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Welcome to you, softcore History.
Welcome back to softcore History. I'm your

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host for the week, Damn Rochester, and I'm joined as always by Rob

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Fox and Jake Goldman. Hello,
hell, hello, Hello. It's time

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for history, look into the past. I don't know, I'll write a

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show tune for us, but oh
we can change up. The intro is

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has because we're getting dinged heat,
getting to fucking ding. It's like it's

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copyright copyright free music. Yeah what
yeah, yeah, they keep demonetizing what

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is Courtney just copyright the intro her
voice actually, and her voice is copyrighted

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because she's intro to other porno or
she filed she filed for the copy right,

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Yeah, yeah, for her voice. And she's trying to get some

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cash out of us. She already
gets everything I make from. Oh yeah,

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she wants more, wants part of
our part. Yeah, you would

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like to just get Oh I imagine
if you guys ever get divorced, it's

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going to be brutal. Uh you
know, TBD She's gonna cut your throat

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I don't know, and then just
drink every ounce of blood out of the

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dry. It's software history with the
n Jacob Courtney she wouldn't want to do

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the work. She took your position. Yeah no, you're still doing the

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work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. It's like paying alimony.

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But she has a show up.
Yeah, gets the ip, Like

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somehow, I just keep getting there. Like you could see your kids four

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times a decade, but only if
you hand over all intellectual property, past,

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present and future, anything you think
of at any point in time.

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You still have to do an episode
every two weeks. Yeah, listen,

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here's script monkey, like her script
jot. You are her chat g pt

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x three. I have to say
it slow because I can never get it

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right GPTT. It's super easy to
say, which, by the way,

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is undefeated gambling on UFC fights still
like even by the round. Dude,

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it caught a split decision this weekend
and it's it's unreal. But and like

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wepcision. We're not gonna this is
obviously, this is evergreen content. This

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is a history show, so we're
not going to talk about it. But

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it's we're the end is near.
I just want to warn you guys.

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Yeah, and it's two years from
now, like it's already enslaved us at

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this point. Yeah, I was
thinking about it this morning, I was

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like, hm, I guess AI
got here and I didn't even notice.

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And I've been living most of my
life thinking like that was of course bound

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to happen, but terrifying you thought
it would be a bigger deal. Yeah,

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just sort of slid in the back
door. It's like here I am.

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Yeah, and everyone was like,
oh when today I get here.

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Yeah. And it's just slowly slitting
throats as it works its way through the

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party. It's like the little grim
reaper on the doors. Yeah. Yeah,

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speaking of sliding in the back door, we're talking about the Catholic Church

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today. Oh wow, there it
is. I mean he set me up

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for that. Yeah, it's knocked
that out of the park, nicely done.

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We're Catholic. It's fine. No
one even cares. Like if you

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had made like a brutal Jewish joke, obviously we'd have to be like,

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it's fine that one, but we
can point to it and we wouldn't even

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broach the other one. But with
Catholic it's like, no one cares,

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No one cares. We're not getting
Charlie head um, but Catholic we're good.

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You can make fun of us want, Yeah, And today we're gonna

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talk about the erotic life of Pope
Pious. The second hold on doesn't sound

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like he was very pious at all. Yeah, what gives? Well,

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before I did the research for this
episode, all I knew about Pope Pious.

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The second was it was a school
in our district that just destroyed us

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in every sport. They were called
Pious Pope Pious? Why was a random

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school in Philadelphia named after Pope Pious? A second, I couldn't tell you

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that's school. Is our Lady of
Fatima. So yeah, but that's just

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Mary. Yeah, that's just Mary
showing up in Portugal or whatever at the

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turn of the essential prime or reason
to our Lady of Guadaloup, our Lady

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of Fatima. That's just Mary showing
up to different places. It's it's yeah,

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Fatima. It's like there's a lot
of our ladies. Yeah, but

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it's all basically the same. It's
all merry. I think maybe every once

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in a while it's like Elizabeth,
there's something. It's mostly Mary. What's

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up of those churches that are like
are like it's something like Church of Eternal

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something or other. They have like
crazy long names. Oh, that's not

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a real Catholic church. That's not
that's like another that's probably not. H

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I mean my mind was Christ the
King, and then but Lee had like

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the nearest one to us was our
Lady of Lords. Yeah, they'll be

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like that universal. What do you
mean our lady of lords? Lords like

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lords France? I think l O
U R d E s just she just

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showed up to lord. Yeah,
it's Lord, our Lord's lady like recently,

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No, just artist the artist.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

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yeah yeah yeah she' you forgot about
her. She doesn't really put out music

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recently. No, it's been a
while. She's great though, Yes,

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I like her. Yeah, Solar
Power is a great song. No,

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we're talking about Pope Pius the second. There's gonna be a lot of crossover

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from some past episodes we did heacifically
on the Patreon. Was he the one

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with the fourth Crusade? No,
but he does lead a crusade against the

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Turks. Okay, we have Oh, I think Pious to like third or

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fourth was the hitler Pope because we've
done a Pious before. I don't think

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it was third. I think it
was like somewhere in the teens, looked

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real quick because we have done that
before either way. Uh so our boy

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Unius Silvio Bartolommeo something Italian super long
was born in fourteen oh five as one

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of eighteen children to a noble but
somewhat impoverished Tuscany family, most likely due

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to the in which his soldier father
was pumping loads into his mother sick.

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Pope Pious the twelfth was hit pope
definitely not the third. I don't know

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how many times they named themselves,
you know, like there's not some of

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them. There's like a million.
There's like a million of the same name.

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This pope. It's somehow the first
Pope Francis. No one has named

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them. I was just about to
say, is there any like obviously right

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off the front, you know,
there's some firsts. But is he one

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taking uniques these days? I guess
Francis Francis was, but Benedict wasn't.

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John Paul was the second. Uh
yeah, but Pious is a is a

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big one. I guess is he? Is he one of the Borges?

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Is this about like the show the
Borges? That's what the papacy and there's

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all that fucking But I can't remember. No, okay, no, um,

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he'sn't he's a he's a writer.
Okay, he wrote a novel.

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Oh, writer's writing about writers typical, but he worked in the field until

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they turned eighteen, said deuces to
a life has a hard hand, and

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went to Sienna and Florence, where
he studied classical languages and literature from two

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universities, and like every good arts
major, had limited options, that became

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a teacher. I feel like,
at least so writers actually used to you

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say, like hard ditched the hard
hand life. But like dudes like Hemmingway,

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obviously that's like such a fucking brow
thing to mention. But a lot

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of people are Hemmingway, not even
we served. It's just like there's a

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million writers Steinbeck or whatever that are
just like, you know what, like

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I just want to go work.
Yeah, I decided I had nothing to

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do, that had a choice.
He was kind of in the midst of

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the dust bowl whatever. But some
of them are still just like nothing,

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we're hard hands. Now They're like
I had nothing to do. So I

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just decided if all the things,
I'm gonna go be a man and like

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work on an oil rig for six
months or some board. So I wrote

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the Great American novel that night's on
the oil rig. Yeah, that's that

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really is like how every fucking great
American novel goes. Though actually every American

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you shouldn't have to serve in the
military, but you should have to do

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like six months or a year on
a oil rig. Uh. How did

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I show you that meme that or
that tweet I saw the other day?

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I didn't show you like this dude
or like hang power lines this dude goes.

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Uh, this dude tweeted I'd never
tip male waiters hit the oil rig

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and word cheese. You did show
me that? Someone tweet that. Yeah,

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that's a pretty good tweet. That's
I've every time. I've thought about

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it so much since then, and
I giggle every time hit the oil rig.

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You ever see the videos of the
oil rig guys, the actual rough

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hands out there doing that shit,
like swinging the pipes around and stuff,

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getting the ship in the ground.
Jack worked on the oil rigs. Those

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things are nuts, dude, Just
like it's like, oh, look at

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all these greasy moving parts. That
unsurprising. Yeah that shouldn't really surprise.

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I mean you can there's a look
to a whatever rig guy. Yea even

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Jack, you know, he like
sure he's out of shape now. But

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in his heyday, Jack also invaded
Iraq. Think I don't want anything past

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Jack. No, he's probably got
so many bodies, didn't he get shot.

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He likes to just you know,
kind of like get creating stories.

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He likes to obscure it. But
he was in an armored vehicle in the

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fucking like spearhead of the invasion.
Like he was like in the thrust,

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Like he wasn't behind, like he
was in the tip of the wedge.

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Yeah, Chelsea, Jack, I
miss him. We need to have him

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back on the show, so Our
Boy in fourteen thirty one, then upgraded

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to secretary to a bishop in Fermo
and became a follower of the anti Pope

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Felix the Fifth. Oh, antipopes
are dope. It's like matter and anti

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matter Pope and Antipope. If they
touched, they explore. Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah. He was part of the
Renaissance humanist broadly, a group that

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wanted to bring back the culture of
ancient Greece and Rome through literature in philosophy,

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and he was thus excommunicated by the
Church. Right, he's he's kind

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of a lib yeah, kind of
a fucking like hippie, he was.

