WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:14.960 Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song We Welcome to Talking Point with Ray 2 00:00:15.560 --> 00:00:21.760 Sen you Angeler, discussing the hot topics and answering your questions, Saturdays five 3 00:00:21.800 --> 00:00:27.399 to seven pm on Adventist Radio London. It's talking Point. It's talking Point. 4 00:00:27.640 --> 00:00:32.719 It's talking Point. It's talking Point, real conversations. You need to 5 00:00:32.840 --> 00:00:40.520 have good evening, good evening, good evening, and welcome to Talking Point. 6 00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:45.280 Thank you for joining us. If you're listening in, it is just 7 00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:49.520 twenty five past five, starting a little later today. Schedule is running a 8 00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:54.560 little over today, but welcome to Talking Point. It is the tenth of 9 00:00:54.560 --> 00:00:59.799 February. And hope you've had a blessed sabbath so far. I think sun 10 00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:03.599 may set already, so I hope you've had a blessed day. So we're 11 00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:07.920 going to get into it. Thank you for joining us. I am joined 12 00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:10.680 in studio. Actually no, I'm not joining the studio. I'm joining a 13 00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:12.200 studio with my mum. Actually, I've got my mum with me today, 14 00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:19.560 sitting quietly at the corner there, smiling away at me. But anaz zoom. 15 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:27.680 I've got my trusted co host Pedro and his lovely wife Tara and so 16 00:01:27.799 --> 00:01:32.040 thank you both for big with us today. And then, actually the only 17 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:36.719 person who's missing today is Xena. It's her turn to be the jet setter 18 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:40.840 this time, so she's off on vacation. I'm not quite sure whether she's 19 00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:45.400 actually where she actually is at the moment, but I know she's going off 20 00:01:45.439 --> 00:01:51.680 to sunnier climbs than here in the UK. So yes, so travels, 21 00:01:51.719 --> 00:01:56.920 Zenya. We are glad for you. I'm happy for you that you're taking 22 00:01:56.959 --> 00:01:59.079 a break. I just wish I was able to come with you. But 23 00:01:59.239 --> 00:02:06.560 next time, Yes, from yours. They're right. So so we're going 24 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:07.680 to make a start. We're going to say prayer and then we're going to 25 00:02:07.759 --> 00:02:10.719 get into what we are going to be talking about today. So let's pray, 26 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:14.840 Father God, I want to thank you for blessing us with another Sabbath 27 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:16.800 day, Dear Lord. And wherever and people have been and what have they 28 00:02:16.919 --> 00:02:21.280 done, I hope that they've been praising you, worshiping you, and have 29 00:02:21.319 --> 00:02:23.039 gained to blessing from today, Dear Lord, Dear Lord, We're gonna be 30 00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:27.199 talking about a topic that's dear to your heart, I know, dear Lord, 31 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:30.360 and important for all of us, and definitely important in our relationships that 32 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:34.120 we have. So I pray, Dear Lord, that you bless the show 33 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:38.879 today, bless our conversation, and I pray that whatever we share will be 34 00:02:38.919 --> 00:02:40.680 a blessing to those who are listening. I thank you for hearing and answering 35 00:02:40.879 --> 00:02:45.599 and being such an awesome God. This is my prayer. Amen. So 36 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:50.080 we are here at Talkie port Point. Thank you for joining us. If 37 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:53.919 you want to join in our conversation, because it's all about talk and sharing 38 00:02:53.960 --> 00:03:00.719 our thoughts, you can get involved by either emailing us at studio at Adventist 39 00:03:01.039 --> 00:03:07.400 Radio dot London, or you can text us on at eight triple to eight, 40 00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:12.599 write hope and then your message, or you can whatsappers on seven four 41 00:03:12.759 --> 00:03:19.159 five nine six four two eight nine eight. So do get involved with the 42 00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:24.280 conversation today. We'd love to hear your thoughts. So, Pedro and Tara, 43 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:30.159 how is your week being? How are you both? It seems like 44 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:32.000 the week has gone past very quickly because it feels like it's only yesterday that 45 00:03:32.039 --> 00:03:35.520 I saw you. Actually, it was really nice to see you. Guys 46 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:38.759 are the flesh rather than just other screens. So technically we are in the 47 00:03:38.759 --> 00:03:42.759 studio we're just on zoom we are. That's true. That's true. That 48 00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:46.520 is true. But yeah, how's your week been? You can see each 49 00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:49.879 other other folks can't see us. Yeah, so that's why that matters. 50 00:03:49.960 --> 00:03:54.039 Well, No, our week was good for me? Is being a little 51 00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:59.080 rough because you know, I'm on the rolls all the time and been snow 52 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:05.159 and sleed and rice. I'm ice and cold, and yes, I've been, 53 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:09.759 you know, just dealing with that. The heater. The heater in 54 00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:13.080 my car. It didn't go out, but I gotta get it. I 55 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:17.439 got to get to the I gotta get to what do you call that. 56 00:04:18.079 --> 00:04:23.839 I got to get to the shop because my heater it stays on, so 57 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:29.120 like when I turn off the car, it continues to run. Like I 58 00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:33.279 have to add to like manually disconnected. So that makes it a little difficult 59 00:04:33.279 --> 00:04:36.120 because you know, like sometimes you get in the car and then it starts 60 00:04:36.199 --> 00:04:40.399 like forcing on the window, so I have to like plug it in so 61 00:04:40.439 --> 00:04:42.800 that I could deforce the window. Then it gets too hot because it stays 62 00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:46.279 on the whole time, they have to unplug it. So that's I dealt 63 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:48.800 with that this week, but made it through, so thank God, and 64 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:50.879 hopefully the next couple of weeks, I'll be able to take it to the 65 00:04:50.920 --> 00:04:54.800 shop and get it fixed. But I'm glad you've got some heat, because 66 00:04:54.839 --> 00:04:58.000 I know what it's like not to have heat. And yeah, the bad 67 00:04:58.040 --> 00:05:00.000 weather like that, and you're driving your cards and care Okay, I'm not 68 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.600 sure how much colder it could be. He might as well be sitting outside 69 00:05:02.600 --> 00:05:10.279 the car, you know. But yeah, hopefully, Oh I since I've 70 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:15.519 lost you guys that you frozen me frozen. Okay, Well we all come 71 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:18.279 back to them, hopefully they'll be back with us. As often sometimes, 72 00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:23.000 as with live radio, there are technical difficulties. But here we are. 73 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:28.240 So we all go back to Peggo and Tara in a second. So for 74 00:05:28.360 --> 00:05:33.439 me, my week has been an interesting week. Oh you guys back as 75 00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:36.240 I said, yeah, we I say we got we lost it from me. 76 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:39.120 I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, but I was yeah, 77 00:05:39.439 --> 00:05:41.279 but the cold, I was U saying talking about the cold. The cold 78 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.720 don't bother me too much. Is because I were like thick socks and stuff 79 00:05:45.519 --> 00:05:48.199 just annoying because you know, you don't realize how much you I hate. 80 00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:50.399 These are like trying to cars. I like the old fashioned. You know, 81 00:05:50.439 --> 00:05:59.160 we could just turn the knob, you know, and so everything's huh 82 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.439 with the heat coming on instantly, you mean right, well, no, 83 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:05.439 not just instantly, just you know, it's I can't control it, so 84 00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:09.120 it just makes a little bit more difficult. But thankfully I made it through 85 00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:12.000 the week, and I was for that. My week was good. I've 86 00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:14.600 been healthy this week, so that was a good thing too. I wasn't 87 00:06:14.639 --> 00:06:17.680 sick, wasn't cold coughing, so that was another good thing that this week 88 00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:21.800 it was was good for. But it did go fast, Yeah it did. 89 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:26.199 I mean I marvel at the fact that, you know, twenty four 90 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:30.040 hours seems quite a long time, but you know, seven of those go 91 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:33.600 past really quickly, and you know, once again, here we are about 92 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:39.199 you. I had a good week, you know, it's just the week 93 00:06:39.279 --> 00:06:42.600 that God let me be here and made it through the week dealing with the 94 00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:47.160 kids and dealing with you. But other than that, you're something to deal 95 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:49.959 with too. Whatever. Don't just started on this show. But God is 96 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:56.639 good all the time, and I'm just glad we here today. Walk yeah, 97 00:06:58.399 --> 00:07:02.680 yeah said. The whole thing just shut down. Yeah, The cars 98 00:07:02.759 --> 00:07:06.160 was literally sliding back and forth. The trucks, you know, the big 99 00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:09.759 trucks and stuff. Was literally just passed in the middle of the street. 100 00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:13.319 But it was traffic just for miles. Wow, you know. Wow. 101 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:15.399 Yeah, they did say the weather was gonna take a bit of a turn, 102 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:16.920 but it's so different when you think of different parts of the country. 103 00:07:17.240 --> 00:07:21.839 Here down south, we've not had We've not really had any snow. A 104 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:24.759 little bit of frost and stuff, but really not as bad as that. 105 00:07:24.920 --> 00:07:28.319 So I wonder what's coming. But yeah, we've had a lot of rain. 106 00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:30.480 Unfortunately, we live in the mountains, so we get all the nice, 107 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:38.959 nice weather. Oh oh well, I was just saying before lived it 108 00:07:39.079 --> 00:07:42.199 was snow, but where I was working was like Liverpool, there was no 109 00:07:42.279 --> 00:07:45.879 snow. I was looking all so it was just so bad for me because 110 00:07:45.879 --> 00:07:48.079 all day I'll be I was out. But as I got closer to home, 111 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:50.600 that's when the weather started to get better than the car started kind of 112 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:54.759 sliding a little bit and I have to be more mindful. But yeah, 113 00:07:54.959 --> 00:07:59.160 yeah, so it wasn't everywhere. Oh no, it's been Yeah, I 114 00:07:59.279 --> 00:08:01.519 was gonna say. For I was just saying before my week's been again another 115 00:08:01.560 --> 00:08:05.199 busy one. I pulled my back actually so I'm not quite what I'm not 116 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:11.560 sure what I've done, but it's amazing how sometimes something happens. And I 117 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:13.879 realized all the things that I suddenly now can't do. So I couldn't really 118 00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:18.079 sort of spend you know, put on my socks very effectively, in my 119 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:22.600 shoes, and you know, as much as they sort of say. I 120 00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:26.680 went to the osteopath on Thursday, and that was then very painful after that, 121 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:28.959 and it was just, oh, I have to keep moving, I 122 00:08:28.959 --> 00:08:33.200 have to keep walking, and I'm thankful that I'm able to do that. 123 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:35.879 Walking through the pain has not been so great, but as you said, 124 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.840 Tara, grateful to God to be still here, to be able to get 125 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:43.200 out and about as much as I can do. So, you know, 126 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.519 lots of pain killers, lots of deep heat, heat pads and all that 127 00:08:48.600 --> 00:08:54.120 kind of thing. They gave me. The Yeah, just not a lot, 128 00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:58.960 just like six tablets for a couple of days. But yeah, definitely 129 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:03.600 released those muscles. Yeah, definitely helps, you know. And then everybody 130 00:09:03.639 --> 00:09:07.360 necessarily wants to take medication, but I don't take medication. No, no, 131 00:09:07.399 --> 00:09:11.720 I but see no trains. Because I was at a point where I 132 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:16.120 literally woke up one morning and I couldn't walk. Yeah, I literally was 133 00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:18.399 like I was like frozen. I was like a statue. I could not 134 00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:22.000 walk. If I had to go somewhere, I had to go like ten 135 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:26.039 minutes early to get there because I was not gonna make I was walking like 136 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:30.600 an old man with a cane, like I could not. Every step was 137 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:33.879 painful. I could not. So I had to get something because I'll tell 138 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:35.320 you, I don't take pills. I hate pills. I mean, I 139 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:37.799 see I have the complete opposite to that. I want to take whatever I 140 00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:43.679 can, and I say that this is the right stuff that you need to 141 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:50.440 take. If I could take I wonder, you know, you know sometimes 142 00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:54.879 I wonder. Yeah, I take all the just the right stuff. But 143 00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:56.080 you know, if I can get rid of that pain as quick as possible, 144 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:58.759 you know, there are some good pat killers out there, so I'm 145 00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:05.960 going to to take them. Pain and tower does not go together. So 146 00:10:05.960 --> 00:10:11.039 so so I'm glad to see you both here today, and we're talking about 147 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:15.600 an interesting We started our February being, you know, traditionally the month of 148 00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:20.120 love. You know, we've been talking about love, relationships and marriage, 149 00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:24.080 and obviously we have you both on here following up kind of as an extension 150 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:30.120 of your podcast, Marriage Can Heal. That's the do you know what, 151 00:10:30.559 --> 00:10:35.399 it's one of the two it was. It was formerly known as Marriage Can 152 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:43.440 Heal, to Heal Heal My Marriage. So that's the podcast that Pedro and 153 00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:48.639 Tara do and you can catch that on an Advantage Radio London Sunday four o'clock 154 00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:52.799 and also all the other plats streaming platforms as well. And so last week 155 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:56.720 we were talking about communication, which definitely is a big, big, big 156 00:10:56.840 --> 00:11:03.279 big skill to have in our relationships. And this week because now you know, 157 00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:05.399 I guess there are lots of kind of traditions and lots of kind of 158 00:11:05.559 --> 00:11:11.720 days awareness days in the year, but next Wednesday is where the world is 159 00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:18.559 celebrating love. Now, love is a theme topic that really should be celebrated 160 00:11:18.759 --> 00:11:22.759 all year round, but on February the fourteenth, it's traditionally known as a 161 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:28.279 Valentine's Day, So that's when you know, the world and unfortunately, and 162 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:31.320 I know many people don't like it for this reason, it's become a bit 163 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:37.200 of a commercialized holiday day of awareness, etc. However, we're going to 164 00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:41.200 talk about love today and love in general. The ideas around love. I'm 165 00:11:41.240 --> 00:11:46.759 also thinking about love within a marriage relationship, so there's a lot to be 166 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:50.679 said. And it was interesting. I was I think I was doing some 167 00:11:50.759 --> 00:11:52.360 research for this. I came across and sort of the song was in my 168 00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:56.399 head and I don't know if anybody knows this. It's a thing I do 169 00:11:56.519 --> 00:12:01.039 it as Frank Sinatra has sung it his the song call Love and Marriage, 170 00:12:01.399 --> 00:12:05.279 and the lyrics go, love and marriage, Love and marriage go together like 171 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:07.960 a horse and carriage. This I tell your brother, you can't have one 172 00:12:09.080 --> 00:12:13.759 without the other. And I thought, love, am I really going to 173 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:18.639 be singing this on there? Their marriage? Part of it's part of us. 174 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:22.440 It's part of a famous TV shows. Yes, it is the best 175 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.039 TV show. I'm not going to really say the name of the TV show 176 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:28.039 because I'm not going to promote it. But it was a l Bundy and 177 00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:31.159 Peggy. Oh it was on that as well. Yes, it was that. 178 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:35.080 That was the thing that was the theme to the show. That true. 179 00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:39.080 Yes, that's true. Oh yes, I do remember that. But 180 00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:41.519 it says, you know, this is to brother you can't have It's not 181 00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:43.480 the best to bring up right now, but it is. I was talking 182 00:12:43.480 --> 00:12:46.639 about that. I wasn't talking about the show. I was talking about the 183 00:12:46.720 --> 00:12:48.559 lyrics. But love of marriage, it's an institute. You can't disparage. 184 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:54.559 Ask lotal gentry and they will say it's elementary. Try try to separate them, 185 00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:58.240 it's illusion. Try try and you will only come to this conclusion. 