You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand KFI AM six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and
this is the time of the show and I am taking your calls. If
you have a relationship question, give me a call. The numbers one eight
hundred five to zero, one five, three four. That's one eight hundred
five to zero one KFI Reminder. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor, but I've written three books on relationships and i am obsessed with the
science of love. Okay, Producer Kayla, who do you have? First?
We have Rebecca at the question. Rebecca. Hi, Rebecca, It's
doctor Wendy. Hello, how are you good? One here? Thank you?
Sam? Do you what's your question? So? I have just I'm
kind of confused here. I was dating a gentleman for almost four and a
half years and recently found out he was going he was separating, going through
a divorce, and just found out recently he was He met somebody and I
confronted, well, I confronted him and then texted her and kind of let
her know what was going on, and he blocked me on social media and
everything, and I work with the guy. So this week, oh,
I'm kind of like, I'm confused. I don't have to think of maybe
looking for a new job or but I am a really good job, so
I'm just really just Rebecca. First of all, I am so sorry this
happened to you, and I do want to say something if there's a lesson
here for people listening to when somebody is separated and going through a divorce,
they're not fully separate, right, not legally and maybe not even emotionally in
their mind. Correct. And so you were his stepping stone relationship, his
interim relationship, and now all of a sudden he meets somebody else. So
this is this is a time of grieving for you. Okay. The fact
that he blocked you on social says that he doesn't have the emotional maturity to
even be able to talk to you about this. He feels shame. Okay,
he blocked you because he feels shame, and you're feeling confused because you've
got no explanation from him, and now you've got to go to work and
run into him. You've been dating four and a half years. Does he
have stuff at your house and everything. Are there loose ends? Yes,
we both do. Oh yeah, yeah, all those loose ends. Okay,
Eventually he will talk to you, but my advice to you is at
the office to be completely professional. Just keep your game face on. Don't
even let him know that you know about anything. Don't deal with it,
don't even try to catch his eye. You just go do your job.
Do not search for another job. This man does not deserve to kick you
out of your workplace. I'm sorry. You need to hold your head high
because he's the one that messed up. Okay, Okay, Eventually he's gonna
come around, and he's gonna want his spatula and you're gonna want your jeans
whatever. You're gonna do that switch, but it'll be at a time where
emotions aren't running so high. So I want you to reach out to all
your girlfriends, your family. I want you to vent, I want you
to heal, I want you to grieve. It's okay to be mad,
Rebecca. This guy messed with you four and a half years, his divorce
comes final, and he goes and gets a girlfriend. Oh oh yeah,
yeah, yo yo, y breaks my heart. Thank you for calling Rebecca.
Okay, Kayla, who do we have next? Michael? Oh?
Hello, ro Michael. Hi Michael, it's doctor Wendy. Hi doctor,
how you doing good? What's your question? Love? Okay? Well,
my question is about something that you talked about. Oh, it's been at
least a year, probably longer. And I was getting a haircut and the
woman cut my hair and her daughter and another woman were listening to this story
I told that you told on the air. It was about when a man
and a woman have unprotected sex and the next night, the woman has unprotected
sex with a second man. Uh huh. And the next night that man
has unprotected sex with a second woman and she gets pregnant, and they found
out that it was seeming from the first man. Yes. This is from
a very wonderful book that's a great read called Why Is the Penis Shaped Like
That? And they talk about how a woman can get pregnant by a man
she's never had sex with because he can drag around the other guy's sperm from
the last woman he had sex with. Correct. My question is who would
be legally and financially responsible for the baby. I have no idea. You'd
have to ask a lawyer about that. One who would be legally responsible for
the baby. I mean, who knows, right, I mean, genetically,
this woman has a pregnancy and it's not even her well, it has
to be her egg, right, her egg gets fertilized with another man's sperm.
But if the I guess, if I were a lawyer and I was
just spitballing here, I would say, the man who intended to impregnate the
woman, he meant to do it with his own sperm, of course,
but he accidentally brought in another guy sperm. He should be responsible. But
I'm making this up because I'm not a lawyer. But very good question,
Michael. I like it something to think about, all right, Producer,
Kayla, who do we have next? We have Anonymous with a question.