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Yeah, and now all the orgy
stuff you mentioned off the off the bat

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makes sense. Let's bring back Rome
and Greece. He just wants to loop

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up with olive oil and go fucking
bananas. Yeah, which respect, but

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he just wants let's just let's just
see through. Yeah, let's just see

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through what you're saying, like,
oh, it's the the literally now you

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just want to fuck for free.
No, man, you just want me

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to push my thighs together. I
see what you want to. Just be

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transparent, don't waste my time,
don't don't make me gas at what you're

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saying. And I don't have time
for innuendo. You just want to drop

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loads everywhere he does, Yeah,
he he several times you'll find he like

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rejects the cloth. He's like,
I'll work with you guys, but I'm

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not gonna take the let's throw the
thing on you know what. I can't

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do anymore. The Greeky Romani it's
kind of a big deal, that Greco

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Roman thang. Yeah, which is
everythang. In fourteen thirty five, he

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was sent to Scotland on a mission
from Cardinal Albergatti for some dumbass reason.

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Thanking Mary for safe passage on a
turbulent boat ride trip there, he decided

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to walk barefoot from port to the
nearest shrine of the Mother of Jesus,

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which was about ten miles away in
Dunbar. Oh. Yeah, it was

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winter and there was snow on the
ground. So did he lose his feet?

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Yeah? He ended up having a
foot in like pain suffered from his

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I guess pilgrimage to the shrine when
he walked in the snow barefoot. No

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ship that would last the rest of
his life. Yeah, so he had

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like a sick, gnarly lamp.
Yeah, I was about to see he

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probably gave himself permanent nerve damage.
Probably. Actually, it wasn't the snow

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that did it. It was Mary
being like, oh my fucking god,

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00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,000
stop doing this. Maybe if I
maybe if I make him like, I

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won't let make him lose a foot
or getting infection, but maybe if I

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just make the rest of his life
like a little bit uncomfortable and annoying,

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he'll tell other people that doing this
type of thing is fucking stupid. Yeah,

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and uh, I probably probably didn't. Probably the opposite happened. It's

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like, I would highly recommend you
walking from Port to Dunbar barefoot in the

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winter. Yeah, dude, we
love pain. Catholic Catholicism is a bit

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of a BDSM organization. I mean, look at our symbol, right,

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it's a guy being murdered. I
always had such mixed feelings about did you

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00:12:35,639 --> 00:12:41,399
hear that joke when you're in like
grade school about the uh it was either

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the atheist kid or the Jewish kid. I think they kind of switched it

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00:12:43,799 --> 00:12:48,480
out Sometimes out ever is more relevant. Yeah, who was bad at math?

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But then he went to Catholic school
and he started being good at math

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because the plus sign, because he
was like, why, well, I'm

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scared to be bad at it.
There's a guy nailed to a plus sign

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in every room in the fucking school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

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00:13:01,399 --> 00:13:03,559
have heard that. Yeah. I
always thought it was kind of whatever,

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but I just it is. I
do think thinking someone's nailed to it.

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There were moments in your life that's
just really stick in your head that I

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00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:16,799
don't know why you don't have random
memories like that, do Yeah, but

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not that obscure, and so then
you don't kind of cross joke is it's

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I'm nailed right in and a no
I just like the joke. You remember

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you said during an intermural basketball game
for nine to eleven that just tanked and

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00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:37,679
you're like, no, I'm gonna
I'm gonna repeat this. Like fifteen years

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later, no one laughed at it. Still no one does. It's more

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00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:43,559
like probably seventeen years later. But
you know, trying to help you out,

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man, Yeah that's fine. I
just remember, I don't know what

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00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,399
to tell you. I have a
I don't have a good memory. Like

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I do have a good memory,
but I it doesn't work the way it

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00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,360
should. Just it just shits memories
into his mouth and he throws them up

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00:13:56,440 --> 00:14:01,440
that and you have memory Tarets.
Yeah, my brain just grabs a random

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00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:09,200
thing out of the ether, and
I'm like, this time, it would

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00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,799
be so unfortunate if that was the
real thing. You splurt your memories out

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00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:18,120
all the time, if that was
all timers, all simers. I mean

203
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,440
it kind of is. It's just
like it's internalized, like your experience.

204
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:26,519
I mean that basically is dementia,
like an old person being like in nineteen

205
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:33,480
forty seven, nice saw brown car
on a Wednesday. Yeah, that's it's

206
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:39,120
the I's the onion on your belt. Right from like no, it's like

207
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:43,559
god, dude, Like there's so
many times too where the example is always

208
00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:48,840
like the grandpa will think like his
daughter is his wife, and shit starts

209
00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:54,279
feeling around like oh hey, come
over here, and it's like, oh,

210
00:14:54,679 --> 00:14:58,399
just I mean make your horny for
anything. Well yeah, yeah,

211
00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:01,399
you're glitching out. Yeah, you're
just like fuck, you're seeing into another

212
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,799
dimension at some point. Yeah,
yeah, a glorious dimension where your daughter

213
00:15:05,919 --> 00:15:13,240
is your wife. Gross. So
while he was in Scotland, he also

214
00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:18,639
had a bastard child. Oh nice, is he ordained yet? Oh no,

215
00:15:18,759 --> 00:15:22,320
he's he works for the church,
but he's not. Okay, so

216
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,279
he just knocked up a mud person. He did. He's not sticking around

217
00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:28,559
with that thing. Well no,
because the child died and he's off the

218
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:33,600
hook, lucky. Yeah, that's
so funny too, Like if you get

219
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:39,000
someone pregnant back then, there's so
much that who you didn't want to get

220
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:43,039
pregnant, there's so much natural opportunity
to not have to raise that child.

221
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,600
Hey, you can just leave and
they'll never find you, never, never,

222
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:50,759
there's that No, such things should
supported, no, b it's a

223
00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:56,279
miracle if the kid even cracks the
edge. Of the vagina without being dead

224
00:15:56,279 --> 00:16:03,320
already. B then every day it's
alive until it's like fucking fourteen is a

225
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:08,440
miracle. Yeah, seriously, especially
in the north. Yeah, in cold

226
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:15,000
every winter, yeah, yeah,
winters, Like imagine, like like the

227
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,279
first frost, you're going to school, you know when you look around your

228
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:21,360
class and you're like, I know
when it's gonna be here come spring.

229
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:26,000
Yeah, that's nuts. Jimmy one
kid just because yeah, him, he's

230
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,600
gone done. It's not even that
cold yet. You can't be coughing like

231
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:34,799
that. Kids today are soft.
None of their classmates die except in school

232
00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:38,960
shootings. I guess because it air
getting hard again. Yeah, you think

233
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:44,840
one day maybe we'll just grow a
bulletproof skin, Like, well, do

234
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:48,559
you want to make a terrible sci
fi movie with some horrible, horrible political

235
00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:55,080
commentary. Let's really lay it on
thick. The year's twenty five hundred children

236
00:16:55,200 --> 00:17:00,519
have exoskeletons. They can't be shot, but they shed them so that the

237
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:07,079
guns still kind of work. Like
it's just dumb. Yeah, I want

238
00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:15,680
to make that movie. It's called
gun World. Oh this is my sort

239
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:21,480
of gonna rinu. Oh I gotta
get my gun cards popped. My bullets.

240
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:26,759
The exhausted shoots bullets out of the
back of it. Ah, good

241
00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:30,880
world coming this fall. So he
returned to Basil and won a seat in

242
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:36,720
the city council, worked his way
up the clergy ladder without ever taking the

243
00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:41,119
vows to the cloth because my guy
liked to dump loads. Not always with

244
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:47,440
consent though, Well, O,
what year is it? Well? In

245
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,119
a letter to his father, not
nineteen eighty one, I don't even know.

246
00:17:51,599 --> 00:17:55,039
In a letter to his father in
fourteen forty three, he revealed that

247
00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:59,559
he believed he had fathered a son
with a woman named Elizabeth while he was

248
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:06,640
living for a period in France,
that Elizabeth had rejected his advances. I

249
00:18:06,799 --> 00:18:12,319
think that they would have a more
would be more able to understand the concept

250
00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:18,759
of an airplane than a woman giving
what we would consider modern consent, Like

251
00:18:18,799 --> 00:18:22,200
way she's allowed to have an opinion, right, Yeah, now that I

252
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,400
pulled that opinion totally out of my
ass. I have no idea if that's

253
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,559
true or not, but it feels
right. I feel like they would understand

254
00:18:27,559 --> 00:18:33,599
flying craft, yeah, like Kurt
in Sky. Yeah better than yeah,

255
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,000
he said, woman have choice,
he said, he entered the room and

256
00:18:37,319 --> 00:18:42,920
quote unquote possessed the woman, so
he grabbed her. Yeah yeah, cool,

257
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:48,519
Well and more wisdom one possessed her
like like a ghoul. Yeah,

258
00:18:48,839 --> 00:18:52,279
he got inside of her, got
inside her. Yeah. So if there

259
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:57,359
was no exorcist, my guy,
though, doesn't really have a good retention

260
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:03,799
rate with the kids. Child died
for ten months, doesn't he. I

261
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:07,720
don't know that this is that much
of a statistical outlier, did he?

262
00:19:07,839 --> 00:19:11,119
Did he end up having kids?
Probably a couple, right, these are?

263
00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:14,319
Yeah? But I mean like that
lived are the two on record?

264
00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:18,880
Okay? I mean he I bet
you he ended up batting like four hundred

265
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,880
makes the Hall of fan Yeah yeah, yeah, that's actually really good.

266
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,119
And now that he was no longer
anchored by a baby in France, he

267
00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:33,720
left for Frankfurt and then Vienna to
work for the Holy Roman Emperor Fred Thir.

268
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:36,759
Oh. Boy, he's working in
the Holy Roman Emperor's court. I

269
00:19:36,799 --> 00:19:41,440
can't imagine there's a lot of chicks
not being able to say no, you

270
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:45,359
know what I mean, Like,
it's just I'm sure he's running through that

271
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,599
court. So let's say he's got
like nine more dead kids coming up.

