You're listening to KFI AM on demand. Jim, Welcome to the Jesus Christ
Show. Hello, Hi you Jim. How can I help you? Is
this double H? Yes, this is the Holy Host H to the h
H Squared. I get My major question is I'm going through a divorce after
thirty one years and then, oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Jim.
Yeah, yeah, it's you know, things happened in the world.
It was financial, some emotional, some other stuff. It's financial finances is
what brought this to the surface. Oh yeah, yeah, Oh that breaks
my heart. I thought that something so well, Okay, but and she's
the thing is that she's involved in a major church, and we were involved
in that major church together, and then since she made the decision to the
worst meetings stuff. It's the church seems it seems like it backs them up.
But they kind of make a statement the families forever, you know,
and a lot of their teachings about family forever. And you know, I
was a good part of the church for many years, and you know,
I haven't had any contact with these people. And I know I've tried to
go back a couple of times. It just I just didn't feel like I
was wanted to kind of thing, you know, so I kind of feel
bad about that. My wife and my youngest daughters still go. But you
know, I see, And there's another whole aspect of this too. I
mean a couple of years ago, I got double pneumonia and the swine flu,
and I had died a couple of times on the live support. Yeah,
I think, uh, my goodness, so you died a couple of
times, and and and this, yeah, this is did we speak before?
No, I don't think huh, you don't hear that often the whole
died a couple of times. Now, when when this occurred? Uh?
When this occurred? Uh? This is a clinical death right that they're just
stopping at the heartbeat, is what you're talking about, right, Yeah,
first time had stopped or they failed two and a half minutes, and a
couple of days later was three and a half minutes. My goodness. So
you've all that stuff. So you've had your share of some some ugly times
and some very rough times, and you're trying to work yourself through them.
Now, Yeah, that's that's exactly what t well, You're The thing that
it is about churches is their their community, and unfortunately, sometimes in that
community, they don't always know how to deal with everything. We've kind of
this has been a running theme throughout the show and started with the concept of
Halloween and paganism, all these things and what you cut out of your life
and what you don't. Sometimes the church really doesn't know how to spawn to
certain ugly parts of life, the divorce and things like that, or even
the death of someone or strange circumstances or whatever it is, and they just
they don't run to the aid of And this isn't all churches, but some
do. And this may or may not be the church that you were attending
in the case, but in that case as well. But really the important
thing is for you to find a church to grow and to be rooted in,
regardless of whether it's that church you were originally in or not. Is
there a what is your goal in all of this? What are you trying
to Are you trying to get the family back together? Are you trying to
make yourself whole again? What is your goal? I think the primary thing
would be to make myself whole again so I can get the family back again.
We have four children too, so we're not just we didn't just screw
up their lives, you know, their friends and all of our friends all
over relatives. I mean thirty one years of building up. Yeah, it's
a lot. It's a lot of you know. And then the crazy thing
is that you know it, I think there's some way it could be admitted.
I just don't know how to get it all back together. And you
know, it's a long I think it's a long term plan, but you
know, and I just don't feel comfortable going back to that church right now.
And they haven't even, like I said, they haven't even reached out
one dime and said, hey, you know how you doing. You know,
it's like, really, is it a large church? A very large
church. Yeah, that happens. It's a very lot of there's many,
many of them, you know. So it's as like I said, it's
just ah, and there's you know, there's some factors the churches. I've
always been turned off about it as a hypocritical attitude of some people. It's
like it's Okay, you shouldn't do that, or and I should do this.
