WEBVTT

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Have you ever had something uh suddenly
be redefined for you in a way that

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you're shocked you never realized before.
Let me let me extrapolate. I'm talking

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about it. I'm going to need
an example. Our listener Michael reached out

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and he said he was shocked that
we didn't get into the lyrics of into

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the Groove when we did some Desperately
Seeking Susan and I was like, why

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are we getting to the lyrics?
I'm thinking of them right now. Get

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into the groove. You're going to
prove your love to me? Hey yeah,

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yeah, he says, because it's
about sex. Hey boy, get

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into the groove. You've got to
prove your love to me. It's like

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I never thought about that once.
It was always about dancing to me,

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because I look I like a man
who can dance. I do want my

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man to get into the groove on
the dance floor. But I guess you

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can also get into the groove in
the in the boudoir in their something about

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set You Free. Now, I'm
forgetting the lyrics and I'm like, wait,

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what that is some good dick if
he can set you free? Speaking

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of like lyrics, have you listened
to I'm so excited by the Pointer Sisters

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lately. I was in the car
the other day and that's always that right

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fucking Sylphie, and I was like, Pointer Sisters, look at you.

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I'm about to lose control and I
just can't hide it. I was like,

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Pointer Sisters, just putting this fucking
filth out into the world under all

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of our noses. Good for you, ladies, good for you wearing pumps

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and Laura Ashley dresses singing about orgasms, singing about rubbing one out. Fuck

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yeah, Pointer Sisters. Hey,
I'm Paul in America and this is not

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aged well. Yesterday's pop culture.
Today it's the finale of Murder Mystery March

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Erica. The Grand Final, the
Grand Final, though the final mystery,

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right, is about to be unveiled, unveiled, unveiled. That's not a

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word unveiled. You got copied,
unveiled and revealed. I was trying to

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sound posh, I think, and
I fucked it up. You were trying

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to be as funny as Victoria Adams
and you just couldn't be. There's simply

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no there's simply no one who's going
to be as funny as Victoria Adams.

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And you know what, I'm sorry. I tried. Frankly, no,

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I was trying to sound fancy and
it did. I failed, and I

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failed because I'm not fucking fancy.
I'm also amazed at for some reason,

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my poll was Victoria Adams not Victoria
Beckham. I don't know why that was

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the name. You are an OG
fan from the beginning, as we all

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know, because you've been following her
career since since she was just a little

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girl in a Rolls Royce like a
bloodhound. I've been. I've been on

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the Victoria Beckham bush Erica. We
have a five star Apple podcast review.

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Shall I read for you? Yes? Please? Okay? So this is

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from Lauren h nineteen eighty two and
they write lo this podcast. I put

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out a request on Reddit for oh, Reddit, Reddit. I'm frightened of

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Reddit? Are you frightened of Reddit? I can't say that I've ever really

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been on Reddit. Okay, God, and I feel so old and we

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have these conversations I feel so I'm
like, what's the Internet? I sound

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so fucking old. I think I
have been online. I think I've like

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read through a couple of Reddit forums
when I've googled something and actually I did

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find them to be sort of useful
and not hateful or whatever, so sure,

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yes, yeah, I don't know
how to use it, certainly okay,

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so, Lauren H. And Icnitty
two writes, I put out a

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request on Reddit for recommendations of podcasts
that recap movies. I have a five

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year old, and I don't have
time to actually watch movies anymore. Sy

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Oh, I'm so sorry. Can
you now is five years old too late

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to return them? It's I think
it is too late to return It is

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five years old too young to watch
pulp fiction with them? That's my question.

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Probably bring them into the fold,
show them all, show them the

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wonders of cinema, show them basic
instinct. Why not open their eyes?

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Lauren writes this recommendation was gold,
being around the age of the presenters.

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Their recaps totally bring me back to
all the amazing and questionable movies of my

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youth. I laugh out loud every
time I listen. Thanks for a great

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show. Heart emoji, well heart
emoji right back at you. Thank you,

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Lauren H. Your five year old
will grow up to be as great

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cinophile one day, and they'll have
you to thank for it. That's right,

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because you have excellent taste. If
you would like a that age wel

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tope bag? Can you throw a
five year old in a tope bag?

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Is that how big they are?
It's like a dog in the subway?

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Right, you can just put them
in a toe bag? Yeah? Yeah,

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They're like the size of a cantalope
with a couple of sticks taining out

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of it. Right, that's a
five year old. I'm very confused,

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Lauren h. If you would like
a that age well tope bag, please

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let us know this is you.
We would love to send one to you.

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Erica, What is the murder mystery
that we are uncovering today? Today's

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film is the nineteen eighty eight Agatha
Christie mystery Appointment with Death. This was

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requested by Brandon and Kelly and also
our patrons this month. This is the

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Patreon pick we pulled. Appointment with
Death against the last of Shila and Agatha

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Christie took Stephen Sondheim and Anthony Perkins
over her knee and she spanked them.

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She spanked them until they begged her
to stop. Appointment with Death won seventy

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eight percent to twenty two percent.
WHOA And as we get into this movie,

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if you think man I Bet The
Last of Shila was better than this

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movie, well then you should sign
up for the Patroon and get yourself a

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vote, because we could be doing
a Stephen Sontaim Anthony Perkins movie. Today.

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It's dead. We have to tiptoe
around the Israeli Palestine conflict. Thank

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you, listeners, We'll get into
it. But this film brings that up

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way more often than you would think
a movie would correct. Correct. All

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right, So, Appointment with Death
is a nineteen eighty eight mystery written by

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Michael Winner, Anthony Schaeffer and Peter
Buckman, based on the novel of the

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same name by Agatha Christie. Honestly, this this movie having three separate authors

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makes complete sense. Three separate writers
makes some sense. It was directed by

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Winner and it stars Peter Ustinov,
Lauren Bacall, Carrie Fisher, John Gielgood,

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Hailey Mills, Jenny Segrove and David
Soul. Lauren Bacalled, she of

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Great Coffee fame, was not happy
with the producers of Appointment with Death as

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she took the role expecting another shoot
Allah murder on the Orient Express, which

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was shot mostly in Britain on sound
stages. But unfortunately the producers decided to

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set Appointment with Death in Israel in
the height of summer. You know what,

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she wasn't a young woman at this
point. Yeah, that's not fair.

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That's over one hundred degrees weather every
day to be like kudos, because

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I don't think I saw a single
sweat stain on a single person in the

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entire film. Yeah, I don't
know how they kept these people from sweating.

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Every time they called cut there was
someone out there blotting people's foreheads.

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How did they keep Peter Ustinov from
sweating through his fucking wool suits in the

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fucking desert. I do not know, but that is the true mirror.

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I don't film, Uh, Erica, we have a first today a first.

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Ooh. Appointment with Death does not
have a critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

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It has not accumulated enough professional reviews. WHOA was this released in the

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United States? Do you know?
Yeah? They must exist, they must

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exist, but they just haven't like
put them on the site because it's it's

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a fairly it's a lesser known movie. Certain Yeah, I was on the

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Wikipedia page for this film, and
like they do name check The New York

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Times reviewers as giving it like a
middling review like that, not a pan

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totally, but like a middling review. So at least the New York Times

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reviewed it. That means you know
what this means. It means The person

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of Rotten Tomatoes was like, really, literally, who cares? Who cares?

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I'm not doing it. I'm just
I'm gonna wait for someone to call

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me out on this. And today
is that day. Today is that day,

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person, person who was supposed to
collate the reviews of Appointment with Death.

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I just decided to hit the beach
that day. Instead, we're calling

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you out. Your day has come. It's time for you to pay the

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piper. Okay, we don't know, we don't know what the critical rating

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on this says. It does have
a forty two percent audience score. Okay,

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let's say you were going to give
it a critical rating, what would

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you give it? I would go
forty percent. I think that's fair,

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and you know, I actually I
think critically I would go like thirty,

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But I think audience score, I
go like fifty. Like I think,

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like I didn't not enjoy watching it. It's just as critically watching it.

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I was like, this is simply
is not a very good movie. No,

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I'm honestly with kiper Laurie and Lauren
Bacall are bringing it so fucking hard

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that it's it's worth watching just for
those two. Yeah, agreed. Okay,

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Erica, when did you first see
Appointment with Death? Yesterday? Okay,

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here's my journey with Agatha Christie.
This is only the second Agatha Christie

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film I've ever seen. I saw
that, well, to be fair,

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third, but I'll put an asterisk
ness to that. The third one I

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saw was The Hunting in Venice.
The recent Canada Bran now one, which

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I found out after the fact,
is not truly an Agatha Christie story because

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he kind of like took an amalgam
of a bunch of her stories and made

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a movie. Right. Yeah.
The only other one I've ever seen is

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the original nineteen seventy something Murder on
the Orient Express. Ooh, okay,

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ostensibly the best one, and now
I've seen the worst one, and everything

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between is is gonna be gravy.
Everything's going to be amazing. Yeah.

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Yeah, absolutely, Although I heard
those first two Kenneth Brana ones were not

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great, That's what I've heard.
I've only seen the Venice one too.

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I you know, I love him
for trying. I love that he's doing

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out here to make an Agata Christie
movies in twenty twenty four, for God's

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sake. But yeah, so this
is this is my second, my second

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ag At the Christiane movie. How
about you, Paul, When did you

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first see Appointment with Death? I
first saw this yesterday. I had never

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seen it. I have seen a
fair amount of Agatha Christie stuff I've read.

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I read Murder on the Orient Express, I've read And Then there Were

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None, famously a title that has
changed a lot from its extremely racist story

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which are shocking. Yeah, I
can't wait. I'm going to google that

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when we get off this. The
original title of And Then there Were None

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was ten Little n Bombs. Yeah, yeah, holy shit. And I've

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seen Death on the Nile, the
one with Peter Ustinov, and I've seen

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a couple of TV adaptations of And
Then there Were None and stuff like that.

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Then I saw Hunting in Venice,
So I'm fairly conversant in the genre,

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although I'm not a super fan either. How does this land in the

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cannon? So far? For you? Very low? No one in this

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movie acts like a human, like
they all are like like like chess pieces

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that they're moving around, and like
the plot has to happen, so people

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have to act weird to make the
plot happen, and they don't really justify

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any of the weird actions in the
moment. And then some of those actions

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are kind of justified in the big
explanation at the end you learn why this

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person was acting like this. But
it's like, but here's where I'm a

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dumb dumb I did not guess the
killer. I thought I was gonna know

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the killer fast because I was like, how hard can this be? And

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I did not guess the killer until
like seconds before the movie revealed who it

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was, and I was like,
oh, I had it narrowed down pretty

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quickly. But again, I've also
seen a lot of ac at the Christie

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stuff. Okay, Erica, the
tagline for appointment with Death was okay,

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And another first, I'm gonna have
to give you the actual grammar that is

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in this tagline so you understand how
weird it is. Okay. The tagline

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is an invitation to murder exclamation point, and then ellipsis someone put their head

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on the keyboard and fell asleep and
dot dot dot came out and they were

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like and the poster maker didn't know
any better. They were like, I'm

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just here to make posters. I'm
not here to judge anyone's grammar. I'm

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here to make my money and to
go home and enjoy my two and a

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half children in my white picket fence. I'm just here to print posters.

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Ah, I don't want to deal
with this shit. I am Jebediah B.

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Kinko, and this is my store
right and I shall be put to

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this poster. The fact that it's
Jebediah be Konko and Jebediah to me makes

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me makes me think Amish, and
I'm like, the one thing the Amish

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won't do, one of the many
things, they definitely won't own a printing

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a printing store with all the technology. That's what happened is during Rumspringa,

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he went rum stringer, and he
walked into He walked into a library,

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saw the coffee machine, fell in
love and never look back. Yeah,

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and was like, I shall open
I Jebediah be Kinko shall open a chain

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of copy machine places forever. I
shall take over the Xerox Company. A

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heavenly choir saying when he saw the
Xerox machine. My entire life will be

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the gentle hume of copy machines,
and that that weird, faint smell of

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ink that's everywhere in one of those
places, that shall be my whole life.

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I shall be the first person to
photo copy my own butt. I

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shall give it to my Amish family
to say, look at what you are

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missing. Join me, Join me
on the other side. You have no

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idea how great it is. Jebediah
Bee can go all right, Erica,

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do you want to read the twob
synopsis of this because this movie is on

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tub and nowhere else. This movie
is on TWOB and I had to watch

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a lot of commercials during it.
The Leemu Emu commercial like popping up in

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the middle of like Lord, Butcall's
line is very jarring. The fact that

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they didn't bother to resurrect those High
Point Coffee commercials and stick them in the

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middle of the is a frankly,
Just because I don't think that company exists

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anymore doesn't mean we shouldn't get commercials
for them. I don't know. Maybe

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High Point Coffee still does exist.
Who knows. Are we gonna look it

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up? No? No, we're
not. We're just gonna move on.

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00:14:01.399 --> 00:14:03.879
No, we're not. It got
bought by Sanka a long time ago.

203
00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:05.559
That's it. It's fine. Don't
worry about it. Don't worry about them.

204
00:14:05.559 --> 00:14:11.159
Why are you drinking decafine? Jebediah
B. Kinko brought got his got

205
00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:16.200
his copy earnings, and he bought
the the the high Point decaffeinated coffee.

206
00:14:16.600 --> 00:14:24.200
He partnered with Horatio El Sanka and
they created they created a monolith of coffying

207
00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:26.679
machines and coffee. Yeap, what
do you want when you're copying something?

208
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:30.519
You want to make a coffee.
Yeah, that's just natural, that's the

209
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:33.720
American way. And who spots talent
better than Horatio el Sanka? I ask

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00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:37.879
you, I ask you, Paul, not Horatio Alger. I'll tell you

211
00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:43.080
that much. No, no,
no, moving on. This is deeply

212
00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:48.480
stupid what we're talking about. Also, no one under forty knows what Sanka

213
00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:52.279
is. Everyone's like, what are
they talking about? Get on board?

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00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:54.240
Oh my god, No one under
thirty knows, But no one under thirty

215
00:14:54.240 --> 00:14:58.720
will know what Kinkos is. Actually, I just realized that's so sad.

216
00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:03.000
Kinkos is still around. I don't
know are they have you did Jeppeediah beat

217
00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:07.480
Kinko's empire fall when he died?
Was it the real life succession with his

218
00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:11.399
children fighting over and it crumbling after
him? We'll never know. There's no

219
00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:15.480
way to find out. We could
walk out of our houses and look around

220
00:15:15.480 --> 00:15:16.279
and see if we see one,
but we're not going to do that.

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00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:18.759
Frankly, we're not going to do
that. We're here for We're here for

222
00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:24.080
the listeners today. We're not here
to find out about Jeppediah beat Kinko's legacy.

223
00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:31.639
Okay, this has gone on too
long, all right toov synopsis who

224
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:39.080
planned the demise of Missus Boynton.
Only the gifted sleuth EQ has the skills

225
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:43.480
to solve this murder based on the
novel by Agatha Christie. I love that.

226
00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:48.360
It's just aircule didn't even bother.
Do you think they couldn't spell check

227
00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:50.720
it? And they were like,
fuck this, I don't care whatever.

228
00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:54.519
It was the same it was.
It was the same person who was on

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00:15:54.519 --> 00:15:58.320
on staff the day they were supposed
to be collating the reviews for Rotten Tomatoes

230
00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:00.960
and he was like, I am
not dealing with this movie. That is

231
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:07.360
truly the worst synopsis we've ever read
ever. Yeah, that actually wins.

232
00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:10.840
It is three sentences. One of
them is just facked and the other two

233
00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:15.279
are just bunkers and dumb. John
Gielgood is in this fucking movie, Like,

234
00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:21.120
Yeah, there's some extremely famous people
here, name check them. Why

235
00:16:21.159 --> 00:16:25.240
not just write Lauren Bacall, Carrie
Fisher, John Gielgood, and Peter Ustinov's

236
00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:30.480
star and adaptation of Agatha Christie done. You'll get way more buyers. Actual

237
00:16:30.519 --> 00:16:33.639
synopsis for this movie. Guys,
it's the Kardashians if Chris Jenner was a

238
00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:37.879
raging bitch and the kids figured out
how to murder her. Do not show

239
00:16:37.879 --> 00:16:41.919
this movie to Chris Jenner. She
won't sleep. She won't sleep after seeing

240
00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:47.120
that, She's like, oh my
god, Yeah, Missus Boynton is inches

241
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:49.240
from getting one of her daughters to
fuck Ray J on camera to get a

242
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:52.480
career. She is inches from that. Honestly, I think I think Chris

243
00:16:52.559 --> 00:16:56.720
Jenner's a little too afraid of her
children to ever pull the shit Missus Boynton

244
00:16:56.720 --> 00:16:59.960
pulls. Oh, I don't think
Chris Jenner is afraid of her children.

245
00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:03.480
I think the fear goes in the
other direction there. Oh really, I've

246
00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:06.599
literally never seen a single episode of
this of that show. I should mention

247
00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:11.480
that right now, But I have
a feeling that Kim runs that family.

248
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:14.400
You know what. I think it's
a I think it's a smooth, working

249
00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.960
relationship between all of them. Also, isn't isn't the youngest one now the

250
00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:21.759
billionaire, the makeup billionaire. Isn't
she the one that's actually like got the

251
00:17:21.799 --> 00:17:26.039
real power in the family now?
And she's dating Timothy Chalomaye? Oh what

252
00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:33.920
if they remade this movie with them
including Timothy's actual Kardashians, the actual Kardashians

253
00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:41.119
remaking Appointment with Death, Timothy Shall
in the in the lawyer role, in

254
00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:45.440
the doctor Cope role. Call Kenneth
browna, we have a hit, A

255
00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:48.160
palpable hit a palpable. I don't
know who the rest of them are dating

256
00:17:48.200 --> 00:17:52.640
right now, but I'm sure it's
all famous like basketball players and rappers and

257
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:55.160
shit. Put them all in the
movie. Next season of Keeping Up with

258
00:17:55.200 --> 00:17:59.519
the Kardashians is a season long remake
of this movie, and turns out one

259
00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:03.240
of the killers is one of the
grandkids, one of the forty five grandkids

260
00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:06.119
that woman has. All right,
stick around, We're gonna come right back.

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00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:08.559
We're gonna take you through Appointment with
Death after just a few a few

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00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:11.880
ads, a few audio ads.
Unless you're a patron, join the Patreon,

263
00:18:11.960 --> 00:18:15.000
skip the ads. That's the deal, hopefully an ad for High Point

264
00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:33.200
Coffee. It's decaffeinated, and we're
back. Appointment with Death opens on the

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00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:40.480
Boynton Residence, New Jersey, nineteen
thirty seven on a dark and stormy afternoon.

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00:18:40.839 --> 00:18:44.680
Aha, didn't see that coming.
We're already having twists. Newly widowed

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00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:49.319
Emily Boynton played by Piper Laurie.
She is known for Bonker's performances. Though

268
00:18:49.359 --> 00:18:52.279
I don't know, you've definitely never
seen Carrie. I was literally about to

269
00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:55.599
be like you've seen Carrie, right, No, of course you haven't.

270
00:18:55.759 --> 00:18:59.759
She needs the evil mom and Carrie
and oh waw, like just no,

271
00:19:00.119 --> 00:19:03.400
does evil mom like Piper Laurie does. G you know that that whole phrase

272
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:07.319
now where like she ate, she
left no crumbs. This woman ate dinner,

273
00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:11.160
left no crumbs, then ate the
plate and then like I don't know,

274
00:19:11.319 --> 00:19:15.160
stabed the butler with the knife as
she was walking out of the room.

275
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.680
Like she is so big And I
only wish the rest of the movie

276
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:21.440
had risen to this level because it
wouldn't have made it a good movie,

277
00:19:21.480 --> 00:19:22.920
but man, it would have made
it like Valley of the Dolls. She

278
00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:27.079
eats everything, eats the crumbs,
stabs the butler, grabs the tablecloth,

279
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:30.799
makes a cape out of it,
and swans out of the room. That's

280
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:33.720
what she does in this film,
all right. So she's conferring with the

281
00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:40.359
family attorney, Jefferson Cope played by
David soul I like this performance to just

282
00:19:40.519 --> 00:19:44.519
smarmy and evil enough. What yep. So she's conferring with her attorney on

283
00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:48.839
the contents of her late husband,
Elmer's will. So I just want everyone

284
00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:51.759
to know, buckle up. We
are going to have to refer to a

285
00:19:51.759 --> 00:19:56.279
man named Elmer. And it's never
a joke ever ever good call. It's

286
00:19:56.319 --> 00:20:00.680
his glue. That's where they got
the fortune from. Ah, that's the

287
00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:04.480
fortune in which the Point in Residency
is built upon. Is the Omer glue

288
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:10.079
fortune, That's right. So,
unfortunately, the late husband's will is not

289
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:12.880
the one she was aware of,
but a second will that he drew up

290
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:19.039
and signed days before his death.
Scandalous twist. This new will doesn't leave

291
00:20:19.039 --> 00:20:25.039
his entire fortune to Emily, but
instead divides it equally among her and his

292
00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:29.160
four children. He gives them each
about two hundred thousand dollars in nineteen thirty

293
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:32.279
seven, which I looked up and
is about four point four million dollars in

294
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:34.240
today's money. That's a lot of
glue. It's a lot of glue,

295
00:20:34.599 --> 00:20:37.720
a lot of horses. I'm gonna
say, Paul, it's not enough glue.

