Hey, they're a and Devian's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome to another very
special episode, this time at zero point nine to five. We are so
close to the first episode, but we're not there yet. My name is
MK Gibson. I'll be your dungeon master, and you're your friend today.
Now your friend author of such books as to Beat the Devil, Villain's Rule
and several others. But with me today is our very special guest and returning
player, Emily Caplin. Emily, please introduce yourself. Hey, Hi,
I am also your friend. I am Emily Kaplan. I write books under
the name E. M. Kaplan, and I am mostly known for my
Josie Tucker mysteries. But I I have a new book out. It's called
Arsenic and Albis. It is the first book in the Virtual Vigilante series,
new from Falstaff Books Tonight. What's what's the tagline? What's the pitch?
Hook me on the spot? Okay? Onesies make the woman viv is an
Internet warrior. She is also, however, a gorphobic. Oh okay,
So she is a virtual vigilante online and she's being forced out of her hiding
place in her comfort zone to help solve a North Carolina mystery that sounds actually
kind of cool. Like I also as a writer, and I go to
conventions, like someone will say, what's your book about, I'm like,
it's good, read it. I am the worst pitchment ever, Like just
just want to slap. I'm just read read of this page. You'll get
it, like you. It took me so long to get good at my
elevator pitches. And I hate the think of this plus this, you know,
I hate that. You know, it's very heart brave heart meets you
know, blade Runner, like well okay, okay, but you know,
yeah, yeah, yeah, it sucks, but sometimes that's what you have
to do. So all right, uh m, are you ready? Yeah?
I am ready. Let's get greetings all the half f Rogue, the
Lady of Layers, the mad Bomber herself, Claudia Baron Liebenheiveach. I think
I got that right. Is dead gasp? Not just dead in D and
D terms, were you know, knocked out healing potion later blah blah,
No, all the way dead, dead, dead four times over. Dead
is actually having once taken her own life during a time with the Calamity Jans
doing due to a singing incidents, and thrice more during an interdimensional battle fighting
for her lives. Our dear friend Claudia is deceased now. When she went
to that interdimensional battle, it was promised that she would be returned to her
native plane of being, and she was, at least her body was.
Unfortunately, she was dead. The husk of her exploded corpse returned to the
material world. But where did your spirit go? That? That is where
our story begins today, with Claudia walking the Valley of the Dead alone.
Claudia, you are alone, walking this endless expanse of nothingness. The road
before you was identical to the road behind you. The great clouds in the
sky almost start to take the shape of forces. You can almost see them.
And as you walk down the middle of this road, you feel heat
on one side and benevolence and kindness on the other. These great forces seem
to just kind of whisper on the wind. Almost there is a almost like
a for your soul going on. Have you been walking here for seconds?
Has it been centuries? Time has no meeting here. All you know is
that you're going to wander until these forces decide where you belong. And there's
if you concentrate, if you really concentrate, you can almost hear them talking.
Stop me if you've heard this one and angel and a demon walk into
a bar. They turned to another and said, you know, always if
we had a priest, this will make a great joke. This this,
this is kind of boring. Business is boring. There's nothing to steal,
there's nobody to shoot. No, how are you feeling right now? Because
what are some of your last memories, Claudie? What do you have going?
Well? First of all, is she wearing anything right now? Well,
she has. It's like a spectral version of the clothes that she's always
worn, like kind of like if you see yourself in a dream, you
know, you're always like sometimes your naked obviusly'ret schoo NAKEDI giving a speech.
Those suck, But I mean there are certain elements to you, like you
know, maybe you have a scar, maybe you have a favorite hat,
maybe you have a favorite pair of shoes, Like you don't see yourself without
that, that's what you have with you. Okay, Yeah, does Claudia
have a favorite hat? Yes? She yes, she absolutely does. So
she's going to imagine herself naked except for the hat. Okay, I can't
do that for the sake of the children at home. It's still a fucking
family podcast. But for the theater of the mind and for our YouTube fans,
they're gonna have to imagine. But for now, you know, you
and I both know it is like, you know, just you might as
well have the Beg song playing as you struck down the middle of the street.
You know, they'll stay in alive sorry night fever. Yeah, absolutely,
which is perfect for a GM like me, because as you do that,
that's when the demon appears, okay, and the angel appears. Ah,
all right, all right, the powers from either side come to manifest.
There is definitely an infernal being to your left and a celestial being to
your right, and they are arguing no, no, no, no,
no no. Now, the demon says, you have to understand. She
shot her friend's friend in the back and screamed out of the farm brows.
Yeah, she'll nod, yeah I did that, and the celestial being will
look down. You're like, did you really do that? Yeah? Yeah,
I did. He I mean he deserved it. He was kind of
a douche. Could you explain to me this this douche douche. Let's see
here. You have a little she's on my side. I told you.
Do you have a little brother? Has he ever like pissed in your shoes?
Maybe? Or you're I'm from the celestial realm where your transgressions like this.
No, we've come down of the mortal plane. I am aware.
What about I understand I have we watch im, we do. We are
aware of your vernaculars. So yes, I am, I am aware.
I was hoping that you would say no, I would never do something.
You know, just give me something to work with here. I'm trying to
pull you over to our side so you don't go down where it's hot.
Maybe you're not understanding this right now, but right now it's not looking good
for you at the moment. See this, this position that I'm in right
now, where the one side is warm and the other side is I guess
well, one side is hot, by the other side is pleasant. Yes,
this is very comfortable for me, Okay, very comfortable. It's you
know, I didn't know my parents other than some bears who raised me,
But I feel like this is what my childhood might have been like with a
mom and a dad. You know, you choose which one is to say
the word bear. There's a rumbling in the ether, like as if the
very air around you start to just trump tremble a little bit. Okay,
just let you know, keep going. Claudie says, if you uh,
if you don't mind, I'd rather not choose a side. But I'd like
to walk straight down the middle. Oh, you're not getting it all,
your sweetheart. There's there's nowhere to go. You're It's not about you get
the walk, it's which which one of us gets to claim your soul and
take you to our side. No, your Dadzy's you're dead's gone. You
know, like that whole that whole murder brawl thing you did when you blewe
people up with dynamite. Hey, I freaking loved it. But dah you
know, uh you did make people go boom. Now they came back.
That's cool this she did. And she also, I'm sure you saved somebody
at some time. Please help me out a little bit here. I'm sure
you did some good at some point. Maybe Yeah, I think I did.
I think can you three this? This is bald guy named Brandon thy
master. I think the one you beat up and pushed off the thing and
and and you threw dynamite at his face. Yeah, yeah, yeah him,
but I did kind of save him at one point from there's some big
bad thing flying in the air. Okay, okay, but you know,
I really don't have a preference one way or another one. Now, if
you get a good look at these two, give me either a history,
give me a history. Role you key story? Where are you eighteen?
