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Learning to love each other like this
in a pole of my existence, I

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form one thing, with stones and
trees. There I have to recognize the

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rule of universal law. That is
where the foundations of my existence are born.

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His strength is that he has been
firmly held in the embrace of the

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understanding world and in the fullness of
Communion with all things. But by the

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other pole of my being I am
separated from everything. There I am absolutely

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unique. I' m me,
I' m incomparable. The whole weight

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of the universe cannot crush this individuality
of mine. I keep it, despite

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the tremendous gravity of things, it
is small in appearance, but great in

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reality. It remains firm before the
forces that would like to steal from it

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what characterizes it and make it one
with the copirit dust is forbidden the reproduction,

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distribution, public exhibition and any other
unauthorized use of or of this work,

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either in whole or in part without
the express written permission of the copyright

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holder. This work is protected by
U S copyright laws and international treaties.

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All trademarks and trade names mentioned in
this work are the property of their respective

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owners. If used here only for
descriptive purposes, any unauthorized use of this

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audio book will violate copyright and may
be subject to legal sanctions. Copy Ray

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Two Thousand Twenty- Four Strene Lili
Secret Law All Rights Reserved Learning to Love

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Yourself? Loving yourself is perhaps the
most important fact that guarantees our survival in

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a complex and increasingly difficult world to
cope with. Interestingly, our culture and

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education are aimed at punishing too much
love. There are times for love and

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decrees on what is tasteful and tasteless. If you decide to congratulate yourself by

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giving yourself a kiss, possibly the
people around you, including the psychologist on

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duty, will evaluate your behavior as
ridiculous, narcissous or pedantic. It is

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bad to see that we have too
much taste when we think of ourselves for

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too long, contemplate or self-
praising. We are reprimanded all excesses are

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bad. We are called debatable.
Some excesses remind us that we are alive.

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Our civilization tries to inculcate principles such
as respect for human beings, sacrifice,

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altruism, expression of love, good
treatment, communication, etc. But

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these principles are aimed at the care
of other humans. Self- respect,

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self- love, self- confidence
and self- communication are often ignored.

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Even more it is considered in bad
taste to love one another too much.

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If a person is friendly, expressive, affectionate and thinks more about others than

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about herself, it is evaluated excellently. His qualifier is that of dear.

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If someone conceals his virtues, denies
or diminishes his achievements, that is,

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lies or is self- punishment,
he is flattered and accepted. We not

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only reject honest and frank self-
acceptance. We do not care whether it

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is true or not, but rather
we promulgate and strengthen the denial of our

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virtues. Absurdly, virtues can be
displayed but not verbalized. If you have

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a good body, you are allowed
to wear miniskirt thong or tight pants,

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but you are forbidden to talk about
it. If people are self- proclaimed

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so they are right, they produce
rejection and annoyance. This policy of not

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speaking well of oneself in public,
of not being exaggerated in self- reward,

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of not being very comfortable, of
concealing great modesty, etc. It

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ends up becoming a value that we
use too often. The virtue of not

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loving oneself in public extends to when
we are alone. In trying to leave

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out excessive selfishness, we have not
let in self- love if the human

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being deserves the respect that is promulgated
as something special, that must be extended

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to your own person by avoiding falling
into the insufferable pedantry of the wise everything

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we have fallen into the self-
destructive modesty of the denial of our virtues

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for not being wasteful. We'
re mean. Chemical psychologists know that this

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style of excessive moderation towards oneself is
the breeding ground of the well- known

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and feared depression. Who is the
right to love you and not to feel

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guilty about it, to have your
time, to discover your tastes, to

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pamper you, to take care of
you and to choose. Unfortunately, our

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mental structure is forming more on the
basis of external evaluation than self- assessment,

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and we become victims of our own
invention. Self- insensibility has made

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us forget those childhood times, when
everything was shocking and rewarding. We are

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too outward- facing seeking the approval
of others and do not spend enough time

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on self- indulgence and liking.
Our socialization system has focused more on preventing

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the affective excesses known by specialists such
as mania self- esteem, inflated,

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too much trust, etc, than
on the states of sadness and depression caused

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by insecurity, self- image and
negative self- concept. Sufficientness and excessive

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safety cause discomfort. Insecurity causes pity. Usually, people tend to take sides

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for the weakest immunity to the scourge
of depression. It can only be achieved

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if you learn to love yourself as
the best things. You need special treatment.

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You can' t let yourself get
hurt or give yourself the luxury of

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self- destructing stupidly since you were
little. They teach us personal self-

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care behaviors, brushing our teeth,
bathing, cutting our nails, eating sphincter

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control, and dressing. But what
about self- care and mental hygiene.

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We are not taught to love,
to like, to contemplate and to trust

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in ourselves. Moreover, although some
parents have this as a desideratum, we

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lack adequate teaching procedures, nor are
we taught to teach. The image you

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have of yourself is inherited or genetically
transmitted, as it emerges from what has

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been said so far, is learned. The human brain has an information processing

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system that allows a virtually infinite number
of da to be stored. That information

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that we have stored in social experience, is kept in long- term memory

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in the form of beliefs and theories. In this way we possess information about

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things or objects, the meaning of
words, situations, types of people,

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social activities, etc. This knowledge
of the wrong world or does not allow

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us to predict, anticipate, and
prepare to face what is to happen.

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For example, if you know a
person who claims to be a racist and

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active member of the Cucuax clan,
you can predict how he will think and

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act in certain situations. You could
anticipate their behavior before a person of color

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what they think about racism and their
position vis-à- vis traditions,

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as well as build an internal representation
of the world around you. You also

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build theories and concepts about yourself.
The relationship you establish with the world not

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only allows you to know the environment, but also your behavior in front of

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it. These experiences of contact with
people, friends, parents, teachers and

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things from your immediate material universe develop
an idea of what you really are,

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failures and successes, fears and insecurities, physical sensations, pleasures and dislikes,

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the way to face problems. What
they tell you you are, what the

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punishments don' t tell you,
etc. Everything comes together and is organized

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in an internal image about your own
person, your own or your self-

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scheme. You may think you'
re clumsy ugly interesting, smart or bad.

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Each of these qualifiers is the result
of a previous story where you'

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ve developed a theory about yourself.
If you think you' re a loser,

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you won' t try to win, you' ll tell yourself to

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try. I can' t win
or it' s impossible to change or

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I' m worthless. Humans show
a conservative tendency to confirm more than confirm

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beliefs. We are conservative by nature
and this economy of thought makes us coughed

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up and carried from our point of
view. Once belief is established, it

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is very difficult to change it.
We resist reviewing our way of looking at

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things. If you set up a
negative auto scheme, it will accompany you

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for a long time. If you
don' t try to change it.

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In short, what you think and
feel about yourself is learned and stored in

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the form of theories called self-
schemes. There are self positive and negative

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schemes. The first ones will take
you to estimate, the second to hate

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you. No one contemplates and cares
for a person who hates in a similar

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way. If your vision of you
is negative, you will not express affection,

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for you will not believe that you
deserve it. If your auto scheme

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is positive and you don' t
feed it, it' ll fade.

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Some people, instead of congratulating themselves, disguise their joy with a park and

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phlegmatic. It' s nothing or
it was my duty. Denial of personal

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recognition is a form of self-
destruction. In self- schemes there are

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four fundamental aspects that I will try
to separate for teaching purposes. In reality,

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they merge into an indissoluble whole and
form the main nucleus of personal self

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- evaluation. They can become solid
foundations upon which you can build a strong

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and secure self or the main source
of self- disposal and self- deprecation.

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They are the self- control that
you think of yourself, the self

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- esteem that you like so much
if the self- efficacy that you have

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so much confidence in yourself. They
are the four supports of a good ego

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or the four riders of the apocalypse. If you fail in any, it

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will be enough for your self-
scheme to show lame and inscio in certain

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situations. If one of the riders
takes a dive, the entire herd can

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follow him. Although negative self-
schemes can destroy us, humans show the

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inexplicable tendency to preserve and feed them. The strange behavior of keeping self-

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schemes at all costs can be deadly
to your mental health. Depressive people,

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for example, show this tendency to
confirm the bad. If they consider themselves

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ugly, they neglect their figure in
order to corroborate their ugliness. If they

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think they are unintelligent, they fail
in exams if they think they are victims,

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play the role of martyrs or seek
punishment, etc. This way of

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confirming negative self- evaluation by behaving
as if it were really true is very

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common. Social psychologists have called this
mechanism generally unconscious. Self- realized prophecies

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are not your scheme is irrationally structured, you will distort reality, you will

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feel stupid, despite being intelligent,
horrifying, without being incapable, being able

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and finally, you will try to
punish yourself for not believing yourself worthy of

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a congratulations. An interesting aspect to
point out is that people with self-

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acceptance problems are too hard on self- criticism and soft when they criticize other

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people. On the other hand,
subjects who show good self- esteem are

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protected by being rather mild when it
comes to self- evaluation of an act

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of sufficiency for their own benefit.
Who said we should be targeted 24 hours

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a day. No way am I
holding a compulsive attitude to fooling yourself.

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I simply think that sometimes turning a
blind eye to small and insignificant personal errors

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or defects is useful for mental health. An optimistic position of slight overestimation is

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preferable to a heartbreaking pessimistic attitude towards
oneself and a positive attitude towards others.

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Love begins at home with a good
concept. He has the courage to mistake

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you,égel. Culture has taught
us to wear an invisible but painful stick,

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with which we hit each time we
err or fail to achieve personal goals.

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We have learned to blame ourselves for
almost everything we do wrong and to

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doubt our responsibility when we do it
right. If we fail, we say,

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it' s up to me if
we succeed. Success was pure luck.

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What kind of education is this where
we are taught to take responsibility for

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the bad and not the good.
Self- criticism is good and productive if

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done with short- term care,
it can serve to generate new behaviors,

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but it is used indiscriminately and dogmaticly. It generates stress and is deadly to

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our self- concept. The bad
habit of permanently making inner cultural revolutions is

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a form of psychological suicide. Some
people, because they have an inadequate self

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- evaluation system, acquire the vice
of being negatively self- qualified. All

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around, posters with general categories are
hung. Instead of saying I behaved clumsily,

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they say I' m clumsy use
I' m useless instead of wrong

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in such or such a thing.
Self- punishment has been misconceived as a

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way of producing appropriate conduct. How
you get to have a negative self-

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concept a typical form is through excessive
self- criticism. Humans use internal standards.

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That is, internalized goals and criteria
learned about excellence and inadequacy. These

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standards are derived from the system of
beliefs, values and needs they possess.

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High self- requirement will produce high
and rigid operating standards. However, while

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it is important to maintain levels of
personal, relative or moderately high demands to

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be competent, the short circuit occurs
when these levels are irrational, too high

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and unattainable. The irrational idea that
I must stand out in almost everything I

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do, I must be the best
at all costs and that I must not

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be mistaken are imperatives that become unbearable
to place absolute happiness in goals is to

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get it out of your personal domain. So, if the goal is not

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reached, it ends in one world. The poet Rumbect once said happiness is

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not a station to be reached,
but a way to travel. People who

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make success a value, who are
extremely competitive and manage rigid standards of execution,

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travel badly, have mounted on the
wrong wagon. Perhaps happiness is not

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about being the best seller, the
best mom or the best son, but

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about trying honestly and calmly, enjoying
as you move toward the goal. An

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exaggerated level of self- requirement generates
strict self- assessment patterns. If you

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have strict criteria for self- evaluation, you will always have the feeling of

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insufficiency. Your body will begin to
segregate more adrenaline than normal and anxiety will

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interfere with the performance needed to achieve
goals. You will enter the vicious circle

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of those who aspire more and more
and have less every day. This self

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- destructive sequence can be best seen
in the following standard graph conduct self-

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evaluations three and rational insufficient negative.
Irrational standards will make your behavior never enough.

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Despite your efforts the goals will be
unattainable. When you feel unable,

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your self- assessment will be negative. This feeling of inefficiency and the inability

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to control the situation will give you
stress and anxiety. Those who in turn

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will affect your performance, moving you
away more and more from the goals.

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People who are caught in this trap, become depressed, lose control over their

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own behavior and inevitably fail precisely what
they wanted to avoid. This situation of

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non- exhaustion, frustration and uncontrollability
leads them to self- criticism and self

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- punishment. They ruthlessly become victims
of their own invention. The consequence of

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this short- circuit blender species is
the loss of self- concept and depression.

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The more you earn a more paradoxically
destined value, the more you'

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re going to lose. Sometimes people
can show rational goals for an unsuspecting observer.

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Exaggerated self- requirement, however,
is measured according to the possibilities of

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each. If you do not possess
the skills or resources necessary to achieve the

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goals, the simplest aspiration becomes unattainable. In these cases. The resignation and

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objective and frank reassessment of your goals
and resources is the solution. Unfortunately,

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if we don' t win,
we tie, if you' re too

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self- demanding and self- critical, you' ll use a dichotomous style.

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This means extreme things will only be
white or black, good or bad.

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You will see reality with a kind
of binoculars where tones, media,

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nuances and tones do not exist.
I' m either successful or I'

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m an absurd loser. There'
s nothing absolute. It all depends on

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the crystal with which it is measured. If you apply this binary processing style,

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the catastrophe will certainly come to pass. You will refer to yourself in

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categorical and inflexible terms. Like never
always everything and nothing. These words should

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be suspended from our tongue and considered
bad words. All they generate is confusion

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and misunderstanding, as expected. If
you fervently desire success, power, and

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prestige, you will fear failure.
This fear will make you focus more on

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bad things than on good things,
in order to prevent the mistakes you fear

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so much. In other words,
you will develop a style of maladaptative targeting,

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oriented to see in yourself only the
bad. This will lead you to

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00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:52.960
ignore the approaches to the goal,
as well as the efforts and small ascents

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you make on the steps towards your
personal achievements, you do relate the above

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00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:04.319
to the dichotomous style. Then it
is clear that such approaches to the goal

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00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:07.799
go unnoticed. I' m here
or I' m not there. I

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' m or I' m not
at the finish line. The worst way

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00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:15.480
to treat you is with impatience and
contempt for wanting to see the tree,

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you won' t see the forest. Negative self- observation, like self

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- assessment and self- punishment,
generates stress, reduces performance mistreats the ego,

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00:20:25.640 --> 00:20:30.759
and in the long term, affects
self- concept. The use of

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extremely rigid standards seven perfectionists and irrationals
increase the distance between your ideal self what

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you would like to do or be
and your real self what you really do

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or are. The greater the distance
between the two, the less likely to

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00:20:45.240 --> 00:20:51.400
reach your goal, the more frustration
and feelings of insecurity at useless efforts to

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approach supposed happiness. If someone courageously
makes the difficult decision to travel well,

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social pressure is inexorable and cruel.
If, moreover, the target is not

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consistent with the values of the reference
group, the level of sanction can become

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truly intolerable. Those objectives that distance
themselves from economic production are seen as synonymous

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with vagrancy, bohemianism or idealism.
If we change goals, we are labeled

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immature or unstable, as if stability
existed and was a symbol of intelligence.

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A quick look at the people who
have made the history of humanity shows that

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certain, instability and dissatisfaction are essential
conditions for living intensely. Absolute stability does

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not exist. It is an invention
of those who fear change the famous maturity

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00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:52.160
taken to the letter is the prelude
to decomposition. Blindly sticking to one'

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00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:56.680
s own or external standards, is
to restrict your freedom of thought, you

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would lose the ability to decide and
to criticize objectively. Do not be afraid

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00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.880
to review, change or modify your
goals, and they are a source of

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00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:08.680
suffering. Even if your neighbors don' t like it. The important thing

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then is not only to discover that
you are self- exercising, but to

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be able to modify standards. To
achieve this, it cannot be too stable

246
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:22.359
or too structured. You need a
hint of sanity, not to say madness.

247
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:30.319
Mentally rigid and strict persons with themselves
are usually normative persons locked up in

248
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a prison made by themselves and the
educational environment, whose bars are a set

249
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of virtues and values, not always
rational, from which they cannot escape are

250
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:45.920
debated between good and evil. These
guys are usually more papist than the pope.

251
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They have put so many conditions and
requirements to go through life, that

252
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the road becomes too narrow and narrow
to walk comfortably along it. They hit

253
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each other with the walls of self- criticism and s should at every step.

254
00:23:02.359 --> 00:23:06.559
Others, on the other hand,
travel a real comfortable and quiet highway.

255
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The style of beating and punishing oneself
is not exactly the best ground for

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00:23:14.039 --> 00:23:19.759
a self- concept to germinate and
thrive without feet of mud Being flexible is,

257
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:26.160
without a doubt, a virtue of
intelligent people, but, as I

258
00:23:26.200 --> 00:23:32.440
have pointed out earlier, by avoiding
something we think bad we do something worse

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00:23:32.519 --> 00:23:36.720
to avoid being a vane. We
define a goal and we jam some make

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00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:41.599
some kind of welding. The rudder
headed for it Absurdly. We sacrifice the

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00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:48.200
right to change our minds and to
err for the apparent safety of travelling on

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00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:52.799
an unmodifiable route. We mistakenly consider
it the only and best way to walk

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00:23:52.839 --> 00:24:00.400
the world as a grotesque caricature.
Very self- critical people are placed in

264
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a straitjacket so as not to get
wild and the result, paradoxically, is

265
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:12.119
psychological misalignment. You must definitely try
to be less hard on yourself. Saving

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00:24:12.119 --> 00:24:18.400
the self- concept, let'
s see a guide that can serve to

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00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:22.880
safeguard your self- concept of indiscriminate
self- punishment. One tries to be

268
00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:30.799
more flexible with both others and with
you, do not use the extremist dichotomous

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00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:36.759
criterion to evaluate reality, including you
do not think in absolute terms. There

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00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:41.799
' s nothing totally good or bad. Remember, you have to have tolerance

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00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:45.440
for things getting out of the lane
sometimes. If you are inflexible in your

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00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:49.640
things, you will violently clash with
reality. She' s not total or

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00:24:49.640 --> 00:24:55.200
definitive. Learn to endure, forgive, and understand your rigidity as a defect,

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00:24:55.599 --> 00:25:00.599
not a virtue. Rigid things are
less malleable, they don' t

275
00:25:00.680 --> 00:25:07.079
stand too much and break. If
you' re normative, perfectionist, intolerant

276
00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:08.599
and too conservative, you won'
t know what to do with life.

277
00:25:10.680 --> 00:25:14.680
She' s not like that.
The vast majority of everyday events will give

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00:25:14.759 --> 00:25:19.799
you stress because they' re not
like you. You' d like them

279
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:25.640
to focus for a week or two
on nuances. Don' t rush to

280
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:30.079
categorize strictly stop and you' re
thinking about going really what you' re

281
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:33.920
saying. That' s right.
Check your way of pointing and pointing out

282
00:25:34.000 --> 00:25:38.119
don' t be drastic. Look
around for people you already have catalogued and

283
00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:47.799
question your labeling. Look for evidence
against it. Discover the nuances when you

284
00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:53.559
evaluate, avoid using words as always
everything or nothing do not spell out the

285
00:25:53.880 --> 00:26:00.519
people included you with totalities, as
said by a prominent psychologist, it is

286
00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:04.640
not the same to say once stole
to say is a thief. People aren

287
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:11.839
' t just behaving. Intransigence generates
hatred and discomfort. It' s time

288
00:26:11.839 --> 00:26:17.559
for you to tear back your rigidity. Ah allow yourself not to be so

289
00:26:17.559 --> 00:26:22.200
normative. That won' t make
you a criminal. If you have five

290
00:26:22.279 --> 00:26:26.519
days to pay an account, pay
it to the fifth and if there is

291
00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:32.680
no legal risk to the sixth or
seventh, don' t always get early

292
00:26:32.680 --> 00:26:37.720
step on the lawn. Try screaming
in a library be more informal one day

293
00:26:37.079 --> 00:26:45.519
to see what happens. B tries
not to be perfectionist, disorganize your schedules,

294
00:26:45.960 --> 00:26:48.640
your rites, your tours, your
way of ordering things, etcetera.

295
00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:57.640
Live with the disorder A week lose
the fear. I know you don'

296
00:26:57.720 --> 00:27:02.079
t sign, you don' t
sign yourself. Try to be benign.

297
00:27:02.759 --> 00:27:07.720
He speaks only in terms of behavior. Focus on the nuances. Think more

298
00:27:07.799 --> 00:27:14.559
about alternatives and exceptions to the rule. Life is composed of shades rather than

299
00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:18.880
black and white. Hey listen to
people who think differently from you. This

300
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:25.440
does not imply that you must necessarily
change your mind. Just listen, let

301
00:27:25.440 --> 00:27:32.319
the information in and then decide to
remember if you are inflexible and rigid with

302
00:27:32.359 --> 00:27:37.000
the world and people. You'
ll end up with two of you,

303
00:27:37.240 --> 00:27:42.279
review your goals and the real chances
of achieving them. Don' t set

304
00:27:42.319 --> 00:27:49.119
yourself unattainable goals. Execute yourself according
to your possibilities and abilities. If you

305
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:55.200
discover yourself trying to climb some mountain, berezt or change mountains or enjoy the

306
00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:00.000
ride. When you define a goal, you must also define the steps or

307
00:28:00.119 --> 00:28:04.400
the ers submetas. Try to enjoy, shoveling up every rung as if it

308
00:28:04.519 --> 00:28:10.680
were a goal on its own.
Don' t wait until you get to

309
00:28:10.720 --> 00:28:15.039
the end to rest and enjoy.
Find intermediate seasons, waste time On this

310
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:22.119
write down your goals, review them
question them and discard those that are not

311
00:28:22.119 --> 00:28:29.039
vital. Life is too short to
waste, remember. If your goals are

312
00:28:29.079 --> 00:28:34.039
unattainable, you will live frustrated and
bitter. Three don' t self watch

313
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:38.640
only the bad. If you just
focus on your mistakes, you won'

314
00:28:38.759 --> 00:28:42.039
t see your accomplishments. If you
only see what you' re missing,

315
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:47.279
you won' t enjoy the moment
of here and now. If you cry

316
00:28:47.359 --> 00:28:51.160
for the sun, you won'
t see the stars. Don' t

317
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:55.400
be aware of your flaws as a
radar. Also adjust your attention to wrong

318
00:28:55.440 --> 00:29:03.039
behaviors when you find yourself focusing negatively
on four obsessively, don' t think

319
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:10.240
wrong about yourself. Be more benign
with your actions. Fortunately, you'

320
00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:15.039
re not perfect. Don' t
insult yourself or respect yourself. Keep track

321
00:29:15.039 --> 00:29:21.519
of your self- assessments negative,
detect what are fair, moderate, and

322
00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:26.559
objective. If you discover that success
towards yourself is offensive, change it seeks

323
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:33.839
constructive qualifiers, reduce your self-
verbalizations to those that are really worthwhile.

324
00:29:33.920 --> 00:29:40.559
You exercise the right to be wrong. Human beings, like animals, learn

325
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:47.880
by trial and error. Some people
believe that human learning should be by successful

326
00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:52.400
trial. That' s a lie. The cost of growing up as a

327
00:29:52.440 --> 00:29:56.400
human being is to screw up and
screw up. This universal law is without

328
00:29:56.519 --> 00:30:00.799
escapebel to say I don' t
want to. I want to. To

329
00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:03.839
make a mistake is to make a
kick and a tantrum for children. It

330
00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:08.039
' s impossible not to make mistakes
like there' s no acceleration of gravity.

331
00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:14.759
Mistakes don' t make you better
or worse. They' re just

332
00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:17.440
curing you They' re just reminding
you that you' re human. When

333
00:30:17.480 --> 00:30:19.799
we talk about your self- efficacy, we' ll come back to the

334
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:25.839
fear of being wrong. Let'
s recapitulate and clarify. Moderate self-

335
00:30:26.359 --> 00:30:32.559
criticism, objective self- observation,
constructive self- assessment and rationally high goals

336
00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:37.519
are necessary behaviors. Most possibly they
have collaborated in the adaptation of the human

337
00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:42.640
being. These processes are not bad
in themselves. It depends on how they

338
00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:49.960
are used and where they point wrong
Used rigidly, hardly, destructively and compulsively

339
00:30:51.000 --> 00:30:57.160
affect self- concept. Properly used
serve as an encouraging guide socially speaking.

340
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:02.160
It has not been taught to make
a good use of them. We are

341
00:31:02.279 --> 00:31:06.559
presented with ruthless self- criticism as
a value and as the key to success,

342
00:31:07.400 --> 00:31:10.880
but possibly because of ignorance. We
have not been alerted to its possible

343
00:31:10.880 --> 00:31:17.599
consequences, avoiding an unquestionably pernicious end. Poverty of spirit, laziness, failure,

344
00:31:18.039 --> 00:31:22.880
being little and having no goals in
life. The pendulum has been taken

345
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:30.880
to the other equally harmful end.
Our culture seems to prefer psychologically disturbed but

346
00:31:30.920 --> 00:31:37.519
successful people to psychologically healthy but failed
people. However, success here is secondary.