272
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:55,000
What if this guy's just a kid
killer Fanta said with Chancellor Casper Schlick,

273
00:19:55,400 --> 00:20:00,480
who many theorized was the real world
inspiration to his now famous novel A Tale

274
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:06,960
of Two Lovers? Is this Pious's
novel? Yeah? Oh? Was him

275
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,240
and him and the chancellor fucking banging. No, not each other, but

276
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:17,000
like the same check. Um.
So the Chancellor was an old boy and

277
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:22,119
uh yeah, many theorized that he
was probably giving it to his wife sick.

278
00:20:22,799 --> 00:20:25,720
Okay, so Pious was given it
to the chancellor's last Yeah, and

279
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,720
then wrote a book about it.
Yes, and I have some I mean,

280
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,240
I'll just tell you about the book
right now. The Tale Two Lovers

281
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,319
was a steamy, erotic novel about
two lovers who first met at a funeral

282
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:44,319
exchange flirtatious glances over a corpse love
that the woman is married to a jealous

283
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,240
older man, presumably Casper, and
having no way to communicate with her new

284
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:52,559
Italian lover. Yeah, I mean
it's kind of on the nose. Yeah,

285
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,759
yeah, right, well, you
know, yeah, they exchange passionate

286
00:20:56,799 --> 00:21:00,240
love letters that express their deep desires
and escalate to own in which is shown

287
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:06,319
with the illustrations throughout the book.
It's a picture books picture. Pope wrote

288
00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:11,519
an erotic graphic novel. This guy
is a dork. My guy pies as

289
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:15,720
bars, he's got a rot.
He's got erotic friend fiction. Yeah,

290
00:21:15,759 --> 00:21:21,079
but it's not any it's erotic friend
nonfiction. You can buy it now,

291
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,160
where's your copy? Dude? Us? All right, let'sok about amazons?

292
00:21:25,279 --> 00:21:29,119
How much does cost called a Tale
of Two Lovers? Do you want to

293
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:33,160
hear some bars? Yeah? Absolutely, barmy all right? That you love

294
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,799
me does not surprise me, for
you are not the first nor the only

295
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:44,079
one that my beauty has led astray? Is that from the woman to him,

296
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:48,240
it's like you're You're nothing special,
You're nothing special, You're not even

297
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:52,440
unique? Is that what that says? I love a first off? They

298
00:21:52,599 --> 00:21:56,160
use his real name, they don't
use his pope name. Uh what is

299
00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:03,720
it? Aeneas Silvius Piccolomini. It's
you said of me. That's fucking is

300
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,160
that the that's a Cafteria place where
you get like that jella right, Hilom

301
00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:14,279
Polomini. That's real, bibbity bubby
boo. Yeah, uh man. Yeah.

302
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:17,720
You can get it on Amazon for
twelve bucks hardcot hardcover. I think

303
00:22:17,759 --> 00:22:21,880
it's soft only. I mean,
you know, the Yeah, this is

304
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:26,759
an air This is an airport novel
from the fifteenth century. My wishes urged

305
00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:30,400
me one way, my thoughts another, and knowing what is best, I

306
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:37,400
pursue the worst. That's the original
my moans tell him, No, that

307
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:44,079
is let's go Kelly, rip off, Pious, Key swagger Jack, Pope

308
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,440
Pious. The second. Well,
they have a lot of other sexual stuff

309
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,759
in commons soun's like it. Yeah, mainly around consent. Yeah, yeah,

310
00:22:49,799 --> 00:22:52,680
yeah, the lack of it.
Yeah, And I can't imagine Pious

311
00:22:52,759 --> 00:22:57,640
is super into caring about age.
Although in this r Kelly would have thrived

312
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:03,440
in this era of history, would
have thrived like fifty years before Kelly was

313
00:23:03,519 --> 00:23:08,039
born in parts of the world,
Yeah, a lot of parts. I

314
00:23:08,079 --> 00:23:15,920
mean not Europe more, but more
of his ancestral home would have crushed.

315
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,720
Sure, you could have Pete on
any fucking twelve year only wanted to.

316
00:23:19,759 --> 00:23:22,200
I don't know. He might have
got him beaten. Yeah, you never

317
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,119
know. Yeah, I don't know. We don't know what tab it was

318
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:30,640
in different places. You make so
little my love for although many love you,

319
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:34,319
none of their fires is to be
compared with mine. You got a

320
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:40,039
sick fire. He's like they ain't
got it like me. Yeah, fuck

321
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,880
yeah, I think he's talking about
dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

322
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:48,440
it's got a light pipe. This
is roughly no. It was like a

323
00:23:48,559 --> 00:23:53,119
hundred years before Shakespeare, and Shakespeare
talked about cock and post me a lot

324
00:23:53,160 --> 00:24:03,599
in innuendo, so euphemism. So
yeah, woman isn't ungovernable animal whom no

325
00:24:03,799 --> 00:24:08,279
rains can control. Man. It's
funny that back then they were like,

326
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:14,599
God, we just it is impossible
to control women, no matter how hard

327
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:15,799
we try. Yeah, like,
I don't know, man, I think

328
00:24:15,839 --> 00:24:21,039
you're doing a really good job.
I think you got it on lock.

329
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:26,720
Yeah. This one has a little
bit more description of the actual body.

330
00:24:26,759 --> 00:24:32,000
She was dressed in a light robe
that molded itself to her body and did

331
00:24:32,039 --> 00:24:37,000
not disguise either her breast or her
hips. Her body showed itself as it

332
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,160
was, eyes that sparkled like the
sun, a joyous look, animated face,

333
00:24:41,759 --> 00:24:48,359
cheeks like bouquets of lilies and purple
roses, a sweet and modest smile

334
00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:55,960
on her lips, and generous breast
with swollen nipples. Two pomegranates whose palpitations

335
00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:00,920
awakened desire. Fuck yeah, I
was like, cut it out with the

336
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,720
face stuff more hip and titty and
he he got gets right back to it.

337
00:25:04,839 --> 00:25:11,039
Swollen nips. Does he talk about
her vagin? Oh white bosom,

338
00:25:11,079 --> 00:25:15,640
Oh sweet tongue, Oh quick wit, Oh body of marble, full of

339
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,720
sap? Yeah, oh I mean
she's wet, Yeah, full of sap.

340
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,440
When will I see you again?
When will I bite again those ruby

341
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:33,119
lips? Which lipsy talking about?
When will I feel again her agile tongue

342
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,319
in my mouth? Oh? I
hold her breast again in my hands?

343
00:25:36,759 --> 00:25:40,519
A quick question, agile tongue?
Just she going like she like tongue box

344
00:25:40,519 --> 00:25:45,440
and out. Yeah, how you
gotta do it? That's how I kiss.

345
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:51,720
Tongue punching, yeah, just going
straight. Jab jab yeah, maybe

346
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:56,839
a little hook here and there.
You can jab somebody to death. Man.

347
00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,880
It's a useful tool in the fight
and when making out. Yep,

348
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,880
they will leave, Okay, I
say, yeah, I'd be really careful.

349
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,400
How you say it. It's really
useful to use a jab while you're

350
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:12,319
making out. You sound like Pope
pious. Yeah, listen, some girls

351
00:26:12,319 --> 00:26:17,440
like to be choked. I don't
think many like to be punched, probably

352
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:21,319
more than you think. Oh.
Actually I do know someone who is hooking

353
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:22,920
up as the one that requested he
punched her in the face. I couldn't

354
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,240
do that, I could, He
was like, I would leave. Yeah,

355
00:26:26,039 --> 00:26:30,079
I couldn't even choke. I'm not
into it. Not into it.

356
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,680
Yeah, No, if someone asked
that, I would be like, no,

357
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:38,400
I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna
kinda ride for that moral high ground

358
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,160
she asked for it. I'm not. It's not a moral high ground thing.

359
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,720
Yeah, that's you also have to
consent to the act, right,

360
00:26:45,759 --> 00:26:48,200
Like, yeah, yeah, it's
not a moral high ground thing. I

361
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:49,799
don't think less of it. Oh
well, she requested it, so yeah,

362
00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:52,880
I stabbed her in the face,
like, as long as she gives

363
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,160
me a permission. But yeah,
it's just like I would just be like,

364
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,839
it would really take me out of
it, Like that doesn't take me

365
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:06,200
out the physically striking somebody would.
Well, yeah, other than obviously as

366
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,240
slaps, fine and everything, but
right, there's a difference between smacking someone

367
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,640
in the ass, which is all
soft issue, and just being like,

368
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,839
hey, behind the head, punched
me in the face, Like, take

369
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,880
it back. I also, at
that point you gotta start thinking about her

370
00:27:18,079 --> 00:27:21,480
and be like kill her. No, not that that were just like,

371
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:23,960
what what happened to you? I've
never had punch, but I've had a

372
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,599
girl asked for an open hand slap
and I was like, na, in

373
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:33,119
the case, yeah, how hard, I didn't do it? Okay,

374
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:41,000
Yeah that's here is like here right, Yeah, that's that would be easier

375
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,359
for me to do than choking.
A slap in the face, a light

376
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:48,319
slap. I also was dancing with
a girl at UCF one time she asked

377
00:27:48,319 --> 00:27:49,400
me to choke her in public,
and oh no, no, no,

378
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,559
no, no, no, no, no no, that's how you get

379
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,640
curb stopped to know. Yeah,
that's like she asked, No, yeah,

380
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:02,720
yeah no. Actually at that point
her fed is watching guys get the

381
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:04,799
shit kicked out of them, and
then she made it happen, you know

382
00:28:04,799 --> 00:28:10,119
what I mean. Like her,
that's like her weird like subversive control fetish

383
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:15,400
where she's like, I can kill
this man tonight with my seductions stranger I

384
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,119
just met. Yeah, dude,
women, don't forget you can probably get

385
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:23,480
a lot of men killed. Oh
in a night. Oh yeah, just

386
00:28:23,519 --> 00:28:29,680
like, hey, this guy,
uh easily x Charles Manson that shit at

387
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,200
a bar easily, you could literally
literally, oh my god. So terrifying.

