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Very good afternoon to all of you
welcome to Chayo with you waiting for everything

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to flow in the best possible way. What do I tell my 12-

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year- old daughter that she had
the confidence to tell me, that they

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have a boyfriend in high school,
but that today she approached me to tell

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me, that she cut it by
chat. I don' t want to

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tell her anything that makes me lose
confidence, nor do I want to downplay

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something that is important to her right
now. Look, don' t be

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afraid that I' ll lose your
confidence, because he already had it to

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tell you so much that he had
it like they finished it. I think

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that when something like this happens,
rather than having the words wise, sometimes

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what we just need is to become
good listeners. How she feels, what

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she thinks, what she needs from
you what she would like you to do

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for her. Sometimes all we need
to do is keep quiet and embrace them,

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be loving, make a presence,
be with them at a time like

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that. Sometimes, questions that are
asked like why, Mom, but why

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he did, but what he might
have done to him, but what happened,

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are answers that we don' t
have and simple and we just have

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to be, be there and tell
him that he' s going to be

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okay and love them very much.
And that being there sometimes is more than

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enough, as long as there are
uncomfortable questions in education that was part of

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what we were talking about yesterday,
certainly nothing else. We have to answer

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them, not necessarily immediately, but
we will have to respond. And here

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comes a very clear clause. You
have to answer with the truth. The

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truth can be hard, it can
be uncomfortable, it can be painful,

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but without a doubt, that truth
is going to be the less complicated part

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of facing reality than the one that
will detonate if you respond with lies,

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because lies will never come alone.
They' re always going to bring more

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lies, because they' re going
to trigger new questions. And the new

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questions will have to be answered with
more lies. That' s right,

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he always answers with the truth.
It hurts, but leaves no room for

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doubt. When you apologize, when
you offer an apology for something you didn

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' t do properly, don'
t justify yourself. Learn to differentiate the

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moment of apology with the moment of
explanation. Give a space, because when

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we apologize the person who is hurt
for what we did requires a time for

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her, for him and you need
to feel that it is the center of

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that moment of recognition. In the
face of the fault we committed. If

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you immediately begin to explain, it
is that you notice that what happens to

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me, is that I felt this
way and, therefore, I did turné

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and then you end up putting yourself
at the center of the circumstance and you

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start some way to demand that the
other person understand what was the situation in

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which you were and take that place
away from the injured person. There will

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be time for you to explain and
for the person to ask you the questions

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necessary to understand the reason for your
behavior. But, in addition to hurting

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that person, don' t take
away the healing time because of the recognition

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you' re making, that it
deserves a space of recognition, being at

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the center of offering the apology you' re giving him. I' m

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a stable for a 13- year- old boy. I have custody of

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him because his mom went to America
and I stayed in charge of him.

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A few days ago we had in
a little berth of him. He used

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his tablet to do homework. I
told him that if he had already finished

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the task, he told me that
he didn' t get aggressive, so

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that I hit him for asking for
the tablet. I took it and he

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wanted to hit me I stopped.
I didn' t react badly. I

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think, on the contrary, I
tried to reassure him. I don'

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t know if it has anything to
do with the issue of bad habits,

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this theme of screen management is always
a delicate topic. Yeah, maybe it

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' s a bad habit thing.
It can also be a complex theme here

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on two different lines. One,
the management of screens, the management of

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adolescence, the rebellions typical of age. It strikes me as you tell me.

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I asked him if he had finished
his homework. He said no.

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However, you tried to remove the
tablet anyway. I don' t know

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if it' s because you realized
I was cheating on you, that I

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was answering one thing when it wasn' t really true. And then the

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invasive approach to wanting him to remove
the tablet made him respond in a much

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more impulsive way to teenagers. In
particular, we must try to avoid this

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invasive way of wanting to intervene normally
with a child. If we get close

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and say you give it to me
with a teenager, what we have to

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do, that is, see.
I think you' ve been through enough

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of your homework. You have to
stop this. It' s time for

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you to stop what you' re
doing with the tablet and change your activity.

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So, if you don' t
let her, there' s going

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to be a consequence. And then, when they had already taken a bath,

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they went to sleep and so on, and we know that we were

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fooled. Then we confiscated the tablet, but not taking it out of hand,

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but because they already put it aside. And when they look for it,

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we tell them the tablet is grounded
because you don' t know how

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to handle things properly. I'
ll give them back to you. This

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is not allowed. There are consequences
to not be so directly invasive with them

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and we set the rules of the
house. Now here' s a second

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complex situation with a guy this age
and he' s not a dad here.

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I don' t know how long
you have living with him and a

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mom who left and then there'
s a double drop- out in this

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kid' s life that, besides
everything, is getting into the teen process.

