Hey, look it, Hey, look he's it. Hey, look all
right, come back once more. Want some deep deep in my throat?
Hey, everybody, because this bulls his bulls bulls bulls bulls. Who.
That's such a good song. I even like making a parody of that song
goes fucking crazy. It's it's I mean, everything he makes goes, but
that song particularly goes hard as fuck crazy. The fucking when the brass comes
into I'm just like, God, damn that. Do you think? Do
you think he's like actually like a sorceress or something and he gave his eyesight
to become like one of the best objectively almost a perfect musician. Yeah,
I don't. I don't know, but like it doesn't. He doesn't have
any bats songs, even like young Young, Young young him. I think
attracted, I think after after hit, but we're talking about we're talking about
uh, Harry's original John Cena. You can't see me, I can't see
you. All right, Well, welcome to start podcast. Welcome to the
Start Tank Podcast. It is it is a special day. Sweeney is old.
Now it is Sweeney's birthday at the time that we were recording this.
I'm pretty sure right it's today today. Actually I'm finally Thursday, sixty years
old. Congrats, bro, you made it. It's crazy, he imagine.
I'm just low key being older than Derek the whole time. Yeah,
I've been decades older than by the way, Yeah I'm seventies. You're talking
about people. People are aging for seventy year old people are aging better.
You know, it's crazy. I saw this I saw on my for you
page on Instagram because it's just a bunch of it's just as it's just a
lot of comedy now, which is nice. Before it was like really annoying.
But Jerry Seinfeld's going around on this like press tour for that pop Tarts
movie, which looks like I don't want to I don't really want to see
that movie. Wait what I've never what? Hold on? Don't even worry
about it? Do any worry. We'll no more information. We'll get into
we will get into it. But let me finish the thought. He's seventy
years old, and it's insane to me because he looks really fucking good for
seventy and he was old. He was old to me when I was a
kid, you know what I mean, not like an elderly person, but
that was like an old guy, like as a seven year old. He's
like like thirty, like late like forty, like mid early forties or whatever,
And I'm like, oh, weird. And then he and he had
people on his show, he had his his parent. Well I might be
wrong, even like mid thirties, early forties, but like to me,
I'm like, yo, that's fucking because he had people on his show who
were like old and they were like seventy or something like that or even probably
younger perhaps, and they looked so much worse. And we talk about this
every now and again. We talk about like how like generations will improve continuously,
like about how they age. But like I thought that would maybe start
with like us. I didn't think it would start with like him or like
that generation. That doesn't make sense to me, But I mean, he's
a diamond on the rough. He's also extremely rich that it was also comedically
rich. She's very rich. But then I think about like a lot of
there's a lot of actors. When you look at them, they look great
in film, and then outside of it, you're like, oh that's okay,
like you're a human, and they just look like a bag of pus.
Dude, they look bad like you know who? The same for a
long time. Nicole kidman, she's been that way since I was like four,
Did you were four? I was like you just exactly or like exactly
the same. She's been probably a little bit over the thirty since I was
four years old. And I'm like, all right, well they're keeping you
nipped and tuck, clearly because Jesus Christ, you know who. The first
time I recognized how fake movies were as far as people's appearance was looking at
John Travolta. I once saw John Travolta at an award show. I don't
remember which one it was when I was young. This was probably like early
two thousands where he did like Swordfish or whatever he's doing. He's still doing
stuff, face off or whatever, early shite. He's still active and at
the award show he was melting like. I was like, oh, he's
an old man. Yeah, obviously he was active in the fucking seventies.
And I was like, what the fuck is this because he still looked good
in the movies. It's so bad, just a regular line. I was
like, oh, yeah, oh okay, you know we're all getting old,
very old, bro. I don't people. I still I went to
seven to eleven the other day, just the other fucking name. There's this
black dude that works there, infinitely darker than you, Kingston. That's crazy,
big, nice, little thin, like strap beard thing, and he's
cool. And we started talking about like, I don't remember why, but
the two thousand and eight came up for whatever reason, I don't know why,
but he's like, that's a good year. I was like yeah,
and he was like, and he was I forget why wasn't that like a
famously terrible year for everybody what it was? And it didn't make sense until
he followed up with the year I graduated, and I'm like, okay,
that's why he had he had good memories of two thousand and eight because he
graduately finished high school. And then I told him I was like and I
was like, oh, I graduated six. And he looked at me like
I was insane, because he's like, how are you older than me?
Because this guy looks his age. He looks like he's like thirty four or
something. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I know, I look
like a fucking infant. And then we started chatting about just you know,
the bar scene and all this shit where I couldn't get it was hard to
get women at a bar because I look like I had no business being in
there, like, oh, this is clearly stuck in Yeah, with a
gun, I gotta go with a gun, put a gun on the table
to be like, what's good. That's exactly exactly my experience where it's just
like, I don't die. I'm not even gonna try because I look like
I've I look like I'm skipping study hall to be here. I can't possibly
approach somebody that I don't already know, who knows how old I am,
Like that's the only chance that I've got. I could not imagine going to
a bar picking up a girl, even because I feel like bars suck and
I feel like picking up a girl at the bars is a terrible situation to
uh so, okay, I'll put it this way. The bar experience for
me has been it's been extremely hit or miss. And then also the problems
that I've had with in bars. When there would be women that would be
interested, there would be other freak guys that have like boners, you know,
they look like my fucking mods in the games that I play. Because
they're just so so they like get and they feel territorial and it gets like
weird. And I've had I've had awkward situations like that where I'm not even
trying to pull the girl but she's interested in me, and I'm like cool.
And then somebody else that was like working on her all night, all
of a sudden it's like fucking like you know, like and I'm like,
oh man, this is stupid, Like I I everything about the scene is
just stupid. Those are the days, man, more pipe than human.
You're trying to me and I'm like, dude, chill, blud chill,
and he's just fucking infuriated. What do you who knows his mind? And
You're like, bro, I don't know who you are. Do you remember
fucking Bill burd I think I mentioned this to you. I can't remember,
but Bill Burr was talking about a joke about guys at the bar. He
was saying, like a horny and there's like fucking like come like shooting out
of the rise or something like it just it can't be contained where it's like
just dripping out of their orifices and like that is how it is crazy.
That's what it feels fucking crazy. Actually that was Lucy k excuse me,
it was. It was one of those fucking gingers. That is real Cummery
right there. Bro, he's so warming back. He's coming while yelling at
abject Cummery without a shadow of a dab, and you're like, blood calm
down. He's like, I can't I keep coming. Yeah, So so
listen, everybody listening to this. Everybody listening to this. When you see
this, wish kings in a happy birthday, even though it'll be way too
late. Yeah, definitely, even though it'll be like completely out of date,
just spam it to him because he's gotta getting Yes, well, don't
do that. There's nothing happy about my birthday. No, definitely happy.
But you know, how are you feeling? How are you feeling now that
you're thirty? Does it feel any like what do you? Oh? Nothing?
You feel different? I mean I've been it's the same. I've been
kind of the same person I've been since I was like, you know,
the late twenties or mid twenties. So like that's like three years ago.
That's such a ridiculous. Just wait until late wait till midday. Death visits
you and gives you a wink and then disappears. My dick doesn't get hard
no more. And I'm like, no, wait, I'm sekleiss I'm free,
really free, let's see it. But that's when that's when Lily leaves,
because she's like, you realize that she's there for your fucking your you
know, your your, your, your triumphant pipe. And once you do,
I would be so sad. She's like, I never liked you black.
You were a piece of dick. That's all you ever were. She
walked out. I'd be so hard, kid, that'd be insane. I'd
be like, WHOA, I didn't know. I didn't I had no idea.
Who would have thought that Lily was like that. I feel like no
one could have guessed Lily is racist. I feel like that's something that no
one could guess. Hilarious. I think I think I would. I would
guess, just to just to guess it. I think, yeah, just
to be safe, just ahead to my best I feel like, you just
be a shot in a dark guess but Lily is racist. It would be.
It would be because it would It would be because everybody would be so
adamantly opposed to it that I would be like, well, if I'm if
I'm not, I'm not gonna go with the crowd here. I'm gonna go
with my own intuition here, I'm gonna go against the way that way if
I'm right, Wow, is that a wild way to be right? And
if I'm wrong, it's like whatever, no one's gonna really think about it.
I'm gonna go with the crowd here. You just like, yeah,
I think she's racist. I'm gonna bob, I appreciate it. Hey,
so I don't know, Hey, oh hey, hey, tell us about
that pop Tart movie. Man. Still, I'm sorry, really you're cute
in on it because I can't believe like that you said, yeah, it
sounds fake, it's real. I know, I understand, but like so,
for whatever reason, I don't know why. Jerry Seinfeld, well I
know why. It's just a comedy bit. But Jerry Seinfeld has a bit
in one of his comedy routines that's about the pop Tart and how like revolutionary
that was in like the sixties or whatever, and it's like a whole bit.
It's like a bit. It's like a thing that's been kind of like
I don't know if it's been like a staple in his act for a long
time, but it's definitely been there for a while. And some some person
I guess in Hollywood was like, hey, we want to make a movie
off of that bit. And he was like what why, Why would you
want to do that? And he was like, just trust me, we'll
do it, Like why not? And so Seinfeld, obviously having so much
money and being able to just do whatever the fuck he wants, He's like,
okay, whatever, fine, and so he directed this movie with like
just it's just a bunch of comedians. I I don't know what the fuck
I'm looking at with this, to be honest with you, it's it just
looks like a very strange is it looks like a sketchy g I is it?
Is it live action? What is it? It's live? It's live.
Actually it's not. What is it gonna be like an anime? Like
I thought it was gonna be like like b movie but like pop tart movie.
No, it's okay. So I maybe explained this a little hastily.
It is a movie about the invention of the pop tart, but it like
from The Boy and like the And and the race from other companies to get
that onto the store shelves and stuff like that. It's not literally like B
movie but with pop tarts. That was my first thought because I like Jerry
Sidefield pop tarts. It's gonna be that. And I was like, oh,
we got the next meme for him. He finally can He's finally gonna
come back because you know, B movie settled down. It looks at Honestly,
it looks kind of like as I'm like, I saw the trailer for
it, and it looks like if if the hypothetical bits that we came up
with on this show weren't so depraved and so clearly not family friendly, it
seems like an entire movie based on that. Like it's like some guy dies
and he gets like the full Like there's like a scene where like he gets
like a full serial Honors burial and he's buried in a coffin, but they
dump milk and cheerios in it, and like some ladies like weeping cutting bananas
over it. It looks so stupid that it's great. That is literally like
me and my friends have you know, requests similar to that, but you
know, more vulgar, but the same. It's it was very true you
took. If you took cereal and milk and bananas and replace it, which
shit come and like anything else, it would just be a bit that we
would do on the show. So it looks like a g version of just
a bunch of dumb cereal oriented bits that they just kind of came up with
to shoot. I don't know, it looks whatever. It looks like a
dumb movie. That would be so funny if he gets buried, and like,
yo, before you bury me, everybody has to come on my casket.
Everybody's got to shoot one load on the casket. And it looks like
a bunch of birds shot on it, but it's a bunch of splatter mark
over the castle is fat off the completion in front of everyone. Yeah,
that would take me, Like that would take me easily, four minutes.
Yeah, that would take me. That would take me. I'd be a
really scared three tugs, but I would do it. Yeah. Maybe I
would get into it first. I'd be like, dude, this is weird.
But then I'm like, you know what, I realized that I like
an audience. You beat me, you beat me, you can't beat me.
I'm fucking I'm a quick sir. That's a permanent shift in your your
brain chemistry though, Like that's that's you're a different person after that, I
think, because that surely affects that that's something that would affect how you treat
people. I think like even just outside of just that that avenue, outside
of sex, I think probably be like, oh, I need an audience
for everything now, Like I need people to be there whenever I do anything.
It's like I need people in the room when I'm shitting. Yeah,
I have a glass I want to have a glass room for my fucking for
my bathroom. I just want to. I would just want to have all
glass doors have people and it's it's it's connected to you know, the side
of my house to make sure people walking by my house can see me shitting,
like people to see me ship. Yeah, that would be really good.
I want people to know I'm shitting. Oh, people to say I
want I want a wooden house. I want a wooden house and a glass
bathroom is what I want. That is, I want the most private room
in the house to have no privacy at all. All. I like that.
