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Let's Talk to Things Now. Grab your tea, coffee, or a glass
of wine and let's talk to Things. When I was just a little child,
happiness was the world. Then from me slipped one day, Happiness come
back, I say, And if you don't, I'm gonna go looking yeah
for happiness. And if you don't, I'm gonna go looking ye for happiness.
That is actually one of my favorite Bob Marley songs. I don't know
the exact name of it, but it's one of his earlier songs and it
really suits the topic that we will be discussing today. Hello everyone, and
welcome back to another episode of Let's Talk to Things. I am your host,
Ash and today we will be talking to things about the transformative journey of
self discovery, you know, basically embracing perhaps a season of uncertainty that you
may be going through. And it's an important thing to do because you know,
a lot has happened in the last few years. Persons are changing their
jobs, persons to have started new jobs, starting families and there's just been
a lot of change, especially in the millennial space that's personal or professional.
Also, it is June, nearing the end of June, so for some
there's kind of this idea of while the year is almost over, you know,
so if I'm going to make a change, I need to do it
now. Or you see those posts on Instagram that will say you have six
months to change your circumstances. And while we don't like to, you know,
push pressure on people just because of quotes or sayings, I think mid
year is a good time to just reassess and kind of think about that uncertainty
that you might be experiencing. The thing is, life is gonna life.
I think we've said that in maybe two or three episodes now, and because
of that, life has a way of throwing us curveballs. And you know,
in those curveballs our periods of uncertainty where we may feel lost, stuck,
and even on shore of our path moving forward. However, during these
times we also have the opportunity to grow and evolve and discover our true selves.
So in this episode, we're going to explore practical strategies and insights to
help us all navigate through that kind of you know, fog or just mess
of uncertainty and find our way back to ourselves. Now, let's start by
acknowledging that uncertainty is a natural part of life. It's something that all of
us experience at various points in our life, and it can be both unsettling
and liberating. And embracing uncertainty is not only something that you have to do,
it's something you need to do. It is about accepting the unknown as
an opportunity for growth and transformation. And I know that for me a lot
of times when I go to my brother, for example, and I say,
you know, I can't believe this happened to me, or why is
this happening to me? He always challenges me to think, what is this
trying to teach me? And it's not always easy. You know, I'm
not going to pretend like as soon as he says that, I'm like,
oh, you know, everything is great. But it is a good way
to look at things, because there's a lot of things that happen to you
throughout life that you cannot control, right, and so the best thing you
can do to look for that opportunity for growth or to evolve is to really
ask yourself what it's trying to teach you, whether it's about a certain situation
or even yourself. You know, those are really important things to consider.
So the first step in finding yourself I believe admissed. The first step I
believe in finding yourself in a period of uncertainty is to cultivate self awareness.
Right, take the time to reflect on your values, your passions, and
your aspirations, Like what really really matters to you, what brings you joy
and fulfillment? You know, what makes you laugh, even what makes you
cry? What brings out your emotions? What are you passionate about? Right?
Because having emotions is not necessarily curling up in a ball and crying.
But it could be you know, you see a movie, or you see
you hear a song and you really feel passionate about it, or you really
get moved by the song. Maybe you know you need to explore looking into
creating music. Maybe that's somewhere where you can kind of lend your passion,
or maybe that's somewhere where you can find a career because it really brings out
this emotion in you. By gaining clarity on who you are and what you
want, you can start to shape a path forward. You can start to
fill those gaps of uncertainty. And like I said, it's not always going
to be easy, it's not always going to be immediate, but it's definitely
a step in that direction. Another important aspect of navigating uncertainty is to embrace
curiosity and to have a growth mindset. You know, we talk about we
spoke about I should say in previous episodes that a lot of times when we
talk about like dating and relationships, that men look at dating from a place
of abundance, right, because there's this idea that you know, if you
are in the belief of I guess, the patriarchy, because as I said,
some women don't think that they have to wait on a man to propose
to them and these things. But if you are of that belief with which
the majority of people are, men have the control of you know, marriage
and even starting families in certain ways. Again, if you are of that
belief, so for men, they may operate from a place of abundance.