296
00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:44.480
It's not enough horses for what is
it for what this family is doing

297
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:47.559
to themselves. Yeah, Like,
if you told me I had to tether

298
00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:52.759
myself to a gorgon on the chance
I might book four million dollars, I'd

299
00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:57.039
be like, no, you want
me to risk Medusa, It better be

300
00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:00.200
a lot of fucking money. Better
be a lot of It's you know,

301
00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:03.039
it's funny. It's that conversation and
succession where Greg is inheriting five million dollars

302
00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:08.559
and they're all like, ooh,
sorry, that's just not enough to live

303
00:21:08.640 --> 00:21:12.440
off of. It's enough to make
you feel rich, but you're not rich.

304
00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:15.240
And Greg's like, oh no,
yeah, you better do some belt

305
00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:21.759
tightening. Yeah basically basically, so
yeah again, I'm joking. Four million

306
00:21:21.799 --> 00:21:23.839
dollars is an enormous amount of money. It is, however, not enough

307
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:27.359
for what these people put themselves through. I'm just going to state that right

308
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:33.559
out loud. That is correct.
Emily is appalled that Elmer's irresponsible. According

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00:21:33.559 --> 00:21:37.480
to her, kids are going to
inherit the same amount as I am.

310
00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:40.440
I'm not going to get all now, granted, if she gets all of

311
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:44.039
it, where she's looking at like
twenty to twenty five million, I understand

312
00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:47.200
where she's coming from. Now.
She's so upset that she takes a few

313
00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:49.920
drops of Digitalis, which is a
medicine that has been prescribed to her for

314
00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:56.440
her heart condition. Yeah, and
it comes in a bottle labeled in enormous

315
00:21:56.519 --> 00:22:03.319
letters poison. Do you think that's
gonna come back in the movie? No,

316
00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:08.599
I'm bringing this up for my health. And then the bottom of the

317
00:22:08.599 --> 00:22:12.759
bottle says it is dangerous to exceed
the stated dose. I mean, I

318
00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:15.759
mean that you can put that on
Thailand. Although can't you like ask for

319
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:21.000
it is dangerous to exceed in the
stated dose? Yeah? Yeah. Emily

320
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:25.680
rallies quickly, as we will find
Emily is wont to do. She stands

321
00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:30.599
tall and she blackmails mister Cope with
some information she gleaned during her years as

322
00:22:30.640 --> 00:22:33.319
a matron in a Woman's penitentiary.
She will later be referred to as a

323
00:22:33.359 --> 00:22:37.680
wardress, which I have never heard
before. She refers to herself as an

324
00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:41.160
administrator at first, and I thought
she meant like secretary, and then I

325
00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:44.880
found out later No, No,
she's the fucking warden. I'm like,

326
00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:48.319
all right, that's more intense than
I thought than I thought it was.

327
00:22:48.519 --> 00:22:52.599
It turns out that Cope and his
former partner were involved in illegal stock pushing

328
00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:56.519
scheme, and he turned on her
and had her take the fall for both

329
00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:02.119
of them. Emily was the wardress
of the prison where his ex partner took

330
00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:03.720
I know, it's actually interesting.
I didn't quite put this together. But

331
00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:07.759
his ex partner was a woman,
So a woman was somehow involved in Like

332
00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:11.480
was a lawyer in nineteen thirty seven. I bet she was cool. Yeah,

333
00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:14.960
I bet she was cool. I
bet I bet she's more interesting than

334
00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.039
everyone else in this movie one hundred
percent. One hundred percent. So Emily

335
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:22.519
knows all about it, and she
can prove that he deserved to be in

336
00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:26.440
prison too. And she says,
this room has gotten a little chilly.

337
00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:33.160
Why not get a nice, cheerful
blaze going, And just like Karendon,

338
00:23:33.240 --> 00:23:37.559
Crittenden in Casper. They take the
will and they throw it into the open

339
00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:45.519
fire and they burn the second will
of Elmer Boynton Glue Impresario, Glue Magnet.

340
00:23:45.559 --> 00:23:52.720
Now, question Paul, our copies
not made when you when you draw

341
00:23:52.759 --> 00:23:56.480
up? Or interesting? I've never
trusted ale will because I'm poor and dirty

342
00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:00.720
and gross. But like, aren't
you supposed to have at least all copy

343
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:03.839
out there on the in the world. My husband and I do have a

344
00:24:03.880 --> 00:24:07.440
will, and it's not one copy. There's like seventeen copies with different people.

345
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:10.160
Everyone has a copy. Now,
follow up question, Paul, what

346
00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:11.799
am I getting? What am I
getting your will? What's my what's my

347
00:24:11.839 --> 00:24:21.559
take? You're getting the cat?
Oh no? And also a genuinely ridiculous

348
00:24:21.640 --> 00:24:26.759
endowment for the care of the cat, Like you don't need to spend all

349
00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:30.359
the money. There's no way the
cat's gonna live long enough for you to

350
00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:38.319
burn through that endowment. I look
forward to the cat and I in are

351
00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:42.960
matching Gucci sweat pasts. Yeah,
like I didn't realize the cat needed a

352
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:48.400
country home. This is awesome.
I also love that you think I'm gonna

353
00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:55.400
outlive that cat anyway. So Emily
and Cope gather her children around her teenage

354
00:24:55.480 --> 00:24:57.559
daughter Geneva. Can I can?
I? I know you're not a Harry

355
00:24:57.599 --> 00:25:03.880
Potter fan. Okay, but today
I learned that Genevra is not a name

356
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:08.440
that JK Rowling made up. Oh, because Ron Weasley's little sister, Ginny

357
00:25:08.519 --> 00:25:12.440
is named Genevra, which I always
thought was a really weird name that jk

358
00:25:12.599 --> 00:25:15.000
Rowling decided to just throw in,
like one made up name, and that

359
00:25:15.279 --> 00:25:21.319
with like Fred and George and Bill
and all the normal names in the Weasley

360
00:25:21.319 --> 00:25:23.319
family and the never we're gonna throw
in Geneva. It's like, this is

361
00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:26.039
weird. Nope, apparently it's just
a name. Do you know. I'd

362
00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:29.519
never heard the name Hermione, and
I thought that was made up for the

363
00:25:29.559 --> 00:25:32.039
movie too, And then someone had
to actually tell me, no, no,

364
00:25:32.200 --> 00:25:34.240
that's a name, you ignorant slut. Have you never read a Winter's

365
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.920
Tale? I thought you went to
theater school. Oh you know what,

366
00:25:37.960 --> 00:25:42.960
I didn't put that together. Did
not put that together. Also, No,

367
00:25:44.079 --> 00:25:48.599
I've never read a Winter's Tale.
Follow up? No, I haven't

368
00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:55.400
follow up. No, I haven't. Anyway, moving on, so they

369
00:25:55.440 --> 00:25:59.480
bring in Genevra, which is such
a great name and her three adult step

370
00:25:59.559 --> 00:26:03.640
children, Lennox, Raymond, and
Carol, into the study for a reading

371
00:26:03.720 --> 00:26:07.480
of the original will, the one
in which Elmer gives his entire fortune to

372
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:11.680
Emily, along with full discretion over
how much money his kids will inherit.

373
00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:15.960
That is, until her death,
dun dun dum. On her death,

374
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:21.799
her kids will inherit everything equally right. Really really puts a fucking target on

375
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:23.279
this woman's neck. Thanks. Olmer
was like, you know what, I

376
00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:26.319
don't like my wife. I would
like my children to hunt her for sport.

377
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:30.160
Please, thank you. Let's play
the most dangerous game with this,

378
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:34.480
harrodin. I've yoked myself too.
The step kids, particularly the eldest Lennox

379
00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:40.880
played by Nicholas Guest, are furious
about the will. He is convinced that

380
00:26:40.920 --> 00:26:42.759
there was a second will. He's
like, my father told me there was

381
00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:48.279
another will. And then also Geneva, the little one, was told by

382
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:51.799
her father that she was getting two
hundred thousand dollars when he dies. What

383
00:26:51.920 --> 00:26:56.400
a weird conversation to have. What
a weird fucking thing to tell your teenage

384
00:26:56.480 --> 00:27:00.319
daughter, good night, sweetie,
sleep tight when I die, You're getting

385
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:04.880
two hundred thousand dollars. Don't worry
about it. Did he die because his

386
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:07.759
lips were glued? His lips and
nose were glued. Shot one night?

387
00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:11.279
Because then we think we should look
at Geneva. I think we should look

388
00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:15.839
at the family horse actually just finally
getting their revenge. Fuck you, fuck

389
00:27:15.880 --> 00:27:22.160
you Elma. Emily tries to mollify
everyone with assurances that she will take care

390
00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:26.640
of all of them. Then she
surprises them with a family vacation to the

391
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:30.440
Holy Land. There's a twist.
Yeah, in case the listeners are wondering,

392
00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:33.240
like, hey, how did that
come about? That's literally how it

393
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:36.480
happens. She's like, don't worry, I'll take care of all of you.

394
00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:40.880
And also vacation to the Holy Land. That's it. My husband died

395
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:47.720
two days ago. We cut to
the family on vacation in London, in

396
00:27:47.759 --> 00:27:52.319
Florence, in Venice. Presumably they're
on a European tour before reaching Israel,

397
00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:56.200
right or well, present day Israel. It's not Israel in nineteen thirty seven.

398
00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:59.440
In nineteen thirty seven, let's just
call it the Holy Land, the

399
00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:02.799
Holy Land, that's what these people
are day out of it. Yeah,

400
00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:06.319
Oh, by the way, let's
let's go ahead and talk about that right

401
00:28:06.359 --> 00:28:11.279
now. We are ignorant buffoons who
talk about movies on a podcast. We

402
00:28:11.319 --> 00:28:17.559
are not scholars, we are not
politicians. We will be tiptoeing around this

403
00:28:17.680 --> 00:28:22.920
conflict as though it is a literal, fucking time bomb that can kill us

404
00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:29.559
both instantly. Correct. Okay,
So over the credit sequence. By the

405
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:32.799
way, did you notice how insane
the score of this movie is. How

406
00:28:32.920 --> 00:28:37.440
jaunty and cheerful it is. It
sounds like like the theme music to like

407
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:44.279
Family Ties Like it sounds like an
eighties sitcom themes song. Dude, believe

408
00:28:44.359 --> 00:28:48.720
it. We'reout love and it's like
this the family where we know one of

409
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:51.960
them is going to murder someone,
like taking pictures in themselves in front of

410
00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:57.839
the like in front of like the
doma with Florence Westminster Abby. Yeah.

411
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:03.319
Okay, so they're enjoying each other's
company while sightseeing. Emily leaves the administration

412
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:07.920
of her digitalist to her daughter in
law, Nadine played by Carrie Fisher.

413
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.440
Nadine is Lennox's wife. The eldest
son's wife is Nadine, right, We're

414
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:15.680
gonna find out later in the movie
that Nadine is a nurse, a registered

415
00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:19.960
nurse, which is which is why
she is like the nurse to Emily.

416
00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:23.759
And in fact, she came to
this family as the nurse for Elmer,

417
00:29:23.799 --> 00:29:27.440
and then she fell in love with
Lenox and the two of them got married.

418
00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:32.039
So that's how she's involved in this
family. Everyone seems copastic, but

419
00:29:32.119 --> 00:29:34.839
as we know, listeners, that's
a facade. We see the family in

420
00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:38.880
Trita, Italy, and once the
children are away from Emily, they immediately

421
00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:42.680
complain about the will. Lenox assures
them that there was a different will that

422
00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:48.519
named all of them as inheritors,
and genevra Ginny played by Amber Beezer,

423
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:53.000
spots mister Cope that's the lawyer.
That's the lawyer that Emily blackmailed arriving in

424
00:29:53.079 --> 00:29:57.240
Italy and suggests that they ask him
about the second will. Hey, there

425
00:29:57.319 --> 00:30:00.480
was a second will. Wouldn't mister
co know about it? And they're like,

426
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:03.839
who cares? He's all the way
in New Jersey and she's like,

427
00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:07.200
no, he's not. He's right
there, he's twenty five feet away from

428
00:30:07.319 --> 00:30:11.920
us. I think part of the
problem of the movie is that the four

429
00:30:11.079 --> 00:30:15.880
Boyinton children. Look, I've seen
a couple of these people and other things,

430
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:19.319
and they're decent actors, but they
are doing an excellent job of not

431
00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:25.599
being decent actors in this movie,
Like all four of them are very not

432
00:30:25.799 --> 00:30:30.519
compelling to watch. Well. They're
also like the characters are clinically stupid,

433
00:30:32.519 --> 00:30:33.480
and I'm going to give the actors
a little bit of grace it. It's

434
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:37.599
a little hard to play these people
because it's like, just do anything that

435
00:30:37.720 --> 00:30:41.400
makes any sense, ye why would
my character do that? And they're like,

436
00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:44.519
I don't know, I Guessa Chrissy
wrote it that way. Just do

437
00:30:44.640 --> 00:30:48.599
it, and you're like, oh, yeah, okay. Meanwhile, Emily

438
00:30:48.759 --> 00:30:52.000
is walking alone on some embankment and
suddenly she has a dizzy spell and nearly

439
00:30:52.039 --> 00:30:56.319
falls over. A young woman,
a young British woman like rushes over to

440
00:30:56.359 --> 00:30:59.759
help her and says, I'm a
doctor, let me help you, and

441
00:30:59.799 --> 00:31:03.720
she pushes her away and yells out
for Nadine to bring her her medicine.

442
00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:11.559
Raymond, the second oldest son played
by John Leski, I'm assuming, he

443
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:14.720
runs up to the woman and he
tries to give her a lira like one

444
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:18.480
tip, like a little tip to
like thanks for helping his mother, and

445
00:31:18.079 --> 00:31:21.599
she's like, I can buy my
own coffee. Thank you. I'm a

446
00:31:21.720 --> 00:31:26.920
doctor, and she is so obviously
annoyed with him. Yeah, and he

447
00:31:27.440 --> 00:31:33.039
catches none of that. He is
so smitten that She's like, I'm a

448
00:31:33.079 --> 00:31:36.400
doctor. I just graduated, and
he goes, I'm sure you did.

449
00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:38.880
She looks at him the way you
should look at someone who just says something

450
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.279
that stupid to you, and walks
away. Her name, by the way,

451
00:31:42.359 --> 00:31:47.559
is doctor Sarah King, and she's
played by Jenny Seagrove Nadine. Hears

452
00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:51.319
the others say that Cope is in
the piazza below, and she scampers off

453
00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:56.079
to find him. By scamper,
I mean Emily Boynton. Piper Laurie is

454
00:31:56.200 --> 00:32:01.519
bellowing her name as Carrie Fisher in
a sun dress and pumps sprints across the

455
00:32:01.559 --> 00:32:08.640
cobblestone streets to get to Jefferson Cope. Yep, she is activated. She

456
00:32:08.839 --> 00:32:13.960
runs into his arms and the two
of them embrace in full public like they

457
00:32:14.039 --> 00:32:16.240
passionately kiss. I mean, I
suppose they must have gone around a corner

458
00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:21.160
or something, but not safe.
The movie does not show us them going

459
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:24.559
around a corner. Correct. The
movie shows them kissing in the open public

460
00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:29.519
square. The fuck is it?
Happening. There's gonna come a point in

461
00:32:29.519 --> 00:32:31.559
this movie where I write down in
my notes if these two are not in

462
00:32:31.640 --> 00:32:35.599
some kind of thrupple by the end
of the movie, I don't know what's

463
00:32:35.640 --> 00:32:39.039
going on. Does not make any
sense. The way these three people behave

464
00:32:39.119 --> 00:32:45.640
with each other. I can't tell
if it's sophistication mm hmm, like honestly

465
00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:52.799
like nineteen thirty seven, like high
brow sophistication, or just bonkers like levels

466
00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:57.480
of denial and stupidity, because it's
like like they all know they're all fucking

467
00:32:57.480 --> 00:33:00.559
each other, like all of them, all of them know they're a thrupple

468
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:04.680
without ever acknowledging they're in Apple.
Did I ever tell you that my great

469
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:10.680
aunt was in a thropple? Yeah? No, No, My grandfather's older

470
00:33:10.839 --> 00:33:16.079
sister had two men that she lived
with, like Tilda Swinton. Yeah,

471
00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:20.799
And like I don't know because it
was on it's not on my mother's side

472
00:33:20.839 --> 00:33:22.119
and my dad is I don't think
my dad even really knew much about it.

473
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:27.400
But like she she had a throttle
and then her sister was a lesbian

474
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:32.039
and had like a friend that lived
with her, a companion, a companion.

475
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:37.480
Yeah, were they flappers in Paris
in the twenties, because I am

476
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:43.920
blown away. Was was one of
them, Josephine Baker. That is the

477
00:33:44.079 --> 00:33:47.599
fucking coolest story I've ever heard.
Yeah, Yolanda and Flora, that was.

478
00:33:47.720 --> 00:33:51.519
That's where their names. I only
wish I could have met them.

479
00:33:51.720 --> 00:33:54.720
By all accounts, they were fucking
nuts. But man, do I I

480
00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:59.680
wish I could meet them, my
ancestors. I bet they're not nuts.

481
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:01.839
I bet people just didn't understand them
in their time. They just they just

482
00:34:01.880 --> 00:34:05.960
were misunderstood. Do you know if
they were in America or in Italy?

483
00:34:06.039 --> 00:34:10.079
They were in America, escandalo,
Okay, I love this for you.

484
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:15.599
I love this for you. From
stock. Yeah, you just got so

485
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:19.599
much more interesting. Yes, we're
really skating around boring. For a while,

486
00:34:19.599 --> 00:34:22.400
you were circling the drain. You
go to bed at ten thirty.

487
00:34:22.519 --> 00:34:25.800
But this your stock is raised,
My friend, twenty five years later,

488
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:31.199
I finally find you interesting. When
you do a DNA test is a come

489
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:37.480
up thirteen percent free, I hope
you know what. I've never done one,

490
00:34:37.480 --> 00:34:42.960
but now I'm gonna fucking incredible in
your own lifetime. Yeah, yeah,

491
00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:46.480
all right, So Nadine and Jefferson
are making out in public, and

492
00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:51.480
she pulls him into a slightly more
obscure location, like next to a wall.

493
00:34:52.000 --> 00:34:53.760
She kisses him again, and she
asks is it true about the second

494
00:34:53.800 --> 00:34:59.519
will, and Cope kind of kind
of obfuscates, and Nadine's smiles and posits

495
00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:02.199
that Cope wants to keep Lennox poor
so that Nadine will leave her husband and

496
00:35:02.280 --> 00:35:07.280
run off with him, and Cope
smiles rakishly and he says he thinks she'll

497
00:35:07.360 --> 00:35:09.400
run off with him anyway, and
he gives her a cigarette case with the

498
00:35:09.400 --> 00:35:16.079
inscription to my dearest Nadine, maybe
be together, Always love Jefferson. Now,

499
00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:20.480
mm hmmm. You know how they
say about people who have an affair

500
00:35:20.760 --> 00:35:24.800
deep down they want to get caught. Yeah, yeah, this is proof

501
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:29.639
positive of that. You know,
why not just say with all my love,

502
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:35.039
don't sign it, don't engrave your
name in the medal, give her

503
00:35:35.039 --> 00:35:40.239
a fucking bracelet like literally anything else. This is a straight man peeing around

504
00:35:40.280 --> 00:35:44.360
what he thinks he belongs to him. That's what's happening. He wants this

505
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:46.880
shit to come out in the open. This is some Winona Forever tattooed on

506
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:52.239
your back bullshit that that's correct,
will age, Well, it just won't.

507
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:57.039
It just won't. The two of
them rejoin the Boynton family and mister

508
00:35:57.199 --> 00:36:00.880
Cope explains to Emily that he's decided
to join the trip in case they need

509
00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:06.760
their lawyer. Yeah, a totally
normal thing, Paul, that people do

510
00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:13.880
is travel around the world with their
family lawyer. I cannot believe how many

511
00:36:13.880 --> 00:36:17.920
films have this premise. That's right. Whenever Elmer went on his international trips

512
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:22.920
to buy up more horses for undisclosed
reasons, he always brought his lawyer with

513
00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:29.320
him. It just makes sense.
Okay, I don't even go to Orlando

514
00:36:29.400 --> 00:36:32.199
without my fucking lawyer. Do you
know what I mean? My lawyer lives

515
00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:36.199
in a servants quarters in my apartment. I don't want I don't want them

516
00:36:36.199 --> 00:36:39.719
to get too far away. I
am very opinionated, and the world is

517
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:45.920
litigious. Your lawyer is your cat
wearing a suit. That's right. How

518
00:36:45.039 --> 00:36:51.320
cute would Oliver be in a suit
with a law degree? Oh? Oliver

519
00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:57.159
Goyle Caola jd Esquire with little tiny
glasses, little tender reading glasses that he

520
00:36:57.199 --> 00:37:00.000
puts up when he does not reading. He thinks he's a real lawyer.

