WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:08.320 Chapter twelve three. And yet it was not a dream, but actual, 2 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:13.919 indubitable fact. Should I be telling the story if it were not? But 3 00:00:14.039 --> 00:00:20.399 to continue? It was late, about nine o'clock before I reached the arcade, 4 00:00:21.079 --> 00:00:24.359 and I had to go into the crocodile room by the back entrance, 5 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:30.160 for the German had closed the shop earlier than usual that evening. Now, 6 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:34.920 in the seclusion of domesticity, he was walking about in a greasy, old 7 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:40.399 frock coat, but he seemed three times as pleased as he had been in 8 00:00:40.439 --> 00:00:46.600 the morning. It was evidently that he had no apprehensions now and that the 9 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:54.079 public had been coming many more. The Mutta came out later, evidently to 10 00:00:54.159 --> 00:01:00.359 keep an eye on me. The German and the Mutta frequently whispered together although 11 00:01:00.359 --> 00:01:06.480 the shop was closed. He charged me a quarter rouble, what unnecessary exactitude 12 00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:14.879 you will pay, you will every time pay the public will one ruble and 13 00:01:15.079 --> 00:01:19.000 you one quarter pay for you are a good friend of your good friend, 14 00:01:19.239 --> 00:01:26.280 and I a friend respect Are you alive? Are you alive, my cultured 15 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:32.079 friend? I cried as I approached the crocodile, expecting my words to reach 16 00:01:32.120 --> 00:01:38.200 Ivan Medvitch from a distance and to flatter his vanity. Alive and well, 17 00:01:38.599 --> 00:01:42.040 he answered, as though from a long way off or from under the bed, 18 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:48.719 though I was standing close beside him, alive and well. But of 19 00:01:48.840 --> 00:01:55.439 that later, how are things going? As though purposely not hearing the question, 20 00:01:56.280 --> 00:02:00.439 I was just beginning, with sympathetic haste to question him him, how 21 00:02:00.439 --> 00:02:04.359 he was, what it was like in the crocodile, and what in fact 22 00:02:04.359 --> 00:02:09.400 there was inside a crocodile. Both friendship and common civility demanded this, But 23 00:02:09.560 --> 00:02:16.360 with capricious annoyance, he interrupted me. How are things going? He shouted 24 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:23.919 in a shrill and on this occasion particularly revolting voice, addressing me peremptorily as 25 00:02:24.039 --> 00:02:30.759 usual, I described to him my whole conversation with Tim of fay Semyonich, 26 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:36.199 down to the smallest detail. As I told my story, I tried to 27 00:02:36.199 --> 00:02:42.639 show my resentment in my voice. The old man is right, Ivan Matveitch 28 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:49.800 pronounced as abruptly as usual in his conversation with me. I like practical people, 29 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:53.560 I can't endure sentimental milksops. I am ready to admit, however, 30 00:02:53.719 --> 00:03:00.520 that your idea about a special commission is not altogether absurd. Certainly, have 31 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:05.360 a great deal to report, both from a scientific and from an ethical point 32 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:09.599 of view. But now all this had taken a new and unexpected aspect, 33 00:03:09.919 --> 00:03:15.000 and it is not worth while to trouble about mere salary. Listen attentively. 34 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:22.560 Are you sitting down? No? I am standing up. Sit down on 35 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:27.879 the floor if there is nothing else, and listen attentively, resentfully. I 36 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:30.400 took a chair and put it down on the floor with a bang in my 37 00:03:30.520 --> 00:03:38.840 anger. Listen, he began dictatorially. The public came to day in masses. 38 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:42.599 There was no room left in the evening, and the police came in 39 00:03:42.680 --> 00:03:46.360 to keep order. At eight o'clock, that is earlier than usual. The 40 00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:52.039 proprietor thought it necessary to close the shop and any exhibition, to count the 41 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:57.879 money he had taken, and to prepare for tomorrow more conveniently. So I 42 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:02.159 know there will be a regular tomorrow. So we may assume that all the 43 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:06.759 most cultivated people in the capital, the ladies of the best society, the 44 00:04:06.879 --> 00:04:12.520 foreign ambassadors, the leading lawyers, and so on, will all be present. 45 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:17.079 What's more, people will be flowing here from the remotest provinces of our 46 00:04:17.160 --> 00:04:24.000 vast and interesting empire. The upshot of it is that I am the cynosure 47 00:04:24.160 --> 00:04:30.360 of all eyes, and though hidden to sight, I am eminent. I 48 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:34.720 shall teach the idle crowd thwart by experience. I shall be an example of 49 00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:40.560 greatness and the resignation to fate. I shall be, so to say, 50 00:04:40.839 --> 00:04:46.839 a pulpit from which to instruct mankind. The mere biological details I can furnish 51 00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:51.800 about the monster I am inhabiting are of priceless value, and so far from 52 00:04:51.879 --> 00:04:58.639 repining at what has happened, I confidently hope for the most brilliant of careers 53 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:06.879 won't find it wearisome, I asked sarcastically. What irritated me more than anything 54 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:14.199 was the extreme bomposity of his language. Nevertheless, it all rather disconcerted me. 55 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:20.319 What on earth what can this frivolous blockhead find to be so cocky about, 56 00:05:20.879 --> 00:05:26.480 I muttered to myself. He ought to be crying instead of being cocky. 57 00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:32.680 No, he answered my observation sharply, for I am full of great 58 00:05:32.759 --> 00:05:38.839 ideas. Only now can I, at leisure bonder over the amelioration of the 59 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:44.319 Lord of humanity. Truth and light will come forth now from the crocodile. 60 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:48.439 I shall certainly develop a new economic theory of my own, and I shall 61 00:05:48.480 --> 00:05:53.480 be proud of it, which I have hitherto been prevented from doing by my 62 00:05:53.519 --> 00:06:00.560 official duties and by trivial distractions. I shall refute everything and be a fourier. 63 00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:06.920 By the way, did you give timofey Semyonich the seven roubles? Yes, 64 00:06:08.360 --> 00:06:13.240 out of my own pocket, I answered, trying to emphasize that fact 65 00:06:13.279 --> 00:06:18.480 in my voice. We will settle it, he answered, superciliously. I 66 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:24.120 confidently expect my salary to be raised. For who should get a raise if 67 00:06:24.160 --> 00:06:29.160 not I? I am of the utmost service Now. But to business, 68 00:06:29.720 --> 00:06:38.199 my wife, You are, I suppose inquiring after Elena Ivanovna, my wife, 69 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:44.240 he shouted, this time in a positive squeal. There was no help 70 00:06:44.319 --> 00:06:48.439 for it. Meekly, though, gnashing my teeth, I told him how 71 00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:54.759 I had left Elena Ivanovna. He did not even hear me out. I 72 00:06:54.959 --> 00:07:00.800 have special plans in regard to her, he began impatiently. If I am 73 00:07:00.839 --> 00:07:06.120 celebrated here, I wish her to be celebrated there. Savants, poets, 74 00:07:06.399 --> 00:07:13.480 philosophers, foreign mineralogists, statesmen, after conversing in the morning with me, 75 00:07:13.920 --> 00:07:18.160 will visit her in her salon in the evening. From next week onwards. 