This is pod Populi Podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.
Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relationship podcasts since two thousand and fifteen.
I am here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People.
I'm not even one of the main studios here. I'm kind of at
my desk with some portable equipment. This equipment I used to drag around the
world doing a lot of these podcasts, and I got nostalgic, so I'm
like, you know what, I'm gonna record on this little portable thing,
and I bet it's just fine. Anyway, a couple of things, so
amazing feedback from the last episode, and it wasn't all good feedback, and
it wasn't all bad, which is I think that's always good. But this
is the one I did with Katherine Bregman, the fertility coach, and the
emails that we got they ranged from finally an honest conversation about this subject to
You're right, you definitely aren't the one to be having these conversations, so
I appreciate that. I always like the feedback, but anyway, to each
their own. We're just trying to help here. The second thing because a
bunch of you forwarded this to me, Apparently there is a hit show on
Netflix called Jewish Matchmaking, and I forget the publication is that it was printed,
but somebody wrote an article or a blog or something about that show,
and the article was entitled seven steps for Netflix to make a better Jewish Matchmaking
Show. Now, I don't know if this show is good or bad.
I don't watch it, and you know that we are not big fans of
matchmaking around here, but the show, I guess it digs in all of
that. And one of our biggest fans of this podcast, he was actually
one of the contestants participants, contestants as a contest I don't know, is
that what you call it. I know he was on the show, and
I don't know what happened with him, so I should probably find out.
But anyway, I didn't watch it, but many of you did, and
many of you forwarded along this article and said, hey, did you see
this, And the name of the article was seven steps for Netflix to make
a better Jewish matchmaking show, and number one on the list of steps was
higher Patty Stanger and Brian Howee. And most of you, I guess know
who I am because you're listening. But for those of you who don't know
who Patti Stanger is or was is she was is, I don't know if
it's still on. I don't know it's on in reruns. She's the host
of The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo for years and years. And this article went
on to say Stanger and Howie maybe the two best examples of people who can
call daters out on their nonsense, and that might be true. And the
article also said they are both masters of vocal inflection, and I'm like,
are we Maybe we are. But the article also said how he's not Jewish,
but he has come across many Jewish daters and he is aware of pertinent
issues. And when I read that, I thought, how do they know
I'm not Jewish? My paternal grandmother was Jewish, which makes me a little
bit Jewish, which to me is like being a little bit pregnant. You
either are or you aren't. Holy Cross College education aside, and it said
he's aware of pertinent issues oh am. I I have been privy to some
of that and those over my long and somewhat checker dating career. But mostly
I want to say this. First of all, I'm flattered by the article.
Say what you want about Patty. She's in, you know, fairly
well known, esteemed company. So I'm glad the article went viral, and
it's good to get some level of notice and respect for all this. But
mostly I just want to say this for those of you like, what do
you think of this? I have been there and done that with Patti Stanger,
me and her live. I mean, we've done the podcast together,
but we had a live at the Laguna Playhouse in Laguna Beach, California,
and there's some videos of that probably on YouTube and on our Facebook page,
I think. But if I were to call it a train wreck, that
would be an insult to train wrecks. It might have been the worst professional
experience of my career, at least on the host side of things. So
I'll just leave it at that. And while I like your creative suggestion to
pass along to Netflix, let me just say nope, not now, not
ever, not again. Something a little bit more positive, but also very
sad. The third thing I wanted to touch on before I get in what
I want to touch on. A guy named David Wygant passed away a few
days before I record this, and some of you might know who he is.
He was a fairly fairly renowned I guess dating coach is the way we
you know, we put it. I hate that word, but that's essentially
what he was. And he dealt mostly with men. And he has not
had not been on this podcast in a few years, but if you go
back a few years, I think he made more appearances on this show and
on our stage combined than any other male guest. And I just wanted to
give him a shout out because he was ballsy, and he was fearless in
his thoughts, and he was on wavering in his beliefs, and he touched
on many of the same things that I try to touch on. But I
think he said the more eloquently and more passionately than than I have. And
he basically really wanted men to step up, and I thought he was right.
And he was a little bit sort of to the to the right of
me in terms of tone on some of this stuff. So he was a
hair more controversial. Um, but he was a unique voice and uh and
I really respected his voice, and that's why we went back to him time
and again we had something difficult to talk about, we had him on the
podcast. UH. And he was also the picture of fitness, and he
ate right, and he worked out and he was obsessed with it and staying
young and and he got after all of it in life. And then one
day, you know, you get a headache, and five days later you're
diagnosed with brain concer and three days after that you're dead, which absolutely sucks
and you just never know. So we raise a healthy glass to David.
