Hey, guys, just wanted to break down what this extra Ammo episode is
because there's probably a lot of people that listen to the free feeds exclusively that
don't know that weekly we release an extra episode that is on our five dollars
tier in our Patreon. We've been talking about releasing one episode for free so
people can kind of know that this is going on, and this is the
perfect time to do it because we didn't record any episodes over the Thanksgiving week.
We do a lot of random things in the Extra Ammo episodes, but
my favorite things are writing movies like what you're about to hear Independence Day two
not Resurgence, Independence Day two, and we record our writing process for the
gay covers. Those are the best things. So if you're interested in hearing
any of this stuff, please go to our patreon, patreon dot com,
slash the snark tank and it's just five dollars baby. All right, enough
of that bullshit, enjoy the episode, right, I think fuck it?
You think Geico like is sprinted, They're like, dude, we got him
so so for context, before the show started, Sir I shared this video
of this guy I think his name is Skate g for life on Instagram or
whatever, and it's just a straight up fucking cro magnet or something like that.
I don't I don't know what's I don't know. I don't even say
that to be mean, Like I just like he's just straight up looks like
a caveman, and I don't have any explanation for it. I thought it
was like maybe like a muppet at first, for like a second, like
this. The first second, I was like, that's a muppet, and
then it looked it looked too real, So I was like, all right,
they can't be a muppet that it's clearly biological. I don't know,
man, it's I feel like you don't study past people no more, really
like that, like that's just a that's just a behind creature, you know,
But like what is it? Like? What is the I want to
know what the condition is, you know what I mean? But I can't
find anything. I googled extensively, and I couldn't find anything like cavemann I
did. I googled caveman syndrome. Just had a curiosity. I googled.
I googled the guy's useer name plus disease because I'm just I'm because I'm I'm
genuinely just curious about it. I'm sure he's been to the doctor, like
and it's like if he's ever been interviewed. I wonder if he's ever been
interviewed interviews. He speaks like the the arrival language, you know, like
you know what I mean. Thanks to the Neanderthal DNA, people with two
Neanderthal genes have heads that are flat on the top. And no, but
that's the no no no no no. But that's like that's a that's that
is a he doesn't have that. That's not that is Yeah, that's not
the same. That would be like if I don't even know. Man,
whatever, we're getting off topic. Welcome back to another episode of MLB Baseball
Today. We're going to be uh, we're going to in light of the
recent UFO uh discoveries and hearings or whatever, and in light of the writers
strike both in tandem, we thought we would kind of get together here and
uh, basically, scab we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna write a
film about what is happening right now. We're gonna we're gonna root it in
the independence day, IP because independence, say two doesn't count even even to
them, it doesn't count because it's not even called independenceday too, it's called
Independencday resurgence. So we get to make independence, say two, the real
one, and we're gonna write it for mister Bob Iger, who I'm sure
is a very good person and a very reason. I don't even think I
don't even think bob Byger owns a Dependence Day, but very good, very
very very good, very rich, very not paying his employees enough person.
I thought it was really cool how as a Christmas bonus he gave all of
his employees a signed copy of his book instead of an actual bonus. I
think that's really cool he did. But yeah, that's real. Yeah,
that's absolutely And he wrote about it too. That's what's nuts. It's not
even something that somebody else had to like nark on him for. It was
literally just be like, it was him thinking that that was like a cool
thing for him to do. I love that, by the way, I
just I just is there any? Is there not any? Do you think
he minds the like the stereotypes, because I'm like, bro, please please,
you're not helping, You're not helping. I think he has so much
money. I think he has so much money and so much security and so
much success that I don't think he can possibly care about any of that.
Like, I like, I already like where I am. I barely care,
and I'm in no position to I'm in no position not to care,
you know what I mean. And so I can't even imagine what it would
be like to just be in Bob Iger's shoes and just like kicking maids down
the stairs or whatever it is, whatever the fucking is that he does in
his spare time. People probably like you're a fucking piece of shit. He's
like, so what, dude, I don't like, I don't care,
like what you're gonna race for your whole life. I've had ten times over
like I don't care about you, and I don't whatever. Do all right,
all right, listen, So so we'll take your life and and do
sign out. So let's let's let's let's let's start this. We got we
gotta start right Independence day two. We're crossing. We're crossing the picket line
right now. So what we're what we're doing has to be really it has
to be so good that everybody would be like, yeah, they cross the
picket line. But like that's a masterpiece, so like it was worth it.
Sorry for all of my friends that are rather writers visual. Sorry to
every single one of the people we know who's actually out there striking, like
we we know people personally we are doing which is a lot. I know
a lot. A lot of my friends are ound like a lot of my
friends. It is really really comfortable. You know. It's kind of crazy
about being in Burbank. Is that, Like, especially right now during the
strike, you'll go out a lot, and because the strike is happening,
there's a lot of people in bars and and you'll just run into like special
like I run it like some guy who did special effects for like the Thing
in like a bar or something like the original, and I was like,
what the fuck, there's some old guy And it was just it was like,
yeah, man, I did I did this and that for this movie
and that movie. And I was like, this is fucking crazy that I'm
talking to these people and they're all out because they're right to strike. So
I guess we're gonna have people people live in the thing is that like when
we live in Burdbank. A lot of the film industry is here, like
a vast majority of it is area a lot of people. I think it's
a lot of Hollywood. I noticed that too, Like in the last few
years, it's like a lot of Hollywood is just here. This kind of
bizarre because Hollywood's just a party place. Hollywood is like where people go to
like go to like you know, Weiho or whatever. There's like some fucking
some tourist attraction in the Chinese theaters there, I guess, and you'll see
movies there. But like it's it's very bizarre, like how many things I
recognize what sucks. Man, it does me after after living in Burbank for
such a long time and like spending time here and realizing how much more Superior's
it's like most of La it's insane. How like there's a period of time
like I want to go to Hollywood. It's like, No, everything you're
doing Holly, you can just do in Burbank or anywhere else. Really,
like, to be honest, I never wanted to go to Hollywood. I
always hated when people were like, let's go for me. You're from You're
from not LA though, that's the thing. Or you're from you're from LA
but not in Central We moved the fuck out of LA because of how trash
it is. And then I would just visit when I had to because you
were born in l A, right, you were born in right, not
U slows. But I was just born in fucking South Central proper. Yeah
yeah, La. Yeah, it sucks, dick, And I only come
like a member records or something that was like my only thing. I'll go.
