Deborah, with her thirty years of being an entrepreneur and creating over seven companies,
knows exactly what it means to accept the mission. When you make that
decision, when you accept the mission to become a solopreneur, to take yourself
and your talents to market, then you embrace a life of not only unlimited
possibilities, but also the unknown. It's an elixir of fear and bravery that
only someone who's taken the leap really understands. On our show, deb digs
deep with her guests to highlight what you the listener wants to know, the
stories, the wise, and the hows to navigate the journey to success.
Get ready to hear from some of the most incredible mission takers from Generation Z
to boomers. So sit up, perk up, and get ready to be
blown away. Now Here is your host, Deborah Drummond. You guys are
the biggest part center listeners that any podcast hosts pleasure of calling subscribers. You
guys rock mission accepted. You're like, oh gosh, you haven't You haven't
introduced this like that? Ever? What do we have going on today?
Right? You guys are the best? You guys are the best. I
get to get up every morning and meet the coolest people, and you guys
are part of that. So I'm super grateful. Thank you so much for
being here with us today. Mission accepted. If you haven't watched Barbara Frankson's
first which what does should I call it? Episode, it's bigger than an
episode if you haven't heard her. If you haven't heard her, ever,
you're in for a treat after you watch this one. We're doing this six
times. We're doing a sixth series on transforming you, turning your pain into
passion and joy and love. And here's a word that we hear a lot
about and sometimes it's got a glaze to it, the word forgiveness. Right
like we do an automatic mostly I just said the word forgiveness, and you
guys automatically went uh huh, or that's awesome, or no, thank you,
or yeah, I know what that means. But there's something about Barbara
that's going to get you to dig down, take those you know, take
those letters apart, and understand forgiveness in a whole different way that relates to
transformation. Look, we have a lot of people that come into the show.
The show is called Mission Accepted. You have heard from the most incredible
athletes, parents, artists, actors, entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs. I mean,
you know, people doing all sorts of incredible things. Reminds me of Dennis
where he has a guy like you know, they blow things up, you
know, like a rock blasted, you know, rock busting world. But
everyone took that big mission. Everyone said yes, and you get to hear
about it in the ways where people decided to make a pretty monumental change.
Why I have Barbara with us for the time that we have her is because
she talks about the stuff that makes up the change. Like you know,
those big things that you do. There was a lot of things that you
decided prior beforehand, and sometimes you embraced it, and sometimes it scared you,
and sometimes you want and sometimes it wont. And here's here's the truth.
Every time you get to that next level that you want to move out,
you need to go and have a session with a woman like this,
or a call with a woman like this, or a mentorship conversation or a
mentorship wine or whatever. Because as we grow, those things re enter our
lives and we have to look inside. We have to look inside. So
she's kind of like this inside job kind of lady. So I'm gonna let
her just kind of go with it. If you haven't heard her story,
this is Barbara Frankson and she is a motivational speaker. She is an inspirational
speaker. She truly has turned her her pain into passion and joy. And
I almost want to say like escapism in the sense of she's had reprieve and
some of us have had had mini reprieves, we're able to come up for
air. But she truly, when you see her, you can see that
her baggage has been replaced by wings. That's the only way I can put
it. So Barbara, please come to the stage today and do share that
next phase of transformation and joy and forgiveness. Yeah, yeah, thanks again
for the great introduction. I am always humbled. Walking in love was very
hard for me, right, it was hard. You can't have love and
hate at the same time. You can't have love and anger at the same
time. One of the things that I used to always say in my head
is slow to anger, quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to
anger, quick to listen, slow to speak. And one of the things
is when you're walking in love, first you have to walk in forgiveness,
right, because part of that journey. I remember one of my transformational trips,
we did what we called round tables, transformation round tables, and they
were an attitude two things, attitude and forgiveness. And I remember going to
this establishment and the coach, the co coach that I had, the woman
from HR, said can we do forgiveness first? Because there's a lot of
unforgiveness in this company, and the co coach she's been doing it longer than
me, and I'm just sitting there and she said no, and she said
because there's a process, and she said, we have to get rid of
the attitude before we can go into forgiveness. So no, forgiveness has to
come once you change your attitude. So the precursor also to loving. You
got to change your attitude. You can't be ange. You can't be mad.
