Oh. Also, when he's sleeping in the hallway at night, if you
step over him, he lashes out because that's been conditioned in him. Okay,
do you have any idea what it's Do you have any idea what it's
like to sleep with people stepping over to you. You don't know if they're
friendly, you don't know if they're a fire. So, but he'd be
way better than cheese. He'd be much better than cheese. But he that's
not to say he would be perfect. Welcome aboard, mofos. It's another
brand spaking new episode of another belowdeck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm
settled up next to Patrick Picky. Come aboard granted, so uh two ads
tonight, everybody buckle up. If you would like add free episodes, go
to Patreon dot com slash on the podcast network. Also, the reviews have
been abysmal. We see the downloads. There are a lot of you listening.
If you wouldn't mind five stars, kind words. If you're listening on
Apple podcasts, you know, I think that one of the problem is is
that, you know, Apple's suite of podcast programming is really getting quite accurate.
What is it accutaned? So if you want to. When you're still
listening, there, leave a five star review and kind words or less stars
if you think that Flavor of Love Flavor of Love. We are covering season
three of Flavor of Love on bad TV for free. Yeah, you don't
need to have watched the show. Maybe you did, maybe you kind of
remember it. It doesn't matter. We'll weave the narrative. You'll enjoy it.
It's some of our best work. Yeah, it's really cool. There
are a lot of really sweet women. Oh. Episode two is really fun,
Dylan, I don't know if you've watched it yet. No. Well,
they go to like a broken down like a band in hospital and Flave
apparently has a broken heart from you know, that Amazonian woman that he dated
Bridge and Nails's right, And so anyway, the women, dressed like scantily
clad nurses go in the room with Flave and try and mend his broken heart.
Oh, I'm sure it becomes quite sexual, quite sad, that's right.
Yeah. Are Thing one and Thing two there? Oh yeah? Yeah,
and they're up for a threesome too. Oh cool, it's nice to
know. I'm sure my dad are real proud. Yeah. So it's a
good show. It's a fun show. Yeah, Unfortunately the girl he named
the I think she goes home. I'll have to look at my notes.
Well that's tragedy because we need the girl named the around as long as we
possibly can. But listen, we're here to talk about Below Deck. The
reason why I hesitate to get into it is because, hey, a little
bit of a stinker episode. It was a stinker. It was a stinker.
We can't stink two episodes in, right. You know, this video
has been going around where Biden shits his pants, all right, and I
don't think there's any Hey, no politics, this is gonna get No,
No, it's not gonna get political. I don't think there's any hard evidence
that would demonstrate that he shited his pants at the celebration of the veterans of
D Day. You're bringing this up, But if he did shit his pants,
it's kind of like this second episode Below Deck, and we can't have
that this early, right, we cannot have shitty pants this early in the
season. Okay, Well, I don't think uh, blow Deck pooped its
pants this episode, don't, so I disagree? Well, how many pots
do you give it? Well, hold on, let me break down why
I enjoyed the episode. First off, Jono, I'll get to you.
Jodo's a fan. Jonnah, you have to calm down. Yeah, he
says some pretty stupid stuff later in the episode, I'll make fun of it.
And uh. Then Captain Sandy, you know, she was turning the
corner from me last season, starting to become a big fan of Captain Sandy,
no one calling her Captain timeshare. Yeah. This episode though, when
she had that tender sent over to that other kajillion dollar yacht to see if
they could buy rose and then brag about it like it's something to be proud
about, I thought that was interesting. We've got a lot to discuss there,
because you know, it's very clear that nobody involved in that exchange never
read a business book in their entire life. I mean, they were just
setting themselves up to get ripped off. But also Sandy is firmly their third
favorite captain, behind of course, Captain Carey and the horror murderer, Captain
Glenn. They're all very different captains if you think about it. Yeah,
well, if I may continue, right, because there's three white men and
one white woman. Two of them are bald, and she's a woman.
