WEBVTT

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don't forget to follow us on Instagram at

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Let's Talk to Things Now. Grab
your tea, coffee, or a glass

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of wine and let's talk to Things. When I was just a little child,

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happiness was the world. Then from
me slipped one day, Happiness come

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back, I say, And if
you don't, I'm gonna go looking yeah

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for happiness. And if you don't, I'm gonna go looking ye for happiness.

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That is actually one of my favorite
Bob Marley songs. I don't know

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the exact name of it, but
it's one of his earlier songs and it

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really suits the topic that we will
be discussing today. Hello everyone, and

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welcome back to another episode of Let's
Talk to Things. I am your host,

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Ash and today we will be talking
to things about the transformative journey of

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self discovery, you know, basically
embracing perhaps a season of uncertainty that you

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may be going through. And it's
an important thing to do because you know,

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a lot has happened in the last
few years. Persons are changing their

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jobs, persons to have started new
jobs, starting families and there's just been

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a lot of change, especially in
the millennial space that's personal or professional.

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Also, it is June, nearing
the end of June, so for some

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there's kind of this idea of while
the year is almost over, you know,

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so if I'm going to make a
change, I need to do it

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now. Or you see those posts
on Instagram that will say you have six

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months to change your circumstances. And
while we don't like to, you know,

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push pressure on people just because of
quotes or sayings, I think mid

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year is a good time to just
reassess and kind of think about that uncertainty

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that you might be experiencing. The
thing is, life is gonna life.

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I think we've said that in maybe
two or three episodes now, and because

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of that, life has a way
of throwing us curveballs. And you know,

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in those curveballs our periods of uncertainty
where we may feel lost, stuck,

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and even on shore of our path
moving forward. However, during these

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times we also have the opportunity to
grow and evolve and discover our true selves.

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So in this episode, we're going
to explore practical strategies and insights to

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help us all navigate through that kind
of you know, fog or just mess

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of uncertainty and find our way back
to ourselves. Now, let's start by

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acknowledging that uncertainty is a natural part
of life. It's something that all of

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us experience at various points in our
life, and it can be both unsettling

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and liberating. And embracing uncertainty is
not only something that you have to do,

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it's something you need to do.
It is about accepting the unknown as

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an opportunity for growth and transformation.
And I know that for me a lot

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of times when I go to my
brother, for example, and I say,

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you know, I can't believe this
happened to me, or why is

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this happening to me? He always
challenges me to think, what is this

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trying to teach me? And it's
not always easy. You know, I'm

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not going to pretend like as soon
as he says that, I'm like,

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oh, you know, everything is
great. But it is a good way

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to look at things, because there's
a lot of things that happen to you

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throughout life that you cannot control,
right, and so the best thing you

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can do to look for that opportunity
for growth or to evolve is to really

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ask yourself what it's trying to teach
you, whether it's about a certain situation

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or even yourself. You know,
those are really important things to consider.

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So the first step in finding yourself
I believe admissed. The first step I

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believe in finding yourself in a period
of uncertainty is to cultivate self awareness.

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Right, take the time to reflect
on your values, your passions, and

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your aspirations, Like what really really
matters to you, what brings you joy

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and fulfillment? You know, what
makes you laugh, even what makes you

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cry? What brings out your emotions? What are you passionate about? Right?

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Because having emotions is not necessarily curling
up in a ball and crying.

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But it could be you know,
you see a movie, or you see

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you hear a song and you really
feel passionate about it, or you really

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get moved by the song. Maybe
you know you need to explore looking into

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creating music. Maybe that's somewhere where
you can kind of lend your passion,

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or maybe that's somewhere where you can
find a career because it really brings out

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this emotion in you. By gaining
clarity on who you are and what you

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want, you can start to shape
a path forward. You can start to

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fill those gaps of uncertainty. And
like I said, it's not always going

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to be easy, it's not always
going to be immediate, but it's definitely

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a step in that direction. Another
important aspect of navigating uncertainty is to embrace

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curiosity and to have a growth mindset. You know, we talk about we

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spoke about I should say in previous
episodes that a lot of times when we

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talk about like dating and relationships,
that men look at dating from a place

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of abundance, right, because there's
this idea that you know, if you

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are in the belief of I guess, the patriarchy, because as I said,

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some women don't think that they have
to wait on a man to propose

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to them and these things. But
if you are of that belief with which

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the majority of people are, men
have the control of you know, marriage

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and even starting families in certain ways. Again, if you are of that

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belief, so for men, they
may operate from a place of abundance.

