,799 use of this which is uh, I feel bad, why don' t 172 00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:18,480 you call it a vague variety and that' s it. The sound of 173 00:11:18,519 --> 00:11:22,639 the name is that it' s the desire to make the case dizzy It 174 00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,639 ' s a bitch. She' s a bitch and you' re thinking 175 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:31,080 she' s got to see all this as she' s fat plot twist 176 00:11:31,159 --> 00:11:33,679 turns out here fat has testosterola, she' s got you is torterone male 177 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:37,679 hormone. For those of you who don' t know this is three tiger 178 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:43,000 jokes, these telana have male hormones. Okay, so I' m an 179 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,720 inside guy who explains that I like porn so much and blame it on the 180 00:11:46,759 --> 00:11:50,320 issue of my problem. But it' s a bitch. She' s 181 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:58,720 a little slut, she' s a bitch, she doesn' t look 182 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:03,679 like it, but she' s a bitch because, well, between the 183 00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,519 borbonic and that I' m going more verb than Jordi Wyne. If I 184 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,919 want blood, it' s the roo of the pussy. I' m 185 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,360 going to have to buy a Soa Owski vibrator worth the aunt, already told 186 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,799 me, tells me, but you want to have his and not that good, 187 00:12:13,879 --> 00:12:15,279 because if you don' t want so many children, nothing happens. 188 00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:16,759 I mean, don' t get confused. It' s different. I 189 00:12:16,759 --> 00:12:18,639 don' t want to have children and I' ve never really wanted to. 190 00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:22,120 I mean, I' m not gonna say the typical thing about giving 191 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,559 a figure, because let' s be honest. I took care of it 192 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:30,440 all by myself. But if you remove in the chichi that I' ve 193 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,080 seen photos, that stays as if you dropped a pistol just a barbershop. 194 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,120 That' s a wreck. Or they' ll seal it for you, 195 00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:39,000 they' ll put the other daughter in you. There to smoke joints. 196 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,639 Then I' m scared, I' ll look at myself. I' 197 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,440 ve got Jimenez doing a psychophony. Hey, I' m not kiddin', 198 00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:48,320 but he scratched me Don' t think I' m not touching the 199 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,639 girls. You' ll understand, you don' t call him not wanting 200 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,399 to have children, not being able to have children. I scratched a lot 201 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,480 and scratched a lot and realized that I wanted the same thing as everyone else. 202 00:12:56,879 --> 00:13:03,240 I want to be able to get pregnant and abort. I have the 203 00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:05,120 right to abortion. Hell, yeah, feminist, yeah, pro chois what 204 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:18,159 ' s up, thanks. What if this ace can kill me to see 205 00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:22,919 the skinny ones or what I want too. That' s why. That 206 00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:26,080 ' s why he gave me a lot of frogs. I got really scratched. 207 00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:30,240 I stayed or not. I felt good. I started a very, 208 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,360 very, very, very convulsive spiral. Not free buffel and junk food. 209 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:37,639 You' re thinking of nobody. You mean junk food. Don' t 210 00:13:37,759 --> 00:13:41,360 touch bottom Some bakeries still have pictures of me to attend to. I mean, 211 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,879 yeah, I was breaking up personal relationships and he' s gonna have 212 00:13:46,879 --> 00:13:48,720 a flea market without realizing he' s got a problem. Until one day 213 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,879 I realized I had a problem. He left a bathroom at 4 a m 214 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:58,120 on New Year' s Eve with Jaime Marichalar and Miguel Miguel Bosé. I 215 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:03,840 saw a mirror with a white film, the istra of guilt because I was 216 00:14:03,879 --> 00:14:11,759 eating a desaimada and there I realized that I had a problem because I still 217 00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:16,159 had Annun going up to the tiles of cocaine. Man, thanks a lot. 218 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:16,919 That' s it.