WEBVTT

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It's stop saying that. Hi.
Hi, welcome to Lori Kane after Dark.

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Hi. Oh wow, that was
the fast dude. Would you guys

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let me Hi, Welcome to Loricane
after Dark air Grimmer producer Brian. That's

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right. Welcome to Thursday. Welcome
to Thursday. Please subscribe? Yeah,

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okay, continue? What else do
I say? Now? Word from our

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spots, I usually tease something so
glad that we could highlight a little piece

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of joy for your week. That's
what we do here this time together.

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What's our mission statement? What Brian? I mean Live Laugh podcast, Live

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Laugh podcast podcast. That is No, that's our modern joy to millions of

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people, find Laura. Try not
to swear on a word from our sponsors.

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Now, try not to annoy you. No, we've never lived up

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to that one. All right,
Before we get to our sponsors, I

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want to tell you we're going to
talk about We're going to talk about what

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I did last weekend. We're going
to which is it's uh, you lost

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some money. No, I made
some money. You actually want this lost.

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I didn't go to the casino.
It has nothing to do with the

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casino. Believe it. I know, I know. I doesn't have anything

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to do with knee pads. It
does not does not, thank you very

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much. I also have a little
tiny random news which there's some good stories

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in it, and a roaring good
round of what Your Price? I love

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this game. What's your Price?
We're just going to shout out for this

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time because I forgot to give you
guys your little pads of paper. But

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anyway, oh great, Oh,
I can do that during the sponsors.

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I'll do that during the sponsors,
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you very much to our sponsors for
helping us put on all right, So

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this weekend I went and worked Taste
of Hillcrest. You know how they do

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those tastes Downtown's tasted, Oh powaway, I mean, I don't know.

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Anyway, they have Tasted of Hillcrest
and you buy a ticket. Basically what

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you do is you buy a ticket, you get a little card, and

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on the card there's all the different
restaurants that you go by, and you

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walk up and down University and they
hand out little samples of food or samples

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of drink or whatever. Yes,
so my daughter over the summer worked at

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a restaurant called Creme de la Crate
and it's on University. The cameras moved

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my big time Elvis Elvis, Elvis
Elvis, and uh. I was in

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there with a friend and I said, hey, the owner's really was very

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good to my daughter. I said, if you ever need any help,

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let me know, and he goes, you, actually, Tomorrow's Taste of

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Hillcrest. I could use your help
because we're handing out like samples of our

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waffles, which are really delicious and
in some mimosas for Taste Hillcrest. I'm

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like, okay, sure, no
problem. He goes, would you want

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to work maybe from like eleven thirty
to four thirty. I'm like absolutely.

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So I get there and there is
the it's set up outside. Oh did

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you just mark on me? Oh
my gosh, oh great, great,

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say we can't go to Taco Bell
now? Oh great? Anyway, yeah,

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that's not that that's permanent or anything. He set up outside and there's

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wait. My job was to make
the waffles, to cut the waffles,

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and to put them into little tiny
plastic cups and hand them out. The

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waffles were in the shape of a
penis. Oh yeah. The waffle iron

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was like one, two, three, four penises. Can you get me

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one of those waffle irons? Okay? And I had to put the batter

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in each one of the penises,
push, put the thing down, time

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it for three minutes, turn them
over, and then I had to cut

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them into pieces and do you know
you had to circumcise them. Do you

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know see? Do you know how
many comments I got about like, oh,

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I'm like I'm giving you the tip, Like here's the tip. Oh,

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it's just the tip. Oh,
that's all it matters is just the

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tip. And then I'd cut off
the balls and then the woman goes,

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oh, give me the balls.
I already have his, you know,

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Oh my god. The jokes about
the penises were okay, I'm helping you

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next year. Not only that you
had to choose from caramel chocolate or white

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chocolate. Oh topping white. No, they were all waffle colored dicks.

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But oh so ship uh the other
one and then what's it? Carble caramel?

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And then but the white chocolate was
so viscous and like it looked just

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like what you think would come out
of a real penis. It was really

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funny though, but it was a
perfect Oh stop, but I don't want

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to say it. So fun would
be so much fun your penis, Oh

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my god, that's like that.
You're crazy fun and visual anyway, walking

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around with like confetti in your hair. Those are the only penises I've seen

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in a long time. You very
much. No, I did not need

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a moment. Maybe we should devote
next week's podcast dating and maybe like let's

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talk about it and talk me.
Maybe we should get a dating expert on

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what do you Yeah? No,
we okay, yeah, all right,

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who's a dating expert, maybe a
matchmaker. Yeah, oh but those are

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kind of expense. Yeah, I
think we can just talk about we always

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well, you know what, maybe
we can. That's a good idea.

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You can find a dating expert,
you know. Well, I'm sure I

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know tons of dating experts. I'll
think of something. All right, I

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might have to wear one of your
wigs, but I could rustle up a

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dating expert you love, oh,
b one, oh, I would use

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one of your voices. Miss Lee
hasn't come. You know what. Miss

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Lee is a dating expert. I
just don't trust her advice. She's actually

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very very good. I don't like
hearing Miss Lee talk about like sexual things.

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I don't like hearing her voice talk
about anything. Actually, well,

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you might just have to because she's
free and you love wearing wigs. You've

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got you need to admit that because
you wore one last week just for the

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hell of it, well, because
it looked like you. And I'm kind

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of obsessed with you. I know
you were, I kind of you still

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are. Oh moderately. Oh okay, all right now, please cue some

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music for a tiny little round of
random news. Please, thank you.