76 00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:24.279 She must have an at home every evening. With my salary doubled, we 77 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:28.959 shall have the means for entertaining, and as the entertainment must not go beyond 78 00:07:29.000 --> 00:07:33.720 tea and hide footmen. That's settled. Both here and there they will talk 79 00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:39.000 of me. I have long thirst for an opportunity for being talked about, 80 00:07:39.199 --> 00:07:43.879 but could not attain it, fettered by my humble position and low grade in 81 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:47.800 the service. And now all this has been attained by a simple gulp on 82 00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:51.519 the part of the crocodile. Every word of mine will be listened to. 83 00:07:51.959 --> 00:07:58.680 Every utterance will be thought over, repeated, printed, and I'll teach them 84 00:07:58.759 --> 00:08:03.959 what I am worth. They shall understand at last what abilities they have allowed 85 00:08:03.959 --> 00:08:09.120 to vanish in the entrails of a monster. This man might have been foreign 86 00:08:09.160 --> 00:08:13.560 minister, or might have ruled a kingdom. Some will say, and that 87 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:18.360 man did not rule a kingdom. Others will say, in what way am 88 00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:22.959 I inferior to Ganier, Pegasyshki or whatever they are called. My wife must 89 00:08:24.040 --> 00:08:28.240 be a worthy second. I have brains, she has beauty and charm. 90 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:33.480 She is beautiful, and that is why she is his wife. Some will 91 00:08:33.519 --> 00:08:39.399 say she is beautiful because she is his wife. Others will amend to be 92 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:45.440 ready for anything. Let Elena Ivanovna buy to morrow the Encyclopedia edited by Andrey 93 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:50.000 Krevsky, that she may be able to converse on any topic. Above all, 94 00:08:50.200 --> 00:08:54.200 let her be sure to read the political leader in the Petersburg News, 95 00:08:54.240 --> 00:09:00.480 comparing it every day with the voice. I imagine that the proprietor will consent 96 00:09:00.559 --> 00:09:05.240 to take me sometimes with the crocodile, to my wife's brilliant salon. I 97 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:09.919 will be in a tank in the middle of the magnificent drawing room, and 98 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:15.200 I will scintillate with witticisms, which I will prepare in the morning to the 99 00:09:15.320 --> 00:09:18.600 statesman. I will impart my projects to the poet. I will speak in 100 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:24.559 rhyme. With the ladies. I can be amusing and charming without impropriety, 101 00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:28.080 since I shall be no danger to their husband's peace of mind. To all 102 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:33.039 the rest, I shall serve as a pattern of resignation to fate and the 103 00:09:33.080 --> 00:09:37.639 will of Providence. I shall make my wife a brilliant literary lady. I 104 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:41.159 shall bring her forward and explain her to the public as my wife. She 105 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:46.480 must be full of the most striking virtues and if they are right in calling 106 00:09:46.519 --> 00:09:52.919 Andrey Alexandrovitch our Russian Alfred de Musset, they will be still more right in 107 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:58.879 calling her our Russian Yevgenia Tour. I must confess that, although this wild 108 00:10:00.120 --> 00:10:05.200 nonsense was rather in ivanne Metvich's habitual style, it did occur to me that 109 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:11.960 he was in fever and delirious. It was the same every day, ivanne 110 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:22.639 Metvitch, but magnified twenty times. My friend, I asked him, are 111 00:10:22.679 --> 00:10:26.320 you hoping for a long life? Tell me, in fact, are you 112 00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:31.200 well? How do you eat? How do you sleep? How do you 113 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:35.840 breathe? I am your friend, and you must admit that the incident is 114 00:10:35.960 --> 00:10:43.919 most unnatural. And consequently my curiosity is most natural, idle curiosity and nothing 115 00:10:43.960 --> 00:10:50.799 else, he pronounced sententiously. But you shall be satisfied. You ask how 116 00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:56.279 I am managing in the entrails of the monster. To begin with? The 117 00:10:56.360 --> 00:11:01.879 crocodile, to my amusement, turns out to be perfectly empty. His inside 118 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:07.679 consists of a sort of huge empty sack made of gut aperture, like the 119 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:13.399 elastic goods sold in the Gorohovy street in the Morskaya. And if I am 120 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:18.440 not mistaken in the Voznesenski prospect. Otherwise, if you think of it, 121 00:11:18.840 --> 00:11:24.919 how could I find room? Is it possible? I cried, in a 122 00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:33.320 surprise that may well be understood. Can the crocodile be perfectly empty, perfectly 123 00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:41.000 ivan Matveh, maintained sternly and impressively, and in all probability it is so 124 00:11:41.159 --> 00:11:46.120 constructed by the laws of nature. The crocodile possesses nothing but jaws furnished with 125 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:52.879 sharp teeth, and besides the jaws, a tale of considerable length. That 126 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:58.639 is all, properly speaking, The mental part between these two extremities is an 127 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.840 empty space by something of the nature of gottapercher probably really cut the percher, 128 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:11.080 but the ribs, the stomach, the intestines deliver the heart. I interrupted, 129 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:18.120 quite angrily. There is nothing, absolutely nothing of all that, and 130 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:24.000 probably there never has been, or that is the idle fancy of frivolous travelers. 131 00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:28.639 As one inflates an air cushion, I am now with my person inflating 132 00:12:28.639 --> 00:12:33.799 the crocodile. He is incredibly elastic. Indeed, you might, as the 133 00:12:33.879 --> 00:12:37.279 friend of the family, get in with me if you were generous and self 134 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:43.840 sacrificing enough and even with you here there would be room to spare. I 135 00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:48.279 even think that, in the last resort I might send for Elena Ivanovna. 136 00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:52.159 However, this void, hollow formation of the crocodile is quite in keeping with 137 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:58.440 the teachings of natural science. If, for example, one had to construct 138 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:03.120 a new crocodile, the question would naturally present itself. What is the fundamental 139 00:13:03.240 --> 00:13:09.639 characteristic of the crocodile? The answer is clear, to swallow human beings. 140 00:13:11.399 --> 00:13:16.039 How is one, in constructing the crocodile to secure that he should swallow people? 