388
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:38,160
You could run up to someone and
be like, this motherfucker just drug

389
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:44,880
by Drake. I just saw put
some today by fucking Drake. Ten white

390
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,160
knights, without a without an ounce
of thought as to what was happening,

391
00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:53,839
would jump just dude who wanted to
fight, probably right, would just it's

392
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,599
not even that, it's just like
if that happened, I think the whole

393
00:28:56,599 --> 00:29:00,480
bar would just jump this man.
Yeah, and I'm not saying that like

394
00:29:00,559 --> 00:29:03,559
women do that other times. They're
not dying about Like it's just like I've

395
00:29:03,599 --> 00:29:06,480
never once seen this happened, right, I've never seen this happen. Kind

396
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,960
of sounds like you're speaking from experience, But like, man, a chick

397
00:29:11,039 --> 00:29:15,960
could ruin someone's whole fucking day if
they, like, if they were just

398
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:22,119
some sly rearranged, Like most women
aren't psychopaths, Like that's mostly like you

399
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,279
know, violent psychopaths are mostly men. Yeah, it's very rare. That's

400
00:29:25,279 --> 00:29:29,880
some women like shug it out,
Jack, they are no. But anyway,

401
00:29:30,799 --> 00:29:34,920
the devil ever pulled was convincing the
world she didn't exist. WHOA is

402
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:40,680
that progressive? I don't know.
I can't tell if that's good or bad.

403
00:29:41,039 --> 00:29:44,480
Yeah, they're always like God's a
woman. What if the devil is

404
00:29:45,599 --> 00:29:52,440
m Never thought of that, did
you? It makes you think I met

405
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,240
God. She's black. That was
on a T shirt I saw. I

406
00:29:56,279 --> 00:30:00,440
was like, that's a lot of
people off with that. That's good.

407
00:30:00,359 --> 00:30:03,079
That's a good troll. Actually,
man, I saw a rad bumper sticker

408
00:30:03,119 --> 00:30:07,279
the other day. It was like, I think it was like a hippie,

409
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:11,079
like a really angry hippies bumper sticker. Yeah, you know, like

410
00:30:11,079 --> 00:30:15,880
an environmentalist because it's it just said
they're just just text on on white and

411
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:22,880
it just said nature bats last.
That's pretty good, I know. I

412
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,559
was like, fuck, dude,
all right, I want one that's like

413
00:30:26,599 --> 00:30:30,119
sticks and stones may break my bones, but Ted Kasinski can make a wicked

414
00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:34,680
bomb with those. I saw that
there was a bomb for sale, right,

415
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,319
I said that to you guys,
one of his like unopened packages.

416
00:30:40,519 --> 00:30:44,079
Yeah, it was like on eBay, right, yeah, don't don't rush

417
00:30:44,079 --> 00:30:48,440
ship it, Like do you ship
that to the winner winning? I think

418
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:52,640
we should get in put it on
set. Yeah, I mean we have

419
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:57,119
a smell. Someone is gonna accidentally
open it. That's the problem. Yeah,

420
00:30:57,319 --> 00:31:00,880
yeah, like I know, not
to touch the thing now. But

421
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,519
also now, because we told you
that would ruin our day. Obviously,

422
00:31:03,599 --> 00:31:08,640
the kau Zinski package would ruin the
set. Yeah. The amount of construction

423
00:31:08,799 --> 00:31:15,079
we'd have to redo just a nightmare, especially on your legs. Yeah yeah,

424
00:31:15,319 --> 00:31:18,680
yeah, who else is pie is
banging? So what do you guys

425
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,319
think of a tale of two lovers? So far, I'm into it.

426
00:31:22,319 --> 00:31:30,440
It's a it's very like beetread a
bit self indulgent. That's very I wonder

427
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,559
if home you read it like the
Chancellor. I don't know. Maybe he

428
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,319
was too old, you know what
I mean, he was too busy,

429
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:45,920
like I saw a brown horse on
Wednesday in fourteen twelve. It's definitely about

430
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,480
them, because there's a bunch of
quotes too that I didn't add that we're

431
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:56,319
just talking shit about old people in
love. Like this guy's dick was wicked

432
00:31:56,359 --> 00:32:00,119
weak. I gave it to his
wife's hot pussy real from Boston. Now,

433
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:04,880
yeah, yeah, I gave it
to his wife's hot pussy real good.

434
00:32:05,279 --> 00:32:09,480
His dumb dick didn't didn't work so
good. Uh, fuck old people.

435
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:14,519
We should kill him or eat them
or make them our slaves like a

436
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:19,839
little Mickey Avalon. Yeah, my
dick, it's like really big. Yeah.

437
00:32:19,599 --> 00:32:22,559
Yeah, Dick is like a little
twig. But like you know,

438
00:32:22,599 --> 00:32:28,799
it's not just good because there's modern
dick, the Late Night Fee, Your

439
00:32:28,839 --> 00:32:31,720
Dick Got the HIV. That's a
great song. Actually, you listen to

440
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:35,880
that really gets you high for a
party. Yeah, women love it too.

441
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,640
It's a good song. That's what
it is, a good song.

442
00:32:37,799 --> 00:32:40,200
It's just a good song. Yeah. I mean, if you need,

443
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,440
we should do a kids bop that
where it's like my pig or something like

444
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:51,599
that, or just like my not
just my dick, my dick, yeah,

445
00:32:51,799 --> 00:32:57,519
my pen. Obviously, now working
under Freddy three, he was forgiven

446
00:32:57,559 --> 00:33:01,599
for his past transgressions against the Church, no longer excommunicated, and sent on

447
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:07,240
a mission to the Vatican in fourteen
forty five to smooth over the internal struggles

448
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:15,200
between the Papal Court of Rome and
the German imperial electors. So whenever in

449
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:20,920
a medieval too total war, it's
like there's like this funny thing where like

450
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,839
like the Vatican is there, right, and the Pope is there, and

451
00:33:23,359 --> 00:33:27,720
if you're a Christian nation or a
Catholic nation, if you pick a Catholic

452
00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:30,440
nations, play as like Spain or
Frames or something like that or England,

453
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,839
because it starts in like ten seventy. You have to stay in good with

454
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:40,880
the pope, right or you get
fucking find money, or other Catholic nations

455
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:45,839
will attack you. Yeah, they
will raise an army against you. Yeah,

456
00:33:45,839 --> 00:33:50,519
and stuff like that. But every
time that pope dies, it's like

457
00:33:50,519 --> 00:33:53,640
a reset, and so you can
like sweeten it up with the next.

458
00:33:53,839 --> 00:33:57,880
Yeah, and if the pope is
from an allied nation or your country,

459
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,240
you're in good with the pope all
of a sudden. And that always seemed

460
00:34:01,559 --> 00:34:06,000
like dumb to me. I was
like the Vatican remembers, it's the same

461
00:34:06,039 --> 00:34:08,840
cardinals and they're electing a guy.
No, No, new pope comes in

462
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,440
and you have a fucking clean flate. It doesn't matter what you did.

463
00:34:13,599 --> 00:34:20,159
Literally four months before, they's got
forty nations ready to roll son at all

464
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:24,599
times. Except you'll you'll find out
not bias, Okay. He played a

465
00:34:24,679 --> 00:34:31,519
leading role in the Compromise in fourteen
forty seven, where dying Pope Eugene accepted

466
00:34:31,599 --> 00:34:37,519
the reconciliation of Germany and the anti
Pope was left without support. So he

467
00:34:37,559 --> 00:34:39,679
turned on this boy. Look,
man, you gotta read the train,

468
00:34:40,599 --> 00:34:49,199
yep I guess during this time they
looked the other way with our boys mentality

469
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:53,000
on celibacy, or you know,
maybe he just kind of decided, you

470
00:34:53,039 --> 00:34:58,199
know what, I'll put up some
type of sham to take the vowels.

471
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:04,039
Yeah. I mean a lot of
obviously, like the fun joke is uh

472
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:07,239
hahaha, okay, like priests or
child molesters or whatever, and maybe the

473
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:13,199
priests are are left with the scraps, you know, boys essentially. But

474
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,239
uh, I feel like in this
time period, especially bishops, cardinals,

475
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:21,760
the pope especially, they were dead
families. If they're fucking chicks, there's

476
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:27,599
a there's a lot of like throughout
history scandals with that, right, there's

477
00:35:27,679 --> 00:35:31,159
like pretty much every pope around this
time had kids and and like mistresses side

478
00:35:31,159 --> 00:35:35,119
pieces. Yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. I mean the only ones

479
00:35:35,159 --> 00:35:40,280
that didn't were probably either elected really
old, were kind of boners, Like

480
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:45,320
they were probably a couple like real
straight arrows who were like, she's just

481
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:50,519
called the the pope that doesn't have
sex a boner. Yeah yeah, the

482
00:35:50,559 --> 00:35:54,280
guy doing his job the way it's
supposed to be, Like, what'll be

483
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:59,559
corrupt? Yeah, what are you
doing? You're the you're the god wizard

484
00:35:59,599 --> 00:36:04,400
now you're the king Wizard of Europe. Yeah, and what is this?