And then the third one has like thoughts on Sierra and West, but he's
like seventy So that's right. Well, I thought the episode believe that he
did that with her heart. Oh, by the way, are you watching
Captain Lee's new spin into the murder reality TV world? No? Yeah,
Captain Lee in the High Seas he does like recaps of murders that happened on
boats. Anyway, this episode should have been called the Sea rat Hood of
the Traveling Pants. And I think you know why. Brie is an absolute
disaster. I almost think she's a plant. She's that bad. Yeah,
yeah, she's horrifying. Well, anyway, I actually enjoyed the episode.
I'm gonna give it forty knots. Yeah, I'm gonna give it four pots
right because poop. That is what I think I got through, you know,
twenty minutes of it, and little had happened. But you know,
we're getting into the season, Okay, we're getting to know each other.
There there are things being sown right now, what with the cold war between
Jono and the Balk and Biscuit, Gale's fervent loyalty, very friend. Yeah
yeah, the last thirty seconds, I don't know if we watch what people
get to see. Yeah, yeah, it's uh strained. Yeah, yeah,
they're very strained. He has it's spent a day, right, it's
been one day. And thing one also demonstrated that he's quite a piece of
shit. I'm not a big fan of guys who hit on women who are
taken and don't care that they're taken. Well, Dylan, I have to
say this. I think he's prescribing to the age old euphemism. I don't
know them, I don't know him, right, right, right, right,
And there's a difference between owing and actively trying to have sex with some
guys girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, it's like, well,
I don't know you anything. What's that's not really a debt, that's
just you going out of your way to be a piece of shit. But
we'll get into the entire thing. We begin, though, with a big
sigh from Pat. Yeah. Well it was a sophie's choice with slightly less
steaks. You know, no one was being chosen to go to the gas
chamber. It was whether or not someone's gonna make grilled cheeses or not.
Yeah, Gaye on the Balk and Biscuit are trying their best to take care
of the children. It's a really good look. When the children begin doing
the job for you, they go, hey, I can help you make
some drinks. Or this is exactly with Captain Sandyman during that crew meeting where
she said, this season, we're going to be shooting for five star service
because we all know when we go to a nice restaurant on a date or
with our spouse, you know, no one's around for a little while,
so we just go behind the bar and start making our own cocktails. Five
star service. Yeah, it's five star service. You know when you're like
at a restaurant and the appetisers don't come out in a little bit, and
you're like, you know what, I'll go back there and make my own
spinach artor choke dip. You know, five star service. Five stars.
Give me a here net, give me here net. But I will say
the little pig influencers. Actually. Oh and by the way, I have
got to talk about eats Con Eat Scott. We went to eats Con.
Eats Con eats con like a convention, a convention for foodies, free food
cod No, well we'll talk about that at patreon dot com. I went
into an existential spiral, fought with multiple vendors. It was a nightmare.
So to hear the Balkan Biscuit tells us a little Sea Red history. She
I don't know where this is going to rank, because, okay, it
doesn't have the visceral violence that some other Sea Red histories have given us,
but it does have this very kind of bleak I don't know. Like,
there's a child who wants a Barbie doll and a Barbie mansion, but she
can't have that, so she makes one out of cardboard and glue, now
duct it. Now, to me, that ranks as close to a five
as you can possibly get. But Pat, I'm not the arbiter of this
scale. No no, no, no, no no, you're not Dylan,
all right. So it's pretty sad. Just on the surface level.
That's a one. You know, it's a war torn place that she was
living. There's bombs being dropped everywhere. So I started thinking, you know
that whole Barbie house made a duct tape and whatnot. Yeah, here's how
you get to ten. Had someone's head fallen off? You know, bombs
are going off every scales and go to ten, doesn't it can't. No,
it's a one to five scale. I thought, oh, oh,
okay, all right, if you want to get to a four, okay,
all right, then where you were living, some guy's head got blown
off and you had to unravel some of that duct tape from your Barbie dollhouse
and go tape the guy's head back off. No, no, no,
that's a five. Okay, okay, get some duct tape. I think
they into his head. I think it's over there. I think that we're
what you're missing a little bit. And why I might have to step in
is because you're not really recognizing the kind of subtextual horror of the situation.
Right. The reason why zone of interest works is because it's not visceral.
It hints at the nightmare that's happening. So you see a girl making a
Barbie dollhouse out of duct tape and cardboard, and then you hear the screams
of the bombs going off in the background, and color me at five.
