1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,360
What's going on? It is Eric
Dizzy and I had a bright idea to

2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:12,480
record conversations with the cast members of
Fake Love to keep you all entertained while

3
00:00:12,519 --> 00:00:18,320
we work on this new limited series. Such a great idea, I think

4
00:00:18,359 --> 00:00:22,719
so, and I want you to
let me know if you think so by

5
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:27,320
sending me a message on Instagram,
Sorry brain fart at black with a podcast

6
00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:34,320
or my personal page Eric Dizzy dot
Audio. This first conversation is with the

7
00:00:34,439 --> 00:00:39,719
star of Fake Love, Britney Taylor, one of my favorite people ever ever

8
00:00:40,759 --> 00:00:45,840
ever? Is she forcing me to
say this? I can't say. Am

9
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,719
I scared of her? I won't
say that either, But this conversation was

10
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:55,079
very fun and I hope you enjoy
it. Quick update on Fake Love's coming

11
00:00:55,079 --> 00:01:00,520
together. Great. It sounds really
good. I'm just up actionists and it's

12
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:04,200
taken longer than I thought it would, but no worries. It is coming.

13
00:01:04,519 --> 00:01:11,760
Let's jump in the middle of this
conversation with Bretty Taylor enjoy and maybe

14
00:01:11,799 --> 00:01:15,159
at a certain age she can get
back to it. But I know,

15
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,920
even for me though, because it
acting took a lot, a lot of

16
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,439
time awhere for me and my kids, I was so happy with the pandemic

17
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,359
hit or the Penny the Penny was
the best thing to happen. The Penny

18
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,840
the Penny was. But that was
when I had my first kid, So

19
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,359
I kind of I kind of understand. I kind of understand what you mean

20
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,640
by that. Just it just shut
everything down, Sit your ass down,

21
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,439
sit your ass in your motherfucking house, and sit down with yourself. I

22
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:42,920
want another I want another lockdown too. I want them to be like,

23
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:46,079
hey, lock this shit down,
y'all, niggas kind of go outside past

24
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,000
nine o'clock because I just I just
didn't feel obligated to go anywhere and do

25
00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:53,200
anything or see anybody. Yeah,
And then I had a baby, so

26
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,200
I was like like, right now, all I use my kids as an

27
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,040
excuse to not go anywhere, to
not talk on the phone. If I

28
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:01,040
want to get out the phone faster, i'd be like, oh shit,

29
00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:04,920
my daughter's crying, like and they
don't need to be crying. They just

30
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,919
I'd be like, oh, I
gotta go. But all of that to

31
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:14,560
say, you're my best friend and
you have helped me to keep black without

32
00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:20,159
going. And Tuesday, I was
driving home from somewhere um and it was

33
00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:23,199
a full moon. The motherfucker was
big. It was huge. It was

34
00:02:23,439 --> 00:02:31,520
huge. You on the east side, so y'all might not have that moons.

35
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,639
The moon shines right over there on
the east side, Okay, it

36
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,080
was. It was big as fuck. And I was looking at it,

37
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:43,759
and I was just like, I
have everything, and I have everybody that

38
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,159
I need in order to be successful. That's including you, my wife,

39
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:53,680
my mom. Fucking change, yeah, because this is what I want to

40
00:02:53,719 --> 00:02:59,560
do. And then and then I
had to realize, like success and what

41
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:04,400
what is success? Right? So, like this morning I cried two tears

42
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:09,599
because my son was at the defrigerator
with my wife playing, and then my

43
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,879
daughters was in the seat, and
I was just looking at it, and

44
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,240
I just got done and setting up
the room, and I was like,

45
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:19,479
I'm about to eat breakfast with my
family and then go and record with my

46
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:23,000
family. And I was like,
I am fulfilled. The only thing I

47
00:03:23,039 --> 00:03:24,560
don't have is an abundance of money. But I don't need an abundance of

48
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,919
money right now because I don't need
the abundance of money. So I'm really

49
00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,800
happy. So I want to say
I wanted to say thank you at the

50
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,719
top of this. I really do
love you. And I really do appreciate

51
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:38,439
you, and I need you to
know that whatever I say to you,

52
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,800
but in regards of how I feel
about you, I want you to know

53
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,879
that I do not say these things
to other people. I do not care

54
00:03:44,919 --> 00:03:49,199
about how other people are doing.
I do not care about a lot of

55
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,199
things. But I do care about
your well being, and I do care

56
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:59,120
about what I need to do in
order to help you either conquer some of

57
00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,800
the sadness that you dealing with,
you know, after the death of your

58
00:04:01,439 --> 00:04:05,360
your highest steam family member, whether
it be to you know, being a

59
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,319
single mom, like I see you, and I just want to I want

60
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:14,400
to allow you to use this as
a vessel however you may see fit.

61
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:17,439
And before I like, I made
a graphic. I made a graphic,

62
00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,639
a new graphic for this series and
a new graphic for the cast. I

63
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:28,839
never I've never done that. So
I want to y'all are my motherfucking I'm

64
00:04:28,879 --> 00:04:33,079
Spike Lee. I'm Spike Lee,
I'm the new I'm the podcast Spike Lee.

65
00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:38,160
I am that I'm the podcast Tyler
Perry. Then that means that you

66
00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:43,199
are my Samuel Jackson, you are
my Denzel Washington, you are you are

67
00:04:43,319 --> 00:04:46,920
my fucking Tammela Man, you are
going you are these people and you are

68
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:54,120
with me and and really Shandrea,
you and Shandrea. Like when y'all came

69
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:59,319
over at like midnight to record,
I was like, damn, like because

70
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,480
y'all don't have to do that.
It is so that's no more. That's

71
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,839
that's why I wanted to record first, this first before we get into the

72
00:05:06,879 --> 00:05:11,800
session, so we don't inter up
the session with conversation. So the topic

73
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:17,879
of today is Jophas. Okay,
I have a son and I have two

74
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:23,800
daughters. You have a son and
you have a daughter. My wife's best

75
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,000
friend has a daughter, and she's
beautiful. She's a couple of months younger

76
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,800
than my son. And every time
they get together, there like this.

77
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,839
But they never play they never have
play dates. But every time it's like

78
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,519
there together, they're like this.
It ain't no warming up, it ain't

79
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,439
none of that. It's just like
instant because she's beautiful. Now, if

80
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:45,120
you don't have any kids, kids
do not like ugly kids. That's the

81
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:48,000
fact. Kids do not want to
play with ugly kids. Kids do not

82
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,839
want to be around ugly kids,
and kids do not like ugly people.

83
00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:56,959
So if my kid don't come to
you and smile at you, that means

84
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:01,279
you ugly. So I mean,
he looks at his mom beautiful features all

85
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,000
day, looks at my handsome face
all day. And I'm not the most

86
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,959
handsomest guy in the world, but
I know I ain't ugly, and he

87
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:12,279
loved me. Yeah. So um
So last night I was in the bed

88
00:06:12,319 --> 00:06:13,879
and I was talking to my wife
and I was like, y'all, I

89
00:06:13,879 --> 00:06:17,160
really would like for um, I
really would like for them to date.

90
00:06:17,639 --> 00:06:21,360
And she was like why, I
said, because I don't want my son

91
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:28,800
to endure the pain or put pain
on a woman because of a whole phase.

92
00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,959
Now for me to me a hope. If you don't know what a

93
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,519
whole phase is, what is a
whole to me? I think a whole

94
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:42,879
phase is a time where you do
not commit to anybody but yourself. Sexuality

95
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,439
male female. Some of y'all agist
holes, and it's not a phase.

96
00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:56,800
How is life? We adn't even
gonna act like it's not. So I

97
00:06:56,879 --> 00:06:59,519
said that, you know, I
don't really want my son to ever have

98
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:08,279
to This is hindsight when I think
back on women that might have agreed to

99
00:07:08,399 --> 00:07:16,680
just fuck me and first, sex
is dangerous. Sex is extremely dangerous,

100
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:21,079
but it's extremely pleasurable. And I
think that some of the if we're not

101
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:25,000
talking about seds, you're not talking
about pregnancy, A lot of the pain

102
00:07:25,439 --> 00:07:29,959
that comes from sex is, am
I not good enough for you to want

103
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:33,480
me for real, for real feelings? Yeah? And then to block those

104
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:39,839
feelings like to to be to open
yourself up to somebody, to strip down

105
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:44,000
naked, to your most vulnerable state
and let this person either inside. Sometimes

106
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:48,399
we don't get completely naked, but
go ahead. I'm not fucking anybody with

107
00:07:48,439 --> 00:07:53,600
any article of clothing on. If
you do not want to get fully naked

108
00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:59,000
and we're in a bed, you
can go home. Listen, I know

109
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,839
for a fact, sometimes I'm smoking
fully make it. You know. Sometimes

110
00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:07,720
she might keep her shirt off.
Who is she the female? Why she

111
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,480
might be too insecure to show her
body? You don't know? I mean,

112
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,360
listen, I had I had a
woman who just had a baby,

113
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:16,600
and the baby suck the life out
of her titties. I said, if

114
00:08:16,639 --> 00:08:20,639
you don't take that fucking shirt off
and let them shiit sack to the side

115
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:28,879
while I fucking missionaries down or let
them dangle down like let the motherfucker's dangle

116
00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:33,879
down like motherfucking Christmas ornaments. But
that's a real thing. Though we are,

117
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,080
someone of us can insecure. But
I've been there. I've definitely been

118
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:39,639
insecure. But I love you,
so I don't want you to ever feel

119
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,360
like that. I know, I
know, I know how insecurities work.

