Good morning, Mother? Good morning, Mother? Comonic dial of the sheath.
Welcome we' re Tribe, your tw chavas, gribus, thank you.
Let' s go there Good morning, welcome to the new episode of
Good morning Mother, Wait You know that in each podcast we always try to
accompany you with a positive spirit, trying to bring you a little bit of
entertainment, of learning, of reflection, and every month we do it under
the blankets of our table bed. Although we are already reaching this temperature that
we are reaching right now, we may turn off the fence and take the
chairs a little at the door that is already making that time, because we
are Tribe our monthly space in which we address issues of concern and issues always
related to childhood, to education, from a first prism of community tribe,
of respect and inclusion to all the maternitys and upbringings that surround us also,
obviously, and from the positive discipline and from the respectful upbringing that I sometimes
see, everything is so vilified many times now the guilt of everything has the
respectful creation majority and the issue that we are going to address today you will
see how it has its crumb. Of course, I don' t do
it alone. I do it with my companions, friends and accomplices of this
space Arancha Rollo and Cristina López, who each month come here with us and
we and makes this space something warmer more beautiful, friends, Good morning,
Good morning, Monica, thank you so much for opening this space. And
you' ve already enjoyed Yes, yes, yes, yes, that first
laugh that has jumped in music because we' ve been trying to record the
intro, but they' ve brought us all attack and absurd laughter. After
it comes very well in what is necessary and it is very cool to start
the exact morning so how about Chris welcome, very well, very well,
the truth that delighted was thinking that so necessary is the laughter and humor that
I always say that the other day I discovered that the human being is the
only being of the whole planet, that has a muscle that is called laugh,
that allows us just this to laugh So yes, I believe that if
human evolution, after so many years has given us, that is, we
have to laugh more, so we have started perfect. It couldn' t
be better, because yes, but the issue we' re dealing with today
is from Hiji Jaja, or how we' re going to address it.
Man, we' ll try to do as usual, a little bit of
hiji haja. You don' t know that always inside that tribe I think
it' s important to connect from there, from that empathy. But it
' s not going to be much of jiji haja, because it' s
another one like in the previous diction, we came there a little bit with
those mainstream phrases of boredom, free time, because here we come with another
one that is also of headlines, which is that of putting limits to the
girls and boys, because if not then of course, they become small and
wild and have no control and then they do everything they want and then they
have to put limits. And it seems that this, then, goes as
against the respectful creation that people think, that it is therefore free albederio,
that every one who does what he wants never happens anything, we never tell
them anything. And of course, now and then all those other phrases that
I love come along is that, of course we don' t tell them
anything then they are the generation of glass, that I tell myself that I
look at glass, that it is a much more solid element than we think,
even if it is fractured. And this thing again at the table,
which I' m sure there are already people saying there' s a mother,
there' s a mother. What I' m going to find here
and I' m going to give you the pitch, which is the one
that always defines perfectly what a limit is, which is not a limit.
We will talk about punishments, about the consequences of all these words that I
think are flooding the network and the headlines a lot, and that I think
that putting them up and conceptualizing them, and that I' m sure that
in the end, in most cases, we come to a common understanding,
because in the end I think that' s what everyone in the background wants
even those people who make those headlines, I think that mostly I want to
think that what they want is to take care of, but the same way
they do it, because from an approach that isn' t always more appropriate.
So, thinking that' s the o or I think I' m
very optimistic, believing that' s the approach, from there we want to
face it. So all you honk, which are the limits and what we
do with them. Picking up the last thing you said, not because I
was listening to you, it' s just that it' s people who
make those headlines. I think what moves is the fear, the fear of
what can happen and from that fear that I gather, so I feel the
infused, then it' s like a boomeran fear that comes there constantly.
It' s that emotion that predominates I think it' s made. From
there he came to me and I needed to say it. Let' s
see how we can relate to emotions, relationships that aren' t through the
fear that eye. Fear is the most thrill to me, it' s
the most powerful in the world, I mean, you can do anything out
of fear. Sure So it' s very useful? Is it very useful?
The thing is, we' re always gonna pay a price. Then
there he comes He takes the matter away. For starters, well, before
we break down what the boundaries are, let' s see this phrase that
you said Chris, which is the child. They need boundaries and from where.
A lot of people say that phrase, because when I hear a lot
of people, I mean, you have to put limits on it, which
is not limits, it' s a payback. What they want is for
you to come back, you have to get revenge, you have to make
him pay for what he' s done, he feels bad because he'
s done something wrong. Then let' s start by comparing terms between revenge
and boundaries, boundaries. Another thing. What people are looking for is that
vennaza, because even you can act in a way, but you do it
when you say from within what you want is to hurt and humiliate and have
it bad enough not to repeat that this is based on behaviorism, which is
a term, a very useful training methodology. It' s worth the training,
that' s how training works super well. In fact, animals can
be seen if you do something wrong, hit a cramp, give a physical
or even verbal punishment to animals as well and then associate that behavior as something
of rejection and it is sought. He won' t repeat it again,
but I said it' s a behavior, that' s a training tool.