I mean, that's that's just about a size you can get. Yeah,
actually kept the whole war thing close to the vest though, right, but
you know that that's on the landscape. So what happened to that guy's head?
It's over there. Hey, let's someone have duct tape. Let's do
this, let's talk about it off Mike Fair. Uh so, hey,
del, I want to go back for a day spot. So Gail is
making those grilled cheeses Gae and rawberry Gale. I don't want to judge the
young lady, but the ratio of cheese on that on that piece of bread,
yeah, it was way off. What are you like a lot of
cheese? No, I don't want that much cheese. Called I'll be sitting
on the throne for the next three weeks, so you're kidding me. And
we've just built a new uh oh, the studio has a bathroom. We've
built a bathroom into the studio, and I think it's a little snug,
very snug. And when I say we, I mean Pat. And when
I say Pat, I mean the people that Pat hired to build the bathroom.
But anyways, we're coming up. So it's late night that ends at
six am, and we rise for the Temple of Poseidon day, which we
never go to. Sandy just says Temple of Poseidon and then we see it.
Anyways, so Jonah wakes for a new day and a very big statement.
I'm very happy that I didn't betray myself last night. Yeah, yes,
yes, yes, Jona, I'm I'm with you, but we're not
doing ayahuasca right now. You're a sea rat. You're about to make avocado
toast. Dyl, You're getting what I'm throwing down. Yeah, okay.
So he also adds he needs to do him and at the end of the
day, Yeah, he stood out for himself. Jono, I am not
a fan of yours. Sitting up for yourself would generally mean people were pushing
you to do something that was out of your character or against your mortal code,
okay, and not asking you to make fucking grilled cheese. Okay.
We are producing a generation of idiots, Dylan. Yeah. By the way,
did he add he might have just said, Hey, I'm brave for
that too, And I refused to make grilled cheese. Fuck off, I'm
resme Gowan and I am fucking brave. I feel like he speaks in like
Jenny from the block Fortune Cookies. Like if j Lo had her own line
of things that came out of Fortune Cookies, it would be a lot of
jonahisms, you know what I mean, which I wouldn't put past her.
I mean, she's doing everything in the world to remain relevant. And there's
a great clip from when she was relevant when she walks past her old house
and there's a there's an old man that lives there now and she goes,
that's my house. He goes, no, it's not. She goes,
no, I used to live there. He goes, who are you?
She goes Jennifer Lopez. He goes hell. I mean, it's a marvelous
cultural moment. She's struggling. Yeah, she is, so provisions are her
and Ben together still? I don't know Jerry's out. You know, they
really fucked me over. Old Paddy has a crystal brain head. I've predicted
so many stupid things over the years that always come true, always, And
I predicted probably about six months and I said, there's no way they're making
it till the end of the year. Mm hm, Well they screwed me.
Yeah, they've been together for like three years now. I mean,
that's that's nuts. But I did predict people would be murdered at Disneyland,
and that happened this week. Yeah, I mean, but that's like predicting
that, you know, you know, homeless guy's gonna throw rocks at something.
You know that's gun happen. Okay, according to you, I mean
people are dying at Disneyland every half hour, that's right to you, that's
right. And when it's one of the costume people and they roll a seven,
they throw a fucking tarp over their dead body. I get it.
They don't want to scare children, right, who wants to seek goofy laid
on the ground hamorrhaging blood? Not me? Not me? And to think
you'd have to hamorrhage so much blood that it would have to seep through your
clothes and through the costume. That's how grizzly that injury would have to be.
Man, should we talk about hell afresh? Sure? So provisions are
like, yeah, yeah, these people need to be put in prison,
you know, I mean, I really don't think that jail time is completely
ridiculous for these provisioners. You know what they've done here is I get this
and forgive me. But there is another saying that says something to the effect
of, when people show you who they are, believe them. Yeah,
these people have already not come through about four times at this point. Yeah,
fucking fire them, hire a new company. Now there are a bunch
of gypsies sitting around a warehouse just slugging down all the fucking red wine that's
supposed to be on your boat. I mean, you can't trust these people.