And listening to you, how you're saying that to find the middle road,
because everything you do is not always, So that's a terrible thing,
you know, just like watching you know, you know, Halloween movie or
something. You know, that's not like you're the devil worship or you're enjoying
a movie or something. No. I find that the church likes the pendulum
to swing hard left or hard right. And and that doesn't mean to be
mediocre. I say in scripture, if you're luke warm, I'll spit you
out of my mouth. It's not to be lukewarm. It's a matter of
finding that true balanced Jim. It's a matter of saying, okay, well,
where is a place of health for me and something that will not distract
or take me away from the Gospel or my faith. And in your circumstances,
in going through pain or a divorce or any of these things can be
quite distracting. And God's desire is always for reconciliation when possible. If your
wife's not here to talk and speak for herself, but I'd be I'd be
curious to see, Jim, if your wife was on the phone and I
asked her why you guys got a divorce? What do you think the top
three reasons she would give. Oh, she would probably start off with did
I don't have to have a steady income, you know, because I had
you know, I've obviously you know, I was in the hospital for two
weeks, you know, a couple of years ago then they you know,
it took me two or three months to recuperate from that. So okay,
what would be the second, I would say, So that would be the
financial aspect that I would think. Second would be any type of any type
of drinking of alcohol whatsoever. And at the same time she she goes out
and has Martinas and has a beer to him. I'm not I'm a casual
drinker, but you know she thinks that that, you know, and I've
never ever got I'm not a person that gets abusive, uh ever, you
know, but you know, okay, I'll let you We'll go by these
point by point here. But and then the third, I would say,
the relationship that I had with the four kids. You know, the all
four kids are pretty much like and I hate to say this, but on
my side, you know, they take their mama's you know, their mother
went has gone through a menopause, you know, so after doing all that
menopause and stuff and everything, she did like a one eighty at one point,
and I was, you know, I was financially trying to help her
in her business, her things that she was doing, and she got to
be kind of a drain on the family money. And then okay, yeah,
we owned her sisters a bunch of money and her sister never paid it
back. Okay, Well, well we have a bunch of issues there.
You know, there's a lot of issues there, and those going in a
couple of different directions, Jim, So, I would say the financial one
may deal with something just beyond finances. Have you always been kind of in
and out of work? No? Not, you know, never. Actually
I've only a couple of businesses and I've done I've made you know, tons
of money and if employed mostly or I've worked for companies for you know for
five six, seven years and maybe you know with a general manager, made
tons of money. And then we've always lived in you know, in South
County. It's always my kids always went to the same elementary school, the
same middle school. Now like kids always you know, they were to sports
and wrestling, softball, whatever. Well, I'm going to say this,
Jim, just out of because the sake of time and the opportunity we have
is that you need to take those three answers that you gave me that you
think your wife would say, and you need to make a list for yourself
is to what part you played in them and how you can change them or
where you need to work on them. You know, sickness and things like
that. It will come and go, but you have to look at those
things. I want you to go through each one of them and decide what
your part in them, in each of them is, And I want you
to call me back next week preferably if you can, if not, the
following week, and let's talk again so we can go over those, sort
through those and see what your part is for making you a better you first
before you get back into the relationship. John, Welcome to the Jesus Christ
Show. Yes, I've had a question about your name. What the name
Jesus? Yeah, what is a real name, because well, it all
depends on it. It all depends on from where you stand. The actual
name is Yeshurmsk in the Hebrew, but it's not the full name. Jesus
or Joshua is actually referring to my actual name. Jesus is the modification of
that name, and it's what people are most comfortable with now. But a
lot of people think that the term Christ that comes after it is part of
my name, and it's not. That actually stands for my title. It
means the chosen one, and that in context, it was pointing out that
I was the Messiah that was spoken about in the Old Testament. Now,
if you have questions further than that, maybe your question was actually more about
this program and what this show is about. While I will leave that up
to you and do an investigation on your own, I'm sure you're a very
very smart man who can figure that out as to why we're here and what
we're doing. And that's a whole different question. But names are important throughout
scripture. If you look at the names of people, they had more weight
and more meaning than they do now. Now sometimes people will name their child
after somebody special or after something special, or about the time that they were
born and things like that, And in two thousand years ago, it was
more important to have a name that described something. Really, that's what it
was doing. It was a name described a situation or a person or a
happenstance that was surrounding that person's birth. That really lent itself to the beauty
of the name. Last names didn't exist. Last names were simply a description
of where you were from or a description of who you were born, unto
maybe your parents. That's why, like the name Josephson or Johnson or these
types of things that you hear, you think, oh, well, that's
the last name. No, really, if you take it apart, it
was referring to someone being Joseph's son, John's son, and it was a
description as to from where they came, which was of great importance in the
Bible. You'll find a lot of that. Joseph of Aramathea, Jesus of
Nazareth, these types of things a judas is scariot, describing certain attributes or
places they come from, or things that they did. And in that way
you learn a little something about someone just by here in their name. Scott,
Welcome to the Jesus Christia. Hi, Hi, but glad you could
take my call, my pleasure. What's going on? Well, I just
you know, I'm just kind of in a quandary. I've been married for
about ten years and me and my wife have you know, got along great
early on, and now it's developed more kind of into roommate status and we
haven't been intimate in about three or four years. Oh goodness. Yeah,
And I don't know how to turn it around. And I'm kind of a
passionate when you know, I tried to do the romance and all that stuff,
and she's just cold to that. And I'm not shooting my own horn,
but I'm you know, I'm an attractive man, and so I just
don't know what's healthy and what I should where you draw the line or what
well? And is it? Would you consider your home a Christian home?