485
00:36:04,519 --> 00:36:07,719
Fourteen forty you know, in fifty
years king Wizard of two New Continents two

486
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,519
fourteen forty seven. So the Pope
Eugene's successor, Pope Nicholas the Fifth,

487
00:36:12,599 --> 00:36:16,920
made him the Bishop of tree Esda. That's sure. Whatever? Sure,

488
00:36:17,159 --> 00:36:22,599
where's that in Italy? He later
served as Bishop of Siena Okahoa. In

489
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:29,960
fourteen fifty he was sent as an
ambassador by Emperor Frederick the Third to negotiate

490
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:35,119
his marriage with the Princess Eleanor of
Portugal. In fourteen fifty one, he

491
00:36:35,159 --> 00:36:42,519
undertook a mission to Bohemia and concluded
a satisfactory arrangement with the whose site leader,

492
00:36:43,079 --> 00:36:52,239
George of Potty Brady. So our
boys from the Patreon Yon in Bohemia.

493
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:57,119
M this is a little after that, okay, but about forty years

494
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:06,079
right, yeah, but they're still
the hussy Hussies. Yeah. He So

495
00:37:06,079 --> 00:37:08,599
he had a little bit of his
own cold after his death, because this

496
00:37:08,679 --> 00:37:13,400
is about thirty or forty years after
he died. Okay, you would have

497
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:19,280
thought, yeah, get a new
dad, would have thought about would have

498
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,639
thought that about Jesus too. But
here we are yeah talking about a pope.

499
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,480
Yeah, give it a couple another
thousand years, maybe Yan. How's

500
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:29,039
the religion? Never know? But
they're all named Yan. That's the most

501
00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:35,480
confusing part. Everyone in the huss
is Yon. So it's like fucking we

502
00:37:35,559 --> 00:37:39,840
covered in the Patreon his group and
his kind of like mentor and everything was

503
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:43,840
also named Yon. Trying to think, oh that was in King of the

504
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:47,119
Hill where everyone in that sort already
cult were They all have the same name,

505
00:37:47,159 --> 00:37:53,920
but I forget what it was,
like Megan or something. So in

506
00:37:54,199 --> 00:38:00,400
fourteen fifty two he accompanied Freddy three
to Rome, where Frederick wedded nor and

507
00:38:00,559 --> 00:38:05,559
was crowned emperor by Pope Calstus the
third. So we're already on a different

508
00:38:05,559 --> 00:38:08,840
pope around this time. The Pope's
kind of just kind of die willie nilly.

509
00:38:09,199 --> 00:38:12,920
I mean, they don't get elected
young. Yeah, they're pretty old,

510
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,400
and it's you die of anything.
You step on a fucking splinter,

511
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:21,360
you might fucking die. He gets
elected kind of young ish, but he

512
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,800
always describes himself as old. What's
like the youngest pope that's ever been?

513
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:31,239
Uh? I believe, yes,
the Kangaroo Pope. If I actually had

514
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:38,000
to guess it, would be Peter
the first one, but uh, Benedict

515
00:38:38,119 --> 00:38:45,920
the ninth was twenty what when he
was crowned or whatever pope in ten thirty

516
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:52,599
two? How long was his reign? One year? He got got um

517
00:38:53,159 --> 00:39:00,679
not see anything as successor was who
was? I'm sorry? He was the

518
00:39:00,679 --> 00:39:05,079
Bishop of Rome, rule of the
Papal States on three occasions between ten thirty

519
00:39:05,079 --> 00:39:10,559
two and ten forty eight. He
was like, he was pope more than

520
00:39:10,599 --> 00:39:15,480
once. So he was pope and
then unelected and then real, I don't

521
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,880
even were still figuring it out.
Yeah, it doesn't matter. So our

522
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:24,199
boy was elected cardinal in fourteen fifty
six. Was stacking real estate, cash,

523
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:30,039
just wealth, just you know,
playing the game of bones. Climb

524
00:39:30,159 --> 00:39:34,639
that ladder of bones, climb the
bone ladder. Yeah, nice, you

525
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:38,440
brought it back. It's appropriate here, Yeah, I mean, especially with

526
00:39:38,519 --> 00:39:45,039
the Catholic Church in yeah, medieval
times. Yes, So in fourteen fifty

527
00:39:45,079 --> 00:39:51,880
eight, he himself was elected pope
after Calixtus the Third dies. What kind

528
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:58,880
of name is Calixtus Calixtus c A
l I X t Us Calixtus Calixtus Calixtus,

529
00:39:59,039 --> 00:40:02,119
Yeah, took the name of pious
and was determined to face down the

530
00:40:02,159 --> 00:40:07,760
threat of an invasion of Europe by
the Ottoman Turks, who of course took

531
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:12,039
Constantinople in fourteen fifty three, so
five years prior. Now. Fun fact,

532
00:40:12,039 --> 00:40:16,400
Calixus was a Borgia. Oh really
yeah, yeah, man, the

533
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:21,719
Borgia's the medicis. They were all
trying to get their boys in there.

534
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,079
Oh yeah, and that uh,
it's weird if you it seems like it

535
00:40:24,119 --> 00:40:29,519
wasn't about you know, just being
in a good holy spot is about getting

536
00:40:29,519 --> 00:40:34,880
all the control for your family and
check it out. That is God's will,

537
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,679
I mean God's plan. Yeah,
that's God's plan. A lot of

538
00:40:37,679 --> 00:40:43,559
people don't know if that's what Drake
songs about and God about God. God

539
00:40:43,599 --> 00:40:45,440
shows you his plans, but he
didn't tell you how to do them.

540
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:51,199
Okay, so we got to fill
in the blanks. And we're humans,

541
00:40:51,599 --> 00:40:53,440
right, and we're not we're fallible. It's like the pope, he's infallible.

542
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:59,440
But it's it's an Ikea instruction like, but it's just before and after,

543
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:00,800
there's no in between, so you
got to find your way there.

544
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,400
Yeah. It's kind of like those
drawing instructions where it's like, all right,

545
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:08,760
draw a gorilla, and it's like, draw a circle. Now finished

546
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:13,480
the gorilla. It's like, wait, where's the where is the rest of

547
00:41:13,519 --> 00:41:19,599
the gorilla? I don't know how
to get from these three obols. What

548
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,719
does this rocket ship I needed to
take? Yeah, so I to draw

549
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:28,280
the gorilla. I just killed twenty
people. There is a gorilla, Like,

550
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:32,119
yeah, it's fourteen fifty three Constant
and noble falls to the Ottoman insulting

551
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:37,719
memo. The second who had effectively
ended the existence of the Byzantine Empire.

552
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:42,559
Yep. And by the way,
not only that a few people know this,

553
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:51,880
added a title to his description.
What's this Caesar memed did h that's

554
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,920
pretty cool. Actually, it's already
a great name. Well you just add

555
00:41:53,960 --> 00:42:00,960
it's like fucking Sultan. It's like
fucking what's her name in Game of Thrones,

556
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:07,320
Breaker of Chains. She's just stacking
titles. It's all kind of bullshit.

557
00:42:07,599 --> 00:42:10,119
Yeah, yeah, So he added
Caesar, and so every sultan,

558
00:42:10,199 --> 00:42:15,079
everyone who ruled the Ottoman Empire until
the end of World War One when it

559
00:42:15,079 --> 00:42:20,039
dissolved Caesar. That's funny because like, sultan is kind of the same thing

560
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:23,159
though. Anyway, No, but
they met specifically, they were like the

561
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:28,400
Roman Emperor. Yeah, abong other
things. I kind of respect that though.

562
00:42:28,559 --> 00:42:32,039
Yeah, it's like they have some
regard for history where they're like ours.

563
00:42:32,079 --> 00:42:38,880
Now that's another thing we took.
Yeah. Now, the Ottomans were

564
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:44,079
in a strategic position to invade Europe
through the Balkans. Things were looking a

565
00:42:44,079 --> 00:42:50,440
little dicey for the future of Christianity. Yeah, yeah, so Pius called

566
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,840
for a new crusade against the Ottomans, who by this point, we're making

567
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:59,360
moves into southeastern Europe. The Christian
princes of Europe, we're a little too

568
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,840
busy and stuff from each other.
Take him seriously, it's a miracle that

569
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:07,800
Europe's not Islamic, to be quite
honest. Yeah, they were unified under

570
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:12,079
one kind of banner, and we
were all we the Europeans were all like,

571
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,960
oh well, I kind of want
to steal from France. Today we

572
00:43:15,039 --> 00:43:22,199
kind of have someone to thank for
all this. And uh he's a pretty

573
00:43:22,599 --> 00:43:28,719
well known name. Okay, not
a guy um you probably want to be

574
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,639
associated with. But you know,
the enemy of my enemy is my friend

575
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:37,639
Vladdie talking about Vlad the Impale.
So Pope Pious was working with Blad the

576
00:43:37,679 --> 00:43:42,880
Impaler. Hey man, let's go
aka Vlad the third aka Dracula, Yeah

577
00:43:43,039 --> 00:43:45,760
the Dragon. Yeah's your boy.
I mean, we still have to do

578
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:51,039
an episode of Lad at some point
to Halloween episode. We'll cover some of

579
00:43:51,039 --> 00:43:53,599
the stuff that he did here briefly
because I just love it's going to kind

580
00:43:53,599 --> 00:43:57,599
of pivot to Vlad now for a
second. By the way, that episode

581
00:43:57,599 --> 00:44:04,960
already has to be titled How Dracula
Saved Jesus. Yeah, I saw That's

582
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,679
the only only thing you could be
titled. I saw a sweet the other

583
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:13,159
day was maybe the title for this
episode, How Dracula Saved Jesus. I

584
00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:15,559
mean, dude, we gotta do
it. I We're gonna workshop things.