Education, for me, has to start from preserving the dignity of people.
So that' s when those limits that are actually revenge, as I
said, don' t come into this area. Okay and well a little
contextualizing this first part. For me, after all this time working with my
children with childhood I always say that I have a friend who tells me that
your children give you many opportunities to practice positive discipline and boundaries. Or I
have moments of constant reflection on this, because, of course, in the
end we think that the limits are what will lead to obedience. What we
want is submission. And here I put, I give an example of reference
figures. The reference figures. Now it' s us, so we want
the limits that we put, the reference pounds, which we are adults,
to be met those limits between Comis but then, in adolescence, we want
the limits that your reference figures put to you do not respect that there is
a critical spirit. And that' s when the contradiction comes. So limit
is the physical action that we adults do, that is, we determine that
that' s not right for a person to stop doing what they' re
doing. And when you set a limit, when, from my point of
view, when you stop being safe for yourself, for another person or for
the environment, for something material, for the environment, for the wall of
the house, for the days of the house, then that' s it.
But it' s a physical action, it' s a wall that
we put up to stop it, to think that a verbal limit or to
verbalize a norm that we' ve put for security is going to make them
comply when their inhibitory control is not yet developed, as is the case,
for example, five years, four years, that is, five years down,
because it' s a highway not to be or to be seen.
There are children who have more inhibitory control and more thinking ability. It'
s worth more maturity and there' s other kids that don' t and
then there' s fear. With fear we can achieve it. But it
' s out of fear, it' s not about education. Okay,
so it' s important, that it' s not out of fear that
they' re going to fall, but out of fear of what you'
re going to do to them, that is, it' s a fear
of you to the reference person. So, I think the most important reflection
is that we want our daughters and sons to be afraid of us. For
my part, it' s not that they' re afraid that the Tobogan
is going to fall and then or not that I' m afraid that,
like paint the wall, the wall is going to be FEA. No,
no, no, which is afraid of our reaction. And that fear in
the background is translated. He' s not gonna love me enough. He
' s not gonna want me enough. I' m not going to belong.
And not belonging is a damage that affects our survival, that is,
nothing. That we have our physiological needs covered, we eat, we sleep,
we can go to the bathroom. Next in the order of priorities is
that we belong to the group that they want us, that we are seen,
that there is a love for us. And of course I have the
rest of my physiological needs covered in front of that. I think if I
paint the wall, they won' t love me. What I' m
afraid of is that loss. Then it' s not that I stop doing
it,' cause think about it It' s true. I' m
five years old and the wall is white and super pretty. Then I'
m not going to paint it, because if not poor wall is going to
look terrible. No, no, I don' t paint it because if
not my dad, my mom, my reference person, the teacher, the
teacher whatever' s there, he won' t want me enough that I
need. Then fear is born there, and that power of fear is very
great. Of course because I' m gonna stop doing a lot of things.
What' s going to happen to what I said rancha, with that
fear when we get to adolescence and we say hey because you don' t
owe you five shots at once. If I don' t, I'
m going to get scared that my group doesn' t belong to me.
Then I' m not going to have that critical, working, mature spirit.
I' m going to follow what the rest of the people do.
And that' s something we don' t do in the conscious zone,
that is, we don' t do all this reflection of I' m
eighteen years old or seventeen I' m here. Then they ask me such,
then I have not decided and such, but it is something that part
of our training, of what we have done many times and I here,
if I take the case of driving you on the first day that you are
going to give yourself to school, you are there as watching the intermittent in
the march. Wait, you put it back every ten seconds and so on,
but now, when you drive, you do it automatically. We'
ve automated that and what' s more, we' re perceptive without wanting
to ah that we suddenly make just a fleeting friendship to a retroviso and we
know if we can change lanes or not. When you do it on the
first day, you look thirty- two times or fifty to make sure you
can change lanes and now we don' t tell each other. Oh,
it' s not like as quickly as I' ve controlled, you'
ve controlled the distance the car was coming from behind, if there was another
cross and car that was going to cross the lane. Contrary, if you
were given time to pass, if the traffic light was, that is,
there are a lot of stimuli that you have learned to control by practice.
So this is what I think, as adults, we all have driving meat,
we understand if we don' t give girls and boys those training skills
so that when they have to drive their car in the adult future and they
don' t have us saying the flashing look through the rearview mirror again change
gear. Now step to the back, now park in this hole that we
' re all the time ticking them that don' t go, to know
how to drive your car. And if they know how to drive their car,
because they still get in the car of people not suitable around them,
then that' s where we get the fears. And I think that if
when we' re as adults, we do this exercise and think if we
want to drive our own car in our own way and our children want to
give them that freedom, because maybe we start not thinking about setting those limits.
