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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to kf I Am six forty the

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Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor

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Wendy Walsh Show. Okay, I'm
talking to you if you're in a relationship.

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I sat down and I said,
oh gosh, we're talking so much

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about sex on this show, and
we're talking about single people and finding mates

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and whatever. What about those people
who are in relationships, long term good

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enough relationships. I love that term
good enough relationships. You know, doesn't

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have to be perfect all the time. It doesn't have to feel perfect.

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And in fact, long terminogamy has
many stages and phases. There will be

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times into your long terminogamy. And
I know if you've been married for decades

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you're listening to me nodding right now, where you will look at that person

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and hate them and you will get
through it, and you will look at

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that person maybe after having kids and
you're breastfeeding and you're tired and exhausted,

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and you're like, I never want
to touch another human. There are humans

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that make me touch them all day
long, little ones and scream for touch.

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And now I'm gonna go to sleep
right. So, also the early

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stages of a relationship. From an
evolutionary perspective, we're designed to give us

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a host of drug like neural hormones
that get us attached the ones we're attached,

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our brain gets used to those neural
hormones, and then it can feel

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a little boring. However, the
research that I am most in love with

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is the research on long term committed
people who say they're happy, who actually

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have great well being and still love
and respect their partner. And we learn

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so much from those people. We
learn the relationship techniques of what I call

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the super attachers. Okay, so
I put together my handy dandy, little

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doctor wendy list of how you can
transform your relationship today by doing some of

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these things. So, if you're
in the doldrums, if you're looking at

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your partner with evil eye, you
want to fall back in love, here's

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some things you can do. First
of all, pay attention to them and

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catch them being good at least once
a day. That's a parenting tip too.

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By the way, what ends up
with parenting is you end up ignoring

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the good behavior and giving all the
attention to the bad behavior. Literally you're

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sitting there criticizing the kid when they
act up and when they behave well,

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everything's going great, you get stuff
done, you ignore them, and then

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all of a sudden, they'd start
doing negative behavior to get your attention.

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In our love relationship, we forget. And it's not just about telling your

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partner you love them, it's about
literally noticing something good about them. You

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know what I said to Julio the
other day, It was just a tiny

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little thing. He has a great
smile, super great smile. And I

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remember on one of our early dates
seeing a certain wrinkle on his cheek.

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Literally when he smiles really big,
there's a certain ring on his cheek that

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looks very masculine to me and very
sexy. And I said, I haven't

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told you in a while how much
I love that little wrinkle on your cheek.

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For no reason, I said that
right. I also always thank him

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because he's doing nice things. I
don't. I don't think as many people

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do well. They should do that. They're in a relationship with me,

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that's their job. If you're in
that mindset, you will never be happy.

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You should be grateful and feel wonderful
when your partner does something good.

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For you. Okay, So catch
them being good and compliment them. That's

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my first bit of advice. The
second and there's lots of resources support this.

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Retrieve a positive memory together. That
positive memory is about when you fell

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in love. Talk about the first
day you met. Talk about the first

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time somebody said the words I love
you. Talk about your very first date,

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talk about your first weekend away.
Talk about the memory memories you shared

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that are full of happiness. This
is a technique that happens automatically with long

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term, happily married people because what
it does is prime your brain. So

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the thing is life is very much
a self fulfilling prophecy. If we believe

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it, it is and it will
come true. You can make positive things

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happen. But in order to do
that, you have to get into a

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positive mindset. If all you've been
doing is thinking about your partner, what

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have they done for me lately,
then you're not going to be happy.

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You're not going to feel happy.
So you have to with them, go

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back and do little reminder things.
We also do something where we imagine things

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like yesterday we were eating outside and
the dinner or the lunch was served,

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and then you wanted to go,
and I said, why do we just

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sit for a while. The view
is beautiful. Why do we order a

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little capcino? Is like, really, you want a coffee? I'm like,

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no, I want to sit with
you. And then I said,

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let's imagine that we're sitting at a
cafe rome. It's the middle of a

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Saturday afternoon. We don't have anywhere
to be. Would we sit there all

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day and sip cappuccino? He goes
we would? I said, well,

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here we are. It happened to
be a Malibu even better, the weather

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was better. It was so okay. Number one, catch them being good.