585
00:44:15,559 --> 00:44:19,599
It's real time. Yeah yeah,
uh, Vlad Din and Pale anyone until

586
00:44:19,599 --> 00:44:22,880
his late twenties or I think it
was like his early thirties, so you

587
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,480
got plenty of time, Like you
know, it's like, yeah, you

588
00:44:25,599 --> 00:44:30,000
never stopped dreaming, right, real
quick. Before we get back to um,

589
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:34,719
in my opinion of top five,
Pope, we do have some ads

590
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,639
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first form, go to first form dot

591
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the number one st p h orm dot

592
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:50,480
com forward slash drinking bros. Um
Before I even tell you about anything about

593
00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:53,320
them. Uh, their stuff is
in the office here or studio or whatever.

594
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:58,199
They are some of the best,
maybe the best meat sticks I've ever

595
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:02,960
had. Yeah, I mean I
ate two boxes within maybe a week.

596
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,000
Yeah, and much to the chagrin
of everybody else in's office. They went,

597
00:45:08,119 --> 00:45:10,119
They went real fast. Like I
was like, oh, we're gonna

598
00:45:10,119 --> 00:45:15,119
have such good snacks here for such
a long time and crush him the first

599
00:45:15,119 --> 00:45:20,960
time Dan has eaten the meat snacks. The meat uh yeah. And like

600
00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:23,599
also the energy drinks they have,
Um, just power through those. I

601
00:45:23,599 --> 00:45:28,199
don't think you should have three a
day, but if they did the job,

602
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,639
oh they did. Yeah, they
just taste so good. So kind

603
00:45:30,639 --> 00:45:35,960
of get into a bad habit of
just continuing to drink more energy drinks.

604
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,079
Well, because your body give me
more. You built up such a you

605
00:45:38,159 --> 00:45:44,119
build up an energy drink tolerance,
caffeine tolerance so much quicker than you do

606
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,000
alcohol. Oh yeah, Like it's
hilarious. It took me years to get

607
00:45:47,039 --> 00:45:51,679
an alcohol tolerance, but energy drinks
immediate. Like it's like if I have

608
00:45:51,679 --> 00:45:53,320
a cold brew one day, I
need a cold brew the next day or

609
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:57,840
I will not feel energy Like I'll
be a dead part. But anyway,

610
00:45:58,039 --> 00:46:01,119
that's it doesn't matter because first forms
and don't they don't those meetsticks have like

611
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,760
extra protein or like they're more protein
packed or whatever. I mean, they're

612
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,480
just giant and they I mean they
got like I think, like twenty grounds

613
00:46:07,519 --> 00:46:10,239
protein in each. Yeah, it's
a decent amount of protein in them.

614
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:14,440
Um they RTC. Those are the
ones who've been laying around here. Yeah,

615
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,320
yeah, yeah, I've snagged a
couple of those. Two. Halopenio

616
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:20,480
one is really like that really delicious. Most of them are pretty low sugar,

617
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:22,239
so yeah, it's it's a great
snack. But look, we're talking

618
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,519
about micro factor today. From first
form in particular. It's not just a

619
00:46:25,599 --> 00:46:30,079
multi vitamin. It's convenient to daily
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620
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provides you, you know, on
a daily basis, with what you need

621
00:46:32,639 --> 00:46:36,039
to be healthy. Let's face it, we don't eat the way we need

622
00:46:36,079 --> 00:46:38,280
to in order to fill the demands
of our body. Without getting the vitamins,

623
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:42,199
minerals and other nutrients you know that
we need consistently, we're going to

624
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,639
struggle to reach any type of health
or fitness goal, whether that's weight loss,

625
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:49,480
putting, on mass, on muscle, getting lean, or just being

626
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healthy in general. You know,
you just want to be a healthier person.

627
00:46:52,159 --> 00:46:57,920
They've got antioxidants that directly support the
immune system. Uh, multi vitamin

628
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that obviously is vital, t know, the proper functioning and your body supports

629
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:07,559
healthy metabolic functions, all that stuff. They have a probiotic promotes healthy uh

630
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:12,320
or promotes gut health. You're always
you're a big gut health guy. Oh

631
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,679
yeah, it's I mean, the
gut is the second brain. That's what

632
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,159
they say. It's what they always
say. Yeah, they've got the co

633
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Q ten COQ ten that helps the
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634
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include Omega three's uh, you know, they help joint health and all this

635
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stuff. And then fruits and veggies. Look, they have a diverse super

636
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food blend that boost antioxide activity,
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637
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650
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666
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:30,559
does at night without any dreams.
And also this is a dude that the

667
00:49:30,679 --> 00:49:34,599
salt him was like, oh man, he's as ruthless as I am.

668
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:40,719
Kind of respect Yeah. So by
March fourteen sixty two, Glad the Impaler

669
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:46,079
of all the Princes of Europe found
himself the keenest participant in the poop Pope's

670
00:49:46,119 --> 00:49:50,679
crusade that was so good it was
a poop cruise, poop crusaded, a

671
00:49:50,679 --> 00:49:53,840
little poop crusade. No that I'm
the poop crusader you wanted, the poop

672
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:58,320
crowns crusader, the dragon, the
poop crusader. For're giving you titles?

673
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:04,159
Yeah, though his motivation was hatred
for the Turks rather than love with the

674
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:07,480
Church. When reports of his violent
victories over the Ottoman Empire spread throughout Europe,

675
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:12,199
however, Catholics are joyce would past
a second at these campaigns continued to

676
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:16,800
drive ments forces further from Rome.
Yeah, it's kind of like we had

677
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:22,119
such an interesting character because like it's
a god fuck name man, Like that

678
00:50:22,199 --> 00:50:23,679
guy's intense. But then you're like, can we get him to fight for

679
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:31,599
us? Because that's awesome. Like
I feel like his biggest redeeming quality even

680
00:50:31,639 --> 00:50:37,519
though he didn't just do he just
do this to Turks, but like as

681
00:50:37,559 --> 00:50:42,519
far as impaling Turks goes, like
the redeeming quality would be that, I

682
00:50:42,519 --> 00:50:46,000
mean, you know, they were
invading his country, like he was the

683
00:50:46,159 --> 00:50:51,559
one that was being attacked. Kind
of right, Like yeah, it's just

684
00:50:51,599 --> 00:50:53,800
like you know, standard ground doesn't
look as nice when you impale the person

685
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:58,960
breaking in your I guess I'll say
this, if I saw if I saw

686
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,880
a Russian soldier something and a Ukrainian
soldier doing something, I can tell you

687
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:06,519
who I'd give more latitude too.
Morally, well, yeah, it depends

688
00:51:06,519 --> 00:51:08,639
on where you are, right,
It's it's all set and setting right,

689
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:14,039
Yeah, for drugs, war,
all of it. Can you imagine that?

690
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:17,199
Like someone like tomorrow we read,
oh, stand your groundcase the guy

691
00:51:17,239 --> 00:51:24,679
impaled his home invader, Like,
yeah, so Vlad employed gorilla strikes and

692
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:31,920
scorched earth tactics. Hidden archers shot
down the Ottoman scores fell into pits covered

693
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:37,239
with brush and lined with sticks.
Waters were poisoned, Livestock was slain.

694
00:51:38,519 --> 00:51:43,400
The prince even paid people with leprosy
or the plague to mingle with the tricks

695
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:47,320
and infect them. Hell yeah,
scorched earth, Lad, What a fucking

696
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:52,000
dude. I mean, really,
I feel like the two like if you

697
00:51:52,079 --> 00:51:59,039
really wanted to boil down war winning
wars to like one or two things,

698
00:51:59,079 --> 00:52:01,519
Like it's like baseball wins above replacement
or whatever, Like really, what's the

699
00:52:01,519 --> 00:52:08,440
two things that really matter? It's
either A you're you're economically stronger, or

700
00:52:08,559 --> 00:52:14,920
B you'll just do anything. Yeah, It's like I'm not every angle every

701
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:22,119
yeah, oh yeah, biowarfare outside
like visible steaks to put humans on hidden

702
00:52:22,159 --> 00:52:27,079
pits of steaks, put humans poisoning
water. I mean the fucking Russia,

703
00:52:27,159 --> 00:52:31,559
dude, Like they nuked their own
country twice, like figuratively twice when they

704
00:52:31,559 --> 00:52:35,159
are invaded. Like people talk about
like, oh, it's the winner that

705
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:38,079
that killed Napoleon and and beat Hitler
and stuff like that, But it was

706
00:52:38,159 --> 00:52:42,760
the winner. Combined with the fact
that they literally scored, they went scored

707
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,760
shirt, they scored their own earth. They raised the earth assault of the

708
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:51,760
earth. Every they retreated like they
the armies were not able to take anything

709
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:55,159
from the land they were conquering,
like they fuck and that killed Russians both

710
00:52:55,159 --> 00:52:59,400
times. That killed Russians. It's
like that caused a lot of Russian people

711
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,280
to die. You have it,
you can't, right basically, and if

712
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,679
they're gonna die either way, we'll
kill them. Yeah. It's like,

713
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,199
this is what you want, this
is what you get. It's bold.