It has to do with it and for me you are the most important
reflection. And then there will be tools that we' ll talk about and
how to do it and how and frustration and so on. But I think
if we always go back to that focus of me tomorrow, I want you
to have all those abilities, I want you to have all that perception that
I have just to change lanes, which is one thing the dumbest thing in
the world, because imagine in life what you' re going to find.
Well, yes, I want to give you your training. And that goes
through a lot of acceptance and, as Aranche says, a lot of reflection
and to tell you, but why you' re not taking a shower.
Nowncha' s got smaller ones. You know Monica and I are older.
Then things happen like good, because now the shower is not in your life.
Hey what we do, how we put a safety limit that has to
do with hygiene, because, of course, you have to shower. This
is a reality from where I do it, from the fear of if you
don' t shower, it will pass. I don' t know what
or I won' t make you dinner or I won' t want to
play with you or from somewhere else. You' re depending on where I
do it. And whatever that bothers me, I' m either going in
revenge or going with you to give you tools, because that' s because
tomorrow I' m not going to shower you when you' re in college.
You' ll tell yourself your fellows who smell like your feet aren'
t bad. So this for me is the part that has to start from
the main reflection, beyond the headlines and there I leave you also to the
chak that is temozo. Yeah, it' s to go degrating well,
to land a little bit. As in the different times in which limits are
set. We have to think. We have an invitation to the reflection of
each family that it really is a limit. A limit means that it is
very likely that, either I, whether it is the boy or the girl
or the environment or the other person, these three parameters will suffer a great
damage or a mean damage, but very likely. No. So it'
s a question of the type of damage, the amount of damage, and
it' s kind of mean or a lot, and the probability of it
happening. Then we have to do that reflection, because many times we are
setting limits when in reality life teaches and we are going to give our creatures
a chance to make mistakes and live the consequences of their actions. Look here
not as a reproach and I told you, but as hands that sustain the
discomfort of having lived that experience, which is painful. So here that part
is very important too. Look at the mistakes and how we accompany them.
But many times we are there because of that fear that they will be wrong
or that physical harm will be done. But it' s a physical damage
like a bump, like a scrape or a bit of a bump. But
let' s go something that you won' t end with points, because
that' s it. He needs to live it and he needs to be
tested, especially, besides, this when they' re little, they'
re still in that control, in that conquest of the movement, and there
' s a part of him that you want to prove to adults everything he
' s capable of, and adults often invalidate that ability, then there'
s a power struggle that I' m going to show you when they just
want to explore and show everything that his body is able to do with that
great capacity within such a tiny body. That on the one hand, then,
when we' ve already removed all the straw, everything we' re
putting limits, that is, when we' re not, we also have
to think when we' re putting limits by an external judgment. Okay because
situations that I say in my house so nothing when I live them and I
am surrounded by people who are pointing at me there, it seems that there
is greater danger, but in reality, the danger is the same. What
is a danger is that they are criticizing me, not because watch then be
aware of that and do not take charge of our creatures of this question that
shows you and know, because that opinions will be many and that is and
is already there. Then you die little, eh sorry. I do.
Yeah, total, yeah. Proo on communication issues always say you have to
pause after an important point. Here would come a pause there already, until
next week. We' re continuing the week, okay. But it'
s also, as Chris says, a matter of training. I mean,
I, in the first time my children went up to a very high place
and people were there whispering two children and now, look at it, I
focus on what feedback I can give them. But there are already other times
that there is no other time that the red face went with a tomato and
I say land swallow me. Evidently, you know that we have this for
everything, but doing things from more security, since it' s really good
or bad as far as behavior is concerned, for me evil is what hurts
other people. It' s hurting, not because you' re already seeing
it as wild, because you' re waiting for two moves to your bodily
capacity. Well, it' s yours. I think that here, in
the part that you said arancha to reflect on the risk of what it is
doing in that assessment of limits, you know that I like to take it
to examples that adults have super internalized. No, because I think they kind
of connect very quickly and it happens with the car, the vehicle, but
it also happens with me here I' m always going to tell you about
the insurance, the house, the home, the car, when you'
re not. And here, well we can make special mention of a friend,
our Javi, Elcano, who is dedicated to the topic of insurance.
One hundred percent of the real ones and with him I have talked a lot
about this topic, but for the probabilistic theme, and I connected it very
quickly, because I thought when they offer us insurance for the house and tell
us look is that it will put you in. If you have a mahogany
table, it includes you and you, after I don' t have a
mahogany table, It' s not that it also includes you if you have
four cars, already, because I don' t have four cars, not
that it includes you also if your cousin comes from I don' t know
where already, but I don' t have a cousin that comes from I
don' t know where. Then I choose that sure fits my real needs.