You know, if this doesn't work with this person, I can just get
another person. If this doesn't work with that person, I can find another
person. Whereas women might operate from a place of scarcity because you know,
maybe the person that they want, the type of man that they want,
is scarce, you know, or they don't feel like they have what a
man like that would want compared to the abundance of women that are available,
you know, and then you add things like social media and all those other
stuff. So I say that to say, you know, it's really important
to have a growth mindset, to have an abundance mindset, to not be
stuck in the what ifs. Although it's tempting to be and we've all been
there, you know, it's not something that you're able to do all the
time. But I think the more that we kind of stay in that mindset,
the easier it will become for that to be the first thought and maybe
even one day the only thought, you know, But one step at a
time. So yes, instead of viewing challenges as roadblocks, see them as
opportunities for learning and personal development. You know, as I said earlier,
what is this trying to teach me? How can I grow from this?
You know? Is this happening for my good? I can tell you that
there's been several situations in my life where I just can't believe something happened or
you know, it happened out of nowhere, or I didn't understand it,
and then months later, not even years months later, it's like, oh,
wow, you know, I see that I was pulled from that place
for a reason, or I was you know, pulled out of that friendship
or that relationship for reason, you know, from even my safety, for
my well being. Just you never know, you never know what you're being
protected from. And I always love this saying that said, the saying that
is rejection is God's protection. And again, in the moment, it does
not feel like that. I'm not sitting here and saying, you know,
when things go wrong or when things were going wrong, I was like,
oh, remember, rejection is God's protection, and I just moved on.
That's not true. But a lot of times when you reflect right hindsight is
twenty twenty, or when you see things kind of unraveling, you thank God
for that rejection you know, or what you thought was rejection, but are
realizing it was protection. So just view try your best to view them as
opportunities and road blocks and how you can grow from it, because you can
grow from anything. You know, persons may be saying things about you may
be trying to I don't know, ruin your career or your character, or
talk down on you, and they may think that they're in control, you
know, because you can be in a situation where someone can think, oh,
if I tell so and so this, she won't get the job.
So now I'm controlling how she progresses in her career, you know. Or
if I do this to her, she's gonna be sad forever, you know.
If I betray her, if I do something to harm her, she's
going to be hurt. And so she won't really live the greatness that she
is, or she won't recognize the greatness that she has because I'm going to
do something so detrimental to get her done. And they might think that they
have that in their hand. They might even see you shed a tear.
They might see you become upset because, as I said, in the moment,
most people I'm in the group, you know, you don't realize it's
happening for your goods. So you're the stated and they may relish in that,
but what they don't understand is that they are not in control. God
is in control, or whatever higher power you believe in, you know,
and things have a way of working out, no matter how much who is
in your life or what position they play where they think they have control,
at the end of the day, they do not have the last word.
And a lot of times, if you can look at things from that perspective,
you know, it kind of just gives you a feeling of peace,
and at the end of the day, that's something that I think everybody wants.
I know, everybody wants to live in peace and to have kind of
just a peaceful mind and a peaceful mindset, right, So, approach each
experience with an open mind and a willingness to explore those new possibilities. So,
in addition to self awareness and a growth mindset, it is also crucial
to practice self passion and to understand that it is okay to feel uncertain and
even to make mistakes along the way. You know, sometimes we don't treat
ourselves with the kindness and the patience that we treat others with, and it's
important to do so, especially as we navigate through life. You know,
as we navigate through self discovery, it's important to treat ourselves with that same
kindness and compassion and patience that we give others. You know, a lot
of times we're very hard on ourselves. Even something where you know, let's
say you miss the turn on a highway that you know that turn, you've
been making that turn or going on that exit for the last ten years.
You might say, oh, I'm so stupid. You know, don't speak
to yourself like that. You know, you re enter a friendship or you
re enter a relationship and it goes from bad to worse, and you might
tell yourself, I'm so dumb. I can't believe I fell for this.
I can't believe I did this and that, and you beat yourself up.
