And today's episode. You know, Shelley's taken this one because I really have
no idea what we're doing. What are we doing? Well? You will
be reading a letter, oh okay, and I found an awesome religious quiz
A quiz don't Mary baby? Oh? All of you will be playing alone?
Well you can play at home game. Yes, m okay, Well
that sounds like a barrel of fun. It will be. Let's take a
break and get into it, alrighty bere it back. Hey, everybody,
welcome to Latter Day Lesbian, the podcast about an x more man gay girl
just trying to figure out her life. I'm Mary, I'm Shelley, and
here we are once again in the studio. We are I think we've realized
that we're churning out about one episode per month. Yeah, for those of
you keeping tracking, For those of you are like where the fox the episode?
We're in a slow roll. Yeah. Mary is very busy with her
full time job, and Mary does a lot of the editing for the podcast
after Dan, so you know, we have to kind of put things in
order. You know. Also, after four years of podcasting once a week,
yeah, I have a lot. I burned out. Yes, that's
what happened. What was the expression that Kimberly said, don't set yourself on
fire trying to keep other people warm. Yep, I was trying to cover
for Mary, acting like she was super busy at work. Because I am
an apologizer, So I apologize. I apologize for that must just be real.
Like, Yeah, four and a half years of once a week podcasting
plus that stint of midweek letters, well that went away a while ago.
No, I know, I'm just saying that was a lot. We have
more than just one hundred and seventy episode, which is what the number we're
recording right now. Regardless, regardless, that's a lot. I got tired.
Yea. Yeah, we have loved it and we are still loving it.
It's just less, there's less of us to love. Well, I
just needed a little break, Yeah, I needed a breaking break. Yeah.
And also I think we're we're kind of running out of Mormon like strictly
Mormon contents. We gotta figure that out. Yeah, we're shifting to some
other We're gonna have to shift a little bit. Yeah, obviously the Mormon
Church will do some stupid fuck up shit from time to time, but we
will jump all over that because they can't help themselves. Actually, there's a
little bit of one thing that we can address today. Oh yeah, you
want to dive into it now? Should we? Should we? It's up
to you, apparent. Let me move my paperwork out. This is my
paperwork. Oh okay, that was the words all your notes right now,
Mary's like, we're gonna edit that out. I don't know, depends on
if I feel like, yeah, that's true, that's true. So do
y'all remember when you're Mormon friends recently and my Mormon friends for sure are all
happy about the Mormon Church suddenly backing same sex marriage rights. When did they
do that? Well, they kind of didn't, But there was this thing.
Let me read this because I'm sure that I will get it wrong.
Is this recent? Okay, this was the end of twenty twenty two,
so I'm not that old, all right. On Tuesday, ahead of the
Senate's planned vote on a law to protect some rights of same sex couples,
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints released a surprising statement in support
of the Senate's Respect for Marriage Act. We believe this approach is the way
forward as we work together to preserve the principles and practices of religious freedom,
together with the rights of LGBTQ individuals, much can be accomplished to heal relationships
and foster greater understanding, wrote the Mormon Church, which has long taught that
acting on same sex attraction is a sin, and excluding the children of same
sex couples from baptism and naming ceremonies once again, who's acting? Sorry every
time? So so on the surface, and what the current Mormons are believing
is that, oh, look, the church is becoming even more progressive now.
They're like, yeah, same sex couples. Yeah, we're so behind
that. Yes, that's weird, totally weird. And when something seems totally
weird and out of character for the Mormon Church, when you're like, wow,
that's progressive, you gotta dig a little deeper. Okay, So is
that what you did? We're about? Well, I just kept reading the
article. Okay, that's my digging a little deeper. Paragraph. Are you
going to launch your new career as an investigative reporter? You know, if
an investigation means the next paragraph? Cru yeah? Scroll? Okay. Of
course, the show of support for this particular bill is not as much of
a bear hug to LGBTQ rights as it may seem, duh. A closer
look at the nuts and bolts of the Senate's Respect for Marriage Act shows that
it does not codify a federal right to same sex marriage. Rather, requires
state governments to respect same sex marriages that happened when same sex marriage was legal.
Can you say, same sex marriage and sex same sex, same sex.
We need to make a drinking game out of this, Okay, I
mean it's five o'clock somewhere. I'm drinking water. Boring. Continue. So
basically, what this is saying is like, if people were married when gay
marriage was legal, we gotta like respect that. Oh it's like grandfathered in
or something. Yeah. Yeah, And this I thought was interesting. The
bill requires the same for interracial married couples. Seriously, did we not fucking
addressed this a long time ago? Like America? What the fuck? How
is that still in the books? Yeah? Wow, befling, Like,
oh, that's right, and the interracial couples too, fuck forgot about that.
Next, dogs and cats will be lying together, Jesus. Okay.
The Respect for Marriage Act as a response to the Supreme Court's decision to overturn
Roe v. Wade this summer, which prompted Justice Clarence Thomas to write a
concurring opinion setting up the courts previous decisions around same sex and interracial marriage.
What the fuck, Clarence? Actually he lived in the neighborhood I used to
live in, and we got his Christmas letter all the time. Was he
putting pubic hair in your coke? Well, we don't drink coke because we're
Mormon. Okay, So let's get into why the Mormon Church and other religious
churches religious groups are cool with this support of Marriage Act right? Do it?
It's a fucking facade. So here's why. In addition to not enshrining
a federal same sex marriage right, it also codifies strong religious freedom rights for
faith based groups and organizations. So they're like, yeah, we'll respect marriage,
but yeah, we're gonna fucking be our religions and do whatever the fuck
we want, which means this bill gives them significant leeway to discriminate against LGBTQ
people and same sex couples, almost as a trade off for state governments to
recognize currently legal married same sex couples no matter how the Supreme Court rules in
the future. So basically dun this down for me, actually, because I'm
confused. The law says that state governments have to recognize currently legally married same
sex couples. So even if way down the road the federal government's like,
we can't have same sex anymore, states recognize, yes, you were married
when it was legal, but yeah, but an exchange, it had to
give more leeway to religious groups saying that you can discriminate against LGBTQ people in
same sex couples, for example, not letting them in your church, not
marrying them, kicking them out of your church. What I'm saying is the
Mormon Church is only heralding themselves as look, we're supporting the Gay Marriage Act.
