WEBVTT

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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to k I Am six forty The

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Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. I gotta share something

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with you. My sweet producer Kayla
came in today with an amazing arugula and

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goat cheese and pecan walnut salad with
a lemon vinaigrette. Blueberries and blueberries,

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That's what I'm meaning. And a
and brazina branzina branzino fish from her other

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job too Homies. Yeah, what's
it called? Two Homies is a restaurant.

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They think the best salad in all
of that. They make the best

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food in angels. But I'm glad
you're enjoying. This food is so good.

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And so the music starts and I've
got a mouthful of branzino and I'm

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like, let that song play.
She would swallow. Hey, everybody,

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Welcome to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I have a PhD in clinical psychology

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and I'm obsessed with the science of
love. I'm very excited to welcome Tony

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Sorrentino on the board because he's my
man. He's how are you. I'm

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doing all right? Yeah, yeah, okay, well, I'm a little

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hungover today. Oh good, we
have something in common. And who's in

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our newsroom today? I forgot to
even ask, Oh, Sandy Wells is

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there, but not right now because
there's this an empty face on my screen.

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You must be you know he's allowed
to go to the coffee room,

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Katy, I'll do at some point. Yeah, okay, so let me

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tell you while I'm hung over.
So last night I went to my friend,

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chef Katie Chin's birthday party, but
it wasn't her birthday party. It

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was a birthday of her husband,
Matthew. And during COVID, you know,

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I want to talk about passions and
hobbies that we take up sometimes later

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in life. Katie's always been a
karaoke queen. Like she's the kind of

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woman who will book a private studio
at a karaoke place for lunch time to

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go and eat her sandwich and practice. Okay, she's really into it before

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our karaoke night. So during COVID, a group of their friends who are

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all in their forties, fifties,
sixties, created a band, a rock

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band with like twelve members, and
they practiced you know, quarantine. It

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was during in people's garages and backyards
or whatever. So they had a birthday

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party where their band performed all night
long. I felt bad because I never

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the host and hostess never left the
stage. They were just I mean.

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But anyway, I brought a bottle
of champagne because I was going to give

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it to the birthday boy. And
then my friend Maria said to me,

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Matthew doesn't drink, and I'm like, no, wonder he looked so young

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and does not look like his birthday. I get it, Okay, he

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doesn't drink, so I'm like,
well, we might as well pop it.

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We're here and he doesn't drink.
So and then I asked all the

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people at my little cocktail table standing
around with me by the dance where would

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you like Kenny? Would you like
Anny? No? No, no.

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They all had their drinks so they
were being all healthy, one head of

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glucose monitor on. I'm like,
okay, well, I poured myself a

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glass of Chevan, just a little
one, and then I started dancing and

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whenever I get thirsty, I'd go
back and a little more. And my

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boyfriend's a gentleman. I'm sure he
was topping off and or not off for

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me. He doesn't drink either,
and that's why they all look so young

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and great. Anyway, at the
end of the night, I was ringing

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out that bottle, squeezing it for
the last drop, and I'm like,

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wait a minute, did no one
else have any champagne? I think one

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there's a USC professor. Students,
you know what your professors do on weekends.

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Let me tell you, but there
was a USC professor there and I

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remember giving her quite a big goblet
of champagne. So let's say she had

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one big one, So you had
the whole bottle except for one goblet.

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Yeah, and I'll tell you I
lost a day to day. Like when

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you're young, you can get up
and rebound with no problem. But when

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you're older, there's your art.
Biology just can't. And Tony, you're

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much much younger than me. You
probably went to the gym this morning,

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and fine, after you're drinking,
right, I got home at four o'clock

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this morning. Well, I have
to tell you a story. So you

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know, when you drink a lot, you fall asleep, but then you

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wake up and you're feeling like a
bad headache. And I, okay,

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I have this theory. I make
myself suffer I will not take adville.

