Hey, Hey, I'm back with something for you to think about. I
wanted to talk about something today because a lot of people are messing up their
relationships and don't understand how much they're messing up their relationships. Some of you
don't understand that you may have a situationship with your ex and a relationship with
your child. Some of you got it all twisted up. You think because
you have a child by someone, that you have to be in a relationship
with that mother or that father too. No, you're supposed to be in
a situationship. Let me explain what I mean by that is you're in a
position of being a parent. You do not have to have a relationship with
that other individual. You don't. You can be caught, you know,
very cordial with that person, very cordial, respectful in all of that.
But you don't have to bend over backwards for him or her just because you
have a child by them. Some of you are messing up your relationships because
you don't want that person to have anyone in their life. You don't want
anyone to be around your child. But then you can do what you want
to do. No, you're making excuses because the real truth is you still
have some feelings for that person, but you're using a child as an excuse
because that individual having someone else in their life has nothing to do with your
relationship with your child. Nothing. But some of you don't want them to
get in a relationship because you still have feelings for them, even though you're
in a relationship. You're in a new relationship, but you're trying to control
what's going on over there. You're wrong. You are wrong. And for
those of you who feel that you have control over the other person because you
have a child by them, millions of people are in this situation, millions
of people. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Some
of you act like it's the end of the world. Who my child I
have to see? You can see your child, and if that other person
acts ignorant with you, use the courts for what it's for. What it's
for. Let the courts handle it if they don't want to do right by
you. I mean, it's ridiculous some of the things that people go through
because they have a child. I know I went through it myself, even
though we both had children. I didn't act like that, but his acting
like that, and you know. I just was like, look, either
you're gonna be over here, are you gonna be over there? Because she's
not controlling what's going on over here, point blank the end. Now,
if you can't be the man and get that in check, you can just
go on over back over there. I'll be all right. But some women
feel, just because they got a child by a man that they can control
his relationship with someone new. They do everything they can to try to control
them, use them kids as pawns. And men are the same way.
They don't want to see the woman with someone else, especially if you look
better than him or doing better than him. They have an issue with that,
so they make the child the stapgoat, and it's wrong. It's wrong
regardless of what is wrong. Because you can have a cordial you could even
call it a relationship, but you have to have boundaries. What he'll she
do is not your business. What you do is not their being business.
But too many of you still have emotional ties. That's why I tell you
do not leave a relationship if your heart is still in it even a little
bit, because you're gonna drag those feelings right on into the next relationship.
And it's going to cause problems, no doubt, it will cause problems because
you're trying to have a relationship with your new boot while you're being a little
too comfortable with your old boo. And that's not the way it's supposed to
be. You're not with your old boo. You don't owe your old boo
anything. It's the child. It's the child. It should be all about
the Child's another thing that's ridiculous some of you. For instance, your child
has to go to a function or something, some of you you will say,
well, I don't want her to come, or I don't want him
to come. How you gonna tell somebody who's married to somebody or with somebody
else, you don't want them to bring their new person to whatever it is
that your child is having. That's ridiculous, it's immature, and it's wrong.
If your ex is with someone else, that someone else can be wherever
the function is. It's nothing wrong with that. See, some of you
wanna take it too far. You want to go and be a family.
You're no longer a family in that union, no longer that, so stop
having an attitude and acting will I just want to be alone with him and
my child or hurt and my child. I know if you wanted that,
you should have stayed over there. So stop acting like your new boo is
wrong because they don't want you hanging out with your ex. You shouldn't be
hanging out with your ex. There's no need for you to hang out with
your ex because you could pick up your child and enjoy your child. Some
of you take it too far. You want to still play house with someone
that you're no longer with, and that's wrong. It's very unfair to the
new person. They shouldn't have to understand that. They shouldn't because that's what
if they married to your ex. They're the step mom or the stepdad,
whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making excuses. Stop using
your children as escapegoats, because that's what many of you are doing. If
you're not over it, admit it. You're not over it. Admit it,
because the truth is the truth. If you're not over it, you're
not over it. You have to deal with that. You shouldn't project whatever
feelings you're having on to the new person. They didn't do anything to you.
Your ex chose to get in a new relationship. Respect it. But
some of you just off the chain. I don't want that woman around my
child. But then, and you could bring any man you on around a
child, But when he wants to bring his wife or his girlfriend around you
got an issue with that. How many people are nuts? So double standards,
so unfair, so unrealistic. And I'll tell any man, I'll tell
any woman. When you're no longer in a relationship with someone else, that's
it. They don't have a say. Of Course, as a parent,
you don't want your child around any drug heads and dope dealers and people who
doing the wrong thing. Of course, you don't want your child around anyone
like that. And I get that. I'm not talking about that, that's
just common sense. I'm talking about you individuals who don't want them around someone
just because it's not you. That's wrong. That's wrong. Yes, you
should be careful about who is around your child, whether you bring them around
your child or your ex bring them around your child. You should be careful,
but don't make it the excuse. Don't use your child as a scapegoat.