347
00:31:40.279 --> 00:31:42.680
It' s no use if you
can' t enjoy it. Unsatisfaction

348
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:47.720
in the face of one' s
own achievements and excessive ambition. They act

349
00:31:47.839 --> 00:31:52.680
like an engine, but because they
operate in an overaccelerated way, they usually

350
00:31:52.680 --> 00:31:57.480
burn early. You' re a
special machine within reasonable limits don' t

351
00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:00.079
deny you to a good car.
Image that in one of the tricks of

352
00:32:00.079 --> 00:32:04.880
life consists more than having good cards, in playing well the ones that one

353
00:32:05.039 --> 00:32:12.880
has just billings. In almost every
age and culture, beauty has been admired

354
00:32:12.920 --> 00:32:17.759
as a special gift. Similarly,
societies have been characterized by sanctioning ugliness.

355
00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:27.440
We are cruel to those who meet
the characteristics of ugly. It is common

356
00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:30.200
to see how children make fun of
the fat, the short, the tall,

357
00:32:30.759 --> 00:32:36.759
the noses, the very skinny,
etc. We humans do not tolerate

358
00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:42.799
statistical extremes. It is not surprising
that extremes are considered rare or atypical.

359
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:46.680
What attracts attention is that they turn
out to be unpleasant. Obviously, I

360
00:32:46.759 --> 00:32:53.319
am not referring to people who,
unfortunately, are born with manifest malformations or

361
00:32:53.720 --> 00:32:58.960
have suffered from various causes of deformities. Although cruelty is also often seen in

362
00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:04.279
these cases, such as the aspect
of the molecular structure of our body,

363
00:33:04.759 --> 00:33:08.599
it is a source of attraction or
repulsion. The aesthetic judgment that culture gives

364
00:33:08.720 --> 00:33:15.359
to physical appearance has enormous consequences for
our future, as is supported by a

365
00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:22.000
considerable number of researches. Opinions,
whatever they may be, are affected by

366
00:33:22.039 --> 00:33:27.119
the degree of attractiveness of the observed. In other words, judgments of beautiful

367
00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:34.519
people are more benign. There is
no universal criterion of beauty. The ideal

368
00:33:34.599 --> 00:33:37.480
pattern of what is beautiful is learned
through the personal and social experiences of the

369
00:33:37.559 --> 00:33:44.720
immediate environment. The body image itself
is formed by the influence of two data

370
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:50.920
sources, the social environment and the
media. The reference group and the relationships

371
00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:57.480
we establish with people are decisive.
If the group that makes up the family

372
00:33:57.559 --> 00:34:01.000
nucleus considers physical beauty as a value
and the child does not meet the expected

373
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:07.359
characteristics of the cute one, it
will not be unconditionally accepted any defect had

374
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:12.079
to have. Children hear and see
more than we think. So, we

375
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:15.320
' re getting convinced that we'
re the human version of the ugly duckling.

376
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:20.559
Families who make beauty an appreciable and
fundamental gift not only create in the

377
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:23.920
child the need to be beautiful,
but inculcate unattainable standards and ideals of physical

378
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:31.280
beauty. In my professional experience I
have seen countless people who, being of

379
00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:36.920
a normal beauty and even more,
were irrationally reproached for being ugly or unpleasant

380
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:44.159
for not reaching the supposed family ideal. Unsatisfaction with one' s physical appearance

381
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:50.159
also depends on another social comparison.
One of my patients had had the bad

382
00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:53.519
luck that her three best friends were
role models and had won a series of

383
00:34:53.559 --> 00:34:59.960
beauty contests. When we were leaving
the four ocecia I felt the most hideous

384
00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:04.119
woman in the world. Like it' s not enough. I always had

385
00:35:04.159 --> 00:35:08.239
the most silly or the ugliest to
have too attractive friends can be a real

386
00:35:08.280 --> 00:35:15.280
headache. Another factor that clearly defines
self- image is the success achieved with

387
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:21.559
sex. Opposite, tasters don'
t usually have self- image problems,

388
00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:24.800
which doesn' t mean they don' t care about her. Although physical

389
00:35:24.880 --> 00:35:30.880
beauty does not necessarily guarantee success in
the conquest paves the way half way,

390
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:37.199
adolescents who fail to get a partner
generate problems of self- image in a

391
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:42.840
large percentage of cases. One of
the most terrible and devastating causes of self

392
00:35:43.320 --> 00:35:49.000
- image loss is mockery in early
childhood. When children are cruelly sincere,

393
00:35:49.519 --> 00:35:54.559
so- called complexes begin to develop
for some strange reason, nicknames and nicknames

394
00:35:54.599 --> 00:36:01.599
always give where it hurts the most. Wearing glasses is a real Chinese torture

395
00:36:02.719 --> 00:36:08.320
being fat, stubborn, orange,
visco, etc. It doesn' t

396
00:36:08.400 --> 00:36:14.280
go unnoticed by the other children.
The defects are immediately detected and pointed out

397
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:19.719
mercilessly and even if there is a
positive metamorphosis over the years, that is,

398
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.719
that the defect disappears, the mockery
leaves its traces. As we grow

399
00:36:23.840 --> 00:36:28.480
up and learn the nice and the
ugly, we no longer need to be

400
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:32.400
told. Just look at us in
the mirror. We begin, above all,

401
00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:38.039
in pre- adolescence and adolescence,
a detailed and critical review of what

402
00:36:38.039 --> 00:36:42.639
we are physically, but we do
not do so with care. We are

403
00:36:42.679 --> 00:36:47.039
ferocious and soulless to ourselves. We
criticize our skin color, hair, teeth,

404
00:36:47.599 --> 00:36:54.440
eyes, legs, fingers, etcetera. We don' t need outside

405
00:36:54.440 --> 00:36:59.719
judges anymore. We have learned to
criticize the physical appearance itself with the implacable

406
00:36:59.719 --> 00:37:06.159
metro of the do. Perfection is
amazing the ability of some people to detect

407
00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:10.920
defects, bars, pimples, twenty
grams of more or any similar problem.

408
00:37:14.000 --> 00:37:20.400
I am not criticizing personal care or
arrangement, but obsessive concern for being beautiful

409
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:25.679
always and at all times. If
personal self- affirmation revolves around physical beauty,

410
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:31.719
this not only indicates a poor inner
life, but premature death. The

411
00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:37.679
imperative need to maintain youth and beauty
at all costs and not understand the charm

412
00:37:37.760 --> 00:37:44.880
of different ages inevitably leads to depression. Many people are not content with being

413
00:37:44.920 --> 00:37:49.760
attractive at thirty or forty years of
age, but long for eighteen with a

414
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:53.360
small waist, stubborn skin and firm
flesh. They do not accept the passage

415
00:37:53.480 --> 00:38:00.519
of years agonizingly compare with young people
and disguise themselves as teenagers, losing their

416
00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:07.519
true capacity for seduction. In short, the immediate environment in which we grow

417
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:12.719
and the experiences we have in it
about our physical appearance determine the degree of

418
00:38:12.760 --> 00:38:16.840
self- acceptance. The various episodes
of contact with other people and later,

419
00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:22.599
the comparison itself are stored in the
memory in the form of self image.

420
00:38:23.119 --> 00:38:27.440
All this coming and going what tells
us that we are and who we are.

421
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:31.360
Our successes and failures with the opposite
sex, the influences of the family

422
00:38:31.360 --> 00:38:37.039
environment and how we see ourselves are
immersed in a larger context and under the

423
00:38:37.119 --> 00:38:43.360
manipulative influence of the media. Any
relatively educated person will accept the fact that

424
00:38:43.400 --> 00:38:46.199
there is no universal and absolute criterion
for what should be cute or ugly.

425
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:52.920
I remember my grandmother, when she
described some woman of her time who had

426
00:38:52.039 --> 00:38:59.199
been beautiful according to her opinion,
saying what a beautiful woman' s beauty

427
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:02.920
was white fat like milk, with
beautiful healthy cheeks and red lips like strawberries.

428
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:08.639
When she was commenting on this,
the grandkids dismayed us from laughter and

429
00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:15.440
the big ones made grimaces of displeasure. Today, those ancient beauties would delight

430
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:21.960
more than one plastic surgeon. It
is not so easy to understand the appeal

431
00:39:22.039 --> 00:39:25.159
of the divas of silent cinema the
miss Universe of nine hundred and forty-

432
00:39:25.360 --> 00:39:30.360
eight or the bottle sculptural bodies of
the sixties. The Indians of Guatemala like

433
00:39:30.440 --> 00:39:36.880
big and strong women. The French
prefer thin models and the Italians to sofía

434
00:39:36.960 --> 00:39:40.800
loren It is very common to laugh
at the photos of the youth, of

435
00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:45.119
the sideburns, of the audes prasley
type or of the long hair of the

436
00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:50.639
beatles. Beauty is something relative to
the time and place. No one owns

437
00:39:50.639 --> 00:39:54.599
the truth. We are inculcated and
taught what should be considered beautiful or ugly,

438
00:39:54.880 --> 00:40:00.920
but in no way is it an
absolute truth. This means you can

439
00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:06.519
decide your own concept of the beautiful. It' s hard, but it

440
00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:09.880
' s worth trying, as well
as dressing well. It doesn' t

441
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.800
involve docilely following the fashion to like
yourself. You don' t have to

442
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:20.039
use the criteria that the media sells. It shouldn' t be super stylized

443
00:40:20.079 --> 00:40:23.960
cute and blue- eyed, like
the models of the television propaganda of the

444
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:29.960
dads Nor must you necessarily look like
Rubert Ruthford. There are no theoretical and

445
00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:37.920
scientific reasons to feel aesthetically pleasant.
The requirements about your preferences are basically affective.

446
00:40:37.280 --> 00:40:43.239
I like it because I like it
in the affective matters of pleasure or

447
00:40:43.239 --> 00:40:46.320
displeasure. Whys usually are leftover and
do not bring anything new. On the

448
00:40:46.360 --> 00:40:52.000
contrary, they confuse in terms of
tastes. Logic is left over as in

449
00:40:52.039 --> 00:40:57.920
love. The feeling of total attractions
does not show. The automatic and inexplicable

450
00:40:57.960 --> 00:41:04.880
isbel. Many times we meet a
person we like and we cannot explain exactly

451
00:41:04.920 --> 00:41:09.960
what attracts us. Even more often
we like people who go against all our

452
00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:19.360
aesthetic demands. I' ve met
racist people, in love with people of

453
00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:23.000
communist colour, in love with bourgeois
and make- up artists, in love

454
00:41:23.000 --> 00:41:25.559
with women with a complexion that has
no arrangement. Not only do I speak

455
00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:31.920
of love that is often blind,
but we are physically attracted to people that

456
00:41:32.039 --> 00:41:37.239
we consciously consider unattractive. When it
comes to yourself, we take too much

457
00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:43.800
notice of it. We compare ourselves
with an advertising ideal and with criteria other

458
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:47.599
than our own. We can be
attracted to a person who is not beautiful.

459
00:41:49.039 --> 00:41:52.239
But if it' s about self- image, we' re relentless.

460
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:58.039
There is no absolute criterion of beauty. Attraction is something automatic and unconscious.

461
00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:04.320
However, the physical acceptance itself is
carried out by a super rational process,

462
00:42:04.760 --> 00:42:10.760
using massified criteria that we digest without
questioning of any kind. If we

463
00:42:10.840 --> 00:42:16.360
are not able to accept without gossip
let us at least use rational standards.

464
00:42:16.679 --> 00:42:21.480
Most people do not even approach the
beauty criteria that the media sell to us

465
00:42:21.559 --> 00:42:30.679
or meet the requirements of Western culture
to be considered beautiful. If the Social

466
00:42:30.800 --> 00:42:35.639
Convention had been more benign in its
canons, there would be no beauty contests

467
00:42:35.719 --> 00:42:39.920
and all the companies that revolve around
the business of the beautiful would be broken.

468
00:42:40.079 --> 00:42:45.119
The important thing then is not to
be beautiful, but to like yourself.

469
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:51.719
To achieve this, rigid and strict
criteria should not be used. Propaganda

470
00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:57.159
is meant to show you how far
away you are from perfect beauty. They

471
00:42:57.239 --> 00:43:01.679
offer you a product to achieve that
ideal. If you passively accept that model

472
00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:07.440
of beauty, you will end up
thinking that you are horrible, you must

473
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.519
have felt the feeling, not very
pleasant of being in a tire after the

474
00:43:12.519 --> 00:43:15.800
commercial. However, not everything that
is shown and said in advertising is necessarily

475
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:22.480
exaggerated or false. For example,
it is true that traditional beauty facilitates the

476
00:43:22.519 --> 00:43:29.960
achievement of some goals and opens certain
doors, but in no way is it

477
00:43:29.960 --> 00:43:37.679
essential, fundamental and decisive for the
vast majority of goals. Very possibly facilitate

478
00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:40.960
the career of actress or model,
but it is not a requirement to study

479
00:43:42.079 --> 00:43:45.239
agronomy or engineering. Unless the examiner
is carried away by the physical appearance of

480
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:52.679
the applicant wave. The right thing
would be to highlight the things that you

481
00:43:52.760 --> 00:43:55.639
really like about yourself and not what
conventions are set as right, what you

482
00:43:55.679 --> 00:44:00.679
really like, even if it doesn' t match the general vibe, it

483
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:07.280
' s worth risking to review your
aesthetic concepts if you discover that most agree

484
00:44:07.320 --> 00:44:13.679
with you in a matter of taste
welcome to fashion the media gives you in

485
00:44:13.719 --> 00:44:17.760
promotion a style to cut off the
few or many things that you might like

486
00:44:17.760 --> 00:44:22.880
about your personal appearance. I am
not against people being honest, with themselves,

487
00:44:22.960 --> 00:44:30.000
expressing their displeasure and fixing the danger. They are the absurd and irrational

488
00:44:30.039 --> 00:44:34.679
criteria of good taste and beauty.
If you accept them as a vital necessity,

489
00:44:35.440 --> 00:44:39.519
you will be a slave to them, your decision- making power will

490
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:43.880
be summed up in a fashion magazine
to what the decorator says and what is

491
00:44:44.000 --> 00:44:47.199
used or not used. For example, feeling well dressed is a nice thing

492
00:44:47.199 --> 00:44:51.800
to do. Sometimes I have thought
that the greatest happiness that guests share in

493
00:44:51.840 --> 00:44:55.800
a family wedding included is not the
joy of the one who marries, but

494
00:44:55.800 --> 00:45:00.880
the feeling of elegance. But being
obsessively aware of the canons can be very

495
00:45:00.960 --> 00:45:07.000
annoying. One of my patients turned
the supposed pleasure of buying clothes into a

496
00:45:07.039 --> 00:45:12.599
real torture. Doctor said I was
distressed because I don' t know what

497
00:45:12.599 --> 00:45:15.400
to buy. I would answer her
whatever she liked, to which she would

498
00:45:15.480 --> 00:45:21.199
reply, and how I know my
taste is right. In terms of taste,

499
00:45:21.239 --> 00:45:24.199
there are no mistakes. You have
the right to choose what you like

500
00:45:24.280 --> 00:45:29.960
and what you want, even to
like yourself, even if you are not

501
00:45:30.039 --> 00:45:35.719
accepted by the stylists, fashion and
decorators. Your body and the way you

502
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:40.320
cover it must first like those who
enter your territory. They will because they

503
00:45:40.360 --> 00:45:44.639
like you and not because they admire
you so up- to- date or

504
00:45:44.639 --> 00:45:46.800
up- to- date. You' re on aesthetics. Get dressed,

505
00:45:47.960 --> 00:45:53.880
get thin. But to flatter you, no, to flatter us, let

506
00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:58.039
us recapitulate what has been said here. Self- image is learned through our

507
00:45:58.119 --> 00:46:01.400
experiences with the immediate wave atmosphere,
friends, boyfriends, family, etc.

508
00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:07.440
And the social learning that we make
of the media. Usually, the levels

509
00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:12.840
of attraction or rejection, that is, our predilections of the pleasant or unpleasant

510
00:46:12.920 --> 00:46:20.079
are unconsciously processed and in a purely
affective environment. When the taste is directed

511
00:46:20.119 --> 00:46:25.719
towards oneself. We get too detailed
and attention is directed to defects. We

512
00:46:25.840 --> 00:46:30.639
use a magnifying glass more powerful than
when we turn to others. This self

513
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:35.519
- criticism is cruel and uncompromising due
to the ideal and rational measurement pattern offered

514
00:46:35.559 --> 00:46:44.880
by beauty vendors. Sometimes that perfectionist
ideal of beauty wreaks psychological havoc. One

515
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:49.280
of my patients maintained the firm conviction
that she was not attractive, being really

516
00:46:49.320 --> 00:46:55.440
very beautiful. Despite attempts at persuasion, his idea was unshakable. Doctor said.

517
00:46:55.800 --> 00:47:00.960
I sincerely thank you for your efforts. I also understand that you would

518
00:47:01.000 --> 00:47:06.320
never tell me that I am ugly
because I would rush to suicide or commit

519
00:47:06.320 --> 00:47:10.719
any madness. It was decided to
apply objective procedures to show the patient the

520
00:47:10.719 --> 00:47:15.639
reality, as it was. A
typical attitude measurement experiment was designed to convince

521
00:47:15.719 --> 00:47:21.519
her that she was not an ugly
woman. The patient sat in the university

522
00:47:21.519 --> 00:47:28.960
cafeteria next to two attractive women chosen
by her who acted as distractions. A

523
00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:31.679
group of 100 students were asked to
evaluate on a scale of one to ten

524
00:47:31.719 --> 00:47:38.239
the degree of beauty, attractiveness,
desire and sensuality of both the patient and

525
00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:45.199
the two other women she had selected. As expected, he, ninety-

526
00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:51.000
five percent of the students evaluated her
as very beautiful, sensual, attractive and

527
00:47:51.280 --> 00:47:57.039
desirable. He was suggested to think
and meditate on the results obtained, as

528
00:47:57.079 --> 00:48:01.400
they did not confirm the alleged ugliness. The patient was surprised and shocked.

529
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:07.920
He thought for a while and then
he answered it' s amazing. I

530
00:48:07.000 --> 00:48:13.079
can' t believe it. I' m really surprised. I never thought

531
00:48:13.119 --> 00:48:16.880
people had such bad taste. Despite
irrefutable evidence from the data, we could

532
00:48:17.280 --> 00:48:25.760
never change his mind. His idea
was absolutely unmodifiable. It felt ugly the

533
00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:30.119
belief of absolute perfection, absorbing it
to the point of punishing itself for not

534
00:48:30.199 --> 00:48:37.159
being perfect. Many people have the
vice of giving more importance to what they

535
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:40.440
lack than to what they have.
We only value it when we lose it.

536
00:48:42.559 --> 00:48:50.239
Unfortunately, it is usually late improving
the self image to safeguard your self

537
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:52.239
image or rescue it. If it' s the case. You must consider

538
00:48:52.239 --> 00:48:59.199
the following aspects. One tries to
define your own criteria of what is beautiful,

539
00:48:59.559 --> 00:49:05.639
or is that you do not get
carried away by the connoisseurs. On

540
00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:09.599
this subject no one knows anything,
do not be scolded for your righteous.

541
00:49:10.679 --> 00:49:15.639
Try to be a spontaneous and authentic
person when you choose what' s attractive.

542
00:49:15.719 --> 00:49:20.760
For YOU it is a choice that
only you can make. Risk yourself,

543
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:24.119
to rehearse, to invent about your
personal arrangement. Play and enjoy variations

544
00:49:24.199 --> 00:49:30.119
on how to dress, comb or
paint yourself to the stupid question is simply

545
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:37.760
answered. I have no idea.
In spite of that, you will discover

546
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:42.280
that people will begin to imitate you. Get ready for yourself and not for

547
00:49:44.400 --> 00:49:50.239
two others. Discard physical perfection and
strict criteria. There' s no absolute.

548
00:49:51.280 --> 00:49:57.199
There are levels of attraction. There
are attractive fatty slim insipids and vice

549
00:49:57.199 --> 00:50:02.519
versa. There are sexy shorts,
insulse thorns and vice versa. Don'

550
00:50:02.599 --> 00:50:07.239
t waste your time thinking about what
you missed doing an aphrodite or an adonis.

551
00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:12.360
Enjoy what you have and don'
t demand the impossible. The idea

552
00:50:12.400 --> 00:50:15.280
of perfection will only lead you to
focus attention on your flaws and forget your

553
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:22.920
charms. Three, discover and highlight
the things you like about yourself. Be

554
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:29.280
proud and happy of your physical attributes, no matter if there are many or

555
00:50:29.679 --> 00:50:32.800
few you are lucky for what you
have. Don' t hide the things

556
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:38.719
you like about yourself. Give them, show them and enjoy them never think

557
00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:44.599
you' ve exhausted your charms.
Explore and you will be surprised by the

558
00:50:44.599 --> 00:50:50.519
attractive, interesting, seductive and sensual
things that you can find in you focus

559
00:50:50.559 --> 00:50:54.159
your attention on the things that are
pleasant to you. Four, your self

560
00:50:54.679 --> 00:51:00.719
- image is transmitted to others.
If you feel an uninteresting and attractive person,

561
00:51:00.280 --> 00:51:06.559
you will give that image to others. People will treat you as inappropriate

562
00:51:06.599 --> 00:51:10.360
and you will sink more and more
into a dark and sad self- image

563
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:16.159
breaks the vicious circle. In a
way, beauty is an attitude. Attractive

564
00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:22.400
ugly or ugly celebrities are the result
of a positive attitude toward themselves. If

565
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:27.239
you feel sorry for yourself, they' ll pity you. If you feel

566
00:51:27.360 --> 00:51:30.239
sorry for yourself, you will inspire
grief. If you see yourself as unpleasant,

567
00:51:30.599 --> 00:51:36.920
they will reject you. The best
way to break the negative circle is

568
00:51:37.000 --> 00:51:42.239
to like it. If you feel
irresistible and attractive. No doubt you will

569
00:51:42.320 --> 00:51:46.119
be a beautiful person trying to play
the role of someone without complexes, to

570
00:51:46.199 --> 00:51:52.639
see how you feel like an essay
of conduct. Feel irresistible to other people

571
00:51:52.679 --> 00:52:00.719
and try to behave in that direction, the circle will begin to break five.

572
00:52:00.039 --> 00:52:04.599
Physical appearance is just one of the
components of your self- image.

573
00:52:06.079 --> 00:52:10.480
Being good- looking is one of
the many requirements of attractiveness. He'

574
00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:15.360
s not the only one, not
even the most important one of interpersonal attraction.

575
00:52:16.360 --> 00:52:22.280
Your molecular structure. Physical aspect does
not guarantee everything. People, in

576
00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:27.880
addition to cute or ugly, can
be warm, kind, intelligent, tender,

577
00:52:28.239 --> 00:52:35.039
seductive, sensual, interesting, educated, cheerful affectionate, funny, etcetera.

578
00:52:36.079 --> 00:52:39.880
There are people who possess magic.
You have a lot of options to

579
00:52:39.880 --> 00:52:45.000
like. I' m not saying
that you neglect your physique, but that

580
00:52:45.079 --> 00:52:49.239
you place it in the right place. Ask yourself what else you have out

581
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:52.360
of bones and skin. Six,
no matter what you are or how you

582
00:52:52.360 --> 00:52:58.480
are. If you really like and
like yourself, you' ll always find

583
00:52:58.599 --> 00:53:05.000
someone who likes self- absorbing immobilizes. People who don' t like each

584
00:53:05.039 --> 00:53:09.280
other anticipate rejection and avoid people.
They show fear of negative evaluation and social

585
00:53:09.400 --> 00:53:15.960
anxiety. They live with a high
level of frustration as they consider it almost

586
00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:20.119
impossible for anyone to be attracted to
them. They don' t try to

587
00:53:20.159 --> 00:53:23.559
flirt and seduce because they' re
considered ridiculous. In that plan. They

588
00:53:23.639 --> 00:53:28.840
never take the first step, and
if anyone comes close, they chase him

589
00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:34.920
away with their insecurities and preventions.
To like is to open up the emotional

590
00:53:34.960 --> 00:53:38.119
horizons is to risk and increase the
chances of meeting people towards a good self

591
00:53:38.119 --> 00:53:44.639
- esteem. It may happen that
once every century the praise made to lose

592
00:53:44.679 --> 00:53:47.119
a man or make him insufferable,
but it is certain that once every minute,

593
00:53:47.440 --> 00:53:53.320
something worthy and generous dies for lack
of praise. If someone says my

594
00:53:53.360 --> 00:53:58.360
partner praises me very rarely, I
don' t usually like him and when

595
00:53:58.480 --> 00:54:00.480
he does he' s afraid to
give in. He doesn' t care

596
00:54:00.519 --> 00:54:02.880
for my health, he spends little
time with me and hardly ever contemplates me.

597
00:54:04.239 --> 00:54:07.960
We would agree to doubt that there
is a feeling of affection. Love

598
00:54:08.000 --> 00:54:15.159
is outwardly externalized with behaviors. If
I do not express the positive feeling and

599
00:54:15.159 --> 00:54:20.719
do the above, love becomes something
unfinished, truncated and discolored. Similarly,

600
00:54:21.119 --> 00:54:27.000
love for oneself must be expressed with
tangible behaviors. Even if culture sees them

601
00:54:27.079 --> 00:54:31.320
badly. We promulgate love for one' s neighbor, to the four winds,

602
00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:36.320
we repudiate aggression and ill- treatment
of others, but we are allowed

603
00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:43.000
and it is even well seen that
we bargain, economicize and look at self

604
00:54:43.360 --> 00:54:45.880
- expressions of affection, why we
should be miserable with ourselves. How many

605
00:54:45.920 --> 00:54:50.079
times do we praise ourselves, like
each other, and contemplate each other.

