WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:06.440 Larry Boddy. I'm James Lot Junior and it was fifty plus. Always come 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.960 on here and tell you little life lessons I'm learning and things I'm going through 3 00:00:10.519 --> 00:00:15.320 on this show. Good morning. I. As some of you guys know, 4 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:19.559 I've been going through a whole caregiving experience this years. My stepdad and 5 00:00:19.640 --> 00:00:23.960 my mom m and take care of houses and things. Well some of you 6 00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:30.320 may know this also that last week my aunt Gina collapsed and was an induced 7 00:00:30.359 --> 00:00:36.200 coma for a minute and I'm one more than a minute a day, and 8 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:39.560 we probably had a beating ulsers and all stuff. So she was talked brought 9 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:44.280 to the hospital and it just so happened. She someone who doesn't have any 10 00:00:44.359 --> 00:00:50.320 kids or grandkids or people like like living, which lives alone. Her dog 11 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:53.119 ran out, Breezy. I think guys heard me online. Tomall Breezy, 12 00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:57.920 try and get her together too. So I because I helped her a lot, 13 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:00.359 and I know where everything is, and I of the dog and the 14 00:01:00.399 --> 00:01:06.760 house and I live not far away. I was brought in to you kind 15 00:01:06.760 --> 00:01:10.959 of take care of the house stuff and the dog. While there was two 16 00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:15.680 other people who would take care of all the hospital stuff and contacting certain people 17 00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:17.840 and that kind of thing. So we were like a tag We were like 18 00:01:17.840 --> 00:01:19.719 a tag team. And that's why I've been most of the week and busy 19 00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:23.400 dealing with deal with that. I'm trying to manage that do stuff after a 20 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:26.159 year, checking out my mother all that kind of stuff. It's it's been 21 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:34.480 a very long week. I'm exhausted beyond belief. But it's come to a 22 00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:38.079 pass. And that's why I'm going to share this with you. This is 23 00:01:38.120 --> 00:01:42.159 something that I learned stuff all time, and I said, I doing a 24 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:46.840 caregiversume next weekend twenty four You guys, you should come to it. Whether 25 00:01:46.840 --> 00:01:49.760 you're a kicker or not, you should come to it. It's ten dollars. 26 00:01:49.159 --> 00:01:52.519 We're going to do all kinds of stuff. I am. I'm excited 27 00:01:52.599 --> 00:01:57.400 for because it's gonna be there's things I've learned so much. But one of 28 00:01:57.400 --> 00:01:59.879 the things I'm gonna share with you guys a little bit is what do you 29 00:01:59.879 --> 00:02:02.400 have to let go and not let go? Like my aunt's not dead, 30 00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:07.960 she's alive, but let go. And so when you realize you are not 31 00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:12.319 in control and you've let go of certain things, and I've had you up 32 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:14.919 with my mom a little bit of some stuff, not in a major in 33 00:02:15.080 --> 00:02:17.560 scale, but there's a couple of issues that we don't agree on, and 34 00:02:17.560 --> 00:02:23.000 we've let go for right now. But when someone's whole care, which is 35 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:27.439 something totally different, and they insist on do anything a certain way, you 36 00:02:27.479 --> 00:02:30.599 think they're not good. I've had learned let go. So here's the example. 37 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:38.000 So yesterday we're getting reports that my aunt was switched from one hospital to 38 00:02:38.039 --> 00:02:42.680 another and to a hospital chain that I don't care for him that and I 39 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:44.599 said, I just went through this with my mom, I said, Dad, 40 00:02:44.639 --> 00:02:50.120 this year. They have a history of barely treating you into getting you 41 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:53.159 out there, throwing you out, get out, get out, get out, 42 00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:55.520 get out. I don't like that. Of course, it's not a 43 00:02:55.759 --> 00:03:00.800 big like you know, and they don't care about it. Who's been that's 44 00:03:00.840 --> 00:03:04.400 hold on the show by itself. But I'm gonna call that place out starchily, 45 00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:07.159 kay, But I'm gonna do anything there. Um. But with this 46 00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:10.599 case, we're thinking, oh, my aunt was switched over to you this 47 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:14.520 personal hospital. I was only there for a day and didn't would kick her 48 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:19.520 out or releasing her. Now at this point, my aunt can't walk as 49 00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:23.439 I'm walked in like a week, I can't walk. Um has you know, 50 00:03:23.479 --> 00:03:28.159 still has issues. We're waiting for certain things to come up. So 51 00:03:28.319 --> 00:03:31.520 where me and the team are tag team are ready to come down there. 