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Number two. Retrieve a positive memory
together of falling in love. Number

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three. I wrote these down this
morning mid notes for myself. Make a

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communication sandwich. This is the best
advice I have. I give it out

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all the time. I'm going to
say it again if you've ever missed it.

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That means if you need to criticize
your partner, we all need a

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little shaping. It'll kick. Sometimes
you have to bury it in a positive

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communication sandwich. So it starts out
with a layer of love followed by a

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layer of something that's a little harder
to chew on and then it's backed up

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with another layer of love. This
reduces the potential that they will get defensive,

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because what happens when you hear criticism
first, your brain is busy thinking

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of a comeback. Your brain is
not taking it in and going, oh,

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maybe they're right, maybe I should
change. But if they say something

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like, you know, one of
the things I love about you is that

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you know, let's find out something
great. That you're a great provider.

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And I think you're a really great
mom, and you help provide in this

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household in so many ways, the
love of the kids and the income,

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and it's really wonderful. But I
really don't like the way you park in

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the garage because I need to have
my motorcycle in this area and you're always

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over in my area when you do
the thing. Never say always, because

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nobody always does something bad. Sorry, correct myself. So and then you

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follow up with I'm wondering if we
can find a way to help you park

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better. Maybe I could even come
down to the garage when it's time for

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you to pull in, because I
love you and I want us to keep

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a harmonious relationship here. That communication
sandwich layer love something a little harder at

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you on act up by something wonderful. You start it at the beginning as

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like literally you have to learn it
right, and then after that it just

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becomes natural. You do it all
the time. Okay. Number four,

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Touch touch, touch, touch touch. I talked about this earlier. Oxytocin,

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dopamine, serotonin, skin to skin. If you're netflitching, flicking Netflix,

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I can't say it netflixing, flixing, netflixing, and chilling. You

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better be chilling, meaning touch toes
together, hold hands, do something.

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Don't be in recliners across the room
from each other. Please no touch all

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right. Number five, show gratitude
and thank them. And when you thank

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them, there's research from the John
Gottman Lab, the Marriage Lab up at

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the University of Washington on this tell
them why whatever they did major life better.

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Right. So, for instance,
one of the things Julio does is

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he takes care of my car,
and I will always thank him. He'll

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be downloading some new operating system,
he'll be checking air and tires. I

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say, thank you. That made
my life so much easier because I hate

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having to go to the shop.
Thank you so much, you save me

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from that. That's the way you
do it. And finally add novelty.

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Do something different together. I don't
mean just sex and swinging from chandeliers and

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wearing a French maid's outfit. I
mean just go into a different museum that

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you've never been to, going to
see music you've never seen before, Go

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see some Shakespeare I don't know,
Go for a hike in a place you

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haven't skydive I don't know. Do
anything together that's different, because research shows

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when you see your partner in a
new environment and the two of you are

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a team together in this new,
strange place, you actually fall back in

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love. Okay, there's my advice
six love hacks do with your partner today

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when we come back. Some of
you stay in bad relationships, and you

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might be even using my love hacks
to stay in bad relationships. But there

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are bad relationships, toxic relationships that
are bad for your health. I'm going

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to explain some psychological brain tricks that
your brain is doing that's making you stay

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in a bad relationship, and I'm
going to help you get out of it.

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I will when we come back.
You're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on

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demand from kf I Am sixty.
I was thinking about the kind of brain

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tricks that we have sometimes psychological tricks
that happen naturally that keep us in relationships

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that aren't good for us. Before
I get into it, let me talk

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about what relationship is not good for
you. I'm a big believer in working

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things out, going to couple's therapy, finding ways, especially if there are

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children in the nest. But some
relationships literally are toxic. A bad relationship

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can make you physically sick, it
can make you mentally sick. It includes

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a relationship where there is domestic violence, where there is child abuse, where

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there is excessive drug and alcohol use, where there is severe emotional abuse.

