WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:09.480 Hey, Hey, I'm back with something for you to think about. I 2 00:00:09.640 --> 00:00:17.039 wanted to talk about something today because a lot of people are messing up their 3 00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:26.399 relationships and don't understand how much they're messing up their relationships. Some of you 4 00:00:26.440 --> 00:00:37.200 don't understand that you may have a situationship with your ex and a relationship with 5 00:00:37.240 --> 00:00:42.159 your child. Some of you got it all twisted up. You think because 6 00:00:42.399 --> 00:00:49.280 you have a child by someone, that you have to be in a relationship 7 00:00:49.320 --> 00:00:55.000 with that mother or that father too. No, you're supposed to be in 8 00:00:55.039 --> 00:01:02.119 a situationship. Let me explain what I mean by that is you're in a 9 00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:10.319 position of being a parent. You do not have to have a relationship with 10 00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:15.799 that other individual. You don't. You can be caught, you know, 11 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:23.719 very cordial with that person, very cordial, respectful in all of that. 12 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:30.879 But you don't have to bend over backwards for him or her just because you 13 00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:34.000 have a child by them. Some of you are messing up your relationships because 14 00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:40.760 you don't want that person to have anyone in their life. You don't want 15 00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:45.159 anyone to be around your child. But then you can do what you want 16 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:52.200 to do. No, you're making excuses because the real truth is you still 17 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:57.959 have some feelings for that person, but you're using a child as an excuse 18 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:07.840 because that individual having someone else in their life has nothing to do with your 19 00:02:07.879 --> 00:02:15.960 relationship with your child. Nothing. But some of you don't want them to 20 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:20.439 get in a relationship because you still have feelings for them, even though you're 21 00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:24.280 in a relationship. You're in a new relationship, but you're trying to control 22 00:02:24.360 --> 00:02:31.240 what's going on over there. You're wrong. You are wrong. And for 23 00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:39.879 those of you who feel that you have control over the other person because you 24 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:46.400 have a child by them, millions of people are in this situation, millions 25 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:52.759 of people. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Some 26 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.199 of you act like it's the end of the world. Who my child I 27 00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:59.960 have to see? You can see your child, and if that other person 28 00:03:00.599 --> 00:03:05.080 acts ignorant with you, use the courts for what it's for. What it's 29 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:12.000 for. Let the courts handle it if they don't want to do right by 30 00:03:12.039 --> 00:03:19.879 you. I mean, it's ridiculous some of the things that people go through 31 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:29.360 because they have a child. I know I went through it myself, even 32 00:03:29.400 --> 00:03:36.400 though we both had children. I didn't act like that, but his acting 33 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:43.199 like that, and you know. I just was like, look, either 34 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:47.039 you're gonna be over here, are you gonna be over there? Because she's 35 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:53.639 not controlling what's going on over here, point blank the end. Now, 36 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:59.479 if you can't be the man and get that in check, you can just 37 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:08.840 go on over back over there. I'll be all right. But some women 38 00:04:10.400 --> 00:04:14.759 feel, just because they got a child by a man that they can control 39 00:04:15.159 --> 00:04:21.079 his relationship with someone new. They do everything they can to try to control 40 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:27.519 them, use them kids as pawns. And men are the same way. 41 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:31.199 They don't want to see the woman with someone else, especially if you look 42 00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:34.920 better than him or doing better than him. They have an issue with that, 43 00:04:35.240 --> 00:04:42.519 so they make the child the stapgoat, and it's wrong. It's wrong 44 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:49.040 regardless of what is wrong. Because you can have a cordial you could even 45 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:56.839 call it a relationship, but you have to have boundaries. What he'll she 46 00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:00.360 do is not your business. What you do is not their being business. 47 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:08.120 But too many of you still have emotional ties. That's why I tell you 48 00:05:08.199 --> 00:05:13.720 do not leave a relationship if your heart is still in it even a little 49 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:20.800 bit, because you're gonna drag those feelings right on into the next relationship. 50 00:05:21.079 --> 00:05:30.240 And it's going to cause problems, no doubt, it will cause problems because 51 00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:38.480 you're trying to have a relationship with your new boot while you're being a little 52 00:05:38.519 --> 00:05:45.120 too comfortable with your old boo. And that's not the way it's supposed to 53 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:49.839 be. You're not with your old boo. You don't owe your old boo 54 00:05:49.879 --> 00:05:57.480 anything. It's the child. It's the child. It should be all about 55 00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:09.600 the Child's another thing that's ridiculous some of you. For instance, your child 56 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:15.199 has to go to a function or something, some of you you will say, 57 00:06:15.240 --> 00:06:18.199 well, I don't want her to come, or I don't want him 58 00:06:18.199 --> 00:06:24.519 to come. How you gonna tell somebody who's married to somebody or with somebody 59 00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:30.160 else, you don't want them to bring their new person to whatever it is 60 00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:35.040 that your child is having. That's ridiculous, it's immature, and it's wrong. 