52 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:36.280 And I said, literally just went through this. I'll try to buy us 53 00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:39.159 some time because I know whenever ready to release somebody, they're going to recent 54 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:43.120 body as again, how to give up just what you think you're let go. 55 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:46.599 But I was like, so you could buy a day and then like 56 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:51.840 get her house in order, because where a house is set up, every 57 00:03:52.039 --> 00:03:54.120 entrance has stairs. It's like I never I never even noticed that. That's 58 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:57.960 my brol. That's like I never we noticed that. It's like we're looking 59 00:03:57.960 --> 00:04:00.280 around going yeah, every reason entrance, side door, the back door, 60 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:03.159 the front door, there's a rapping the back door kind of two. But 61 00:04:03.199 --> 00:04:09.560 there's stairs inside the house in the sun rooms, I guess there's sharp narrow 62 00:04:09.719 --> 00:04:14.759 hallways, the toilets, you know whatever behind there. So I was like, 63 00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:16.120 and I want to get some supplies for him because we know because we 64 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:18.560 know what she needs. Were like, we know somebody need a cane, 65 00:04:19.199 --> 00:04:23.879 give my folding walker, I think for the toy. So she candess a 66 00:04:23.920 --> 00:04:27.879 low toilet and we just my brother who works for a place caught Nova Medical 67 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.199 products. I looked them up. What's gonna help me out with that? 68 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:34.240 So we're just trying. We're trying, like you know, we get but 69 00:04:34.319 --> 00:04:39.160 the biggest thing was coverage. Who's gonna be there with her because at least 70 00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:43.000 the first obviously the first five or six days, you need somebody there in 71 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:46.160 twenty or something because you can't do anything. He's like, just gets anything 72 00:04:46.199 --> 00:04:50.079 happens or you fall or whatever, just he has somebody there. So we're 73 00:04:50.120 --> 00:04:53.160 coming in, ready for bear, ready to go. We'll talk to your 74 00:04:53.240 --> 00:04:59.199 nurses, doctors, whatever. We all office get there and it is clear 75 00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:03.920 up I'm gonna go details because that's her business, but it is clear that 76 00:05:04.199 --> 00:05:09.519 she's the one driving it and wants to go home. And she made it 77 00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:15.160 very clear to us and very sternly, uh and my can and my feeling 78 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:21.720 stubbornly, but very sternly let us know she needs to go home today and 79 00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:25.720 she's not telling us the reason why, but she needs to come today. 80 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:29.879 And that's it, I mean literally basically, and we're all in shock. 81 00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.680 We started asking some basic questions like well, who's going to take care of 82 00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:36.600 like because some of us couldn't do it because we were busy to other stuff, 83 00:05:36.680 --> 00:05:39.360 or we couldn't do it. So we're like, well, who's gonna 84 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:45.199 take And she was very like I would do myself and just the course of 85 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:47.160 the next I would say next ten minutes or so. To me, she 86 00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:51.399 didn't sound like herself. I don't know if you're gonna come into something or 87 00:05:51.600 --> 00:05:55.839 she's denial or whatever. I was like, some people didn't, you know, 88 00:05:56.199 --> 00:05:59.319 maybe a secret life or something like. We started laughing. But that 89 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:01.879 all part is not even really the point of the story. That point of 90 00:06:01.920 --> 00:06:06.199 the story is. I realized that that because I was getting upset and she 91 00:06:06.360 --> 00:06:10.040 was gonna stippy with all of us, and I was like, wait a 92 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:12.759 minute, I had I stopped for a second. I said, wait a 93 00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:19.279 minute to myself, this is not my mother. I have no legal recourse 94 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:24.079 or action for her. I can't I can't stop or do anything. And 95 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:27.439 I'm still caretaking my mom at some level. I'm stopped because I got somebody 96 00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:31.279 else I'm doing with. I'm still watching two households like I need a pullback. 