I like that a lot. I respect that I have this conversation right
literally just literally just walks onto me in the bathroom. Now that's yeah,
I can't do that, man, And like I hate it so much do
I feel like genuinely, the bathroom is the last place of privacy, that's
the last fashion it situly is the final sanctuary. That is sanctuary even when
you're living by yourself. Quite frankly, like because every other room has all
these like connotations to it's like, oh, this is my office, I
gotta get work done. Oh this is my bed. Ah, man,
I all sorts of horrible memories here. Oh the living room, I gotta
clean, I gotta clean. Uh. And the bathroom is like, oh,
peace, Like I'm telling I can take up this associated like I'm relaxing.
I'm in the bath I don't have to think about anything else. So
I would not fucking allow that I locked my door here when it's a it
is A doesn't get it. She's a fucking tune. But like first of
the tune for his character. First of all, like Lily has siblings,
right, one sibling and they're weird. But well that's I don't that's weird
because I will say, when you live with siblings, it's ingrained and you
lock the door, or you knock, like that's just you when you live
with people, that's how you operate. You can't just walk in her house.
But she doesn't do it in our house. It's I get we're like
a couple. We can do with that. I'm like Lilian, So she's
consciously doing it and not just like, oh, I'm not thinking about this
like she's kin trying to break me. She's literally trying to break me on
purpose. And I'm like, girl, that is I can't even tell you
how much of a that does not happened to me that's happening to be zero
is Lily? What is Lily doing right now? What is she doing?
She's in the living room. Get her in here. I want her to
explain herself. I want her to know. I want I want her to
explain yourself. This is insane thing. That is insane. First of all,
I don't know why he's not locking the door. You not be here?
Is there is? There is there no lock on your bathroom door?
Oh there is, but I don't lock it. I feel like I don't
have to. All right, so I've never had in the bathroom. You're
gonna both that fall and be honest yeah, yeah, because I'm not.
I'm not. I'm not hiding away. It's not about hiding. The lock
is there for a reason. The lock is there for a reason. Yes,
it is there for a reason for it because somebody, somebody may do
exactly what Lily's doing while your fucking pants are down your ankles, you know
what I'm saying. Like it's it. It's a you're in a very vulnerable
position and you would like to just have the door close, because sometimes it'll
be deep in thought, sometimes will be whatever. If some motherfucker came and
just opened the door, everything has been derailed everything because if you ask a
lot of the artists big sartis in the world, they write like half of
their music in the shitter. That's just what you do. It's just it's
just a place where you think. It's a place where you now, all
of a sudden, now some motherfuckerd yeah, beat her. Yeah No,
absolutely, not even as a bit, that's not even as that's not exactly
what we're saying. I am you should. You should should go hard in
the paint, teach her a lesson. Lily, you touched this door knob
one more time while I'm in it and uh, you're I'm gonna make you
fit in this toilet. I'm gonna make sure you get flushed. And it's
the implications is you're fucking like accordion her. You know you're you're smashing her.
Make sure she can fit down the toilet. Can you imagine that stuff
like that? Why is that ticking? That's tickling something in my brain?
Wait? You remember you know where we lived together, we crated that that
crinkle clause character that like Santa Claus comes into attrain you just come to you
and then he leaves or what he just he he breaks into your house on
Christmas Eve and he just kind of crinkles you a little bit. He like
he like he just he just kind of slightly malforms you, increases your skin
and then you'll leave or he or he like really gets or he gets really
really out of pocket with that. He like kind of stuffs you down at
garbage disposal. But that's if you piss off. But if you don't let
him crinkle you, he'll he'll it'll be if there's resistance, if there's resists
of any kind, let yourself get crinkled. That's so stupid. I don't
know I feel like just it's the tradition, like nobody tries to fight back
or kill him or no one tries to he're just you have to spend this
next several months like slightly crinkled a little bit. Uh, that's it.
That's just how it goes crazy. That's a crazy way to live, so
stupid. There must have been something in the water in that apartment. I
think must have been. Yeah, that place is fucking man. Just don't
let's never go back there ever, Just never go back. I actually did
go back there a couple. I actually actually went back there a couple you
know what, I because I used it to film an exterior shot for a
video actually the alien video. The video that we shot where the the area
fifty one video. This is after we moved away from it. But I
was like, I need an exterior shot for me walking up to our apartment
building. But I don't want to show our real apartment building for obvious reasons.
So I was just like, oh, wait, I know our old
one. I'll just use that. I'll just use that one. So I
did go back there, and I forgot how bleak it was. I forget,
like I forgot how to like dreary and set that that. How do
you remember how small that lobby was too. It was like a fucking hall
like a like a hallway you had to do it was a lobby exactly.
It was funny being back there too, because I had these like memories of
like, oh yeah, I remember, like I Dubbs saying my name Jeff
to some old lady in this lobby when he came to something. She just
ran frightened because when you had really short this back when Ian had really really
short hair, so he looked like somebody who could potentially hurt you if you
like upset him. Uh So, yeah, that was that was a moment.
She was like, to do it again, don't do it again,
Ethan stop or Ian. A lot of people, A lot a lot of
people came to that apartment. I know John Tron was in that apartment.
Uh. Ian was in that apartment. Uh. Obviously a lot of our
friends back in the day. No Zach Zach I met way later, like
the apartment while we were while we were moving, but the apartment afterwards.
I remember Key Star showed up the apartment we lived in afterwards. That was
fucking ridiculous. You were there right after that, Derek, we were there
right after that work. Yeah, I definitely was not there, but I
do remember seeing a photo of uh it was it was Bundy Keemstar eyeing each
other with their beards and hats in my living room and it's just like,
what the fuck is going on? Why is this happening? That is a
how did keem start end up in your apartment? Like? That is actually
very okay? Okay, so apparently so I don't know if I'm remembering this
correctly. It would actually be good to have Bunty on the show actually at
some point, because like he would have memories start Like I don't really fully
yeah, yeah, but I think like Bunty messaged me, he was like,
hey, is it okay if I bring some people? And I was
like, okay, sure, I guess it's a party, you know whatever.
I like, it's an E three party, Like I don't, I
don't know. It was like one of the first big parties that I threw
at our apartment. And then I was like, never again am I doing
this. I'm never doing this again because people just show up. I am
not in the type of industry where I can just throw a party and say
yeah, bring whoever, because then it's gonna be like, you know,
Sky does Minecraft shows up? You know, and that's that's its own problem.
This is the big thing. Were content creators right? You can't just
tell your content creator friends bring anybody that didn't think about it at the time.
I didn't think about the time. He was very new to me.
The idea of that even being like a problem. It's like, oh,
that someone would show up, that would be like a kind of a problem
for other people. There was very very new. So yeah, he was
there, so little Spears Spears was there. Lucy k was beating off in
the corner when I moved mind. If I come in your face your face,
I would say, wing my you can wing my shoulders. Fine,
you can't tell my face, though I would like to have that. I
would like to came. Sorry, I'm that much of a buzz kill.
No one come anywhere near me. Yeah, I mean we know now,
we know what to do. Well, Kickson, You're in a bad spot
for somebody who doesn't want to get com done because you fall asleep all the
time and way too easily. There's gonna be a point where you're gonna fall
asleep and everyone's just gonna joke. I'd be so myvidous someone came up me,
I'd be so love like in that frat culture that like sexual assault like
that is just jokes. You can just bust us over. You fell asleep,
brother, that's what you get a video in your mouth and you're like,
there's a video. There's a video of Kingston. So we went to
a renaissance fair kind of recently with a bunch of friends of ours and we
went to see this. It was like some show. To be honest,
I was watching the show. I had no idea what the fuck was going
on. It was just some some guy making weird noises and like gargling balls.
I don't know what the fuck is going on at the show. But
we were watching it and it was loud, and it's a renaissance fair.
It's like the sun is beaming on you. And our friend Danny took this
video of Kingston fall like falling asleep, and you know what I actually gonna
I'm gonna send this to you, Derek, because it's good. It's a
funny. It is funny video. It is a really good He falls backwards
and almost like crushes a small child. Behind him. No, there was
no child behind me that there was behind you. What I did was falling
asleep and I leaned back and I caught myself leaning back, and I was
like, holy shit, I gotta wake up. Yeah, and then you
stared directly the camera. You stared directly at the camera. When he woke
up, it was like, it's like those videos of Toby Maguire spotting the
paparazzi at the airport where he just like, but there was there was a
seven year old little girl behind you with pigtails. She was a lollipop eating
a lollipop with pigtails. She was like, Mommy, I can't see anything,
and this lumbering fella falls backwards and I saw. I watched. I
watched her age eight years in the eyes, like I watched her eyes getting
CRUs did and like scared for the future. But luckily you caught yourself,
girl, she eldered. Yeah, it was a wild thing to say.
I would love to get thrown really hard, like really hard and fast and
then hit a bunch of people and they get up as long as I'm completely
fine, but a bunch of just getting struck by me, and I'm like,
I didn't do this. I didn't do this. I was getting thrown
dude. Should we talk about Sho talked about the fact that we saw Spider
Man two in teaters. I know that was like a big thing. It
was very man, what a what a fun That movie is so fun man,
It's so goofy in like all the perfect ways. Like James Franco is
such a goof in that movie, and it is like people were laughing every
time he was on street on screen because it's it is just so funny.
Because you also can't believe him. He's very difficult to believe. Yeah,
Like I was like, you're good, He's probably the worst actor in that
in that crowd. Like watching it in the theater again made me like really,
simmit because like a lot of people criticize those movies for having like like
or specifically took me Bryan kirston Donese for having like subdued acting, and then
you're like, no, this actually like works for what this is. But
like James Franco specifically has this like like he he like he like he's trying
almost like he's trying way too hard and not really nailing it at any at
any real given point. Yeah, strange, it's a strange strange. Just
doesn't he just doesn't strike me as someone who's like he's genuinely upset. Like
like I said, like he's fake upset, he's fake mad. I really
I feel his I feel like I'm like, you don't seem like somebody who
who thinks Spider Man, actually I killed dad, killed your dad. Yeah,
it doesn't at all. He's just like he seems like he's just annoyed,
Like he seems annoyed to me, and it's like kind of like weird.
He's like just yeah, he looks out of place all the time.
By touching me, that is a great that is a great moment though,
Like it's like he disrespected me by touching and then he puts on his like
obviously two thousands shades. It's so funny. It is so damn funny.
But it's so good man. That movie is like that movie like strikes me.
That movie really strikes me as like a Watching it in theaters especially was
a strange feeling because I was like it almost felt like watching like like something
like Edward Scissorhands, where it was just like I think with like the Danny
Elfman music too, just kind of accompany. It's like this feels like like
a like a classic in a way that it didn't feel like for a while,
and being in a theater full of people that really liked it was really
cool. But yeah, I don't remember seeing I remember seeing one and three.
I have no memory of seeing two in the theater. For some reason,
I remember I remember seeing all of them, and I very vividly remember
seeing three. I've I think I've told the story of the podcast where this
walking out of the theater for Spider Man three and in the Fishkill in the
Fishkill regal, like not even like the one in the mall, like the
one in like that weird the one, yeah, the one with the Boston
Market in and like I remember watching I remember watching it. I had my
Spider Man three shirt. I had like the spider symbol. It was like
half white and half like symbiote black, and I was like, I was
so excited, and I walked out of that movie for the first time in
my life disappointed by something that I was looking forward to seeing, like for
the first time ever. Totally. God, I really liked three, especially
when I was already I like three more a great film. I like all
of those movies more and more every time I see them, but like at
the time, like no doubt, like when I first saw Spider Man three
as a child looking for like a really exciting final chapter to a Spider Man
story, I was so deeply disappointed because it's not good. It's not a
it's not a good Spider Man movie even slightly. But like yeah, as
like yeah, if you watch I swear to God, like if you get
a little bit high and watch that movie as like a soap opera, you
are fucking transfixed on that movie. It is a perfect fucking soap opera,
to the point where it's like why didn't this what? But it's strange that
it's a good soap opera but a bad Spider Man movie. It's so weird,
and obviously it's because of Venom and like how shoehorned he is, and
you know, it just doesn't work. I mean, if you were if
you were a like a kid, and I feel like most Spider Man fans
well aware of Venom, they really liked Venom, and just what they did
with that, like just as just that alone was just kind of heartbreaking.
I love it now. I I love that. Eric Foreman of that seventies
show is vin like I love that now. But yeah, as contiversially,
I controversially think he's like a he sent Eddie Brock for that Peter Parker,
but his venom sucks, like his venom is terrible, Like I don't know
why they don't they didn't just do big venom And he's like, you know
why not could have turned into a big venom. He definitely could have.