61 00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:46.279 If your ex is with someone else, that someone else can be wherever 62 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:50.680 the function is. It's nothing wrong with that. See, some of you 63 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:55.319 wanna take it too far. You want to go and be a family. 64 00:06:55.800 --> 00:07:00.959 You're no longer a family in that union, no longer that, so stop 65 00:07:01.040 --> 00:07:08.560 having an attitude and acting will I just want to be alone with him and 66 00:07:08.680 --> 00:07:11.800 my child or hurt and my child. I know if you wanted that, 67 00:07:11.920 --> 00:07:18.040 you should have stayed over there. So stop acting like your new boo is 68 00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:24.920 wrong because they don't want you hanging out with your ex. You shouldn't be 69 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.879 hanging out with your ex. There's no need for you to hang out with 70 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:34.319 your ex because you could pick up your child and enjoy your child. Some 71 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:43.120 of you take it too far. You want to still play house with someone 72 00:07:43.800 --> 00:07:47.120 that you're no longer with, and that's wrong. It's very unfair to the 73 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:56.639 new person. They shouldn't have to understand that. They shouldn't because that's what 74 00:07:57.079 --> 00:08:01.600 if they married to your ex. They're the step mom or the stepdad, 75 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:09.560 whether you want to admit it or not. Stop making excuses. Stop using 76 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:16.000 your children as escapegoats, because that's what many of you are doing. If 77 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:22.120 you're not over it, admit it. You're not over it. Admit it, 78 00:08:24.439 --> 00:08:28.079 because the truth is the truth. If you're not over it, you're 79 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:35.919 not over it. You have to deal with that. You shouldn't project whatever 80 00:08:35.960 --> 00:08:43.120 feelings you're having on to the new person. They didn't do anything to you. 81 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:48.919 Your ex chose to get in a new relationship. Respect it. But 82 00:08:50.039 --> 00:08:56.000 some of you just off the chain. I don't want that woman around my 83 00:08:56.279 --> 00:09:01.159 child. But then, and you could bring any man you on around a 84 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:11.960 child, But when he wants to bring his wife or his girlfriend around you 85 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:18.480 got an issue with that. How many people are nuts? So double standards, 86 00:09:18.559 --> 00:09:24.759 so unfair, so unrealistic. And I'll tell any man, I'll tell 87 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:28.960 any woman. When you're no longer in a relationship with someone else, that's 88 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:35.840 it. They don't have a say. Of Course, as a parent, 89 00:09:35.240 --> 00:09:43.360 you don't want your child around any drug heads and dope dealers and people who 90 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:48.159 doing the wrong thing. Of course, you don't want your child around anyone 91 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:52.519 like that. And I get that. I'm not talking about that, that's 92 00:09:52.679 --> 00:10:03.120 just common sense. I'm talking about you individuals who don't want them around someone 93 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:13.960 just because it's not you. That's wrong. That's wrong. Yes, you 94 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:20.720 should be careful about who is around your child, whether you bring them around 95 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:24.559 your child or your ex bring them around your child. You should be careful, 96 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:30.200 but don't make it the excuse. Don't use your child as a scapegoat. 97 00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:37.840 Because you know you still have feelings for your ex some of you know 98 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:43.000 you do. You know you still have emotional ties to your ex. And 99 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:48.399 some of you will do the wrong thing with your ex because of those emotional 100 00:10:48.440 --> 00:11:03.279 ties. And again that's why I always say, don't leave a relationship when 101 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:09.600 you still have feelings for the other person, because I promise you it will 102 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:15.879 cause drama in your life, It will cause issues in your new relationship. 103 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:26.600 It will. But see, sometimes people don't want to accept this because they 104 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:33.360 still have those feelings. If you didn't care still have that emotional tie to 105 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:39.240 that person, it wouldn't matter to you if they have gotten into a new 106 00:11:39.279 --> 00:11:46.399 relationship. It will matter to you that the person is of character and integrity 107 00:11:46.519 --> 00:11:52.960 and all of that, but the fact that they're in a new relationship that 108 00:11:52.960 --> 00:12:00.039 wouldn't bother you. You'll be concerned about the type of person, but you 109 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:05.919 won't be bothered about it being someone other than you. That's only people who 110 00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:13.559 still have feelings. They're the ones who get easily worked up and things like, 111 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:20.759 oh, my child needs help with his homework, so your ex gotta 112 00:12:20.799 --> 00:12:26.159 come over to your house and spend time at your house. That's ridiculous, 113 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:35.919 ridiculous, and all of it is because of individuals still having feelings on one 114 00:12:35.919 --> 00:12:43.279 another, and it's wrong. It is flat out wrong. Some of you 115 00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:46.039 may not agree, and you don't have to, but you're wrong. And 116 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:50.440 you know what I'm saying is right. You know, the only reason you 117 00:12:50.519 --> 00:12:54.759 do what you do because you still have some degree of emotional tides to that 118 00:12:54.840 --> 00:13:03.360 person. When it's over. It should be a period when I was done 119 00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:09.440 with my children's father. He could have had ten women at one time. 120 00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:16.840 I wouldn't cared at all, never have cared. From the moment I left, 121 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:26.720 I didn't care. I didn't hate him, but I surely did not 122 00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:33.120 care. And that's the mindset you have to have. You can be like, 123 00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:39.639 well, he have this woman around my kids. You need