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The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are
supported by his extensive experience as a family

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therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome. This is

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Chayo with you in jewel. We
started very good Monday, very good start

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of week. I hope things have
been extraordinarily good for you. Today we

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are going to talk about that part
that can lead us to so mutual work

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of the children, the crying,
but I also want to invite them to

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send me through social networks, to
this question, rather this invitation that I

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asked them to ask your son how
he feels loved. What does what you

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do make him feel loved? No, he knows you love him. Eh,

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because maybe I' ll say yes
if you feel loved through what things

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you do and what other things you
would like you to do to feel loved,

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because the intention is that tomorrow we
can give your children a voice through

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you. Evidently, with these questions
that I started to put from yesterday,

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that we are going to strengthen today
so that tomorrow we will do a program

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in which you give your children and
that can help many families to give voice

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to children how they live to feel
loved, because there are so many things

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that you can do, because you
love them, but not necessarily they,

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they feel loved when you do that. So we' re going to integrate

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you here tomorrow in this Child'
s Day program through you. So cheer

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up. Ask them if we'
re going to see what' s going

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on. And well, the crying, the crying, the tantrums what we

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have to understand from the crying And
what we have to understand from the tantrum,

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although you would say good, for
it is much more crying, much

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more scandalous and much stronger. But
no, but they won' t see

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how we' re going to differentiate
and, above all, how we can

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accompany that process. Someone in the
question he asked told me the crying is

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not controlled, the crying is accompanied. And yes, but let' s

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see what tears come along. Because, without a doubt, even if we

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don' t want them to stop
crying, because it' s the expression

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of emotions. It' s also
important to understand that just as we control

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our emotions, and that doesn'
t give me the right to hit the

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one next door or snatch things or
make a mess. Yes, without having

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to stop crying and expressing the emotion, we must learn to have control of

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the emotion, containment of the emotion. And that' s very important because

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we educate adults, we relate to
them, particularly school dads, those extra

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- school teachers, who are consistently
with them grandparents, when they' re

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taking care of them. Anyway.
So we need to understand what and how

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and in what way you can somehow
understand the process and know how. It

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is educated, because, like all
other behaviors, crying in particular is educated.

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And the first question that would arise
here. It is always that a

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child cries is crying for the expression
of an emotion and the answers are not.

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Sometimes you do cry for one we
have in particular, but sometimes you

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cry for tiredness. And tiredness is
not an emotion, it is a physical

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and or mental state of the person. So be careful, because whenever we

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think of emotion, coupled with crying, we think of suffering. So another

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question is whenever a child weeps is
suffering, because we have very much associated

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the idea that suffering and suffering and
crying are equivalent. Adults know and note

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adults too that you can take crying
even because you are moved by tenderness,

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for example, by something very tender, by something that causes you immense joy

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and moves you to the insides.
A person can cry. Yes, it

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is true that the vast majority of
times is associated with emotions or responses to

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situations that we do not like.
And it' s very important to understand

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this when a little boy is growing
up because not every time a child cries

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is suffering. However, it is
a sign of discomfort. I mean,

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most of the time it' s
gonna be a sign of discomfort. There

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are very sensitive children who can be
touched by something and shed a tear,

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but that is usually a process that
is going to evolve with more years of

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entry. At the outset, what
has to help us to be able to

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relate to crying is to understand that
crying is nothing but suffering. Crying is

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that form of expression that has a
human being without language and we do not

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pretend that crying disappears from people'
s lives. In fact, crying is

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necessary and useful for crying. And
you will say chayo that silly you just

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said no good, is that crying
would normally have to stay in the life

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of a human being to express an
emotion when the words are not enough,

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to be able to explain that there
are now older people one another and there

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is nothing particular about it and there
is nothing wrong with it, as long

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as that crying accompanies an expression that
people have to be able to communicate through

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hugs, caresses, details, rapprochement
with the other and, of course,

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language. What' s wrong with
you, how you feel, and being

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able to get a wider language so
I can tell you what' s happening

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to me. Many of the times, what happens with babies, for example,

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with small children is that they end
up crying because they have a great

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frustration because they don' t have
enough vocabulary to express what happens. They

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don' t know how or don' t have the variety of language so

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they can tell what' s wrong
with them. But yes. It is

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very important that we who are around
a little boy can recognize the crying ask

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us what gave rise to the crying, because it is not the same as

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a child weeps because you said no
to something that he asked you, that

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you told him to stop an activity
that gave him pleasure, because it is

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time to do another activity that is
not so rewarding and then he cries?