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Can you take a super no no, no, no, there's so many

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buttons here. I just I don't
know I gave you. Yeah, how

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did I didn't know that the crickets
were going to come up. Oops,

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get your hand off my butt please, it's on your upper thigh. It's

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pretty much your butts back here,
don't and don't touch right now? Why

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there we go? Oh? Sorry? Why are you getting some flirtatious with

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me? You're like weird right now? Off hornym me. You were the

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one giving me Google eyes earlier.
You you were like biting your lip and

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yeah, talking a lot with your
tongue. You were looking at me very

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sexually. Well that's because I couldn't
believe how you filled out that dress.

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I mean anyway, I look like
I sausage getting ready to pop out of

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the casing and then you fill it
out. Great. Okay, you want

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to know who the top billionaires are. This is going to make me so

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I can tell you. Okay,
let's do some guessing. Nope, No,

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Google are not Google, but these
are celebrity. These are billionaires Z.

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Celebrity Beyonce Taylor Swift, Rihanna jay
Z is number five. Uh Rihanna

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is not in the top ten.
She's not No. Kim Kardashian, she's

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number six one point seven billion.
Jessica Simpson, Oh, good guess No,

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Jessica Simpson, I don't think she's
worth that. Who has recently become

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a billionaire? Anybody? Anybody?
Kylie, No, she's not on the

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list. Taylor Swift, there you
go said like six times you did.

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I didn't. I was just not
paying its own. Rihanna. There's a

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tie between Rihanna and Tyler Perry.
That's why I saw they're number eight one

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point four billion. So I'll give
you the top ten. Tiger Woods is

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ten one point three. He really
cows the celebrity. Yeah. Absolutely,

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he's worth one point three billion.
He is, I know, Tyler Perry,

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Rihanna tied for eight nine seven,
Peter Jackson director oh one point five

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billion. Is he the one that
did all the Yes? Yeah, Kim

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Kardashian number six, Jay z set
as number five with two point five billion,

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Oprah number four two point eight,
Michael Jordans three point two. Steven

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Spielberg is worth four point eight billion
dollars, And who tops the list then

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Brian of richest who tops the list? Then yeah, yeah, if Steven

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Spielberg is number two, who would
be number one one director? Maybe that's

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what I'm hinting at. Martin Scorsese. No good, well, yeah,

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that was a good guess. Steven
Spielberg, Oh stut uh, come on,

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you got it's on the tip beer
side. A guy that did not

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Raiders the last Star Wars. Yes, George Lucas five point five billion direct

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anyways, Okay, didn't he direct
Star Wars? Well, he directed the

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prequels, but we don't want to
talk about those. He's not he's not

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really director. He's more of a
he's this is the creative idea or behind

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Star Wars. We did not direct
the original movies. He's the richest celebrity

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in the world, my god,
George Lucas. Okay, five point five

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billion, alright, that's what Forbes
says. Anyway, Well, I just

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like the definition of celebrity seems a
little nebulous here. Well, cool,

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he's a celebrity because he's the director
and they direct movies, and that's a

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Hollywood thing. Okay, So here, Brian, I know you probably don't

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do any of these, Eric,
How many of these do you do?

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Because I think I do all of
these. These are signs that you're an

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old person now. Oh well,
gen Z loves to remind us how old

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we are all the time, right
old, yes, all right. So

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somebody put together some a list of
random things that make that you're old officially.

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If you do these things. You
eat toms like candy. I do.

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Actually I do eat tumbs on occasion. I like you see your forty

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five sometimes I need to. You've
never had tongues, You've never had heartburn,

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probably, but I've never eaten tombs. I don't. I don't use

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them for heart burn. I use
them for like an magestion. Though I've

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never had a tombs. I just
had to buy some recently, I know,

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because somebody's older than someone I haven't
used them in a while. So

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you still print your boarding past just
in case it I do. I love

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it. I knew you. I
knew you'd be that guy. Oh my

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gosh, even I don't do that. Okay. You can't stand or sit

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without making some sort of no every
day. And I don't understand it because

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it doesn't hurt when I get up. But why am I grunting? Why

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for everything? Just bending over to
pull something out of the fridge, I'm

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like, oh, that makes no
sense. Well, you've got to stop

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doing that. I now at times
will sit down to be because I'm too

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tired to stand. That's not in
on this list, but that could be.

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So I just gave everybody some free
AMMO. You watch the local news

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00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:15.200
every night. No, I never
watched the news. Well I'm going to

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00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:20.360
actually say this counts for you because
you are the one person I know that

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still has cable. I do,
so that would be a person who has

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cable that would watch the news like
regularly, like the five o'clock news.

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You start conversations with strangers in public. No, I do that all the

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time. But I've always done that. I do not. You leave the

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plastic on things just to keep them
new. No, okay, you've recently

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said how do you work this dang
thing? All the time, you've told

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a server please give my compliments to
the chef. Yes, I know you

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have. And you drive by a
nice and say that's a nice house all

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the time. I do that too, though I don't think that's exclusive to

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old people. I think think old
people the what they do is they just

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say, oh, look, that
sign says stop, We're going to stop

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00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:21.279
now. Like they point out everything
and they read everything and they say it

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00:16:21.320 --> 00:16:25.759
out loud. Oh, look at
that. Now, the Church of the

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00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:30.840
Holy Spirit is having a picnic.
Okay, as you're driving by. As

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you get older, you will also
talk to yourself out loud. Oh my

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00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:37.759
gosh, I talked to myself.
I talked to the dog. Yeah,

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it's bad. A study found that
a pat on the back really does help.