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I don' t know how you' ve been in relationship with him

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and how he accepted this circumstance from
the beginning and how much he' s

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been talking to him about this,
how far he imposed without further explanation that

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you were going to keep custody of
what the mother was leaving and whether she

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had a voice and a vote on
this. But it' s not an

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easy situation for a boy. A
circumstance of this nature and how good this

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you communicate with him. I think
it' s very commendable what you'

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re doing when you take over,
but we can' t forget that he

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' s a teenage boy living in
a complex situation and I think you have

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to generate a little empathy in this
by talking to him and letting him know

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that it' s not easy what
he' s living, that he'

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s entangled in his circumstance and that
you' re trying to do the best

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you can in this situation and that
they need to come to certain agreements.

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So try looking around for a way
to reconcile, to empathize with him,

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but also to make it clear that
they' re going to need to make

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deals and that you have responsibilities in
this, that you have to narrow it

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down clearly because you have to give
your mom results. How you feel when

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you say not uncomfortable, uncomfortable you
get a weird feeling. It' s

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completely normal. We all have fantasies
that we' re going to stop being

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loved, that the other guy'
s chin, he can get angry,

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upset, you can take away his
affection, his friendship. But you'

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re going to discover over time that
that doesn' t happen as long as

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and here comes a golden rule,
you do it right, for the right

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reasons. You have to be assertive
and you' re going to check that

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things are going well. No one
loses relationships by saying no to you.

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Now I insist in the right way, for the right reasons and taking into

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account that relationships are a back and
forth interaction. You always say no,

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but if you expect others to always
say yes. Well, then you have

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things to question. You' re
going to realize that there' s getting

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together and coming into things, but
that you don' t lose by saying

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no. So you learn by practicing
around these dates. There' s always

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a dilemma in the different schools,
because if you don' t have to

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send the children to school anymore that
if the activities are over, some are

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starting exams, others are already finished
all that if they' ve already sent

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them to do the results, that
if nothing else is entertaining the children in

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the schools that are already not doing
academic activities. They are doing academic activities,

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but they don' t matter anymore
because they don' t count that

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they do have them doing recreational activities
any more than if even in some schools

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they even tell them that the teachers
themselves already tell them or come this one,

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it' s no longer worth this. Anyway, there are a wide

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variety of alternatives to this and the
great question many on many occasions of the

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parents is cha me you advise us. There are as many possibilities as there

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are families. Okay, so not
every council applies to everyone, because there

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are families. Those who take the
children greatly complicate their lives and then it

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is more practical and feasible to leave
them at home. There are families for

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whom the children stay in the house
is a real problem because they work and

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then leaving them in the house is
an absolute complication. There are those for

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whom either is optional. So everyone
who takes what I' m going to

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say wisely, I always suggest that
as long as the school doesn' t

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close its doors, they keep sending
it to school, because the reality is

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that leaving them at home is to
leave them on screens, on the cell

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phone, with influencers, on Youtuber, video games and already they spend the

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rest of their free time doing that, so, at least, they go

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to school to dedicate themselves, even
if they get bored, to socialize,

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to pick their eyes, to see
what they do, to live with friends,

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to do other kinds of things,
to relate in another way to the

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teacher and to the classmates and not
to stay at home doing things that do

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the rest of the time and that
don' t bring anything good. So,

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when you ask me my advice.
I say to you, then,

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at least that you go to that
number of hours to school until the School

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of Plano closes the doors, the
school calendar is fulfilled and then there is

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no more remedy than vacation. That' s my humble opinion. Notice that

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there are two great moments in life
where we have to work with each other

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' s waiting capacity. One is
when we have very little children, and

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the other is when we care for
older people. Sick older people can become

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very intolerant. And that son daughter
who cares for older people suddenly as they

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are no longer in an educational process
as such, suddenly fall into this immediate

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response to the demand of the elderly
person and although they are clearly attending and,

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moreover, with the moral commitment to
have been cared for by this person

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throughout his life. There is as
a commitment of responsibility that many times in

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addition, brings the overload of the
expectation of the brothers who put in this

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person an overexigency to have to care. And you have to be very careful

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about that, because it is true
that you are already caring for the elderly

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person who is sick so that you
don' t even go to the bathroom,

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because the other person needs a glass
of water and it would seem that

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he can' t wait for you
to go to the bathroom to take the

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water, not or give him his
medicine. And then you can' t

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even make it wait five minutes and
this loss of the dimension of each other

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' s ability will be because since
he' s sick, as he needs

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everything ends up having the same level
of priority. It is not true what

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if you are someone who cares for
that sick older person, try to put

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it in appropriate priority, what if
it requires urgency and not, because you

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may be leaving your life and falling
into a stress illness for not being able

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to prioritize that it corresponds and that
no, so do not lose sight.

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Well, then, we came to
the end of one more chayo program with

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you and I hope that everything will
flow very well. I' m Chayo

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Buscats. You' re good to
you until then. Audio Centre