521
00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:05.559
He does all of his work on
one of those old timey typewriters. Yes,

522
00:37:07.800 --> 00:37:09.559
that is two million follows on the
Instagram account. If I had the

523
00:37:09.559 --> 00:37:13.400
time, the energy, and the
skill to make that happen. Okay.

524
00:37:13.440 --> 00:37:15.599
So Emily is immediately suspicious and angry
that he's there, and she tries to

525
00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:20.079
brush him off and ask you to
come here, mister cope away with you.

526
00:37:20.360 --> 00:37:27.360
Meanwhile, across the piazza we see
famed Belgian detective and good pau That's

527
00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:30.880
right, that is exactly how that's
pronounced. Don't even bother to look it

528
00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:42.039
up. It's it's Hercules Peru.
He is played by Peter Ustinoff. He's

529
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:45.199
sitting across the piazza. He's on
vacation. He's enjoying a trip around the

530
00:37:45.199 --> 00:37:49.920
world. He greets his old friend, doctor Sarah King when he sees her

531
00:37:49.960 --> 00:37:52.039
walking by. These two know each
other. No explanation as to why.

532
00:37:52.239 --> 00:37:55.960
Who gives a shit. He is
thirty to forty years older than she is.

533
00:37:57.000 --> 00:38:00.159
To be clear, my guess is
he helped her father out with the

534
00:38:00.239 --> 00:38:02.599
murder that he was involved with.
That's that's my guess. That works for

535
00:38:02.639 --> 00:38:07.760
me. Sarah says with him,
and then they spot lady Laura Westall played

536
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:15.559
by the great and good Lauren Bacall. Hyper Laurie and Lauren Bacall are the

537
00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:20.360
twin pillars in which this movie stands
like it will fit crumble to the ground

538
00:38:20.400 --> 00:38:27.400
without the two of them giving these
gargantuan performances. There is a moment very

539
00:38:27.480 --> 00:38:30.599
late in the movie from Lauren Bacall
that is, and I don't think I'm

540
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:35.159
exaggerating when I say this, the
largest reaction shot I have ever seen in

541
00:38:35.159 --> 00:38:40.800
a modern in a modern movie.
And it is so funny that it will

542
00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:45.079
be on Instagram. It's it's gonna
be the only Instagram post this whole week.

543
00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:47.559
I'm just gonna keep posting that and
laughing at it. So she is

544
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:53.360
just she, She karened for like
she was the og Karen. She walked

545
00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:57.960
so Karen's could run. She Karen, so Karen's could Karen. That's what

546
00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:02.079
I'm saying. Like she is Karening
times a billion follows. You say,

547
00:39:02.079 --> 00:39:06.320
anyone whose actual name is Karen,
we know you're a good person. It's

548
00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:08.000
not your fault. It's not your
fault. I have a lovely cousin named

549
00:39:08.079 --> 00:39:10.599
Karen. You could not have known
that that was going to be a thing

550
00:39:10.639 --> 00:39:14.159
in the zeitgeist. It's not fair
to you, and we're very sorry.

551
00:39:14.519 --> 00:39:20.239
That's correct. So she's trying to
get her tour guide arrested, ostensibly for

552
00:39:20.360 --> 00:39:23.400
stealing her companion's cigarette case, which
I really thought was going to come back

553
00:39:23.400 --> 00:39:29.440
but absolutely does not, but really
for not knowing the difference between Romanesque and

554
00:39:29.480 --> 00:39:32.639
Gothic architect She says, confusing Romanesque
and Gothic is not a mistake, it's

555
00:39:32.679 --> 00:39:38.800
ignorance. Lady Westme turns out,
is a very combative American who married into

556
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:45.760
the British aristocracy and within ten years
became a member of British Parliament. You

557
00:39:45.800 --> 00:39:46.760
know what I love to see it. I love to see a lady breaking

558
00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:51.280
the glass ceiling. Frankly, good
for her? Is she the hero of

559
00:39:51.320 --> 00:39:53.559
the film. She's so racist.
She can't be because they gave her all

560
00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:58.280
the racist lines. Oh yeah,
she says so many racist things in this

561
00:39:58.360 --> 00:40:05.559
movie. You say it is It
is actually upsetting. It's actually upset,

562
00:40:05.559 --> 00:40:10.119
it's true. And she is traveling
with her mousey companion, Miss Quinton,

563
00:40:10.360 --> 00:40:15.840
played by Hailey Mills of Saved by
the Bell Fame. Wait, Hailey Mills

564
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:17.840
wasn't Saved by the Bell. She
was, So there's two saved by the

565
00:40:17.840 --> 00:40:21.239
bells. There's the Save by the
Bell that most people know when they're in

566
00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:24.159
high school. But before that,
there's a TV show with the same almost

567
00:40:24.199 --> 00:40:27.920
cast, except I don't think Mario
Lopez was in it. She was their

568
00:40:28.039 --> 00:40:31.000
teacher, Miss Bliss, which is
why the original title for Saved by the

569
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:36.360
Bell was good Morning, Miss Bliss. Oh, I know. Hailey Mills

570
00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:39.559
is the original parent trap child.
That's right, also that, but more

571
00:40:39.599 --> 00:40:44.599
importantly, she's Miss Bliss for the
gen xers. She is Miss Bliss right

572
00:40:45.039 --> 00:40:49.519
right for the older souls. She
is the original Baron Trap. We cut

573
00:40:49.559 --> 00:40:52.400
to the ship to the Holy Land. Later that night. Poawa is sea

574
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:57.079
sick. He misses, didn't it. It's probably a good thing because he's

575
00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:02.079
been seated next to the truly intolerable
Lady Westlom at the captain's table. We

576
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:06.519
find out that Miss Quinton is on
her way to the Holy Land to oversee

577
00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:09.800
the excavations at Kumran. Will the
fact that Miss Quinton is like a lady

578
00:41:09.880 --> 00:41:15.239
archaeologist ever really feature into this plot? Not particularly? Doesn't really matter?

579
00:41:15.400 --> 00:41:19.960
Is she low key the most interesting
person in the whole movie and they do

580
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:23.079
absolutely nothing with her one hundred percent. This is about to discover the dead

581
00:41:23.119 --> 00:41:27.400
Sea scrolls over here and the rest
of them are like, what's two hundred

582
00:41:27.400 --> 00:41:31.440
thousand dollars? And I'm like,
fo this story, that's the interesting one.

583
00:41:31.400 --> 00:41:36.960
You're gonna run into Indiana Jones,
come on, yes. Uh.

584
00:41:37.079 --> 00:41:40.280
The Boynton family is also at dinner. Mister Cope comes over to their table

585
00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:45.960
and asks Nadine to dance. There's
an obvious tension between mister Cope and Lennox.

586
00:41:45.320 --> 00:41:49.800
As they dance. We hear whispers
from the table at how brazenly Cope

587
00:41:49.800 --> 00:41:52.159
and Nadine are behaving. The table
is not wrong. We cut to the

588
00:41:52.159 --> 00:41:57.599
next day. Everyone is relaxing on
the ship's deck. Lady Westolme is berating

589
00:41:57.639 --> 00:42:00.159
the crew. Raymond flirts with Sarah. That's the doctor, right, that's

590
00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:06.559
that's the second son and the doctor
and Plola over here's Nadine and Lennox complain

591
00:42:06.639 --> 00:42:09.360
that they'll never be out from under
Emily's thumb, not until she dies.

592
00:42:09.440 --> 00:42:15.000
That is two points about this.
Two points. Number one, is Poirot

593
00:42:15.599 --> 00:42:22.519
a great detective or is he simply
someone who constantly overhears conversations and investigation throughout

594
00:42:22.519 --> 00:42:28.039
this movie. May he someone who, during the course of naps just solves

595
00:42:28.039 --> 00:42:32.920
a crime? Maybe yep? Possibly? Number two is she's not our mother

596
00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:37.719
a good reason to kill somebody?
Yes? Seems like a pretty oh yes,

597
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:40.400
Okay, we're solidly on yes there. Okay, did you want to

598
00:42:40.400 --> 00:42:45.559
offer a counterpoint? Because everyone who's
not my mother deserves to die? Frankly,

599
00:42:45.880 --> 00:42:50.880
just gotcha. That's my That's how
you gotcha? Okay, asked and

600
00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:53.360
answered, asked and answered, but
never anyone dies. I'm like, well,

601
00:42:53.360 --> 00:43:00.760
they weren't my mother, so shrug
back. In Emily's cat, Cope

602
00:43:00.800 --> 00:43:04.519
tries to convince her to cut her
children in on their inheritance. He's like,

603
00:43:04.679 --> 00:43:07.159
listen, Ginny and Lennox are both
aware that there was a second will

604
00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:10.920
Emily, girl, you in danger? Oda may is here to tell you

605
00:43:10.920 --> 00:43:15.000
you in danger? Yeah. Emily
starts to threaten Cope with the possibility of

606
00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:20.440
exposing his crimes if he doesn't back
the fuck up, and immediately she changes

607
00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:23.119
tactics. She thanks him for his
advice, and she invites him to join

608
00:43:23.159 --> 00:43:28.239
the family at dinner that night.
As soon as he leaves, she slips

609
00:43:28.280 --> 00:43:34.239
her poisonous digitalis bottle into her purse. The level that the switch on Piper

610
00:43:34.320 --> 00:43:37.679
Laurie here is like it's like a
light switch goes off. Like she is

611
00:43:37.719 --> 00:43:40.320
like back the fuck off, and
he's like well, and she's like,

612
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:46.119
I'm sorry, You're right, yes
it is. There's no no gray area

613
00:43:46.159 --> 00:43:52.480
here. Later that night, is
walking the ship's deck. It's just gonna

614
00:43:52.480 --> 00:43:55.960
get worse and worse. We're gonna
be calling him Penis in about three minutes.

615
00:43:57.400 --> 00:44:00.000
Penis, Well, there is overnight
Penis is walking the deck. There,

616
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.159
it is, there, it is, And he overhears Raymond and Carroll

617
00:44:04.280 --> 00:44:07.039
talk about killing Emily in order to
secure their inheritance. Right, so he's

618
00:44:07.079 --> 00:44:09.519
like, he doesn't see them,
but he hears voices being like, we

619
00:44:09.639 --> 00:44:14.000
have to kill her, after all, she's not our mother, right,

620
00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:15.360
And he's like, oh right,
that's where that line comes. I said

621
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:19.519
it at the wrong point before.
Weird thing to say in a fucking movie,

622
00:44:19.599 --> 00:44:22.639
but it's said so many times.
Who knows it was. Maybe it

623
00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:25.199
was said during Lennox and Lennox scene. It reminds me of that moment in

624
00:44:25.239 --> 00:44:30.760
Friends when John Lovetz keeps seeing like
Tartlet Tartlet tartlet where it is lost all

625
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:34.400
meaning, that's what happens here,
that she's not our mother just loses all

626
00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:38.239
meaning. Penis enters the dining room
and takes his seat next to Lady west

627
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:45.599
Home. She and Emily Boynton share
a cantankerous look across the across the aisle,

628
00:44:45.119 --> 00:44:50.599
and she looks down her nose at
the garish Boynton family. She's like,

629
00:44:50.639 --> 00:44:53.400
ough, when you look at that
new money trash over there, disgusting

630
00:44:53.719 --> 00:44:58.599
at the Boyton table. Nadine asks
Lennox to fetch her watch from their room,

631
00:44:59.000 --> 00:45:04.519
and Cope arrives just as Lennox departs. Nadine looks thrilled to have him

632
00:45:04.559 --> 00:45:07.239
sit next to her. I mean, look that the basement floods. Okay,

633
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:12.000
it is. It is very exciting. She lights up, like the

634
00:45:12.079 --> 00:45:15.360
fucking Beatles sat next to her at
shea stadium and I was like, like,

635
00:45:15.920 --> 00:45:22.079
be quill, lady, be fucking
chill. Jesus, do you not

636
00:45:22.239 --> 00:45:27.199
know how affairs work? Yeah?
So he looks her up and down.

637
00:45:27.320 --> 00:45:30.039
He says, ravishing, as if
the entire family isn't just sitting right there

638
00:45:30.079 --> 00:45:35.480
watching them. Emily orders a bottle
of champagne and she says, no,

639
00:45:35.639 --> 00:45:37.440
I have to pour it. I
have to pour it. It's lucky.

640
00:45:37.519 --> 00:45:40.719
So she starts pouring, and they
have It's not champagne flutes, it's those.

641
00:45:42.159 --> 00:45:45.480
It's those wide almost like martini looking
glasses coops. Yes, exactly,

642
00:45:46.199 --> 00:45:52.039
So this movie will now posit that
in this crowded ballroom basically filled with people,

643
00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:58.000
all of her family and friends sitting
right well, she has no friends,

644
00:45:58.000 --> 00:46:00.079
all of her family sitting at this
table. That would be like a

645
00:46:00.079 --> 00:46:04.920
wedding, right, like like eight
people at this big table. She takes

646
00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:08.039
one of the coops she puts,
takes it under the table, takes the

647
00:46:08.079 --> 00:46:13.760
digitalis out of her purse, dumps
like I don't know, an ounce of

648
00:46:13.760 --> 00:46:17.280
it into the putt cup, puts
it back in her purse, takes the

649
00:46:17.320 --> 00:46:22.320
cup, puts it on the table, and then fills the cup with champagne.

650
00:46:22.320 --> 00:46:29.159
And no one notices. Nope,
okay, okay, okay, Paul.

651
00:46:29.400 --> 00:46:31.400
To be fair, she is a
middle aged woman. No one is

652
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:35.920
looking at her. Absolutely, she's
invisible. Do you know how many people

653
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:38.880
I've poisoned and no one's ever noticed? You have cut a swath through New

654
00:46:38.960 --> 00:46:43.880
York City. I'm out here,
I'm Lucretia Borgia in the two. I

655
00:46:43.880 --> 00:46:47.239
am poisoning people left and right,
but I'm also middle aged. No one

656
00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:51.559
pays attention you are. You are
the grim Reaper. You're like number one

657
00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:53.840
on the FBI Most Wanted list,
but no one even thinks that it could

658
00:46:53.880 --> 00:46:57.920
be you because you're a middle aged
woman. They have a picture of a

659
00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:00.639
man that looks like Matt Damon up
there. They don't know. They don't

660
00:47:00.639 --> 00:47:02.400
know, then never, and they
never will because they won't listen to this

661
00:47:02.679 --> 00:47:12.639
because no one wants to listen to
you. All right, so Emily proposes

662
00:47:12.719 --> 00:47:16.599
a toast. She watches with glee
as Cope lifts the glass to his lips,

663
00:47:16.599 --> 00:47:21.599
but just as he's about to take
a sip, Lenox storms back and

664
00:47:21.639 --> 00:47:25.880
shouts, you bastard and punches him
so hard that he drops his glass of

665
00:47:25.920 --> 00:47:30.559
poison champagne, flies across the dining
room and breaks a table behind him.

666
00:47:31.480 --> 00:47:36.480
Yeah yeah. It turns out that
Lenox found the cigarette case that Cope gave

667
00:47:36.519 --> 00:47:39.559
to Nadine with all the inscriptions that
we were talking about earlier in their room.

668
00:47:39.880 --> 00:47:43.960
He throws it at Cope. The
two of them start to brawl in

669
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:49.920
the dining room, they cause such
a commotion that only Penis notices Emily's disappointed

670
00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:55.440
face and the five dead cockroaches who
drank Cope's spilled champagne. Okay, okay,

671
00:47:55.800 --> 00:47:59.760
like this is where the movie just
needs to end, because you are

672
00:48:00.440 --> 00:48:02.639
this is a luxury cruise liner with
some of the richest people on the earth

673
00:48:02.760 --> 00:48:07.840
on it, and there's fucking cockroaches
in the dining room. That's the true

674
00:48:07.880 --> 00:48:12.920
crime. That's the crime that no
one wants to talk about. The champagne

675
00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:19.159
had been spilled for all of ten
seconds when five giant cockroaches decided to do

676
00:48:19.239 --> 00:48:25.800
an Esther Williams routine in it,
and only one person saw that. Yeah,

677
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:29.559
I'm sorry, No, this movie
ended right here for me. I'm

678
00:48:29.559 --> 00:48:34.719
done about I can't watch this anymore. Okay, not only that, but

679
00:48:34.840 --> 00:48:38.000
after they swam in the champagne,
the roaches immediately died. Do you know

680
00:48:38.000 --> 00:48:43.400
how bad poison has to be to
kill cockroaches? Nothing kills cockroch Famously,

681
00:48:43.639 --> 00:48:46.599
Armageddon doesn't kill cockroaches, Oppenheimer,
there was a whole scene about how they

682
00:48:46.599 --> 00:48:50.800
couldn't kill cockerroaches with that bomb.
I haven't seen the movie yet, but

683
00:48:50.840 --> 00:48:53.599
I'm sure it's in there. We
cut to the next morning, the ship's

684
00:48:53.639 --> 00:49:00.559
arrival in Jaffa. Cope notices the
fetching Miss Quinton. Okay, He immediately

685
00:49:00.599 --> 00:49:07.079
invites himself to accompany her to Kumran, and Miss Quinton is immediately so instantaneously

686
00:49:07.119 --> 00:49:08.559
taken with him. She's like,
yes, stranger, follow me on my

687
00:49:08.679 --> 00:49:13.679
trip. Uh huh. Nadine sees
them flirting. She can barely restrain herself

688
00:49:13.679 --> 00:49:17.119
from scratching both of their eyes out. Emily turns to Nadine and as though

689
00:49:17.159 --> 00:49:20.960
she was like on her side,
was like, don't worry, Nadine,

690
00:49:21.000 --> 00:49:28.199
I've got this. What kind of
weird girl power thing is happening now with

691
00:49:28.280 --> 00:49:31.840
these two? And Emily walks up
to Cope. She warns him to stay

692
00:49:31.880 --> 00:49:35.920
away from her and her family,
and Cope's like, yeah, because your

693
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:38.239
fucking son tried to kill me last
night, so I agree with you,

694
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:43.519
and he walks away with Miss Quinton. Yeah, she really abandons her hole.

695
00:49:43.559 --> 00:49:45.880
I'm going to kill Jefferson Cope plan
at the first obstacle. I would

696
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:47.920
have thought Emily would have a little
more get up and go. I don't

697
00:49:47.960 --> 00:49:50.679
know, I don't know if i'd
buy it. You don't think so.

698
00:49:50.840 --> 00:49:52.800
I think I liked it that She's
like, you know what, I'll just

699
00:49:52.840 --> 00:49:55.400
get rid of him this way instead, just go, just go and be

700
00:49:55.519 --> 00:50:01.840
in the desert with your little desert
skink. Meanwhile, Penis is met by

701
00:50:01.880 --> 00:50:07.639
his old friend, Colonel Cobery played
by the Grete and Good John Gilgood,

702
00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:12.599
who's super slumming it in this movie. Yeah, I'm guessing he just wanted

703
00:50:12.599 --> 00:50:15.840
a free trip to Israel. Genuinely. I'm like, he's like, oh,

704
00:50:15.199 --> 00:50:17.639
can I is there beach there?
Okay, I'll go. I'll do

705
00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:21.719
this movie. I think I read
somewhere that Peter Ustinov actually asked him to

706
00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:22.760
do it. Like they were like, let's just go hang out. We'll

707
00:50:22.760 --> 00:50:25.159
have fun. Yeah, I can't
hate, Like, none of these people

708
00:50:25.159 --> 00:50:29.519
are fun, you're fun. I
look, I love Piper Laurie and Lauren

709
00:50:29.559 --> 00:50:30.719
Bacall. I don't know that they're
fun. I don't know they're fun at

710
00:50:30.719 --> 00:50:36.599
a party fair, But you know
who is fucking ton John gil The two

711
00:50:36.599 --> 00:50:40.840
of them offer Sarah a ride into
town, and as as they're driving into

712
00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:46.400
their like hotel in Jerusalem, she
reads from a guidebook, a nineteen thirty

713
00:50:46.440 --> 00:50:52.440
seven guidebook by the way and offers
a bit of pre nineteen forty seven history

714
00:50:52.480 --> 00:50:57.000
about the Holy Land tour the audience
that made me so uncomfortable. I was

715
00:50:57.039 --> 00:51:00.239
like, can we not talk about
this? Please? Crawling she has murder

716
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:06.199
history and not think about like current
events in that region right now? Yes,

717
00:51:06.599 --> 00:51:08.679
none of this is the movie's fault, right, correct? Once again,

718
00:51:09.119 --> 00:51:13.320
patrons, we could have been what
we could have been talking about last

719
00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:20.000
as she lived today. I'm not
blaming you. You probably don't remember that

720
00:51:20.039 --> 00:51:23.480
this movie really talks a whole lot
about this the subject, but it is

721
00:51:23.719 --> 00:51:30.599
uncomfortable. So we cut to later
that day. Everyone is sight seeing Raymond

722
00:51:30.599 --> 00:51:35.079
and Sarah make eyes at each other
across the square, for which for some

723
00:51:35.199 --> 00:51:40.039
reason irritates Emily to know. And
they will never really give an explanation for

724
00:51:40.079 --> 00:51:44.280
why Emily is so against this pairing. I suppose just because she wants to

725
00:51:44.320 --> 00:51:46.639
be in control of everything. That
seems to be the ultimate answer, I

726
00:51:46.679 --> 00:51:52.199
guess. But what isn't everyone's dream
to have their child marry a rich doctor.