to come 124 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:43.240 over here and do this for your child. You need to do this, 125 00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:48.679 and you need to do that because of your child. No, some of 126 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:54.480 you just use people. You're taking advantage, and you're definitely using your children 127 00:13:54.519 --> 00:14:11.240 as puns and scapegoats. And unfortunately many people do it, many many use 128 00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:16.519 them as pawns and scapegoats. And some of you listening, you know it's 129 00:14:16.559 --> 00:14:24.320 the truth. You know you still have inappropriate feelings for your ex. You 130 00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:35.360 know you do inappropriate feelings for your ex, and you are allowing those feelings 131 00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:41.600 to cause you to not to be able to stand up the way you should 132 00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:50.600 to your ex. Many people are this way when you don't have to fear 133 00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:54.840 what your ex is gonna do. Let the courts handle it if they don't 134 00:14:54.879 --> 00:15:01.639 do the right thing, especially when you're paying child support. Don't lose your 135 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:11.600 mind. Let the court have the lit But some of you are so you're 136 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:18.080 like putty in that individual's hand because they know they got you wrapped around their 137 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:24.639 finger because you have a child together, which is nothing new. It's nothing 138 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:31.159 new, But some of you act like you're the only one in the world 139 00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:39.360 who have a child with someone immaturity, grow up. No one wants to 140 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:45.360 be with a man who can't stand up to its ex because he have a 141 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:50.240 child with her. No woman, and no man wants to be with a 142 00:15:50.279 --> 00:16:02.240 woman who can't stand up to him to her ex the guy, because all 143 00:16:02.279 --> 00:16:08.200 it does is cause problems in the new relationships. Many many problems in the 144 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:18.200 new relationships. People go through unnecessary foolishness in their new relationships because they won't 145 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:26.519 stand up. And again, I believe from the things I've seen many, 146 00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:34.879 many, many countless times. From the things I've seen, it's because of 147 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:45.879 emotional tides there are feelings still there. That's what I've seen, and it's 148 00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:55.759 true. When you have not let go, you're gonna carry those feelings and 149 00:16:55.840 --> 00:17:00.159 emotions right into your new relationships and it will come to serve. They will, 150 00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:06.079 your new boo will see it, and they're gonna feel some kind of 151 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:08.400 way, and they have a right to feel some kind of way. Some 152 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:14.319 of you just don't know your boundaries. I don't care if you have a 153 00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:21.000 child with someone else, you have boundaries when you have someone new in your 154 00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:32.160 life, boundaries if you want to be with that new person, you gotta 155 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:37.519 get yourself together. You have to because it's not gonna work. It is 156 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:45.640 not going to work with all of the drama. It's not going to work. 157 00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:56.680 So many people do this to themselves. You know you're not over that 158 00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:00.720 ex. You know it. They could call you, hey, I need 159 00:18:00.759 --> 00:18:07.960 this, I need that boom. You running, You're running to their every 160 00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:15.119 command. You're not right. You know you're not right. That's why it's 161 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:23.519 very important to lay ground rules and don't cross them. If the kids say, 162 00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:27.799 well, Mom, could you stay over here tonight? Or Dad, 163 00:18:27.880 --> 00:18:30.920 could you stay over here tonight? And you know you've got someone new, 164 00:18:32.839 --> 00:18:36.839 No I cannot. I'll come and spend time with you, but I cannot 165 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:45.599 stay over. If they say something like well I don't want her with her 166 00:18:45.880 --> 00:18:52.160 or him here, I want I want it to just be you and mom. 167 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:56.000 No, it can't be that way anymore. Your mom and I don't 168 00:18:56.039 --> 00:19:04.319 have a relationship. The only relationship we have is surrounding you. But she 169 00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:07.960 have her life, I have my life. That's the way you're supposed to 170 00:19:07.960 --> 00:19:14.279 handle that. But some of you sneak and lie and all kind of stuff. 171 00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:18.359 No one, if it was the other way around, you would not 172 00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:25.960 like it. So many people do to their significant other things they know they 173 00:19:26.039 --> 00:19:30.240 wouldn't like. If they're significant other done to them, you know you wouldn't 174 00:19:30.359 --> 00:19:41.000 like it. I just wanted to talk about it because I know people are 175 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:48.720 going through it. If you love who you're with, you have to do 176 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:52.880 the right thing. You have to do the right thing. That's the bottom 177 00:19:52.960 --> 00:19:59.720 line. End of story. That's all I'm gonna say. I'm leaving it 178 00:19:59.799 --> 00:20:03.559 right. Thank you, Thank you for listening. Please share this episode. 179 00:20:04.759 --> 00:20:11.799 Go to Relatable life Chronicles check it out. Please please please share this episode 180 00:20:11.920 --> 00:20:18.759 Share Relatable life Chronicles. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care of 181 00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:22.079 yourselves, reach out to me. Go to my podcast page and I tell 182 00:20:22.079 --> 00:20:26.119 you how to reach me. I will always respond. Thank you again. 183 00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:32.240 You a much love to each and every one of you. I end every 184 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:41.039 episode the same for a reason and I hope you do it. Thank on it.