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There's no reason to stay in this
relationship and try to fix it from within.

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And in fact, for the children
in the nest, it's better to

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have separate, be separate, and
have one stable, healthy parent than two

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parents who are hurting each other in
front of the kids, because what does

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it teach them? Now? What
are the brain tricks that keep you there

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in the relationship that you shouldn't be
in. Well, Kenny Rogers talked about

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it, the sunk cost fallacy.
The sunk cost fallacy means this, It

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is a human tendency to continue with
whatever it is. When we've invested money,

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effort, or time, even if
the benefits of stopping would be greater,

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we feel like, oh, you
know, we've been together so long,

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or you know, we both put
so much money into this house,

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or we both put this into the
kids, we might as well just stick

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it out until what you think it's
just going to change all on its own.

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You think it's just going to transform, right, So what happens is

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our brain says, but I've already
invested so much. If I leave,

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I'll lose what I invested. This
happens when people start a small business,

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right, And you know you're supposed
to test the market with small amounts of

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advertising and money to see if there's
a market there for it, Right,

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And you go out there and you
start saying, yeah, but I already

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spend all this money on the store
and the merchandise, and I did that.

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But you're losing money every month,
right in the same way you're losing

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in the relationship. Now, how
do you overcome the sunk cost fallacy?

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You have to try to be as
objective as you possibly can to really look

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at the costs and benefits of leaving. And I think it's really important to

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rely on the opinion of others.
Is you often can't see because of the

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sunk cost fallacy. Is your family
saying this person is not good for you.

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Are your friends saying this person is
not good for you, listen to

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them. So there's another bias of
the brain that keeps us in bad relationships,

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and that is called the status quo
bias. That's the preference for maintaining

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the current situation and opposing actions that
might change things. I like to call

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it the devil you know is better
than the devil you don't. Plenty of

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people stay in bad relationships because it's
a devil they know. They figure they

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can work that situation. Sometimes people
stay also part of the status quo because

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they just don't want to hurt their
partners feelings. Others are afraid of the

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uncertainty or confusion of being single again. So anyway, that is one of

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the reasons we stay because we think
we can handle the devil we know,

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and we don't trust a relationship we
might pick in the future. And in

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order to overcome that, you really
have to challenge your comfort zone. You

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really have to take that leap.
You have to remind yourself that you deserve

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better. You need to nurture yourself. And one of the ways you can

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do that that can help you out
of the relationship is to surround yourself with

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people who love you. Just make
sure that you create stepping stones out of

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the relationship. I don't mean an
affair. I just mean, you know,

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hanging out with your same sex friends
more often, hanging out with your

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family more, making sure you get
social support in other ways. The positivity

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bias is another brain trick that keeps
you in and that's the tendency. This

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is true people, all humans do. This has been studied. We tend

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to remember more pleasant than unpleasant events. In other words, if bad stuff

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has happened in your relationship, you
tend to look back with rose colored glasses

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and you don't actually think about that
bad stuff, which is very similar to

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the other bias, the expectancy bias, which is we look forward with more

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negativity. Right because, okay,
so, as human beings, we have

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this survival instinct, and our survival
instinct is that we have from the day

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we're born. We have to constantly
worry about well dying. Okay, we

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could die, riots, fires,
floods, pestilence, murder, car accidents,

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plane crashes. Whatever else are we
afraid of. We're afraid of everything

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you could ever imagine, food,
poisoning, COVID, I don't know.

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We worry and worry and worry.
Right, this keeps us alive. If

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we didn't do this, we wouldn't
be alive. If our ancestors didn't do

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this, they would have been eaten
by a lion. So this is a

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healthy thing. However, people who
are particularly anxious, fearful, or have

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phobias tend to have a very exagger
rated sense of the dangers in the future.