727
00:51:52.400 --> 00:51:57.320
She should be courting Sarah. Yeah, Sarah and Poirot giggle over Sarah

728
00:51:57.400 --> 00:52:00.800
not being allowed to church because she's
in a sleeveless dress, and Geneva wonders

729
00:52:00.800 --> 00:52:05.519
out loud about the money her father
promised her when he died right in front

730
00:52:05.519 --> 00:52:10.760
of Emily, and then asked Lennox
why mister Cope disappeared? Maybe because we

731
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:15.280
had a boxing match at dinner last
night? Ginny, are you high pay

732
00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:19.599
attention? Ginny? I can't.
I couldn't believe she. I had to

733
00:52:19.639 --> 00:52:22.880
rewind to be like did she really
just ask that brother? Like, Hey,

734
00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:27.000
remember that man you had a brawl
with last night? Why did he

735
00:52:27.119 --> 00:52:31.639
leave? What happened? You were
there? So it can I real quick.

736
00:52:31.679 --> 00:52:35.360
I just want to tell a personal
story. My mother was turned away

737
00:52:35.360 --> 00:52:39.639
from Saint Patrick's Cathedral in New York
and I think it was the seventies because

738
00:52:39.679 --> 00:52:45.760
she came wearing pants, she was
wearing slacks, and they were they were

739
00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:49.920
not allowing women wearing slacks at the
time to go into Saint Patrick's Cathedral.

740
00:52:50.239 --> 00:52:52.599
So you have comeaways. We have. But you know what, there's still

741
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:57.320
plenty of places in the world,
like plenty of churches where like ladies can't

742
00:52:57.320 --> 00:53:01.360
show their shoulders, the sleeveless dressing
would still be in play in a lot

743
00:53:01.360 --> 00:53:06.559
of churches in England, in Europe
and I just think it's very funny because

744
00:53:06.880 --> 00:53:08.480
the movie makes a great point.
She's like, Sarah says something to the

745
00:53:08.480 --> 00:53:13.840
effect of like the Lord made my
arms, but apparently he can't stand to

746
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:17.960
look at them or something. Raymond
sneaks away from his stepmother and asks Sarah

747
00:53:19.039 --> 00:53:22.440
out for dinner that night. She
agrees, and Erica writes here, and

748
00:53:22.480 --> 00:53:24.159
she is not wrong. She must
really like Raymond to put up with the

749
00:53:24.239 --> 00:53:29.440
idea of being in this family.
There's not a lot of upside here.

750
00:53:29.639 --> 00:53:34.280
That must be magical Dick Frankly,
which she hasn't even seen yet, doesn't

751
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.440
even know, doesn't even know what
he's working with. He's got magical Dick

752
00:53:37.599 --> 00:53:40.840
energy. Yeah, Nadine and Lennox
reconcile. She swears to him she wants

753
00:53:40.840 --> 00:53:45.679
their marriage to work, but they
both agree they can't live under Emily's thumb

754
00:53:45.719 --> 00:53:49.719
any longer. Who's gonna die,
Paul, Who's gonna be the murder victim

755
00:53:49.760 --> 00:53:51.920
in this movie? Yeh, By
the way, we still no murder.

756
00:53:52.079 --> 00:53:55.199
I expected to murder much earlier,
dude. The movie goes like forty five

757
00:53:55.280 --> 00:54:02.159
fucking minutes without a murder, and
then I'm like, finally, Jesus later,

758
00:54:02.239 --> 00:54:06.320
that night, Sarah is sitting alone
at the restaurant, like waiting for

759
00:54:06.360 --> 00:54:10.000
her date with Raymond, uncomfortably trying
not to make eye contact with the leering

760
00:54:10.119 --> 00:54:15.880
men around her, who are all
men of color. It is a choice,

761
00:54:15.960 --> 00:54:21.800
it is a very strong choice.
It's actually just racism. It's just

762
00:54:22.119 --> 00:54:25.320
pure fucking Look. I get a
woman by herself in nineteen thirty seven sitting

763
00:54:25.320 --> 00:54:29.800
at a bar or a restaurant might
get leered at by men, or will

764
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:32.800
definitely get leered at by men because
they'll think she's like a prostitute or something

765
00:54:32.880 --> 00:54:37.280
that I totally get. But like, the casting choice to have it all

766
00:54:37.320 --> 00:54:43.719
be like brown and black people doing
it to her is fucked up, especially

767
00:54:44.239 --> 00:54:47.840
she's staying in a hotel filled with
like Europeans. It could just as easily

768
00:54:47.920 --> 00:54:52.599
be like other tourists doing it,
But the movie makes a very strong choice

769
00:54:52.599 --> 00:54:58.639
to have this like white woman quote
unquote be like terrorized by these black and

770
00:54:58.679 --> 00:55:00.840
brown men around her. And I'm
like, oh, no, movie.

771
00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:07.800
Yeah. Carol approaches the table.
Carol remembers the daughter, the stepdaughter of

772
00:55:07.800 --> 00:55:12.440
Emily, and lets her know that
Raymond has been told by Emily that he

773
00:55:12.519 --> 00:55:15.280
can't see Sarah and so she's she
At first, She's like, he's sick,

774
00:55:15.320 --> 00:55:17.760
and Sarah's like, is he She's
like, no, our stepmother's a

775
00:55:17.800 --> 00:55:28.360
cunt. She gives it up so
fast she didn't even pretend it's accurate.

776
00:55:28.360 --> 00:55:30.320
That is an accurate description of what
happens. Hang on, I'm checking for

777
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:35.079
lies. Nope, none detected,
un detected. Sarah asks why don't you

778
00:55:35.159 --> 00:55:37.840
all just leave? Since you're all
adult? She literally is like, Carol,

779
00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:39.880
how old are you? And Carol's
like twenty two, Raymond's twenty three,

780
00:55:39.960 --> 00:55:45.760
and she's like, guys, what
go leave? What do you do?

781
00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:49.800
Why are you still on vacation with
your mommy who you hate? Yeah,

782
00:55:49.840 --> 00:55:52.639
and Carol says, no one outside
of the family can understand the pain

783
00:55:52.760 --> 00:55:58.480
and anguish of having affluenza. And
I'm just like, I hate all these

784
00:55:58.480 --> 00:56:00.679
people. I hate them all.
Wait, what the fuck is affluenza?

785
00:56:01.440 --> 00:56:06.320
Wait, you don't know that term. No, it is an actual fucking

786
00:56:06.440 --> 00:56:10.000
thing that happened like five six years
ago in a court of law where someone

787
00:56:10.320 --> 00:56:15.840
claimed, like someone's defense for being
a shitty, rich white kid was it's

788
00:56:15.920 --> 00:56:19.239
really hard to be a shitty,
rich white kid because no one's ever said

789
00:56:19.320 --> 00:56:22.639
no to me before, and I
don't understand boundaries, and like the press

790
00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:30.239
termed it affluenza, someone having literally
like ill by their own like richilege,

791
00:56:30.760 --> 00:56:34.679
privilege, Exactly, they have affluenza. So that's why I put it in

792
00:56:34.719 --> 00:56:37.760
the recap. I love that that's
exactly what these fucking kids are suffering from,

793
00:56:39.039 --> 00:56:45.920
Sarah instead of like sitting around skulking, joins Poirot and Carberry the Colonel

794
00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:49.280
for a drink John Gilgood, let's
just call it John gale Good for the

795
00:56:49.280 --> 00:56:52.599
rest of the maybe John Gilgood for
a drink at the bar in the hotel.

796
00:56:52.000 --> 00:56:54.960
Poirot leaves to go to the men's
room, and on his way he

797
00:56:55.119 --> 00:57:02.960
spies emily seemingly clandestine handing over large
sums of cash to a local man that

798
00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:07.199
no one's ever seen before and saying, I understand this is the going rate

799
00:57:07.239 --> 00:57:13.440
for the job something like that that
I'm hiring you for. Very suspicious.

800
00:57:13.719 --> 00:57:16.719
We cut to a few days later, John Gielgood receives word that Jefferson Cope

801
00:57:16.760 --> 00:57:22.280
has gone missing, and kum Run
Pooa offers his easy Penis offers his assistance

802
00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:27.199
in solving the case. As he
awaits his car in the hotel, lobby.

803
00:57:27.239 --> 00:57:31.119
He overhears Raymond and Emily, so
that is that is the the hot

804
00:57:31.159 --> 00:57:37.280
sun and the stepmother arguing over Sarah, the hot British doctor, and recognizes

805
00:57:37.400 --> 00:57:39.800
Raymond's voice from the night he overheard
him plot Emily's death on the ship.

806
00:57:39.880 --> 00:57:43.920
Right, so that night when he
heard Raymond talking to his sister about killing

807
00:57:43.920 --> 00:57:46.159
their stepmother, she's not our mother. He's like, that's the same person.

808
00:57:47.159 --> 00:57:52.119
So Raymond storms off, and Sarah
confronts Emily and she asks, yo,

809
00:57:52.159 --> 00:57:53.960
what's their fucking problem with me?
I'm a fucking beautiful doctor. She

810
00:57:53.960 --> 00:57:59.320
shouldn't say it like that. That's
basically what she's saying. And Emily smiles

811
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:02.719
and sneers. Is that she never
forgets a face, a name, or

812
00:58:02.760 --> 00:58:07.840
an action. And Piper Laurie,
this is Marvel supervillain level. This is

813
00:58:08.199 --> 00:58:12.960
Piper Laurie should be Doctor Doom in
the Fantastic Four movie. They should resurrect

814
00:58:12.960 --> 00:58:16.679
Piper Laurie and have her play Doctor
Doom. This is Carrie's mom from Carrie.

815
00:58:16.760 --> 00:58:21.400
This is that performance of like,
she gets so creepy so fast that

816
00:58:21.400 --> 00:58:25.079
I'm surprised Sarah doesn't just like literally
back away and like, okay, now,

817
00:58:25.440 --> 00:58:29.400
you scared me. I no longer
want to date your son. You

818
00:58:29.440 --> 00:58:32.320
have successfully done it. Sarah backs
off. She arranges to join Poirot in

819
00:58:32.360 --> 00:58:37.639
his car to Kumran. Unfortunately,
Lady westolm overhears their plans and invites herself

820
00:58:37.639 --> 00:58:43.119
to join them on the journey.
The pain I felt it on Peter,

821
00:58:43.159 --> 00:58:45.519
whose now plays the moment so beautifully, the pain of being joined on a

822
00:58:45.519 --> 00:58:52.199
long car trip with someone you don't
like. Oh that is rough' that's I

823
00:58:52.559 --> 00:58:57.239
feel, you man, I feel
a four hour drive with someone who doesn't

824
00:58:57.280 --> 00:59:00.320
shut the fuck up. Oh my
god. I would rather be murdered.

825
00:59:00.480 --> 00:59:04.599
I mean, at least it's faster. Ostensibly it's fast, it's fast and

826
00:59:04.639 --> 00:59:07.400
easy. Compared to that, I
would rather be quickly murdered. I don't

827
00:59:07.400 --> 00:59:10.639
want to be tortured and murdered better
than that. Yeah, yeah, I

828
00:59:10.639 --> 00:59:15.039
don't want to almost get to the
site four hours later and then die in

829
00:59:15.039 --> 00:59:16.039
a car crashed, You know what
I mean? Like, No, that's

830
00:59:16.119 --> 00:59:21.119
rude, insult to injury, that's
fucking like I did something terrible in a

831
00:59:21.159 --> 00:59:23.119
past life. We're talking about a
lights on, lights out kind of murder.

832
00:59:23.239 --> 00:59:27.199
That's that's what we're saying. Is
better. Like all the people that

833
00:59:27.239 --> 00:59:30.559
I poisoned throughout New York City,
it happened fast. Only two of them

834
00:59:30.599 --> 00:59:35.280
really suffered, and they earned it. They dis You chose to have them

835
00:59:35.320 --> 00:59:38.280
suffer. It wasn't an accident.
When they arrive at the archaeological site,

836
00:59:38.360 --> 00:59:43.840
they find out that miss Quinton has
also gone missing. Can I tell you

837
00:59:43.880 --> 00:59:47.239
something, It's very true at this
moment, I completely forgot this entire subplot

838
00:59:47.320 --> 00:59:52.719
that Quintin Cope went missing. At
one point, completely forgot it. Is

839
00:59:52.760 --> 00:59:58.119
it because it almost does not fucking
matter. I guess I get like a

840
00:59:58.159 --> 01:00:01.280
movie like this is supposed to have
some red harring. The amount of red

841
01:00:01.320 --> 01:00:05.639
herrings in this film for like,
Okay, look I'm gonna give it's not

842
01:00:05.719 --> 01:00:08.679
a total spoiler. It's a slight
spoiler for the ending. The actual like

843
01:00:09.239 --> 01:00:15.599
motive and crime is revealed at the
end, and like you are given the

844
01:00:15.639 --> 01:00:20.719
information you need to truly get what
happened, only like in the instant in

845
01:00:20.719 --> 01:00:24.480
which it is revealed. It's not
like I was really watching this movie,

846
01:00:24.519 --> 01:00:28.400
Paul. I was like, that
cigarette case is coming back. The fact

847
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:30.360
that this other woman's cigarette case keeps
going missing, the fact that this Thruttle

848
01:00:30.400 --> 01:00:34.840
seems to be like the Lady Doth
protests too much, and these three are

849
01:00:34.840 --> 01:00:38.239
all in cahoots together. I was
so sure the Throutle was gonna be like

850
01:00:38.320 --> 01:00:42.880
that, that fight was all planned
ahead of time, Like, I was

851
01:00:42.920 --> 01:00:46.760
so sure that this movie was working
on some like extra levels that it is

852
01:00:46.840 --> 01:00:51.320
not. It is absolutely not,
and almost none of this will matter.

853
01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:54.639
You were playing chess and they were
playing like a game of war with cards,

854
01:00:54.679 --> 01:00:58.280
like it could not have been more
different. It was so dumb,

855
01:00:58.320 --> 01:01:00.920
and I was like, oh,
this recap could have been a page and

856
01:01:00.960 --> 01:01:07.719
a half long. Yea, So
okay. So miss Quentin is also gone

857
01:01:07.719 --> 01:01:10.079
missing. Lady Weshelm's like, oh, a white woman has gone missing?

858
01:01:10.119 --> 01:01:13.800
Why have none of you done anything
about this? That is, she doesn't

859
01:01:13.880 --> 01:01:16.039
quite see that that is almost exactly
what she says. It's pretty close.

860
01:01:16.159 --> 01:01:22.440
Yeah, it's close. She immediately
starts brating all the workers for continuing their

861
01:01:22.519 --> 01:01:27.639
archaeological dig instead of looking for this
lost english woman. Sarah like, who's

862
01:01:27.639 --> 01:01:30.639
not an idiot? Pausits Hey,
maybe miss Quentin and Cope ran off together

863
01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:32.679
because they weren't they fucking after all? And everyone kind of laughs and they're

864
01:01:32.679 --> 01:01:37.519
like probably, and wouldn't you know
it, Paul. Literally thirty seconds later,

865
01:01:37.599 --> 01:01:44.519
the movie's like, yeah, that's
what happened, because thirty seconds later

866
01:01:44.760 --> 01:01:47.719
a group of men and like riders
on horses, one of whom is referred

867
01:01:47.719 --> 01:01:52.400
to as the Sheikh. Doesn't matter, they won't speak, they're not even

868
01:01:52.480 --> 01:01:57.719
people, frankly, they're just they're
just men on horses in in Arab dress.

869
01:01:57.800 --> 01:02:01.320
That is that is important for later
deliver Cope and Quinton back to the

870
01:02:01.320 --> 01:02:05.280
party. It turns out the two
of them were offered the chance to spend

871
01:02:05.280 --> 01:02:07.199
the night in the desert with some
locals, like at a camp, and

872
01:02:07.239 --> 01:02:09.480
they were like, oh, yeah, let's do that. That sounds like

873
01:02:09.519 --> 01:02:14.400
an adventure, and they took the
opportunity. The Boynton family arrives in their

874
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:16.760
own car, being driven by the
man that Poirot saw Emily higher the night

875
01:02:16.800 --> 01:02:22.880
before. So that very suspicious exchange
of cash seems to be explained. Right

876
01:02:22.039 --> 01:02:27.679
literally two minutes later is explained.
Raymond walks right up to Sarah and tells

877
01:02:27.679 --> 01:02:30.719
her he's in love with her.
As Erica writes here, does he know

878
01:02:30.760 --> 01:02:34.079
her last name? He might know
her last name, he absolutely does not

879
01:02:34.119 --> 01:02:37.119
know her middle name, or where
she lives. I don't think he's actually

880
01:02:37.159 --> 01:02:40.400
absorbed the fact that she's a doctor
yet, ha ha ha. Honestly,

881
01:02:40.480 --> 01:02:45.079
as a doctor, she should have
recognized the signs of like of clinical stupidity

882
01:02:45.079 --> 01:02:47.800
and been like, excuse me,
I can't be your wife, but I

883
01:02:47.840 --> 01:02:52.800
can absolutely be your caretaker. Sarah
tells him that he needs to be a

884
01:02:52.800 --> 01:02:55.000
man and learn to stand up for
himself in order to have even the slightest

885
01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:58.880
shot with her. You're under your
stepmother's thumb. Do something about that,

886
01:02:58.920 --> 01:03:00.880
and then we can talk. So, just to be clear, we now

887
01:03:00.920 --> 01:03:07.480
have all of our dramatis personae at
this like dig site away from the city.

888
01:03:07.039 --> 01:03:10.440
Yep. After lunch, Emily decides
that all the kids should leave her

889
01:03:10.480 --> 01:03:14.920
alone for a while. She directs
everyone where to go, Ginny, go

890
01:03:14.960 --> 01:03:17.119
to your tent, take a nap, Raymond, Sarah, Lennox, Nadine,

891
01:03:17.239 --> 01:03:22.960
and weirdly, Cope. Cope goes
on a walk with them. So

892
01:03:22.039 --> 01:03:25.559
that is the two brothers, the
brother's wife, the lawyer that she's having

893
01:03:25.599 --> 01:03:29.440
an affair with, and the doctor
that the other brother is apparently in love

894
01:03:29.480 --> 01:03:32.679
with. After knowing for let's generously
say a week, Okay, sure,

895
01:03:34.440 --> 01:03:37.960
what a normal thing to do,
Carol, the other daughter is sent to

896
01:03:37.960 --> 01:03:40.159
watch miss Quinton while she works.
It doesn't matter. Don't literally throw that

897
01:03:40.159 --> 01:03:45.519
piece of information out of your head. It has like the slightest bit of

898
01:03:45.559 --> 01:03:49.000
meaning, but you don't need to
hold onto it. Once everyone has left

899
01:03:49.000 --> 01:03:52.000
her alone, Emily sets her sights
on Lady Westolm. Remember the two of

900
01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:55.559
them have been shooting each other dirty
looks the whole trip on the walk.

901
01:03:55.800 --> 01:04:02.360
Nadine and Cope immediately start to hold
hands and struggle as the Lenox isn't right

902
01:04:02.760 --> 01:04:08.800
fucking there. I was like,
genuinely, I was like, well,

903
01:04:08.800 --> 01:04:11.239
the murder is not going to be
Emily. That's the red herring and this

904
01:04:11.440 --> 01:04:13.960
fout I'm thinking on this level,
I'm like, well, Emily's not the

905
01:04:14.039 --> 01:04:16.599
victim. It's going to be Cope. And the truth is like, we

906
01:04:16.679 --> 01:04:20.559
don't know who killed him. Will
it be Emily because she's blackmailing him,

907
01:04:20.639 --> 01:04:25.159
or Lenox because he hates him,
or Nadine somehow to get out from under

908
01:04:25.199 --> 01:04:28.960
all of this, or a third
party like because we for some reason we

909
01:04:28.960 --> 01:04:30.239
don't know yet. No, none
of that, none of that. It's

910
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:33.639
not honestly a piece of me does
want to read a point with death at

911
01:04:33.679 --> 01:04:36.079
this point to be like, is
this a better book? They're like,

912
01:04:36.199 --> 01:04:40.679
did they just fuck this up for
the movie. So these two start canoodling.

913
01:04:40.840 --> 01:04:45.559
Lennox is like, what the fuck
and it's like and he pieces out,

914
01:04:45.679 --> 01:04:49.239
and Sarah looks at Raymond and she
says, should we go down with

915
01:04:49.320 --> 01:04:53.639
him? And Raymond's all, now, baby, I want to go down

916
01:04:53.639 --> 01:04:57.559
with you. And then they immediately
start making out. They're just like we

917
01:04:57.599 --> 01:05:00.159
got rid of the rest of them. They just start kissing and and they

918
01:05:00.199 --> 01:05:02.800
spend the rest of their walk making
out and making like moony eyes at each

919
01:05:02.800 --> 01:05:05.760
other. Right, So they're just
knacking on each other in the desert.

