Simple questions for one hundred people. Welcome to my experiment, a one hundred
person project. I'm Bill Carrell, and this is my investigation. I'm going
to be gathering data from one hundred beautiful human beings for the sole purpose to
see what actually happens across the interviews. The questions are fixed and all the
interviews will remain consistent with the variable being the actual participants themselves and their answers.
So, Elizabeth, as if I'm having you come sit on my porch
to share your thoughts so I can learn about people looking forward to what we're
going to learn when we're done. Don't know what's going to be, but
very interested in you, your story and the process. So it's my distinct
pleasure to well, no, I'll have you introduce yourself. Okay, what
is your full name? Hi, I'm so happy to be here, Bill.
My name is Elizabeth Tresi's barber Tresize is my maiden name. Very cool.
Interesting, So that sounds like a name that has a couple of different
nationalities intersecting there. It does, but believe it or not, it's just
English. You would think it was more interesting than that. But apparently my
dad's family was from Cornwall in England. So really, okay, that's wonderful.
Well, that'll lead is right into the next question, which is what
is your favorite nickname that most people don't know about you? Ah? Okay,
Well, the nickname I'm most known by is Lee. When I was
in high school, elementary school, I was called Lee by my friends.
But the one that most people don't know about me apparently when I was a
little girl, I couldn't say my name Elizabeth, and so my my cousin
would ask me, say what's your name? And I would say Bettetts,
Bettitts. And so now my cousin, who is quite a bit older than
me, he'll come in and he'll call me Bettts. Well, some of
my girlfriends picked that up, and then their kids now call me Betets,
and so it's kind of an affectionate little nickname. It's a great name.
As a matter of fact, you're my first bet Betetts I've known. Yeah,
I mean that gives birth to gives rise to Beth and Liz and Lizzie
and uh you know bet and uh whatever, But Bettetts And how would you
spell that? B E T T I T s. Okay, bet it
so and you know, I was never Betsy as a young girl because my
my middle name was actually Ross, and so then I would have been Betsy
Ross and my parents were like, yeah, no, we're not calling you
that. Is that a family name? I was my grandfather's name on one
side. Yes, cool, cool. I've got a dear friend whose name
was Ross and he was one of one of the best guys, no doubt
about it. So I love the nickname. Are there any other nicknames that
people have for you? My daughter calls me Mucci and I'm not sure why.
Like, she calls me Mumu and Mucci. I'm like, Mumu is
in like a cow And she's like, well, no, not exactly,
mom, It's just her little affectionate I don't know. Yeah, that's funny.
That reminds me of the sidekick from one of the Cowboys shows back in
the nineteen fifties. The young boy's name was Mucci. Oh yeah, Mucci.
Yeah. She I don't know, she loves called me Mucci. I'm
like, okay, well that's cool. You know, you know you're loved.
If people are going to the trouble of making a pet names for you,
that's so true. What are some of your nicknames other than p i
A. I've been called big Bill, I've been called Billy. My favorite
one, my favorite one that that I really enjoy. Some of my really
good friends call me is Bud. Bud. Even though we're not blood brothers,
they still refer to me as But I have two guys that I really
think the world of, and they somehow our relationship has gotten to the point
where after we hug, you say, how you doing, Bud? That's
great? You know it's funny. You remind me. I have a friend,
a girlfriend from eighth grade, and we call each other Bud. She's
the only other person that called We call each other Bud. You might be
Rosebud. I think I'm a little different. It might be something else,
but all right, So I think we've done a pretty good job. I
have a feeling we could really get in deep on the nicknames. There's probably
some that are not necessarily for prime time, but yes, at least for
me. So I want to ask you how old Elizabeth were you when you
first noticed what color hair you had. Well know, that's a funny question
because I can't remember as a child what that would be. But my initial
response to That would be three years ago when I stopped coloring my hair and
realized that I'm actually gray, sort of that platinum blonde gray ish, and
I was like, oh, that's what my real hair color is after twenty
five years of coloring it. So that's awesome. So have you ever considered
just letting it go that way, or at least just streaking your hair or
something all of Oh yeah, no, yeah, I stopped coloring it during
the pandemic, like a lot of women did, and so I'm this is
gray. I realize your listeners can't see this, but it's it's sort of
a blondish platinum, but it's gray. It's got really nice highlights, and
it's clear, uh, you know that it's not just one color, which
I think is really wonderful. I think it's boring, you know, and
you women out there that are going to hear this in some of you guys,
when your hairs are all the same color, I think, you know,
there's a little bit of character that's missing there. So it's kind of
good to have, you know, some some highlights and a little bit of
you know, little touches here and there. And since they can't see you
I just want to let them know you have beautiful long hair and it frames
your face very nicely. Oh, thank you so much, I am.
You know, I think like a lot of women, you know, during
the pandemic, we weren't able to get to the salon, and then when
you let it grow out, it's like, oh, wait a minute,
this isn't so bad. I think I'll just keep it this way. So
I kind of saved a lot of money over the years if I had stopped
coloring it. Decade ago. I've been married to a woman who has absolutely
no vanity, you know, at all with regard to coloring and that sort
of thing. I've been after her to do her hair red because it's you
know, she started out as its kind of like a summer blonde, and
you know, over the years since we've been together for a very long time.
