Learning to love each other like this in a pole of my existence, I
form one thing, with stones and trees. There I have to recognize the
rule of universal law. That is where the foundations of my existence are born.
His strength is that he has been firmly held in the embrace of the
understanding world and in the fullness of Communion with all things. But by the
other pole of my being I am separated from everything. There I am absolutely
unique. I' m me, I' m incomparable. The whole weight
of the universe cannot crush this individuality of mine. I keep it, despite
the tremendous gravity of things, it is small in appearance, but great in
reality. It remains firm before the forces that would like to steal from it
what characterizes it and make it one with the copirit dust is forbidden the reproduction,
distribution, public exhibition and any other unauthorized use of or of this work,
either in whole or in part without the express written permission of the copyright
holder. This work is protected by U S copyright laws and international treaties.
All trademarks and trade names mentioned in this work are the property of their respective
owners. If used here only for descriptive purposes, any unauthorized use of this
audio book will violate copyright and may be subject to legal sanctions. Copy Ray
Two Thousand Twenty- Four Strene Lili Secret Law All Rights Reserved Learning to Love
Yourself? Loving yourself is perhaps the most important fact that guarantees our survival in
a complex and increasingly difficult world to cope with. Interestingly, our culture and
education are aimed at punishing too much love. There are times for love and
decrees on what is tasteful and tasteless. If you decide to congratulate yourself by
giving yourself a kiss, possibly the people around you, including the psychologist on
duty, will evaluate your behavior as ridiculous, narcissous or pedantic. It is
bad to see that we have too much taste when we think of ourselves for
too long, contemplate or self- praising. We are reprimanded all excesses are
bad. We are called debatable. Some excesses remind us that we are alive.
Our civilization tries to inculcate principles such as respect for human beings, sacrifice,
altruism, expression of love, good treatment, communication, etc. But
these principles are aimed at the care of other humans. Self- respect,
self- love, self- confidence and self- communication are often ignored.
Even more it is considered in bad taste to love one another too much.
If a person is friendly, expressive, affectionate and thinks more about others than
about herself, it is evaluated excellently. His qualifier is that of dear.
If someone conceals his virtues, denies or diminishes his achievements, that is,
lies or is self- punishment, he is flattered and accepted. We not
only reject honest and frank self- acceptance. We do not care whether it
is true or not, but rather we promulgate and strengthen the denial of our
virtues. Absurdly, virtues can be displayed but not verbalized. If you have
a good body, you are allowed to wear miniskirt thong or tight pants,
but you are forbidden to talk about it. If people are self- proclaimed
so they are right, they produce rejection and annoyance. This policy of not
speaking well of oneself in public, of not being exaggerated in self- reward,
of not being very comfortable, of concealing great modesty, etc. It
ends up becoming a value that we use too often. The virtue of not
loving oneself in public extends to when we are alone. In trying to leave
out excessive selfishness, we have not let in self- love if the human
being deserves the respect that is promulgated as something special, that must be extended
to your own person by avoiding falling into the insufferable pedantry of the wise everything
we have fallen into the self- destructive modesty of the denial of our virtues
for not being wasteful. We' re mean. Chemical psychologists know that this
style of excessive moderation towards oneself is the breeding ground of the well- known
and feared depression. Who is the right to love you and not to feel
guilty about it, to have your time, to discover your tastes, to
pamper you, to take care of you and to choose. Unfortunately, our
mental structure is forming more on the basis of external evaluation than self- assessment,
and we become victims of our own invention. Self- insensibility has made
us forget those childhood times, when everything was shocking and rewarding. We are
too outward- facing seeking the approval of others and do not spend enough time
on self- indulgence and liking. Our socialization system has focused more on preventing
the affective excesses known by specialists such as mania self- esteem, inflated,
too much trust, etc, than on the states of sadness and depression caused
by insecurity, self- image and negative self- concept. Sufficientness and excessive
safety cause discomfort. Insecurity causes pity. Usually, people tend to take sides
for the weakest immunity to the scourge of depression. It can only be achieved
if you learn to love yourself as the best things. You need special treatment.
You can' t let yourself get hurt or give yourself the luxury of
self- destructing stupidly since you were little. They teach us personal self-
care behaviors, brushing our teeth, bathing, cutting our nails, eating sphincter
control, and dressing. But what about self- care and mental hygiene.
We are not taught to love, to like, to contemplate and to trust
in ourselves. Moreover, although some parents have this as a desideratum, we
lack adequate teaching procedures, nor are we taught to teach. The image you
have of yourself is inherited or genetically transmitted, as it emerges from what has
been said so far, is learned. The human brain has an information processing
system that allows a virtually infinite number of da to be stored. That information
that we have stored in social experience, is kept in long- term memory
in the form of beliefs and theories. In this way we possess information about
things or objects, the meaning of words, situations, types of people,
social activities, etc. This knowledge of the wrong world or does not allow
us to predict, anticipate, and prepare to face what is to happen.
For example, if you know a person who claims to be a racist and
active member of the Cucuax clan, you can predict how he will think and
act in certain situations. You could anticipate their behavior before a person of color
what they think about racism and their position vis-à- vis traditions,
as well as build an internal representation of the world around you. You also
build theories and concepts about yourself. The relationship you establish with the world not
only allows you to know the environment, but also your behavior in front of
it. These experiences of contact with people, friends, parents, teachers and
things from your immediate material universe develop an idea of what you really are,
failures and successes, fears and insecurities, physical sensations, pleasures and dislikes,
the way to face problems. What they tell you you are, what the
punishments don' t tell you, etc. Everything comes together and is organized
in an internal image about your own person, your own or your self-
scheme. You may think you' re clumsy ugly interesting, smart or bad.
Each of these qualifiers is the result of a previous story where you'
ve developed a theory about yourself. If you think you' re a loser,
you won' t try to win, you' ll tell yourself to
try. I can' t win or it' s impossible to change or
I' m worthless. Humans show a conservative tendency to confirm more than confirm
beliefs. We are conservative by nature and this economy of thought makes us coughed
up and carried from our point of view. Once belief is established, it
is very difficult to change it. We resist reviewing our way of looking at
things. If you set up a negative auto scheme, it will accompany you
for a long time. If you don' t try to change it.
In short, what you think and feel about yourself is learned and stored in
the form of theories called self- schemes. There are self positive and negative
schemes. The first ones will take you to estimate, the second to hate
you. No one contemplates and cares for a person who hates in a similar
way. If your vision of you is negative, you will not express affection,
for you will not believe that you deserve it. If your auto scheme
is positive and you don' t feed it, it' ll fade.
Some people, instead of congratulating themselves, disguise their joy with a park and
phlegmatic. It' s nothing or it was my duty. Denial of personal
recognition is a form of self- destruction. In self- schemes there are
four fundamental aspects that I will try to separate for teaching purposes. In reality,
they merge into an indissoluble whole and form the main nucleus of personal self
- evaluation. They can become solid foundations upon which you can build a strong
and secure self or the main source of self- disposal and self- deprecation.
They are the self- control that you think of yourself, the self
- esteem that you like so much if the self- efficacy that you have
so much confidence in yourself. They are the four supports of a good ego
or the four riders of the apocalypse. If you fail in any, it
will be enough for your self- scheme to show lame and inscio in certain
situations. If one of the riders takes a dive, the entire herd can
follow him. Although negative self- schemes can destroy us, humans show the
inexplicable tendency to preserve and feed them. The strange behavior of keeping self-
schemes at all costs can be deadly to your mental health. Depressive people,
for example, show this tendency to confirm the bad. If they consider themselves
ugly, they neglect their figure in order to corroborate their ugliness. If they
think they are unintelligent, they fail in exams if they think they are victims,
play the role of martyrs or seek punishment, etc. This way of
confirming negative self- evaluation by behaving as if it were really true is very
common. Social psychologists have called this mechanism generally unconscious. Self- realized prophecies
are not your scheme is irrationally structured, you will distort reality, you will
feel stupid, despite being intelligent, horrifying, without being incapable, being able
and finally, you will try to punish yourself for not believing yourself worthy of
a congratulations. An interesting aspect to point out is that people with self-
acceptance problems are too hard on self- criticism and soft when they criticize other
people. On the other hand, subjects who show good self- esteem are
protected by being rather mild when it comes to self- evaluation of an act
of sufficiency for their own benefit. Who said we should be targeted 24 hours
a day. No way am I holding a compulsive attitude to fooling yourself.
I simply think that sometimes turning a blind eye to small and insignificant personal errors
or defects is useful for mental health. An optimistic position of slight overestimation is
preferable to a heartbreaking pessimistic attitude towards oneself and a positive attitude towards others.
Love begins at home with a good concept. He has the courage to mistake
you,égel. Culture has taught us to wear an invisible but painful stick,
with which we hit each time we err or fail to achieve personal goals.
We have learned to blame ourselves for almost everything we do wrong and to
doubt our responsibility when we do it right. If we fail, we say,
it' s up to me if we succeed. Success was pure luck.
What kind of education is this where we are taught to take responsibility for
the bad and not the good. Self- criticism is good and productive if
done with short- term care, it can serve to generate new behaviors,
but it is used indiscriminately and dogmaticly. It generates stress and is deadly to
our self- concept. The bad habit of permanently making inner cultural revolutions is
a form of psychological suicide. Some people, because they have an inadequate self
- evaluation system, acquire the vice of being negatively self- qualified. All
around, posters with general categories are hung. Instead of saying I behaved clumsily,
they say I' m clumsy use I' m useless instead of wrong
in such or such a thing. Self- punishment has been misconceived as a
way of producing appropriate conduct. How you get to have a negative self-
concept a typical form is through excessive self- criticism. Humans use internal standards.
That is, internalized goals and criteria learned about excellence and inadequacy. These
standards are derived from the system of beliefs, values and needs they possess.
High self- requirement will produce high and rigid operating standards. However, while
it is important to maintain levels of personal, relative or moderately high demands to
be competent, the short circuit occurs when these levels are irrational, too high
and unattainable. The irrational idea that I must stand out in almost everything I
do, I must be the best at all costs and that I must not
be mistaken are imperatives that become unbearable to place absolute happiness in goals is to
get it out of your personal domain. So, if the goal is not
reached, it ends in one world. The poet Rumbect once said happiness is
not a station to be reached, but a way to travel. People who
make success a value, who are extremely competitive and manage rigid standards of execution,
travel badly, have mounted on the wrong wagon. Perhaps happiness is not
about being the best seller, the best mom or the best son, but
about trying honestly and calmly, enjoying as you move toward the goal. An
exaggerated level of self- requirement generates strict self- assessment patterns. If you
have strict criteria for self- evaluation, you will always have the feeling of
insufficiency. Your body will begin to segregate more adrenaline than normal and anxiety will
interfere with the performance needed to achieve goals. You will enter the vicious circle
of those who aspire more and more and have less every day. This self
- destructive sequence can be best seen in the following standard graph conduct self-
evaluations three and rational insufficient negative. Irrational standards will make your behavior never enough.
Despite your efforts the goals will be unattainable. When you feel unable,
your self- assessment will be negative. This feeling of inefficiency and the inability
to control the situation will give you stress and anxiety. Those who in turn
will affect your performance, moving you away more and more from the goals.
People who are caught in this trap, become depressed, lose control over their
own behavior and inevitably fail precisely what they wanted to avoid. This situation of
non- exhaustion, frustration and uncontrollability leads them to self- criticism and self
- punishment. They ruthlessly become victims of their own invention. The consequence of
this short- circuit blender species is the loss of self- concept and depression.
The more you earn a more paradoxically destined value, the more you'
re going to lose. Sometimes people can show rational goals for an unsuspecting observer.
Exaggerated self- requirement, however, is measured according to the possibilities of
each. If you do not possess the skills or resources necessary to achieve the
goals, the simplest aspiration becomes unattainable. In these cases. The resignation and
objective and frank reassessment of your goals and resources is the solution. Unfortunately,
if we don' t win, we tie, if you' re too
self- demanding and self- critical, you' ll use a dichotomous style.
This means extreme things will only be white or black, good or bad.
You will see reality with a kind of binoculars where tones, media,
nuances and tones do not exist. I' m either successful or I'
m an absurd loser. There' s nothing absolute. It all depends on
the crystal with which it is measured. If you apply this binary processing style,
the catastrophe will certainly come to pass. You will refer to yourself in
categorical and inflexible terms. Like never always everything and nothing. These words should
be suspended from our tongue and considered bad words. All they generate is confusion
and misunderstanding, as expected. If you fervently desire success, power, and
prestige, you will fear failure. This fear will make you focus more on
bad things than on good things, in order to prevent the mistakes you fear
so much. In other words, you will develop a style of maladaptative targeting,
oriented to see in yourself only the bad. This will lead you to
ignore the approaches to the goal, as well as the efforts and small ascents
you make on the steps towards your personal achievements, you do relate the above
to the dichotomous style. Then it is clear that such approaches to the goal
go unnoticed. I' m here or I' m not there. I
' m or I' m not at the finish line. The worst way
to treat you is with impatience and contempt for wanting to see the tree,
you won' t see the forest. Negative self- observation, like self
- assessment and self- punishment, generates stress, reduces performance mistreats the ego,
and in the long term, affects self- concept. The use of
extremely rigid standards seven perfectionists and irrationals increase the distance between your ideal self what
you would like to do or be and your real self what you really do
or are. The greater the distance between the two, the less likely to
reach your goal, the more frustration and feelings of insecurity at useless efforts to
approach supposed happiness. If someone courageously makes the difficult decision to travel well,
social pressure is inexorable and cruel. If, moreover, the target is not
consistent with the values of the reference group, the level of sanction can become
truly intolerable. Those objectives that distance themselves from economic production are seen as synonymous
with vagrancy, bohemianism or idealism. If we change goals, we are labeled
immature or unstable, as if stability existed and was a symbol of intelligence.
A quick look at the people who have made the history of humanity shows that
certain, instability and dissatisfaction are essential conditions for living intensely. Absolute stability does
not exist. It is an invention of those who fear change the famous maturity
taken to the letter is the prelude to decomposition. Blindly sticking to one'
s own or external standards, is to restrict your freedom of thought, you
would lose the ability to decide and to criticize objectively. Do not be afraid
to review, change or modify your goals, and they are a source of
suffering. Even if your neighbors don' t like it. The important thing
then is not only to discover that you are self- exercising, but to
be able to modify standards. To achieve this, it cannot be too stable
or too structured. You need a hint of sanity, not to say madness.