920
01:05:06.079 --> 01:05:11.679
Yeah, Nadine and Cope were doing
god knows what like off in the distance,

921
01:05:11.719 --> 01:05:15.440
and Lennox is now pieced back out
to the camp. Eventually, Raymond

922
01:05:15.519 --> 01:05:17.639
leaves Sarah alone and goes to confront
Emily. He's like, you're right,

923
01:05:17.760 --> 01:05:20.760
I should confront her about this.
I love you, I should be a

924
01:05:20.800 --> 01:05:26.960
man, and he leaves. Sarah
goes back down without him. She basically

925
01:05:26.960 --> 01:05:30.840
she sticks around to like, I
guess watch the other two flirt for a

926
01:05:30.840 --> 01:05:34.679
while, and she goes back down
to the camp by herself. She greets

927
01:05:34.760 --> 01:05:40.239
Lady Westholme, who is like sitting
at the communal tent doing some work.

928
01:05:40.360 --> 01:05:44.199
Lady Wesholm is there on an official
British business. I suppose yeah, because

929
01:05:44.199 --> 01:05:46.920
she's a member of Parliament and this
is the time around the time when Britain

930
01:05:47.000 --> 01:05:51.840
was discussing the partition of Palestine historically. Yep, exactly the person I want

931
01:05:53.639 --> 01:05:58.000
involved in this, This person they're
portraying here, perfect choice Britain. No

932
01:05:58.039 --> 01:06:04.639
notes, no notes. Woo.
Penis returns from a day trip to Afra

933
01:06:06.360 --> 01:06:13.079
and Ginny, Carol, Lennox and
Nadine are spotted by Sarah being nuisances on

934
01:06:13.159 --> 01:06:15.760
the dig site. Right, so
the people that we have in our sights

935
01:06:16.039 --> 01:06:20.320
are Jinny, Carol, Lennox,
Nadine and Westoll. That's when Sarah notices

936
01:06:20.360 --> 01:06:24.519
that Emily is slumped over in her
chair in front of her tent. And

937
01:06:24.559 --> 01:06:28.039
she's a doctor, she's taken an
oath for God's sake, and she runs

938
01:06:28.039 --> 01:06:31.079
over to help her, and she
finds that Emily has died. She delivers

939
01:06:31.079 --> 01:06:35.159
the bad news to the Boynton children
by going to their large open air tent

940
01:06:35.239 --> 01:06:41.760
and announcing honestly that hey by the
way, Emily's dead, very little,

941
01:06:42.639 --> 01:06:45.480
very little. Hat tip to like
Decora and like, can everyone just come

942
01:06:45.519 --> 01:06:46.559
here? I'm sorry, I have
some difficult losers. Like by the way,

943
01:06:47.239 --> 01:06:54.400
ding Dong, the witch is dead. We're having chicken cutlets for dinner,

944
01:06:54.679 --> 01:06:58.639
and Emily is sitting there dead in
front of her tent. I haven't

945
01:06:58.679 --> 01:07:00.320
even bothered to move the body.
Someone's got to take care of that.

946
01:07:00.320 --> 01:07:05.840
It's gonna start smelling in the desert
heat real soon, real soon. Erica

947
01:07:05.920 --> 01:07:09.960
right here, Honestly, miss Quinton
seems far more upset by the death than

948
01:07:09.960 --> 01:07:13.000
anyone else. That's true. She
actually is like, oh no, someone

949
01:07:13.039 --> 01:07:15.840
died. Everyone else like, nah, was she a person? We're not

950
01:07:15.920 --> 01:07:18.760
sure. Raymond loudly claims. Raymond
is the one in love with the British

951
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:23.840
doctor right loudly claims that he spoke
to Emily only an hour ago and she

952
01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:27.199
seemed fine. She was running a
marathon. I was like, buddy,

953
01:07:27.239 --> 01:07:30.679
I know you didn't kill her,
because yeah, you're just you're too dumb

954
01:07:30.760 --> 01:07:33.199
to have ever done anything like that. Correct. Nice of the movie to

955
01:07:33.280 --> 01:07:35.840
throw you in the mix as though
you were actually someone who could have done

956
01:07:35.880 --> 01:07:41.320
this. Yep, POI ro then
examines the body and asks Sarah her opinion

957
01:07:41.559 --> 01:07:44.760
on the cause and time of death. Sarah, who literally graduated. This

958
01:07:44.800 --> 01:07:48.719
is her like trip that she's taking
herself on as a treat for graduating college

959
01:07:48.800 --> 01:07:53.800
a week ago. And he's like, hey, lady who just graduated college,

960
01:07:54.239 --> 01:07:57.119
what's the time of death? And
Sarah's like, I don't know.

961
01:07:57.159 --> 01:08:00.760
I guess two hours. Then the
movie will keep treat that like it's like

962
01:08:00.800 --> 01:08:05.519
a fucking corner's report. She was
literally guessing it could have been any time,

963
01:08:05.559 --> 01:08:09.199
but anyway, that's the timeline we
are now working with, right.

964
01:08:09.559 --> 01:08:15.079
Poirot says he noticed marks on Emily's
wrists and he suspects foul play. He

965
01:08:15.199 --> 01:08:18.760
asks to see Sarah's medical bag,
and Sarah immediately notices that someone has gone

966
01:08:18.800 --> 01:08:25.159
through her bag and rearranged things.
Poirot spots an empty bottle of digitalis and

967
01:08:25.199 --> 01:08:27.800
she says, oh, no,
that was full when I packed it.

968
01:08:28.319 --> 01:08:34.079
Poiro debriefs John Gielgood and promises that
A Emily Boynton was murdered and b he'll

969
01:08:34.079 --> 01:08:39.279
suss out the murderer in two days. At at one point, John Gielgud

970
01:08:39.319 --> 01:08:42.079
says, I couldn't possibly ask you
to tell me who the murderer is.

971
01:08:42.079 --> 01:08:46.000
You're on holiday. When British propriety
goes too far, like someone is dead.

972
01:08:47.199 --> 01:08:51.159
You know what? I'm loving this
like work life balance this like look,

973
01:08:53.359 --> 01:08:56.760
you are on vacation. You have
to unplug, you have to turn

974
01:08:56.800 --> 01:09:00.920
off your laptop. This is this
is not your responsibility. So the next

975
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:04.359
day, Poirot questions Sarah about her
motives to kill Emily. He asks her

976
01:09:04.399 --> 01:09:09.279
to fill him in on everything that
happened yesterday afternoon, and she gives him

977
01:09:09.319 --> 01:09:12.279
the rundown of how Lennox and Raymond
both split off from the group and went

978
01:09:12.319 --> 01:09:15.079
back to camp. It all seems
very honest. What she says matches up

979
01:09:15.119 --> 01:09:23.600
with what we saw. Next,
he goes to visit Lady Westholm. She's

980
01:09:23.800 --> 01:09:29.239
entertaining Lord Peel, who is a
real character who recommended the partition, a

981
01:09:29.399 --> 01:09:33.159
historical person, yes, who recommended
the partition of Palestine into separate Jewish and

982
01:09:33.199 --> 01:09:39.039
Arab states. And Miss Quinton.
I don't know the connection between Lady Westolme

983
01:09:39.079 --> 01:09:43.880
and Miss Quinton is is gossamer thin. I have no idea why these two

984
01:09:43.920 --> 01:09:46.000
were traveling together. Okay, look, I'm going to go for a long

985
01:09:46.039 --> 01:09:49.039
time. I thought Miss Quinton was
going to be the murderer because I was

986
01:09:49.079 --> 01:09:55.720
like, they're doing the lack of
characterization. They bothered to get Hayley Mills,

987
01:09:55.720 --> 01:10:00.399
who's not nobody, right, she's
famous enough. They bothered to like

988
01:10:00.680 --> 01:10:03.560
make her, give her an interesting
backstory. They bothered to make her mister

989
01:10:03.680 --> 01:10:09.600
Cookee's lover. They did so much
and then we end up with so little

990
01:10:10.039 --> 01:10:16.359
nothing shocking. Agreed. Agreed.
Lord Peele basically immediately excuses himself, and

991
01:10:16.399 --> 01:10:21.760
Poirot questions, and Erica questions,
why was he in the movie? He

992
01:10:23.319 --> 01:10:27.520
isn't necessary. Again, I don't
want to talk about this, but the

993
01:10:27.600 --> 01:10:32.800
movie is fucking forcing me to.
Yeah. So Poiret questions the two ladies

994
01:10:32.840 --> 01:10:38.800
about the events surrounding the murder.
Lady Westom tells him that she stayed behind

995
01:10:38.800 --> 01:10:42.159
after lunch to study up on Palestine
and then went to visit Emily at her

996
01:10:42.159 --> 01:10:45.520
tent. Once she was summoned,
she says that they argued about the King

997
01:10:45.560 --> 01:10:48.199
of England and Wallace Simpson. And
as any one does, as one who

998
01:10:48.319 --> 01:10:54.640
hasn't, he hasn't had a heated
argument over the King of England and Lady

999
01:10:54.720 --> 01:10:59.039
Wallace Simpson. I asked you over
a couple of Nazi sympathizers, who hasn't

1000
01:10:59.119 --> 01:11:01.239
argued over there? Love. Actually, I don't think Wala Simpson was ever

1001
01:11:01.279 --> 01:11:04.039
a lady. I think that was
the problem. Yeah, that was one

1002
01:11:04.079 --> 01:11:09.680
of the problems. So Lady Weston
then went back to her work. She

1003
01:11:09.840 --> 01:11:14.279
also says she saw Emily yelling at
a large man wearing Arab clothes, but

1004
01:11:14.359 --> 01:11:16.720
his clothing covered his face from her
view. At around four pm, she

1005
01:11:16.800 --> 01:11:19.600
and Miss Quinton asked Emily if she'd
like to go for a walk with them,

1006
01:11:19.800 --> 01:11:24.079
but that she just grunted at them
and they walked away. They do

1007
01:11:24.279 --> 01:11:30.000
dramatize this, and it is.
It is Piper Laurie sitting looking half dead

1008
01:11:30.039 --> 01:11:33.720
in her seat and going excellent.
I was like, oh, so the

1009
01:11:33.800 --> 01:11:38.079
idea is like she's been poisoned and
she can no longer speak right like.

1010
01:11:38.119 --> 01:11:40.560
I was like, oh, that's
what happened there. That is not what

1011
01:11:40.680 --> 01:11:44.600
happened there. Everyone to know that
that is not what happened there. So

1012
01:11:44.720 --> 01:11:47.600
Lady west Toll and Miss Quinton walked
away, and then miss Quinton adds that

1013
01:11:47.680 --> 01:11:51.159
on her way back to the dig
site, she found a hypodermic needle in

1014
01:11:51.199 --> 01:11:56.920
a silver case, and Carol Boynton, that's the stepdaughter, right, yeah,

1015
01:11:56.960 --> 01:12:02.000
claimed that it belonged to her.
So miss Quinton found Carol Boynton's hypodermic

1016
01:12:02.039 --> 01:12:06.720
needle in a case out and about
amongst the dig You know how you travel

1017
01:12:06.760 --> 01:12:11.000
with your own hyper fucking dermic needle? Well, I sure as fuck do.

1018
01:12:11.319 --> 01:12:15.399
The amount of times this twenty two
year old will reference her hypodermic needle

1019
01:12:15.439 --> 01:12:18.159
and no one will be like,
so, what's that story? So why

1020
01:12:18.159 --> 01:12:21.439
do you carry that around? Literally, no one will ask. Everyone will

1021
01:12:21.479 --> 01:12:25.000
just be like, well, yeah, everyone travels with the hypodermic needle,

1022
01:12:25.039 --> 01:12:28.359
it's the curdy. What. No, No, they didn't. Maybe women

1023
01:12:28.399 --> 01:12:30.680
of money at that time walked around
with drugs to come themselves down from their

1024
01:12:30.760 --> 01:12:33.520
hysterics, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, maybe heroin wasn't

1025
01:12:33.520 --> 01:12:36.920
even illegal yet they were all just
shooting up. That's why not sure,

1026
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:41.600
let's say that. Let's say that
happened. Medicine is literally poison in this

1027
01:12:41.680 --> 01:12:43.560
so we don't really, we really
don't know what else they could have been

1028
01:12:43.600 --> 01:12:46.479
doing. They were putting heroin in
their cookies, for God's sake. So

1029
01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:53.760
next Penis questions Lennox, who seems
to have reconciled again with Nadine. He

1030
01:12:53.840 --> 01:12:59.199
and Maadine are cool once again.
He saw her flirting like hard, flirting

1031
01:12:59.680 --> 01:13:02.039
with her her boyfriend in the desert
twelve hours ago, and he's like,

1032
01:13:02.119 --> 01:13:05.760
we're we good, We're fine.
Good. Lennox claims that he only spoke

1033
01:13:05.800 --> 01:13:10.319
to Emily for a few minutes after
he came down from the from their walk,

1034
01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:14.079
and he helped reset her watch to
the correct time, which was four

1035
01:13:14.239 --> 01:13:16.920
fifteen. So now we have a
timeline. Like those other two saw her

1036
01:13:16.960 --> 01:13:20.159
at four, he saw her at
four fifteen. He also says he never

1037
01:13:20.239 --> 01:13:25.000
saw that man in Arab clothing speaking
to Emily or fighting with Emily that the

1038
01:13:25.039 --> 01:13:29.039
other two saw. Poirot then approaches
Nadine, a separate from her husband,

1039
01:13:29.279 --> 01:13:30.680
and he isn't like, girl,
tell me everything, what's going on.

1040
01:13:30.760 --> 01:13:34.039
Let's scruffle situation. How does it
work? How many safe words do you

1041
01:13:34.079 --> 01:13:39.159
have to have? I want to
know every detail. I'm going to every

1042
01:13:39.439 --> 01:13:44.880
fucking He's so graphic that you think
you're gonna disgust me, go do it.

1043
01:13:45.199 --> 01:13:46.880
If you don't use the word gape
in the next thirty seconds, I'm

1044
01:13:46.880 --> 01:14:04.399
going to be furious. She tells
him. Nadine tells Poirot that she decided

1045
01:14:04.399 --> 01:14:11.319
the day before to finally leave Lenox
for Cope. Even though she's thirty seconds

1046
01:14:11.319 --> 01:14:14.760
ago. It makes like they're not
just sitting there, They're like holding hands,

1047
01:14:14.800 --> 01:14:16.439
They're looking like lovingly at each other. I can't with these people.

1048
01:14:16.479 --> 01:14:19.479
This is this is some white people
nonsense. I can't deal with it.

1049
01:14:19.840 --> 01:14:25.520
So she gave the news to Emily
that she's going to leave Lenox for Cope

1050
01:14:25.560 --> 01:14:30.199
around four thirty, and she says
that she actually feels guilty because she thinks

1051
01:14:30.279 --> 01:14:33.880
the shock of it is what caused
Emily's heart failure. She's like, Emily

1052
01:14:33.920 --> 01:14:36.079
died of a heart attack, and
it's my fault. I killed her.

1053
01:14:36.239 --> 01:14:40.119
I told her that I was going
to divorce her stupid husband for her stupid

1054
01:14:40.159 --> 01:14:43.479
lawyer, and the stupid woman had
a stupid heart attack. Somehow, this

1055
01:14:43.560 --> 01:14:45.640
is all my fault. Poiro insists
that Emily was murdered. He's like,

1056
01:14:45.680 --> 01:14:47.920
no, no, no, you
did not kill her unless you actually killed

1057
01:14:47.920 --> 01:14:51.319
her, but we will suss that
out later. He asks Nadine if she

1058
01:14:51.479 --> 01:14:56.159
has a hypodermic needle. She says, I do, but I didn't bring

1059
01:14:56.199 --> 01:15:00.800
it with me to run, unlike
Carol, who fuck it travels with a

1060
01:15:00.880 --> 01:15:05.119
hypodermic needle, I ask you.
Most importantly, she tells Poirot that Emily

1061
01:15:05.319 --> 01:15:10.920
was alive and well the last time
she saw her at four fifteen pm.

1062
01:15:10.960 --> 01:15:15.960
She also did not see this man
in Arab clothing that Lady west Hoolm and

1063
01:15:15.960 --> 01:15:18.680
Miss Quinton say they saw with Emily. Poiot goes back to the hotel and

1064
01:15:18.720 --> 01:15:23.319
he finds Jefferson Cope, the lawyer, trying to make a quick getaway,

1065
01:15:23.720 --> 01:15:27.239
and he very calmly forces Cope to
stay and reminds him that they're all under

1066
01:15:27.319 --> 01:15:31.039
John Gilgood's orders not to leave until
the crime is solved. I always do

1067
01:15:31.119 --> 01:15:35.479
whatever John Gilgood tells me to do, a follow all of Daddy Guilgod's orders.

1068
01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:42.439
Yeah, talk about someone directing you
to gape? Who whoo so gross

1069
01:15:42.760 --> 01:15:45.560
would I gave for gil Good boom
bumper sticker. I want that boom per

1070
01:15:45.600 --> 01:15:49.079
stickler right now. I will buy
a car just to have that bumper sticker.

1071
01:15:53.399 --> 01:15:57.920
He confronts Cope about his part in
helping Emily destroy her husband's true will

1072
01:15:58.159 --> 01:16:01.159
and points out that killing Emily would
be his way to avoid detection and scandal.

1073
01:16:01.199 --> 01:16:04.079
He's like, look, you have
a motive like this all tracks out.

1074
01:16:04.079 --> 01:16:08.560
You're a very You're a very plausible
suspect. Yeah, Cope gets fired

1075
01:16:08.640 --> 01:16:12.359
up. He loudly claims that he's
made many mistakes in his life, but

1076
01:16:12.439 --> 01:16:15.960
he did not kill Emily Boyton.
After Nadine left him the day before,

1077
01:16:16.199 --> 01:16:20.199
he walked back down to the camp
around five pm and didn't see Emily before

1078
01:16:20.239 --> 01:16:26.159
she was found dead. Poi Ro
then goes back to Colonel Carberry gaping for

1079
01:16:26.239 --> 01:16:30.920
Gilgud. He wants the colonel to
question all the workers on the site about

1080
01:16:30.920 --> 01:16:34.319
who this man in the Arab clothing
could have been. He then tracks down

1081
01:16:34.439 --> 01:16:39.760
Carol and Raymond. He confronts Carol
first about the conversation he heard her and

1082
01:16:39.840 --> 01:16:43.199
Raymond having on the ship. Carol
actually just full out admits it. She's

1083
01:16:43.199 --> 01:16:45.439
like, yep, okay, we
fantasized about killing Emily, but after all

1084
01:16:45.560 --> 01:16:49.479
she's not our mother. Yeah,
and we but in the end we were

1085
01:16:49.520 --> 01:16:53.880
like never, we decided not to
go through with it. He then poor

1086
01:16:54.079 --> 01:16:58.000
Ro asks her about the syringe,
like how did your syringe wind up in

1087
01:16:58.039 --> 01:17:00.960
the dirt? And she's like,
I have no idea how that happened,

1088
01:17:01.199 --> 01:17:03.920
and then at one point and then
I'm like screaming at the screen and I'm

1089
01:17:03.960 --> 01:17:09.000
like, ask her why she has
a syringe on the birthplace, You fucking

1090
01:17:09.079 --> 01:17:12.439
idiot. Goddamn it, God,
damn it. I thought you were the

1091
01:17:12.439 --> 01:17:16.119
world's greatest detective, You fucking moron. You are leaving so much on the

1092
01:17:16.119 --> 01:17:20.359
table here. We also find out
in this in the course of the scene

1093
01:17:20.479 --> 01:17:25.960
from Carol that Jinny claims a shake
came into her tent while she was sleeping.

1094
01:17:26.479 --> 01:17:28.640
Carol's like, no, no,
no, you were just dreaming because

1095
01:17:28.640 --> 01:17:31.479
you were asleep. So she's she
immediately dismisses her little sister's flight of fancy

1096
01:17:31.479 --> 01:17:36.720
about some shake entering her tent.
Next, Poirot questions Raymond, this is

1097
01:17:38.439 --> 01:17:41.800
the son in love with the doctor, the British doctor. He says that

1098
01:17:41.840 --> 01:17:45.239
at five point thirty PM, he
told Emily that he wants to marry Sarah,

1099
01:17:45.279 --> 01:17:49.399
and that Emily was furious and absolutely
forbade it. After that, he

1100
01:17:49.479 --> 01:17:53.840
left her alone, and that's all
he's gonna say about that. The only

1101
01:17:53.880 --> 01:17:56.520
smart thing I've seen anyone do in
this movie. He's like, oh,

1102
01:17:56.560 --> 01:18:00.600
you're gonna question me. I'm ann
needle fucking lawyer who's not coch lawyer.