Because you know you still have feelings for your ex some of you know
you do. You know you still have emotional ties to your ex. And
some of you will do the wrong thing with your ex because of those emotional
ties. And again that's why I always say, don't leave a relationship when
you still have feelings for the other person, because I promise you it will
cause drama in your life, It will cause issues in your new relationship.
It will. But see, sometimes people don't want to accept this because they
still have those feelings. If you didn't care still have that emotional tie to
that person, it wouldn't matter to you if they have gotten into a new
relationship. It will matter to you that the person is of character and integrity
and all of that, but the fact that they're in a new relationship that
wouldn't bother you. You'll be concerned about the type of person, but you
won't be bothered about it being someone other than you. That's only people who
still have feelings. They're the ones who get easily worked up and things like,
oh, my child needs help with his homework, so your ex gotta
come over to your house and spend time at your house. That's ridiculous,
ridiculous, and all of it is because of individuals still having feelings on one
another, and it's wrong. It is flat out wrong. Some of you
may not agree, and you don't have to, but you're wrong. And
you know what I'm saying is right. You know, the only reason you
do what you do because you still have some degree of emotional tides to that
person. When it's over. It should be a period when I was done
with my children's father. He could have had ten women at one time.
I wouldn't cared at all, never have cared. From the moment I left,
I didn't care. I didn't hate him, but I surely did not
care. And that's the mindset you have to have. You can be like,
well, he have this woman around my kids. You need to come
over here and do this for your child. You need to do this,
and you need to do that because of your child. No, some of
you just use people. You're taking advantage, and you're definitely using your children
as puns and scapegoats. And unfortunately many people do it, many many use
them as pawns and scapegoats. And some of you listening, you know it's
the truth. You know you still have inappropriate feelings for your ex. You
know you do inappropriate feelings for your ex, and you are allowing those feelings
to cause you to not to be able to stand up the way you should
to your ex. Many people are this way when you don't have to fear
what your ex is gonna do. Let the courts handle it if they don't
do the right thing, especially when you're paying child support. Don't lose your
mind. Let the court have the lit But some of you are so you're
like putty in that individual's hand because they know they got you wrapped around their
finger because you have a child together, which is nothing new. It's nothing
new, But some of you act like you're the only one in the world
who have a child with someone immaturity, grow up. No one wants to
be with a man who can't stand up to its ex because he have a
child with her. No woman, and no man wants to be with a
woman who can't stand up to him to her ex the guy, because all
it does is cause problems in the new relationships. Many many problems in the
new relationships. People go through unnecessary foolishness in their new relationships because they won't
stand up. And again, I believe from the things I've seen many,
many, many countless times. From the things I've seen, it's because of
emotional tides there are feelings still there. That's what I've seen, and it's
true. When you have not let go, you're gonna carry those feelings and
emotions right into your new relationships and it will come to serve. They will,
your new boo will see it, and they're gonna feel some kind of
way, and they have a right to feel some kind of way. Some
of you just don't know your boundaries. I don't care if you have a
child with someone else, you have boundaries when you have someone new in your
life, boundaries if you want to be with that new person, you gotta
get yourself together. You have to because it's not gonna work. It is
not going to work with all of the drama. It's not going to work.
So many people do this to themselves. You know you're not over that
ex. You know it. They could call you, hey, I need
this, I need that boom. You running, You're running to their every
command. You're not right. You know you're not right. That's why it's
very important to lay ground rules and don't cross them. If the kids say,
well, Mom, could you stay over here tonight? Or Dad,
could you stay over here tonight? And you know you've got someone new,
No I cannot. I'll come and spend time with you, but I cannot
stay over. If they say something like well I don't want her with her
or him here, I want I want it to just be you and mom.
No, it can't be that way anymore. Your mom and I don't
have a relationship. The only relationship we have is surrounding you. But she
have her life, I have my life. That's the way you're supposed to
handle that. But some of you sneak and lie and all kind of stuff.
No one, if it was the other way around, you would not
like it. So many people do to their significant other things they know they
wouldn't like. If they're significant other done to them, you know you wouldn't
like it. I just wanted to talk about it because I know people are
going through it. If you love who you're with, you have to do
the right thing. You have to do the right thing. That's the bottom
line. End of story. That's all I'm gonna say. I'm leaving it
right. Thank you, Thank you for listening. Please share this episode.
Go to Relatable life Chronicles check it out. Please please please share this episode
Share Relatable life Chronicles. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care of
yourselves, reach out to me. Go to my podcast page and I tell
you how to reach me. I will always respond. Thank you again.
You a much love to each and every one of you. I end every
episode the same for a reason and I hope you do it. Thank on it.