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I read somewhere. I don't know
if it's true or not. Don't trust

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me on this. I'm not a
medical doctor that if you take adville when

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you have hangovers, it's bad and
you can go to bed and get a

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bleeding stomach or something. I don't
know, some stuff. So I make

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myself suffer with the headache until I
can finally go back to sleep. But

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anytime I lie down, the headache
would be worse. So I stood up,

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and I stood up from about three
thirty am until five thirty am,

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doing a little pacing. And I'm
looking out at the parking lot in my

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complex, and I see some interesting
things. At four in the morning,

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Tony, had you lived near me, I could have seen you coming home.

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There were lots of women doing the
walk of shame, young little co

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eds with their long blondiere and their
miniskirts and their high heels alone in the

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dark at four in the morning.
I don't know. It just seems unsafe,

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Just seems unsafe, But there's no
shame in that. Ladies, you

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can come home whenever you want.
If you're not treating you right, you

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just leave, okay. And then
I saw the dudes creeping out and leaving.

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I was like, Missus, h
what's that? What was that show?

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We used to watch Missus Kravitz and
watch what no I think it was

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from Three's Company or something. Wasn't
there a neighbor who was a nosy neighbor?

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Anyway, there I was watching everybody
in and out. So that's my

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one story. The other story I
have is that on Friday nights, so

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I complain. And this is important, you guys hear this. There's a

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little science behind this. So when
you're in a long term relationship, it

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can get boring. And I always
say, add novelty, whether it's date

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night, whatever, whatever. I
read this research once that on Valentine's Day,

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if you want to have a romantic
night, go out with another couple.

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The reason being is that everybody puts
on their performance personalities for the other

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people and you're reminded of what you
fell in love with. So on Friday,

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we went out on a double date
with a friend who has a new

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guy. They've only been seeing each
other a few months, right, so

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she got to dress all date like
and azimafliflat a sundress. But you know,

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and then I watched my Julio go
into his performance personality, and I

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remember, I remember why. Oh, I got an email from a listener.

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If you're listening, I did read
your email. I didn't write back,

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but it basically they said that they
fell in love and they listen to

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my show regularly. And now when
he does something right or something, she

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calls him her little Julio, her
sweet Julio. Is that cute? You're

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starting a trend? I read.
I read the email out loud, Julio,

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and a big giggle over that he
loved it. Yeah, all right.

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I do want to talk about something
that many of you are experiencing along

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with me. Not a child that
fails to launch, but a child who

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needs a little extra support to launch. Only forty percent of kids this year

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are in college, or even community
college or trade school or whatever they're enrolled

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in some kind of sixty percent are
trying to figure out who they are,

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what they want. They're trying different
jobs, They're trying to register for different

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trade or art programs or interesting programs. Right, so I have one of

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those. I love her dearly.
I'll tell you that the very first job

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I ever got, I was fourteen
years old. And my mother drove me

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because nobody asked her for ID and
ages back then. It was back in

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the dark ages. And my mother
drove me to the Ponderosa Steakhouse in a

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suburb of Ottawa, Canada, and
she told me exactly word for word what

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to say. Walk in and say, is a manager here. She also

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prepped me for if they said no, the next question, do you know

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when a manager might be in?
Do you know if they're accepting applications?

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May I please have an application?
Blah blah blah. She got me all

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ready to go in. She goes, as soon as they hand to the

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application, come back out to the
car. I will help you fill it

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out. So then we did that, and then I went in. I

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met the manager hand in my application. Before you know it, I was

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trying on uniforms in the back and
I came out with my bag with my

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Ponderosa cowgirl little uniform. And my
mom was thrilled. So, yeah,

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she was a bit of a snowplow
parent. But I was fourteen years old

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and I've never looked back. I
have worked every day almost of my life,

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every year. Certainly, I've never
taken a break since then. So

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now we have kids who are nineteen
twenty two, twenty three, twenty eight

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still being at home, and what
can we do besides nag them and yell

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at them. So here's my doctor
Wendy Tipps for what we all should be