606
00:54:51.199 --> 00:54:54.519
There' s usually no time for
that. If the work dignifies the man,

607
00:54:54.960 --> 00:55:00.440
rest and recreation, we also plan
with rigorous accuracy to the commitments assumed,

608
00:55:01.159 --> 00:55:07.840
working hours, economic budgets, visits
of condolence, changes of oil to

609
00:55:07.880 --> 00:55:13.760
the cart to the dentist, etc. Free time is, on the other

610
00:55:13.760 --> 00:55:17.440
hand, considered to be a residual
effect, something left over after work and

611
00:55:17.519 --> 00:55:22.360
we often don' t know what
to do with it. Work is sacred

612
00:55:22.440 --> 00:55:27.480
and our free time is not.
Today' s society takes us a hundred

613
00:55:27.519 --> 00:55:30.280
kilometers per hour on a journey where
there is no time for the landscape.

614
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:35.880
If someone stops, they' re
over him, there' s no time.

615
00:55:36.559 --> 00:55:42.519
Rest has been reduced to a passive
force recovery function. A lot of

616
00:55:42.639 --> 00:55:46.519
people don' t sleep, they
pass out. We must have time for

617
00:55:46.599 --> 00:55:51.679
the children, the couple, the
parents, but we can' t think

618
00:55:51.760 --> 00:55:54.800
of using a few hours for our
own benefit. We think that the best

619
00:55:54.840 --> 00:56:00.039
time used is time to produce goods, materials or money. We' re

620
00:56:00.159 --> 00:56:06.480
not interested in producing mental health.
Many of my patients feel guilty when they

621
00:56:06.519 --> 00:56:10.559
are sitting under a tree watching the
leaves move, others only see in the

622
00:56:10.599 --> 00:56:15.400
field. The possibility of a cattle
farm. Investment is only justified if it

623
00:56:15.480 --> 00:56:21.920
results in sellable things. There is
no doubt that culture does not teach to

624
00:56:22.000 --> 00:56:27.239
waste time in a psychologically productive way. That is, giving us justice and

625
00:56:28.400 --> 00:56:31.119
contemplating the fear of falling into leisure. He' s developed a pattern of

626
00:56:31.119 --> 00:56:37.639
hyperactive behavior. Irrationally, we think
it' s essential to stay active almost

627
00:56:37.639 --> 00:56:40.480
all the time, that is,
doing something. It is considered that thinking,

628
00:56:42.199 --> 00:56:46.159
dreaming, fantasizing, sleeping, meditating
or looking, is not to act

629
00:56:46.159 --> 00:56:50.599
like this. To dedicate oneself to
one is synonymous with vagrancy or good life.

630
00:56:51.719 --> 00:56:55.440
If we think this way, we
will never enjoy loving each other as

631
00:56:55.599 --> 00:57:00.000
we could always be doing something more
productive. It is an act of or

632
00:57:00.119 --> 00:57:07.039
irresponsibility not to devote time to yourself. Wanting himself in principle should be no

633
00:57:07.079 --> 00:57:14.199
different than loving others. When we
love someone, we try to let them

634
00:57:14.199 --> 00:57:16.920
know with acts aimed at bringing them
well- being and satisfaction. Similarly,

635
00:57:17.360 --> 00:57:22.800
you must prove to yourself that you
love yourself with acts aimed at producing self

636
00:57:22.159 --> 00:57:28.119
- welfare and self- satisfaction.
It is absurd that something so obvious should

637
00:57:28.199 --> 00:57:32.079
not be fulfilled. We almost always
occupy the last place in our capacity for

638
00:57:32.079 --> 00:57:37.880
expression of affection. We live by
postponing the rewards we deserve and we say

639
00:57:38.000 --> 00:57:40.599
to ourselves one day I will do
it, but that day usually does not

640
00:57:40.599 --> 00:57:45.519
come. Since childhood we are instilled
that self- control and postponement of pleasure.

641
00:57:46.199 --> 00:57:51.960
It makes us different from animals.
To think that humans should never react

642
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:54.800
to their desires immediately and that they
should learn to wait has been exaggerated.

643
00:57:55.559 --> 00:58:01.880
No doubt about it. Postponing them
may be an important ability in a diet

644
00:58:02.239 --> 00:58:07.039
to quit smoking or try not to
be aggressive, but if we make the

645
00:58:07.119 --> 00:58:12.360
deferment of pleasure a way of living, we will become zombies. Life will

646
00:58:12.480 --> 00:58:19.440
slowly lose its pleasant and satisfying side. The cost will be insensitivity. Being

647
00:58:19.519 --> 00:58:22.679
with the emergency brake, put 24
hours seeing whether it is prudent, appropriate,

648
00:58:22.960 --> 00:58:28.079
convenient or not, can lead you
to emotional lethargy and absolute indifference.

649
00:58:30.320 --> 00:58:36.280
You will lose the ability to vibrate
and get excited, create a breastplate and

650
00:58:36.320 --> 00:58:40.559
get used to the routine. Daily
life in industrialized culture does not offer too

651
00:58:40.639 --> 00:58:47.079
many opportunities for enjoyment. We'
re anaesthetized. If we stop giving ourselves

652
00:58:47.199 --> 00:58:52.679
a dose of gratification, no one
will. Self- control is by no

653
00:58:52.760 --> 00:59:00.480
means synonymous with responsibility. Many people
feel irresponsible if they are onr seden or

654
00:59:00.519 --> 00:59:04.760
fall into certain temptations, such as, for example, escaping work a little

655
00:59:04.840 --> 00:59:09.039
earlier the rigid idea of fulfillment and
duty towards us has made us forget the

656
00:59:09.079 --> 00:59:15.199
commitment we have made to ourselves as
we get to this world growing as people,

657
00:59:15.559 --> 00:59:21.960
and it is impossible to grow if
we do not want ourselves not to

658
00:59:22.039 --> 00:59:27.760
control all your cravings. Throw yourself
a little cane in the air, take

659
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:30.199
it off, brake it and taste
it. The best antidote to psychological distress

660
00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:37.199
is the author' s reinforcement.
Unfortunately, as I have been saying,

661
00:59:37.679 --> 00:59:43.559
we do not express ourselves affection in
a systematic and consistent way, the way

662
00:59:43.599 --> 00:59:47.239
we behave with ourselves, just as
the initial example leaves great doubts about the

663
00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:53.159
love we profess, Let us look
at some prerequisites and ways of expressing affection

664
00:59:53.239 --> 01:00:01.840
to ourselves. Hedonistic philosophy. Hedonism
means to offer satisfaction, rejoicing, enjoyment

665
01:00:01.920 --> 01:00:07.599
and well- being. A hedonistic
philosophy implies a lifestyle aimed at seeking enjoyment

666
01:00:07.639 --> 01:00:14.119
and profiting from the things around us. It does not express, as some

667
01:00:14.559 --> 01:00:20.920
believe, irresponsible and uncontrolled conduct.
Nor does it mean ignoring the importance of

668
01:00:21.000 --> 01:00:25.400
discipline and organization. The hedonist is
not a superficial corrupt person who seeks only

669
01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:30.280
the worldly pleasures of eating and drinking. Try to have the best possible time.

670
01:00:30.400 --> 01:00:35.480
It is not synonymous with vagrancy,
laziness or don juanism. It is

671
01:00:35.519 --> 01:00:38.880
not to avoid everyday struggle and problems, but to honestly recognize what you are.

672
01:00:38.920 --> 01:00:46.880
He is happy to work actively to
achieve and enjoy it, to feel

673
01:00:47.239 --> 01:00:52.960
it intensely, without guilt or remorse. Between the extreme of over- accepting

674
01:00:52.039 --> 01:00:58.159
self- control and the unbridled pursuit
of immediate pleasure epicureanism, there is an

675
01:00:58.239 --> 01:01:02.840
intermediate point where responsible delight is possible. Hedonist philosophy contains the implicit acceptance of

676
01:01:02.920 --> 01:01:07.920
the right to enjoy anedonic philosophy.
The opposite of a dentist. It'

677
01:01:07.960 --> 01:01:12.920
s the cult of insensitivity. It' s the best breeding ground for unhappiness

678
01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:17.599
to thrive. If you live in
a greedy way of life, you will

679
01:01:17.679 --> 01:01:22.079
lose the possibility of living with passion. It' s impossible to learn to

680
01:01:22.159 --> 01:01:28.760
love yourself if you don' t
agree to live intensely. Some people confuse

681
01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:34.239
not feeling bad with feeling good.
Stopping self- punishment and suffering is not

682
01:01:34.280 --> 01:01:38.880
enough. One more step must be
taken to reward oneself and to have a

683
01:01:38.960 --> 01:01:43.960
philosophy oriented to pleasure in another way. Your life itself short will become simple

684
01:01:44.039 --> 01:01:51.639
and boring, like an egg without
salt insipidus. One of the great evils

685
01:01:51.679 --> 01:01:55.400
of the 20th century is the lack
of ability to feel passion. No matter

686
01:01:55.440 --> 01:02:00.559
what passion it is to give meaning
to life, it is to create a

687
01:02:00.639 --> 01:02:02.679
feeling of high degree of strength and
vigor, it is to vibrate with energy.

688
01:02:04.760 --> 01:02:08.480
Some lucky ones, even under the
strong influence of social analgesia, achieve

689
01:02:08.559 --> 01:02:14.360
a passion that leads them to full
hedonistic potential. No need to climb the

690
01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:19.519
highest mountain in the world or swim
across the Amazon. Full enjoyment is also

691
01:02:19.599 --> 01:02:23.719
observed in everyday things, such as
collecting, scapulars, growing roses, reading

692
01:02:24.079 --> 01:02:30.280
going to the cinema, writing,
cooking, playing chess, being amateur radio,

693
01:02:30.159 --> 01:02:36.639
painting, etc. Anything you choose
can become your passion. If you

694
01:02:36.679 --> 01:02:42.880
work actively for it, if we
know that it is vital to our mental

695
01:02:42.960 --> 01:02:46.119
health, why we are not hedonists, why we resign ourselves to a routine

696
01:02:46.239 --> 01:02:52.920
and unpleasant lifestyle. Humans, perhaps
by wanting to be too human, have

697
01:02:52.960 --> 01:02:59.480
lost some fundamental abilities that we inherit
from our animal ancestors. The development of

698
01:02:59.519 --> 01:03:04.320
the cerebral cortex and language, although
it has allowed us to evolve in many

699
01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:09.800
aspects, has distanced us from our
subcortical emotional phylogenetic past into two main factors,

700
01:03:09.840 --> 01:03:17.079
exploration behavior and emotional sensitivity. Exploration
is one of the behaviors that most

701
01:03:17.159 --> 01:03:23.599
guarantees the intelligent development and emotional development
of our species. The search allows the

702
01:03:23.639 --> 01:03:30.760
discovery of food sources, dens and
sexual mating in the lower species. This

703
01:03:30.800 --> 01:03:37.079
instinctively generated research helps the inherited behavioral
system become rich and allows to increase the

704
01:03:37.119 --> 01:03:44.159
repertoire of resources to face and foresee
dangers. It' s a form of

705
01:03:44.159 --> 01:03:49.079
self- stimulation. Some characteristics of
animal life are the displacement and modification of

706
01:03:49.159 --> 01:03:53.719
the environment to put it at the
service of subsistence. Curiosity is one of

707
01:03:53.719 --> 01:03:58.400
the factors that has allowed the development
and maintenance of life on the planet.

708
01:04:00.039 --> 01:04:04.639
Snooping, searching and exploring lead to
one of the greatest satisfactions discovery and surprise.

709
01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:14.239
Exploration opens doors that were closed to
the senses and to amazement. Clashing

710
01:04:14.280 --> 01:04:18.400
with an unsuspected reality and being shocked
at the discovery or that open and suspended

711
01:04:18.440 --> 01:04:26.760
in a sea of unsolved unknowns is
undoubtedly one of the greatest emotions. Today

712
01:04:26.840 --> 01:04:31.960
' s civilization has had disastrous influences
on our ability to search. Technological progress

713
01:04:32.079 --> 01:04:40.519
has contributed to laziness and indolence.
Every day we walk less. Our life

714
01:04:40.599 --> 01:04:45.880
no longer depends so much on the
exploration capacity. The atrophy of the inquiring

715
01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:49.679
spirit has given way to the sedentary
habit of leisure. Inertia has replaced the

716
01:04:49.800 --> 01:04:56.360
audacity of the explorer. We have
developed an intolerance to discomfort that leads to

717
01:04:56.400 --> 01:05:01.800
prostration, preventing you from testing new
things and experiencing them. We have endless

718
01:05:01.840 --> 01:05:06.239
lists of routines. If we are
stupidly proud of them because they generate stability.

719
01:05:08.360 --> 01:05:12.679
We are more theoretical than empirical.
We' re afraid of the unknown.

720
01:05:13.119 --> 01:05:16.079
We rarely venture beyond our territory and
when we do, we organize things

721
01:05:16.199 --> 01:05:24.360
in such a way that nothing escapes
our control, no unforeseen. The seeker

722
01:05:24.440 --> 01:05:29.519
finds happiness. She doesn' t
get to the door, you have to

723
01:05:29.559 --> 01:05:31.559
go out and get her and fight
for her. It' s been since

724
01:05:31.559 --> 01:05:39.119
you left us to wander aimlessly that
you don' t improvise for as long

725
01:05:39.519 --> 01:05:45.039
as you don' t rehearse meals, clothes, walks, sports or new

726
01:05:45.119 --> 01:05:46.480
positions in sex the phrase that serves
as motors how it will be to rehearse

727
01:05:46.480 --> 01:05:51.760
this. When I induce my patients
to infuse their motivational environment. Many tell

728
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:58.559
me and what I do. I
answer them looking. There is no pre

729
01:05:59.320 --> 01:06:00.320
- fabricated list on what to do
good with one' s own life.

730
01:06:01.360 --> 01:06:06.719
You have to make it by searching
and searching and every ten doors you open

731
01:06:06.840 --> 01:06:13.159
possibly show you something interesting and wonderful
that justifies the effort. The premise better

732
01:06:13.239 --> 01:06:16.400
known bad than good to know becomes
over time the key to numbness and emotional

733
01:06:16.480 --> 01:06:25.000
inactivity. When everyday things become too
common and you can foresee your immediate future,

734
01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:30.119
it means you haven' t explored
enough. When the ordinary becomes ritual.

735
01:06:30.920 --> 01:06:35.199
It' s time to explore.
You need to get unaccustomed and build

736
01:06:35.199 --> 01:06:41.760
your own ecology. If you'
ve lost your scanning ability, you must

737
01:06:41.840 --> 01:06:45.079
recover it in another way. You' ll never be able to approach a

738
01:06:45.079 --> 01:06:49.519
hedonistic philosophy. The second factor that
interferes with a pleasant lifestyle is the ability

739
01:06:49.559 --> 01:06:57.320
to feel. Some people only perceive
the obvious. If they' re in

740
01:06:57.360 --> 01:07:00.400
the Niagara Falls, they' ll
only see a lot of water. When

741
01:07:00.440 --> 01:07:02.400
you' re in front of a
glass window, you' ll only see

742
01:07:02.400 --> 01:07:06.320
a painted glass. Dawn will remind
you that it' s time to go

743
01:07:06.320 --> 01:07:11.079
to sleep. A morning of sunshine. It' ll make them anticipate a

744
01:07:11.079 --> 01:07:15.599
hot day. The rain will only
drive them to seek shelter so as not

745
01:07:15.599 --> 01:07:21.760
to get wet. The primary senses
have undoubtedly suffered a numbness. Smell and

746
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:27.760
touch have been losing adaptive importance for
our species, but are sources of pleasure

747
01:07:27.760 --> 01:07:32.639
if reactivated. The ear has specialized
in language and has lost ability to detect

748
01:07:32.719 --> 01:07:40.679
and discriminate other sounds of nature.
Looking at it without putting too much head

749
01:07:40.719 --> 01:07:45.840
on it is in the background.
The human information processing system has two ways

750
01:07:45.960 --> 01:07:50.719
of operating. One is voluntary or
controlled, and the other automatic or unconscious.

751
01:07:53.320 --> 01:07:57.760
The first depends on those more developed
strata, the central nervous system,

752
01:07:57.840 --> 01:08:02.880
the left hemisphere of the cerebral cortex
and processes linguistic logical information. The second

753
01:08:02.960 --> 01:08:09.519
structures based on the oldest physiological systems, limbic system, right hemisphere, autonomous

754
01:08:09.519 --> 01:08:15.800
nervous system and processes emotional affective information. Feeling, unlike thought processes, has

755
01:08:15.880 --> 01:08:23.960
some characteristics that are its own.
It is automatic, not conscious, requires

756
01:08:24.039 --> 01:08:30.119
less mental effort, it is inescapable
irrevocable, total, difficult to verbalize,

757
01:08:30.239 --> 01:08:33.359
difficult to explain and understand. It
should be noted that, while both types

758
01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:42.000
of processing have different characteristics, they
interact and intermix permanently, depending on the

759
01:08:42.399 --> 01:08:46.000
case, there will be predominance of
one or the other. It' s

760
01:08:46.000 --> 01:08:50.359
very difficult. Pure emotion or pure
logic. In other words, while feelings

761
01:08:50.479 --> 01:08:56.880
have their own channel of processing,
they can be hindered or facilitated by the

762
01:08:56.880 --> 01:09:01.239
influence of our thoughts, our culture, pure, social learning, privilege.

763
01:09:03.239 --> 01:09:06.960
The reason for emotion, that is, for the younger and more evolved brain

764
01:09:08.000 --> 01:09:13.920
to exercise control over the older one. This has been an important evolutionary advance

765
01:09:13.960 --> 01:09:18.199
in the adaptation of our species,
as some potentially dangerous emotions, such as

766
01:09:18.279 --> 01:09:25.800
the IRA, have been considerably repressed. However, the cost we have paid

767
01:09:25.840 --> 01:09:30.760
for this policy of emotional economy has
been the subjugation of emotion. To reason

768
01:09:30.880 --> 01:09:36.920
we have generated the insane habit of
thinking too much about what we feel even

769
01:09:36.960 --> 01:09:44.680
if the feeling is positive, trying
to find logical explanations to our affection sometimes

770
01:09:44.760 --> 01:09:48.840
puts us in dead ends and disturbs
us. In these cases, whys should

771
01:09:48.840 --> 01:09:55.560
be substitutes for what I feel and
how I feel. Let' s look

772
01:09:55.600 --> 01:09:58.479
at an excerpt from the interview where
the inappropriate reasons are involved. In one

773
01:09:58.520 --> 01:10:02.239
of my adolescent patient patients, I
doubted my whole relationship with my girlfriend.

774
01:10:02.920 --> 01:10:06.439
I don' t understand why I
love her anymore. Everything was going so

775
01:10:08.840 --> 01:10:13.960
well therapist, explain yourself better,
p always happens to me the same thing.

776
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:17.479
When things go well, I'
ve started to think that we'

777
01:10:17.560 --> 01:10:21.520
re not really for each other.
I don' t understand why he gave

778
01:10:24.000 --> 01:10:28.840
us what it would do you any
good to know Go with surprise. I

779
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:33.920
need to know why I love her
You' re sorry. P. I

780
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:38.640
don' t know. It'
s very difficult. I don' t

781
01:10:38.720 --> 01:10:45.560
know what I saw she physically attracts
you p. If you feel good when

782
01:10:45.560 --> 01:10:54.000
you' re with her, P
yes you find it intellectually restless. P

783
01:10:54.479 --> 01:10:59.800
a lot. It' s one
of his virtues. T is loving,

784
01:10:59.880 --> 01:11:05.479
with you, p much t.
Maybe there' s not much to understand.

785
01:11:05.560 --> 01:11:12.119
The answers you' ve given are
not enough. P. No.

786
01:11:12.119 --> 01:11:17.479
I' m not calm. I
need to understand things better. T You

787
01:11:17.560 --> 01:11:21.880
may want to be sure that you
made the right choice or better choice.

788
01:11:24.479 --> 01:11:29.640
However, if you permanently rationalize feeling, you run the risk of leaving,

789
01:11:29.680 --> 01:11:34.840
feeling and arriving at absurd solutions.
If you intend to give a metaphysical and

790
01:11:34.880 --> 01:11:39.840
philosophical sense to your affection, you
place it on a level of knowledge that

791
01:11:39.920 --> 01:11:44.039
will be impossible for you to process. You can even end up giving your

792
01:11:44.119 --> 01:11:47.279
feelings value judgments of whether it'
s good or bad, convenient or inconvenient,

793
01:11:47.960 --> 01:11:53.520
as if it were buying a car
or an apartment. If the human

794
01:11:53.600 --> 01:11:59.880
being had to rationalize all pleasant emotional
states, they would automatically become displaced by

795
01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:05.760
the very inability to explain them.
You should ask yourself why you like a

796
01:12:06.159 --> 01:12:12.520
meal on a single day of music
as long as you feel it that way

797
01:12:12.560 --> 01:12:15.680
is valid and enough for you.
Perhaps the right thing to do is not

798
01:12:15.680 --> 01:12:21.199
to look for answers to questions,
but to know how to ask questions.

799
01:12:21.399 --> 01:12:29.239
I' d trade the whys for
which threads. As this will probably calm

800
01:12:29.239 --> 01:12:33.720
you down. P means that people
must resign themselves to being ignorant in the

801
01:12:33.760 --> 01:12:43.800
face of positive thoughts t exact b
This is very difficult. T is if

802
01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:47.960
you' re used to thinking too
much and wanting to know everything, but

803
01:12:48.039 --> 01:12:53.239
it' s worth a try.
There is no doubt that the patient would

804
01:12:53.319 --> 01:12:57.720
benefit greatly if his or her attention
were directed to living here and now without

805
01:12:57.760 --> 01:13:00.800
questioning transcendental aspects, about why he
or she feels good or why he or

806
01:13:00.840 --> 01:13:05.920
she wants someone. Obviously, the
premise is in no way to stop thinking

807
01:13:05.960 --> 01:13:11.920
and become a viceral being for the
rest of your life would be worse the

808
01:13:11.960 --> 01:13:17.079
remedy than the disease itself. To
tilt the balance in favor of positive affection

809
01:13:17.159 --> 01:13:23.159
seeking to level the emotional and rational
does not mean to eliminate reason, but

810
01:13:23.199 --> 01:13:28.680
to place the affection in the place
that deserves the premise of pascal when it

811
01:13:28.680 --> 01:13:31.640
said two excesses. Excluding reason from
admitting no more than reason is a suggestion

812
01:13:31.680 --> 01:13:40.159
to be taken into account. It
is simply not adaptive, functional, pleasurable,

813
01:13:41.119 --> 01:13:45.359
pleasant or relaxing. Ask yourself compulsively
and unnecessarily why of all positive feelings.

814
01:13:47.560 --> 01:13:51.520
Letting flow and feeling is incompatible with
self- analyzing all the time.

815
01:13:53.920 --> 01:13:59.000
Some subjects remind me of Mr Spoct
of the famous television series travel to rigid,

816
01:13:59.800 --> 01:14:05.199
hyper- controlled, normative, self- demanding, perfectionist, intelligent,

817
01:14:06.039 --> 01:14:11.239
cold and disconnected stars of any kind
of feeling. The minimal outline of emotions

818
01:14:11.319 --> 01:14:16.560
discarded by unproductive or thoughtlessly thought about
it trying to argue, resolve and explain

819
01:14:16.600 --> 01:14:23.560
the why of the unexpected emotional slip. Positive feeling, if it is not

820
01:14:23.640 --> 01:14:29.359
harmful to you or others, needs
no explanation. The vast majority of pleasant

821
01:14:29.359 --> 01:14:34.520
affective reactions escape reason. They are
difficult to verbalize and explain. You just

822
01:14:34.560 --> 01:14:40.640
have to feel them. Disconnect the
cerebral cortex from your pleasurable feelings. From

823
01:14:40.680 --> 01:14:45.439
time to time let yourself be carried
away by your preferences and worry more about

824
01:14:45.560 --> 01:14:53.239
feeling than understanding events. What makes
you happy paraphrasing Tagore an understanding only nourished

825
01:14:53.359 --> 01:14:58.760
with logic is like the blade of
a knife without a handle that fills the

826
01:14:58.800 --> 01:15:03.399
hand of its owner, another cause
of insensitivity different from those Why if to

827
01:15:03.479 --> 01:15:09.479
computational rationalization is the belief that we
should not let ourselves be carried away by

828
01:15:09.520 --> 01:15:13.399
emotions or lose control, since it
is in bad taste to show the weak

829
01:15:13.439 --> 01:15:17.479
side. This belief, deeply rooted
in our culture, leads to seeing the

830
01:15:17.520 --> 01:15:21.520
expression of emotions as a weakness and
control of them as an indicator of courage

831
01:15:21.560 --> 01:15:30.479
and strength. No more ridiculous not
to cry, scream, snoop, jump

832
01:15:30.520 --> 01:15:34.560
from joy or laugh out loud from
time to time is to be dead not

833
01:15:34.680 --> 01:15:39.479
to get out of point for any
reason. It is the virtue of those

834
01:15:39.520 --> 01:15:43.039
insecure who fear to make a fool
of themselves or that emotion will get out

835
01:15:43.039 --> 01:15:46.439
of their hands. To one of
my patients, a very traditional and conservative

836
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:50.800
successful executive in his way of thinking, I had to give the bad news

837
01:15:50.920 --> 01:15:55.399
that his wife, whom he loved
no longer loved, was going to separate

838
01:15:55.520 --> 01:16:00.720
from him and had a lover five
years ago. He, sir, frowned,

839
01:16:01.840 --> 01:16:08.439
nodded with a slight head movement,
sighed and said. I must admit,

840
01:16:08.920 --> 01:16:14.439
I' m a little uncomfortable about
the news. Paradoxically, one of

841
01:16:14.479 --> 01:16:18.439
the causes of her marital failure was
the difficulty she presented in expressing her feelings

842
01:16:18.520 --> 01:16:26.199
in a frank and open manner.
The idea of inhibiting emotions at all costs,

843
01:16:26.520 --> 01:16:29.760
either out of fear of feeling or
out of fear to which they will

844
01:16:29.880 --> 01:16:34.199
say, becomes a habit that eventually
leads to anesthesia. Many people forgot to

845
01:16:34.239 --> 01:16:39.520
feel that they had become addicted to
control. If they have taken to the

846
01:16:39.560 --> 01:16:44.239
letter, the consigning is bad and
typical of ordinary people will put a dam

847
01:16:44.319 --> 01:16:47.800
of containment to affection and the supposed
advantages of moderation and sanity will be returned

848
01:16:47.880 --> 01:16:54.199
as a boomeran. It is common
to hear wonders of fortitude, of certain

849
01:16:54.319 --> 01:16:58.960
widows or widowers for not shedding a
single tear, an ill- conceived duel,

850
01:16:59.399 --> 01:17:03.319
a patient future. The repression of
feeling can go so far that the

851
01:17:03.399 --> 01:17:09.119
subject really believes he is not feeling
anything. Here' s the saying.