97 00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:35.199 I found myself being upset and smart with her a little bit, and 98 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:38.279 I was like I don't want to do that, and I'm like, I 99 00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:42.079 saw nothing, and she was very adamant. But if I was looking at 100 00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:44.759 each other like we don't we're all in showing like what what is she doing? 101 00:06:44.920 --> 00:06:46.600 Like we don't like And I'm just gonna figure out when I get home. 102 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.439 And seeing all these things, you're like, they don't make any sense. 103 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:55.959 But my thing was for me, Hey, let I go. I 104 00:06:56.199 --> 00:06:59.439 did what I exploded I was supposed to do. For the whole week, 105 00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:01.600 I looked for the dog. Didn't find a dog. So everybody was asking, 106 00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:03.160 thank you so much, I'm done looking for the dog. So I 107 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:06.399 spent six days where it's gone, Dog's gone, um, I said. 108 00:07:06.399 --> 00:07:10.399 I secured her house, checked out her house, make sure that everything was 109 00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:13.800 still. The mail was in the newspakeer she gets newspapers delivered. Yes, 110 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:17.319 still these were newslevers like just beIN what you deliver them. So I used 111 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:20.639 to read it. Um, her trash cancer, Secure the doors, you 112 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:24.839 know. I made sure that her wallet, I brought her volunteer. I 113 00:07:24.920 --> 00:07:29.000 gave her a phone charger and her phone. So so I did my job 114 00:07:29.480 --> 00:07:31.680 as a great nephew and as a person who asked you manity and his brains. 115 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.519 I was like that. One was like, James, you did what 116 00:07:34.600 --> 00:07:39.040 you could do. You know, you made extra keys. I'll sto you 117 00:07:39.079 --> 00:07:40.879 did. You did you're supposed to do. You did it. I would 118 00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:43.959 do it again. I wouldn't. I mean, I have no regrets. 119 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:46.600 I would do it again. Um. But I was like, it's time 120 00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:49.680 to pull out kids, and so I said, here's your keys to your 121 00:07:49.720 --> 00:07:54.399 house, here's your phone, tree whatever. I grabbed my person, I 122 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:59.480 said time to go. I left. I walked out, and I kind 123 00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:03.279 of stormed out, but I walked out and I texted my the person I 124 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:05.720 was with, and said, Okay, I'm not crying back up. We'll 125 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:09.480 coming back in. When to take your time whenever you're ready. UM, 126 00:08:09.720 --> 00:08:11.839 come on down, we'll go because I have some stuff in her car and 127 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:15.319 we're gonna go to good stuff together. I gainst some eat together. But 128 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:20.319 my whole thing was like, why am I pushing them so hard when this 129 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:24.319 person is already is pushing I'm just I'm like, Okay, you said you're 130 00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:28.439 gonna figure it out. I guess you gonna figure it out. So all 131 00:08:28.480 --> 00:08:31.680 that, But I know at the moment I was resensing her I was upset. 132 00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:33.360 I feel like I did all this stuff for you. We all did 133 00:08:33.399 --> 00:08:37.000 all this stuff for you. We care about you, all this stuff, 134 00:08:37.480 --> 00:08:39.600 and I was upset out. So I had to get over that. I 135 00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:41.679 had to get over that. It's like, Jame, it's not about you. 136 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:45.000 You would have done it anyway, it didn't matter. If it doesn't 137 00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:48.720 matter, if she had no reaction, you don't regret doing it. You're 138 00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:52.759 yeah, you're a human being, you're here to help and you love her. 139 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:56.159 So that's the number one thing. So once I got out of myself 140 00:08:56.360 --> 00:08:58.519 and just said okay, here we go, then I was good to go. 141 00:09:00.240 --> 00:09:01.600 And then m and then I was like, my mother, can't we 142 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.240 calmed down on that one. And then I was like, okay, so 143 00:09:05.399 --> 00:09:09.039 we're okay, We're good. Okay, So that's that and now we're going 144 00:09:09.159 --> 00:09:13.159 to um move off my life. I am not betting or backwards anymore to 145 00:09:13.559 --> 00:09:16.399 tell my brother today to take back the ship that he bought for her, 146 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:20.320 because I'm like, she says she's gonna figure it out. She's gonna figure 147 00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:22.440 