186 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:01.679 Love and marriage, a marriage go together like a horse and carriage, which 187 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:05.720 I thought was very interesting. So we'll be, you know, we'll be 188 00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:09.000 discussing a little bit about that because I'm curious to know whether you know, 189 00:13:09.159 --> 00:13:11.879 love is a really important part within that, within a marriage relationship. But 190 00:13:13.039 --> 00:13:16.720 yeah, yeah, But to start off as off, then let's think about 191 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:20.720 love. What would our definitions be of love? Now, I know I 192 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:24.480 went to the dictionary and I had a look, so I shall share that 193 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:28.240 in the second. But I'm going to throw that that out to both of 194 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:37.080 you, Pedro and Tara. What's your definition of love? Definition of love? 195 00:13:39.240 --> 00:13:45.799 For me? Love encompasses so much love for me, And in the 196 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:52.759 terms of marriage is two actually even better? Yet in terms of religion and 197 00:13:54.279 --> 00:13:58.320 our religion that we're taught and we believe, and I noticed for the fact 198 00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:01.120 that love for me is God loves us so much that he sent his only 199 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:07.480 son to die for us, so willing to do whatever is needed to protect 200 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:11.759 us. So, for me, love is is me willing to do whatever 201 00:14:11.759 --> 00:14:15.759 I gotta do to protect the one I love, other person that I do 202 00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:20.360 love. It doesn't necessar necessarily always mean it's gonna be my wife, cause 203 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:26.320 I love other people, m but it's a different kind of love my family, 204 00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:31.000 you know. So I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to protect 205 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:41.000 them, even sometimes sacrificing myself. I think love for anybody and I'm not 206 00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:43.159 saying that I wanna go out there and get myself hurt on purpose. But 207 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:48.320 if I have, if I have protect the the brunt of whatever's happening, 208 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.000 just to protect that family member all my wife, I'm I'm gonna. I'm 209 00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:56.200 gonna do it because my love for them is that strong. Cause sometimes you 210 00:14:56.240 --> 00:14:58.279 know, we have to protect our family and our f in, our spouse 211 00:15:01.159 --> 00:15:03.799 from things, and we have to sometimes just take it. You know, 212 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:09.200 we may not like it and we may not agree with it. But so 213 00:15:09.399 --> 00:15:13.080 for me, love is definitely that. I just think love is a universal 214 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:20.320 term that you can use that commit is being committed at all times to that 215 00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:26.919 person. Okay, okay, all right, and your thoughts on that I 216 00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:33.639 was love for me. It's like kind of what Peter was talking about well 217 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.120 with me. For marriage in the relationship is being there for your spouse, 218 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:43.720 enduring the different things that you may go through in your marriage. It really 219 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:48.000 tests your love for your spouse depending on the situation that you're going through. 220 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:52.720 And I think loving someone is giving y'all alle to them, giving your mind, 221 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:58.360 your heart and saying, you know what I'm all in in this marriage. 222 00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:02.600 I love you, I love God, and i want everything to work 223 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:04.360 in our marriage, and I'm willing to go through the good and the bad 224 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:10.879 no matter how things may look. That's that's what I think love is. 225 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:17.080 Love is not both. Love is not proud. Love is given, giving 226 00:16:17.159 --> 00:16:21.559 yourself someone like Jesus kind, like Jesus did for us, He gave us, 227 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:25.759 He gave us his love, he gave us his all, And it's 228 00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:27.759 the same thing we have to do with our spouses. We have to give 229 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:32.559 out all to them and be able to know that through that love, we're 230 00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:34.279 going to go through hard times. Through that love, we're going to go 231 00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:38.759 through good times. But are we willing to to work through the through all 232 00:16:38.799 --> 00:16:45.240 of that and you know what I mean. Some people say love don't love 233 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:49.600 don't make a marriage last forever, but I would say it can. It 234 00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:56.679 can because you got two people working to make it work in their marriage. 235 00:16:56.159 --> 00:17:00.159 The love is just like an added bonus because because because you love that person, 236 00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:03.839 you're going to try. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm glad you. 237 00:17:03.960 --> 00:17:07.160 Kind of that's kind of en compass to some of the things I was kind 238 00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:08.839 of looking. So when I was looking in the dictionaryas often do for words, 239 00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:15.319 and when there's there's various definitions for love. From one was an intense 240 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:19.039 feeling of deep affection. And I sometimes I know when I think of love, 241 00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:23.119 I just think it's like a really intense version of like so intense that 242 00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:27.599 you almost can't even put a kind of number or the depth of that's what 243 00:17:27.799 --> 00:17:30.440 have you. And then kind of, you know, words that kind of 244 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:36.319 linking with that would be things like fondness, tenderness, the intimacy, the 245 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:40.599 attachment, the devotion, adoration, you know, those kind of words. 246 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:44.400 But also it talks about a real great interest and a pleasure in something. 247 00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:48.839 So I'm sure there are many men out there who love football, for instance, 248 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:53.160 or if you're like me, you love your food kind of thing, 249 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:59.680 so you know you're really really into something, take great pleasure, great interest 250 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:03.440 in them. App obviously things like deep affection. You know, you enjoy 251 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:06.319 something, you really like something. So it's all of those things. It's 252 00:18:06.359 --> 00:18:08.240 all of those things really and there's so many ways that are linking with that. 253 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:14.160 So but as you said, there are different I mean, there are 254 00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:17.759 different types of love. And when we talk about love from a spiritual perspective 255 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:22.519 of love in the Bible, there are kind of four I suppose types of 256 00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:29.359 love that are found in the Bible eros or eros, Storge, Filia, 257 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:33.759 and a garpe. Just a kind of quicker overview of what they are. 258 00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:37.640 Now, you know, we know and we believe as Christians that God is 259 00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:41.400 love and God is the center and what have you. But then they talk 260 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:45.279 about there's like Greek words for different types of love in the Bible. So 261 00:18:45.559 --> 00:18:52.680 eros is that's the kind of Greek word for sensual and romantic love, and 262 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:57.240 that's what we believe is what's going to be reserved for marriage. The love 263 00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:06.960 romance, intimacy stage is a term that describes the more familiar kinds of love. 264 00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:11.519 So that's family between parents, children, brother, sisters. It's a 265 00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:18.119 family love. Then you have failure, which is the intimate love that you 266 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:22.440 will practice to one another. That's kind of the sort of brotherly love. 267 00:19:22.880 --> 00:19:26.839 So it's a kind of christ As Christians, you know, we treat each 268 00:19:26.839 --> 00:19:30.880 other as our brothers and sisters. It's that powerful friendship bond et cetera. 269 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.279 And then a gape is I suppose it's the highest type of love, which 270 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:38.279 it really is a good term to describe describe God's immeasurable love for us. 271 00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:45.720 It's perfect, unconditional, sacrificial, and pure. So there's so there's there's 272 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:51.240 different types of love that really encompass what love really is about when you think 273 00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:56.599 of it in different kinds of context, and what are you I just thought 274 00:19:56.599 --> 00:20:00.079 that's something we were talking about. Then we just talking about the different have 275 00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:02.279 to love, and I was, you know, I think they, like 276 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:08.039 I believe, love comes in stages. So like you meet somebody, you 277 00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:12.200 you start to feel that love towards them, like you get to know them, 278 00:20:12.599 --> 00:20:15.000 and as you get to know them, you feel that love towards them. 279 00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:18.119 Then you say, okay, do I want to spend the rest of 280 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:21.279 my life with this person? Then that's it's like so it's like steps and 281 00:20:21.440 --> 00:20:25.279 then so like that to me, like the intimacy will be the ending part 282 00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:30.559 of the love. And I think that's important because throughout marriage you go through 283 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:34.960 stages where sometimes for those love not all for loves are going to be there 284 00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:41.079 at one time. So sometimes you may not you may not be intimate. 285 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:44.359 You may like if you're sick or something's going on, you know, you 286 00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:47.039 may not be intimate. But that doesn't mean that they don't love you. 287 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:52.759 So now you have the other love that will will take will be stronger to 288 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:56.279 take over, you know why You're still until you're able to have to be 289 00:20:56.359 --> 00:21:02.799 intimate with your spouse and then when it goes through. Intimacy is not always 290 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:07.480 just sex. Some intimacy can be just being there sitting bags, yeah, 291 00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:14.319 or it's so many different things that come with intimacy, and it can be 292 00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:17.440 just going out to eat. You need so many ways to show love. 293 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:22.720 It ain't got to always be yeah, rubbing your feet or giving them a 294 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:25.880 massage, you know, or something like that. I mean, I think 295 00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:29.359 if we don't display all different parts of love and always think it's just sex, 296 00:21:29.480 --> 00:21:33.200 then we kind of missing out on the things that we really can make 297 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:36.160 a marriage strong. But going back to a bit about you were saying about 298 00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:41.400 love comes in stages, So before you even get to married, where does 299 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:45.880 where would you say their love fits into all of those things? Because if 300 00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:48.880 you think about the different types of love that there are, I guess maybe 301 00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:52.720 they play a different part, possibly different stages. You know, if you 302 00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:55.400 kind of get to know some if you meet somebody, you're getting to know 303 00:21:55.559 --> 00:21:59.680 them. That's that kind of friendship you're starting off. If you're part of 304 00:21:59.720 --> 00:22:03.079 a big group, you obviously experience that kind of collective love for your brothers 305 00:22:03.079 --> 00:22:07.359 and sisters. So how what sort of part of this does it play in 306 00:22:07.400 --> 00:22:11.759 each of those the stages? Then I think the stage is like, so 307 00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:15.920 when I'm at Tara, I was I wouldn't say I was interesting. I 308 00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:19.039 was instantly in love, but I knew I want to marry her. So 309 00:22:19.160 --> 00:22:22.839 now the next step was to get to know her, get to know her 310 00:22:22.000 --> 00:22:26.519 likes to dislikes, get to see if we're compatible. Because sometimes you may 311 00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:30.839 love somebody or think you falling in love with somebody, but you're not compatible 312 00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:33.400 with that person if you're not in the same if you're not thinking the same. 313 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:37.880 You know, you could be we just a little off in our thinking 314 00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:41.279 because she was Baptists, I was a ventist. But we both believe in 315 00:22:42.599 --> 00:22:49.079 our ability. For me to say i'most still stick with this, then you 316 00:22:49.240 --> 00:22:52.799 start to which we didn't do. But then if you get counseling, you 317 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:56.640 start to learn the likes and dislikes of each other. Like I said, 318 00:22:56.720 --> 00:23:00.240 it's just and then you start to see if you if you feel each other 319 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:06.000 like, if you understand each other, or if you're willing to grow in 320 00:23:06.359 --> 00:23:08.200 love, if you're willing to be with this person and say, okay, 321 00:23:08.279 --> 00:23:12.000 I'll accept them for the faults that they have and the good that they have, 322 00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:17.200 the good and the bad, And then you know, then the love 323 00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:21.839 just starts to grow. And I think it's just a process that I don't 324 00:23:21.880 --> 00:23:26.039 know if anybody just likes if you just fall in love and you just like 325 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:29.319 I love you in a week, or you just love somebody like so quickly, 326 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.799 then you know what, then that's more like lust. It's not really 327 00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:38.920 love. So love it takes time. It doesn't just happen overnight. I 328 00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:41.759 know some people say, you know, as soon as I met them, 329 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:44.440 I was just in love with them. You may be in love with they 330 00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:48.039 what you thought they could offer you, but you had to get to know 331 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:49.799 them to make sure that they could offer it. Because somebody can offer you 332 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:52.920 something, but then what happens when they take that take that away? Do 333 00:23:53.000 --> 00:23:56.160 you still love them? Then? So the idea of the first sight is 334 00:23:56.240 --> 00:24:03.039 not really a true thing, I think, I well, I be honest, 335 00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:07.000 it is. It is because I was in love with Tara at first 336 00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:10.240 sight, but I was not in love with her. I just love what 337 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:14.759 I saw. Okay, you understand. I was in love with what I 338 00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:18.480 saw, but I still didn't know her, so I couldn't be in love 339 00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:21.920 with her. I was in love with what I with the visual of what 340 00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:25.720 I saw, but I had to then get to know her, you know, 341 00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:30.680 mentally and spiritually and yeah, of course, and again the physical cook 342 00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:34.039 should come after the marriage. But you know, I had to get to 343 00:24:34.119 --> 00:24:37.240 know her that. I had to get to know her ins and outs and 344 00:24:37.400 --> 00:24:41.279 what she likes, what she does, So yeah, I did. It 345 00:24:41.400 --> 00:24:44.359 was you could be loving for a sight, but you still have to get 346 00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:47.599 to know the person to grow that love. Because if you just go and 347 00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:49.039 if you love it for a sight, and then you just go right into 348 00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:53.720 it is not going to last because then you're not going to really know the 349 00:24:53.839 --> 00:24:56.799 person. You're just going by what you just saw. That's like if a 350 00:24:56.839 --> 00:25:03.079 woman that's like somebody, anybody with a lot of money, and they see 351 00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:04.759 them spending money, they I'm in love with them, and then with what 352 00:25:04.839 --> 00:25:08.000 if they lose that money? Now do you Now you don't love them anymore 353 00:25:08.039 --> 00:25:11.160 because they don't have money. That's why they said, like, you know, 354 00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:14.799 you know, you know when somebody really loves you when you're down, 355 00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:18.799 because it's easy to love people when you're up, when you're up and you're 356 00:25:18.920 --> 00:25:22.039 you're up there and you got everything going right, or it's easy to love 357 00:25:22.119 --> 00:25:25.160 somebody. But when it's when you're down and you need help or you you 358 00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:27.720 know, you're in despair, or you're at your lowest point, you know, 359 00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:33.160 and then that person can still love you, that's love. So that 360 00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:37.839 would be my That was That's why I say it's in stages and it just 361 00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:41.119 takes I think when when you do that, you should take it in stages. 362 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:44.599 You should take it in time. Don't just don't rush into things. 