Mentally rigid and strict persons with themselves are usually normative persons locked up in
a prison made by themselves and the educational environment, whose bars are a set
of virtues and values, not always rational, from which they cannot escape are
debated between good and evil. These guys are usually more papist than the pope.
They have put so many conditions and requirements to go through life, that
the road becomes too narrow and narrow to walk comfortably along it. They hit
each other with the walls of self- criticism and s should at every step.
Others, on the other hand, travel a real comfortable and quiet highway.
The style of beating and punishing oneself is not exactly the best ground for
a self- concept to germinate and thrive without feet of mud Being flexible is,
without a doubt, a virtue of intelligent people, but, as I
have pointed out earlier, by avoiding something we think bad we do something worse
to avoid being a vane. We define a goal and we jam some make
some kind of welding. The rudder headed for it Absurdly. We sacrifice the
right to change our minds and to err for the apparent safety of travelling on
an unmodifiable route. We mistakenly consider it the only and best way to walk
the world as a grotesque caricature. Very self- critical people are placed in
a straitjacket so as not to get wild and the result, paradoxically, is
psychological misalignment. You must definitely try to be less hard on yourself. Saving
the self- concept, let' s see a guide that can serve to
safeguard your self- concept of indiscriminate self- punishment. One tries to be
more flexible with both others and with you, do not use the extremist dichotomous
criterion to evaluate reality, including you do not think in absolute terms. There
' s nothing totally good or bad. Remember, you have to have tolerance
for things getting out of the lane sometimes. If you are inflexible in your
things, you will violently clash with reality. She' s not total or
definitive. Learn to endure, forgive, and understand your rigidity as a defect,
not a virtue. Rigid things are less malleable, they don' t
stand too much and break. If you' re normative, perfectionist, intolerant
and too conservative, you won' t know what to do with life.
She' s not like that. The vast majority of everyday events will give
you stress because they' re not like you. You' d like them
to focus for a week or two on nuances. Don' t rush to
categorize strictly stop and you' re thinking about going really what you' re
saying. That' s right. Check your way of pointing and pointing out
don' t be drastic. Look around for people you already have catalogued and
question your labeling. Look for evidence against it. Discover the nuances when you
evaluate, avoid using words as always everything or nothing do not spell out the
people included you with totalities, as said by a prominent psychologist, it is
not the same to say once stole to say is a thief. People aren
' t just behaving. Intransigence generates hatred and discomfort. It' s time
for you to tear back your rigidity. Ah allow yourself not to be so
normative. That won' t make you a criminal. If you have five
days to pay an account, pay it to the fifth and if there is
no legal risk to the sixth or seventh, don' t always get early
step on the lawn. Try screaming in a library be more informal one day
to see what happens. B tries not to be perfectionist, disorganize your schedules,
your rites, your tours, your way of ordering things, etcetera.
Live with the disorder A week lose the fear. I know you don'
t sign, you don' t sign yourself. Try to be benign.
He speaks only in terms of behavior. Focus on the nuances. Think more
about alternatives and exceptions to the rule. Life is composed of shades rather than
black and white. Hey listen to people who think differently from you. This
does not imply that you must necessarily change your mind. Just listen, let
the information in and then decide to remember if you are inflexible and rigid with
the world and people. You' ll end up with two of you,
review your goals and the real chances of achieving them. Don' t set
yourself unattainable goals. Execute yourself according to your possibilities and abilities. If you
discover yourself trying to climb some mountain, berezt or change mountains or enjoy the
ride. When you define a goal, you must also define the steps or
the ers submetas. Try to enjoy, shoveling up every rung as if it
were a goal on its own. Don' t wait until you get to
the end to rest and enjoy. Find intermediate seasons, waste time On this
write down your goals, review them question them and discard those that are not
vital. Life is too short to waste, remember. If your goals are
unattainable, you will live frustrated and bitter. Three don' t self watch
only the bad. If you just focus on your mistakes, you won'
t see your accomplishments. If you only see what you' re missing,
you won' t enjoy the moment of here and now. If you cry
for the sun, you won' t see the stars. Don' t
be aware of your flaws as a radar. Also adjust your attention to wrong
behaviors when you find yourself focusing negatively on four obsessively, don' t think
wrong about yourself. Be more benign with your actions. Fortunately, you'
re not perfect. Don' t insult yourself or respect yourself. Keep track
of your self- assessments negative, detect what are fair, moderate, and
objective. If you discover that success towards yourself is offensive, change it seeks
constructive qualifiers, reduce your self- verbalizations to those that are really worthwhile.
You exercise the right to be wrong. Human beings, like animals, learn
by trial and error. Some people believe that human learning should be by successful
trial. That' s a lie. The cost of growing up as a
human being is to screw up and screw up. This universal law is without
escapebel to say I don' t want to. I want to. To
make a mistake is to make a kick and a tantrum for children. It
' s impossible not to make mistakes like there' s no acceleration of gravity.
Mistakes don' t make you better or worse. They' re just
curing you They' re just reminding you that you' re human. When
we talk about your self- efficacy, we' ll come back to the
fear of being wrong. Let' s recapitulate and clarify. Moderate self-
criticism, objective self- observation, constructive self- assessment and rationally high goals
are necessary behaviors. Most possibly they have collaborated in the adaptation of the human
being. These processes are not bad in themselves. It depends on how they
are used and where they point wrong Used rigidly, hardly, destructively and compulsively
affect self- concept. Properly used serve as an encouraging guide socially speaking.
It has not been taught to make a good use of them. We are
presented with ruthless self- criticism as a value and as the key to success,
but possibly because of ignorance. We have not been alerted to its possible
consequences, avoiding an unquestionably pernicious end. Poverty of spirit, laziness, failure,
being little and having no goals in life. The pendulum has been taken
to the other equally harmful end. Our culture seems to prefer psychologically disturbed but
successful people to psychologically healthy but failed people. However, success here is secondary.
It' s no use if you can' t enjoy it. Unsatisfaction
in the face of one' s own achievements and excessive ambition. They act
like an engine, but because they operate in an overaccelerated way, they usually
burn early. You' re a special machine within reasonable limits don' t
deny you to a good car. Image that in one of the tricks of
life consists more than having good cards, in playing well the ones that one
has just billings. In almost every age and culture, beauty has been admired
as a special gift. Similarly, societies have been characterized by sanctioning ugliness.
We are cruel to those who meet the characteristics of ugly. It is common
to see how children make fun of the fat, the short, the tall,
the noses, the very skinny, etc. We humans do not tolerate
statistical extremes. It is not surprising that extremes are considered rare or atypical.
What attracts attention is that they turn out to be unpleasant. Obviously, I
am not referring to people who, unfortunately, are born with manifest malformations or
have suffered from various causes of deformities. Although cruelty is also often seen in
these cases, such as the aspect of the molecular structure of our body,
it is a source of attraction or repulsion. The aesthetic judgment that culture gives
to physical appearance has enormous consequences for our future, as is supported by a
considerable number of researches. Opinions, whatever they may be, are affected by
the degree of attractiveness of the observed. In other words, judgments of beautiful
people are more benign. There is no universal criterion of beauty. The ideal
pattern of what is beautiful is learned through the personal and social experiences of the
immediate environment. The body image itself is formed by the influence of two data
sources, the social environment and the media. The reference group and the relationships
we establish with people are decisive. If the group that makes up the family
nucleus considers physical beauty as a value and the child does not meet the expected
characteristics of the cute one, it will not be unconditionally accepted any defect had
to have. Children hear and see more than we think. So, we
' re getting convinced that we' re the human version of the ugly duckling.
Families who make beauty an appreciable and fundamental gift not only create in the
child the need to be beautiful, but inculcate unattainable standards and ideals of physical
beauty. In my professional experience I have seen countless people who, being of
a normal beauty and even more, were irrationally reproached for being ugly or unpleasant
for not reaching the supposed family ideal. Unsatisfaction with one' s physical appearance
also depends on another social comparison. One of my patients had had the bad
luck that her three best friends were role models and had won a series of
beauty contests. When we were leaving the four ocecia I felt the most hideous
woman in the world. Like it' s not enough. I always had
the most silly or the ugliest to have too attractive friends can be a real
headache. Another factor that clearly defines self- image is the success achieved with
sex. Opposite, tasters don' t usually have self- image problems,
which doesn' t mean they don' t care about her. Although physical
beauty does not necessarily guarantee success in the conquest paves the way half way,
adolescents who fail to get a partner generate problems of self- image in a
large percentage of cases. One of the most terrible and devastating causes of self
- image loss is mockery in early childhood. When children are cruelly sincere,
so- called complexes begin to develop for some strange reason, nicknames and nicknames
always give where it hurts the most. Wearing glasses is a real Chinese torture
being fat, stubborn, orange, visco, etc. It doesn' t
go unnoticed by the other children. The defects are immediately detected and pointed out
mercilessly and even if there is a positive metamorphosis over the years, that is,
that the defect disappears, the mockery leaves its traces. As we grow
up and learn the nice and the ugly, we no longer need to be
told. Just look at us in the mirror. We begin, above all,
in pre- adolescence and adolescence, a detailed and critical review of what
we are physically, but we do not do so with care. We are
ferocious and soulless to ourselves. We criticize our skin color, hair, teeth,
eyes, legs, fingers, etcetera. We don' t need outside
judges anymore. We have learned to criticize the physical appearance itself with the implacable
metro of the do. Perfection is amazing the ability of some people to detect
defects, bars, pimples, twenty grams of more or any similar problem.
I am not criticizing personal care or arrangement, but obsessive concern for being beautiful
always and at all times. If personal self- affirmation revolves around physical beauty,
this not only indicates a poor inner life, but premature death. The
imperative need to maintain youth and beauty at all costs and not understand the charm
of different ages inevitably leads to depression. Many people are not content with being
attractive at thirty or forty years of age, but long for eighteen with a
small waist, stubborn skin and firm flesh. They do not accept the passage
of years agonizingly compare with young people and disguise themselves as teenagers, losing their
true capacity for seduction. In short, the immediate environment in which we grow
and the experiences we have in it about our physical appearance determine the degree of
self- acceptance. The various episodes of contact with other people and later,
the comparison itself are stored in the memory in the form of self image.
All this coming and going what tells us that we are and who we are.
Our successes and failures with the opposite sex, the influences of the family
environment and how we see ourselves are immersed in a larger context and under the
manipulative influence of the media. Any relatively educated person will accept the fact that
there is no universal and absolute criterion for what should be cute or ugly.
I remember my grandmother, when she described some woman of her time who had
been beautiful according to her opinion, saying what a beautiful woman' s beauty
was white fat like milk, with beautiful healthy cheeks and red lips like strawberries.
When she was commenting on this, the grandkids dismayed us from laughter and
the big ones made grimaces of displeasure. Today, those ancient beauties would delight
more than one plastic surgeon. It is not so easy to understand the appeal
of the divas of silent cinema the miss Universe of nine hundred and forty-
eight or the bottle sculptural bodies of the sixties. The Indians of Guatemala like
big and strong women. The French prefer thin models and the Italians to sofía
loren It is very common to laugh at the photos of the youth, of
the sideburns, of the audes prasley type or of the long hair of the
beatles. Beauty is something relative to the time and place. No one owns
the truth. We are inculcated and taught what should be considered beautiful or ugly,
but in no way is it an absolute truth. This means you can
decide your own concept of the beautiful. It' s hard, but it
' s worth trying, as well as dressing well. It doesn' t
involve docilely following the fashion to like yourself. You don' t have to
use the criteria that the media sells. It shouldn' t be super stylized
cute and blue- eyed, like the models of the television propaganda of the
dads Nor must you necessarily look like Rubert Ruthford. There are no theoretical and
scientific reasons to feel aesthetically pleasant. The requirements about your preferences are basically affective.
I like it because I like it in the affective matters of pleasure or
displeasure. Whys usually are leftover and do not bring anything new. On the
contrary, they confuse in terms of tastes. Logic is left over as in
love. The feeling of total attractions does not show. The automatic and inexplicable
isbel. Many times we meet a person we like and we cannot explain exactly
what attracts us. Even more often we like people who go against all our
aesthetic demands. I' ve met racist people, in love with people of
communist colour, in love with bourgeois and make- up artists, in love
with women with a complexion that has no arrangement. Not only do I speak
of love that is often blind, but we are physically attracted to people that
we consciously consider unattractive. When it comes to yourself, we take too much
notice of it. We compare ourselves with an advertising ideal and with criteria other
than our own. We can be attracted to a person who is not beautiful.
But if it' s about self- image, we' re relentless.
There is no absolute criterion of beauty. Attraction is something automatic and unconscious.
However, the physical acceptance itself is carried out by a super rational process,
using massified criteria that we digest without questioning of any kind. If we
are not able to accept without gossip let us at least use rational standards.
Most people do not even approach the beauty criteria that the media sell to us
or meet the requirements of Western culture to be considered beautiful. If the Social
Convention had been more benign in its canons, there would be no beauty contests
and all the companies that revolve around the business of the beautiful would be broken.
The important thing then is not to be beautiful, but to like yourself.
To achieve this, rigid and strict criteria should not be used. Propaganda
is meant to show you how far away you are from perfect beauty. They
offer you a product to achieve that ideal. If you passively accept that model
of beauty, you will end up thinking that you are horrible, you must
have felt the feeling, not very pleasant of being in a tire after the
commercial. However, not everything that is shown and said in advertising is necessarily
exaggerated or false. For example, it is true that traditional beauty facilitates the
achievement of some goals and opens certain doors, but in no way is it
essential, fundamental and decisive for the vast majority of goals. Very possibly facilitate
the career of actress or model, but it is not a requirement to study
agronomy or engineering. Unless the examiner is carried away by the physical appearance of
the applicant wave. The right thing would be to highlight the things that you
really like about yourself and not what conventions are set as right, what you
really like, even if it doesn' t match the general vibe, it
' s worth risking to review your aesthetic concepts if you discover that most agree
with you in a matter of taste welcome to fashion the media gives you in
promotion a style to cut off the few or many things that you might like
about your personal appearance. I am not against people being honest, with themselves,
expressing their displeasure and fixing the danger. They are the absurd and irrational
criteria of good taste and beauty. If you accept them as a vital necessity,
you will be a slave to them, your decision- making power will
be summed up in a fashion magazine to what the decorator says and what is
used or not used. For example, feeling well dressed is a nice thing
to do. Sometimes I have thought that the greatest happiness that guests share in
a family wedding included is not the joy of the one who marries, but
the feeling of elegance. But being obsessively aware of the canons can be very
annoying. One of my patients turned the supposed pleasure of buying clothes into a
real torture. Doctor said I was distressed because I don' t know what
to buy. I would answer her whatever she liked, to which she would
reply, and how I know my taste is right. In terms of taste,
there are no mistakes. You have the right to choose what you like
and what you want, even to like yourself, even if you are not
accepted by the stylists, fashion and decorators. Your body and the way you
cover it must first like those who enter your territory. They will because they
like you and not because they admire you so up- to- date or
up- to- date. You' re on aesthetics. Get dressed,
get thin. But to flatter you, no, to flatter us, let
us recapitulate what has been said here. Self- image is learned through our
experiences with the immediate wave atmosphere, friends, boyfriends, family, etc.