852
01:17:09.479 --> 01:17:15.319
The procession goes inside. As an
obvious result. I am not promulgating the

853
01:17:15.439 --> 01:17:19.439
blind and hysterical impulsiveness of speaking hard, crying at all times and laughing at

854
01:17:19.439 --> 01:17:24.640
nothing. What I do not share
is the absurd idea that the frank and

855
01:17:24.680 --> 01:17:31.039
honest expression of feelings is primitive,
uncivilized, inappropriate and inconvenient. It'

856
01:17:31.159 --> 01:17:36.680
s inappropriate for who? Inconvenient to
whom? Feeling in the broad sense of

857
01:17:36.720 --> 01:17:42.279
the word is not a disease to
be created against. Immunity, it'

858
01:17:42.359 --> 01:17:46.760
s physical and mental health. Interestingly, permission to feel that culture gives us

859
01:17:46.800 --> 01:17:53.760
is linked to the sexual role that
social stereotypes mark. If a man cries

860
01:17:53.800 --> 01:17:57.720
he is seen as weak, if
a woman does it is sentimental, tender

861
01:17:57.720 --> 01:18:01.119
and maternal. It is not very
bad to see a man manifest a sexual

862
01:18:01.159 --> 01:18:06.279
attraction to the opposite sex and enjoy
it. But if the woman enjoys too

863
01:18:06.279 --> 01:18:12.039
much, she is not only socially
rejected as an immoral person, but has

864
01:18:12.199 --> 01:18:16.800
invented an exclusive illness for them called
nymphomania. There is no male counterpart in

865
01:18:16.840 --> 01:18:25.159
psychiatry manuals. There are no nymphomaniacs. The education system collaborates extensively in the

866
01:18:25.239 --> 01:18:30.000
crusade against the ability to feel intensely
cared for. My son, keep your

867
01:18:30.000 --> 01:18:35.119
emotions under control, don' t
let go of the reins or they'

868
01:18:35.520 --> 01:18:39.640
ll go wild and take you irretrievably
to uncontrollability and debauchery. While the intention

869
01:18:39.680 --> 01:18:44.439
may be good, it is also
important to teach our children not to be

870
01:18:44.520 --> 01:18:50.840
encapsulated. Unbridled uncontrollability is as bad
as excessive control. But in spite of

871
01:18:50.840 --> 01:18:56.960
everything, on many occasions we can
get out of control without being harmful to

872
01:18:57.000 --> 01:19:00.239
one or other people. You can
let yourself get carried away when you make

873
01:19:00.319 --> 01:19:03.600
love to hunch. If you think
about it, you can fly with your

874
01:19:03.720 --> 01:19:08.119
favorite music until five in the morning, cry in the face of piety,

875
01:19:08.319 --> 01:19:12.439
scream in a horror movie, kick
the car because it was barbed for the

876
01:19:12.479 --> 01:19:16.039
fifth time, hug a friend three
times tell him seventy times I love the

877
01:19:16.079 --> 01:19:24.439
woman you love to applaud to anger
concert for number one piano, feel nostalgia

878
01:19:24.439 --> 01:19:27.399
in front of the photo of a
family member who has gone away forever,

879
01:19:28.039 --> 01:19:34.239
or laugh loudly and loudly when you
see Chaplin, you can feel what you

880
01:19:34.319 --> 01:19:39.159
want if you don' t violate
the rights of other people, if it

881
01:19:39.279 --> 01:19:42.439
doesn' t hurt you and if
that makes you happy. Although some emotional

882
01:19:42.479 --> 01:19:46.680
constipates do not like it, the
only thing that separates you from the machines

883
01:19:46.720 --> 01:19:51.399
is the ability to feel pained by
the one who hurts. It is true

884
01:19:51.439 --> 01:19:58.039
that some emotions are unpleasant and nefarious. Psychologists know this well, but even

885
01:19:58.079 --> 01:20:02.159
in cases where it is necessary to
modify a pathological negative feeling, the first

886
01:20:02.239 --> 01:20:09.000
step is to accept and discriminate their
existence. If it is really a source

887
01:20:09.039 --> 01:20:12.479
of suffering and discomfort, it must
be let out to proceed to eliminate it.

888
01:20:13.560 --> 01:20:16.760
Feeling is not the most oquist attitude
of resigning to accept those emotions that

889
01:20:16.880 --> 01:20:24.039
hurt you. Feeling as it is
raised here is a way to research and

890
01:20:24.079 --> 01:20:28.920
explore that you like and that is
not the condition without equanon to discover ways

891
01:20:28.960 --> 01:20:33.319
to love yourself. Don' t
put so many requirements on your emotions to

892
01:20:33.319 --> 01:20:38.880
accept them. They' re part
of you. Feeling is your living condition.

893
01:20:40.479 --> 01:20:44.439
If you deny them or fear them, you will be losing not only

894
01:20:44.439 --> 01:20:47.680
the ability to love yourself, but
to love others. Learn to live with

895
01:20:47.800 --> 01:20:53.039
them. Choose the ones that suit
you and discard the ones you don'

896
01:20:53.039 --> 01:20:59.000
t like. You' re entitled
to this choice by summarizing what' s

897
01:20:59.000 --> 01:21:01.399
been said up here. Accepting vis
in a context of hedonistic life is generating

898
01:21:01.479 --> 01:21:08.119
a personal style of emotional freedom.
Healthy orientation to enjoyment and pleasure is the

899
01:21:08.159 --> 01:21:13.279
most fertile ground for us to prosper
in our ability to love ourselves. An

900
01:21:13.319 --> 01:21:18.920
uninhibited and unfettered spirit will undoubtedly favour
the development of an acute and perceptive sensitivity,

901
01:21:19.079 --> 01:21:23.720
which, in turn, will improve
affective communication and understanding of internal States.

902
01:21:26.800 --> 01:21:30.479
In other words, a hedonistic style
produces a greater awareness of the natural

903
01:21:30.520 --> 01:21:38.600
stimuli that reach the organism and expands
the range of potentially pleasurable situations. If

904
01:21:38.640 --> 01:21:42.439
you learn to enjoy reality, you
don' t need to get away from

905
01:21:42.439 --> 01:21:48.680
it. Artificial stimulants, there is
plenty to explore and not place irrational restrictions

906
01:21:48.720 --> 01:21:54.720
on emotions, is to approach a
hedonistic way of life, a joyful life.

907
01:21:57.239 --> 01:22:00.920
The great French poet Jack Prever shows
in the urs one of his poems

908
01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:04.720
an example of emotional freedom that,
although sanctioned by good habits, reminds us

909
01:22:04.760 --> 01:22:10.399
of the freshness and joy of our
childhood. The bad student says no with

910
01:22:10.439 --> 01:22:13.000
his head, but with his heart. He says if what he likes,

911
01:22:13.319 --> 01:22:15.760
they say no to the teacher is
standing, they interrogate him and pose all

912
01:22:15.800 --> 01:22:19.039
the problems. Suddenly it gives him
an attack of laughter and erases all figures

913
01:22:19.159 --> 01:22:24.239
and words, dates without men,
phrases and traps and without heeding the threats

914
01:22:25.239 --> 01:22:28.560
of the teacher or of the boos, of the abelo everything on the black

915
01:22:28.600 --> 01:22:33.560
slate of the misfortune, draws the
face of the bliss. The following action

916
01:22:33.600 --> 01:22:40.880
guides can help you get closer to
a hedonistic lifestyle. You take time for

917
01:22:40.920 --> 01:22:46.199
enjoyment. Life has not been made
just to work. You work to live.

918
01:22:46.600 --> 01:22:51.039
Not the other way around. Your
time of rest, your recreation and

919
01:22:51.119 --> 01:22:56.720
your vacation are not a waste of
time, but an investment for your mental

920
01:22:56.800 --> 01:23:00.800
health. Don' t delay the
satisfactions so long waiting for the day.

921
01:23:00.840 --> 01:23:03.960
There' s no time for love
like there' s no time to love

922
01:23:04.039 --> 01:23:10.520
yourself. You define it according to
your needs and you win. Don'

923
01:23:10.560 --> 01:23:16.159
t make yourself responsible. An exhausting
and dogmatic obligation. Two decides to live

924
01:23:16.159 --> 01:23:23.199
hedonistically. Accept that the pursuit of
pleasure is a condition of the human being

925
01:23:23.279 --> 01:23:27.159
is part of you as something natural. It' s not something bad and

926
01:23:27.520 --> 01:23:31.279
dirty, primitive and sordid. To
be a hedonist is not to promulgate vagrancy,

927
01:23:32.319 --> 01:23:38.279
irresponsibility or vices that harm your health. It' s living intensely and

928
01:23:38.319 --> 01:23:42.239
exercising the right to feel good.
I' d be inhuman to you.

929
01:23:42.319 --> 01:23:45.920
Deny this possibility, stop on the
path of routine and think that it makes

930
01:23:46.039 --> 01:23:49.600
you vibrate and thrill, that you
like it and that not if in that

931
01:23:49.640 --> 01:23:55.319
monotonous and flat walk. You haven' t forgotten to feel. Remember the

932
01:23:55.359 --> 01:24:00.119
times you unnecessarily and irrationally avoided looking
for the pleasant by believing that it was

933
01:24:00.199 --> 01:24:05.000
not right or by fear of giving
in. How many moments of happiness you

934
01:24:05.119 --> 01:24:09.600
' ve lost by believing you didn' t deserve them. How long you

935
01:24:09.640 --> 01:24:14.039
' ve taken advantage of the little
life you have doing things that don'

936
01:24:14.039 --> 01:24:16.680
t give you satisfaction. Search inside
and you will find a void passion.

937
01:24:19.039 --> 01:24:25.359
You have an obligation to generate life
alternatives to keep yourself happy. If you

938
01:24:25.399 --> 01:24:29.560
resign yourself to a lifestyle of mere
subsistence, it will be reduced to its

939
01:24:29.640 --> 01:24:33.720
minimal expression and will lose its principal
delight in the joy of living. If

940
01:24:33.800 --> 01:24:39.760
you power your pleasurable experiences, new
horizons will open up and you will become

941
01:24:39.800 --> 01:24:45.159
immune to the worst disease, boredom. You have an innate talent for living

942
01:24:45.159 --> 01:24:53.439
well. Don' t waste it
three explore seeks to inquire once you decide

943
01:24:53.520 --> 01:24:57.119
to give more importance to the beginning
of pleasure. You have to start working

944
01:24:57.199 --> 01:25:02.439
to feel good. Your main weapon
is exploration. Don' t wait to

945
01:25:02.560 --> 01:25:09.439
be totally safe to rehearse new things
risk yourself. The pleasure is not only

946
01:25:09.479 --> 01:25:15.039
in finding new sources of gratification,
but in seeking them. You don'

947
01:25:15.119 --> 01:25:19.479
t need to have an impromptu fixed
course. To explore is not to make

948
01:25:19.520 --> 01:25:24.640
a detailed map of each step you
will follow, but to let yourself be

949
01:25:25.079 --> 01:25:28.840
carried away by intuition without thinking too
much and without clear reasons. Because it

950
01:25:29.000 --> 01:25:33.159
is as valid here as any other
reason. Don' t resist trying out

951
01:25:33.239 --> 01:25:38.079
what' s new. If you
are invited to a different program, do

952
01:25:38.159 --> 01:25:43.439
not discard it from entry go and
try. You' ll never know for

953
01:25:43.520 --> 01:25:46.119
sure where you' ll find something
pleasant and exciting. Do not have opinions

954
01:25:46.239 --> 01:25:53.239
a priori when it comes to knowing, let the information enter freely, without

955
01:25:53.319 --> 01:25:57.840
preconceived ideas and just feel it.
If you like her, accept her and

956
01:25:58.119 --> 01:26:00.880
if you don' t take her
away from you. The hedonist is a

957
01:26:00.920 --> 01:26:05.079
tireless researcher of the incredible and prodigious
that must not necessarily be a chimede record.

958
01:26:06.560 --> 01:26:11.800
Unheard of can be in the simplest
people and in the seemingly simplest things.

959
01:26:13.560 --> 01:26:16.439
The pleasant aspects of reality are waiting
for you to discover them encourage four

960
01:26:17.920 --> 01:26:27.359
not to rationalize both pleasant emotions.
The idea is not to deny the importance

961
01:26:27.439 --> 01:26:31.359
of thought. In fact, your
way of thinking has an influence on the

962
01:26:31.399 --> 01:26:36.560
affective tone, pleasantness, or displeasure
of your feelings. The problem is that

963
01:26:36.640 --> 01:26:45.680
if you try to explain yourself and
understand feelings permanently, the obstructions irremediably hinder

964
01:26:45.680 --> 01:26:49.640
their fluidity, inhibit them from distorting
them and impede their normal development. Cultural

965
01:26:49.680 --> 01:26:55.279
influence has been so strong that we
are not able to hear, look or

966
01:26:55.359 --> 01:27:00.720
touch without thinking. There is a
clear tendency to place emotion in conceptual categories,

967
01:27:00.039 --> 01:27:05.680
value judgments and opinions. It is
very difficult to achieve an emotional image

968
01:27:05.760 --> 01:27:12.199
devoid of reason with effort and training. A few people, such as yogas,

969
01:27:12.439 --> 01:27:15.640
manage to clean the image in part
and leave it as pure as possible,

970
01:27:16.640 --> 01:27:23.199
but the vast majority opt for the
opposite alternative. Emotional images are more

971
01:27:23.319 --> 01:27:30.199
right than feelings. If you try, you can balance the influence of reason

972
01:27:30.239 --> 01:27:36.239
and feel more pure. The goal
is not to become a Buddhist teacher.

973
01:27:38.800 --> 01:27:45.359
Just take away the whys and decorticalize
the pleasant emotions one day walks out with

974
01:27:45.399 --> 01:27:49.359
the simple idea of listening to the
noises that the city offers you. If

975
01:27:49.479 --> 01:27:53.439
you' re in the field,
discover the sounds it offers you. Nature

976
01:27:53.520 --> 01:28:00.479
will discriminate, squeaking, creaking,
distant voices, the passing of a cow,

977
01:28:00.920 --> 01:28:03.479
the heeling of a board moved by
the wind, a faraway chariot,

978
01:28:03.840 --> 01:28:11.840
some bird, the wind, etcetera. A language that can be understood but

979
01:28:11.920 --> 01:28:15.760
not understood in the daily journeys.
Look in detail at the things that live

980
01:28:15.800 --> 01:28:18.680
with you in the world. A
sign, a façade, the faded colour

981
01:28:18.720 --> 01:28:23.640
of the sidewalks, an old tree, the faces of the people who look

982
01:28:23.680 --> 01:28:28.560
through the windows of the crowded,
buses, etc. On your walks to

983
01:28:28.560 --> 01:28:31.840
the farm, look at the colors
and their shades. Details from the little

984
01:28:31.920 --> 01:28:38.439
ants to the amazing behavior of the
birds. Walk the mountain formation stop in

985
01:28:38.479 --> 01:28:42.399
a flower in the vegetables, in
the fruit trees, which hang from the

986
01:28:42.399 --> 01:28:47.159
trees, in the stones, in
the puddles, etc. When you look,

987
01:28:47.560 --> 01:28:51.960
don' t be an evaluative inquisitor. Just see if you sit down

988
01:28:53.000 --> 01:28:57.680
and eat, enjoy your food.
Take a little longer to chew and taste

989
01:28:57.760 --> 01:29:02.239
the food, taste it, throw
it away and leave it in your mouth,

990
01:29:02.479 --> 01:29:09.359
until the papillae assimilate it. Try
to taste without seasonings, once in

991
01:29:09.399 --> 01:29:14.439
a while, without vinegar or pepper
salt. Don' t eat just so

992
01:29:14.479 --> 01:29:19.039
you don' t starve, pallade
and stimulate your taste. It also sensitizes

993
01:29:19.079 --> 01:29:25.760
and recovers your smell. Smell is
not rude. It is one of the

994
01:29:25.840 --> 01:29:30.000
greatest pleasures curtailed by Western culture.
Not only do I mean sniffing a good

995
01:29:30.119 --> 01:29:33.560
wine, but everything that' s
worth it, like, for example,

996
01:29:33.640 --> 01:29:36.560
food, even if they say it' s not right. The flowers,

997
01:29:36.960 --> 01:29:42.880
the hair, the natural perfumes,
the breeze, the bow, the horses,

998
01:29:43.000 --> 01:29:46.000
the sunrise, the smoke, the
new, the plastic, the clean,

999
01:29:46.359 --> 01:29:51.239
the dirty, etc. Smell is
one of the main resources of refined

1000
01:29:51.239 --> 01:29:58.640
sensual and sibarite people, who promulgate
their repression. They are nothing but abstemies

1001
01:29:58.680 --> 01:30:04.479
of pleasure. Finally, your whole
body has the ability to feel through touch.

1002
01:30:06.000 --> 01:30:11.720
Your skin is one of the best
sensors. Unfortunately, because of his

1003
01:30:11.800 --> 01:30:16.079
relationship with human sexual activity, he
is the most punished and censored. Don

1004
01:30:16.199 --> 01:30:19.039
' t be afraid of your skin. She will put you in connection with

1005
01:30:19.079 --> 01:30:25.119
a world numbed by the use of
clothes and taboos. It will allow you

1006
01:30:25.159 --> 01:30:30.199
to establish a more direct and shocking
contact than you see or hear. Not

1007
01:30:30.279 --> 01:30:34.840
only does it enable you to touch
a person a smooth surface or rough something

1008
01:30:34.840 --> 01:30:39.720
cold or hot, but it also
allows you to be touched by another human

1009
01:30:39.760 --> 01:30:43.119
being, by rain or by any
object. You mustn' t give your

1010
01:30:43.119 --> 01:30:47.439
epidermis an offensive and vulgar sense,
like prudes do. If you want to

1011
01:30:47.479 --> 01:30:53.800
caress yourself and feel your own skin, do it After all, it is

1012
01:30:53.800 --> 01:30:57.359
your body to face nature without so
many defenses. Take off your shirt or

1013
01:30:57.439 --> 01:31:00.319
clothes sometimes. If it provokes you
feel the breeze, the cold or the

1014
01:31:00.439 --> 01:31:04.640
warmness of the sun. Don'
t wait for the holidays to get your

1015
01:31:04.640 --> 01:31:09.880
skin out to feel. When you
caress someone focus on what you feel skin

1016
01:31:09.920 --> 01:31:15.760
with skin, let yourself be carried
away by chemistry, play with your fingers

1017
01:31:15.760 --> 01:31:21.840
slowly unscramble them, support them remove
them physiologically charming, walk, barefoot,

1018
01:31:21.840 --> 01:31:27.079
roll over the grass. If you
bathe, do not dry immediately and focus

1019
01:31:27.159 --> 01:31:30.760
on your skin. Evaporate the water, feel the water, run slowly,

1020
01:31:30.920 --> 01:31:38.119
go out to walk in the storm
and get carried away by the wind,

1021
01:31:38.479 --> 01:31:45.239
find something you have never touched and
make it present yourself and know it without

1022
01:31:45.279 --> 01:31:47.640
thinking and only through the language of
the skin. Physical contact is the best

1023
01:31:47.680 --> 01:31:54.560
way to communicate. Affection, you
don' t need to talk, justify,

1024
01:31:55.039 --> 01:31:59.359
elaborate or explain anything. Love has
the power to communicate without more language

1025
01:31:59.439 --> 01:32:04.800
than a hug, caress or kiss. In short, the mind and emotion

1026
01:32:04.800 --> 01:32:11.439
can be together and, in fact, they do. However, depending on

1027
01:32:11.520 --> 01:32:16.800
the situations, you should prevail over
each other for example, in your work

1028
01:32:16.840 --> 01:32:23.039
decisions. Emotion must give way to
reasoning. Conscientious, but when you'

1029
01:32:23.039 --> 01:32:28.000
re making love, enjoying a walk, listening to your favorite music or having

1030
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:34.520
fun, cold judgments and whys left
over self praise. One of the most

1031
01:32:34.600 --> 01:32:39.880
determining and distinctive characteristics of humans is, without a doubt, the ability to

1032
01:32:39.920 --> 01:32:45.399
reflect and think about oneself. Moreover
we possess the gift of being aware of

1033
01:32:45.479 --> 01:32:51.319
our own consciousness. We think about
what we think if we analyze the way

1034
01:32:51.319 --> 01:32:57.000
we act and feel the phenomenon of
being conscious, it is called metacognition.

1035
01:32:58.039 --> 01:33:02.600
Evolutionarily, animals have not yet reached
this stage of knowledge. If so,

1036
01:33:02.880 --> 01:33:09.760
there would probably be depressed cows,
hippos, suicides, and giraffes with existential

1037
01:33:09.760 --> 01:33:15.960
problems. We are constantly silently talking
to ourselves and cuddling about this or that,

1038
01:33:15.399 --> 01:33:19.000
sometimes automatically, not consciously, and
others in a controlled or conscious way.

1039
01:33:21.760 --> 01:33:28.760
The internal dialogue begins in childhood and
develops in adolescence. Around the age

1040
01:33:28.840 --> 01:33:32.239
of five, children structure and internalize
what the authors have called internal language.

1041
01:33:34.279 --> 01:33:39.520
This language, as the child grows, is increasingly exercising control over emotional states

1042
01:33:39.600 --> 01:33:45.399
and behavior, allowing its control or
release depending on the needs of the subject.

1043
01:33:47.079 --> 01:33:51.039
There is no doubt that thought largely
determines not entirely the way we behave

1044
01:33:51.479 --> 01:33:59.159
and feel. In other words,
self- verbalization or internal dialogue can affect

1045
01:33:59.239 --> 01:34:04.119
positively or negatively in a similar way
as the words of others. They can

1046
01:34:04.159 --> 01:34:10.439
also exert a certain effect on your
mood. If someone who is very important

1047
01:34:10.560 --> 01:34:14.520
to you insults you or speaks badly, you will certainly be upset and you

1048
01:34:14.560 --> 01:34:18.840
can even get a little depressed.
If that same person addresses you with flattering

1049
01:34:18.920 --> 01:34:27.000
and stimulating words, you will most
likely like him and he will make you

1050
01:34:27.000 --> 01:34:31.640
feel good. Self- verbalizations have
the same faculty as those verbalizations that come

1051
01:34:31.720 --> 01:34:39.279
from others. There is no doubt, then, that accepting the power of

1052
01:34:39.359 --> 01:34:43.600
thought and internal dialogue, provided that
its use as excessive rationalization is not exaggerated,

1053
01:34:44.159 --> 01:34:47.079
is to adopt an optimistic position vis-à- vis the condition of

1054
01:34:47.079 --> 01:34:54.279
the human being. Research in clinical
psychology shows that many pathologies are characterized by

1055
01:34:54.319 --> 01:34:59.680
a special type of thought. For
example, depressive subjects possess what is known

1056
01:34:59.680 --> 01:35:05.159
as cognitive triad. Negative thoughts about
themselves label themselves inadequate as private and useless.

1057
01:35:08.039 --> 01:35:12.000
In the face of the hostile,
repulsive world with infinite obstacles, and

1058
01:35:12.039 --> 01:35:15.000
in the face of the uncertain,
dark and sad future. If you recriminate

1059
01:35:15.079 --> 01:35:18.199
your way of acting, if you
tell yourself that the world sucks and the

1060
01:35:18.239 --> 01:35:23.680
future sucks, you obviously won'
t like this life or probably the other.