363 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:48.319 I think in today's world, people just rush into things and they don't take 364 00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:53.119 the time to learn or to understand, or to talk or to communicate, 365 00:25:55.440 --> 00:25:57.599 and then they just, you know, get to know each other, you 366 00:25:57.680 --> 00:26:02.559 know where we're in talk. And I got married. She wanted kids right 367 00:26:02.559 --> 00:26:03.440 away because I already had kids, and I said, no, we need 368 00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:06.839 to get to know each other. We need to get to be around each 369 00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:08.880 other. We need to see if we're compatible, you know. Like so 370 00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:12.000 it was a couple of years we we got to know each other. We 371 00:26:12.119 --> 00:26:15.160 got we did things. We went on trips, we went to New York, 372 00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:18.720 we went to Bermuda, we did things like that to you know, 373 00:26:18.920 --> 00:26:23.279 to just have time with each other, to grow in each other and get 374 00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:26.960 to know each other's you know, and that love became stronger each day. 375 00:26:27.079 --> 00:26:30.640 And I think that helped us as we went along into our marriage. Yeah, 376 00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:36.119 because when I went bad or when I did the things I did, 377 00:26:36.599 --> 00:26:38.559 and I was not the man or the husband I needed to be, my 378 00:26:38.680 --> 00:26:41.359 wife knew she said, wait a minute, that's not the husband I know 379 00:26:42.319 --> 00:26:47.160 because she saw the other part of me before I went into the other. 380 00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:51.160 Does that make sense, Like she saw I know he could be different because 381 00:26:51.200 --> 00:26:53.319 he showed me different. So maybe he's just gonna throw a un patch right 382 00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:56.359 now. So I need to work with him, you know, to to 383 00:26:56.480 --> 00:27:00.720 try to get that to God, to get that nigga really out of him 384 00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:03.720 and get him back to the positive man that I saw him when we first 385 00:27:03.799 --> 00:27:07.440 met. So it allowed him to If she just saw me negative right off 386 00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:11.319 the back, she po would have left me. Yeah, so sorry, 387 00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:14.559 I have so to be fitting off what m Petro was saying in terms of 388 00:27:14.920 --> 00:27:18.119 love for you then and the idea that it came in stages of me. 389 00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:21.039 Was it kind of was it love at first sight for you or was that 390 00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:25.720 more of a much more gradual process to developed it developed over time? And 391 00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:27.839 how did that develop for you over time? If that was the case. 392 00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:32.240 Well, when I first saw Pedro, I was like, Wow, he's 393 00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:37.599 very attractive, So I was I was instantly attracted to him. I didn't 394 00:27:37.640 --> 00:27:41.599 know what the future hold. I just knew I wanted to get the more, 395 00:27:41.759 --> 00:27:44.160 get to know him more, and I was like, I want to 396 00:27:44.200 --> 00:27:48.440 get to know him and see what he's about. And I don't know about 397 00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:49.799 anyone else, but for me, I was I don't know, it's women 398 00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:55.119 just like this, but I already was thinking of the future, like oh, 399 00:27:55.200 --> 00:27:56.680 we can you know, we can get married, you know, kids. 400 00:27:56.720 --> 00:28:00.960 But then the mother side of me, I was afraid of what it 401 00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.720 can bring because I never really have a serious relationship, you know, And 402 00:28:06.079 --> 00:28:10.920 it was I really ready for love. I knew love can be a good 403 00:28:11.000 --> 00:28:14.759 thing, you know, to fall in love and you're happy. But then 404 00:28:14.839 --> 00:28:17.960 I know you can go through a period where you're not. You know, 405 00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:19.799 you thought you was in love and it's not every it's not what you thought 406 00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:25.319 it was. So I was taking my time getting to know Pedro. It's 407 00:28:25.359 --> 00:28:26.359 plenty of times I broke up with him because I was like, I don't 408 00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:30.279 know if I'm ready, because to be with a man that already know what 409 00:28:30.359 --> 00:28:33.559 he wants was I was afraid of it. I really, i'mna be honest. 410 00:28:33.559 --> 00:28:36.119 I was afraid because I was like, wow, you know what he 411 00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:38.200 wants. He know, he wanted to be all in. I don't know 412 00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:41.839 if I want that. I don't know if I'm ready, you know. 413 00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:44.759 And I said, I know I can probably love him, but I was 414 00:28:44.839 --> 00:28:47.799 afraid of it because I was like, what if he you know, he 415 00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:51.480 feels his way, now what if it changes? You know, He's afraid 416 00:28:51.480 --> 00:28:52.960 that go back to Max, wife. Yeah, but that was before. 417 00:28:53.720 --> 00:28:56.640 That was later on in my marriage when I'm talking about the first beginning part 418 00:28:56.680 --> 00:29:00.680 of it, So the first beginning part of it, he hadn't yet told 419 00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:03.640 me he had been married before and had children. So I didn't know any 420 00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:08.279 of that yet and not not when I first met you. But it wasn't 421 00:29:08.359 --> 00:29:11.200 until like later when we talked on the phone and Peter was like, you 422 00:29:11.240 --> 00:29:14.319 know, I asked him have you been married before? So I was asking 423 00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:15.920 all the important questions. Have you been married before, have you been divorced, 424 00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:18.839 you have children, you know, those type of questions, and he 425 00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:21.960 was honest with me. He said, yes, I've been married before, 426 00:29:22.759 --> 00:29:26.519 you know, twice before, I have children. And in my mind I 427 00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:29.759 was like, whoa, you know, am I ready for that? And 428 00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:33.680 so, you know, as time went on and I got to know Pedro, 429 00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:37.240 I did love him more. I did. It's like, Wow, 430 00:29:37.720 --> 00:29:42.160 he's he's everything I think he is. You know. Yeah, I mean, 431 00:29:44.279 --> 00:29:48.640 let me not say if you got that one. But I was going 432 00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:49.799 to say, well, I mean, you know it's a process that you 433 00:29:49.880 --> 00:29:52.200 said, and I guess that you have to because I was gonna ask a 434 00:29:52.279 --> 00:29:57.200 question. Then. Was there a point where you kind of moved from the 435 00:29:57.559 --> 00:30:00.640 like stage to the love age. And I was asking that because you know, 436 00:30:02.119 --> 00:30:04.359 again doing something for this and I know, I worked a magazine for 437 00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:07.799 many years and you'd write these quizzes, so I'd come across the quiz you 438 00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:11.039 know, how to tell how to know when you love someone? You know? 439 00:30:11.119 --> 00:30:15.240 And it was asking a series of questions and you know, you kind 440 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:18.559 of pick your answers and it will come up with her. I mean, 441 00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:19.599 out of the three things, you're either yes, you're in love with that 442 00:30:19.640 --> 00:30:23.079 person after a good start, No, you're not really into them? What 443 00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:26.079 have you? And it was things like, you know, you may think 444 00:30:26.119 --> 00:30:29.000 about them all the time, or you know, you if you've got some 445 00:30:29.079 --> 00:30:32.680 really good news, you want to share it with them. If you thought, 446 00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:36.640 actually they are the one that you want to spend all your time with, 447 00:30:37.079 --> 00:30:38.759 as opposed to you know, the question might have been, you know, 448 00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:42.079 if you could go somewhere, who would you want to go with? 449 00:30:42.200 --> 00:30:45.559 Would it be that person? If you were kind of and not so sure. 450 00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:47.839 So again, there was all those kind of questions that made me think 451 00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:49.920 and obviously, if you picked correctly, yes, it's means that you're in 452 00:30:49.960 --> 00:30:52.920 love with that person and if you didn't pick some of the answers, No, 453 00:30:53.079 --> 00:30:56.960 you weren't. It's all subjective. It's all a bit tongue in cheek, 454 00:30:56.000 --> 00:30:59.960 really, but I guess was there a point in terms of evolving? 455 00:31:00.799 --> 00:31:03.799 You know, there is a point they think, actually, do you love 456 00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:07.200 this person? And how did you know that? How did you? People 457 00:31:07.319 --> 00:31:10.599 told me he loved me. First I didn't. I was like, whoa 458 00:31:10.680 --> 00:31:15.039 you do? How many week? Still be talking about two weeks? I 459 00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:18.559 told you about my whole self? He told me. One thing I love 460 00:31:18.599 --> 00:31:22.480 about Pedro is that whatever he was going on in his life before me, 461 00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:27.519 he told me everything. And I think when he told me that, it 462 00:31:27.640 --> 00:31:32.319 was so much information to the fact that I was like whoa, whoa, 463 00:31:32.440 --> 00:31:34.640 Okay, I couldn't even promise. I think I was still processing everything he 464 00:31:34.759 --> 00:31:38.640 told to me, and I was like, okay, I think I can 465 00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:41.599 still you know, like this this guy you know? And we talked on 466 00:31:41.680 --> 00:31:44.039 the phone for two weeks and he was like, I love you, and 467 00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:48.680 I was like what he was about two three weeks? I was like, 468 00:31:48.759 --> 00:31:52.440 you do? I was neki me. I think I broke up with you? 469 00:31:52.519 --> 00:31:53.599 Then he did. I was like, I can't deal with this because 470 00:31:53.640 --> 00:31:57.319 he loved me like I don't. She didn't understand the concept. It wasn't 471 00:31:57.359 --> 00:32:01.400 that I was in love with you. I was. I was. I 472 00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:04.640 was in lovely that I wanted to make it. I wanted to see where 473 00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:07.640 it was going to go, right, Yeah, that was my love. 474 00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:09.599 The love was not that because I couldn't be completely in love with you, 475 00:32:09.720 --> 00:32:13.960 but I was in love with who you was and what I found out about 476 00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:16.160 you, and then I wanted to go further. So I was just you 477 00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:20.079 know, saying that I'm in love with you and I want to make this 478 00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:22.440 go. I want to make this go further. I want to give you 479 00:32:22.519 --> 00:32:24.599 what you want, what you want, because we had talked about different things 480 00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:28.680 we want and don't want. So that was, you know, the whole 481 00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:30.839 concept of me. I think for me, when I love growth, I'm 482 00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:36.319 gonna just be honest here if we can be so, I think. I 483 00:32:36.359 --> 00:32:39.079 think for me, if we didn't become intimate so early, I think I 484 00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:45.160 probably could have. I think my love grew for that point when we became 485 00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:47.839 more intimate with each other, which I don't think was good for me or 486 00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:52.160 maybe even good for Pedro, because it didn't allow us to see what our 487 00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:54.720 love was really going, you know what I mean, it was basing it 488 00:32:54.839 --> 00:32:59.759 on. We already connected, you know what I'm saying, in a in 489 00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:04.200 a way that we shouldn't have you know. So after we had went through 490 00:33:04.279 --> 00:33:08.799 that process, and then we got married, like what in seven months? 491 00:33:09.359 --> 00:33:15.559 Yeah, we got married in seven months and yeah, February actually actually was 492 00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:21.319 actually in about three days, yeah, around Valentine's Day. Okay, okay, 493 00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:23.319 yeah, so we met around Valentine's Day week, so we met in 494 00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:29.680 February. We got married in October two thousand and five. So yeah, 495 00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:31.359 it didn't take long. Okay, it's interesting as you were saying about that, 496 00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:34.119 but you know, because I was kind of again having a look, 497 00:33:34.160 --> 00:33:37.960 and there's there's been lots of obviously research done around sort of you know, 498 00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:40.880 how you can tell the distinctions between liking and loving. And there's a guy 499 00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:46.880 called Zick Rubin, and he's a psychologist, and he believed that romantic love 500 00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:52.359 is made up for three elements attachment, caring, and intimacy. The attachment 501 00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:57.720 needs to be with the other person desiring physical contact and approval. Caring valuing 502 00:33:57.759 --> 00:34:00.960 the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own and then intimacy, 503 00:34:00.119 --> 00:34:05.039 sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires, and from his view of romantic 504 00:34:05.079 --> 00:34:09.440 love, he then kind of created questionnaires that measured the variables, basically creating 505 00:34:09.519 --> 00:34:13.719 like a scale of liking and loving, and obviously, depending on where you 506 00:34:13.840 --> 00:34:16.239 were on that scale could kind of determine where you are. So as you're 507 00:34:16.280 --> 00:34:22.199 talking there, you're saying, you know, actually I loved you loved Tara, 508 00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:24.719 but I guess it was aspects of her, and I guess maybe on 509 00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:28.880 those scales, whether it's on the attachment, the intimate side, or the 510 00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:34.079 caring side, whatever, the sort of levels were that for you, right 511 00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:38.719 created a love feeling, emotion, et cetera, which I think is quite 512 00:34:38.760 --> 00:34:44.199 interesting. There are other ways of looking at that, because I guess it 513 00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.519 depends on whether it's passionate, infatuation, the level of friendship. Again, 514 00:34:47.559 --> 00:34:52.599 there's different levels, so it's interesting what you might sort of base it on. 515 00:34:53.119 --> 00:34:55.679 You know, how you got to that point, and I guess there's 516 00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:00.639 I guess something like this. There's no right or wrong for the it's just 517 00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:06.679 how people are very different. There's also Robert Stenberg's triangular theory of love, 518 00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:12.920 where you know it's again built on all those different components and again depending on 519 00:35:12.960 --> 00:35:15.719 where you sit within the scales or what have you as well. Right, 520 00:35:16.119 --> 00:35:20.239 that's what I'm saying. It's definitely different. It's like in sections and you 521 00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:23.000 need to, you know, go like okay. It's almost like a checklist. 522 00:35:23.079 --> 00:35:27.679 You know, okay, okay, check and then check and then check 523 00:35:28.079 --> 00:35:30.840 and get to you know, and then you get to the point of where 524 00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:35.360 you know, okay, I'm there now. Yeah, you know, because 525 00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:38.280 you can't just jump. You can't just jump over all the obstacles or jump 526 00:35:38.320 --> 00:35:42.239 over all the different like you said, the three different he had, the 527 00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:45.519 three different ones. It's like, do them in stages, do each one, 528 00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:50.119 and then just build up each one, and then then that's when it 529 00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:53.400 all comes together. Right, Because when our love was tested in our marriage 530 00:35:53.639 --> 00:35:59.119 in the beginning, you know, I think if the love I truly have 531 00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:01.360 you in my heart, if it wasn't there, I don't think we could 532 00:36:01.400 --> 00:36:06.360 have survived. I just don't, you know. And I think when we 533 00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:09.480 went through those times, through through periods of hard times, it was because 534 00:36:09.559 --> 00:36:13.840 I loved you that I was like, you know what, I don't like 535 00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:16.599 the situation, but you know what, I love him to stick through. 536 00:36:16.599 --> 00:36:22.559 Writ you get what I'm saying, me too, I said, I said 537 00:36:22.599 --> 00:36:24.960 for both of us. I'm not just saying for me. I'm just saying 538 00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:29.960 it took both of us. It tay two people, you know what I 539 00:36:30.039 --> 00:36:32.559 mean, not just one person. But I was particularly talking about me and 540 00:36:34.079 --> 00:36:38.559 what I think and and I think when I when I truly realized that that 541 00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:42.039 I love Pedro is when I was like, you know what, no matter 542 00:36:42.119 --> 00:36:45.360 what I know, it don't look good, and I know everything is not 543 00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:47.719 maybe going away. I think it should go, but you know it, 544 00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:51.599 it's okay because we're gonna We're gonna make it through. I was trying to 545 00:36:51.719 --> 00:36:54.159 see the brighter side of things, and I think love took me there. 546 00:36:55.360 --> 00:37:00.519 Yeah, yeah, okay, kind of pulled that on the music here. 547 00:37:00.679 --> 00:37:04.880 Our songs today canna have a bit of a love theme. So this one's 548 00:37:05.079 --> 00:37:08.519 actually a bit of a medley by God's Chosen. It mix us a few 549 00:37:08.679 --> 00:37:14.239 songs that you may recognize. So let's have a listen. God's Chosen and 550 00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:44.800 love medley A word that you be boryly No borryly s really, but I 551 00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:54.440 don't know. Oh your tears, my fairy. I'm so glad You're love 552 00:37:55.079 --> 00:38:15.079 will stay car line lovely and you show me Jesus, I love you, 553 00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:31.599 have love you Lord today because you cared for me inside space and guide paid 554 00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:44.880 you. I left your bede magnified your name. That is why my heart 555 00:38:45.559 --> 00:38:59.320 isn't with my hands and told loved shut down. Show you you on the 556 00:38:59.559 --> 00:39:07.800 roll, for you are coming not all because of you, my clowny day 557 00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:16.360 a paw, and I can say to you this song I just saw the 558 00:39:16.559 --> 00:39:37.039 same b long you b my my mind, my son, so you okay 559 00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:59.679 the bride for me way back on capri Ye your name. That's why I'm 560 00:40:00.199 --> 00:40:17.880 it's been with birds love me in your U house a son the storm my 561 00:40:19.199 --> 00:40:38.760 friends. I love you. I know. I just fall away and I 562 00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:50.480 said you love me? Wait she loved you love me. I'll never know 563 00:40:50.800 --> 00:41:36.559 why you love me. I'm supping to try you. I'm got tell st 564 00:41:37.400 --> 00:41:49.800 to tell you and I wanted you. I know how I'm trying to find 565 00:41:49.800 --> 00:42:31.320 you. Say you show tell Jamel s give me so the boy can say 566 00:42:34.320 --> 00:43:54.000 that you susy help me. I love bed Lee from God's chosen so big 567 00:43:54.079 --> 00:43:58.880 several songs and I'm sure you're familiar with but it started off by saying love 568 00:43:59.199 --> 00:44:01.719 a word that comes and goes, but a few people really know what it 569 00:44:01.800 --> 00:44:06.800 means to really love somebody. And today we're talking about love here on Talking 570 00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:09.239 Point. If you've got any thoughts on love, you've got any definitions of 571 00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:14.760 what love means to you, what you think about what it's about. Is 572 00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.960 love important? Please do share your thoughts with us. You can email us 573 00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:22.960 on studio at Adventist Radio dot London, or you can text us on eight 574 00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:29.159 triple two eight write hope and then your message. We can whatsappers on seven 575 00:44:29.239 --> 00:44:34.119 four five nine six four two eight nine eight. So we're here on Talking 576 00:44:34.159 --> 00:44:38.159 Points and I'm here with Pedro w and Tara, the founders of their podcast. 