120
00:08:41,399 --> 00:08:45,360
But it's no different from me when
I had bad skin. I still have

121
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,879
to come into this motherfucker and show
my face. Yeah, and you and

122
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:52,120
you accept me for it. So
let me accept you for those titties.

123
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,960
It ain't just about titties. Though. We got the stomach, we got

124
00:08:54,000 --> 00:09:03,639
the rose baby. I had my
ex bastard um likes to play with my

125
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:09,639
stomach and I'm I'm not now he
will sit and pinch at my stomach,

126
00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,200
at my little rose and my food, but he pinches at it, and

127
00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,360
I'm like. At first, I
was just like, why no, that's

128
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,120
I'm insecure about that. I'll do
that. Then, kids, Stepper Party

129
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:22,080
said, I love your st I
love your body. You look good to

130
00:09:22,159 --> 00:09:31,720
me. I did, said here, I'm it, but go ahead.

131
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:37,720
We we we as women, we
are insecure about certain parts of our bodies.

132
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:39,559
We're insecure about a lot of things, not just even our bodies,

133
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:46,159
but we have insecurities. So just
because something might be looking good to you

134
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,399
or you might like it, we
still battle with what we don't like.

135
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,919
With all that said, if you
allow a motherfucker in your house and your

136
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:58,360
home and your bed under your covers
with the shirt on or with the shirt

137
00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:03,919
off, there are things that come
with that that I don't want my daughters

138
00:10:03,919 --> 00:10:07,600
to ever encounter or my son to
ever encounter. When I think back on

139
00:10:07,759 --> 00:10:13,039
the things that I have done to
women unintentionally because I was dumb, I

140
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:18,559
was young, and I was very
irresponsible. I was very emotionally irresponsible to

141
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:24,039
these women. Um because I was, I was. I'm not I was.

142
00:10:24,879 --> 00:10:33,440
I don't know what I was,
but I was blind. Yes at

143
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,679
that. No, it's more than
that. More, it's more. Yeah,

144
00:10:35,759 --> 00:10:41,320
it's because what commons my favorite common
line is it doesn't take all day

145
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:46,080
to recognize sunshine does. As soon
as you open your eyes, you should

146
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,600
realize that it's that it's the sun
is out. And if you cannot,

147
00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:52,159
if you cannot see that, then
there was something blocking you, And there

148
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:56,879
was something blocking me from committing I
was in love with music, like I

149
00:10:56,919 --> 00:11:03,759
didn't want to do anything to jeopardize
my chances at being a musician. Even

150
00:11:03,799 --> 00:11:07,960
though I didn't do everything I could
to be a musician, one thing I

151
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:11,159
didn't do was have kids or commits
to a woman. And I think I

152
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:16,360
used music as an excuse. But
I think I was scared, and I

153
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:20,120
think that deep down, I think
I was scared. I think, deep

154
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:31,440
down, what though um um missing
out? I think missing out because being

155
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:37,519
in a relationship isn't ever never was
never being praised as the thing to do.

156
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,679
It never was. It never was
like a black man, get you

157
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,279
a black queen and just stay with
her forever. Life would be easy.

158
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:50,519
It wasn't still technically not, because
there's so many men and women that are

159
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,519
in a relationship, not just in
relationship, but are married and still stepping

160
00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:58,919
outside. So y'all, they're still
not very much happy in that relationship.

161
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,879
They are happy, they are happy
and they can be people. Because I

162
00:12:03,879 --> 00:12:07,919
saw a clip and it was like
boys should date and commit young, so

163
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:13,000
they understand what commitment is. If
you go through your whole phase out of

164
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:18,600
high school, and you are a
whole from sixteen till you get to till

165
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,840
you try to get in a relationship
at thirty. You spent fucking fourteen years

166
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:28,639
being a whole and not committing and
and running in and out of women's lives

167
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,159
or men's lives, and then you
expect to be in the committed relationship.

168
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,039
You don't know what it's like to
withstand the ugly. You don't know what

169
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:39,600
it's like to withstand days or you
can't stand a motherfucker. You don't know

170
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,840
what it's like to be in a
relationship. You don't know what you don't

171
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,720
know what commitment is is Like me, I never I had I had jobs.

172
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,879
I've only had one job that I
did my absolute best at trying to

173
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,120
keep every other job. I was
like, fuck this place, if y'all

174
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,000
fire me, fucked that. And
I you and I treated relationships like that,

175
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,919
fuck this ship. If if you
don't like me doing half ass to

176
00:13:01,919 --> 00:13:03,679
work to get rid of me,
then but you ain't get rid of me

177
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,200
then because because you need me,
you know what I'm saying. So I

178
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,440
think I think I subconsciously treated people
like that, not even just relationships,

179
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,679
just people like fuck it, I
ain't gonna give you my all. And

180
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,639
if you if you don't want to
deal with me then whatever. And I

181
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,759
think that it might be deep rooted
from trauma where I felt like my family

182
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,080
didn't want me, or my father
didn't want me, or my father's family

183
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,559
didn't want me. It might be
in a thing where I feel like if

184
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,360
they don't want me, then nobody
want me, so fuck it then,

185
00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:33,120
And that's very irresponsible, and I
feel like shit quiet has kept Nigga,

186
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:37,360
don't even have your kids date unless
you send the motherfuckers to trauma because I

187
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:43,039
mean therapy because of the trauma.
Because I don't want my son having to

188
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,840
deal with the trauma of you and
your family that you play with your daughter.

189
00:13:46,879 --> 00:13:48,399
You know what I'm saying, your
daughter, and that's and that's unfair

190
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,399
for you to allow your daughter to
walk around with that shit. You know

191
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:56,039
what I'm saying, same with me. But that's just me hindsight. As

192
00:13:56,039 --> 00:14:00,799
I have a children, I'm like, what am I doing to in still

193
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,360
good qualities? And my son like
how he talks to his mom and how

194
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,120
he treats his sisters as a direct
reflection of how I talk to you.

195
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,960
So I'm very so, I'm very
affectionate, I'm very I'm very mindful,

196
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,960
I'm very Hay, do you need
anything. I love you. I'm very

197
00:14:15,039 --> 00:14:18,600
vocal. I'm very affectionate because I
want him to be that and I want

198
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:22,440
him to understand that that's how you
communicate with women. And when my homeboys

199
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,159
come over, we're very vocal.
We show each other that I love you,

200
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:30,720
bro, I'm very all of that. But jophas like, you know,

201
00:14:31,399 --> 00:14:35,159
somebody, my sister, my sisters
husband, niece had a daughter,

202
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,039
a kid. I don't know she
had a son or a daughter, but

203
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:43,159
at fifteen and nobody batter than I. And I'm like, it's two thousand

204
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:48,600
and twenty. It was two twenty, then it's twenty, it's two thousand

205
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:54,080
and twenty. This should not still
be a thing. Like we have all

206
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:58,320
of the techno, we have all
of the information on the phone, we

207
00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:00,840
have all of the condoms in the
world. We all of this, But

208
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,840
your child, having your child,
having a child while a child is a

209
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:13,440
direct reflection of you. Yea.
And sometimes sometimes give me an instance other

210
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:22,679
than rape, where your fourteen and
fifteen year old happy daughter is coming home

211
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:28,240
pregnant. So look, we we
tend to put a lot on what our

212
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:37,159
children are doing on us. Um
not speaking from experience because my son starts

213
00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:41,360
seeing I go, yeah, let
starting nah nah, let me let me

214
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:46,519
tell you this say. I listened
to so many of my guy friends and

215
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:52,840
so many of like my brothers,
talk about um when they started to have

216
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:58,519
sex, and they they're bragging about
it. Like I don't think men quite

217
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:02,279
understand those of you who have has
who started having sex at eight nine,

218
00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:04,919
those of you who started no,
no, no, no, it's real.

219
00:16:06,519 --> 00:16:10,600
It's real, and to brag on
it, and it's like, oh,

220
00:16:10,639 --> 00:16:14,799
yeah, I was. I was
nine years old crashing females that sixteen

221
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,480
seventy maybe you were raped. You
weren't crashing anything. You were raped,

222
00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:22,759
okay by all means, And y'all
don't think of it that way because y'all

223
00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:26,720
just excited that y'all got are so
stupid. Yeah, y'all got bragging the

224
00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:30,519
lights I was crashing sixteen seventeen year
olds. You were being raped, baby,

225
00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:33,080
teenager. I don't care if you
were twelve or thirteen, and she's

226
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:37,480
sixteen. You were being raped,
yeah, because you ain't got that much

227
00:16:37,679 --> 00:16:40,399
at thirteen year olds mine. It's
not on the same level as a sixteen

228
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,200
year old. Y'all. Y'all had
no business. I wish to god I

229
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:49,279
would have been fucking at thirteen.
No, but see not not even I'm

230
00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:52,960
not. I wouldn't sucking a thirteen
year old. It wasn't. I wasn't

231
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:57,039
thinking about that, right, It
wasn't on my mind. It wasn't on

232
00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,919
your mind. It wasn't. I
had free it is around me that work,

233
00:17:00,279 --> 00:17:03,319
right, And even then I will
still be like, what are y'all

234
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:08,200
doing? Right? Because why?
Because why what are you really getting at

235
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,359
thirteen? Fucking? What are you? What are you? What is it?