They play spoons and they're drunks, so bows and rats on the bulk
and biscuit a little bit. It had to be unintentional, I believe,
but we shall see. I know what Ian's character is. Yet Aisha tells
the little one that day one is behind us and that she's going to do
a fantastic job today. And you know, optimism is much more desirable than
pessimism. But you have to be you have to be realistic about these things.
I mean, this little Cheese is here to destroy the boat, and
that's the only reason she was brought aboard this vessel. So I know that
you can maintain this and try to. You know, it's it's delusional to
think that today is going to be a good day with cheese. Okay,
cheese doesn't Cheese was chauffeured around, she had her I mean you have to
think of the level of wealth to have a child have their laundry picked up,
pressed and driven back to them. I mean, that's that's kind of
unprecedented for spoiled herat now, if you remember, Dylan, this is what
I'm getting. Forgive me. I'm starting to get concerned that blow Deck is
allowing some frauds on these boats. If you remember, a few seasons back,
we had the daughter to the Air of Whole Foods to come around for
one. I assume she was a super fan of the show. I don't
want it. Well, we want frauds, but again we want them to
be more entertaining. So you know, the reason I brought up that that
bum throwing rocks is because that actually happened recently. We discussed it on APS.
I think, get him on the boat. You know, we don't
need we don't need her to figure out how to do laundry. We need
him to figure out how to do laundry. Hey, Kurram, I think
one of your stews keeps throwing shit off the side of the ball. Dude,
I would love to see that. Can you imagine that he's just like
eating the tide and then throwing shit out off the I mean, that would
be the best episode of Below Deck in the history of the franchise. Producers
just hit us up with the dms. We have a lot of ideas.
Let's take a break to talk about Hello fred Oh, I'd love to you
know what? Never you know what is a lovely provision that never arrives late.
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And the thing about this is okay, so many things. I am
so sick of being in the kitchen for long. I'm not I don't want
to do well. I don't want to do this. We're not doing asubuko.
I just want a meal, prep and get it out of the way,
so I don't go to Arawan and spend sixty dollars for no reason.
I don't want to get delivery, which is going to cost eighty dollars more
than it should and likely get stolen by the driver anyway, totally that Sometimes
that food shows up and it's been flown around like someone swung it like it
had a bag. Oh I'm sorry. Was there a meteor shower that I
didn't know about that you were driving through? What happened to this pizza?
But not with HelloFresh? Not to Hellowfresh. What go to HelloFresh dot com
slash below deck apps for free appetizers who for life one appetizer per box while
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deck apps. HelloFresh is the number one meal kit for eating Well, you
know what else? Pat what you know what else? Is unbelievable? Tell
me tell me if HelloFresh could possibly deliver in the package Tropical Smoothie Cafe.
Oh goodness, I don't know that we would really ever have to leave our
homes. That would be the end and the beginning of the end. I
wouldn't leave the house ever, But Tropical Smoothie Cafe is far too marvelous to
be shipped anywhere. You can, however, go to one of the fourteen
hundred plus locations and get unbelievable tropical, bright, and refreshing smoothies. How
about those mocktails, del those are my favorite. The mocktails are Pat's favorites.
And why are those your favorites? Well, I just love how they
taste. It just you feel like a million bucks after you have one,
and you also feel like you're at a beautiful beach with the sun shining down
on your toes. Yes, the shine is signing down on your toes and
all. So the whales are speaking to you. And so with the dolphins,
I was like, woo wooh, he's saying, hey, give me
some of that tropical smoothie. Yeah. And some of the fish, who
are more well adjusted to the world actually just speak plain English or whatever language
you speak. They say hand it over and I say no, no,
no, no, yeah, I only have a little left. It's all
for me. And then the dolphins go, oh, I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't be that aggressive tords you. I wouldn't try to steal your track
the nice week catay. But another reason why you love the mocktails is because
they have no booze, and you're recovering booze. That's right. So the
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We love you very much. Let's get back to the show, all
right, So this is when who meets with Captain Sandy? Oh this is
what you mentioned this already, So Ian unintentionally or intentionally let Sandy know the
chef had to be woken up to make food and Sandy answers immediately without any
other information. Well, that's not gonna happen. Yeah, why not?