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doing. I'm trying it. I'll
let you know how it goes. Number

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one, make a home for your
adult child that is a launch pad,

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not a comfort cave. That means
no TV in their bedroom. Don't buy

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them all the comfortable things they need. Make sure there's a bit like it

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doesn't have to be a prison room, but make it a pretty bed,

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a bed, some night tables.
There's a shelter. You've given them a

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shelter, fill your fridge. But
give them no money for door, dash

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or entertainment, movie night, nothing. No, you say to them when

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they ask for that money. I
gave you a bed, I've given you

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shelter. There's food in my fridge. You're welcome to use one of the

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cookbooks I have, and I serve
family dinner if you'd like to join us,

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But no no money for that.
You see, you have to make

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them loved and cared for, but
they need to be hungry. Somebody I

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know recently said, I don't understand
my fridge is full. His mother's there

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cooking and he always orders door dash
and he's in his twenties. I said,

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who pays for the door dash?
The dad said I do. I'm

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like, well that's your problem.
You'll go up to the fridge. If

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you just do that, Okay.
Then you need to help them find work

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or school, whether you're on indeed
LinkedIn jobs, investigate cosmetology programs, trade

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schools, whatever. Why are more
guys not learning how to be welders and

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plumbers and electricians? Right? We
don't all need to go to college to

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learn how to make the next great
app and also check in daily with that

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job hunt. Don't get it behind, don't ask, bring out the computer.

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Let's get back on. Let's see
what we got today. Yes,

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help them build their resume, Teach
them how to write business emails, Teach

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them how to walk in and say, mom, just put the resume on.

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Indeed, you don't walk in,
Yes, you do. You walk

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in? You introduce yourself to the
manager. You say, I put my

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resume up on. Indeed, I
just wanted to personally introduce myself. Well,

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I'll tell you that I've been doing
this for the last week since my

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kid came back, and she has
a really big job interview tomorrow. I'm

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not going to jink sit. I'm
not gonna say anything. But I made

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her walk into this establishment three times, all dressed up, perfect makeup.

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I drove her to the door.
I sat outside in the car. I

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told her exactly what to say.
I said, if they're looking for salespeople,

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they want people who can sell themselves. The squeaky wheel gets the job.

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Just show up. John Lennon said, half of life is showing up.

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So anyway, I'll keep you posted
next week. It's tomorrow. I'm

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so nervous. She's so nervous.
All right. On the kid note,

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I have some friends going through a
divorce and their kids are still quite young,

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so I did a little research on
the best ways to make a home

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for your children after divorce. It's
a little more comfy than the young adult

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trust me. You're listening to doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I am

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six forty. Coming up a little
later, my friend Lisa and Ive are

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here. Is here? This woman
is a spitfire. You probably know her

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from YouTube, or maybe you've written
or read some of her travel stuff.

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She's a traveler, but she wrote
a book. I didn't even realize that

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all her travel stuff began because of
a divorce and that she was going to,

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like epray, love herself around the
world. And she did more than

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that. We'll find out a little
while. But before I get there,

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speaking of divorce, I want to
remind you there is no such thing as

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a failed relationship. When Death Do
us Part was invented, death was pretty

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imminent. Even the most monogamous of
humans may see themselves having two or three

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long stint of monogamy with a mate
selection in between. It's because of our

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extra long life expectations now, and
during one of those long term marriages,

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you may find yourself with children and
divorcing. This is not new now.

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When I was in the seventh grade, I had a friend named Karen,

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and Karen was the only person I'd
ever met with a single mother. This

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was in the seventies, single mother, four kids. Grandma Cheryl's still alive

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and doing grade. I love her. She's like one of my favorite people.

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She was the cool, hip single
mom in her thirties who had four

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kids, and we always hung out
at her place. But it was rare

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and there was stigma attached to it. Now you can assume that a full

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fifty percent or more children are living
with a single parent or a blending family.