236
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,839
What they're not getting at home?
But a lot of them were coming

237
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,240
from good home. So that's my
thing, so it can't be. Yeah,

238
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:19,759
let's let's say, let's say that
thought to you, right, because

239
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:26,079
when we say that our children are
a reflection of us, and some instances

240
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,200
that is true. I think I
take that back. My wife started having

241
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,240
sex young, but she was just
a honey, little, a little bad

242
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:36,039
parents. Her parents are great,
they had great they had. Yeah,

243
00:17:36,039 --> 00:17:38,200
that's what I'm saying. It's not
always on the parent because your reflection of

244
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:41,599
parent, No, your mom and
dad. I have an amazing mother,

245
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:48,400
I have, My grandparents are amazing. I have thirty two thirty two years

246
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,720
of my life, I have not
gone and I can't really say I've experienced

247
00:17:52,759 --> 00:17:57,799
like real rough times to the point
of where I never had or I wasn't

248
00:17:57,839 --> 00:18:00,960
taken care of, or I didn't
have someone to go to. My mom

249
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,519
and my grandparents, even my uncles
went hard. We our family is tight,

250
00:18:07,599 --> 00:18:11,240
hard in the paint. What the
thing? I'm sorry, um,

251
00:18:11,279 --> 00:18:18,119
but so any mistakes that I've made, it on you, it's on me.

252
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:22,960
My children's fathers aren't worth a damn. Neither of them I have too,

253
00:18:22,319 --> 00:18:25,599
and neither of them are worth the
damn. They ain't got shit to

254
00:18:25,599 --> 00:18:29,519
do with my mama. They didn't
got to do with my grandparents making bad

255
00:18:29,559 --> 00:18:34,319
decisions me and my couchie. No
for real, because I, like I

256
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,759
said, it's not that I was, So do you go ahead. I'm

257
00:18:37,759 --> 00:18:41,400
sorry. I never experienced a hard
life. So like the people I started

258
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:44,000
running with when I got in high
school. Wait, so why are you

259
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:48,599
running with thugs? Let's get to
it. The people, the people on

260
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:55,079
the east Side east Side for real. But the people I start running with,

261
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,279
like because there is no good part
of the east Side. This it

262
00:18:57,319 --> 00:19:03,920
is where me. Hello, I'm
being dead serious. If you take away

263
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,359
Germans. If you take away German
church, now, where is it?

264
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,079
Where it? Because even German churches, it's it's a lot going on.

265
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,839
German church. Now it's a niggas. Keep moving over there. Yeah,

266
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:21,519
because they letting out the niggas in
they don't like the gds and the Dolly.

267
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:26,599
I chose who to hang with.
You feel me. It wasn't because

268
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:32,240
because I was stupid. Ain't no
other excuse for it. I was stupid.

269
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:36,640
I wanted to be Did anybody try
to correct you? Absolutely? And

270
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,839
you didn't listen. Didn't listen.
They don't listen. So many times,

271
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:45,119
Ma Mama was like the sad parties. I was fifteen sixteen running with um

272
00:19:45,279 --> 00:19:51,039
co Red. It's so sad to
a meet it today running with co Red

273
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:56,079
and I had that Um it was, um, you're not that much,

274
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,960
you're not we're almost the same age. Yeah, I'm thirty two, you're

275
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,279
thirty four. You're so close to
forty. I still got time to get

276
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:07,880
there. I look, you do
you look for her to be thirty six?

277
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:12,920
Lesten come out. I would have
graduated in two thousand and nine,

278
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:18,359
but you got hell back. Nope, I got expelled, baby, I'm

279
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:23,720
probably yes, yes, what is
um co Red is a family, an

280
00:20:23,799 --> 00:20:33,759
organization. That's a family, it's
an organization. We used to really say

281
00:20:33,759 --> 00:20:36,559
that vice like co Red is a
gang, and then we're like, no,

282
00:20:36,759 --> 00:20:42,240
we're a family, We're an organization. Rico. We would yeah anyway,

283
00:20:42,319 --> 00:20:47,400
But I chose that path, and
had I not chose that path,

284
00:20:48,319 --> 00:20:52,160
I wish. I don't even regret
because I am who I am today because

285
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,400
of the mistakes I've made. Had
I not made mistakes, I'll probably be

286
00:20:56,599 --> 00:21:04,319
further in life. But but the
people that I know, like you Andrea

287
00:21:06,759 --> 00:21:10,000
Shanyay, I wouldn't know you guys. Had I not made my mistakes that

288
00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:15,519
I made them, I wouldn't because
I wouldn't even be out here. If

289
00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:19,799
things would have went different, I
would have been North. I would still

290
00:21:21,079 --> 00:21:23,200
but we would but we would not
be out here. We would be somewhere

291
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:29,640
else. Had I you know,
so, things would have just been different.

292
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,440
But I can't say that's my mama's
fault because my mama was on my

293
00:21:32,519 --> 00:21:37,319
ass. Baby, My mama was
on my ass. She wasn't selling me

294
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,839
to R Kelly, she wasn't playing
them games. Since was on my ass.

295
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:45,759
But I was Still when did you
have a whole phase? Of course,

296
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:55,240
um, My whole face started probably
around I want to say, like

297
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:04,920
seventeen eighteen, hanging with co Red. I've never heard of cold before.

298
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:07,960
What was that was? That was
that east side thing? It was to

299
00:22:08,079 --> 00:22:11,319
school. No, that was a
city thing. But they came from um,

300
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:17,759
they all majority of them came from
Warren Central. They came from Warren

301
00:22:17,799 --> 00:22:22,400
Township and branched off to like Lawrence
North else where you go, I want

302
00:22:22,519 --> 00:22:27,000
Lawrence ok And Um I did not
know that. Yeah, I met because

303
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:33,319
I went to Lawrence North. But
I met del Ron my freshman year.

304
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,000
Who was that my brother? Okay? Did you meet your baby daddy yet?

305
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:45,240
The first one? The first one? A lot of questions. I'm

306
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:52,680
gonna bring it all together. My
baby daddy I met? He was so

307
00:22:52,799 --> 00:22:56,720
you fucking your family? This is
this way though I never he was never

308
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,960
my brother brother nothing. Del Ron
was my don't wand is my big brother?

309
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,799
Okay? Jesse was my big brother. Lonnie was my big brother?

310
00:23:04,079 --> 00:23:08,440
Was Lonnie and Jesse? Are?
Did they died? Lonnie Um died in

311
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,519
two housand and eight. Jesse died
in two husand and eleven. They got

312
00:23:11,559 --> 00:23:17,839
cute yep, Um, Mike,
I'm sorry, thank you, Michael,

313
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,960
I'm sorry. Mike Clue was my
big brother. He's my big brother.

314
00:23:21,319 --> 00:23:30,079
Don't rand Mike Clue big brothers DP
big brothers. My baby daddy, oh

315
00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:34,319
man, just stupid. Bu baby
daddy was locked up with del Ron and

316
00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:38,839
that's how I meant my baby daddy
while he was in prison. So you

317
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,799
want to go visit him? No? We I'm saying, you want to

318
00:23:44,839 --> 00:23:48,119
go visit your brother. No.
So he was like, y'all got this,

319
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:52,400
homie, but we would do our
collect calls. Um, bro,

320
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:56,759
well we were doing. Man,
I'm gonna hole different person today, but

321
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:03,079
a whole different, a whole different. Bro. You you let a nigga

322
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:06,720
put a nigga on the phone on
a pay phone to talk to you,

323
00:24:06,759 --> 00:24:10,880
And he was like, oh,
look you get out of there. Niggas.

324
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:17,680
No, no, no, no, Why don't women think like that.

325
00:24:17,799 --> 00:24:21,359
So look, this is the thing. Me and my baby daddy were

326
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,680
never together. We never yeah no, no, no, like niggas.

327
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,440
That's another story for at the time. But anyway, I'm not just playing.

328
00:24:30,279 --> 00:24:32,359
I don't know you. I'm just
talking shit. I don't know you.

329
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,920
Please do not pull up on me. We ain't gonna pull up on

330
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,160
the body my baby daddy. Cool
but no, so he was locked up

331
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:42,519
with de Ron and um we started
to talk just on some cool shit like

332
00:24:42,599 --> 00:24:48,200
not even was this was this after
during? There was this after, there

333
00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:52,240
was this during or after your whole
face during Okay, So, like as

334
00:24:52,319 --> 00:24:56,039
I said, we weren't even in
that relationship we would and when we would

335
00:24:56,079 --> 00:25:00,440
kick it, we wasn't kicking it
on much about you. We weren't kicking

336
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,720
it like we were trying to date
or like we were feeling the shop.

337
00:25:03,759 --> 00:25:07,559
We weren't. We were kicking and
we were smoking. We were drinking.

338
00:25:07,599 --> 00:25:10,759
That's what we did when he got
out. We would link up, smoke,

339
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:17,079
drink, not even be on No
me and him type stuff that'st around.

340
00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:25,519
Got we we got drunk. One
might mast around April first comes,

341
00:25:25,839 --> 00:25:29,519
I sent in the text, so
look I'm gonna I'm gonna get you.

342
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:33,559
April first comes April fools. Right, you remember the Lollipop song by Little

343
00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:41,039
Lane. You think I got dementia? I mean you sent you thirty six

344
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:48,400
three. I only know it.
Remember he said, say sex late text

345
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,759
that I'm late text. Yeah exactly, I sent that to Wane, I

346
00:25:51,799 --> 00:25:55,480
said, safe sex is grace sex. Should have used that late text because

347
00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:00,599
here go that late text that I'm
definitely late texts and the and I seen

348
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,799
him. Never want to stick my
dick inside of a woman that used this

349
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:14,640
rap lyrics to tell me that she's
having a baby. Never forget that tunny

350
00:26:14,839 --> 00:26:18,559
Oh so yeah, that's how that
happened. Now, never tried the family

351
00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:22,680
we never I was nineteen, I
was twenty one. I had my son,

352
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,319
but I was nineteen when I got
pregnant. Never tried none of that

353
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:33,960
because I did, I wouldn't physically
attracted to him, so so it wasn't

354
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:38,480
nothing like you know, no,
we got this son, we all plus

355
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:48,039
the only fuck wants h did you
come? I don't remember. That has

356
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,119
to be awful. Did your whole
face stop when you had a son?