1061
01:35:26.920 --> 01:35:30.800
Before moving forward, it is worth
stressing that recognizing the importance of internal

1062
01:35:30.960 --> 01:35:34.760
dialogue is not as we saw in
the previous paragraph. Doing a cult to

1063
01:35:34.840 --> 01:35:42.479
rationalize. It is also not to
deceive oneself and distort information. It is

1064
01:35:42.560 --> 01:35:46.319
not to cover the sun with your
finger and say that it is cloudy when

1065
01:35:46.359 --> 01:35:50.920
you have your internal dialogues, if
possible they are positive, but with a

1066
01:35:50.920 --> 01:35:56.159
dose of realism. Self praise is
a way to speak positively to you,

1067
01:35:57.439 --> 01:36:01.279
It is a way to contemplate you
and recognize your proper actions. It is

1068
01:36:01.359 --> 01:36:06.079
not necessary and necessary that you do
so out loud and in public would be

1069
01:36:06.159 --> 01:36:12.600
sanctioned and harshly criticized. Self-
stimulation may be more powerful in its effects

1070
01:36:12.640 --> 01:36:17.560
than congratulation or praise coming from outside. It allows the strengthening of self-

1071
01:36:18.319 --> 01:36:23.479
esteem generates good habits of mental hygiene
and, most importantly, helps to keep

1072
01:36:23.520 --> 01:36:29.520
self- praising behavior going in the
future. Due to the absurd cultural custom

1073
01:36:29.560 --> 01:36:33.119
of seeing the self- punishment and
self- criticism of negative behaviors as a

1074
01:36:33.199 --> 01:36:39.079
better way of learning than self-
strengthening positive behaviors, the vice of focusing

1075
01:36:39.199 --> 01:36:44.000
on the bad has developed. If
all you see are your wrong behaviors,

1076
01:36:44.640 --> 01:36:49.800
self praise will be inapplicable. It
would seem that society regarded self- praising

1077
01:36:49.880 --> 01:36:55.199
as harmful, useless or superfluous.
The ego should not feed much and duty

1078
01:36:55.239 --> 01:37:01.359
does not need congratulations from where these
left- handed and irrational ideas come from.

1079
01:37:01.680 --> 01:37:04.920
It is generally considered more worthy to
give than to receive and more important

1080
01:37:05.000 --> 01:37:11.800
is the other than one. The
self praise represents the maximum expression of yokon

1081
01:37:11.880 --> 01:37:15.520
Jo, as a mafalda character used
to say. For me the most important

1082
01:37:15.640 --> 01:37:21.680
thing is definitely me. Love is
suspicious, it' s a symptom of

1083
01:37:21.680 --> 01:37:27.520
narcissism and sufficiency. Love directed to
oneself is seen as egolatry and love directed

1084
01:37:27.600 --> 01:37:32.600
to others as altruism. However,
love can also be seen as self-

1085
01:37:32.880 --> 01:37:39.359
respect and an act of dignity.
The reasons to deny self- praising are

1086
01:37:39.479 --> 01:37:44.760
several. I' ll point out
the most common ones. Ah I am

1087
01:37:44.800 --> 01:37:48.439
not worthy or was not much typical
of people who see modesty or underestimation of

1088
01:37:48.479 --> 01:37:53.840
personal achievements as an act of dedication
and humility in the manner of the great

1089
01:37:53.880 --> 01:37:59.520
hidalgos. It is actually an act
of hypocrisy in the vast majority of cases.

1090
01:38:00.079 --> 01:38:04.600
The other explanation is not very promising
either. It refers to people whose

1091
01:38:04.640 --> 01:38:11.800
goals are so unattainable that praise and
congratulations are made impossible. Anything you do

1092
01:38:11.840 --> 01:38:15.920
right or so you think is worthy
of self- praising. You must not

1093
01:38:15.960 --> 01:38:20.359
win a nove prize by doing true
crusades in the best style of the knights

1094
01:38:20.399 --> 01:38:26.319
in the middle ebo, underestimating your
achievements and your performance being actually good.

1095
01:38:26.720 --> 01:38:30.319
It' s a sign that your
mental health started to falter. You'

1096
01:38:32.359 --> 01:38:38.680
re always worthy of your own congratulations. B was my duty was my duty.

1097
01:38:39.720 --> 01:38:44.399
This militaristic attitude typical of the most
obsessive recruit, does not serve your

1098
01:38:44.439 --> 01:38:49.880
self- esteem. You' ve
done your duty well Congratulate yourself a very

1099
01:38:49.880 --> 01:38:56.800
good one. Your main duty is
to give you a hug. It has

1100
01:38:56.840 --> 01:39:01.119
been vehemently said that duty is not
rewarded. If true, many should return

1101
01:39:01.119 --> 01:39:06.359
medals even in the most vertical and
authoritarian of systems is rewarded and praised.

1102
01:39:09.079 --> 01:39:13.039
If your internal dialogue is that of
absolute obligation, you will not feel the

1103
01:39:13.119 --> 01:39:16.159
right to praise yourself, you will
live it as an act of cowardice.

1104
01:39:16.560 --> 01:39:20.640
You will put aside the pleasure of
putting on medals when your effort brings you

1105
01:39:20.680 --> 01:39:27.039
closer to personal goals self- praising. It' s bad taste. If

1106
01:39:27.159 --> 01:39:31.239
you do it in your inner forum, simply no one will notice The good

1107
01:39:31.319 --> 01:39:38.119
taste begins at home. Self-
praising is a necessity. If you don

1108
01:39:38.199 --> 01:39:41.039
' t feed your self- esteem, your ego will be anemic and rickety.

1109
01:39:42.079 --> 01:39:45.399
It' s bad taste to have
gas, pee, sleep, yawn.

1110
01:39:45.920 --> 01:39:49.479
If you do it in public,
very possibly yes, but alone you

1111
01:39:49.560 --> 01:39:55.199
are allowed to do that and anything
else. Self praise, by definition,

1112
01:39:55.800 --> 01:40:02.039
is an act that you perform in
a covert manner alone without spectators of any

1113
01:40:02.159 --> 01:40:10.560
kind. Love is never tasteless.
The punishment. Yes, self praise can

1114
01:40:10.600 --> 01:40:14.520
be understood as if it were a
praise to others only directed to oneself.

1115
01:40:15.680 --> 01:40:20.760
When we try to flatter someone,
we can use at least four forms of

1116
01:40:20.880 --> 01:40:28.680
praise depending on the degree of commitment. Impersonal praises widely promoted by the culture

1117
01:40:28.760 --> 01:40:32.800
of good manners and the label are
considered signs of good education and diplomacy.

1118
01:40:34.439 --> 01:40:39.640
What is admired in these cases are
material things that the person possesses without mentioning

1119
01:40:39.680 --> 01:40:45.920
any personal attribute and without involving one. Your shirt is very nice, you

1120
01:40:45.079 --> 01:40:48.319
have a beautiful house. Your perfume, it smells great, et cetera.

1121
01:40:49.399 --> 01:40:54.319
The recipient usually accepts the flattery of
the material object belonging to him with a

1122
01:40:54.399 --> 01:41:00.319
grace, although it cannot be considered
an expression of soft feelings. Effect,

1123
01:41:00.800 --> 01:41:04.319
it is a courtesy fact, usually, not sense. Anyway, it'

1124
01:41:04.439 --> 01:41:10.359
s just trying to be polite to
yourself by praising the material things that you

1125
01:41:10.439 --> 01:41:15.560
really like, by admiring the material
things that surround you and belong to you.

1126
01:41:16.560 --> 01:41:24.000
Congratulate yourself for having the personal praises, where the person to whom the

1127
01:41:24.039 --> 01:41:28.680
praise is directed is partially involved.
Some people venture to take another step in

1128
01:41:28.760 --> 01:41:32.840
the expression of praise and, in
addition to referring to the object tangentially refer

1129
01:41:32.880 --> 01:41:38.960
to the person. Your shirt looks
good on that hairdo. It suits you

1130
01:41:39.039 --> 01:41:43.760
very well, your house shows you
have good taste, etcetera. This kind

1131
01:41:43.760 --> 01:41:47.319
of praise is more demanding, but
even the commitment of the sender of the

1132
01:41:47.399 --> 01:41:51.399
message is little. You can get
involved in your own self- praising.

1133
01:41:53.520 --> 01:41:57.840
This shirt suits me. Definitely,
my house shows I have good taste.

1134
01:41:58.279 --> 01:42:00.840
The swimsuit sits me down or I' m very well dressed today. I

1135
01:42:00.840 --> 01:42:09.039
can choose my friends very well,
etc. Praises aimed at certain characteristics of

1136
01:42:09.079 --> 01:42:13.199
the person. Here the commitment of
the one who says flattery is greater,

1137
01:42:14.600 --> 01:42:17.880
you are very intelligent, your body
is very beautiful, your voice is spectacular,

1138
01:42:18.119 --> 01:42:23.359
you are a great person, you
are an exemplary person, you are

1139
01:42:23.359 --> 01:42:27.119
very good friend, etc. As
can be seen, praise is directed to

1140
01:42:27.199 --> 01:42:33.239
other people' s values, physical
characteristics, or abilities, find out what

1141
01:42:33.279 --> 01:42:39.119
you like about yourself, praise yourself, and, by the way, thank

1142
01:42:39.199 --> 01:42:42.800
yourself as anyone who receives praise would
appreciate it. Education also begins at home

1143
01:42:42.920 --> 01:42:49.920
praises aimed at characteristics of the person
where the praise giver gets involved. Very

1144
01:42:50.000 --> 01:42:55.920
few people are able to give this
kind of flattery without feeling ridiculous, nervous

1145
01:42:56.039 --> 01:43:00.760
or insecure. Here the giver says
what he produces. The person expresses a

1146
01:43:00.880 --> 01:43:06.840
feeling associated with praise. I admire
your intelligence, I love your body I

1147
01:43:06.960 --> 01:43:12.720
love your smile, envy, your
joy, etc. This type of praise

1148
01:43:12.840 --> 01:43:16.479
generates stress on the receiver and the
giver. They both get upset and don

1149
01:43:16.560 --> 01:43:20.640
' t know what to say.
The expression of affection directed at other people

1150
01:43:20.760 --> 01:43:26.720
has so many conditions and requirements in
our culture that it becomes increasingly difficult to

1151
01:43:26.800 --> 01:43:30.439
tell you I love someone without suspecting
any homosexual tendency or some kind of perversion.

1152
01:43:32.239 --> 01:43:35.159
If I told a friend that I
love him very much and that I

1153
01:43:35.239 --> 01:43:40.760
like being with him, I would
look suspicious. If any friend told you,

1154
01:43:41.079 --> 01:43:46.600
she would probably interpret it as a
quasi- impermissible declaration of love.

1155
01:43:47.640 --> 01:43:54.960
The free and frank expression of positive
feelings to the people around us is not

1156
01:43:55.039 --> 01:44:01.760
easy. There is prevention and distrust
in the environment These problems seem to disappear

1157
01:44:01.760 --> 01:44:08.000
when it comes to self- praising, saying I like my eyes, I

1158
01:44:08.039 --> 01:44:12.600
love being smart, I love my
legs, etcetera. It does not cause

1159
01:44:12.960 --> 01:44:18.800
risks, rejections or misunderstandings. Self- expression of positive feelings makes us feel

1160
01:44:18.800 --> 01:44:25.560
good, simply because good treatment is
pleasant. What to do to generate the

1161
01:44:25.640 --> 01:44:30.000
healthy custom of self- praising.
First, you must connect to a controlled

1162
01:44:30.079 --> 01:44:34.000
processing, that is, make yourself
aware of your internal dialogue and what you

1163
01:44:34.000 --> 01:44:40.079
say. When you' ve reached
an achievement, you can find out that

1164
01:44:40.079 --> 01:44:42.000
you' re not saying anything to
yourself. Success went unnoticed or you'

1165
01:44:42.079 --> 01:44:45.680
re self- punished. Success has
been insufficient for your aspirations I should have

1166
01:44:45.720 --> 01:44:51.039
done better. I remember that at
the age of twenty, my level of

1167
01:44:51.039 --> 01:44:57.800
self- exigency in academic matters reached
absurd limits. At that time I was

1168
01:44:57.840 --> 01:45:01.640
studying electronic engineering, a career I
left in the fifth year, when I

1169
01:45:01.720 --> 01:45:05.079
decided to be honest with myself.
The important thing is that despite the lack

1170
01:45:05.199 --> 01:45:10.199
of vocation for cables and chips.
If my grades were down from nine or

1171
01:45:10.199 --> 01:45:15.199
ten, it would make me deeply
depressed. While my companions were celebrating a

1172
01:45:15.239 --> 01:45:19.199
seven in algebra, I was verbally
punishing myself for an eight. Unsatisfaction with

1173
01:45:19.239 --> 01:45:27.439
my own performance did not allow for
self- praising. From my rigid point

1174
01:45:27.439 --> 01:45:31.399
of view, it was absurd that
a six or a seven deserved so much

1175
01:45:31.399 --> 01:45:36.359
fuss. Today I have learned that, as long as it is not harmful,

1176
01:45:36.640 --> 01:45:40.279
harmful or dangerous to me or others, I can congratulate myself on whatever

1177
01:45:40.279 --> 01:45:45.880
I want. Each sets its own
standards. My excessive self- requirement was

1178
01:45:45.920 --> 01:45:49.000
detrimental to my mental health. Not
only did it give me stress, but

1179
01:45:49.039 --> 01:45:54.239
it also gave me dissatisfaction and sadness. The following method will help you acquire

1180
01:45:54.279 --> 01:45:59.279
the healthy habit of self- praising
you. The first step is to become

1181
01:45:59.319 --> 01:46:03.159
aware of how you treat yourself and
what you tell yourself. This is achieved

1182
01:46:03.239 --> 01:46:09.680
by keeping a detailed record for a
week or two, showing the behavior susceptible

1183
01:46:09.760 --> 01:46:14.920
of self praise and what you tell
yourself after performing it. The second step

1184
01:46:15.000 --> 01:46:18.920
is to stand by without scoring from
when you do something well done to self

1185
01:46:19.960 --> 01:46:24.520
praise you in the initial stages.
The self praise must be out loud alone

1186
01:46:24.600 --> 01:46:30.920
so you can hear yourself that was
great, etc. The third step is

1187
01:46:30.960 --> 01:46:35.479
self- administration of self- praising
in a low voice until it becomes thought.

1188
01:46:38.039 --> 01:46:41.800
The fourth step is to rehearse it
enough so that through practice, it

1189
01:46:41.880 --> 01:46:47.119
strengthens and becomes automatic, such as
driving a car or typing. Self praise,

1190
01:46:47.560 --> 01:46:53.960
like any enhancer, must be used
in a discriminatory manner, that is,

1191
01:46:54.640 --> 01:46:58.600
selective so that it does not wear
out and loses its power. You

1192
01:46:58.640 --> 01:47:02.479
choose which behavior you' re going
to self praise, but if you want

1193
01:47:02.479 --> 01:47:10.560
to maintain your motivating ability, don' t use it compulsively and blindly,

1194
01:47:11.039 --> 01:47:11.840
don' t waste it self-
choose when you think it' s worth

1195
01:47:11.840 --> 01:47:15.920
it. It' s not a
gift you have to give yourself out of

1196
01:47:15.000 --> 01:47:19.359
grief, but a prize you'
ve won and therefore deserve. In short,

1197
01:47:19.720 --> 01:47:25.520
you possess the innate ability to speak
to yourself and understand yourself. This

1198
01:47:25.600 --> 01:47:30.439
covert dialogue, to which only you
can access, has a huge influence on

1199
01:47:30.520 --> 01:47:34.800
your way of acting and feeling.
These self- verbalizations have the power to

1200
01:47:34.880 --> 01:47:40.239
make you feel good through flattery.
Praise and respectful or evil treatment, punishment,

1201
01:47:40.279 --> 01:47:45.800
mockery, contempt and disrespect. If
you tell yourself, I have abilities

1202
01:47:45.880 --> 01:47:49.000
and, therefore, I must trust
myself. You' re self- praising.

1203
01:47:50.079 --> 01:47:53.840
If you tell yourself, I'
m the most ridiculous being in the

1204
01:47:53.840 --> 01:47:56.119
world. You' re and you' re respecting and treating yourself badly.

1205
01:47:57.199 --> 01:48:01.439
If self praise follows positive behavior,
this behavior will be strengthened and will be

1206
01:48:01.560 --> 01:48:08.119
more likely to recur in the future. Self praise is a powerful weapon that

1207
01:48:08.199 --> 01:48:13.520
you must take care of and not
use indiscriminately. Do not spoil your strength

1208
01:48:13.560 --> 01:48:17.520
by using it blindly apply it to
those behaviors that are worthwhile and that make

1209
01:48:17.600 --> 01:48:25.199
you grow. As a human being, self- praising you for hurting someone,

1210
01:48:25.439 --> 01:48:30.279
making a bad note or betraying a
friend will not lead you, but

1211
01:48:30.279 --> 01:48:34.720
self- destruction Finally, self-
praising has advantages that are its own.

1212
01:48:35.119 --> 01:48:39.880
It' s fast economic, it
can be applied whenever and wherever you want.

1213
01:48:40.279 --> 01:48:42.640
You can' t see it,
but it feels. It' s

1214
01:48:42.640 --> 01:48:45.119
not critical. It is for personal
exclusive use and used with caution. It

1215
01:48:45.159 --> 01:48:50.439
does not wear out who is the
right to self- expression of feelings.

1216
01:48:50.479 --> 01:48:56.000
Undercover language is one of the many
ways of gaining access to self- reward

1217
01:48:56.199 --> 01:49:00.680
is another way of expressing self-
appreciation to you. The reward is the

1218
01:49:00.840 --> 01:49:08.600
process by which we manage positive stimuli, although it seems strange something so obvious

1219
01:49:08.960 --> 01:49:13.960
and clear intrinsic to the human being. In our culture it becomes confused and

1220
01:49:14.079 --> 01:49:18.319
entangled. The cult of excessive savings
has led us to believe that anything that

1221
01:49:18.399 --> 01:49:24.920
does not result in silver or material
benefits is a bad investment. On the

1222
01:49:25.000 --> 01:49:29.560
other hand, selfishness is so badly
seen and so harshly sanctioned that on many

1223
01:49:29.640 --> 01:49:32.199
occasions we fall back to the other
end and prefer to give away. That

1224
01:49:32.279 --> 01:49:36.640
giving us away isn' t going
to be something we' re told to

1225
01:49:36.640 --> 01:49:40.920
be individualists. The ideas that nothing
is indispensable and that only the urgent and

1226
01:49:41.039 --> 01:49:46.239
imperative is necessary leads us irremediably to
consider as inconsequential waste many things that would

1227
01:49:46.279 --> 01:49:50.920
make us live a little better.
In fact, we could do without a

1228
01:49:51.000 --> 01:49:55.439
good car for one, of lower
cost and smaller, of much of the

1229
01:49:55.479 --> 01:49:58.880
clothes, belts, last button,
shirt, coca cor of the elegant stylographs,

1230
01:49:59.359 --> 01:50:08.800
twins or manhorns, paperweights, night
tables, lamps, etc. The

1231
01:50:08.920 --> 01:50:13.720
list would be endless. The best
way to save is to go live under

1232
01:50:13.760 --> 01:50:18.319
a bridge. One of my patients, an elderly man, who suffered moderate

1233
01:50:18.399 --> 01:50:25.880
depression, avoided being at home and
had not found reason. When I went

1234
01:50:25.920 --> 01:50:30.439
to look at its habitat and try
to find the cause, we discovered a

1235
01:50:30.520 --> 01:50:33.800
cluster of small, big things that
didn' t really favor the good being

1236
01:50:33.800 --> 01:50:39.800
of the old man. Many of
them, unexplainedly, remained in their territory

1237
01:50:39.840 --> 01:50:44.439
and lived with him. A picture
of horses that terrified him of a drawer

1238
01:50:44.479 --> 01:50:47.319
in the bedside table, where he
kept his glasses, remedies, etcetera,

1239
01:50:47.840 --> 01:50:50.800
always put problems when he tried to
open it and to achieve it. Usually,

1240
01:50:51.039 --> 01:50:55.439
the drawer ended up on the floor. The color of the dining room

1241
01:50:55.520 --> 01:50:58.880
wall was from a mustard to a
raised color that I hated. Half of

1242
01:50:58.920 --> 01:51:02.000
his towels were nappins, battered and
starched. I' d love to buy

1243
01:51:02.000 --> 01:51:05.800
towels. He said the blankets were
short and his feet cooled at night.

1244
01:51:06.640 --> 01:51:12.319
She screwed up the cream in her
milk, but the strainers let her filter.

1245
01:51:12.640 --> 01:51:17.880
The curtain in the library was transparent
with light, portable radio, sound

1246
01:51:18.000 --> 01:51:26.720
problems, etc. Contrary to what
many will think, the elder was not

1247
01:51:26.800 --> 01:51:31.359
bad. I had money and resources
to change these things. We all have

1248
01:51:31.439 --> 01:51:38.399
something about my old patient. Irrationally
we agree to live with things we don

1249
01:51:38.439 --> 01:51:42.680
' t want or dislike simply because
we feel guilty about getting out of them.

1250
01:51:43.800 --> 01:51:45.520
In my own clóse I find you
that half of the clothes I don

1251
01:51:45.560 --> 01:51:48.319
' t like, I don'
t wear it, but I leave it

1252
01:51:48.319 --> 01:51:55.960
hanging. Changing those big little things
helps you feel better. The cult of

1253
01:51:56.000 --> 01:52:00.760
saving makes us store anything, bottles, cables, nails, rusty, newspaper

1254
01:52:01.159 --> 01:52:08.960
clippings, etc. All in case
one day in my move I throw away

1255
01:52:09.039 --> 01:52:15.279
boxes of waste that I have been
stupidly guarding with great care too much treasure

1256
01:52:15.279 --> 01:52:19.960
takes, as the saying goes,
to live as poor and have a burial

1257
01:52:19.960 --> 01:52:24.760
of rich people. I am not
defending carelessness and irresponsibility in the management of

1258
01:52:24.840 --> 01:52:30.199
personal property. The idea is also
not to live a few years in opulence

1259
01:52:30.319 --> 01:52:35.119
and the others in the most appalling
misery. The spirit of saving is good

1260
01:52:35.319 --> 01:52:41.239
if done wisely. Saving should not
become an end in itself, but a

1261
01:52:41.640 --> 01:52:45.560
foresight to have you place on the
side of the greedy and spend on the

1262
01:52:45.680 --> 01:52:51.880
side of the wasteful. Even if
it' s not understandable. Some of

1263
01:52:51.920 --> 01:52:59.920
my ultra- saving patients enjoyed collecting
money as if it were stamps. The

1264
01:53:00.079 --> 01:53:03.399
cult of saving gives no respite.
Spending on inconsequential things. It' s

1265
01:53:03.520 --> 01:53:08.000
wasteful and throwing things away even if
they don' t serve us much,

1266
01:53:08.000 --> 01:53:12.560
it' s rough. On many
occasions, having a way, we hesitate

1267
01:53:12.680 --> 01:53:15.920
to like each other. If we
have seen a shirt that seems spectacular and

1268
01:53:15.960 --> 01:53:20.680
very expensive, having a way to
buy it, we prefer a less beautiful

1269
01:53:20.680 --> 01:53:25.079
and cheaper one. One of my
patients was fond of strawberries with cream,

1270
01:53:25.439 --> 01:53:29.239
but every time I bought a portion
of it he would feel like it.

1271
01:53:29.279 --> 01:53:33.800
Actually, they don' t usually
throw more than four or five strawberries Inexplicably,

1272
01:53:34.159 --> 01:53:39.119
I' ve never ordered two portions. When he was suggested to do

1273
01:53:39.199 --> 01:53:44.279
so, he greatly enjoyed the task. Another man who attended my office commented

1274
01:53:44.359 --> 01:53:48.760
with some regret that he wished to
taste some prunes that he had brought from

1275
01:53:48.800 --> 01:53:53.560
St Andrew. Every time she suggested
it to her lady, she looked at

1276
01:53:53.560 --> 01:53:58.800
him somewhat strange because she did not
find sufficient merit to proceed. There were

1277
01:53:58.880 --> 01:54:02.319
no guests or any other specials.
Too much. It' s saying that

1278
01:54:02.399 --> 01:54:09.079
the perfect excuse to eat two jars
of delicious plums was just a doctor'

1279
01:54:09.079 --> 01:54:13.119
s suggestion. The lady never understood
the relationship between plums and her husband'

1280
01:54:13.199 --> 01:54:17.640
s mental health. Nor did she
understand that her husband' s craving was

1281
01:54:17.760 --> 01:54:23.880
a sufficient motive, even if it
might seem simplistic. If you prefer to

1282
01:54:23.920 --> 01:54:28.000
give your money to pharmacies, psychologists
and doctors, don' t like it.

1283
01:54:29.880 --> 01:54:32.680
The scaring philosophy of the one who
attaches himself too much to money and

1284
01:54:32.840 --> 01:54:38.439
to things does not allow self-
reward. The stingy will always see the

1285
01:54:38.560 --> 01:54:44.600
reward as unnecessary because it will not
produce anything tangible. They will say it

1286
01:54:44.600 --> 01:54:46.680
is not necessary, neither vital nor
life and death. You need self-

1287
01:54:47.039 --> 01:54:53.199
reward, just like self- reward, it strengthens your self- esteem and

1288
01:54:53.279 --> 01:54:58.560
does not allow self- punishment.
Self contempt and dissatisfaction prevent you from becoming

1289
01:54:58.640 --> 01:55:03.359
insensitive to your achievements. It teaches
you to self, express yourself to be

1290
01:55:03.479 --> 01:55:09.239
detailed with your own person and explicit
with the author himself. Reconnaissance. You

1291
01:55:09.279 --> 01:55:15.159
' re no less important than your
friends or other people. It is useless

1292
01:55:15.239 --> 01:55:19.239
for you to attempt a posture of
hardness and insensitivity. We are all sensitive

1293
01:55:19.239 --> 01:55:25.119
to manifestations and self- expressions.
Of affection, no one is so strong.