People used to say to me all the time, Barbara, you look
mad. I'm not mad. What are you talking about? My words?
People go by action speaks louder than words. Well, it looks like you're
mad. You're throwing, you're doing this, you're doing that, And people
are like, but I'm not angry. So you have to learn to forgive.
But they've worked together. They've worked together so so many times. Right,
make choices, and some of our choices is what would say, oh,
that was not a good choice. But the funny thing is, as
I'm sitting in my kitchen right and I have a wall right here, and
a contractor was working on that wall and he was going through some things and
he went over a little bit too far and he looked back and he's said,
Barbara, I'm so sorry the cement wasn't in yet. And he's like,
Barbara, I will do it over. You spend so much money.
And I said, no, believe it, and he goes, what,
you know, a woman's kitchen is a yeah, especially now because we've learned
to work from home. So it's your castle. And that's where the conversation
started. So I said no, Like right now I'm looking over at it,
I said, I always want to remember that I'm imperfectly perfect. And
when people come in and they see the wall, they see how unique is
that. They don't even seeing the imperfection, they just think that it's unique.
So part of that is taking those choices and saying, you know what,
none of us is perfect. Nobody is perfect, and stop beating ourselves
up. Loving yourself is a choice. It's a choice. And my thing
is this right. You teach people how to treat you. And if you
don't love yourself or you don't walk in forgiveness, one thing I have to
say is small action create great change. That's what we used to do when
we did the round tables, I'd have them right on the top. Small
action creates great change. And that's what it is. It just takes a
little stab. You know, when's the last time you did something good for
yourself? And I don't mean doing your nails or doing this or just something
good, just something that you would normally. We'll do for others something we
won't do for ourselves. And if you don't believe me, go talk to
a single mom. She'll go cut her her son's hair and her hair is
growing, and just keep doing it. Making sure we make sacrifices. So
part of that as women, because we're you know, we're bearers, were
givers. We we got to learn to give our give stuff to ourselves and
love. They say love takes care of everything, because guess what, if
you do everything in love, wish is very hard wish is very hard,
but practice makes almost perfect. And because we're imperfectly perfect, then it's great.
So one of the things I always say, do it in love and
practice it and don't beat yourself up. But for those who you didn't see
the first one, it's about the baggage, right, So you can't.
You have to embrace all of you, all of you, and that means
forgiving. And one of the things that I've done in practice what forgiveness is
this, have a release party. You got to release some things. And
what that means is, even if it's you, you got to release some
people. So you take a pen. Don't use this because something happens when
you take a pen in your hand. It's connected to your spirit. I
know I'm aging myself when I say letters, but I'm telling you there's it's
so much different than clicking. And you take that pen, and if you
have to write a letter to yourself, I would do a mindful exercise.
Just keep writing, writing people that have hurt yourself, hurt you, and
then write yourself things that you have not forgiven, and then write a letter.
And you have a choice. You can burn the letter, you can
throw the latter away. You can give the letter and if the person is
not here anymore, because sometimes that person isn't there. I had a lot
of issues with my mom, and my mom died when I was Oh my
goodness, when I was nineteen twenty, and I did not going into the
other part of me, like I say, the angry person, angry and
love, hate and love. You can't you know, you get mad.
You hear your kids say, oh, I hate you. No, you
don't hate me. You hate the rules. It's a little easy, but
you if you don't get an opportunity, because no one knows when someone is
going to leave right right, So if you don't get an opportunity to say
I'm sorry to that person, and you carry it with you and you don't
forgive yourself, it becomes it weighs you down. It weighs you down,
and it stops you also from seeing your purpose, from living a fulfilled life
or peace. You can't have fulfillment and peace if you don't have love and
unforgiveness. So you're recommendation about putting yourself on that letter as all the things
that you kind of like, I should have called, or I should have
known better, I shouldn't known better date that deal, or to date that
person, or to stay in that job too long, and just having that
release party. It's very I think of an album when you say release party,
But isn't it a celebration, right, Like it's a celebration, celebration
of you when you listen to a love song, right, because that you
like use it when you listen to I love music too, because it's a
universal language, even if it's a different language. The beat, something about
it just goes to you. Just sometimes you don't know what you're listening to.