Yeah? Okay, so you're both believers? Yeah, okay. And you
say three or four years ago, did it like kind of trickle out?
Yeah, it kind of trickled out. I mean, you know, we
had our ups and downs in our relationships like any couple does and everything like
that, and then it just kind of disappeared and never been able to get
that part back. I mean, we get along great as friends, we
go out and do things together, we go on vacations together, but the
physical part is non existent. Hm. And you know what, I want
to talk to you more about this because I think it's it's it's a bigger
issue than some people may think. And the fact that you were so bold
to call in, and a lot of a lot of men wouldn't. In
this case, I really want to take a look at a couple of things
and ask you some questions. Can you can you stick around for a moment,
Yeah, okay, hold on, and then when we come back,
I'll ask you a couple more questions. We were talking with Scott. Scott,
you're still with us. You were saying that you've been married for ten
years. Yeah, about ten years, okay, and the past four or
so three years there or four years, your wife slowly had less and less
interest in sex. And you say, other than that, the relationship is
great. You guys, you know, go out, you see movies,
you hang out together, you go on vacations together, but no sex.
Right. Has your wife prior had any medical issues at all or changed medications
or anything like that. Well, yeah, I mean she said some medications
when it comes to the things such as fibromyogia and things of that nature,
which she could be a contributing factor. She has some hormone issues and some
sleep bud sure issues and so forth, but she's never been, you know,
a real sexual type of creature. So going into this marriage. When
you guys were first married, she wasn't even it's terribly interested in sex,
or yes she was, but not she wasn't a wild yet like some of
the ladies I'd had in the past. Wow. Well, okay, okay,
Scott, that might be filed under t M I maybe, but I
appreciate the insight the reason why I ask these things. This is not a
medical show. Of course, we look at the spiritual aspects of things,
and from a biblical and mainstream Christian perspective. But I asked those things because
all of that kind of points to the direction of, you know, where
one might look for answers in something like this. Now, when it first
started, you say, three or four years ago, what would be the
excuse or the response to you becoming amorous and approaching her sexually for her?
Yeah, when she just shut you down cold. I have a headache.
I've got to rearrange my sock drawer. What kind of response? I mean,
it would just be just about anything, you know. It would be
you know, not feeling well, too much stress at work, you know,
those kind of kind of things. Even when we get away on vacations
or whatever. It seems to always land on her cycle, so to seek
those kinds of issues that you would come up with. And you know,
we've been rebuilding our relationship slowly, you know, like I said, we've
had some lips downs in Okay, Well what are those ups and downs When
you say you're rebuilding, what are you rebuilding? What was torn down or
broken? Well, you know, I have a son from a previous marriage
that lived with this for a bit, not a previous marriage, but previous
girlfriend, and uh, you know that caused a little bit of differences of
opinions. Years ago. I used to drink, I repented and I haven't
drunk in years, stuff like that. So there there there were some of
those issues that that what kind of drinker were you? Were you a mean
drunk? Well, I'm sloppy, sloppy okay, yeah, an embarrassing drunk
okay, Yeah, And did did and that was done in front of her
quite often. Uh yeah, she was. She wore witnessed to that.