And the social learning that we make of the media. Usually, the levels
of attraction or rejection, that is, our predilections of the pleasant or unpleasant
are unconsciously processed and in a purely affective environment. When the taste is directed
towards oneself. We get too detailed and attention is directed to defects. We
use a magnifying glass more powerful than when we turn to others. This self
- criticism is cruel and uncompromising due to the ideal and rational measurement pattern offered
by beauty vendors. Sometimes that perfectionist ideal of beauty wreaks psychological havoc. One
of my patients maintained the firm conviction that she was not attractive, being really
very beautiful. Despite attempts at persuasion, his idea was unshakable. Doctor said.
I sincerely thank you for your efforts. I also understand that you would
never tell me that I am ugly because I would rush to suicide or commit
any madness. It was decided to apply objective procedures to show the patient the
reality, as it was. A typical attitude measurement experiment was designed to convince
her that she was not an ugly woman. The patient sat in the university
cafeteria next to two attractive women chosen by her who acted as distractions. A
group of 100 students were asked to evaluate on a scale of one to ten
the degree of beauty, attractiveness, desire and sensuality of both the patient and
the two other women she had selected. As expected, he, ninety-
five percent of the students evaluated her as very beautiful, sensual, attractive and
desirable. He was suggested to think and meditate on the results obtained, as
they did not confirm the alleged ugliness. The patient was surprised and shocked.
He thought for a while and then he answered it' s amazing. I
can' t believe it. I' m really surprised. I never thought
people had such bad taste. Despite irrefutable evidence from the data, we could
never change his mind. His idea was absolutely unmodifiable. It felt ugly the
belief of absolute perfection, absorbing it to the point of punishing itself for not
being perfect. Many people have the vice of giving more importance to what they
lack than to what they have. We only value it when we lose it.
Unfortunately, it is usually late improving the self image to safeguard your self
image or rescue it. If it' s the case. You must consider
the following aspects. One tries to define your own criteria of what is beautiful,
or is that you do not get carried away by the connoisseurs. On
this subject no one knows anything, do not be scolded for your righteous.
Try to be a spontaneous and authentic person when you choose what' s attractive.
For YOU it is a choice that only you can make. Risk yourself,
to rehearse, to invent about your personal arrangement. Play and enjoy variations
on how to dress, comb or paint yourself to the stupid question is simply
answered. I have no idea. In spite of that, you will discover
that people will begin to imitate you. Get ready for yourself and not for
two others. Discard physical perfection and strict criteria. There' s no absolute.
There are levels of attraction. There are attractive fatty slim insipids and vice
versa. There are sexy shorts, insulse thorns and vice versa. Don'
t waste your time thinking about what you missed doing an aphrodite or an adonis.
Enjoy what you have and don' t demand the impossible. The idea
of perfection will only lead you to focus attention on your flaws and forget your
charms. Three, discover and highlight the things you like about yourself. Be
proud and happy of your physical attributes, no matter if there are many or
few you are lucky for what you have. Don' t hide the things
you like about yourself. Give them, show them and enjoy them never think
you' ve exhausted your charms. Explore and you will be surprised by the
attractive, interesting, seductive and sensual things that you can find in you focus
your attention on the things that are pleasant to you. Four, your self
- image is transmitted to others. If you feel an uninteresting and attractive person,
you will give that image to others. People will treat you as inappropriate
and you will sink more and more into a dark and sad self- image
breaks the vicious circle. In a way, beauty is an attitude. Attractive
ugly or ugly celebrities are the result of a positive attitude toward themselves. If
you feel sorry for yourself, they' ll pity you. If you feel
sorry for yourself, you will inspire grief. If you see yourself as unpleasant,
they will reject you. The best way to break the negative circle is
to like it. If you feel irresistible and attractive. No doubt you will
be a beautiful person trying to play the role of someone without complexes, to
see how you feel like an essay of conduct. Feel irresistible to other people
and try to behave in that direction, the circle will begin to break five.
Physical appearance is just one of the components of your self- image.
Being good- looking is one of the many requirements of attractiveness. He'
s not the only one, not even the most important one of interpersonal attraction.
Your molecular structure. Physical aspect does not guarantee everything. People, in
addition to cute or ugly, can be warm, kind, intelligent, tender,
seductive, sensual, interesting, educated, cheerful affectionate, funny, etcetera.
There are people who possess magic. You have a lot of options to
like. I' m not saying that you neglect your physique, but that
you place it in the right place. Ask yourself what else you have out
of bones and skin. Six, no matter what you are or how you
are. If you really like and like yourself, you' ll always find
someone who likes self- absorbing immobilizes. People who don' t like each
other anticipate rejection and avoid people. They show fear of negative evaluation and social
anxiety. They live with a high level of frustration as they consider it almost
impossible for anyone to be attracted to them. They don' t try to
flirt and seduce because they' re considered ridiculous. In that plan. They
never take the first step, and if anyone comes close, they chase him
away with their insecurities and preventions. To like is to open up the emotional
horizons is to risk and increase the chances of meeting people towards a good self
- esteem. It may happen that once every century the praise made to lose
a man or make him insufferable, but it is certain that once every minute,
something worthy and generous dies for lack of praise. If someone says my
partner praises me very rarely, I don' t usually like him and when
he does he' s afraid to give in. He doesn' t care
for my health, he spends little time with me and hardly ever contemplates me.
We would agree to doubt that there is a feeling of affection. Love
is outwardly externalized with behaviors. If I do not express the positive feeling and
do the above, love becomes something unfinished, truncated and discolored. Similarly,
love for oneself must be expressed with tangible behaviors. Even if culture sees them
badly. We promulgate love for one' s neighbor, to the four winds,
we repudiate aggression and ill- treatment of others, but we are allowed
and it is even well seen that we bargain, economicize and look at self
- expressions of affection, why we should be miserable with ourselves. How many
times do we praise ourselves, like each other, and contemplate each other.
There' s usually no time for that. If the work dignifies the man,
rest and recreation, we also plan with rigorous accuracy to the commitments assumed,
working hours, economic budgets, visits of condolence, changes of oil to
the cart to the dentist, etc. Free time is, on the other
hand, considered to be a residual effect, something left over after work and
we often don' t know what to do with it. Work is sacred
and our free time is not. Today' s society takes us a hundred
kilometers per hour on a journey where there is no time for the landscape.
If someone stops, they' re over him, there' s no time.
Rest has been reduced to a passive force recovery function. A lot of
people don' t sleep, they pass out. We must have time for
the children, the couple, the parents, but we can' t think
of using a few hours for our own benefit. We think that the best
time used is time to produce goods, materials or money. We' re
not interested in producing mental health. Many of my patients feel guilty when they
are sitting under a tree watching the leaves move, others only see in the
field. The possibility of a cattle farm. Investment is only justified if it
results in sellable things. There is no doubt that culture does not teach to
waste time in a psychologically productive way. That is, giving us justice and
contemplating the fear of falling into leisure. He' s developed a pattern of
hyperactive behavior. Irrationally, we think it' s essential to stay active almost
all the time, that is, doing something. It is considered that thinking,
dreaming, fantasizing, sleeping, meditating or looking, is not to act
like this. To dedicate oneself to one is synonymous with vagrancy or good life.
If we think this way, we will never enjoy loving each other as
we could always be doing something more productive. It is an act of or
irresponsibility not to devote time to yourself. Wanting himself in principle should be no
different than loving others. When we love someone, we try to let them
know with acts aimed at bringing them well- being and satisfaction. Similarly,
you must prove to yourself that you love yourself with acts aimed at producing self
- welfare and self- satisfaction. It is absurd that something so obvious should
not be fulfilled. We almost always occupy the last place in our capacity for
expression of affection. We live by postponing the rewards we deserve and we say
to ourselves one day I will do it, but that day usually does not
come. Since childhood we are instilled that self- control and postponement of pleasure.
It makes us different from animals. To think that humans should never react
to their desires immediately and that they should learn to wait has been exaggerated.
No doubt about it. Postponing them may be an important ability in a diet
to quit smoking or try not to be aggressive, but if we make the
deferment of pleasure a way of living, we will become zombies. Life will
slowly lose its pleasant and satisfying side. The cost will be insensitivity. Being
with the emergency brake, put 24 hours seeing whether it is prudent, appropriate,
convenient or not, can lead you to emotional lethargy and absolute indifference.
You will lose the ability to vibrate and get excited, create a breastplate and
get used to the routine. Daily life in industrialized culture does not offer too
many opportunities for enjoyment. We' re anaesthetized. If we stop giving ourselves
a dose of gratification, no one will. Self- control is by no
means synonymous with responsibility. Many people feel irresponsible if they are onr seden or
fall into certain temptations, such as, for example, escaping work a little
earlier the rigid idea of fulfillment and duty towards us has made us forget the
commitment we have made to ourselves as we get to this world growing as people,
and it is impossible to grow if we do not want ourselves not to
control all your cravings. Throw yourself a little cane in the air, take
it off, brake it and taste it. The best antidote to psychological distress
is the author' s reinforcement. Unfortunately, as I have been saying,
we do not express ourselves affection in a systematic and consistent way, the way
we behave with ourselves, just as the initial example leaves great doubts about the
love we profess, Let us look at some prerequisites and ways of expressing affection
to ourselves. Hedonistic philosophy. Hedonism means to offer satisfaction, rejoicing, enjoyment
and well- being. A hedonistic philosophy implies a lifestyle aimed at seeking enjoyment
and profiting from the things around us. It does not express, as some
believe, irresponsible and uncontrolled conduct. Nor does it mean ignoring the importance of
discipline and organization. The hedonist is not a superficial corrupt person who seeks only
the worldly pleasures of eating and drinking. Try to have the best possible time.
It is not synonymous with vagrancy, laziness or don juanism. It is
not to avoid everyday struggle and problems, but to honestly recognize what you are.
He is happy to work actively to achieve and enjoy it, to feel
it intensely, without guilt or remorse. Between the extreme of over- accepting
self- control and the unbridled pursuit of immediate pleasure epicureanism, there is an
intermediate point where responsible delight is possible. Hedonist philosophy contains the implicit acceptance of
the right to enjoy anedonic philosophy. The opposite of a dentist. It'
s the cult of insensitivity. It' s the best breeding ground for unhappiness
to thrive. If you live in a greedy way of life, you will
lose the possibility of living with passion. It' s impossible to learn to
love yourself if you don' t agree to live intensely. Some people confuse
not feeling bad with feeling good. Stopping self- punishment and suffering is not
enough. One more step must be taken to reward oneself and to have a
philosophy oriented to pleasure in another way. Your life itself short will become simple
and boring, like an egg without salt insipidus. One of the great evils
of the 20th century is the lack of ability to feel passion. No matter
what passion it is to give meaning to life, it is to create a
feeling of high degree of strength and vigor, it is to vibrate with energy.
Some lucky ones, even under the strong influence of social analgesia, achieve
a passion that leads them to full hedonistic potential. No need to climb the
highest mountain in the world or swim across the Amazon. Full enjoyment is also
observed in everyday things, such as collecting, scapulars, growing roses, reading
going to the cinema, writing, cooking, playing chess, being amateur radio,
painting, etc. Anything you choose can become your passion. If you
work actively for it, if we know that it is vital to our mental
health, why we are not hedonists, why we resign ourselves to a routine
and unpleasant lifestyle. Humans, perhaps by wanting to be too human, have
lost some fundamental abilities that we inherit from our animal ancestors. The development of
the cerebral cortex and language, although it has allowed us to evolve in many
aspects, has distanced us from our subcortical emotional phylogenetic past into two main factors,
exploration behavior and emotional sensitivity. Exploration is one of the behaviors that most
guarantees the intelligent development and emotional development of our species. The search allows the
discovery of food sources, dens and sexual mating in the lower species. This
instinctively generated research helps the inherited behavioral system become rich and allows to increase the
repertoire of resources to face and foresee dangers. It' s a form of
self- stimulation. Some characteristics of animal life are the displacement and modification of
the environment to put it at the service of subsistence. Curiosity is one of
the factors that has allowed the development and maintenance of life on the planet.
Snooping, searching and exploring lead to one of the greatest satisfactions discovery and surprise.
Exploration opens doors that were closed to the senses and to amazement. Clashing
with an unsuspected reality and being shocked at the discovery or that open and suspended
in a sea of unsolved unknowns is undoubtedly one of the greatest emotions. Today
' s civilization has had disastrous influences on our ability to search. Technological progress
has contributed to laziness and indolence. Every day we walk less. Our life
no longer depends so much on the exploration capacity. The atrophy of the inquiring
spirit has given way to the sedentary habit of leisure. Inertia has replaced the
audacity of the explorer. We have developed an intolerance to discomfort that leads to
prostration, preventing you from testing new things and experiencing them. We have endless
lists of routines. If we are stupidly proud of them because they generate stability.
We are more theoretical than empirical. We' re afraid of the unknown.
We rarely venture beyond our territory and when we do, we organize things
in such a way that nothing escapes our control, no unforeseen. The seeker
finds happiness. She doesn' t get to the door, you have to
go out and get her and fight for her. It' s been since
you left us to wander aimlessly that you don' t improvise for as long
as you don' t rehearse meals, clothes, walks, sports or new
positions in sex the phrase that serves as motors how it will be to rehearse
this. When I induce my patients to infuse their motivational environment. Many tell
me and what I do. I answer them looking. There is no pre
- fabricated list on what to do good with one' s own life.