357
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,680
Um for while? Yeah? Six
weeks? No? No? No,

358
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:02,920
no longer? Okay for a while? Um what triggered your whole face?

359
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,960
Did you ask me that? Right? For listeners, I I Brittany and

360
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,599
I have never had these kind of
conversations, so never Sorry, I'm off

361
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,839
topic. This is the first episode, but I am finding out so much

362
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:21,759
about it. My good friend,
So what triggered your whole face at seventeen

363
00:27:21,839 --> 00:27:29,839
eighteen? Um? Interesting, do
you remember? I know what triggered it?

364
00:27:30,079 --> 00:27:33,799
Um did you tell me whether somebody
died? Is that what you said?

365
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:38,880
No? No, no, I'm
honestly something traumatic happened to me,

366
00:27:40,319 --> 00:27:44,640
okay, and I started feeling like, um, well, if it's gonna

367
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:49,160
be taken without my consent, I'm
gonna give it. I'm gonna I'm gonna

368
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,039
get it. So that is really
what really, honestly triggered it, because

369
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:59,200
at the time I was feeling like
I didn't matter. I felt like I

370
00:27:59,319 --> 00:28:03,119
was you know nothing. You took
it. I didn't even get a chance

371
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:07,440
to really like give it. I
didn't have the option of given anyway.

372
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,799
It was taken. So at this
point, did you shoot that person?

373
00:28:11,799 --> 00:28:17,319
I don't want it? Have you
seen that person? No? You have

374
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:26,279
not seen that person? No,
never again, never again. But um,

375
00:28:26,799 --> 00:28:34,799
don't indict yourself. I can't.
I can't because I just know I've

376
00:28:34,839 --> 00:28:42,559
never seen them again everything in life
welcome to the east Side. But um

377
00:28:42,799 --> 00:28:49,519
no, I just figured it wasn't
I've never thought about I've never ever had

378
00:28:49,559 --> 00:28:57,160
the thought of taking something from anybody. I've never understood that. I've never

379
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:03,759
really I I never even really played
around like that. Like I had this

380
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,960
girl and I was fooling around and
I was being really kinky. I was

381
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,160
a kinky bastard. And she was
like, you are a pervert. And

382
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:15,039
I was like, hey, oh
damn, if you call me that again,

383
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,799
that's serious. Oh, I said, if you call me that again,

384
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,319
I would never talk to you again
in my life. She's like,

385
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,920
I was just I didn't mean it
like that. I said, that word

386
00:29:22,039 --> 00:29:26,160
means something that's crazy. Did I
ever tell you that I got into it

387
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:30,279
with a female about Yeah, during
the clubhouse ship when I was supposed to

388
00:29:30,279 --> 00:29:33,720
be real. Yeah, I went
off, baby. There are there are

389
00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:37,440
opinions about it. It was a
it was a dark phase that I was

390
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:41,680
in after uh Sierra and I had
split, or during the time that we

391
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,599
had split, or whatever, where
I was just down the dark, a

392
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,599
really dark path, and whoever I
encountered, I just didn't give a fucking

393
00:29:48,039 --> 00:29:51,279
and that and I don't. I
wouldn't call that a whole phase. I

394
00:29:51,279 --> 00:29:56,240
just didn't. I wasn't. I
knew what motherfucker's wanted from me. There's

395
00:29:56,319 --> 00:29:57,759
that. Now, if you got
a good performance oute of me or not,

396
00:29:59,039 --> 00:30:03,319
or how I talked to you.
I know when women we will get

397
00:30:03,319 --> 00:30:06,720
back to the to the whole face
trigger. When women talk to me in

398
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,880
a certain kind of way, I
guess, I guess I kind of equated

399
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,960
to when a man comes at you
and and he lets it be known that

400
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,599
it's only one thing. All right, Well, I agree to this one

401
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,160
thing, but you're gonna do whatever
the fuck it is that I want you

402
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:27,519
to do for this one thing.
And if you and when you get it,

403
00:30:27,519 --> 00:30:30,880
it might not be what you thought
because I don't give a fuck,

404
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,519
all right, because you don't.
You're looking at me like a piece of

405
00:30:33,519 --> 00:30:37,799
meat. So sometimes you go to
the grocery store and you get a piece

406
00:30:37,839 --> 00:30:41,640
of chicken. Then you cook it
and it's not good. So there's that.

407
00:30:41,759 --> 00:30:44,519
But yeah, whoever you were talking
to, whoever youre talking about,

408
00:30:44,559 --> 00:30:48,400
they never said anything to me.
But what they what they said, it's

409
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:52,200
probably I don't know, I don't
know what they say. Can you never

410
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:59,319
said anything, But it wasn't worth
repeating because um again, what I tell

411
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,000
anybody to know you and to know
of you are two different things. Yeah,

412
00:31:04,039 --> 00:31:07,960
people that know of me have a
lot of opinions. But even people

413
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:11,759
that have encountered you and you may
have held a conversation or you may have

414
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:17,559
had dealings, they still don't know
you. They still technically just of you.

415
00:31:18,279 --> 00:31:22,839
Yeah, so I could be a
dick though, you can, but

416
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,519
I don't want to talk to you. I had a girl coming to me

417
00:31:26,799 --> 00:31:30,440
at the club at Epic and come
from behind. It was like you,

418
00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:33,039
Keith, thank you. I remember
you telling me about Tess. Yeah,

419
00:31:33,039 --> 00:31:37,480
what's up? You're trying to fuck? What are you? Why are you

420
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:38,960
on me like this? Yeah?
Back up? Yeah, I had a

421
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:44,640
girl grab my dick in the club. You're trying to fuck? Well,

422
00:31:44,799 --> 00:31:47,519
you grab all right, but don't
grab it if you ain't about to bite

423
00:31:47,519 --> 00:31:55,359
it. So so you the phase
was triggered by a traumatic experience? Yeah

424
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:59,319
did you? Did you ever enjoy
it? If? If? If?

425
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:04,839
If you're if your first time was
that dramatic? How did you? Um?

426
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,319
So it wasn't. Um I always
wanted that, like if, how

427
00:32:08,319 --> 00:32:13,119
do you go back to having sex
after being It wasn't done to be in

428
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:20,920
joy um power. It was done
to take my power back? If that

429
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:24,759
makes sense? Did it take my
power back? No? No, but

430
00:32:24,839 --> 00:32:30,200
that's how again I'm stupid and young. I don't know shit. Well,

431
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,160
it's not even that you that you
can be stupid, but it's a very

432
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,119
common thing. Like I think a
lot of niggas think like that. I

433
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,559
think a lot of niggas think like
the more, the more, the more

434
00:32:39,559 --> 00:32:44,680
I fucked, the more of um, more of a man I am.

435
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,319
They're like collecting women like pokemon.
I never thought. I wonder if that's

436
00:32:47,359 --> 00:32:52,519
really what it is. Niggas think
niggas, it's easy. This is this,

437
00:32:53,119 --> 00:32:58,880
it's so fucked up. But it's
easy to be a hoe it.

438
00:32:59,319 --> 00:33:02,720
It's extremely easy to be a hole. It's extremely difficult to not be one,

439
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,799
especially when you're attractive. If you
ugly, you have no idea what

440
00:33:07,839 --> 00:33:12,440
I'm talking about. If you're not
desirable, you could be ugly and desirable.

441
00:33:12,759 --> 00:33:17,440
If you're ugly and or undesirable,
you have no idea. What it's

442
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,720
like to open up your app any
app, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,

443
00:33:22,839 --> 00:33:30,400
Nigga, Snapchat, TikTok. People
are throwing sexual innuendows at you all day,

444
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:35,559
all day. It's easy to say, Okay, let's meet up da

445
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,039
da da da, and fuck.
It's very hard to have restraint and practice

446
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:46,039
restraint, and if you've never had
to practice that, it's not it's not

447
00:33:46,119 --> 00:33:50,440
something that you just automatically know how
to do. So you can't get into

448
00:33:50,519 --> 00:33:54,720
relationship with somebody you deem valuable and
stop. That's why I say I don't

449
00:33:54,759 --> 00:33:59,519
think that the man who cheat on
their spouse don't love the spouse. Is

450
00:33:59,559 --> 00:34:02,680
that I don't know how to.
But you know, you can love and

451
00:34:02,799 --> 00:34:08,639
still be unhappy. Because I love
you does not mean I'm happy. And

452
00:34:08,679 --> 00:34:15,119
that's what I said. I said, men that are married in relationships engaged

453
00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:22,199
any of that unhappy. And you
are stepping outside of that marriage with other

454
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,920
women and engage with other women,
entertain other women, whatever the case might

455
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:30,000
be, you are unhappy. You
can love your wife to the fullest,

456
00:34:30,159 --> 00:34:35,079
you know. I think that you're
unhappy. I think that unhappy because a

457
00:34:35,119 --> 00:34:38,800
lot of men don't know how to
find value in being of a man,

458
00:34:39,639 --> 00:34:47,840
Because there the value in being a
man comes from um uh self, self

459
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:57,159
gratification, from erase all that.
The happiness that you get from a man

460
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:02,800
comes from handling responsibility, handling response. Like I had to stop drinking because

461
00:35:04,039 --> 00:35:07,480
it would either make me want to
fuck anything and it would keep me it

462
00:35:07,519 --> 00:35:12,519
would make me sleep longer than I
was supposed to. So one day I

463
00:35:12,639 --> 00:35:15,719
woke up at like noon and Dorian
wakes up at seven and this is when

464
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,440
he was This is during pandemic.
After the pandemic, I was like,

465
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,760
oh, no, this is over
because I put the responsibility on my wife

466
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:28,599
and no and whatever I got going
on, I don't want to put that

467
00:35:28,599 --> 00:35:30,960
on the back of her and my
son. So now that this is over,

468
00:35:31,039 --> 00:35:37,239
But the responsibility is that you had
the joy comes from Okay, it's

469
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,800
my responsibility to provide a better life
for this person, for this kid,

470
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:45,519
for my wife, for myself.
And if if you if a man is

471
00:35:45,559 --> 00:35:50,480
spending time fucking, he's not spending
time getting money or reading or working out

472
00:35:50,599 --> 00:35:54,440
or any of the responsibilities because you're
avoiding the responsibility and that's why you're fucking.