What I like the beat? Right, So there's something about that,
So you have to write down. Sometimes it's your choice. It's and you're
like to say, what did I learn from that? What did I learn
from it? What is the lesson? There is something in every choice that
you've made. And guess what you could turn around and say to that person.
Know, you might not want to do that because I think that,
And this is what happened. Because we're all walking around with stories that can
help each other, and here's one of them. Some people will tell you
everything and some people will tell you nothing. But I always say, before
you can show up for others, you have to show up for yourself in
every single area. So if it's love you guys heard me say. For
those of you didn't hear, the first show is that I had two divorces.
I couldn't love myself, So how am I gonna love someone else?
Because in our own heads too, depending on how we were brought up,
love is displayed differently. My mother never said that she loved me, but
she had acts of service. So we have to know, you know what?
Think about it? Our love language? We have our love language.
What's your love You know? I asked some some women what's your love language?
Ago? What do you mean? And I say, go takes this
love language. Go to love look five love language? Google it and I
want you to take the test because once again you're complaining that your husband or
your you know, your boyfriend is not loving you the way? But are
you, oh, at the service to yourself? Right? Don't you think?
Every chapter? Ago? Am I doing that to me? Am I
affirming me? Am I doing little gifts for me? Am I words of
affirmation to me? Are you spending time with you? Yeah? Are you
sending time with you? Quality time? Not just watching TV? People?
Are you spending time we are looking for validation from others that we are not
willing to do for ourselves. Come on, I had to go through this
to realize that. And we like to love people from our love language.
Really, yeah, the same thing. So learn your love language. And
when you learn your love or language, guess what happens. You want to
learn someone else's so that you know how you want to be loved. See.
When I was getting a divorce, I had not been to church for
like twelve years because I was mad at God. And that's all different story
there. But I had not been to church. And one of the things
I said is you're gonna have to send someone to get me. So he
got my first husband, and he gave me a Bible, right, and
I still have that Bible even though it's all torn up. And what I
realized was my husband highlighted everything that a wife was supposed to do. Come
on, you already know where that's going. You already know you? Oh,
letty now. So I had two choices, lady, I had two
choices. This was my choice. I could get kissed slow to anger,
quick to listen, slow to speed, yeah, or I could learn from
it. Because he was concentrating so much on what I was supposed to do.
He forgot. It's the same thing with the love language. Yeah,
you want someone else to go by your own gift and you might not return
it. Hey, hit hit you know ye? Acts of service touch,
Touch means more than sexuality. Like you say, music that touches me,
it's the last time you dance with yourself. I'm doing seventy five hard now
and when it rains, you know what I do. I decide I'm gonna
put some music on exercise, I'm gonna dance. My neighbors think I'm crazy,
y'all, but that's what I do when it rains. The other day
I was like, oh my gosh, my socks. You could bring it
out and then I was done. Can't get mad. You have to start
doing things that loves you. See when you give of yourself that it makes
it easier to love someone. If you ever see someone they're smiling all the
time or what makes them once't you sit down and have a conversation because you
need to know what their journey was, because when they made a decision.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result.
If you are not getting the love that you want, then walk in
love with you and watch and see law of attraction. It's addicting. We
don't even that's what I say. Well, it's like, what do you
mean you want him to do this? But do you do that for you?
That's very easy date yourself. And that's what happened because my second husband,
this is how I started. Uh. I intentionally did not date for
three years. I intentionally. I remember going out on my birthday. Can
you imagine going out on your birthday by yourself? Like I don't have no
friends, but I intentionally did it. Yeah. I wanted to spend time
with me. And I remember at the end of the night, this gentleman
almost broke his neck trying to open the door for me. Yeah, and
then he said to me, what's a pretty woman like you doing out all
by yourself? And I looked at him and said, if I don't enjoy
my own company, then why would I want someone else wanted to spend time
with me? And I also take trips alone. You know what's beautiful about
taking trips alone. What's beautiful is that you get up when you want to.