Tomb Records is fucking dope. I really love the records. Yeah,
I don't know. Actually I thought they closed it down. I don't think
so. I remember place to fire, bro that place is fired. Couldn't
Tarantino own it? I'm pretty sure Quentin Tarantino owns a records if he does.
I did not know that. Somebody somebody, somebody told me that at
a member record, so they could they I mean they could have been lying,
but uh, liked, you know, just some random It's still open.
Still, it's still going. It's still going. Probably maybe had some
hiccups because of the pandemic, but whatever, anyway, we got we gotta
get, we gotta get the show on the road. Yeah. Yeah,
So Independence Day ended with them exploding that one ship, right mm hmm,
yeah, yeah, they sent that guy to kill himself, didn't they.
Yeah, the Randy Quaid, the one that got Yeah, one that got
like saved the universe. So I think so, Now, obviously everybody's a
lot older. You can't do like the day like Independence, day after Independent,
you know what I mean, Like, you can't do it like twenty
four hours after. So it's got to be like years later. So I
think how we should do it is uh huh. Well my my pitch,
at least as a jumping off point, is that Will Smith is retired,
he's divorced, his wife slept with his son's friend, and he's very very
distraught, and uh you know that's that's and it's just he's really down on
his luck. Are we get it? Actually be I don't remember what his
name was in the in the movie in the first rate? Was the name
of the son? Well, just in general, I don't know any Can
it just be Will Smith? Now? No, no, no, no,
I'll look up the name of it to the characters, Yeah it to
be okay, fine, Yeah, that was that was always Will Smith.
We'll get Will Smith. It was it was Will Smith. And you know
he's having a time on account of all the stuff that he's been through.
Uh he beat up a comedian. Uh. He was like they were like
at some like White House Correspondents dinner or something, because he's like he's like
this national hero. He like saved the world from aliens or whatever, and
so like people are just constantly making jokes at his expense, like look the
guy who saved the world once and did nothing else after that, and he
ran up on stage in the White House Correspondents dinner and it was like,
I don't know, some it was like Hannibal Burris or something. And then
he goes up and beats the ship out of Hannimal Burris, like he puts
him in a wheelchair. And then he gets he gets discharged. Uh,
he gets discharge, charge dishonorably discharged. Them having a gall to insult the
guy that saved the world, Like imagine going to be like look at the
guy to say the word he did nothing after It's like, grow, I
saved. I've done more in one afternoon than anyone will probably ever do.
Period. Not impressed. It's not impressed. Not really that cool looking.
Look at the way he's dressed and he gets and he just started to beat
in the pits out of him. Dude. Yeah, it's it's really bad.
It looks like uh, jelly mattress. You know that scene and in
Avengers when Hulk is like whipping Loki around, it's like that, but like
Will Smith doing that time Dragon, it's like that. But imagine the comedy.
There's no funny parts of it. Yeah, it's not funny at all.
It's like, really it's it's really died. And you know, Hannibal's
in a wheelchair. He's like speaking like Stephen Hawking. Uh, and and
so and so. The President's like, yo, that's not cool. Will
or whatever, Sergeant Willson, whatever the name, give me, give me,
give me that line, and and and Biden speaks it was a way
is it during Biden's yea Biden, No, No, it's it's it's it's
a fictional fictional president. Yeah, we want to fixure. I think it
should be like who's who's the most presidential looking motherfucker? Like who's the most
presidential looking actor? To like you know what I mean? You know what
I mean when I say that, you know they're actors in old movies who
play the president. It's very clear. It's like that is clearly the president.
Yeah, you know what I mean, kind of like the the Mike
armand Trout actor is done. Everything is just type cast in police. He's
he's like, yeah, like uh, there's it's got to be like an
actor like that where it's like that's clearly a president, like very clearly,
like not Tom Holland. You know what I mean, Like Tom Hollin cannot
be the president. The guy that killed someone recently. The Baldwin Oh,
Alec Baldwin, Yes, exactly, yeah, yeah, Alec Baldwin. President.
Alec Baldwin goes, you've gotta, you've gotta. He's holding a he's
holding a gun, and he's like really irresponsible with it. He's he's he's
he's doing like he's doing he's doing like revolver as a lot revolver. Oh
my. He's like, yeah, he's he's he's doing like little revolver at
things. And he's like, you're being really irresponsible. Uh, how could
you? How could you beat up Hannibal Burst He's simply doing his job and
then the gun goes off and shoots his wife. Uh. Will Smith's Will
Smith's wife in the movie. And then and then he fucking and then he
fucking loses it. He fucking loses it, and he fucking he he escapes
and he he he just he books it basically low profiles. And then and
then we have like a moment. Uh it's where like a que card that
says, uh one year later or something, and he's in like a he's
in like a not a bunker necessarily, but in like a studio, like
a rundown studio apartment somewhere. He's like hiding, he's like out of it.
He's got a big scruffy beard, he's got like he's got a big
shirt that's a standalone on it and uh me he just me, it's just
kingson. This becomes me. It just he becomes. He becomes the ages,
the ages like twenty five years and he gains like seventy five pounds and
now it's me yeah, and it couldn't pay for wolves, who couldn't keep
Will Smith in a contracts worth too much. And so now the hearings are
happening, you know. Uh, even though we all knew that aliens existed
anyway, because Will Smith saved everybody, we we get like confirmation of even
more aliens. Like Roswell was like in addition to the Independence Day Roswell was
real and like they're a little they're little green boys. Every single rumor you've
heard, are there different kinds of aliens? All? Every previously fictional creation
of folklore is now real. Like there's a there's a hearing. There's a
hearing that so like they show photos of like Mothman and like there's like a
fucking they bring but Jim, they bring a chup of cobra into court to
testify and they're like, chop of cobra, are you really? And he's
like he's freaking the funk out and he dies, Yeah, exactly, Yeah,
what's the name of the what's the name of the dude? Independence Day?