141 00:13:16.679 --> 00:13:22.879 The answer is clearer, Still construct him hollow. It was settled by 142 00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:28.480 physics long ago that nature abhors a vacuum. Hence the inside of the crocodile 143 00:13:28.600 --> 00:13:33.480 must be hollow, so that it may abhor the vacuum and consequently swallow and 144 00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:39.919 so fill itself with anything it can come across. And that is the sole 145 00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:46.200 rational cause why every crocodile swallows men. It is not the same in the 146 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:52.039 constitution of man. The emptier man's head is, for instance, the less 147 00:13:52.039 --> 00:13:54.440 he feels, the first to fill it. And that is the one exception 148 00:13:54.480 --> 00:14:00.080 to the general rule. It is all as clear as day to me now 149 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:05.799 I have deduced it by my own observations and experience, being, so to 150 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:11.039 speak, in the very bowels of nature, in its retort, listening to 151 00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:16.480 the throbbing of its pulse. Even etymology supports me for the very word crocodile 152 00:14:16.559 --> 00:14:24.039 means voracity. Crocodile. Crocodile oh is evidently an Italian word, dating perhaps 153 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:31.240 from the Egyptian pharaohs, and evidently derived from the French verb crocot which means 154 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:35.960 to eat, to devour, in general, to absorb nourishment, or these 155 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:41.840 remarks I intended to deliver as my first lecture in Elena Ivanovna's salon. When 156 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:46.960 they take me there in the tank, my friend, ortn't you at least 157 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:54.440 to take some purgative, I cried involuntarily. He is in a fever, 158 00:14:54.799 --> 00:15:01.000 a fever, he is feverish, I repeated to myself in alarm. Nonsense, 159 00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:07.159 he answered, contemptuously. Besides, in my present position, it would 160 00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:11.480 be most inconvenient. I knew, though, you would be sure to talk 161 00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:16.360 of taking medicine. But my friend, how how do you take food? 162 00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:22.399 Now? Have you dined to day? No? But I am not hungry, 163 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:26.919 and most likely I shall never take food again, and that too is 164 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:31.600 quite natural. Filling the whole interior of the crocodile, I make him feel 165 00:15:31.679 --> 00:15:37.080 always full. Now he need not be fed for some years. On the 166 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:41.799 other hand, nourished by me, he will naturally impart to me all the 167 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:46.840 vital juices of his body. It is the same as with some accomplished coquettes 168 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:52.759 who embed themselves and their whole purisons for the night in a raw stake, 169 00:15:52.240 --> 00:16:00.360 and then after their morning bath a fresh supple buxom and fascinating in that way 170 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:07.600 nourishing the crocodile, I myself obtain nourishment from him. Consequently, we mutually 171 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:12.240 nourish one another. But as it is difficult even for a crocodile to digest 172 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:18.080 a man like me, he must no doubt be conscious of a certain weight 173 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:22.879 in his stomach, an organ which he does not, however, possess. 174 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:26.360 And that is why, to avoid causing the creature suffering, I do not 175 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.840 often turn over, And although I could turn over, I do not do 176 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:38.279 so from humanitarian motives. This is one drawback of my present position, and 177 00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:44.759 in an allegorical sense, timofey Semyonitch was right in saying I was lying like 178 00:16:44.840 --> 00:16:48.159 a log. But I will prove that even lying like a log, nay 179 00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:53.919 that only lying like a log, one can revolutionize the lot of mankind. 180 00:16:55.639 --> 00:17:00.279 All the great ideas and movements of our newspapers and magazines have evidently been the 181 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:04.400 work of men who were lying like logs. That is why they call them 182 00:17:04.480 --> 00:17:10.480 divorce from the realities of life. But what does it matter? They're saying 183 00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:15.279 that, I am constructing now a complete system of my own, And you 184 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:18.880 wouldn't believe how easy it is. You have only to creep into a secluded 185 00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:23.799 corner, or into a crocodile, to shut your eyes, and you immediately 186 00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:30.240 devise a perfect millennium for mankind. When you went away this afternoon, I 187 00:17:30.359 --> 00:17:34.200 set to work at once, and have already invented three systems. Now I 188 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:41.319 am preparing a fourth. It is true that at first one must refute everything 189 00:17:41.319 --> 00:17:45.000 that has gone before, But from the crocodile it is so easy to refute 190 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:51.079 it. Besides, it all becomes clearer seen from the inside of the crocodile. 191 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:56.519 There are some drawbacks, though small ones. In my position. However, 192 00:17:56.200 --> 00:18:00.599 it is somewhat damp here and covered with a thought of slime. Moreover, 193 00:18:00.720 --> 00:18:04.880 there is a smell of India rubber like the smell of my old galwashes. 194 00:18:06.839 --> 00:18:14.440 That is all. There are no other drawbacks. Ivanne Medvitch, I 195 00:18:14.599 --> 00:18:18.279 interrupted, Oh, this is a miracle in which I can scarcely believe. 196 00:18:19.119 --> 00:18:26.119 And can you can you intend never to dine again? What trivial nonsense you 197 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:30.960 are troubling about, you thoughtless, frivolous creature. I talk to you about 198 00:18:32.039 --> 00:18:38.480 great ideas, and you understand that I am sufficiently nourished by the great ideas, 199 00:18:38.519 --> 00:18:44.000 which light up the darkness in which I am enveloped. The good natured 200 00:18:44.039 --> 00:18:49.160 proprietor has, however, after consulting the kindly Mutta, decided with her that 201 00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:56.799 they will every morning insert into the monster's jaws a bent metal tube something like 202 00:18:56.839 --> 00:19:00.359 a whistle pipe, by means of which I can absorb coffee and broth with 203 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:06.200 bread soaked in it. The pipe has already been bespoken in the neighborhood. 204 00:19:06.799 --> 00:19:11.319 But I think this is superfluous luxury. I hope to live at least a 205 00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:15.920 thousand years. If it is true that crocodiles live so long, which, 206 00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:19.519 by the way, good thing I thought of it. You had better look 207 00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:25.039 up in some natural history tomorrow. And tell me, for I may have 208 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:30.359 been mistaken and have mixed it up with some excavated monster. There is only 209 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:37.359 one reflection that troubles me. As I am dressed in cloth and have boots 210 00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:42.440 on. The crocodile can obviously not digest me. Besides, I am alive, 211 00:19:42.839 --> 00:19:48.079 and so I am opposing the process of digestion with my whole willpower. 