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Thank you. Just tell me I'm
doing a good job. You're doing

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00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:49.600
a wonderful job. You're doing all
right. Not only are you beautiful,

203
00:16:49.639 --> 00:16:53.200
but you're talented. Just pat me
on the back. Okay. So they

204
00:16:53.279 --> 00:17:00.879
studied basketball players and they said that
they when they made a free throw and

205
00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:06.440
they the other players would pat them
on the back, they would most likely

206
00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:10.440
make the other free throw. They
did like a huge study and said that

207
00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:15.079
that actually works. It's like encouragement, and so it is a study anyway.

208
00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:21.960
That all right, fine, whatever
that was, Okay, now onto

209
00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:25.720
the real stuff. Get your pads
of paper and your pens, get your

210
00:17:25.720 --> 00:17:32.640
Maxi pads out. Cuse some other
music so we can make this exciting and

211
00:17:32.680 --> 00:17:37.119
not the crickets. I keep doing
that. Not the crickets play the wild

212
00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:45.000
card music or something. Thank you, Okay, we're playing what's your Price?

213
00:17:45.599 --> 00:17:52.279
Okay, the game where I give
scenarios and you have to write down.

214
00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:56.000
We all have to write down what
is the lowest amount we would do

215
00:17:56.119 --> 00:18:04.480
that thing for. Here we go, Oh boy, what's your price?

216
00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:22.319
Enthusiastically congratulate a woman who isn't actually
pregnant. Okay, go It would take

217
00:18:22.359 --> 00:18:25.079
a thousand dollars for me to do
that, because that's awfully rude. It

218
00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:30.319
is somebody right after eight months after
I had Charlie, somebody asked me,

219
00:18:32.200 --> 00:18:36.039
oh, or said, congratulations,
you're you're expecting. I'm like, no,

220
00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:37.400
I actually just had a kid eight
months ago. I do it.

221
00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:47.480
You would be honest, I would
thought that exact thing. Okay, what's

222
00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:51.440
your price? Tickle the person in
front of you at the grocery store.

223
00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:57.119
Oh, tickle? I hate tickling. By the way, tickling is like

224
00:18:57.240 --> 00:19:03.000
torture. Oh I see, it's
like no, I never like to be

225
00:19:03.079 --> 00:19:08.519
tickled. Okay, tickle a stranger
at the grocery store. Let's seem okay,

226
00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:14.279
I'm going two grand, I'm doing
fifteen hundred. I'm in the three

227
00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:18.039
three thousand. Relistically, lord,
do it for like one hundred. I

228
00:19:18.039 --> 00:19:22.119
mean at this point with all my
card trouble. All right, what's your

229
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:29.839
price to have extremely bad breath for
one year? Oh? One full year?

230
00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:34.599
Just you are the guy or the
girl with bad breath for one whole

231
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:42.960
year? What's your price? I'm
going fifteen grand? I'm going one hundred

232
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:48.119
thousand. Oh wha, what did
you play a million? There's nothing more

233
00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:55.480
like oh, especial relationship. Oh
oh helotosis. That sucks, that really

234
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:59.559
sucks. Oh my god. One
time when I was married, we had

235
00:19:59.559 --> 00:20:06.680
a friend and who had really,
really really bad breath, and we made

236
00:20:06.680 --> 00:20:14.200
the decision as a couple to tell
him about it because we wanted to help

237
00:20:14.279 --> 00:20:18.000
him. And it was like the
worst thing I think I've ever tell.

238
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:26.440
It was horrible. I don't ever
do that. It was just not I

239
00:20:26.519 --> 00:20:30.920
don't really remember the words so long
ago. All I remember is driving away

240
00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:37.200
from his house and feeling, do
you like cry? He was like mad

241
00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:42.880
or he was caught off guard for
sure, Like no, he didn't say

242
00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:47.519
he wasn't nothing like that. He
was kind of nice about it, but

243
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.559
like also in a like what the
hell just happened sort of way, and

244
00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:55.559
it made me feel uncomfortable. It
was the most awkward thing ever is just

245
00:20:55.640 --> 00:20:59.799
don't do it. I had an
old coworker that had a thyroid problem and

246
00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:06.039
everybody picked me to tell her that
she had horrible bo oh no, it

247
00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:10.440
was the worst. What did she
say to you? She was I think

248
00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:15.920
she wound up quitting before two and
I was like, people were being really

249
00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:21.119
mean. They were leaving like sticks
of deodorant in her office and stuff.

250
00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:23.000
It was awful. And so they
were like, well, you trained her,

251
00:21:23.079 --> 00:21:30.440
you tell her, how did you? Okay, I'm her. I

252
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:33.000
don't remember, Well, okay,
do it now? Like now, what

253
00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:36.720
would you say? I'm her?
I was like, hey, I just

254
00:21:36.839 --> 00:21:41.839
need to talk to you about something, and it was super sensitive. Oh

255
00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:51.119
what what did I do? You? Stinko was a manager at Chickle.

256
00:21:51.200 --> 00:21:52.519
I think I should do it twice
at the same person. That was awful,

257
00:21:52.599 --> 00:21:56.720
And I said, saying up for
our employee hand, but we have

258
00:21:56.759 --> 00:22:00.119
certain grooming standards and I've just had
will come up to me and like,

259
00:22:00.200 --> 00:22:04.160
you know, tell me that that's
it and that's what I had to do.