Pretty good? Uh, you might have been in this afterlife for a thousand
years or a thousand seconds. You're not sure, but you do recall that
because GiB is that kind of dungeon master. These are both tokens that were
on the screen during the murder brawl. No, they were there. They
saw this, Like both of these screens are like, oh wait a minute,
there was a big flying like there was an angelic thing that was fighting
Silas, and there was a definitely a winged devil guy in the bottom right
corner of that map flying around calls on him travel. They were there for
the murder rowl. Since they're ethereal beings, they don't die. You're immortal,
So wait, wait a minute, they don't die, But can I
I can't really die again? Can I? I'm like right now, no,
not now, does that make me immortal? No, it makes you
a transient soul at the moment. Please can you help this out, because
clearly I could start lifting all listen off, all kinds of things, just
the fact that she killed her fiance, Like, listen, man, there's
a list of the explosives, things stolen, things change. You know,
it doesn't even know our past. Come on, I I clearly have claim
over this soul. I'm going I can take it down to the pit right
now. We'll fashion you a nice hat with some devil horns after you know
a few centuries of like you know, standing and shit. Then you know
that will work up the minor themon you can torment like people you know for
being left handed, things that we little things, and then we'll work our
way up and in the celestial angels the other side, like Noshoe should come
with me if you could give me reason to pull your soul away from all
this and then you can actually and joy your afterlife and know, put away
these mortal thoughts and maybe work your way up to like becoming a guardian of
some kind and help people out who are less fortunate. Clearly, someone had
to have taken care of you in your life, right, Uh maybe,
I mean like there was just the son of a bitch. I'm really trying
to help here, I am so trying. I was relatively loyal to me,
oh that guy. Okay, I was relatively loyal to my to my
Jane's friends, because I mean I was technically saving my friend Elizabetha from making
a bad choice. And but if I have to choose on headwear hat wear,
you both are wearing some pretty spectacular things in your head. And I'm
a very big fan of things to wear in your head. But if you're
act that makes you're so special, then me, Oh, I'm not special.
No, you're headwear. Oh yeah, this isn't a hat, genius,
these are my whole ones. Look at the devil. I just I
just feel naked without my hat. There's another rumble in the sky, and
wow, whoa big back off? She's my Uh, Claudia. I don't
know if you've ever been a spiritual person in the world, but when the
great Bear spirit appears, uh, you know, you don't have to worship
for her, Jeanie Fleck, but you get a feeling that there's this middle
the road kind of natury kind of spirit out there. Uh, that definitely
has taken notice of you. And uh, the other two start to shrink
away. They are they're not feeling this, so uh, I'm out of
here. Claudia has never felt more seen in her whole life. I figured
as much. Oh majestic. She's not one for genuine flecting or anything but
her dropped jaw on the ground. Hopefully we'll serve that partose. Oh it
does. The great bear spirit looks down upon you and says, bears don't
choose sides. Bears are on a bear's side. Is it true that you
were raised by bears? Yeah? It was yep. And what bear do
you wear upon your head? This was oh gosh, I can't remember now.
This was a polar bear that I found. It was already dead,
actually, but I just wanted to keep a part of it with me.
It makes sense. See, That's what I told them. You don't waste
the skin or the flesh of our fallen if it can help another generation,
that's why we give. I have the power to send you back. As
long as you're willing to walk the path of the bear, you may live.
You may choose your life. You may do as you see fit.
It's not often I can do this, but there is a loophole right now.
And if we I can just push you back into a body, it'll
be different. But this is a very rare opportunity that I get to actually
have an avatar walk in the land, so one walking the path of the
bear? Truly walk. I mean, I've tried with the Jewids. Have
you ever ever smelled a druid? My god, so much petuli arrogant pit
crystals. It is. I can't. I can't with these people. They
it's just it's just we jokes and anti capitalism. I just want them to
actually care about that. I'm not I'm not gonna go into that. I'm
not gonna do that right now. So are you willing to walk this path
of the bear and take take champion up the cause of the bear? But
one question, when you say I'm going to be different, am I gonna
have a penis? No? No? Do you want one? Not particularly?
I was, you know, just checking. I mean, I can
we could try something else if that's what you No. No, I mean
it's okay. If you have envy, you don't get that, you don't
understand that you can't tell the bear spirits male or female. It's kind of
got of maternal listening, but definitely kind of a gruff voice, so you're
not quite sure and you're not asking. So nah, yeah, it's all
cool. I'm good. She gives a double thumbs up. Okay, well,
before I send you down, you must answer me these very important questions
about the bear so I can understand how truly committed you are to the path.
Are you ready to answer? Uh? Yeah, yes, yes I
am. The great bear spirit looks at the sky like cosmos, swirling in
their eyes power that radiates often as they glow. They kind of levitate that
paws out, sitting almost like like a Buddhast style. And you hear the
rumbling voice. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A bear
without any teeth? Oh, this is like a riddle. Huh uh?
Hungry? A gummy bear? Okay? What would bears be without bees?
Oh? I think I got this one. They would be ears? Correct.
Thunder crackles around you. What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A bear practices You better not be googling this. Emily is not googling
this bearing the teeth a molar bear. Emily is in bears for laughing.
What happens when a bear stands in the rain for too long? Um hm,
soggy bear? They become a drizzly bear? Why did the grizzly get
fired from his job? Because bears don't have jobs. For the sake of
this riddle, and to get you back into a body, I need to
know how committed you are to the path of the bear. So for you've
only gotten one answer, right, I really work with me, woman.
Why did the grizzly bear get fired from his job? Think? Bear?
Pun For the love of all barrels, he was he or she was barely
there the bear minimum. But I'll count it, Thank God, Thank bear.
And finally, where do polar bears keep their money in the ice box?
Try again? Old storage? Close? Sir? H what kind of
bank polar bear? Think about it? I'm going to bear? Hell hmmm,
I don't know, man, I'm just a rogue. I'm not good
at solving. It's a snow bank. It's a snow bank. Okay,
well you got two of them? Are You're the only candidate we've got standing
around? So fine, I will use my great bear powers and push you
back into your body. That's the hardest, the hardest trials. It was
barely all right, little cub let's do this and they slapped their big pulls
together like mister Miagi. Start shaking it back and forth and reach out and
touch you clear and you feel your body jilt, You feel your heart beat
and Claudia, your eyes open. Wow, you give me a perception check.
Okay, natural twenty fan frickantastic. Okay, that's so I don't have
to hold anything back. Claudia, you open your eyes. You are underground.
You can tell that from the coldness, the moisture, the stone.