I also just don't. I'm sorry. I look at I'm sorry, I
look at fucking tofer Grace and he just doesn't seem like a jerk to me,
Like that's not a he is. He is being a little like a
weasel, which is fine. Yeah, but I'm like, he just seems
like a guy. You're like, hey, man, you're you know,
like you would ask him for the time, like, hey, my own
time? Is it? Like he might give me the time? I think,
And I think I like that about it though. Yeah, I think
I like that, like because I really because he seems like I think it
makes him a little bit more sympathetic while also still allowing him to be a
weasel because he can't be like he can't be like a full on, brawny
like asshole, but he can be like a sniveling weasel, which he absolutely
is in that fucking movie. He goes to church and asks Jesus to kill
Peter d. That is so out of pocket. That is so out of
pocket. I was like, it is out of put of pocket, but
at the same time, it is It is the most it is the most
relatable part of that movie because I think, who among us haven't like,
who among us have not like we've all gone to church at like twelve in
the morning and asked Jesus to kill somebody that we don't like, Like,
we've all done that. Everybody's experienced this. It's it's it's a big what
it says brushing your teeth in the morning, or or or coming in your
fridge to make sure the smell stays. Like there's all sorts of things that
we do on a daily basis. Uh that Like I just think that really
touched on a really strong hint of relatability. Uh big facts, But the
idea of somebody going to church and asking God to murder someone else is a
wild experience. It's needed a settling. Rold's understanding of how praying works.
Hey, God, kill my mom. She didn't let me have ice cream
last night. It's like, huh, your God God actually did it?
Yeah, Like I love God. He listens your father whart in heaven?
Can you kill my mommy? She won't let me have Boudakai two for the
p s two. Kill my mom? Thank you now you're grand And then
fucking like your momplodes like she just fucking explodes in their meats everywhere you like
in Brimstone. In a flash of Brimstone she popped. You're like, yay,
your dad is traumatized. The worst thing is it doesn't get you any
closer to getting bay because you gotta deal with all this ship now. Now
you gotta bury her. Kill my dad next. My dad will get me
boudekie too. Either, what the fuck? Dad? Send me to an
orphanage that dear God put me in an orphanage that has Boudakai two, Oh
my god. And then and then you get it. You're in the orphanage
with bokay to, but all of the people that run it are fucking child
molesters, so you're getting molested daily. But at least you get and they're
really good at kai to tragically enough so you can't even You can't even so
they he pops you off his laugh after he's done with you, and then
you play with and he whoops you out of you. You can't even get
lose it every way. I'm losing, not not a shred of a victory
to be had in that orphanage man like holy ship, not a little rough
God sounds like pause the wish, the wish exactly. He's like the monkey,
I wish for a world means, and then it's uh, aliens come
and destroy the world. So now it's nice and peaceful because there's no there's
no more conflict. You're like, oh great, yeah, anyway, asshole,
clearly theumbass Genie. Ah, so clearly you're a fucking dickhead. That's
what Aladdin should have been, all right. I wish my cock was big
and there was no turnback that I can fuck you to you die, Genie,
and a Genie's like, yeah, you want to be an ass I
could be an asshole too, Yeah yeah, open up. You asked for
a really yours your genius, like, Genie, I wish for a really
big cock. But it's just really short, and it's so wide that it
wraps around the sides of your hips and that's yours. It looks like a
is like a fat stingray. Remember seeing a comic look like that when I
was a kid where there was like a pixie or something. This guy catches
this pixie and he's like, you have to I caught you. You have
to grant me my one wish. And it was like something like adult strip
comic thing. And so he was like, I wish my dick, I
wish my dick could touch the floor. You know. Just the implication is
that it's big enough to word so disgusting. And then and then so she
grants it and he wakes up in the morning and his legs is so short,
is on the ground. I was like, that's fucking fantastic. He's
got like et legs. He's got et legs. Was like, I would
just eat the fairy. Like if I capture a fairy, it's like,
wish, I'll just eat it. That's how you do that. Sure,
And while it's screamed, it screams and I bite its head off. I
just bite its fucking head off, spit it out. Wait, hold on,
I might be getting my package right now. I might, so I'm
gonna so but before Okay, so a lot is happening right now. I
want to I want to make something very clear. Right if you come on
over to patreon dot com slash the snark tank, which you absolutely should do
you have you haven't, there's a big question thread that gives you a chance
to get your question right on the show. The promise is that if your
question is good, we will read it. Uh, there's a lot,
and you know, I have to curate the list to make sure that we're
getting some interesting questions, some good ones, because some of them are a
little throwaway. Some of you pay money to waste your chance. But Derek
insisted that you know, we'll listen. They're paying money, so let's honor.
Let's honor this this payment. So we're gonna go into the first question
I subscribed, just get Chris to do blackface, and he writes, ah,
so it's the artin a no, it's just yeah, yeah, see
see I'm of a different mind. Chris. I actually rather enjoyed that.
I actually that was the one thing that I one thing I also I I
I relish is making fun of these people and and and putting them in their
place for being like, you're a stupid bitch. Thank you for your money,
you stupid pussy. And then and then like they it'll it'll, it'll
encourage more stupid pussies to give us more money because they're gonna be like I
can look man, like I understand what Chris is doing. I get it,
I get it. It's like, oh, let's let's let's filter out
the bullshit. But but bullshit is what drives this show. We we gotta,
we gotta be real about this. Bullshit drives the show. The if
you if you remember every every animated clip that's been done, it's all.
It's not some casual conversation. It's not let's casually talk about some stupid bullshit,
let's casually talk about Spider Man. It's something that's completely out of pocket.
And so look, man, yeah, if you don't give me your
money for me to say a three times man, you know what, thanks,
I appreciate it. You know I could use it. That's great.
If nothing you know suck, suck most of my dick. Whatever. Look,
I just want I want look at I just I realized that that uh,
we have over one thousand people in the five dollar tier and I want
that to triple, quadruple. And that's gonna mean a lot of ship questions,
a lot of ship questions. And I'm like, you know what,
I want those stupid dummies to stick around. I want them to stick out.
Stupid dummies. Yeah, I want them to stick around because I love
them. And what the hell did you? What did you get something?
Okay, So I want to. I wanted to. I wanted to show
this on the show. So give me, give me one second. I
have to get changed. So I'm gonna give you I'm gonna give you guys
the next I'm gonna give you guy the next question. Uh, what is
it? What is it? What is it? I would read names for
you for free road And he says, probably very probably a very common question.
But have you ever done ad reads for products you don't like? I'll
answer when I get back, Uh, never on this podcast. No,
yeah, don't like. No. I have turned down a lot of sponsors
because I know that I'll like I've had I've had to tell the people that
I was working with that I I can't because this is trash. Or like,
say, for example, I remember there was this app. It was
called coin something. It was a it was a it was a game,
and I can't remember what it was called, but it had the word coin
in it. And I checked it out and I was like, this is
the stupidest fucking game I've ever seen. And I was like, I'm sorry,
I can't fucking do this. And uh, I'm a lot of channels
I watched, like these wrestling channels, they all, this is brought to
you, buy this stupid app. But I'm I look at all these fucking
assholes taking this sponsor, but it'll give a fuck about this at all,
dude, and get your man. That's how That's how most people are though
good. This is the way that you kind of have to think of it
in the way if you don't think it's dog shit, that's different. But
if you think if it's one of those things where it's like I don't like
this, but other people might you. I don't mind people promoting stuff like
that if they're like, I may not like this, but I can see
other people getting value out of this, So I don't see any problem with
that. But if you think this is actually objectively trash, then I would
say that's problematic, I feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I've never uh, I don't think I've ever done I think maybe I did
one ad read for a mobile game that I didn't really play, but I
didn't think it was like I talked to some people who did play it,
who are like, no, that's a good game, you know what I
mean, like, and they actually like they had no reason to lie to
me about it. So I was like, all right, yeah, that's
that's fine. I guess it was a fun spot to do too, because
like they let me do like they let me do literally whatever, which was
like the more appealing thing about it. Where's like, oh yeah, I'll
I have no problem like making a commercial for something that I don't like necessarily
know that much about because part of the fun of making I don't know,
and I just like making stuff. But you know, yeah, that was
uh, that was the only thing. I think. Everything else that I've
ever done an ad red for I think, I genuinely actually do. I
think I know what you're talking about. I do I know what you're talking
about? Which one you're even referring to? Viking Viking War of Clan like
the one that I did Clan or whatever, that that actually falls under the
same umbrella the companies called Plarium and that's uh, who who started uh fucking
ray Shadow Legends, Like there's the same fucking that that's that's essentially a lot
of people, I would say ninety nine percent of people that did an ad
for them, you know, they didn't They don't play mobile games at all.
And so I was one of the very few that continue to play and
then just kind of actually discovered that whole world, that whole fucking world.
It was, uh, it was really interesting. But what do you got?
What do you got? Man? Like, what the hell? So?
So, so I just so I just got in a So I just
got in a test print. I just got in a test print of our
merch. This is not this specific thing may or may not be available.
I just wanted to get a feel for, like how the printing would feel,
and how the fabric feels, and how the fitting feels. But so
this is this is, this is the verch I have. This is Brile.
He's he's officially Oh my god, he's on a shirt. It feels
kind of good. I don't know. The fit is pretty good. The
fit's pretty good. There you will not be able to buy this unless unless
you want, Like, we'll leave it up available for like early patrons if
you really like the ship. The story is going to go up. There's
going to be a password to be able to get in, and we'll unveil
the password on Patreon when the when all the prices are finalized and all that
stuff, so you'll be able to get this if you want. But like
once the store goes live for everybody, this is going to be gone because
this is just such an inside baseball the This is such an in stupid inside
joke, and I thought this would be like a perfect way to test test
the material and get him in some way. So I feel like you could
you can just slap a little tank symbol in the corner and then relaunch it.
So upset that seeing bro Bron just bothers me. Dude, this character
is he just irks me. He's so irksome. He is, But it's
not his fault. He's a good he's a good dude. He's just difficult
to get ahold of. He's got his phone on airplane mode and he doesn't
really know how to shut it off, so he's he's always looking for signal
you know, he's a good guy. There's not a bad bone in Brill's
body really, So I I take on Bridge with how you're talking about him,
because he's a good he's a good dude. But I understand what you're
saying. I still gotta get that, got to get that scumbag Kingston shirt
that I don't like that. Oh yeah, what was wait? What was
it with the Supreme Yeah, the Supreme Supreme Yeah, the Supreme Fund.
It's a scumbag. That's good. There's a picture I have the per picture
for that too. Well, well we we yeah, we we, it's
already Chris showed it. What was What was the picture that we what was
it the picture that we agreed on? It was that you had you had
like a sketch, you have that drawing of it, you have that sketch
of it or whatever. Oh yeah, that's close to that, Yeah,
close to that one. It's another who took that picture? That took that
picture? I think it was yeah, probably, yeah, that's good.
Like I definitely, I know it would get a lot of looks and a
lot of a lot of people would be inquisitive if you were wearing that out
in the streets. Like, yeah, it's pretty hot too that we gotta
we might have to do. We should mount rush more of your faces.
That would be so disgusting. We could, so we could do I look
like I don't I look like another brace? What we should do? What
we what we should do really for for maybe a future merce launch is like,
because there's one, there's a really horrible photo of me and Kingston,
both of us separately, but like, I don't know if we have one
for you. It would be cool if we could have like a like a
trifecta where it's where it's scumbags, where it's just like all three of our
disgusting faces. Yeah, maybe maybe the one of you in your was that
video where like you caked yourself an ointment or whatever? Oh my god,
what was it? Oh yeah, let's do it. When Joker came out,
Yeah, I made I made a joke. I did a Joker review
and I put on god, what was it lotion and and don't do this,
guys, don't put I put spray paint on my skin because I didn't
have anything. It was uh yeah, And then I put some gym shorts
on my green gym shorts were my joker hair. I feel like I did
something similar to that where when when I did a because I did a Joe
Biden video because he had this thing like I think I had like a viral
tweet or something that was like if you just let autocorrect finish finish a sentence,
uh, then it just sounds like a real Joe Biden quote. And
I just did a video where I read all of them and I spray painted.
I'm pretty sure I spray painted my hair. I think I had actual
dye. I'm not super sure. I'm pretty sure I had like real hair
dye. I didn't don't think I was stupid enough that, yeah, but
it was like hair. It wasn't like it wasn't with like a crylic you
know, like yeah, it was it was for hair, but like it
was like Halloween four hair. And I did it to whiten. My hair
barely shows up in the video. It just looks like I have dull hair.