Well, let's talk about what you had to take. So it's like
a barter agree, a barter agreement, which means, okay, we'll leave
them alone, but also we have the right to discriminate. Wow. So
reading on, despite its Tuesday's statement, the Mormon Church continues to hold a
hard line stance that same sex relationships are innately sinful. So in essence,
this basically says that states recognize same sex marriage, but on the federal level,
which trumps the state levels. It gives the Mormon Church right to discriminate
against same sex couples by prohibiting them being married in the Mormon Church. They
are also allowed to tell them to leave the Mormon Church. They're also allowed
to if they want to go back and do the whole Okay, we won't
baptize children of gay couples, right right, right, right right, unless
doesn't a child have to denounce their gay parents or something. Yes, now
that rule was leaked, right, they were going to talk about that.
That was leaked and that's why that blew up, and they're like, no,
no, it's not all we meant, which is a lie. So
the reason I bring this up is that I again, I have current,
like two current Mormon friends who know I'm gay, and they're like, oh
my gosh, you see the Mormon churches now morning gear rights, and they're
so brainwashed to think that like the Mormon Church is suddenly loving gays. Yeah
they're not. Yeah, So once again proving that the Mormon Church will say
whatever it needs to say to look good on the outside for their progressive members.
But if you dig deep, if you dig deep, it's all about
them being racist, bigoted assholes in the name of Jesus Christ Seamon. Yeah,
and this barter thing, I'll give you this for this. I don't
know. It just seems so snaky and underhanded. I mean, we don't
talk politics here, but in politics it's always i'll give you this for this.
I'll scratch your back, you scratch shine, you owe me a favor,
I'll pay you. It's all fucked up. And then toe to see
this work in the way of being able to discriminate against people really just chaps
my hide. I mean, that's what Jesus would do. Oh for sure,
remember Jesus, and he is like, listen, I will see I
love everyone as long as you kick out the horrors and the lepers. It
was just a random example of that thing that in like Luke chapter three?
Is it? Speaking of Luke chapter three? Our segment coming up with the
quiz pulls from biblical verses. Well, this should be a trait. Should
we get into it? You want to just go for it? Yeah,
let's do it. We're calling this segment a name that religion, So you're
gonna quiz me. Yeah, I'm gonna quiz you. This came from a
website called AlterNet. What that means, and the title is here are the
twenty weirdest religious beliefs. Oh fun, this twenty of the weirdest. I
mean, there's more more of God, most of them, So let me
just read the intro here. We find it easy to dismiss the fantastical beliefs
of people in other times and places, but those that we've been exposed to
since childhood seemed not so far out. Virgin birth water turning into wine,
a fig tree shriveling on the spot must have been real cold dead people getting
up out of their graves and walking around. Hey, I saw walking dead.
That's exactly what that is. Dead people. Get okay. All of
the following beliefs are found in respected religions today. They have been long taught
by religions that either are considered part of the American mainstream or are homegrown,
made in the good old us of A produced here and exported. Some of
these beliefs are ensconced it's a good word, ensconced in sacred texts. Others
are simply traditional. All, at one time or another have had the sanction
of the highest church authorities, and many still do. And all of them
are really fucked up. Yeah, of course and fake. Well yeah,
I'm starting to think, are you how many of them can you match up
with a familiar religious tradition. Here's your choices, y'all. Pay attention.
Evangelical or slash Bible believing Christianity okay, okay, Catholic Christianity. We might
have to go through these agin as we move on. Judaism, Islam okay,
Scientology, Mormonism, Christian science, and Jehovah's witness. This ought to
be a good Are you right? You want me to show you the key?
Ye, it'll help me. I was gonna write them down bad since
you already did. Yeah, there's a lot. Okay, you're ready.
Let's try this question one or statement one? The foreskin of a holy One?
When it inserts holy one, it's like god allah whatever, right,
they're just more like a priest or something. No, it just puts that
in there too, because if you said priest, then your God doesn't have
foreskin. Oh my God, a holy one? All right, Jesus Christ.
Can I do this again? M how many times I have to say
foreskin? For seven years ago? Okay? The four skin of a holy
One may lie safeguarded in reliquary, reliquary? How the fuck reliquaries? R
E l I q u A r I E s M. That's an old
person word. No, I have no idea. The new word for that
is things may lie safeguarded in things made of gold and crystal and inlaid with
gems. Or it may have ascended into the heavens all by itself. Can
you imagine if you're an angel in heaven, he here comes these foreskins.
All right, Well, I'm narrowing this down to two. I think it's
either Judaism or Islam. I don't know anything about Islam, but I'm gonna
go with Islam. It's two, which is Catholic. Yeah, that's Catholicism.
Any of you deeply rooted in Catholicism? Foreskinsure holy one? Foreskins for
the wind? Is it a wind? It would be a loss for the
guy who lost it? All right, I'm down by one? Are you
keeping schooler? Okay? Mary? Whatever? Zero. I'll just hold up
a finger when you actually get one right. Number two. A race of
giants once roamed the earth, the result of women and demigods interbreeding. And
this has a part two. Oh Am, I supposed to guess already.
Yeah, go ahead, guess already Judaism. So there's two religions that believe
this. Oh there's two. Yeah, I need you to tell me the
number and the religion. Three is Judaism. Okay, that's one guess and
uh sure eight Jehovah's Witness. Why not? The answers are actually number one,
which is Evangelical yep, and number six, which is Mormonism. Go
Mormon. We'll wait a minute now. So I feel like any kind of
race of giants would have been mentioned in the Old Testament, which is Judaism.
I've read you what the what it said? Anywhere there's a part two?
Okay, they meaning the giants lived at the same time as fire breathing
dragons. Wow, that's fun stuff. I'm still guessing. I thought we
already gets it. Just puts next to it number one. That's the Evangelicals.