It's Independence Day? But Will Spid is fighting Kryptids? What what's the
name of the president? Vice Personal Patine Mike Pence gets up and he's like
electrocutes everyone in the room everyone and going on, so what is okay?
I have I have an idea of how we can It would be a really
good twist where yeah, he saves the world and the first one, now
in this one he's trying to destroy them. He's trying exactly, He's going
to destroy the world that took everything from him. He's gonna destroy the world
with the with the agnorant dude president playing with a fucking revolver that he should
never killed his wife. He's gonna, he's gonna, he's gonna destroy what's
left of Hannibal Buris. Uh, everyone who's wronged me. Yeah, it's
just this big revenge fantasy for like, will this revenge Wi Smith? That's
it. Uh. We find out that the aliens from the original movie they've
been keeping tabs. They've been keeping tabs on him, and so Will Smith.
At one point, right like hearings are going on, there's chaos is
starting to be revealed. He gets the idea like, I need to get
in contact with all these homies and then we'll we'll fight back. So he
finally, after who knows how long a year he's been in that bunker apartment
wherever he's been, finally steps out of it. Finally for the first fucking
time, you know, you see the huge flash of light and stuff,
and then he just maybe he's naked, maybe he's not, I don't know
to be determined, but he just puts his hands up in the air and
then he says I'm ready, Like he just screams at the top of his
lung. He's ready. Motherfucker gets beamed up. He gets beamed up,
and then it's time to talk, you know, strategy. It's second contact
the aliens. Yeah, the aliens come back. That big ass ship that
was from the first movie. There's another one, because of course there would
be. And but it just beams him up. It just it just takes
him. I have a funny idea, right, the same it's the same
ship exactly his last time, except this one has bluetooth or something. It's
like a really slight upgrade. It has space duct tape because you know the
other you know, the it got kind of fucked a little bit. Yeah,
to put together together Scott State. So you know how the old one,
it had to choke the guy to be ab use his vocal cords to
be able to speak. This time they have to choke someone's dick real hard.
So they get a dude and they wrap around his dick and then he's
able to speak as one of them. For some reason. After that,
the for some reason, the one the regular the different happens is that the
advanced ones can use the neck, but the lesser ones because all the advanced
ones died like like like the dregs. Yes, they have to use ballots,
Yeah, fallotspid you've come, they're like you would they have they have
like they have they have some random person in there as it means they just
have like they just have some guy there specifically as as like a translate like
like as as a as like a megaphone. Almost they they've just been holding
this guy forever just in case Will Smith comes back and it's it's Jeffrey Epstein.
That's gonna say, who's the cameo? Is gonna say that there's a
cameo. It's jeff That's where he went. That's where he went. And
now he's he's nothing more than a megaphone for aliens to communicate with with the
honished Will Smith and uh and so like how you've returned and he's like and
Will Smith goes like, yeah, I'm sorry about that whole fucking that whole
whole thing. He does the thing where he looks down, puts his hands
in his pocket and he kind of kicks the dirt, you know. He
pulls out, he pulls out, he pulls out a ukulele. It's starts
apologizing solicrous. It's like, I'm sorry, Aliens, I didn't mean it
you. I don't like the earth after all being pulled out. You guys
are hot, That's what I didn't mean to punch that one guy really hard.
So and so and so the aliens are like wow. And the Aliens
don't have music. They so they they're actually like they're like whoa what.
It's almost like Prometheus giving fire to man, where it's like, uh,
Will Smith gifts music to the aliens by accident, and he's like whoa.
And they're like, whoa, I've never heard what is that? And he
goes like it's music and heartfelt apology and they're like, whoa, I've never
heard either of those things. We don't apologize or saying. And then so
he so he he creates this this this big cultural explosion in in the and
the Aliens are worse. He's like basically like he's he's sort of like Jesus
to these people now because and let's operate under the assumption that the last Aliens
who came were just kind of dicks and like all the rest of the aliens
kind of understood that it's like, ah, so like you killed a lot
of us, but like those were like it would be like if nine to
eleven happened specifically to just isis where it's like that's that's that's still a lot
of murder, but like it's it's not quite you know, it's you could
you could have killed better, could have killed Yeah, it's it's not like
fifty preschools or something, you know. Like so so they're like, whoa,
Okay, listen, you've gifted us this crazy thing. We're going to
help you. And so now and so now, wait, I've got a
great I've got I've got a great idea here and I don't want to lose
it. So the aliens come down right with will Smith, and there's an
army of aliens and they come down. They dissent, and what has happened
in the interim but an allyship between humanity and the cryptids. So like you
have like fucking Mothman, you've got the fucking when to Go, You've got
fucking the Chupacabra, You've got like all these like mythical like yeah, like
fucking fucking siren Head and slender Man, like all these like fucking ridiculous creatures
are like now allied with humanity. Uh in the meantime, so like there's
this big alien there's this big war between President Alec Baldwin and his army of
cryptids and Will Smith and the aliens, and that's a that's a out that
doesn't that sound like a fucking I would love this. I like one of
the fucking greatest movies. Oh my god. You know what's what's making the
anger of this is that like I'm getting excited to see this even though I
know it's not real. Oh man, dude, I would love that.
Hey, we should fundraise this so at least we can get like a at
least c G I at least like a shitty version. I saw some guy
that just he he made some uh some cosmic like Marvel Wars, some Galactis
ship with like it just randomly. He just did it himself. And I
was thinking, like, man, if that guy, if you pay him
enough, he'll probably do like anything. And because it was, it was,
it was fine. It was it was fine for what it was,
and I'm sure there's plenty of people doing stuff like that. I'm like,
dude, you fucking fund these motherfuckers. This idea can actually come to life.