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And if the danger you're thinking of
is being single, then you're going

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to stay in your relationship. And
I'm going to tell you a story.

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So I was in a very bad
relationship for nine years and I stayed.

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I stayed. I rationalized why I
stayed. I stayed. I said for

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my daughters, because I wanted my
daughters to have a father. And what

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I was projecting onto them was my
childhood experience where I had a dad who

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was in the Navy, and he
was gone from most of my childhood for

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work, and he was gone in
an inconsistent pattern Actually, kids can adapt

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really well to patterns. So if
they know they see one parent during the

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week and other parents on weekends or
every other week or whatever, they like,

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consistency, whatever the pattern is,
inconsistency can be very destabilizing for kids.

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And so my dad would go away
on the ships for three weeks,

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he'd come back for a few days, he'd go away for a week,

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he'd come back for four weeks,
and then be gone for three months,

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and it just there was no rhyme
or reason. So my model of love

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was always mixed up with longing.
I knew this because when I would when

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the kids were little, and I
would go to preschool events or meetings and

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he would show up late or not
show up, I would have a huge

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sense of anger and sadness about that. And I know it was related to

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my childhood. So I had this
bias that I was not going to do

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this to my children. The other
bias I had I was raised Catholic and

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we didn't divorce, right, people, you just don't. You don't break

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up. You just stay together for
the kids. That's what you're supposed to

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do. So in my case,
if you've been reading my books and listening

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to my podcasts and listening to my
radio show. You know that I'm a

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survivor of domestic violence, and it
actually took that wake up call for me

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to go, Wow, this is
toxic. This is bad. And so

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if you're in a relationship where you're
hurting, where you're not thriving, where

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you're getting sick physically, sick,
mentally sick, I promise you that your

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expectancy bias that says things are going
to be worse out there is wrong.

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It is wrong. I think A
couple of weeks ago, I talked about

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this study I read that I loved, and it said all they did is

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ask people who are on the verge
of making a big life change. They

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told half of them go make the
change, and the other half not to

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make the changes with a coin flip. And all the people who made the

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change were happier six months later because
they were told to make the change.

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So I'm telling you, you know, you know what's right, make the

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change. When we come back.
Maybe your relationship ship is toxic because there's

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chronic cheating. Let's talk about the
most common reasons that people cheat. And

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then if you are a cheater,
I've got some advice for you best ways

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to stop cheating if you want to
do that. You're listening to doctor Wendy

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Walsh on demand from kf I Am
sixty. We want to talk about a

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sensitive topic, cheating, infidelity.
We've had the sex therapist doctor Tammy Nelson

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on here a few times, and
she says, cheating is a messenger.

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It's a messenger that something's not going
right in the relationship. It's a messenger

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that you're not fulfilled in some way. It's a messenger about something. Evolutionary

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psychologists would say that extra pair bonds
were very important insurance for reproductive fitness.

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In other words, what if you
were in a relationship that didn't reproduce,

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you could be still getting eggs fertilized
somewhere or fertilizing eggs elsewhere. Right,

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It's something that's kind of natural in
our species. However, having said that,

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lots of natural things that aren't culturally
condoned. Right, So cultures have

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said, okay, we want you
to get together, we want you to

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be monogamist. Now we know that
human beings have the widest range of sexual

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behavior of any primate producer. Kayla, do you remember how anthropologists tell how

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much monogamy or extra pair bonds or
promiscuity, whatever you want to call it,

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are in a primate species. How
do they tell? Is it the

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size of the testicles. Yeah,
it's very good. Oh my god,

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I learned a lot at the size
of the scrutum exactly, so in in

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relative to body size. So chimpanzees
huge, big gonds, relatively small bodies,

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very randy, very very promiscuous.
Very chimpanzees are so aggressive that they

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will come to a breastfeeding female and
kill the baby, practice infanticide to make

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her have a period, and come
on and get pregnant. Yeah. Mmm.