Yeah, I don't remember the fire breathing dragons, but maybe they've been
watching a lot of like Game of Thrones or something. Could be, could
be, you know. I would also say that anyone, any religion there
that believes the Old Testament to be like the true literal Word of God also
believes that. Yeah, could be. I can't remember about the giants from
the Old Testament, but anyway, I am scoring a big old goosec right
now, you're zero. Okay, Next up, number three, evil spirits
can take control of pigs. I love how they're putting this in like Layman's
terms to be you know how we would say it. Well, okay,
that is in the Okay, so in the Old Testament. I don't remember
where this was. Somebody cast a demon out of a man, it went
into a bunch of pigs, and people believe that shit. Yeah, so
let's say how many how many answers? Is the one or two? This
one? Just one? He's got to pick one. I mean, it
could be any of the Bible believe one, Catholic two. Nope, they've
put number one Evangelicals again, guess anything. I mean, I read it
in the Bible. To me, if it's in the Old Testament, it
should apply to Evangelicals, Catholics, possibly Mormons. And I don't even know
anything about Christian scientists, but Judy, there's them up here for Christian scientists
or whatever. I am sucking at this. Yeah, she's a big zero.
Next a talking donkey scolded a prophet. Mormonism, I mean slightly true
because it's scripture roles. Number one evangelicals again, it's it's anyone out there
who's evangelical, fucking sucker. And I say that in the nicest possible way.
Um. Yes, Number one and three, what's three? Well,
Bible believing Christianity. So again this comes from the Old Testament. Number three
is Judaism. Okay, well, you're still not guessing correctly. I think
the point of this is to realize how much weird ass shit people believe and
how much Mary doesn't know about religion. That's okay, a dodge the bullet,
okay. Number five, a righteous man can control his wife's access to
eternal paradise. Number six Mormonism. Boom, got one, got one right,
hilarious. By the way, they still believe that this isn't like an
old dumb right, I'm gonna lead you through the veil hut flatter day saints.
Next up, brown skin is a punishment for disobeying God. Six Mormonism.
Yeah, bow, it's funny. I know more about Mormonism than on
any the other ones. I wonder why that is showing because I talk about
it have adcast you know more about my religion than your own. It's so
true. Okay, Oh, here's a good one. A prophet once traveled
between two cities on a miniature flying horse with the face of a woman and
the tale of a peacock. It's fucking awesome. I want that religion.
I'm just telling you now. It's not Mormonism, but I want that.
Can you repeat this like it matters like you like your response is going to
change? Okay. A prophet once traveled between two cities on a miniature flying
horse with the face of a woman and the tale of a peacock. I'm
gonna just go as scientology number five. Nope, number four Islam interesting huhcause
you have some weird texts as well. Again, I don't know anything about
those two or Christians, well now you know, or Jehovah's Witness except for
like think we'll get to one of those. Celebrate your birthday at Christmas?
Much all I know. There was Jehovah's Witness named Elena in my elementary school,
and I remember because she was always absent. She's always absent. And
then I asked her, oh you missed the blah blah, She's like,
Oh, we don't celebrate that. Mhmm. It sucks to be you.
Okay. Number eight, the Holy One forbids a cat or dog receiving a
blood transfusion, and forbids blood meal being used as garden fertilizer. I'm gonna
say number three judaism. No. Number seven. Seven is Christian science.
I don't know science. It's funny to me that there's science because of blood
trans sort of science. Yeah, doesn't Christian science. They don't only believe
in medicine. That's probably is. That's what it is. Anyway, I
don't know anything about it. To be honest, I'm the wrong person to
take this quiz. Yeah, you're only getting the Mormon answer at this point.
So read your garden fertilizer. Make sure there's no blood meal in it.
Okay, Okay, because that dum's forbidden by the Holy One, and
do that later today. Cast up sacred underwear, Oh Jesus, it's the
fact that this is believed is like the fact that I believed it. Honestly,
it's a dumbass. Okay. Sacred underwear protects believers from spiritual contamination and,
according to some adherents, from fire and speeding bullets. Which one's that?
Mary? Six Mormons? Mormons go crazy ass motherfuckers. I mean,
all this stuff sounds pretty waggy, huh. I think the Mormon one hits
me a little harder because I believe that shit. Yeah, I'm sure.
I mean all that stuff in the Old Testament, Like, seriously, the
evil spirit did go out of the dude and went into the pigs. Yeah,
how's that fair of the pigs? And why can't you just get rid
of the evil spirit in general? Yeah? But no, God was like,
well, at least pigs don't matter. Yeah, and the spirit's gotta
go somewhere. I mean, I know I'm God and all omnipotent, but
I gotta put them somewhere. You know, it's so weird because it's just
such a mixed message. So I'm saving this human who's more valuable than this
pig over here. I'm gonna make the pig have the evil spirit and suffer.
But then Jesus is talking about even birds have nests or even like Laco
beautiful, the lilies of the field are you know, God cares about.
God notices every sparrow or whatever. So it's like the idea that God cares
for all things. But yeah, here's an example of God given them two
rats asses about the pigs, and for no good reason, probably doesn't care
about the rats asses either. No, well, why didn't you give the
rats asses the spirits? I mean, pigs are very smart, right,
there's other choices God, as long as you're moving evil spirits around. I
mean, I'm kind of hungry for a ham sandwalt right now, just get
fever some spare ribs. Okay, moving on. When certain rites are performed
beforehand, bread turns into human flesh after it is swallowed. I'm gonna say,
well, that's so many but Catholicism number two, Yes, okay,
I mean a lot of people who are a work Catholic. Do you ever,
like, actually sit and think about that? But only when it's swallowed?
I guess I didn't know that, But well, I guess I don't
want you chewing on Jesus. You just suck it down on a gulp.
There's so many things weight unless they just dissolve on your tongue. No,
you chew them, but it doesn't actually turn into Jesus and tell what it's
in your I don't know if they're talking about like your esophagus or your stomach
or an intestine. I don't know, a whip point. Yes, specifically
we should a digestive so you probably do an ultrasound as you're swallowing. But
there it is. There's Jesus. Jesus is like face flush? Like what
kin? Where in the digestive tract is Jesus' foreskin? That's a fun game?