Oh my god, the Jersey Devil would be there every build one Thunderbird,
God moth Man, the Yowie, the Yetty. They have Big Bigfoot,
they have the Island swamp Master, they have the skunk Ape. The
last one, the Lockness Monster. That would be like the big reveal at
the end, like the Lockness Sponsor, like emerges from the sea a huge
just at the end of it's like bring out the big gun and it's like
and when it's coming out, it's Scottish bagpipes are playing fucking just with the
aliens. You're like the aliens, You're like, what the fuck is this
place? You don't want to be here anything? That'd be so crazy,
Like, yeah, they're they're alien. They have this superior technology that can
suck things up pretty easty, right. They got the Loveland Frog, the
used to people in Ohio. I don't know, Oh yeah, I didn't
even everything all of them. All of this is this army and and by
the way, all of the all of those creatures and they're like, you
know, offspring presumably because they're like, you know, it's it's a they're
not individual like you know, they've they're they've got to be like subspecies that
have been just like kind of kept it. So it's like it's like thousands
of chep oficabras, thousands of Jersey devils. For a little scary would be
the Yeties. I think the yetti's in the Big Foot, they'd be like
I would scare me, honestly, But because YETI, Because a Yeti is
just everything that God purposely didn't make humans. I think it's just the strength
and the speed of an of an ape that like, like it's like humans
that have you know, you know what you know? Why yetis are scary
to me? Though? It's because do you remember on Charter two when the
yetti just shows up out of nowhere? You're like and you're like, why
are they? Why are there not not? Why is there a YETI?
Why are there yetties? Why are there yet Why are there several? And
why do they do such damage? Sponges in that like I want to have
that fight, dude. They take so much damages insane? But the yeah,
so so, so we have to decide now, right, who's coming
out of this victorious? Like is it is it humanity in the cryptids or
is it Will Smith in the Aliens. No, what happens is nap.
The Aliens are gonna kidnap some cryptids and do tests on them to have alien
cryptids. Yeah, it doesn't really like that's too anime. No no no
no no no no. So it's gonna be huge during the fight, was
gonna send someone to Marble. I don't like he's gonna find some reason why
he doesn't hate a humanity. He's gonna remember why he loves it. Will
Smith, He's gonna he's gonna like he's gonna like see a bitch with a
big fat ass running away or something like that, or like something that's gonna
remind he's gonna see, like, mister clean, I mentioned this thing and
be like I did love you wife, I got it, I got it.
The thing that's gonna call because Will Smith is the hena Ale, he
is the general. So and and they're there went the Aliens are Even with
all the cryptis, the Aliens are still winning. They're making advances because it's
a big uh just a world war. It's essentially a world war technical since
the Aliens, but it's well, it's it's all at war and they're making
advancements, like, funk, what are we gonna do? Will Smith is
too powerful and the only thing they're like the appeal to authority that he'll listen
to reason is James Avery. Uncle Phil So Uncle Phil c G I G
I deep well c G I deep fake Uh, just like just like they
did with the fucking Christopher Reeven in the in the flash or whatever to steal
his likeness. Well, fucking yeah, get him, but we make him.
I want him to be as big as a Kaiju to. I want
him to be like Kaiju big. For some reason, somehow we somehow make
him. He should sound like Microsoft Sam. Also, no, he has
he has have Uncle Phil's ways. She's got just yelling. He he fucking
gets a DJ Jazzy Jeff and crushes him to get his attention. No,
no, No, Whether there should be there should be a like a like
an army of Uncle Phil's where there's like there's like a bunch of regular sized
ones within there's one giant Uncle philon attacking the world ship somebody that would be
fucking great. There's like a bunch of regular Uncle phil is like it's infantry
to like help out, don't be don't be ridiculous. Okay, that doesn't
make sense. Sorry, the Army of Stupid. Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Yeah, have you any respect for a cinema? Like Uncle Phil grows big
right and the uh uh he's how he's how they fight giant Uncle Phillips.
Giant Uncle Phil is how they jungle giant Giant Uncle Phil is how they fight
the Lockness Monster. Yeah. Yeah, he neutralized loss on our team and
we don't have to fight the Lockness Monster. What are you talking about on
our team? What are you talking about the humanity team? Yeah? Yeah,
but why wait? So is Uncle Phil's fighting will? So Uncle Phil
is supposed to be He was supposed to be to get him to so we
can see. I say they resurrected. They use like they used like some
crypti magic. Uh, resurrected Uncle Phil, tom necro what do you call
it? Necromancer? Thank you, thank you, thank you? Necro mancer
one. I'm sure there is one. There's Native American cryptids, so there
has to be. Yeah, that's literally I'm pretty sure. But uh yeah,
thirty stories tall, he's huge. Could you imagine the Jersey Devil getting
down killing aliots? These people up the trees and dropping him. Dude,
it would be so fucking cool. You. I want a movie like this.
I want Cryptis Versus Alien That sounds so fucking dope outside of all this
outside ridiculous plot of of Will Smith and Alec Baldwin aside, like this is
I would love to see this. But okay, so uh so they bring
they bring fill back to appeal to appeal to reason, lockless monster, let's
let's listen that wash that yes, let's be okay. I want to make
it way more revealed instead of the necromancy when lockness When when NeSSI is rising
out of the ocean, Uncle Phil is on that motherfucker like it is one
of the biggest already and set him a history and like like Jeffrey, get
me the battle where he fucking rings the bell or something and then like boom
ding ding or some ship and then he just rises out and welcome back Masta
Banks or whatever the fuck. And that's when Will Smith is stunned. Right,
He has a momentary like, oh my god, what am I gonna
do? He starts cowering in fear of this guy that he's always been afraid
of. This is what kind of like causes a little bit of a stalemate.
Now from there, how do we proceed? Like there's because will Smith
was advancing. Now I feel and they gotta do they got they don't want
me to know. No, no, no, no, I have an
idea. You know, during the stalemate, things are going down on the
on on the planet, and then in the ship, in the alien ship,
you hear gunshots. What the fuck is going on? The president made
up? The president, President Alec Baldwin made it up. He's up there
trying to negotiate peace during the Saleman shooting them, but he's accidentally killing everyone.
He's accidentally Yeah, more more than Revolver assal I could ever hope to.