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And now let's talk about how to
do it right so that your children

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won't be as hurt as all children
are going to be. Remember, no

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matter how you cut it, when
you divorce, children blame themselves. That's

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just how it works. So you
have to be the one to say,

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we love you. This is not
because of you. You are not going

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to lose us. You are going
to have both of us involved in your

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lives forever. But let's talk about
how we can prepare a nest when the

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kid has now two nests, okay, and the first is you really need

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to prepare for it right. You
need to talk about it with your significant

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other. How you're going to set
up these rooms, the stuff you're going

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to put in each room, how
you're going to make it so it's seamless

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for your kids. You know,
many, many divorce attorneys recommend that you

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get the second place as close to
the first place as possible so that the

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kids aren't driving forever to get to
their schools, so that they don't get

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you know, loss of play dates
during the week that's far away at someone's

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house. I really commend my little
brother Andy. My little brother Andy,

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father of two boys, always bought
a house within blocks of the ex wife.

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I know you're like, who wants
us run into it? So up,

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you know, it makes it easier
for carpool for school. If the

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kid forgets something that's important for homework
or a project. At the other house,

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it's a couple of blocks away.
You ride their bike, skateboard,

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come on over, right. So
I really think and suggest that you don't

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move far away, so that the
kids can have these two places and spaces

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but still feel close. Now,
the next thing you want to do is

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talk about it with your kids.
Now, it might seem obvious that you're

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going to explain to them they're going
to have two rules and two things,

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but kids need simple, honest information
to understand and process what's going on.

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If they have questions, answer their
questions in simple, age appropriate terms.

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What's most important is that you're not
dismissive. No, it's gonna be fine,

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You're gonna like it, it'll be
great. Oh, you're gonna have

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a nice room, right. No, No, no, this might be

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hard for you. One week here, one week there. Sometimes you'll miss

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one parent one week and the other
parent. But I'll always be available by

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phone. Set up this stuff with
your acts. By the way, on

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your week away, children should be
able to have contact and communication with the

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other parent. Really important. Create
a special space. Make sure, matter

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how small your new place is,
that your kid has a dedicated space there

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that's theirs. Now, it might
not be a full bedroom. It might

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be a corner of the living room
where they get their books and their toys.

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In their space, and that's their
space. You can put yellow tape

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across it. Nobody enters without permission. Right. I did this with my

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kids. In each of their bedrooms, I put a picture of them with

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their dad. It's really important.
Remember when you trash the other parent,

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you're trashing your child. Your child
is half them, all right, So

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make sure there's a picture of the
other parent in their space. Also,

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involve the kids in the decorating.
Make it a fun thing. Take the

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ikea trip, let them pick out
their bedding, let them pick out their

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stuff. Make it a fun thing. If they have some control over the

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situation, they're going to feel better
about it. Think about more than just

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the toothbrush and a bed. Think
about what they're going to need. And

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yes, buy duplicates if you need
to. This is about your children's emotional

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health. And yep, make it
fun. Okay, divorce is not fun.

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But we do know that children are
sponges and if the parent is spending

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the time going, I know it's
not the same. We have such a

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small place now, you know what. One time, when times were tough,

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as I was a single mom for
eighteen years, my two daughters and

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I lived in a studio apartment now
an LA studio apartment. It was pretty

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big. It had a walled garden, an outdoor space. I said to

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them, did you know if we
lived in Paris or New York, this

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would be a huge apartment. In
New York it would be special because it

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has its own walled garden. In
Paris, it would just be ginormous.

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Let's imagine that we're living in one
of those places. And what I did,

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because it was a studio apartment,
is I made l shaped three beds

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and I had throws over them during
the day with lots of pillows, and

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it was a three sided couch and
I put it like an ottoman in the

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middle, and it was our hole. And then at night we pulled off

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the things that it became beds.
I made an out I brought a little

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chiminea at home depot for cheap,
and made a little fireplace out in the

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garden and we sat around. That
was our living room. We had an

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outdoor dining table. It's California.
You need a heater in the winter.