He was a unique character and a strong voice, and he will be missed.
And I know a couple of you had asked if I had heard about
that, and I had. So the fourth thing not to segue into a
little bit different topic, but I think he would appreciate that I am recording
this not just at Pod Populi podcast for the people. I am at the
one once again in Scottsdale, Arizona, which I have mentioned before is pretty
much ground zero for bachelor and bachelorette parties. Vegas sometimes can be too much
and a you know, ranch weekend is sometimes too little Scottsdale. You can
get your golf on and you can get your freak on, and that happens
pretty much all year round, but especially right now as I record this,
it is late spring, and I think people are planning their summer wedding,
so this is prime time. Say, you know, six to eight weeks
out to have those bachelor and bachelorette parties. And I have some thoughts,
because I usually have some thoughts, but I also want your thoughts and anecdotes
and tall tales and troubled nights and disasters. We want to hear them.
So send them to us, all your bachelor and bachelotte parties or weekends or
whatever it was you did. I don't care what happened in the marriage.
I want to know what happened that night or that weekend, whether you were
the best man or a simply a participant, or you were the bride or
the groom to be at that point. Give us all the gory details.
Send them to us Great Lovedebate at gmail dot com, and we will clean
up the mess with a very special episode sharing some of your experiences and our
opinions on all the shenanigans and Shenanigans is such a great word. It's a
good boat name. I think it's a good bar name. I think it's
a good horse race name. So anyway, Shennanigans. But onward, what
I want to get into today is something that you know, we have touched
on a little a lot before in a fair amount of detail, but it
seems to be coming up more and more, or maybe I notice it more
and more, and I feel so strongly about it that I wanted to vote
some more time to it. So we have done over. I don't know
four hundred episodes of this podcast, and sometimes we are revisiting a topic or
two, and I don't think that's laziness, and it's not because we're running
reruns or diving into the greatest hits. I just think it bears shining a
brighter light or a different dimension on it. And I always say, our
job is to give advice around here is not to give advice around here.
It's simply to express opinion. And when I get interviewed, the one question
I always get and get more than any other, is not my opinion,
It is what piece of advice would I give people when it comes to love
and dating? And relationships. And this is the piece of advice that I
will actually stand by and say, this is not opinion, this is advice.
My answer is always the same, and it is to get rid of
three words and never say them again. And those words are not my type.
If you're over thirty and you're still single, you have no type.
Your type isn't working out for you. And when I say that on a
news show, it always gets a giggle. And when I say that in
our live shows, it always gets a gasp. But it is true.
Your answers always lie outside of your comfort zone. And some people are like,
oh, I like what I like and that isn't going to change.
And my response to that is a maybe you like what you're used to and
be those things are usually just preferences. I don't think they're absolutes. I
don't think if you don't have it, it's a complete deal breaker, at
least physically. There's this matchmaking back to the matchmaking thing again, which I
hate company out there that asks clients when they come in to give us pictures
of give them pictures of what they they have traditionally dated so they know what
their quote unquote type is and I'm always like, you're asking them to give
you pictures of examples of things that didn't work out, and you think that's
going to work out. Bad company, bad approach, bad industry anyway.
But the other day somebody, somebody asked me what kind of body do I
like in a woman? And I answered, listen, if I was going
to open up a strip club filled with girls that I found attractive, I
think the name of that strip club would have to be muffin Tops, a
little bit of squish that to me feels like a girl. And you can
be offended all you want about that buff broad's out there, but sorry,
that's just me each their own. Does that mean my girlfriend can't be in
super top shape or I can't have crazy fit wife? Of course not.
Probably would behoove me to have a crazy fit wife because it would motivate me
out of this dad bod, and having a dad bod with no kids is
just laziness. So to me, my little flippant comment rooted in a lot
of truth. It's at best, probably a mild quirk and at worst a
strong preference. But at the end of the day, you love what you
love, and that might be and should be different every time, So I
want to explore all of this a bit more. Wait, you're doing a
whole show about muffin tops now, not quite, but we will get into
all of this and all of that right after this, and we are back
and we are back to talking about type and how it is so overrated when
it comes to finding what you're looking for. So, maybe you've never dated
a redhead, and I always make the comment we notice the blonde, but
we remember the redhead because there's just not that many of them. Statistically,
there's not that many redheads. Sorry, gingers, you are a dying breed.