212 00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:52.039 For you can understand that I do not wish to be turned into what all 213 00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:57.880 nourishment turns into, for that would be too humiliating for words. But there 214 00:19:59.000 --> 00:20:03.920 is one thing I am afraid of. In a thousand years, the cloth 215 00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:08.880 of my coat, unfortunately of Russian make, may decay, and then left 216 00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:15.359 without clothing, I might, perhaps, in spite of my indignation, begin 217 00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:19.240 to be digested. And though by day nothing would induce me to allow it, 218 00:20:21.079 --> 00:20:25.720 at night, in my sleep, when a man's will deserts him, 219 00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:30.400 I may be overtaken by the humiliating destiny of a potato, or a pancake 220 00:20:30.559 --> 00:20:37.200 or veal. Such an idea reduces me to fury. This alone is an 221 00:20:37.319 --> 00:20:41.240 argument for the revision of the tariff and the encouragement of the importation of English 222 00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:47.680 cloth, which is stronger, and so will withstand nature longer when one is 223 00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:52.599 swallowed by a crocodile. At the first opportunity, I will impart this idea 224 00:20:52.920 --> 00:20:57.240 to some statesman, and at the same time to the political writers on our 225 00:20:57.279 --> 00:21:03.680 Petersburg dailies. Let them publish it abroad. I trust this will not be 226 00:21:03.759 --> 00:21:07.400 the only idea they will borrow from me. I foresee that every morning a 227 00:21:07.559 --> 00:21:14.759 regular crowd of them, provided with quarter roubles from the editorial office, will 228 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:19.079 be flocking round me to seize my ideas on the telegrams of the previous day. 229 00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:25.880 In brief, the future presents itself to me in the rosiest light. 230 00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:37.000 Fever Fever, I whispered to myself, My friend and freedom, I asked, 231 00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:44.079 wishing to learn his views thoroughly. You are so to speak in prison 232 00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:48.680 while every man has a right to the enjoyment of freedom. You are a 233 00:21:48.759 --> 00:21:56.519 fool, he answered. Savages love independence, wise men love order. And 234 00:21:56.680 --> 00:22:03.119 if there is no order, if my vege spare me, please hold your 235 00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:08.680 tongue and listen, he squealed, vexed at my interrupting him. Never has 236 00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:14.720 my spirit soorders. Now in my narrow refuge, there is only one thing 237 00:22:14.759 --> 00:22:19.480 that I dread the literary criticism of the monthlies and the hiss of our satirical 238 00:22:19.559 --> 00:22:26.160 papers. I am afraid that thoughtless visitors, stupid and envious people, and 239 00:22:26.440 --> 00:22:32.599 nearless in general, may turn me into ridicule. But I will take measures. 240 00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:37.799 I am impatiently awaiting the response of the public tomorrow, and especially the 241 00:22:37.839 --> 00:22:44.400 opinion of the newspapers. You must tell me about the papers tomorrow, Very 242 00:22:44.440 --> 00:22:49.880 good tomorrow. I will bring a perfect pile of papers with me tomorrow. 243 00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.839 It is too soon to expect reports in the newspaper, for it will take 244 00:22:53.880 --> 00:22:57.880 four days for it to be advertised. But from to day come to me 245 00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:03.440 every evening the back way through the yard. I am intending to employ you 246 00:23:03.480 --> 00:23:07.200 as my secretary. You shall read the newspapers and magazines to me, and 247 00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:12.960 I will dictate to you my ideas and give you commissions. Be particularly careful 248 00:23:14.039 --> 00:23:18.400 not to forget the foreign telegrams. Let all the European telegrams be here every 249 00:23:18.519 --> 00:23:25.599 day. But enough, most likely you are sleepy by now. Go home, 250 00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:29.839 and do not think of what I said just now about criticisms. I 251 00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:33.039 am not afraid of it, for the critics themselves are in a critical position. 252 00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:38.079 One has only to be wise and virtuous, and one will certainly get 253 00:23:38.119 --> 00:23:44.920 on to a pedestal, If not Socrates, then Diogonies, or perhaps both 254 00:23:44.960 --> 00:23:52.519 of them together. That is my future role among mankind. So frivolously and 255 00:23:52.720 --> 00:24:00.240 boastfully did Ivane Medveitch hasten to express himself before me like feverish, weak old 256 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:03.119 women, who, as we have told by the proverb, cannot keep a 257 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:08.559 secret. All that he told me about the crocodile struck me as most suspicious. 258 00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:15.119 How is it possible that the crocodile was absolutely hollow? I don't mind 259 00:24:15.160 --> 00:24:21.039 betting that he was bragging from vanity and partly to humiliate me. It is 260 00:24:21.079 --> 00:24:25.440 true that he was an invalid, and one must make allowances for invalids. 261 00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:32.559 But I must frankly confess I never could endure Ivanne Metevitch. I have been 262 00:24:32.640 --> 00:24:36.960 trying all my life, from a child up to escape from its tutelage, 263 00:24:37.039 --> 00:24:41.440 and have not been able to. A thousand times over I have been tempted 264 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:47.000 to break with him altogether, and every time I have been drawn to him 265 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:51.960 again, as though I was still hoping to prove something to him, or 266 00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.920 to revenge myself on him. A strange thing, this friendship. I can 267 00:24:57.000 --> 00:25:03.720 positively assert that in tenths of my friendship for him was made up of malice. 268 00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:11.039 On this occasion, however, we parted with genuine feeling. Your friend 269 00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:17.000 is a very clever man, the German said to me in an undertone, 270 00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:21.039 as he moved to see me out. He had been listening all the time, 271 00:25:21.160 --> 00:25:27.400 attentively to our conversation. Apropos, I said, while I think of 272 00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:33.279 it, how much would you ask for your crocodile in case anyone wanted to 273 00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:40.160 buy it? Ivanne Metveitch, who heard the question, was waiting with curiosity 274 00:25:40.200 --> 00:25:44.039 for the answer. It was evident that he did not want the German to 275 00:25:44.119 --> 00:25:48.880 ask too little. Anyway, he cleared his throat in a peculiar way on 276 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:55.559 hearing my question. At first, the German would not listen. Was positively 277 00:25:55.680 --> 00:26:03.079 angry. No one will dare my own crocodile to buy, he cried furiously 278 00:26:03.400 --> 00:26:07.000 and turned as red as a boiled lobster. ME not want to sell the 279 00:26:07.079 --> 00:26:11.839 crocodile. I would not for the crocodile. A minion tailor's take. I 280 00:26:11.960 --> 00:26:15.960 took a hundred and thirty tailors from the public to day, and I shall 281 00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:21.680 tomorrow tay in thousand take, and then a hundred thousand every day I shall 282 00:26:21.759 --> 00:26:30.720 take. I will not himsell. Ivan Matveitch positively chuckled with satisfaction, controlling 283 00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:36.319 myself, for I felt it was a duty to my friend. I hinted 284 00:26:36.519 --> 00:26:42.400 coolly and reasonably to the crazy German that his calculations were not quite correct. 