1103
01:18:00.079 --> 01:18:04.039
Poirot points out that Sarah put the
time of death around four pm, which

1104
01:18:04.079 --> 01:18:08.600
makes it a little odd that all
of these people were speaking to her after

1105
01:18:08.640 --> 01:18:12.479
her death. All of her children
claim to have spoken to her after four

1106
01:18:12.520 --> 01:18:16.560
pm, but Sarah, the magical
coroner who can look at a body and

1107
01:18:16.600 --> 01:18:20.479
figure out when it was dead,
says she died it four Later that night,

1108
01:18:21.119 --> 01:18:26.520
Poirot Powa is walking near the hotel. Parrot is walking near the hood

1109
01:18:26.600 --> 01:18:29.600
parrot, Parrot, that's a good
one. It's walking near the hotel,

1110
01:18:29.840 --> 01:18:32.840
and a disembodied voice whispered yells to
him in the dark that they have information

1111
01:18:32.880 --> 01:18:36.800
about Emily's murder, and the voice
asks Poirot to meet them at ten am

1112
01:18:38.159 --> 01:18:41.880
behind the hotel, and the camera
pans up and we see someone listening in

1113
01:18:41.920 --> 01:18:45.600
on this exchange from a hotel window, but crucially, we don't see their

1114
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:50.520
face. Why can't he just tell
him now? Right? What do we

1115
01:18:50.680 --> 01:18:53.920
like? He's not like scared away
by something? Is I'm like, come

1116
01:18:53.920 --> 01:18:56.359
here, come here, Oh no, my boss, I have to go

1117
01:18:56.760 --> 01:19:01.000
meet me tomorrow like something. He's
like, I have important vital information for

1118
01:19:01.079 --> 01:19:05.159
your case. But I can only
give it to you eight hours. Hence

1119
01:19:08.680 --> 01:19:15.119
eight hours forthwith, I shall tell
you about the murderer, like Poirot should

1120
01:19:15.319 --> 01:19:17.560
just have been, like, just
say the fucking name now and we can

1121
01:19:17.640 --> 01:19:23.840
all go home. Poi ro runs
into Miss Quinton and Lady west Hoolme in

1122
01:19:23.880 --> 01:19:28.319
the lobby and he points out a
large brown spider on the wall to miss

1123
01:19:28.439 --> 01:19:31.960
Quinton. She claims to see it, but it's pretty clear that she's lying.

1124
01:19:32.319 --> 01:19:38.399
Lady Westholme sees what's happening between miss
Quinton being wave too chatty with the

1125
01:19:38.479 --> 01:19:43.159
detective, and she immediately ushers her
away. John Gielgood, gaping for Gilgood,

1126
01:19:43.239 --> 01:19:47.640
joins joins Paris at the end of
the bar and tells him that he

1127
01:19:47.720 --> 01:19:51.199
spoke with all the local workers.
No one saw anything useful. What a

1128
01:19:51.239 --> 01:19:57.239
great use of John Gilgod's time.
This movie is perfect. Yeah. Poiro

1129
01:19:57.439 --> 01:20:00.680
then writes a name down on a
piece of paper, and he to one

1130
01:20:00.680 --> 01:20:03.800
of the colonel's soldiers, and he
asked him to check and see if quote

1131
01:20:03.880 --> 01:20:10.560
unquote, the Americans know anything about
this person whose name I'm writing down on

1132
01:20:10.600 --> 01:20:14.039
this piece of paper that I will
not say out loud. Poirot tells the

1133
01:20:14.079 --> 01:20:16.720
Colonel that he's pretty sure he knows
who killed Emily Boyton. He just needs

1134
01:20:16.720 --> 01:20:19.520
one more group interview. He needs
to get them all in the same place

1135
01:20:19.520 --> 01:20:26.119
at the same time, in a
really dramatic location. Paul, once again,

1136
01:20:27.039 --> 01:20:31.720
will this dramatic location be in any
way important to this interview? Not

1137
01:20:31.960 --> 01:20:36.720
even a little bit. Will this
interview actually glean any information that is that

1138
01:20:36.840 --> 01:20:41.640
is useful? I am so glad
I did not see this movie before I

1139
01:20:41.680 --> 01:20:45.399
recapped it, because I genuinely this
whole recap would have been a page long,

1140
01:20:45.800 --> 01:20:49.000
because like I wrote everything down like
it was fucking gospel, Like we're

1141
01:20:49.000 --> 01:20:55.079
gonna like this is all I'm gonna
come backing's important. So they arrange for

1142
01:20:55.159 --> 01:21:00.159
all the suspects to meet them for
afternoon tea at the springs of Satah.

1143
01:21:00.399 --> 01:21:02.920
I'm not sure I'm pronouncing that correct, believe like which is an actual sight.

1144
01:21:03.439 --> 01:21:08.000
Yeah. The next morning, Sarah
and Poirot are walking outside of the

1145
01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:12.199
hotel when Hassan, the young man
who whispered yelled to Poirot in the dark

1146
01:21:12.239 --> 01:21:15.439
of night, appears. Hassan,
I will just say for the record,

1147
01:21:15.520 --> 01:21:21.039
is actually played by an Arab actor. So when it is a toss up

1148
01:21:21.079 --> 01:21:24.800
as to whether or not nineteen eighty
eight they would have known better than to

1149
01:21:24.840 --> 01:21:29.039
put like to put brown face on
a white actor. I mean, spoiler

1150
01:21:29.079 --> 01:21:31.640
alert, Hassan does not speak again
in the movie. So like, it's

1151
01:21:31.640 --> 01:21:34.199
all it's all, it's all bad. But this is an actual Arab.

1152
01:21:34.279 --> 01:21:38.760
Yeah, Hassan's dignity will get curb
stomped in this film, don't worry about

1153
01:21:38.800 --> 01:21:41.800
it. But basically, like,
at least the actor is played by an

1154
01:21:41.800 --> 01:21:45.039
actual person of color POI ro with
Lady Westolm standing behind him. She's like

1155
01:21:45.079 --> 01:21:50.760
walking to her car, approaches Hassan
with Sarah. Hassan panics, turns around

1156
01:21:50.800 --> 01:21:55.359
and runs away. Sarah gives chase. She's like, I'll get him.

1157
01:21:55.359 --> 01:21:58.600
So now this is a young man
in like Arab clothing, but like in

1158
01:21:58.680 --> 01:22:00.640
like I just crucially, I'm talking
about his shoes. He's in like sandals

1159
01:22:00.680 --> 01:22:04.840
flats if you will, Yes,
Sarah is in a sun dress and pumps.

1160
01:22:05.520 --> 01:22:13.880
She goes after him Jackie Joiner Cursey
film. Sarah runs so goddamn much

1161
01:22:13.880 --> 01:22:20.199
and so goddamn fast and so goddamn
far that it becomes extremely comical. Eventually

1162
01:22:20.279 --> 01:22:25.279
they pass every single member of the
cast. During their chase, she falls

1163
01:22:25.279 --> 01:22:29.119
a little bit behind, but finally
he runs around a corner. We see

1164
01:22:29.159 --> 01:22:33.359
Sarah run around the corner. A
gunshot occurs, and then we come around

1165
01:22:33.359 --> 01:22:38.319
the corner and we see Sarah standing
over Hassan holding a gun, a literal

1166
01:22:38.439 --> 01:22:43.239
smoking gun, a literal smoking dead
on the street and she's holding a literal

1167
01:22:43.279 --> 01:22:45.720
smoking gun. And now Paul is
like, well, that means she's not

1168
01:22:45.800 --> 01:22:48.119
the killer, because this is this
is too much, This is too much,

1169
01:22:48.199 --> 01:22:53.479
right. A group of local men
find Sarah standing over Hassan's body with

1170
01:22:53.560 --> 01:22:57.880
her literal smoking gun. Things are
looking pretty grim for all Sarah, who,

1171
01:22:58.079 --> 01:23:00.600
by the way, does not raise
her voice and say I didn't do

1172
01:23:00.640 --> 01:23:01.720
it. It wasn't me, it
wasn't me. I know, hold the

1173
01:23:01.720 --> 01:23:03.760
gun, I didn't do it.
I didn't do it. She just kind

1174
01:23:03.760 --> 01:23:10.319
of freezes again, this woman being
menaced by a group of brown men,

1175
01:23:11.399 --> 01:23:15.359
like in a way like that,
the movie is definitely on her side and

1176
01:23:15.399 --> 01:23:18.479
not on theirs, which, to
be fair, this like street Justice,

1177
01:23:18.520 --> 01:23:21.760
was probably a bad idea to begin
with, Like this should go she should

1178
01:23:21.800 --> 01:23:26.560
probably all go through a court of
law. But like the movie has like

1179
01:23:26.680 --> 01:23:30.159
a group of twelve men, all
of whom are like I'm assuming locals of

1180
01:23:30.159 --> 01:23:34.760
where they're filming, but also dark
skinned. They're all surrounding her menacingly.

1181
01:23:35.119 --> 01:23:40.680
They start unsheathing their knives. There's
like like three close ups of people unsheathing

1182
01:23:40.760 --> 01:23:44.760
knives, and so they're all about
to like stab her to death in this

1183
01:23:44.840 --> 01:23:46.840
dark alleyway for the murder of this
man. And I'm like, this was

1184
01:23:46.840 --> 01:23:49.239
a choice. They didn't have to
put this in the movie at all.

1185
01:23:49.439 --> 01:23:54.479
This they could have They could have
easily just had her like like find a

1186
01:23:54.520 --> 01:23:59.119
smoking gun and get arrested. That's
it. They chose to have this instead.

1187
01:23:59.199 --> 01:24:01.479
This is now the second time in
the movie that this character is being

1188
01:24:01.560 --> 01:24:06.840
menaced by a group of men in
whose country she is visiting, by the

1189
01:24:06.880 --> 01:24:12.279
way. Correct. Suddenly a group
of British soldiers arrive and they you know,

1190
01:24:12.840 --> 01:24:15.239
quote unquote, well, I mean
they do rescue Sarah, like something

1191
01:24:15.279 --> 01:24:17.319
bad is about to happen to Sarah
in this alleyway, and they take her

1192
01:24:17.319 --> 01:24:23.279
away for questioning. So we cut
to Poirot and Carberry, Colonel Gielgud,

1193
01:24:23.399 --> 01:24:30.560
Colonel Gaper discussing the latest murder by
the Way. As much as the movie

1194
01:24:30.600 --> 01:24:34.439
focuses on Emily's death. Hassan's death
matters absolutely nothing to anybody, and it

1195
01:24:34.479 --> 01:24:40.800
will be alighted extremely quickly. This
is actually, I think the most offensive

1196
01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:44.199
thing that happens in the movie,
despite the many offensive things that have already

1197
01:24:44.199 --> 01:24:46.520
occurred, and like the racial epithets
that have already been thrown around that we

1198
01:24:46.600 --> 01:24:49.960
just haven't even mentioned. It's like, it's this, it's there's like a

1199
01:24:50.039 --> 01:24:56.960
person of color, a local,
a servant who gets murdered in the streets,

1200
01:24:57.079 --> 01:25:00.800
and it is completely just dropped for
the rest of the movie. It's

1201
01:25:00.640 --> 01:25:04.359
just another like blip in the in
the plot of who killed Emily Boynton?

1202
01:25:04.520 --> 01:25:09.479
Right, So, okay, they're
discussing this murder. This will be the

1203
01:25:09.520 --> 01:25:12.760
only, just the only scene in
which anyone discusses this murder. Even though

1204
01:25:12.800 --> 01:25:15.640
Sarah's fingerprints were the only ones on
the gun that they got at the scene,

1205
01:25:15.760 --> 01:25:19.840
Poirot does not believe she could have
killed Hassan. There's nowhere for her

1206
01:25:19.880 --> 01:25:24.039
to have hidden a gun. He's
like, I saw her literally for the

1207
01:25:24.079 --> 01:25:27.239
minute before she ran. She didn't
have a purse, she was wearing a

1208
01:25:27.279 --> 01:25:30.920
tight white dress. She could not
have hidden a gun anywhere without me seeing

1209
01:25:30.960 --> 01:25:34.000
it right, which does mean that
she sprinted around a corner, found a

1210
01:25:34.039 --> 01:25:38.159
smoking gun over a dead body,
and made the conscious choice to pick up

1211
01:25:38.199 --> 01:25:41.800
the gun. Yeah, she also
might be clinically stupid. Maybe she shouldn't

1212
01:25:41.800 --> 01:25:44.279
be a doctor. Yeah, I
don't. I don't think she should be

1213
01:25:44.479 --> 01:25:47.479
like rooting around on my insides,
I don't. I'd rather have something I'm

1214
01:25:47.520 --> 01:25:50.279
not okay with that. I'd rather
have someone who's like smart enough to know

1215
01:25:50.399 --> 01:25:56.119
to like whistle and walk away when
they see a dead body. He asks

1216
01:25:56.279 --> 01:25:59.960
Carbery to release Sarah from jail so
that she can join that group in her

1217
01:26:00.199 --> 01:26:01.640
that afternoon. That is going to
be so crucial to the rest of the

1218
01:26:01.680 --> 01:26:05.920
movie, so important. We cut
to this fucking tea slash interview in the

1219
01:26:05.960 --> 01:26:10.640
second location that I know they only
picked because they wanted some more picturesque to

1220
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:15.359
film. Parrot holds court. He
dramatically goes through all the suspects and their

1221
01:26:15.399 --> 01:26:18.479
motives, once again pointing out all
the inconsistencies in the timing of their stories.

1222
01:26:18.960 --> 01:26:24.880
Raymond and Carol loudly admit to plotting
to kill Emily with an empty hypodermic

1223
01:26:24.960 --> 01:26:28.680
needle. Both of them thought the
other one had committed the murder, which

1224
01:26:28.680 --> 01:26:30.760
is why they were so cagy in
their interviews, and it turns out neither

1225
01:26:30.760 --> 01:26:34.960
of them had. Don't you hate
when that happens. It's so funny.

1226
01:26:35.000 --> 01:26:40.079
I totally thought you killed her?
Can I tell you if I'm ever murdered?

1227
01:26:40.399 --> 01:26:44.920
One of my deep hopes is that
there is us, that there is

1228
01:26:45.000 --> 01:26:49.760
not a Baker's dozen of people who
are viable suspects with good motive on it,

1229
01:26:49.840 --> 01:26:53.600
Like, I hope I live my
life in a way that does it

1230
01:26:53.840 --> 01:26:59.479
PSA for this episode, live your
life in a way. We're only one

1231
01:26:59.560 --> 01:27:02.920
or two people want to kill you, not everyone, not everyone you meet.

1232
01:27:06.640 --> 01:27:10.000
I mean, if no one wants
to kill you, I think you've

1233
01:27:10.000 --> 01:27:13.560
gone too far. I think you've
lived a life unfulfilled. But only two

1234
01:27:13.680 --> 01:27:16.880
or three maximum maximum three? Any
more than three, we're getting I'm getting

1235
01:27:16.880 --> 01:27:20.640
nervous. Lennox then starts to confess
to the murder. Right. He's like,

1236
01:27:20.720 --> 01:27:24.439
I did it, I killed her, right, And Poaro is like,

1237
01:27:24.560 --> 01:27:27.439
no, you didn't. Why are
you confessing? And it turns out

1238
01:27:27.560 --> 01:27:30.079
he thinks Nadine did it, so
he's covering for Nadine, and Paro's like,

1239
01:27:30.119 --> 01:27:33.479
guess what Nadine didn't do it either, and Lennox is like, psych

1240
01:27:33.600 --> 01:27:38.000
I didn't kill her. I back, I didn't do it either, all

1241
01:27:38.119 --> 01:27:43.439
right, I forgot. The cutaways
to Lauren Baccall in this scene are the

1242
01:27:43.720 --> 01:27:47.039
most over at the top I roll
you know that Liz lemon I roll from

1243
01:27:47.079 --> 01:27:51.520
thirty Rocks. She is almost she's
doing that. That is Tina Fey actively

1244
01:27:51.560 --> 01:27:56.279
trying to be enormous. This is
Laura Wacall like biting a cookie and having

1245
01:27:56.319 --> 01:28:00.279
like seventeen emotions play across her face
as she like rolls her This entire affair

1246
01:28:00.439 --> 01:28:03.880
horn Bocall gives in this movie.
Can I tell you she serves? She

1247
01:28:04.079 --> 01:28:11.279
gives every scene. She plays maximum
cunt every fucking scene like Piper Laurie does

1248
01:28:11.319 --> 01:28:15.640
too. But they're doing it in
different ways, and it's it is fifty

1249
01:28:15.640 --> 01:28:18.840
shades of cuntiness, and I am
here for all of it, all of

1250
01:28:18.880 --> 01:28:25.840
it. So Lennox admits finally that
by the time he saw Emily at four

1251
01:28:26.039 --> 01:28:30.680
fifteen that afternoon, she had already
died. So now they're all starting to

1252
01:28:30.680 --> 01:28:31.520
admit it. They're all like,
she was dead when I saw her.

1253
01:28:31.520 --> 01:28:33.880
Doo, me too, me too, me too? Yeah, I just

1254
01:28:33.880 --> 01:28:38.199
didn't want to cause any suspicion around
the other person that I thought killed her

1255
01:28:38.239 --> 01:28:42.600
because everyone wanted her dead. Lady
Westolm can take it no longer, she

1256
01:28:42.760 --> 01:28:47.399
tells Parquet and gaping Gilgood she's leaving. She's excusing herself from the proceedings.

1257
01:28:48.640 --> 01:28:54.399
Poirot ends the group interview, and
John Gielgood invites everyone to the coronation ball

1258
01:28:54.439 --> 01:28:58.920
that evening because also King George the
Whatever is being coronated that day. Okay,

1259
01:28:59.159 --> 01:29:03.439
sure, let's throw that whatever.
John Gilgood asked Pool if he got

1260
01:29:03.479 --> 01:29:08.800
everything he needed, and Poo insists
he has until midnight to unmask the killer.

1261
01:29:08.920 --> 01:29:12.119
This messy bitch knows who did it. This messy bitch knew yesterday,

1262
01:29:12.279 --> 01:29:15.159
and he's just putting us through all
of this for nothing. Fuck you,

1263
01:29:15.239 --> 01:29:17.039
Paro, Fuck you, I thought
you were supposed to be on vacation.

1264
01:29:17.359 --> 01:29:20.840
Get this done and go and go
relax. Goddamn it. We see a

1265
01:29:20.840 --> 01:29:28.199
British soldier bringing paper plain and important
note regarding quote unquote that person. Puot

1266
01:29:28.319 --> 01:29:30.359
hides it from John Gilgood because apparently
he's having too much fun on his little

1267
01:29:30.399 --> 01:29:33.119
murder vacation. He doesn't want to
just end it. He wants to end

1268
01:29:33.159 --> 01:29:36.840
it dramatically. At midnight, we
cut to the ball. Everyone is on

1269
01:29:36.920 --> 01:29:42.279
the dance floor, even Parrot,
which causes my favorite bitch line in the

1270
01:29:42.279 --> 01:29:45.640
movie, which is Lauren Bacall looking
at him and she goes in that Lauren

1271
01:29:45.640 --> 01:29:53.560
Becall's smoky evil voice goes, mister
Poirot, shouldn't dance too fat, bad

1272
01:29:53.600 --> 01:30:01.079
for the heart. Damn Jesus fuck. I mean Heather Chandler wishes she had

1273
01:30:01.119 --> 01:30:04.359
this level of huntiness. What if
Flora paccaullad played Heather Chandler, who would

1274
01:30:04.359 --> 01:30:10.039
have been the other Heathers Katherine Hepburn
would have been Heather Duke, right,

1275
01:30:10.079 --> 01:30:13.319
she would have been the second one, the Shannon Doherty one who takes over

1276
01:30:14.800 --> 01:30:17.560
is Joan Fontaine as Heather McNamara,
the cheerleader one, right, Okay,

1277
01:30:17.600 --> 01:30:20.239
and then I think it has to
be Betty Davis's Veronica. Yeah, I

1278
01:30:20.239 --> 01:30:27.479
think that's fair. Jd can be
played by Gary Cooper. This is an

1279
01:30:27.520 --> 01:30:30.239
amazing movie. I wish she could
make it. I want to remake Heathers

1280
01:30:30.279 --> 01:30:33.239
with old dead actress. Yeah.
So the Boytons and Cope, the lawyer

1281
01:30:33.279 --> 01:30:40.680
are all seated at the same table
with John Gielgud and plowa Ah. Carol

1282
01:30:40.760 --> 01:30:43.920
asks how he's so sure that none
of them committed the murder. He points

1283
01:30:43.920 --> 01:30:46.359
out that any one of them could
have killed Emily by slipping her a fatal

1284
01:30:46.399 --> 01:30:50.359
dose of digitalis at any time.
They wouldn't have had to inject her with

1285
01:30:50.439 --> 01:30:53.840
it to kill her. They're all
very familiar with how she takes it.