260
00:22:04.319 --> 00:22:07.680
And because I talked to hr about
it and that's what I had to

261
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:10.079
do. And she's like, well, that's when she told me. She

262
00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:14.240
had a tight road problem, and
I was like, I'm so sorry,

263
00:22:14.359 --> 00:22:18.799
Like it's I was like, we
can move your office outside. It's awful

264
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:23.680
no matter what it issh Oh my
god. I don't know if I gave

265
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:30.319
you guys this one before, but
it is, what's your price caddle up

266
00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:38.119
with only the never before washed hotel
comfort for the night. That's what your

267
00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:42.359
blanket and your sheet is. Is
that comforter from the hotel? Don't you

268
00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:48.000
throw that be washed before never?
Okay, So you're just saying, what's

269
00:22:48.039 --> 00:22:53.599
my price to go to a hotel? No, to cuddle up with a

270
00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:59.000
hotel comforter? Okay, which is
what I normally do with the hotel.

271
00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:00.000
Okay, No, no, no, no, no, no no no

272
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:07.119
no. Don't you well you probably
go to nice hotels. Yeah, I've

273
00:23:07.160 --> 00:23:11.759
been to some hotels that are like, you know, they have that horrible

274
00:23:11.839 --> 00:23:15.279
bed spread or whatever that you know, they never wash. They just put

275
00:23:15.319 --> 00:23:18.680
it on there, but they change
the sheet Cuba hares on it and probably

276
00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:21.240
blood. Yeah, if you took
like the black legs, it's my price.

277
00:23:21.279 --> 00:23:22.359
I pay probably like one hundred and
fifty bucks a nice to do it?

278
00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:27.319
So but no, I always throw
that thing off first, and I

279
00:23:27.400 --> 00:23:32.720
never use the blanket. I just
sleep with the sheets and the blanket that's

280
00:23:32.759 --> 00:23:37.160
in between the two sheets. All
right, whatever you guys. I'll just

281
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:40.799
say free because I could stay in
the hotel for free two million. Are

282
00:23:40.839 --> 00:23:42.640
you saying you've never stayed in the
hotel? Then no, I would never

283
00:23:42.759 --> 00:23:47.599
sleep. I never would sleep at
the comforter. Then what do you use

284
00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:51.960
the blanket? The blanket that's in
between, like there's a sheet and they

285
00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:55.519
put the blanket and they put like
a sheet on top. Sometimes you throw

286
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:59.400
are there are there bed bugs?
No? We did the bed bug thing

287
00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:03.000
less? No bad bags? But
what's your price? Like? Are free?

288
00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:08.200
Okay? No? Terrible as the
hotel? No, it's not terrible.

289
00:24:08.240 --> 00:24:11.880
It's a medium. It's a medium
hotel. So a fleabag, not

290
00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:15.880
a flea bag, no fleas.
It's just you just you just cannot be

291
00:24:15.960 --> 00:24:19.599
shared based on the price. You
just have not the rits in Paris.

292
00:24:19.640 --> 00:24:26.960
And it's not like Motel six.
It's like it's fine, you do not

293
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:33.680
touch the comforter. Whatever, okay, anyway, what's your price? Be

294
00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:40.680
a contestant on Naked and Afraid.
Oh god, oh I think we did

295
00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:44.559
this one? Did we do this
one because okay, well I'm going to

296
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:49.839
say, yeah, okay, I'm
going big on this one. Oh you

297
00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:53.400
went big two. I want two
hundred thousand dollars. I only went one

298
00:24:53.440 --> 00:24:59.960
hundred thousand. Eric went five hundred
thousand dollars. And it's not the case

299
00:25:00.359 --> 00:25:04.079
being naked. It's the bug bites. I do not want a bug bite

300
00:25:04.160 --> 00:25:08.799
on my butthole. I did not
realistic with one hundred thousand, I probably

301
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:11.640
do it. How wait, how
long do you think they filmed for?

302
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:18.640
Well, I think it's like at
least four days, five days, four

303
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:22.200
days for one hundred grand. I
could do that. But you but the

304
00:25:22.279 --> 00:25:26.920
elements. It's just the elements and
one hundred grand. Have you watched that

305
00:25:26.039 --> 00:25:30.599
show? I have only seen it
once. The bug bites are so intense.

306
00:25:30.759 --> 00:25:34.799
You get one hundred thousands, Brian
and I would have more appendages that

307
00:25:34.839 --> 00:25:41.200
would get bit. True, you
have less appendages. We have inside things

308
00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:44.680
that get bit Oh you think you're
side. You're saying bugs are going to

309
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:48.440
climb up inside. That's what happens
on naked and afraid. I swear to

310
00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:52.079
god, yes, oh my god. There was this one woman. She

311
00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:59.400
was absolutely one miserable. She quit, she tapped out, because she had

312
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:03.359
bug bites all inside your thighs and
up into her bad. I don't know,

313
00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:07.880
I don't know. You didn't need
to say that. I would say

314
00:26:07.880 --> 00:26:15.160
that under the vaheen. Oh did
you get my message the other day about

315
00:26:15.160 --> 00:26:17.759
what that? I was on the
corner of Old Lady Road and dry the

316
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:23.720
heen drive. Stop talking about that. Stop talking about my vagina period?