He's apologizing, he's like, sorry, I know, I didn't know
it was loaded. He's he has two six shooter revolvers and he kills dozens
of aliens. No, no, he kills he kills hundreds of them.
Yeah. Yeah, there's a point, there's a point where he's like,
he throws one of the guns. It hits a bullet, ricochet off and
it kills every alien in a room. Yeah. He's like, oh no,
I'm so sorry. And he makes it. He makes it, he
makes it to like the the top brass or whatever. And he goes and
and and they have all their webs trained on him, and he's still he's
not shooting anymore, but he's still doing the revolver thing. And he's like,
I'm sorry, I had no idea was loaded. I didn't I didn't
know. I came up here in an attempt to make peace. He's still
still, and they they shoot a laser at him, and somehow in his
twirling and deflect the flex the laser and blows up like their central uh like
whatever their navigation unit is. So it's the ship starting to come down.
He's like, oh no, what did I do. The entire time,
he's like just crying profusely because I don't want to I don't want to go
the people. I don't believe this is happening like this. They told me
these they told me these were blanks. They told me, they told me
these were these, and they told me that the prop guy said they were
flanks. They it wasn't. And so like the ship is going down and
the I already see it in my head like it's it's it's this, it's
almost like this this this battle ground and like it's it's Will Smith standing on
the ground, like there's like aliens behind him. There's lock Nest, the
Lockness sponsor, like leaning over Uncle Phil standing on its head or something.
And then in the background, the ship is just crashing into into like I
don't know, fucking Mount Saint Helen or wherever the fun on Jersey in the
Jersey proper. It's just New Jersey, just New Jersey effectively. Now,
Yeah, and so the command center of the Aliens, the command center of
the Aliens is brought down by Alec Baldwin's irresponsibility. Uh, there's still a
bunch of there's still a bunch of Aliens on planet Earth still, but like
their main command center is gone. They have no drones, they got no
like fucking air. All of their tech is weakened. The reins of escape.
Now they scatter and it becomes like a and now like a predator type
of vibe where now they're hunting. They gotta they gotta neutralize the rest of
the Aliens. So now the big war, that big battle has been done
because Alex Balbalwin becomes the hero of the battle, right, and then now
it's the alien is going to try to regroup, their scattering. You don't
know where Will Smith is. You don't even know if he's alive or dead
yet. But now it's like, uh, you know, what's his name?
Uh? Uncle Phil? And the nexty they retreat back to the ocean
because they're like they're like a summons, you know, like they were just
like all right, like are working fantasy and the goat and he's like,
if you need me, call me, like you only get one and then
he goes back. So next scene, what is the next scene? After
that battle they scattered scene as Will Smith were licking his wounds somewhere. I
don't think you want to find out that Will Smith is alive immediately. I
want them to be like, maybe it's pretty. I want the mystery.
We want we want the stupid, the audience, the people. A lot
of people that are paying attention already know there's no way he's going to be
dead yet. But there's people that are watching and that are so engaged,
you know, in the the suspension of disbelief and everything, they're like,
oh god, did they It's kind of like did you ever see Rain of
Fire when fucking Matthew McConaughey just dies out of nowhere, Like I thought that
was like I was actually still kind of like, wait, what he's He's
been such a he had like more screen time than Christian Bale essentially, so
he seemed like he was such the main character when he showed up and then
he just dies, and I was like, wait, what it is he
is he actually dead? Is he gonna like somehow bust out of the dragon
Laters? You know? He just died. He was fucking dead. I
thought that was I thought that was actually kind of brilliant nine sight. I
was like, that's great, just to kill off when your main character is
so kind of epic. But then at the same time, I was like,
oh, there was no indication, like it was anti come back to
Yeah, I thought that was pretty nice. I'm like, oh, he's
just dead. He just gotaten, so okay. So yeah, so we
don't know where Wilsmith is. Like the Great Battle is over. It becomes
like a situation where like Aliens are basically they're in like District nine territory right
now, like they're they're like they're not doing well, Like they're they're scattered,
they're they can't they don't have a way off the planet because their ship
is gone. All they have is the newly bestowed upon them power of music
that Will Smith gave them with the ukulele. And so you know, they
they organize a little bit. They they organize a little settlement so sort of
like almost like the almost like District nine sort of you know, where they
have like they come together, they into this place, and they're discovered by
humanity as they're as they're regrouping. There's like scenes of them being hunted or
whatever. There's like you see scenes of like you know, them them being
like hunted in the woods or whatever, and like humanities on the up and
up or whatever, and then you see this little society kind of gathering and
then tanks roll in and then uh the price and who somehow survived. He's
he's all, he's all. He's all head, he's all. He's all
like balsa wood almost like he's like he's like this, he's like he's like
he's like it's just his head on like this big mechanical like like that's all
that's left it and that's crash. No, it's not. He was on
a ship full of he was on a ship full of alien tech. You
know, as it was crash. The fact that he even got up there
in the first place is insane. He took he took the bus, the
he so he's he's out there on a megaphone. He's like sixteen feet tall,
because that's how it's all he made himself. He's sixty ft tall.
He's like, Aliens surrender or whatever. And then you know it's like the
final stand, and then you know the doors open to their little society.
They're little like kind of like almost like really primitive society that they've kind of
built back together. They don't have any of their weapons anymore. All they
have it's just a bunch of aliens with thought that I love where you're going.
But I just want to set the tone. I want I want people
that are listening to us to visualize and this is where you're gonna have a
little bit of sympathy for the aliens. So once they befeated to bring thwarted.
So what's happening is very sad, tragic music because first the aliens were
the antagonists, right, but they're being hunted now mercilessly. So you're gonna
see like a little bit of a montage before it ends up to that scene
where you're at where you're at, it's very sad, music down, held
down, blasted in the bleach in one of their faces. Someone's one of
their next door bleach in their face, and the alien is wally and easy.