It doesn't even doesn't look white at all. But those are fun times
video like that, like stupid, yeah, Jojo, Joe, I missed
Biden ransom and Jojo was telling me, I don't remember the other day about
like damn, you know, your sketches like like this that all the bits
and stuff like that, Like that's I could tell. It used to be
fun, you know, you could tell like we you me do some shit,
you know, take some time and shoot something, do something really stupid.
I remember having a lot of fun doing a Red Dead Regympson two sketch
or just me and my friend having a shootout and I'm riding his German shepherd
as like a dog or a horse or whatever and having fun with that,
like feeling inspired. Now I couldn't. I just can't. I guess there's
just nothing. Nothing's really inspired me. I guess to do that maybe,
Like I thought about it briefly when O. J. Simpson died. I
was like, oh, I can do something with this. I feel like
I can do something. But then I just lovely whatever. Yeah, for
me, it's more about access to me or it's like I feel like to
do the stuff that I would want to do, I need cameramen and I
don't. I don't know to even bother people with that in the first place,
is like I don't know. But yeah, anyway, Yeah, that's
true. Who wanted some questions or more questions? I should say sticking out
my yacht for the Rizzler. Rode in it says, hey there, buddy
Holly, Bob Marley and Stevie Wonder. Well that's kind of am my buddy
Holly. Yeah, I guess it's an odd question. Yeah, I mean
it kind of works that I'm Stevie Wonder right now though, so it know
I works Beverly again. Yeah, yeah it works. Yeah, look at
you mind as fuck right now. We got this blind idiot toying around with
that piano. It will never make it. Uh? Is there a music
video? Is there a music video that completely scared you when you were growing
up? For me, by the way, this is this, this question
dated the hell that made me feel so old because the follow up to this
is for me. It was the video for somebody that I used to know,
like, which is why a college song that's a college song. For
me, I could see it being like maybe like four years old and being
kind of weirded out by like the painting thing, but like that's like,
you gotta be really young for that. You gotta be really young for that
to freak you out. Dark stuff, dark ominous stuff scared me. Not
colorful paintings and stupid hipsters singing like yeah, yeah, I don't I don't
fully understand it. But like I was also just not young. I was
also just not young. With that video came out, I think to be
like, there are because there are things that used to scare me that I
can't even fathom why they scared me today, you know what I mean.
Like as a kid, I'm just like why the fund Like I used to
be afraid of clowns genuinely, and I'm like, I could just kill you,
like I could be I could take a clown in a moment, Like
why would I Why was I even But I'm not scared. I was afraid.
I used to be Like when I was like really really little, I
was genuinely like they would they would really freak me out. And then I
can't remember, Like there was like I had like an aha moment where like
my aunt Sylvia who lost me, she lost me in Manhattan several times and
my parents still let her watch me. We went to I got lost in
the Natural History Museum seven times, to the point where like I got to
know the security staff, like I was like, oh, Chris is lost.
I don't that's not even that is not a bit. That's not a
bit by the way, that is that is real because they do. Yeah,
my parents kids. That was a weird time. That was like,
it's so weird thinking about that because my parents are so different now than they
used to. Like my parents used to like my mom used to be like
a like a like a city working woman, like she would just like work
all the time. And then my dad was like deployed, and now it's
like my mom's like into raiki and all this like oils and like hippie.
Yeah, it's it's wild. It's like daily flashback my dad and my dad
is my dad is in fact still deployed. He's he's on the trenches still,
my dad. My dad's a fucking shogun with several disciples and and stuff.
It's like going on you imagine you you go back home, Eddie.
He watched the Hulu series Shogun and he's completely entrenched in that world. You
just he gets flashbacks from the very idea of military conflict, regardless of era,
just like anything. Yeah, it's just like, oh, shoguns.
Oh that reminds me of Vietnam somehow. That's insane. But so somebody show
too. Yeah, somebody, somebody that I used to know, you'd have
to I'll let it pass because I'm assuming that you're very young. I'm going
to assume that you're skewing very young. But for me, I don't think
I ever had a music video that scared me. Really like, there was
never a music video that freaked me out, because there was always music to
a company that kind of like lightened the I don't know, it's just like
it was just I was always looking at music videos like, oh cool,
the only one that comes to mind, And it's not so much that it
scared me, but I just thought it was like super fucking interesting and weird.
And I actually think he got pulled off YouTube recently. Was this animated?
It was like a completely animated video, not exactly in this. I
think it was just it looked kind of like an anime, but like a
really well animated anime. It was called and Derek. You might remember this
if you peruse YouTube as much as I did back then, or even like
in the early twenty tens. It was called Fantasy by Die or Die Fantasy
lowercase D, capital y, lowercase E, and it was this animated video
of like a bunch of like I think high school or like college kids in
a swimming pool after like an indoor swimming pool after dark, and then everybody
just like a Kira's into these fucking crazy like monsters and it's fucking it's crazy
cool. It's like a really cool video. But I remember that like leaving
an impression on me when I was a kid, because it kind of it
was really brutal and like really well animated and like the tone of it was
like fucking wild for like a kid to see, but it still didn't scare
me. I just thought, like, this is fucking wicked. Dn't have
you ever seen it? Right now, I'm looking at it right now.
It's a wild Yeah, if you skim through, just if you skim through
it, it's it's got some crazy imagery man, like e y E fantasy.
Oh it's yeah. It's it's the reverse of what I said. So
it's like capital D, lowercase Y, capital E and it's called famine.
That's not gonna just yeah, I guess it won't. Yeah, I don't
know. I just wanted to correct the record, I guess, because people
are gonna be weird about it. Some some someone. Actually it's on Vimeo.
Actually it got taken It got taken off of YouTube, presumably because it
was just too fucking crazy. But like it it's too wild. Yeah,
it's like hyper sexual and then like in the middle of it, it just
gets fucking crazy. Super well animated, though, especially for like a small
like I don't think it was made. Yeah, it looks pretty cool.
Yeah, I actually I do remember having a being creeped out by one music
video. Specifically, it was Marilyn Manson's cover of the Sweet Dreams or Made
of This whatever whatever. Uh, it's because the vibe of that his cover
is so creepy. It's such a I mean obviously by design, obviously,
and I just remember him having like sharp teeth and I don't know if it's
him or somebody in the music videos running around with like a fucking giant diaper,
and it was just the we It was creepy as fuck. Dude.
I remember being a kid and I was like, I don't like this,
Like I don't I like Marilyn Manson. I've heard some of his songs before.
I'm like, oh, pretty cool, but there was something about the
vibe of that song that really fucking just like if they played that shit.
During medieval times, I think people would have died. I think people literally
would have been too scared to like exist anymore because it was just like one
of those because I know there was a lot of like minor chords that were
not played and minor skills that were not fucking played. Gill was like the
Devil's music. Uh, like that would have real gared the fuck out of
people, Like they're just like that. Oh, I just saw the thumbnail.
I just saw the thumb nail for episode two twenty five. If you
kiss it on Walton Goga, Oh yeah, because I want to. I
want to. I want to. I want to fund his open hole his
nose. Yeah. Yeah, But what do you think it would it would?
Do you think that would sand your dick into the shape of like a
like a it would actually like a triangle. Probably, it's probably pretty rough.
It would it would reaches. Uh, I wonder if you'd let me
do it, though, Like he's probably he's been alive for so long.
He's probably like, this will maybe make me feel something. He's like,
you know, maybe maybe this will help me. Maybe there's maybe there's rats
in his semen that will help me, say A live longer crazy coming in
his nose Jesus well while dagging more like, uh, let's slagg in.
What is that? What was that quote? What was that quote? He
said like something like a midday hole like you have you thrace second? So
and then he like shoots that guy in the head. What was what did
he say? Remember there's like a quote, Yeah, there's like a quality
says something like he uses some Spanish phrase and he's like bin bind whole a
troop of me vediga away or something, and then he shoots that guy in
the head. Remember he didn't want to do it. Snapple owns you who
wrote in He's a swen? How annoyed are you with the misconception that Homelander
from the Boys would be a real threat to any average DC superhero? Also,
is his comic brant going to last more than more or less than five
uninterrupted minutes? Go take it away from Snapple owns you who. It's like,
Oh, that's whatever. It's like it's like a thing that people see.
You know, people don't read comics, so you don't understand how ridiculous
combat characters are in comics. So they see Homelander like he's like Superman.
He can fly and stuff, and it's like he's similar to Superman archetypically,
but Superman would see him once and he would die. Comics come books generally
have like the shonan problem where like at a certain point, even like your
lower level characters are capable of doing so much ridiculous ship that like there's really
not a single person that you could probably put like the fucking Riddler against SpongeBob
with his tune force, and like it's probably gonna be close, because it's
just ridiculous, like the ship that these people can do. At this point,
it feels its depends on where the characters exist in each each rang real
right, like like there's the movies do this. The movies do this too,
by the way, Like sometimes like when Superman like reverse time by like
flying around with the world super fast, it was like, okay, yeah,
that's how time works. That's so cool. That is insane that that
literally would have killed the world. Like if you everything fucking like building strip
from everyone, everyone goes flying, like if you, if you, if
you offset the rotation of the planet, everything stops for a moment, it
goes flying and then it's just slam the back down. People would hop insane,
but this is this is how it is man, you know, like
I don't know, like people, we we watch, we read, we
see shit on in MC all the time about like characters are like, oh
like MC, you Thorn Hulk, like they're both horrifying creatures but and fucking
and they're showing it on television, so they can't be as crazy as they
normally be. That's why I think that everything that's cool should be resorted to
animation, where you know, we see how cool they are, not just
sometimes but I just yeah, I think because those characters are so much so
are capable of so much insanity that like seeing them in live action is inherently
uncanny, you know what I mean. It's it's the same reason why I
like that Superman like flying in reverses, Like that works in a cartoon probably,
but like in real life where you're just like wait a minute, when
you have when you're you're a little bit more connected to what's happening, it's
like, oh, that's not really how that works. You can't really have
or dragon Ball is a great example, like you can't look, you cannot
you can't have Goku fighting freeze in live action, you can't fucking do it.
You can't do it. It would look so stupid. Even like that
that scene and in Dragon Ball Evolution where he's you in Thekman Man he flies
towards Piccolo, like you could potentially animate that in a way that looks badass,
But like in life, it's so goofy and dumb and dumb and dumb
and dumb looking. There's no other way to put this every other wordy live
action, like anything that has to do with like even like a Hauduken,
like a Shinkua Duken, where there have been like live action reuse, even
like with like Bat in the Sun or something like that, it just doesn't
look nearly as cool as when it's animated. It just doesn't. It's never
replicated well because it just I'm sorry, like everything that goes into the animation,
Goku's fucking arms, like getting buffer in the veins and like just the
swirling mysticis like you can't really fucking capture that, and it's just like,
yeah, it'll always be nerved in comparison to animation, and the thing like
and there are some characters that I think work better for it. I think
there's a reason why Spider Man and Batman were like, spider Man and Batman
were some of the earliest, like true successes, and it's because those are
just kind of inherently a little bit more like they're more and a lot of
Like the locomotion of Spider Man works very well in live action. I think
that is the only Like I think his swinging and his crawling worked very very
well in live action. Yeah, I think those are done very, very
very well. And I think Batman's aesthetic works very well for live action because
Batman can exist like someone like him can truly exists for a little while.
Yeah, yeah, character a vigilant, a vigilante could do that. A
real Batman would not exactly brusuaye, a real a real Batman could exist for
approximately two and a half weeks, I think before like I think a while,
I don't know, I would not give it. He would get sniped
and some ship, yeah, rifled pretty quickly, like somebody would do something
crazy. Yeah. So for me, what bothers me is that live action
doesn't really exemplify how quick Spider Making moves. That's what it does a good
job on how he like he can get from place to place, and it
is crawling, but how fast he is. Right, Like the best depiction
of his like his real combatibilities was in Far from Home. He was fighting
all the droids, all those all those robots. That was really like that.
It's a very good picture on Spider Man moves. Yeah, it's okay,
Well the rest of that movie's pissed on ice, yeah, I think.
Yeah. The crime, the crime of that scene is that it's like
it's a really good it's a really good showcase of Spider Man's speed and ability,
but it's also like shot so boringly. Like it's really like the problem
with like a lot of like the modern stuff, it's just like it it's
not a lot of it's like how do you do it? Yeah? Well
I know, I know. But like even just even watching let me finish
this real quick and to Derek, but like even watching Spider Man two,
and even watching Spider Man two in the theater, like even just something like
when when Harry's going crazy and the camera like tilts, it's just like that's
they're they're playing with the camera. This is fun, this is cool.