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Baby, But we had a great
time. We made it fun. I

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missed those days. It was one
year we did that, and I missed

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that year. So make it fun
for your kids, because it's hard when

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we come back. I have a
travel blogger who wrote the most interesting book

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called Bravish One Breakup, Six Continents
and Feeling Fearless after fifty When we come

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00:18:34.400 --> 00:18:40.880
back, my guest Lisa Niver,
you're listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand

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from KF I am six forty.
Hey, did you ever read that book

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Wild But the woman who you know
went on the PCT all by herself while

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she was solving her psychological problems,
or eat, Pray Love, or she

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ate her way around the world and
prayed and came back with a love.

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I'm sure you did well. My
guest on the show has written a very

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00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:06.400
similar book. You have to wait
until September nineteenth for it to come out.

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Her name is Lisa and Iver.
She's named a number three travel influencer

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this year, and she talks travel
on KTLA and Los Angeles plus her YouTube

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channel. She's all over social media. Her new book is called Bravish One,

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Breakup, Six Continents and Feeling Fearless
After fifty So what I didn't know

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about Lisa and Iver is that all
her travel blogging began after breakup. It

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all had to do with relationships.
I mean, she ate sushi for the

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very first time. Wait, despite
having already traveled to Asia a bunch of

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times. Okay, late on that. She sat on the bottom of an

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ocean in Mexico and learned how to
identify different species of sharks, especially the

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aggressive ones. She raised BMW's in
the Rain and California. She zoomed on

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00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:07.880
a Lamborghini in Vegas on a border
crossing between Tanzania and Kenyan. She fixed

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00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:12.759
a toilet for people who've never done
a bucket flush and she was terrified.

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She took the plunge to skydive as
her fiftieth Challenge one Breakup, six Continents

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00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:25.359
and feeling Fearless after fifty Welcome Lisa
and Iver. Thank you so much.

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You look fearless. Thank you.
I'm so honored to be here with you.

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Well, thank you for that.
I'm just happy you came in on

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a Sunday. That's so nice.
So why did you decide to write this

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creative memoir? Well, I'd say
one of the main reasons I worked on

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this book was I remember when I
was getting divorced, I felt like such

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a failure and I felt really alone. And I've spoken with a lot of

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other women and men who also felt
like failures. And in actual fact,

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as you probably tell your listeners,
for me, it would have been a

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failure to stay in that Manne exact. Actually, you know, this week

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in my psychology class, I was
teaching students about various cognitive biases we have,

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and one of them is called the
sunk cost bias, and that is,

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the more time and the more money
you've invested in something, the more

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likely you are going to stick to
it, even if it's awful, Because

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we have this bias to staying loyal, right, So you got to know

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when to hold them and know when
to fold them. Yes, and so

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I folded them. And then I
was so upset and I was so sad,

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and I ended up working on my
eyes. I had a vision problem.

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And then I started this fifty Challenges
before I was fifty, and doing

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the fifty challenges eventually became this book. And you did them alone. The

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challenges. Yeah, yes, she's
mild. Okay, what are some of

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the biggest challenges and how did you
overcome your fears? Well, I'd say

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one of the biggest things that happened
was I had an undiagnosed or misdiagnosed eye

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problems since I was a child,
and everyone told me I was clumsy,

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which I believed, but that actually
wasn't trip. You weren't seeing stuff.

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Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness. That was definitely a problem. You

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know, in this book, it's
not just a travelogue and an exciting adventure

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story. It's a story of recovery
after divorce, and you share a lot

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of personal struggles after this divorce.
Was it difficult to open up? I

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00:22:22.079 --> 00:22:26.039
mean, I'm an open book.
I've been an extrovert. I process externally.

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I have a very high shame tolerance
I'm not a normal person. How

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was it for you opening up about
this really personal stuff? It was horrible.