Or was that just Calamaria had? Sorry Jesus, if you are real
and this is offensive, I mean we're kind of not sorry. You know
you're laughing. It's fucking hilarious. For real. What's the next? Sorry?
Invisible supernatural being reveal themselves in mundane objects like oozing paint or cooking food.
Number five scientology, No, seriously, come on, what who always
sees the virgin Mary in their toast? Oh? All right? Number two
catholicis yes, Oh my god, what is wrong with people? I know,
I don't know. This is phenomenal though. The next one is too
easy, but we're gonna play it anyway. Isn't Mormonism side eye to Mary?
In the end times, the Holy Ones chosen people will gather together in
Missouri. That's right. Jackson County, Missouri, who said that whose religion
is that thinking? Is number six? Mormonism. Go Mormons, Go Mormons.
Jackson County, missouris the place to be so stupid. Huh Okay.
The next one, believers can drink poison or get by snakes without being harmed.
It feels like evangelical number one has number one. Yeah, yeah,
oh, I got an evangelical about time. It's you. It's the religion
of your childhood. Yeah, but we were not into snakes and all that.
There's so many different nuances within the evangelical movement. True, I'm just
laughing at just the pure words here. Weren't you raised that? Well?
Yeah, but we weren't really into snakes and all that. Right. Well,
but there's a great book. I think it's something called Miracle on Sand
Mountain, something about Sand Mountain. I feel like it takes place in Georgia
or somewhere where people handle snakes. It's probably still happens, but the yeah,
because they're trying to test God, like will I survive yet again?
So they get in this weird trance like state praising Jesus or whatever, holding
these snakes, and then it's almost like they're daring God, Like if God
so dumb, it is like if God should love people all think that they're
sinners, not because their hands are nubs, but they didn't die, see,
well not all of them. They didn't die. If you didn't die,
then you're righteous. So I'm going to play the game with God that
like, if I eat five Snickers Bars a day and live through it,
God loves me. I think you'll live through it. You may. Let
mean, I am not a sinner if I live through the Stickers bars.
It's a weird analogy. You're right, I want to bar if if I
had five Snickers Bars every day. So if you can have five and not
barf, then you're not a sinner. I think i'd rather have pop tarts.
Oh yeah, yeah. Now do you count that as like the one
pack of pop tarts as part of the five or is it the one individual
because it's a two pack. When was the last time you opened a two
pack and only eight one but not the other one within like five whole packs?
Or is it the box you're touched? Okay, we're so sidetracked.
It's not a thing anyway. Let's move on to another great one. Sprinkling
water on a newborn, if done correctly, can keep the baby from eons
of suffering should he or she die prematurely. So growing up Methodist, they
did some sprinkling on the forehead. But I don't know. I'm gonna say
Catholic number two. Yep, from the one, the original guilt and shame.
Can you imagine like you give birth to a baby and then it dies
and the baby is basically in hell too, Bet it didn't have a few
drops of water sprinkles on its head. Gosh that wow, it sucks to
be you baby in hell forever. We're a number sixteen. Here a Holy
One climbed a mountain and could see the whole Earth from the mountain peak,
the whole Earth. Number four Islam. No, it's number one and number
two. Oh Evangelicals and Catholics. Yeah, it's like the Christian type belief.
Well, must be in the Old Testaments. Yeah, isn't it when
Jesus climbed the earth and he saw the whole like you climb the earth,
he climb the whole mountain. This must be for the flat earthers. So
if you can sit on a mountain and sort of turn in three hundred sixty
degrees. You'd see all of it. Oh, I see the signs now
sees that that's not true. Yeah, thinking he didn't see the whole earth.
Well, we believe that. M hm oh, I love this one
pudding. A dirty milk glass and a plate from roast beef sandwiches in the
same dishwasher can contaminate your soul. Number three judaism You got it. I'm
getting better. I'm getting better. Can you imagine? I mean, I
suck at doing dishes in the dishwasher anyway. They're all just like crammed on
top of each other. But can you imagine if we had to sort through
the dishes according to what was eaten in them before we put them through the
dishwasher. Just don't drink milk. I'm not a big fan, but can
milk cheese? I don't know. Is that yogurt play the same thing?
Yeah? It comes from a Bible verse that says do not boil a kid,
meaning goat, young goat, And it's mother's milk. That's what that
stems from. But I don't know anything about that, Like why that was
a thing, I don't I don't know. I don't sounds kind of gross.
Yeah, I'm not about it. I've never wanted to like use milk
as a base for like a soup stock. Do I mean there's that cream
soups. Maybe it's a goat cream kid goat cream soup. You know,
I say, I don't think you need to say kid and got Well.
If I done kid soup, it just kind of creeps me. It's true,
it's true. Okay, we have three more left, but I need
to take a break to go eat some cream of kids soup, cream of
a kid goats mouth Mama soup. So yeah, we'll be right back.
Okay, Okay, we're back. I just got back from climbing up to
the roof of my apartment building here and I saw the entire world flat earther.
It's amazing, it's beautiful. Yeah, well, my foeskin just flew
up to heaven. I was wondering what happened to that's gone down? Which
is or was that the calamaria I ate last night. The calamari is right
next to the Jesus flesh and the merry toast. There's some weird beliefs,
some weird ass beliefs. I think a statue is crying somewhere. You made
it cry a statue. Yeah, you have never heard of that, when
statues of Mary cry weeping Mary statues, I've never heard that. You have
it. Sometimes they weep blood. Shut the fuck. No, this is
because all this is something Mary's statues wheat blood when you're a sinner, not
necessarily when you're a sinner. Just it's a miracle. I don't know,
because it's a miracle the statue blood or wet God? Any who? Moving
on? Next one's easy. Oh yeah, there will be an afterlife in
which exactly one hundred and forty four thousand people get to live eternally in paradise.
This is like the other thing that I know about Jehovah's Witnesses number eight.
Yeah, man, what if you're number one hundred forty four thousand and
one, you're crew sorry, live in hell forever instead of being in paradise
and petting deer all day? Dear, Can I tell you about this.