You at home don't know this, but I'm coming up on my fiftieth
anniversary in just about two years from now, and she surprised me on a
couple of occasions and came home with red hair, which I thought was really
kind of cool out of nowhere, you know. But other than that,
the last four or five years, she doesn't put anything on it. It's
fine. Absolutely, when it gets to a certain point it doesn't dry quickly.
She goes and gets it cut. Now, what about you? Have
you ever colored your beard? There? No, And did I tell you
what the story is about this beard since your interview me and all? So
this beard is a COVID beard. My younger daughter has asked me to grow
a beard two times in my life. Once when I was about thirty,
and it was black with red highlights in it, and when it came in
it only grew out to be about an inch inch and a half long and
stopped and that was it. So I wore it that way. My dad
was calling me Svend the woodcrafter, and you know, he had other little
little nicknames for me about the beard, most of which were not necessarily complimentary,
but they were terms of endearment, like getting a rib shot, you
know, when you get a hug and then you get a little poked in
the side of the ribs. And so that was it. I went without
a beard, I mean from there until like it was, you know,
three years ago, really coming up in June or July, my daughter number
two said again, hey, Dad, it's COVID man, everybody's growing beards.
You know your son in laws are doing it. Why don't you do
it? I said, well, if all my friends are doing I guess
I better get get after it right. So it got to be about this
long. And then the next thing I knew, I'm trimming it every sort
of you know, week to ten days, taking a quarter of an inch
off to try to keep that shape. And I said, finally, this
is this is too much work. I'm just gonna let it grow. So
I've trimmed three inches off the bottom twice over that period of time. The
last time I did it was about a year year and a half ago.
I'm just going to get it all the way out. And when I get
it long enough to to be, you know, offered, you know a
gig with a zzy top or somebody like that, I'll do a fundraiser and
chop it all off and make some money for somebody. So much I love
it, that's great. Yeah, that's great. So here's the next one.
What is your favorite thing to do to intentionally waste time? That usually
involves hanging out with my daughter who's thirteen, and she has gotten into watching
NCIS and you know, I watched NCIS when it came out what originally twenty
years ago, and so now we're I think on season five or six,
and we'll just sit and binge watch a couple episodes, and yeah, it's
really fun. It's actually really fun because you know, that was back in
the days when people had blackberries and PDAs and so it's so funny, you
know, and Gibbs is real confused about the technology, and now I think,
you know, twenty years later, we're so much more advanced. It's
really funny. Yeah. Mark harmon Is, is that is that his show?
My mom loved harm She really did. Yes, yeah, she she
whatever was going on in her world, it all had to go on.
Hold. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, So my daughter and I have
fun with that. That's kind of that's our little wasting time thing. Awesome.
Anything else you do when your daughter's not around, well, I don't
know that it's necessarily a wasting time thing, but I love to get out
and go hiking. I live in the mountains of Asheville, North Carolina,
and it's beautiful here. So that's the best way to sort of lose track
of time is just get out in the woods. Is that Blue Ridge or
Smoky's or are you in that part of the yes war, Yes, yeah,
it is beautiful through there, especially the interstates that kind of go up
a mile and a half and then down a mile and a half and then
up there. Yes. Yeah, it's gorgeous here. Yeah. So on
to the next question, what is your favorite movie to watch alone? So
I have to tell you, Bill, this is like one of the hardest
things for me because I don't really watch television unless I'm with my daughter.
I would rather be reading or spending time with friends or you know, doing
something creative. So I had to really think about. Okay, so what
are the movies I have loved the years, And I'm a kid of the
eighties, So if I had to say, it would be one of those,
it would be you know, Top Gun, it would be you know,
Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, you know one of those. Yeah,
classics, classics, all no doubt about it. You've lost that loving feeling,
you know. Yes, well, and you know when the new Top
Gun movie came out, what was that two years ago and people were like,
oh, you know Tom Cruise, you know, he's washed up or
whatever. Man, I went and I thought it was just awesome. But
I also I had wanted to be a pilot when I was younger, so
I love all those flying sequences. So it blew my socks off. I
had absolutely no idea they were going to be able to do that, even
if it wasn't real, I mean the scenes. I'm not going to be
a spoiler here, but if you haven't seen the new Top Gun, you
owe it to yourself because there are so many wow. You know, a
lot of a lot of movies have yeah, right sequences, but Top Gun
has definite a lot of wow. I thought it was an excellent sequel.
You know, a lot of sequels don't live up to the hype. But
I thought they did a really good job. But you know, I'm probably
one of the few Tom Cruise fans out there. Yeah, he's having trouble
making ends meet, I understand. So you and I like him right,
well, you know, you know I was a teenager when you know he
first came on the scene with risky business, so you know it was fun.
That was when boys started taking their pants off and girls loved it.
Right, we want to keep this g rated though, right. You know,
when Kevin Bacon and his little dance and lose. Yes, yeah,
for sure. So let's just move on here to the next one. I
think I've got another question for you, all right. So if you if
you were to have an action figure made of you, Elizabeth, what superpower
would it have and what colors would the uniform be? Well, the colors
are easy. It would be purple and turquoise, because those are my two
favorites. I think I would love to be able to buy locate because there
are so many people that I always want to see and visit and places that
I want to go and travel, and so if I could be in multiple
places at one time, that would just be not only fun, but more
efficient too. That's very cool, all right, So there's the fun aspect
of it. Would you do anything to make the world a better place?