285 00:26:42.720 --> 00:26:48.359 That if he makes a hundred thousand every day, Old Petersburg will have visited 286 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:52.599 him in four days, and then there will be no one left to bring 287 00:26:52.640 --> 00:26:56.720 him rubles. That life and death are in God's hands, That the crocodile 288 00:26:56.799 --> 00:27:02.640 may burst, or Ivanne met Via she may fall ill and die, and 289 00:27:02.680 --> 00:27:10.039 so on and so on. The German grew pensive. I will him drops 290 00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:15.240 from the chemist's get, he said, after pondering, and will save your 291 00:27:15.319 --> 00:27:21.640 friend that he die not drops? Are all very well, I answered, 292 00:27:22.079 --> 00:27:27.079 But consider too that the thing may get into the law courts. Ivan Matveich's 293 00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:33.559 wife may demand the restitution of her lawful spouse. You are intending to get 294 00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:40.359 rich, But do you intend to give Elena Ivanovna a pension? No me 295 00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:48.400 not intend, said the German in stern decision. No we not intend, 296 00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:56.279 said the Mutta with positive malignancy, and so would it not be better for 297 00:27:56.319 --> 00:28:03.039 you to accept something now at once secure and solid, though moderate sum, 298 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:06.839 than to leave things to chance. I ought to tell you that I am 299 00:28:06.880 --> 00:28:14.200 inquiring simply from curiosity. The German drew the Mutta aside to consult with her 300 00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:18.759 in a corner where there stood a case with the largest and ugliest monkey of 301 00:28:18.839 --> 00:28:27.279 his collection. Well, you will see, said Ivan Metvich. As for 302 00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:32.559 me, I was at that moment burning with the desire, first to give 303 00:28:32.599 --> 00:28:37.079 the German a thrashing, next to give the Mutta an even sounder one, 304 00:28:37.400 --> 00:28:44.400 and thirdly to give Ivan Metvich the soundest thrashing of awe for his boundless vanity. 305 00:28:45.359 --> 00:28:51.559 But all this paled beside the answer of the rapacious German. After consultation 306 00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:56.559 with the Mutta, he demanded for his crocodile fifty thousand rubles in bonds of 307 00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:03.039 the last Russian loan with lottery voucher attached a brick house in Gorohovy Street with 308 00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:08.640 a chemists shop attached, and in addition, the rank of Russian colonel. 309 00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:17.920 You see, Ivan Matveitch cried triumphantly. I told you so, apart from 310 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:22.200 the last senseless desire for the rank of a colonel. He is perfectly right, 311 00:29:22.559 --> 00:29:26.680 for he fully understands the present value of the monster. He is exhibiting 312 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:34.160 the economic principle before everything. Upon my word, I cried furiously to the 313 00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:41.640 German. What exploit have you performed? What service have you done? In 314 00:29:41.720 --> 00:29:48.480 what way have you gained military glory? You are really crazy, crazy, 315 00:29:48.200 --> 00:29:53.440 cried the German, offended. No, a person very sensible, but you 316 00:29:53.720 --> 00:29:57.720 very stupid. I have a colonel deserved for that. I have a crocodile 317 00:29:57.799 --> 00:30:03.480 shown and in him a live hot raft sitting. And the Russian can a 318 00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:10.400 crocodile not show and a live hot raft in him sitting me extremely clever man, 319 00:30:10.480 --> 00:30:18.400 and much wish gone't to be well. Good Bye. Then Ivan Metvich 320 00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:23.000 I cried, shaking with fury, and I went out of the crocodile room, 321 00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:29.319 almost at a run. I felt that in another minute I could not 322 00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:36.279 have answered for myself. The unnatural expectations of these two blockheads were insupportable. 323 00:30:37.160 --> 00:30:44.920 The gold air refreshed me and somewhat moderated my indignation. At last, after 324 00:30:44.960 --> 00:30:49.759 spitting vigorously fifteen times on each side, I took a cab, got home 325 00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:56.519 undressed and flung myself into bed. What vexed me more than anything was my 326 00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:02.440 having become his secretary. Now I was to die of boredom there every evening, 327 00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:07.519 doing the duty of a true friend. I was ready to beat myself 328 00:31:07.559 --> 00:31:11.559 for it, and I did. In fact, after putting out the candle 329 00:31:11.640 --> 00:31:17.119 and pulling up the bedclothes, punched myself several times on the head and various 330 00:31:17.160 --> 00:31:22.359 parts of my body. That somewhat relieved me, and at last I fell 331 00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:26.240 asleep, fairly soundly, in fact, for I was very tired. All 332 00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:32.279 night long, I could dream of nothing but monkeys, But towards morning I 333 00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:41.920 dreamt of Elena Ivanovna. Four the monkeys I dreamed about, I surmised because 334 00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:45.759 they were shut up in the case at the Germans. But Elena Ivanovna was 335 00:31:45.799 --> 00:31:52.000 a different story. I may as well say at once I loved the lady, 336 00:31:52.680 --> 00:31:57.640 but I make haste post haste to make a qualification. I loved her 337 00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:05.119 as a father, neither more nor less. I judged that because I often 338 00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:10.160 felt an irresistible desire to kiss her little head or her rosy cheek. And 339 00:32:10.279 --> 00:32:15.920 though I never carried out this inclination, I would not have refused even to 340 00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:20.599 kiss her lips, and not merely her lips, but her teeth, which 341 00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:24.759 always gleam so charmingly like two rows of pretty well matched pearls. When she 342 00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:34.000 laughed, she laughed extraordinarily often if Anne Matvich in demonstrative moments used to call 343 00:32:34.039 --> 00:32:39.359 her his darling Absurdity, a name extremely happy and appropriate. She was a 344 00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:45.440 perfect sugar plum, and that was all one could say of her. Therefore, 345 00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:51.079 I am utterly at a loss to understand what possessed Ivane Metvich to imagine 346 00:32:51.119 --> 00:32:57.880 his wife as a Russian yevgeniat door. Anyway, my dream, with the 347 00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:02.240 exception of the monkeys, left the most pleasant impression upon me, and going 348 00:33:02.279 --> 00:33:07.160 over the incidents of the previous day, as I drank my morning cup of 349 00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:12.000 tea, I resolved to go and see Elena Ivanovna at once on my way 350 00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:15.160 to the office, which indeed I was bound to do as the friend of 351 00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:22.200 the family. In a tiny little room out of the bedroom, the so 352 00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:28.279 called little drawing room, though their big drawing room was little too, Elena 353 00:33:28.319 --> 00:33:35.160 Ivanovna was