So I think that sometimes with mine and kids what we buy is like
the big insurance, not the risk insurance, that nothing ever happens to him,
but the probability of it happening many times is very small. So you
' re paying a very high price for setting so many limits so that that
doesn' t happen, that you' re missing the essence. So I
think we have to kind of do that game of really this to see what
real consequences it' s going to have is in the grass, it'
s wetting this, so all risk. I have to buy all the risk.
Hey, you don' t hear, look, but a tractor'
s coming this way. You know at full speed, man, well,
of course, I have to buy all the risk, because if you run
her over, something very serious is going to happen, but it' s
been stained, what a risk she has. I think that if adults sometimes
start playing and if we were least going to play with what I' m
sure you' re buying to set the limits. The world' s mega
all- hazard is that you don' t need it anyway. You know
the same thing. You really need a more fit to your family and your
life. And that' s where your value system comes in, your belief
system, and that' s what rancha said. Sometimes it has happened to
me, because when you let them walk barefoot, for example, in the
grass, of course because there is a look like it was noticed. You
know girls as a boy, because of course he' s going to go
to an office tomorrow in a skyscraper and he' s going barefoot. Well,
it didn' t happen to me. I mean now my son wants
to wear x- shoes or maybe you know it didn' t happen to
me, that suddenly he wants to go barefoot. But if I wanted to
and suddenly I' m going to Australia, I haven' t gone,
no, but I' ve been told and the lot of management people are
walking barefoot down the street and people are going to say bo Australia, cool
Mogollón. People go barefoot because they' re super clean and I love it
and I want to go there because people are super civilized. Ah and there
what happens that this does not, the risk is different or what has happened.
It' s just that sometimes when we really compare and evaluate and we
' re going to make real risk we realize that things aren' t as
serious as we think they' re going to happen. Because in that case
they' re giving barefoot or they want to get on a curb and go
down or on a ladder, what can happen if a small sled is given.
I' m going to see that it' s going to open the
back of the head or because it' s insurance at all risk. I
evaluate the risks just like when they present me with insurance, I evaluate and
decide which one I buy and I think if we do that game and think
and come, I' m going to evaluate the risks, what a policy
I buy for this. All risk is worth average risk under little. There
' s no risk, because that' s it, and I' ll
start removing a lot of limits. And when I take a lot of limits
and stay with the really necessary ones, the best thing is that we live
much quieter, because we don' t have to be with him all day.
Don' t touch it, don' t take it, don'
t get the glass out of there. Don' t touch the door handle,
don' t touch the elevator button Be careful that you' re going
to fall careful with the spoon. When you go to Grandma' s house,
I don' t know how many you' re reducing until you meet
others' needs, because if at Grandma' s house it' s a
rule she doesn' t like, we' re taking care of her.
It' s a rule that we understand from there the function of age,
because you either understand it or if it' s smaller, because you just
have to put aside that we' ll talk about it that sometimes it'
s as easy as if you don' t want me to take the spoon,
because get it out of its height because you don' t understand it,
that' s it. Don' t complicate yourself, the assistance is
easy, it doesn' t have, it doesn' t measure a meter,
you raise it a little bit and ready. Then I always propose that
you take him to the adult gaze. Not what you' d like to
happen in that insurance that you' re going to buy and all risk,
because it doesn' t work. Going with what you' ve said,
Chris, in the end, in fact, we' re going to take,
take, take away and take what' s important and what' s
important to what we can answer why. Because many times the problem is that
they tell me, it' s that you ask me why, and I
don' t know how to explain it, that' s always if it
' s a limit. There' s always an explanation. Look we can
' t, so we have the explanation means they' re going to understand
it or accept it. But we are able to give it to you from
the security of what I am doing is to protect you and we are able
to answer why in. On other occasions it is not worth, then there
makes a difference and then it has an impact on the safety of the adults
who are setting those limits and do not walk in that dance. Now I
do, not now. Now yes, not now, because I haven'
t leaked why I' m doing it. This is an intuition, and
that intuition where it comes from, for many times from the limits or from
the norms or punishments that put us and what we have thought of you as
well seen or poorly seen a little at the level of cultural belief. Then
it is also the other here of the question, which is to answer why.
And notice that after all this saying that limits are necessary, obviously,
and you have to put limits and that what is the key to limits,
presence, presence when they are small, physical near and short term, because
it is you who sets the limit, your physical hand that stops. But,
as I said before, it' s not revenge, it' s
a hand that stops and says I won' t let you do this.
I understand that you' ve been very angry and I won' t let
you hit your brother and fuck and hold him the way you can take care
of him without hurting the other and without letting him hurt you. It'
s not that you can' t hit punished or whipped or, because it
' s totally normalized today. Still this for when they' re little with
two little years old and they stick, so that' s the one.