473
00:35:54,679 --> 00:36:01,360
But true a lot as far as
nigga, I'm plenty of niggas that

474
00:36:02,559 --> 00:36:07,400
I know a man right now that's
married been married for over ten years.

475
00:36:07,519 --> 00:36:14,599
That's not a long time. But
let me finish, um makes good money,

476
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:19,679
provides for his family, I mean, and takes damn good care of

477
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:24,519
his family, and stepping out still
steps out. So I don't step in.

478
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,480
But to me, to me,
that's irresponsible, because nigga, you

479
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:37,400
could lose all of this exactly.
But that's that's responsibility, your responsibility.

480
00:36:37,519 --> 00:36:42,000
Yes, you're you're being irresponsible,
and then shit can be your whole ship

481
00:36:42,119 --> 00:36:49,000
can be fucked up. Like the
power that niggas give women that they step

482
00:36:49,039 --> 00:36:54,679
out with, that they like they
unknowingly give this stranger power over their livelihood.

483
00:36:55,519 --> 00:37:00,440
That's dangerous. I got a friend
of dealing with a marry nigga right

484
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:04,519
now. They've been dealing with each
other for about three years or so,

485
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:12,320
and he has a whole family wife
out it. And if that one deal

486
00:37:12,599 --> 00:37:15,920
is capable of providing for her too, while still provided for his family,

487
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:21,360
still provides and takes care of everything
she needs, her and her kids and

488
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,679
her kids ain't even hear. Oh
yeah, that nigga is a sucker.

489
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:38,280
Listen the thoughts, the thoughts,
the thoughts of Brenda knocking on my door

490
00:37:40,039 --> 00:37:45,199
and looking my wife in the face
and saying, she said, can I

491
00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:50,719
sweep to Barbara? Barbara? This
is sure, bro. The thought of

492
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,719
that is terrifying, Bro, terrifying
baby. But you see, and then

493
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:59,719
there's some marriages where they are open, and they haven't understanded that as long

494
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,360
as Brenda does not bring this doorbell
and come to me as a woman.

495
00:38:04,639 --> 00:38:08,360
But I can't, I can't.
I can't put that. I can't put

496
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:15,159
that off on Brenda to not be
mentally unstable or mentally stable enough to not

497
00:38:15,159 --> 00:38:17,800
come, not come my motherfucking door. No, I'm cool. I would

498
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,840
much rather come over, like,
hey, Sureley, move over, ciss

499
00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:24,360
right our home, Come on kids. Yeah, if you're not down to

500
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,960
eat my wife's couchie, I'm not. I'm not doing it. Listen,

501
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:34,079
you gotta come over and eat,
eat, and rub and scissors, so

502
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:42,880
your whole face get me started on
couch eating situation? Why why not?

503
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,079
Did you started the whole the whole
face, the whole face. Did your

504
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:52,199
princess motherfuck? Did your whole face
include women too? Man? Oh,

505
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:58,480
you dig into day because I feel
like I don't feel like you would have

506
00:38:58,599 --> 00:39:01,000
I feel like that that power,
that power exchange that you were trying to

507
00:39:01,039 --> 00:39:04,440
do, you would have done it
with a woman because you never felt that,

508
00:39:04,559 --> 00:39:10,239
you never felt that, um that
betrayal from a woman sexually, so

509
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:17,280
um so you probably you probably find
more pleasure in women sexually because you don't

510
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:21,599
have that in the back of your
mind. So look, um, I've

511
00:39:21,639 --> 00:39:25,039
been in a relationship, one relationship
with the woman with the female um while

512
00:39:25,079 --> 00:39:30,760
I was a teenager. One relationship
with teenagers years was crazy. They were

513
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:37,800
gang gang gang affiliated. I was
with family Na, she was stood,

514
00:39:39,599 --> 00:39:44,119
she was a stood. But look, this is what this is. I

515
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,199
told you, I'm a pillow princess. That's what my friends call me.

516
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:50,679
Okay, you know what I mean? Kind of what I mean. I

517
00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:53,719
don't care. I don't care.
It's like a pronoun. I don't really.

518
00:39:53,760 --> 00:40:00,760
I couldn't go through the whole phase
with the females because the females understood

519
00:40:01,559 --> 00:40:09,119
where I was coming from, like
we get each other. That made my

520
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:15,960
heart flutter. Oh my god.
They under they did, they do,

521
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:21,559
Like hey, and I haven't dealt
with a whole bunch of females. It's

522
00:40:21,599 --> 00:40:25,559
not like I've dealt with overt.
If you are a woman writer and it

523
00:40:25,599 --> 00:40:30,639
can, it can write the experience
that Brittany is talking about. Please contact

524
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:34,239
me because I would love to tell
that. I would love to ea tell

525
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,800
that because I because when you said
it, it made sense. Before you

526
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:42,039
said I never thought about it like
that. But now they understand they we

527
00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:45,639
we get, we get each other. It's just like when when we say

528
00:40:45,679 --> 00:40:52,039
that females give better head than men, it's because females know what females want,

529
00:40:52,559 --> 00:41:00,239
right, so that that is where
that comes from. But um,

530
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:07,960
the females that I have dealt with, um, we connect on a deeper

531
00:41:08,079 --> 00:41:15,320
level than sex, right, we
connect mentally. Could I ever be in

532
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:22,000
a relationship whatever another female? No, want it, done it, But

533
00:41:22,039 --> 00:41:27,119
we we have a have a connection
because because y'all have the y'all have the

534
00:41:27,199 --> 00:41:30,199
common denominator of niggas ain't shit.
No, that's that's the thing though,

535
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:34,800
because not even that, just like
the vulnerability that women can have what other

536
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,400
women. Yeah, it don't have
nothing to do with feeling like a nigga

537
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:43,079
ain't shit because guess what all niggas
are. No, they're not. They're

538
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:47,239
truly, truly not. I have
some of the most amazing men ever.

539
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:52,400
My grandfather is the shit. Okay, the ship I hate one. Women

540
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:57,079
say I have no amazing man,
name man, they can't date. But

541
00:41:57,119 --> 00:42:00,199
I was about to say, my
brother, you can't date him. The

542
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:06,039
ship exactly. And but but wise
dating wise, I have want across some

543
00:42:06,159 --> 00:42:10,679
really really good man and the tits
going to attract some good man. Baby

544
00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:19,440
better know it to know it,
that vulnerabil whatever they are. So so

545
00:42:19,519 --> 00:42:25,079
the the whole phase. That's very
interesting because my whole phase was triggered by

546
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,960
the girl that I wanted to be
with, not wanting to be with you.

547
00:42:34,159 --> 00:42:39,000
No, Um, she loved me. Um life hit her. Um.

548
00:42:39,039 --> 00:42:45,079
We were dating freshman year, no
senior year. I had moved to

549
00:42:45,119 --> 00:42:47,719
Atlanta and came back because the day
school system was trash. So I was

550
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:52,280
going to LC from one to oh
four and then I left, and then

551
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,199
I came back and went to Ben
Davis, but I went to be I

552
00:42:55,360 --> 00:43:00,280
was in Ben Davis district from third
grade up until ninth grade. I'm sorry

553
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,519
to hear that, but gud um, but I went back to Bend Davis

554
00:43:02,639 --> 00:43:07,960
and Um, this girl that I
dated in eighth grade, we ended up

555
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:12,199
dating again the senior year, and
I loved this girl like I didn't see

556
00:43:12,199 --> 00:43:14,519
no other girl but this girl.
I wanted to be with this girl.

557
00:43:14,559 --> 00:43:17,320
I didn't care about nobody else but
this girl. We ended up having sex

558
00:43:17,599 --> 00:43:22,039
my mom my mom like like we
She's lived in a corner from us my

559
00:43:22,119 --> 00:43:24,679
mom liked her so much that my
mom went to get her and she came

560
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,639
over to the house and spend the
night. She let to spend the night

561
00:43:27,679 --> 00:43:30,639
and everything. We had sex.
We didn't really have sex because I pulled

562
00:43:30,639 --> 00:43:34,159
it out some of my big touchdo
coucie I came, but I had a

563
00:43:34,199 --> 00:43:37,880
condom mom. But you know,
she never made me feel bad about it

564
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:42,159
or nothing like that. And then
senior year came, we were dating again

565
00:43:43,639 --> 00:43:46,239
and she got she was raped by
her family, one of her family members,

566
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,679
and I didn't know this at the
time. She told me later.