577 00:44:45.639 --> 00:44:47.280 Yeah, oh my goodness. It was like, come on, Agley, 578 00:44:47.360 --> 00:44:51.599 you know this, you know this, And we've been talking about love 579 00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:52.960 and we've been talking a bit, a little bit about what our definition is, 580 00:44:53.000 --> 00:44:57.599 what we think love means to us, and how love has played a 581 00:44:57.679 --> 00:45:00.679 part in their relationship and in relationships in and we were just talking before that 582 00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:06.559 music break there in terms of you know, love being a process. There 583 00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:09.039 are different types of love. We touched a little bit about the four types 584 00:45:09.079 --> 00:45:14.159 of love that are mentioned in the Bible, and how that you know and 585 00:45:14.320 --> 00:45:16.960 also how love I guess you love is a developing thing. As much as 586 00:45:17.000 --> 00:45:20.480 you may see someone and you think, oh, I love that person, 587 00:45:21.079 --> 00:45:22.960 maybe it's a really intense feeling of li like it goes past that you know 588 00:45:23.039 --> 00:45:27.119 you likes what you see, or you start to get to know somebody, 589 00:45:27.599 --> 00:45:30.199 and then you gradually your feelings deepen, you get to know them, etcetera. 590 00:45:30.280 --> 00:45:35.960 And then at some point you recognize that you are love now, as 591 00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:37.840 a song says, sometimes you never really know what it means to love somebody. 592 00:45:38.079 --> 00:45:42.760 But as this song went on to talk about, really the foundation of 593 00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.440 all of this is God is love. And Tara, when you were describing 594 00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:49.840 what love meant to you, you did mention a few things and really kind 595 00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:53.960 of brought to mind, really quoting some of the bits from one Corinthians thirteen, 596 00:45:54.920 --> 00:45:58.840 which is I suppose you could always say it's probably there are lots of 597 00:45:58.880 --> 00:46:01.800 the Bible texts in the Bible talking about love. God is love, you 598 00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:05.960 know throughout, but also this is the way of love, and you know 599 00:46:06.559 --> 00:46:09.000 it starts to say, love is patient and kind, love does not envy 600 00:46:09.039 --> 00:46:12.920 your boast it's not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own 601 00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:16.440 way. It's not irritable resentance. But love bears all things, believes all 602 00:46:16.519 --> 00:46:21.159 things, hopes, all things, enduels all things. Love never ends. 603 00:46:22.480 --> 00:46:25.599 Yes. So that's first crinteen's thirteen and one to thirteen, and it ends 604 00:46:25.639 --> 00:46:29.599 by saying, you know, faith, hope, and love abide these three. 605 00:46:29.639 --> 00:46:32.639 But the greatest of all these is love. So love plays a huge 606 00:46:32.760 --> 00:46:37.400 part and ultimately is And as we've the song talked about at the end, 607 00:46:37.480 --> 00:46:39.840 you know, the greatest sacrifice and love, the greatest love that God has 608 00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:45.880 shown to us is sending his son Jesus to sacrifice him and he gave his 609 00:46:46.039 --> 00:46:50.760 life for us. So in terms with all of with that kind of mean, 610 00:46:50.920 --> 00:46:53.960 I've sort of that's a really very brief snippet of love that's shared with 611 00:46:54.079 --> 00:46:59.000 us in the Bible and God's love. How does your spiritual life and knowing 612 00:46:59.119 --> 00:47:02.400 about God's love of play a part in the way love, what love means 613 00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:07.880 for you, and how love features in your relationship as well. I was 614 00:47:08.239 --> 00:47:12.360 so when you're saying all that, I thought of the other verse project it 615 00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:17.400 lose me at the moment don't be unequally yoke. Okay, I don't necessarily 616 00:47:17.480 --> 00:47:22.239 think that means like you have to be the same religion. As I said 617 00:47:22.280 --> 00:47:27.800 earlier tar War's Baptists, I was a ventist. I think our spiritual proud 618 00:47:28.280 --> 00:47:30.840 both of us being spiritual and the fact that we both believed in God. 619 00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:36.199 We believe in God first and everything, prayer, worship and everything. I 620 00:47:36.280 --> 00:47:44.079 think that helped us growing our love because we because we knew that Jesus had 621 00:47:44.119 --> 00:47:47.280 came down to die for us and God had sent his son, So we 622 00:47:47.760 --> 00:47:55.840 understood that sometimes sacrifice is needed, is needed and important for the love. 623 00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:00.519 So you would do things out of love that you on it. You know 624 00:48:00.639 --> 00:48:02.880 that you may not want to do so when you're in a marriage or in 625 00:48:02.920 --> 00:48:09.440 any in any relationship with that being being like minded. You can't be in 626 00:48:09.519 --> 00:48:14.079 love with somebody that you don't think alike in some way. In some ways, 627 00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:16.159 you have to think alike in some way. You have to because you 628 00:48:17.199 --> 00:48:20.559 is you know, they say all the vinegar, but you could be all 629 00:48:20.599 --> 00:48:25.039 the vinegar in a sense, but you can't. You can't be totally different 630 00:48:25.239 --> 00:48:31.480 mindsets and be in love because it's just not gonna work, right, It's 631 00:48:31.519 --> 00:48:36.440 like it's like trying to put a wheen they say a peg, a square 632 00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:39.119 peg in a in a round hole. It's just not gonna fit, you 633 00:48:39.199 --> 00:48:42.960 know, it's just gonna keep you just gonna keep knocking your head against the 634 00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:49.360 wall, you know. So spiritually for us was that even though we still 635 00:48:49.440 --> 00:48:52.960 had to work through that part of our relationship, the fact we still love 636 00:48:53.039 --> 00:48:59.679 the Lord, it really helped us to build. And I actually, believe 637 00:48:59.679 --> 00:49:01.440 it or not, I wasn't really in the church when I met Tar. 638 00:49:04.079 --> 00:49:07.840 I grew up in the church. I kind of left and taras actually my 639 00:49:07.559 --> 00:49:13.280 main reason why I came back into the church because she showed me that I 640 00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:16.920 you know that I maybe maybe because my past, maybe because of my situations. 641 00:49:17.679 --> 00:49:21.320 I was kind of mad at God, you know, because we do. 642 00:49:21.559 --> 00:49:22.760 We get mad at God sometimes, you know, we get mad, 643 00:49:22.800 --> 00:49:27.119 we get upset, you know, we fall out of love sometimes with God, 644 00:49:27.639 --> 00:49:30.519 you know, and we try to do our own thing, you know, 645 00:49:30.719 --> 00:49:32.360 we we you know, we get off that beating path. And when 646 00:49:32.400 --> 00:49:37.679 I met Tar, she kind of reeled me back in, even though I 647 00:49:37.719 --> 00:49:40.360 was going to church on Sunday. It was weird. It kind of made 648 00:49:40.400 --> 00:49:44.679 me remember what I what I grew up remembering and said, Okay, you 649 00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:46.039 know, I need to get back to what I was brought up, you 650 00:49:46.119 --> 00:49:52.039 know what I was taught, you know, and her love for God brought 651 00:49:52.079 --> 00:49:58.000 me back to love the Lord and brought me back into into being more religious 652 00:49:58.000 --> 00:50:00.639 and more being ahead of the household and just being more you know, in 653 00:50:01.079 --> 00:50:07.280 in in tune with God and stuff. Because, like I said, because 654 00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:12.199 even though it was just the fact, the spiritual part of me was definitely 655 00:50:12.280 --> 00:50:15.079 lacking at that moment when we first met, I can definitely say that for 656 00:50:15.159 --> 00:50:22.119 a fact, and being spiritual with your spouse really does help. And I 657 00:50:22.159 --> 00:50:29.000 remember, I remember when we I remember when we went to his name is 658 00:50:29.079 --> 00:50:31.719 eluding at the moment. Oh, doctor Alonzo Smith, and he was doing 659 00:50:31.880 --> 00:50:37.760 a cinema, a cinema and cinema. He was doing a program in Bermuda, 660 00:50:37.840 --> 00:50:43.079 and we went to talk to him in the first day. Well either 661 00:50:43.119 --> 00:50:45.800 way, the first thing he said when we sat down was he said, 662 00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:49.679 pick a religion. He said, I don't care if it's Baptist, I 663 00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:52.280 don't care if it's a Ventist, but you both need to be on the 664 00:50:52.320 --> 00:50:55.559 same page. And that's when Todd said that she wants to be a ventist. 665 00:50:55.960 --> 00:51:01.119 I tell that story at the time, but it just because he said 666 00:51:01.159 --> 00:51:07.280 that's where you could base your whole marriage going forward. If you both like 667 00:51:07.360 --> 00:51:10.519 minded, if you're both in the same if you're both thinking the same, 668 00:51:12.880 --> 00:51:15.480 then you wouldn't have no issues going forward with the rest of your marriage. 669 00:51:15.519 --> 00:51:17.199 Because it's like if you're Baptist and your and then you're like, should be 670 00:51:17.239 --> 00:51:20.519 baptizing and should be not baptized? Our children should we you know, if 671 00:51:20.519 --> 00:51:23.000 they won't be baptized, you know, And so he was giving us all 672 00:51:23.039 --> 00:51:25.840 the different scenarios and stuff, and we was like, wow, okay, 673 00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:30.679 that makes sense. So spiritual, I think the spiritual aspect of a marriage 674 00:51:30.760 --> 00:51:36.440 or relationship just going forward in terms of building that love is probably one of 675 00:51:36.480 --> 00:51:39.079 the first things that needs to be addressed and figured it out before you even 676 00:51:39.159 --> 00:51:45.679 go forward more into loving somebody or being married to somebody. I totally agree, 677 00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:50.360 because it will separate you to if one person is thinking one way and 678 00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:53.360 the other one is another way and you're not coming together. It can cause 679 00:51:53.400 --> 00:51:59.519 a separation in a way because because you're just not going to be in you 680 00:51:59.599 --> 00:52:02.199 know, because you believe strongly in what you believe, and he was strongly 681 00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:05.519 what he believed. How you guys are going to come together, especially if 682 00:52:05.559 --> 00:52:09.000 you start having children. You don't want to confuse your household and then have 683 00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:13.199 your chouds to a daddy believe this or mama believed this, and then children 684 00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:15.960 like what should we believe? You know, it is just like being with 685 00:52:15.039 --> 00:52:19.079 an unbeliever, you know, should we believe in God? Mama believe in 686 00:52:19.119 --> 00:52:22.119 God? Or Daddy I don't believe in God. So it's import important to 687 00:52:22.719 --> 00:52:25.800 make sure you guys decide on what would be best for you and for me. 688 00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:29.280 I prayed about it, even though I have been Baptists all my life. 689 00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:31.039 I said, well, he do believe in God. I believe in 690 00:52:31.119 --> 00:52:37.159 God. But as I learned more about the events and it, but the 691 00:52:37.199 --> 00:52:40.800 seventh Day that really make it really open up my eyes more and it was 692 00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:45.039 like wow, like I didn't you know, I didn't know this. You 693 00:52:45.119 --> 00:52:50.079 know, as I and as Petern't never pushed me or pressured me to become 694 00:52:50.159 --> 00:52:53.360 inventorsts. He accepted me for who I was. He went to church with 695 00:52:53.519 --> 00:52:57.719 me and he you know, I sang at church and he was there. 696 00:52:57.760 --> 00:53:00.480 And when he went to church on Saturday. I went, so I was 697 00:53:00.559 --> 00:53:04.199 open into learning his his what he believed in in the sense of the Sabbath, 698 00:53:04.480 --> 00:53:07.079 because you know, some people need the Sabbath is Sunday. So I 699 00:53:07.280 --> 00:53:10.320 wasn't close to it. So as I as I learned it, as God 700 00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:14.599 started opening my eyes more, you know, I was like, Wow, 701 00:53:14.760 --> 00:53:16.880 you know, I'm glad. I you know know what I know. That's 702 00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:22.880 why when I made my decision two when pastor and Pastor asked us when we 703 00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:27.360 were because he was a family he do family and a life series. So 704 00:53:27.599 --> 00:53:31.239 when he talked to us and counsel us, I was I was happy. 705 00:53:31.239 --> 00:53:34.679 I was like, yes, I want to be because I knew how important 706 00:53:34.679 --> 00:53:37.920 it was. I didn't want that to be a separation and I in our 707 00:53:37.039 --> 00:53:42.920 marriage that kept us apart. Yeah, and I guess you know for what 708 00:53:43.000 --> 00:53:45.880 you're saying then sort of the spiritual and I your love for God. I 709 00:53:45.920 --> 00:53:50.639 mean we say, you know this isn't John first John four, verse sixteen 710 00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:53.320 where it says you know God is it said that God is love? So 711 00:53:53.440 --> 00:53:57.159 God is love? And I wait to sort of show that is the foundation 712 00:53:57.400 --> 00:54:00.000 really for everything that you will then do go moving forward, and how you 713 00:54:00.079 --> 00:54:05.039 may express your love for each other, for your family, the unit that 714 00:54:05.159 --> 00:54:08.639 you were creating and pedro you talked about, then you're I suppose between the 715 00:54:08.679 --> 00:54:13.000 two of you your roles within that as well, and I guess from the 716 00:54:13.000 --> 00:54:15.800 spiritual side, Gods and She's have there are many examples of what he did 717 00:54:15.920 --> 00:54:21.119 which will kind of shape how you will be in your household, being the 718 00:54:21.239 --> 00:54:24.400 leader, being the provider, et cetera. To showing the care the love 719 00:54:25.559 --> 00:54:30.840 you know for each other and for your family. If that wasn't there, 720 00:54:30.960 --> 00:54:35.440 do you think your your love for it each other would be very different? 721 00:54:36.559 --> 00:54:39.719 And yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it would definitely be 722 00:54:39.840 --> 00:54:43.360 different. I'm sorry I was listening to but then I was also thinking, 723 00:54:43.800 --> 00:54:52.639 but yeah it would because along with the along with me loving my wife as 724 00:54:52.719 --> 00:54:57.639 God learning it through God, learning how God loved us and then taught me 725 00:54:57.719 --> 00:55:00.079 how to love my wife, it also like I may be the head of 726 00:55:00.159 --> 00:55:05.960 household, but my wife is like my right hand man, like she's my 727 00:55:06.840 --> 00:55:08.880 helper she and I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that 728 00:55:09.079 --> 00:55:14.320 she helps me make decisions that because not every decision I make is going to 729 00:55:14.360 --> 00:55:19.039 be the right decision. So I've come to realize, and I realized from 730 00:55:19.039 --> 00:55:22.119 her early in our marriage that you know, to depend on my wife and 731 00:55:22.599 --> 00:55:28.239 in the wisdom or experience that she may have. And then sometimes I would 732 00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:30.400 veto, I would veto something she says, be like, no, no, 733 00:55:30.599 --> 00:55:32.079 I'm telling you from experience, this is not going to work. Let's 734 00:55:32.119 --> 00:55:37.159 do it this way, you know. So it's just learning that that and 735 00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:39.480 telling her how to love. Look, I love you, but I just 736 00:55:39.519 --> 00:55:44.000 don't think this is a good idea, you know, and then her accepting, 737 00:55:44.039 --> 00:55:45.440 Okay, he really does love me. He's thinking of the best for 738 00:55:45.599 --> 00:55:50.840 me, because you know it, sometimes you may have to make the decision 739 00:55:50.920 --> 00:55:53.239 as the husband and the wife doesn't agree at all. She thinks she knows 740 00:55:53.320 --> 00:55:55.599 better. But you're like, look, then you have to, and then 741 00:55:55.679 --> 00:55:59.440 you then you use that I'm the head of the household, so it's my 742 00:55:59.480 --> 00:56:01.880 decision to make. And she's like, you know, she wants to smack 743 00:56:01.960 --> 00:56:05.920 me. She's like, I can't believe you said that. But I'm not 744 00:56:06.039 --> 00:56:10.880 trying to like I'm not trying to like use my authority or say I'm better 745 00:56:10.960 --> 00:56:14.320 than you. I'm just saying, you know, you have to trust me, 746 00:56:14.519 --> 00:56:16.960 you know, because as I said earlier in the beginning. You know, 747 00:56:17.199 --> 00:56:21.840 sometimes my love for my family, I have to be willing to take 748 00:56:22.039 --> 00:56:27.199 take the responsibility of what may go wrong or may go right, and I 749 00:56:27.320 --> 00:56:29.239 put it all on my shoulders. I don't want it to be on your 750 00:56:29.320 --> 00:56:30.960 shoulders. I don't want you to be burden with that, you know, 751 00:56:31.119 --> 00:56:36.440 with that decision or if it works or not. So it's my place to 752 00:56:36.519 --> 00:56:38.719 take the burden and take all that pressure from you and the family. Put 753 00:56:38.760 --> 00:56:42.719 it all on my shoulders. I can handle it. And that's my love 754 00:56:42.800 --> 00:56:45.400 that I have for you. So I think that's like you said, that's 755 00:56:45.480 --> 00:56:47.440 one way it does. Another way of showing lover is by being willing to 756 00:56:49.119 --> 00:56:52.039 just take it, you know, to do what you gotta do and be 757 00:56:52.159 --> 00:56:57.960 responsible for whatever happens. I think for me, learn the wife, learning 758 00:56:58.599 --> 00:57:04.400 my position, respecting my husbands as my husband, leading, you know what 759 00:57:04.480 --> 00:57:07.840 I mean, knowing you know, not trying to take over you know what 760 00:57:07.880 --> 00:57:10.280 I mean, and be like I know everything, you know nothing. So 761 00:57:10.519 --> 00:57:14.679 I definitely had to And I think I saw that because I saw that in 762 00:57:14.760 --> 00:57:20.639 my mom and my father, seeing how my father just he just did everything 763 00:57:20.679 --> 00:57:22.119 he had to do, you know, and my mother. He made a 764 00:57:22.199 --> 00:57:27.679 decision, and that's what happened. Now, if they agreed on some things, 765 00:57:28.119 --> 00:57:30.440 they didn't agree on some things. We didn't see it, you know 766 00:57:30.440 --> 00:57:34.079 what I mean. They talked about it, but I always saw my daddy 767 00:57:34.239 --> 00:57:37.559 leading. I always saw my father, you know, doing what he had 768 00:57:37.639 --> 00:57:42.559 to do. And that's why I always respected Pedro being in that role of 769 00:57:42.639 --> 00:57:46.000 being my husband and making decisions. Even though I may not always liked it, 770 00:57:46.559 --> 00:57:50.199 I knew if he did something, it's because he was in the best 771 00:57:50.199 --> 00:57:55.039 interest of our family. So it's just I think respecting your husband's role and 772 00:57:55.559 --> 00:57:59.920 knowing your position is important, you know what I mean, because you loved 773 00:58:00.280 --> 00:58:02.920 enough to let them lead. But I also have to respect you too. 774 00:58:05.039 --> 00:58:07.840 Yeah, so it goes both ways. Yeah, And I guess you know 775 00:58:07.960 --> 00:58:12.239 the kind of when we think about God's love for us, his grace and 776 00:58:12.320 --> 00:58:15.519 his mercy, I guess you know. Relationships are not easy. Marriage is 777 00:58:15.559 --> 00:58:20.159 not always easy. Some of those aspects need to come into that about it. 778 00:58:20.239 --> 00:58:22.679 God gives that. God gives us that. He says, this is 779 00:58:22.760 --> 00:58:25.360 what you should do. Yes, So it's the same thing as a husband, 780 00:58:25.480 --> 