But if a friend came to you and said the same thing, you would
tell them, you know, it's fine, everyone makes mistakes. You would
comfort them. Right, So why not give yourself that same grace, that
same compassion, Because at the end of the day, all we have is
ourselves. Right when you're alone, when you're in your bed at night,
when you're just simply living, all you have is yourself and your thoughts,
and your thoughts are with you all the time. So as much as we
can, if we just try to keep those thoughts positive, that would also
help us. You know, have leave room for trying to figure out what
we want to do, what we where we want to go in life,
you know, to increase certainty about life, and as you explore and navigate
through uncertainty, it's also important to seek support from others. And I know
it's difficult, especially in our culture as Caribbean people. You know, we're
taught not to talk your business, you know, not to tell people things.
I think my friend Matthew said on one episode, there's so many songs,
particularly like reggae dancehall songs that talk about you know, friends and watching
friends and bad mind And while a lot of that is true, right,
I think we can all attest to some of those experiences, it's still important
to seek support. Now. The key is to seek support from persons you
trust, persons that have shown you that you can trust them. That is
the key. I think a lot of times we see perpetuated, whether it's
in social media or just anywhere. You know that people need people and you
need friends, and you should, you know, tell tell your friends things
and don't keep it inside. And yes, that's definitely true. But the
most important part of that is sharing those things with persons that you trust.
And it doesn't just mean you trust them not to tell your secrets or not
to tell your business. Now that is a very crucial part because you don't
want, you know, to tell someone that's like Channel seven News or CNN
your personal business obviously, but it's also trusting that they're going to give you
sound advice, Trusting that they're not going to give you advice that's going to
put you in a further hole or that's going to make your circumstances worse.
Trusting that the advice that they're giving you is something that you can take or
leave. They're not going to get upset with you if you listen to them
but choose to do something a little bit differently, or if you listen to
them but say, ah, that's not really me. I don't think I
would do that, and then they get upset. You don't want to tell
somebody like that because you'll end up going from looking for support to defending yourself
and you know that's not why you're there. So again, definitely seek support,
but trusting that trust aspect is very important. In addition to that,
surround yourself with positive and uplifting persons who can provide guidance, encouragement, and
different perspectives. Right, you definitely don't want someone that's going to say you're
right, that person is wrong, everybody's wrong, you're right. You don't
want somebody like that because that's not going to help you grow, that's not
going to help you look at the situation objectively, and it's certainly not going
to prevent you from probably being in that situation again, because if you're being
told nothing is wrong with you, or you did nothing wrong, or you
know, it's all that person's fault. We play a role in everything that
happens in our lives, no matter how big or no matter how small,
conscious or subconscious. We play a role in everything. You know. We
may not realize it at the time and it may be hard to hear at
the time. That doesn't mean we're responsible for how somebody treats us, right,
that's I think people need to know that. But we play a role,
right, So it goes along with that Maya Angela quote when someone shows
you who they are, believe them, right. So let's take that for
example, somebody shows you that they're untrustworthy, somebody shows you that they lack
empathy, and instead of saying hmm, that doesn't make me feel too safe.
Let me remove myself from that person. You think, well, maybe
that was an isolated situation. You know, I'm different, I'm a different
person, so they're not going to be that way with me. Right.
That's you playing a role in whatever comes after that, because they showed you
who they were in week two. Right. So if you're in month eight
and you're now experience encing abuse or you know something that has to do with
those two things, the lack of empathy and even maybe lack of respect for
others. Right, Because now you're you've known this person longer, you're seeing
different things. Your role is that you saw it and you thought in your
mind that your circumstances would be different. And don't get me wrong, there
are situations where, yes, somebody might show something and it might there might
be some underlying thing with that person you might not know about, and as
you get to know them, you realize, oh, they had to be
that way with that person, but that's not their character. That's just you
know, how they had to be in that situation. Right. So it's
not a cut and dry, be all end all, but it's really important
to have a person around that offers different perspectives. That offers you know,
kind of a mirror, right that you can look at yourself and say,
okay, what could I have on differently, but not blame yourself, And
like I said, just provides more guidance and encouragement than telling you what to
do or saying you know, if you don't do this, like I think
the worst thing somebody could say that you go to first support if you don't
do this, then don't come back to me. Or if you choose not
to take this advice and you do what you want to do, then I
don't want to hear what happens after. Right, that's not support because at
the end of the day, we're all different. And I always say,
at the end of the day, whatever advice someone gives you, just know
that whatever you choose to do, you have to deal with those consequences.