714
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:14,159
The Sultan's militia was severely impaired by
these strategies, as they dragged heavy artillery

715
00:53:14,159 --> 00:53:17,400
through disease written marshes, sustained great
loss from lads hit and run maneuvers.

716
00:53:19,159 --> 00:53:23,440
Finally, Memied trapped his enemy in
a mountain pass and set up a siege.

717
00:53:24,159 --> 00:53:29,840
Determined to wait till Lad and his
followers starved or surrendered, the Ottoman

718
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:35,280
camp lay in silence. Suddenly a
trumpet braid, the rumble of Russian feet

719
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:39,239
and roaring voices swelled over the tents. As Vlad led a surprise attack in

720
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:45,800
the dead of night, blades gleaming
in the torchlight, our boy rushed into

721
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:52,000
the Turkish camp. The skirmish of
June seventeenth, fourteen sixty two left Memed

722
00:53:52,039 --> 00:53:57,760
the Second terrified. With his forces
demoralized, he abandoned the chase of Lad.

723
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,239
Soon afterwards, however, Memid pulled
away and marched on the capitol.

724
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:06,760
After Lad, another shock waited.
The gates of the city stood open,

725
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:10,679
no resistance was offered, and twenty
thousand dead Turks arounded the city impaled on

726
00:54:10,760 --> 00:54:15,159
stakes. Oh man, So they
rolled up the tru and get Lad at

727
00:54:15,159 --> 00:54:16,679
his hometown, and it was just
like, oh, here's the gate,

728
00:54:17,159 --> 00:54:21,039
come on in and it's just lined
with dead Turks on sticks. Ye,

729
00:54:21,559 --> 00:54:27,679
that's man. I want a movie. Well there is a movie, is

730
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:31,000
there? Dracula untold? Oh?
Really it's a it's a Dracula origin story.

731
00:54:31,119 --> 00:54:34,400
I think it's terrible, but I've
never seen it, so I don't

732
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:37,480
know. I want like a fucking
epic. But it's funny because, like,

733
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:43,199
you know, a studio is desperate
and super fucked when they're making m

734
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:50,360
what's it called when the IP is
not owned anymore? Because it's like general

735
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:54,760
something or oh oh god, it's
there's a word for it. Yeah,

736
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,920
and I can't think of it.
There's like a term for it, and

737
00:54:58,039 --> 00:55:01,559
it's essentially like anyone can do it. Yeah, anyone can use it any

738
00:55:01,639 --> 00:55:06,440
like literally, like anyone can make
a Frankenstein movie. Anyone can make a

739
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,719
Dracula movie. It's open. I'll
think of it later. Yeah, yeah,

740
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:13,760
yeah, so they're if they're doing
that like that, you know they're

741
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:19,840
fu Yeah. Yeah, when you
make a public domain fucking yeah yeah.

742
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,280
Seem Bill Willie is about to be
in public domain next year? Is that?

743
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:25,039
Mickey Mouse? The original Mickey Mouse
is about to be in public domain?

744
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:28,559
Are they gonna do like a Winnie
the Pooh situation with it, where

745
00:55:28,559 --> 00:55:30,360
they made a horror movie on a
Whinnie the Pooh? Probably? Yeah,

746
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,840
Oh dude, did you see that? Thing like I didn't watch it,

747
00:55:32,880 --> 00:55:37,159
but sit out. It's dude,
I imagine you can get it on Prime.

748
00:55:37,239 --> 00:55:42,440
It's so bad looking though, No, it looks great. Um.

749
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:49,559
So the Sultan saw twenty thousand of
the soldiers on pikes and uh yeah,

750
00:55:49,559 --> 00:55:52,039
he wheeled his army southward and retreat
it them. It's like, you know

751
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:54,159
what, this too much, This
is too much, Like I can't do

752
00:55:54,199 --> 00:55:59,840
this anymore, you know. And
this guy Dracula untold by the way,

753
00:56:00,039 --> 00:56:02,639
hears to depict the battle you're talking
about. Okay, so we may need

754
00:56:02,679 --> 00:56:07,239
to do a launch along for track. Actually that sounds great. We have

755
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,639
to do a whole episode. I'm
glad at some point. Yeah, we

756
00:56:09,639 --> 00:56:14,519
really do. Because he's insane.
He's one of those guys. He's just

757
00:56:14,559 --> 00:56:16,519
a guy. Was he insane or
was he a man of his time,

758
00:56:16,639 --> 00:56:22,880
a man who rose to the call? Yeah, sliding men slowly down,

759
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,719
wooden stakes nature versus nurture. Yeah, you know, before he started impaling,

760
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:30,159
they had a real problem with excess
stakes. Yeah, like, what

761
00:56:30,199 --> 00:56:31,840
are we gonna do here, miss
stakes surplus? Yeah, yeah, it's

762
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:36,000
like ruining our economy. We got
to find a use for these. What

763
00:56:36,039 --> 00:56:38,400
if there was like twenty minutes where
it was rubbing on your prostate and it

764
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:43,840
actually felt pretty good before it then
got really bad. I can't imagine.

765
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:50,079
I can't imagine. You're just spent
twenty minutes coming and then it gets really

766
00:56:50,159 --> 00:56:52,320
bad. It's like, see,
it's not so bad. Yeah, it's

767
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:58,280
not so bad now. Other than
lad pious and neglected more of the practical

768
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:02,280
matters of Europe, notably the settlement
of the Hussite problem. The Hussies,

769
00:57:02,639 --> 00:57:07,639
Yeah, so he let Bohemia kind
of get out of hand. He also

770
00:57:07,679 --> 00:57:14,440
ignored the French aggression in Italy.
Well, you know, formerly a skilled

771
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:17,039
diplomat, pot that's how he kind
of rose through the ranks. Pies the

772
00:57:17,119 --> 00:57:22,800
second handle these problems problems pretty badly. He gathered an army of Crusaders and

773
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:29,599
led them across the mountains of central
Italy to the port of Ancona on the

774
00:57:29,639 --> 00:57:36,360
Adriatic Sea. But already ill his
body weekend and through the many years of

775
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,199
pleasure before he joined the church,
and you know, just kind of being

776
00:57:40,239 --> 00:57:46,599
the same the fucking right now,
I'm saying he might have had twenty diseases.

777
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:51,679
Oh oh yeah, that's fair.
It's a brain lesions from the old

778
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,840
sith, Yeah, a little sif, little gannerie, a little chlamydia.

779
00:57:57,280 --> 00:58:00,840
What I want to we should just
do if it's even possible. At an

780
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:07,400
episode on when STD like first noted
instances of STDs, you know what I

781
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:10,000
mean? Like, yeah, when
did when did chlamydia start? Were there

782
00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:14,039
STDs in ancient Egypt that we don't
have anymore? Who was it? Was

783
00:58:14,039 --> 00:58:17,639
it al Capone that like had insane
amounts of brain lesions from syphilis, Like

784
00:58:17,719 --> 00:58:21,440
he's just going nuts at the end
of his life. Oh yeah, yeah,

785
00:58:22,639 --> 00:58:23,519
into that. He lived in like
a dope house in Florida at the

786
00:58:23,559 --> 00:58:27,440
end of his life, didn't he
I don't know, probably was a prison.

787
00:58:27,599 --> 00:58:29,440
No, he didn't die in jail. He did go to jail,

788
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:31,920
he didn't die in jail. You
might be right. Uh so, yeah,

789
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:37,239
he died in fourteen sixty four before
the crusade of his own where he

790
00:58:37,239 --> 00:58:39,960
was leading the troops. He was
actually literally on the front lines, sick

791
00:58:40,039 --> 00:58:43,800
about to go. But he was
sick died of whatever disease? Do you

792
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:45,239
love? You know, my dad's
retired. He just took up painting.

793
00:58:45,519 --> 00:58:49,079
Yeah, oh really, Yeah,
so what if your dad just led a

794
00:58:49,119 --> 00:58:52,400
crusade. I'd be proud of him. He paints a crusade scene. He's

795
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,559
like, you know, agism holds
us back, holds all of us as

796
00:58:55,559 --> 00:59:00,360
a society. Back Pious was wrong
about old people being useless. Actually he

797
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:04,199
always proved his point. I'm gonna
lead an army, but I'm old that

798
00:59:04,599 --> 00:59:08,400
died. Yeah, well most of
our leaders are old too much, too

799
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:14,599
old, too way way too fucking
old. Yeah, it's gonna be if

800
00:59:14,599 --> 00:59:17,400
it's never mind it, I won't
get not evergreen topics, but like Trump

801
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:22,559
and by it in our oldest shit. Yeah, they're the oldest there.

802
00:59:22,599 --> 00:59:28,760
If you combine their ages, they
are even older. Yeah. I actually

803
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:36,199
they their ages combined are like over
fifty percent of America's existence in years.

804
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:39,880
That's crazy, but not really that
makes sense. Yeah, yeah they're old.

805
00:59:40,119 --> 00:59:44,079
He dies, and a few years
after his death, his legacy actually

806
00:59:44,599 --> 00:59:47,400
starts to pop off when his novel
The Tale of Two Lovers was published.