567
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,880
But on Valentine's Day, I called
her. I had I had caught a

568
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:57,239
bunch of shit and I was like, I'm about to come over, um,

569
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,280
but dropped this stuff off. She
was like, why do you call

570
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,360
me every day? Why do you
keep trying to talk to me? And

571
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:06,840
I was like, because I love
you. She was like, uh some

572
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,079
some some some something and crushed me. So I called my female best friend.

573
00:44:10,119 --> 00:44:13,079
I said, yo, let's go
out to eat because she she was

574
00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:15,119
dealing with a nigga that was trash. We went to Penn Station offer there

575
00:44:15,159 --> 00:44:20,480
about a Blockbuster and club foods over
there on the west Side, and I

576
00:44:20,519 --> 00:44:22,079
gave her everything that I bought for
this girl. I gave her everything that

577
00:44:22,119 --> 00:44:28,159
I bought, bears, candies,
cards, everything, and then she ended

578
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:32,760
up. She ended up apologizing and
was like, Yo, when I graduating

579
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,960
six, I'm going to come to
Clark, Atlanta and we're gonna be together.

580
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:42,880
So I wasn't fucking nobody in college. I wasn't doing shit. I

581
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,599
was waiting on this girl to come. So I summertime, I'm like,

582
00:44:46,559 --> 00:44:50,480
I didn't even I didn't even process
that it was time for her to come

583
00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:53,320
down until I started seeing the new
the new students. Because I stayed in

584
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:59,639
the campus where Georgia Tech stayed,
Morehouse Spelled, everybody stayed some of everybody

585
00:44:59,639 --> 00:45:01,519
stayed in my dorms. I'm staying
all these new bitches from I'm like,

586
00:45:01,559 --> 00:45:04,960
oh my goddie, it's fine.
And I'm like, I know who I

587
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,320
want a call. I'm like,
yo, where are you at? What

588
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,639
you mean? Where are you at? Like are you coming down here?

589
00:45:09,679 --> 00:45:15,480
And she was like, oh,
now I'm going to Vincens and uh blah

590
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:20,400
blah blah blah, and yeah,
I don't think that we're gonna I don't

591
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:28,519
think that this is gonna be a
thing. Oh and after that it was

592
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:30,800
over. But don't it hurt when
you later? So when did you find

593
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:37,599
out what she had went through?
And that was I found out and two

594
00:45:37,639 --> 00:45:40,239
thousand and this has happened in two
thousand and five and six. I found

595
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:45,599
out two and ten eleven, her
sister called me. Her sister text me

596
00:45:45,639 --> 00:45:46,480
and was like, yeah, you
should come buy the house. We all

597
00:45:46,519 --> 00:45:52,960
gonna be about the house in the
neighborhood. I go over there and I

598
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:59,079
get out of the car and she
had handprints on her neck. She yellow,

599
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,920
she had a handprint on her neck, and I was like, yeah,

600
00:46:02,079 --> 00:46:05,320
what's that she did? She don't
had a kid. She don't had

601
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,199
a kid, And I'm like,
so I had to deal with that.

602
00:46:07,519 --> 00:46:10,320
So I was like, Yo,
what's what's going on. She's like,

603
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:20,239
oh um he um blacked out and
he choked me, and I and I

604
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,920
ended up passing down better and were
walking around the neighborhood that we grew up

605
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,039
and started dating. And I was
just like, you know, I would

606
00:46:27,039 --> 00:46:30,079
have never done that to you,
right, Like I wanted to be like

607
00:46:30,079 --> 00:46:31,079
we would have been married by now, Like you do know that, right?

608
00:46:31,159 --> 00:46:35,199
She was like, yeah, I'm
sorry, and I was like,

609
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:37,679
what happened? She was like,
well, she had got pregnant when she

610
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:42,519
got raped. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? She

611
00:46:42,639 --> 00:46:45,280
was like, I didn't know I
could trust you like that, because you

612
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:50,440
know, after after that, everything
she questioned, everything was questionableut for men.

613
00:46:50,519 --> 00:46:52,400
So I was and I was no
exception. You know what I'm saying.

614
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:58,239
I was no exception, and I
was like damn. And then after

615
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,559
that, I was just like,
well, how close can you be to

616
00:47:00,639 --> 00:47:04,920
somebody if something like that can happen
and then they don't trust you no more?

617
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,360
So then I was like, fuck
it, I want my whole face.

618
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:10,079
Nigga was extended. Nigga put an
extended clip on that bitch. But

619
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:19,519
seeing a woman that I loved so
much that everybody that everybody know before I

620
00:47:19,559 --> 00:47:22,639
got married, everybody knew that's the
one you wanted to be with. And

621
00:47:22,679 --> 00:47:28,960
then when we when everything all the
smoke set up, all that, we

622
00:47:29,039 --> 00:47:34,000
end up sucking around and it was
just like, it's not even worth it.

623
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:37,199
It's not even it's not even And
I see her now and like she's

624
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:44,320
her social media personality is who I
always expected her to be. That she

625
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:51,199
just now became like recently. And
I think that because of that situation,

626
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:58,679
I didn't really allow myself to really
be silly around a woman like I like,

627
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:02,079
I like dancing, like wrapping,
and like being goofy. I like,

628
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:07,159
I never really allowed myself to be
that. And and and it's that

629
00:48:07,519 --> 00:48:12,199
in conjunction with my father trauma,
you know what I'm saying, like just

630
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:15,519
growing up feeling like they didn't want
me, I wasn't good enough for them,

631
00:48:15,599 --> 00:48:17,039
and didn't feeling like I wasn't good
enough for her and that she didn't

632
00:48:17,039 --> 00:48:21,719
want me. I was like,
oh, okay, but see, ain't

633
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:25,880
it messed up? How you can
be so close to someone and not know

634
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:35,320
nothing nothing. I'm like, nigga
that And you know, I'm I'm out

635
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:38,639
of high school, so I'm sixteen, seventeen eighteen. I didn't fucking that

636
00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:45,320
thought of that thought never even crossed
my mind that my ace boom coom on

637
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:49,760
the other side of this phone is
getting fucking raped by you know what I'm

638
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:53,760
saying, or choked or because shit. One of the other girls that I

639
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:59,800
really liked end up going to fucking
prison because her baby daddy killed somebody and

640
00:49:00,199 --> 00:49:02,440
just fled Detroit and came here.
I'm like, so I'm going through it

641
00:49:02,559 --> 00:49:07,000
over and over and over and over
again. I'm like, damn't trying to

642
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,880
figure out be kind of females.
I'm not attracting. But they all,

643
00:49:10,079 --> 00:49:15,000
they were all it's it's not it's
it's it's your situation. It's like they

644
00:49:15,079 --> 00:49:17,559
come from a great home, great
mom, great dad, all of this,

645
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:22,440
but who they thought they needed to
be? Yeah, wasn't. I'm

646
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:27,280
like, bro, here, I
am a square nigga. Nigga going to

647
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:30,880
school never. I never missed the
day of school. Never. I'm like,

648
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:34,880
nigga, all this food is here
and the beaches is here. I'm

649
00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:38,719
not by to stay because cartoons don't
come on until three thirty. Ain't no

650
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:43,119
internet. We ain't got no I
ain't on internet. So nigga, you

651
00:49:43,199 --> 00:49:47,880
can't watch nothing good until schools out
unless you watching music videos. But my

652
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,679
untie, you would kill me if
I'm my mom would killed me. So

653
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:53,639
I didn't. Really, it wouldn't
need for me to skip school, you

654
00:49:53,639 --> 00:49:55,519
know what I'm saying. Didn't want
to need for me to smoke, drink.

655
00:49:55,679 --> 00:49:59,320
Fuck, it wasn't need because I
wasn't sucking a girl that I wanted

656
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:01,400
to So I was and I was
scared too. Yeah, seeing for me,

657
00:50:01,519 --> 00:50:07,559
I wanted to be Um. But
see, both of our whole faces

658
00:50:07,639 --> 00:50:09,840
was triggered by trauma. Yeah.
So I don't want my I don't want

659
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:14,119
my kid to experience something to make
them go on a rampage like that.

660
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,679
But you know, then other people, their whole phase isn't triggered by something

661
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:22,440
traumatic. It's just I don't think
nobody wakes up and say him, let

662
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:27,320
me get my pussy to somebody.
Somebody knew every Tuesday, you be surprised.

663
00:50:27,679 --> 00:50:30,360
You right, I ain't got I
don't have a coach. Listen.

664
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:36,239
But but all that to say too, Um, would I want my kids

665
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,559
to go through a whole phase,
No, No, I would not.

666
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:45,679
Um would I want to pick out
who my kids date or any of that.

667
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:52,119
No. What I want my kids
to do is to learn on their

668
00:50:52,159 --> 00:50:57,639
own. But also now that they
always got me to fall on, meaning

669
00:50:59,119 --> 00:51:05,480
if this relationship doesn't work out,
that's okay. There's other things. I

670
00:51:05,559 --> 00:51:08,159
think. I think that's the biggest. I think that's the biggest lesson.

671
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:13,920
Yeah, but it's hard because as
a kid, as I remember me as

672
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,519
a teenager. I was hyper sensitive, like everything that they talk about three

673
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,119
three thousand, like social anxiety,
hypersensitive, all of that shit. That

674
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:27,320
was me. Like my daddy was
my daddy. I told my daddy,

675
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,360
I said, nigga, I just
wanted you to be around like he was

676
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:34,079
like, yeah, I think you
feel too much. You know what this

677
00:51:34,679 --> 00:51:37,960
it's funny you say that because,
um, my son is thirteen and him

678
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:44,920
and his dad are just now like
really and I want to say it's not

679
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:50,320
even full yet, but they're really
just starting to get to know each other

680
00:51:51,039 --> 00:51:57,760
because to him, it was more
important to be known than being a father.