Okay, Anonymous, it's doctor Wendy. How are you hello? I am
a question. I have a boyfriend now and I am eight years older,
and but we are so compatible. I just ended a relationship. He was
like a milligant narcissist the last than I had, and that ended in February,
and then I sit a little time off, and then he had a
girlfriend that he was in. They in that relationship, so we really didn't
get together, really until autum. Okay, so it's been almost it'll be
almost five months. But we're very compatible. We have a great time together.
He tells me that, you know, he's sticking around no matter what.
But I always am very self conscious about being older. I just wanted
to have your kids because I I'll slow down everk full time. I run
my own business. You know. I just feel that his family's real supportive
by him on this side. But my family's sort of like, I'll just
hold off. And I have a sister and so he just so you mentioned
your you're eight years older than him. How old are you and how old
is he? I just turned sixty four, you're sixty four, and he's
just turned and he's fifty six. Fifty six, that's the same age.
Sorry. You know, like I teach developmental psychology, right and at the
two ends of the lifespan early in life, like kindergarten, you will see
this wide range of developmental abilities. You'll see in one kindergart in class one
kid that's still crying and wetting their pants and another kid quietly reading books in
the corner. And the same thing happens at the end of life. After
you hit fifty you're going to see that some people age faster and some people
not so fast. You sound like a very young sixty four year old.
Also, the most important reason why I asked about your ages is your reproductive.
Reproductive urgencies are behind you. Right. Nobody's talking about having a family
or having kids, So it sounds like this is just all in your head
and you're working on your self esteem. And if you've been with a kind
of toxic person in the past, it tells me that maybe that person and
some of your other earlier relationships might have impacted your self esteem in a negative
way. So I would say, you know what, go for it.
I think it's fabulous. And who cares that you're eight years old or you're
sixty four. If you're having fun with a fifty six year old guy,
then don't listen to your family. We have such a great time. Yeah.
Oh, and I have one other thing I want to say. My
parents were married thirty five years until death do they parted of cancer and my
mother was nine years older than my dad. So there you go. There
you go, have a wonderful relationship. Thank you for calling. Okay,
do we have time for me to do a quick social media roll or do
we have to go to break? We should go to break, go to
break. Okay. When we come back, I'll continue to take your calls
and I'll be checking my dms on social The number is one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one.
KFI you're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.
Were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six
forty on demand kf I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with
you. This is the Dr Wendy Walls Show. I'm taking your calls and
answering your social media questions. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one
five three four. Okay. Producer Kayla, who do we have? We
have Mike with a question. Great, Hi Mike, it's doctor Wendy.
Hi Doctor Wendy. How are you? Thank you for thinking of a call?
Happy to what's your question? Okay? I have a dynamic situation.
I'll try to shorten it up. Last year I caught my ex cheating on
me after sixteen years of marriage to kids. I run a small business.
You know, we owned a nice home together. So I caught her teating
and she wanted to include the children in our arguments, and I did my
best to keep the kids out of it. Yeah, she all the night.
She wanted three on one argument type of thing. How old are the
children the eleven and fifteen, fifteen year old girl eleven year old boys.
So as soon as I found out about it, I wanted to have a
discussion with her to find a resolution to either split or stay together. She
began to bring the kids into the argument. The very next day she told
the kids. She told me that I was on drugs and the kids were
going to die and overdose on scattered drugs that I was applying all over the
house. She started alienating from me from the kids. The kids couldn't eat
her drink in the house. For almost a year, she actually yes,
she would take them off the property for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
On the weekends. She would beat it's on the weekends. She would take
them for eight to ten hours Saturdays and Sundays away from me. So in
February I called Children's services. Children's services came and told her to stop doing
that. They did an investigation. The drug life stopped thirty days later.
Well, yeah, the investigation was closed and the lady said it'd be call
me back them and taking kids from you. Well, the drug lie immediately
began again after that. So in May I explained to my actis, I
said, if these restrictions don't stop, then I'll have to file for a
divorce. And she says, well, it sounds like you're threatening me.