You are something subterranean. They're flickering torches on the lights, and you are
laying on top of an altar. There's an empty chair before you, an
open book, a bag of stuff. You are naked save for your bare
hat. On the table to your left. There are all types of instruments
that look like sewing instruments, you know, theater the mind and put them
on the map. So you're right, there's a bale of Hey. You
look down at your body and you have open stitches like something's been trying to
almost put you back together. It's would it would be along your clavical like
kind of like a y intersection a little bit and like along the rib cage,
and a few spots on your arms where it's like you smell cinnamon and
straw. In fact, you look at some of these open wounding your body
and there is straw sticking out of your body. Whoa, and with a
natural twenty, you think your heart's beating, but it's so slow, but
your eyes are open. Okay, you take it a breath, but you
realize you don't feel like you need to have You don't have to. You
hold your breath and you don't panic. Along the walls to the north and
the south, there are other bodies laying on slabs, on like these little
on those little couches. There various uh men and women l a couple of
humans and they seem to be in a similar state. But they are not
moving at all. They are dead. They've been stitched up and put together
and they but they are not moving at all. And somewhere to the southeast,
you smell a little bit of smoke. You're not sure. Okay,
well, you got a natural twenty, so I'm giving you the whole details.
Okay, obviously what's in the room is what's in the room, and
it's like again, it's a large altar looking place. There's flowers on either
side of the tablet that you're on. The room's actually quite I mean,
other than the decomposing bodies in the corners. There's a lot of natural incenses
and herbs and nice smelling things to kind of like block it. A little
bit pile of books in the giant rug before you feel free to hop up
and look around. Well cool, it would be so kind. I'll stands
you up. Yeah. Claudia is gonna pat herself down and then hop off
the table and she's gonna say you are naked, and there are some open
stitches, like but do you want to there? Like I said, there
are some like some more surgery kit stuff to one of the tables if you
want to try to stitch yourself closed, yeah, she she So nobody else
is in the room, right, no answer, there's nothing alive, okay
except half maybe you. She's she'll talk to herself a little bit then and
like, oh my god, I feel violated. I have definitely been assaulted.
Not that my nether regions are are are sore. They're fine, They're
fine, but I I have clearly been washed. I smell this is I
smell like an apple pie, you kind of do. It's like a like
a farmer's market apple pie. A lot of hay, a lot of cinnamon,
some spices there, you know, uh, you know, there is
blood I mean, but it's not really like flowing as more like just there.
And when you peer inside, the woundsers almost like remember that kind of
bluish energy that the bear is giving off. Yeah, some of that,
okay, some of that. So I'm sparkly on the inside, definitely inside.
Definitely on the inside. We all are sparkly on the inside. But
you are literally sparkly on Okay, so she will she would like to get
the needle and thread again and try to finish sewing herself up. All right,
cool, give me a slight of hand. Check key twenty one.
Really good. I mean it's you know, if ten is average and twenty
is an expert, you are surgeon like skill with a stitching yourself back together.
Now it doesn't tickle. You still feel pain, which is weird,
you know, you and there's no anesthetics, so you are out ouf out.
But you do manage to get yourself over the course of the next thirty
minutes or so, your all your insides are back where they're belong. Okay,
well, the things that are now currently your insides anyway, no straw
sticking out or anything. No, not that I'm aware of. All right,
all right, self, that's just a little secret between you and me.
Hopefully both of us can keep that. Yourself gets it. Yeah,
your self understands like you're in yourself. You got it, sister. All
right, Are there any clothes in the room? Uh? Let me see.
Uh there is a large bag. Uh, to the to your southeast,
next to the big chair. There's a book to the north north from
where you're at here, so northeast from use a book to the southeast is
back on these tables on either side of the chair that's facing the altar.
Oh, okay, I see it. So she would like to go over
to the bag and dig around to see if there are any clothes in there.
Uh. You open it up and it's all your old adventuring gear.
Oh sweet, Okay, So she'll put on her whatever the heck she had
light armor, I guess sure, and be comforted in the stench that uh
oh yeah, this is now here's like your body is clean, but your
clothes are not. This is yeah, this is when it's but it's a
familiar smell. So she's happier. Now. Remember what I said about the
druids the druids. Yeah, so yeah, you've your gear is here.
Like there's like I said, this map is just there's a lot of little
stuff, like there are bodies, Like there's like three to the north,
three to the south, three to the east. You know, like when
you look at them, like I said, similar incisions, similar things,
similar everything, except you're the only one walking around. Okay, she'd actually
like to check out the bodies just to make sure there's nothing to steal.
Sure, sure, sure, Uh they are basically the same state that you
were so naked, nothing on them. Uh. But again, like you
you'll see these incisions where it's like some of them a little bit splayed open,
so you see organs in some of them, and some of them are
like we're straw and herbs and uh it seems to be like some kind of
like you know, different pultices are packed and where organs should be. And
then someone tried to stitch it up, but these bodies remain motionless. Okay,
all right, if any of the poultices or whatever or pouches whatever are
not tied down, she'd like to kind of take one. Well that's the
stuff it's like stuffed in their body. You're trying to reach their body cavity
and pull out the goo that's making up like the the the basically like someone
took a poultice with with straw and and herbs and cinnamon and made it like
a like a goo ball in the shape of a heart and stuff and with
a heart would be so it's like it's kind of like a mud and dwaddle
organ but it so if you want to steal that, sure, I mean,
if it's small enough to carry with her. She's kind of thinking she
might need a she might need a spare part for herself. Okay, well,
uh well, there's a perfectly good bag that's holding your gear down there.
So yeah, you can start harvesting, like, uh well, just
for your notes, we'll call this like mud organs. You know, it's
mud, but it's like it's it's this goo. It's like it's a mixture
of like so we'll just we'll call it goo Organs. How's that? I
mean, you never know you might need a backup. You might need a
backup, that is true. So yeah, like you know, you can
find a liver and lungs in one a kidney or something in the other.
Uh you know, just sure you know, uh yeah, yeah, so
she's going to take a not enough to like be encumbered, but just like
a few spears here and there. Sure, sure, sure, sure sounds
good, and she was stuffed them in her bag. Because as you're as
you're looking around, you do kind of like have the hints of that murder
brawl. And it's weird because it's like you swore that little guy that puts
you guys into like that battle arena, like promise that like you wouldn't have
any memory of this. But but I guess dying coming back the way you
did, you know, explosively, and I think you broke the rules there,
miss I won, so there. Yeah, but yeah, you have
a vague memory of a there was a rogue who was pantsless for a period
of time. Oh that's just like me. There was it was his name
Klaus, and there was a like you said, there's a bald monk guy
and some holier than thou, asshole. A robot could have acid. It
was. It's like a fever dream. Yeah, weird. I must have
eaten something nasty. Fair enough. So she's she's not really interested in books,
but she will take a spin by them and see if there's anything with
like gold on it or anything else can give me know the perception check.