317
00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:29.240
Well, I was on that road
and I thought of you period. Thank

318
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:33.640
you speaking of it. Yeah,
I was all driving. Oh my god,

319
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:40.200
Laura, I gotta call you.
Period. Were tumble weeds on the

320
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:41.680
side of the road. I thought
you might have rolled through down enough.

321
00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:51.000
What's your price to only wear shirts
that expose your belly button for one year?

322
00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.359
No, you know what, let's
do a month. For one full

323
00:26:55.400 --> 00:26:57.279
month, wherever you go, you
have to wear a shirt that exposes your

324
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:07.920
belly button. Mmm. Okay,
okay, I'm going three thousand. What

325
00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:11.440
I hate my belly buttons so much? I hate it. I'm I'm okay.

326
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:14.559
Well, I'm doing five hundred dollars. I got clients and stuff.

327
00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:17.200
I can't wear a misery Wait,
I can't wear a jacket over it?

328
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:22.079
Oh? Then, like I I
wore one of those shirts on the show.

329
00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:26.359
Remember that Madonna te shirt. Yeah, I rocked that thing. I

330
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:33.200
rocked that thing. All right,
here's something now, I this is a

331
00:27:33.480 --> 00:27:41.599
this is pretty harsh. What's your
price? Leave your soon to be spouse

332
00:27:41.000 --> 00:27:51.799
at the altar? Oh? What's
your price? Oh my god, Oh

333
00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:52.359
my god, oh my god,
oh my god, oh my god.

334
00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:59.000
Wow, oh wow. Okay,
I got it me too. This was

335
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:04.400
easy. I know Brian's probably like
eight hundred billion. Nope, I said

336
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:07.880
one million. I said one million, one million. That's it. I

337
00:28:07.960 --> 00:28:17.680
put infinite. Oh oh, that
was sweet. Guys out here putting you

338
00:28:17.720 --> 00:28:22.279
put only a million. There are
people with a million dollars. That's a

339
00:28:22.319 --> 00:28:26.880
game show amount of money. I
know. I'm saying, you cast yourself

340
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:29.240
on Survivor. They're like, okay, Survivor, And I'm like, here,

341
00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:30.559
instay, have you do all this? You just have to leave your

342
00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:33.279
spouse at the altar? And you're
like, okay, yeah, sure,

343
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:37.920
but then we can really then we
can have with a billion, we could

344
00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:41.720
have the wedding we really wanted.
I said, what I mean, if

345
00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:44.480
I can just if I could be
like I leave them like like, by

346
00:28:44.519 --> 00:28:47.079
the way, I'm doing this a
billion? Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

347
00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:49.319
that's why I do that for sure. That like fifty grand Oh my god,

348
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:56.640
Okay, what's your price to get
branded on the butt by a hot

349
00:28:56.680 --> 00:29:00.079
iron with your initials? Okay,
hold on anywhere other than the I think

350
00:29:00.119 --> 00:29:03.039
brands are kind of cool, but
the butt's not. But it has to

351
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:10.319
be on your butt and it's your
initials branded with a hot iron. Nope,

352
00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:12.640
Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. That would

353
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:15.680
hurt. Oh wow, that would
hurt. Okay, I'm okay, okay,

354
00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:22.160
okay. If I'm being realistic,
would you say, Eric one one

355
00:29:22.200 --> 00:29:26.519
million, one trillion, one trillion. I would never in a million.

356
00:29:26.519 --> 00:29:30.160
I won't even get a tattoo,
Brian, I bet all the hip Gake

357
00:29:30.200 --> 00:29:33.400
kids are doing it anyways too.
That seems like a very like up and

358
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:36.960
up like thing. It should be. Yeah, I said twenty five grand

359
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:40.559
Oh my god. First I put
fifteen. Then I said twenty five.

360
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:45.079
It's just like a tattoo that's less
noticeable and it hurts a lot more hurts

361
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:51.319
hell, I said thousand. Yea, if someone if someone offered me like

362
00:29:51.319 --> 00:29:53.480
like dead serious, if someone likes
messaged me and says like give you twenty

363
00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:56.880
five grand to get an ass brand, I'll do it, you tour,

364
00:29:57.200 --> 00:30:02.319
No, I would do it.
I think you would be so you would

365
00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:03.799
hate yourself for doing I don't think
so. It's not that big a deal.

366
00:30:04.319 --> 00:30:07.559
Tell my butt, no one's gonna
see it, all right, what's

367
00:30:07.559 --> 00:30:15.799
your price? Then initiate a food
fight at a five star restaurant and they

368
00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:21.400
know it's you who initiated it.
Five okay, So I'm trying to think

369
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:26.240
of Okay, so is mister a
that's like the okay, let me think

370
00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:33.519
you know what, let's see m
okay. Eric says, is that one

371
00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:41.039
hundred and fifty thousand, seven hundred
and fifty thousand, Brian, real quick,

372
00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:42.920
before I show mine, I just
you know what happens. It wouldn't

373
00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:45.240
be a food fight. You would
just pick up food, yell food fight

374
00:30:45.279 --> 00:30:48.240
and throw it at someone and everyone
would stare at you. So it wouldn't

375
00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:52.880
be a food fight anyways. I
said eighty thousand, I said ten thousand,

376
00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:57.000
ten thousand. That's really cheap.
I know, I know, I

377
00:30:57.119 --> 00:31:02.359
just all I can say it.
I'm sorry. I'll just say yeah and