They're trying, they're they're just trying. They're just trying to swim in
like a public pool and then like some dude throws acid in it. Like
it's it's really like marginalized, the marginalized. One of them is using the
bathroom using a euroo when some guy goes and when they start beating dude,
it's it's it's seriously like it this secuence, this sequence is like saving private
Ryan but for like racism and cruelty, you know what I mean, where
it's like you know that scene, you know that scene where like is like
holding his guts or whatever. It's like that, but like it's like that,
but like with like a like a lens of just injustice. You're just
like these aliens are being treated so fucking for this is so awful, Like
we don't get po ws. Well yeah you know, yeah, you know,
yeah, they're basically they're doing what humans do. I guess. Yeah,
exactly and so so yeah, you're right, you're right. It's a
very sad It is a very sad montage of all that stuff happening. And
then it builds up, you know, and you see you see like little
moments of like aliens being kind to one another and like kind of like helping
each other, like you know what I mean, like like an underground railroad
almost type ship. And then they end up they end up in this little
kind of like hot city. It doesn't matter where it is, like I
don't know, fucking I don't know, uh, Glendale, I don't know
wherever. It doesn't matter. No, No, you know what it should
be. It should be like where Burning Man is or something like some some
like isolated place. And then and then you know the humans, President Baldwin,
who is still doing his fucking revolvers except there there there are no bullets
in it. They really made sure that's what happens. But he's still he's
still twirling his little revolvers and the triggers clicking, yeah, clicking a lot.
It sounds it sounds like sounds like it sounds it sounds like schizophrenic morse
code. When he's what he's doing, and uh, so he's sixteen.
So he's sixteen feet tall because he's got a new body because he found it
on the he found it on the ship or whatever. And that's how he
escaped. Uh and whatever, it doesn't matter. And he's and he's he's
on and and so they find it. He's like, mister President, we
found their their their their base of operations, you know, and you know,
and they tell some live about like they're planning an attack or whatever.
It's like, we gotta go. And and so the tanks roll up to
Burning Man. Uh, the tanks rolled up to Burning Man, and uh.
The President's on the megaphone. He's like, surrender now or fucking we're
gonna destroy you or whatever. And then the doors open and it's they they
all the aliens come out with ukuleles, yes, yes, and and and
it's and the President's like, what is this? What's what's going on?
And then the aliens use the power of song somehow to defeat the I don't
know how they're gonna do it. I haven't thought about it yet. Should
there shouldn't be defeat. It should just drive everybody in madness. It's like
a faral state. So they kill the Oh my god, like it's like
it's like like like fucking Mars attacks with like the yodeling how it like it
broke their brains and like made him explode blow. So they have it's like
it are it's I like it. It's like to survive. You want the
aliens to survive. I want aliens to die. I think. I think
that's I think, yes, Why would they be yes? I think because
humanity has shown like they they they mistreated Will Smith. They like they they
fucking you know, they they tossed him Will Smith. The president has to
die. Well that's what happened the president to get to the president. Well,
don't don't worry, that will happen. I have an idea. I
have an idea. This is great, So this does happen. So this
is this is all. So that happens. They start playing ukuleles. All
the the humans are being drive imagine their their brains. They're singing toxic gossip,
trans fucking like yeah, they're they're hemorrhaging and ship like that. So
all of them, including Alec Baldwin is like he's clicking as fast as he
can, but you know, obviously has no bullets, so he's just nothing
he can do. But and then his head just breaks to right once he
falls, and there's a bunch of dust because he's ticking feet tall. So
he kicks a lot of dust in the desert. What the dust settles?
And see Will Smith on screen with his with ear plugs. He shows up
with fucking ear plugs, like you know, like so he's still reveal he's
there and and you know what, you know that that should be that should
be set up earlier in the movie where it's like like or in the beginning,
like when he's at the whitest correspondence center, like he's so used to
getting made fun of at these white house correspondent centers that he like he puts
his ear plugs in every year to avoid to avoid hearing jokes at his expense.
And then one and then one of his one of the other people in
the government is like, listen, fucking what what are you such a why
being such a pussy? Take those ear plugs out, fucking take criticism like
a man. No, no, he takes it out and then tells him
to his wife, tells him to take him out. No, no,
because that makes the Will Yeah, obviously his wife is like, honey,
his wife slept with his son's friend in the movie. So it should be
like some some characters like that should be like a setup or almost like Checkov's
gun, almost Checkout's ear plugs, or like and he takes him off and
then that's when he gets upset, when hears the joke by Hannibal Burst,
He's like, I can't take this anymore. He loses his ship. It
sets all the ship in motion. All everything that happens, the cryptid wars,
the fucking, the alien invasion, all of this ship is all because
Will Smith took his ear plugs out and now he survives by putting them in.
That is a full circle. I love that. So Sweety is actually
he's onto something where I like the idea of but keeping Jada as as a
demon. She's chastising and calling him a massive pussy by having those earbuds in.
Right, you're right, he's good, you goddamn coward, You're such
a pussy. And then so he takes them out and then she gets killed
for she gets killed before that happens. It's a very it's so well,
you know, dude, I love that man that works so well. So
then he has them in and that's what saves him. That is so fucking
good, dude. How good is that? I felt like I felt I
felt like electricity in my body. I was like, that's so good.
I want to see this. So and so and so the president dies,
a lot of the military, you know, surrenders or whatever, and Will
Smith is president now of Will Smith becomes president of the United States, and
he builds a new nation, uh, for the aliens and the and humanity
to to coexist. And that is that is the story. And then and
then it cuts to uh, uncle Phil Underwater smiling. It cuts to Uncle
Phil Underwater smiling. He's giving some grand he's giving some grand speech. Like
well, it's giving some grand speech in front of the White House or whatever.
He's like, We're founding a new nation here for for all life,
not just humanity. Uh. My bitch wife is dead. I'm a new
man. Uh. Where we'll do it right this time, you know,
Like it's some inspire, some inspirational thing that that will have to be written
out. And then it'll it'll it'll it'll cut it'll just cut to like a
nice vista. It'll it'll cut to like like a like a lake with like
a mountain underneath it or over it, and then the camera wi pan and
it'll go under the water and you'll see Uncle Phil on top of on top
of Nessy and then it cuts it cuts into his face and he's got his
eyes closed and he doesn't have any expression on and then he like slowly smiles,
and then the movie and then it just goes black and then it goes
black. How good is that? Fucking awesome? Is a terrible thing I
was a part of. That is so fucking I am ironically, dude,
ironically like, this is the best thing I think we've ever heard. Would
yeah, I do. I would watch the you know how I feel.