1294
01:55:26.199 --> 01:55:30.680
The author' s lack of reinforcement
won' t make you psychologically tougher.

1295
01:55:30.840 --> 01:55:33.640
There are no calluses that can develop
in the face of the innate need

1296
01:55:33.640 --> 01:55:38.279
to love each other. Strength is
not about accepting your successes and achievements in

1297
01:55:38.399 --> 01:55:45.239
an unshakeable and stoic way by denying
that you need some self- reward when

1298
01:55:45.319 --> 01:55:48.600
you have done something worthwhile or simply
because you were willing to please an act

1299
01:55:49.640 --> 01:55:57.399
of delicacy toward yourself. Think for
a moment of cravings you' ve had

1300
01:55:57.520 --> 01:56:01.479
a long time ago, carefully check
when they haven' t been able to

1301
01:56:01.600 --> 01:56:05.079
take place, simply because you haven' t decided to do it. It

1302
01:56:05.159 --> 01:56:10.159
' s not that you haven'
t been able to, but that you

1303
01:56:10.239 --> 01:56:15.319
haven' t been encouraged, you
haven' t had the courage to lose

1304
01:56:15.359 --> 01:56:17.760
the north and momentarily get out of
the impassive, contemplative, saving attitude that

1305
01:56:17.760 --> 01:56:21.479
leaves for tomorrow what I should do
today. Cars are material reinforcements like food,

1306
01:56:21.880 --> 01:56:26.039
clothing, jewelry, etcetera, they' re not the only ones.

1307
01:56:27.640 --> 01:56:31.239
To give you taste implies self-
administration of anything that makes you feel good

1308
01:56:31.239 --> 01:56:35.840
and that obviously is not harmful to
your health. Doing the activity that you

1309
01:56:35.880 --> 01:56:42.600
like or stop doing something unpleasant is
another way to reward you reward you like

1310
01:56:42.680 --> 01:56:46.079
it. How long a week you' re with you, how long you

1311
01:56:46.119 --> 01:56:51.359
' ve spent building a nice space
around you. Having various forms of reward

1312
01:56:51.359 --> 01:56:59.039
author is organizing a healthy motivational environment
for your mental health. Some people have

1313
01:56:59.159 --> 01:57:03.840
a deaf ability to make dreary and
insult environments. They build their own ecological

1314
01:57:03.840 --> 01:57:09.319
niche, the one who knows how
to love leaves his mark on all things.

1315
01:57:10.479 --> 01:57:15.000
His territory is designed by him.
It' s not a bunch of

1316
01:57:15.079 --> 01:57:18.800
things put on by a decorator,
because it' s fashionable to be an

1317
01:57:18.800 --> 01:57:20.600
architect of your own environment. It' s one of the luxuries we'

1318
01:57:20.640 --> 01:57:25.640
re still allowed and we don'
t take advantage of. Check out some

1319
01:57:25.640 --> 01:57:30.000
aspects of your environment and try to
remodel what you dislike. Think, for

1320
01:57:30.039 --> 01:57:33.239
example, of your home, your
social life and your recreation. Your house

1321
01:57:33.319 --> 01:57:38.279
is attached to your needs. How
many things bother you and yet they still

1322
01:57:38.319 --> 01:57:43.119
remain with you. What you'
d like to do with your room how

1323
01:57:43.239 --> 01:57:49.479
many friends you don' t like, how many places you don' t

1324
01:57:49.520 --> 01:57:53.439
want to go, how many meals
you eat that terrify you being able to

1325
01:57:53.439 --> 01:57:57.600
eat other things you plan. Your
fun has gone as long as you don

1326
01:57:57.680 --> 01:58:00.600
' t go out to places you
like just out of carelessness. How much

1327
01:58:00.640 --> 01:58:05.279
money you invest in recreation. Anyway, ask yourself if what you have built

1328
01:58:05.319 --> 01:58:11.119
around you contributes to your happiness or
to your burial in life. Many will

1329
01:58:11.159 --> 01:58:15.520
say that it is not easy,
that the 20th century takes us too quickly

1330
01:58:15.520 --> 01:58:19.520
with stress and consumerism, because with
more reason we must take refuge in a

1331
01:58:19.600 --> 01:58:25.800
lifestyle where we compensate for adrenaline and
generate immunity. Self- reward helps this

1332
01:58:25.880 --> 01:58:29.880
end, not cults. As we' ve seen here. Self- esteem

1333
01:58:29.920 --> 01:58:34.000
can be strengthened through a number of
resources. These paths to self- esteem,

1334
01:58:34.520 --> 01:58:40.520
influenced by social learning, have been
hampered. Because of certain beliefs.

1335
01:58:41.560 --> 01:58:45.560
We have created a kind of veneration
for a set of attributes, which we

1336
01:58:45.640 --> 01:58:50.159
consider indispensable to feel good humans and
to separate ourselves from the lower species.

1337
01:58:51.239 --> 01:59:00.560
We have thought that these typically human
characteristics dignify and exalt us above other living

1338
01:59:00.600 --> 01:59:05.199
species and allow us to go through
life in a more dignified way. However,

1339
01:59:05.680 --> 01:59:10.560
the good intention of our ancestors,
these ideas have led to extremes detrimental

1340
01:59:10.600 --> 01:59:16.720
to our own self- esteem and
sensitivity. Such ritualistic ideas are the cult

1341
01:59:16.760 --> 01:59:20.680
of habitation, the cult of rationalization, the cult of control, the cult

1342
01:59:21.039 --> 01:59:28.560
of modesty and the cult of saving. They are the worst enemies of your

1343
01:59:28.560 --> 01:59:32.560
self- esteem. The almost ritual
exaltation of these five beliefs leads us to

1344
01:59:32.640 --> 01:59:39.720
contempt and personal underestimation for wanting to
enhance the human condition. Its fundamental essence

1345
01:59:39.760 --> 01:59:45.279
has been mutilated and restricted. Like
so many other things, we' re

1346
01:59:45.399 --> 01:59:48.560
way out of line. If you
are a person who is handled within very

1347
01:59:48.560 --> 01:59:54.319
rational customs always at its point,
who does not flaunt his achievements and does

1348
01:59:54.399 --> 01:59:58.039
not give in to his expenses,
you will be the ideal match for more

1349
01:59:58.039 --> 02:00:01.720
than one mother- in- law
or father- in- law no matter

1350
02:00:01.720 --> 02:00:04.319
how bored you are or you feel
suffocated by your rules and rules. You

1351
02:00:04.439 --> 02:00:10.079
will be a stable person or what
is the same, motionless, invariable,

1352
02:00:11.079 --> 02:00:15.680
unmovable, unalterable, definitive and constant, something like a tree or granite monument.

1353
02:00:17.359 --> 02:00:21.359
If you worship the above- mentioned
ideas, you will overstep their use

1354
02:00:21.399 --> 02:00:27.800
and become a plastic being. I
do not criticize beliefs themselves, but their

1355
02:00:27.840 --> 02:00:32.520
emulation and extreme glorification. Its indiscriminate
use will only lead you to the inculturation

1356
02:00:32.600 --> 02:00:40.199
of feeling, the inability to express
the cult of habitation. It will prevent

1357
02:00:40.239 --> 02:00:44.479
you from innovating and discovering other worlds. It won' t allow you to

1358
02:00:44.560 --> 02:00:47.720
change in any way. You will
irremediably remain in the saga and your motivational

1359
02:00:47.800 --> 02:00:54.000
environment will shrink further and further.
The cult of rationalization will turn you into

1360
02:00:54.039 --> 02:01:00.319
some kind of computer. You'
ll leak absolutely every desire feeling. It

1361
02:01:00.359 --> 02:01:04.960
will serve to avoid bad emotions,
but it will distort pleasant emotions. Love

1362
02:01:04.960 --> 02:01:11.159
will be a game of chess or
a problem that must be solved. The

1363
02:01:11.159 --> 02:01:15.640
cult of self- control will be
a containment dam for all your emotions and

1364
02:01:15.640 --> 02:01:21.000
feelings. You will be so afraid
of exceeding yourself that you will forget to

1365
02:01:21.000 --> 02:01:25.159
feel and enjoy the worship of modesty
will lead you not to value your successes

1366
02:01:25.159 --> 02:01:30.640
and efforts. You' ll end
up denying yourself. The worship of saving

1367
02:01:30.720 --> 02:01:34.279
will prevent you from liking yourself,
you will believe that money is an end

1368
02:01:34.439 --> 02:01:39.680
in itself and not a means to
self- reward you. As I said

1369
02:01:39.720 --> 02:01:44.119
before, these beliefs are not bad
in themselves, but in high doses and

1370
02:01:44.159 --> 02:01:48.279
carried to the extreme, they are
harmful to your mental health. Our culture

1371
02:01:48.359 --> 02:01:54.079
has placed special emphasis on the harmful
effects of pedantry, waste, impulsivity,

1372
02:01:54.399 --> 02:02:00.520
etc. Undoubtedly harmful, but forgot
to alert about its use criminated clue.

1373
02:02:00.960 --> 02:02:06.600
Always leave a space to move,
that your traditionalism allows some changes, that

1374
02:02:06.720 --> 02:02:12.239
your modesty let escape a self-
recognition, that your cerebral cortex, let

1375
02:02:12.279 --> 02:02:15.319
occasionally play the emotions, that your
self- control allows you a gray hair

1376
02:02:15.399 --> 02:02:18.359
in the air, that your budget
leaves from time to time, etc.

1377
02:02:20.760 --> 02:02:26.760
Give yourself the freedom and space to
move so you can love yourself. You

1378
02:02:26.840 --> 02:02:30.680
have to give yourself permission once in
a while. However, these permits should

1379
02:02:30.800 --> 02:02:36.119
not be harmful to your health or
to the people around you. If so,

1380
02:02:36.439 --> 02:02:42.520
that would not be a way to
love or love others. A healthy

1381
02:02:42.640 --> 02:02:45.960
philosophy oriented to self- love.
It' s taking care of you above

1382
02:02:46.000 --> 02:02:51.039
all things and not harming you.
No father would prostitute a daughter or give

1383
02:02:51.119 --> 02:02:56.560
drugs to a son. Not doing
a cult of the above- mentioned ideas

1384
02:02:56.640 --> 02:03:01.000
doesn' t mean going the other
way and becoming insane, irrational and irresponsible.

1385
02:03:02.000 --> 02:03:06.720
To love yourself is to contemplate you, to care for you and to

1386
02:03:06.720 --> 02:03:10.640
express love in a responsible way,
seeking your personal growth and not your ruin.

1387
02:03:13.279 --> 02:03:17.399
Not to cults means recognizing that certain
values inculcated by our society have gone

1388
02:03:17.439 --> 02:03:26.520
too far and that their exaggerated weighting
often impedes strengthening self- esteem. If

1389
02:03:26.640 --> 02:03:30.600
you take the above beliefs to heart
and turn them into dogmas of faith,

1390
02:03:30.960 --> 02:03:33.600
you will feel a sinner every time
you fail to fulfill them to the letter,

1391
02:03:34.640 --> 02:03:42.840
you will feel guilty of loving yourself
toward good self- efficacy. No

1392
02:03:42.880 --> 02:03:48.720
one can make you feel inferior without
your consent, Rosebot. As seen in

1393
02:03:48.720 --> 02:03:54.159
the first part, self- concept
may be mistreated because of the trap of

1394
02:03:54.199 --> 02:04:00.960
setting irrationally high goals and excessive ambition. That is, it works with a

1395
02:04:00.039 --> 02:04:05.159
style too competitive, self- critical
and strict, with its own performance in

1396
02:04:05.199 --> 02:04:11.239
the long or short, leads to
adaptive failure. The end result will be

1397
02:04:11.279 --> 02:04:16.479
a weakened, off and flimsy self- concept. However, not demanding is

1398
02:04:16.520 --> 02:04:23.680
as bad as demanding the opposite extreme
is those whose goals are poor, hesitant

1399
02:04:23.760 --> 02:04:28.560
and insecure, who fail in the
face of the first obstacle and are indecisive

1400
02:04:28.640 --> 02:04:33.760
in the face of problems, as
well as excessive self- exigency destroys and

1401
02:04:33.840 --> 02:04:41.439
punishes the ego. Lack of ambition
prevents good growth. The challenges and challenges

1402
02:04:41.560 --> 02:04:46.079
themselves are the main food with which
the self- concept is nurtured. If

1403
02:04:46.159 --> 02:04:50.600
you don' t have goals or
are too tiny, your ego will be

1404
02:04:50.600 --> 02:04:55.720
ricket and fragile. If you don' t face problems and don' t

1405
02:04:55.720 --> 02:04:58.720
fight to achieve your goals, your
ego will die of starvation, it won

1406
02:04:59.720 --> 02:05:02.119
' t atrophy, no, not
about or. You' ll let it

1407
02:05:02.119 --> 02:05:04.359
grow on revolution. The engine is
as bad as not taking it off.

1408
02:05:05.279 --> 02:05:11.640
Both roads lead to the same end. The main enemy for the growth of

1409
02:05:11.720 --> 02:05:15.560
self- concept is the lack of
self- confidence. If you distrust you,

1410
02:05:16.000 --> 02:05:21.439
you will not be able to love
the confidence and conviction that it is

1411
02:05:21.520 --> 02:05:25.000
possible to achieve the expected results.
It' s called self- efficacy.

1412
02:05:26.119 --> 02:05:31.079
Low self- efficacy will lead you
to think that you are not able to

1413
02:05:31.199 --> 02:05:35.600
enter a vicious circle, but,
at the bottom, if you have no

1414
02:05:35.600 --> 02:05:40.760
confidence in yourself, your personal challenges
will be poor. You' ll avoid

1415
02:05:40.760 --> 02:05:44.680
facing problems. The first obstacle will
make you defect, you will feel failed

1416
02:05:44.760 --> 02:05:48.319
and you will lose self- efficacy
again, which in turn will lower your

1417
02:05:48.319 --> 02:05:54.399
goals and self- exigency. Your
terrible circle will continue to retreat negatively and

1418
02:05:54.439 --> 02:05:59.960
you will be losing more and more
security and confidence. I don' t

1419
02:05:59.960 --> 02:06:03.199
know. Its effectiveness will make your
goals strong. It will allow you to

1420
02:06:03.319 --> 02:06:09.159
persist before the imponderables and to deal
with problems in an appropriate way. Self

1421
02:06:10.000 --> 02:06:14.000
- efficacy is basically an affective opinion
of oneself. That' s it.

1422
02:06:14.000 --> 02:06:18.239
In other words, people may think
that they have all the skills and abilities

1423
02:06:18.319 --> 02:06:24.479
to get certain results and, despite
everything, not be convinced to successfully achieve

1424
02:06:24.520 --> 02:06:30.640
the goals. Imagine an athlete close
to making a jump where a gold medal

1425
02:06:30.800 --> 02:06:34.840
is at stake. Suppose man is
sure to possess the skills, a good

1426
02:06:35.279 --> 02:06:42.359
training, an excellent physical state and
the public in favor. Consider, moreover,

1427
02:06:42.560 --> 02:06:45.880
that he had already jumped that mark
earlier. It' s all in

1428
02:06:45.880 --> 02:06:51.960
your favor. However, suddenly and
inexplicably doubt says to himself I will be

1429
02:06:53.000 --> 02:06:59.239
able. If I make a mistake
in the jump, doubts will generate anxiety

1430
02:06:59.239 --> 02:07:03.079
and tension, your muscles will not
respond and your jump will not be good.

1431
02:07:03.279 --> 02:07:09.640
Possibly, his next competition will be
anticipated by inhibiting thoughts and self-

1432
02:07:09.880 --> 02:07:13.199
confidence. I' m not capable. Even if it' s all in

1433
02:07:13.199 --> 02:07:19.159
your favor. The expectation of success
not only implies, as apparently one might

1434
02:07:19.159 --> 02:07:25.760
think, a rational and cold analysis
of the objective possibilities of success expectations of

1435
02:07:25.760 --> 02:07:30.800
results, but also the subjective assessment
of how capable the subject feels expectation of

1436
02:07:30.840 --> 02:07:35.199
effectiveness. Like any belief, this
last assessment is a matter of faith and

1437
02:07:35.279 --> 02:07:43.680
trust, self- confidence sweeps away
with abilities and abilities. In my psychological

1438
02:07:43.760 --> 02:07:48.399
consultation I see every day people who, although they have all the necessary resources,

1439
02:07:48.720 --> 02:07:54.239
fail because their self- efficacy is
weak. Moreover, a considerable majority

1440
02:07:54.319 --> 02:07:58.199
of them do not even try to
fight for their goals. Their argument is

1441
02:07:58.600 --> 02:08:03.960
that I do not feel able to
make when they are asked the high chances

1442
02:08:03.960 --> 02:08:07.000
of success, showing that the pros
are more than the contras who possess the

1443
02:08:07.039 --> 02:08:13.600
necessary capabilities and intelligence tend to answer. You' re right. I have

1444
02:08:13.640 --> 02:08:18.600
everything in favour, but I have
no confidence if you are presented with the

1445
02:08:18.640 --> 02:08:22.520
alternative of trying anyway and risking to
see what happens. They say so that

1446
02:08:22.600 --> 02:08:26.960
I know I' m going to
go wrong. Pessimism is the guide of

1447
02:08:26.039 --> 02:08:33.840
insecure people. Although resignation plays an
adaptive role for our species in the sense

1448
02:08:33.880 --> 02:08:39.640
that it leads us to save forces
in situations where it is useless to try

1449
02:08:39.000 --> 02:08:46.319
it is extremely far from us when
it is used hastily and irrationally, as

1450
02:08:46.359 --> 02:08:50.159
human beings can come to doubt themselves
and resign themselves to suffering and adversity without

1451
02:08:50.199 --> 02:08:54.319
attempting to bring about change when there
is a possibility of achieving it. How

1452
02:08:54.319 --> 02:09:00.199
you get to a self- scheming
loser. Why negative self- performance predictions

1453
02:09:00.199 --> 02:09:07.000
are made in easy and potentially successful
situations. Why some people are immobilized at

1454
02:09:07.039 --> 02:09:13.800
the possibility of overcoming difficulties. There
are several reasons why people see themselves as

1455
02:09:13.800 --> 02:09:20.840
incapable and defeated. The perceived control
or perception of one' s own ability

1456
02:09:20.960 --> 02:09:26.079
to modify inappropriate contingencies and drawbacks is
shaped by one' s own experiences of

1457
02:09:26.199 --> 02:09:33.199
success or failure and how to process
that information. Research in psychology indicates that

1458
02:09:33.239 --> 02:09:39.000
at least three factors appear to be
associated with self- efficacy problems. The

1459
02:09:39.039 --> 02:09:45.880
perception of uncontrollability, the point of
control and attributional styles. I' ll

1460
02:09:45.920 --> 02:09:52.079
analyze each separately. The perception of
uncontrollability. The impossibility of modifying an aversive

1461
02:09:52.079 --> 02:09:58.000
event develops depression and distrust in itself. Similarly, a history of failures that

1462
02:09:58.000 --> 02:10:03.199
escapes the subject' s control will
produce the perception of disability if success is

1463
02:10:03.239 --> 02:10:11.079
not pursued. The experience of uncontrollability
has a devastating effect on fighting behavior in

1464
02:10:11.119 --> 02:10:18.479
unpersistent people. Let' s look
at a classic experiment with animals a few

1465
02:10:18.520 --> 02:10:24.279
years ago in experimental psychology. In
a box that had no possibility of escape,

1466
02:10:24.399 --> 02:10:28.800
a group of dogs were placed.
The floor of the box consisted of

1467
02:10:28.880 --> 02:10:35.439
a grid connected to a source of
electricity. The experiment was to give electric

1468
02:10:35.439 --> 02:10:41.479
shocks without escape bels and unpredictable for
dogs. At first, animals tried to

1469
02:10:41.600 --> 02:10:48.600
escape, jump, bark, run
through the box, etc. After a

1470
02:10:48.600 --> 02:10:54.399
while, however, dogs showed passive
behavior. They stood still, looked sad,

1471
02:10:54.880 --> 02:11:00.359
impetuous, motionless and isolated. They
seemed resigned. To his luck,

1472
02:11:01.359 --> 02:11:05.119
the experimenter then decided to change them
to a new box, to which was

1473
02:11:05.119 --> 02:11:11.119
added a door so that they could
escape if they received the downloads. It

1474
02:11:11.159 --> 02:11:15.079
was to be hoped that in the
face of the new possibility of flight,

1475
02:11:15.520 --> 02:11:18.720
dogs would learn to avoid electric shocks. To everyone' s surprise, dogs

1476
02:11:18.800 --> 02:11:24.520
continued to endure punishment. Despite repeating
the trials over and over again, the

1477
02:11:24.880 --> 02:11:30.399
dogs did not escape, they did
not take advantage of the new alternative that

1478
02:11:30.520 --> 02:11:33.279
had been placed on them and resisted
passing through the door. The only way

1479
02:11:33.359 --> 02:11:39.800
they could learn to avoid electric shocks
was to force them out of the box

1480
02:11:39.880 --> 02:11:45.840
even without a number of times.
Only thus did they learn that the open

1481
02:11:45.920 --> 02:11:52.640
door was really an alternative of relief
and solution. The only therapy was to

1482
02:11:52.680 --> 02:11:58.439
show the dogs that they were wrong. The researchers interpreted this phenomenon, which

1483
02:11:58.479 --> 02:12:05.279
they called despair to p as caused
by an exaggerated perception of uncontrollability. That

1484
02:12:05.319 --> 02:12:09.479
is, the dogs saw that their
efforts were useless and ineffective to manage the

1485
02:12:09.520 --> 02:12:16.399
punishment. They resigned because they thought
nothing could save them from the overwhelming pain,

1486
02:12:16.760 --> 02:12:20.399
Nothing was going to be able to
change the situation. They saw the

1487
02:12:20.399 --> 02:12:28.359
door, but not the escape it
provided. Other experiments carried out in humans

1488
02:12:28.439 --> 02:12:33.640
in situations of uncontrollability, obviously different
from electrical shock, have produced similar results.

1489
02:12:35.760 --> 02:12:39.279
The perception of uncontrollability of aversive events
can produce a bea in self-

1490
02:12:41.199 --> 02:12:46.039
efficacy or self- confidence. A
bad streak is often enough to generate feelings

1491
02:12:46.079 --> 02:12:50.880
of insecurity and depression. Similarly,
if failure is seen as unavoidable, feelings

1492
02:12:50.960 --> 02:12:58.399
of inefficiency will ensue that can be
generalized to new situations. The subject will

1493
02:12:58.439 --> 02:13:03.479
come to consider himself unfit to find
the solution and, even if it is

1494
02:13:03.520 --> 02:13:07.880
presented as a viable alternative, discard
it because it considers itself incompetent. If

1495
02:13:07.960 --> 02:13:13.039
it gets too strong, this feeling
of incapacity will make the person not try

1496
02:13:13.079 --> 02:13:18.600
to face new situations avoid them over
time. It will not matter that both

1497
02:13:18.640 --> 02:13:26.319
the new situation that needs to be
solved is real and objectively manageable, it

1498
02:13:26.319 --> 02:13:30.680
will be perceived as uncontrollable. Although
not, it will be uncontrollable because the

1499
02:13:30.720 --> 02:13:37.520
subject will consider himself incapable of handling
it. He will have lost self-

1500
02:13:37.119 --> 02:13:41.640
efficacy, self- perception will begin
to be poor, he will feel defeated

1501
02:13:41.680 --> 02:13:46.479
and unable to advance through life.
Your self- concept will weaken and you

1502
02:13:46.359 --> 02:13:50.640
will not feel worthy of love.
He' ll stop loving and respecting himself.

1503
02:13:52.079 --> 02:13:56.640
Fortunately, as we will see later, this disheartening picture can change.

1504
02:13:56.680 --> 02:14:01.199
If you decide to risk facing the
problems any more. What you must never

1505
02:14:01.279 --> 02:14:07.119
lose is your ability to fight.
Like Horman Haas said. So that you

1506
02:14:07.119 --> 02:14:09.319
can emerge as much as possible.
The impossible must be tried over and over

1507
02:14:09.399 --> 02:14:15.319
again. As long as you'
re in the fight, there' ll

1508
02:14:15.399 --> 02:14:20.520
always be a hope you can hold
on to, and if you lose or

1509
02:14:20.560 --> 02:14:20.760
don' t achieve what you expected, at least you' ve tried.