378
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:07.720
not or what about this? What's
your price? To loudly whistle for your

379
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:14.359
waiters attention at the super fancy five
star rest, Like I wish I could

380
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:18.960
do that. That makes you seem
richer because you're an asshole. Oh my

381
00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:22.759
god, I would never do that, Like, get over your god,

382
00:31:23.480 --> 00:31:26.160
I can't whistle. I wish I
could whistle, you know what? I

383
00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:30.599
would do that? Okay, how
much? I do it for fifteen hundred

384
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:33.960
and actually I do it for like
thirty five hundred, but I give it

385
00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:41.440
like a five hundred dollars tip or
something good. Point Eric, I feel

386
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:44.279
like you're lying. I feel like
it's not that high. I feel like

387
00:31:44.359 --> 00:31:45.960
if I feel like if someone came
at you with something lower than seventy five,

388
00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:55.079
you would do it seventy four.
He's lying, Okay, what's your

389
00:31:55.200 --> 00:32:00.720
price? And I don't think we've
done this one before, but this isn't

390
00:32:00.920 --> 00:32:10.039
intense to me. Erase all the
pictures you've ever taken, no, wait,

391
00:32:10.079 --> 00:32:16.279
like off your phone, erased them
from if I have eraseferents, destroy

392
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:21.359
erase, set on fire, they're
gone. All the pictures you've ever taken

393
00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:23.599
in your whole life are gone.
Because I have all the pictures of me

394
00:32:23.640 --> 00:32:28.680
and my mom and my dad and
stuff. So I would never Oh,

395
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.319
oh you copied, Brian, I
did. That's not in the coach of

396
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:37.480
all. I said one billion,
but I'd hate myself. I'd i'd be

397
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:40.400
a billionaire, but I still hate
myself. Ten million, ten million?

398
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:45.440
Really? Yeah, well you have, Well, we have a whole lot

399
00:32:45.480 --> 00:32:51.440
more pictures than you do at this
age. What your price? Be A

400
00:32:51.440 --> 00:32:58.359
foot shorter? So you're how tall? You are? Five eleven and a

401
00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:04.880
half So you before eleven? Oh
no? A foot? Oh no,

402
00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:09.759
no, no, no? What's
your price? Oh my god? So,

403
00:33:10.079 --> 00:33:14.720
oh my yeah, you'd be like
three fe years. No, I'm

404
00:33:14.759 --> 00:33:22.000
five to nine, would be four
nine? Okay, oh my god,

405
00:33:22.119 --> 00:33:28.200
you are. I'm going five hundred
thousand. And here's why it's okay for

406
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:30.880
a woman to be short. I've
always wanted to be petite. You No,

407
00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:35.720
I am not. I've always wanted
to be like a little like just

408
00:33:35.759 --> 00:33:37.960
a little little girl. And if
I was four eleven, they just called

409
00:33:37.960 --> 00:33:42.119
me kickstamp. Yeah for me as
like I'm six feet. If I was

410
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:44.640
five feet, I need at least
five Like that's for a life too,

411
00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:50.839
I need at least five million.
All right, what's your price? Clog

412
00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:54.359
the toilet every time? You poop
outside of your home. Okay, well,

413
00:33:54.599 --> 00:33:59.039
so how much money would Eric pay
to stay? Eric? No?

414
00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:05.559
Eric one taller? Wait so you
like want that? So you you wouldn't?

415
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:08.039
You don't have a problem at like, for instance, being at Mysteries

416
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:13.679
clogging the toilet at Mysteries on my
house? Oh my god, I already

417
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:16.719
did it at tj oh you ran
for the hills. Yeah, it doesn't

418
00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:21.559
mean I have to stick around.
But you didn't finish dinner yet. You

419
00:34:21.639 --> 00:34:22.960
have to pay for dinner, all
right, I'm saying well, I'm saying

420
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:27.880
they have more than one hole there. I'm saying a million, because this

421
00:34:27.920 --> 00:34:30.679
is also one of those for life
things. So I need a good chunk

422
00:34:30.679 --> 00:34:35.239
of change to get me through life. I'm going five hundred thousand, even

423
00:34:35.239 --> 00:34:37.840
though you know, okay, amateurs, this is really embarrassing. You know,

424
00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:40.800
I clog the toilet all the time, and I don't know why.

425
00:34:40.840 --> 00:34:44.480
I really don't know why. I
can tell you probably why. This is

426
00:34:44.480 --> 00:34:46.840
why I don't want her to come
to my house. Your toilet can handle

427
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:51.079
anything, apparently. Well, okay, when I talked to you today,

428
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:53.000
I was pooping. Yes, he
called me while he was pooping. Okay,

429
00:34:53.039 --> 00:34:58.480
so at work. You know,
at at companies, they have those

430
00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:07.280
industrial sucks toilets. Right I clogged
one of those? Yeah, I it

431
00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:09.800
did not. It sucks. Get
the rulers just so you can start getting

432
00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:15.320
reference on I just but they're not
though, Like, they're not giant.

433
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:20.239
I'm not like, I'm not like
pooping a loaf of bread. It literally

434
00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:23.599
is like you're trying to jam up
loaf of bread into a thimble. God

435
00:35:24.280 --> 00:35:29.639
anyway, Okay, no, what
you eat? I know what your answer

436
00:35:29.719 --> 00:35:32.480
is going to be, but I
want you to really just think about this.