Jehovah's witness came to my house forever going. They were passing out this pamphlet,
and it's like, where do we go when we die? Do you
have questions? Blah blah and it's a picture of someone in heaven, like
a drawn picture on a national photograph, and they're just standing in this beautiful
field and they're petting a deer. I'm like, is that what the funk
We're gonna do all day? Like that'd be fun for about three hours,
you know, petting a deer is pretty cool, But eventually the de there's
gonna be like, stop fucking touching me. Dude, I've a dent in
myself, and then you end up with lime disease. It's the whole thing.
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and pass on being one of those one
hundred forty four thousand. I'll figure something else out, sure, all right.
Number nineteen, Each human being contains many alien spirits that were trapped in
volcanoes by hydrogen bombs. Number five scientology. Yeah, oh, I'm getting
a little bit better at this. I actually didn't know that one, and
now I really want to explore scientology because I mean, I don't believe that,
but that's a fucking awesome belief. I just low start, but I'm
rallying here near the end, doing better, doing better. Last one,
this is your chance a supernatural being cares tremendously about what you do with your
penis. Uh wow, for Islam, Can I just say that it's all
of them except for number five? No, right, number five again scientology,
they don't give a shit, like do what you want, fuck everyone,
And then then all the others are like, I care about what you
do, like don't use your penis. That was a trick question, it
was. It was technically I got it right because it was all of them,
that's true, except for one. And I didn't guess that one.
So I think I did probably like forties sixty forty percent, right. I
don't know it means all right, you did all right? I mean it's
still an f but whatever. I kind of want to rest this article because
it has some funny things to say about this. Okay. Each of these
beliefs is remarkable in its own way, but the composite goes beyond remarkable to
revealing. What it reveals is an underlying belief that is something like this.
The process that produced this world and human life is best unveiled not by the
scientific method, but by the musings of iron age herdsman or science fiction writers
or con artists. That's number six. Joseph smith huh, whose theories are
best judged by examining only assertions that cannot be falsified. Underlying that belief is
sort of rational Swiss cheese. That's going to keep cognitive scientists investigating and arguing
for decades. We humans are astoundingly susceptible too handed down nonsense. Human children
are dependent on their parents for a decade or even two, which is why
nature made children credulous. When parents say, eat your peas, they're good
for you, kids may argue about to eat your peas part, but they
don't usually question the factual assertion about nutrition. And when parents say, Noah,
put all of the animals into the arc, it's the rare child who
asks, why didn't the lion eat the guinea pigs? Kids just fucking believe
this and all the animals really don't. I have to really suspend my disbelief.
Maybe they are miniaturized to be able to shrunk, shrunk them down.
It was like, honey, I shrunk the animals. Yeah. I don't
know how else you'd fit them on that arc. I mean, I don't
know exactly how big a cubit is, but people have figured that out.
People have figured out how big Noah's ark would have been. Isn't there like
a reconstruction of the No's arc in some southern state. It's going to be
in a southern state, I don't know. But even then, you're like,
I don't know where everyone's sitting near a car hinge? Do you know
about car hinge where the cars are like stonehenge? Yeah? Yeah, that's
an attraction, roadside attraction. I like it. Let me do one more
paragraph I skipped a few, just talks about how stupid humans are. This
one says some of our ancestors were doing the best they could to understand the
world around them, but had a very limited set of tools at their disposal.
Yeah. Sure, because, for instance, if you're an early person
and there's a tornado or an earthquake or a hurricane or what have you,
a drought, I mean you got to blame it on something you don't understand.
You don't know about science yet, right, right, So you might
as well make it spiritual. And if we had only done better, we
would have not had this only paid or tithing or did sacrifices, right,
I mean tithing was born out of sacrifices, for sure. Well, we
won't kill any more animals in the temple if you give us your money.
I would have given the money because I feel bad for the animal. I
mean, can we eat the animal after it seems like a waste? No,
they just like kill them and burnham. Yeah, total waste. Is
that like poor one out for my homie? I think so. But you
would also think that they could put the evil spirits in those animals are about
to kill anyway, I don't know what does that taste like? Does that
make them meat tough? They burn them, you don't get to eat them.
God Mary. Anyway, After they talk about that, early people had
very limited set of tools to understand, you know, just religious shit,
it would appear, he goes on that others were simply making stuff up.
Mormonism and scientology appear to fall in that camp. When it comes to religious
credulity, the difference matters surprisingly little. For example, Mormonism is more easily
debunked than most other religions, both because of its recency and because it makes
so many historically or scientifically wild claims, and also is one of the fastest
growing religions in the world proportional to its membership. I mean This was back
in twenty nineteen, so it's slowed down because people are reading the internet.
Wild claims matter less than whether a religion has certain viral characteristics. I mean,
is it really fast moving still in comparison to how big they are,
Like the Catholic Church is huge, right? Yeah, I say, right,
I see what you're saying. However, again, this is an older
article and the church growth has definitely slowed down. Yeah. So I like
that it threw Mormonism in with scientology for sure. I mean, who hasn't
done that? God, I mean Mormons, I guess, Yeah, we're
not a cult. You're a culture, were there, But we're not a
cult. We're the restored Truth Missouri for the why. So that's the end
of that end of the segment. You did not do well on that quiz.
I'm just gonna say that out hey, un till the end, un
till you got really warm up. Huh. I feel a lot of judgment
coming my way, Mormon. I'm gonna judge the fuck out of you all
your Mormon now was Okay, I maintain the judgment. M that's the best
part of Mormonism to stick with you. So this whole thing makes me want
to go eat calamari. Now I'm going to go make some more toast and
look for the Virgin Mary. Okay, that sounds good. Maybe she's bleeding
somewhere she bro out of her eye. If my toast Virgin Mary is bleeding,
there's gonna be a problem. Unless it was like grape jelly, which
I like on toast, well, that can be confusing. Maybe some cranberry
jelly would be the better color. Anyway, that was name that religion.
I'm supposed to say that with you. That's okay, all right? Sorry,
Okay, should we jump into a listener letter? Yeah, you're reading
this one. Oh, change listener's name. Okay, we'll do. So.