1286
01:30:54.279 --> 01:30:58.479
Therefore, the murder is someone who
didn't know Emily all that well. Now,

1287
01:30:58.520 --> 01:31:00.920
this is I think is one of
the best bits of like deduction that

1288
01:31:00.920 --> 01:31:03.880
it happens in the movie. Yeah, like, oh, that does make

1289
01:31:03.960 --> 01:31:08.159
sense, and that's a solid point. So he goes through the events the

1290
01:31:08.239 --> 01:31:11.439
last few days one more time.
On the day of her death, Emily

1291
01:31:11.520 --> 01:31:15.920
sends her family away in order to
speak with Lady west Hoolm, and when

1292
01:31:15.960 --> 01:31:18.840
Hassan, the only witness to the
murder, tried to speak with Poirot,

1293
01:31:18.920 --> 01:31:24.159
he saw Lady west Holm approaching and
ran away. Poirot then breaks down how

1294
01:31:24.239 --> 01:31:29.800
Lady Westolm committed the murders. Paul, Here's where I am so fucking disappointed

1295
01:31:29.840 --> 01:31:34.119
in myself because I genuinely, and
I'm embarrassed to admit this, never really

1296
01:31:34.159 --> 01:31:39.680
thought about Lauren Bacall as the killer
until like like three minutes before the scene,

1297
01:31:40.039 --> 01:31:43.560
and I was like, yeah,
bitch, this is procedural television one

1298
01:31:43.600 --> 01:31:47.039
oh one. The famous person is
always the killer. Lauren Bacall is in

1299
01:31:47.079 --> 01:31:50.199
this movie, and she's not gonna
be the killer? Are you fucking kidding

1300
01:31:50.239 --> 01:31:55.000
me? Like, obviously is Lauren
Bacall. I had to put my head

1301
01:31:55.000 --> 01:31:58.119
in my hands and I was like, oh, you dumb, dumb bitch.

1302
01:31:58.199 --> 01:32:02.159
I can't believe you realized it was
Laurencall. I thought I figured it

1303
01:32:02.159 --> 01:32:04.880
was Lauren Bacall as soon as she
sent everyone away, and then was like,

1304
01:32:05.000 --> 01:32:06.920
tell Lady westme, I want to
speak with her. I was like,

1305
01:32:08.319 --> 01:32:10.920
something's it has to be her.
It would have had to be all

1306
01:32:10.960 --> 01:32:14.880
of the kids together or none of
the kids, like, because they're not

1307
01:32:15.000 --> 01:32:18.239
particularly well drawn characters, and they're
not particularly they're all too stupid to have

1308
01:32:18.279 --> 01:32:24.840
done it. Yeah. So anyway, so he says, Lady west Holm

1309
01:32:24.920 --> 01:32:30.119
disguised herself as an Arab man broke
into Sarah's tent, but not before accidentally

1310
01:32:30.159 --> 01:32:32.800
walking into Ginny's tent, hence Ginny
thinking she'd seen a shake. Remember we

1311
01:32:32.800 --> 01:32:38.079
heard about that earlier. She stole
the needle from Sarah's medical bag and the

1312
01:32:38.119 --> 01:32:42.840
digitalis and then administered the fatal dose
to Emily. There's an amazing reenaction of

1313
01:32:42.880 --> 01:32:46.680
this of Piper Laurie screaming no as
it happens, and like no one coming

1314
01:32:46.720 --> 01:32:49.840
down, Like there's people like one
hundred yards away in a dig site,

1315
01:32:49.880 --> 01:32:54.560
and everyone's like, yeah, we're
trying to find the dead scrolls over here.

1316
01:32:57.600 --> 01:33:00.439
Later that day, when Lady west
Home was Quinton offered to take Emily

1317
01:33:00.479 --> 01:33:04.439
for a walk, she claims that
Emily grunted at them, and Miss Quinton,

1318
01:33:04.680 --> 01:33:10.319
who is highly suggestible, which Poirot
knows because he suggested that isn't there

1319
01:33:10.319 --> 01:33:13.960
a spider in that corner? And
miss Quinton just agreed says, oh,

1320
01:33:14.039 --> 01:33:15.439
yes, I also heard a grunt. So Lady west Home knows that miss

1321
01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:18.960
Quinton has a weak mind basically and
took advantage of it. Which again,

1322
01:33:19.000 --> 01:33:25.199
should she be the person overseeing the
excavation of a major archaeological dig. None

1323
01:33:25.199 --> 01:33:29.199
of these people should have the jobs
they have. They're gonna find a newspaper

1324
01:33:29.279 --> 01:33:32.119
with today's date on it, and
she's gonna insist it with Jesus Christ's newspaper

1325
01:33:32.520 --> 01:33:36.880
like this is a problem. Jesus
read Life magazine. I have proof.

1326
01:33:38.039 --> 01:33:41.920
I found it at the dig.
Then she killed Hassan before he could tell

1327
01:33:41.920 --> 01:33:45.560
Poirot that he saw Lady west Hoolm
kill Emily. How Lady west Holm knew

1328
01:33:45.560 --> 01:33:48.960
where Hassan was running through the city
and got there ahead of him in order

1329
01:33:49.000 --> 01:33:54.840
to commit this assassination. The movie
will never explain and has no interest in

1330
01:33:55.079 --> 01:33:57.800
she did it? You know there
was a scene with her chasing him down

1331
01:33:57.880 --> 01:34:00.640
and Lauren Bacall was like, no, absolutely not. It is one hundred

1332
01:34:00.720 --> 01:34:04.159
degrees. I am not running around
in this film. You just write around

1333
01:34:04.159 --> 01:34:08.600
this. Fuck you all, fuck
you, fuck you, You're cool,

1334
01:34:08.920 --> 01:34:12.720
fuck you. I am Betty Baccall, and I do not run. Okay.

1335
01:34:15.079 --> 01:34:18.880
Sarah asks, Okay, but why
why would Lady Westholm, of all

1336
01:34:18.920 --> 01:34:25.840
people, rich British aristocrat and member
of Parliament want to kill this evil bitch

1337
01:34:25.840 --> 01:34:30.960
from New Jersey, this gorgan from
the colonies. Yeah? Well, it

1338
01:34:30.039 --> 01:34:33.840
turns out that before she was a
high and mighty peerist of the realm,

1339
01:34:34.439 --> 01:34:40.960
she was Dun Dun Dune, an
American criminal and a prisoner in the same

1340
01:34:41.039 --> 01:34:45.399
prison where Emily was a w warden
dress or whatever. We said wrdross,

1341
01:34:45.760 --> 01:34:49.039
a warderous, a matron, a
mama Morton, if you will, exactly.

1342
01:34:49.479 --> 01:34:55.720
Emily recognized her and threatened to reveal
her secret just for fun, like

1343
01:34:55.760 --> 01:34:58.920
not even for money. That to
me is the most ice cold thing in

1344
01:34:58.920 --> 01:35:01.800
the whole movie. She's like,
but Emily was so rich, what could

1345
01:35:01.800 --> 01:35:05.600
she possibly gain? And they were
like just evil fun and I was like,

1346
01:35:05.800 --> 01:35:09.840
oh shit, just a little bit
of glee, just a little bit

1347
01:35:09.840 --> 01:35:15.000
of glee at tearing someone else down. And that is why Lady Westholm killed

1348
01:35:15.039 --> 01:35:16.960
her. Okay, And at this
point in the film, they're at a

1349
01:35:17.000 --> 01:35:23.199
party. They can see her.
Lady Wesholm has been watching them having this

1350
01:35:23.279 --> 01:35:27.680
conversation from across the room, kind
of looking at them as Poirot like puts

1351
01:35:27.720 --> 01:35:31.199
on he like takes a tablecloth and
puts it over his body to like mimic

1352
01:35:31.399 --> 01:35:35.319
how she would have dressed it and
like hidden her face in order to commit

1353
01:35:35.319 --> 01:35:40.239
the murder. And like, Lady
Wesholm's been watching this whole time and is

1354
01:35:40.279 --> 01:35:43.760
like, well shit, I think
they're on to me. And she sucking

1355
01:35:44.279 --> 01:35:48.840
pieces out of the ballroom. No
one arrests her. They don't even get

1356
01:35:48.920 --> 01:35:54.359
up from the table after They're all
like, oh, that's how she killed

1357
01:35:54.359 --> 01:35:58.760
Emily. This is why you should
maybe arrest the murderer before explaining to everyone

1358
01:35:58.840 --> 01:36:00.359
who is the murderer actually is and
why they did it. You put the

1359
01:36:00.399 --> 01:36:03.199
cart before the horse a little bit
here. It's you know, Paul sounds

1360
01:36:03.199 --> 01:36:05.680
like she can get away. She's
getting away, She's getting away. Never

1361
01:36:05.680 --> 01:36:09.880
mind, yep, she can get
away. Well, everyone okay, and

1362
01:36:09.920 --> 01:36:14.359
then everyone's like, that's how she
killed her. Ooh, fireworks, and

1363
01:36:14.439 --> 01:36:21.159
the entire table gets up to go
outside to watch the fireworks, including the

1364
01:36:21.319 --> 01:36:27.760
colonel who is who is like their
sheriff in these parts, and just fucking

1365
01:36:28.000 --> 01:36:32.640
leaves this murderer at the party.
She's just unaccounted for. Yeah, lady

1366
01:36:32.840 --> 01:36:38.319
w not being a dumb dumb slips
out. Poirot follows her, and she

1367
01:36:38.439 --> 01:36:41.439
turns and confronts him, and she
says, should I suffer for the crime

1368
01:36:41.520 --> 01:36:45.239
of murdering someone as horrible as Emily
Boynton was? You're like, wow,

1369
01:36:45.319 --> 01:36:47.479
ring ring, Hello, pot,
it's kettle, you're black. I mean,

1370
01:36:47.520 --> 01:36:51.119
like, both of these women suck. Haha. I would have killed

1371
01:36:51.119 --> 01:36:57.439
it twice if I had had my
high point. Cuffeequaro says, I don't

1372
01:36:57.439 --> 01:37:00.000
know, lady, I'm just the
detective. Here is really up to Colonel

1373
01:37:00.079 --> 01:37:01.600
Carbury to decide if you go,
if you go to prison or not.

1374
01:37:01.800 --> 01:37:09.319
Oh, fireworks, and then he
turns around and joins everyone watching the fireworks

1375
01:37:09.600 --> 01:37:15.039
and does nothing. Okay, here's
my resolution. Your resolution is to not

1376
01:37:15.079 --> 01:37:18.560
have enough people want to kill you
that there's a literal like murderer's row of

1377
01:37:18.560 --> 01:37:24.800
suspects. My resolution is that I
hope that if I am ever murdered,

1378
01:37:25.039 --> 01:37:28.840
the police don't exactly figure out who
did it and go, that's fine,

1379
01:37:29.039 --> 01:37:31.479
it was fine, don't worry about
it. No one cares. She earned

1380
01:37:31.479 --> 01:37:38.800
it. That's fucking harsh. Yeah, Lady Westom adjourns to her hotel room

1381
01:37:38.920 --> 01:37:43.800
and she dies by suicide. She
shoots herself with a gun. Fucking shoots

1382
01:37:43.800 --> 01:37:46.279
herself, Like, whoa, I
didn't see that coming. The movie did

1383
01:37:46.359 --> 01:37:49.199
get me in here? That was
like whoa? Okay? Cool? Uh.

1384
01:37:49.199 --> 01:37:55.239
Percolator and Gielgud decide to cover up
the suicide by claiming that she died

1385
01:37:55.279 --> 01:37:59.199
while cleaning her gun. After all, she was ever a woman who knew

1386
01:37:59.239 --> 01:38:02.960
her duty. What I don't think
the movie thinks that Lady west hoolme is

1387
01:38:03.000 --> 01:38:06.560
as problematic as we do. I
think the movie thinks Lady west Holme is

1388
01:38:06.800 --> 01:38:12.520
a bit much, but like,
yeah, ultimately fine, honestly, yes,

1389
01:38:12.600 --> 01:38:17.159
the movie is contending that Emily Boynton
would like basically deserve to die and

1390
01:38:17.199 --> 01:38:19.840
the way Lady west Holm was the
only one with the kohonas to do it,

1391
01:38:20.560 --> 01:38:23.880
like that is what this movie is
positing. And they're like, well,

1392
01:38:23.880 --> 01:38:28.039
good for her for also not dealing
with a long prolonged trial and just

1393
01:38:28.479 --> 01:38:32.359
ending it herself. And I'm like, the fuck is this movie for knowing

1394
01:38:32.399 --> 01:38:39.319
when to make an exit? Lady
west home? I mean, so they

1395
01:38:39.319 --> 01:38:42.479
say, this way, there's no
further investigation. They can also claim that

1396
01:38:42.479 --> 01:38:45.840
Emily died of a heart attack.
Pit Pat spit spot, all done,

1397
01:38:45.079 --> 01:38:49.960
nice and cleaned. Everyone's reputations are
intact. Over breakfast the next morning,

1398
01:38:50.000 --> 01:38:55.359
they read the story of Lady west
Hoolme's tragic accident in the paper, and

1399
01:38:55.479 --> 01:39:00.520
Poirot and Gielgood watch as all the
point and siblings go off to live their

1400
01:39:00.640 --> 01:39:05.560
care free lives. Lennox and Nadine
are back together. Cope and miss miss

1401
01:39:05.640 --> 01:39:11.359
Quinby or whatever her name was,
Miss Quintin miss Quincy are together now that

1402
01:39:11.520 --> 01:39:17.600
eighties jaunty sitcom score kicks up again
and they all drive out of the Holy

1403
01:39:17.720 --> 01:39:30.439
Land. End of movie. What
a movie? What an absolute clusterfucke Oh

1404
01:39:30.640 --> 01:39:33.560
God, stick around. We'll be
right back with our random observations and final

1405
01:39:33.640 --> 01:39:48.079
rankings after these messages and we're back, Paul, give us a little bit

1406
01:39:48.159 --> 01:39:53.439
of you for macheon. That will
help us solve why is this movie so

1407
01:39:53.560 --> 01:39:59.680
stupid? By the way, flawless
franch accent your well lawless, it's actually

1408
01:39:59.680 --> 01:40:03.119
Bill, I'm doing Belgian Flemish.
I believe perhaps maybe, yeah, I

1409
01:40:03.159 --> 01:40:06.680
don't know, yeah, yeah,
yeah. There's there's a scene that you

1410
01:40:06.720 --> 01:40:10.479
allided out of the recap, which
was the correct choice, but because it

1411
01:40:10.479 --> 01:40:13.399
has nothing to do with the rest
of the movie. But Lauren Boocall as

1412
01:40:13.479 --> 01:40:16.359
Lady Westolm, she like it's constantly
taking pictures and wants her picture to be

1413
01:40:16.399 --> 01:40:20.159
taken and is posing for pictures.
And then at one point she winds up

1414
01:40:20.239 --> 01:40:28.119
at the whaling wall oh and like
accidentally offends everyone because there's there's a there's

1415
01:40:28.119 --> 01:40:31.199
a male and a female section of
the whaling wall, and she like blindly

1416
01:40:31.239 --> 01:40:34.680
walks onto the to the male section, and everyone like looks at her and

1417
01:40:34.960 --> 01:40:41.680
it is I think the movie means
it to be a like comic moment.

1418
01:40:42.039 --> 01:40:44.560
Yeah, it's funny. It's supposed
to be funny. It's supposed to be

1419
01:40:44.560 --> 01:40:46.720
funny. It's so uncomfortable. Uh
huh. Also, Paul, can I

1420
01:40:46.760 --> 01:40:51.279
tell you how much I thought her
taking pictures all over the movie was going

1421
01:40:51.359 --> 01:40:55.720
to come back, was going to
reveal something. It's another thing that I

1422
01:40:55.760 --> 01:40:58.960
thought because I'm an idiot and I
didn't realize Lauren Woodall, the most famous

1423
01:40:58.960 --> 01:41:00.640
person in the movie, was also
going to be the killer. I thought

1424
01:41:00.720 --> 01:41:04.600
that the whole point of her character
was that she's irritating, but she redeems

1425
01:41:04.640 --> 01:41:09.119
herself at the end by being the
person who helped solve the crime with all

1426
01:41:09.159 --> 01:41:12.039
these photographs. No, none of
that, But there is a movie you

1427
01:41:12.119 --> 01:41:15.239
wrote. There is a runner in
the movie where she is just like taking

1428
01:41:15.279 --> 01:41:21.279
pictures of everything and just does nothing
nothing. Speaking of Miss Bookcall, of

1429
01:41:21.479 --> 01:41:27.479
Betty Bcall, I have some favorite
lines of hers. Oh I have one

1430
01:41:27.479 --> 01:41:31.159
too. Uh. One is where
she's there's someone's like, well you're an

1431
01:41:31.159 --> 01:41:33.720
American, but you're really English now
or whatever, and she goes, I

1432
01:41:33.760 --> 01:41:39.680
consider myself merely a colonial who has
returned to the fold. What a woman.

1433
01:41:39.920 --> 01:41:44.000
Fuck. Yeah, I have one
where she says having servants about that

1434
01:41:44.039 --> 01:41:47.720
don't speak a word of English is
very trying. Ha ha ha oh.

1435
01:41:47.800 --> 01:41:50.720
I have a good one. By
the way, she says some fucked up

1436
01:41:50.800 --> 01:41:54.199
racist shit in the movie. I'm
not just I'm just not gonna say any

1437
01:41:54.199 --> 01:41:57.039
of those. But there's one that
she says that's very funny that he goes

1438
01:41:57.399 --> 01:42:04.760
very nice meal considered it was prepared
by foreigners, but you're in their country,

1439
01:42:04.960 --> 01:42:08.960
you were the foreigner. There's one
moment where they're on in the tent

1440
01:42:09.399 --> 01:42:12.840
and they're like, oh, look
it's lamb and they do this intentional close

1441
01:42:12.920 --> 01:42:16.039
up of this I'm sorry, very
unappetizing looking meal that actually has a fly

1442
01:42:16.199 --> 01:42:18.760
on it, And I'm like,
you couldn't just take another shot of the

1443
01:42:18.800 --> 01:42:26.079
food it doesn't have a pest on
it. One of my favorite lines in

1444
01:42:26.079 --> 01:42:29.720
the movie, it's not from Lauren
bacalls from Carrie Fisher. This is after

1445
01:42:30.279 --> 01:42:33.880
Lennox has found the cigarette case,
they've had the brawl, they are leaving

1446
01:42:33.920 --> 01:42:38.359
to go on their walk. That
five rant, that motley crew of five

1447
01:42:38.399 --> 01:42:42.479
that went on the walk at the
dig Yeah, and she's walking with Lennox

1448
01:42:43.479 --> 01:42:46.199
and she asks him, Oh,
are you still sulking about all of that,

1449
01:42:46.920 --> 01:42:54.319
about the ongoing affair that she had
with the family lawyer who's still there?

1450
01:42:54.600 --> 01:42:58.119
To be clear, Oh, you're
still smulking about that just because I

1451
01:42:58.159 --> 01:43:03.479
gave him a hand job at lunch. Jesus Christ, grow up. There

1452
01:43:03.560 --> 01:43:08.840
is a weird fucking line that like, I think it's intentional, and it's

1453
01:43:08.920 --> 01:43:13.119
poi Rot, it's parrokeet. He
says, everything is always fun for you

1454
01:43:13.239 --> 01:43:16.079
English, the sun never sets on
your games. Well, I hope it'll

1455
01:43:16.079 --> 01:43:20.279
always be so, although I have
my doubts. What does that mean?

1456
01:43:20.520 --> 01:43:26.239
What does that mean? It got
so dark so quickly, And I'm like

1457
01:43:26.359 --> 01:43:30.479
what the fuck? I had to
write it down because I was like,

1458
01:43:30.720 --> 01:43:33.920
genuinely have no idea why that's in
there. Yeah, it's it's it,

1459
01:43:34.039 --> 01:43:38.720
like is it the movie makers like
knowing that, like the the sun was

1460
01:43:38.760 --> 01:43:42.560
setting on the British Empire and and
like it's not gonna go well. And

1461
01:43:42.560 --> 01:43:46.119
they're trying to put words in Poirot's
mouth that make him sound even more oh

1462
01:43:46.199 --> 01:43:50.560
like pressure, like like look like
none of this Palestine shit's gonna end up

1463
01:43:50.560 --> 01:43:56.079
well, just aheads up, maybe
f yi, just FYI. I don't

1464
01:43:56.119 --> 01:44:00.479
know, maybe, but I was
like, this is dark and the movie

1465
01:44:00.520 --> 01:44:03.960
doesn't in the movie like tiptoes around
it and really doesn't delve into that.

1466
01:44:04.199 --> 01:44:11.680
Yeah, speaking of paragraph, what
are the pants that he's wearing at the

1467
01:44:11.800 --> 01:44:15.720
end call They look like jod purs
but also kind of like mc hammer pants,

1468
01:44:15.760 --> 01:44:20.760
Like they're very like parachute Jod purse. I missed it, Shit,

1469
01:44:21.119 --> 01:44:26.079
I miss it. They are They
make him twice as wide as he is

1470
01:44:26.159 --> 01:44:30.760
tall, Like they are so wide. Is this Peter Ustinov? Yeah?