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I would write, I would write
about it, and I would feel

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so sad and I would cry.
It was very cathartic. And then when

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I thought it was for sure going
to throw up, I would lie on

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the floor. I hope I wouldn't
really throw up, and then I would

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00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:49.039
get back at my desk and keep
typing. I kind of felt like that

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00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:52.519
last night with all the champagne,
but I had to stand up and so

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00:22:52.759 --> 00:22:57.240
lie. It's a long story,
so just give us a quick little laundry

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list of some of the things you
did that were particularly scary. I mentioned

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00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:03.200
a few, but there might be
others. You mentioned a few. I've

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done a lot of scuba diving challenges, like you said with the sharks.

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One of the things I tried was
beach tennis. For someone that doesn't see

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very well, starting tennis as an
adult was very frustrating, and how does

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the ball bounce on the beach?
Well, first I took tennis like a

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tennis leskins on a regular court,
but then when I was in Aruba they

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had beach tennis. It's more it's
like a cross between ping pong and tennis.

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It's it's fun. But yeah,
that was hard. Yeah. And

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so you've done these fifty challenges,
you wrote the book. Was it worth

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00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:40.799
it? How is your life changed? That is such a good question.

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My life is so different. Even
when I was doing the fifty challenges,

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every time I had a new idea, first I said no, I refused.

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There was a lot of crying and
refusing. And now when something happens,

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like I went with a friend to
the CN Tower in Toronto and I

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saw that you click a good Canadian. You took off the last tea.

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00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:02.920
Thank you, darl. So while
I was there in the CN Tower,

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I realized you can go to the
top and walk around. And my friend

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was like, that's with a glass
floor. My friend said, the idea

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00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:12.880
of it made her want to throw
up. And not only did I do

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it, I did it in the
rain. Oh my goodness. Okay,

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So I did it one time with
my kids because we wanted to see the

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00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:22.440
CN Tower tall. It used to
be the tallest free stranding structure in the

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00:24:22.480 --> 00:24:26.720
world, but who knows who beat
it now? And so you take this

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elevator up forever and ever and ever
and you get to this tower and there's

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a freaking glass floor you step out
on and it's like there's nothing. So

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I actually have vertigo. So what
happens when you have vertigo is there are

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no thoughts. Your muscles just freeze, like you can't move. It's the

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00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:44.359
weirdest thing. You can't get past
it. It's not even any sense of

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00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:48.119
fear. It's like everything just freezes. So I stayed on that little kind

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of platform near the edge and my
kids walked on the glass. That's all

359
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:55.640
I could do because I couldn't step
out. My muscles were just frozen.

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00:24:56.359 --> 00:24:59.440
This is the one where you are
in a suit with a tether. You

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00:24:59.480 --> 00:25:03.079
did on the outside, yes,
oh my lord, No, I didn't

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00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:08.599
even anticipate that you did the outside
CN tower in the rain. It was

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00:25:08.680 --> 00:25:14.319
so fun. Lisa, Oh my
goodness. Okay, when we come back,

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00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:18.000
I want to get into the nitty
gritty because also on this travel you

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00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:21.319
had a few little sexploits. All
right, you worked at a club med.

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00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:23.200
I want to know what happened at
club bed for Lisa and Iver.

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00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:29.160
When we come back. You're listening
to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KF

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00:25:29.279 --> 00:25:34.240
I am six forty author travel writer
Lisa and Iver her new book coming out

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00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:40.759
on September nineteenth. It's called Bravish
One, Breakup, Six Continents, and

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00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:45.000
Feeling Fearless After fifty you did fifty
crazy challenges, swimming with starks, hanging

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00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.039
from the CN Tower all over the
world, and that's why you have so

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00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:56.000
much great travel material to share.
You originally left California for Colorado to work

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at a club. Med tell me
about that was so much fun, but

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00:26:02.359 --> 00:26:06.400
a little overwhelming for me at first. There was a lot of club bed

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happening. It was a ski one, not a beach one, so even

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00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:15.680
club bed happened in the ski resorts. Clubbed happened when I was there everywhere.