But like when you have like just cg the whole time, it's kind of
I mean that sequencing with the scene that is cool, but like, yeah,
I don't know, we're gonna say. I guess some people do well
actually feeding off of that. I feel like some people do miss that,
they do miss it, or they go completely the opposite direction where I was
just looking at that scene. I guess it was circulating where there were people
celebrating that scene where Captain America takes down that look space jet thing or whatever,
like a spaceship or jet, I don't remember what the fuck it was.
He just takes it down by himself, and there is probably close to
twenty cuts like jump cuts in that entire sequence, and it just looked like
what am I fucking watching? And where it's like they're just as it wasn't
one of the Avenger movies. I don't know which one. I don't remember
which one, but he like he jumps off a motorcycle or some ship and
then he starts like fucking it up with his shield and then he jumps off
it and lands. He sticks the landing. It's supposed to be like a
really cool moment where he takes down like ah, it's him enough Falcon.
I remember that one yeah, it was. He just takes down a thing
like it was you know, it just he takes it down by himself,
and it's like a really cool moment where it's like, oh, look what
he did. But it looked really fucking insane to where I'm like, bro,
this is like it could have been something where the camera's following him instead
of it was just cut like a bunch of times and yeah, remember,
oh my god, I can't was it Electra or Catwoman? Oh yeah,
Catwoman. It was definitely cat Woman. The basketball exactly the same thing,
exactly, this thing just like that, just like, what are you doing?
I didn't make her play basketball? Bro. I was like come on.
When I saw it the first time, I was like thirteen, I
was like, come on, bro, they made her play basketball? Yeah,
she's never played back because she's black. Yeah. Yeah. They were
like they were like, well, hey, listen, you're black, right,
We're gonna have you played basketball because that's what you people do, right,
that's what you do. So we got to really show that you're a
superhero by showing that you're not. You're not you're not just playing basketball,
You're you're playing extra you're playing basketball plus three man, you're you're on.
I didn't know how Lee Berry was half white, you know that, right,
I don't know she was half white woman. Of course she looks a
little bit darker to where I didn't know. I would say she her parents
would definitely have to be mixed, just because she's not like she's not my
skin colors not yours. She's a little bit lighter. Some people are some
people it's because someone mixed family at some point along the line. Somebody had
to be mixed. I want to guess he's halfway save them with Bob Marley.
Bob Marley's half white, and I know that Marley that see that would
shock me. Bob Marley, I guess I never well, actually I never
really paid attention to skin like how light he is, but kind of his
skin is kind of light. Yeah, because I mean you think about like
common you think about certain people like they're lighter, like they have to something
have to have gone on. But I get it because it's not like a
Drake light. It's not like a what was that guy? That? Yeah,
that's what I mean. Whatever, because they're because they're because they're they're
lighter, but they're not like they're with like objective like white features. The
way that you can tell that, yeah, the way that you can tell
though, really is that like if you if you look, you can't take
a photo of Shack and make him white and it looks okay, you know
you can't do it. But you take Kylie Baron, you make her,
you make her a white woman and it looks entirely recent. Like that's that's
generally like the rule like that that would work. Like she looks like she
looks to me like a very obviously half white person. I don't think she
does to me really, but I mean a race person. I was.
It's an make race person. I was just the white person. This,
I got it. This Also white people like crazy like white people to have
one black like a black grandparent, and I can tell they're part black instantly.
I'm like, you're part black and they're like, yeah, grand I
didn't tell it? How do you? How can you tell? Were they
late? No? You know though they were, they were in fact very
early. And you're doing something, you're you're trying, You're you don't have
to something, aren't you. That's how Yeah, that's that's how I that's
how I know. I don't have any I got I don't got a single,
I don't got a blacken me. I can't find a photo picture of
Shack looking white. My failing him feel before, I feel like I'm failing
Google or something because it's like it's a I white Shack. I guess,
yeah, white Chack, white. Yeah, I can't find it. He
would look so wrong white man, like you could just tell, like it's
just and there are certain people that look totally like Bob Marley. If without
the dreads, I feel like you could you could take that guy's skin and
make it white and it would look probably appropriate. Well that's that explains why
Bob Marley was such a peaceful soul. He was like two warring factions in
his body that like triumphed jo so much anger. Yeah should I mean,
it makes no sense if he was He's Jamaican, If he wasn't like smoking
every five seconds, you know, he probably was one of the ones that
like never had a break. He's a roster too. He should have been
fucking fury. He should have had fury in his blood. I think he
was just high like always and so he escaped it. He had he had
like he had like th HC like liquid just like in an ivy at old
times, like a drip, like a drip drip while I was sleeping,
I would die in my sleep. I like I would get so calm I
would die. I can't believe I can't find a white check. This is
this is insane, Like this would be the same thing. Like you you
understand the principle, right, like if you took a picture of Joe Biden
and just like just like paint bucketed his skin into a black guy, the
full work so well, it didn't you know, you see you think it
did kingson Kickson. That is first of all, that is not what happened.
That is a deeply edited photograph. That's not just like you, that's
not that's not like you took William the phone and just like change his skin
color. That's like you've edited that deeply. That's what I'm talking about.
You can edit anybody into being like whatever the fuck you want. But I
mean, just like from a sheer color, skin color change perspective, like
that's how you can generally tell if someone's like half white or not. It's
like, oh you you are multi you work in both ways. Weird you
imagine if I was darker than you, but I had the same exact facial
features you men's how confusing that would look. But hey, you're weird.
You're a weird one. You know, it's just cool. Yeah, you're
a weird features. Man. You look really strange. I guess racial chameleon,
and you strike me quite strange. It's like Freddy Mercury, if fred
Ricky really is any young Freddy Mercury related to anybody on the planet. He
is so rachally a big yeus is disgusting young Freddy Murcury. Yeah, yeah,
he's up in the air. He could be anybody's cousin. He's like
twenty percent white. He's like, he could be twenty He's like he's like
yeah, it's it's like fifty percent a bunch of races, and then like
the other fifty percent is like like a like a like a beaver, like
a mule rat or something something would be looks like you guys got to go
back and play residuebul five and one of the recurring enemies that's used one of
the models you're gonna be I know you're I knowd they're talking about. Man
is not black. Yeah, you know what, I'm not black. I
know what you're talking about. Yeah, they're gonna make a five remake.
Not the's gonna make a five remake, not soon, but yes, I
think they're gonna go to I think they're gonna go to one. I think
they're gonna go to one in like Code Veronica and those things first and then
they're gonna do five. They're gonna because they want I think more. I
think so. I think they want more time. One though, I think,
well they didn't you know what I mean, complete remake of one.
They did the one on the game they did they did on the game remaster
of one. No, no, no, they did a remaster of one
like before two game. It was on like ps. They did not do
though. This was like a this was like a very old like really that
Yeah, that's the one remake. It was on the game case. And
it sucks. It sucks because well it doesn't suck, it just it is
a they stay true to. It's the capcom like you know, uh you
when you you have to press forward to go forward kind of a thing.
If I remember correctly remember their old button layout or I forgot, Yeah,
it was it was the same basic setup except just better graphics. But like,
like that remake is older than the new than the most recent version of
one of the most recent version. That remake of that old game is older
than Resonable five. Is so like, I think one is kind of deserve
The only thing with one is like once not really robust. Pretty I thought
the red one for they did one for PS three and stuff. I'm pretty
sure it is three or possibly even actually possibly even I'm pretty sure it was
PS three. No, no, no, I'm because I remember I think
I downloaded it on p S three. Let's uh yeah, but I think
that is I believe that is the game cube version. I think that's the
GameCube. I don't yeah, because there's an age there's a Resonable HD remaster,
but like that's not really you know now, because this version right here
that I'm looking at is not GameCube, Like absolutely, what is it?
So I can send it to you on h on l steamo because the last
real like top to bottom remake of Resuable one was fucking a long time ago,
like pre Resionable five. Easily. Maybe there's like a fan project or
something. No, no, this is you can you can buy this.
You can even buy this on Steam, like there's this is definitely not GameCube
like this when you look at it is that would be this would be mind
blowing if it was like game Cube, but I'd be like, holy shit,
look at this. This is like PS three or possibly even after.
Like I'm I'm just trying to see the release on the on Google because it
says twenty fifteen on here. But that is a immeding thing to me.
I want to see on Google because when you look at the graphics, you're
like, this is this is definitely uh, this is President Evil HD remastered.
This was released on PC in twenty fifteen. Yeah, PC. It
is a meaning thing to me, But when was it? Like I I
think I swear this is PS three. I swear this is PS three.
I really do I think this is I don't know, I feel like just
look at the graphics. You know, this ain't the game Cube one.
No, I'm seeing it. But like they use pre rendered graphics. They
use pre rendered as well in this. That's why that was a big thing
about the Rest of Evil remake at the time. It's like, wow,
it looks so fucking good because they're pre rendering the graphics for a lot of
it and for and now they're like, I guess upresing the normal stuff because
this is this is a game that already existed before twenty fifteen, and I'm
positive, I just don't know where. Yeah, I'm thinking it came up
because if I remember correctly, I remember purchasing it on PS three like it
was like new, Like hey, this is a new project that we have.
That that's what I'm you know, I memory, but I Resident Evil
HD remay or remaster release date, remaster? Why can I not get a
just date? I can't find that March twenty second, March twenty second,
two thousand and two. Yeah, but that's clearly not the same thing.
I'm telling you this is what it is. So look at no, this
is look at January fifteenth. It said so on Even on the Resident Evil
wiki, the remastered for PS four, Xbox A one, and PC actually
did come out in twenty fifth, which right, But that's for those systems.
It's like it's the same game. It's not a different game. It
original. It's not a port, though, I promise you it is.
If it's a port, dude, when have you seen when have you seen
something go for PS two to having this type of graphics from an HD remaster
alone, just souping, Like, look at what they just did with the
tomb Raider games for example, Like this would be that would be a complete
one overhaul, almost as if it was a fucking remake itself. Like you
just I'm just saying, when have you seen something be ported from that?
And look this good? I'm saying, here's here's what I'm Here's here's what
I'm saying. I'm not saying that they didn't do anything. What I'm saying
is they they did a remake and it looked really good on the game Tube.
I remember that being like a big thing, and like this is a
really shop That person rais even one that looks really great on the GameCube.
Obviously on the original hardware it looks a lot shittier. But what they did
was they just upres the assets to the point where it's like, okay,
well now it's like okay, it's the same exact game, it's just in
four K. Now. That's what they did for That's what this is.
I'm telling you, dude, Right, I mean, look, man,
Okay, I don't know for sure, but I feel really confident based on
like my osmosis through like Colin and like all this stuff about Resident Evil that
like, there was never a Resident Evil one remake for the PS three solely
it was always a port of like an older version. I could be wrong.
The comments will let us know, because I'm sure there's probably like some
Resident Eval heads in the end of because I genuinely don't know. I could
be wrong entirely, but my gut is telling me that this is an upres
four K remaster of a game that already existed on the game cube. If
if I'll just say this, if that indeed is what it is, then
that is the best remaster I've ever seen out of anything, ever and ever
everything, because like, say, why not do that? For why did
they do it? For say, for example, there is a Dreamcast version
of Residueval two that looks infinitely better than obviously the one that came out on
PlayStation. Now, why not just take that and then put that on PS
four and all of a sudden it looks like, oh, this looks like
actual PS fucking four graphics like this, because that's basically what when you look
at this, this doesn't just look like an upreservour K Like there's no fucking
you know how, Like it doesn't look it doesn't look like PS four,
though it looks like PS three. It looks like PS three is what I'm
is what I meant to say, But like it doesn't look like it doesn't
look like whenever you take any old game and you just just you know,
you upscale it, there still has all the sharp corners and stuff, it
still looks like it's very dated. And when you look at this, I'm
like, this doesn't look it's definitely enhanced in some sort of thing. I
think I think it's literally. I think it's literally. I think it's literally
because again I think they pre rendered. They pre rendered the backgrounds again,
which allowed them to make a lot like higher quality models for the time than
was usually allowed. Like I could I could be totally fucking wrong. I'm
not like a scientist sounded like resid evil. I don't even know. There's
something in my hooks exactly Like the graphics look like Resnevil five When you just
look at this ship, and I'm like, bro, that that they had
to do. They've had to have done more work than just upscaling, right,
But it just means it's it probably is it. Probably they probably did
more work. I'm just it's but it's not Resident Evil two level, you
know what I mean. It's not that it's not like it's not like a
complete real It's definitely not. It's because, like you're saying, it has
the same kind of layout. I was playing it and I got frustrated.
Actually I was playing it. Uh I think I was last year or something.