But at the same time, you know, she loves me and I loved
her, and I went and took care of that and she's always been supportive
of that. And uh, you know that that isn't the issue certainly now,
Uh you know that's that's some time ago. And uh, you know
the reason why I bring that up though, Scott, So you know is
that sometimes in relationships you get in different modes. And let's say she,
of course she loves you, you love her, and she's in that mode
of taking care of you when you're sloppy, drunk, and it takes her
energy and all of those things that sometimes the resentment builds up, and then
when you're well, your partner can become quite distant, still working through those
things in those memories or gosh, I remember this or that as they one
start to learn the new you and how the new you works and the healthy
you works and all of those things, and they can be resentful of well,
how came you didn't do it sooner? Or do you not care?
There's a lot of things the Majal the illnesses, let's put it that way.
The illness is that you named four or five of them actually that might
play a part, or even hormones specifically. Some of them deal with pain,
some of them do not. Does she ever comment about pain? Oh,
yeah, she's a pain quite a bit, and so on. But
I don't think that that would be necessarily the reason behind it. I guess
my concern is, you know, I'm married, I but her fibromyalogia does
that does that manifest itself in pain? Yes? Okay, yeah, and
that's been since you that's been pretty much you know, the whole marriage,
Okay. And the hormone thing that that concerns me quite a bit. The
hormone. You said there was hormone issues and she on medication. Yeah,
yeah, some degree. I mean she didn't take the estrogens and stuff like
that because the cancer so far, but she she takes, you know,
some different medications which could affect could affect that absolutely, not only could,
but probably do. I mean, there's a lot to it. And the
reason that's why I wanted to kind of hear that stuff because those things you
need to see a medical doctor and see how this plays. And she's got
to have interest in doing that because she's gonna have to play a big part
scripturally. The reason why we didn't go straight to scripture because I could tell
that there was something underlying. There's some other concerns as well, But I
would encourage you to read First Corinthians chapter seven and goes through the concept of
the principles for a married life. And one of those things in verse five
talks about not depriving one another of sex. When you're married, you should
never deprive each other of sex except for times of prayer and menstruation period.
So and I know sometimes people have headaches, it doesn't matter. Coming together
and having that time to be together is very important for both men and women,
and it's healthy. So it sounds to me like this is beyond just
celibacy or her not being interested. Uh. And it sounds like beyond just
the spiritual needs and the and the things that I mentioned in First Corinthians seven
is that there's some medical issues that need to be addressed. And the only
the thing about sex when you're married, there's a partnership. That partnership,
Scott, is something that you've built along with your wife. And you build
it up and you say, you're you're a good looking man. I'm sure
she's a beautiful woman. And and those are the things that that first brought
you together. And you see different things in each other and it's exciting and
you engage in this this wonderful God given union that is uh, it's only
for you guys, you know, it's intimate and it's connective, and it's
beautiful and all those things. But outside of the picture, it's like watching,
you know, people dance without music. It looks silly, and if
people thought about what they were doing when they dance, it becomes silly.
But when you're just feeling the music and letting yourself go, it's wonderful.
So similarly so is sex in marriage. That when you let yourself go and
you're so connected, then you just react and you do and you enjoy.
But if you start to parse it or intellectualize it or make too much out
of it, it becomes awkward and weird. So when there's a space of
time of any kind, let alone three or four years, re engaging that
part of your life will be strange and not exciting like when you were first
married. Strange where you're learning about each other's bodies and once and desires and
things like that. It becomes a new type of strange because whether you believe
it or not, whether you're good looking, she's good looking, whether you've
been with people in your past or she's been with people, it doesn't matter.
There's still that that does, that desire to be accepted by your partner,
and in the back of your head the thought, well did I do
something to make her not want me? Or her thinking well, you know,
I've gone through you know, hormone issues and medical issues, and and
I don't know, maybe she has scars or dozen or bodies body has changed.
There's a new awkwardness that comes to it comes to play in the situation,
and and so you know it's going to be awkward. And I think
in order to bring that back one, I think sharing times of intimacy and
scripture and prayer and things like that a great start too, to get into
some counseling, possibly with the past to help guide you guys back into that
part of your lives. And three and very important is to go see seek
medical help and sit down with a doctor and really go not just for the
aches and pains or for the things that she's going through, but you go
in with her and to talk about the fact that you guys aren't having sex,
that you guys aren't coming together and having that part of your life,
because the resentment is already going to be wedged in there at this point,
no matter how kind you are, no matter how kind she is, and
it's going to take a little bit to kind of break that and not feel
weird about it and just make it natural and normal again and part of your
relationship, which is where it should be and needs to be. If you
get to that point, it can be a huge problem in a relationship.