I said, no, it's not a threat. I just it's a statement.
I need these things to stop. My son needs to be picked up
in five minutes. Why would you want to stay married to this woman I
filed for I gave her three I know I gave her. I wanted to
keep my family together, so I gave her three opportunities to stop the alienation
and the drug lives. It didn't. So I filed for divorce in May.
And I wanted to do this amicably. And it's not going to happen
emically. Okay, So Mike, let me just say this. You need
to arm yourself with a good therapist and a good lawyer, and you are
in for a lifetime of a fight. There's a wonderful book out there on
parental alienation and how you should behave It's about boundaries with her. Don't think
if I do this, she'll be nice. If I do this, she
won't lie about me. If I do this, then I'll be able to
see my kids more. Nope, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, no threats,
no threats ever. Just set rules and boundaries and make sure you stay
within the law. Make sure you keep your kids safe. And I'm sure
the family lawyer will probably tell you to keep records of absolutely everything emails.
Try to only communicate with her by email or text, so you've got a
nice written list of what's going on. And the book I read on parental
alienation was so wonderful because it says, don't get into the weeds with your
ex who's trying to say bad things about you. Instead, just when you
do spend time with your kids. Just be normal and let them see who
what a nice, good dad you are. And then after a while they
will figure it out. They're not stupid, they're your kids, you know.
My saying is give them enough rope, meaning your ex, they'll hang
themselves right. So kids will be able to make the decision if you don't
get into the weeds with that person. It's important that you take the high
road. It's important that you keep your kids safe, and it's important that
you arm yourselves with a lawyer and a good therapist. Mike, I'm so
sorry you're going through this. You're not alone. Many people are going through
this, all right, Producer, Kayla, do we have someone else?
We do? We have lydia with the question Lydia, Hi, Lydia.
It's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy. So my question is in regards
to my daughter in law. My son and her have been married for about
seven years. They have two kids, six year old little daughter and almost
three year old little son, and I recently found out that my daughter in
law has been telling things to my grandkids that are harming them regarding my food.
I babysit them twice a week, and my son and his wife are
workaholics. She never cooks. He never cooks because they're working all the time.
So when I come over and babysit for them, I bring my own
food because they only need Froden meals and throws the meals all the time.
So what is she saying? What is she saying to the children about your
food. She's telling them that my granddaughter told me there's adida. They call
me adida adida without saying the words hurting you. My daughter, my granddaughter
is thinking that I'm trying to cause them to get diabetes, but by one
feeding them, because I usually give them a little bit of sweets when I
come over, I give them mac and cheese. I give them a little
bit of pancakes. I give them things that I can bring to them,
fast meals that I can cook at home, or I cook it in the
house. So my daughter, my granddaughter, is hurting. She's very well
spoken. She'll say things like adida, I know you love me. I
know you're not trying to cause diabetes by my mom says you are. And
I don't know why my mom is always saying things about your food. Okay,
this is a power struggle over food and two different beliefs about food.
So here's how I would solve it. If I were you, I would
not deal with you daughter in law. I would deal with your son,
and I would say to your son, do you want me to continue babysitting.
If so, you either provide food that you think is correct and healthy
for these kids, or you tell your wife to shut up about my food.
You set a boundary. And if he can't set a boundary with his
wife, and if he's say, man, you don't babysit, why go
and torture yourself? Right, So you set up a boundary that says you
guys can provide food. If you think too much carbohydrate and sugar, it
potentially can cause diabetes, which, between you and I, lydia not so
good for kids. I'm a health psychology professor. So you might say something
like, the kids are telling me that you don't like how much sugar I'm
giving them, Could you give me some guidelines on how much vegetable and protein
you prefer me to serve? Or you could say, why don't you leave
some protein and vegetables for me to feed the kids when I babysit them.