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00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:18.559
I remember once being at a staff
meeting and the chief of the village

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00:26:18.599 --> 00:26:22.400
saying, there's a lot of single
women coming next week, and I want

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00:26:22.440 --> 00:26:29.079
them to be happy. So they
kind of tell people put out, yes

380
00:26:29.160 --> 00:26:32.720
they do. Somebody's going to get
sued for sexual harassment at some point at

381
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:37.920
club it was all I kept thinking, was, Dorothy, we're not in

382
00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:42.480
Kansas anymore. Because I had been
an elementary school teacher and that that was

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00:26:42.519 --> 00:26:45.680
not what we talked about at staff
meetings. I'm afraid to ask you this

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00:26:45.799 --> 00:26:51.759
question, Lisa, but there you
got the nickname spin. Okay, So

385
00:26:51.799 --> 00:26:56.480
when I was in college, there
was a name for certain women called spinners.

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00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:00.200
Do you know that term must be
a Canadian. I don't know that

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00:27:00.240 --> 00:27:03.319
one. But what happened to me
is it club met Everyone had a roommate,

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00:27:03.920 --> 00:27:07.400
and so if you wanted to make
out, you had to find a

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00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:11.480
place to go. So one of
the ski instructors and I actually made out

390
00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:14.799
in the laundry room. And I
learned by the next day that you could

391
00:27:14.839 --> 00:27:18.160
do something alone in a locked room, but pretty fast everyone would know.

392
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:22.119
So at lunch, one of the
other ski instructors, who I didn't know

393
00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:26.960
I was new. We used to
eat with the kids. I was skiing

394
00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:30.480
with the kids, and he came
and he put a quarter children, what

395
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:33.720
your teachers do at night? He
put a quarter next to my plate,

396
00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:36.880
and he said, in case you
want to go for a spin with me

397
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:41.920
later? What because that would turn
on the laundry machine, because I was

398
00:27:41.960 --> 00:27:45.880
sitting on the laundry machine, so
in the spin cycle, uh huh.

399
00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:51.680
And so for the rest of that
season, everyone called me spin Oh my,

400
00:27:52.599 --> 00:27:55.680
oh my, Well, let me
ask you this though. When you

401
00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:59.799
were growing up, were you in
a conservative house, a liberal house?

402
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:03.960
Was this asexual awakening for you?
All this travel stuff. She's nodding,

403
00:28:04.279 --> 00:28:10.359
yes, I wasn't sure if you
were done to asking me. I grew

404
00:28:10.440 --> 00:28:15.200
up very myself conservative. I did
not date much in high school. I

405
00:28:15.240 --> 00:28:18.759
went to all girls school. I
think some of it had to do with

406
00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:22.119
my eye issues, like I didn't
always get all the social queuing, and

407
00:28:22.640 --> 00:28:26.960
I got confused, Like I remember
somebody asked me at a party, do

408
00:28:26.960 --> 00:28:30.000
you want to go on a walk
because it's hot in here? And it

409
00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:32.079
was hot, and I did want
to go for a walk, but then

410
00:28:32.119 --> 00:28:34.319
you wanted to kiss me, And
I was like, what did that happen?

411
00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:38.079
And so then in college I did
date, but not so much.

412
00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:42.640
And then when I was at Club
med it was basically a buffet and you

413
00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:49.079
were learning about yourself. Now later
after your divorce, you're fifty years old,

414
00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:56.720
that's a time when women's hormones are
going down. What was your experience.

415
00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:03.400
I was back at the buffet and
I met men everywhere. Issed up

416
00:29:03.400 --> 00:29:07.960
with a guy I met on the
plane, someone from salsa class. I

417
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:11.000
was traveling and I was having so
much fun again, and I felt like

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00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:14.880
I could be myself and I was
out in the world, and I think

419
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:17.160
that drew a lot of people to
me. Well, you know, the

420
00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:22.480
research on cougars and menopause is that
depending on your environment, it can impact

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00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:26.680
your hormones. So, in other
words, if you're in an old,

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00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:30.960
staid, conservative relationship doing the same
kinds of sexual acts on a regular basis,

423
00:29:32.200 --> 00:29:33.960
your hormones are going to decline.
But if all of a sudden,

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00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:38.279
as you use the term, you're
at a buffet, hormones charge up again.