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You know, if this doesn't work
with this person, I can just get

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another person. If this doesn't work
with that person, I can find another

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person. Whereas women might operate from
a place of scarcity because you know,

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maybe the person that they want,
the type of man that they want,

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is scarce, you know, or
they don't feel like they have what a

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man like that would want compared to
the abundance of women that are available,

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you know, and then you add
things like social media and all those other

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stuff. So I say that to
say, you know, it's really important

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to have a growth mindset, to
have an abundance mindset, to not be

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stuck in the what ifs. Although
it's tempting to be and we've all been

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there, you know, it's not
something that you're able to do all the

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time. But I think the more
that we kind of stay in that mindset,

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the easier it will become for that
to be the first thought and maybe

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even one day the only thought,
you know, But one step at a

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time. So yes, instead of
viewing challenges as roadblocks, see them as

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opportunities for learning and personal development.
You know, as I said earlier,

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what is this trying to teach me? How can I grow from this?

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You know? Is this happening for
my good? I can tell you that

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there's been several situations in my life
where I just can't believe something happened or

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you know, it happened out of
nowhere, or I didn't understand it,

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and then months later, not even
years months later, it's like, oh,

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wow, you know, I see
that I was pulled from that place

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for a reason, or I was
you know, pulled out of that friendship

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or that relationship for reason, you
know, from even my safety, for

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my well being. Just you never
know, you never know what you're being

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protected from. And I always love
this saying that said, the saying that

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is rejection is God's protection. And
again, in the moment, it does

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not feel like that. I'm not
sitting here and saying, you know,

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when things go wrong or when things
were going wrong, I was like,

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oh, remember, rejection is God's
protection, and I just moved on.

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That's not true. But a lot
of times when you reflect right hindsight is

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twenty twenty, or when you see
things kind of unraveling, you thank God

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for that rejection you know, or
what you thought was rejection, but are

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realizing it was protection. So just
view try your best to view them as

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opportunities and road blocks and how you
can grow from it, because you can

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grow from anything. You know,
persons may be saying things about you may

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be trying to I don't know,
ruin your career or your character, or

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talk down on you, and they
may think that they're in control, you

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know, because you can be in
a situation where someone can think, oh,

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if I tell so and so this, she won't get the job.

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So now I'm controlling how she progresses
in her career, you know. Or

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if I do this to her,
she's gonna be sad forever, you know.

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If I betray her, if I
do something to harm her, she's

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going to be hurt. And so
she won't really live the greatness that she

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is, or she won't recognize the
greatness that she has because I'm going to

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do something so detrimental to get her
done. And they might think that they

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have that in their hand. They
might even see you shed a tear.

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They might see you become upset because, as I said, in the moment,

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most people I'm in the group,
you know, you don't realize it's

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happening for your goods. So you're
the stated and they may relish in that,

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but what they don't understand is that
they are not in control. God

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is in control, or whatever higher
power you believe in, you know,

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and things have a way of working
out, no matter how much who is

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in your life or what position they
play where they think they have control,

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at the end of the day,
they do not have the last word.

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And a lot of times, if
you can look at things from that perspective,

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you know, it kind of just
gives you a feeling of peace,

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and at the end of the day, that's something that I think everybody wants.

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I know, everybody wants to live
in peace and to have kind of

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just a peaceful mind and a peaceful
mindset, right, So, approach each

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experience with an open mind and a
willingness to explore those new possibilities. So,

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in addition to self awareness and a
growth mindset, it is also crucial

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to practice self passion and to understand
that it is okay to feel uncertain and

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even to make mistakes along the way. You know, sometimes we don't treat

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ourselves with the kindness and the patience
that we treat others with, and it's

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important to do so, especially as
we navigate through life. You know,

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as we navigate through self discovery,
it's important to treat ourselves with that same

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kindness and compassion and patience that we
give others. You know, a lot

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of times we're very hard on ourselves. Even something where you know, let's

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say you miss the turn on a
highway that you know that turn, you've

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been making that turn or going on
that exit for the last ten years.

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You might say, oh, I'm
so stupid. You know, don't speak

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to yourself like that. You know, you re enter a friendship or you

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re enter a relationship and it goes
from bad to worse, and you might

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tell yourself, I'm so dumb.
I can't believe I fell for this.

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I can't believe I did this and
that, and you beat yourself up.