You can go work out if you want to. You can go to
whatever restaurant we spend most of our time discussing with our girlfriends or a significant
other. Way you want to go vacation classid, right, so it's all
about I'm going to get a shirt though. The next time I traveled that
says just me. That's called when you're on a resort, they you know,
it's it's almost like, yeah, many just you, and then they
start taking away the silverware for the other true story, I'm telling you,
they start taking it away. But guess what if you're walking in unforgiveness and
anger, nothing good's gonna come out of it. Yeah, but because I
just laugh, I just laugh, and it's all an adventure. That's what
it is, love and forgiveness. Let me tell you something. When I
realize all the things that I missed because I was walking around mad at the
world and upset for people, and then when I thought back, I was
like, oh, why am I mad? Anyways? All right, that's
when you know it's m M yeah. Well sometimes you don't even know,
like sometimes there's been so much time passed or people people they're like that was
so long ago that it doesn't affect me now. But that may or may
not be true because we are like the say, an onion, and as
you evolve and go to that next level and have your experiences and like,
sometimes that stuff seems very minimal and then sometimes something can trigger it and it's
very alive. It's very alive. Just one little thing I was talking to
a girl up in this morning that I kind of talked off the roof.
I call it a bridge day. You know, it's like, hey,
you're not jumping today. So and it all it was was someone called with
this incredible story of them saving someone from a fire. And she had been
saved by a fire and it was a great story, but a barrier,
you know, it was. It wasn't even a bad thing that happened,
It wasn't anything, but it just triggered her world and it was you know,
then I need to talk her off the bridge. And she wasn't gonna
jump. I mean, you know what I'm talking about an emotional place,
and so sometimes you can be triggered. I mean, I think what you're
saying is about, like revisiting is a great idea. Revising it's a great
idea if you're having some insanity, like I've been in this job before,
it's just a different boss. If I've been in this place before, look
at I'm gonna be, you know, completely transparent. There's times in my
thirty one years of business then I'm like, how did I end up here
again? Or this isn't where I thought it was going to be or or
or or or right, And you have to sometimes revisit like are you really
not pissed off? Like really, are you're really not pissed off? Or
you know what mistakes have been making in the last ten years that I need
to forgive myself for. I love that because sometimes you just make the best
mistakes. But you're growing. That's the whole thing about growing. Yeah,
grow the most in your uncomfortable places. So you gotta go back to a
place that you once was uncomfortable with because now you can deal with it and
look at it and say, oh my gosh. Because for me, it's
like, Okay, Adam, Steve joke, they're all the same. God,
do you know how empowering it was that my relationship that I had last
Hopefully it doesn't watch this, but I realized if it's you just turn it
off right out, Like the relationship, nothing was wrong, but he reminded
me of I knew this was just another he just had a different name.
I knew where it was gonna go before it went there. So I said
to him, I can't date you anymore. And he goes, why I
said, I choose me. He goes what I said, I choose me.
I don't need to go in another mom to know that this is not
it. But when now I have glass from ceiling to and when he left,
I hope he didn't see me. I was dancing. I never danced
for a break up ever, and I was I was like, God,
thing, thank you so much. You just saved me from what But it
had to come back with Before him, I revisited some places, so I
was able to recognize that if you don't revisit a place, you'll never know
the realm. You'll never know the route. You'll also state the long way,
and this is a short cut. I think also when you recognize,
like you're talking about forgiveness and having that reflection, it really does shorten the
time, like when you can really celebrate like that, like I mean,
I would want to dance for you. I know what it's like to let
something go on a little too long. Or you've invested in or I mean
whatever it is right. You could even be an idea with your business or
an idea that you're working on, and you're like, like, you know,
when there's something that needs some changing in it, you know there's something
needs you and when. To me, it sounds like you made a decision
for you and it was like woo, like you know, boundaries one oh
one? You know, yeah, you know, did we ever have a
chance to know what boundaries were? Doesn't sound like from some of the stuff
that you shared in your first you had to learn what your boundaries were,
what was appropriate for you, what wasn't appropriate for you, what, And
then you get to celebrate as you honor those in yourself, as you start
to get wise right, it's right, And it's all about the journey and
the process of becoming, you know, filling that hole in yourself. It's
all a part of that, and we should celebrate those moments. Don't let
it pass because listen, when you were in agony, you were boohooing so
yes, thens oh lord, I forgot I had windows like that. Okay,
look, I know that we've we've had lots of lots of really I
mean, I'm visually there. I'm with you when we started this because we've
got we've got four more how sessions to do with everybody. So look,
we've talked about if you have, I'm gone back and listen to the story.