807
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:52,039
Really it wasn't publishly died, yep, I thought it was published, and

808
00:59:52,119 --> 00:59:54,800
the old bitch, no, no, it was it. It was published

809
00:59:54,800 --> 01:00:01,440
like locally, we're talking gathering okay, okay, in you know, Denmark,

810
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:06,519
Germany, all the all the good
spots. Yeah, you know,

811
01:00:06,519 --> 01:00:10,679
they're just the high full uton.
It actually proved to be one of the

812
01:00:10,679 --> 01:00:15,079
most popular books of the early Renaissance. So, and it was originally printed

813
01:00:15,079 --> 01:00:19,639
in Latin, and as the popularity
of the Tale of Two loversh grew,

814
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:23,840
it was quickly translated into every other
European language. So this is that's actually

815
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:34,400
interesting because excuse me, a theory
like this seems probably obvious that culture moves

816
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:40,000
slower back then than it does now. Yeah, but like that's glacial almost

817
01:00:40,079 --> 01:00:47,159
for a book. How old thirty
forty years old? No, how old

818
01:00:47,199 --> 01:00:52,519
was the book? The book was
only if so he died in sixty four.

819
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:55,280
He wrote the book in the forties, so yeah, like twenty years

820
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:59,199
old. Okay, a twenty year
old book could still pop off now and

821
01:00:59,639 --> 01:01:02,320
not seem like dated, I guess. But if you read a book like

822
01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:07,480
that was unpublished from the fifties,
I don't know how that book could possibly

823
01:01:07,519 --> 01:01:13,360
be subversive, I think when it
is also Pope, he kind of like

824
01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:17,199
kept it on the below that he
published that book. Yeah, yeah,

825
01:01:17,199 --> 01:01:21,760
probably. It's like when you're interviewing
for a job and you can't tell them

826
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:23,639
you worked for total fratmok or just
you just like don't google me. Yeah,

827
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:28,480
just look at my Instagram. Yeah, please make a private yeah yeah,

828
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:31,719
I don't. Don't look at software
history dot com. It's like,

829
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:37,079
what's this Uni bomber hoodie? Don't
worry about it, but it's kidding kind

830
01:01:37,119 --> 01:01:40,239
of sick, right yeah. On
open package, Yeah, I can get

831
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:45,320
you one. Be careful opening it
when it arrives. So that is a

832
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:52,360
story of Pious the Second and his
Iraq novel, and also Lad briefly,

833
01:01:52,519 --> 01:01:55,559
who kind of saved I actually didn't
know. See if you want to say,

834
01:01:55,960 --> 01:02:01,800
I'll just say what you learned.
I didn't really Vlad was in so

835
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:06,679
tight with the pope. Yeah,
you wouldn't think that would be like I

836
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:08,360
kind of thought. I kind of
always just had it in my mind that

837
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:14,800
he was sort of acting on his
own or like he's on accord, yeah,

838
01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:16,960
or just with other people in the
region. I realize it was so

839
01:02:17,679 --> 01:02:20,599
church sanction. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't think he was like a

840
01:02:20,719 --> 01:02:22,639
national not national, but a continental
figure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

841
01:02:22,639 --> 01:02:24,840
I thought he was like it's like, oh, don't go over there,

842
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:29,639
the creepy country right right right,
that's where the bats are and yeah,

843
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:34,360
but he had like no other options
really, so they just kind of funded

844
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,800
them a little bit. They didn't
really. I think it was a more

845
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:38,840
of a you're gonna do this anyway, so we'll just kind of back you.

846
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:42,719
It's like, hey man, you're
crushing it here. Why do you

847
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,360
take this on tour? Yeah?
Yeah, And that's what he did,

848
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:50,760
okay, because the other crusade that
he led against the Ottomans was by himself

849
01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:54,000
because like nobody else wanted to support
him. That's fair. I mean,

850
01:02:54,400 --> 01:03:00,079
what are you gonna Why does France
want to liberate Greece? Yeah? You

851
01:03:00,119 --> 01:03:02,599
know, yeah, they're like,
am I gonna get part of Greece?

852
01:03:04,199 --> 01:03:07,360
Yeah? What am I getting out
of this? Not part of Greece?

853
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:10,719
French Greece? Where is it?
Yeah? Yeah all right, I'll probably

854
01:03:10,719 --> 01:03:14,840
live, you know yeah, not
not in Yeah. And this was like

855
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:19,559
I guess it's like no for the
Church, It's like cool, no man,

856
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,559
yeah, cool? Neat? Do
I get it? Do I get

857
01:03:22,599 --> 01:03:25,559
the Vatican? Yeah? Do I
get the Church? No? Okay?

858
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:30,440
I mean there's there could and probably
was a quid pro quo, but clearly

859
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:35,480
he wasn't offering enough. Um So
the concept here is that you were saying

860
01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:37,480
earlier. It's like a miracle that
we know we Why do I keep saying

861
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:43,920
that, Like Europe isn't didn't become
Muslim, buddy, If you're became Muslim,

862
01:03:44,519 --> 01:03:46,599
you're a Muslim too. It's a
that's a week, I guess.

863
01:03:46,599 --> 01:03:52,559
So, yeah, I actually aren't
you Russian? Um parts? Yeah?

864
01:03:52,679 --> 01:03:55,199
Okay, what are you? Like? Russian? German, A whole lot

865
01:03:55,239 --> 01:03:59,079
of stuff. I feel like you're
mostly easy. It's Russian, It's Russian,

866
01:03:59,159 --> 01:04:04,000
Greek, like, okay, it's
it's I don't know that the Turks

867
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:08,320
would have taken Russia, to be
honest. Yeah, that's a lot of

868
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:11,039
that's just a lot, a lot
to deal with. They would take,

869
01:04:11,079 --> 01:04:14,079
they would have taken like the Ukraine
crime they did take Crimea for a little

870
01:04:14,079 --> 01:04:17,639
while, um uh or for a
while uh and probably the Ukraine too.

871
01:04:17,639 --> 01:04:25,000
But Russia proper, Russia proper.
Yeah what we're saying, I'm sorry,

872
01:04:25,719 --> 01:04:28,760
Oh no, I was just like
if that's the case, Like it's also

873
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:34,320
man so you're seeing like internal division
and strife leads people susceptible to invasion.

874
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:43,079
Yeah. So in the upset of
the episode, somehow Vlad is not Hitler

875
01:04:45,199 --> 01:04:48,719
no, Blad's not Hitler. Lad
is very much Jesus here, I wouldn't

876
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:51,800
go that far. Is the same? Yeah, kind of a little bit.

877
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:57,679
Yeah, who but who is Hitler's
ironic? That putting a bunch of

878
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:01,320
dudes who didn't want to be on
wood on wood save Christianity. It's nuts,

879
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:03,599
Yeah, to be honest with you, that's the kind of innovating.

880
01:05:03,679 --> 01:05:09,280
Like he's a disruptor. You know, he's he's disrupting war crimes, right

881
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:12,840
Like it's like, oh, you're
gonna like cool prisoner. Yeah, I'm

882
01:05:12,880 --> 01:05:16,440
going to slide him down wood.
Yeah yeah, um who is Hitler today?

883
01:05:16,639 --> 01:05:23,280
Pious no means no, Yeah,
I gotta probably go with the rapist.

884
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:28,679
But if I just to be different, I will my Hitler would be

885
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:38,440
um man, this is a tough
one actually, aside from pious being yeah,

886
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:42,159
because you can't go Lad. Really, I'm not making Vlad Hitler in

887
01:05:42,199 --> 01:05:48,000
this now. Memod was just doing
mem Yeah, I mean he was.

888
01:05:49,199 --> 01:05:55,079
I'm also gonna go pious again for
just I walked a barefoot in the snow.

889
01:05:55,679 --> 01:06:01,960
That's a really a Hitler situations.
Yeah, um yeah, it's gotta

890
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,159
be pious. I guess I can't
even think of anyone else who was like

891
01:06:04,239 --> 01:06:08,119
remotely an asshole in this story.
Yeah, he was also like banging that

892
01:06:08,159 --> 01:06:11,800
dude's wife wrote a book about it. Oh, actually that guy for being

893
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:16,320
a bad husband, Yeah, filling
his wife? Sure him? That guy?

894
01:06:16,760 --> 01:06:21,159
Uh? For me, I think
it's R. Kelly's Yeah, yeah,

895
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:26,599
that is we talked about just because
I think he fucking swagger jacked Pious

896
01:06:26,639 --> 01:06:30,440
the second and his bars did he
did? Pious was doing it first.

897
01:06:31,239 --> 01:06:39,360
Mine's telling me no, but my
body body telling me, what if we

898
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:44,920
just did the worst watch along ever
when we read Pious's book on air that

899
01:06:45,079 --> 01:06:50,039
twelve hours. I don't think it's
that long. Probably not no books books

900
01:06:50,039 --> 01:06:53,719
for like ten pages back then.
That's all I got today. Thanks for

901
01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:59,280
tuning in. Make sure to go
to software history dot com for merch Patreon

902
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:03,840
dot com software History. We're getting
two additional episodes every week. It's seventy

903
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:08,599
four pages. Yeah, yeah,
that's a breeze. We could do like

904
01:07:08,599 --> 01:07:11,880
the first couple of chapters and then
please and thank you leave a review on

905
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:15,320
Apple and Spotify, and of course
tell a friend about the podcast if you

906
01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:19,360
enjoy it. This is your first
time tuning in. We appreciate your listen

907
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:25,400
obviously returned back. We love you
guys, and yeah, that's all I

908
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:29,400
got Rob Fox and Jay Goldman,
I'm Damnagjester and you just got saw served