1510
02:14:22.800 --> 02:14:28.359
Your self- efficacy and self-
concept will come out well. You won

1511
02:14:28.399 --> 02:14:35.680
' t feel a coward at the
checkpoint. Being subjected to uncontrollable and catastrophic

1512
02:14:35.720 --> 02:14:39.920
situations, such as an earthquake,
flood or war, is not the only

1513
02:14:39.000 --> 02:14:46.039
cause of low self- efficacy.
Sometimes not trying to modify harmful and unpleasant

1514
02:14:46.079 --> 02:14:54.159
events is due to culturally learned beliefs. People can be divided into internals or

1515
02:14:54.239 --> 02:15:00.800
externals according to the place where they
place control of their conduct. Internals put

1516
02:15:00.880 --> 02:15:05.560
control within themselves will say that they
guide their conduct and are primarily responsible for

1517
02:15:05.560 --> 02:15:13.119
what happens to them. They assume
destiny not as something given from the outside,

1518
02:15:13.760 --> 02:15:18.399
but as something they must build by
their own effort. They don'

1519
02:15:18.439 --> 02:15:22.880
t usually blame others for what happens
with their lives. From this point of

1520
02:15:22.960 --> 02:15:26.880
view, they are realistic, persevering
and do not tend to give up easily.

1521
02:15:28.000 --> 02:15:33.279
They are safe people, although if
they are too internal, they can

1522
02:15:33.359 --> 02:15:37.279
generate a style of superheroes and not
measure the consequences. For their part,

1523
02:15:37.640 --> 02:15:43.439
outsiders believe that a number of events
and causes beyond their control operate over their

1524
02:15:43.479 --> 02:15:50.039
conduct. They think that their behavior
is governed by factors external to themselves,

1525
02:15:50.399 --> 02:15:54.760
against which they can do nothing.
For example, luck, stars, omnis,

1526
02:15:56.119 --> 02:16:03.279
fate, etc. They are often
fatalistic and resigned to adversity. His

1527
02:16:03.359 --> 02:16:09.279
thought is immobilizing. Nothing can be
done so fate wants it or what to

1528
02:16:09.359 --> 02:16:13.840
try for. If this belief of
external control point is widespread, you will

1529
02:16:13.880 --> 02:16:20.079
see attempts to modify the negative environment
as fruitless or as a waste of useless

1530
02:16:20.119 --> 02:16:24.960
time that will lead to nothing.
Most of the time acting with an external

1531
02:16:24.039 --> 02:16:31.640
control point leads to low self-
efficacy. The position each takes vis-

1532
02:16:31.960 --> 02:16:35.520
à- vis the point of control
is regulated by social learning, models and

1533
02:16:35.600 --> 02:16:41.719
the system of values of family and
cultural groups. The proposal is not to

1534
02:16:41.760 --> 02:16:46.879
discard faith, but to put it
at the service of your personal growth.

1535
02:16:46.079 --> 02:16:50.559
Beliefs should serve you as a source
of motivation and drive, not as brakes

1536
02:16:50.639 --> 02:16:56.680
and impediments to happiness. By yourself, the increasingly prominent rise of mysticism and

1537
02:16:56.799 --> 02:17:01.760
superstition in our meo- medium manifests
the imperative need to cling to external security

1538
02:17:01.799 --> 02:17:09.399
signals. The rebirth of primitive thought, no doubt, is a symptom of

1539
02:17:09.399 --> 02:17:15.879
distrust in the human being. I
keep surprising myself as magical thinking generates more

1540
02:17:16.000 --> 02:17:20.840
followers every day. I accept the
likelihood that there will be life on other

1541
02:17:20.879 --> 02:17:26.840
planets, but from there to extraterrestrials
living among us waiting for the opportunity to

1542
02:17:26.959 --> 02:17:31.879
give us the great secrets of happiness, it is frankly unlikely. Moreover,

1543
02:17:31.319 --> 02:17:37.319
just considering this possibility indicates little confidence
in the ability of the human being to

1544
02:17:37.440 --> 02:17:46.840
reach maturity. We need extraterrestrial wisdom
to overcome ourselves. The study of Egyptian

1545
02:17:46.879 --> 02:17:52.000
culture is certainly exciting and mysterious,
but trusting the healing powers of the pyramids

1546
02:17:52.079 --> 02:18:00.639
is still suicide. I know a
number of fanatics about it that when they

1547
02:18:00.719 --> 02:18:05.280
are sick, they quickly turn to
doctors. These beliefs offer alternatives of growth

1548
02:18:05.319 --> 02:18:13.799
and improvement easily. Think of astrology, even though serious scientific research has not

1549
02:18:13.840 --> 02:18:18.319
found any proof of the validity of
its predictions, the world' s most

1550
02:18:18.399 --> 02:18:24.719
prestigious newspapers have their section of guessing
their future. Perhaps it is easier to

1551
02:18:24.760 --> 02:18:28.159
think that the future is there for
us to build it ourselves, with work

1552
02:18:28.280 --> 02:18:33.920
and sacrifice. That the position of
the Moon and other planets affect human behavior

1553
02:18:33.000 --> 02:18:39.200
today is, from a scientific point
of view, untenable cal Sagan says about

1554
02:18:39.280 --> 02:18:43.600
it. Astrology can be tested by
applying it to the lives of twins.

1555
02:18:46.200 --> 02:18:48.760
There are many cases in which one
of the twins dies in childhood, in

1556
02:18:48.840 --> 02:18:54.200
a car accident, for example,
or struck by lightning, while the other

1557
02:18:54.280 --> 02:18:58.440
one lives a prosperous old age.
Each one was born in exactly the same

1558
02:18:58.440 --> 02:19:05.000
place and with minimums of difference from
each other. The same planets were exactly

1559
02:19:05.120 --> 02:19:09.040
coming out at the time of their
birth. How two twins could have such

1560
02:19:09.159 --> 02:19:15.680
profoundly different destinies. Moreover, astrologers
cannot agree among themselves on the meaning of

1561
02:19:15.719 --> 02:19:22.360
a pruning horozco. If careful tests
are carried out, they are unable to

1562
02:19:22.479 --> 02:19:26.200
predict the character and future of people
who know only the place and date of

1563
02:19:26.280 --> 02:19:31.840
birth. Although many typical citizens of
the Middle Ages would have found it incredible

1564
02:19:31.959 --> 02:19:37.680
and ridiculous, we are more artifices
of our destiny than the position of the

1565
02:19:37.680 --> 02:19:45.479
planets. The entry to any bookstore
clearly shows an invasion of pseudo- scientific

1566
02:19:45.559 --> 02:19:50.200
literature that proposes to achieve happiness by
the paths of esotericism, magic, the

1567
02:19:50.239 --> 02:19:54.239
Trojan horse, the Sumites, secret
societies, the imminent invasion of unknown forces

1568
02:19:54.280 --> 02:19:58.079
or the visit of n n s
s s s s s s? O

1569
02:19:58.159 --> 02:19:58.520
' s? O O O O
O O O O O O O O

1570
02:19:58.600 --> 02:20:03.399
O O S so serious which are
not posed as novels of fantastic literature like

1571
02:20:03.760 --> 02:20:09.440
Bradbery, but as true research material. Fantasy and imagination are a good ingredient

1572
02:20:09.520 --> 02:20:15.399
to live better, but if you
turn them into rules of conduct, you

1573
02:20:15.799 --> 02:20:20.440
will live as a delight in the
wonderland, you will get so far away

1574
02:20:20.479 --> 02:20:24.559
from reality that you will lose your
way home. If you do not feel

1575
02:20:24.639 --> 02:20:30.159
comfortable in this world before traveling to
the stars, try to modify it your

1576
02:20:30.239 --> 02:20:35.319
planet offers countless wonders. Reality surpasses
imagination. If getting into it, putting

1577
02:20:37.760 --> 02:20:41.639
the responsibility for one' s life
in the hands of someone more powerful,

1578
02:20:41.920 --> 02:20:48.079
very possibly relaxing, but it is
still to some extent humiliating. Passively surrender

1579
02:20:48.159 --> 02:20:52.600
and capitulate to obstacles, because so
it must be. It' s an

1580
02:20:52.600 --> 02:20:56.079
act of disloyalty with your person.
You can' t declare yourself out of

1581
02:20:56.200 --> 02:21:00.159
combat, because it' s written. You' re the one who writes

1582
02:21:00.200 --> 02:21:03.200
your destiny. God, he'
s given you the ink and the paper

1583
02:21:03.200 --> 02:21:05.520
to do it. He has given
you the power of thought and the gift

1584
02:21:05.520 --> 02:21:11.280
of intelligence, not to be a
victim, but a triumphant. If you

1585
02:21:11.399 --> 02:21:13.239
put everything out of you, you
won' t be able to trust yourself.

1586
02:21:15.719 --> 02:21:20.159
If you have the tendency to let
yourself be carried away by an external

1587
02:21:20.159 --> 02:21:22.399
control point, review the belief,
make it the most flexible and rational.

1588
02:21:24.479 --> 02:21:26.920
If you believe in God, think
of him as an advisor, as a

1589
02:21:28.000 --> 02:21:31.719
father who respects the freedom of his
children, if you believe in the stars,

1590
02:21:33.000 --> 02:21:37.040
think that they are too wrong.
If your horoscope has gone bad,

1591
02:21:37.040 --> 02:21:41.000
challenge it. If you propose,
you' ll have a good day.

1592
02:21:41.079 --> 02:21:46.520
Things depend on you more than you
think. In short, if the belief

1593
02:21:46.600 --> 02:21:52.079
of control you possess is external,
your commitment to achieve the things that interest

1594
02:21:52.079 --> 02:21:56.600
you, runs the risk of weakening
or otherwise saying, your self- efficacy

1595
02:21:58.760 --> 02:22:01.319
is jeopardized if you have faith in
something or someone who is a motor and

1596
02:22:01.360 --> 02:22:07.280
a source of conviction that you are
capable, not the resting place of the

1597
02:22:07.319 --> 02:22:13.200
comfortable, as the saying goes goodbye, begging and with the mallet giving the

1598
02:22:13.200 --> 02:22:18.479
attributional styles. When we are faced
with situations of success or failure, we

1599
02:22:18.559 --> 02:22:22.200
human beings make interpretations of the causes
of why the fact in question occurred.

1600
02:22:22.200 --> 02:22:28.040
We try to understand what happened by
looking for causal explanations. Well, this

1601
02:22:28.399 --> 02:22:31.520
mania of intelligent beings. It is
a double- edged weapon that, misused,

1602
02:22:31.920 --> 02:22:37.879
can cause wounds to our self-
efficacy. Let' s look at

1603
02:22:37.000 --> 02:22:41.479
an example of how a successful test
situation can be interpreted differently by two teenagers

1604
02:22:41.520 --> 02:22:50.639
who use opposite attributional styles. Teenager
one says he had really studied a lot.

1605
02:22:50.239 --> 02:22:54.639
If I study like this all the
time, I' ll do well

1606
02:22:54.680 --> 02:22:58.920
on the other exams and probably in
college. Teenager two says ex was too

1607
02:22:58.920 --> 02:23:05.639
easy. I don' t think
the other tests are like that. They

1608
02:23:05.719 --> 02:23:09.959
' re always harder. The teenager
attributed success to himself, to his effort

1609
02:23:11.360 --> 02:23:16.520
and perseverance in the study. He
further interpreted that success will be reflected in

1610
02:23:16.600 --> 02:23:22.959
other matters and will be lasting over
time. In conclusion, success depended on

1611
02:23:22.079 --> 02:23:28.799
him. The adolescent two attributed his
success to external factors the ease of the

1612
02:23:28.799 --> 02:23:31.920
examination. He thought that in the
future the exams won' t be that

1613
02:23:31.920 --> 02:23:37.079
easy. In conclusion, success depended
not on it, but on the scant

1614
02:23:37.159 --> 02:23:43.600
difficulty of the review. The first
teenager was motivated to move on and trust

1615
02:23:43.639 --> 02:23:50.959
himself. The second did not trust
his abilities. The former strengthened his self

1616
02:23:50.959 --> 02:23:56.120
- efficacy. The second hit him
hard. Something similar happens in situations of

1617
02:23:56.200 --> 02:24:01.000
failure, but the other way around. If failure depended on me, it

1618
02:24:01.360 --> 02:24:05.959
will always be the same in every
situation, you will feel unable to face

1619
02:24:05.959 --> 02:24:11.440
life. You will make your future
a dark prophecy. If, instead,

1620
02:24:11.760 --> 02:24:15.559
you say failure depended on me,
only in part it doesn' t always

1621
02:24:15.639 --> 02:24:20.440
have to be like this, you
will feel able to try again, you

1622
02:24:20.520 --> 02:24:26.200
will make your future a prophecy of
hope. Attributional styles are idiosyncratic tendencies that

1623
02:24:26.319 --> 02:24:31.079
we humans use to explain one'
s own or another' s behavior.

1624
02:24:31.159 --> 02:24:37.520
People who use an attributional, pessimistic
and negative style will feel responsible for failures,

1625
02:24:37.680 --> 02:24:41.680
but not for successes. For their
part, people who use a rational,

1626
02:24:41.879 --> 02:24:46.879
optimistic and positive style of attribution will
tend to evaluate the situation objectively and

1627
02:24:46.920 --> 02:24:52.319
will be held accountable for failures or
successes. If it really is, the

1628
02:24:52.360 --> 02:24:58.239
attributional and rationally optimistic style is as
bad as the pessimistic one, because the

1629
02:24:58.280 --> 02:25:01.879
subject will also distort it. Reality
will be attributed to every success and blame

1630
02:25:01.920 --> 02:25:09.079
for one' s failure on others. Their self- efficacy will not grow

1631
02:25:09.120 --> 02:25:13.559
properly, but will inflate like a
balloon until bursting, saving self- efficacy

1632
02:25:13.600 --> 02:25:16.280
and self- concept on the ribs
of another or. Denying the truth is

1633
02:25:16.360 --> 02:25:22.000
not a healthy way out for your
psychological integrity. To love yourself is to

1634
02:25:22.040 --> 02:25:28.799
do it above all things in an
honest way. Therefore, if you blame

1635
02:25:28.920 --> 02:25:31.520
everything bad and do not take into
account your contribution to good, your self

1636
02:25:31.680 --> 02:25:37.920
- efficacy will be affected. You' ll say, I' m a

1637
02:25:37.920 --> 02:25:43.000
loser. If you never accept your
responsibility for the bad and think that all

1638
02:25:43.120 --> 02:25:48.559
success depended exclusively on You, your
self- efficacy will grow falsely. You

1639
02:25:48.639 --> 02:25:52.799
' ll say, I' m
a Superman, and as a matter of

1640
02:25:52.879 --> 02:25:56.079
fact you' re not, you
can expect to crash violently into reality.

1641
02:25:56.520 --> 02:26:03.479
The three causes mentioned have something in
common. They immobilize. All end up

1642
02:26:03.520 --> 02:26:07.760
decreasing self- efficacy and affecting your
expectations of success for one reason or another.

1643
02:26:09.159 --> 02:26:13.040
They all trigger in the dark premise
of the impossibility of change. If

1644
02:26:13.120 --> 02:26:18.399
you perceive things as uncontrollable, operate
with an external control point and use an

1645
02:26:18.479 --> 02:26:24.360
attributeal style oriented to take responsibility always
and totally for the bad, you will

1646
02:26:24.399 --> 02:26:30.840
end up doubting your own ability to
solve problems, you will lose confidence in

1647
02:26:31.879 --> 02:26:37.200
yourself the problem of avoidance. When
I was ten years old, I went

1648
02:26:37.280 --> 02:26:41.360
out to walk around the neighborhood with
a little bechinita that I considered my girlfriend.

1649
02:26:41.520 --> 02:26:46.760
Arriving at a corner where a number
of older boys used to gather together.

1650
02:26:46.120 --> 02:26:50.479
One of them lifted my little friend' s skirt and stroked her buttocks.

1651
02:26:50.520 --> 02:26:54.159
Seeing the size of my opponent and
the celebration of his companions before the

1652
02:26:54.200 --> 02:26:58.360
feat, I only chose to bend
my head and keep walking with her as

1653
02:26:58.399 --> 02:27:03.360
if nothing had ever happened. Upon
arriving home, my father saw me evidently

1654
02:27:03.360 --> 02:27:09.920
worried and asked me what had happened. When I explained to him what happened

1655
02:27:09.959 --> 02:27:13.799
between laments and self reproaches, he
looked me in the eye and said look,

1656
02:27:13.120 --> 02:27:18.399
son, what just happened to you
is extremely uncomfortable. Something similar happened

1657
02:27:18.440 --> 02:27:22.639
to me, too, if you
let fear beat you, it' ll

1658
02:27:22.719 --> 02:27:28.280
take advantage of you. After meditating
for a few seconds, I thanked the

1659
02:27:28.280 --> 02:27:31.719
Council and got up on my way
to the TV. My father took me

1660
02:27:31.760 --> 02:27:35.360
by the arm and said with a
firm voice you didn' t understand me.

1661
02:27:37.399 --> 02:27:41.040
You either have two options or you
go out and face those idiots or

1662
02:27:41.079 --> 02:27:45.959
you see them with me. I
didn' t really doubt the election much.

1663
02:27:46.000 --> 02:27:50.760
My father was an immigrant Neapolitan from
World War II who, when he

1664
02:27:50.799 --> 02:27:54.440
was scoffing, hit very hard.
I then opted for the most dignified,

1665
02:27:54.719 --> 02:28:00.280
though forced, exit to save the
most honor. This is two that swelling

1666
02:28:00.319 --> 02:28:05.239
and purple eyes. It lasted more
than a week, but it was worth

1667
02:28:05.239 --> 02:28:09.559
it. My little friend discovered in
me a true Prince Charming. I raised

1668
02:28:09.559 --> 02:28:15.440
prestige in front of my friends and
other girls began to be interested in that

1669
02:28:15.520 --> 02:28:20.200
rare mix of Latin lover and bruswie. However, the most important thing was

1670
02:28:20.239 --> 02:28:24.120
the teaching that left me the experience
in the psychological aspect. After the fight,

1671
02:28:24.399 --> 02:28:28.239
my father was waiting for me with
ice, aspirin and some air of

1672
02:28:28.319 --> 02:28:35.159
pride. Very well told me it
is preferable to have an eye swollen maquiavelli

1673
02:28:35.239 --> 02:28:39.479
says ghosts scare more from afar than
from a close. That' s true.

1674
02:28:39.559 --> 02:28:43.799
The only way to overcome fear is
to face it in the same way.

1675
02:28:45.200 --> 02:28:48.360
There is no other way to solve
a problem than by facing it.

1676
02:28:48.399 --> 02:28:52.559
However, the advantages of the method, we humans resist paying the cost of

1677
02:28:52.639 --> 02:28:58.079
overcoming it. We opted for the
easiest way, the relief it brings us,

1678
02:28:58.159 --> 02:29:03.879
the room and the postponement. Avoidance
prevents the body from being exposed long

1679
02:29:03.959 --> 02:29:11.079
enough to overcome fear or solve the
problem of dealing with unpleasant things. It

1680
02:29:11.159 --> 02:29:15.520
' s uncomfortable, but it'
s the price to change them and beat

1681
02:29:15.520 --> 02:29:20.600
them. What would you think of
someone who prefers not to cure their anitallitis,

1682
02:29:20.040 --> 02:29:24.559
knowing the serious consequences of a rheumatic
fever, because they do not endure

1683
02:29:26.040 --> 02:29:30.479
the squawk of an injection in serious
panic disorders. It is proven that the

1684
02:29:30.559 --> 02:29:35.239
best therapeutic strategy is exposure to the
phobic source. In these cases, when

1685
02:29:35.280 --> 02:29:39.760
the subject is subjected to fear,
renalin triggers and produces certain physiological reactions,

1686
02:29:41.360 --> 02:29:46.680
such as tachycardia, sweat, temperature
changes, nausea, dizziness, etc.

1687
02:29:48.639 --> 02:29:52.559
These sensations are inco fashion, but
after a while they diminish, they are

1688
02:29:52.600 --> 02:29:58.440
exhausted and the organism is habituated to
the feared object. This is called the

1689
02:29:58.479 --> 02:30:03.440
extinction of fear. Unfortunately, we
do not endure the necessary time of habitation

1690
02:30:03.520 --> 02:30:09.440
and escape before the extinction occurs even
more we do not even face, but

1691
02:30:09.479 --> 02:30:16.760
we avoid in every way possible to
meet face to face with the source of

1692
02:30:16.760 --> 02:30:20.600
fear. Sometimes life puts us at
crossroads, where we must sacrifice the now

1693
02:30:20.680 --> 02:30:26.680
for him later. If you want
to overcome your insecurities, you have to

1694
02:30:26.680 --> 02:30:31.760
test yourself and expose yourself. You
must take a chance and submit to contrast

1695
02:30:31.879 --> 02:30:37.479
the ideas you have of yourself.
If you make avoidance a habit, you

1696
02:30:37.559 --> 02:30:41.479
' ll never know how to value
yourself. Low self- efficacy produces effects

1697
02:30:41.559 --> 02:30:46.959
similar to those mentioned above. Mistrust
in itself generates a wide repertoire of avoidance.

1698
02:30:48.719 --> 02:30:54.440
Feelings of insecurity to consider oneself incapable. They prevent the time needed to

1699
02:30:54.520 --> 02:31:01.840
overcome the inconveniences from persisting. Any
obstacle is seen as an insurmountable abyss from

1700
02:31:01.920 --> 02:31:07.040
which to move quickly. With this
way of acting, the catastrophic anticipations of

1701
02:31:07.040 --> 02:31:13.879
absolute failure can never be challenged and
contrasted in practice. Another way of avoiding

1702
02:31:13.920 --> 02:31:18.719
unselfish people is to impose poor goals
and resign themselves to their fate as mediocre.

1703
02:31:20.360 --> 02:31:24.840
Self- pity is a poison that
kills slowly. The only option to

1704
02:31:24.920 --> 02:31:31.200
know yourself is to risk and test
yourself. The cost- benefit balance is

1705
02:31:31.319 --> 02:31:37.200
justifiable from every point of view.
As I mentioned elsewhere, the supposed advantages

1706
02:31:37.200 --> 02:31:46.000
of industrialized society have developed intolerance to
discomfort and suffering. Technological advances make it

1707
02:31:46.000 --> 02:31:50.360
easier to achieve a wealth of things
without too much effort. Escalators are a

1708
02:31:50.440 --> 02:31:54.680
good example of this. A general
style of comfort and low pain tolerance has

1709
02:31:54.799 --> 02:32:01.760
been set up that practically borders on
cowardice. In order to overcome low self

1710
02:32:01.920 --> 02:32:05.440
- efficacy, we must act courageously. There' s nothing you can'

1711
02:32:05.520 --> 02:32:09.040
t accomplish if you propose. Your
strength is always greater than you think.

1712
02:32:09.520 --> 02:32:16.280
A considerable number of facts testify to
the fact that in limited situations, human

1713
02:32:16.319 --> 02:32:22.680
beings deploy unusual abilities worthy of the
best science fiction book. Avoidance is not

1714
02:32:22.760 --> 02:32:26.600
always inadequate. On one occasion,
one of my patients was talking to me.

1715
02:32:26.920 --> 02:32:31.200
I think avoidance isn' t so
bad. There are times when one

1716
02:32:31.239 --> 02:32:35.920
must avoid to save one’ s
life or to help safeguard a friendship.

1717
02:32:37.000 --> 02:32:41.399
Anyway, there are many occasions when
it is good to avoid. But I

1718
02:32:41.440 --> 02:32:45.520
also understand what you' re saying. What I find difficult is defining when

1719
02:32:45.559 --> 02:32:50.920
it is psychologically appropriate and when it
is not. There is no doubt that

1720
02:32:50.959 --> 02:32:54.799
escape and avoidance are the best options, when physical or psychological danger is objective

1721
02:32:54.879 --> 02:33:01.719
and really harmful. Suppose someone tells
you that in the next room there is

1722
02:33:01.760 --> 02:33:05.959
a hungry lion near to knock down
the door and immediately hear a terrible and

1723
02:33:07.000 --> 02:33:13.079
loud roar. The lion objectively can
hurt you. If they see you running

1724
02:33:13.159 --> 02:33:16.520
in front of the enraged animal.
People will think of you, but how

1725
02:33:16.559 --> 02:33:24.040
skillful he is. If they tell
you that there is a little white kitten

1726
02:33:24.079 --> 02:33:28.600
behind the door and after drowning a
scream and getting pale you get terrified,

1727
02:33:28.079 --> 02:33:33.799
people who watch you run in front
of the harmless little animal will say a

1728
02:33:33.799 --> 02:33:39.280
screw was loosened. The kitten objectively
can' t hurt you. However,

1729
02:33:39.680 --> 02:33:45.840
if you flee dismayed in front of
him subjectively you see him as threatening this

1730
02:33:45.840 --> 02:33:50.959
fear, psychologists call it an irrational
fear phobia. For its part, terror

1731
02:33:50.040 --> 02:33:56.440
and subsequent escape from the lion is
considered adaptive. There is no doubt that

1732
02:33:56.559 --> 02:34:03.200
a hungry lion is dangerous to your
physical integrity. Similarly, there are situations

1733
02:34:03.239 --> 02:34:09.840
where the anticipated irrational damage is purely
psychological. For example, you may feel

1734
02:34:09.879 --> 02:34:15.680
that if you behave in such or
such a way, people will reject you

1735
02:34:15.719 --> 02:34:18.399
if it is very important for you
to be accepted you will avoid being honest.

1736
02:34:20.159 --> 02:34:24.079
But if you don' t give
up rejection, it doesn' t

1737
02:34:24.079 --> 02:34:28.799
have to hurt you. Depends on
the security you have in yourself. Objectively,

1738
02:34:28.200 --> 02:34:35.280
non- approval is not harmful.
Our weakness makes it threatening. The

1739
02:34:35.399 --> 02:34:39.760
conditionings and learnings responsible for avoidance have
been very important for the human species.