00:58:29.679 this is what we should do. You do this, I will be 781 00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:32.400 responsible for what happens. Yeah, he tells us like, you know, 782 00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:37.559 I will lead you down the path of righteousness. I will, you know, 783 00:58:37.880 --> 00:58:40.440 protect you from the evil I would do, you know. So he 784 00:58:40.559 --> 00:58:44.639 does that for us. He says, you know, I'm going to if 785 00:58:44.679 --> 00:58:47.400 you follow what I'm telling you, this is what this is what will happen 786 00:58:47.880 --> 00:58:52.199 if you But it's still your choice. If you choose not to do it, 787 00:58:52.199 --> 00:58:53.480 you want to go your own way, then this is what's going to 788 00:58:53.559 --> 00:58:58.440 happen. So he gives us like the blueprint in the Bible, he gives 789 00:58:58.519 --> 00:59:01.639 us the guide. And you know, as as sin for people, we 790 00:59:01.719 --> 00:59:05.480 sometimes go off that guy and then we find out I should have listened to 791 00:59:05.559 --> 00:59:07.400 God. It's the same concept in a marriage. And I know some women 792 00:59:07.440 --> 00:59:14.360 don't like to hear that. And it's not about me being chauvinistic, using 793 00:59:14.559 --> 00:59:19.239 like using my being masculine. It's not about that. It's about that, 794 00:59:19.400 --> 00:59:22.679 you know. It's a it's a way God has has made a plan for 795 00:59:22.840 --> 00:59:29.320 us, and you know and there that we need to follow that plan some 796 00:59:29.679 --> 00:59:31.960 when we go if in my marriage, in our marriage, if I say 797 00:59:32.039 --> 00:59:35.480 let's go do this and then my wife goes behind my back, and does 798 00:59:35.559 --> 00:59:39.639 it her way and it totally messes up everything. Now I gotta go behind 799 00:59:39.679 --> 00:59:44.000 it and fix it. And I'll go behind it and fix it. But 800 00:59:44.159 --> 00:59:45.159 I won't hold it again. I'll just be like, look, let's and 801 00:59:45.239 --> 00:59:49.320 learn. Please next time, don't do that. You know, that's how 802 00:59:49.400 --> 00:59:52.199 God does us. He said, we do that. He said, here's 803 00:59:52.239 --> 00:59:53.639 the plan. We go do it our own way. Messes up, he 804 00:59:53.719 --> 00:59:59.199 still helps us, he still forgives us, he helps, He helps us 805 00:59:59.239 --> 01:00:00.360 to get through what we need to get through. He said, Okay, 806 01:00:00.400 --> 01:00:04.639 well you messed up the first time. Let's try the second time. Let's 807 01:00:04.679 --> 01:00:07.280 try the third time. You know, is a learning process each day, 808 01:00:08.119 --> 01:00:14.360 each each year, each whatever throughout the marriage, where you just learned that 809 01:00:14.639 --> 01:00:17.159 you know, to be there for each other and to listen more than anything 810 01:00:17.199 --> 01:00:21.280 else where. We talked about last week, communicating and just you know, 811 01:00:21.440 --> 01:00:24.639 understanding where the person is at and understanding why. And I won't I won't 812 01:00:24.679 --> 01:00:28.440 make a decision. I won't be just. I won't say just like, 813 01:00:28.920 --> 01:00:30.320 we're just doing it because I want to do it that way. I would 814 01:00:30.400 --> 01:00:34.920 explain this is why I want to do it this way, because I feel 815 01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:37.960 this is what will happened. God does that with us. He says, 816 01:00:37.960 --> 01:00:40.559 if you do it this way, this is what will happened. So he's 817 01:00:40.599 --> 01:00:45.599 given as the blueprint, and that's and so we're tall. I would explain 818 01:00:45.639 --> 01:00:47.079 myself, I think we should do it this way because X, Y Z, 819 01:00:47.840 --> 01:00:52.480 you know, and then go from there. I won't just be like, 820 01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:54.519 oh, just do it because I said so, because that's not gonna 821 01:00:54.559 --> 01:00:58.079 work either. She's gonna be like no, no, no, wait, 822 01:00:58.079 --> 01:01:04.119 wait, wait wait why Because you know, women definitely want to know why 823 01:01:04.280 --> 01:01:07.280 a lot of times, or they want to like, if something happens, 824 01:01:07.320 --> 01:01:09.679 they want to know why did it happen? You know, like, why 825 01:01:09.760 --> 01:01:14.000 did this happen? What was the reason? What was your thinking? I 826 01:01:14.159 --> 01:01:15.880 wasn't thinking anything, but what was you thinking? You know, it's just 827 01:01:15.960 --> 01:01:20.239 a normal it's a normal process, you know. Yeah, you're laughing because 828 01:01:20.239 --> 01:01:22.480 you know it's true. You always want to know. I don't know what 829 01:01:22.599 --> 01:01:24.400 it is about women. They always want to know why. And I'm like, 830 01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:28.920 because it just happened that way, But no, you gotta we gotta 831 01:01:28.960 --> 01:01:31.199 figure out who's the blame and who's the reason why it happened that way. 832 01:01:31.679 --> 01:01:35.480 Sometimes it just happens that way. Well, sometimes we have to seek these 833 01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:37.960 things out, we have to understand, we have to explore. So yeah, 834 01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:44.480 I'm with all those question. You don't know why I won't call it 835 01:01:44.519 --> 01:01:47.039 for what it is, and I may get some slack, but there you're 836 01:01:47.079 --> 01:01:52.719 pokey. You just gotta know. Being is showing a way of loving your 837 01:01:52.760 --> 01:01:58.159 speuse, especially for both sides, for both sides. But I think, 838 01:01:58.599 --> 01:02:02.199 you know, for me being submissive to you and just allowing you to do 839 01:02:02.360 --> 01:02:06.880 certain things without feeling like I have to. You know, this is my 840 01:02:07.000 --> 01:02:08.880 way or no way, you know, type of thing. So I tried. 841 01:02:09.119 --> 01:02:14.960 I really, I don't think I've ever been that way though. It's 842 01:02:15.039 --> 01:02:17.719 my way of the highway type of thing. Yeah you have h Yeah, 843 01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:23.599 you know, I'm not gonna lie about that. But then I guess that's 844 01:02:23.599 --> 01:02:28.079 all part of the getting to know, because I was going to be nice 845 01:02:28.119 --> 01:02:30.519 into my next question. You know, there are so many different ways to 846 01:02:30.679 --> 01:02:35.880 show love to each other and to people. But what kind of are some 847 01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:39.159 of the ways that you can show that you do love someone that you deeply 848 01:02:39.280 --> 01:02:43.480 care about? I mean, what kind of things will you have to kind 849 01:02:43.519 --> 01:02:49.719 of consider? You've mentioned a few things already, but because I thought about 850 01:02:49.719 --> 01:02:52.599 this question I had. I was gonna say, sometimes just let things happen, 851 01:02:53.280 --> 01:02:57.360 you know what I mean, Let things happen and see what's going and 852 01:02:57.400 --> 01:03:00.920 see what happens, you know what I mean. That's what I for me. 853 01:03:01.119 --> 01:03:04.960 I so like we have Valentine's Day coming up. I don't believe in 854 01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:07.960 Valentine's Day. I wasn't looking for no, no, no, no, 855 01:03:10.400 --> 01:03:15.440 I don't believe in like I think Valentine's Day not It's not that Valentine's They 856 01:03:15.440 --> 01:03:19.840 could be every day, But like you said earlier, it's no commercialized. 857 01:03:19.880 --> 01:03:25.000 I just don't believe in even you know, if showing my showing my love 858 01:03:25.079 --> 01:03:28.800 for my wife doesn't I don't even go buy a big box of chocolate and 859 01:03:28.880 --> 01:03:32.000 a bouquet of flowers and and a Teddy Bear to show my love for my 860 01:03:32.079 --> 01:03:37.719 wife. Me getting up every morning, going to work, providing, making 861 01:03:37.760 --> 01:03:39.960 sure if she says, hey, can you pick this up from the store, 862 01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:44.960 me getting it from the store, me making sure it's everything, making 863 01:03:44.960 --> 01:03:46.800 sure there's food in the house, making sure there's heat in the house, 864 01:03:46.880 --> 01:03:50.760 making sure there's light in the house. I know that sounds weird, and 865 01:03:50.840 --> 01:03:52.119 I know people are gonna be like, but you know, that's that's stuff 866 01:03:52.159 --> 01:03:55.000 that you're supposed to provide. Yes, it's you're supposed to provide, but 867 01:03:55.079 --> 01:03:58.840 I still have to want to do it. I don't have to provide if 868 01:03:58.880 --> 01:04:01.719 I don't want to. So there's love involved in that. I don't have 869 01:04:01.880 --> 01:04:03.760 to you know, if I don't want to provide it, I don't have 870 01:04:03.960 --> 01:04:10.639 to really provide it, you know, so that that love is just the 871 01:04:10.760 --> 01:04:15.639 little thing, just don't I've never been a what's the word. I've never 872 01:04:15.719 --> 01:04:19.480 been an affectionate person. I've never been an affectionate person. I will tell 873 01:04:19.480 --> 01:04:24.559 you this. But the way, because my the way I showed affection was 874 01:04:24.679 --> 01:04:29.039 different. I showed my my affection by just making sure that she had everything 875 01:04:29.159 --> 01:04:31.559 she needed. That was my way of showing affection. That was my love 876 01:04:31.639 --> 01:04:35.519 language. My love language was not that of I spoke it. Okay, 877 01:04:35.559 --> 01:04:39.280 we're going to we're gonna come to that in a second. Yeah, so 878 01:04:40.039 --> 01:04:42.639 yeah, I'm kind of jumping ahead. I'm sorry, that's okay. I 879 01:04:42.719 --> 01:04:45.159 just of the ways that you can show love for each other, which again 880 01:04:45.440 --> 01:04:49.480 that's going to be subjective, unique to every person, every couple, every 881 01:04:49.519 --> 01:04:54.039 relationship. I kind of went off the thing that I said about that, 882 01:04:54.159 --> 01:04:58.480 Yeah, you know for me because I am, well, I'm that's kind 883 01:04:58.480 --> 01:05:00.000 of going to heat into the love language. But for me, I just 884 01:05:00.079 --> 01:05:04.480 can go sit by Pedro or just fixing something to eat because I like to 885 01:05:04.519 --> 01:05:08.559 fix some stuff to eat, you know. I like to just do stuff 886 01:05:08.599 --> 01:05:12.360 for him. You know, they're just me and showing just just it's just 887 01:05:12.519 --> 01:05:15.079 it ain't about the big thing. It ain't about me going to buy him 888 01:05:15.159 --> 01:05:16.719 something and be like, oh I love you, because that's just not me. 889 01:05:16.880 --> 01:05:19.679 I just like to just sit here and talk to him and just look 890 01:05:19.679 --> 01:05:21.840 at him in his face and just be like, hey Pedro, And I 891 01:05:21.880 --> 01:05:27.719 don't like that's why you're face alone. Yeah, my space is get out 892 01:05:27.760 --> 01:05:32.719 my space. When I say that too, especially when I get home, 893 01:05:32.800 --> 01:05:35.559 I'm not trying to talk to nobody. When I get home after driving around, 894 01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:39.800 I'm like, get out my face. My girls are like that too, 895 01:05:39.840 --> 01:05:42.239 They want to come huggle me, and I'm like, and then I 896 01:05:42.360 --> 01:05:45.320 realized they got a little bit more time left side. But it'll enjoy this 897 01:05:45.679 --> 01:05:46.880 because when they get old, they're gonna be like hey dad and walk right 898 01:05:46.920 --> 01:05:51.079 buy me. So exactly exactly, I kind of sucked that one up, 899 01:05:53.000 --> 01:05:55.440 but I guess it's no sick to me. You know, that kind of 900 01:05:55.519 --> 01:05:58.119 willingness. And we've talked a little bit about this as well. We talked 901 01:05:58.239 --> 01:06:00.280 I think they mentioned this when we were communication last week. You know, 902 01:06:00.679 --> 01:06:04.480 be willing to be vulnerable with each other. You know that can sort of 903 01:06:04.559 --> 01:06:09.800 show you know, the caring respects, what have you. If there are 904 01:06:09.920 --> 01:06:13.000 challenges, be willing to forgive that. I know that can sometimes be a 905 01:06:13.039 --> 01:06:15.119 really difficult one. But if you do love somebody, you've got to be 906 01:06:15.199 --> 01:06:19.400 able to sometimes step back, be the humble one, be the one to 907 01:06:19.480 --> 01:06:23.440 say sorry, be the one to kind of says or even ask us to 908 01:06:24.159 --> 01:06:28.719 ask for forgiveness. You know, you just said, ANGELI I thought or 909 01:06:28.760 --> 01:06:31.280 something too. You know. Sometimes and love sometimes you have to. And 910 01:06:31.400 --> 01:06:35.519 God does this for us too, because we always talk about God. Sometimes 911 01:06:35.559 --> 01:06:39.159 you have to step back and let them just do it and learn. Yes, 912 01:06:39.480 --> 01:06:43.039 yeah, yeah, Sometimes I don't even argue with my wife. My 913 01:06:43.079 --> 01:06:45.119 wife wants to do this. I'm like, ain't gonna work, and she's 914 01:06:45.159 --> 01:06:47.800 so adamant. I said, okay, and I just stepped back and I 915 01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:51.679 just wait to see what happens. And then if it works out, okay, 916 01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:55.320 it worked out. But if it don't work out, okay, let's 917 01:06:55.360 --> 01:07:00.199 fix it. So sometimes you have to love us also knowing when to to 918 01:07:00.599 --> 01:07:02.880 just okay, like you said, step back and just let everything is run 919 01:07:02.920 --> 01:07:06.800 its course, because you know it. There's not always about, you know, 920 01:07:06.920 --> 01:07:10.400 trying to be right. I'm not always trying to be right to my 921 01:07:10.519 --> 01:07:12.559 wife. Yeah, what's actually what you said that? And something you said 922 01:07:12.559 --> 01:07:15.920 about the beginning? And I guess in a scenario like that is having each 923 01:07:15.440 --> 01:07:17.599 you better to say this was it something else I was listening to. When 924 01:07:17.639 --> 01:07:20.280 you have each other's back and you know you can rely on each other, 925 01:07:20.800 --> 01:07:26.440 so you maybe to step back and things may go horribly wrong. But if 926 01:07:26.480 --> 01:07:29.519 you're going to love somebody, hopefully you're not going to be like ha ha 927 01:07:29.760 --> 01:07:32.360 I told you. So you're going to be there to say, you know, 928 01:07:32.480 --> 01:07:35.800 well, and you may do everybody's human what have you, but you 929 01:07:35.880 --> 01:07:39.519 will be there to help them pick up the pieces if you need to, 930 01:07:40.079 --> 01:07:43.639 or to come up with another solution and what have you. And you know, 931 01:07:44.280 --> 01:07:46.119 the other person may be like, you know what, you were right 932 01:07:46.559 --> 01:07:50.559 and I can kind of recognize that now, but that again, that's your 933 01:07:50.840 --> 01:07:55.880 the level of your commitments, love, et cetera. For each other. 934 01:07:56.519 --> 01:08:00.360 You know so right and always thinkings when you're going through there and you may 935 01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:03.440 be right or wrong. It's I think for me, if PE don't like 936 01:08:03.679 --> 01:08:05.679 I told you so, it'll make me feel some way. You know what 937 01:08:05.719 --> 01:08:09.639 I'm saying. I say, don't don't don't kill it. You know, 938 01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:12.920 make sure you have your spouse. Always feel like you're there no matter what. 939 01:08:13.039 --> 01:08:16.359 Don't make them feel bad or feel stupid in some way. Always just 940 01:08:16.439 --> 01:08:19.079 be like, you know what didn't work out. But just to throw it 941 01:08:19.159 --> 01:08:23.720 in their face. That's not showing love. Yes, yeah, that's showing 942 01:08:23.840 --> 01:08:28.760 that you didn't know what you was doing. You're not in control or anything. 943 01:08:29.039 --> 01:08:30.479 If you just did it my way, it would happen because I have 944 01:08:30.560 --> 01:08:33.399 done this. So you're saying that you feel so if you say you come 945 01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:38.399 to me and I'm like, that's not gonna work, but we could do 946 01:08:38.479 --> 01:08:41.680 it. Is that throwing it in your face as I tell you I told 947 01:08:41.720 --> 01:08:45.079 you so. When it doesn't work, I mean it doesn't work. You're 948 01:08:45.159 --> 01:08:46.399 just saying, you know what didn't work. Let's just try to say, 949 01:08:46.720 --> 01:08:50.600 but I don't think this is gonna work. But you do it. But 950 01:08:50.640 --> 01:08:53.920 I'm saying, if it don't work, and you do it in a way 951 01:08:53.960 --> 01:08:58.159 of you're making a person feel bad or making them feel low, that's not 952 01:08:58.399 --> 01:09:00.720 that's not showing love. You know what I'm saying. You pretty much just 953 01:09:00.800 --> 01:09:04.079 thrown it in a base and that can cause issues in a marriage because now, 954 01:09:04.239 --> 01:09:08.479 especially because I know I hold onto stuff, So if you was to 955 01:09:08.560 --> 01:09:10.640 do that, I'd be like, you remember the time you did that. 956 01:09:10.720 --> 01:09:13.880 You made me feel like nothing, But you say you love me, you 957 01:09:13.920 --> 01:09:15.520 know what I'm saying. So no matter, God don't have let us feel 958 01:09:15.600 --> 01:09:18.840 like that. You know, God, no matter how much stupid mistakes we 959 01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:23.039 make, he don't come to and make us feel like we nothing. He 960 01:09:23.119 --> 01:09:25.920 said, you know what, It's okay, you know, we get back 961 01:09:25.960 --> 01:09:28.279 up again, you know what I'm saying. And I think that's the same 962 01:09:28.359 --> 01:09:32.199 thing we have to display in our marriages and our relationship and compassion whether it 963 01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:36.279 looked good so you or not. And that can be that seems to be 964 01:09:36.359 --> 01:09:42.359 sometimes very very tricky because nobody wants to I don't know. Sometimes it could 965 01:09:42.399 --> 01:09:45.159 be I don't know if this is a power thing or just the kind of 966 01:09:45.319 --> 01:09:48.199 confidence thing I don't necessarily what that is. But sometimes you see that relationships 967 01:09:48.199 --> 01:09:51.920 and it's like, you know, one person somehow wants to prove that they're 968 01:09:51.960 --> 01:09:55.880 better than the other. They know all the knowledge, they know everything, 969 01:09:55.920 --> 01:09:58.880 et cetera, and there is a sort of power of balance. You just 970 01:09:58.920 --> 01:10:02.000 say, well, you what that kind of mutual kind of respect for each 971 01:10:02.079 --> 01:10:06.640 other. It's a sharing, caring, learning experience. And as she said, 972 01:10:06.800 --> 01:10:10.439 God would never do that. God doesn't do that for us. To 973 01:10:10.680 --> 01:10:12.920 us, He's never going to do that. And if we're following him, 974 01:10:13.560 --> 01:10:18.560 that's surely that's going completely the wrong way, completely, you know, of 975 01:10:18.720 --> 01:10:23.399 what he would want us to do. So yeah, so that's that's yeah, 976 01:10:23.680 --> 01:10:27.600 And it's a tricky one because you know, it is sometimes I don't 977 01:10:27.640 --> 01:10:30.520 think about that in relationships. Some people just like to stay in control, 978 01:10:30.840 --> 01:10:35.039 and you know, and I think it's no control in marriage. I think 979 01:10:35.079 --> 01:10:39.640 it needs to be balanced. I think we only need to know our position 980 01:10:39.960 --> 01:10:44.760 and respect each other's position, and that way you can grow and your love 981 01:10:45.680 --> 01:10:47.720 to grow, and nobody can feel less than the next one. Yeah, 982 01:10:48.319 --> 01:10:51.319 And do you think that in terms of relation a marriage, relationships, your 983 01:10:51.359 --> 01:11:00.319 love should be unconditional? Oh, definitely, without unconditional love, especially the 984 01:11:00.399 --> 01:11:05.159 bad times you done. Yeah. Yeah, because you have to be unconditional 985 01:11:05.239 --> 01:11:11.399 because you have to love them no matter what whatever happens, you have you 986 01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:15.319 you some people will love you right and as long as long as the conditions 987 01:11:15.359 --> 01:11:18.600 are to what they want. But when the conditions are not what you want, 988 01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:24.119 then then it becomes unconditional love. So yeah, love is unconditional. 989 01:11:24.279 --> 01:11:26.439 Yeah. I think some people love you, but they have a line. 990 01:11:26.520 --> 01:11:29.039 They be like, you know what, you don't reach my point, I 991 01:11:29.119 --> 01:11:32.119 can't do it, just no more. But if you have addition too much 992 01:11:32.159 --> 01:11:34.840 weight, Yeah, I'm gonna leave you if you if I just tell you 993 01:11:34.920 --> 01:11:36.600 the time, if you go like to one twenty, I'm leaving you. 994 01:11:40.119 --> 01:11:42.039 She'd be like, I want to get down. I want to lose weight. 995 01:11:42.079 --> 01:11:44.199 And I'm like, what, just don't go too low? Like I 996 01:11:44.239 --> 01:11:46.199 don't mind, but you knoway, you know, stay at a certain level. 