There was? Like okay, so, so Balkan biscuit friend of the show
obviously needs to chill out. I know she's from the Balkans, but we
are launching another cold war against Jono. It's not worth it. But where
is all this? Where is all this, mister Rogers neighborhood friendliness when it
comes to what the Balkan biscuit? Did you know? This whole thing is
like, Hey, it's okay that you shrunk the charter guest's pants down to
an infant size. It's fine that they don't have half of the clothing that
they came here with. It's the fine that this jerk off didn't bother you.
The preference sheet that right implicitly said late night food. But when it
comes to this, it's also don't wake up the chef and then walking down
the stairs, don't ever wake me up? Where is all the happiness?
Where's the rain drops and the gum drops? Okay, as far as I
can tell, it's only rain drops. Well, at the end of the
day, he needed to be himself, Yes, exactly, and that is
Jenny from the block. So Jonah and Aisha have a little bit of a
tiff, recounts the he recounts the tale of not betraying himself, and Asia
says, well, to be fair, they did say they want late night
snacks, and you said that you would have those ready. So you know,
Dylan, I am shocked by the preference sheet and these employees of these
vessels that rarely look at those goddamn preferences. And it's it's not just that
it's a it's a failure of reading comprehension. And in the I can't talk,
I can't talk. Here's me. I'm a charter guess, hey,
is this shellfish? Yeah it is. I'm allergic to shellfish. You can
kill me. Oh did you put that in your preference sheet? Actually I
did. Yeah. Oh today's first chorus is asparagus savice. Hi. I
we all we're all here because we're part of an Asparagus makes your piss stank,
and that's why we hate it. Grow. Yeah, I don't know
why. That's how we all met. It's because of our hatred for asparagus.
So I don't know why you would have pulled out some sick, cold
sparagus. Stage four? Was it all the prefer In fact, it was
Oh yeah, I know it's pretty wild, but you know, sea rots
are going to see rat and that's never good. I mean we've discussed it
before. When people go, oh, that's just Mike, it's not good
when people chock up your behavior to your chronic behavior to just being you,
that's right, you know what I mean. Hey, I do want to
go back to Kermit, and I do appreciate her positivity. It's a little
too much for me, but I like how she pushed back against Jonah's assertion
that it was based because he was clearly trying to get out ahead of this
in front of the balk and biscuit, right, and she was hearing no
part of it. Well, he's an incredible chef. Breakfast special is going
to be avocado toast with an egg on top of it. Like, I
mean, it's like never mine. So we talked to the boyfriend of Gail
and this conversation doesn't go great. She says, you know, I don't
know if I'm good at this long distance thing. You know, clearly not.
We're we're we're looking for shoots everywhere. We're just trying to get out
of this. Sandy and Jonah check. He says, I couldn't sleep because
I had so much anxiety after one of the stews woke me up. And
this is another one of these things where we can't speak like this, right,
that's I mean, that's a you problem. I can't be around a
guy like Jonah or anybody like this that sees the world this way and what
way is that? Well, it's just if this bothers me, then I'm
not doing it. I mean, welcome to living on the planet Earth.
I have to do shit all day long that I don't want to do.
My kids crying way daddy I want milk. I wouldn't be myself if I
made that milk free. To get that, You're gonna have to starve to
get up and to get you this treat that you want would be a betrayal
of my character. And as your father, I want to teach you to
never do that. Okay, And that's why I sit the fuck down and
watch Cocoa Melon. So Gail, well, don't watch Coco Melon though,
because I think it's like MK ultra programming from the Chinese or something. I
have no idea what the hell it is. I get. I'm glad I
don't have to watch it anymore. Yeah, Okay, she's moved on to
Pink Delicious. Oh I heard Pink Delicious fantastic. Oh yah, that's great.
So Sandy and Jona chat. Nope, covered that. Gale and Thing
one or Thing two have a chat. They talk about keeping their relationship platonic.