You have to make it by searching and searching and every ten doors you open
possibly show you something interesting and wonderful that justifies the effort. The premise better
known bad than good to know becomes over time the key to numbness and emotional
inactivity. When everyday things become too common and you can foresee your immediate future,
it means you haven' t explored enough. When the ordinary becomes ritual.
It' s time to explore. You need to get unaccustomed and build
your own ecology. If you' ve lost your scanning ability, you must
recover it in another way. You' ll never be able to approach a
hedonistic philosophy. The second factor that interferes with a pleasant lifestyle is the ability
to feel. Some people only perceive the obvious. If they' re in
the Niagara Falls, they' ll only see a lot of water. When
you' re in front of a glass window, you' ll only see
a painted glass. Dawn will remind you that it' s time to go
to sleep. A morning of sunshine. It' ll make them anticipate a
hot day. The rain will only drive them to seek shelter so as not
to get wet. The primary senses have undoubtedly suffered a numbness. Smell and
touch have been losing adaptive importance for our species, but are sources of pleasure
if reactivated. The ear has specialized in language and has lost ability to detect
and discriminate other sounds of nature. Looking at it without putting too much head
on it is in the background. The human information processing system has two ways
of operating. One is voluntary or controlled, and the other automatic or unconscious.
The first depends on those more developed strata, the central nervous system,
the left hemisphere of the cerebral cortex and processes linguistic logical information. The second
structures based on the oldest physiological systems, limbic system, right hemisphere, autonomous
nervous system and processes emotional affective information. Feeling, unlike thought processes, has
some characteristics that are its own. It is automatic, not conscious, requires
less mental effort, it is inescapable irrevocable, total, difficult to verbalize,
difficult to explain and understand. It should be noted that, while both types
of processing have different characteristics, they interact and intermix permanently, depending on the
case, there will be predominance of one or the other. It' s
very difficult. Pure emotion or pure logic. In other words, while feelings
have their own channel of processing, they can be hindered or facilitated by the
influence of our thoughts, our culture, pure, social learning, privilege.
The reason for emotion, that is, for the younger and more evolved brain
to exercise control over the older one. This has been an important evolutionary advance
in the adaptation of our species, as some potentially dangerous emotions, such as
the IRA, have been considerably repressed. However, the cost we have paid
for this policy of emotional economy has been the subjugation of emotion. To reason
we have generated the insane habit of thinking too much about what we feel even
if the feeling is positive, trying to find logical explanations to our affection sometimes
puts us in dead ends and disturbs us. In these cases, whys should
be substitutes for what I feel and how I feel. Let' s look
at an excerpt from the interview where the inappropriate reasons are involved. In one
of my adolescent patient patients, I doubted my whole relationship with my girlfriend.
I don' t understand why I love her anymore. Everything was going so
well therapist, explain yourself better, p always happens to me the same thing.
When things go well, I' ve started to think that we'
re not really for each other. I don' t understand why he gave
us what it would do you any good to know Go with surprise. I
need to know why I love her You' re sorry. P. I
don' t know. It' s very difficult. I don' t
know what I saw she physically attracts you p. If you feel good when
you' re with her, P yes you find it intellectually restless. P
a lot. It' s one of his virtues. T is loving,
with you, p much t. Maybe there' s not much to understand.
The answers you' ve given are not enough. P. No.
I' m not calm. I need to understand things better. T You
may want to be sure that you made the right choice or better choice.
However, if you permanently rationalize feeling, you run the risk of leaving,
feeling and arriving at absurd solutions. If you intend to give a metaphysical and
philosophical sense to your affection, you place it on a level of knowledge that
will be impossible for you to process. You can even end up giving your
feelings value judgments of whether it' s good or bad, convenient or inconvenient,
as if it were buying a car or an apartment. If the human
being had to rationalize all pleasant emotional states, they would automatically become displaced by
the very inability to explain them. You should ask yourself why you like a
meal on a single day of music as long as you feel it that way
is valid and enough for you. Perhaps the right thing to do is not
to look for answers to questions, but to know how to ask questions.
I' d trade the whys for which threads. As this will probably calm
you down. P means that people must resign themselves to being ignorant in the
face of positive thoughts t exact b This is very difficult. T is if
you' re used to thinking too much and wanting to know everything, but
it' s worth a try. There is no doubt that the patient would
benefit greatly if his or her attention were directed to living here and now without
questioning transcendental aspects, about why he or she feels good or why he or
she wants someone. Obviously, the premise is in no way to stop thinking
and become a viceral being for the rest of your life would be worse the
remedy than the disease itself. To tilt the balance in favor of positive affection
seeking to level the emotional and rational does not mean to eliminate reason, but
to place the affection in the place that deserves the premise of pascal when it
said two excesses. Excluding reason from admitting no more than reason is a suggestion
to be taken into account. It is simply not adaptive, functional, pleasurable,
pleasant or relaxing. Ask yourself compulsively and unnecessarily why of all positive feelings.
Letting flow and feeling is incompatible with self- analyzing all the time.
Some subjects remind me of Mr Spoct of the famous television series travel to rigid,
hyper- controlled, normative, self- demanding, perfectionist, intelligent,
cold and disconnected stars of any kind of feeling. The minimal outline of emotions
discarded by unproductive or thoughtlessly thought about it trying to argue, resolve and explain
the why of the unexpected emotional slip. Positive feeling, if it is not
harmful to you or others, needs no explanation. The vast majority of pleasant
affective reactions escape reason. They are difficult to verbalize and explain. You just
have to feel them. Disconnect the cerebral cortex from your pleasurable feelings. From
time to time let yourself be carried away by your preferences and worry more about
feeling than understanding events. What makes you happy paraphrasing Tagore an understanding only nourished
with logic is like the blade of a knife without a handle that fills the
hand of its owner, another cause of insensitivity different from those Why if to
computational rationalization is the belief that we should not let ourselves be carried away by
emotions or lose control, since it is in bad taste to show the weak
side. This belief, deeply rooted in our culture, leads to seeing the
expression of emotions as a weakness and control of them as an indicator of courage
and strength. No more ridiculous not to cry, scream, snoop, jump
from joy or laugh out loud from time to time is to be dead not
to get out of point for any reason. It is the virtue of those
insecure who fear to make a fool of themselves or that emotion will get out
of their hands. To one of my patients, a very traditional and conservative
successful executive in his way of thinking, I had to give the bad news
that his wife, whom he loved no longer loved, was going to separate
from him and had a lover five years ago. He, sir, frowned,
nodded with a slight head movement, sighed and said. I must admit,
I' m a little uncomfortable about the news. Paradoxically, one of
the causes of her marital failure was the difficulty she presented in expressing her feelings
in a frank and open manner. The idea of inhibiting emotions at all costs,
either out of fear of feeling or out of fear to which they will
say, becomes a habit that eventually leads to anesthesia. Many people forgot to
feel that they had become addicted to control. If they have taken to the
letter, the consigning is bad and typical of ordinary people will put a dam
of containment to affection and the supposed advantages of moderation and sanity will be returned
as a boomeran. It is common to hear wonders of fortitude, of certain
widows or widowers for not shedding a single tear, an ill- conceived duel,
a patient future. The repression of feeling can go so far that the
subject really believes he is not feeling anything. Here' s the saying.
The procession goes inside. As an obvious result. I am not promulgating the
blind and hysterical impulsiveness of speaking hard, crying at all times and laughing at
nothing. What I do not share is the absurd idea that the frank and
honest expression of feelings is primitive, uncivilized, inappropriate and inconvenient. It'
s inappropriate for who? Inconvenient to whom? Feeling in the broad sense of
the word is not a disease to be created against. Immunity, it'
s physical and mental health. Interestingly, permission to feel that culture gives us
is linked to the sexual role that social stereotypes mark. If a man cries
he is seen as weak, if a woman does it is sentimental, tender
and maternal. It is not very bad to see a man manifest a sexual
attraction to the opposite sex and enjoy it. But if the woman enjoys too
much, she is not only socially rejected as an immoral person, but has
invented an exclusive illness for them called nymphomania. There is no male counterpart in
psychiatry manuals. There are no nymphomaniacs. The education system collaborates extensively in the
crusade against the ability to feel intensely cared for. My son, keep your
emotions under control, don' t let go of the reins or they'
ll go wild and take you irretrievably to uncontrollability and debauchery. While the intention
may be good, it is also important to teach our children not to be
encapsulated. Unbridled uncontrollability is as bad as excessive control. But in spite of
everything, on many occasions we can get out of control without being harmful to
one or other people. You can let yourself get carried away when you make
love to hunch. If you think about it, you can fly with your
favorite music until five in the morning, cry in the face of piety,
scream in a horror movie, kick the car because it was barbed for the
fifth time, hug a friend three times tell him seventy times I love the
woman you love to applaud to anger concert for number one piano, feel nostalgia
in front of the photo of a family member who has gone away forever,
or laugh loudly and loudly when you see Chaplin, you can feel what you
want if you don' t violate the rights of other people, if it
doesn' t hurt you and if that makes you happy. Although some emotional
constipates do not like it, the only thing that separates you from the machines
is the ability to feel pained by the one who hurts. It is true
that some emotions are unpleasant and nefarious. Psychologists know this well, but even
in cases where it is necessary to modify a pathological negative feeling, the first
step is to accept and discriminate their existence. If it is really a source
of suffering and discomfort, it must be let out to proceed to eliminate it.
Feeling is not the most oquist attitude of resigning to accept those emotions that
hurt you. Feeling as it is raised here is a way to research and
explore that you like and that is not the condition without equanon to discover ways
to love yourself. Don' t put so many requirements on your emotions to
accept them. They' re part of you. Feeling is your living condition.
If you deny them or fear them, you will be losing not only
the ability to love yourself, but to love others. Learn to live with
them. Choose the ones that suit you and discard the ones you don'
t like. You' re entitled to this choice by summarizing what' s
been said up here. Accepting vis in a context of hedonistic life is generating
a personal style of emotional freedom. Healthy orientation to enjoyment and pleasure is the
most fertile ground for us to prosper in our ability to love ourselves. An
uninhibited and unfettered spirit will undoubtedly favour the development of an acute and perceptive sensitivity,
which, in turn, will improve affective communication and understanding of internal States.
In other words, a hedonistic style produces a greater awareness of the natural
stimuli that reach the organism and expands the range of potentially pleasurable situations. If
you learn to enjoy reality, you don' t need to get away from
it. Artificial stimulants, there is plenty to explore and not place irrational restrictions
on emotions, is to approach a hedonistic way of life, a joyful life.
The great French poet Jack Prever shows in the urs one of his poems
an example of emotional freedom that, although sanctioned by good habits, reminds us
of the freshness and joy of our childhood. The bad student says no with
his head, but with his heart. He says if what he likes,
they say no to the teacher is standing, they interrogate him and pose all
the problems. Suddenly it gives him an attack of laughter and erases all figures
and words, dates without men, phrases and traps and without heeding the threats
of the teacher or of the boos, of the abelo everything on the black
slate of the misfortune, draws the face of the bliss. The following action
guides can help you get closer to a hedonistic lifestyle. You take time for
enjoyment. Life has not been made just to work. You work to live.
Not the other way around. Your time of rest, your recreation and
your vacation are not a waste of time, but an investment for your mental
health. Don' t delay the satisfactions so long waiting for the day.
There' s no time for love like there' s no time to love
yourself. You define it according to your needs and you win. Don'
t make yourself responsible. An exhausting and dogmatic obligation. Two decides to live
hedonistically. Accept that the pursuit of pleasure is a condition of the human being
is part of you as something natural. It' s not something bad and
dirty, primitive and sordid. To be a hedonist is not to promulgate vagrancy,
irresponsibility or vices that harm your health. It' s living intensely and
exercising the right to feel good. I' d be inhuman to you.
Deny this possibility, stop on the path of routine and think that it makes
you vibrate and thrill, that you like it and that not if in that
monotonous and flat walk. You haven' t forgotten to feel. Remember the
times you unnecessarily and irrationally avoided looking for the pleasant by believing that it was
not right or by fear of giving in. How many moments of happiness you
' ve lost by believing you didn' t deserve them. How long you
' ve taken advantage of the little life you have doing things that don'
t give you satisfaction. Search inside and you will find a void passion.
You have an obligation to generate life alternatives to keep yourself happy. If you
resign yourself to a lifestyle of mere subsistence, it will be reduced to its
minimal expression and will lose its principal delight in the joy of living. If
you power your pleasurable experiences, new horizons will open up and you will become
immune to the worst disease, boredom. You have an innate talent for living
well. Don' t waste it three explore seeks to inquire once you decide
to give more importance to the beginning of pleasure. You have to start working
to feel good. Your main weapon is exploration. Don' t wait to
be totally safe to rehearse new things risk yourself. The pleasure is not only
in finding new sources of gratification, but in seeking them. You don'
t need to have an impromptu fixed course. To explore is not to make
a detailed map of each step you will follow, but to let yourself be
carried away by intuition without thinking too much and without clear reasons. Because it
is as valid here as any other reason. Don' t resist trying out
what' s new. If you are invited to a different program, do
not discard it from entry go and try. You' ll never know for
sure where you' ll find something pleasant and exciting. Do not have opinions
a priori when it comes to knowing, let the information enter freely, without
preconceived ideas and just feel it. If you like her, accept her and
if you don' t take her away from you. The hedonist is a
tireless researcher of the incredible and prodigious that must not necessarily be a chimede record.
Unheard of can be in the simplest people and in the seemingly simplest things.
The pleasant aspects of reality are waiting for you to discover them encourage four
not to rationalize both pleasant emotions. The idea is not to deny the importance
of thought. In fact, your way of thinking has an influence on the
affective tone, pleasantness, or displeasure of your feelings. The problem is that
if you try to explain yourself and understand feelings permanently, the obstructions irremediably hinder
their fluidity, inhibit them from distorting them and impede their normal development. Cultural
influence has been so strong that we are not able to hear, look or
touch without thinking. There is a clear tendency to place emotion in conceptual categories,
value judgments and opinions. It is very difficult to achieve an emotional image
devoid of reason with effort and training. A few people, such as yogas,
manage to clean the image in part and leave it as pure as possible,
but the vast majority opt for the opposite alternative. Emotional images are more
right than feelings. If you try, you can balance the influence of reason
and feel more pure. The goal is not to become a Buddhist teacher.