If you want to keep me babysitting, that's what I would do. Set
up a boundary, don't stress over it. Just figure out a way and
deal with your son, not with her. All right, let me go
because we have a minute to social media because there's a question that came in
on my Instagram. I read it this week and I said, Gayla,
we have to answer this question this week. Okay, dear doctor Wendy,
do you have any guidance on the following. This person says, I broke
up with my girlfriend last June. It was very sad. We were even
looking at rings. A few days ago, I received an email from my
Disneyland account asking to look at my recent Disneyland visit pictures. Weird. The
last time I was there was a year ago with my ex. Apparently my
email ID was still linked to her Disney PhotoPass oh technology. Upon opening the
email, I saw a ton of pictures of her posing with presumably see presumably
that's a bad word, because we never know her new boyfriend. Many of
the poses were carbon copies of our experience. She was even wearing the earrings
I bought her. Sadly, I saw those images before the actual couple saw
them. I am destroyed inside. All Right, Guidance, let me just
say this, I'm sorry that technology hurt you. She didn't necessarily do it
to you. People have romantic triggers, whether it's places they go, pose
as they do in front of certain places or whatever, and that's her romantic
style. I know it hurts. I know this must have been so painful
to see. You could take your email off that account to protect yourself in
the future, but in the meantime, get out there in the world and
remind yourself how lovable you are. Find people family and friends and co workers
to laugh with, and take some time to grieve. None of this is
your fault, but you were triggered by technology. Oh that would be awful
if that happened, that would Oh I'd be freaking out. Dear doctor Wendy
Sr. We had an anonymous person that actually got disconnected. So I just
want to say, let you know their question. Oh, sure, Tayla,
what is it? Of course she said that she was in a relationship
with the gentleman and he had he's used to the poly lifestyle and she is
not, and he's pressuring her to become more poly and she's not really one
hundred percent interested. You know. You know what I'm gonna say, Kayla,
I do, I do, But you go ahead and see it yourself.
Polyamory benefits men a whole lot more than a benefits women. Okay,
yes, and every man. See before we had quote unquote polyamory back when
I was a young woman. You'd go in a dates a few dates with
a guy, and then he'd say something like, do you ever have a
girlfriend who want to join us? Maybe? Could we do a three simp
some days? Every guy's fantasy. Okay, So now they call it.
I'm polyamorous is what I am. I live the poly life, okay,
And I don't mean to put down those who actually are and are doing it
fine, and the women are happy to have an extra boyfriend or girlfriend in
there and all that. But for the vast majority of us heterosexual people,
women don't like polyamory. Men do. And it's perfectly okay to not be
pressured into doing something you don't feel comfortable with. And if your concern about
losing him is greater than your sense of self and respect and boundaries, then
you need to go to therapy and work on that. Because the truth is,
let him go. If he's going to pressure you, he should respect
you, your body, what you're interested in. Okay, social media,
let me go it one more on Instagram Dear doctor Wendy. I went out
on a second date with a guy. He asked me to go on a
third date, and I told the date that I could go out. He
texted back saying that's perfect. Then I haven't heard anything from him since then
and the date went by. Did he ghost me? Yeah? Then she
goes on to say, should I send him a friend checking in or just
let him go? It's been a month and I think about him every day.
I'm sorry you think about him every day? He ghosted you. If
you think about him at all, it should be to hate him. That
was rude. Okay, he set up a date, it was a third
date. He went another direction. What can I say? You ever gone
on a job interview and he get invited back to the third interview and you
think I've definitely got this job, And then you get one of those form
letters that says I'm sorry, we've gone another direction. The position is now
as full. That's all that happened to you, Okay. Part of dating
is dealing with these bomps, and yes they hurt. I don't mean to
make light of your pain. But are you asking me if you should text
again? If some of my answers? No? Absolutely no? All right?
Uh uh, we have to go to a break darn. There's some
good ones on social media? All right? Did you know that January is
divorce month when most divorce filings take place when we come back How to Avoid
Divorce. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty
with Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty
on demand. Oh yeah, that's what they say. I am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walls
Show. Sadly, January is divorce month. Uh huh. More filings take
place than any other month of the year. According to one study at the
University of Washington's actually a window of January through March which shows a thirty three
percent increase in divorce filings. So why well, let's think about it.