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Now the other end, you've got
those orangutans, tiny little chestnuts,

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big hulking bodies, very monogamous,
very paternalistic. Right, what do you

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think? Humans are? A wide
range of promiscuous air. We have it

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all, we have it. We're
somewhere in the middle, but we're not

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one thing. We literally, I
mean, evolutionary psychologist and anthropopologists have said

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we need players, and we need
good dads, and we need it all

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right, And then there's those that
are good dads that step out once in

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a while, you know, and
women step out too, right, it's

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not just one. Although more cheating
happens with men, there's research for that.

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Look, we talked earlier in the
show about this that men want more

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sex and more often. That's just
the way it is. Okay, So

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cheating happens. It hurts the person
who's been betrayed, hurts a lot emotionally,

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especially if they have these preconceived notions
of what the deal is supposed to

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be. So let's talk about the
most common reasons from a cultural standpoint and

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a psychological standpoint of why people cheat. Not just well, there actually is

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a cheating gene. You know,
they found that. Remember I think on

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my podcast Mating Matters, we had
our seven long allele of this gene.

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We had that geneticis on. But
you know, just because you have a

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gene for something doesn't mean that it
will become enlivened in the environment. Right.

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I like to say that genes are
the loaded gun and the environment pulls

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the trigger. So you can be
born with a gene for heart disease and

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never have a heart attack because of
how you eat and how you exercise.

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You can be born for a gene
for cheating and go to church get on

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your knees and pray and not cheat. Actually, there is research to show

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that religiosity and high education are two
things that present that prevent players and play

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girls from doing their fun. All
right, So psychological reason might be lack

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of emotional connection in their primary relationship, Believe it or not. Research on

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men who cheat often say they cheat
because their mistress listens to them, not

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because she gives them better sex.
She listens to them, the wife stops

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listening, a gentleman, that's the
number one reason why women cheat, right,

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because you are not listening and you
are not helping her feel emotionally connected.

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And then she finds some yoga instructor
who's happy to listen to her problems

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to say less often people cheat because
they don't have a sexual connection with their

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primary partner. I'm going to stop
and say this right away. Of arranged

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marriages, people who never see each
other until they get to the altar,

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the divorce rate is four percent.
Romantic marriages it's fifty percent. So okay,

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you can actually create sexual chemistry out
of anything relationship, but you gotta

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work at it. You gotta work
at it. Another thing that causes people

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to cheat is unfair fighting, resentment. People retaliate sexually when they're mad at

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their spouse. You need to have
good conflict resolution skills. Can't walk around

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mad, can't be given them the
silent treatment. I always say, if

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you dismiss somebody, they will find
someone who will listen, and that will

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either be a lover or a lawyer. Okay. Another reason for cheating is

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an insecure attachment style, unresolved childhood
issues, and you need to go to

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therapy for that. You need to
work that out. Sometimes people will do

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it as a stepping stone out of
the relationship. They know that they want

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to leave, but they're afraid to
just go and be single, so they

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create a bridge relationship. Women are
famous for doing that. Men are more

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likely to cheat for the sex.
Women are more likely to cheat because their

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00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:07.359
boyfriend's shopping. Yeah, a backup
met a backup mate. Exactly. We

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all need backupmates. Well, we
shouldn't be having sex with them, but

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in the back of our minds we
should have it. What if we're gone

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to next kind of relationship? Exactly. People also cheat because they have low

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self esteem and they want to feel
better about who they are. People also

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cheat because they're lonely. You can
be lonely in a marriage. So I

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want you to think about those things
now. If you are the person who

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has cheated or who is currently cheating, and you would like to stop cheating,

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I've got some advice for you.
When we come back. You're listening

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to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from
KF I am sixty. Most people do

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cheat at some point in their life. When I say most, it's like,

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you know, sixty percent of women, seventy percent of guys. It

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might be in high school you step
out on somebody and then you feel real

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bad about it because the person gets
hurt. I like the research on people

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who have never cheated and they asked
them why. Specifically, I like to

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read the research on why on men
who have never cheated and they asked them

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why, and the most common answer
they give is, oh, I just

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don't want to hurt my partner guilt
because they're so emotionally connected. Right.