681
00:51:58,559 --> 00:52:04,000
So you was more so worried about
bullshit and entertain the motherfuckers and all

682
00:52:04,039 --> 00:52:07,559
that dumb shit. Yeah. But
but but you're about to be you'd like

683
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:13,199
thirty seven something like that. So
it takes me in so much longer to

684
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:17,039
grow up. But um, you
know, for my son, because there

685
00:52:17,159 --> 00:52:22,920
was no man around to teach us
that it's cool to be responsible. Yeah.

686
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,480
But here's the thing though, too, Right, So your dad missed

687
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:31,039
out with you, right, Okay, you are not going to miss one

688
00:52:31,119 --> 00:52:35,960
moment with Dorian. No, You're
gonna make sure that you it don't matter

689
00:52:36,039 --> 00:52:40,239
what it is, the crawling,
the walking and talking, the fucking sports

690
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,760
audit, You're gonna be there,
right. You don't give it them.

691
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,320
If he falls off his fucking bike, you want to be there right to

692
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:50,519
pick him back up. Right.
So, when you experience not having your

693
00:52:50,559 --> 00:52:54,079
father or not having your mother,
that should not be an excuse to be

694
00:52:54,199 --> 00:52:59,880
a poor father or mother to your
children. You don't want your children to

695
00:53:00,079 --> 00:53:04,840
experience what you experience right now.
Me, I had my mother, I

696
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,800
had her full time. I had
my grandparents full time. I had my

697
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:13,719
dad here and there. But I'm
never I'm a good mother to my kids,

698
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:16,079
not because I had a good mother, just off the strength that I

699
00:53:16,159 --> 00:53:21,840
love my kids. Not Donna want
them to experience any hurt and paint now,

700
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,599
knowing that they will have to experience
it. They're gonna have to,

701
00:53:24,119 --> 00:53:30,159
that's a part of life. But
they won't experience from me. My son

702
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:36,320
is in basketball and football. I
can tell you I've probably both football and

703
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,159
basketball. I've probably missed one game
of each. He's been playing football and

704
00:53:39,159 --> 00:53:43,679
basketball since Kenny Garden. Yeah,
I've probably missed one game of each.

705
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:50,039
The day that my grandma died.
No, he had a game that night.

706
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:53,920
I put my girl in the teparties. I was at the hospital to

707
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:59,719
about three or four in the morning
dealing with it. I didn't want to

708
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:05,159
go home because I knew that I
have to go in and to be mommy,

709
00:54:05,159 --> 00:54:07,679
I have to tell my kids what's
going on. I have to explain

710
00:54:07,679 --> 00:54:09,000
it to them. But I told
my son when I got home. I

711
00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:12,679
woke my son up and I told
him what was going on, and I

712
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:15,119
asked him that he want to go
to school. He said yes. I

713
00:54:15,159 --> 00:54:16,119
asked him that he still want to
play in this game. He said yes.

714
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:21,440
And from there I said, okay, well I'm going as hurt as

715
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:24,800
I am. I cried on the
way to the game. I cried on

716
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:30,360
the way home from the game,
but I said in them bleachers all four

717
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,719
quarters and cheered my son on.
And when my friends were coming and hugging

718
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:38,559
me and telling me how they're sorry
from my loss. I appreciated the sorryes,

719
00:54:38,679 --> 00:54:43,039
and I appreciated the hugs at the
game. But this is my focus

720
00:54:43,159 --> 00:54:49,000
right now, so I don't want
him. I go hard for them because

721
00:54:49,039 --> 00:54:52,920
I just don't want them to experience
to hurt or pain from mommy. They

722
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:55,760
can experience it from whoever else.
But as long as I know Mommy gonna

723
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:59,519
pick yull up and we're gonna be
good at the end of the day.

724
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,159
So the whole face stuff. No, I don't want him to go through

725
00:55:02,199 --> 00:55:07,039
it, but I know it's a
possibility that they may. Right, my

726
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:10,320
job is to be there, and
you know, I think make sure that

727
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:15,480
I am aware of what's going on. And if that comes about, I

728
00:55:15,639 --> 00:55:20,320
know I'm on my p's and ques
with him. I ask him, are

729
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,960
you fucking He said no, when
that time comes, because I know you

730
00:55:24,039 --> 00:55:25,840
can't have this conversation. I asked
his dad, I said, have you

731
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:29,400
had a conversation with him? Get
about it? No, I said,

732
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:34,360
he's thirteen. You don't think you
should have a conversation. His friends are

733
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:38,880
probably already doing it. But see, mine is so stuck into video game.

734
00:55:39,079 --> 00:55:45,920
No basketball here. He's still plays
the game. He had, spends

735
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:46,800
time in the game. He spends
the weekends on the game. But during

736
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:52,159
the week it's it's basketball, it's
football. Well right now, it's basketball

737
00:55:52,199 --> 00:55:55,360
all about basketball for him. He's
not focused. I mean, I'm sure

738
00:55:55,440 --> 00:56:00,159
he has a girlfriend. Well he
does. He has a girlfriend. But

739
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,400
when we talk about it. He
tells me quick like, Hey, I

740
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:07,480
don't spend time trying to argue with
females or none of that. This is

741
00:56:07,519 --> 00:56:09,119
my focus. So when they try
to take my focus away from it,

742
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:15,119
I'm done. I ain't nothing to
talk about. I'm done. I'm worried

743
00:56:15,159 --> 00:56:19,079
about basketball. I think that's where
some of my admiration for you come is

744
00:56:19,119 --> 00:56:29,079
that you're a single mom. But
I wouldn't. You don't. Well,

745
00:56:29,159 --> 00:56:31,440
let's let's let me be clear.
None of the women that I keep around

746
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:37,360
me that are single moms act or
look like single moms. So let's let's

747
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,679
let's put it like that. What
does a single mom look like? What

748
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:45,400
does she act like? Oh?
The term for me, single mother usually

749
00:56:45,480 --> 00:56:52,000
comes with a negative connotation, but
to me, it's just she's just a

750
00:56:52,119 --> 00:56:54,320
mother. It's not a single mother. She has a she has a like

751
00:56:54,519 --> 00:56:59,800
for me, my sister. When
my brother in law wants to jail Nigga,

752
00:57:00,119 --> 00:57:04,840
the village that she had come up
at the motherfucking ground to support her,

753
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:06,760
I was like, and he was
only in jib like a week.

754
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,880
If that, I was like,
God, it made me feel good because

755
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:13,960
I couldn't be there in Atlanta,
wooter and you know the amount of friends

756
00:57:14,039 --> 00:57:20,239
that that came out. But y'all
utilize the village around y'all, and y'all

757
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:23,320
are very aware of who y'all have
a runing a kid. Why y'all got

758
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:25,920
a marina our kid? Who can
teach your kid this and this, this

759
00:57:27,039 --> 00:57:30,599
and that. Like the term single
mom to me just like a lazy bitch

760
00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:36,840
to me. And you don't give
me though, like you always on the

761
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,239
go, go go, go,
go go. And I really do appreciate

762
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:43,000
and I admire that because even for
my wife, she ain't a single mom.

763
00:57:43,079 --> 00:57:47,559
But I'd belave it. I'm tired. See, my brother taught me

764
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:53,440
one day. We were talking and
he said something like, alumline, you're

765
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:57,199
not a single mother. I said, what am I? Brother? He

766
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,679
was like, you got a village? I said yeah, I said,

767
00:57:59,679 --> 00:58:02,000
I got I do, I said, but shotting out their parents, right.

768
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:07,599
So while my kids know that it's
nothing my mother wouldn't do, it's

769
00:58:07,639 --> 00:58:10,880
nothing that my granny wouldn't do,
my granddaddy, my uncle's aunts, my

770
00:58:12,039 --> 00:58:15,800
mama's friends, my friends had stopped
their whole world right and come beat by

771
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:22,920
my son at my daughter's side.
My um Frank, Ebony and Mike never

772
00:58:23,039 --> 00:58:27,280
missed. I think they missed maybe
one game. Of course during schoolball.

773
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,320
They was there every step of the
way. Yeah, that's how they are

774
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:36,239
though. And so my village is, my village is strong, my village

775
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,599
is tight. That the whole phase. We're gonna end this because at some

776
00:58:39,719 --> 00:58:43,880
stuff to record. But the whole
phase. You said no, I say

777
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,840
no. You say you don't want
to do arrange dating. No, I

778
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:52,079
think I think for me, for
me, do I what I want to

779
00:58:52,280 --> 00:59:00,280
arrange? My son and the perfect
world. I know the little girl that

780
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:04,800
I'm talking about, her mom's beautiful
and her dad's very handsome. So the

781
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:08,480
likelihood of her growing up to be
a battie. But it's not all about

782
00:59:08,559 --> 00:59:13,079
looks. Wait wait wait, wait
wait wait, I know I'm not I'm

783
00:59:13,119 --> 00:59:15,639
not finished. She's gonna grow up
to be a battie. And the way

784
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:20,719
that her mom and her older sister, her oldest is just like twelve.