425
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:42.480
And so I like to use this
saying, if you don't use it,

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00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:48.599
you lose it. So it's about
using it. Yes, And I

427
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:52.920
had so much fun. It was
great. I met someone on an Almost

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00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.640
every adventurous trip I went on,
I was collecting new memories. So let

429
00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:02.720
me ask you about this. I
was never one who was good at hooking

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00:30:02.799 --> 00:30:06.079
up. I did a lot of
hookups, but I didn't like it because

431
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:08.440
I always thought they would be a
stepping stone to a relationship, and when

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00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:12.599
the relationship didn't happen, I had
all kinds of attachment anxiety. Now we

433
00:30:12.680 --> 00:30:17.279
do know that women are more likely
to fall in love during sex than men

434
00:30:17.359 --> 00:30:21.640
are because their bodies emit so much
oxytose in the big bonding hormone. Did

435
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:25.079
you have that problem that you were
falling in love? I think after working

436
00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.440
on the cruise ship and people came
for seven days and left that when I

437
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:33.400
was meeting people on adventures, I
knew it was finite. They were not

438
00:30:33.559 --> 00:30:36.279
people. I think when you're home
and you meet someone at the corner bar,

439
00:30:36.400 --> 00:30:38.720
you think you'll see them again.
But when you've flown from Los Angeles

440
00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:42.519
to Dublin and you meet someone from
Canada, you don't think, Wow,

441
00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:47.599
this is definitely happening. Well,
some women do, and they pine away

442
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:51.920
and send emails forever and say when
are you coming to visit? So you're

443
00:30:51.960 --> 00:30:55.920
able to. So now you're back, it's all over. What's up for

444
00:30:55.960 --> 00:30:59.319
you with your relationship life? What
is your plan? Well? I has

445
00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:02.480
actually just talking to someone this morning. I asked him to set me up

446
00:31:02.519 --> 00:31:03.799
with one of his friends. So
we'll see what happens. I'll keep you

447
00:31:03.839 --> 00:31:07.920
posted. So are you looking for
long term monogamy now? I definitely am

448
00:31:07.920 --> 00:31:12.839
not part of the whole polygamous ethical
non monogamous thing in LA. I would

449
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:15.359
if I'm going to date someone,
I'm going to date one person. Okay,

450
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.480
here that gentleman Lisa and Iver.
You can look her up. The

451
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:23.359
book is called Brave Ish, One
Breakup, Six Continents and Feeling Fearless after

452
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:26.359
fifty Lisa. Where do they find
the book? You can find the book

453
00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:30.880
everywhere Amazon, But the best thing
is call your local bookstore and ask them

454
00:31:30.920 --> 00:31:34.000
to order it and pick it up
in the store. You never know what

455
00:31:34.079 --> 00:31:37.400
treasures you'll find in the store,
but Barnes and Noble Bookshop, Walmart,

456
00:31:37.480 --> 00:31:42.119
Target, it's everywhere. Brave Ish. Thanks for being with us when we

457
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:48.240
come back. Did you know that
there's a reason why so many narcissists and

458
00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:55.680
sociopaths are able to find mates.
They actually have some very interesting personality traits

459
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:59.680
that are super attractive. I'll explain
when we come back. You are listening

460
00:31:59.720 --> 00:32:02.759
to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
KFI AM six forty We live everywhere on

461
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:08.079
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening
to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always

462
00:32:08.119 --> 00:32:12.359
hear us live on k f I
AM six forty from seven to nine pm

463
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:15.200
on Sunday and anytime on demand on
the iHeartRadio app,