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But if a friend came to you
and said the same thing, you would

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tell them, you know, it's
fine, everyone makes mistakes. You would

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comfort them. Right, So why
not give yourself that same grace, that

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same compassion, Because at the end
of the day, all we have is

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ourselves. Right when you're alone,
when you're in your bed at night,

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when you're just simply living, all
you have is yourself and your thoughts,

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and your thoughts are with you all
the time. So as much as we

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can, if we just try to
keep those thoughts positive, that would also

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help us. You know, have
leave room for trying to figure out what

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we want to do, what we
where we want to go in life,

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you know, to increase certainty about
life, and as you explore and navigate

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through uncertainty, it's also important to
seek support from others. And I know

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it's difficult, especially in our culture
as Caribbean people. You know, we're

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taught not to talk your business,
you know, not to tell people things.

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I think my friend Matthew said on
one episode, there's so many songs,

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particularly like reggae dancehall songs that talk
about you know, friends and watching

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friends and bad mind And while a
lot of that is true, right,

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I think we can all attest to
some of those experiences, it's still important

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to seek support. Now. The
key is to seek support from persons you

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trust, persons that have shown you
that you can trust them. That is

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the key. I think a lot
of times we see perpetuated, whether it's

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in social media or just anywhere.
You know that people need people and you

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need friends, and you should,
you know, tell tell your friends things

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and don't keep it inside. And
yes, that's definitely true. But the

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most important part of that is sharing
those things with persons that you trust.

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And it doesn't just mean you trust
them not to tell your secrets or not

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to tell your business. Now that
is a very crucial part because you don't

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want, you know, to tell
someone that's like Channel seven News or CNN

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your personal business obviously, but it's
also trusting that they're going to give you

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sound advice, Trusting that they're not
going to give you advice that's going to

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put you in a further hole or
that's going to make your circumstances worse.

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Trusting that the advice that they're giving
you is something that you can take or

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leave. They're not going to get
upset with you if you listen to them

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but choose to do something a little
bit differently, or if you listen to

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them but say, ah, that's
not really me. I don't think I

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would do that, and then they
get upset. You don't want to tell

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somebody like that because you'll end up
going from looking for support to defending yourself

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and you know that's not why you're
there. So again, definitely seek support,

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but trusting that trust aspect is very
important. In addition to that,

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surround yourself with positive and uplifting persons
who can provide guidance, encouragement, and

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different perspectives. Right, you definitely
don't want someone that's going to say you're

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right, that person is wrong,
everybody's wrong, you're right. You don't

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want somebody like that because that's not
going to help you grow, that's not

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going to help you look at the
situation objectively, and it's certainly not going

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to prevent you from probably being in
that situation again, because if you're being

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told nothing is wrong with you,
or you did nothing wrong, or you

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know, it's all that person's fault. We play a role in everything that

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happens in our lives, no matter
how big or no matter how small,

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conscious or subconscious. We play a
role in everything. You know. We

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may not realize it at the time
and it may be hard to hear at

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the time. That doesn't mean we're
responsible for how somebody treats us, right,

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that's I think people need to know
that. But we play a role,

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right, So it goes along with
that Maya Angela quote when someone shows

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you who they are, believe them, right. So let's take that for

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example, somebody shows you that they're
untrustworthy, somebody shows you that they lack

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empathy, and instead of saying hmm, that doesn't make me feel too safe.

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Let me remove myself from that person. You think, well, maybe

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that was an isolated situation. You
know, I'm different, I'm a different

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person, so they're not going to
be that way with me. Right.

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That's you playing a role in whatever
comes after that, because they showed you

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who they were in week two.
Right. So if you're in month eight

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and you're now experience encing abuse or
you know something that has to do with

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those two things, the lack of
empathy and even maybe lack of respect for

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others. Right, Because now you're
you've known this person longer, you're seeing

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different things. Your role is that
you saw it and you thought in your

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mind that your circumstances would be different. And don't get me wrong, there

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are situations where, yes, somebody
might show something and it might there might

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be some underlying thing with that person
you might not know about, and as

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you get to know them, you
realize, oh, they had to be

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that way with that person, but
that's not their character. That's just you

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know, how they had to be
in that situation. Right. So it's

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not a cut and dry, be
all end all, but it's really important

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to have a person around that offers
different perspectives. That offers you know,

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kind of a mirror, right that
you can look at yourself and say,

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okay, what could I have on
differently, but not blame yourself, And

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like I said, just provides more
guidance and encouragement than telling you what to

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do or saying you know, if
you don't do this, like I think

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the worst thing somebody could say that
you go to first support if you don't

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do this, then don't come back
to me. Or if you choose not

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to take this advice and you do
what you want to do, then I

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don't want to hear what happens after. Right, that's not support because at

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the end of the day, we're
all different. And I always say,

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at the end of the day,
whatever advice someone gives you, just know

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that whatever you choose to do,
you have to deal with those consequences.