This is a recent ish letter from Melody. Melody rites Hi, Mary,
and Shelley. This letter is mostly for Shelley. So I'm a parado.
You're just a reader, and I'm gonna be okay, all right.
I was hoping for maybe a response, for some reassurance, rather than to
have this shared on the podcast whoop. See. Sorry, but if you
should choose to share it, that's okay too. Well we're sharing. We're
sharing, that's what we chose. Yeah, I'm writing this really needing some
guidance and reassurance. Right now, I'm in the process of ending a ten
year marriage after realizing that I haven't been happy for a very long time and
neither has my husband, and coming to the realization that I'm gay in parentheses,
still not entirely sure is being gay with the exception of Chris Evans a
thing. Isn't Chris Evans an actor that's hot? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, probably. I mean, there are some male actors
that I think are just fucking hot, and I would look at them a
lot. Chris helms Helmsworth. Isn't that his name? Is it Helmsworth Helmsworth?
There are a few male actors. Well, I'm like, damn,
he's hot. Doesn't mean I want. Most of the ones that are hot
to me are just pretty. If I'm going to be honest, oh yeah,
we're like gay man. Can I say that and not sound like I'm
stereotyping? Well, I don't think Chris is a gay man, but I
think he's kind of hot. He's kind of pretty, you know what I'm
saying now, when he's like thor he's really handsome in that almost pretty way.
Okay, in my opinion. All right, anyway, whatever we're sidetrack,
what us okay? Melody writes, I have lots of questions for you,
which are below, But I'd like to know that I'm going to be
okay on the other side of us, because I don't feel okay right now.
So I guess after potentially separation or a divorce, Melody wants to know,
am I going to be okay? You can be okay? Absolutely.
I'm not going to say you will be because you might get hit by a
truck yesterday. I don't know yesterday. Well, yeah, maybe she already
got hit by a truck. Jesus. I'm just saying I can't promise anything.
However, my experience with divorce after a long time in dealing with issues
of sexuality, I'm okay. Right, A lot of people are okay.
I would venture most people are okay. It's hard as shit change. Yeah,
it's super hard. I mean, I'm five years out at this point.
Well, when you were facing it, you had no idea how you
were gonna change your life that would be okay, how it would be okay?
Well, how would your kids take it? How are you going to
support yourself? Yeah? You had a ton of fears going into it,
tons of fears, tons of questions, no answers, just fear. Yeah,
but also my blinders on knowing regardless of all these fears, I have
to do this. Like I can't even see all this external ship at this
point. I know it's there. It's scary as fun, But I have
to leave this marriage scary shit. Yeah, but I guess the need for
change outweighed the fear. Ultimately it did. I'd hit rock bottom for numerous
reasons. For sure, you had lots of reasons. Okay, Melody says
some of my many questions when you were going through your divorce, where there
are times that you questioned whether or not you're making the right decision? No,
really, only because I knew I wouldn't and couldn't go back to the
situation. It was over. It was done, absolutely not. That didn't
take away from me being scared shitless about what I needed to do. You
never had any doubts, though, No, because you know, as opposed
to I think a lot of people who divorce. My ex husband and I
we were not best friends. Well wait a minute, I'm going to call
a little bit of bullshit fuck because as I recall there was something really unpleasant
offensive said to you in front of your kids, and you didn't come home
for a couple of days. But that's not correct. I didn't come home
when he was home. No, No, I get it. Okay.
What I'm saying is you and your mind were thinking of divorcing, but then
you were willing to go back to the marriage. It was his idea to
divorce, yes, and in that time I don't know if my brain had
comprehended that. To back up, it was his idea to separate, because
in Virginia you separate for a year before you divorced, so there could have
been a time through that entire separation where we could have gotten back together.
Right. Once the separation was decided upon, I knew that was it and
it needed to be it right, and it was not easy. You know,
this is the guy I've been with with twenty one years. It wasn't
all bad times. I had known him longer than anyone else in my life.
Fix it for family, you know. I guess The point is it
doesn't have to be the decision that hits you and then you don't ever question
it, or you don't wait it on it. I'm just saying no,
I'm just saying I didn't question it because there wasn't. But I think it
would be natural to question it at first and maybe think through it a bunch
of times and look at it a bunch of different ways, you know.
Absolutely. Unfortunately that can also be a very exhausting process, emotionally exhausting.
I think, to my X and I, we would get into a huge
argument since like that's done, we're over, and then we would have some
good times and it was easier to not be done and over, you know,
And so that's the natural process. I think. You know, they
say breaking up is hard to do, but Melody says, right now,
I don't feel like I made the right decision, and I feel like I'm
tearing my family apart and losing everything. I don't know if that's normal.
If you did question whether it was the right thing to do, how did
you distinguish between your actual feelings and being afraid of change. I think that
no matter what you choose, it's going to be scary because change is scary.
Change is scary as shit. And if you decide to stay in the
marriage, that's scary because you're not happy like, either way is scary as
shit. I knew I wasn't going to stay in the marriage. I also
knew that my kids were going to be hurt. Well, it's like that
time you went into the bathroom and cried because you realized that you were going
to be stuck in a life that wasn't working for you. Yeah, and
you were at that point, I'm going to stay. Yeah, you were
going to stay. How much before the actual separation was that? Do you
have any idea? Oh? God, it was I don't know, a
year. Maybe I'm just throwing that out there because I'm not positive. Roughly
probably, yeah, maybe two. I don't even know. So you knew
it was in the works, but it took a while to get to the
point. I didn't know the divorce was in the works. I knew that
I was staying with him, and I wasn't. You're misery about that,
and that was terrible. That was a terrible realization that just defeated me,
sitting on the bathroom floor crying in the middle of the night with nobody knowing.
Yeah, and I'm glad that I didn't stay there. I mean,
I guess I could say I'm glad the marriage got even worse due to both
of us, you know, just whatever, and then it did get the
point where it was like rock bottom or separating because I again, I don't
know if I would have made that step to divorce because of the kids,
honestly, because of seven children and me having nowhere to go. Yeah,
I think a lot of women get stuck. For sure. You didn't have
any career prospects at that point yet. Yeah, I know, Melody says,
from everything you've shared on the podcast, it seems like you and your
ex have a really good relationship, and Melody would really like to get to
that place for her and her husband. How did your kids take it?