Now, this is a new active perception. You're looking for something different here.
So key fifteen fifteen is pretty good. Okay, So as you spin
by, uh, you go buy this, We'll say you go buy this.
You're gonna walk towards the pilot books. You can buy this first,
this one here first. Yeah, and as you go by it says uh
uh. Basically, it's a looks like a diary that has gotten notes about
attempt number whatever. In the I'm trying to I'm trying to find a way
to kill my son Eric and bring him back. I don't I don't want
the demon in his body anymore. The rest of the books are like neck
Armancy for dummies. The undead in you uh lichin is bitching you know these
weird titles. Some look like they're like they're real titles. Some look like
Charlottean books. But clearly someone's been at work with something down here, and
they have been trying like hell, but it doesn't seem that uh, well,
good thing for you, something worked. Yeah. Well, well,
she'll say, uh, this looks like a pile of garbage. Not really
interested. I'm more I just have to find out what happened to me.
And she'll we'll walk right by the books. Yep, fair enough, like
anything that might actually have the answers, walk right by them. I'm good
with that. That's the kind of playing I enjoy. All right, So
there seems to be a pathway sort of out of here to the southeast,
because you rolled to well earlier when you're checking out the room. So southeast
there we go this away. You walk by a bunch of the barrels,
and the barrels seemed like, you know, if you check them out,
they're like there's like fresh you know, food stuffs in there. Some like
someone's got like you know, salted, like someone's like salted, uh,
things to preserve. Some are full with the bread, some has got some
cheeses in them. Things like that. Oh wow, So she she doesn't
feel hunger? Is that correct? Or she doesn't feel hungry. Yeah,
I mean you don't feel hungry and you want to try eating. Uh No,
but she recognizes that the food might have value to other people, so
she would like to take a little bit. Okay, sure, Uh probably
probably the breads and the cheese is easy. Otherwise you're gonna like the pickles
stuffing. Brine's gonna soak all your shiit down. You already have like a
muddy. You already have like a go heart, you know, like a
straw gou heart and a few other things. So I'm sure you find enough
cloth in this place. You can probably wrap it so it's not too gross.
But yeah, okay, so bread and cheese, Bread and cheese.
We're gonna make grilled cheese, which is okay all right. Uh there's a
stone door to uh down to your southeast there. She will just stroll through
without checking. Well, I try to it, but it is locked.
Oh. Locked. Yeah, it's almost like a It's almost like a crypt
or. Someone's trying to perform on dead rights might actually have some security.
Weird, who's gonna want to get out? Oh? I guess I would,
right, I see as a rogue. I assume you still have lock
picking skills. Yes, so give me a what is it slider hand of
the lock pick? Yeah, just a slid like your old skills start coming
back. Yeah, that's fine. This is like this is like you know,
it's a ted so yeah, easily. Eh. It opens up and
you step out and there's another wooden door that seems to be now this.
You look around you, so in between these spaces when you step through,
this is definitely some kind of underground cave. It doesn't seem to like go
anywhere as a half elf because light seems to be only inside that room.
So once you said out here, but with a half elf, you can
kind of see it's just an underground cave. There's some moisture, some water,
like small like crappy puddles, but this doesn't seem to go anywhere.
It's it's an enclosed underground space. Okay, do you want to go through
the wooden door? This one is unlocked. Okay, yeah, she would,
and she she pauses for a second because she has this weird flash of
having thrown herself into like a grate or a sewer. But she's like,
I don't know what that was, and just prush it off. Okay,
it goes through. Okay, go on through. Uh. Do you want
to climb the Uh, there's only one thing in. There's a new light.
There's a light and a ladder leading up. We're going up. Fantastic.
You climb about eighteen to twenty feet up and you see a hatch above
you. It's one of those like flip flip open style hatches. Do you
give it a shove? Yes? Uh, there's something on top of it,
so give me a strength check. Athletics, give me an athletics roll.
Okay, athletics twenty three Jesus wow. Okay, well yeah, thud.
I mean, like whatever was on there you humped, you pumped it
pretty good and its slid off. So there's a slight sliding sound as the
hatch opens, like there was something on top of the hatch and then something
else that kind of gets pushed out of the way. Which I'll take you
to the new map. Okay, she's she's fairly certain it's a body.
She feels like it. You know, it's almost like we've played this game
before. Yes, so, yes, there is the hatch you step out
of. Nice. This looks like a burnt out boarding house. Huh,
it is or was not bad, but fire at some point. And here's
the thing, it's still relatively fresh. There's still some heat coming off of
it. It might be like, I don't know, I feel like maybe
the next morning, because something burnt this and burnt it recently. There are
two charred corpses directly to your east there. Okay, if you suoming,
you'll see like that. Just but there are two bodies laying right in there
squares. Yeah, definitely to two corpses to your to your east there,
and give me a perception check. Okay, she's like, did I do
that? Might have? Might have done that? Ten Uh, it's not
hard to miss that. There. As you look on the map, there
are little, tiny, bloody footprints that are not adult sized, leaving what
looks like the epicenter of a if the fire started. This is where it
started and as it burnt outwards, and little bloody footprints leaving going to the
front door. Wow, Okay, she she despite them being very tiny,
she's still not one hundred percent sure she's herself, so she would like to
measure her foot against the footprints. Fantastic. Now I understand how tall Emily
is in real life? Tall? How tall is Claudia. How tall Emily
is not Claudia is average height for a human. Okay, so let me
see, and you're a half off rfe yes, all right, so uh
these are little smaller than yours, but not by much. Maybe a the
elven equivalent of like a nine or ten year old maybe. Okay, you're
you know, you're an adult. You're an adult. Half off woman.
This is but it's not far off, but it's just a little bit smaller,
not quite a match. All right. She's gonna assume it was not
herself as a child a long time ago. Fair enough, I like that.
Yeah, but also she's standing on some kind of rug, and I
just want to make sure it's not a bear. Uh no, it is
actually like a dire elk. Nah. Okay, actually, if you know
what I gave it to you, I gotta make you do a nature check.
But you know, for the sake of it, like, nah,
this is this is this is some kind of Unglet you know, this is
either a giant deer or an elk or something like that. You know,
so you're fine, Okay, Yeah, she's not bothered, but she is
kind of bothered by the smoke in the warm flame. She's feeling a little
itchy under her skin. I understand she's thinking maybe she needs like the scarecrow
like firebag. You get the heck out of dodge fair enough. So you
head out to the front door. Yeah, is that over this away?
Yep, yes, ma'am. Okay, she's gonna to the next map.