I think, yeah, we'll see how platonic that is. We have
no rose, so we're going to ask another boat for their stock. Now,
Dale, hold up here, because this is where Sandy Captain Sandy really
earns her stripes. Where they're problem solving skills rather than call a new provisioner,
or acquire rose, or perhaps have someone take one of those tenders into
town to buy from a nice little wine shop. She sends a decky to
ask another super yacht to purchase their wine. Why is Sandy working as a
captain when she could be helping out with this whole piece thing between the Russians
and the Ukrainians, you know, yeah, I mean, you know,
we've listened to a lot of coverage about Gaza, and I don't think that
we have really allowed Sandy a crack at that at all. You know.
I can imagine Sandy goes to Qatar brokers some kind of peace talks with you
know, Yahu and Benny Gantz and the leaders of Hamas, and she goes,
hey, I think they and nothing gets solved. I mean it's a
very complicated issue. Now, that would be a horrible thing, clearly.
Yeah, but that hypothetical, that's possibility. Yeah, absolutely, So they
go over and they what why I'm not just putting the on Hamas, you
know, I mean Nena is capable of it too, I think, I
mean, he loves war, all right. I was actually hoping that the
other boat didn't have any wine for some reason too. I was I was
praying that it was this recoverer's cruise or something like that. Oh no,
sorry, we only have milk, but alas they do have rose. And
this decie eyebrows gets a litle bit too big for his breeches. You know,
another sea rat. You know you're not a pirate. We're not going
on a rescue mission here. You're going to get whispering angel. Okay,
it's piss. What you're getting is what you're trying to acquire right now,
is corked piss. So Thing one or Thing two says we're getting the rose
or we're not coming back again. I mean this, that's not that's a
sealed Team six kind of thing. And then he heads over and says,
name your price and we'll pay. Now. Any good businessman worth his weight
in salt five five hundred dollars a bottle, right, But this rube says
seventy five. Now, these bottles of rose are sold at Ralphs. Yeah,
I mean I think you can get them six for five dollars each something
like that. This is not you know, a hard earned vintage. This
is mass produced, bottled and corked piss that they're paying seventy five dollars a
bottle for but the solution has arisen. We purchase the rose and we head
back to the boat to cheer. Somebody says, on a jellyfish, if
it's stung me on the face, would you piss on my face? Do
you think that was funny? All we've got soba noodle, salad and chicken
for lunch. Jono and the bull can have an undercurrent of passive aggression towards
one another. He has not apologized yet, No, he is not.
And then we get to the and you know we're gonna call her cheese.
Yeah, We're we're gonna call her cheese, all right? Yeah, boy
stressing balls in that laundry room. Yeah, she she loses a pair of
pants and she begins to hyperventilate and cry. And in the tea she said
that she's been yachting for some time and she's never made it through an entire
charter season. I think that was the last episode, and we find out
why she was a fauntleroy. Right now on a scale of sea raret sadness.
Now again, this is this is difficult to chart, right because well,
it is very privileged to grow up this way. What I can do,
if you have to come into contact with real life is turn you into
cheese. Well look what happened to Harry and William Man. Their lives don't
look too good, no, I mean, you know, Harry's sitting up
in Montecito and he's looking at Megan every day thinking I should just kill myself,
and Megan's looking at him thinking, you know, I should just fucking
kill myself. And and to think about They're living their lives in Montecito and
what they miss is the bud lust, of the bloodlust and the satanic ritual
of the royals. I mean, that's that's the fucking ship for them.
You know how a lot of people you know, like uh, like that
guy in Shank he got out of jail, he didn't know what to do
with himself, so he hung himself. Right. Who was that was that
blue God? I should know this. Some of the comments let us know
what his name was. But no, Red was Morgan Freeman. That's right.
Red was here too. That's what he carves into that banister where the
other guy had his own life. Yeah, and and it's very clear at
the end of the film that Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are engaged in a
in a gay relationship, and that's what happens in isn't okay? And for
anybody to have any judgment about that, I'd tell you to, you know,
don't be so judgmental. Okay, where am I? I don't know?
Well, I'll say this all right. So originally with cheese, if
the movie was about Cheese, would be called the Sea rat Hood of the
Traveling Pants. Okay, at some point she finds those goddamn missing pants.