Is there an altruistic bent to your superpowers? Or are you just more or
less going to be selfish with them? Oh? Well, that's a good
question. I mean sure, of course I want to be altruistic. And
you know, I think for me, it's about connection. It's about connecting
with the people that I love and care about. I've moved around a ton,
I've lived in I don't know thirteen or fourteen cities in the last thirty
years. So I have friends all over the place, and my family all
over the place. I'm actually the oldest of twelve kids, which is a
whole nother story, and so you know, I would love to be spending
more time with the people that I love and care about. So, yeah,
so you're one of those folks that when the shelf paper gets a little
bit dirty, or onto the next place. I yes, I move around
quite a bit, although I just came back to Ashville after fifteen years away.
So I'm happy to be back in this town that I love so much.
And what's that like for you? Since you're back now and you had
this hiatus period which a lot of things change, I would imagine, yes,
yes, yes, yeah. You know it's interesting because and I think
you and I had discussed this. I'm originally from Connecticut. I was raised
in Connecticut, but I've lived in the South most of my adult life,
you know, Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, Texas.
You know, I've kind of lived all over. But coming back to
a city after fifteen years away was Yeah, it was a big adjustment.
And when I was here before I was single and then met my husband Eric,
and so that was kind of a fun young time in my life.
And now, you know, we have a thirteen year old daughter and you
know, we're raising her, and so that's different. I still have the
same group of friends, and yet a lot of people have gotten married or
gotten divorced or had children, and so you know, the dynamic is different.
But it's just great being back here this land. I don't know,
you haven't been here, have you? Not to act per se, but
been through several different places in North Carolina. Okay. There's something about these
mountains that are really magical and mystical here, and you just feel it when
you're out on the land. It just feels different than any place I've ever
been. Well, I can tell you that my wife and I going south,
have taken you know, the Inland Interstate through the Smoky Mountains. Yeah,
down eighty one. Yeah it's down eighty one. You lie, and
I'll swear to it. Okay. And you know the thing of it is
is that I don't know. Three years ago, I do this walk about
deal where I get in my car and I just drive for sometimes a couple
of weeks, and it's usually because my wife is busy doing something else and
I just have to go see my old buddies and friends all over the country.
Sometimes it's in the Northeast. But on that trip I went down,
I drove the first day down to Annapolis, Maryland, and from there I
left Annapolis, Maryland. I took the most direct route over the mountains into
Lexington, Kentucky. So I don't know exactly everywhere I was, but it's
the first time I've been on the interstate where there is actually a traffic light
in the middle of the mountains. That was new and different, and I
had to pay attention play heads up ball driving around with those trucks and everything
it was. It was quite different. But I agree with you there is
a quality to the different parts of our country, especially with the water portion
of it. I was born and raised in Denver, Colorado, so the
Rockies have always been a big part of me. I went to the University
of Colorado first, my first attempt at college, and then you know,
after that, I've been back many many times. I've got two daughters and
two grandchildren families that are living out in Denver right now. So yeah,
I agree with you. Mountains are cool, Yeah, they are. So
what did you want to grow up to be when you were five? When
I was little, I wanted to be a pilot. I wanted to be
a pilot. Then I wanted to be an astronaut, but then I really
came back to I just wanted to be a pilot. I wanted to fly
planes. And even in high school, my parents took me speaking of Colorado,
they took me to Colorado Springs and we went and we toured the Air
Force Academy, and I was all excited. I was going to join the
Air Force because my dad had served in the Air Force. And then when
I found out the requirements for your eyesight to be a pilot, I have
worn glasses since I was four years old, in contact since I was ten
years old, and I would not have met the requirement. So my dad
was like, well, you can still join the Air Force and I was
like, not if I can't be a pilot, Dad. So I ended
up going to William and Mary for college and went a completely different route.
But I wanted to fly when I was a kid. Wonderful, wonderful.
Did you have a particular kind of plane that you wanted to fly. Was
there something that you saw and you said that would really be neat? I
don't. I don't think so. No, I just I think I loved
you know, my family traveled a bit when I was little, and I
just loved the freedom, the freedom of being up in the air and having
that big picture view of everything that was going on. And it just,
I don't know, it seemed very glamorous to me. So now I understand
it's, you know, way more scientific. But yeah, there's there's a
lot of science behind it, it turns out. Huh, yes, yes,
Well, you know, I was watching an interview with Sully, Captain
Sully who landed the plane in the Hudson. Not Tom Hanks, but the
real guy, right, the real guy. Yeah, yeah, the real
guy. Actually I didn't see the movie, but but I was watching Katie
Kuric's interview of him. I guess it must have been the anniversary of that
land a few months ago, and you know, it was just really listening
to him talking about his process and how he really ended up operating on instinct
in that moment, and you know, his training, all of the training
about what to do and you know, you know, all of that kicked
in, but he was just really operating on instinct. And I remember she
asked him, she said, well, do you remember praying? And he
said, you know, I figured I had whatever one hundred and sixty eight
passengers in the back taking care of that for me. He had church going
on right at that moment. That's right, that's right, and he was
just focused on, you know, getting everybody to see and he did.