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It happens. People cheat for all
kinds of reasons at different times in their

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lifespan. I've cheated before when I
was young, and um, I just

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you know, I hurt people.
I got hurt. I learned doesn't work

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doesn't work. So I often think
that cheaters aren't actually looking for somebody else,

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they're looking to become somebody else.
Right, So that's what the first

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thing I want you to do is
ask yourself why you're cheating. Are you

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00:25:57.680 --> 00:26:03.279
trying to find a different person in
yourself? Are you trying to find another

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00:26:03.319 --> 00:26:06.720
relationship? Are you stepping out or
using it as a bridge? Figure out

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00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:12.440
really what you want right. Also, if you cheat regularly, think hard

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00:26:12.480 --> 00:26:18.119
about whether monogamy really makes sense for
you. There may be a partner out

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00:26:18.160 --> 00:26:22.400
there who may be okay with an
open relationship. It's more common with two

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00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:26.640
people who have an avoidant attachment style
you can live with it, or some

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00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:33.119
people who have lower sexual jealousy.
But you know, ask yourself, can

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you live with monogamy? If you
can't, why are you lying to your

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00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:41.759
partner? Why are you pretending to
be somebody you're not? All? Right?

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Let's say you've absolutely decided that's it, You're going to break this habit.

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You're never going to cheat again.
You love your partner, you don't

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00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:56.240
want to mess this up. Shut
down your tech, Stop demming with people,

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00:26:56.119 --> 00:27:00.799
block people who flirt with you.
This is like playing with fire.

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00:27:02.640 --> 00:27:06.559
You cannot do this. I mean, I'm not going to say you should

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00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:07.400
do it, but you could go
so far as to put a picture of

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you and your wife or husband on
social media. So you're very much a

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00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:19.680
couple out there just to create some
boundaries around yourself. If you're currently cheating

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00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:22.319
and seeing somebody, you got to
end it. You got to end it.

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00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:26.720
You can't do the whole like.
It's not fair to everybody. Okay,

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00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.880
it's not fair to the person you're
having an affair with. And by

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the way, I was, for
a very short time when I was young

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00:27:33.079 --> 00:27:36.839
a mistress to a married man.
It was the most painful relationship I was

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00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:40.920
in now. I was in it
because I had an insecure attachment style and

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00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:44.759
my model of love was filled with
longing. So if there's somebody I couldn't

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00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:48.599
have and I was hoping for their
ship to come in my daddy issues,

359
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then that would be perfect for me. My fingers are making quotation marks when

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I say perfect. Right, So
it hurts everybody. It hurts the person

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00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:03.880
you're having an affair with, it
hurts your primary relationship. You've got a

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00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.559
hard end it, no contact,
end it. You've got to say it.

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Don't just ghost them. Please don't
hurt more people. If you're cheating

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00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:18.240
is linked to your use of alcohol
or drugs, you've got to deal with

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00:28:18.279 --> 00:28:22.440
that problem. If you've got an
addiction issue, that's the first thing you

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need to deal with. Also,
if you really decided that you want to

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make a go at it, stop
cheating, focus on your primary relationship,

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then you've got to do that.
You've got to put that relationship over everything

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00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:41.400
else. There's this new series.
Oh gosh, now I can't remember the

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00:28:41.480 --> 00:28:45.079
name of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me think of it.

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I watch it last night. It's
a Maya. What's the name of

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that comedian from SNL Maya and Maya
Rudolf Maya Rudolph Is plays a very rich

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woman who like literally divorces a billionaire. I think it's kind of based it's

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called Loot, you're right, thank
you. It's based on I think the

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Jeff Bezos divorce. So she suddenly
has eighty seven billion dollars, right,

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and it's about her change and becoming
conscious or whatever, because she's completely unconscious.