1471
01:44:30.920 --> 01:44:39.479
Huh oh and he is tall and
wise. Holy shit. There's a scene

1472
01:44:39.840 --> 01:44:45.079
late in the film where Lauren Bacall
is serving coffee to someone. Yep,

1473
01:44:45.319 --> 01:44:48.399
uh huh. It is so weird
and it's so unintentionally funny because they didn't

1474
01:44:48.399 --> 01:44:51.560
wish you already doing the high Point
coffee commercials. Is that? What is

1475
01:44:51.600 --> 01:44:56.319
this? What is that? What
this was a reference to? Or did

1476
01:44:56.319 --> 01:44:58.640
the high Point people see this scene
and go, we need to put her

1477
01:44:58.680 --> 01:45:03.199
in our commercials. Chicken Dinner.
She's pouring coffee out of this like silver

1478
01:45:03.319 --> 01:45:08.119
coffee server like coffee thing, and
like three drops come out and then she

1479
01:45:08.239 --> 01:45:12.560
just hands them the cup like it's
a normal serving of coffee, and she's

1480
01:45:12.600 --> 01:45:15.680
like, have some coffee. It's
de definated, and I'm like, everything

1481
01:45:15.800 --> 01:45:19.319
about this scene makes me so joyous. By the way, for those of

1482
01:45:19.319 --> 01:45:23.960
you who don't understand what we're talking
about, I don't even remember what episode

1483
01:45:23.960 --> 01:45:27.800
we meantion we started talking about high
Point Coffee Misery. Thank you, man,

1484
01:45:27.840 --> 01:45:30.279
You're good. If you've not heard
our busery episode and you're hearing this

1485
01:45:30.319 --> 01:45:34.359
one, please google Lauren Bacall high
Point Coffee, high Point Coffee. Paul

1486
01:45:34.439 --> 01:45:40.159
has made my life immeasurably better by
telling me about these commercials, and I

1487
01:45:40.159 --> 01:45:43.439
would like to I would like to
like return the favor to the listeners.

1488
01:45:43.479 --> 01:45:46.439
You're paying it forward, paying this
shit forward. My favorite time of day

1489
01:45:46.520 --> 01:45:54.880
is not Erica. How how should
we rank appointment with death one to ten

1490
01:45:55.000 --> 01:46:01.039
murderers rows of murder suspects upon my
murder? One to tically stupid murder suspects

1491
01:46:01.199 --> 01:46:08.520
upon your murder? One to ten
horses at Elmer Boynton's glue factory. Oh

1492
01:46:08.920 --> 01:46:13.880
too dark, too dark. I
hope the sun never sets on your games,

1493
01:46:14.039 --> 01:46:23.079
Paul. One to ten gaping geel
goods. You know what if if

1494
01:46:23.079 --> 01:46:27.479
only because I think John Gielgood would
have thought that was funny. Oh that

1495
01:46:27.479 --> 01:46:29.920
was funny. Yeah, he would
have been thrilled. Do you want to

1496
01:46:29.960 --> 01:46:33.239
go first today? Or shall I
lead the way? I'll go first,

1497
01:46:33.439 --> 01:46:36.399
have at it. I have to
say, of all the films we've covered

1498
01:46:36.399 --> 01:46:41.520
this month, this is the only
one that actually surprised me with Who the

1499
01:46:41.600 --> 01:46:46.560
Murderer is fair now it is because
I'm too stupid to live. Yes,

1500
01:46:46.960 --> 01:46:54.119
frankly one to ten clinically stupid podcaststs, clinically stupid podcasts. Who really who

1501
01:46:54.119 --> 01:46:59.159
doesn't understand the basic economics of filmmaking
and that you can't cast Lauren Becall unless

1502
01:46:59.199 --> 01:47:01.319
she's the killer. I'm glad I
saw it. I really am. I

1503
01:47:01.319 --> 01:47:04.640
think as much as we're ragging on
it because it is stupid and bad,

1504
01:47:04.720 --> 01:47:09.680
it's also really fun to watch.
Agreed. I did not feel bored for

1505
01:47:09.760 --> 01:47:14.000
even a second. It is very
pretty as well, because it's like nineteen

1506
01:47:14.039 --> 01:47:19.159
thirty seven costumes and like these exotic
to us Anyway locations. It's funny.

1507
01:47:19.199 --> 01:47:23.199
There's a lot of funny lines in
the movie actually that we kind of elided,

1508
01:47:23.279 --> 01:47:26.560
but they're they're cute, right.
It's a cute watch where the movie

1509
01:47:26.600 --> 01:47:30.760
does fall down a lot in how
it ages. Now. Look, it

1510
01:47:30.840 --> 01:47:33.720
is not entirely the film's fault that
it takes well. It is the film's

1511
01:47:33.720 --> 01:47:36.800
fault because you know what I read
on Wikipedia, Originally this is supposed to

1512
01:47:36.800 --> 01:47:41.039
be in Jordan. Oh really,
the novel takes place in Jordan, and

1513
01:47:41.079 --> 01:47:43.720
they're like, let's go to Israel, it'll be more fun, and I'm

1514
01:47:43.720 --> 01:47:49.159
like, oh man, for real. So that is in a way,

1515
01:47:49.920 --> 01:47:55.920
it's their choice to film there,
and like, of course, given like

1516
01:47:56.079 --> 01:47:59.840
what's been going on in the last
few months, it makes the film really

1517
01:48:00.119 --> 01:48:02.399
weird to watch. I was worried
about how we were going to talk about

1518
01:48:02.439 --> 01:48:08.560
it. Frankly, I talk about
this shit like and what we have chosen

1519
01:48:08.600 --> 01:48:14.920
instead is to just say we're not
talking about it. Ie, No,

1520
01:48:14.920 --> 01:48:19.399
no, really, Paul, everyone
needs our opinion about the conflict right now.

1521
01:48:20.399 --> 01:48:25.960
It is pretty racist as a movie. It's pretty racist, both inherently

1522
01:48:26.239 --> 01:48:30.960
and like actively, Like the Lauren
Billcall character is the only one that's given

1523
01:48:30.079 --> 01:48:34.479
racist things to say, and the
other characters all like roll their eyes at

1524
01:48:34.479 --> 01:48:38.319
her, as though the movie is
like get a load of this bitch,

1525
01:48:38.399 --> 01:48:43.880
right, Like she's the worst.
But then the movie also has constant scenes

1526
01:48:44.079 --> 01:48:49.760
of Arabic men leering at or menacing
white women, or one specific white woman

1527
01:48:50.079 --> 01:48:54.079
because she's the only one that happens
two, but it happens twice in the

1528
01:48:54.079 --> 01:48:58.359
film. There's no way that's an
accident. And then there's a character who

1529
01:48:58.520 --> 01:49:03.279
like as a local who died and
literally no one cares. I'm shocked we

1530
01:49:03.359 --> 01:49:06.199
got his name. Can I tell
you that? Like, I was shocked

1531
01:49:06.199 --> 01:49:10.000
that they actually bothered to name the
character. That's how little they give a

1532
01:49:10.000 --> 01:49:13.079
shit about him. You know,
good amount of roles for women, I'll

1533
01:49:13.079 --> 01:49:15.520
say that. I mean Agatha Christie
always like writes good women, doesn't she

1534
01:49:15.640 --> 01:49:18.680
like? She writes real bitches,
and I fucking love her for that.

1535
01:49:18.760 --> 01:49:23.880
They're fun, They're fun. She
always writes a real just a top notch

1536
01:49:23.920 --> 01:49:27.600
bitch. No gay content that I'm
aware of, unless you caught something I

1537
01:49:27.600 --> 01:49:30.760
didn't, unless it was like this, the smoldering undertone of the Miss Quintin

1538
01:49:30.800 --> 01:49:34.880
and Lady Westfolm relationship. That's the
closest thing we have. I'm gonna give

1539
01:49:34.920 --> 01:49:40.479
it a really low score because it's
it's pretty damn and and racist in ways

1540
01:49:40.479 --> 01:49:44.319
that like it could have surpassed the
source material. Just fine. Yeah,

1541
01:49:44.359 --> 01:49:47.840
this sort like I've only seen one
of these Kenneth Branna ones, but I

1542
01:49:47.880 --> 01:49:53.680
feel like already it is so updated
and so much more like modern in its

1543
01:49:53.720 --> 01:49:57.800
take. I'm gonna give it a
two. I'm gonna give it with two

1544
01:49:57.880 --> 01:50:01.800
out of ten gaping giel goods.
The points are coming from the female roles

1545
01:50:01.800 --> 01:50:06.800
that I think are actually pretty well
rounded, and the sheer entertainment value of

1546
01:50:06.840 --> 01:50:14.319
this nonsense if you are in any
way triggered by anything going on in the

1547
01:50:14.319 --> 01:50:16.359
Middle East right now, I was
just giving this one a pass. Don't

1548
01:50:16.359 --> 01:50:20.680
watch it, agreed. It's uncomfortable
at best, and it'll it might be

1549
01:50:20.760 --> 01:50:24.439
upsetting it worst, So I would
I would say skip it. Yeah,

1550
01:50:24.439 --> 01:50:27.560
how about you, Paul, Yeah, I agree. I think like the

1551
01:50:27.560 --> 01:50:31.520
the movie plays with the trope of
like, this person is a racist and

1552
01:50:31.840 --> 01:50:35.960
it knows it. It knows that
Lady Westolm is saying horrible things. It's

1553
01:50:35.960 --> 01:50:40.640
not that blind to it. But
then it at the same time like walks

1554
01:50:40.680 --> 01:50:43.239
around, steps on a rake and
hits itself in the face of the rake

1555
01:50:43.279 --> 01:50:45.439
of oh but you just did it
too, and you don't know that part

1556
01:50:45.479 --> 01:50:49.760
of it right, so, and
and you know it's set in nineteen thirty

1557
01:50:49.840 --> 01:50:55.479
seven, so it's it's a different
time. And it's because when it first

1558
01:50:55.520 --> 01:50:59.399
started, and I before they actually
got to the final destination, I was

1559
01:50:59.439 --> 01:51:02.520
like, oh, this is fine, Like it's a little icky sometimes,

1560
01:51:02.520 --> 01:51:05.239
but like it's nineteen thirty seven.
People did talk like this. I'm sure,

1561
01:51:05.279 --> 01:51:08.720
like I'm sure, like it's a
bunch of British people, for God's

1562
01:51:08.720 --> 01:51:12.920
sake. Yeah, it's a bunch
of British people Americans like not the greatest,

1563
01:51:13.840 --> 01:51:16.119
not the greatest history there. Yeah, but once they get there,

1564
01:51:16.560 --> 01:51:19.960
particularly the scene with all the men
leering at Sarah, and they also have

1565
01:51:20.000 --> 01:51:23.920
a belly dancer in that scene,
and there's a very odd close up of

1566
01:51:23.960 --> 01:51:30.119
the woman's face. Oh right,
that's definitely seems to be shot to want

1567
01:51:30.119 --> 01:51:32.359
to be a little uncomfortable, like
to make you uncomfortable, Like she has

1568
01:51:32.359 --> 01:51:36.560
a very aggressive expression on her face
and she's smiling. But it's it's like,

1569
01:51:36.640 --> 01:51:40.039
what why is this here? Don't
like, don't care for any of

1570
01:51:40.039 --> 01:51:45.359
this. I agree like lots of
really good female roles. I really think

1571
01:51:45.399 --> 01:51:48.840
this movie could be rewritten and fixed
with pretty easily, Like it just needs

1572
01:51:48.840 --> 01:51:53.279
to just needs to be recalibrated,
I think. And it could be fun

1573
01:51:53.840 --> 01:51:56.159
or it is fun, it could
be a lot more fun. It could

1574
01:51:56.159 --> 01:51:59.439
be a better movie and fun.
Yeah, with a little bit of recalibration.

1575
01:52:00.159 --> 01:52:01.399
And like you said, there's there's
not any gay content, which is

1576
01:52:01.439 --> 01:52:05.359
fine. This movie doesn't does not
need gay content on top of everything else.

1577
01:52:05.560 --> 01:52:09.800
It doesn't need like Cope also is
also fucking Raymond, Like, we

1578
01:52:09.800 --> 01:52:12.800
don't need that's that's just too messages. I mean, if Cope and Lennox

1579
01:52:12.840 --> 01:52:15.800
had also been fucking, then I
do need that. Then a dream that

1580
01:52:16.199 --> 01:52:20.479
perfect fucking dream movie. If I
just the weird thrule going on there,

1581
01:52:21.159 --> 01:52:24.960
Yeah, we will never know if
that's what my great great aunt was doing,

1582
01:52:25.000 --> 01:52:28.399
if she was also having her boyfriend's
fuck each other, maybe we don't

1583
01:52:28.399 --> 01:52:31.920
know. She was a freak.
Oh love her. Love that for you,

1584
01:52:32.000 --> 01:52:34.920
my friend, Love that for you. I'm gonna agree with you.

1585
01:52:34.960 --> 01:52:38.399
I think a two is fair.
I think a two out of ten gaping

1586
01:52:38.439 --> 01:52:42.800
gild goods on this one. It's
it's not great. Do you have a

1587
01:52:42.840 --> 01:52:45.439
palate cleanser that you wanted to offer? Yeah, I'm going to tell people

1588
01:52:45.479 --> 01:52:50.520
to watch my favorite murder mystery of
all time. Clue excellent. Clue is

1589
01:52:50.880 --> 01:52:55.359
not a perfect film. It does
it also falls somewhat flat on some of

1590
01:52:55.359 --> 01:52:58.960
the aging, but it is also
an excellent film. It is one of

1591
01:52:59.000 --> 01:53:02.760
the best murder mystery I've ever seen. I love it. I would say

1592
01:53:03.159 --> 01:53:08.319
watch if you want something frothy and
fun and does have queer content, watch

1593
01:53:08.760 --> 01:53:13.000
watch Clue. How about you.
I just think there are better Agatha Christie

1594
01:53:13.039 --> 01:53:16.640
adaptations out there that the Peter Ustinov
Death on the Nile from like a few

1595
01:53:16.680 --> 01:53:20.439
years before this. It's actually a
lot of fun and and it holds together

1596
01:53:20.680 --> 01:53:25.359
more. There's there is still some
like light racism in it, but it's

1597
01:53:25.399 --> 01:53:30.359
it's way less uncomfortable in this movie
as far as that goes. Then there's

1598
01:53:30.399 --> 01:53:32.920
there's a really great BBC adaptation of
it. Then there were none with Charles

1599
01:53:32.960 --> 01:53:36.359
Dance that was really fun. There
was a BBC adaptation of this one called

1600
01:53:36.479 --> 01:53:42.760
Ordeal by Innocence about a family with
that like another horrible mother gets killed by

1601
01:53:42.920 --> 01:53:45.600
like there's a big family around and
no one knows who did it. That

1602
01:53:45.680 --> 01:53:48.640
one's really fun. So I would
just go see perhaps a better Agatha Christie

1603
01:53:48.640 --> 01:53:53.680
adaptation. Uh not the first two
Kenneth Brono Ones, which I didn't see,

1604
01:53:53.720 --> 01:53:57.159
but the haunting in Venice Kenneth Broano
one is genuinely a good time,

1605
01:53:57.399 --> 01:54:00.279
a little spooky, little creepy.
All right, So, Erica, that

1606
01:54:01.199 --> 01:54:05.000
is the end of our show and
the end of Murder Mystery March, which

1607
01:54:05.000 --> 01:54:11.520
means that next week we are doing
a show on April Fool's Day. Oh

1608
01:54:11.560 --> 01:54:13.880
what could it be? Well,
one of us get murdered and that's the

1609
01:54:13.920 --> 01:54:16.800
April Fools. April Fools. The
podcast is over because one of us is

1610
01:54:16.840 --> 01:54:21.960
dead by the other's hand. Boy, they took it too far. It

1611
01:54:23.000 --> 01:54:25.920
went dark. Well, you should
never have told me that cat comes with

1612
01:54:25.960 --> 01:54:28.359
a stipend. Now you have a
target on your back, my friend.

1613
01:54:28.399 --> 01:54:31.279
Now it's your fault. Yeah.
Yeah, Everyone listening can follow us on

1614
01:54:31.319 --> 01:54:35.000
Instagram, on Twitter, and on
threads. We have a tea public shop

1615
01:54:35.039 --> 01:54:40.079
where we have podcast swag. If
you're a Spotify user, you can look

1616
01:54:40.119 --> 01:54:43.439
for questions and polls about our episodes, and we would love it if you

1617
01:54:43.479 --> 01:54:46.279
would leave a five star of you
on Apple Podcasts or on any podcasting platform

1618
01:54:46.279 --> 01:54:50.119
that you use, just like Lauren
h nineteen eighty two did at the top

1619
01:54:50.119 --> 01:54:53.359
of this episode. You do that, you let us know you did,

1620
01:54:53.680 --> 01:54:59.359
and we send you a that aged
Well branded tote bag that aged Well is

1621
01:54:59.399 --> 01:55:06.640
produced in it did by Prala.
We would like to thank Brandon Kelly and

1622
01:55:06.880 --> 01:55:11.479
our patrons. Look, I know
I ragged on you guys for picking this

1623
01:55:11.520 --> 01:55:15.800
movie, but truly thank you.
This was fun. Anytime you can throw

1624
01:55:15.800 --> 01:55:18.239
a Lauren butacall at us, I'm
never gonna be sorry about it, but

1625
01:55:18.319 --> 01:55:21.279
so thank you all for voting.
Thank you for letting us know what you

1626
01:55:21.359 --> 01:55:26.319
want to hear. If in the
future you were like, you know what,

1627
01:55:26.399 --> 01:55:29.279
I would have preferred that song time
movie. I wish I had voted,

1628
01:55:29.640 --> 01:55:33.439
I'd say go to our Patreon join
Every patron gets to vote in an

1629
01:55:33.479 --> 01:55:38.880
exclusive monthly poll to determine one of
our subjects. Head on over to patreon

1630
01:55:38.960 --> 01:55:43.880
dot com slash that aged Well podcast
to find out more. Speaking of which,

1631
01:55:44.359 --> 01:55:46.760
some tears on our Patreon come with
a thanks from a podcast character.

1632
01:55:46.880 --> 01:55:54.680
And today we're hearing from none other
than Agent doub Loo panties Well Well Well

1633
01:55:54.760 --> 01:55:58.159
back in person, and it feels
so good. Not for you, queer

1634
01:55:58.199 --> 01:56:01.039
bait. I was talking to your
partner there. She can tickle the hilt

1635
01:56:01.079 --> 01:56:05.159
under my kilt anytime. Don't be
shy, sweetheart. If you want to

1636
01:56:05.199 --> 01:56:08.680
shake hands with the governor, all
you have to do is ask. He's

1637
01:56:08.800 --> 01:56:12.479
very friendly and he'd love to guarantee
your vote. Well, thank you,

1638
01:56:12.600 --> 01:56:16.199
double o panties you think about that, But I'm here to thank Allison for

1639
01:56:16.239 --> 01:56:21.159
being a patron of that aged well. Without these bookings, my undershorts budget

1640
01:56:21.159 --> 01:56:26.359
would be unsustainable. And then where
would we be the world's greatest spy doing

1641
01:56:26.359 --> 01:56:30.119
the helicopter in the moon dance when
he should be punching out domestic terrorists.

1642
01:56:30.680 --> 01:56:33.439
Sounds like a movie The bum chom
over here might rent on a lonely Saturday

1643
01:56:33.520 --> 01:56:38.359
night, but hardly the best way
to keep the world safe. So thank

1644
01:56:38.399 --> 01:56:42.760
you, Alison. Your patronage of
that age Well is almost as inspiring as

1645
01:56:42.800 --> 01:56:46.439
an upkilt view of me as I
walk up a flight of stairs. First

1646
01:56:46.479 --> 01:56:50.359
of all, I would tickle Sean
Connery's pickle anytime, anytime, anytime.

1647
01:56:50.520 --> 01:56:57.520
Yeah. Second of all, he
really enjoys writing slurs about your sexuality.

1648
01:56:57.720 --> 01:57:00.640
He seems a little homophobic. I'm
not gonna I'm a homophobic And it's almost

1649
01:57:00.640 --> 01:57:04.800
as if you're maybe dealing with some
internalized hate there. I'm not gonna say,

1650
01:57:04.840 --> 01:57:08.159
I don't know what you're talking about
it. I don't think Agent doublow

1651
01:57:08.199 --> 01:57:12.960
Panties is queer. I think he's
aggressively straight. Hah ha, Eric any

1652
01:57:13.039 --> 01:57:16.439
final thoughts on appointment with death.
But when I call you a big,

1653
01:57:16.520 --> 01:57:21.439
gaping quiro, You're like, oh, that's offensive. I don't get it,

1654
01:57:21.479 --> 01:57:27.960
Paul, I just don't get it. I thought we were friends.

1655
01:57:32.000 --> 01:57:40.680
The champagne had been spilled for four
seconds before literally five giant approaches just started

1656
01:57:40.760 --> 01:57:45.600
fucking doing a oh god, what's
her name? The swimmer? The oh

1657
01:57:45.720 --> 01:57:54.479
uh Diana and iad no the nineteen
Jane Evans. Oh no, movies,

1658
01:57:54.560 --> 01:57:58.039
movie, movie, movie, she
did swimming routines, Oh oh, oh,

1659
01:57:58.159 --> 01:58:03.840
oh no. One know you're talking, mister Williams. Williams, that

1660
01:58:03.960 --> 01:58:08.239
was a journey. You know a
lot of swimmers. I only have,

1661
01:58:08.439 --> 01:58:11.079
like Katie Ludecki. That's it.
That's all I can do. The fact

1662
01:58:11.119 --> 01:58:14.399
that Janet Evans came flying out of
my mouth like it was the actual answer

1663
01:58:14.399 --> 01:58:18.159
to what you were thinking of I
am so fucking proud of you. You

1664
01:58:18.239 --> 01:58:20.680
are killing it today and my friend
killing it