sitting in some half transparent morning wrapper on a smart little sofa before 354 00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:38.319 a little tea table drinking coffee out of a little cup in which she was 355 00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:45.359 dipping a minute biscuit. She was ravishingly pretty, but struck me as being 356 00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:51.119 at the same time rather pensive. Ah, that is you, naughty man, 357 00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:55.640 she said, greeting me with an absent minded smile. Sit down, 358 00:33:55.759 --> 00:34:00.759 featherhead, have some coffee. Well what were you doing yesterday? Were you 359 00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:07.839 at the masquerade? Why were you? I don't go, you know, 360 00:34:07.719 --> 00:34:15.480 besides, yesterday I was visiting our captive, I sighed and assumed the pious 361 00:34:15.519 --> 00:34:22.679 expression as I took the coffee. Whom what captive? Oh? Yes, 362 00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:28.039 poor fellow, Well how is he bored? To you know? I wanted 363 00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:30.639 to ask you. I suppose I can ask for a divorce. Now, 364 00:34:31.719 --> 00:34:38.039 a divorce? I cried in indignation, and almost spilled the coffee. It's 365 00:34:38.119 --> 00:34:45.280 that swarthy fellow, I thought to myself bitterly. There was a certain swarthy 366 00:34:45.400 --> 00:34:52.400 gentleman with little mustaches who was something in the architectural line, and who came 367 00:34:52.599 --> 00:35:00.880 far too often to see them, and was extremely skillful in amusing Elena Ivanovna. 368 00:35:00.960 --> 00:35:04.719 I must confess I hated him, and there was no doubt that he 369 00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:09.760 had succeeded in seeing Elena Ivanovna yesterday, either at the masquerade or even here, 370 00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:19.880 and putting all sorts of nonsense into her head. Why, Elena Ivanovna 371 00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:23.400 rattled off hurriedly, as though it were a lessons she had learnt. If 372 00:35:23.400 --> 00:35:28.480 he is going to stay on in the crocodile, perhaps not coming back all 373 00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:32.760 his life while I sit here waiting for him, here asman ought to live 374 00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:38.880 at home and not in a crocodile. But this was an unforeseen occurrence. 375 00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:47.559 I was beginning in very comprehensible agitation. Oh no, don't talk to me. 376 00:35:47.800 --> 00:35:52.920 I won't listen. I won't listen, she cried, suddenly getting quite 377 00:35:52.960 --> 00:35:59.320 cross. You are always against me, you wretch. There's no doing anything 378 00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:02.360 with you. You will never give me any advice. Other people tell me 379 00:36:02.440 --> 00:36:07.079 that I can get a divorce because ivan Medvitch will not get his salary. 380 00:36:07.159 --> 00:36:14.679 Now, Elena Ivanovna, is it you? I hear? I exclaimed pathetically. 381 00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:19.280 What villain could have put such an idea into your head? And divorce 382 00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:23.920 on such a trivial ground as a salary is quite impossible? And poor ivanne 383 00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:30.159 Medvich, poor ivan Medvich, is so to speak, burning with love for 384 00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:34.280 you, even in the bowels of the monster. What's more, he is 385 00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:38.119 melting away with love like a lump of sugar. Yesterday, while you were 386 00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:43.400 enjoying yourself at the masquerade, he was saying that he might, in the 387 00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:47.920 last resort, send for you, as his lawful spouse, to join him 388 00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:53.920 in the entrails of the monster, especially as it appears the crocodile is exceedingly 389 00:36:54.039 --> 00:37:00.800 rumy, not only able to accommodate two, but even three persons. And 390 00:37:00.920 --> 00:37:06.400 then I told her all that interesting part about my conversation the night before with 391 00:37:06.519 --> 00:37:14.679 Ivan Medviitch. What what? She cried in surprise. You want me to 392 00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:19.239 get into the monster too, to be with Ivan Medvitch? What an I 393 00:37:19.320 --> 00:37:22.639 dear? And how am I to get in there? In my hat and 394 00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:27.880 crinoline? Heavens, what foolishness? And what should I look like while I 395 00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:30.800 was getting into it? And very lightly there would be some one there to 396 00:37:30.840 --> 00:37:37.119 see me. It's absurd, And what should I have to eat there? 397 00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:40.880 And and and what should I do there? When, oh my goodness, 398 00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:45.440 what will they think of next? And what should I have to amuse me 399 00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:51.079 there? You say, there's a smell of gutterpertuer, And what should I 400 00:37:51.119 --> 00:37:53.639 do? If we quarreled, should we have to go on staying there side 401 00:37:53.679 --> 00:38:01.079 by side? Foo, how horrid? I agree. I agree with all 402 00:38:01.159 --> 00:38:08.119 those arguments, my sweet Elena Ivanovna. I interrupted, striving to express myself 403 00:38:08.159 --> 00:38:14.719 with that natural enthusiasm which always overtakes a man when he feels the truth is 404 00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:19.960 on his side. But one thing you have not appreciated in all this. 405 00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:24.199 You have not realized that he cannot live without you. If he is inviting 406 00:38:24.199 --> 00:38:30.719 you there. That is the proof of love, passionate, faithful, ardent 407 00:38:30.880 --> 00:38:37.320 love. You have thought too little of his love. Dear Elena Ivanovna, 408 00:38:37.519 --> 00:38:42.760 I won't, I won't. I won't hear anything about it, waving me 409 00:38:42.800 --> 00:38:47.400 off with her pretty little hand with glistening pink nails that had just been washed 410 00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:53.440 and polished. Horrid man, you will reduce me to tears. Get into 411 00:38:53.480 --> 00:38:58.760 it yourself. If you like the prospect you are his friend. Get in 412 00:38:58.800 --> 00:39:06.079 and keep him company and spend your life discussing some tedious science. You are 413 00:39:06.159 --> 00:39:10.840 wrong to laugh at this suggestion. I checked the frivolous woman with dignity Ivanne 414 00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:15.920 Medvich has invited me. As it is you, of course, are summoned 415 00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:21.760 there by duty for me it would be an act of generosity. But when 416 00:39:21.840 --> 00:39:27.840 ivanne Medvich described to me last night the elasticity of the crocodile, he hinted 417 00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:31.039 very plainly that there would be room not only for you two, but for 418 00:39:31.079 --> 00:39:36.800 me also as a friend of the family, especially if I wish to join 419 00:39:36.880 --> 00:39:43.840 you. And therefore, how so the three of us, cried Elena Ivanovna, 420 00:39:44.039 --> 00:39:49.199 looking at me in surprise. Why how should we are we going to 421 00:39:49.239 --> 00:39:53.480 be all three there together? Oh, how silly you both are. Ah, 422 00:39:54.119 --> 00:40:00.800 I shall certainly pinch you all the time you wretch, and falling back 423 00:40:00.840 --> 00:40:06.679 on the sofa, she laughed till she cried. All this, the tears 424 00:40:06.679 --> 00:40:12.000 and the laughter were so fascinating that I could not resist rushing eagerly to kiss 425 00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.440 her hand, which she did not oppose, though she did pinch my ears 426 00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:22.320 