Just take away the whys and decorticalize the pleasant emotions one day walks out with
the simple idea of listening to the noises that the city offers you. If
you' re in the field, discover the sounds it offers you. Nature
will discriminate, squeaking, creaking, distant voices, the passing of a cow,
the heeling of a board moved by the wind, a faraway chariot,
some bird, the wind, etcetera. A language that can be understood but
not understood in the daily journeys. Look in detail at the things that live
with you in the world. A sign, a façade, the faded colour
of the sidewalks, an old tree, the faces of the people who look
through the windows of the crowded, buses, etc. On your walks to
the farm, look at the colors and their shades. Details from the little
ants to the amazing behavior of the birds. Walk the mountain formation stop in
a flower in the vegetables, in the fruit trees, which hang from the
trees, in the stones, in the puddles, etc. When you look,
don' t be an evaluative inquisitor. Just see if you sit down
and eat, enjoy your food. Take a little longer to chew and taste
the food, taste it, throw it away and leave it in your mouth,
until the papillae assimilate it. Try to taste without seasonings, once in
a while, without vinegar or pepper salt. Don' t eat just so
you don' t starve, pallade and stimulate your taste. It also sensitizes
and recovers your smell. Smell is not rude. It is one of the
greatest pleasures curtailed by Western culture. Not only do I mean sniffing a good
wine, but everything that' s worth it, like, for example,
food, even if they say it' s not right. The flowers,
the hair, the natural perfumes, the breeze, the bow, the horses,
the sunrise, the smoke, the new, the plastic, the clean,
the dirty, etc. Smell is one of the main resources of refined
sensual and sibarite people, who promulgate their repression. They are nothing but abstemies
of pleasure. Finally, your whole body has the ability to feel through touch.
Your skin is one of the best sensors. Unfortunately, because of his
relationship with human sexual activity, he is the most punished and censored. Don
' t be afraid of your skin. She will put you in connection with
a world numbed by the use of clothes and taboos. It will allow you
to establish a more direct and shocking contact than you see or hear. Not
only does it enable you to touch a person a smooth surface or rough something
cold or hot, but it also allows you to be touched by another human
being, by rain or by any object. You mustn' t give your
epidermis an offensive and vulgar sense, like prudes do. If you want to
caress yourself and feel your own skin, do it After all, it is
your body to face nature without so many defenses. Take off your shirt or
clothes sometimes. If it provokes you feel the breeze, the cold or the
warmness of the sun. Don' t wait for the holidays to get your
skin out to feel. When you caress someone focus on what you feel skin
with skin, let yourself be carried away by chemistry, play with your fingers
slowly unscramble them, support them remove them physiologically charming, walk, barefoot,
roll over the grass. If you bathe, do not dry immediately and focus
on your skin. Evaporate the water, feel the water, run slowly,
go out to walk in the storm and get carried away by the wind,
find something you have never touched and make it present yourself and know it without
thinking and only through the language of the skin. Physical contact is the best
way to communicate. Affection, you don' t need to talk, justify,
elaborate or explain anything. Love has the power to communicate without more language
than a hug, caress or kiss. In short, the mind and emotion
can be together and, in fact, they do. However, depending on
the situations, you should prevail over each other for example, in your work
decisions. Emotion must give way to reasoning. Conscientious, but when you'
re making love, enjoying a walk, listening to your favorite music or having
fun, cold judgments and whys left over self praise. One of the most
determining and distinctive characteristics of humans is, without a doubt, the ability to
reflect and think about oneself. Moreover we possess the gift of being aware of
our own consciousness. We think about what we think if we analyze the way
we act and feel the phenomenon of being conscious, it is called metacognition.
Evolutionarily, animals have not yet reached this stage of knowledge. If so,
there would probably be depressed cows, hippos, suicides, and giraffes with existential
problems. We are constantly silently talking to ourselves and cuddling about this or that,
sometimes automatically, not consciously, and others in a controlled or conscious way.
The internal dialogue begins in childhood and develops in adolescence. Around the age
of five, children structure and internalize what the authors have called internal language.
This language, as the child grows, is increasingly exercising control over emotional states
and behavior, allowing its control or release depending on the needs of the subject.
There is no doubt that thought largely determines not entirely the way we behave
and feel. In other words, self- verbalization or internal dialogue can affect
positively or negatively in a similar way as the words of others. They can
also exert a certain effect on your mood. If someone who is very important
to you insults you or speaks badly, you will certainly be upset and you
can even get a little depressed. If that same person addresses you with flattering
and stimulating words, you will most likely like him and he will make you
feel good. Self- verbalizations have the same faculty as those verbalizations that come
from others. There is no doubt, then, that accepting the power of
thought and internal dialogue, provided that its use as excessive rationalization is not exaggerated,
is to adopt an optimistic position vis-à- vis the condition of
the human being. Research in clinical psychology shows that many pathologies are characterized by
a special type of thought. For example, depressive subjects possess what is known
as cognitive triad. Negative thoughts about themselves label themselves inadequate as private and useless.
In the face of the hostile, repulsive world with infinite obstacles, and
in the face of the uncertain, dark and sad future. If you recriminate
your way of acting, if you tell yourself that the world sucks and the
future sucks, you obviously won' t like this life or probably the other.
Before moving forward, it is worth stressing that recognizing the importance of internal
dialogue is not as we saw in the previous paragraph. Doing a cult to
rationalize. It is also not to deceive oneself and distort information. It is
not to cover the sun with your finger and say that it is cloudy when
you have your internal dialogues, if possible they are positive, but with a
dose of realism. Self praise is a way to speak positively to you,
It is a way to contemplate you and recognize your proper actions. It is
not necessary and necessary that you do so out loud and in public would be
sanctioned and harshly criticized. Self- stimulation may be more powerful in its effects
than congratulation or praise coming from outside. It allows the strengthening of self-
esteem generates good habits of mental hygiene and, most importantly, helps to keep
self- praising behavior going in the future. Due to the absurd cultural custom
of seeing the self- punishment and self- criticism of negative behaviors as a
better way of learning than self- strengthening positive behaviors, the vice of focusing
on the bad has developed. If all you see are your wrong behaviors,
self praise will be inapplicable. It would seem that society regarded self- praising
as harmful, useless or superfluous. The ego should not feed much and duty
does not need congratulations from where these left- handed and irrational ideas come from.
It is generally considered more worthy to give than to receive and more important
is the other than one. The self praise represents the maximum expression of yokon
Jo, as a mafalda character used to say. For me the most important
thing is definitely me. Love is suspicious, it' s a symptom of
narcissism and sufficiency. Love directed to oneself is seen as egolatry and love directed
to others as altruism. However, love can also be seen as self-
respect and an act of dignity. The reasons to deny self- praising are
several. I' ll point out the most common ones. Ah I am
not worthy or was not much typical of people who see modesty or underestimation of
personal achievements as an act of dedication and humility in the manner of the great
hidalgos. It is actually an act of hypocrisy in the vast majority of cases.
The other explanation is not very promising either. It refers to people whose
goals are so unattainable that praise and congratulations are made impossible. Anything you do
right or so you think is worthy of self- praising. You must not
win a nove prize by doing true crusades in the best style of the knights
in the middle ebo, underestimating your achievements and your performance being actually good.
It' s a sign that your mental health started to falter. You'
re always worthy of your own congratulations. B was my duty was my duty.
This militaristic attitude typical of the most obsessive recruit, does not serve your
self- esteem. You' ve done your duty well Congratulate yourself a very
good one. Your main duty is to give you a hug. It has
been vehemently said that duty is not rewarded. If true, many should return
medals even in the most vertical and authoritarian of systems is rewarded and praised.
If your internal dialogue is that of absolute obligation, you will not feel the
right to praise yourself, you will live it as an act of cowardice.
You will put aside the pleasure of putting on medals when your effort brings you
closer to personal goals self- praising. It' s bad taste. If
you do it in your inner forum, simply no one will notice The good
taste begins at home. Self- praising is a necessity. If you don
' t feed your self- esteem, your ego will be anemic and rickety.
It' s bad taste to have gas, pee, sleep, yawn.
If you do it in public, very possibly yes, but alone you
are allowed to do that and anything else. Self praise, by definition,
is an act that you perform in a covert manner alone without spectators of any
kind. Love is never tasteless. The punishment. Yes, self praise can
be understood as if it were a praise to others only directed to oneself.
When we try to flatter someone, we can use at least four forms of
praise depending on the degree of commitment. Impersonal praises widely promoted by the culture
of good manners and the label are considered signs of good education and diplomacy.
What is admired in these cases are material things that the person possesses without mentioning
any personal attribute and without involving one. Your shirt is very nice, you
have a beautiful house. Your perfume, it smells great, et cetera.
The recipient usually accepts the flattery of the material object belonging to him with a
grace, although it cannot be considered an expression of soft feelings. Effect,
it is a courtesy fact, usually, not sense. Anyway, it'
s just trying to be polite to yourself by praising the material things that you
really like, by admiring the material things that surround you and belong to you.
Congratulate yourself for having the personal praises, where the person to whom the
praise is directed is partially involved. Some people venture to take another step in
the expression of praise and, in addition to referring to the object tangentially refer
to the person. Your shirt looks good on that hairdo. It suits you
very well, your house shows you have good taste, etcetera. This kind
of praise is more demanding, but even the commitment of the sender of the
message is little. You can get involved in your own self- praising.
This shirt suits me. Definitely, my house shows I have good taste.
The swimsuit sits me down or I' m very well dressed today. I
can choose my friends very well, etc. Praises aimed at certain characteristics of
the person. Here the commitment of the one who says flattery is greater,
you are very intelligent, your body is very beautiful, your voice is spectacular,
you are a great person, you are an exemplary person, you are
very good friend, etc. As can be seen, praise is directed to
other people' s values, physical characteristics, or abilities, find out what
you like about yourself, praise yourself, and, by the way, thank
yourself as anyone who receives praise would appreciate it. Education also begins at home
praises aimed at characteristics of the person where the praise giver gets involved. Very
few people are able to give this kind of flattery without feeling ridiculous, nervous
or insecure. Here the giver says what he produces. The person expresses a
feeling associated with praise. I admire your intelligence, I love your body I
love your smile, envy, your joy, etc. This type of praise
generates stress on the receiver and the giver. They both get upset and don
' t know what to say. The expression of affection directed at other people
has so many conditions and requirements in our culture that it becomes increasingly difficult to
tell you I love someone without suspecting any homosexual tendency or some kind of perversion.
If I told a friend that I love him very much and that I
like being with him, I would look suspicious. If any friend told you,
she would probably interpret it as a quasi- impermissible declaration of love.
The free and frank expression of positive feelings to the people around us is not
easy. There is prevention and distrust in the environment These problems seem to disappear
when it comes to self- praising, saying I like my eyes, I
love being smart, I love my legs, etcetera. It does not cause
risks, rejections or misunderstandings. Self- expression of positive feelings makes us feel
good, simply because good treatment is pleasant. What to do to generate the
healthy custom of self- praising. First, you must connect to a controlled
processing, that is, make yourself aware of your internal dialogue and what you
say. When you' ve reached an achievement, you can find out that
you' re not saying anything to yourself. Success went unnoticed or you'
re self- punished. Success has been insufficient for your aspirations I should have
done better. I remember that at the age of twenty, my level of
self- exigency in academic matters reached absurd limits. At that time I was
studying electronic engineering, a career I left in the fifth year, when I
decided to be honest with myself. The important thing is that despite the lack
of vocation for cables and chips. If my grades were down from nine or
ten, it would make me deeply depressed. While my companions were celebrating a
seven in algebra, I was verbally punishing myself for an eight. Unsatisfaction with
my own performance did not allow for self- praising. From my rigid point
of view, it was absurd that a six or a seven deserved so much
fuss. Today I have learned that, as long as it is not harmful,
harmful or dangerous to me or others, I can congratulate myself on whatever
I want. Each sets its own standards. My excessive self- requirement was
detrimental to my mental health. Not only did it give me stress, but
it also gave me dissatisfaction and sadness. The following method will help you acquire
the healthy habit of self- praising you. The first step is to become
aware of how you treat yourself and what you tell yourself. This is achieved
by keeping a detailed record for a week or two, showing the behavior susceptible
of self praise and what you tell yourself after performing it. The second step
is to stand by without scoring from when you do something well done to self
praise you in the initial stages. The self praise must be out loud alone
so you can hear yourself that was great, etc. The third step is
self- administration of self- praising in a low voice until it becomes thought.
The fourth step is to rehearse it enough so that through practice, it
strengthens and becomes automatic, such as driving a car or typing. Self praise,
like any enhancer, must be used in a discriminatory manner, that is,
selective so that it does not wear out and loses its power. You
choose which behavior you' re going to self praise, but if you want
to maintain your motivating ability, don' t use it compulsively and blindly,
don' t waste it self- choose when you think it' s worth
it. It' s not a gift you have to give yourself out of
grief, but a prize you' ve won and therefore deserve. In short,
you possess the innate ability to speak to yourself and understand yourself. This
covert dialogue, to which only you can access, has a huge influence on
your way of acting and feeling. These self- verbalizations have the power to
make you feel good through flattery. Praise and respectful or evil treatment, punishment,
mockery, contempt and disrespect. If you tell yourself, I have abilities
and, therefore, I must trust myself. You' re self- praising.
If you tell yourself, I' m the most ridiculous being in the
world. You' re and you' re respecting and treating yourself badly.
If self praise follows positive behavior, this behavior will be strengthened and will be
more likely to recur in the future. Self praise is a powerful weapon that
you must take care of and not use indiscriminately. Do not spoil your strength
by using it blindly apply it to those behaviors that are worthwhile and that make
you grow. As a human being, self- praising you for hurting someone,
making a bad note or betraying a friend will not lead you, but
self- destruction Finally, self- praising has advantages that are its own.
It' s fast economic, it can be applied whenever and wherever you want.
You can' t see it, but it feels. It' s
not critical. It is for personal exclusive use and used with caution. It
does not wear out who is the right to self- expression of feelings.