That is the first strategy by which physical presence must begin, when you also
know that tup who has a temperament with less ibitory control, with greater reactivity
and with greater aggressiveness in the face of the attack, because that is to
say, pasting is a defense. And that' s so we can interpret
the attack as not so bad. That' s subjective. But in most
cases, most of them. Then there are specific cases, there are specific
cases and stages that can be pasted for other reasons. But when I talk
about physical assault, it' s usually a defense. Why, because they
don' t have other skills then. There' s our figure, since
we know that it reacts like this to be close enough to be able to
stop and give him an alternative to solve what he' s suffering, that
is, what' s happening in another way, that' s a way
without harm. And here, it' s very important to me. Something
arancha forgiveness that is very implicit in that is not using the lie, that
is, in many cases, when we solve why we use the lie that
you can' t leave alone because the man in the sack is going to
take you. Don' t do it, I don' t know what,
why the police are coming and punishing you because you painted the floor.
They quickly detect what is lying and what is not. And there, besides
you' re not setting a limit, but you' re making it a
threat, a threat to revenge. Besides, you' re using the lie.
And of course, the moment they connect these ideas, which it'
s not too late, what they' re going to do is use the
same system, the same system or the lie to avoid a consequence that can
come that when they' re moved to the pleadolescence of the ras is something
they' re going to learn. Then they' re going to use it
as a resource because they think it' s a valid resource, because they
think it' s a valid resource, because you' re their reference person
to whom you, they have infinite love and admiration up to an age and
they absorb everything from us and we' re constantly using it. So,
of course, I also want to use it constantly, that we know that
in many cases it is not done in the majority, it is not done
in the evil way, so, trying to prevent insurance at all risk,
but it is not necessary then to be careful with those veiled threats and those
lies that are also behind, because there may be a real threat, that
is, you run out of ice cream and there is no ice cream.
It' s just that then there are sometimes these burdens that I do a
lot. If you do, I don' t know what' s on
it. Like I don' t want to take responsibility. I' m
going to hold a third party responsible, which is the wolf, the sack
man, the police or x who' s going to be the person who
' s going to come, to punish you clearly, so it' s
very vengeful in the background and apart, it generates there like some sort of
they' re watching all over the place. This is not a big brother.
It' s just that it' s not just that I paint the
wall at home when my mother doesn' t see me, it' s
that Mr That or the man from the sac or whatever and it' s
going to take me that it seems like very dramatic. This puts limits on
us, this is humiliating, threatening, having, because we wouldn' t
like our work to be told by someone. If you don' t leave
this report that I told you on the table, they' ll come from
another company and take money off your payroll. I' d say Ostraspedrin.
You know this. I don' t want it to happen to me when
you find out it' s a lie you' re going to try.
So, since I know it' s a lie, I' m going
to do it because besides, now I' m free because you lied to
me and there' s a flaw in the relationship of trust. I think
it' s very important, because in a lot of cases these limits I
do see them very associated with these or very big lies kind of get them
or lies you run out of ice cream, but then there' s ice
cream, that is, then there' s ice cream, because then I
' m still in the pool and then all the other kids have bought it
and you end up buying it, I tell you, but tomorrow no,
but tomorrow yes, I mean, because we forget. You know we don
' t and then we go in there in a loop you' re gonna
run out of TV eight months, but just that day in the afternoon,
you' re already watching TV. So what' s the point? They
' re not even limits You don' t even get to be a punishment.
It' s like a constant threat that loses all validity of what we
can say. Well, you' ve told yourself lies. You' ve
talked about fictional characters who are going to act to exercise revenge that we don
' t want to think, that is, that we' re lecturing others.
But then it came to my mind that I hadn' t prepared it
for myself. But I will also comment on these spaces in which there is
indeed a person responsible for security and, instead of taking charge of the actions
of our own creatures, we delegate that responsibility to that person who is not
and what we do is to give the message. Stop doing this because if
you' re not going to come cheap or safe, the person who stops
throwing the bread off the table that comes this and the other day stops throwing
the bread that comes the waiter and fights you and you ring and the poor
waiter went through the back. Saying I will not say yes, yes,
because this same thing I a week ago and I in the ludoteca it happened
to me a lot, that is, families that came to their children,
they put their children very far away and then when they could already find us.
It' s good for her to run. If he' s not
gonna fight you, I' m not gonna fight me there, so look
at that. Apart from that I think everyone wants a quality that we would
like our creatures to have in the future, or it' s already the
responsibility. Responsibility is a very important quality for all people and I believe that
we seek it and want to cultivate it as much as we have creatures in
our charge. And yet, with those messages, at no time are we
educating responsibility. Why, because I' m not taking responsibility for the person
I' m in charge of is you and then, I' m not
explaining to you what it' s worth. I' m not telling you
why you don' t have to do this, what impact it has on
others, that is, the consequence of your action, what damage it has
around it, but I' m just telling you that you' re going
to suffer harm for someone else who isn' t me. So there'
s a lot of dialogue and there' s a lot of explanation to get
them to understand the reason why we' re setting up the companies. There
are many times that, when we explain it, simply what they need is
a dialogue and an explanation. There are other times that explanation very well.