I feel the same way when me and my homies made a Gangster Quest when
it was like Skyrim fucking g Like, I felt so like good about that.
I'm like, I want that. This feels oh man, I would
love this so fucking much. This would be so man, this would this
would have been so much better than fucking Independence Day resurgence. It's crazy resurgence.
It would have been fighting fucking cup of cobbers and ship. Dude,
Alec Baldwin fucking being better than fucking John Wick accidentally accidentally accidentally more deadly John
Wick. I love the idea of him frantically clicking the you know, it's
crazy when he when he's trying, when he tries to kill people, he
can't do it. That's what I love about it, Like it's only accidental,
Like he can only be a deadly force if he's not trying to be.
I like the idea of their being. So we we skipped a lot
in between before the big the big battle, right before it's all at war,
maybe before there's an encounter where they they meet, maybe there's supposed to
be some type of truce before the main battle, and Alex Baldwin, being
a snake that he is, he's like, I'm just gonna assassinate him and
end it. But he can't like her. The gun at his head,
yes, and there's a gun at him and he just can't like he just
like there was a moment, there's a moment's deleted. There's a moment where
Alec Baldwin goes up to like this deleted scene like after the then crashes,
I like finds Will Smith's unconscious Biden. He goes and he puts the revolver
in the Will Smith's mouth and he misses what puts in his mouth, and
he misses somehow, somehow, and he shoots. He shoots a kid in
the head, and he's like, what the wrong with me? What's wrong
with men? Like like that like a deleted scene. That that is a
deleted scene. That's how Alec Baldomin. No, he kills himself like so
he shoots, he puts it in Will Smith's mouth, right, he has
him dead the rights and then he pulls the trigger and then fucking Alec Balin's
head just blows up. Dude, I just love the idea of sixteen foot
Alec Baldwin clicking furiously. He's so franticly he's trying hard. Oh man,
Holy fuck, dude, I love this idea so much. Dude, I
want to listen to this again and write it out because, like, dude,
so I want to make sure, so fu, I want to make
sure. I'm gonna I'm gonna push hard to make sure that people free listeners.
You need to hear this, you need you need to hear this,
and somebody, uh, it's been a while since we've had a snark tank
animated. I'm going to like a fucking child. What is the word you?
When you when you when you know, when you you put things out
there, when you you you manifest? Oh gee, I really yeah,
I really wish somebody would do this wing for it. Oh gee golly.
I I would love nothing more if somebody I would pay money to to to
see a really good animated even if even if it was just even if it
was just well drawn animatics, like not even like a not even like an
animation fully but just like almost like a you know, like a slideshow type
deal of like any of the things that we're describing right, anything that we
have said today illustrated by like anybody who knows how to do that, ship
would say, I'd be over the moon that this is a good idea.
It is a good idea, And I want to say something. I feel
there's to me. I feel like because there's there's when we do this,
I really I feel like it's it's we've we've captured something that is so uh
like I enjoyed when we made Spider Man four. Now this that was like
a warm up we did Spider Man four. This really likes independence too,
really like, oh, I think we got something here. I think we
got here. I love the idea of this being either like we either this
is what we do or this needs to be just way more frequent because it's
just it's so fucking fun and it's really fun. Yeah, it should be
like a pretty common I would say, I think we can. I think
we could make a pretty solid Uh we we could improv a really solid movie
at least every every other one good one. Make you think you don't think
this is you don't think that thing, dude, That ear plug thing is
a brilliant This is funny as that is. That is what makes it good.
But I want one time when we sit down and we actually make a
good film, because to prove that we can do it. This is that.
This is me. To prove to me that we could do it.
Bro, you're telling me that, you're telling me the theater wouldn't go fucking
crazy if like the smoke clears Will Smith is there, he takes the ear
plugs out. That's a fucking that's a banger moment. Dude, Like,
I'm sorry, that is good ship. That's keno right there, it's it
is, it's that's gold. This would be uh, this is there there
is so many action fans that love the dumbest ship imaginable, and then there's
people that that love ironically like that. There's even to be the movie snobs
that this is so stupid, they're gonna love it. This is so incredibly
dumb that they're gonna be like, this is actually brilliant. Ye, your
movie sucks. Adam Will, this is He's gonna give. He would give
to Adam would. Adam would particularly be like, hey, stop making movies,
Adam, Adam. He would, he would, he would love it
more than the Lion King. He'd be like, hey stop. If this
was pitched to Brian Cranston, he'd be like, you know what, this
fucking rules? Where can I where? Where do I sign up? How
do I what? How can I fund this? In fact, I work
for free to be a part of this. Brian Cranston would be would pay
us to be a part of this? He would he would settle for playing
the fucking earbuds? I bet like buds? Yeah, okay, man,
I love that. Okay, So post post credits scene, post credits scene,
what so I had an idea? So for us, because we don't
need to we don't have to make an independent three. But we can have
the idea out there, leave it open the way we can keep it opens.
No, no, no's stop stop. Look look well like Chris Hansen
Predators, like actual listen, listen this if you want to keep the war
going so stupid, what are you saying, Yes, the Chris Hansen predators.
Yeah, that makes more sense than they to keep to keep it open
ended, like the war as kind of just begun like that was, uh
so everything's peaceful and stuff, and then if fade to uh it comes back
with the very end credit scene, an underground layer of there's there's still humans
of the resistance is still alive. Now. The one thing that I wanted
to show is who's gonna be the main leader of a resistance. I had
an idea of it being. This was just in my head while we were
talking, like it could be a hybrid of an alien and Chris Rock,
or it could just be Chris Rock himself, or it can be I was
just trying to somebody that's like, clearly you can tell this is the leader
of the resistance. No, it's Hannibal Buris. Oh yeah, he's from
from the beginning. He's in he's in a he's in like a pressor a
Professor Xavier chair because he got he got so fucked up by will Sonbithing got
he got beat to pudding. So that there you go. There you go,
yeah, yeah, it's dirty, it's gritty and stuff like that.