Oh wow, look at me cruising three? Whoa. So you step outside
in this fresh, lush air and like, breathe a little bit better,
and you look back and oh, yeah, this halfway house or this boarding
house is definitely like it's uh you know, it is still smoking in the
morning sun. It is. Whoever did this must have been a horrible person,
because clearly there are two bodies inside the were caught inside the fires.
And you stand there in the morning center and there is a signpost pointing towards
the town of Galahad. Uh, you know, into a particular direction.
It seems like the only near the nearest town. Okay, are there any
people around? Uh? No, there are some tracks. If you want
to give me either investigation role or survival role, yeah, I'll do you
investigation. Okay, she rolled a fifteen Okay, Uh, you get on
the ground. You start checking it out. You know, you're looking at
it and you're taking it in and you're like based on the time looking at
I mean, you've lived off the lands for as long as you have,
you know, you know this this is your first rodeo, and you're checking
it out, and like appears to be some the footprints of an adult Elvin
male came in at some point to the house. Then tracks lead out and
away, but then there's a second set of tracks that are barefoot smaller tracks
following the adult Elvin males towards the town of galahad Ah. So they're both
going in the same direction. Yeah, well, at least that's what's happening.
Like it started with like a little the kids prince, the young princes
were bloody at first, and they start to dry up, they become kid
prints again, but they're definitely following. So it seems like some Elvin male
at some point. The night before was the freshest because a little bit of
moisture came to the house and then left roughly the same time. The kids
princes are a little bit fresher. So someone came in last night and left,
and the kid left shortly thereafter. Maybe just before you woke up.
Who knows. Okay, just in case there's anyone in hearing distance, she's
gonna point to the house and say, wow, that's terrible. I definitely
did not have anything to do with that. Uh. For anybody that's you
know, give me a performance check or persuasion check. Let's let's see which
one it is, either performance or persuasion. You're I'll do persuasion, okay.
And eight, you might want to start running because I anybody is listening,
there's no way they believe that shit. Okay, So she will run
alongside the tracks toward Galahad. Okay, would be so kind as to give
me a Are you following the tracks? Well, well yeah she is,
like okay, she doesn't want to smash them up, but she's gonna run
alongside them. Okay. So the tracks, you follow the tracks, and
the tracks are veering off and they start going into the woods a little bit,
and before you realize that they circled back on the house again. Whoever
was doing this is an idiot. And then you realize the tracks double back
on themselves and loop back around and started actually going towards the town a Galahad.
So whoever you're following for their tracks was dumb. They figured they corrected
themselves and then started actually going towards the actual town because they look like they
actually start following the trail path on the road and not there. Whatever they
were following when they rolled a natural one. So yeah, so either they
got lost or they went back to look at their handiwork or good call.
Maybe indeed, or they were doing some kind of cool dance interpretive dance,
which is fine, no judgment, except maybe they're doing one of those like
crop circle things, so when the gods looked down on it, it's just
it's just dick and balls. So it's that is most likely. Oh yeah,
all right, more than likely. All right, so do you start
following? Which way do you want to go? She wants to will not
follow the loop de loop, but just keep the path towards the town.
Yeah, soom okay, okay, not a problem. All right, we
follow the path of town. Uh. You get to the town of Galahad
after about a day and a half of travel. Give me a actually,
do me a favor, give me a nature or survival role. This will
determine how how long it takes you. Okay, let's do survival, okay,
fourteen fourteen, Okay, yeah, uh, it's it's on a road,
so it's not hard. I mean, it's not a it's not a
paved road, but it's a well trod road. And this was like a
halfway house at a crossroads. So yeah, you follow it it fairly easily,
and given you get there about a day and a half, you know,
like footed rogue type. So you get there obviously in the morning,
next day, you camp out, you get there about lunchtime. The next
day, you get to the town and it is you know, kind of
like you know, I hate to be you know, generic about it,
but it's kind of like your generic fantasy town. There is like, you
know, there is a lord's castle and manor up on the hill that everyoney
can see, an affluent section around it, the near the closer in towards
the castle section, and the further out you go to the wall to the
cities. It gets a little more poorn down troden based on how you smell.
The guards kind of like when they see you at the gate, they
don't they don't stop you. You don't seem to be a threat, You're
not coming in looking at with a kind of menace, but they definitely kind
of like kind of nudge you towards the crappier section of town. You're not
hungry, which is you realize that after a day and a half of travel,
like you have food, you're just not hungry. And uh, you
also noticed something very strange last night. You didn't sleep. Hmmm, wow,
I must I must be really excited. You kind of just stood still
for four hours and just kind of stared at like just a tree. You
just kind of stood still, and like it was this weird kind of you've
you know, you're half elf, so you were aware that something else go
into a state of reverie, you know, instead of like sleeping. But
like it wasn't that. You just kind of like kind of zoned out,
kind of just kind of spaced out. You were aware of things around you.
You just kind of like hmm, stared and then after about four hours
you're like, I'm good and just kept on walking. I've become one with
the universe. I'm a philosopher. Now ooh, really, what did you
learn? Not much yet, Still still working on that. Okay, still
work on the philosophy. Okay, I didn't do anything all right, Now
the trailer you were following gets kind of harder. It gets a little harder
to follow once you get into the city. So but give me another,
either investigation or perception role. Okay, let's see here, Let's do investigation.
Okay. Now, investigations I means you're uh, now you're okay.
Perception roles you're kind of looking for tracks and clues. Investigations is a combination
of, like you're kind of talking to people a little bit here and there.
So, uh, you know, once you get buy the town guards,
they you start walking towards the poor section of town, you kind of
lose the track a little bit because obviously it's been you know, at this
point, a couple of days. But you know, you ask around a
little bit. So what do you ask in the towns, folks? What
what is it that you're looking for? She's looking for activity. She doesn't
actually want to go to the rich area because she's going to assume that there's
a lot of security there. Okay, but any activity where she can eavesdrop
on people or you know, find belongings that are unattended or okay, you
mentioned that. Okay, one of the people's like you know, there's no
way. It's nice way of saying this. One of the hookers near the
poor end of town. Here's you asking about. She's like, well,
what is that you're looking for? Honey? You know, I'm just trying
to get my bearings. I've been kind of like I must have been sick
or something, because I I've been a little bit out of it and my
appetite's not normal. So I'm just, you know, trying to get my
bearings and bearings she sky rumbles and happiness. So yeah, she has nothing
against you know, sex workers. She chants to view sex is very transactional
anyway. But oh, honey, that's not what I meant. I'm at
the stealing shit part. Oh what am I looking to steal? You know?
I love shiny things, anything that you know, money equals power,
that kind of thing. Give me, give me a persuasion. Roll the
advantage. You're kind of the hooker, and you know sixteen is that with
advantage? What is advantage? How do I figure that out? Oh?