Yeah, yeah, and I keep doing it, because there' s the
physical limit. But there has already been a middle way in which we have
been able to give the necessary information as to why we act in that particular
way. Why we coerce his freedom, because it is in fact a coercion
of his freedom. You limit that and so we teach them that when coercion
in their freedom, there has to be a reason, which is that they
do not harm another person. And then there we are educating responsibility. I
think it is also important that responsibility is established over a system where we are
adopting beliefs and priorities, that is, we know how we are responsible honor,
because we are evaluating what happens and learning it over time. So,
in the end, you say good. If I have to hand over a
job such a day and I haven' t had time and suffer from that
consequence that I haven' t had time and I want to be responsible,
I learn that the next day I have to start first. Or that I
have to do this faster and I am setting out what my measures are to
fulfil that responsibility. If I do not learn to establish those tools of measures
that have to do with oneself, it is very difficult to exercise a responsibility,
because I will always ask someone else to pay me what to do.
Then I won' t have independence to execute it myself. And then we
come in and we say these kids are irresponsible. It' s just that
if you don' t tell them exactly how they have to do it,
they can' t do it. It is that we have not given them
tools to prove, because the natural consequence has been so harmful that what we
have done has been to inhibit it. And I tell you an anecdote that
John broke his arm when he was four years old and then he broke nothing
in the dumbest way possible. I mean, they were playing, he laid
his hand behind a little bit of nothing and broke his arm, I mean,
it was something you seem to say, because it shouldn' t have
happened, but it happens. There are no accidents that sometimes are like this
and then he had a season where I mom. If I get up here,
I' m going to break my arm, I mean, I'
ve established that his measure of the damage I could suffer was now. How
do I know, because now I' ve been climbing a few curbs a
lot. I' ve never broken my arm. Now I' ve broken
my arm. If I climb higher or do this, I' m gonna
break my arm. Then ask Mom. If I jump in here on the
slide, I' m gonna break my arm. There were some stones.
I remember a mother- in- law, what a rock. I don
' t get up so I don' t break my arm, obviously,
because there was a fear behind it. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. Nobody likes to have been with an arm in a sling, with
four years old who also had to be quiet. No, and of course,
you have to go balancing, well what can happen and what strategy you
' re going to have if you' re going to hold on to the
stone or not, to realize that you' re falling into the game,
talking. That' s the probability and the accidents we' re going back
to insurance. The probability that you have one of the house is small,
but as you have it at once as you go to Gaita. That'
s not why we have home insurance, because there' s a small probability,
but it can happen, but we have evaluation criteria. Sure. I
live next to a river and I' m on a ground floor man,
because the probability of being inunified is greater than if I live on a fifth
floor and I don' t have any river nearby, because if I also
don' t have a neighbor upstairs, because I can only be flooded with
my washing machine that will go down. This is then measured to our girls.
Children we have to let them actually experiment with consequences that allow them to
organize their control system and then establish that responsibility. And this, in many
cases it does not and they themselves do not do it because if the consequence
is not natural, but the consequence becomes a punishment, for man, I
will not experience. You know if I know you' re going to rock
me and I' m going to run out of ice cream, because I
don' t experience anything, because the fear that I want to eat ice
cream over the stone prevails. These also happen which I will not experience if
I have not led to the prepared natu lesson and suspend because what will come
after the mariner. But then, when it' s your responsibility to know
that you have to do a job on time, that you have to study
something, that you want to be self- taught in a subject without anyone
going to evaluate you, that is, I want to learn to play guitar,
because yes, I don' t have an evaluation behind me. I
don' t have anything. There also between responsibility and two concepts that we
then love in adult life, which are constancy, perseverance and effort, and
those are linked to responsibility, and that you have to work them out And
you have to generate tools, because then yesterday arancha, I were in a
networking and we had a person called Pau who gave talks to managers and said
jo is that this you tell for the children it turns out that I tell
great managers how to work, the constancy, the perseverance, the effort,
and we did the same reflection if from little ones we had trained in all
of it instead of cutting it to later want to recover it in adult life,
because we would not be in this situation of having to give talks to
great managers that is the responsibility and the natural consequences of your team not having
done the work in time. And that' s where we go, so
boundaries do when they' re needed. And to evaluate this, well,
another pause doesn' t point it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but this is what you said about learning it from childhood. The other day
I was commenting on the classes I' m giving now to people of eighteen
twenty years and how it' s helping me and I' m integrating everything
I' ve learned with you, with these programs, with we' re
tribe and with the approach of respectful parenting. How many things it helps us
to change that approach and how well it makes us integrate it, and now
not only thinking about creatures, but how we communicate, how we see life
in how we deal with things that are not in the end we are tribe
goes from us. Secret spoiler, if anyone had still noticed us. Yes,
because when one of the fiercest and cruelest criticisms I hear against respectful upbringing
is that it leaves mothers and fathers aside and puts them in a confrontation that
no one has asked for and in a categorization that no one has ever asked
for, it accuses respectful upbringing of putting creatures ahead of the needs of adults,
which you might say man, because it depends on what, because sometimes