Undercover language is one of the many ways of gaining access to self- reward
is another way of expressing self- appreciation to you. The reward is the
process by which we manage positive stimuli, although it seems strange something so obvious
and clear intrinsic to the human being. In our culture it becomes confused and
entangled. The cult of excessive savings has led us to believe that anything that
does not result in silver or material benefits is a bad investment. On the
other hand, selfishness is so badly seen and so harshly sanctioned that on many
occasions we fall back to the other end and prefer to give away. That
giving us away isn' t going to be something we' re told to
be individualists. The ideas that nothing is indispensable and that only the urgent and
imperative is necessary leads us irremediably to consider as inconsequential waste many things that would
make us live a little better. In fact, we could do without a
good car for one, of lower cost and smaller, of much of the
clothes, belts, last button, shirt, coca cor of the elegant stylographs,
twins or manhorns, paperweights, night tables, lamps, etc. The
list would be endless. The best way to save is to go live under
a bridge. One of my patients, an elderly man, who suffered moderate
depression, avoided being at home and had not found reason. When I went
to look at its habitat and try to find the cause, we discovered a
cluster of small, big things that didn' t really favor the good being
of the old man. Many of them, unexplainedly, remained in their territory
and lived with him. A picture of horses that terrified him of a drawer
in the bedside table, where he kept his glasses, remedies, etcetera,
always put problems when he tried to open it and to achieve it. Usually,
the drawer ended up on the floor. The color of the dining room
wall was from a mustard to a raised color that I hated. Half of
his towels were nappins, battered and starched. I' d love to buy
towels. He said the blankets were short and his feet cooled at night.
She screwed up the cream in her milk, but the strainers let her filter.
The curtain in the library was transparent with light, portable radio, sound
problems, etc. Contrary to what many will think, the elder was not
bad. I had money and resources to change these things. We all have
something about my old patient. Irrationally we agree to live with things we don
' t want or dislike simply because we feel guilty about getting out of them.
In my own clóse I find you that half of the clothes I don
' t like, I don' t wear it, but I leave it
hanging. Changing those big little things helps you feel better. The cult of
saving makes us store anything, bottles, cables, nails, rusty, newspaper
clippings, etc. All in case one day in my move I throw away
boxes of waste that I have been stupidly guarding with great care too much treasure
takes, as the saying goes, to live as poor and have a burial
of rich people. I am not defending carelessness and irresponsibility in the management of
personal property. The idea is also not to live a few years in opulence
and the others in the most appalling misery. The spirit of saving is good
if done wisely. Saving should not become an end in itself, but a
foresight to have you place on the side of the greedy and spend on the
side of the wasteful. Even if it' s not understandable. Some of
my ultra- saving patients enjoyed collecting money as if it were stamps. The
cult of saving gives no respite. Spending on inconsequential things. It' s
wasteful and throwing things away even if they don' t serve us much,
it' s rough. On many occasions, having a way, we hesitate
to like each other. If we have seen a shirt that seems spectacular and
very expensive, having a way to buy it, we prefer a less beautiful
and cheaper one. One of my patients was fond of strawberries with cream,
but every time I bought a portion of it he would feel like it.
Actually, they don' t usually throw more than four or five strawberries Inexplicably,
I' ve never ordered two portions. When he was suggested to do
so, he greatly enjoyed the task. Another man who attended my office commented
with some regret that he wished to taste some prunes that he had brought from
St Andrew. Every time she suggested it to her lady, she looked at
him somewhat strange because she did not find sufficient merit to proceed. There were
no guests or any other specials. Too much. It' s saying that
the perfect excuse to eat two jars of delicious plums was just a doctor'
s suggestion. The lady never understood the relationship between plums and her husband'
s mental health. Nor did she understand that her husband' s craving was
a sufficient motive, even if it might seem simplistic. If you prefer to
give your money to pharmacies, psychologists and doctors, don' t like it.
The scaring philosophy of the one who attaches himself too much to money and
to things does not allow self- reward. The stingy will always see the
reward as unnecessary because it will not produce anything tangible. They will say it
is not necessary, neither vital nor life and death. You need self-
reward, just like self- reward, it strengthens your self- esteem and
does not allow self- punishment. Self contempt and dissatisfaction prevent you from becoming
insensitive to your achievements. It teaches you to self, express yourself to be
detailed with your own person and explicit with the author himself. Reconnaissance. You
' re no less important than your friends or other people. It is useless
for you to attempt a posture of hardness and insensitivity. We are all sensitive
to manifestations and self- expressions. Of affection, no one is so strong.
The author' s lack of reinforcement won' t make you psychologically tougher.
There are no calluses that can develop in the face of the innate need
to love each other. Strength is not about accepting your successes and achievements in
an unshakeable and stoic way by denying that you need some self- reward when
you have done something worthwhile or simply because you were willing to please an act
of delicacy toward yourself. Think for a moment of cravings you' ve had
a long time ago, carefully check when they haven' t been able to
take place, simply because you haven' t decided to do it. It
' s not that you haven' t been able to, but that you
haven' t been encouraged, you haven' t had the courage to lose
the north and momentarily get out of the impassive, contemplative, saving attitude that
leaves for tomorrow what I should do today. Cars are material reinforcements like food,
clothing, jewelry, etcetera, they' re not the only ones.
To give you taste implies self- administration of anything that makes you feel good
and that obviously is not harmful to your health. Doing the activity that you
like or stop doing something unpleasant is another way to reward you reward you like
it. How long a week you' re with you, how long you
' ve spent building a nice space around you. Having various forms of reward
author is organizing a healthy motivational environment for your mental health. Some people have
a deaf ability to make dreary and insult environments. They build their own ecological
niche, the one who knows how to love leaves his mark on all things.
His territory is designed by him. It' s not a bunch of
things put on by a decorator, because it' s fashionable to be an
architect of your own environment. It' s one of the luxuries we'
re still allowed and we don' t take advantage of. Check out some
aspects of your environment and try to remodel what you dislike. Think, for
example, of your home, your social life and your recreation. Your house
is attached to your needs. How many things bother you and yet they still
remain with you. What you' d like to do with your room how
many friends you don' t like, how many places you don' t
want to go, how many meals you eat that terrify you being able to
eat other things you plan. Your fun has gone as long as you don
' t go out to places you like just out of carelessness. How much
money you invest in recreation. Anyway, ask yourself if what you have built
around you contributes to your happiness or to your burial in life. Many will
say that it is not easy, that the 20th century takes us too quickly
with stress and consumerism, because with more reason we must take refuge in a
lifestyle where we compensate for adrenaline and generate immunity. Self- reward helps this
end, not cults. As we' ve seen here. Self- esteem
can be strengthened through a number of resources. These paths to self- esteem,
influenced by social learning, have been hampered. Because of certain beliefs.
We have created a kind of veneration for a set of attributes, which we
consider indispensable to feel good humans and to separate ourselves from the lower species.
We have thought that these typically human characteristics dignify and exalt us above other living
species and allow us to go through life in a more dignified way. However,
the good intention of our ancestors, these ideas have led to extremes detrimental
to our own self- esteem and sensitivity. Such ritualistic ideas are the cult
of habitation, the cult of rationalization, the cult of control, the cult
of modesty and the cult of saving. They are the worst enemies of your
self- esteem. The almost ritual exaltation of these five beliefs leads us to
contempt and personal underestimation for wanting to enhance the human condition. Its fundamental essence
has been mutilated and restricted. Like so many other things, we' re
way out of line. If you are a person who is handled within very
rational customs always at its point, who does not flaunt his achievements and does
not give in to his expenses, you will be the ideal match for more
than one mother- in- law or father- in- law no matter
how bored you are or you feel suffocated by your rules and rules. You
will be a stable person or what is the same, motionless, invariable,
unmovable, unalterable, definitive and constant, something like a tree or granite monument.
If you worship the above- mentioned ideas, you will overstep their use
and become a plastic being. I do not criticize beliefs themselves, but their
emulation and extreme glorification. Its indiscriminate use will only lead you to the inculturation
of feeling, the inability to express the cult of habitation. It will prevent
you from innovating and discovering other worlds. It won' t allow you to
change in any way. You will irremediably remain in the saga and your motivational
environment will shrink further and further. The cult of rationalization will turn you into
some kind of computer. You' ll leak absolutely every desire feeling. It
will serve to avoid bad emotions, but it will distort pleasant emotions. Love
will be a game of chess or a problem that must be solved. The
cult of self- control will be a containment dam for all your emotions and
feelings. You will be so afraid of exceeding yourself that you will forget to
feel and enjoy the worship of modesty will lead you not to value your successes
and efforts. You' ll end up denying yourself. The worship of saving
will prevent you from liking yourself, you will believe that money is an end
in itself and not a means to self- reward you. As I said
before, these beliefs are not bad in themselves, but in high doses and
carried to the extreme, they are harmful to your mental health. Our culture
has placed special emphasis on the harmful effects of pedantry, waste, impulsivity,
etc. Undoubtedly harmful, but forgot to alert about its use criminated clue.
Always leave a space to move, that your traditionalism allows some changes, that
your modesty let escape a self- recognition, that your cerebral cortex, let
occasionally play the emotions, that your self- control allows you a gray hair
in the air, that your budget leaves from time to time, etc.
Give yourself the freedom and space to move so you can love yourself. You
have to give yourself permission once in a while. However, these permits should
not be harmful to your health or to the people around you. If so,
that would not be a way to love or love others. A healthy
philosophy oriented to self- love. It' s taking care of you above
all things and not harming you. No father would prostitute a daughter or give
drugs to a son. Not doing a cult of the above- mentioned ideas
doesn' t mean going the other way and becoming insane, irrational and irresponsible.
To love yourself is to contemplate you, to care for you and to
express love in a responsible way, seeking your personal growth and not your ruin.
Not to cults means recognizing that certain values inculcated by our society have gone
too far and that their exaggerated weighting often impedes strengthening self- esteem. If
you take the above beliefs to heart and turn them into dogmas of faith,
you will feel a sinner every time you fail to fulfill them to the letter,
you will feel guilty of loving yourself toward good self- efficacy. No
one can make you feel inferior without your consent, Rosebot. As seen in
the first part, self- concept may be mistreated because of the trap of
setting irrationally high goals and excessive ambition. That is, it works with a
style too competitive, self- critical and strict, with its own performance in
the long or short, leads to adaptive failure. The end result will be
a weakened, off and flimsy self- concept. However, not demanding is
as bad as demanding the opposite extreme is those whose goals are poor, hesitant
and insecure, who fail in the face of the first obstacle and are indecisive
in the face of problems, as well as excessive self- exigency destroys and
punishes the ego. Lack of ambition prevents good growth. The challenges and challenges
themselves are the main food with which the self- concept is nurtured. If
you don' t have goals or are too tiny, your ego will be
ricket and fragile. If you don' t face problems and don' t
fight to achieve your goals, your ego will die of starvation, it won
' t atrophy, no, not about or. You' ll let it
grow on revolution. The engine is as bad as not taking it off.
Both roads lead to the same end. The main enemy for the growth of
self- concept is the lack of self- confidence. If you distrust you,
you will not be able to love the confidence and conviction that it is
possible to achieve the expected results. It' s called self- efficacy.
Low self- efficacy will lead you to think that you are not able to
enter a vicious circle, but, at the bottom, if you have no
confidence in yourself, your personal challenges will be poor. You' ll avoid
facing problems. The first obstacle will make you defect, you will feel failed
and you will lose self- efficacy again, which in turn will lower your
goals and self- exigency. Your terrible circle will continue to retreat negatively and
you will be losing more and more security and confidence. I don' t
know. Its effectiveness will make your goals strong. It will allow you to
persist before the imponderables and to deal with problems in an appropriate way. Self
- efficacy is basically an affective opinion of oneself. That' s it.
In other words, people may think that they have all the skills and abilities
to get certain results and, despite everything, not be convinced to successfully achieve
the goals. Imagine an athlete close to making a jump where a gold medal
is at stake. Suppose man is sure to possess the skills, a good
training, an excellent physical state and the public in favor. Consider, moreover,
that he had already jumped that mark earlier. It' s all in
your favor. However, suddenly and inexplicably doubt says to himself I will be
able. If I make a mistake in the jump, doubts will generate anxiety
and tension, your muscles will not respond and your jump will not be good.
Possibly, his next competition will be anticipated by inhibiting thoughts and self-
confidence. I' m not capable. Even if it' s all in
your favor. The expectation of success not only implies, as apparently one might
think, a rational and cold analysis of the objective possibilities of success expectations of
results, but also the subjective assessment of how capable the subject feels expectation of
effectiveness. Like any belief, this last assessment is a matter of faith and
trust, self- confidence sweeps away with abilities and abilities. In my psychological
consultation I see every day people who, although they have all the necessary resources,
fail because their self- efficacy is weak. Moreover, a considerable majority
of them do not even try to fight for their goals. Their argument is
that I do not feel able to make when they are asked the high chances
of success, showing that the pros are more than the contras who possess the
necessary capabilities and intelligence tend to answer. You' re right. I have
everything in favour, but I have no confidence if you are presented with the
alternative of trying anyway and risking to see what happens. They say so that
I know I' m going to go wrong. Pessimism is the guide of
insecure people. Although resignation plays an adaptive role for our species in the sense
that it leads us to save forces in situations where it is useless to try
it is extremely far from us when it is used hastily and irrationally, as
human beings can come to doubt themselves and resign themselves to suffering and adversity without
attempting to bring about change when there is a possibility of achieving it. How
you get to a self- scheming loser. Why negative self- performance predictions
are made in easy and potentially successful situations. Why some people are immobilized at
the possibility of overcoming difficulties. There are several reasons why people see themselves as
incapable and defeated. The perceived control or perception of one' s own ability
to modify inappropriate contingencies and drawbacks is shaped by one' s own experiences of
success or failure and how to process that information. Research in psychology indicates that
at least three factors appear to be associated with self- efficacy problems. The
perception of uncontrollability, the point of control and attributional styles. I' ll
analyze each separately. The perception of uncontrollability. The impossibility of modifying an aversive
event develops depression and distrust in itself. Similarly, a history of failures that
escapes the subject' s control will produce the perception of disability if success is
not pursued. The experience of uncontrollability has a devastating effect on fighting behavior in
unpersistent people. Let' s look at a classic experiment with animals a few
years ago in experimental psychology. In a box that had no possibility of escape,
a group of dogs were placed. The floor of the box consisted of
a grid connected to a source of electricity. The experiment was to give electric
shocks without escape bels and unpredictable for dogs. At first, animals tried to
escape, jump, bark, run through the box, etc. After a
while, however, dogs showed passive behavior. They stood still, looked sad,
impetuous, motionless and isolated. They seemed resigned. To his luck,
the experimenter then decided to change them to a new box, to which was
added a door so that they could escape if they received the downloads. It
was to be hoped that in the face of the new possibility of flight,
dogs would learn to avoid electric shocks. To everyone' s surprise, dogs
continued to endure punishment. Despite repeating the trials over and over again, the
dogs did not escape, they did not take advantage of the new alternative that
had been placed on them and resisted passing through the door. The only way
they could learn to avoid electric shocks was to force them out of the box
even without a number of times. Only thus did they learn that the open
door was really an alternative of relief and solution. The only therapy was to
show the dogs that they were wrong. The researchers interpreted this phenomenon, which
they called despair to p as caused by an exaggerated perception of uncontrollability. That
is, the dogs saw that their efforts were useless and ineffective to manage the
punishment. They resigned because they thought nothing could save them from the overwhelming pain,
Nothing was going to be able to change the situation. They saw the
door, but not the escape it provided. Other experiments carried out in humans
in situations of uncontrollability, obviously different from electrical shock, have produced similar results.