You roll it twice or you hit the shift button down when you press the
button and A rolls it twice and you take the better. But sixteen is
pretty good. Just hit hit it again. Hip persuasion again. We're like
the best one advantages like you know, so yeah, we'll like the sixteen.
The Prostitute's like, you know, okay, there's been some word on
the street that there's a guy looking to put together a team, uh to
steal something. We don't know what yet, but he's uh, he's kind
of an older Yeah, he's he's a nice and he's a sweetheart. He
really means it's just an older guy. That's like he's trying to you know,
you ever met those old guys who are trying to do one last hurrah,
one last you know thing. And he means well, God, he
means well, and he really tries. In bed I I have I give
him that. He really really tries. He owns a tavern, uh in
and brothel down off of the Street of Mud called the Castrated Ram. He's
word on the street is he's trying to recruit a team for some kind of
job. So if you're looking to do some thing a little ilsted, that's
where you want to go because he's flashing a lot of coin. The tavern
was a well, it was a ship bucket, and now it is after
a couple of days and a lot of platinum being thrown down. It's looking
pretty good, and it's almost too good for the street of mud. If
you want, you know, you can either go the straight down this way,
or you can go around the back to two tooth hook two tooth hooker,
Alex. I still can't say that, and I wrote it. You
can go back around that way, or you go through the front door.
But the castrated ram, that's the place you're looking for. You're looking for
a guy called oh what's his name? Oh? I remember I just called
the silver Fox in my head, sandy stand stand, dandy lit stand,
dandy litter. Yes, okay, that's he's putting together some kind of that's
you know, but keep it on the down low, just between us working
girls. Okay, she clearly thinks you're a hooker who has got a like
a nature theme going on, so believing. Claudia has never been mistaken for
anyone remotely attractive. So maybe she is a hooker. Okay, this hooker
is not a looker. I'll give you that. You know, it's like,
you know, she's in the poor section of town, hooker. You
know, she's not She's not a courtisan, but you know, she's making
it work. So yeah, she Claudie would like to ask her her name
in case in case, in case Claudia comes into a bunch of money.
Oh yeah, Gwen, Gwen, Okay, I didn't mean to laugh.
I'm sorry, something bad. What is your name, missy? Rachel?
Well, Rachel, it's a pleasure to meet you. And she kind of,
you know, she's looking at like, all right, clearly we got
on the wrong foot. She's like, I'm just gonna walk away now.
But you know, but I thank you for your kindness. And if and
if I come into some well, well I hope. So if I sent
you along the job, you know, then you know, just tell Stana
said hi. And he still owes me. Uh, just because he didn't
get the chance to like rise to the occasion. He still had to pay
for my services and he owes me money. So tell him when's looking for
him? Okay, rise to the occasion. Oh he must have bad knees.
Okay, thank you, You're very welcome. All right. So,
uh, finding the cashiertor Ram is not difficult because there always seems to be
a parade of hookers nearby. You can either go to the backway to the
hooker alleyway, or you go to the front door with the back door.
Of course you want to go to the back door. Okay, chuckle butt
joke, all right, you come down the two tooth hooker ally got it
right though on the first try. And it's midday and the horse are out
back, you know, uh, prepping like like you know, they're holly
jolly horse men and women both looking to get ready to start their day.
You know, they slept in the morning. Now they're waking up with the
krack of noon and having a little breakfast you know, uh, you know,
washing off the parts that need to be washed off. Horse horror bath
ended up getting ready for a hard day. Someone from outside help each other
with their lipstick because I know that in the evening times it would be time
to work. So uh down the path you come, and there are hookers
everywhere, just so many hookers. Claudia will, despite going to the back
door, she will not be very stealthy about it. She'll just say what's
up, hose, and they almost give you the like they're like, yo,
what's up? Like a h sign, you know kind of thing,
like oh I love that, darling. I love that outfit. Like does
it are your clients like rough play? What's the deal with that? Does
the hat stay on? How does this work? Hat always stays on?
Okay, no matter what? Yeah? Yeah, oh wow, okay nice?
Do you do you bring your own lube? We have duck fat and
goose fat for certain things. Or do you are you just is it just
r do you? Because you have a vibe about you, you know,
and I think I like it and I think this kind of cosplay thing is
going to take off very soon. Uh. Claudia said, I have no
idea what you're talking about, but I am looking for a guy named Stan.
Oh. Oh are you one of the new girls? Definitely new?
And yes I'm a girl, so yes, yeah. Oh. They point
you straight towards it there, like you can go right. Uh if you're
trying to apply for the jobs because they are upgrading their their brothel, the
lead, Madam Rosy Cheeks, is who you want to talk to because she's
hiring. Uh. But you can't go into the back door unless you actually
have like employment there, so you have to go around to the front.
Oh, so you can't have you can't go in unless you have a job
but you have to get in to get the job. Yes, that's how
jobs work. You go to the front, you get up, apply,
and then you get access to Yes. Yes, just what you said.
Yes, the universe is weird and unfair, but okay, I will take
your advice to do is walk around the hedge, around the corner. It's
around the front literally, you know it's not it's not. Just walk outside
of the building. Okay, do anything else you wanna do with the hookers.
You want to go to the front door, She'll say, thanks for
the nips or tips, and then we'll go to the front door. Fantastic,
all right. You go to the front door and it is there's massive
renovation going on. There's workmans outside, it's cleaning the whole establishment up.
It's starting to look like it does not belong in this section of town,
not compared to the alley way. Uh. You walk to the front door,
drop you onto that map, and the first thing you see is you
want to zoom that map back a little bit? Yeah? Uh easily.
A five ten fifteen twenty twenty five foots almost thirty foot long dire bear skin
rug on the floor. Wow, Uncle Charlie, is that you you feel
that that that that arcane er signe energy inside you. This is your first
step. The one who killed me sleeps upon the bar, or killed one
of my one of my not me rewind, one of the ones that killed
one of my children, sleeps upon that bar. Finish him. WHOA.
So my first step is supposed to be roughly on his head. I think
he said take my first step. So she will put her foot on the
bears's call and peer around. I'm looking for all right. You look around
the bar. There is a drunk dwarf sleeping on the bar. There are
you know, if you if you zoom back a little bit up, there
you go, there's a drunk dwarf. From the top right bar, there
is a very strong looking woman uh who seems to be both a bouncer and
the cook behind the bar, prepping for the lunch rush. They know some
people will be coming in very soon. The doors are like that they just
recently opened. He's you knew, the first person in there. And there's
a lot more whores, uh, towards the south end of the wall,
just kind of like waiting for clients to come in. Hmm. So hmm.
How how strong does Claudie feel compelled to follow the whatever maybe voice that
she destroyed. That's that's on you. You know, it's not your god.
You're not a cleric, you're not a warlock, you know. Uh.