I mean, it's such a remarkable story. So well, yeah, and
he does all of the acts of heroism, and then afterwards he has to
withstand the onslaught of all the second guessing and the insurance company nonsense, but
not to not to let the whole cat out of the bag. Tom Hanks
does a reasonably good performance. I've never seen Sully himself other than at the
time they were fishing them out of the Hudson. You know, way back
then, there was a you know, when when they got to got to
dry land, they were just kind of quickly interviewing them what happened and all
this, and he just basically said, you know, this was like a
you know, a day at the office for me. Wow, facing like
that, you know, well, I need to add this to my movie
list. Then actually, well we're I'm glad we're talking about this. I'll
add Sully to my movie list. Yeah, Tom, Tom's done a few
things pretty well. And since I don't really know the real character of Sully
myself, I would definitely, uh, have you have you put it on
there? I mean, anybody that can talk to a to a volleyball,
you know, for for paying a mustache on it and call him Wilson.
You know, that's so true. That was a great movie. So Elizabeth,
I mean, I really appreciate all of that. And we'll kind of
like fast forward to now or maybe the time in between. What would you
say is your greatest accomplishment? Well, you know, I think as a
mama, you know, probably the first instinct would be to say, you
know, having a child and keeping her alive, you know, relatively healthy
and happy. Yeah, you know, I have a thirteen year old daughter,
and you know, she's had a lot of big life changes and challenges
and she's just an incredible kid, and that's been the greatest gift in my
life in terms of accomplishment, you know, So maybe that's a personal accomplishment.
Feeling like, Okay, I'm doing okay at this mama thing. Is
your question to do with what you will? Yeah, I think in terms
of a professional accomplishment. It's actually fairly recent I published my second book,
gosha oh, I have a copy here, I'll show you. I know
your listeners won't be able to see it, but this is my book.
It's called Sacred Celebrations, Designing Rituals to Navigate Life Smilestone Transitions, and it
actually just came out in November, and it's all about helping us go through
life changes, you know, the endings and beginnings of births and marriages and
divorce and death and moves and big changes. So, yeah, you've had
kind of an incredible personal journey, and do you use that experience to kind
of go through this or is this talking about things in general with regard to
those types of occurrences. Yeah, great question. It is part memoir.
I definitely share a lot of my personal stories in there, but I also
interview dozens and dozens of coaching clients and friends and relatives and they share their
stories of rituals and big life transitions as well. So it's a little bit
of both. Yeah, can you do me a favor? And just hold
the book up one more minute. I want to describe for the folks at
home, if you're familiar with Peter max Art from the nineteen sixties and early
seventies, with very small heads, big bodies, and you know that sort
of thing like the Beatles, yellow submarine people. You know, that's a
little reminiscent of that style, but maybe not carried out, you know,
to the full ends degree. But they're sitting around in a circle holding each
other's hands. And can you talk about that just a little bit and like
what that might be about and how you got inspired to have that as a
cover. Thank you for asking that, Yes, because the concept of sacred
celebrations to me, you know, there's a lot that's been written about ritual,
you know, personal ritual, self care, ritual, you know,
how can you do things to take care of yourself. But for me,
the what this book is really about is about being in community. It's about
holding and witnessing one another, whether it's a group of women friends or group
of men friends, or if it's family members, you know, multi generational.
And of course we always love when we can have those experiences too,
but it's really about witnessing one another as we go through these big changes,
you know, think about you know, a funeral. I mean, I
know you and I are both going to be contributing to this book on grief
and loss, and a lot of the people in there will be writing about
loved ones that have passed. And this idea that when we go to a
funeral, it's this very universal experience. It's very communal, and we're all
witnessing and loving on one another. And we need more of that in our
society. You know, I think we're living in such a siloed way.
You know. It used to be that we lived multi generationally, right,
you know, and we'd have grandparents and aunties and uncles, and now everybody
kind of lives in their little bitty family unit and people are really isolated and
we need to reconnect more. We need to have more community. And so
that's what this book is about, is about creating rituals to create those bonds.
I really like it. I will have a copy on order. Are
you on audible or is it just a print book? Not yet, it's
a print and kindle. Okay, all right, well I will have a
copy of that before the day is out. Okay, great, you did
mention that you and I are collaborating on a book about grief and loss with
the and maybe you could say again, you know, what kind of outcomes
would be great for you out of contributing to that again holding hands with another
community of people, because as I understand it, there's upwards of thirty of
us that are all writing chapters. Yes, yes, yes, well,
I think you know, I was so attracted to this project with Sam Ruth
because you know, she's very expansive in her definition of grief, understanding that
you know, grief and loss is not just about the death of a person.
It can be the death of a marriage, or the end of a
job, or a career, or a shift in identity. You know,
there's so many different ways that grief shows up for us. So I think
for me and I actually my chapter is going to be writing about the grief
and loss inherent in adoption because I'm an adult adoptee and my daughter is an
adoptee, and so talking about that system and how it's built on grief and
loss, and you know, just to sort of amplify I think all of
the different ways that people are walking around carrying grief and yet they're still functioning
human beings, right, you know, we're still you know, and kids
and doing good work in the world, and yet we're all carrying sadness and
loss with us. I love that you're saying that. You know, in
particular, we look at people and outwardly they look like, you know,
they're just going through a terrific life, you know, and in many,
many cases, some of them, all of them would have a reason to
break down if they were to stop and just think hard on the subject.
But some of them are literally just a random occurrence away from breaking down.