lightly as a sign of reconciliation. Then we both grew very cheerful, and 427 00:40:22.559 --> 00:40:27.519 I described to her in detail all ivan met Vitch's plans. The thought of 428 00:40:27.519 --> 00:40:32.679 her evening receptions and her salon pleased her very much. Only I should need 429 00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:38.400 a great many new dresses, she observed, and so ivanne Medvitch must send 430 00:40:38.440 --> 00:40:44.960 me as much of his salary as possible and as soon as possible. Only 431 00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:51.360 only I don't know about that, she added thoughtfully. How can he be 432 00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:55.320 brought here in the tank? That's very absurd. I don't want my husband 433 00:40:55.320 --> 00:41:00.360 to be carried about in a tank. I should feel quite ashamed for my 434 00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:04.880 visitors to see it. I don't want that. No, I don't. 435 00:41:06.840 --> 00:41:12.719 By the way, while I think of it, was timofey Semyonitch here yesterday, 436 00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:17.039 Oh, yes he was. He came to comfort me, and do 437 00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:22.679 you know we played cards all the time. He played for sweetmeats, and 438 00:41:22.760 --> 00:41:25.320 if I lost, he was to kiss my hands. What a wretch he 439 00:41:25.480 --> 00:41:30.039 is, and only fancy he almost came to the masquerade with me. Really 440 00:41:32.039 --> 00:41:37.280 he was carried away by his feelings, I observed. And who would not 441 00:41:37.480 --> 00:41:43.280 be with you, you charmer? Oh, get along with your compliments. 442 00:41:44.239 --> 00:41:47.320 Stay, I'll give you a pinch as a parting present. I've learned to 443 00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:52.599 pinch awfully well lately. Well what do you say to that? By the 444 00:41:52.639 --> 00:42:00.519 way, you say, Ivan Medvitch spoke several times of me yesterday. No, 445 00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:05.480 not exactly, I must say. He is thinking more now of the 446 00:42:05.559 --> 00:42:10.400 fate of humanity, and once, oh let him you needn't go on. 447 00:42:10.599 --> 00:42:15.679 I am sure, it's fearfully boring. I'll go and see him sometime. 448 00:42:15.079 --> 00:42:20.760 I shall certainly go to morrow, only not today. I've got a headache. 449 00:42:20.920 --> 00:42:23.079 And besides, there will be such a lot of people there to day. 450 00:42:23.559 --> 00:42:30.039 They'll say there's his wife, and I shall feel ashamed. Goodbye. 451 00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:35.719 You will be there this evening, won't you to see him? Yes, 452 00:42:36.559 --> 00:42:40.400 he asked me to go and take him the papers. That's capital. Go 453 00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:45.199 and read to him, but don't come and see me today. I'm not 454 00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:50.480 well, and perhaps I may go and see someone. Goodbye, you naughty 455 00:42:50.519 --> 00:42:55.320 man. It's that swarthy fellow is going to see her this evening, I 456 00:42:55.440 --> 00:43:00.000 thought. At the office. Of course, I gave no sign of being 457 00:43:00.039 --> 00:43:06.280 consumed by these cares and anxieties. But soon I noticed some of the most 458 00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:12.320 progressive papers seemed to be passing particularly rapidly from hand to hand among my colleagues, 459 00:43:13.119 --> 00:43:19.079 and were being read with an extremely serious expression of face. The first 460 00:43:19.119 --> 00:43:22.679 one that reached me was the New Sheet, a paper of no particular party 461 00:43:22.760 --> 00:43:28.760 but humanitarian in general, for which it was regarded with contempt among us, 462 00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:37.199 though it was read not without surprise. I read in it the following paragraph. 463 00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:43.800 Yesterday, strange rumors were circulating among the spacious ways and sumptuous buildings of 464 00:43:43.880 --> 00:43:49.400 our vast metropolis. A certain well known bon vivan of the highest society, 465 00:43:49.679 --> 00:43:53.400 probably weary of the cuisine at Borel's and at the X Club, went into 466 00:43:53.480 --> 00:43:59.840 the arcade, into the place where an immense crocodile recently brought to the metropolis 467 00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:05.920 is being exhibited, and insisted on its being prepared for his dinner. After 468 00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:08.800 bargaining with the proprietor, he at once set to work to devour him. 469 00:44:09.079 --> 00:44:14.280 That is, not the proprietor, a very meek and punctilious German, but 470 00:44:14.480 --> 00:44:20.679 his crocodile, cutting juicy morsels with his penknife from the living animal and swallowing 471 00:44:20.719 --> 00:44:25.079 them with extraordinary rapidity. By degrees, the whole crocodile disappeared into the vase 472 00:44:25.199 --> 00:44:30.920 recesses of his stomach, so that he was even on the point of attacking 473 00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:37.039 an igneumon, a constant companion of the crocodile, probably imagining that the latter 474 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:40.760 would be as savory. We are, by no means opposed to that new 475 00:44:40.880 --> 00:44:47.440 article of diet with which foreign gumons have long been familiar we have indeed predicted 476 00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:52.639 that it would come. English lords and travelers make up regular parties for catching 477 00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:58.159 crocodiles in Egypt, and consumed the back of the monster, cooked like beefsteak 478 00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:06.840 with must dead onions and potatoes. The French who followed in the train of 479 00:45:06.920 --> 00:45:10.800 las Sepps, prefer the pores baked in hot ashes, which they do, 480 00:45:10.920 --> 00:45:15.960 however, in opposition to the English, who laugh at them. Probably both 481 00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:21.519 ways would be appreciated among us. For our part, we are delighted at 482 00:45:21.559 --> 00:45:25.960 a new branch of industry, of which our great and varied fatherland stands pre 483 00:45:27.039 --> 00:45:31.599 eminently in need. Probably before a year is out, crocodiles will be brought 484 00:45:31.679 --> 00:45:37.920 in hundreds to replace this first one lost in the stomach of a Petersburg gour 485 00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:43.000 monde. And why should not the crocodile be acclimatized among us in Russia? 486 00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:47.320 If the water of the Neighva is too cold for these interesting strangers, there 487 00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:52.039 are ponds in the capital and rivers and lakes outside it. Why not breed 488 00:45:52.079 --> 00:46:00.639 crocodiles at Pargolovo, for instance, or at Pavlovsk in the Presnensky mons and 489 00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:07.800 in Samoteka in Moscow while providing agreeable, wholesome nourishment for our fastidious gour mons. 490 00:46:07.840 --> 00:46:12.920 They might at the same time entertain the ladies who walk about these bonds 491 00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:17.800 and instruct the children in natural history. The crocodile skin might be useful making 492 00:46:17.880 --> 00:46:23.840 jewel cases, boxes, cigar cases, pocket books, and possibly more than 493 00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:30.559 one thousand saved up in the greasy notes that are peculiarly beloved of the merchants 494 00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:35.559 might be laid by in crocodile skin. We hope to return more than once 495 00:46:35.599 --> 00:46:43.159 to this interesting topic, though I had foreseen something of the sort, yet 496 00:46:43.199 --> 00:46:49.159 the reckless inaccuracy of the paragraph overwhelmed me. Finding no one with whom to 497 00:46:49.239 --> 00:46:53.079 share my impression, had turned to Proha Savage, who was sitting opposite to 498 00:46:53.159 --> 00:46:59.400 me, and noticed that the latter had been watching me for some time while 499 00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:01.639 in his hand, and he held the voice as though he were on the 500 00:47:01.719 --> 00:47:07.480 point of passing it to me. Without a word. He took the news 501 00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:12.320 sheet from me, and as he handed me the voice, he drew a 502 00:47:12.440 --> 00:47:16.119 line with his nail against an article to which he probably wished to call my 503 00:47:16.199 --> 00:47:23.079 attention. This Prohas Savage was a very queer man at arc turn old bachelor. 