A bear spirit did give you life again, you know. So uh
you take that as you see fit. You were promised to walk the path
of the bear. Yet it took a it took a bear pun joke.
You did pretty poor, actually, but it was well enough to get you
back to life. It's just that I think the bear spirit just wanted to
talk to somebody and they liked and they like puns. So but yeah,
you have a situation where it's your call, all right. Yeah, Yeah,
she'd like to go up to the bar right here and talk not to
the not to there's war not to the dwarf. Dwarf passed out to the
barkeep or slash cook. All right. She turns to you and she's like,
what can I do? What can I do for you? Dary?
Does Claudie have any coins or anything like that? Did Claudia have coin on
her when she went into the murder brawl? Oh? Boy? From her
last it was a long time ago. Let's say, you know, let's
say, at least have fifty gold on your How's that all right? Cool?
So she she understands that this person is a business running a business.
So she slashed for a beverage, a drink of some kind, like whatever
they've got, and say, hey after she orders. Who who's that guy
down in the corner. Oh him, that's old Willy Pete and he used
to own this establishment and he lost in a cod games to uh. The
current owner stand Dandy Liver. Never since he lost, he never quite left.
He's kind of just a fixture here now. He drinks constantly and sleeps
on the bar. He's kind of like a fat cat. Yeah, you
know, if he was an author, his name would be John Hartness.
Just he's always just there. Okay, all right, fuck you, he
kind of half says and rolls back over. Came here, Gandolf on New
York Captain lays back down. So yeah, okay. So Claudia knows that
she she should kill this guy because he's killed the bear, dire bear on
the floor, who might be her uncle Charlie or not. But she figures
he's halfway in the grave due to psoriasis or whatever. Sure, sure,
Liver failure, so she will put down a few more gold coins and say,
just keep him in drinks NonStop tonight. I like your hat. He
kind of peeks up because he rolls over, because it's like he's like like
a like a large cat. He's kind of in and out of sleep constantly,
depending on his alcohol level. I like your hat. I want it
making matching set for the bear killed. I killed that bear. Do you
know that that's enough? Willie Pete? And that was a long time ago.
We had to get that thing out of storage just so you could put
it down on the new renovated flow. Now shut up before I shut you
up. Shut up, Trudy, And she kind of grumbles. Yeah,
Trudy's not a she tolerates this guy because Stan tolerates this guy. That's it,
Okay, Trudy. When you see her, she she would this.
This is an older lady who like, you know, mid late fifties and
is like like I've described in the past four it's kind of like, you
know, kind of like one of those Ukrainian salt miners, you know,
like she she's built like she just can do day labor and crack your skull
at the same time. So okay, all right, about five ten,
five eleven for a woman. So yeah, yeah, So Claudia realizes that
the dwarf has thrown down the gauntlet and ask for her hat. Well,
he just asked her. I know if that's a gauntlet, but he definitely
has for your hat. So you take that, you fit right? Wait
did he pass back out again? Did you say? No? He's just
kind of like he's a drunk, you know, he's just and he stands
up on the bars and stretches. It's like Willie Pete if you're going to
we're trying to make this a nice establishment. Sleep somewhere else. Yeah,
shut up, really kind of hops down, staggers, catches himself, kind
of walks up to you. That's that's a nice hat. Yeah it is.
I like it too. How much for it? It's not for sale.
Everything's for eccle Okay, how much for your life? If you could
take it, you'd be like the ninetieth try person. No one succeeded everyone.
I win. I'm a winner. That's what you see this? What's
got two thumbsand wins this? Oh boy, Okay, she's not sure of
the law around this area. You notice that the whores are watching you,
and they kind of like just just kind of just start getting out of the
way. Like it's even Trudy like, here's what's weird. Trudy sets down
her mugs and just kind of leans on one elbow and is watching you and
watching him, and this is entertainment. She's like, Oh, don't worry,
Dan, We've had I had to give a certain guy a good night
not too long ago myself. If if Willy Pete wants to step up,
you do what you feel as you gotta do. This is the cheap section
of town for a reason. I just want her hat. I mean,
listen, little lady. I don't mean to tell you your business, but
I will. If I want your hat, I'm gonna get that hat.
Okay. Is Willie Pete wearing anything on his head? Uh? No,
he is bald. He has bald with a beard and he just has regular
I'm gonna show you Willy Pete one second, I think it shifts Z.
There you go, Willy Pete. Okay, his beard is very nice,
braided and kind of red. But here's the thing. He's not as stocky
as most dwarfs. You know, he doesn't have any armor on or anything
like that. He's you know, he's kind of a no. I mean,
he's still got a I mean he loves his beard and he's got a
belly, you know like that. But he's not like, you know,
a stocky like you know, burly like fighter dwarf. So, okay,
does he have any weapons on him? He's got a dagger on his hip,
that's about it. A couple of pouches, and he's just like but
he's got you know, he's got he's got a he's still got a death
grip on his uh his like his mug. So okay, all right,
So Claudia will sidle up to him mm and uh run her fingers down his
I guess yes, and say, Willie Pete, do you you live up
to your name? Uh? Yes? Question mark his Willie or his Peter.
Okay, okay. So she will attempt to steal his dagger. Okay,
uh again there, okay, give me a slider hand roll, no
wammies, no wammies. Check against his perception. Check he's got a plus
twodor's perception. Let's see here, he got a fifteen. You you stole
his dagger? Okay? Cool? Cool. She will hopefully a good thing.
You don't really you don't need to breathe, so you don't like there
are a lot of like many like many fumes of alcohol and baper coming off
this guy. Uh you know. Yeah, if you out of habit,
if you accidentally breathe in, you will smell it. But again, you
don't need to breathe. Excellent, that is good, although bad smells have
never really bothered her because she usually doesn't smell that great herself. But she
would like to in one hand hold the dagger okay, and in the other
stroke his beard and attempt to slice his beard right off. Okay, go
for it. So let me see I you're doing that. You're so you're
trying to give it that to me one more time. I know you're trying
to sell yourself a beerd where you hold him the other hand the end of
his beard. Oh I should you not trying to do got it? Okay?
All right? So what would you like slight a hand again? Uh?
This is an attack role attack okay? Yeah, so just give me
an attack roll the thing like you're not doing damage him, but you are
trying to slice off his beard. So okay, so like a just with
a dagger. Dag yep, stagger to oh I forgot to equip a dagger?