And and then you know he's just stewing, like you see motherfuckers like kind
of in the background cleaning their guns. And then you see in the background
there's maps and like you know, like they're going over plans and shit like
so you can tell what's happening, like this is the Resistance and Hannile burst.
It is just kind of starting to like pan into him just kind of
just stoneface, like just you know, like this motherfucker's ready for war,
and you're like, oh shit, this shit ain't over. This shit ain't
over. And right before it fades out, you hear just in that echoee
reverb thing like it's in his head. You here like the yah kind of
like the you know, like the anger. It's just the he hears will
Smith in his head. This is the like he's just stewing and you're like,
oh shit, this ship ain't over, bro, This shit ain't over
by a long shot. Oh my god, perfect, perfect, and that
would be like that's independence stay too, you guys, I listen. I
I am not exaggerating when I say, like, this is probably the most
fun I've had recording when these in a while. Yeah, dude, this
is exactly what I want this like show to be like this just this,
this just irreverent. Like I hope people had fun listening to this because I
had a fucking blast. I know they did, because this is exactly what
I'd wanted. This is exactly what I want. This is when when I
this is this is my like my humor to a t. This is what
I like when I listen to other podcasts when they go off of like every
once in a while I talk, I would name drop come Town. My
favorite moments is when there is somehow they went from talking about show Girls to
fucking RoboCop the reboot and then somehow turn into Batman, And it was the
most insane thing I've ever listened to. If you type in like RoboCop,
Batman Cometown, It's probably one of the funniest things I've ever heard because of
how fucking stupid it is. This is this, This is exactly what this
is just it's the dumbest shit imagine, and it makes me laugh. It
makes me so happy, and it also makes me happier that like somehow Kingston's
like dying or something. I don't know, like he somehow looks kind of
like crushed it, and it makes me feel good. I just don't get
it. I just I just like I just clearly did not bring my my
a game today. But it's okay. I gotta because I was not ready
for this. I thought there was gonna be at least something and then like
narrative, let me ask you something, how is that funny to make it?
Well, it does make it. I think it makes perfect sense.
No, no, no, I think it makes it does make sense.
But like say, if you're trying to make it, I don't know,
respectable. I'm not sure what you're looking for this game. I gotta I
gotta think. I gotta think more off the walls next time. We did
kind of just we can't. We did kind of just decide on a way
to do this, like we didn't. We didn't. This wasn't This wasn't
like on the schedule where it's like hey, tomorrow we're gonna we're gonna we're
gonna do Independence Day too, and we're gonna like improvate like comped idea.
We just did it, like we decided we're gonna do this three minutes out
of nowhere. I was. I was trying to make a movie that a
that a that a person that reviews movies on YouTube would be like, oh,
that's a predecent film. But I gotta make a film that it's gonna
be completely bad. Yeah, like this next one I make. This is
when I'm doing these things. I'm making a movie for me. You know,
I don't give it ship what like fucking Chris Stuckman is gonna say about
it? Okay, the next one we're gonna make, it's gonna be a
Batman movie. It's gonna be the sequel to the Batman movie that just came
in, which, oh the I don't think there's enough there. No,
there's a plenty. Batman has a lengthy history. He does. But like,
there's a lot there. There's a lot there in the sense that like
we we could draw from source material and kind whatever we want. We can
do whatever we could we can. But I also I like this, So
this is this is the only reason why I say that I find it much
more enjoyable. The Nolan Verse is I love the no The Nolan Verse is
just full of just material. So all I'm saying is, I'm totally fine
with this doing the new one. But in my head, all I'm gonna
do is just take everything from the Nolan Verse and put it in the new
one. That's all. So I'm like, well, we can do Batman
for the Nolan Verse, or we can do the Robert Pattinson one. And
all I'm gonna do is Robert Pattinson's gonna sound like Christian Bale. To me,
there's no way he's not gonna sound like Christian Bale. There's no way.
I have a really, I have a really, have a really passionate
dream where I want the penguin to have an army of penguins that are killing
people. Like That's something I have very passion that should that should have been
direct Penguin to use penguins to kill people. But they're tat dancing and they're
like tat dancing up their people have the TUXI on Le's we'll get to We'll
get to it when we get to Jack. I think we should do this.
I actually think we should. I think I actually think we should do
these every other week. I think I think, like every other extra AMMO
should be this I love, I love every other week. And then here's
the problem here, here's the only problem I have with that. The other
show, whatever it's gonna be, we got to come with it because I
fear that it might be like, oh, that ship was great, the
other episode was fucking kind of mid this one was great the other episode.
So I'm like, whatever we do, we kind of have to step our
game up. If not, yeah, I think are canceled. Uh apology
tour thing was pretty decent. It's as as we have a thing though.
Yeah, I mean honestly though, like for real, like we we could
do these weekly, like we were, Like, I feel like it'd be
very very sick bull and very never Yeah, we're never gonna run out of
like bullshit to throw into some some nonsense script. So I mean, bro,
I know people are probably gonna say we jump the shark a little bit
with Uncle Phil, but like, you know, that's fine. I'm fine.
That's such a ridiculous, that's such a back from the dead. We
don't give this ship. You don't give My favorite part of this movie is
the ending. Yeah me too. Yeah, the smile, Uncle Phil,
smile, just underwater, just underwater. So many questions why when when gay
men died? Is what is it? What is the what is the connection
between him and the lock that sponsor? They have somebody some kind of bond
that is unbreakable throughout time. There could be a whole that's the thing,
and so there could be an independence, say prequel now about about James Avery
and his relationship. It will be like it'll be like et but it'll be
like little Uncle Phil with the fucking little Lockness monster and they just have this
fucking they just have this bond that goes back decades. Oh fuck, we
gotta, we gotta, we gotta. We're good that. That's today's episode
of MLB Baseball. Thanks for popping by. I just don't. I hope
you enjoyed this as much as we did. This is horrible experience, but
it was really funny. All right, all of you funk all