But if you've never dated one, it doesn't mean you don't like them
or wouldn't necessarily be attracted to one. And the same thing goes for Asian
or Latina or the aforementioned Jewish or Arab or whatever some parts of the country.
In some parts of the world, you just might not be exposed to
different quote unquote types, so you don't know whether you like them until you've
actually sampled them, sort of like me with Indian food. I think I
don't like it, but maybe I do. I don't know. So you
may not be familiar with these exotic dishes on the menu in the dating world,
so your brain doesn't think of them. First. You talk about or
dream about what you believe you are looking for. And we talk all the
time about about casting a wide net in your search, and this is part
of that. There are possibilities everywhere, all shapes, all sizes, all
colors, all flavors, and there's so many girls out there thinking they need
a guy of a certain height you don't, or a certain weight you don't,
or a certain income you might. But the opportunities need to be explored
with all of it. A woman very famously in the history of the Great
Love Debate here came to one of our shows in Los Angeles. This is
a number of years ago, and she said that she always thought she wanted
a tall guy, yet when she finally got married, her husband was five
five and when asked how that happened, she said, by the time I
saw him standing up, I was already in love with him. So take
a seat, ladies, give him a shot, have a conversation, find
a spark, because you never know. Not your type doesn't mean it's not
your answer. And back to the guys, especially the ones out there who
don't share my love for a little extra belly, that size zero cheerleader that
you're going to propose to and start a family with. You have no idea
what her body, or your body, or anyone else is going to look
like after fifteen years and three kids and a whole lot of life. You're
signing up for all of her and the best of her, and the best
of her has very little to do with how she looks in a bikini,
hopefully, and of how she looks in a bikini is the best of her?
You need to find the best of somebody else. I mean. Is
that why people get divorced after a decade, because they aren't attracted to each
other anymore? Maybe, but that almost never has to do with a specific
physical change. It's usually an attitude shift, or a conversational breakdown, or
a motivation shortcoming, or a financial rift or some other reason. Besides,
she doesn't wear her hair long like when we met. And that wasn't about
and it didn't come about from type. It came about from feelings. And
the feelings tend to evolve, and sometimes they get deeper and sometimes they grow
distant. But it isn't about I need a girl who looks like that,
or I need a man who's like this or does this or has this.
It's almost always I found someone and here's what they're like, period. And
what they are like is almost never what you thought you liked or would like.
What you like is who they are, and who they are often changes
who you are and how you feel and what you believe, and all the
attraction you will ever need comes from that. So I guess what I'm saying
is open your eyes and expand your parameters and widen your horizons and whatever metaphor
you want to use. When you shake up that snow globe known as your
comfort zone, I think you will find what you're looking for, or at
least be open to all the possibilities, and the answers lie in all the
possibilities, and you want to increase that number of possibilities every single time.
So if you think you need someone who loves to do half marathons every Saturday
morning, maybe you do. But I'll give you a voucher for a free
lap dance at Muffintops, and I think you will discover maybe you don't.
As we've said from almost day one around here and our longtime producer, the
very wise two time Emmy Award winning Keco. I think she was the first
one to say this. We believe there's magic in maybe and to find that
magic and to tap into it and can't everything you need from it. You
got to get rid of those three words. Not my type. So thank
you for sticking with me on this hodgepodge of an episode today. I had
some things and I wanted to say them, and maybe that makes me a
good bet for Netflix or maybe not, but anyway, shoot us in email
Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. I want the Bachelor and Bacherette stories.
We are rolling that out, I believe the next episode. So we
have a good co host on tap for that. I've never had a Bachelor
Bacherette party because I've never been a groom. I have been to some.
I am not a fan of a lot of the stuff, and we will
get into all of that on the episode. Go to Great Love Debate dot
com. We do have a handful of live shows at some very nice venues.
We are probably not doing a show at the mythical Muffintops coming to a
city near you, but the City Winery in New York is a very nice
venue that is on the list. Go to Great Love Debate dot com for
that. Please share, follow, and review this podcast. Your reviews mean
a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. That article that I whoever wrote that article
about the Netflix thing, it got around and it got to me because people
shared it. So share the links to this one with whoever you think will
either enjoy it, benefit from it, or hate it. It all matters
to me because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped
making love. To see you next time. The Greatest Love Debate, it's
the Greatest love Debate, the Greatest Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.