997 01:11:46.640 --> 01:11:49.399 You know, but I'm lying that, you know. I think I 998 01:11:49.439 --> 01:11:51.720 think we love. We got to be able to see the changes in each 999 01:11:51.720 --> 01:11:56.000 other, because you're not going to be accept the change. You're not You're 1000 01:11:56.039 --> 01:11:58.359 not going to be the same you was when you first met. You're going 1001 01:11:58.439 --> 01:12:00.359 to change, You're gonna have kids. If you have kids, you're gonna 1002 01:12:00.359 --> 01:12:02.560 look different, You're gonna get old, you're gonna get great. Here, 1003 01:12:02.680 --> 01:12:06.199 all of these things are going to happen. Is your love still going to 1004 01:12:06.239 --> 01:12:11.039 be unconditional? Or is it there? You to reach yourline? Because I 1005 01:12:11.079 --> 01:12:14.520 don't like how things are going, you know, and people want to be 1006 01:12:14.640 --> 01:12:17.520 done and out of the marriage. Okay, good point to pause it there 1007 01:12:18.039 --> 01:12:20.279 for music, And I'm going to come back to this because I want to 1008 01:12:20.319 --> 01:12:26.479 know sort of Okay, how can you do that? Then? So I'm 1009 01:12:26.520 --> 01:12:30.920 going to go with chat called love theory by Kurt Franklin, because I guess 1010 01:12:30.960 --> 01:12:33.560 there may be some theories as to how we can do that segued into that 1011 01:12:33.640 --> 01:12:38.680 one. So let's take a listen and we'll come back after this to find 1012 01:12:38.760 --> 01:12:41.600 out how we can kind of how I love and how we can maintain our 1013 01:12:41.640 --> 01:12:49.600 love through our relationships to that marriage. Brothers and sisters. I want to 1014 01:12:49.680 --> 01:12:56.600 welcome you back to life, back to the one. They can make your 1015 01:12:56.680 --> 01:13:05.399 next chapter your best chapter. How can it be that you love the most? 1016 01:13:05.479 --> 01:13:15.039 I love all? O? How can you see your life wasting? 1017 01:13:15.319 --> 01:13:25.680 Legging? Funny? Two big great in some face with you, a wiry 1018 01:13:27.199 --> 01:13:38.119 everything. He can pull my away. Come on, he said, that's 1019 01:13:38.239 --> 01:13:55.000 as it's my funny. That's why so many of you. I don't wanna 1020 01:13:55.079 --> 01:14:00.159 love nobody of you. I don't wanna love nobody, love nobody you. 1021 01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:08.439 Let's go. Are you one the massic price of Julie. You cover me. 1022 01:14:10.279 --> 01:14:15.000 I appreciate it a mission. It's amazing, taltatious with big. I 1023 01:14:15.199 --> 01:14:23.479 feel that you don't give me, help me healthy, say thank you, 1024 01:14:23.800 --> 01:14:30.119 thank you, everything's forget my good. Let me tell you what it does, 1025 01:14:30.239 --> 01:14:40.359 he says, and you will hallelujah. That's not fuss. Not feel 1026 01:14:40.439 --> 01:14:53.880 super hum enough like this and the promise you that's what nove you. I 1027 01:14:53.920 --> 01:14:57.800 don't want to know you. Yes, I don't want to know about it. 1028 01:14:58.159 --> 01:15:06.159 Nobody you a stone over you, that's right. I don't want no 1029 01:15:06.399 --> 01:15:15.960 body, no body, And the church saying, come on, Jesus loving 1030 01:15:15.039 --> 01:15:25.560 you. It sounds crazy, don't it. Hey? Let me tell you 1031 01:15:25.640 --> 01:15:32.720 what it means. That's why I want to love. No. I don't 1032 01:15:32.760 --> 01:15:39.239 want to love no. I don't want to love nobody nobody, But I 1033 01:15:39.319 --> 01:15:48.640 really mean at this time Jesus, no, no, let me tell you 1034 01:15:48.760 --> 01:15:59.359 when it goes. Come on people, let you down like see, I 1035 01:15:59.439 --> 01:16:09.920 will never know I love like forever on the day. Let me again. 1036 01:16:14.520 --> 01:16:31.239 So cood, what the rest of my life? Thank you everybody? You 1037 01:16:36.119 --> 01:16:42.119 love no body. Thank you. You're the savior nobody, Thank you. 1038 01:16:42.680 --> 01:16:46.239 I don't want to love nobody. I don't want to love nobody, love 1039 01:16:46.359 --> 01:16:55.399 nobody but you. That's right. Want I love nobody, love nobody, 1040 01:16:55.479 --> 01:17:00.039 but you so kept Franklin love theory. So Ye're here on Talking Point and 1041 01:17:00.079 --> 01:17:04.159 Advantage Radio London and we're talking about love and love and relationships and love and 1042 01:17:04.239 --> 01:17:09.760 marriage. I'm here with Pedro, my co host and his wife Tara from 1043 01:17:09.800 --> 01:17:15.199 their podcast Hear My Marriage, and we're talking about love and different aspects of 1044 01:17:15.319 --> 01:17:20.000 love and how love can play a part within our relationships. And we've you 1045 01:17:20.039 --> 01:17:25.720 know, we've talked about the different types of love. God being the center 1046 01:17:26.159 --> 01:17:29.079 and God is love and God in the center and that being the Baines foundation. 1047 01:17:29.680 --> 01:17:33.039 But how can we now relationships? And I'm saying that for my own 1048 01:17:33.039 --> 01:17:36.479 personal experience. I'm not married and not being married, but I know it 1049 01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:41.000 can be challenged, it can be challenging just kind of and I say relational 1050 01:17:41.079 --> 01:17:44.279 connections with people sometimes coming in challengecause you're alway gonna say eye to eye, 1051 01:17:45.359 --> 01:17:48.600 but how do you But as we're talking about love and love within our relationships 1052 01:17:48.640 --> 01:17:53.520 and that marriage is how can we how do we cultivate that love? How 1053 01:17:53.600 --> 01:17:57.159 do we maintain that? How do we keep that going? How does that 1054 01:17:57.239 --> 01:18:00.239 sort of play in our sort of day to day, day to day lives. 1055 01:18:00.279 --> 01:18:09.600 I guess I would say to keep the love going, it's to do 1056 01:18:09.960 --> 01:18:14.680 do little small things together, you know, go like have date night with 1057 01:18:14.800 --> 01:18:18.319 each other. That's showing another way of love because you want to you spend 1058 01:18:18.359 --> 01:18:21.600 your time with that person. You're giving them that time. You you're giving 1059 01:18:21.680 --> 01:18:27.600 time to connect with one another and you're putting away everything else. Work, 1060 01:18:28.279 --> 01:18:31.600 children, orever is taking you away from your spouse. You you you, 1061 01:18:32.079 --> 01:18:35.399 That's how your love grow because you spending time with one another, you know, 1062 01:18:35.479 --> 01:18:40.119 and when you don't spend time with your spouse, it they feel neglected. 1063 01:18:40.279 --> 01:18:42.960 Nobody want to feel neglected, and I want nobody want to feel you're 1064 01:18:42.960 --> 01:18:46.640 putting everything before them. And then that's that's including your children. Even though 1065 01:18:46.680 --> 01:18:50.399 your children is a blessing from God. And I think it's important to know 1066 01:18:50.920 --> 01:18:55.159 that our children have their time, and then mommy and daddy have their time, 1067 01:18:55.800 --> 01:18:59.279 you know. You know, I think it's important that spouses spend time 1068 01:18:59.359 --> 01:19:03.479 together because if you start getting disconnected, you can get it from somewhere else, 1069 01:19:03.560 --> 01:19:06.399 you know, and then that's you got another issue. So I think 1070 01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:13.119 spending time together is important. Date night talking to each other, complimenting each 1071 01:19:13.159 --> 01:19:16.199 other, Oh you look nice today, or you look beautiful, or thank 1072 01:19:16.279 --> 01:19:19.680 you for this, and you know, I would like I like computers that 1073 01:19:19.960 --> 01:19:24.079 thank you for cooking dinner tonight. You know, I appreciate that. That 1074 01:19:24.159 --> 01:19:28.760 made me feel appreciated. It made me feel like I'm doing something and to 1075 01:19:28.880 --> 01:19:31.600 make him happy, you know, and so I'm really you know, I 1076 01:19:31.640 --> 01:19:35.119 think it's important for us to show that, to show that in love in 1077 01:19:35.239 --> 01:19:41.640 those small things, because they're showing that you care. Yeah, so what 1078 01:19:41.880 --> 01:19:45.000 you just said, I was gonna just when we first got married, we 1079 01:19:45.039 --> 01:19:48.239 had the kids. She didn't trust nobody with the kids, so date night 1080 01:19:48.359 --> 01:19:54.159 was not an option. So what we did was once the kids went to 1081 01:19:54.239 --> 01:19:57.239 bed, then we wouldn't go straight to bed. We would actually sit in 1082 01:19:57.319 --> 01:20:00.119 the living room and talk for like an hour and just talk about what the 1083 01:20:00.199 --> 01:20:03.439 day, talk about whatever you need to talk about, just talk. Even 1084 01:20:03.520 --> 01:20:08.640 if we just laughed and joked around and just talk, we just and that 1085 01:20:09.359 --> 01:20:13.159 allowed us to connect with each other every evening before we went to bed. 1086 01:20:13.760 --> 01:20:15.720 And then I'm a night out, so sometimes she'll go to bed before me, 1087 01:20:16.239 --> 01:20:21.039 but before that, we'd still would have that, just have that hour 1088 01:20:21.159 --> 01:20:25.319 or two where we just sit talking, and it just made a difference in 1089 01:20:25.439 --> 01:20:30.000 our relationship because it just kept us connected to each other. As she said, 1090 01:20:30.479 --> 01:20:34.119 you know, you got to support each other. Like Ta wants to 1091 01:20:34.159 --> 01:20:40.600 do a couple of things, and I'll just buy if she's like, I 1092 01:20:40.680 --> 01:20:44.279 want to make something, and I'll go on Amazon and I'll look up whatever 1093 01:20:44.359 --> 01:20:48.319 she was talking about, and next thing she would just it would just show 1094 01:20:48.399 --> 01:20:51.279 up at the house and she's like, oh okay, well she could see 1095 01:20:51.279 --> 01:20:54.640 the Amazon account too, so she surely knew I got it. She's like, 1096 01:20:54.720 --> 01:20:56.359 I didn't tell you I wanted it. I'm like, well, you 1097 01:20:56.399 --> 01:20:59.319 said you wanted to do it, so try it. Like support and everything 1098 01:20:59.439 --> 01:21:00.960 she want. Like like I always say, I always say, Tatar, 1099 01:21:01.800 --> 01:21:04.840 you know, you don't know unless you don't try. I'm a firm believer 1100 01:21:04.960 --> 01:21:08.439 of that. So if you want to try something. Try it. You're 1101 01:21:08.479 --> 01:21:11.319 gonna you're either gonna fail or you're not gonna fail. But try it. 1102 01:21:11.479 --> 01:21:14.199 If you don't, if you don't do it, how do you know if 1103 01:21:14.199 --> 01:21:16.000 you're gonna like it, orf you're gonna fail or not fail. So try 1104 01:21:16.079 --> 01:21:20.199 it. So I think that's one way that you can build up your your 1105 01:21:20.199 --> 01:21:25.840 marriages by just always being there or supportive of your of your of your spouse, 1106 01:21:27.319 --> 01:21:31.920 making sure that everything you do, you know, like she said, 1107 01:21:31.920 --> 01:21:36.960 show that appreciation. Thank you for taking care of the kids. I know 1108 01:21:38.079 --> 01:21:40.960 that sounds silly, but I do say that to her, like I think 1109 01:21:41.000 --> 01:21:42.680 the other night I actually said it to her. I was like, you 1110 01:21:42.760 --> 01:21:45.399 know, I just want to just thank you for you know, watching the 1111 01:21:45.520 --> 01:21:48.079 kids and making sure they being in the house, making sure the house is 1112 01:21:48.159 --> 01:21:51.920 clean when I come home, you know, just making sure I have foo 1113 01:21:53.039 --> 01:21:56.039 when I come home, you know, just call you know, just because 1114 01:21:56.399 --> 01:22:00.239 Actually I did do that. Because see even in our marriage, she had 1115 01:22:00.279 --> 01:22:02.640 went a couple of weeks but she wasn't calling me. She used she would 1116 01:22:02.640 --> 01:22:04.760 call me and say, hey, you know, are you hungry? You 1117 01:22:04.840 --> 01:22:08.600 know, and I was getting home and she was letting kids eat all the 1118 01:22:08.640 --> 01:22:11.840 food and I was like, yo, what's up, Like how you gonna 1119 01:22:11.880 --> 01:22:14.119 have the kids? Like do you want to? I think you just buying 1120 01:22:14.159 --> 01:22:15.079 something outside them? Like, well, you didn't call me. She's like, 1121 01:22:15.119 --> 01:22:18.479 well, you know, I haven't been calling. So even and even 1122 01:22:18.520 --> 01:22:23.840 in marriages, sometimes the communication breaks down and you have to then be like, 1123 01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:27.039 hey, we used to do this this way. Can we continue to 1124 01:22:27.119 --> 01:22:29.600 do it this way? Oh? I'm sorry, because you don't subconsciously, 1125 01:22:30.039 --> 01:22:32.600 you get busy at doing stuff, you don't realize that you don't communicate the 1126 01:22:32.680 --> 01:22:35.800 same way every time. So you have to make sure you keep that going. 1127 01:22:36.439 --> 01:22:39.279 And then like a couple of days, I said, I really do 1128 01:22:39.359 --> 01:22:42.359 appreciate what you do for me and the kids, and you know, so 1129 01:22:42.560 --> 01:22:45.199 it's just just a simple things. It's just saying thank you, just saying 1130 01:22:45.199 --> 01:22:48.399 I appreciate you, just saying you know, I love what I love what 1131 01:22:48.479 --> 01:22:50.600 you're done with the place, I love what you're done with the corner, 1132 01:22:51.039 --> 01:22:55.960 I love what you're done with the you know, whatever, with whatever it 1133 01:22:56.079 --> 01:23:00.000 is. You know, it's just always big, big in each other, 1134 01:23:00.640 --> 01:23:02.359 just being there for each other, just helping each other. When you do 1135 01:23:02.479 --> 01:23:05.680 that, What does that mean to what does that mean to? Each What 1136 01:23:05.760 --> 01:23:09.239 does that mean to you? What does that mean to each other? Kind 1137 01:23:09.279 --> 01:23:11.840 of thing? But you know, how does that make you feel? What's 1138 01:23:11.880 --> 01:23:14.640 that? What does that mean to you? And Petro the same thing? 1139 01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:17.079 How does that? Why is that important to do that? How it feels? 1140 01:23:17.199 --> 01:23:19.159 It made me feel like, Wow, he really appreciated, he really 1141 01:23:19.239 --> 01:23:23.720 sees, he really actually see what I'm doing. You know, he's just 1142 01:23:23.840 --> 01:23:28.039 not walking in the house and just being abeariful to stop saying the rest of 1143 01:23:28.079 --> 01:23:31.479 the word for he's not. Yeah, he's not. He's noticing what I'm 1144 01:23:31.520 --> 01:23:35.000 doing right, and that that means something to me because I know you see, 1145 01:23:35.119 --> 01:23:39.159 you see what you see them that I'm making sure the house is being 1146 01:23:39.279 --> 01:23:42.760 clean. You're not thinking of me of some type of slave where you better 1147 01:23:42.840 --> 01:23:45.439 have it done, you better have my food ready. You know this type 1148 01:23:45.439 --> 01:23:48.079 of thing. You know, he don't demand those things from me, and 1149 01:23:48.199 --> 01:23:51.319 I because I love him, I want to do it. You know, 1150 01:23:51.399 --> 01:23:54.560 I want to make sure my house is clean, I want to make sure 1151 01:23:54.600 --> 01:23:57.960 my husband eat, I want to make sure my children is seen about. 1152 01:23:58.279 --> 01:24:00.960 And that makes me feel good. You know what I productive, you know, 1153 01:24:01.079 --> 01:24:04.720 and even better, yet doesn't make it feel better. So sometimes I'm 1154 01:24:04.760 --> 01:24:08.000 home and she's tired to to deal with the kids. She's had to go 1155 01:24:08.039 --> 01:24:11.520 to an event for the children to do something, and I see she's tired. 1156 01:24:11.560 --> 01:24:15.520 I go and make my own food. We actually argue it is We 1157 01:24:15.640 --> 01:24:18.279 actually argue if I could for me making my own food. I'm like, 1158 01:24:18.399 --> 01:24:21.239 ta, I have two hands and two feet. I can go in the 1159 01:24:21.359 --> 01:24:26.279 kitchen and make my own plate. Now I'm making for you, Tar sit 1160 01:24:26.439 --> 01:24:29.359 and be still. I can go and make my own plate like she. 1161 01:24:29.520 --> 01:24:33.119 We actually argue. The kids will sitting there laughing that it's like, mom, 1162 01:24:33.199 --> 01:24:36.159 just let me make his own plate. Walk with you, like she 1163 01:24:36.239 --> 01:24:40.720 gets upset because she wants to show. She wants to show you know that. 1164 01:24:40.800 --> 01:24:43.560 And I'm like, I already know you love me. I know that 1165 01:24:43.720 --> 01:24:45.359 I got it. But I can do it. I can do it sometimes 1166 01:24:45.760 --> 01:24:49.680 and sometimes if i'm if i'm making, if I cook, which is rare 1167 01:24:49.760 --> 01:24:53.920 but nothing much as I do, I'll make the plates and I and I 1168 01:24:54.039 --> 01:24:56.560 bring a plate to her. So it's just, you know, showing that 1169 01:24:56.640 --> 01:25:00.399 appreciation. Just little things. People think it's gotta be big things and money 1170 01:25:00.960 --> 01:25:04.159 and and your fame, and it's not. It's just the little things. 1171 01:25:04.319 --> 01:25:09.319 Just little bits and pieces head just I thank you, I love you. 1172 01:25:10.199 --> 01:25:13.920 You know, call how you're doing today? How is your day? You 1173 01:25:14.000 --> 01:25:15.560 know when you get home, how you day? How is your evening with 1174 01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:18.000 each other at the end of the night, you know, how was your 1175 01:25:18.079 --> 01:25:23.600 day? You know there's anything that you know interesting happened? Was anything that 1176 01:25:23.720 --> 01:25:26.520 I may have done? You know, we ask each other, you know, 1177 01:25:26.560 --> 01:25:29.520 it's anything that I may have done that irritated you. You know she 1178 01:25:29.600 --> 01:25:33.319 already knows so she did, but she likes to ask me. I mean, 1179 01:25:33.800 --> 01:25:38.439 she irritated me that day. She irritated me that day. She wants 1180 01:25:38.479 --> 01:25:41.560 to know, you know, how how much did it irritate me? And 1181 01:25:41.720 --> 01:25:45.720 even sometimes then, you know, sometimes we ask each other like how much 1182 01:25:45.760 --> 01:25:47.359 did I really irritate you? Like were you really upset or were you not 1183 01:25:47.520 --> 01:25:53.399 upset? Because I think sometimes you know, you say something and you think 1184 01:25:53.439 --> 01:25:57.960 the person is irritated, but that not, and so you have to kind 1185 01:25:58.000 --> 01:26:00.359 of gauge, you know, like that really irritate you by saying that, 1186 01:26:00.560 --> 01:26:03.640 like that I really upset? Like did you really have to get so upset 1187 01:26:03.800 --> 01:26:06.640 that I said it that way? You know? And then I say, 1188 01:26:06.720 --> 01:26:10.159 no, not really, but you could have said it this way, Okay, 1189 01:26:10.439 --> 01:26:12.319 next time, I'll try to do it that way. So it's all 1190 01:26:12.359 --> 01:26:15.239 about communication, and that's just the love that we have for each other. 1191 01:26:15.359 --> 01:26:18.159 Like where we just tried to and tru me. We're still working. We 1192 01:26:18.279 --> 01:26:23.079 still every day. Yeah, we still work in progress. We're not perfect 1193 01:26:23.199 --> 01:26:27.760 at all. We still have our disagreement, you know, we we I 1194 01:26:27.800 --> 01:26:30.039 think before we started, we got into a little tiff because the light was 1195 01:26:30.079 --> 01:26:33.399 too bright and I said, Tar, turned down the light. It's too 1196 01:26:33.520 --> 01:26:38.680 dark, And I'm like, ah, isn't it like can we both like 1197 01:26:39.840 --> 01:26:42.640 have a decision in this making Like can I? Can I also make a 1198 01:26:42.720 --> 01:26:47.479 decision in this Can we turn down the light? You know? So it's 1199 01:26:47.600 --> 01:26:49.640 just about and she's like, all right, fine, we could turn down 1200 01:26:49.640 --> 01:26:51.439 the light and she's like, you know, it's actually a little better. 1201 01:26:51.880 --> 01:26:56.840 So it's just compromising. And that's the love that you know that you showed. 1202 01:26:56.880 --> 01:27:00.319 You just listening and as you was saying about that there's maybe coming, 1203 01:27:00.359 --> 01:27:03.840 I was one my next sort of thought. And again this is probably you 1204 01:27:03.920 --> 01:27:06.840 know, getting the subjective. I'm sure there's lots of views around it, 1205 01:27:06.960 --> 01:27:15.039 but there's a concept of the love languages and it was kind of first published 1206 01:27:15.079 --> 01:27:18.560 in a book by author and pastor Gary Chapman. The book called The Five 1207 01:27:18.640 --> 01:27:25.560 Love Languages, and he basically he sort of wrote this after kind of noticing 1208 01:27:25.600 --> 01:27:30.479 that there were patterns within couples that he was counseling, and sometimes it was 1209 01:27:30.520 --> 01:27:33.720 really kind of some of the challenges that were coming up because couples was misunderstanding 1210 01:27:33.760 --> 01:27:39.600 each other's needs and then recognizing that there are different ways. And of course 1211 01:27:39.640 --> 01:27:42.159 we know there are different ways that you can express and show your love, 1212 01:27:42.680 --> 01:27:47.760 but he was noticing kind of five key main categories, so words of performation, 1213 01:27:48.479 --> 01:27:54.560 quality, time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. 1214 01:27:55.920 --> 01:27:57.880 And it's just a kind of way, you know, And it's sort 1215 01:27:57.880 --> 01:28:00.319 of saying that actually, when you start to know you're partners love language, 1216 01:28:01.159 --> 01:28:05.479 you can kind of let them know, let them know meeting that sort of 1217 01:28:05.560 --> 01:28:10.920 way, let them know in that way that then shows them how much you 1218 01:28:11.000 --> 01:28:13.920 do appreciate your care and love for them, and in turn that the partner 1219 01:28:13.960 --> 01:28:17.399 would feel love appreciated and what have you. So what's your thoughts on this 1220 01:28:17.560 --> 01:28:20.760 kind of concept of love languages. Do you think that is a thing? 