Divorce doesn't happen because somebody wakes up one morning and says, Hey, I
think I'm going to call a lawyer and I Am going to go file for
divorce today in between my plates and Trader Joe's. No, doesn't go like
that. Divorce takes two to four years to take place before a filing actually
takes place. The relationship slowly erodes generally, and I'm being general, men
hide money, women get plastic surgery. Something happens. Right if you're in
the dulg rooms of your marriage and your wife suddenly is using your hard earned
money to get her cheeks done and her butt done and her boobs, there's
something happening. M hm. And she'd go to the gym all the time.
That's the beginning of the divorce, right, She's getting herself ready for
the mating marketplace. And you you called your brother and you said, hey,
can I put some stocks and bonds in your name? Sorry? That's
what people do. I know. I've been around a long time. I've
seen it happen, all right. So what happens is the holidays come and
people suck it up and hold it together for the children, the family.
Nobody wants to be the jerk who files for divorce anywhere near the holidays.
Can you imagine the day before Thanksgiving? Here, honey, divorce papers have
fun with Thanksgiving and Christmas. Doesn't happen that way. Happens in January.
And Kayla, if you had to guess which gender and heterosexual couples is most
likely to file for divorce, who do you think it is? Women?
Always? You didn't even think about that. We get over it fast.
Seventy percent the divorce filings are done by women. That's high number. Here's
why, Just like I said earlier to that caller, polyamory benefits men more
than women. Marriage also benefits men more than women, because women often have
a dual job, right, even though we think we've evolved and changed.
In many marriages, women's st'll do the bulk of the domestic responsibilities, to
domestic duties, right, the childcare whatever. So I remember one time I
was sitting. It was before I had kids. No, I think I
maybe I was a single mom. No, I think if it's even before.
And I was listening to women chat and you know, and you all
lined up for your pedicure, and you're all in those pedicure chairs and you
get to hear everybody's life story. It's our version of the bar guys.
And this woman was talking about how, you know, her husband left and
she's her with the two kids. And so I lean over with some words
of empathy, and I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry, life must
be so hard for you now. And she literally looked at me bewildered,
and she goes, are you kidding? I got rid of one baby?
I only have two now like. Oh okay, Also, women are emotionally
exhausted. Women tend to do the bulk of the emotional work in relationships and
in families for everybody. And also, here's the big one. Women are
more economically able to not put up with bad behavior. I mean, back
in the past, the nineteen forties, fifty sixty seventies, women needed men
for financial security, but not so much anymore so if he's abusive, if
he's a cheater, she just moves on, right. So that's why women
are more likely to file for divorce. Okay, I want to say a
couple things about how to have a happy divorce. Well, there's no such
thing as a happy divorce. How to have a divorce with few bumps in
it? I cannot stress this enough. Put the children first. That means,
tell them over and over and over how much both of you love them,
Tell them over and over and over, even if they're twenty five.
Tell them that it's not their fault because they always blame themselves in some way.