437
00:35:34.360 --> 00:35:37.559
Think about it. Okay, what's
your price to eat a giant spider

438
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:42.760
web? Oh not with a spider
in it. Just eat a spider web,

439
00:35:43.280 --> 00:35:45.400
a giant one that you see.
We're a pretty one, you know,

440
00:35:45.480 --> 00:35:52.400
one of those little beautiful ones.
Crumple it up and eat it and

441
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:55.480
there's no spider eggs or carcasses or
anything in there. I don't know.

442
00:35:55.559 --> 00:36:00.679
I don't know about that. This
is easy, how much. See I'm

443
00:36:00.679 --> 00:36:04.840
close. I did a thousand.
It's when you crumple up a spider web,

444
00:36:04.840 --> 00:36:09.199
it becomes infinitesimally small, exactly.
It's it's like eating like a flake

445
00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:14.840
of dust. It's pretty low for
him. I know that shocks me.

446
00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:17.920
All right, what's your price to
get shot in the chest with a taser

447
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:25.400
gun? Oh? Hell no,
Now I don't know. It sure looks

448
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:31.159
like it hurts. So I will
tell you this. Somebody that I know

449
00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:36.679
was in the police academy and they
have to get tasered. Yeah, and

450
00:36:36.719 --> 00:36:39.639
you literally shit yourself. You can
yeah, yeah, or pee. Yeah,

451
00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:45.559
it's that much voltage going. I
don't think that's a normal occurrence usually,

452
00:36:45.559 --> 00:36:49.400
it's just it's very painful. Also
used to lose control of your Like

453
00:36:49.400 --> 00:36:52.480
you're how long does it last?
Like? How long? How long does

454
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:55.760
the tasing? I mean like it
it's a little in the academy. Well,

455
00:36:55.760 --> 00:36:59.119
it's however long they're holding down the
trigger on those? Yeah. So,

456
00:36:59.239 --> 00:37:01.039
but like the anything to do five
seconds? Now, have you seen

457
00:37:01.079 --> 00:37:05.639
those? Have you seen those shows
where people are so high that the tasers

458
00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:09.519
don't even affect them. Oh that
happened that. I put two I put

459
00:37:09.519 --> 00:37:15.519
one million for two grands. It's
oh, it'll be over soon. Okay,

460
00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:17.000
you know what I'm going? Five
thousand. I didn't even write it

461
00:37:17.039 --> 00:37:22.480
down. I want five thousand.
What's your price? Eat a whole raw

462
00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:37.719
onion. Oh in one sitting,
I'm going okay. Yeah, I feel

463
00:37:37.719 --> 00:37:38.920
like you guys are a little low
on Oh No, I love onions.

464
00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:43.199
I can eat them like an apple. I love onions too, but hard

465
00:37:43.199 --> 00:37:47.599
to eat raw, quantity, purple, or it doesn't matter white. I

466
00:37:47.800 --> 00:37:52.360
love onion. It doesn't even matter. I love Oh. Yeah, it's

467
00:37:52.400 --> 00:37:53.960
good you guys. We need to
go to in and Out because I need

468
00:37:54.000 --> 00:37:58.519
to get the onion. Can you
get onions on your grilled cheese? Yeah?

469
00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:01.760
Like they put that thing thick of
thick onions. Oh yes. Like

470
00:38:01.800 --> 00:38:05.599
if I'm making food and I'm chopping
onions and there's a couple left on the

471
00:38:05.599 --> 00:38:12.440
cutting board, I just pop in
my mile like a tick tap agree.

472
00:38:12.480 --> 00:38:21.760
Okay, Yeah. What's your price
to perform a strip tease full on down

473
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:25.840
to your birthday suit in front of
everyone here? Wait, that's not a

474
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:30.519
tease? Then that's just a strip
show. Mm hmmm, well then just

475
00:38:30.519 --> 00:38:31.840
strip in front of all of us, in front of okay, but you

476
00:38:32.239 --> 00:38:37.800
dance, Yes, that's what the
teas part is. You're doing. You're

477
00:38:37.800 --> 00:38:40.119
performing a show, a strip tease, and then you take it all off.

478
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:45.000
So you want me to scar brand
for life? Yes, Well,

479
00:38:45.079 --> 00:38:50.440
what's your price? Your boy?
You're gonna scar your boy for life?

480
00:38:50.519 --> 00:38:52.079
What is that gonna what is that
gonna cost? What's that worth to you?

481
00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:55.880
Oh? My god? Can you
imagine me doing it to you guys?

482
00:38:57.400 --> 00:38:59.920
Oh, that would be amazing.
Eric would like you we're talking about.

483
00:39:00.639 --> 00:39:07.679
I have my answer, you know
what? Okay, what's your answer?

484
00:39:08.039 --> 00:39:13.599
Ten dollars one hundred and fifty.
That's only one hundred and fifty.

485
00:39:15.239 --> 00:39:16.960
I feel like we know each other
so much. So you're saying right now,

486
00:39:17.039 --> 00:39:22.679
I could buy you to do a
strip show for one hundred and fifty

487
00:39:22.679 --> 00:39:24.199
bucks. Yeah, that's how easy
it would be if I give you one

488
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:29.679
hundred bucks fifty bucks right now,
and you would do it in front of

489
00:39:29.719 --> 00:39:32.679
you, yeah, full on naked. Yeah, for one hundred fifty bucks.