The perception of uncontrollability of aversive events can produce a bea in self-
efficacy or self- confidence. A bad streak is often enough to generate feelings
of insecurity and depression. Similarly, if failure is seen as unavoidable, feelings
of inefficiency will ensue that can be generalized to new situations. The subject will
come to consider himself unfit to find the solution and, even if it is
presented as a viable alternative, discard it because it considers itself incompetent. If
it gets too strong, this feeling of incapacity will make the person not try
to face new situations avoid them over time. It will not matter that both
the new situation that needs to be solved is real and objectively manageable, it
will be perceived as uncontrollable. Although not, it will be uncontrollable because the
subject will consider himself incapable of handling it. He will have lost self-
efficacy, self- perception will begin to be poor, he will feel defeated
and unable to advance through life. Your self- concept will weaken and you
will not feel worthy of love. He' ll stop loving and respecting himself.
Fortunately, as we will see later, this disheartening picture can change.
If you decide to risk facing the problems any more. What you must never
lose is your ability to fight. Like Horman Haas said. So that you
can emerge as much as possible. The impossible must be tried over and over
again. As long as you' re in the fight, there' ll
always be a hope you can hold on to, and if you lose or
don' t achieve what you expected, at least you' ve tried.
Your self- efficacy and self- concept will come out well. You won
' t feel a coward at the checkpoint. Being subjected to uncontrollable and catastrophic
situations, such as an earthquake, flood or war, is not the only
cause of low self- efficacy. Sometimes not trying to modify harmful and unpleasant
events is due to culturally learned beliefs. People can be divided into internals or
externals according to the place where they place control of their conduct. Internals put
control within themselves will say that they guide their conduct and are primarily responsible for
what happens to them. They assume destiny not as something given from the outside,
but as something they must build by their own effort. They don'
t usually blame others for what happens with their lives. From this point of
view, they are realistic, persevering and do not tend to give up easily.
They are safe people, although if they are too internal, they can
generate a style of superheroes and not measure the consequences. For their part,
outsiders believe that a number of events and causes beyond their control operate over their
conduct. They think that their behavior is governed by factors external to themselves,
against which they can do nothing. For example, luck, stars, omnis,
fate, etc. They are often fatalistic and resigned to adversity. His
thought is immobilizing. Nothing can be done so fate wants it or what to
try for. If this belief of external control point is widespread, you will
see attempts to modify the negative environment as fruitless or as a waste of useless
time that will lead to nothing. Most of the time acting with an external
control point leads to low self- efficacy. The position each takes vis-
à- vis the point of control is regulated by social learning, models and
the system of values of family and cultural groups. The proposal is not to
discard faith, but to put it at the service of your personal growth.
Beliefs should serve you as a source of motivation and drive, not as brakes
and impediments to happiness. By yourself, the increasingly prominent rise of mysticism and
superstition in our meo- medium manifests the imperative need to cling to external security
signals. The rebirth of primitive thought, no doubt, is a symptom of
distrust in the human being. I keep surprising myself as magical thinking generates more
followers every day. I accept the likelihood that there will be life on other
planets, but from there to extraterrestrials living among us waiting for the opportunity to
give us the great secrets of happiness, it is frankly unlikely. Moreover,
just considering this possibility indicates little confidence in the ability of the human being to
reach maturity. We need extraterrestrial wisdom to overcome ourselves. The study of Egyptian
culture is certainly exciting and mysterious, but trusting the healing powers of the pyramids
is still suicide. I know a number of fanatics about it that when they
are sick, they quickly turn to doctors. These beliefs offer alternatives of growth
and improvement easily. Think of astrology, even though serious scientific research has not
found any proof of the validity of its predictions, the world' s most
prestigious newspapers have their section of guessing their future. Perhaps it is easier to
think that the future is there for us to build it ourselves, with work
and sacrifice. That the position of the Moon and other planets affect human behavior
today is, from a scientific point of view, untenable cal Sagan says about
it. Astrology can be tested by applying it to the lives of twins.
There are many cases in which one of the twins dies in childhood, in
a car accident, for example, or struck by lightning, while the other
one lives a prosperous old age. Each one was born in exactly the same
place and with minimums of difference from each other. The same planets were exactly
coming out at the time of their birth. How two twins could have such
profoundly different destinies. Moreover, astrologers cannot agree among themselves on the meaning of
a pruning horozco. If careful tests are carried out, they are unable to
predict the character and future of people who know only the place and date of
birth. Although many typical citizens of the Middle Ages would have found it incredible
and ridiculous, we are more artifices of our destiny than the position of the
planets. The entry to any bookstore clearly shows an invasion of pseudo- scientific
literature that proposes to achieve happiness by the paths of esotericism, magic, the
Trojan horse, the Sumites, secret societies, the imminent invasion of unknown forces
or the visit of n n s s s s s s s? O
' s? O O O O O O O O O O O O
O O S so serious which are not posed as novels of fantastic literature like
Bradbery, but as true research material. Fantasy and imagination are a good ingredient
to live better, but if you turn them into rules of conduct, you
will live as a delight in the wonderland, you will get so far away
from reality that you will lose your way home. If you do not feel
comfortable in this world before traveling to the stars, try to modify it your
planet offers countless wonders. Reality surpasses imagination. If getting into it, putting
the responsibility for one' s life in the hands of someone more powerful,
very possibly relaxing, but it is still to some extent humiliating. Passively surrender
and capitulate to obstacles, because so it must be. It' s an
act of disloyalty with your person. You can' t declare yourself out of
combat, because it' s written. You' re the one who writes
your destiny. God, he' s given you the ink and the paper
to do it. He has given you the power of thought and the gift
of intelligence, not to be a victim, but a triumphant. If you
put everything out of you, you won' t be able to trust yourself.
If you have the tendency to let yourself be carried away by an external
control point, review the belief, make it the most flexible and rational.
If you believe in God, think of him as an advisor, as a
father who respects the freedom of his children, if you believe in the stars,
think that they are too wrong. If your horoscope has gone bad,
challenge it. If you propose, you' ll have a good day.
Things depend on you more than you think. In short, if the belief
of control you possess is external, your commitment to achieve the things that interest
you, runs the risk of weakening or otherwise saying, your self- efficacy
is jeopardized if you have faith in something or someone who is a motor and
a source of conviction that you are capable, not the resting place of the
comfortable, as the saying goes goodbye, begging and with the mallet giving the
attributional styles. When we are faced with situations of success or failure, we
human beings make interpretations of the causes of why the fact in question occurred.
We try to understand what happened by looking for causal explanations. Well, this
mania of intelligent beings. It is a double- edged weapon that, misused,
can cause wounds to our self- efficacy. Let' s look at
an example of how a successful test situation can be interpreted differently by two teenagers
who use opposite attributional styles. Teenager one says he had really studied a lot.
If I study like this all the time, I' ll do well
on the other exams and probably in college. Teenager two says ex was too
easy. I don' t think the other tests are like that. They
' re always harder. The teenager attributed success to himself, to his effort
and perseverance in the study. He further interpreted that success will be reflected in
other matters and will be lasting over time. In conclusion, success depended on
him. The adolescent two attributed his success to external factors the ease of the
examination. He thought that in the future the exams won' t be that
easy. In conclusion, success depended not on it, but on the scant
difficulty of the review. The first teenager was motivated to move on and trust
himself. The second did not trust his abilities. The former strengthened his self
- efficacy. The second hit him hard. Something similar happens in situations of
failure, but the other way around. If failure depended on me, it
will always be the same in every situation, you will feel unable to face
life. You will make your future a dark prophecy. If, instead,
you say failure depended on me, only in part it doesn' t always
have to be like this, you will feel able to try again, you
will make your future a prophecy of hope. Attributional styles are idiosyncratic tendencies that
we humans use to explain one' s own or another' s behavior.
People who use an attributional, pessimistic and negative style will feel responsible for failures,
but not for successes. For their part, people who use a rational,
optimistic and positive style of attribution will tend to evaluate the situation objectively and
will be held accountable for failures or successes. If it really is, the
attributional and rationally optimistic style is as bad as the pessimistic one, because the
subject will also distort it. Reality will be attributed to every success and blame
for one' s failure on others. Their self- efficacy will not grow
properly, but will inflate like a balloon until bursting, saving self- efficacy
and self- concept on the ribs of another or. Denying the truth is
not a healthy way out for your psychological integrity. To love yourself is to
do it above all things in an honest way. Therefore, if you blame
everything bad and do not take into account your contribution to good, your self
- efficacy will be affected. You' ll say, I' m a
loser. If you never accept your responsibility for the bad and think that all
success depended exclusively on You, your self- efficacy will grow falsely. You
' ll say, I' m a Superman, and as a matter of
fact you' re not, you can expect to crash violently into reality.
The three causes mentioned have something in common. They immobilize. All end up
decreasing self- efficacy and affecting your expectations of success for one reason or another.
They all trigger in the dark premise of the impossibility of change. If
you perceive things as uncontrollable, operate with an external control point and use an
attributeal style oriented to take responsibility always and totally for the bad, you will
end up doubting your own ability to solve problems, you will lose confidence in
yourself the problem of avoidance. When I was ten years old, I went
out to walk around the neighborhood with a little bechinita that I considered my girlfriend.
Arriving at a corner where a number of older boys used to gather together.
One of them lifted my little friend' s skirt and stroked her buttocks.
Seeing the size of my opponent and the celebration of his companions before the
feat, I only chose to bend my head and keep walking with her as
if nothing had ever happened. Upon arriving home, my father saw me evidently
worried and asked me what had happened. When I explained to him what happened
between laments and self reproaches, he looked me in the eye and said look,
son, what just happened to you is extremely uncomfortable. Something similar happened
to me, too, if you let fear beat you, it' ll
take advantage of you. After meditating for a few seconds, I thanked the
Council and got up on my way to the TV. My father took me
by the arm and said with a firm voice you didn' t understand me.
You either have two options or you go out and face those idiots or
you see them with me. I didn' t really doubt the election much.
My father was an immigrant Neapolitan from World War II who, when he
was scoffing, hit very hard. I then opted for the most dignified,
though forced, exit to save the most honor. This is two that swelling
and purple eyes. It lasted more than a week, but it was worth
it. My little friend discovered in me a true Prince Charming. I raised
prestige in front of my friends and other girls began to be interested in that
rare mix of Latin lover and bruswie. However, the most important thing was
the teaching that left me the experience in the psychological aspect. After the fight,
my father was waiting for me with ice, aspirin and some air of
pride. Very well told me it is preferable to have an eye swollen maquiavelli
says ghosts scare more from afar than from a close. That' s true.
The only way to overcome fear is to face it in the same way.
There is no other way to solve a problem than by facing it.
However, the advantages of the method, we humans resist paying the cost of
overcoming it. We opted for the easiest way, the relief it brings us,
the room and the postponement. Avoidance prevents the body from being exposed long
enough to overcome fear or solve the problem of dealing with unpleasant things. It
' s uncomfortable, but it' s the price to change them and beat
them. What would you think of someone who prefers not to cure their anitallitis,
knowing the serious consequences of a rheumatic fever, because they do not endure
the squawk of an injection in serious panic disorders. It is proven that the
best therapeutic strategy is exposure to the phobic source. In these cases, when
the subject is subjected to fear, renalin triggers and produces certain physiological reactions,
such as tachycardia, sweat, temperature changes, nausea, dizziness, etc.
These sensations are inco fashion, but after a while they diminish, they are
exhausted and the organism is habituated to the feared object. This is called the
extinction of fear. Unfortunately, we do not endure the necessary time of habitation
and escape before the extinction occurs even more we do not even face, but
we avoid in every way possible to meet face to face with the source of
fear. Sometimes life puts us at crossroads, where we must sacrifice the now
for him later. If you want to overcome your insecurities, you have to
test yourself and expose yourself. You must take a chance and submit to contrast
the ideas you have of yourself. If you make avoidance a habit, you
' ll never know how to value yourself. Low self- efficacy produces effects
similar to those mentioned above. Mistrust in itself generates a wide repertoire of avoidance.
Feelings of insecurity to consider oneself incapable. They prevent the time needed to
overcome the inconveniences from persisting. Any obstacle is seen as an insurmountable abyss from
which to move quickly. With this way of acting, the catastrophic anticipations of
absolute failure can never be challenged and contrasted in practice. Another way of avoiding
unselfish people is to impose poor goals and resign themselves to their fate as mediocre.
Self- pity is a poison that kills slowly. The only option to
know yourself is to risk and test yourself. The cost- benefit balance is
justifiable from every point of view. As I mentioned elsewhere, the supposed advantages
of industrialized society have developed intolerance to discomfort and suffering. Technological advances make it
easier to achieve a wealth of things without too much effort. Escalators are a
good example of this. A general style of comfort and low pain tolerance has
been set up that practically borders on cowardice. In order to overcome low self
- efficacy, we must act courageously. There' s nothing you can'
t accomplish if you propose. Your strength is always greater than you think.
A considerable number of facts testify to the fact that in limited situations, human
beings deploy unusual abilities worthy of the best science fiction book. Avoidance is not
always inadequate. On one occasion, one of my patients was talking to me.