I think I was just playing it because I was like, oh I
want to play so yeah, I last played it in uh just almost a
year ago, and I got upset because I ran into a I ran into
a trap or you know, you take something off of this statue and then
this like spike shit starts coming up and the squish you and I just turned
the game off of that because I was like, fuck this game. I
was like, I forgot sometimes I forget how puzzle heavy the older Resideval games
were compared to like how they modernize it where it's not as annoying and yeah,
the it's it's it's half puzzle, and I was like, I just
want to shoot stuff, I want to kill zombies, and I hate the
puzzle. Okay, so annoying, you're so stupid. It's actually great.
So long winded, Yeah, I found a great example. What you got
where Like, okay, so here's Gamel. Granted it's an old it's a
video from ten years ago, Resident Evil remake the GameCube. This is like
from the original GameCube version, like and capture you obviously with obviously with some
compression, but you can kind of see, like the resolution's bad for sure,
and they definitely like souped it up. They definitely like probably like replaced
the models and stuff. But it looks really fucking good for two thousand and
two. Man, Like that's crazy actually because games look like fucking Garbo back
then. If you skim through it, you can kind of see, yeah,
this is how I felt when if you looked at Okay, that's even
there, so maybe no, that's fair. There's even reflections. There's even
like reflections on the floor like like that look like that look like ray tracing,
but it can't be. It's just all pre rendered. So like I
think, I don't know, I could be wrong. We gotta wait for
the artist. I'm genuinely now I'm more on your side where I'm looking at
this and I'm like, hey, uh, I can believe that they just
massively overhauled the graphics and and it looks because yeah, it doesn't look that
bad. Actually, so it probably is because I mean it does Bury for
sure depression. But yeah it does say it's an HD room Master. It
doesn't say it's remade, so it's I could just be totally wrong, and
I'm just really fucking impressed. I'm just really impressed with how they because the
way the way that looked at it, I was like, oh, they
just remade the same game, but like with just better ship, you know,
like better graphics, Like, yeah, yeah, this shouldn't take this
shouldn't take long. But no, it probably was just a massive overhaul in
the way that I have seen some Skyrim shit that looks really fucking impressive,
right compared to how it actually works. Yeah, oh my god, I'm
crazy. Yeah. I put on an AK overhaul when I had a ship
graphics card, and I remember passing by a fucking waterfall and I was just
like, oh, it's over. I tried to play home Jet when I
was home in New York for the live show. I tried to play Hell
Divers on my old PC. Uh with some friends of mine. I was
like, yeah, let's pay some hell divers and it was running at like
five frames a second on lowest settings, and I was like, what the
fuck is going on? And I forgot that. I forgot that. I
didn't put my old graphics card away. I just kind of put it in
the computer, because like, why would I put it, Like I need
a graphics card in this computer on some capacity. I'm just gonna store it
in the computer record use it. It's a gt X nine eighty trying to
run trying it. Oh my god, Oh my god, dude. So
I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. You poor a little,
you poor a little. I'm trying to push my video games to the limits
on this computer and it doesn't work. Everything is just like, oh it
runs fine. Well, yeah, the amount of what you described to me,
and like the amount of money invested, it should run everything in existence
right now smoothly. And if it doesn't, you wasted your money. So
I run Balder's Gay three at its best settings. Damn, you are trying
to overclock the game and it makes no he makes no noise. And I'm
like, yeah, I stopped, and I stopped investing. I don't think
anything else is gonna get past that. Really, yeah, I don't.
Probably, I don't care, like it will probably be crazy. We're we're
approaching a point in time with video games where it's like everything looks good enough
to me. Not at four K, I'm fine, Like at fourteen forty
it looks great to me, and I'm just like, give me more frames,
Like I'll play something at ten ADP with good frames, you know what
I mean, Like I could give a fuck lass. Really yeah, fourteen
forty is perfect. That's like perfection. That was as good as anything ever
needs to be. Really yeah, No, I feel you. I feel
you. I'm That's why, Like I when I upgraded my card, I
didn't upgrade into something insane. I'm going to do one more and then I'll
stop for a very long time because I'm already you know, like I was
such a console game for so fucking long that I don't need. I didn't
need, Like it was like, say, okay, I remember playing Xbox
one and being at my friend's house with his PC and seeing the difference was
pretty insane, Like he was playing Shadow of more Door and seeing I was
playing Shadow Moretor on my Xbox one he's playing it. I was like,
oh, yeah, this is hilarious. I could see the fucking difference.
But once I pretty much got to his level, I was like, I'm
okay, Like I'm I'm now like triple that since that with that year,
and I'm like I'm I'm I'm kind of good. I'm all right. I
really it's really now about performance more than anything. It's like, all right,
let's just let's get these frames nice and smoothed out and do some I
was playing Dragon Music Inquisition. The fucking cut scenes are so hard to watch
because it's like thirty frames and it's weird. I don't remember being thirty frames
when I was, oh, yeah, it's a rough game. It's a
rough game. I can do thirty no more, dude, Yeah, weird
like thirty guys. Yeah, I try to use a mod to get a
sixty. It didn't work. Piss me off because I was like, I
would rather play weird, dud. Yeah, I would rather play a game
at ten eighty at the highest framory possible than four K at thirty easily,
right, Like thirty so gross to me. My players just automatically set to
put everything on performance mode immediately yeah, mine too. I was just like,
I'm not doing what the fuck automatically? I don't care what fuck about
that ship? Ye anyway, for sure, try and get onto somebodies that
we got two more we can do it, take our time with or run
through whatever. Bo Gidant wrote it and he said, greetings boys, I
have a question that will challenge both your historical and combat knowledge. If every
American president got into battle, into a battle royale, fight to the death,
no items, that's important. Who would win and why? Certainly not
Joe Biden, certainly not Jimmy Carter president, giving every president, Like are
we talking about everything? Every president? So we're talking about every president at
the time while they're president. Let's clarify that first and foremost, Wait,
what okay? Because a lot of them are already dead. Them already dead,
so that would be a really okay. So to choose them as they're
elected, basically like when they're swearing them themselves into office, who would win
in a famous picking up at least two of them are eating them. It
ain't lasting long. I don't think I think Abe was. I think I
think he was most Yeah, it'll fall immediately. It's like an a you
know where you just like, I think Obama's lasting a long time. Man,
I think I think Obama might take it. Obama. I think Obama
might. I don't know, actually, because Obama is like a I think
I think who what who do you think was in better physical shape as a
president than Barack Obama? Actually probably a lot of the think I think so,
I think physical shape, they're I think you're considering their physical shape at
that time. That's why now I'm so to me, how I'm thinking about
it is, I'm immediately writing off every president after the fifties because they're like
in comparison, like they're just like they're soft, like they're they're they're pacified
by like the comforts of modernity, like they're not there, not out there.
Like there's no George Washington among presidents after fifty who were like in the
woods, fucking ripping the heads off of British people. You know what,
I like with their fucking wooden teacher George Washington. I think George Washington would
be terrified by Barack Obama's negro physique. I think thou be, like,
what the fuck I think, George, they were We got to enslave them.
Do you move to George Washing. George Washington is lasting pretty long.
I don't know if George Washington would take it, but I think it would
last pretty long. I think he's lasting. That's very long. I think
those are people. Those are then people. I think that's the thing is
like people are then were more willing to kill. But I don't think they
were physically in better physical form. That's better. Everything that's better. Yeah,
they survived everything like they're that's true, but like they didn't have their
survival. I think in a way that Obama is not. That is true.
I like this right, like like think of it like this Chris are
telling you know, ancestors are probably way more lethal than us. But I
could probably pick one up and fucking fling one like a rock. The legality
kill me. They could kill me. They could kill me because they're more
capable of killing, like they're more murderism or Pharaoh. But if it was
a contest of strengths, I would I would. If it's not a contest
of strength, what do you not know about battle royal? It's contest of
letality, I'm saying. I'm saying, if there was a contest of strength
between the two. We're not talking about that. We're talking about contest of
lethality. What are you talking about? Because then like this like like do
you might get an argument about like we might as well get in an argument
about which we don't know the drums better? No? No, no,
thinking about this right, Like George Washington runs up to Brock Obama, want
to ax I tries to grab the action him. Barack Obama grabs George Washington's
arm as down and that may outpower him, not may just outpower him.
I think he might. That is so crazy. Do you know how tall
George Washington is? If and how he was? He was? He?
Oama? He was? He's a fucking ghoul dude? Was he that?
Or? Was he? Was? He really another goal too? Was he
one of those crazy song ones as well? He was? He was?
He was like a regular hype person. He's got like no, he's got
like rads all in him, so he's like fucking He probably really fair.
I think that's how he got the ship the transam was six to Was he
one of those guys that he was pretty much if you were tall back thought
he was a tiny I'm wrong? Then you were gonna be at least if
you're tall. Back of the day you were, you were a leader.
That's just how it worked. Yeah, bigger, they're the same height,
I would say, but like, uh no, combat watching better. I
think he pulled this. You know who my wins they were tough ready.
Reagan proved he was tough already. Like, actually, here was a tough
motherfucker. Dowey. He was Dowey. He got shot. No man.
Well when he became when he first became president, he wasn't fucking he wasn't
wasn't a bitch. He was kind of still he was always a bitch.
An he's an actor. Yeah, I'm not. Was he like, I'm
gonna give it to No, he wasn't right if he was, then,
I just don't know. I just I guess I just don't care enough about
knowing that I feel like I can, I can I say something, don't
want to. I don't know. I don't know how controversial this will be,
but I think I think Teddy Roosevelt's probably I think Teddy Roosevelt's probably last
until the last at least three Teddy, Yeah, definitely, he ain't going
out of I mean Teddy's been about the ship, so he proved he was
about the ship. Did he didn't he steal a bear and make it as
like, homie, he's a beast master. Sure, Yeah, of course
he did. Yeah. I thought I thought that. I thought some bush
like that, like it's probably far fetch. But didn't he like, all
right, you're my friend, now, bear, I'm gonna say, Look,
i'm gonna give. I'm gonna give taffed if if there's no if there's
no if there's no pens or anything, I think taff because I think he
was fat as shit. If I remember correctly, I think he was the
one he was. My memory sucks so bad that I think he's the one
that started the seventh inning stretch in baseball because he would have to stand up
after a while, and when the president stands up, everybody has to stand
up, so he would have to say because his ass would go numb,
if I remember correctly. So he's like a big motherfucker that would be hard
to take down. So I would give him a larger chance to like at
least survive in the later rounds because he just has a lot of meat.
But as far as savagery, goes. I'm probably gonna give it to Ulysses
S Grant, cause I think he was just like a drunken, fucking maniac
that would probably probably tear a lot of people apart. You know, he
would last pretty well. I think like he's Yeah, I think he would
be. I would give it to him, Like if we're gonna like talk
about all the presidents. I feel confident that because like, you gotta be
a savage to like be able to just deal with these deviant fucking Southerners just
you know, just keep coming in and fighting so hard for slavery, and
you're like, God, damn, these motherfuckers are I really want to keep
them? They really want to keep them? Goddamn, Like maybe I should
make Jesus ship am I the wrong side? Would you think that? Could
you imagine thinking that, like these motherfuckers are fighting so hard, like like
maybe there should we just let them stay slaves? Dude? That's so wild,
Dude. They're really they're putting there, They're putting their balls to the
wall right now, goddamn fighting so hard for something that's not even benefiting most
of them. Most of them do not have slaves at all. I think
now so interesting question. Who do you think is the first one dead?
The first one dead? Trump? Now, I don't think. I don't
think someone Trump would talk shit and someone murder him. He would talk,
That's what he does, he can't help it. He would open his mouth,
he would say some funks, and then Washington would slap the top of
his that off. I don't think it would last long. I think he's
out in the first like ten people for sure, like, but I don't
know if he's the first one. He like, he'll probably coward, he'll
probably turtle up, will shell up for a while. So he'll last a
little bit longer because he shells up because he's gonna get slapped, someone's gonna
slap it, beat up on. But he survives technically longer longer. I
hate you, No, I think all of you presidents are worse than me.
I'm the best. You guys all time that would pick up a fucking
spire of rock and throw at him and kill him. So so let me
am I wrong. Maybe one of you can fact just fact check this for
me. But did FDR have polio when he was like elected, like you
like the whole time? I don't know that I'm not sure. Let's see,
yeah, or if it happened later, I don't. I don't know
when. If he has polio, he's like one of the first people gone.