504 00:47:23.239 --> 00:47:28.239 He was not on intimate terms with any of us, scarcely spoke to 505 00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:31.800 anyone in the office, always had an opinion of his own about everything, 506 00:47:32.199 --> 00:47:37.639 but could not bear to import it to anyone. He lived alone. Hardly 507 00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:45.199 anyone among us had even been in his lodging. This is what I read 508 00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:51.280 in the voice. Everyone knows that we are progressive and humanitarian and want to 509 00:47:51.320 --> 00:47:54.960 be on a level with Europe in this respect. But in spite of all 510 00:47:55.000 --> 00:48:00.320 our exertions and the efforts of our paper, we are still far from maturity. 511 00:48:01.320 --> 00:48:05.840 But in spite of all our exertions and the efforts of our paper, 512 00:48:06.199 --> 00:48:10.320 we are still far from maturity. As may be judged from the shocking incident 513 00:48:10.440 --> 00:48:15.280 which took place yesterday in the arcade, and which we predicted long ago, 514 00:48:16.639 --> 00:48:21.719 a foreigner arrives in the capital, bringing with him a crocodile, which he 515 00:48:21.760 --> 00:48:27.119 begins exhibiting in the arcade. We immediately hasten to welcome a new branch of 516 00:48:27.320 --> 00:48:32.000 useful industry, such as our powerful and varied fatherland stands in great need of. 517 00:48:34.239 --> 00:48:37.639 Suddenly, yesterday, at four o'clock in the afternoon, a gentleman of 518 00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:45.920 exceptional stoutness enters the foreigner's shop in an intoxicated condition, pays his entrance money, 519 00:48:45.280 --> 00:48:50.559 and immediately, without any warning, leaps into the jaws of the clocodile, 520 00:48:51.400 --> 00:48:54.360 who was forced, of course to swallow him, if only from an 521 00:48:54.360 --> 00:49:00.719 instinct of self preservation, to avoid being crushed. Tumbling into the inside of 522 00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:05.719 the crocodile, the stranger at once dropped asleep. Neither the shouts of the 523 00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:09.960 foreign propriety, nor the lamentations of his terrified family, nor threats to send 524 00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:15.119 for the police, made the slightest impression within the crocodile was heard nothing but 525 00:49:15.280 --> 00:49:22.679 laughter and a promise to flay him sick. Though the poor mammal compelled to 526 00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:29.199 swallow such a mass was vainly shedding tears. An uninvited guest is worse than 527 00:49:29.239 --> 00:49:34.280 a data. But in spite of the proverb, the insolent visitor would not 528 00:49:34.440 --> 00:49:38.599 leave. We do not know how to explain such barbarous incidents, which prove 529 00:49:38.639 --> 00:49:44.880 our lack of culture and disgrace us in the eyes of foreigners. The recklessness 530 00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:49.880 of the Russian temperament has found a fresh outlet. It may be asked, 531 00:49:50.039 --> 00:49:54.920 what was the object of the uninvited visitor a warm and comfortable abode. But 532 00:49:55.039 --> 00:50:00.159 there are many excellent houses in the capital with very cheap and comfortable lodgings, 533 00:50:00.639 --> 00:50:07.679 with the nava water laid on and the staircase lighted by gas, frequently with 534 00:50:07.719 --> 00:50:12.760 the whole porter maintained by the proprietor. We would call all our readers attention 535 00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:17.280 to the barbarous treatment of domestic animals. It is difficult, of course for 536 00:50:17.320 --> 00:50:22.840 the crocodile to digest such a mass all at once, and now he lies 537 00:50:22.920 --> 00:50:29.039 swollen out to the size of a mountain, awaiting death in insufferable agonies. 538 00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:35.800 In Europe, persons guilty of inhumanity towards domestic animals have long been punished by 539 00:50:35.880 --> 00:50:40.920 law. But in spite of our European enlightenment, in spite of our European 540 00:50:42.039 --> 00:50:46.960 pavements, in spite of the European architecture of our houses, we are still 541 00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:53.599 far from shaking off our time on a traditions. Though the houses are new, 542 00:50:54.079 --> 00:51:00.760 the conventions are old, and indeed uses are not new. At least 543 00:51:00.800 --> 00:51:06.199 the staircases in them are not. We have more than once in our paper 544 00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:09.039 alluded to the fact that in the Petersburg side, in the House of the 545 00:51:09.119 --> 00:51:15.519 merchant Lukyanov. The steps of the wooden staircase have decayed, fallen away, 546 00:51:15.719 --> 00:51:21.920 and have long been a danger for Afma Skabidarov, a soldier's wife who works 547 00:51:21.960 --> 00:51:24.840 in the house and is often obliged to go up the stairs with water or 548 00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:30.400 armfuls of wood. At last, our predictions have come true. Yesterday evening, 549 00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:36.639 at half past eight, Afimya Skapitarov fell down with a basin of soup 550 00:51:36.719 --> 00:51:40.360 and broke her leg. We do not know whether Lukyanov will mend his staircase 551 00:51:40.480 --> 00:51:45.559 now. Russians are often wise after the event, but the victim of Russian 552 00:51:45.599 --> 00:51:51.320 carelessness has by now been taken to the hospital. In the same way, 553 00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:54.960 we shall never have ceased to maintain that the house porters who clear away the 554 00:51:55.079 --> 00:52:00.159 mud from the wooden pavement in the Viborski side ought not spatter the legs of 555 00:52:00.239 --> 00:52:05.320 basses by, but should throw the mud into heaps, as is done in 556 00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:12.519 Europe, and so on and so on. What's this? I asked, 557 00:52:12.800 --> 00:52:16.639 in some perplexity, looking at Proho Savage, What's the meaning of it? 558 00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:24.159 How do you mean? Why upon my word? Instead of pitying Ivan Metveitch, 559 00:52:24.480 --> 00:52:30.199 they pity the crocodile. What of it? They have pity even for 560 00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:34.880 a beast, a mammal. We must be up to Europe, mustn't we? 561 00:52:35.400 --> 00:52:40.079 They have a very warm feeling for crocodiles. There too, saying this 562 00:52:40.559 --> 00:52:45.880 queer old proho Savage dived into his papers and would not utter another word. 563 00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:52.840 I stuffed the Voice and the new sheet into my pocket and collected as many 564 00:52:52.880 --> 00:52:57.679 old copies of the newspaper as I could find. For Ivan Metveitch's diversion in 565 00:52:57.719 --> 00:53:00.920 the evening. And though the evening was are off yet on this occasion, 566 00:53:00.960 --> 00:53:05.719 I slipped away from the office early to go to the arcade and look, 567 00:53:06.079 --> 00:53:08.559 if only from a distance, at what was going on there, and to 568 00:53:08.679 --> 00:53:15.599 listen to the various remarks and currents of opinion. I foresaw that there would 569 00:53:15.639 --> 00:53:19.559 be a regular crush there, and turned up the collar of my coat to 570 00:53:19.639 --> 00:53:27.159 meet it. I somehow felt rather shy, so unaccustomed are we to publicity. 571 00:53:28.039 --> 00:53:31.360 But I feel that I have no right to report my own posaic feelings 572 00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:36.880 when faced with this remarkable and original incident,