And if we knew that about each other, how would we ever do anything
other than just be kind? That's so true. It's so true. And
you know, when you shared your story with me about I think you said
it was losing your dad and your best friend within a month. Within a
month. Yeah, yeah, just what I mean, both in and of
themselves are just such significant losses, and then to have both at the same
time is just it must have been a really tender time for you. Yeah,
And it was kind of the culmination I'm going to write about this obviously,
but it was the culmination. They were in the top twenty five of
people that I had lost in the previous three years, a lot of other
family members, relatives, longtime friends, who lost a mate, you know,
or lost a child. It just was a very difficult time to catch
a good, full breath, if you will. Yes, And that was
a transformational moment for me. I won't let the cat out of the bag
now, but I do think all of you will maybe one of the chapters
in the book will find yourself in and it's not too early for you to
start pinging me about how you can get a copy of it in advance or
Elizabeth. Folks, when we sign off, we'll give you an opportunity to
let people know how to get into touch with you. Well, that's great.
Have we told folks the name of the book that we're working on.
Yeah, it's called Faces of Grief and it will be released in early December.
Yep. Yes, Samantha was my guest on this podcast. I think
either three or four folks ago, so bet a minute or two. And
I really appreciate you, you know, plugging our good friend, plugging your
own work. And I'm only here because you're cool. Okay, Well,
thank you. I like being part of the co kids club. Yes you
are, there's no doubt about it, not because I said so. So
back on to the questions again, Elizabeth. You can see that I find
you fascinating and I could probably just be here all day with you. However,
bearing in mind that our listeners have kind of a cadence and they don't
mind it when we spend a minute or two. But we've had a good
time talking about your accomplishment. But who's your face person to listen to?
That is such a hard question to answer, Bill, I honestly, I
mean there could be like five different answers for that, but I think the
one I'm gonna go with, and I know I've already talked about her,
but is my daughter. She's thirteen. Her name is Riley, and she
helps me see the world in a different way as I think all of our
young people do, right. You know, they have a playfulness and enthusiasm
and innocence about them. That for me, you know, she helps me
get out of my grown up responsible to do list brain, you know I've
got to get a stuff on, and helps me just be silly and playful.
Like last night, so you know how we just had the time change
and you know, it was time for her to go to bed, and
this child was just bouncing around the house like Tigger, you know, from
Winnie the Pooh, And she was singing the Tigger song, whatever it is.
She's a little actress and a singer, and and we were just cutting
up last night, just having so much fun. And you know, I
so appreciate her reflections just on the world and on life and on people,
and she just really makes me think differently. Yeah. Yeah, Well,
in some ways I envy you because I feel the same way when I'm around
my grandson's they're a couple of years younger than her, but not too much,
and they're the same same way. They're both at a case, you
know, they're they're at the age where they're really thinking and engaging in terms
of their questions. Their sense of humor, you know, is really really
funny. Sometimes it's not funny in a jokey sort of a way. It's
like, you know, dead and you got to listen, okay, But
the bouncing around like Tigger. I've got the older one that's that's kind of
his stick, and then the younger one is going to be more like,
you know, kind of very dryly. You know, coming up and saying,
hey, Grandpa, is it true that we really have to eat spaghetti
tonight? You know? And then he'll say, because you know that all
of those individual spaghettis, they all gave their lives for us. You know
something that I have a hard time sleeping at night when I think about all
of those Spaghettis. And I said, I know what you mean, Lincoln,
And then he follows it up and he says, and Grandma is having
gluten free and he says to me, he says, what happens to all
the free glutens? Where did they go? And I said, it's a
my son, it's a mystery. And I'm like, that's exactly it,
right, Like they just they come up with these crazy random things, and
yeah, so fun, so playful. Well, I kind of share your
your enthusiasm for Riley. She sounds like somebody who's a force of nature.
I'm looking forward to hearing her speak. Someday she is you will, She'll
be on the big screen. I think I can't wait. So please complete
this sentence, if you will, Elizabeth, When I grow up, I'd
like to buy a one way ticket and travel around the world. Interesting,
so say some more about that. How would that go? Well, my
college roommate did that with one of our other college friends after they graduated from
William and Mary. They said, you know, you just we want to
go have an adventure and they bought, I guess you can buy a one
way ticket going east or going west and go all the way around the world.
And they did, and they traveled for I don't know, six or
seven months. And I just think, you know, when I hear about
her stories, And of course this was a long time ago, and I've
been out of college many decades now, But just the idea of experiencing all
these different cultures and talking with different people and seeing how they all live.
I mean, I think that when we you know, and I've been fortunate,
I've been able to travel quite a bit, but I think when we
can see people who live differently than we do and have different priorities and values
and language and food and landscape and all of that, it just informs our
experience. You know. I think we here in America tend to be very
myopic, and when you go and travel other places in the world, you
go, oh, wait a minute, there's a different way of looking at
things. So I would love to have that. Are there any particular places
that you would want to make sure that if you couldn't go everywhere, that
you wouldn't want to miss those? Yeah, I mean I definitely have a
bucket list. I mean, I'd love to get to Thailand. I'd love
to get to New Zealand and Australia. Egypt's on my list. I actually
haven't been to England or Scotland, and I would like to do that just
because of my heritage, knowing that I'm from there. Yeah, those are
probably some of them. Good for you, how about you? It's on
your bucket list? Definitely New Zealand and Scotland, Australia, the UK certain
parts of it. I would love to do a pilgrimage to Liverpool. I
have dear friends that are you know, because I used to be president of
a homeowners association of a community down in Florida for about fifteen years. Most
of the folks that lived there, my neighbors were all Brits, you know.