1221 01:28:23.479 --> 01:28:26.479 Do you recognize your is that something you've looked at. He's put together like 1222 01:28:26.560 --> 01:28:29.199 you. It's got the book you put together like a quiz that you can 1223 01:28:29.279 --> 01:28:33.479 kind of do or questionnaire to find out which those love languages are. So 1224 01:28:33.600 --> 01:28:41.039 yeah, what's your thoughts on love languages? My My love languages are expe 1225 01:28:42.079 --> 01:28:46.000 and physical touch. I like to you know, hug, I like to 1226 01:28:46.920 --> 01:28:49.439 kids. I'd like to do those things, you know. That's what I 1227 01:28:49.640 --> 01:28:55.960 like. And I like when PG just randomly buy me stuff, even though 1228 01:28:56.000 --> 01:28:58.479 if I may have looked at it and you just come with it all the 1229 01:28:58.560 --> 01:29:00.159 surprise. I like it. You know, That's what I like, you 1230 01:29:00.239 --> 01:29:04.520 know, and it makes me happy. It makes me realize that he noticed, 1231 01:29:04.920 --> 01:29:09.520 he know, he know my needs. He tried to get what I 1232 01:29:09.600 --> 01:29:12.560 need and he always get it right, you know what I'm saying, And 1233 01:29:13.039 --> 01:29:15.520 not just I don't know what else to say about it about that, but 1234 01:29:16.399 --> 01:29:19.600 with the affectionate part, Pedro has got a better which because I am on 1235 01:29:19.600 --> 01:29:24.159 an affectionate person because my parents always hug me and kids be and gave me 1236 01:29:24.199 --> 01:29:29.960 a hug and I always just always used to that and when I Pedro now 1237 01:29:30.039 --> 01:29:32.399 does that, so I really that really makes me happy too, because now 1238 01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:34.720 He'll just come and give me a hug and I'll be like, oh, 1239 01:29:34.840 --> 01:29:38.399 you gave me a hug, you know type of thing, and it just 1240 01:29:38.520 --> 01:29:44.079 makes me smile inside, you know. So that's definitely my two love language 1241 01:29:44.159 --> 01:29:48.399 is that I love Yeah, what about South Petri for me? When I 1242 01:29:48.520 --> 01:29:56.239 do that, I ask you like, A uh, It's just I was 1243 01:29:56.239 --> 01:29:59.319 a board up that way, So I had to work. I had to 1244 01:29:59.399 --> 01:30:05.560 work that and learned that my love language would be more, like you said, 1245 01:30:05.760 --> 01:30:10.279 probably the touch. Like if I just sit, like Tala has a 1246 01:30:10.319 --> 01:30:12.760 habit of like sit down and she'd like give me a feet and she would 1247 01:30:12.800 --> 01:30:15.399 just start rubbing him, you know. And that's that's my love you know, 1248 01:30:15.479 --> 01:30:24.439 that's my love language, physical touch. I think when anything just for 1249 01:30:24.640 --> 01:30:29.920 me, my for me. Tala's my love language is that Tala's always thinking 1250 01:30:29.960 --> 01:30:33.119 about me. Are you okay? How is your day? Can I make 1251 01:30:33.159 --> 01:30:35.720 you something to eat? Can? I? Like? She's always trying to 1252 01:30:35.840 --> 01:30:39.279 like wait on me and I in a way, I don't like that, 1253 01:30:39.600 --> 01:30:42.960 but I know that's her learning language. She wants to just make sure that 1254 01:30:43.039 --> 01:30:45.439 I'm taken care of because she's like, well, I'm taking care of her 1255 01:30:46.039 --> 01:30:48.399 in a way, by going to work. So when he gets home, 1256 01:30:48.479 --> 01:30:51.560 no matter how tight I am, I'm still gonna check on him and make 1257 01:30:51.600 --> 01:30:57.119 sure he's okay. And it does make me feel It just makes me feel 1258 01:30:57.159 --> 01:31:03.199 good that she's always thinking about me. You help me, you help me. 1259 01:31:03.239 --> 01:31:05.600 I don't like the worst serve, but I mean I understand the word 1260 01:31:05.680 --> 01:31:09.359 serve. No, no, I get the worst serve. I'm just saying 1261 01:31:09.399 --> 01:31:12.760 I get the worst serve. I just I just think that we I like 1262 01:31:12.840 --> 01:31:15.279 to think of it as with just we're serving each other in different ways, 1263 01:31:15.359 --> 01:31:18.880 but we're also helping each other in different ways. I just like that word. 1264 01:31:18.880 --> 01:31:24.239 I like, you can't you say serve. People get all offended, 1265 01:31:24.319 --> 01:31:28.039 like, oh you're not why you you're not his servant And you don't mean 1266 01:31:28.279 --> 01:31:30.159 like a servant. It just means you just want to make sure that I 1267 01:31:30.239 --> 01:31:35.439 have everything I need. So like and like if she likes certain things from 1268 01:31:35.479 --> 01:31:41.439 a certain store, I will go get it from the store, like banana 1269 01:31:41.560 --> 01:31:44.199 from a certain place, and she likes apples from another. I go to 1270 01:31:44.239 --> 01:31:46.520 both places. I won't just say look here's the apple, says bananas, 1271 01:31:46.520 --> 01:31:50.680 I got it one, you know, eat? But my my my love 1272 01:31:50.760 --> 01:31:55.520 language more than that. That's pretty much it. It don't take much for 1273 01:31:55.680 --> 01:31:59.399 me. It don't take much for me because I really am a very simple 1274 01:31:59.439 --> 01:32:02.560 and perpose plain person. You know. I'm just a meet up potatoes and 1275 01:32:02.640 --> 01:32:05.319 to say, meet a potatoes kind of guy. So just that alone, 1276 01:32:05.359 --> 01:32:08.920 it makes me feel bad sometimes because I don't know her feet as much, 1277 01:32:10.399 --> 01:32:16.920 and she said they develop over time, so you know, you know. 1278 01:32:17.840 --> 01:32:21.000 I always like to ask peg he's doing, because I think it's important to 1279 01:32:21.119 --> 01:32:24.479 know what we our spouses are, what they mental, you know. So 1280 01:32:24.600 --> 01:32:27.520 I'm always like, are you sure you're okay? Like what's on your mind? 1281 01:32:28.119 --> 01:32:30.199 Sometimes I like to sit there and just look at him and be like, 1282 01:32:30.239 --> 01:32:31.439 what's on your mind? Like what's going on in there? You know? 1283 01:32:31.920 --> 01:32:34.439 And he like nothing, leave me alone. I was like, I 1284 01:32:34.520 --> 01:32:36.520 really want to know, you know, like what's going on with you? 1285 01:32:36.680 --> 01:32:42.159 Like have something you know bothered you this week that that really you know, 1286 01:32:43.039 --> 01:32:45.479 tested your faith or something like what's up? You know? And because not 1287 01:32:45.600 --> 01:32:49.439 all the time we share everything with our spouses, sometimes we keep thinking to 1288 01:32:49.520 --> 01:32:53.680 the best, No, I don't think it's that either. I think sometimes 1289 01:32:54.000 --> 01:32:57.439 no, no, I'm saying, sometimes I may keep something from you because 1290 01:32:57.479 --> 01:33:00.199 I just kind of goes out of my brain, like I just it happened, 1291 01:33:00.199 --> 01:33:03.359 and I'm like okay, and I kind of just dismiss it, and 1292 01:33:03.479 --> 01:33:05.800 then you may bring and then I'm like, oh wait, did this happen? 1293 01:33:05.920 --> 01:33:09.960 Did this happen? I think sometimes we because I don't want you I 1294 01:33:09.960 --> 01:33:14.680 don't want to sound like we just any any I don't feel bad if you 1295 01:33:14.720 --> 01:33:18.600 don't remember everything, because sometimes you just honestly forget or you just dismiss it 1296 01:33:19.119 --> 01:33:21.239 and then it's not just brought up. Then you're like, oh man, 1297 01:33:21.279 --> 01:33:25.119 by the way, do you know this this did happen? Right? You 1298 01:33:25.239 --> 01:33:29.039 know? You know because you like you ask me something, I'm like, 1299 01:33:29.119 --> 01:33:30.319 happened a couple of days, and I'm like, Peter, it just happened 1300 01:33:30.399 --> 01:33:33.760 yesterday. So you know, like you forget when it even happened. You 1301 01:33:33.840 --> 01:33:38.359 know, is sometimes you just going through life, and every even in the 1302 01:33:38.439 --> 01:33:42.239 marriage, you're just going through life because you're still the individual. So you 1303 01:33:42.680 --> 01:33:44.920 just you know, you just kind of push it to the side, you 1304 01:33:45.039 --> 01:33:46.720 kind of forget about it, and then it's brought up and you're like, 1305 01:33:46.840 --> 01:33:49.159 oh man, that's right, and you know, then you talk about it. 1306 01:33:50.279 --> 01:33:53.319 But I guess the key thing that you're saying that you know, it's 1307 01:33:53.359 --> 01:33:56.039 about getting to know each other. And I guess with a love of the 1308 01:33:56.079 --> 01:34:00.199 idea of like languages is the idea that you get to know the thing that 1309 01:34:00.279 --> 01:34:01.960 you can do to express your love that I'm going to have a really meaningful 1310 01:34:02.079 --> 01:34:05.119 impact on the other pies. Right, So you learn the tone, you 1311 01:34:05.279 --> 01:34:11.319 learn their their demeanors, you learn their facial expressions, you learn how they 1312 01:34:11.439 --> 01:34:13.359 when I walk in the house, if I walk in a certain way, 1313 01:34:13.439 --> 01:34:16.079 she knows if I'm tired, or she knows is if I'm okay, Like 1314 01:34:16.199 --> 01:34:19.479 she can tell by just looking at me, but just talking to me. 1315 01:34:19.560 --> 01:34:23.359 Looking at me, she can you know, she can say, Okay, 1316 01:34:23.479 --> 01:34:26.479 he's tired, I'm gonna leave him. Like if I walk and I'm really 1317 01:34:26.560 --> 01:34:29.239 tired, she'll say, okay, I'll leave him. I'll give him fifteen 1318 01:34:29.279 --> 01:34:31.640 minutes before I bother him. Unless it's really important. Then she'd be like, 1319 01:34:31.680 --> 01:34:33.359 look, I know you're tired, but I need to ask you this 1320 01:34:33.479 --> 01:34:36.680 or I need to talk to you about this. But like most times, 1321 01:34:38.000 --> 01:34:40.239 she'd be like, okay, I give hi a few minutes get himself together. 1322 01:34:40.720 --> 01:34:43.680 You know, I like, I'm not come in. I don't eat 1323 01:34:43.720 --> 01:34:46.760 right away. I need time to decompress. I need my body to kind 1324 01:34:46.800 --> 01:34:49.640 of adjust to being home, and then I can eat. Because if I 1325 01:34:49.720 --> 01:34:53.279 start eating as soon as I walk in the door, I guess maybe because 1326 01:34:53.279 --> 01:34:57.680 I'm driving, I just if I feel up, I feel full faster, 1327 01:34:58.079 --> 01:35:01.720 if that makes sense them, Angela, can you eat like if you're driving 1328 01:35:01.760 --> 01:35:05.680 a lot and then you stop. Can you eat right away? Sometimes? 1329 01:35:05.840 --> 01:35:11.520 I guess it depends on how hungry I am, But sometimes it depends eat 1330 01:35:11.600 --> 01:35:14.680 right away? Yeah, if I'm not. Sometimes I want to eat now. 1331 01:35:15.079 --> 01:35:16.760 Yeah. Right. It takes a minute to kind of right. And 1332 01:35:16.920 --> 01:35:20.199 so she recognizes that, so she's like, okay, she She'll say, 1333 01:35:20.479 --> 01:35:24.000 when you're ready, let me know, and I make your plate. You 1334 01:35:24.079 --> 01:35:26.600 know, like that. She won't, she won't, just you know, 1335 01:35:27.239 --> 01:35:30.439 so I heat up your food. Just tell me, you know how long, 1336 01:35:30.479 --> 01:35:31.159 you know, tell me when, and I heat up your food. 1337 01:35:31.640 --> 01:35:35.520 So it's just learning. I think the different signs of love and the different 1338 01:35:36.000 --> 01:35:41.880 types of love is just learning each love for what they are and then applying 1339 01:35:41.920 --> 01:35:45.039 them to your spouse. And I think that's probably the premise of Chapman's idea 1340 01:35:45.119 --> 01:35:48.239 as well. It really promotes selflessness. Is the idea that you're focusing on 1341 01:35:48.319 --> 01:35:54.720 somebody else's needs other than your own, and you've taken the time to learn, 1342 01:35:55.000 --> 01:35:58.560 to understand, to recognize, to know, and it's a growing thing. 1343 01:35:58.600 --> 01:36:01.720 It's not something that necessarily happens the night, but it's basically how you 1344 01:36:01.840 --> 01:36:05.399 know you're going to explore what is going to be the most meaningful for them. 1345 01:36:05.800 --> 01:36:10.560 I think it also probably helps create empathy for the other person as well. 1346 01:36:10.880 --> 01:36:13.439 You know, you're not going to do something that's you don't ultimately want 1347 01:36:13.439 --> 01:36:15.359 to do something that's going to bring them harm, but there are always better 1348 01:36:15.439 --> 01:36:19.199 ways to do things which might make it more of a difference in a different 1349 01:36:19.279 --> 01:36:25.000 situation. You know, you get to understand their moods, what's happening for 1350 01:36:25.079 --> 01:36:27.039 them, and as you're tell you know, you wanted to find out what's 1351 01:36:27.039 --> 01:36:30.039 happening with with Pedro, you know, how's your weep and has it? 1352 01:36:30.359 --> 01:36:32.119 You know, sometimes it's very easy to make assumptions of what might have been 1353 01:36:32.199 --> 01:36:35.880 going on. You know, once you start making assumptions, then you start 1354 01:36:35.920 --> 01:36:40.239 to second guess. You then don't bother to ask the questions because you feel 1355 01:36:40.279 --> 01:36:43.960 you know what's going on and I guess we'll see you know, it's all 1356 01:36:44.000 --> 01:36:50.840 part. I was just I'm sorry, what was just saying. Last point 1357 01:36:50.880 --> 01:36:57.359 on this part is when I show love to my wife, she shows loves 1358 01:36:57.399 --> 01:37:00.039 back to me. So it's recubtlicle. Yes. So is by showing those 1359 01:37:00.119 --> 01:37:05.119 different types of love she sees, like she said, it makes it happy 1360 01:37:05.119 --> 01:37:08.520 if I come give a hug. So I make that effort to come give 1361 01:37:08.560 --> 01:37:11.760 a hug. Oh he really loves me. Let me go make him a 1362 01:37:11.800 --> 01:37:14.840 plate, Let me go web his feet, let me go do this for 1363 01:37:15.000 --> 01:37:17.159 him, let me go check on him. It's it's it's both. If 1364 01:37:17.239 --> 01:37:20.760 both people are showing the love to the different types of love to each other, 1365 01:37:21.239 --> 01:37:25.680 the other person has no choice but to show the love back. Chose 1366 01:37:26.119 --> 01:37:29.840 no, no, because and that no not even if they choose I think 1367 01:37:29.920 --> 01:37:31.920 sometimes, and I believe this for a fact. I think it was a 1368 01:37:31.960 --> 01:37:34.920 while ago. I remember a guy said if if he came, if I 1369 01:37:35.000 --> 01:37:39.199 came home, and I came home, and I'm like right right, and 1370 01:37:39.279 --> 01:37:44.520 I'm just you know, like loud and bousterous and mean, my wife is 1371 01:37:44.600 --> 01:37:48.319 going to be she's gonna withdraw, She's not going to do nothing. She's 1372 01:37:48.359 --> 01:37:50.880 going to kind of hide. But if I come in and I'm like, 1373 01:37:51.359 --> 01:37:55.119 hey, hey, sweetie, how is your day? Do you need me 1374 01:37:55.119 --> 01:37:56.760 to do anything? Do you mean to help you cook? Do you mean 1375 01:37:56.800 --> 01:37:58.960 to help you do the dishes? Do you need do you need this? 1376 01:38:00.079 --> 01:38:03.640 Subconsciously, she's going to say, oh my goodness, he's he's he's he 1377 01:38:03.800 --> 01:38:10.159 sees me, he knows I'm here, he loves me, And subconsciously you 1378 01:38:10.239 --> 01:38:14.479 will start loving, You will start doing things back for that spouse. Subconsciously, 1379 01:38:14.640 --> 01:38:18.359 it automatically happens. It's not always what you choose. Sometimes you can 1380 01:38:19.960 --> 01:38:24.680 by showing love, you can get the love back, and they're not choosing 1381 01:38:24.760 --> 01:38:29.640 to love you. They just automatically love you because there because you show them 1382 01:38:29.720 --> 01:38:32.239 the love. So I'm showing you're showing your spouse love. Your spouse will 1383 01:38:32.239 --> 01:38:36.279 show you that love. But it's even like if you meet somebody that don't 1384 01:38:36.359 --> 01:38:41.640 like your work, and then you're nothing but polite and you say hey, 1385 01:38:42.199 --> 01:38:45.359 good morning, they don't speak to you. I've done this, I've been 1386 01:38:45.399 --> 01:38:48.760 at work and I've said he I've said good morning, how are you to 1387 01:38:48.920 --> 01:38:53.840 that person? For like a month, all of a sudden, not that 1388 01:38:53.960 --> 01:38:57.079 person doesn't even realize they're doing it, but they saying hello back. So 1389 01:38:57.199 --> 01:39:00.439 you treated people how you want to be treated, and it's the same concept 1390 01:39:00.840 --> 01:39:03.800 somebody way you want to be treated. They were subconsciously start to do things 1391 01:39:03.840 --> 01:39:08.520 not realizing that they're doing it. And it goes with your spouse if you 1392 01:39:08.640 --> 01:39:11.479 if you love your spouse the way you suppose God wants you to love your 1393 01:39:11.479 --> 01:39:14.680 spouse, and the way you're supposed to love your spouse, your spouse showing 1394 01:39:14.720 --> 01:39:18.199 you that love back, not by choice, bye bye love, by love. 1395 01:39:18.319 --> 01:39:23.039 Yeah, because you're showing them you know. Yeah, good point, 1396 01:39:23.119 --> 01:39:26.479 Peter, Yeah that is and I guess, and I guess as I'm thinking 1397 01:39:26.479 --> 01:39:30.640 about that, I guess it's And this is sometimes where maybe criticism comes of 1398 01:39:30.680 --> 01:39:34.199 the how idea of MB using love language is is because sometimes it potentially can 1399 01:39:34.279 --> 01:39:38.800 be used in the wrong way. You know, if it started to keep 1400 01:39:38.880 --> 01:39:42.359 track of what each other are doing, and you know, I'm taking a 1401 01:39:42.399 --> 01:39:45.319 note of all these things that you've done and you're not doing this and start 1402 01:39:45.359 --> 01:39:49.359 to use it in a negative way, then that that necessarily is not the 1403 01:39:49.439 --> 01:39:54.560 right thing either, because you're ideally you're doing these things for the betterment and 1404 01:39:55.199 --> 01:39:59.880 expressing how you love the other person rather than keeping track and using it as 1405 01:40:00.159 --> 01:40:04.199 kind of things. So again, you're just be doing it for the right 1406 01:40:04.279 --> 01:40:09.359 reasons, and ultimately, like you said, Pedro, you would be if 1407 01:40:09.359 --> 01:40:13.439 you were doing that for somebody else who would just necessarily reciprocate that. Then 1408 01:40:13.920 --> 01:40:16.279 that's sometimes how it is. But if you're starting to utilize that in that 1409 01:40:16.399 --> 01:40:20.920 way within your your relationships and that's not going to be a good thing, 1410 01:40:21.439 --> 01:40:25.079 that's not gonna be a good thing at all. So that's when you know 1411 01:40:25.199 --> 01:40:28.760 you love somebody, you love. You love somebody when you could do something 1412 01:40:28.840 --> 01:40:31.159 for them and expect nothing in return. That's it. Yeah, that's true. 1413 01:40:31.800 --> 01:40:38.039 That is true. Yeah, that's true because when you start doing stuff 1414 01:40:38.039 --> 01:40:41.119 because you expect that's like I rub your feet and I rub my feet. 1415 01:40:41.840 --> 01:40:44.680 No, that's not how it works, you know, Or I rubbed your 1416 01:40:44.720 --> 01:40:48.079 back on my back. It's not how it works. It is because like 1417 01:40:48.159 --> 01:40:51.199 we said, there's different types of love. So it's just about if you 1418 01:40:51.239 --> 01:40:56.800 could do something for somebody and not expect the same thing in return, then 1419 01:40:57.000 --> 01:41:00.560 that means that's that's shown true love to somebody because now you can you do 1420 01:41:00.680 --> 01:41:05.319 it unconditionally as we said earlier, do you do it a self selflessly? 1421 01:41:05.560 --> 01:41:11.079 You know, you just is second nature? You know, God loves us 1422 01:41:11.159 --> 01:41:13.439 like that, He loves us where he just does things for us and he 1423 01:41:13.520 --> 01:41:16.399 doesn't respect, expect nothing in return and except for us just to do it 1424 01:41:16.600 --> 01:41:23.079 to love them back. Yeah, I mean it's interesting. My next thing 1425 01:41:23.159 --> 01:41:26.520 is to kind of saying, you know, is there I'm gonna say, 1426 01:41:26.520 --> 01:41:28.560 don't know if this is messed the right thing? Is there like a negative 1427 01:41:28.640 --> 01:41:31.520 side of love? Because is it really a case of love covers all things? 