Yeah, fifteen Yeah, it's a beard, it's yeah, so it
definitely you slice it and come up with a dagger. Yeah, and uh
yeah, you definitely surprised him, so we don't lessarly need to go into
initiative. We're gonna count that as your surprise round. Do me a favor
and just roll me a dexterity check, okay, versus his because because I
don't, we don't have to go into a full initiative round it. We
just we just know who's doing what. He is drunk though, Uh,
let's save naturally okay, natural twenty. So yeah, you definitely got to
go first. So your surprise round is over. You're up next. You
what you're holding half his beard? Yeah, she didn't actually want to kill
him right away. She just wants to humiliate him, sure, without a
doubt. And you are doing this, so it is now again, that
was a surprise round, you were. He is taking this as a hostile
act. So you're standing there with half his beard. It is your turn.
What would you like to do? Well? Okay, so she would
like to since she has his weapon. Now, yes, she would just
like to put her boot in his chest and kick him to the floor.
That's so, that is an athletics role. Give me that. Okay,
this is a good old push shove yep, twenty damn goddamn. Okay,
let me check his I'm a god, you have no kidding. Let me
see he's got a Yeah. He falls, tumbles back ten feet and onto
his back, and she will say, don't get up or you're going to
regret it. Willie Pete looks at you and he smiles and he casts fireball
and uh, let's see. I don't like that laugh. It could mean
something bad. Eighteen plus is plus twenty three twenty natural one does a fifteen
hit you? I am armor class fourteen hits miss miss a three hit?
So can I dodge? Or is that too late? Uh? Once?
These are tack rolls. Let me see, no, unfortunately not. This
is like these don't have saving throws. If I roll to hit you,
then they hit. If I it was a nary of effect, then you
would have a dexterity saving throw. But there's no I rolled. This is
a U spell attack as opposed to slash rule. Take eighteen fire damage that
sprace from his hand as he's multiple blasts of fire hits you and burn like
crazy son of a biscuit? Uh, where does that put you? Hit?
Point wise? Let's see where the heck am I where are? Let
me see bonus action for him. Uh, he's just gonna stand back up.
He's gonna use half his move and just stand back up and the stair
at you with the frick. Okay. Oh, by the way, Willie
Pizza nickname means white phosphoruss for things that burn an evocation mage. You're a
jerk and you're gonna give me that fucking hat so I can add it to
my bear collection. Bitch, I'll give you something to add to your bear
collection. All right, she will. Let's see what the heck weapons do?
I have arranged weapon? Oh? She still has a dagger? Yep,
got your bow? Yeah all right, she'll shoot him? Okay,
shoot him, shoot him twenty Yeah, let me see he's gonna yep,
even with like he can't he can't stop that. Yeah, even if he
used an armor spell when a shield spell wouldn't stop it. Okay, So
yeah, you hit him? Yeah he damage? Oh you did do sneak
attack this is so it's like just it's eleven damage. Okay, Okay,
he's not engaged anything right now, and like it's definitely not You didn't surprise
him, so that hurt him. There's an air sticking out of him,
all right, his turn. Okay, what works once works twice, so
let me see thirteenth. So okay, the seventeen's gonna hit, the nineteen's
gonna hit, and the natural twenty is gonna hit. So two four thirty
one points of fired image hit you in the face and Claudia goes out.
But during all this time, Trudy good Night snuck up behind you. Not
snuck up, she just kind of like she saw how this was going.
Once you hit zero, you start to collapse and you know you're unconscious,
but you're also kind of aware. At the same time, she catches you
as you start to fall backwards. She walks you around the corner. She's
like, I think you are here for not for something else. It's time
for you to pick your battles, dairy in time, don't worry. In
time. She kicks open the hatch behind the bar and uh kind of unceremoniously
drops you down, but she also slips you a healing potion in your mouth,
so you hit the ground conscious in the basement, the door of the
hatch shuts. It's you know, it's dark down here, but you've got
you know, Elpha vision, and there is an Elvin crazed looking Elvin man
sitting there staring you right in the face. Hey there, bare hat wench.
And that's where we're gonna leave Claudia's adventure for now. Nice quick question.
Yes, is she still grasping Willie Pete's beard. Oh you're not letting
that go. That's your trophy. She still feels like she won? Then?
Yeah, okay, so you so Claudia has managed to talk to a
spirit come back. When a little adventure, just an investigation, tried to
fight roughly a level level fourteen evocation fire specialist, you know, and these
things happen. Lessons are learned, Lessons are learned, and after many scorching
rays unfortunately brought you down. Now you are little. I mean, I
gotta lie the fear of the the straw, like the stuffings inside you.
It's like, thank god, your flesh crisp that up. And the healing
potion took care of a lot of the damage. Your clothes are a little
scorched, and you definitely got some stink, and part of the beard is
like now they realize part of the beard is half burnt. You know it's
got it definitely got some singy bits going on on the beard. But you
know you still have like a good chunk of that dwarf's beard that you can
keep on your built. Yeay, yes, and yeah, like I said,
I believe this is where we're gonna end Claudia's little mini adventure before we
picked back up with the official game one of the Dicey Bastards. So it's
all coming together, folks. Uh. All the players are are in are
in place. You might have noticed, like, well, wait, Where'sdrew
Hayes. Drew Hayes is a busy man. Drew Hayes ain't got time for
me, you know, so he he will play, He will join us
on the first game. He actually he's just a super busy dude and he
don't have time to do his own one on one. Hayes is a consummate
professional and he doesn't need a dress rehearsal. Well, it's one of those
like I I want to give everybody a chance to uh, you know these
there's the one on one sessions have been fun. And I just so for
some players who are knocking the rust off some older characters and just getting back
in the field of things. And how this me as a DM because some
people play with me, some people have not, So it is kind of
that everybody goes in the Murder Brawl is playing in this next campaign and I'm
very happy about that. So I've played with everybody a little bit here and
there, So, uh, this this should be something special. And this
is the beginning of the most ragtag team of assholes that I've I've had a
misfortune or fortune of running. So before we sign off, Emily, is
there anything else you want to say to the audience, anything you want to
say at all? I anything you want to plug? Yeah? Yeah,
Well in terms of this game, just if you're following along, please keep
track of Claudia's deaths. We'll see, we'll see where it goes. And
how are you feeling? How are you feeling with this new and improved Claudia.
I love her, She's okay, fantastic. Like I said, what's
the new book? It is arsen Nic and Alibi's available on all your fine
book websites and from Paul staff Books fantastic. I have nothing new to plug
myself. I'm working on a few different right now. I really need to
get something out this year. I've just I'm working on like, unfortunately three
or four different books at the same time because my add brain will let me
focus on one and that's not good to actually get a product out. So
I need to buckle down. But we're not here for that. So next
time, folks on the Dicey Bastards will be starting the official game one.
Thank you all for listening in on these microadventures. It's been a blast for
me. I've had some great cast members of League taking them for their time
to play these things. So on behalf of Emily. We thank you all
and have you a great night, and we'll see you all very soon.
Bye, everybody, Bye. You've been listening to Dicey Bastards brought to you
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