There were vacation rental homes for the most part, and then when it
came time for our annual general meeting, they Brits would fly in from all
over the world, you know, to come in and put their two cents
in, you know, either voting for you know who the board members were
going to be or that. And I got was supposed to go on a
three week long trip in two thousand and nine and start off with three days
in Cork, followed up by landing in you know, in England and going
to five different locations they're all friends. Got completely you know, got scuttled
by the Raykvic volcano shut everything. Wow. We planned this trip for a
year and the day that our trip was supposed to go, they reopened the
the you know, the airways again and by that time they were like three
weeks of no travel and it just didn't make any sense. So thank you
for asking me. And that's the long answer too. Is there anything on
your bucket list? There's that, and there's more. Okay understood. Yeah,
So the next question, if you're thrown to give me answers you've already
given. I'm going to ask you to go a little bit deeper than that.
And I don't mean like better or anything like that, but maybe just
something else that kind of occurs to you right now. What's the most important
thing in life? To you right this minute. To me, it's just
about living life in technicolor, like really living it out loud and fully.
I was actually in an almost fatal car accident last year, wow, and
had a near death experience, and you know, couldn't work for about four
months, and it really it changed a lot of things. I mean,
I think I've always someone who has enjoyed life and you know, valued relationships
and doing good work in the world and being a service in all of that.
But having an accident like that at a you know, young age I'm
in my young fifties, you know, helped me to go, wow,
you know, I could have checked out, and we never know when our
time is up. And to just really be willing to take risks and have
fun and be playful and not worry what people think anymore, and not worry
about judging myself or others, and just say, you know, what feels
good, and trust my intuition and just go out there and live life,
even if it doesn't always make sense. You know, I think I've always
been the logical, practical, you know, do what you're supposed to do.
And it's like result of William and Mary. I mean, I hear
that a lot from William and Mary Grat, so well, you know,
it was a pretty special place. But yeah, I mean, you know,
there was some traditional stuff there, and you know, I've certainly learned
that from my parents. You know, you you grow up, you get
a job, you get married, you have kids. You know, sort
of the blah blah blah. That's how we're supposed to do it. And
and you know, and I've done those things, but I'm also at a
stage of life, you know, as a newly divorced person, and you
know, single mama and business owner are going, okay, so what do
I want now for this next stage of my life? So well, I
really love how you languaged it. And I know there's you know, there's
there's ample input from all sorts of different books that would be kind of distilled
down into living out loud and in technic color. But when you said it
that your face lit up, you know, and I got to share that
with the folks at home. You have a beautiful smile, and there's really
just a lot of energy that comes from you in terms of emoting, and
I kind of get that there were new things that showed up for you,
possibly that you had never noticed before, or that maybe you had just kind
of like played over or played past while you were busy, you know,
doing the busy work that you were, you know, getting your life done.
And I'm real interested, you know, in addition to what you've said
already, is there anything in particular that you've kind of like picked up or
decided that you were going to do that before you might have considered to be
a little frivolous or or maybe not so much. Hmm, that's a good
question. I don't know if I would say about frivolous, but definitely writing
more. Yeah, you know, writing has been somewhat a part of my
path, but sort of there was a commitment to, Wow, I have
a lot I still need to say, and I better get to it.
And you know, it's interesting that my book came out about six months after
my accident, but I had been working on it. It was a seven
year process from when I started writing to when it actually got published. And
so just this notion of oh wait, if I have more to say,
I can't keep doing it in seven year increments or I'll never get everything done.
So I'm gonna step it up a little bit that's that's funny. That's
just the opposite of what I was saying to my wife while we were on
the cruise. I love that you, and I want to ask you this
before I say what I'm going to say, because what you have to say
is far more important. So for you, is it? Would you,
you know, use a metaphor of peeling an onion skin or a fire hose
that you have to put some sort of a choke on so that you can,
like you, contain everything that's coming out. Which which metaphor would work
better for you? It's probably more the feeling of the onion, although I
would say my head feels like the fire hose at times, but in terms
of my actual output, it's more the you know, the feeling the layers
of the onion. Like let's let's keep getting deeper with this. And you
know, as I've mentioned before, you know I have a real passion for
the topic of adoption, and I think because of my life experience and expertise
in that, you know, I have some things to contribute and instead of
doing it privately, I need to be doing it more publicly, and writing
is a really good way to do that. To get the message out there
so well, having spent as little time as I have with you, the
quality of our interaction, as brief as it's been over the last couple of
weeks, I have to say I totally agree with you. I think you've
got some good stuff out there that will make a huge difference in the world.