And most importantly, do not bad mouth your ex, never in front
of the kids. Because guess what, your children, whether they be twelve
or twenty two, are fifty percent genetically them. And if you say anything
bad about your ex, the kids feel like you're insulting them. It hurts
them, it hurts their self esteem. So stop blaming and criticizing. Also
establish boundaries. That caller earlier, Mike, he didn't have boundaries. Here
was this woman who was treating him so badly, lying about him, and
he's saying, well, I'll fall for divorce. That no, no,
no, no, file for divorce done out. Okay, you're gonna tell
lies about me. You keep your own life over there. I'll have mine
here and I'll work on the kids' mental health while I have them. If
you can try to keep lawyers out as long as possible, I know there
are some good family attorneys out there, and many of them function as mediators
to help people save money. All good, but for the most part,
anybody I know who's gone down the lawyer route, the only people who win
are the lawyers. You're think of it. Look, when I first broke
up with my ex, we weren't married, but you know, I ran
around trying to get child which I never got. But I went to visit
all these attorneys and every one of them. You know, we're talking about
West Side of LA. Wanted twenty thousand dollars retainer, twenty thousand dollars to
say hello. And then they told me you got a fifty to fifty ball
of maybe getting child support or not. And I'm thinking to myself, if
I had twenty thousand dollars, I would feed my kids. There's no way
this is gonna line of lawyer's pockets. So I just took my kids and
did my own thing and figured out a way right, just survived. Sometimes
we lived in a small studio apartment together, the three of us. By
the way, noise canceling headsets. That is the trick anyway, Keep the
lawyers out as long as you can. But here's another thought. Let's say
you do get through it, and it's you know, not so bumpy and
not so whatever. You know, humans thrive on rituals. Have a closing
ceremony, don't. I don't mean a divorce wedding, but something. Get
together with your ex and light a candle and say, we make great kids,
Thank you so much for being there with my I got married when I
was twenty divorced by twenty three, so we had a dance party. We
were all still at college, do something to signify that you have moved on.
Now, hopefully you're not going through divorce, and hopefully you don't want
one to happen. When we come back, let's talk about what the research
says about how you can avoid divorce in your marriage. You're listening to The
Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. Were live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Got a
mate, Getwork, Got a Manute, Get work. Welcome back to the
home stretch of The Doctor Wendywall Show and KFI AM six forty. Nobody wants
to go through a divorce course. Not I do want to remind people,
though, I want to pull you off the guilt train if you've been divorced,
if you're going through a divorce. When until death Do Us Part was
invented, death was pretty imminent, right, People were dying of diseases,
wars, all kinds of things. And now, because of our very long
life expectancies, we can outgrow our relationships. Even the most monogamous of humans
may find themselves having two or three long stints of monogamy. Right, So
it's funny, I was in a cab the other day at Uber and old
guy Uber driver and uh, you know, we're chatting because I'm a chatty
person. And Ash, are you married? He goes, I was.
He said, I was married for thirty years then I got unmarried. I
love that he just got unmarried. And funnily enough, he says his adult
son lives with him now, and he's like, he's a worse wife.
I'm gonna unmarry him soon. He's lazy. But you know what, you
may go through divorce. And if the relationship, if you learn something in
that relationship and your partner learned something, then it is not a failed relationship.
There was no such thing as a a failed relationship. I just want
to say that. However, if you would like your relationship to last longer,
then there are a few things you can do, according to research.
And here's a simple little laundry list. You get a pan out. I
want you to write this down. If you want your relationship to work out,
communicate, especially about the stuff that's hard to talk about. That's the
most important stuff to talk about. You can even start a conversation by saying
it's really hard for me to talk about this, So go gently on me,
but I'm gonna try my best. Right they preface it, set it
up. Also, don't keep score in your relationship. A relationship is not
a competition. It's a partnership. And when your partner succeeds and does great,
you benefit too. You're a team, team, team, team.
Here's another good one. Do not bring up old stuff if that old stuff
has been resolved. See if you don't have good conflict resolution skills and it
doesn't get resolved, then it's going to keep coming up. But if you
went through something, you figured out what the compromise is, somebody said they're
sorry, move on, don't bring it up. It's over. Here's one
of my favorites. It was years before I learned this. When I was
a young woman, I believed that you could change somebody. I believed you
could just tell them, give them the information they needed so that they could
become a better person. Here's what I know. Now, stop trying to
make somebody perfect. Learn to accept your partner. The only person you can
change is you and your reaction to them. So you got a choice.