I think avoidance isn' t so bad. There are times when one
must avoid to save one’ s life or to help safeguard a friendship.
Anyway, there are many occasions when it is good to avoid. But I
also understand what you' re saying. What I find difficult is defining when
it is psychologically appropriate and when it is not. There is no doubt that
escape and avoidance are the best options, when physical or psychological danger is objective
and really harmful. Suppose someone tells you that in the next room there is
a hungry lion near to knock down the door and immediately hear a terrible and
loud roar. The lion objectively can hurt you. If they see you running
in front of the enraged animal. People will think of you, but how
skillful he is. If they tell you that there is a little white kitten
behind the door and after drowning a scream and getting pale you get terrified,
people who watch you run in front of the harmless little animal will say a
screw was loosened. The kitten objectively can' t hurt you. However,
if you flee dismayed in front of him subjectively you see him as threatening this
fear, psychologists call it an irrational fear phobia. For its part, terror
and subsequent escape from the lion is considered adaptive. There is no doubt that
a hungry lion is dangerous to your physical integrity. Similarly, there are situations
where the anticipated irrational damage is purely psychological. For example, you may feel
that if you behave in such or such a way, people will reject you
if it is very important for you to be accepted you will avoid being honest.
But if you don' t give up rejection, it doesn' t
have to hurt you. Depends on the security you have in yourself. Objectively,
non- approval is not harmful. Our weakness makes it threatening. The
conditionings and learnings responsible for avoidance have been very important for the human species.
Many of our fears are prepared or inherited because they served our prehistoric predecessor.
Avoidance was and is a way to defend oneself ahead of time from potential predators.
However, some people have an overly sensitive hazard calculator in it as a
consequence, they see the world as supremely threatening. In short, if you
are facing a difficult situation, but important or vital for you, ask yourself
the following. If I face the situation, the consequences I fear are real.
Something serious and irremediable can happen to me objectively. My calculator is not
exaggerating the consequences. What is at stake is justified by the proposed goal,
which is achievable or unattainable. There' s a chance of getting what I
' m looking for. If nothing can happen to you objectively, don'
t doubt it. Risk yourself if there is any likelihood of danger or cost.
But there are vital things at stake. Risk yourself if the probability of
receiving negative consequences is very high. Think about it, but if there are
very important principles at stake, such as dignity or life, there is no
choice. Riskgate Definitely, the balance leans toward the nine life within you is
treasured by the greatest of powers. The will as a sleeping lion rests in
you the thirst to overcome. If you impa hundred and challenge him, he
' ll wake up. It does not matter that you fail your self-
efficacy not only feeds on success, but also on attempts, but remember that
these attempts must be rational. Demanding you isn' t the same thing as
requiring you to overcome. It is not synonymous with ambition and excessive eagerness.
You saw in the first chapter how people who permanently live unsatisfied, with themselves,
destroy themselves. However, the other extreme of insecurity and fear of progress
also affects your mental health. Lean into confrontation, but as far as possible,
without becoming suicidal. If you don' t think you can. If
you feel sorry for yourself, give yourself the opportunity to prove to yourself what
you can do. The attempt will be awkward. At first you will feel
fear, pain and discomfort, but something much more important than your physiological state
will be at stake. Your self- concept. One' s dignity deserves
the sacrifice of the initial squawk. Face what you fear by accepting that you
must pay the cost of feeling bad for an instant, avoidance provides immediate relief,
but in the long term it will make you feel unworthy and undesirable.
No doubt, a black eye is better. Overcoming low self- efficacy.
Let' s recapitulate what I said here. Self- efficacy is the affective
view of the possibility of achieving certain results, that is, the confidence to
achieve the goals successfully. The most common causes that contribute to the decline of
self- efficacy are to see things as uncontrollable, to believe that one'
s conduct is regulated more by external factors than by oneself, and to use
an attributeal style, where one is always responsible for the bad and never for
the good. To these three psychological causes can be added a fourth environmental cause,
a history of failures. Over time, a self- scheme of mistrust
and insecurity is generated, whereby one begins to anticipate that success is impossible and
to avoid challenging situations, problems or any event involving personal intervention. For your
solution, the person will make avoidance a style. The following strategies will allow
you to fight low self- efficiency or keep it at an appropriate point.
One eliminates he' s not capable. If you treat yourself badly and are
disrespectful to yourself, your dialogue will act as a brake removed from your repertoire.
He' s not capable. Every time you repeat it, you confirm
your insecurity. This negative rating will automatically inno mobilise you. If the athlete
' s coach mentioned above told his ear at the right time to jump you
' re not capable. You think his result would be good. Many people
have lived in their own flesh the effects of family distrust. The child is
not better able to do it yourself How would you feel if at work your
boss chose to give a special assignment to a partner of yours with the argument
of giving the job to John because you are not able, even if you
are not aware of it. The psychological consequences of telling yourself I' m
not capable of being as counterproductive as when other people tell you. If someone
you love very much is prevented from one of your legs after an accident,
but has chances of recovery with physical therapy and effort. You' d give
him a cane saying he can' t. If you say I' m
useless, I' m a loser, I' m an idiot. He
' ll end up doing it. Respect your condition as a human being.
No less fit every time you find yourself cuddling the nefarious. I' m
not capable. Take him away and drive him out of your mind. Stop
thinking by telling you to change your activity. Speak over the phone, listen
to music, sing aloud, or or orient your dialogue positively. For example,
you can tell you this way of speaking is not ana for my mental
health. No one is fully capable or incapable. Besides, I have to
give myself another chance. This way of treating me inhibits me, makes me
insecure and doubtful. It' s time I started respecting myself and treating myself
well. If I do, I' m capable of two. Don'
t be pessimistic. People with low self- efficacy anticipate the future negatively when
it comes to their own performance. Their expectations are of failure and incapacity.
They always see themselves as the worst actresses or actors in the film. Don
' t be pessimistic. If you see failure coming at each of your performances,
it won' t even provoke you to try. Negative prophecies often become
reality, because we ourselves see to it that they are fulfilled. If you
tell yourself, I' m going to go wrong with the motivation, tenacity
and perseverance necessary to reach the goal Flaquearan. You won' t have enough
energy. Your prediction will come true, but because of you every time you
make a bad prediction about your behavior. Self- efficacy weakens because you'
re distrusting yourself. When you find yourself making too many bad forecasts about your
future. Ask yourself if you' re realistic or not. Analyze if fatalism
is overly influencing your judgment. One or more have you made, your predictions
be they good or bad. Get used to verifying their validity later contract them
with reality and check whether you were right or not. The method of comparing
hypotheses with objective data will make you discover that your anticipations are usually not as
accurate. You will realize that your oracle gifts leave much to be desired.
The custom of examining anticipations with reality will allow you to polish and perfect the
processes of dedoction towards the future. Keep a detailed record of the correctness and
flaws in your guesses. If an X advance is not met, two,
three or four times, discard it and no longer use it. If you
say to yourself, for example, I' m too bad to talk and
girls get bored with me, test such anticipation, define exactly what you expect
to happen. They will mock, laugh, make gestures and grimaces, get
bored of you will make, will love and quickly and will not talk,
will not go out with me again, etc. Use defined and clear categories
that you can actually verify or refute. After dating different girls several times,
you can compare what you expected with what really happened. If the girls didn
' t make fun of each other, they didn' t seem boring and
came out again, your catastrophic anticipations didn' t come true. Test your
predictions without cheating. Remember that many times unconsciously, we do everything we can
to ensure that our prophecies are fulfilled. In short, try to develop in
you the healthy habit of self- evaluation of your ability to give bad forecasts.
You' ll be happy to know how many times you' re wrong
and how ill- seeing you are, don' t be fatalistic. You
are the architect of your future in a large proportion you build your destiny.
Therefore, you have the power to modify many things. Do not see the
world as unmodifiable as aristotelian. If you have an external control point for everything,
you will tend to be fatalistic and see the misfortunes as uncontrollable. Always
remove the word from your verbal repertoire. The past doesn' t condemn you.
In fact, your present is tomorrow' s past. If you change
here and now, you will be making a significant contribution to your destiny.
True, the events of your childhood and adolescence have an influence on you.
It would be absurd to deny it, but this influence is relative and modifiable.
You are not a small laboratory animal exposed to the whims of the experimenter,
the human fortunate or unfortunately, we have the possibility to build our own
history actively and participatoryly. We can change nature and challenge it. It is
true that we do not always achieve what we propose and we may also be
responsible for more than one catastrophe, but we have made extremely healthy and fruitful
advances that were absolutely impossible for our ancestors. If you put too much emphasis
on chance and luck your self- efficacy will not grow you will see insurmountable
obstacles everywhere. When analyzing the pros and cons, include yourself as the main
coping resource. The future is not sitting waiting for you to come to it,
but waiting for you to make it. If you think everything is determined
beforehand. You' ll feel totally incapable of anything. One day anyone makes
the decision to program you positively thinks that during that day you will be the
owner of your life and the only judge you can do and undo to your
liking. He plays the role of director and violinist. That day you will
direct your steps with the firm conviction that it is you and only you who
are the architect of what you want to achieve. Feel, even if you
own a day yourself, that day there will be no horoscopes or outside guides.
You' ll be internal and challenge the forecasts. You' ll make
your own cabal, you' ll play yourself feeling like a winner. Test
one day if you like it, you' ll keep trying. There is
no better feeling than feeling the main motor of one' s life. Four.
Try to be realistic if you see everything with external optics, nothing will
depend on you success, it will not bring you satisfaction and nothing you will
do in the face of failure. See if you evaluate all successes with an
external point of view and failures as internals you will collapse into depression. I
know if you attribute all successes as inns and failures as externals you will deceive
yourself, you will not be depressed. But you' ll be dishonest.
This is not a healthy optimism. It tries to function by giving priority to
the internal control point, but realistically. Target your successes and your failures by
taking responsibility for what you' ve really had to do with it. The
Greek points see represent the typical form of how people with very pessimistic low self
- efficacy think. The point shows the psychological structure of those who apparently possess
a high self- efficacy but falsely constructed. Accept your successes. It would
be unfair to you to ignore your achievements, but also accept your share of
responsibility for failures. This will allow you to sit down and enjoy victories and
overcome adversity. Try to balance goals against your achievements and defeats. Take pencil
and paper. Written language allows for better analysis and writes your real contribution to
good and bad. Don' t rush to blame yourself. Congratulate yourself for
your achievements and review your failure scale to try to modify it. Remember that
things are never totally good or bad. Study the facts with the idea of
balance three bad and four good indicates one good in favor. If you only
see the bad three, the balance will be terrible. If you only see
the good four, it' ll be a lying balance. Five don'
t just remember the bad. The negative view of oneself feeds primarily on memories.
If the scheme you have of IT is negative, the memories that will
reach your mind will confirm this scheme you will remember more the bad than the
good. If your self- efficacy is low, failures will be more available
than successes. Don' t go into the game of negative evocations. For
a few minutes a day try to activate your positive memory. You will discover
the existence of a lot of good information about IT itself that you had forgotten,
wrote down and noted the successes of the past. Try to keep reading
the assets and present. Learn to taste the past, to relive it in
its pleasant aspects and to enjoy the positive memory, if only through imagination and
fantasy. No one would like to see a bad movie several times. Leave
that masochistic attitude of sculpting in the garbage of the past, search elsewhere in
memory and you will find treasures already forgotten the past. He' s waiting
for you to rescue him and claim yourself six Review your goals and your self
- efficacy is low, you will sin by default and not by excess,
as we saw in the self- concept part. You will be underestimating and
adapting the goals to the supposed incapacity you perceive in IT itself. If you
think you' re a superman, you' re gonna jump from a 30th
floor It' s gonna be your last challenge. If you feel invalid,
your goal will be just to step or two review your goals very likely they
can stretch a little more and become more demanding. This does not mean that
they should grow exaggeratedly and immediately. The process takes time. Start lifting them
to confront later whether you are able to reach them or not. Remember that
the goals are the manifestations of self- efficacy. Don' t let him.
Fear and insecurity decide for you. If there are no challenges, resignation
will be managing your life. Make a list of the things you stop doing.
Out of pure fear, ask yourself how many of your own reflect what
you really want to do and how many have adapted to your psychological handicap.
Question how resigned you are. Your current goals show confidence or distrust in yourself.
Who is the right to expect more from You and Life Seven be tested
and risked. The above are necessary but not sufficient conditions. To be self
- effective. It is essential that you encourage yourself to take the decisive step
to act to achieve the goal remember. The only way to trust yourself is
to test yourself when you decide to face your fears and insecurities. The previous
six steps will help you not distort reality in favor of self- deprecation.
If you submit rationally this is without committing suicide, you will get data about
your own performance and you will be able to find out if the predictions of
failure you made were true or false. The philosophy better be bird in hand
doesn' t take you anywhere. It is the passage to conformism and stagnation.
If your self- efficiency is low, what you might lose when trying
new challenges. A plan that you could propose is the next to define a
goal that requires effort. The objective must be rational or with reasonable chances of
success. Remember that superhero style also leads to adaptive failure. Go define your
expectations objectively, clearly and precisely so that you can then compare them with the
results obtained. When explaining these anticipations, be as sincere as possible note them
before and during the confrontation itself do not use inhibitive verbalizations. Don' t
tell yourself. I' m not capable. Nothing can be done. I
' ll always be a loser, et cetera. He runs an internal control
point. Remember those moments of your life when you have shown your wrestling line,
test yourself and during the confrontation, do not avoid, persist as long
as you can before the obstacles, endure the adrenaline to the maximum. Remember
the sensations pass and can not harm you faith compares the anticipated results that you
had before. Analyze the discrepancies between your predictions and reality, that is,
which prophecies were fulfilled and which do not attempt to discover if your anticipations were
guided by fatalism and diagonal bar or pessimism g try. Again, your goal
is still the same, but change your anticipations. Be more realistic in your
predictions, eliminate catastrophic attitudes. When you feel like a safe and secure way
in your attempts, move on to a greater goal as you rise to the
levels of personal self- exigency, self- efficacy and self- confidence will
be strengthened. You can beat the fourth rider by joining us as we explore
the journey of the modern woman, sharing valuable secrets, practical tips and enriching
experiences that will help you empower yourself, find your passion and discover your best
version. Secrets of lily is, your constant companion on the road to a
full and meaningful life. Tune in and discover the secrets to live the life
you have always dreamed of