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That' s why a child who
cries because something hurts, not a child

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who cries like he reacts that he
fell, for example, or someone hits

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him and then cries. I mean, there are different circumstances that are giving

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rise to a child' s crying. We have to be sensitive to crying.

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Yeah, but no. That does
not imply that we need to intervene

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every time in the same way in
the face of that crying. In this

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context that we cry for different reasons, one that is very important to me

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that we understand is when we cry
for discomfort, that is, it is

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not the same the suffering that causes
pain and that, without any doubt one

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will always seek, both in the
life of an adult and in the life

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of a child, to help to
get out of suffering. That is without

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a doubt, because suffering is not
desirable, it is inevitable on many occasions

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and we have to accompany it.
For example, if a child hurts a

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lot, it gets more fatal than
a pain and ends up having the appendix,

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because if yes, it did.
But, well, we' re

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gonna do everything to make that right. But on many occasions, although it

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also has to do with emotions,
they do not involve suffering, they imply

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frustration, for example, impilcan inconformity, they imply impossibility. To say what

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I think sometimes I know is that
I like it and you took it away

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from me and a child is going
to cry and we have to learn to

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do an intervention on two different levels. One is the validation of emotion as

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such and the other is that,
so that you don' t cry,

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then I give you the palette that
I told you that you couldn' t

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eat before the meal. Or I
start feeding him because he' s crying.

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And then, by the time she
wakes up, I' ve got

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her hot milk ready so she won' t cry for five minutes of discomfort

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in what I have her food ready, because there, far from being helping

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and educating, we' re hurting
the way she wants the ball and I

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don' t give her the ball
and then she cries because she wants to

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play football longer and she can'
t because it' s time to do

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the homework. She' s gonna
cry because I told her she has to

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go in and bathe and she doesn' t feel like it. He'

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s gonna cry and then we make
kids intolerant to discomfort. And that'

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s where we have to be careful, because sometimes this part generates a lot

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of noise, because there are people
who listen to it and tell me no

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But it' s that bond.
But it is to accompany the crying.

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But it' s just that you
don' t have to watch me wait

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for one thing is that I tell
him I understand that you' re very

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angry because you have to turn off
your video game to take a bath and

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you don' t feel like it. And I get it. And another

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is that in order not to cry, to grant it or to gain time

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of more pleasant activity, because there
I am going to begin to distort in

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a very important way everything that has
to do with adaptation to life. Then

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abused, what is expected. What
is expected is that to the extent that

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a child learns to develop language,
then he or she is less in need

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of crying. That' s what
we expect. So when we see an

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eight- or nine- year-
old crying too easily or for all things

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or things that sometimes wouldn' t
merit, because we' d expect that

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by the age of eight he'
d already developed more capacity to tolerate discomfort.

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We say oh, please, he' s already crying. Oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

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oh, oh, oh. It' s just that it even bothers.

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On the other hand, if we
see a three- year- old

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crying, it' s going to
move us. We' re gonna get

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closer and what happened, my love, what' s wrong with you,

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but what happened to you? But
let' s see, explain to me,

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but let' s see why they
generate even in one as an adult,

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a different reaction. If a little
boy whom we would still consider appropriate

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for the crying to accompany him.
And that doesn' t mean we'

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re nullifying emotions and we' re
avoiding emotions and we' re repressing children.

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It is an educational process of lekes
pressure that at a given moment is

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given and that was not for so
long that we can leave it and we

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are going to go seeing techniques of
how we approach this to this process,

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but let us learn and understand that
yes a child who cries too much even

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for his age or even when it
would still be reasonable for him to cry

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will generate this feeling of ay it
cannot be that again he is crying,

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because also I say it a little
in joke. But if you want to

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torture someone, put a child crying
around that doesn' t shut up.

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I' ve even come to comment
that if they want to make someone talk

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and confess the net of the planet, they lock him up with a crying

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child and you' re going to
see how at some point he' s

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going to end up telling you what
you want to know as long as you

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get him out of there, because
it' s not an expression he likes.

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You can turn even disquieting for the
person who is together and in that

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tenor I always tell you. The
only person not crying that gives us immense

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taste is crying when a baby is
born because it tells us that it is

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breathing. Other than that, the
truth is that most of the time we

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won' t like him crying.
But neither as an adult, you can

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let yourself be kidnapped by the crying
of a child and then do what the

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child wants, because on the way
the result can be very unfortunate, something

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that is very important to understand today
that we are devoting to this program to

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crying and, therefore, from there
the tantrum will be derived