How did you tell them? Because we're getting to the point where we have
to tell our ten year old child and I'm terrified to hurt them. They're
a non binary child. So we have talked about this, yeah, on
the podcast. I can't remember what episode it is, it's probably been a
while ago. Let me tell you though, the first, Melody, this
will hurt your children. There's no getting around it. It's gonna hurt your
Divorce is hard. Absolutely, it doesn't mean it's not right. Divorce is
so tough on kids. Yeah, it just is. It's gonna hurt you,
it's gonna hurt your spouse, it's gonna hurt your extended family. It's
sure gonna hurt your kids. But guess what that doesn't mean it's the wrong
choice. Yeah. People heal, people move, People will look back and
understand. Oh yeah, I'm glad you got divorce. That's the point my
kids are. They look back in there like, I'm glad you and dad
divorced. They get it. Yeah, they do get it. They don't
understand how you all probably might make sense and sure, sure absolutely so.
Is it going to hurt people, but people experience pain, Yeah, they
move through their pain. They move on. Yep. And there are good
lessons to be learned for your kids going through divorce. You know, my
kids have learned. You don't have to stick with a choice because you made
a choice. I don't agree with marriages forever. If you get married and
it works, great, If you get married it quits working, get out
of it. You don't have to stick by something that you said forever ago
if it no longer works for you. Yeah. Speaking of religion, that
is a principle or an idea firmly entrenched in religion, that idea that you
know, you make your vow and you are now committed forever and in Mormonism
even into eternity. Yeah, just doesn't always work out. Yeah, I
feel like you can also teach kids how to be kind to an X well,
and sometimes it's a really good example to kids to maybe not stay in
something that could be abusive, for instance. Yeah, I mean there's a
lot of reasons to not stay with someone too, right, it can just
be that you've grown apart, period, end of story. It's okay to
leave a marriage my opinion, simply because it doesn't work for you anymore.
Doesn't have to be abuse, doesn't have to be someone cheating, It doesn't
have to be any of that stuff that we hear about. And it can
just be, you know what, we've grown apart. It's just not working.
I want to pursue other things, and and so to you and the
best to you. We can remain friends or just completely disconnect. Let's be
the best parents in the fucking world for these children. Yeah, you know
you mentioned the relationship with my X. It's not perfect. Sometimes it's not
easy. A lot of times it's great, A lot of times. We
do a great job juggling the kids and getting to them to all their shit.
You know, I wouldn't avoid divorce if all of your reasons for divorce
are there, but you're worried about, well, what if we don't get
along after we divorce. Yeah, you're already not getting along clearly, you
know. I mean, that's true, and there's growth in there for both
parties. Yeah. So it's going to be scary no matter how you slice
it. But it's not the end of the world. No, And there
is support, Shelley, she had a whole huge support system. Yeah.
Yeah, you can always reach out to the Lattery Lesbian Podcast support group on
Facebook. Yep, if he walks to the discussion group Lattery Lesbian Podcast Discussion
Group on Facebook. Oh my god, that's always a mouthful for me name.
Yeah, but that's an option as well. Okay. To wrap this
up, Melody says, I have one million questions and don't really know anyone
who's been through divorce because I'm only thirty one and surprisingly, despite the fact
that I got married at twenty one, I was never Mormon or any sort
of religion. But my ex was in the military, which is its own
kind of cult. I guess it is, yes, very true. I
know you all are busy and get inundated with messages, So if you don't
get around to reading this, I understand, But if you do and are
willing to talk to me, I'd really appreciate it because I'm struggling right now.
Best Melody, Melodie. We're here for you. Yeah, we're here
for you, and I hope you listened to this episode. You should if
you're a listener, and if you're on Facebook, oh gosh, I really
strongly recommend you get into that Facebook group Latter Day Lesbian Podcast Discussions and just
openly talk about it. It's safe in there. People get it, people
are kind. We booted out the trolls and it's like to but it's a
great, great place to get support and advice and encouragement and just somewhere to
be honest. Well, Shelley got through it, yeah, with tons of
support, and now her kids are fine, Yeah, flourishing. It's great.
Yeah, things are going very well, So it's possible to do.
We wish you the best, Melody. Thank you for writing in. Yes,
thank you everyone out. Send in the ladders. Yeah, if you'd
like to write us a letter. I've got to figure out what's going on
with our website. So let's just give our email address. Yeah, let's
do that. Contact at latter day lesbian dot org. It's dot org dot
o RG. Yes, yeah, send them there directly. It's easier.
Yeah. Right now, I don't know. Something's fucked up. Well,
I'll just blame it on Mary because chime this this releases, I'm sure it
won't be fucked up, so I would hope so, because it will be
like two months from now this episode gets released. I'm kidding maybe a month.
We'll see. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. Why don't we
take our last commercial break and get into some patron names? Want to?
I like it? Be right back? All right? We are back with
exactly five patrons. Can weave it? I know, really weird. I'm
reading the names today for some reason. The first patron is, wait,
how are we going to do these names? Oh? Yeah, we talked
about it during the break, but we didn't say it out loud. We
won't record the game. Microphones were not Yeah, we're probably just gonna give
him some sort of wacky religious ideatic story thing we can make up our own
beliefs. I mean, why not everyone else ship? Why not us?
Okay, well, let's see how Shelley does. The first one is Sarah
g g M. Well, goat, what about the goats? You don't
use the goat's breast milk to cook the goats kids in? Okay, Sarah
goat? Sorry Sarah, go ahead and take that recipe out of you.
I really think you should have saved goat for Billy. Who's coming up?