yes, but it is a matter of maturity and wisdom of the adult,
that is, knowing when to put them and before putting the needs of a
creature that is in your charge to your own. I don' t think
then it' s the same as if you have a senior dependent. Of
course, your father is not dependent. Many times you are going to put
your needs first for the care of that older person. And it' s
not bad the same thing is posed less than I say it survives as a
species than taking care of us all. It' s no, this isn
' t dumb the last one and whoever can be saved. But it is
an attack that is done very frequently against respectful upbringing and that hurts me deeply
because it comes from many occasions of segments, because they tree flags of modernity
and freedom and rights that represent me as well. But let it be in
this case, because I don' t consider it that way, because I
think that in no case or at least I don' t understand it this
way implies abandonment when the first step is self- reflection and self- growth,
if that exists, and self- thinking. No. And besides,
you' re educating in empathy, that is, when there' s a
fear. I have a training on boundaries and I start with the image of
the tyrant child, which is this label that a tyrant child has then is
not a child without limits, it is a child without empathy, that is,
with lack of empathy Then the first thing we have and what I think
gives respectful upbringing is a lot of dialogue of the emotional processes of all the
members of the family, not only of the creatures. I believe that when
we enter into that moment of consciousness in which we want to educate in another
way, we begin to listen to them and begin to reflect on our own
emotions, our own needs and talk to our children. I repeat, what
we don' t do is make them pay for the damage they do.
They do it, obviously, because they do more damage because they have less
skills. I mean, that' s just it, because relationships aren'
t equal. Relationships are asymmetric, cross- sectional. I' m bigger.
I' m more of this from the parental safety circle. It has
a concept that I really like that adults are bigger, stronger and more kind.
I don' t know if he left me another more and more wise,
you know, more rande, stronger and more kind. And so it
is. Then I am all that more than you for my experience and I
do not use it to crush you when you do not act in the best
way, when you make a mistake for your short life experience and for the
skills you still have to develop. But what is expected is revenge. Don
' t limit it. Yes, I am picking up my own words and
I also share them, because I think that what you say is just missing
from self- reflection, that is, when it is very hard to do,
then, as it is very hard to do. And besides, we
go in a world in a lot of hurry and that is not ready to
take care of ourselves anymore not only with childhood, but at all levels.
We need very quick answers and reflection sometimes you need your processes and your times.
And sometimes we get into things like what you want me to be in
the park all afternoon with the girl to the boy, because he needs it
is that there is a lot of pain. There' s a lot of
rage in that phrase, there' s a lot of need for self-
care. What happens is that there you are very unbalanced the balance and you
are thinking that you are covering the need of your child because you are in
the park five hours, but you really don' t have to do a
self- reflection exercise of one. You need to be there for those five
hours and you need to be there with your face under leek, waiting for
the minimum that passes to carry your rage and rage. Not consciously, we
don' t do these processes in a constinti way And let' s think
you' ll see how I do it, the brain works very emotionally and
then suddenly booms and shoots no and it' s just that on top of
it I' m here all afternoon in the park. Now you go and
get wet in the fountain and that' s it because I need an exit
valve. So if I' m capable and it' s very complicated,
eye, it' s very complicated to make an author reflection before we go
out to that park and say let' s see how long I' m
able to be in this park. I' m capable of being 100,
I mean, the same. It' s ten minutes, because look,
I can' t do it anymore. I' m super tired. I
' ve had a day upstairs at work. I got a hit in the
car from behind. My mother' s putting my head on like a bomb.
I have to stop by the supermarket. My husband is on a trip
or I know I need to go for a coffee with a friend who just
got divorced and I have all this here and for a moment, I say
come, because he can only go to the park for ten minutes, just
like I can only run one kilometer and I can' t run five.
And why don' t you run five, because I can' t,
because my body at the time isn' t ready to run five and run
one. And it' s over. And I' m trying to do
my best. And there it goes that in that balance of limits I am
respecting myself and I am respecting your need. And there will be a lot
of dialogue, obviously, if we have a very small baby girl, who
needs to take her breast, who needs to change diapers, who needs biological
needs, because I can' t explain to her that, obviously, that
she doesn' t, but that' s a phase, a phase that
passes faster. What we think happens very quickly, even if it seems very
long, it happens very quickly and then it enters other phases. And in
those other phases, communication, sincere communication, that is, we don'
t need to tell them from little ones everything that happens to us. But
you just make me say today I' m more tired to spend a lot
of time in the park. We' re going down only four times that
we hit the swings. We' re going to lower something that' s
determined. That' s already a limit in itself. We' re gonna
do twenty- five swings, we' re gonna do seven laps of the
park with the BICI and it' s seven. Why, because I'
ve already told you what' s going on. Why and I have a
why, because I' m so tired. You remember that day that you
were very tired and when we got home, you couldn' t do it
anymore and I had to fuck you and connect you with your learning. If
I connect with another learning I' ve had. Really, girl boys are
much faster than we sometimes think. Oh yeah, I remember, Mom,
that day I was too tired. Maybe you remember. This is also a
wear and tear. I mean, me, if you think the park can
go just ten minutes, take off four, that is, six, because
four, you' re gonna wear them down. In this communication, which
is very tired, sometimes you stay two, because do not go down you
know lower the ascent to the portal and you go up it is finished.