You can stay or you can leave. But stop hoping you're going to sit
there, always in agony, trying to hope that they will change as marriages
go on for years. I want you to reassess your marriage needs because your
needs are going to change at different stages. The relationship will have a different
purpose. Maybe the beginning of it is about raising children. Later it's about
traveling, or growing a business, or growing a charity together, or dealing
with ailing health. Your needs will change. Now. There's so much research
to support this next thing. Did you know that the happiest couples who stay
together the longest spend a lot of time wallowing around in memories. They talk
about the old days, They talk about their first date, they talk about
their first little hot weekend away. They say, oh, remember that thing
you know recently? Well, last summer, Hulu and I went on a
little vacation to go to somebody's wedding in Tahiti. And although we did all
kinds of things that would look good tourist brochure, at one point we were
on an out island with it's not touristy at all, and the little pension
operators lent us their bikes and we went on a bike around this island and
we get far enough away that we're halfway around the island, no way to
go back or forth. And the heaviest monsoon it is so bad. I
mean, it rains so hard that we were even like under a palm tree
and we were laughing. Okay, we were so soaking wet. We had
to put our cell phones in our crotch. We were trying to keep them
dry. It was the only dry place we could find. And we laughed
and laughed, and we still talk about that, And I promise you we're
going to talk about that day twenty years from now because it was the funniest.
We had nothing to do but just laugh because we couldn't ride forward or
backward, we couldn't get back on time. We had no umbrellas, we
had no raincoats, we were drenched to the skin, and we just stood
under a palm tree laughing for like an hour. It was very funny.
So go and revisit those memories. It's good for your relationship. Also,
add new stuff. Research shows that the relationships are happiest are the ones that
do different stuff together. Add novelty. If you're in a rut, because
my mom used to say, you know, in the summer when you're home
and you're a kid, and you're bored, and go I'm bored. I'm
bored. My mom used to say, if you're bored, you're boring,
right, So do something exciting. Surprise your partner with tickets to something.
Do something different with your partner. Also on a regular On the regular,
catch your partner being good. In other words, instead of nagging them,
instead of focusing on their negative qualities. I want you every single day to
find that something good that your partner's doing and say it out loud. Compliment
them. This actually besides speaking to the highest part of them, because if
you reward that good behavior, guess what they do more of that good behavior.
But also it reminds your brain of why you're there, reminds you that
you appreciate your partner. Also, have fun play with your partner. If
your whole life right now is about schedules and kids and bills and all these
things you have to do together, you're not going to be having any fun.
Julio and I had so much fun in the rain that day riding those
bikes. We were just laughing. We just had fun. Have fun with
your partner. Oh, and have more sex. Put your phones down,
hold hands, Light some candles. Remember you're in love with each other,
your lovers, and also understand that marriage isn't supposed to be happy all the
time. Speak of which, before I go, we did an interview over
the holidays that aired Wen did air last week. Kyla, it's it.
Yeah, this amazing woman who is the ultimate bad boy lover. So get
this. Her first boyfriend was a drug dealer who went like to jail forever.
The second one was murdered by the drug cartel. The third one ended
up being a like el Chapo's right hand man and ended up wearing a wire
and turning him in. And she wrote a book called Cartel Wives. And
now she's going to prison herself tomorrow or the next day. I don't yeah,
one of these days this week. This week's for sure this week.
So if you want to listen to that full interview, Kayla has put it
up on my page on the KFI website. She go to KFI AM six
forty dot com and you search doctor Wendy Walsh. Right, and what did
you call it? I said, when dating bad boys turns into surviving old
Chappa or something. See if you're a bad boy chaser, ladies, you
should listen to this woman's story. It's a cautionary tale. Actually, she
was very open and honest and vulnerable, and she was very much in love.
As she was doing the interview, the couple, they kept touching each
other and kissing and they hadn't in the background. They loved each other so
much, and she spent twelve years in prison and she waited for him.
She's such a good name interview. They better listen. Yeah, it was
so good. Have listen KFI AM six forty dot com and then search doctor
Wendy Welsh. Hey, I'm here every Sunday from seven to nine pm.
If you miss any part of the show, just always download the iHeartRadio app
and search doctor Wendy Walsh and you can listen to it anytime during the week.
Also, if you want to join my Patreon group, we meet every
Wednesday at six thirty. We talk about everything on the planet. It's great
fun. You go to Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy Walsh. Otherwise,
I'm here for you every Sunday. You were listening to the Doctor Wendy Welsh
Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six
forty on demand