it out. So to my knowledge, I didn't check all right. To 148 00:09:22.519 --> 00:09:24.320 my knowledge, she I guess found somebody to stay with her last night, 149 00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:28.879 I guess, and hopefully it worked out and she need where she needs, 150 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:31.600 because I mean, I'm not giving you all the details. So that we 151 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.039 were were everybody was fighting with her yesterday. I mean it was like we 152 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:37.519 were asking this credit. She was pushing back on everything and we're all just 153 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:41.799 trying to help. So I was like, yep, I'm good. So 154 00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:43.600 I will check on it in a few days and see how she's doing. 155 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:52.200 And as a loving nephew, but my involvement, I pulled out so and 156 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:54.960 again I said, I'll regret it. It was a rough week. But 157 00:09:56.279 --> 00:09:58.399 so I went through this three times this year, which is too much for 158 00:09:58.440 --> 00:10:01.919 anybody handle. But I'm like, back to me, James, back to 159 00:10:03.039 --> 00:10:05.360 James lot Junior. So, um, I did what I supposed to do, 160 00:10:05.720 --> 00:10:09.200 and I'm proud of myself, and I don't I said, don't regret 161 00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:11.960 it. And but it's as well all says, you have to kind of 162 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:15.679 step you have to stand stand backs like Stevie Nicks. You have to stand 163 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:20.679 back and go Okay, let people be who they are obviously, and and 164 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:24.679 what's gonna happen is when they find and you know things if which just happened 165 00:10:24.679 --> 00:10:26.159 and things go wrong with them. That's all I mean, that's on them. 166 00:10:28.279 --> 00:10:31.759 And if she called me crying and upset, of course I can help 167 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:35.159 her. That's just how it is. You just don't need you at some 168 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:39.279 level. But me going out of my way anymore to do stuff that's done, 169 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:41.759 I was like, I was a good nephew. I did what I 170 00:10:41.799 --> 00:10:45.240 supposed to do. A lot of folks would have done what I've done. 171 00:10:45.279 --> 00:10:48.559 And people we had, she had a whole team behind her, were wonderful. 172 00:10:48.759 --> 00:10:52.039 We wouldn't make things easier for her, but it's her life, and 173 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:54.639 I love. It's about control. A lot of it's about it. I 174 00:10:54.679 --> 00:10:56.480 know all these other dynamics are going on that have nothing to do with me, 175 00:10:58.559 --> 00:11:01.000 so again taking me out of it and not adding to it. And 176 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:05.279 I'm glad I didn't say anything regrettable. I'm glad I didn't go off on 177 00:11:05.399 --> 00:11:07.519 her. I was like, that would have that would have not done nothing. 178 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:11.720 So I'm doing a little better today. I'm exhausted. I'm kind of 179 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:16.360 trying to pull myself together, but you know, I said, I'm I 180 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:20.200 will I will assist her if she calls or needs it. I will check 181 00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:22.919 on her here and there, we'll see how it goes, and I'm going 182 00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:26.399 to continue pray that nothing serious happens to him. And why is Joe Anne 183 00:11:26.440 --> 00:11:31.840 sending me ten thousand messages for stuff for um, I'm not shopping at Joe 184 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:35.159 Anne's day anyway. UM. So that's kind of what's going on here. 185 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:39.639 So especially that with you, it's it's sometimes we get caught up in everything, 186 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:45.000 but we have to pull out sometimes too, and it's okay to do 187 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:48.200 that, especially when you realized you're where your place is and all this, 188 00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:52.639 and sometimes your place is not that's not joe place U. So I mean 189 00:11:52.720 --> 00:11:56.759 that's just it just isn't yours in your place. So I'm blind, like, 190 00:11:56.360 --> 00:12:01.480 thank you, I think I think I got it. Um. So 191 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:05.440 I'm the fast over here. I'm James H. James fifty plus. I 192 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:07.679 love that you guys watch this or listen to it, and I love hearing 193 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:11.120 what your feedback is and what you think. UM, it's very interesting, 194 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:15.720 So please do that, like share, subscribe wherever you find this. UM. 195 00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:18.120 I'm fifty plus and I'll see you next time.