And you know, God bless you for standing by her and not taking the
easy way out and looking for you know, other sexual partners and so on.
The world would say, oh, yeah, you deserve it, go
do it. You got it. And partially she is abandoning the marriage,
and I get that. But to stand firm and strong in your conviction convictions
and look at this as an opportunity of growth and newness in the relationship can
be very wonderful and exciting. It's just going to need some outside help to
get you to that point. So you read that homework that I gave you
in First Corinthians, chapter seven. You pray on what your next step is.
You pray with your wife, You find pastoral counseling or somebody that can
help bring those issues together about reigniting that. And you find medical help to
figure out what is going on and how some of the medications or the hormone
balance or imbalance or these types of things are affecting her desire to be with
you sexually. Started earlier today talking about the concept of paganism and how it
permeates really everything, that if as a believer you are trying to run from
anything dealing with paganism, that you will have an easier time trying to pick
an actor who hasn't been in a film with who Tony Kevin Bacon. And
that is to say that there in life and in culture, the cultures are
built upon really somebody living in a place looking to the left and looking to
the right and seeing what the natural resources are to make clothing, to make
food, and this becomes the culture. So if you know, you see
the Mexican culture culture, or you see you know, to this side you
see a Native American culture, or you keep looking around and seeing, oh,
well, this is the German culture and the if you pull them apart,
you'll start seeing that they intertwine quite a bit. And the Mexican culture
the use of certain instruments, including you know, playing certain types of songs
that sound like their ompapa when you when you hear them, you go,
well, where did that come? Well? That comes from Germany. So
when you see these things or hear them and you go, well where did
this come from? Where you'll find that they meld together. American Indians are
no longer living in teepees. Well, culture changes and grows, and it's
not that the accordion was native to Mexico. It's that it's brought there and
then that gets used and the foods if you look, it's the region.
I'm always humored by people that go into different parts of Central America and the
like and start looking for to thinking, well, right, they've got beans,
they've got rice, they've got it. No, they don't, and
that there's difference. Even though there's gonna be similarities in certain places, are
going to be differences and others. And this is the same with religion or
faith. You have the Word of God, which is in scripture and pointing
to things both culturally that were going on in the time, both with Pagans
and with our Jewish brothers and sisters, and these things are all taking part
and going in different directions for serving particular purposes and still intertwined with their immediate
cultures as well. The food of the day and the you know, the
you think of the passover. You think of the things that are taking place
with the breaking of bread. That's all because that was the culture of the
time. So some things around religion will change as well, if you'd want
to rid yourself of all pagan concepts. It's not about Halloween. Halloween really,
although it's a derivative if you trace it all the way back to Sowin,
which was a Celtic festival. Yes, well you can say, well
that's pagan, but then you have Pope Gregory Iird designating November first is All
Saints' Day. Then the day prior automatically became all hollows Eve and that becomes
Halloween. So it has a Christian twist throughout the centuries as well. And
you start looking at these things and seeing that it's more than just the obvious.
And that's what I want from you when you're using discernment, discern not
just based on the obvious, but about a true understanding about what's going on.
There are things in Christianity that our direct result of paganism. The Cross
most certainly, the fish and the application of the fish fish most certainly.
You look at the symbol for virgo. You can look it up online and
you'll see the fish embedded in that very symbol, along with the Hebrew character
for mem You'll see these things. There's more to it than just a clean
lineage, and that's because people are participating in it. Doesn't mean have the
necronomicon in your house or pentagrams. It's not what I'm saying saying use good
judgment, healthy judgment. Don't have that attitude of just zero tolerance, because
that's just lazy spirituality. I appreciate you taking the time to join me today.
Enjoy yourself, and above all things, be safe. And more importantly
than all the craziness in the world, these simple words I want you to
remember. I am with you always. KFI am sixty on demand