They were somewhere else anyway, that that the sequel to that movie be called
Sea Rat Got Our Groove Back? No, no, it would be the
Sea rat Hood of the Traveling Pants too. It would be the Sea rat
Hood of the Traveling Pants. Are I I am? I'm off today?
No? No, I'm off today? And I apologize for that. But
you know, I don't know. So when someone is this bad, there
are there are so many things that can go wrong. Like let's put the
homeless guy in the boat, right, So he's eating the detergent, and
he's trying to scratch people, and he's throwing things off the boat. Now
he's also manufactured some kind of living, dwelling, and the goddamn walkway,
so none of us can walk on the boat. Right, he has a
bed, but he's not used to that kind of life. So so what
he's he's making a lot of mistakes. Right, You're having to walk over
him at night, and he's living starting fires. He keeps starting fires to
keep warm, and it's fairly warm inside. He doesn't need to do that,
but with the fires, and somehow he stole someone's bicycle. I don't
even know how he pulled there are they keep they keep undoing the hatch to
get the water toys out, and it's just more and more bikes. I
mean, it's just spilling out. It's like if like many peebee hermans were
in there, and I don't know where he's getting them. But people do
hear a splash at night and they can't find difference. But anyways, anyways,
listen man with Oh also, when he's sleeping in the hallway at night,
if you step over him, he lashes out because that's been conditioned in
him. Okay, do you have any idea what it's Do you have any
idea what it's like to sleep with people stepping over you? You don't know
if they're friendly. You don't know if they're a fire. So, but
he'd be way better than cheese. I'd be much better than cheese. But
that's not to say he would be perfect. And what with the fires and
the bikes and the detergent Eden, there are so many things going wrong that
you have to pick your battles. And that's exactly what Asha has to do
with cheese, because jeez, it cannot be bull rushed with all of her
mediocrity on display. Okay, she has to get kind of tempered into this
boat now speaking of no so eyebrows aka thing two doesn't do Nathan for the
audience, No, Joe, Joe, Oh you're going to talk about how
he kind of f s up here? Yeah, I mean we can.
I was confused by it. I understood the whole concept of the rope having
too much slack. I didn't know you didn't, Okay, yeah, I
think that was He was like, why isn't this tightening? It's well,
you got eight feet of rope sitting on the on the deck there, dude.
Yeah, I don't really know how how really any of that stuff works.
That's okay, Yeah, but you could tell that Sandy was pissed.
Yeah, she wasn't happy at all. But the doctor goes fine, and
the children leave and we get to our tip, but not before Asha talks
about taking a massive ship. Yeah, that's her thing. She likes bathroom
humor. Well, I think part of her brand. I think what Asha
does is uh, it's very clever. Now, I I don't know if
that this. I don't think that this is the motivation behind it. I
think that it's just a convenient byproduct. No one views Asia as a sexual
creature. She's not gonna get involved in any of these trysts or anything like
that. She's walking around the boat talking about taking massive shits. Okay,
Gail's not doing that, the Balkan Biscuit's not doing that, Cheese is not
doing that. None of the guys are doing it either, So it's all
fair game from them for them, they can fucking suck. Meanwhile, Asha's
over here talking about shitting and a cond to length turrets, and because of
that, she friend zones pretty much everybody in the vicinity. Very very smart.
You know my ex girlfriend, you know, her mother was the deb
who didn't like me, and I didn't like the deb either. Yeah,
one time we're out eating at Michelli's, that Italian restaurant. Yeah, and
she tries telling me I was so in demand at my former workplace that I
put on a ton of weight because I loved my husband so much. I
was like, sure, you bitch you sorry, sorry, Okay. So
we get to the tip meeting and it's all smiles and lollipops until we get
to never wake the chef. The ball biscuit pipes up and this is where
you know, the balk and Biscuit's gotta you know, sit back, take
the lashings a little bit, right. We can't we can't be popping off
in the first tip meeting, you know. Well, all right, so
there's a few things that break down here. Yeah. Well, first we
had an interior meeting where Kermit holds this meeting to let her team know what
they can improve improve upon. And when she looks at Bri she says everything
or she should have said that. Yeah, And then we have the tip
meeting and we're there, right dell, Yeah, Okay, when you lead
with kindness, they will follow and never wake the chef, says Sandy,
and then they'll rely on paninis. Moving forward, Yes, And I have
a question for Captain Sandy. What if I don't want panninies? Yeah,
do you guys have any like wings or nachos, or like pizza or chips
and guac or bagel bites, anything like that? Would you like a panini?