We've got three g names in a row. Oh God, okay, I
The next is b G. That's funny, b Stay in alive, Stay
in ELIVET, stay in ALIVET did I make Here's the rule? The Holy
One sings disco tunes when that person or whatever being puts their foreskin on angel
wings and it gets taken up to heaven. That one so BG's BIG's So
basically you have the same name, but it means something different. You welcome
Beg's. Well, the next one is Billy Ge. Sorry, missed opportunity
for go fuck Billy g G. So I think Billy G is going to
be gathering in Jackson County, Missouri. There you go. I also want
to make sure that Billy understands. I mean, Billy Gathering should know this,
but ke she them, Uh, make sure you bring your foreskin.
If your foreskin was removed at birth, you could just borrow someone if you
never had foreskin again, borrow a fur skin, You borrow a foreskin.
Ask sometimes you got a bribe. Huh. So Billy familiar with the foreskin
bribery. It doesn't matter. You make shit up and people believe it.
That's what we're doing here. Okay, Yeah, so Billy Gathering get a
foreskin and head to Jackson County, Missouri. Well didn't we read that verse
one time about how was it King David that was supposed to bring back foreskins?
I don't think it was King David, but it was someone supposed to
bring back one hundred four skins. He trade them for the bride girl that's
worth a hundred four skins, and he was like, I love her so
much, I'm bringing back two hundred. Still not a great gift. Still
not just saying, you know, Hallmark doesn't have a card for that ecage.
They should. We need to start riding Hallmark cards. Okay, so
I know you expected two hundred foreskins that I caught you this card. I
want to think it would take to draw two hundred foreskins. Oh this is
perfect. You know how sometimes cards have like a little thing taped on the
inside. Oh it pops up. Well, it could be like the just
you know, the top of the balloon, like the part you blow into.
You just cut that off and it kind of looks like a foreskin.
And I'm talking, yeah you want just leave that there? You could tape
it on the inside of the card. But we need two hundred. Well,
oh, I only got you this idea. You know those cards where
you open them and they pop open and all this confetti goes overwhere everywhere?
Skins, two hundred of them? How much does that to mail these hydrated
foreskins? We need to be Yeah, we need to be less stinky.
Could we move on? Oh god, so billy gathering, Yeah and thinking
about foreskins? Thank you, slash, We're sorry? All right? Is
w w Oh? I got it? Is wine? Like that is wine?
And it was water wine water into wine? Oh yeah, okay,
is water into wine? I like it. That's a good name. You
should get that. I think that is should get that actually changed on their
ID. Please do you go? Good? Suggestion. Thank you know what
to do is yep, let us know. We'll send you a coffee mug.
Last patron for this week Rebecca B. B. You have a note
here that Rebecca b is from Australia. Yeah, Rebecca Bee's an Aussie,
so we should probably incorporate some kind of Australian word like barbie another shrimp on
the bobby. All right, I got this, so Shelley, Shelley's accent.
This is about to be a long story into your new last name.
That's not terrible, you know, you know, Rebecca's like, shut the
fuck up, sorry, Rebecca Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda. Sorry, we'll
get it. Sorry right now. Recca's like, you stupid as did you
bring the gear? It's like everything we know is from what was that present?
Sure went went that crocodile hunters? You know, it's a what if
they say instead of getting sucked up, they always said something that's getting It
wasn't screwed up, it was something else. I'm sure rebeccasca what I don't
know, what the hell something? Anyway, Rebecca's new last name is supposed
to be a bee, right, be barbecue and you know why put another
shrimp on the bobby? But how does it say? How say you want
me to do an accent? Yes? Do you always do the accent?
I'm not good on the in the American accent. Put another shrimp on the
barbie. But it's not a shrimp. It's put another pig on the barbie.
Oh, the pig has the devil has the devil. Also it's a
demon. It's a demon spirit that was cast out from the human beings by
God. Barbecue demon pork demon yam sauce, diablo sauce ding ding ding ding
ding. That's all there you go, Rebecca Barbecue, that's your name,
and put another This is really weird. Okay, we got um. Yeah,
thanks to all the patrons we have. Thank you for real. We
have one super cast member today. Kayla Oh all right, Kayla oh,
because giants have already been taken, We're gonna go with Kayla Ogres. So
Ogres came about when did you use giants earlier? And her name doesn't start
with ge anyway. Oh, God damnit, Mary, I'm talking about in
the episode we were talking about, there's the giants that Yeah, we're on
the earth because women slept with demigods. Right, giants have been taken.
Oh, Ogres, we have to come up with a new thing to teach
our children to fuck them up. So Ogres. Yeah, we're brought about
by virgin women sleeping with aliens. Oh, we're gonna mix in a little
scientology to this. Yeah, okay, okay, and finding Mary. Oh
sure, bring her into it in Missouri and Missouri in the side of a
tree trunk underneath a tree in Pelmira, New York, next to the Golden
plates. But people will believe that it huh. So Kayla has to have
a last name Ogre. Sorry, Kayla. Yeah, you know what's funny
and fucked up about all this is everything we've said sounds so wonky and crazy.
Is it any crazier? Though? It's not. That's what I'm saying.
It's not any crazier. It's really not Jesus and we believed it did.
Yeah, we believed it. I'm gonna go eat some some Jesus flesh
now and walk and see word ends up. See when it becomes Jesus.
I'm gonna go eat at Jesus cracker. You need to eat it and have
like an ultrasound or something. Yeah, That's that's what I'm doing this afternoon.
Okay, join us live for Shelley's waggy ultrasound eating going in there even
better if it was like like a Catholic hospital and be like, so,
here's what's up. I want to see. At what point does it become
Jesus and my system? Huh? Does insurance cover those kind of ultrasounds?
Huh? That's right up there with that doctor that makes house calls in Vegas,
Like when you're hungover, you can just get an IVY. I know
that would be real handy sometimes. Well, thank you everyone for your support.
We could not do this podcast without you. We really couldn't. We
really couldn't. If you would like to show us some support once the website
is fixed, hopefully by the time this episode is a latter b I know,
please visit Latter Day Lesbian dot org slash support and throw us a little
love. We appreciate that, and we appreciate Dan from Extension Audio thanks for
leaving Eden. Dan, thanks to you and everyone listening, and remember steer
clear of cults because they are no joke, no joke at all. Talked
everybody later. Bye,