Right. You know, when we talk about this transformation, you guys
are going to go through kind of like from pain to freedom, from pain
to joy, from pain to transformation, from pain from you know, pain
to passion, and they're from pain to win in the game. Right.
So the first series that we did were the first time that we got together
and talked. You talked about really going back into that what it meant and
what some of that uncovering look like and what people could do to uncover.
Here we are starting to travel now, we're traveling through that world of self
love and forgiveness and what that looks like. In your suggestion around writing this
letter, you know, writing a letter to yourself anything else before we we
let people travel into the third time with us whatever. Its real easy when
it comes to the love and forgiveness, that's a journey you have to travel
on yourself because it requires you to go back, like you said before,
So don't try to bring everybody into it, because then that's just confusion.
This is your process, right no, So so yeah, that's it.
But that's all I have, that's all. That's a lot. That's some
great stuff. But it takes you to but it takes you to dancing in
your living room when you say something that's self affirming, right, I mean,
that's what makes people. I mean, it's just like, well,
how do you know when it's the right decision? If you're dancing in the
living room and your socks are wet, come up and then you made the
right decision. But we know, we know, right, Sometimes it's so
scary to love self above other people, Like it's sometimes it's just so scary.
So here's something I did for my girlfriend today and for all of you
listeners, I'm gonna do this. Is what I needed to do for her
today because sometimes it's tough to do it for yourself. Is like, I'm
gonna give you permission. I'm gonna give you permission. I needed to give
her permission to take the rest of the day off, right, So I'm
gonna give you permission to take the time to write your letter. Honestly,
if you're not finding the time to write the letter at Barbara's talking about.
That's a disservice of act of love, right because you're not setting the time
aside and doing what it is that you need to do to get better with
you. So that and even from the sense that the world responds in a
way that you want to friend wise, partner wise, financially wise, respect
from your kids wise, like, all of those things start to change when
you take time to do this. So I'm just going to give you permission.
I'm also going to give you permission to go hop on Swede. Where
can they find you? You guys know she's speaking at the stand Up,
Speak Up and show Up eight times. Now you know why. She's on
deb drummond dot com. You go to the podcast there, she's there.
You go to the Summit series schedule, She's there all the way till May
twenty twenty four. You go to the YouTube channel at dev Drummond and you
are going to see her not only these series but all the speakings. That's
where you can tap into her through us. But she's got a super easy
way that you can like connect right now. I have b Francs Speaks dot
com. Real easy b frank That's why I am speaks dot com where you
can go on Instagram. I am b Frank's right, And I do also
do boot camps and masterclasses probably once every couple of months. So I'm the
here. I was just gonna say that, I mean, author inspirational stands.
You know, if you're looking to have someone at one of your parties
and rock the world and rock your office, and rock your business and rock
yourself. I mean, I know that you cover all of that. This
This woman's like me, You guys, it's plane, train, automobiles,
right, you can have it from where you are today or you know she
talks about it was funny. I was watching a show. I'll get into
that another time. I was watching a show of when someone meets there,
and the way that he was putting it, it's like, it's like his
one sugar one cream friends. We're one sugar one cream friends. You know,
when you get on the plane and they're like, would you like tea?
Yes, your one sugar one cream. He's like my friends. He
goes, they're my one sugar one cream friends. And so we play train
and automobile to people that you also have things that are ongoing that people can
tap to you again. Absolutely awesome. Okay you guys, look you are
as always the most incredible audience. I thank you so much. Keep keep
sharing, keep shining, keep being you, pop over to stand up,
speak up, and show up. We expect to see you on the eighth
day of every single month, all the way to Fabu, all the way
to March eighth, twenty twenty four, and then we have some things more
to stop for you, so we'll see you there. Thank you, be
well, stay Rudy and Barbara, I'll see it pretty good. Care Yeah,
thanks, thank you so much. A right min