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But at the beginning, before the
divorce, you see that the husband

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is not prioritizing her. He gives
her this giant yacht for her birthday,

379
00:29:22.359 --> 00:29:25.440
like, you know, a mega
super yacht. And then she says,

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00:29:25.480 --> 00:29:27.680
maybe we could just spend some time, you know, having tacos and eating

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00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:30.240
a loan in our cabin. He's
like, oh, I'm sorry. My

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00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:34.680
secretary Hayley called they gotta jump on
the chopper. Turns out, of course,

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00:29:34.920 --> 00:29:40.519
Haley's the affairy, of course.
But anyway, you have to say,

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I'm going to put my relationship over
work, over pleasure, over everything

385
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:48.359
else. You have to put your
if you have to go on a business

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00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:53.799
trip, take your spouse, take
your spouse. Make it a priority.

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00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:59.759
Make focusing on the relationship a priority. That means don't go out at night

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00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:03.559
without your partner. If you're in
the habit of hanging out with your same

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00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:07.279
sex friends, going out for girls'
nights, going out for boys' nights,

390
00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:11.200
stop it. That's not how you
cure a cheating problem. Only go out

391
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with your partner at night. Hey, it's not allowed to ask if you

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00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:21.640
want to save your relationship. Here's
the hard part. Come clean with your

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00:30:21.640 --> 00:30:27.359
partner. You're going to build intimacy
through discussing the pain. The only way

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00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:33.960
out is through the pain. You
can't hold this secret forever. You've got

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00:30:33.960 --> 00:30:40.279
to tell them, tell them that
you're committed now. And you know,

396
00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:41.519
because I say it every segment,
I'm going to say it again. Go

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00:30:41.599 --> 00:30:48.279
to therapy together because and allow time
for This is not going to flip overnight,

398
00:30:48.680 --> 00:30:51.519
Especially if you've just told your partner
that you've cheated on them. It's

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00:30:51.519 --> 00:30:53.680
going to take a very long time
for them to learn to forgive, for

400
00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:57.200
them to learn how to trust you
again. Building trust takes time. But

401
00:30:57.279 --> 00:31:03.400
the thing that keeps long term relationships
together is always emotional intimacy. That is

402
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:08.119
the glue. So you've got to
build that with your primary partner. Got

403
00:31:08.119 --> 00:31:14.160
to make it happen. You know, sometimes people criticize me or make light

404
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:21.000
about my obsession with love, but
I want to remind you that our intimate

405
00:31:21.119 --> 00:31:26.119
relationships are the most important thing for
our mental health, our physical health.

406
00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:32.599
It's why we're on the planet to
reproduce right, it is the whole reason

407
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:37.799
why we work. We work so
we can attain and maintain relationships, to

408
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have good mates, to have healthy
families. Learning this is the most important

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thing we can do. And relationships
are not about luck, they are about

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skill, and anybody can learn relationship
skills so that you can have the benefit

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of love. I mean, I
found a secure attachment late in life,

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and I know what it feels like. It feels great, it feels calm,

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there's no anxiety, it feels secure. It's good and that brings the

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Doctor Wendy Walsh Show to a close. I am always here normally from seven

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00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:17.720
to nine pm every Sunday night on
kf I Am six forty. Also,

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00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:22.960
you can follow me on my social
media. I'm changing up my content a

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00:32:22.000 --> 00:32:24.480
little bit. You should go to
my TikTok right now and see the latest

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00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.759
pinned video because I'm there's a revelation
there that you can look at. But

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I'm also on Instagram and YouTube and
everywhere. The handle everywhere is at doctor

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00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:38.200
Wendy Walsh and I'm always here for
you on KFI. You've been listening to

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00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:42.720
the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on kf
I Am six forty live everywhere on the

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00:32:42.759 --> 00:32:47.440
iHeartRadio app, You've been listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear

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00:32:47.519 --> 00:32:52.160
us live on kf I AM six
forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday

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and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio
app,