Right. So if you take their advice to the tea and it results in
you getting a response that makes you cry every night, they're not going to
be able to comfort you every night. They have their own lives, right,
and think about how you're going to feel when they have their own lives
and they're getting on with their life and maybe they're in a better place and
they're happy and they're doing this, and you're crying every night because you did
exactly what they said and it may not have been what you really wanted to
do, you know. So you have to take everyone's advice with a grain
assault and do what you're okay with, you know, meaning not only what
you're okay with in the moment, but the consequences of that are what might
transpire after that. So yeah, reach out to mentors, friends, family,
and there's even support groups for certain situations where you know, you can
anonymously share your experiences and learn from others that have experienced the same thing.
So there are multitude of options or ways that you can garner support to help
you get unstuck, you know, or to help you get out of a
certain situation that maybe nobody understands, you know. And I think I've never
joined a support group, but I think that's such a great thing, just
because there's so many things that people experience that maybe your friends and family have
never experienced, and maybe you're having trouble communicating those feelings about that thing to
those group of people because they can't understand. So you might feel like you're
explaining things a lot, or you might feel just misunderstood. So if you
can go to a group of people that have a certain issue that they've dealt
with and they can share, you know, that's I think that's kind of
like the best thing. It's kind of like it makes me think of what
is that group? Alcoholics anonymous. I believe if you have a problem with
alcohol and you go to your family that doesn't drink, or you go to
your friends that you know drink on occasion, they're not going to be able
to understand what's driving you to drink you know so much, or whatever your
issues are that you use drinking as a coping mechanism. They're just going to
say, oh, just stop drinking, it's not good for you, or
you know, you know that's gonna harm your body, or just tell you
general things. But that's the best that they have because they don't have that
issue. Whereas if you find a alcoholics Anonymous group or some type of support
group for that issue, those are persons that have dealt with it and or
persons that are well versed or educated in the subject matter and recovery whatever that
may be, that can listen to you objectively that can provide you actionable advice.
You see what I'm saying. So I think, you know, just
I think that's just great that there's that option there for people that are in
environments where, you know, maybe your family and friends mean well, but
they're not going to be able to give you the support that you need.
And that's important to note too, because you can't expect So you can't expect
support at a level from a group of people that have never experienced what you're
experiencing. You know, I don't think that's fair. So yeah, I
think I hope those were helpful for you, and I hope that you know,
you can refer to this episode whenever you feel unstuck or uncertain. And
like I said, we all go through it. You may not be going
through it now. Maybe you'll send this to a friend or family member that
is going through it, but we all are there at some point, and
you know, I just think that it's important to establish community and to really
make sure that you understand that everything that happens is for your good right and
you never want to be in situations where you're unwanted. You don't want to
be in a place where you're unwanted, or our own people where you're unwanted,
because that can be a dangerous thing. Right, and remember, finding
yourself and getting unstuck is not a linear process. It's a journey and it
requires time, patience, and perseverance. Right, It's not going to happen
overnight. It may happen overnight in the movies, but in real life,
it's not going to happen overnight. It is a process that you'll have to
keep showing up, keep showing up for yourself. Right, There's going to
be ups and downs, but with each step you're going to be moving closer
and closer to understanding yourself, embracing your true potential and getting unstuck, you
know, finding what really brings you joy in all aspects of your life.
So before we close today, I want to leave you with a powerful reminder.
You have the strength within you to navigate through uncertainty and find your way.
You have the strength to leave any situation that makes you feel worthless,
unworthy, or just really sad, you know, in plain terms. So
trust yourself, trust the process, and believe that you are capable of discovery
new horizons, new you know, things that bring you joy and just doing
anything that you put your mind to, and you are capable of having anything
that you want out of life. I hope these strategies will empower you on
your journey to self discovery. And I hope that you know you really embrace
who you are, and you know that no matter what's going on in your
life, no matter what trials and tribulations you're dealing with, you are worth
it. You belong and you deserve to be happy. You really do.
So thank you again for coming to talk things with me, and I hope
that I will see you next week