Thank you. So I'm going to use that as a segue I didn't
intend to. But the next question is is what would you like to leave
in the world after you your life is done? M Okay, I'm trying
not to be too redundant, but you know, it goes back to that
parenting thing of you know, if if I can raise a human being to
be good and loving and kind and decent and caring and a contributing member of
society, then that's the best possible legacy I could imagine. I mean,
and everything else. I mean, sure, you know what, I love
to write more books, absolutely, you know what I love to you know,
serve my community more and create circles of people and connections. Absolutely all
of that. But really, as a mama, I mean, I knew
when I was very little that I wanted to be a mom, and I've
been blessed with an incredible kid, and I think she's doing good stuff in
the world. And you know, when we look at the state of the
world, and we don't want to talk about that right now, but you
know, things are challenging, and people are fractured and they're broken, and
we're having a hard time having conversations. And I think if we can raise
this next generation to be open and loving and be willing to have the card
conversations and teach them to not shy away from that, that's what's going to
help us get through this mess. Well, I like that, And if
I can pry, You've mentioned a couple of times about making a difference,
you know, in the area of adoption. Can you say maybe a little
bit more about that beyond your own personal reach. You've probably got the world's
best daughter, you know, in Riley, no doubt about it. So
I'm going to concede that to you right off the bat. And what about
everyone else? What would you like to leave them? Well? I think
that around adoption. I think a lot of the work that I'll be writing
about and talking more about is this notion of really looking at identify and you
know, how we show up in the world and how people who are impacted
by adoption their identity is something. I mean, I suppose we all deal
with identity issues at one time or another. You know, it's part of
the human experience, right, right, right, right exactly. But I
think adoptees in particular and adoptive parents and biological parents have some different challenges.
And so really looking at that and understanding that, you know, is there
a spiritual contract there? You know, what can we learn from the relationships
that we have and how can we expand our ability to love all the different
people in our lives? You know, we talk about like with my daughter
and with myself. You know, we don't have a family tree, we
have a family forest, and so you know, how can we integrate all
of those relationships into our lives but into our identity and who we know ourselves
to be. So so that's I think a lot of the work I want
to be doing is talking more to folks about that. Yeah, and what
I what I hear, you know, and what I'm inferring from what you're
saying. I don't know if it's simplicit in what you're saying, but I
hear, you know, the discovery aspect you know, in terms of you
know, being a person in a forest as opposed to a tree allows you
to kind of trip over things that you weren't expecting. I would imagine.
That's I love how you just reflected that, Bill, Thank you. That
gives me a really good visual. Yeah, I mean because it opens doors
to be like, oh, well wait, you know I see this,
and I see that, and what about this? And you know, like
we're raising our daughter to know that she has four parents. She has you
know, mom and dad, her adoptive parents, and then she has birth
mom and birth dad. And even though we may not all be you know,
active in her life, that's all part of who makes up who she
is and where she comes from, and you know, being mindful of that
as she moves forward in the world. So yeah, and the other part
of it is is is you know, mindful, respectful and honoring of what
came before and the value of who she is now and what she has in
her contribution that's unique, you know, to give to the rest of the
world in whatever way she chooses to that works for her. But never will
she ever have a day where there's not work to do. Yes, yes,
it's me talking but I'm kind of picking up non verbals from you.
Whether I get it right or not, it's not not necessarily the issue.
Okay. So you know, do you do you do much bakery buying,
much bakery buying? You know, I don't. I'm one of those free
of gluten people you leave, leave all the glutens out there to just be
free range, right. I love bakeries, but yeah, I don't.
I don't do much anymore of it. I just got a mind picture of
the smoky mountains just covered with a whole side with a huge herd of glutens,
you know, just over enjoying the morning, you know, and the
mist coming up. And yeah, yeah, you have to ask your grandson
to draw you a picture of the glutens running free. See what he would
draw? That's awesome, and he will because he's one heck of an artist.
So when I go to my favorite baker's, it's modest down here.
Been going to them for close to forty years, and when I buy a
dozen rolls, I always get a free one. I've never bought a dozen
loaves of bread, so I don't know what they would do in that circumstance,
but anything else that's cupcakes or what have you? Cookies always going to
get a thirteenth one and you're going to get a baker's question. Are you
ready? Okay? I am ready. So Elizabeth, what is the thing
that most people misunderstand about you? M that's an interesting question. Are you
into astrology at all? Bill? A little bit? Okay, it doesn't
have to be dangerous, right, we can work with that. Okay,
there you go. All right. So I so I'm a Capricorn's son.
So on the surface, you know, I look like I have my act
together, right, and you know, for the most part, I do.
And I'm a Scorpio rising. And so what that means is that I
really like the deep dive. I like to talk about the metaphysical, the
mystery, the mirror cales, you know, the curiosities in our universe.
And I love to really go deep in those conversations with people often quickly.