I like, he's my favorite president probably, but like, yeah,
no, shot, he's lasting along. If he's a polio riddled fucking freak,
I think, yeah, I think he had. He was elected,
all right, so he's he's one of the It's between FDR Jimmy Carter,
and Warren G. Harding. I think those are those are the three people
who are probably going to die first. I think, yeah, Jimmy Carter
is too nice. Jimmy Carter's too nicely, was the last good human being
to be a president really or probably probably the only really good person to become
a president. And they're like, get too soft. Yeah, he just
doesn't. He doesn't have it in him to survive a battle Royale. He's
my favorite president though. It makes me sad, but I do think he'll
get boxed to death, like you know, like he can't run away or
nothing. Probably, Yeah, but Center is probably fun. Yeah, but
no one's not letting that happen. That's kind of thing. It's like he's
not he's not winning Warren g Harding. I think is funny because he's he's
famously like he he's the one who wrote like a couple yeah he was,
well he was. No, he's the one who died in a in a
train, like he died on a train eating like I think he ate bad
lobster or something. But like he wrote on it, he wrote somewhere like
it's the famous thing that he wrote he said. I think it's like after
the first couple like days in office, he wrote on like a piece of
paper that they found. I guess later it says I am not fit for
this office and never should have been here. So like he's out, like
he's he's completely, he's out. He's out immediately. He has no self
confidence. He cannot carry himself through a battle royal, can't even eat a
lobster. Yeah, he got done in by a fucking lot st that's so
stupid. But yeah, I think that's probably. What if they gave him
a more noble death and they said that it was like lobster poisoning, but
an actual lobster just clawed him to death. What if like imagine he was
gonna boil the lobster and the lobster actually fought back and one like it it
He fucking he fell over. The boiling water actually got on him, and
then the lobster finished him off. He was so feeble that a lobster with
like a normal lobster, nothing special about it, was able to get the
upper hand of him in combat and murder him. They're like, we'll just
say this is way too I love the idea. I love that idea of
him just like in the kitchen being like, well, I'm gonna make myself
I'm gonna I don't know what. He sounds like. He's a fucking from
the I don't even know how long ago, but he's like, I'm gonna
cook myself up a lobster. And then he what is it? What even
happens? Like he goes to put it in and then like the zip ties
around the lobster like snap, and then he like it reads like behind it
and like flips him into the pot. Fucking stupid. I think my scenario
is a little more believable, you know, like the alive he gets alive,
you know that is so crazy. Judo flips him into the fucking pot
where his head is just hit it only his heads on the pot and he's
sticking out of it. He's boiling the dead. He can't figure ot how
to get out of it. It's like it's like in Kung Paw when he
can't figure how to get out of the tiny net. He's like, my
head's in the ball, my head's in the in the in the pot.
I can't figure it out. He just can't just pull his hat. That's
where they got That's where Kumpoal got it from. They got it from the
real the true history of warranty, the real history of the death of I
love that idea. So I really like the idea of him reaching to put
the lobster and then it's flipping him over it and into the pot. It's
like what the newspaper is gonna be like President Warren g. Harding, just
like what the Warren g Harding found boiled to found being boiled, bloody lobster
in jail for questioning, Yeah, next to a gloating some witnesses say,
giggling lobster. It's just like it's just like it's just emoting. It's just
fucking like celebrating that it just fucking did it and doing the Fortnite Basic dance
doing it. It's just he's just and then they they fucking you know,
they put him in prison. They what I think they started the electric chair
around that time, right, They definitely have a crude version of it.
They probably they probably just sit you in a chair and wait for lightning to
strike a bunch of batteries. They probably put you on a bunch. They
probably put you in the chairman of a bunch of batteries and the rooms full
the outlets and they dashed water on you. Wait case, why do they
have batteries? It not the electric chair. They haven't figured out that makes
the chair electric yet. They got batteries though, I don't know. I
don't know. No, I mean, you could where a lobster just freaking
ropeing dope someone into a fucking pand lobster Japanese lobster that learned judo and it
just made it to the shores of America and got um lucky until it struck
that they found the right time. He couldn't get out of nets, he
couldn't get out anything, but he could judo flip the fuck out of somebody.
Bro. The sheer density that the density of that lobster must be insane
to be able to like flip another person over itself while remaining basically in the
same spot. Like I'm almost I'm almost imagining it, like like the lobster
is the hinge and Warren g. Harding is the pendulum. Like the lobster
almost doesn't move, it is suspended in mid air as it flips. It's
just for no that that is an incredible lobster. I'm glad that we discovered
this. Uh, this this this this death that was lost to history.
I'm glad that we brought it. Yeah, it's our listeners. It's sad
that so many people don't know about it. And what's even crazier is that
that lobster was later released on parole. I think recently, like in twenty
twenty three. I think he was he's out on he was on on parole.
So yeah, lived for a long time. Lobster's lived for the least
five years, hundred years lobster lifespan. I think that the oldest uh animals
on the planet. You lived for about one hundred years. This wait,
when is Warrangey Harty. I don't actually remember what president he was. It
might be too late. I don't hardly know either. Uses in the middle
of all the ones, I don't give years in office nineteen twenty three,
forty years nineteen twenty three, so it's literally one hundred years. It's it's
literally possible that lobster is chilling and and is they sent that lobster It was
a baby at the time when it when it killed him, and then it's
been in prison for the last century, and it's it's about to be released
with only one year left in its lifespan, and it you know, there's
there's photos of him on like the beach in Tuscany. It's pretty wild.
Yeah, you know, it was cool. Uh. Kim Kardashian in her
new her new crusade of getting people off out of prison who are wrongfully you
know, convicted. Uh, that was the first actually she actually got them
out. And uh, yeah, nice series on Spotify that I listened to
about it. It's really good. And the lobster didn't interview, you know,
it was you know, I didn't really understand. I think it does
Morse code because it just like does the little claw things. Yeah, it
was dally understand what was happening. I think he tried to crack a couple
of jokes because like there was a point where like the interviewer laughed, but
like I just didn't get it because I just I don't speak of the click
language of the lobster. But it's a really fat Everybody, really look up
that interview if you want, because it's a really fucking fascinating interview, like
because there are there are subtitles even though it's audio only. Uh. And
they go into some really in depth discussions about like he goes into like because
he he he goes into how he does it, like like the lobster went
into how he flipped him over into the into the pot of boiling water.
Uh. He goes over what life was like for a lobster in prison.
They had to build like a special cell for him because he was too like
he could just walk through the bars. Yeah, it's it's a pretty wild
story. And for like one hundred years, he and what's crazy about it
is he's completely unaware of like all the technology that is that has happened in
the last one hundred years. So he's like there's like a there's like a
video of him like walking out of the courthouse and people are like taking photos
of him and he's and he's freaking the fuck out. He's tweaking, dude,
like he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. He's like,
what what you know? Yeah, he's taking bread, he sees like he
sees cars and stuff. He's trying to cross the street and cars are freaking
them out. And then he eventually gets a job at a grocery store and
you know, his like hands are hurting and stuff. He's bagging. He's
asking the boss like, hey, can I go to the bathroom And he's
like, for the last time, you don't need to ask to go to
the bathroom. And he's like okay, And it shows him back in his
apartment. He's like, man, life's really hard. So he you know,
he's carves something in there and he's like, you know, you gotta
get busy, lib and get busy nine and he and he hands himself.
It was really nice if Kim Kardashian to set him up with that apartment by
the way, like because there's there's Yeah, he's so not fiticulous, he's
so not fit for the work, for the work environment. Now he's been
out of the public conscience for like one hundred years, like so much has
change. I bet he probably got his first like minimum wage check and thought
he was fucking loaded because he's like, oh my god, seven seven dollars
like whatever it is, like fifteen dollars an hour. Oh my god,
I'm gonna be rich in moments. But like, yeah, that's not how
it is anymore. Anyway, Yeah, that's a anyway, thank you for
asking the question. I don't know if we determined he would he would win,
but I think we narrow we narrowed the conversation down to interesting enough.
I'll give it a Grant just because, yeah, you know, I'm towards
Roosevelt, but I would I'm lean towards Roosevelt, but I would give it
to Grant too. Probably there's something about that guy that like seems unhinged enough
that he would have no problem just doing doing away with most people. And
the last question, what the fuck was that? Maybe I load driff and
splatter. He wrote it, and he says, probably a question just for
Chris and Derek. But have you guys ever thought about using AI for some
of the gay song covers? Of course, I'd rather hear you guys do
the work but it's also funny to almost hear the exact actual singer singing the
gay lyrics. I I haven't. There was only one time I thought about
doing it. It was because I've been putting a bunch of them on Instagram,
and it was for the a CDC cover. Because it's a hard one
to his voice, Yeah, Brian Johnson sounds like a fucking bird, and
like it was really hard to do. I did it as well as I
could, and it was still bad because it's just I can't do it.
It's fucking It's he has a very unique voice in a way that I'm like,
wow, you just I just don't know. I can't get my throat
to emulate that. And so I thought about using AI for it. I
actually even I was looking through the best thing to do. But as I
was kind of doing research, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
This is stupid? Like who cares? Like if this is it's a
part of its almost joke, who cares? I think part of it's almost
funnier if it's if it's not exact, you know, I don't know,
like if we just radioactive, but we but we just used like the original
guy like I don't know if that would have been nearly as funny as it
wouldn't have it would have it probably would have been like impressive and like in
the in the same vein as mister Crab's doing a Billy Jean is. To
me, it's not funny, it's fun it's awesome. Like it's like I
was like, dude, this is really good and and and and I'm not
laughing really, I'm more I probably laughed for the first thirty seconds and then
after I'm just like, man, this is I'm really fucking could I feel
the way about these things that I feel, like, do you guys remember
diddy uh that that that app could type in? God, I still have
a video saved them. I save things way just put the N word a
bunch, and I have save saved. I want to share it often,
but I'm like I can't. I'm really sad that I didn't say like,
because I made some really funny ones that like cracked me up for like weeks
and then like my phone was yeah, I was so happy with it,
and then like my phone, I never really back up things from my old
phone really, like I just don't. I don't know, it's it's I
like to start fresh whenever I have the opportunity to, so like, I
only really select really specific things, like, oh, these are photos of
my friends or my or my family, or like moments that I specifically care
about. But all that meme shit just kind of went away, and I'm
like, oh, man, I wish I had I really wish I had
saved some of those, because some of those were bangers, man, And
I don't know, and I'm sure I posted some of them on Twitter,
but like, I don't even know how to find those at this point because
it's so many years ago and I'd have to scroll through so much. I
don't remember the time frame, I don't remember the month of the year.
If you can remember in the caption, that's your closest bet of finding someone.
Well, that's the thing. I don't even think I put captions on.
I think I just I think I just tweeted them without context. So
well, yeah, there you go. But yeah, I actually I've never
considered it. It was yeah, I don't. I don't think I'm gonna
do it. And some people it was weird. Some people thought on Instagram
it was AI that I was using, and I'm like, are you stupid?
Like it's it's clearly not the artist, like it's I don't know.
I feel like it would be such a terrible AI too if if it was
like some people, some people are just too some people are too stupid,
and and and then I get disillusioned, uh with reality. I guess because
I'm like, dude, this isn't it should be impossible to be the stupid.
It should be impossible. And then it's not not impossible. It's not
nothing's impossible to with faith in the Lord. Bro, nothing's impossible. That's
true. You give me a stupid in prayer. Bro, nothing's impossible.
Prayer, You too can get Jesus to kill Peter Parker. Let's get on
with the end. Jesus, the end of the show. Thank you all
for thank you all for tuning in, Thank you all for watching. Remember
celebrate my birthday. Yay. I'm gonna go, I don't know, hang
out with a family. I don't want to do it. I really just
want to show honor. Now we're doing I'm nothing, nothing with my friends.
I just don't have time to do with my friends. After we have
to pack. Yeah, we're going to get dinner with the family. They're
gonna be late like two hours is that's how Mexicans are. And then then
then I'm gonna come home pack and ready to leave like early the morning.
But I'm going to the zoo tomorrow once to the same day. I'm really
excited about that. Oh you're gonna watch all these torture animals. That's cool.
Zoos are in fact, not only for torturing animals, just for keeping
in my life sometimes too. Yeah, a little torture little life thing,
bad bro, keeping torture, little life name, bad bro. Fair enough.
Yeah, you can't get everything you want. You know, you live
panda? Was that live panda? You gonna have to let us throw shit
at you sometimes? Sorry with the panda. You gotta make a choice,
fair enough man. You Uh yeah, there you go. I got nothing
to say to that. I have no rebuttal All right, guys, all
right, count me down, Chris, Ah you want to do it.