Well, I didn't say any of that. I didn't. I said
so many things. Pannini's all you have. And it's crazy, like the
five star service element of this, like what are we gonna give this up?
I mean you literally feed them, depending on the night, edible food
at seven o'clock and then they're told to drink until their hearts desire. And
then you know, if they want anything, it's going to be pressed,
sandwich is pre prepared or nothing. You know, that's not five stars.
That is not five stars. That's some aquatic prison. You know, prisoners
don't get late night snacks. They just get dinner. So we The Balkan
Biscuit goes into a bit of a viral and the war has now been waged
against Jonah. And like I mentioned, it's cold right now, but I
think nukes will be dropped at some point in the future. I said,
I predict he doesn't make a past episode five. Let's see if I think
Jonah is going to be around for a little bit. Jonah's boyfriend is named
David. Would you like to comment on David or his looks? No opera
singer. I think that's what opera singers look like in Europe. Yeah,
okay, yeah, it looks like a Viking. Yeah, he looks like
if Kyle Gas and Jack Black were one A little bit, A little bit,
you know, am I am? I way too much tonight, not
at all. We might want to bleep out one thing that we'll talk later,
but other than that, I think is what I called devid. Oh
no, no, no, I totally agree with that one. The only
reason I called it is because she's so she was so harmful to you,
so mean to me, She was awful to you. Thanks for getting my
back, Yeah, of course. So we get ready for the night out.
Nathan Thing one sees Gail and says she has a boyfriend, but he
doesn't know him anything. Then we get to dinner, mister Charisma aka Thing
two aka Joe begins the macking. I had, I had no idea that
he was such a hot commodity on this boat. Well he's not. It's
just there's only there's only so many people, you know, which I guess
makes him a hot commodity. So in fact he is. That's Terrence Howard
math right there. Oh yeah, you're gonna sneeze. Yeah, thank you.
So we get ready, no date night, well boat mances are discussed,
and Gail's not sure she can be loyal to anybody. I appreciate the
candor, and then Kermit shares that she never has to worry about Scott,
right, yeah, because and it's not just because he lives in a van
in the middle of the woods and shits in a bucket, right, No,
Asian and Scott have a beautiful relationship and I shipped them very, very
hard too. But yeah, what happens is, you know I was being
pacitious earlier. You need not talk about the length of your feces or anything
like that. In order to ward off predators, all you have to do
is be in a loving relationship with somebody that you really care about. Yeah,
which Gale's not in, which is why she'll bang thing one and at
the drop of a hat, you know, I mean it's been thirty six
hours and Gale's like, you know, I don't think I can do this.
Now, that's not love, if you ask me, no, she
probably shouldn't be using that word. All right, So Asha is the producer
we need. She's just juice and gale up. And she's juicing the bulk
and biscuit up too. The smut is escalating all the way back to the
boat and we get to the strawberry. Now, the strawberry is a code
word for I think fingering, Yeah, yeah, something like I was a
gambling man. Yeah. So the two of them text, they coordinate this,
this Black Ops mission to evade the cameras. Where are they? Where's
the only place enough cameras? I'll tell you in that goddamn shower. But
mommy, daddy and also your boyfriend Gail are going to know your fucking Yeah.
Here's the thing, Like, you can try to evade the cameras,
but if you talk about trying to evade the cameras in front of the cameras,
then there's really no point, right. Do you remember Zarena, one
of our favorite chefs from a couple seasons ago, She told us that she
didn't even know that they have cameras on their iPhone screens, so they're reading
everything that you got even if you think you're being discreet. Yeah, they'll
catch you. They have your texts. You know. It's really orwellian what
these producers do. Jump in the comments let us know what you thought about
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and saying goodbye, pat Say goodbye later out Crosstandshing was stand