I mean, you and I have kind of like we've started a little bit
of that here today. But yeah, so I think sort of the the
upfront and the exterior is a little different than the the deeper dive conversationalist that's
here. Does that make sense? Well? It does and what you're saying
is how it really is people. But what do you think they think about
you that just that you've got it all together and maybe you're still figuring things
out and doing the best you can to look like you've got everything figured out.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I think people look at me and think,
oh, you know, she's you know, got you know, a
good career and you know, great kid and loving family and friends, and
you know, she's got her act together. But you know, for people
who've been in my world the last couple of years, they know it's been
a virtual well, i'll use PG language dumpster fire. Let's say, you
know of you know, two moves and a divorce and two surgeries, and
you know, two parents dying in a car accident, and you know,
it's been a really rough time kind of like you were talking about, you
know, your three years of such great losses. Some people will would refer
to that as a double ass. You know. There you go, That's
what I was going to say, but I it was appropriate. We have
had people, you know, drop an expletive every once in a while,
but I appreciate your appropriateness, and I wanted to also say that you know,
having gone through everything that you've gone through, I want to commend you,
you know, not simply for looking like you have it all together,
but you know, you're obviously a self described work in progress, and I
believe that's refreshing. I really appreciate your genuineness, and I also appreciate the
fact that you don't know the answers at this point. You have some ideas
of what the questions might be, and you're still working on the questions in
my opinion, Yes, yeah, yeah, living into the questions really and
saying okay, so what's here? And I think the car accident really did
that for me, kind of opened me up to be like, okay,
Universe, what you got for me, Let's see, let's see what shows
up. Well. Yeah, and things were already cool, being the age
of Aquarius and all. I mean, you know, how far off base
can you be, but you have lived through circumstances that you might not have
is to give you a whole new way to look at the mundane. Yes,
yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. So that wraps up our standard
questions. And I'll ask you, first of all, do you have any
questions of me? I want to know what your favorite candy is. Talk
about going deep, all right, So I have to make deals with myself
here, Okay, I would probably say that in my lifetime I have probably
purchased at least five hundred dollars worth of fireballs, all right. So you
love the cinnamon, well, there's there's that, and I like it lasts
a long time, you know. And then you know, I got started
buying the big plastic thing that looks like it goes on the counter. You
know. When I was a kid, we went in and they would take
that out of the box, they put it on the counter, and then
it was penny a fireball, right, or two of the small ones for
a penny. We went on a camping trip with my girls, which would
probably have been back in the early nineteen eighties, and I bought one of
those bad boys, and all of us were eating the fireballs all week long.
And so after that, you know, I just wound up continuously buying
fireballs. There's also, and I'll tell you I don't want to upset,
you know, the jolly rancher gods, because there's a lot to be said
for jolly ranchers as well. First of all, there's a whole diversity.
You can have a symphony in your mouth with a watermelon, you know,
a cinnamon, a blueberry, and then I mean you you can put in
an you know, a player to be named later and just have a really,
really good time. And the other thing is is that dark milk chocolate.
I would say maybe seventy percent coo and up breakup is the best.
So if I had to go someplace and choose three candies for the rest of
my life, I would be good. I'd take all three of them.
But if you told me Bill you only get one, I would be conflicted.
Great question, did you learn anything? It's funny. Well, you're
a little spicy, so that's fun The fireball shows that you're a little spicy.
What my daughter says, that's great? Good And so do you have
any other things that you just want to like mention before I have you again?
Say who you are and how do people get in touch with you?
Is there anything else that you want to say about either this interview or anything
else that's on your mind that you'd like to just kind of get out in
terms of this might be your opportunity to change the world. Who knows,
well, I just want to acknowledge our new connection as a part of the
Faces of Grief compilation that we're going to be working on because I think,
you know, it seems in the zeitgeist and maybe this has really been since
the pandemic, but more and more people are open to talking about grief and
we're acknowledging that we are all walking around carrying grief and that I think that's
a really good thing because what's happening is people are taking off the masks and
we're sharing our vulnerabilities, and we're connecting in deeper ways and we're authentic ways
with people, and I think that's a beautiful thing. So I'm happy to
be part of that with you and with Sam Ruth and all the other people.
And I love your interview process, you know, simple questions for one
hundred people. I think that's awesome because that's how we learn about the world
around us, right is by sharing our story. So thanks for letting me
share mine. Yeah, I got to tell you, you know, people
are like snowflakes, no tour the same right, you know, and anybody
wants to tell you that you're part of a group that all thinks the same
way. I think they're full of fireballs, right right, exactly. Well,
having said that, is there anything else would you like to again kind
of identify how you people get in contact with you if you want, Yeah,
sure, certainly by my websites. So my name again, it's Elizabeth
Barber and it's spelled B A R B O your dot com, so Elizabeth
Barber dot com. And then I have another website called Sacred Celebrations dot Com,
which is the name of my books Sake, my second book, Sacred
Celebrations. But I also have a jewelry line there, which we didn't talk
about. But so I have a jewelry line there and some gift kits and
things like that, and people can find me on social media. I tend
to hang out mostly on Facebook and Instagram, a little bit on LinkedIn at
Elizabeth Barber. So horrific. You are completely and absolutely delicious and wonderful.
Okay, I really enjoy you, and I thank you for coming on here
embracing our podcast. And I would want to just leave at this moment by
saying thank you, Elizabeth, thank you, You're very welcome, and you
folks at home, I want to leave you with this thought too. We
all know a lot of people. But I want you to get in the
habit of reaching out to folks that you really love. Could be good friends,
could be folks you work with, could be a family member. Reach
out either by you know, text, any other kind of message, telephone,
call, carrier, pigeon, letter, what have you. Let them
know that it means everything to you that they're in the world and that it
would really not be a great world without them. And if they ever are
thinking that they need a friend, you're that person that they can count on
to always be there. If you'll do that for me and then challenge your
friends and family to do that, let's just see if we can make a
difference with some of the things that are not going well in this world.
Having said that, this is the Simple Questions for one hundred People podcast.
Again. I'm Bill Correll and it has been absolutely wonderful Elizabeth Barber to have
you as my guest today. Thank you again, Thanks so much. Bye
everybodyp bye. Now you've been listening to Simple Questions for one hundred People,
part of the x Audio podcast network. You can find every episode at xadio
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