785
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,199
They are so well put together,
they are so nice. They're this,

786
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:28,800
this and that and that. Now
my son needs to understand. This is

787
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:34,559
what I think niggas miss out on. You need to you need to learn

788
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:42,480
how to identify a good woman very
quickly. And what makes up a good

789
00:59:42,519 --> 00:59:45,119
woman to you? Now, if
you're if you like your women, like

790
00:59:45,199 --> 00:59:46,960
your mom, that helps you out, that boosts you up, that kisses

791
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:51,079
you on your knee when you fall, and that can make you your favorite

792
00:59:51,119 --> 00:59:52,840
food, and do this, this
and this. Then you have to be

793
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:59,599
able to do what her father provides
to her. So if her mother and

794
00:59:59,679 --> 01:00:02,639
her rather raise her right and we
do a good job when they see they

795
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:07,199
might not date during school, they
might not date during motherfucking college, they

796
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,679
might whatever. But the traits that
I want to instill my son and the

797
01:00:10,719 --> 01:00:14,800
traits that I know that they're instill
in their daughter, because that's just who

798
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:21,039
they are. Bro, You don't
I don't want my son having or my

799
01:00:21,199 --> 01:00:24,880
kids. I don't want. I
don't really care for the whole looking for

800
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:30,679
somebody to date things, the whole
date. That shit is exhausting and it

801
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:35,000
can fuck up your your confidence,
It can suck up it can suck up

802
01:00:35,039 --> 01:00:37,519
your perception of yourself when you can't
when you're given a given, a given,

803
01:00:37,639 --> 01:00:42,599
and then people out here are being
shitty and don't recognize the traits that

804
01:00:42,719 --> 01:00:45,679
you have as a good person,
or maybe like if you'll start to question

805
01:00:45,719 --> 01:00:49,199
yourself like am I not enough?
Am I not doing enough? And I

806
01:00:50,119 --> 01:00:52,960
don't want I don't want her to
experience that, all right, And I

807
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:58,159
don't want my son or my daughters
to experience that because that shit doesn't just

808
01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:01,400
stay with you during dating. You
go to work and you question yourself,

809
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:06,440
You go to motherfucking church, question, question, question, every and I

810
01:01:06,519 --> 01:01:10,840
don't want. If I could find
a way to and instill great values in

811
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:15,639
my son now that it is my
responsibility to do these things, I'm not

812
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:22,360
negating that, but if I could, if I could somehow help my son

813
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:28,000
realize that a whole phase and that
dating shit, it's not all that it's

814
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:31,239
cracked up to be, then maybe
he can make the right decision and and

815
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:37,639
do and go further in life than
I did. Because I wasted a lot

816
01:01:37,679 --> 01:01:42,760
of time. I wasted a lot
of time with a lot of people.

817
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:45,360
And granted, I am who I
am and I am where I am.

818
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:49,039
I don't tell you wasted time,
but you still but did you walk away

819
01:01:49,119 --> 01:01:54,360
from that time wasted with something learned? Now, how didn't you look at

820
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:59,400
because because Nigga, I could have
nigga this area. What did you just

821
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:04,880
say about it. Son. This
Eric has been this Eric since fucking school.

822
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:07,559
I've been doing the same thing since
I was in school now to a

823
01:02:07,639 --> 01:02:09,559
certain extent. But what you just
sat here and said was you wasted so

824
01:02:09,679 --> 01:02:13,599
much time all in the same breath
and saying the things that you want to

825
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:19,199
instill into your son. So you
went through what you went through, But

826
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,159
the men you are now and what
you want your son to be. Nope,

827
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:24,719
you learned from that. Nope,
you know where I learned it from

828
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:31,519
as soon as he came out of
that vagina, and I had the responsibility

829
01:02:31,599 --> 01:02:36,440
of making sure he didn't die.
But you still learned something from him.

830
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:40,679
But you still learned something him.
It was still it was still something learned

831
01:02:43,079 --> 01:02:45,840
but you But the things you went
through that led you to Sierra, you

832
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:52,079
would not be there had you not
gone through other bullshit which leading to see

833
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:55,840
Erra, led to Dorian and now
led to the girls. So I wanted

834
01:02:55,880 --> 01:03:00,559
her since high school. So if
I could have got her and high school,

835
01:03:00,599 --> 01:03:01,719
I wouldn't have even went through none
of that. That's what I'm saying.

836
01:03:01,719 --> 01:03:05,199
I don't know that. I do
know that, No, you don't,

837
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:07,840
I would have been I would have
been perfect. You don't know that

838
01:03:08,199 --> 01:03:15,360
I am. I'm almost perfect.
That's another topic for another day. You

839
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:17,400
don't know that that's in it because
we do. Got to record the whole

840
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:22,039
phase. No arranged marriage, no
no, no, let him no,

841
01:03:22,320 --> 01:03:27,880
let him, let them figure out
who they want to be with, because

842
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:30,440
him and that girl couldn't grow up
and be the best of friends. That

843
01:03:32,119 --> 01:03:37,840
no, asolutely not No. Never
fucked my best friend ever? And you

844
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:45,239
single still fuck them? No shit, I got the man, I'm married.

845
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:55,440
I ain't got him. No,
that that man. Yeah, if

846
01:03:55,519 --> 01:04:00,880
my son can never experience what I
experience, we don't want to experience it.

847
01:04:00,599 --> 01:04:03,960
But if they do experience it,
we have gone through it, so

848
01:04:04,119 --> 01:04:09,639
we are here too. There was
there was that bitch named Ashley. Oh

849
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:14,880
Ashley's ain't shit. We dated and
she broke up with me. See what

850
01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:18,639
you do, nigga, I was
in middle school, nigga nothing the fucking

851
01:04:18,719 --> 01:04:25,360
angel. This bitch wrote up,
wrote a mere note and I don't remember

852
01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:29,320
what the note said. I do
remember what video was hot. She broke

853
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,639
up with you through a note,
But yeah, I was a note writing

854
01:04:31,719 --> 01:04:35,559
motherfucker. Did you used to follow
the notes or a gummy bit? What

855
01:04:35,599 --> 01:04:40,119
are you talking about? Yeah,
hold on, drop down new subject.

856
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:43,760
You talking about Jelpins talking about I
had a whole shoebox full of shits.

857
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:46,199
Well, our kids gotta be on
a phone. The whole shoebox full of

858
01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:49,519
I ain't doing nothing. Just thought
i'd write you a letter. Hold on,

859
01:04:49,679 --> 01:04:55,079
drop down, new subject. This. Wow. We was cleaning out

860
01:04:55,119 --> 01:04:58,079
my granddaddy and I'm gonna be done
nothing this. But we were cleaning out

861
01:04:58,119 --> 01:05:02,320
my grandparents garage wasn't back. And
it's me Tracy, my mom. We're

862
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:08,079
cleaning up the garage and Tracy comes
across this box and would I say this?

863
01:05:08,199 --> 01:05:12,159
Nigga opened up the box and letters
just coming out. That's how mym

864
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,480
was high school. I said,
they don't know why you was that bored.

865
01:05:14,719 --> 01:05:18,440
Then I thought, I said,
we really Maybe Tracy had well over

866
01:05:18,519 --> 01:05:24,119
one hundred notes, letters and what
was doing year? Then it's me.

867
01:05:24,199 --> 01:05:26,880
I opened up my box. Guess
what was in my box? Drugs?

868
01:05:27,199 --> 01:05:33,360
No them, jail letters from me
and my brother to Jesse from Brittany,

869
01:05:34,159 --> 01:05:39,719
O three six listen to del Ron
from Brittany from Delle Ron to Brittain.

870
01:05:39,760 --> 01:05:42,760
Listen, I would have beat My
daughter asked if my daughter got prison,

871
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:48,400
prison, prison, fan mail.
I was back to Ashley. We was

872
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:55,199
on the steps with Hall passing and
now I'm done. We're going we were

873
01:05:55,519 --> 01:06:00,880
we up, We're going upstairs,
packed full of motherfucker buck us and I'm

874
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,239
like, yo, what I always
wondered those why are you break with me?

875
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:05,599
Because I thought it was cool when
she came through playing ray Jack.

876
01:06:05,679 --> 01:06:12,480
If I had one wish, that's
all even out, then that's all came

877
01:06:12,519 --> 01:06:15,360
after. But no, no,
I wasn't even dedicating songs a bitious but

878
01:06:15,599 --> 01:06:19,440
I actually kept asking, and she
was like, because you ugly in front

879
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:23,400
of everybody where is actually so I
could be her ass. I don't even

880
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:27,400
want to say her name, Ashley. When I see you, it's but

881
01:06:27,519 --> 01:06:30,920
she mixed. If you don't even, I don't listened. She mixed with

882
01:06:31,119 --> 01:06:39,679
more white than melitant melone me.
She's mixed with more white than melanine.

883
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:45,880
So she ain't looking the best.
She almost forty two, as she's almost

884
01:06:45,960 --> 01:06:49,880
forty as well, and you can
tell, damn Daniel, God did hey

885
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:56,039
stop playing? God did look at
and was the best? She probably single

886
01:06:56,119 --> 01:07:00,320
too. I don't know, I
just got divorced. I don't know.

887
01:07:03,039 --> 01:07:04,960
Yeah, we out. I don't
even know what I was talking about,

888
01:07:05,519 --> 01:07:11,079
but yeah, nojo phase and nor
arranged or nor ranged uh dating. All

889
01:07:11,119 --> 01:07:18,440
right, We're about to record Fake
Love and it is very ghetto. Yes,

890
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:23,199
love it, but it's gonna be
fire. Yeah, it's gonna be

891
01:07:23,239 --> 01:07:25,719
fire. I'll do what I do, all right. Thanks for talking with

892
01:07:25,840 --> 01:07:28,719
me, Brittany, and thank y'all
for listening always. One more time,

893
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:32,840
who's your best friend? Um,
Brittany? All right, that's what I'd

894
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:33,320
like to hear.