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Right. So if you take their
advice to the tea and it results in

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you getting a response that makes you
cry every night, they're not going to

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be able to comfort you every night. They have their own lives, right,

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and think about how you're going to
feel when they have their own lives

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and they're getting on with their life
and maybe they're in a better place and

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they're happy and they're doing this,
and you're crying every night because you did

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exactly what they said and it may
not have been what you really wanted to

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do, you know. So you
have to take everyone's advice with a grain

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assault and do what you're okay with, you know, meaning not only what

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you're okay with in the moment,
but the consequences of that are what might

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transpire after that. So yeah,
reach out to mentors, friends, family,

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and there's even support groups for certain
situations where you know, you can

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anonymously share your experiences and learn from
others that have experienced the same thing.

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So there are multitude of options or
ways that you can garner support to help

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you get unstuck, you know,
or to help you get out of a

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certain situation that maybe nobody understands,
you know. And I think I've never

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joined a support group, but I
think that's such a great thing, just

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because there's so many things that people
experience that maybe your friends and family have

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never experienced, and maybe you're having
trouble communicating those feelings about that thing to

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those group of people because they can't
understand. So you might feel like you're

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explaining things a lot, or you
might feel just misunderstood. So if you

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can go to a group of people
that have a certain issue that they've dealt

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with and they can share, you
know, that's I think that's kind of

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like the best thing. It's kind
of like it makes me think of what

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is that group? Alcoholics anonymous.
I believe if you have a problem with

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alcohol and you go to your family
that doesn't drink, or you go to

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your friends that you know drink on
occasion, they're not going to be able

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to understand what's driving you to drink
you know so much, or whatever your

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issues are that you use drinking as
a coping mechanism. They're just going to

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say, oh, just stop drinking, it's not good for you, or

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you know, you know that's gonna
harm your body, or just tell you

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general things. But that's the best
that they have because they don't have that

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issue. Whereas if you find a
alcoholics Anonymous group or some type of support

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group for that issue, those are
persons that have dealt with it and or

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persons that are well versed or educated
in the subject matter and recovery whatever that

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may be, that can listen to
you objectively that can provide you actionable advice.

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You see what I'm saying. So
I think, you know, just

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I think that's just great that there's
that option there for people that are in

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environments where, you know, maybe
your family and friends mean well, but

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they're not going to be able to
give you the support that you need.

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And that's important to note too,
because you can't expect So you can't expect

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support at a level from a group
of people that have never experienced what you're

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experiencing. You know, I don't
think that's fair. So yeah, I

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think I hope those were helpful for
you, and I hope that you know,

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you can refer to this episode whenever
you feel unstuck or uncertain. And

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like I said, we all go
through it. You may not be going

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through it now. Maybe you'll send
this to a friend or family member that

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is going through it, but we
all are there at some point, and

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you know, I just think that
it's important to establish community and to really

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make sure that you understand that everything
that happens is for your good right and

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you never want to be in situations
where you're unwanted. You don't want to

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be in a place where you're unwanted, or our own people where you're unwanted,

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because that can be a dangerous thing. Right, and remember, finding

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yourself and getting unstuck is not a
linear process. It's a journey and it

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requires time, patience, and perseverance. Right, It's not going to happen

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overnight. It may happen overnight in
the movies, but in real life,

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it's not going to happen overnight.
It is a process that you'll have to

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keep showing up, keep showing up
for yourself. Right, There's going to

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be ups and downs, but with
each step you're going to be moving closer

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and closer to understanding yourself, embracing
your true potential and getting unstuck, you

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know, finding what really brings you
joy in all aspects of your life.

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So before we close today, I
want to leave you with a powerful reminder.

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You have the strength within you to
navigate through uncertainty and find your way.

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You have the strength to leave any
situation that makes you feel worthless,

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unworthy, or just really sad,
you know, in plain terms. So

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trust yourself, trust the process,
and believe that you are capable of discovery

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new horizons, new you know,
things that bring you joy and just doing

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anything that you put your mind to, and you are capable of having anything

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that you want out of life.
I hope these strategies will empower you on

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your journey to self discovery. And
I hope that you know you really embrace

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who you are, and you know
that no matter what's going on in your

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life, no matter what trials and
tribulations you're dealing with, you are worth

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it. You belong and you deserve
to be happy. You really do.

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So thank you again for coming to
talk things with me, and I hope

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that I will see you next week