490
00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:36.960
Oh, think about it. I'll
give you three hundred. Now we're

491
00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:39.119
within the realm of possibility. I
got one hundred ffty bucks. I give

492
00:39:39.119 --> 00:39:43.280
you a hundred ffty bucks right now, saying you would do that, and

493
00:39:43.400 --> 00:39:45.960
I'd still have to do the dance. Yeah, you gotta do the dance

494
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:53.159
everything naked. I'm calling bull on
this. Hold on, if you think

495
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:57.159
she's gonna change her if you think
you'd do it, that's fine. Fifteen

496
00:39:57.239 --> 00:40:00.400
hundred. I bet you do it
for less than Actually I think, wouldn't

497
00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:05.480
you just really thinking about one hundred
and fifty dollars until until yeah, until

498
00:40:05.519 --> 00:40:12.599
producer Brian's actually had it in his
function said here it is okay, so

499
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:16.079
mine real quick is infinity to the
power of ten. I'm not getting naked

500
00:40:16.079 --> 00:40:22.800
from you losing. Oh my god, wow, Brian calm, Oh what

501
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:25.400
the Laura? What are you pushing
for? Here? He has Well,

502
00:40:25.559 --> 00:40:30.360
Eric, your price is probably not
that high, I said, ten dollars.

503
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:31.239
Yeah, ten dollars. I mean, like, I see, I

504
00:40:31.239 --> 00:40:36.159
believe I could buy Eric right now. Now listen, Brian, there is

505
00:40:36.199 --> 00:40:38.880
a price. There is a price
Brian would take, not for my pride.

506
00:40:39.960 --> 00:40:44.119
I know you already worked the corners
on Saturdays and Sunday, so I

507
00:40:44.119 --> 00:40:46.840
know one hundred fifty bucks. We'll
get a lapf at my house unannounced,

508
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:52.280
and I'm naked, so I ain't
doing that. What's your price to suck

509
00:40:52.679 --> 00:41:05.639
fresh milk directly from the utter of
a cow? M I'm I'm going two

510
00:41:05.679 --> 00:41:08.639
hundred bucks, I said. FI
Okay, it's kind of weird, but

511
00:41:08.679 --> 00:41:13.280
like it's not that weird, So
there are fifty all right, all right,

512
00:41:13.800 --> 00:41:22.960
finally, what's your price? Smuggle
drugs from another country? Oh to

513
00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:27.360
another country? Not here? Not
here? Necessarily from one country to another

514
00:41:27.320 --> 00:41:32.000
one be successful. We don't know, you're just smart. No, actually

515
00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:39.159
no, this is just agreeing to
smuggle drugs from one country to another via

516
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:44.360
airplane. Well wait, via airplane, via the air I wouldn't do it.

517
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:47.920
Then that sounds way risk. Well
what's your price, infinity sign?

518
00:41:49.639 --> 00:41:52.360
I would just do it for doing
like a border crossing. That's different.

519
00:41:52.519 --> 00:41:55.119
No, I wish countries because that
also makes a difference. It doesn't just

520
00:41:55.320 --> 00:42:04.039
think about the worst, think about
like like Columbia to that's my answer.

521
00:42:04.400 --> 00:42:07.239
A wait, okay, wait Columbia
anywhere I do for like much less,

522
00:42:07.239 --> 00:42:14.320
because that's not that difficult. I'm
really thinking about this because what if somebody

523
00:42:14.360 --> 00:42:16.639
said to me, what if somebody
asked me to be a drug mule?

524
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:22.760
But would my price be? Then
what if you get caught? Then you

525
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:25.079
spend the whole rest of your life
in a pokey in a Colombian jail.

526
00:42:25.159 --> 00:42:28.920
Yeah, I'm saying tw fifty thousand, but you're just like raped and you

527
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:30.880
have to shit in a hole in
the ground. Jesus. All right,

528
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:34.599
I'm saying two fifty k. But
I get to choose the country and the

529
00:42:34.599 --> 00:42:37.119
way we smoke them. Well,
no, that's not the way this game

530
00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:39.440
works. No, I'm saying one
million. Okay, all right, you

531
00:42:39.480 --> 00:42:46.079
guys, I'm hungry. And also
we need to talk about May twenty fourth,

532
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:50.800
which is my birthday, and it's
also Brian's to your anniversary. I

533
00:42:50.840 --> 00:42:53.880
think to your Anniversary should come before
your birthday. It actually does come before

534
00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:58.119
my birthday. Oh, we should
stop announcing your birthday first. Well,

535
00:42:58.159 --> 00:43:00.679
it just so happens on my birthdays
on a Friday, which is like my

536
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:04.800
favorite day. Now I see,
Now this is when I know the show

537
00:43:04.960 --> 00:43:12.719
has come to an end. This
is the quintessential sign that Eric is ready

538
00:43:12.760 --> 00:43:15.480
to You don't get to make fun
of him because you just said you would

539
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:20.800
strip in front of me for one
hundred fifty bucks. So okay, anyway,

540
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:22.599
we're hoping to have we are going
to have a party. We're hoping

541
00:43:22.639 --> 00:43:25.719
to have it at Kwan. It'll
be fun. May twenty fourth for the

542
00:43:25.800 --> 00:43:32.119
celebrations. And thank you so much
for watching listening. Love your podcast.

543
00:43:32.519 --> 00:43:37.599
I love your podcast. Oh,
I love you. I think that works.

544
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:39.599
Love your podcast. There you go, Love you my sweet babies.

545
00:43:39.639 --> 00:43:42.559
Bye, thank you,