Don' t go to the park anymore There' s nothing wrong Find yourself
another solution. You have to stay home and I know how to play hairdressing,
because you guys are on the couch that comes in creativity, the game
or the option. But we say I' m doing it for you what
you' re doing for me coming to a park in a way that'
s not what you have to come to, or come here to the movies
that you didn' t want to come to watch the movie so I think
it' s self- reflection. It' s the one we don'
t do. And that' s where we think that they become tyrants,
that they manipulate us, that we have to do everything they tell us,
that there comes a generation of glass and this I recognize that it is very
painful and that sometimes it happens to me and I also have fallen into the
fuck that we came here and that we have been in the park. I
don' t know what we' re up to now and you don'
t want to pick up the shoes, which is the least I' ve
asked, but how is it you and I what' s happening to me,
because there are days that I say wow, that I' m a
faire, that it' s all gone is that I have the energy there
these weeks, that I' m tired. I' ve already warned,
I look out for her to be tired, that is, starting at eight
o' clock in the afternoon, warning Pipipi, that' s like detonating
bombs, and in fact, once Juana now I can pass that I say
she goes home, because I' ve warned her, and when they understand
her, she goes into empathy. He tells me to make you a coffee,
Mom, and you say I already have a coffee and I said well,
we' re not bad. He hasn' t followed the salt and
I saw how the room was and I said," God don' t
do it or a strip please, or a huiscazo" And there we also
connected with humor, creativity and play, which has always to do with everything
I think we counted on every show and we had cases, but I think
we' re leaving. We' ve already gone well. We' ve
actually explained them throughout the podcast. So that' s what it was in
the cases. It' s your physical presence saying what you' re going
to do without waiting for the other to change, for the other to modify
hisaction, because you are. I mean this overvaluation of the word, to
the limit that I see when we choose them and say that a limit does
have a very big impact on words and that' s what families tell me
that accompanies a lot, that is, when they do that exercise of removing
and they just keep the limits. Many times saying this is a limit already
in the other person you receive it as uff not here, not anymore,
then. Yeah. With that I think there' s a lot of work
to be done for the families that are listening to us. Yes, communication
as a basis for establishing any limit and communication with one also with the important,
important and nothing I can add, because you have expressed it wonderfully.
I' m sure it makes people reflect on our audience or not. But
here' s the reflection and this is part of the learning that resonates that
maybe it bothers you and you don' t agree, because tell us that
you can do it perfectly and this, because this is also generated in the
advance, because questioning the things that we have rooted and that we think are
really the right ones. That argument, therefore, has always been so and
so it has always been better, because it has to be questioned. Nobody
also means that the new is the good and the old or the bad,
or vice versa, but we have to question and whenever we do that,
to question and question everything we do, because we will grow securely. So
I hope this little space serves for it, big little space and cristina hoops
girls. I wish for an infinite rest. That' s not bad,
but you' ve understood the truth. In fact, these beneficial infinite,
a pleasant rest. Yes, yes, yes, that infinite rest is not
fatal, but, well, I meant intense rest, mother' s rest.
When you can use those moments when you say vacation then it' s
not always what we expect. We have, we have holiday three. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, we have podcasts, so you either have
to watch it or you have to listen to it before you go, well,
yeah, this podcast will come out right when the Santa' s vacation
starts, because it' ll be out soon, but next week, although
you' re already listening to it in the middle of Santa week. So,
enjoy the holidays of these days of rest and we hear each other next
month in April, with Alanta Cristina thinking. Thanks, girls Bye Bye Bye.
You know I' m sorry again if you' re in time.
You' ve come data welcome to a new episode of Good Morning. Mother.
He hopes I' m still powerless. Wait a minute, he won
' t let me see a quiet run, which is at first, we
see it easy. I' m still welcome new. Now these are the
fake tomas talks that I super love, which is like hello, good morning,
but you happen that Monica isn' t around today, or what arancha
we don' t have Monica, No, we don' t, which
is good morning to this space. No, because it' s not mother
space Wait for it. This is going to be fatal, fatal. I
' ve come as high up and I say come on so I say it
and words have started coming to my head that doesn' t make sense or
it' s magic. No Tranqui Tranqui