No, I'm not doing that. Murdered well, you know you did offer,
so happy birthday. I'll count you down. You want to do it,
Dirk. Nobody wants to do this. That's a bad question. I
mean, next time, when I don't have my sunglasses on. I'll do
it all right, I'll do it three, let's go two one evil method
man be like we're pixies. Were pixies. I did not know she was
sixteen. Fred Flintstone in blackface screams, I Yabba dabit, didn't do nothing.
The home Depot day laborers who touched my son the owner of Derek's foreskin.
The yellow hair is trans mask pussy Lily drinking piss is so disrespectful to
her, to her character, to her character. Imagine Jurgen's turri and pussy
in this life for the next. I siphoned every last drop of piss from
swing shriveled boy balls just to chuck in front of Lily Maker jealous. It's
a prank. Bro as he places semen in his penis that's wild. Wipe
me down because I'm covered in Come, little boozy Jack, the world's fastest
majority bethesa fallout is OG fallout with the hay oh wait hot bethesa fallout is
OG fall is too oh is to og fallout what the Halo Show is to
the og Halo trilogy? A I would disagree. Uh, my boyfriend sprayed
me with the shower handle attachment so I called him Chris water Gun. He
later topped me, well, god bless, wow, it's okay, congrats
man, It's like, whoa, I don't know how to What does that
mean? What is that? What is the implication here? He's definitely skipping
parts. There's definitely parts of skipping parts. Yeah, because the implication journey,
because the implication is that the reason this happened is you called him?
Is you called him a joke version of my name? Nick has done sucking
immediately immediately. I love war, Charlie, I love war. Big Meaty
stinks Andy the man whose handies are escr and Dandy sticking out my gap for
the rizzler. If Derek was tall and light skinned, he would look like
a gore on uh Heath Smoker Charlie Sheen joining the mujah Hadeen bending over Tom
Sween and inserting his pen on Halloween Chris ray cum mal Don Gatto, huh
weird. I don't know that looks kind of strange. Yeah, Terrika Sheet's
secret white gay lover s'more move homeless transferm who comes Drake raped Kendrick. Also
Derek is sex monk Monk petition for a waffle house stage in tech and eight
that would be that would go hard to be sick? Uh do that?
Mortal Kombat? Yeah, so it's such a good idea. That's so smart.
I sneeze one big cube of solid matter on the daily. All right,
my queer spear begaving men's balloon knots like a child's talk at a birthday
party. Ah. One of my lecturers got cucked by the lead singer of
the Pixies gay Ot Genesis Bee like I'm in love with a Homo, SpongeBob,
piss Pants, mister Pants, Chris Bitchnado and swing black Man, how
you feel about it? Into the line final shape ball of the first since
spump offutters, what if instead of I Love Lucy, the show is I
love pussy and it was about me? Well, unfortunately for you, I'm
already and I'm already and talks to start this show, So you can't have
it, jolly old dipshit captain of the Starship Enterprise, lu Jean Pecan.
Uh, I don't, I don't. I don't get that one. Patrick
hit him with that autistic flow black Steve Miller be like, I'm a picker,
Oh man, I'm a picker. I'm a grinner, I'm a lover,
I'm a yeah yeah. Can you figure it up? God? Damn,
May the load dry up and may may thy load, May thy load
drip and splatter ciphergraph fiber glass, fleshlight prank. Oh my god, that
is crazy. What's so mean? That is beyond, that's fucking demonic.
That is a fucking that is real. That is woh Man villainous Ao Philly
looking way better than New York right now, gay butcher Pete be like he's
whacking and jacking and packing it so a dumb hunter Dubois hosing, uh hosing
the homeless with dirty brown water. Uh given top to my fortified penis fat
nerds blowing hot monstrously think bombs, lash slash car My dictates takes four sharp
lefts, Nascar, Lily's asparagus binging piss dealer, the back, the back
to the tank of piss. Caucasian contained to the crack about for gays,
disgruntled Donald Trump burping on Dom's clip Super Earth is this regular with the Israel
Max silhouette. Two cheers to the bestie for coming out of the closet.
Hip Hop, You're gay hip hip you're gay, So Tom, she pipped
it on my Pippa possum Rosa Mulano. We are rebranding the Snark Tank as
the Spank Tank. Maybe slightly above average clip energy. It's okay, Hunter,
you can say the say it. We won't tell. Just the hard
ruh star coffee ripped the digital Hookah. Now I'm getting molested on the set
of Embryonic Sheldon Uh. Taylor Swift is the most overrated artist alive. This
album sucks. Yes, it's pretty. It's pretty. It's pretty. Album
is awful. Bro, it's awful, dude. Somebody who doesn't like like,
I don't hate Taylor Swift really. I don't hate Taylor Swift really,
but like I always try to, like, I don't know. I give
it a chance. I give all music a chance generally, Like, if
I hear about it's like, yeah, I listen to that album, it's
bad. Even by that standard, I gets rough. I think I have
always thought she's relatively unremarkable, and I think that's why I I have I
have. I have a really serious problem with female singer that are on That's
it. That's it, that's where that's where it ends. Get praised like
I get I get really bored about it because I think some of the greatest
I think most of the best singers ever are women. Like they're like,
there are so many fantastic horny have the having better range. That's just how
it is. The but like lin O, horn freaking Donna, Summer Houston.
But like I love all of them, right, And then like there's
people that like this is a great singer, and I'm like, where are
they great singers? Like Adele? She makes boring music, She's a fantastic
singer. She's waste of Ohio by going homeless to pay you function. This
is now his memorial rip John. She's not transfer dumb bitch made. She's
frightening people with lactose Anderson nine million ridings and bonizing radiation worms. Uh Canadian
crazy Canadian christ threat whatever, that's fine, whatever, I don't care.
What do I show up? Whatever? Take whatever? I got nobody at
home, Craig the Canadian. My favorite part of the Snark Tank is the
credits. You should start the show by reading them. No, it's your
boy, Shawne d friendly neighborhood sex offender. If I won one hundred million
bucks, I pay Hans Zimmer to write twenty million to write a score about
all about my fat cock and golden cump. This is why you do not
have one hundred million dollars by the way, yeah three XO, and the
boundless nostalgia resulting from the site of old game and former covers. The Homeless
Cat that Shane Dawson impregnated, Slurpin's stroking, smoking joking Emoticon's going like this,
drip mh Lord of homeless Drip. Sylvester Stallone's spinning piss into Lily's mouth
like a mother bird feeding her babies. Oh my god, that's heinous.
The idea of the idea of Sylvester Stallone baby birding piss into anyone's mouth at
all is fucking wild. How he feeds his kids, Lily, go mere,
Lily. It comes out as fucking nostrils hard or just put your mouth
up to his nostrils like like like like you know the hamsterd thing you gotta
like, It's like it's like a fucking nasal spray. Uh deuce man,
milk Obi, won't you blow me? Jackson vernon Norwegian Game to have developing
spanks, the quest Kremlin to gremlin. Hey Derek, who sucks the best
stick out of the group. I'm gonna steal your bones. Ha me,
I threw that come before I came in the room. Many men, many
many men, wish sex upon me. Zoo by Denzel Fury. She blowed
me away until my until my Benjamin breaks. Imagine if those flying monkeys grabbed
Chris from his seat and molested him mid air. That would have been crazy.
That would have been fucking jarring. Yeah. If I was molested by
the flying monkeys at the Wizard of Oz, the fucking wicked, and you're
just reach of anybody can stop them. You're just out of reach. Sign
you guys signed the waiver to get into the show. Sorry, like this
the script. It clearly states that one of one random member of the of
the audience will be viciously molested by flying monkeys. It's part of the show.
It's meant to sell how dangerous the flying monkeys are. Sorry, it's
art. If you can't handle that, maybe stay home. Maybe theater isn't
for you. Maybe you should just go home. And I don't know,
do taxes or play mind sweeper or whatever it is you fucking nerds do for
fun. We're here busy enjoying the miracle of theater. And if you can't
handle it, fuck you as they're still molesting you, as they're still fucking
you. Yeah, as the flying monkeys are still fucking you. You're a
sad guy from Michigan telling the boys it isn't going to be gagging on goggins
because we appreciate the performance. But I'm secretly crossing my fingers for the Peppini
Brothers present Master present Master Rosie Flow called I think the turtle hem because they
only gets bigger and shoot com Ama is Don Concerson, heyst and pause?
No literally, uh that this is literally what the name is. See uh
installing a faulty neural linko Chris's head that plays thunder on repeat. You gotta
pay the troll soild again. The boy's whole GAYE six is afraid of gaye
seven because seven gay nine h gay version of gay be like gay more like
gang on dix. Am I right? Uh? You probably can save that
at the end if if you, if you turn it to am I gay
and committed to it? But I appreciate it. Nevertheless, you stand at
the edge of a precipice not a prefacis what are you talking about? What
are you talking? Was this? You stand at the edge of a precipice
not a press prefaces, Chris, I know what a precipice is, bars
and I've never used I've never used preface. A preface is not a press
precipice are saying precipice not What do you mean? You think he's saying,
I'm reading it? Oh I think no, No, No, he's saying
he means it under saying. I think he's wrote something down. But you
mean to say something different? Maybe, Yeah, I don't I don't know.
I never have never said the word prefaces. That's insane. Uh using
a turkey baser because I hate gay sex. Ah help fuck, I'm uh
the dumbest lesbian. They're coming lots and lots of dick and balls. I'll
carpet bomb the Gaza strip. I'll carpet bomb the Godza strip for a quarter.
I can't do that voice right now, too early. Order John Strickland.
Order, he sacrifices all those little brown people. It's fucking crazy.
I don't know that this seems a little unnecessary. Oh my god, it's
the only land today. I can't even fucking fathom what that would be.
Chronic herpes by come forty. What goes up must come down. Yet my
Dick's hard on the ground. See my boys getting stuffed and drown Yeah.
Merks eighteen eighty nine. She worshiped my balls. Call her sacrilegious. Uh,
that sounds like an that's an eminem line to me. The first Church
Key David presents a massive orgy, but only the dude showed up. The
second Church of Key David featuring being better than the First Church of Key David.
Oh by by all accounts, probably if the first church is anything like
they're just describing, that is very true. Pre Ras Blake eight nine six.
I damn near choked to death hearing Sweeney say he thought the Klansman Power
Rangers characters in episode two hundred and twenty two, that's what's written Chris trying
to read to fix Yeah, it's but we get it, we get it.
Yeah. I feel like he wrote that sentence before and it made sense,
So I feel like he's like trying to make it worse. I think
Jeffrey Epstein was killed by the code name Kids next Door, Alaskan oilfield trash,
Texas Stater Salad last name Bleach, first name, drink like a failed
abortion. I should have drowned the sink. Su Hulk takele My mass here
as Nicky Ziggy, Humana Humana Awuga Wicket nine oh nine, Sorry, Miss
Jackson, badly brave Hugger, Derek duck Hunt, the vegan necromancer. I
got consent, Etheriorian Virginian punchrim mil Us one finally rehabilitated and back in the
saddle with two functioning hands and as always, the grounding out our list of
wonderful patriots. He is the King of hap Past. Thank you all for
your support. This first of all, The Merchant will go live on Patreon
in the very very very beginning of May. We're just finalizing some prices,
and then it will go live for everybody in mid May. This is going
to be a bit. I'm probably gonna resize this because I think it's in
the wrong place, but this will be available for whatever reason you want fucking
Brile on a shirt you shouldn't, but it'll be there until the seventeenth or
the eighteenth, or whatever day it is that it goes live for everybody.
So pop on over the Patreon to check that out. Much appreciated. So
guys, don't be afraid to give us some ideas because we know we know
you guys will you guys want the Mercher's for you guys, so give us
ideas. Don't free to show us ideas in the comments waight down, like
hey, we'd like this kind of thing. Because I know this, I'll
be like shot uncle bench that you guys want or like that. To piggyback
on that there. I'm going to pin on our on our I wish I
knew the ad start tank team, I think on Twitter, I'm assuming yes,
I'm gonna pin because I asked a while ago. I'm gonna pin that
tweet. So you can add to that in the replies because we have a
little bit of a well from there to to look at what some of you
people were saying. If you want to contribute to some of those ideas,
it'll be it'll be pinned. I'll do that before I forget. It's a
collaborative effort. So uh yeah. Anyway, thank you guys for popping in.
We'll we'll see you next time. Get the fuck out of here,
nigga. When y'all niggas. Stop acting like bitches. Bitches, stop acting
niggas. We can all clock figures for bitch, just stop back to mac
niggas they can stop acting like bages. We can all get riches when you
stop acting like yours. That's a while to wus