1428 01:41:33.600 --> 01:41:35.760 You know? And as I start off by say, you know, 1429 01:41:36.439 --> 01:41:40.960 love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage in the sense of you 1430 01:41:41.039 --> 01:41:45.079 know, the two, but does it cover all things? And that concept 1431 01:41:45.199 --> 01:41:50.880 came from I think it's in first Peter. I think, you know, 1432 01:41:51.000 --> 01:41:56.000 love covers a multitude of sins, and I suppose in that context maybe it's 1433 01:41:56.000 --> 01:41:59.439 about to forbear or to put up with. You know, love puts up 1434 01:41:59.439 --> 01:42:03.119 with a lot. There's mistakes and flaws, does it though? I see 1435 01:42:03.119 --> 01:42:06.119 your point because it's just like I love you. I love you enough to 1436 01:42:06.239 --> 01:42:10.479 say, you know what, our relationship is toxic, We're not going away. 1437 01:42:10.479 --> 01:42:15.039 I love you enough to leave you because this is not gonna work. 1438 01:42:15.600 --> 01:42:16.800 No, you know, we trying, and you're not good for me. 1439 01:42:16.920 --> 01:42:21.880 I'm not good for you. It's it's no growth, it's it's no change, 1440 01:42:23.520 --> 01:42:27.920 it's just bad. So but when you're not together, you get along 1441 01:42:28.000 --> 01:42:31.600 better. So you love them enough to get away from what's not it's not 1442 01:42:31.680 --> 01:42:36.239 good for you. So I think that's possible as well, because not everybody's 1443 01:42:36.319 --> 01:42:40.159 gonna But that's why you get the counselor first. Ye, you gotta get 1444 01:42:40.159 --> 01:42:44.960 the counseling first and see what's cousin? What's cousin? You know, because 1445 01:42:45.000 --> 01:42:46.199 once you get married, you want to stay together. I want to stay 1446 01:42:46.239 --> 01:42:49.600 together. But some people love themselves enough to leave the situation. Like I 1447 01:42:49.720 --> 01:42:54.000 love you, but I can't. Some people can't deal with certain issues, 1448 01:42:54.079 --> 01:42:56.800 you know what I mean. Some people it's not going to stay in certain 1449 01:42:56.840 --> 01:43:00.079 marriages if they just they don't feel safe, if they don't feel needed, 1450 01:43:00.119 --> 01:43:02.760 if they don't all. You know, there's so many different things, and 1451 01:43:03.039 --> 01:43:05.199 you know, like I love you, but I just can't stay with you. 1452 01:43:05.359 --> 01:43:11.119 So love that happens in your So love necessarily won't may not fix a 1453 01:43:11.279 --> 01:43:14.560 problem that's going on. Oh love does not. Love does not keep a 1454 01:43:14.600 --> 01:43:17.479 marriage together. We talked about that. I'm sorry to do it. At 1455 01:43:17.479 --> 01:43:23.279 the end of the show's coming. We've got probably another ten another ten minutes 1456 01:43:23.359 --> 01:43:27.239 or so. So right, love does not keep the marriage together because just 1457 01:43:27.319 --> 01:43:29.960 like she said, you can love somebody, but if it's toxic, you 1458 01:43:30.159 --> 01:43:32.479 have to remove yourself from the situation, because no matter how much you love 1459 01:43:32.560 --> 01:43:36.439 the person, if it's if all you're doing is arguing and fighting every day 1460 01:43:36.439 --> 01:43:41.399 and your children are seeing this, and you're hurting each other, or you're 1461 01:43:41.560 --> 01:43:45.279 doing things to each other to be petty, that's that's not a good marriage 1462 01:43:45.319 --> 01:43:47.840 either. So why why would you want to stay in something? Because then 1463 01:43:47.880 --> 01:43:51.800 your mental health comes into play and now you're mentally you're not all there, 1464 01:43:53.000 --> 01:43:57.960 So you know you I don't believe that. I think I think you always 1465 01:43:57.960 --> 01:44:02.000 say commitment. Commitment is what is what keeps a marriage. To you, 1466 01:44:02.159 --> 01:44:04.680 you guys just say that. I just I just believe if you're in a 1467 01:44:04.760 --> 01:44:10.800 marriage and you're truly not happy and every day it's just it's dreadful, and 1468 01:44:11.199 --> 01:44:13.720 who want to live like that? You know what I'm saying. I don't 1469 01:44:13.760 --> 01:44:16.319 think God want us to be in that type of situation where you know, 1470 01:44:16.520 --> 01:44:21.800 and even though God is all about marriage and keeping it together, there's something 1471 01:44:21.880 --> 01:44:25.399 I believe God, if you really think about it, do God really want 1472 01:44:25.479 --> 01:44:28.520 us to be in a situation that we're just not going to you know, 1473 01:44:28.760 --> 01:44:31.319 see an end of the light of the tone. You know, it's not 1474 01:44:31.680 --> 01:44:35.920 going to be you're not changed hard together. Yeah, but if you got 1475 01:44:36.000 --> 01:44:40.399 two people that are not like he not changing, she's not changing. You 1476 01:44:40.479 --> 01:44:43.079 know, like, how did that's supposed to work? If both people are 1477 01:44:43.159 --> 01:44:45.520 not putting in that time? You know what I'm saying. You can't make 1478 01:44:45.640 --> 01:44:51.159 somebody stay with you, You can't make somebody love you. You can't make 1479 01:44:51.239 --> 01:44:55.600 somebody work out a problem that they're just not willing to let go. You 1480 01:44:55.720 --> 01:45:00.520 got to be willing to let things go sometimes in marriages and you that's some 1481 01:45:00.680 --> 01:45:02.520 things you're gonna let go and move on farm and some things you had a 1482 01:45:02.560 --> 01:45:05.520 situation, but you work through them. So it just depending on where you 1483 01:45:05.640 --> 01:45:09.840 want to be. And some people just not willing to put up with certain 1484 01:45:09.920 --> 01:45:13.439 things. So they line is drawn, they done, it's over. It's 1485 01:45:13.520 --> 01:45:16.159 it's no they mentally have conked out. So if they just mentally conked out, 1486 01:45:16.279 --> 01:45:19.319 but they still in the marriage. You just there your shell. Yeah, 1487 01:45:19.359 --> 01:45:23.800 but then it's also a valid point. But then you have to be 1488 01:45:24.399 --> 01:45:28.319 careful because some people just use anything to get out of a marriage that's true 1489 01:45:28.520 --> 01:45:31.039 and not and it's not really a valid reason to be out of the marriage. 1490 01:45:31.479 --> 01:45:33.600 I don't like the way he chew. I don't like the way he 1491 01:45:33.720 --> 01:45:38.279 look, you know, something like, you know, you don't have no 1492 01:45:38.359 --> 01:45:41.399 more money. You know, that's the main things. You know a lot 1493 01:45:41.399 --> 01:45:44.359 of people, you know, so you have to be careful of that. 1494 01:45:44.600 --> 01:45:47.560 But I guess does that's a lot about maybe about the starting point, because 1495 01:45:47.600 --> 01:45:54.560 sometimes people get into relationships and and they go so far to they get married, 1496 01:45:54.600 --> 01:45:57.239 and actually maybe they should never really got married in the first place, 1497 01:45:57.319 --> 01:46:01.439 because there were things that really weren't set up set up in the way that 1498 01:46:01.560 --> 01:46:04.600 maybe they should have done. There may be in red flags or maybe things 1499 01:46:04.600 --> 01:46:08.880 that they haven't considered or they never discussed, or they've kind of got a 1500 01:46:09.039 --> 01:46:13.199 perspective in a view that may be just completely rose tinted and it's not being 1501 01:46:13.319 --> 01:46:15.800 realistic. You know, they maybe not thinking for the future. Because I 1502 01:46:15.800 --> 01:46:18.600 guess there is a point where and you've talked about how you can only come 1503 01:46:18.640 --> 01:46:23.079 back that there must be a point where actually, what is marriage going to 1504 01:46:23.119 --> 01:46:26.279 mean for us? What is that going to mean for our relationship? You 1505 01:46:26.359 --> 01:46:30.239 know, what's all these things that we have to consider because you're two separate 1506 01:46:30.319 --> 01:46:33.239 people who are going to come together and try and work it out. And 1507 01:46:33.359 --> 01:46:35.479 you know, we know that's not going to be going to be easy. 1508 01:46:35.840 --> 01:46:40.960 But the idea of commitment is that you're going to try and make it work. 1509 01:46:41.479 --> 01:46:44.439 But sometimes, you know, and again I'm speaking very generally and very 1510 01:46:44.479 --> 01:46:46.239 broadly, sometimes a couple of days you said they may split for a reason 1511 01:46:46.279 --> 01:46:50.319 that you just think did you not know this beforehand? Or did you never 1512 01:46:50.439 --> 01:46:54.800 consider this, or what did you think was going to happen in a situation? 1513 01:46:55.079 --> 01:46:59.640 And again, like I said, I've been generalizing here completely, But 1514 01:47:00.880 --> 01:47:02.600 you know, you have to kind of wonder from a starting point. And 1515 01:47:02.680 --> 01:47:06.399 as you mentioned, you know you had counseling before you got married, always 1516 01:47:06.479 --> 01:47:10.199 part of your you know, people get married before they have answered before they 1517 01:47:10.239 --> 01:47:13.960 get married or during their marriage to help maintain or look at some of those 1518 01:47:14.039 --> 01:47:16.760 challenges. So I wonder will it says a lot to do with your starting 1519 01:47:16.840 --> 01:47:23.199 point as well as the development and growth within you. I would say that 1520 01:47:23.319 --> 01:47:27.439 even if you get counseling doesn't necessarily mean that the marriage is gonna you know, 1521 01:47:28.159 --> 01:47:30.760 going to work all the time. It just it just gives you. 1522 01:47:30.920 --> 01:47:32.680 It just gives you. It just gives you a starting point to get a 1523 01:47:32.720 --> 01:47:39.760 better understanding. Yes, because you got how you got there, because I 1524 01:47:39.920 --> 01:47:44.079 just just knowing. Like for us, we just start off right at all. 1525 01:47:44.720 --> 01:47:46.880 The fact that we're still married eighteen years later is a testament of God 1526 01:47:47.000 --> 01:47:53.520 himself because we and everything we talk about we did or the opposite. I 1527 01:47:53.560 --> 01:47:56.359 guess that's why we started doing the podcast and start talking as a couple, 1528 01:47:56.840 --> 01:48:01.359 because we realized that God has really blessed us and brought us through, you 1529 01:48:01.439 --> 01:48:06.199 know, through our marriage because you know, you you could try to do 1530 01:48:06.239 --> 01:48:10.479 the right thing, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. So 1531 01:48:10.600 --> 01:48:15.039 it's about just educating yourself, learning and then communicating and talking to your spouse 1532 01:48:15.119 --> 01:48:20.239 and then being willing to make those changes mid marriage or mid relationship or whatever 1533 01:48:20.520 --> 01:48:26.800 whatever stage you're in, and then learning from that and then like for us, 1534 01:48:27.159 --> 01:48:30.239 it's not we talk about see this is the weird thing. We talk 1535 01:48:30.279 --> 01:48:33.119 about the past, but we don't bring up the past. So we talk 1536 01:48:33.199 --> 01:48:36.760 about our past, but in the argument, we don't bring it up no 1537 01:48:36.840 --> 01:48:40.760 more. We used to. I remember when you did this, I remember 1538 01:48:40.800 --> 01:48:43.600 when you that, like you know, but we don't bring it up no 1539 01:48:43.760 --> 01:48:47.279 more. It's just we know it's there, but we are. It's about 1540 01:48:47.319 --> 01:48:51.680 healing each other. One thing about marriage, and one of the love languages 1541 01:48:51.800 --> 01:48:57.159 is self healing. Self is self healing and self loving yourself. When you 1542 01:48:57.239 --> 01:49:00.399 can start loving yourself and knowing the mistakes you made, but no that you 1543 01:49:00.479 --> 01:49:02.880 are a much better place you get, then love the next person more too, 1544 01:49:03.399 --> 01:49:06.239 Because if you can't love yourself, if you're if I'm so depressed and 1545 01:49:06.279 --> 01:49:11.680 I'm so upset with myself and I can't love myself, I can't how can 1546 01:49:11.760 --> 01:49:16.000 I love somebody else? I can't love my wife if I don't even love 1547 01:49:16.079 --> 01:49:21.479 myself. So you got to start loving yourself to then love your love your 1548 01:49:21.479 --> 01:49:25.920 spouse. I think healing comes when you decide to work on yourself first. 1549 01:49:26.840 --> 01:49:29.359 Oh, now you have to work in yourself, and then when you do 1550 01:49:29.560 --> 01:49:32.279 that, then you can open up the door for your and your spouse to 1551 01:49:32.359 --> 01:49:38.439 get through those hard scars that may have happened in your marriage and to be 1552 01:49:38.600 --> 01:49:42.359 able to look at them and talk about them without you know, and just 1553 01:49:42.520 --> 01:49:45.439 get through that hard thing. I mean just your marriage, but your personal 1554 01:49:45.520 --> 01:49:47.960 life that you've been through as a child, as an adult. Some people 1555 01:49:48.000 --> 01:49:51.359 don't get married to their forty what happened to all the other thirty nine years 1556 01:49:51.399 --> 01:49:58.159 of their life? That's a whole other show. I said, I'm kind 1557 01:49:58.199 --> 01:50:02.279 of I'm kind of prefessingent for next Yeah, definitely is definitely is because you're 1558 01:50:02.359 --> 01:50:08.000 right and the idea of you know, we talk about self love and loving 1559 01:50:08.039 --> 01:50:11.319 ourselves at the end of the day. When we come a bit about self 1560 01:50:11.439 --> 01:50:14.680 worth in January with Allison, you know, at the end of the day, 1561 01:50:15.000 --> 01:50:16.720 we've got to love ourselves, know our own worth, know our own 1562 01:50:16.840 --> 01:50:21.079 value to then be able to share that with somebody else and then be that 1563 01:50:21.239 --> 01:50:27.239 person to somebody else as well. So yeah, most definitely we are coming 1564 01:50:27.319 --> 01:50:34.800 to a couple of hours go, so I know, right, But so 1565 01:50:34.880 --> 01:50:39.439 we've been talking about we've been talking about love and really love actually as you 1566 01:50:39.479 --> 01:50:42.960 know, as an emotion, as a feeling. Oh, you mentioned very 1567 01:50:43.000 --> 01:50:45.960 briefly about you know sometimes you know when things aren't going right that you know 1568 01:50:45.479 --> 01:50:50.159 it can meant it can affect our mental health within our relationships. But you 1569 01:50:50.239 --> 01:50:55.720 know, love and good loving relationships have been linked actually can have a really 1570 01:50:55.760 --> 01:50:59.479 positive effect on our mental and our physical health. Interestingly enough, you know 1571 01:50:59.479 --> 01:51:04.720 it's been linked to lower risks of heart disease, better health habits, increase 1572 01:51:04.800 --> 01:51:09.880 longevity of life in general. You know, having good, positive, loving 1573 01:51:09.920 --> 01:51:16.199 relationships can reduce our stress levels and hopefully combat depression, even lower the risk 1574 01:51:16.279 --> 01:51:20.760 of diabetes and different other health conditions as well. So you know, love 1575 01:51:21.239 --> 01:51:25.920 and affection are really important to our well being and our quality of life. 1576 01:51:26.079 --> 01:51:30.239 And you know, ultimately we want to have loving relationships and the reflection of 1577 01:51:30.279 --> 01:51:33.000 the kind of relationship that God has for us and a love, grace and 1578 01:51:33.079 --> 01:51:36.039 mercy that He has for us. So as we're come to the end there 1579 01:51:36.159 --> 01:51:42.560 in terms of love and in our relationships are our marriages, what sort of 1580 01:51:42.720 --> 01:51:48.960 three tips would you say to kind of what can I say to bring love 1581 01:51:49.079 --> 01:51:51.800 and have love within your What a bit, again, we've talked about lots 1582 01:51:51.800 --> 01:51:56.920 of different things today. What would you say is your top three tips or 1583 01:51:57.279 --> 01:51:59.800 things to sort of you know, if we're thinking about love in terms of 1584 01:51:59.840 --> 01:52:05.760 our relationships, what would they be Mane would be compassion. Yeah, listening 1585 01:52:08.399 --> 01:52:13.560 and just being there, just being you know, just being there with with 1586 01:52:13.680 --> 01:52:16.760 your spells, letting them know you're available. I'm available for you. Okay, 1587 01:52:17.000 --> 01:52:21.479 cool. Love that love that Pedro. I'm trying to think I might 1588 01:52:21.520 --> 01:52:34.279 as well be oh bye. It's such a communication compassion and understanding. Mm 1589 01:52:34.359 --> 01:52:40.640 hmmm, yeah that too. I think for me, I'm just trying to 1590 01:52:40.640 --> 01:52:43.039 think of think, because I was going to say the thing so that you 1591 01:52:43.119 --> 01:52:46.840 were saying, goes. Everybody goes. It's not just marriages, this is 1592 01:52:47.079 --> 01:52:51.520 for everybody generally. I think it's I think, you know, God's love 1593 01:52:51.600 --> 01:52:57.640 first is going to be my example. Yeah, I think taking the time 1594 01:52:58.279 --> 01:53:08.039 and making the time, and I suppose being kind and showing demonstrating it because 1595 01:53:08.079 --> 01:53:11.159 I think, you know, sometimes it's very easy to talk the talk, 1596 01:53:11.840 --> 01:53:15.800 but you want to you want to walk the walk as well. All of 1597 01:53:15.840 --> 01:53:16.840 those things. I mean, everything that we've said, you know, those 1598 01:53:17.000 --> 01:53:21.600 nine tips, those nine things there would be so much as jail. I 1599 01:53:21.680 --> 01:53:25.039 hate when people, you know, when people say and then you say, 1600 01:53:25.199 --> 01:53:27.479 and then they say, well, you know, God first, God is 1601 01:53:27.520 --> 01:53:30.680 always first, and everything, like what people to realize when when we talk 1602 01:53:30.680 --> 01:53:33.199 about things. We mean it in the context of God is always first, 1603 01:53:33.600 --> 01:53:36.479 not saying you as well, I'm just making fun. I'm just saying in 1604 01:53:36.560 --> 01:53:41.000 a sense of like for us, God is first and everything we do in 1605 01:53:41.079 --> 01:53:45.000 our marriage that we may not always say it, but just know that that's 1606 01:53:45.079 --> 01:53:47.800 always the case. But I think when you say that, I think it's 1607 01:53:47.880 --> 01:53:54.640 actually and I think my thinking in that is the demonstrating of that. That's 1608 01:53:54.640 --> 01:53:57.239 why I was going to be like, treat treat others the way you I 1609 01:53:57.279 --> 01:54:00.359 think Tara said a few minutes ago, like you know that. I think 1610 01:54:00.439 --> 01:54:02.119 the last point that you said it was like treating people the way you want 1611 01:54:02.119 --> 01:54:05.600 to be treated. If you treat people, if we have God in our 1612 01:54:05.680 --> 01:54:12.159 heart and we carry that with us and everywhere we go, they will see 1613 01:54:12.840 --> 01:54:15.840 they will see the good in you, and then they would and they will 1614 01:54:15.880 --> 01:54:17.600 treat you back the same way. Because you're treating you have no choice but 1615 01:54:17.720 --> 01:54:19.800 to treat. And that's where I said, you don't have as not a 1616 01:54:19.920 --> 01:54:26.800 choice. Sometimes it's just who you are. You treat people right, they're 1617 01:54:26.800 --> 01:54:29.479 gonna treat you back right. And it goes the same thing with your spouse. 1618 01:54:29.520 --> 01:54:32.520 If you treat your spouse right, it's gonna it's gonna be sent back 1619 01:54:32.560 --> 01:54:38.720 to you. That's what I'm saying. What she's saying about the kindness and 1620 01:54:38.840 --> 01:54:44.520 being kind of people. Yeah, so that wraps us up really nicely in 1621 01:54:44.680 --> 01:54:46.439 terms of, you know, our thoughts on love. And you know, 1622 01:54:46.600 --> 01:54:53.720 whilst I've going to wish people a happy love Day when it comes to Wednesday, 1623 01:54:54.119 --> 01:54:58.079 however, don't just limit it just to Wednesday. Love should be shown 1624 01:54:58.279 --> 01:55:03.119 every day throughout the year to those people that you care about, those people 1625 01:55:03.119 --> 01:55:08.439 that you love that mean a lot to you, and you know that can 1626 01:55:08.479 --> 01:55:11.560 filter right into our everyday lives as well. You know, if we are 1627 01:55:12.159 --> 01:55:15.479 we are Christians, we are followers of Christ. We are reflections of Him. 1628 01:55:15.840 --> 01:55:19.199 The love should be what we do to show other people and demonstrate God's 1629 01:55:19.239 --> 01:55:23.640 love for us. So I thank you all for listening to us as we 1630 01:55:23.760 --> 01:55:27.359 close. Pedro Tara, would either of you love to pray for us to 1631 01:55:27.479 --> 01:55:35.640 close? Yeah, so okay, that's great, and then we'll say goodbyes 1632 01:55:36.000 --> 01:55:40.800 for another week. Okay, let's pray. Laura, thank you so much 1633 01:55:40.840 --> 01:55:44.880 for this time that we're able to talk about love and marriage and relationships. 1634 01:55:44.920 --> 01:55:47.399 Lord help us to display that love that you show us to give to each 1635 01:55:47.439 --> 01:55:53.239 other. Well, be with each person each marriage. Each person is desiring 1636 01:55:53.319 --> 01:55:56.079 to go into marriage. Lord, show them the way to go. Laura, 1637 01:55:56.199 --> 01:55:59.920 be with everyone this week, even on Valentine's Day. Don't let them 1638 01:56:00.079 --> 01:56:03.119 be the only day that you disclay your love, but today to show someone 1639 01:56:03.600 --> 01:56:06.960 that you know you care for them. Lord, we love you and thank 1640 01:56:08.000 --> 01:56:10.680 you for your grace and your mercy. Are praying your son Jesus name. 1641 01:56:10.760 --> 01:56:14.840 Amen, Amen, thank you so much. I've love the conversation with you 1642 01:56:14.920 --> 01:56:18.159 guys today and I hope you have been listening. We'll have something that you 1643 01:56:18.199 --> 01:56:21.640 can take away and utilize it and put it into practice throughout your week. 1644 01:56:23.720 --> 01:56:29.039 Do get in contact with us at studio at Adventist dot Radio dot London or 1645 01:56:29.159 --> 01:56:33.239 textus on H triple two eight or whatsappers on seven four five nine six four 1646 01:56:33.279 --> 01:56:36.000 two eight nine eight. We always want to hear what you've got to say 1647 01:56:36.760 --> 01:56:41.600 at ARL, so do get in contact with us. We will be continuing 1648 01:56:41.640 --> 01:56:45.079 with our theme of love, marriage and relationships over the next couple of weeks, 1649 01:56:45.079 --> 01:56:48.960 so do join us again. And I'm going to as we say goodbye, 1650 01:56:49.039 --> 01:56:53.720 I'm going to leave you with a song by Whitney Houston that I love 1651 01:56:53.760 --> 01:56:59.439 the Lord because ultimately, as we said, we're putting God first. Yeah, 1652 01:57:00.439 --> 01:57:01.880 yeah, we love the Lord, and hopefully we're loving on each other. 1653 01:57:02.039 --> 01:57:11.640 So it's good night from Pedro Attara. I seem to have I think 1654 01:57:11.680 --> 01:57:13.920 my internet's gone a bit weird, so I seemed to have frozen on me. 1655 01:57:15.119 --> 01:57:18.359 But good night for myself Angela, and we will see you next week. 1656 01:57:19.840 --> 01:57:24.920 So I'm gonna leave you all with I Love the Lord by Whitney Houston. 1657 01:57:25.479 --> 01:58:00.159 Good night and thank you. Ah love the Lord. Ye corral and 1658 01:58:00.960 --> 01:58:44.079 paid cheat re grol lo. I mean, may I case cheese. He's 1659 01:58:44.880 --> 01:59:13.920 thorough, I show showing a look he held my gold and a pity hard 1660 01:59:14.159 --> 01:59:41.279 around. Yes, it is ever. Never believe a honey to so try 1661 01:59:48.079 --> 02:00:00.399 Oh, he says, chee choo choo choo too. Oh hasten, he's 1662 02:00:00.399 --> 02:00:18.399 a too you know, let me go. M Chip streams. No, 1663 02:00:18.640 --> 02:00:30.960 he's a scream. That's here. I know where to go. He's to 1664 02:00:30.079 --> 02:00:36.079 go. No, I can go where I can go. My head, 1665 02:00:38.520 --> 02:00:47.319 I'll come around. No go, I know I'm I can go. I 1666 02:00:47.560 --> 02:00:57.279 hate that to tell mam. No man I go. I know how I 1667 02:00:57.279 --> 02:01:30.680 can come here. Why isn't you listen so here? Adventist Radio, London 1668 02:01:30.960 --> 02:01:31.399 inspiration for the song