1740
02:34:41.159 --> 02:34:46.719
Many of our fears are prepared or
inherited because they served our prehistoric predecessor.

1741
02:34:48.479 --> 02:34:54.280
Avoidance was and is a way to
defend oneself ahead of time from potential predators.

1742
02:34:54.719 --> 02:34:58.680
However, some people have an overly
sensitive hazard calculator in it as a

1743
02:34:58.479 --> 02:35:05.399
consequence, they see the world as
supremely threatening. In short, if you

1744
02:35:05.520 --> 02:35:11.040
are facing a difficult situation, but
important or vital for you, ask yourself

1745
02:35:11.040 --> 02:35:13.840
the following. If I face the
situation, the consequences I fear are real.

1746
02:35:16.600 --> 02:35:20.120
Something serious and irremediable can happen to
me objectively. My calculator is not

1747
02:35:20.159 --> 02:35:26.079
exaggerating the consequences. What is at
stake is justified by the proposed goal,

1748
02:35:26.280 --> 02:35:30.879
which is achievable or unattainable. There' s a chance of getting what I

1749
02:35:30.879 --> 02:35:35.040
' m looking for. If nothing
can happen to you objectively, don'

1750
02:35:35.040 --> 02:35:39.079
t doubt it. Risk yourself if
there is any likelihood of danger or cost.

1751
02:35:39.120 --> 02:35:45.319
But there are vital things at stake. Risk yourself if the probability of

1752
02:35:45.399 --> 02:35:50.799
receiving negative consequences is very high.
Think about it, but if there are

1753
02:35:50.920 --> 02:35:54.639
very important principles at stake, such
as dignity or life, there is no

1754
02:35:54.639 --> 02:36:01.479
choice. Riskgate Definitely, the balance
leans toward the nine life within you is

1755
02:36:01.520 --> 02:36:07.600
treasured by the greatest of powers.
The will as a sleeping lion rests in

1756
02:36:07.680 --> 02:36:13.520
you the thirst to overcome. If
you impa hundred and challenge him, he

1757
02:36:13.520 --> 02:36:18.200
' ll wake up. It does
not matter that you fail your self-

1758
02:36:18.719 --> 02:36:22.719
efficacy not only feeds on success,
but also on attempts, but remember that

1759
02:36:22.840 --> 02:36:28.559
these attempts must be rational. Demanding
you isn' t the same thing as

1760
02:36:28.559 --> 02:36:31.840
requiring you to overcome. It is
not synonymous with ambition and excessive eagerness.

1761
02:36:31.879 --> 02:36:37.360
You saw in the first chapter how
people who permanently live unsatisfied, with themselves,

1762
02:36:37.399 --> 02:36:43.399
destroy themselves. However, the other
extreme of insecurity and fear of progress

1763
02:36:43.479 --> 02:36:48.520
also affects your mental health. Lean
into confrontation, but as far as possible,

1764
02:36:48.600 --> 02:36:54.239
without becoming suicidal. If you don' t think you can. If

1765
02:36:54.319 --> 02:36:58.799
you feel sorry for yourself, give
yourself the opportunity to prove to yourself what

1766
02:36:58.799 --> 02:37:05.159
you can do. The attempt will
be awkward. At first you will feel

1767
02:37:05.520 --> 02:37:09.280
fear, pain and discomfort, but
something much more important than your physiological state

1768
02:37:09.319 --> 02:37:13.760
will be at stake. Your self- concept. One' s dignity deserves

1769
02:37:13.840 --> 02:37:20.159
the sacrifice of the initial squawk.
Face what you fear by accepting that you

1770
02:37:20.200 --> 02:37:24.639
must pay the cost of feeling bad
for an instant, avoidance provides immediate relief,

1771
02:37:26.040 --> 02:37:28.040
but in the long term it will
make you feel unworthy and undesirable.

1772
02:37:30.079 --> 02:37:35.000
No doubt, a black eye is
better. Overcoming low self- efficacy.

1773
02:37:35.479 --> 02:37:41.200
Let' s recapitulate what I said
here. Self- efficacy is the affective

1774
02:37:41.280 --> 02:37:46.079
view of the possibility of achieving certain
results, that is, the confidence to

1775
02:37:46.159 --> 02:37:52.760
achieve the goals successfully. The most
common causes that contribute to the decline of

1776
02:37:52.920 --> 02:37:56.840
self- efficacy are to see things
as uncontrollable, to believe that one'

1777
02:37:56.959 --> 02:38:01.440
s conduct is regulated more by external
factors than by oneself, and to use

1778
02:38:01.559 --> 02:38:05.719
an attributeal style, where one is
always responsible for the bad and never for

1779
02:38:05.719 --> 02:38:09.319
the good. To these three psychological
causes can be added a fourth environmental cause,

1780
02:38:09.799 --> 02:38:16.120
a history of failures. Over time, a self- scheme of mistrust

1781
02:38:16.280 --> 02:38:20.520
and insecurity is generated, whereby one
begins to anticipate that success is impossible and

1782
02:38:20.680 --> 02:38:26.639
to avoid challenging situations, problems or
any event involving personal intervention. For your

1783
02:38:26.760 --> 02:38:33.479
solution, the person will make avoidance
a style. The following strategies will allow

1784
02:38:33.479 --> 02:38:37.440
you to fight low self- efficiency
or keep it at an appropriate point.

1785
02:38:39.959 --> 02:38:45.360
One eliminates he' s not capable. If you treat yourself badly and are

1786
02:38:45.399 --> 02:38:50.920
disrespectful to yourself, your dialogue will
act as a brake removed from your repertoire.

1787
02:38:50.000 --> 02:38:54.840
He' s not capable. Every
time you repeat it, you confirm

1788
02:38:54.920 --> 02:39:01.520
your insecurity. This negative rating will
automatically inno mobilise you. If the athlete

1789
02:39:01.600 --> 02:39:07.879
' s coach mentioned above told his
ear at the right time to jump you

1790
02:39:09.000 --> 02:39:13.559
' re not capable. You think
his result would be good. Many people

1791
02:39:13.639 --> 02:39:16.920
have lived in their own flesh the
effects of family distrust. The child is

1792
02:39:18.040 --> 02:39:22.159
not better able to do it yourself
How would you feel if at work your

1793
02:39:22.280 --> 02:39:26.319
boss chose to give a special assignment
to a partner of yours with the argument

1794
02:39:26.440 --> 02:39:31.280
of giving the job to John because
you are not able, even if you

1795
02:39:31.280 --> 02:39:35.479
are not aware of it. The
psychological consequences of telling yourself I' m

1796
02:39:35.559 --> 02:39:41.559
not capable of being as counterproductive as
when other people tell you. If someone

1797
02:39:41.600 --> 02:39:45.040
you love very much is prevented from
one of your legs after an accident,

1798
02:39:45.239 --> 02:39:50.440
but has chances of recovery with physical
therapy and effort. You' d give

1799
02:39:50.760 --> 02:39:56.200
him a cane saying he can'
t. If you say I' m

1800
02:39:56.200 --> 02:39:58.319
useless, I' m a loser, I' m an idiot. He

1801
02:39:58.319 --> 02:40:03.799
' ll end up doing it.
Respect your condition as a human being.

1802
02:40:03.959 --> 02:40:09.079
No less fit every time you find
yourself cuddling the nefarious. I' m

1803
02:40:09.079 --> 02:40:13.559
not capable. Take him away and
drive him out of your mind. Stop

1804
02:40:13.600 --> 02:40:20.159
thinking by telling you to change your
activity. Speak over the phone, listen

1805
02:40:20.159 --> 02:40:26.040
to music, sing aloud, or
or orient your dialogue positively. For example,

1806
02:40:26.399 --> 02:40:30.280
you can tell you this way of
speaking is not ana for my mental

1807
02:40:30.280 --> 02:40:35.040
health. No one is fully capable
or incapable. Besides, I have to

1808
02:40:35.159 --> 02:40:39.719
give myself another chance. This way
of treating me inhibits me, makes me

1809
02:40:39.760 --> 02:40:45.079
insecure and doubtful. It' s
time I started respecting myself and treating myself

1810
02:40:45.200 --> 02:40:50.000
well. If I do, I' m capable of two. Don'

1811
02:40:50.040 --> 02:40:56.239
t be pessimistic. People with low
self- efficacy anticipate the future negatively when

1812
02:40:56.360 --> 02:41:01.760
it comes to their own performance.
Their expectations are of failure and incapacity.

1813
02:41:01.920 --> 02:41:09.360
They always see themselves as the worst
actresses or actors in the film. Don

1814
02:41:09.440 --> 02:41:13.040
' t be pessimistic. If you
see failure coming at each of your performances,

1815
02:41:13.639 --> 02:41:18.600
it won' t even provoke you
to try. Negative prophecies often become

1816
02:41:18.639 --> 02:41:24.200
reality, because we ourselves see to
it that they are fulfilled. If you

1817
02:41:24.280 --> 02:41:28.719
tell yourself, I' m going
to go wrong with the motivation, tenacity

1818
02:41:28.840 --> 02:41:35.159
and perseverance necessary to reach the goal
Flaquearan. You won' t have enough

1819
02:41:35.159 --> 02:41:39.719
energy. Your prediction will come true, but because of you every time you

1820
02:41:39.799 --> 02:41:45.719
make a bad prediction about your behavior. Self- efficacy weakens because you'

1821
02:41:45.799 --> 02:41:50.840
re distrusting yourself. When you find
yourself making too many bad forecasts about your

1822
02:41:50.840 --> 02:41:54.920
future. Ask yourself if you'
re realistic or not. Analyze if fatalism

1823
02:41:54.959 --> 02:42:00.959
is overly influencing your judgment. One
or more have you made, your predictions

1824
02:42:01.040 --> 02:42:07.000
be they good or bad. Get
used to verifying their validity later contract them

1825
02:42:07.040 --> 02:42:11.920
with reality and check whether you were
right or not. The method of comparing

1826
02:42:11.920 --> 02:42:16.959
hypotheses with objective data will make you
discover that your anticipations are usually not as

1827
02:42:18.000 --> 02:42:22.920
accurate. You will realize that your
oracle gifts leave much to be desired.

1828
02:42:24.399 --> 02:42:28.719
The custom of examining anticipations with reality
will allow you to polish and perfect the

1829
02:42:28.840 --> 02:42:35.559
processes of dedoction towards the future.
Keep a detailed record of the correctness and

1830
02:42:35.600 --> 02:42:39.559
flaws in your guesses. If an
X advance is not met, two,

1831
02:42:39.799 --> 02:42:45.399
three or four times, discard it
and no longer use it. If you

1832
02:42:45.440 --> 02:42:48.639
say to yourself, for example,
I' m too bad to talk and

1833
02:42:48.680 --> 02:42:54.600
girls get bored with me, test
such anticipation, define exactly what you expect

1834
02:42:54.600 --> 02:42:58.799
to happen. They will mock,
laugh, make gestures and grimaces, get

1835
02:42:58.120 --> 02:43:01.520
bored of you will make, will
love and quickly and will not talk,

1836
02:43:01.879 --> 02:43:07.799
will not go out with me again, etc. Use defined and clear categories

1837
02:43:09.079 --> 02:43:13.879
that you can actually verify or refute. After dating different girls several times,

1838
02:43:13.520 --> 02:43:20.200
you can compare what you expected with
what really happened. If the girls didn

1839
02:43:20.239 --> 02:43:24.879
' t make fun of each other, they didn' t seem boring and

1840
02:43:24.920 --> 02:43:28.479
came out again, your catastrophic anticipations
didn' t come true. Test your

1841
02:43:28.520 --> 02:43:35.120
predictions without cheating. Remember that many
times unconsciously, we do everything we can

1842
02:43:35.200 --> 02:43:41.920
to ensure that our prophecies are fulfilled. In short, try to develop in

1843
02:43:41.040 --> 02:43:46.440
you the healthy habit of self-
evaluation of your ability to give bad forecasts.

1844
02:43:46.719 --> 02:43:50.440
You' ll be happy to know
how many times you' re wrong

1845
02:43:50.959 --> 02:43:54.360
and how ill- seeing you are, don' t be fatalistic. You

1846
02:43:54.399 --> 02:44:00.799
are the architect of your future in
a large proportion you build your destiny.

1847
02:44:01.440 --> 02:44:05.159
Therefore, you have the power to
modify many things. Do not see the

1848
02:44:05.239 --> 02:44:11.760
world as unmodifiable as aristotelian. If
you have an external control point for everything,

1849
02:44:11.159 --> 02:44:16.120
you will tend to be fatalistic and
see the misfortunes as uncontrollable. Always

1850
02:44:16.200 --> 02:44:22.079
remove the word from your verbal repertoire. The past doesn' t condemn you.

1851
02:44:22.159 --> 02:44:26.520
In fact, your present is tomorrow' s past. If you change

1852
02:44:26.600 --> 02:44:31.120
here and now, you will be
making a significant contribution to your destiny.

1853
02:44:33.159 --> 02:44:37.479
True, the events of your childhood
and adolescence have an influence on you.

1854
02:44:37.879 --> 02:44:41.879
It would be absurd to deny it, but this influence is relative and modifiable.

1855
02:44:41.959 --> 02:44:46.079
You are not a small laboratory animal
exposed to the whims of the experimenter,

1856
02:44:48.280 --> 02:44:54.319
the human fortunate or unfortunately, we
have the possibility to build our own

1857
02:44:54.360 --> 02:45:01.120
history actively and participatoryly. We can
change nature and challenge it. It is

1858
02:45:01.200 --> 02:45:05.120
true that we do not always achieve
what we propose and we may also be

1859
02:45:05.159 --> 02:45:11.360
responsible for more than one catastrophe,
but we have made extremely healthy and fruitful

1860
02:45:11.399 --> 02:45:16.680
advances that were absolutely impossible for our
ancestors. If you put too much emphasis

1861
02:45:16.680 --> 02:45:24.399
on chance and luck your self-
efficacy will not grow you will see insurmountable

1862
02:45:24.399 --> 02:45:28.840
obstacles everywhere. When analyzing the pros
and cons, include yourself as the main

1863
02:45:28.879 --> 02:45:35.280
coping resource. The future is not
sitting waiting for you to come to it,

1864
02:45:35.840 --> 02:45:41.159
but waiting for you to make it. If you think everything is determined

1865
02:45:41.239 --> 02:45:46.319
beforehand. You' ll feel totally
incapable of anything. One day anyone makes

1866
02:45:46.399 --> 02:45:52.879
the decision to program you positively thinks
that during that day you will be the

1867
02:45:52.000 --> 02:45:56.040
owner of your life and the only
judge you can do and undo to your

1868
02:45:56.040 --> 02:46:01.239
liking. He plays the role of
director and violinist. That day you will

1869
02:46:01.280 --> 02:46:05.639
direct your steps with the firm conviction
that it is you and only you who

1870
02:46:05.719 --> 02:46:09.319
are the architect of what you want
to achieve. Feel, even if you

1871
02:46:09.399 --> 02:46:15.479
own a day yourself, that day
there will be no horoscopes or outside guides.

1872
02:46:15.840 --> 02:46:20.559
You' ll be internal and challenge
the forecasts. You' ll make

1873
02:46:20.559 --> 02:46:24.239
your own cabal, you' ll
play yourself feeling like a winner. Test

1874
02:46:24.360 --> 02:46:30.159
one day if you like it,
you' ll keep trying. There is

1875
02:46:30.200 --> 02:46:33.079
no better feeling than feeling the main
motor of one' s life. Four.

1876
02:46:35.159 --> 02:46:39.399
Try to be realistic if you see
everything with external optics, nothing will

1877
02:46:39.840 --> 02:46:45.000
depend on you success, it will
not bring you satisfaction and nothing you will

1878
02:46:45.040 --> 02:46:48.959
do in the face of failure.
See if you evaluate all successes with an

1879
02:46:48.000 --> 02:46:54.840
external point of view and failures as
internals you will collapse into depression. I

1880
02:46:56.000 --> 02:47:03.040
know if you attribute all successes as
inns and failures as externals you will deceive

1881
02:47:03.120 --> 02:47:07.040
yourself, you will not be depressed. But you' ll be dishonest.

1882
02:47:09.120 --> 02:47:13.719
This is not a healthy optimism.
It tries to function by giving priority to

1883
02:47:13.760 --> 02:47:18.879
the internal control point, but realistically. Target your successes and your failures by

1884
02:47:20.000 --> 02:47:24.760
taking responsibility for what you' ve
really had to do with it. The

1885
02:47:24.879 --> 02:47:30.399
Greek points see represent the typical form
of how people with very pessimistic low self

1886
02:47:31.559 --> 02:47:35.920
- efficacy think. The point shows
the psychological structure of those who apparently possess

1887
02:47:35.959 --> 02:47:45.000
a high self- efficacy but falsely
constructed. Accept your successes. It would

1888
02:47:45.079 --> 02:47:50.920
be unfair to you to ignore your
achievements, but also accept your share of

1889
02:47:50.920 --> 02:47:54.559
responsibility for failures. This will allow
you to sit down and enjoy victories and

1890
02:47:54.600 --> 02:48:01.440
overcome adversity. Try to balance goals
against your achievements and defeats. Take pencil

1891
02:48:01.479 --> 02:48:07.760
and paper. Written language allows for
better analysis and writes your real contribution to

1892
02:48:07.799 --> 02:48:13.120
good and bad. Don' t
rush to blame yourself. Congratulate yourself for

1893
02:48:13.239 --> 02:48:18.920
your achievements and review your failure scale
to try to modify it. Remember that

1894
02:48:18.959 --> 02:48:24.079
things are never totally good or bad. Study the facts with the idea of

1895
02:48:24.200 --> 02:48:30.520
balance three bad and four good indicates
one good in favor. If you only

1896
02:48:30.559 --> 02:48:33.520
see the bad three, the balance
will be terrible. If you only see

1897
02:48:33.600 --> 02:48:39.559
the good four, it' ll
be a lying balance. Five don'

1898
02:48:39.639 --> 02:48:43.680
t just remember the bad. The
negative view of oneself feeds primarily on memories.

1899
02:48:46.680 --> 02:48:50.360
If the scheme you have of IT
is negative, the memories that will

1900
02:48:50.399 --> 02:48:54.799
reach your mind will confirm this scheme
you will remember more the bad than the

1901
02:48:54.799 --> 02:49:00.719
good. If your self- efficacy
is low, failures will be more available

1902
02:49:00.799 --> 02:49:05.959
than successes. Don' t go
into the game of negative evocations. For

1903
02:49:05.959 --> 02:49:13.360
a few minutes a day try to
activate your positive memory. You will discover

1904
02:49:13.479 --> 02:49:16.520
the existence of a lot of good
information about IT itself that you had forgotten,

1905
02:49:18.040 --> 02:49:22.079
wrote down and noted the successes of
the past. Try to keep reading

1906
02:49:22.120 --> 02:49:28.239
the assets and present. Learn to
taste the past, to relive it in

1907
02:49:28.280 --> 02:49:31.760
its pleasant aspects and to enjoy the
positive memory, if only through imagination and

1908
02:49:31.760 --> 02:49:39.120
fantasy. No one would like to
see a bad movie several times. Leave

1909
02:49:39.239 --> 02:49:45.319
that masochistic attitude of sculpting in the
garbage of the past, search elsewhere in

1910
02:49:45.360 --> 02:49:50.239
memory and you will find treasures already
forgotten the past. He' s waiting

1911
02:49:50.319 --> 02:49:56.440
for you to rescue him and claim
yourself six Review your goals and your self

1912
02:49:56.760 --> 02:50:00.040
- efficacy is low, you will
sin by default and not by excess,

1913
02:50:00.360 --> 02:50:03.040
as we saw in the self-
concept part. You will be underestimating and

1914
02:50:03.120 --> 02:50:07.840
adapting the goals to the supposed incapacity
you perceive in IT itself. If you

1915
02:50:07.879 --> 02:50:13.000
think you' re a superman,
you' re gonna jump from a 30th

1916
02:50:13.000 --> 02:50:15.200
floor It' s gonna be your
last challenge. If you feel invalid,

1917
02:50:15.600 --> 02:50:22.319
your goal will be just to step
or two review your goals very likely they

1918
02:50:22.360 --> 02:50:26.479
can stretch a little more and become
more demanding. This does not mean that

1919
02:50:26.559 --> 02:50:33.559
they should grow exaggeratedly and immediately.
The process takes time. Start lifting them

1920
02:50:33.600 --> 02:50:39.159
to confront later whether you are able
to reach them or not. Remember that

1921
02:50:39.200 --> 02:50:43.799
the goals are the manifestations of self- efficacy. Don' t let him.

1922
02:50:45.680 --> 02:50:50.760
Fear and insecurity decide for you.
If there are no challenges, resignation

1923
02:50:50.840 --> 02:50:56.559
will be managing your life. Make
a list of the things you stop doing.

1924
02:50:56.920 --> 02:51:01.159
Out of pure fear, ask yourself
how many of your own reflect what

1925
02:51:01.200 --> 02:51:05.239
you really want to do and how
many have adapted to your psychological handicap.

1926
02:51:05.760 --> 02:51:11.719
Question how resigned you are. Your
current goals show confidence or distrust in yourself.

1927
02:51:13.000 --> 02:51:18.280
Who is the right to expect more
from You and Life Seven be tested

1928
02:51:18.559 --> 02:51:24.920
and risked. The above are necessary
but not sufficient conditions. To be self

1929
02:51:26.639 --> 02:51:31.360
- effective. It is essential that
you encourage yourself to take the decisive step

1930
02:51:31.399 --> 02:51:35.079
to act to achieve the goal remember. The only way to trust yourself is

1931
02:51:35.159 --> 02:51:41.840
to test yourself when you decide to
face your fears and insecurities. The previous

1932
02:51:41.920 --> 02:51:46.200
six steps will help you not distort
reality in favor of self- deprecation.

1933
02:51:46.840 --> 02:51:52.159
If you submit rationally this is without
committing suicide, you will get data about

1934
02:51:52.239 --> 02:51:58.479
your own performance and you will be
able to find out if the predictions of

1935
02:51:58.479 --> 02:52:03.719
failure you made were true or false. The philosophy better be bird in hand

1936
02:52:03.760 --> 02:52:07.920
doesn' t take you anywhere.
It is the passage to conformism and stagnation.

1937
02:52:09.040 --> 02:52:13.879
If your self- efficiency is low, what you might lose when trying

1938
02:52:13.879 --> 02:52:18.760
new challenges. A plan that you
could propose is the next to define a

1939
02:52:18.840 --> 02:52:24.600
goal that requires effort. The objective
must be rational or with reasonable chances of

1940
02:52:24.719 --> 02:52:31.600
success. Remember that superhero style also
leads to adaptive failure. Go define your

1941
02:52:31.639 --> 02:52:37.120
expectations objectively, clearly and precisely so
that you can then compare them with the

1942
02:52:37.159 --> 02:52:46.079
results obtained. When explaining these anticipations, be as sincere as possible note them

1943
02:52:46.159 --> 02:52:54.159
before and during the confrontation itself do
not use inhibitive verbalizations. Don' t

1944
02:52:54.200 --> 02:52:56.920
tell yourself. I' m not
capable. Nothing can be done. I

1945
02:52:58.000 --> 02:53:01.239
' ll always be a loser,
et cetera. He runs an internal control

1946
02:53:01.280 --> 02:53:07.520
point. Remember those moments of your
life when you have shown your wrestling line,

1947
02:53:07.559 --> 02:53:13.479
test yourself and during the confrontation,
do not avoid, persist as long

1948
02:53:13.479 --> 02:53:20.120
as you can before the obstacles,
endure the adrenaline to the maximum. Remember

1949
02:53:20.520 --> 02:53:30.600
the sensations pass and can not harm
you faith compares the anticipated results that you

1950
02:53:30.600 --> 02:53:33.280
had before. Analyze the discrepancies between
your predictions and reality, that is,

1951
02:53:33.600 --> 02:53:41.319
which prophecies were fulfilled and which do
not attempt to discover if your anticipations were

1952
02:53:41.319 --> 02:53:46.440
guided by fatalism and diagonal bar or
pessimism g try. Again, your goal

1953
02:53:46.559 --> 02:53:52.200
is still the same, but change
your anticipations. Be more realistic in your

1954
02:53:52.280 --> 02:54:00.920
predictions, eliminate catastrophic attitudes. When
you feel like a safe and secure way

1955
02:54:00.959 --> 02:54:05.920
in your attempts, move on to
a greater goal as you rise to the

1956
02:54:05.920 --> 02:54:09.959
levels of personal self- exigency,
self- efficacy and self- confidence will

1957
02:54:09.959 --> 02:54:16.479
be strengthened. You can beat the
fourth rider by joining us as we explore

1958
02:54:16.520 --> 02:54:22.680
the journey of the modern woman,
sharing valuable secrets, practical tips and enriching

1959
02:54:22.760 --> 02:54:26.920
experiences that will help you empower yourself, find your passion and discover your best

1960
02:54:26.920 --> 02:54:31.719
version. Secrets of lily is,
your constant companion on the road to a

1961
02:54:31.840 --> 02:54:37.319
full and meaningful life. Tune in
and discover the secrets to live the life

1962
02:54:37.399 --> 02:54:39.239
you have always dreamed of