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The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are
supported by his extensive experience as a family

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therapist and in the previous analysis of
the cases presented here welcome. This is

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it, Chayo with you in jewel. We started him very good afternoon with

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that comment of eating rich even opened
my appetite. If you' re eating

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very good profit. We have a
program that' s gonna have everything.

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We have cases that do me a
favor. You sue, either in writing,

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or through audio. So there'
s going to be for everyone to

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stay and let' s go straight. I decided to expose my situation to

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you. I will be acting wrong
when it is annoying for me to have

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to attend the same meeting, where
my husband' s son' s mother

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will be present, When apparently,
my in- laws and even my husband

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do not see any problem, but
for me I am uncomfortable with the presence

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of that person, since from the
eight years that his son had, that

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woman gave it to my husband and
she did not take care of his son.

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And now that the son already has
a family and he, a young

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son, invites his mother to his
meetings, Ask me how I can handle

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that situation. I don' t
want to attend the party my husband'

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s son will be having this time
and will invite his mother in advance.

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I appreciate that you can orient me
look. One of the great situations when

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one marries a person or formalizes a
relationship with a person who already has children

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is to assume that we are going
to have to deal with everything that happens

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around that child' s experience,
because the child is this non- optional

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alternative that parents must adopt responsibly.
Whatever happens to our personal life, that

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is, if I continue with the
mother couple of the child, well,

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go ahead, because life becomes a
little simpler. But if for some reason

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a change in personal life is defined, because, as I have said many

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times, children are no reason for
you to stay in a couple relationship,

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it has to be the couple and
it has to be you to decide to

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stay in a couple relationship. Otherwise, you leave, but there are going

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to be situations throughout life that are
going to change and they are going to

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adjust sometimes within the same relationship with
the former partner at first to the best,

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the conflict is all that gives and
then they are going to have to

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go learning, to cope and to
live together. And in addition, the

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child, who is in a growing
process, is going to go through different

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stages in his life, which are
going to re- accommodate him in front

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of his parents at different times.
And, therefore, none of that child

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' s parents have to condition or
determine the child. Ah no, if

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in your teens you had crises with
respect to any of the father or mother

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figures, then you have to stay. All life does not work that way,

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children are in a life process of
change and can be determining different things

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in the face of how they accommodate
and how they mature. Even in life

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situations related to parents. So,
without a doubt, nothing else is I

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have to relate to that son of
the couple I decided to make life with.

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I' m going to have some
kind of role sometimes, I'

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m going to even have to play
roles that she didn' t do,

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like in your case the mom.
And all of a sudden, it turns

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out there' s a reconciliation,
a realignment, a realignment, and that

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son has every right in the world
to invite his mom to whatever she wants.

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And you would then have to check
what happens to you, because you

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can have your opinion about it and
it is very valid and can generate you,

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as it generates discomforts and discomfort.
But if you consider that you don

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' t have to go to the
party this boy is going to be,

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because you don' t agree with
the decision he made. Actually, the

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problem is yours, not theirs,
and you' re going to generate a

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conflict at the family level, because
being sorry is normal, but what do

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you do with what you feel?
That changes and there you do, you

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have to show the maturity of recognizing
that that woman is the mother and that

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she does not take anything from you
depending on what you represent this man and

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by this man I mean this son
of your husband and your husband and of

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course they are right and it seems
mature that both the in- laws as

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your current partner say. We don' t have a problem with her going.

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It' s that boy' s
mom. And here it' s

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funny because suddenly it seems even socially
that there' s a certain permission and

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I say it carefully and in quotation
so that the dad is the one who

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is not part of the child'
s daily life when it separates who is

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the one who leaves the house.
But when this determination is the other way

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around and it' s the mother
who says the son lives with you,

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I don' t know if he
was seeing it or not, but the

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son lives with you and I'
m the peripheral. How hard we are

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against women when, for some reason, they made that determination. We still

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have the social idea that the woman
is the one who has to stay there

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full- time, permanent, available
and the dad can get out, no,

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he can come and go and nothing
else happens. So I think in

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him you need to review what your
concepts are about but if this son is

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reconciling with this mom if it ever
caused him conflict. Hey, and this

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mom' s gonna be a presence
today in this kid' s life and

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she' s gonna do her best. I don' t know. I

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' m speculating to repair, to
rebuild the relationship, to want if she

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wasn' t a good mother,
to be a good grandmother. There'

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s every right in the world because
it does, and you have to take

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into account that if you adopt conflicting
behavior about it, you can end up

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paying the prices you regret. I
suggest you go, work what moves you

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and, in addition to everything,
have the appropriate maturity at the event so

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you don' t generate gross tensions, charge it and so on. You

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' re free to decide if you
don' t go, but there'

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s no right to make this man
not invite his mom to what he wants

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to invite her because he wants to
make her participate. That' s right,

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that evaluates what this can bring you. So, before you make a

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decision, just because your instinct moves
you. Please, I need to know

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what I can do for my niece
is thirteen. This happens at home.

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The mother is stuck, says she
in the cabal and claims to be Jewish

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now. Her mom' s holding
on to taking her to an unconventional school.

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Also, not affiliated with the Sep
to be taught Judaism. As I

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don' t understand it, they
give them subjects in such a way that

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they then apply an exam and in
this way validate in knowledge. Her sister

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a year older, anyway, takes
her. But my niece, for which

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I am writing to you, is
not very late. As a result,

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her mother is always being treated by
her servant, not by cell phones,

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not by television, not by buying
anything new, not by clothes or toys.

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Their sister, on the other hand, is filled with gifts and not

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asked for something to do. The
mom' s the one who sticks and

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says really bad things and dad doesn' t say anything. Totally run by

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his wife. My mom has told
her to leave it to her, that

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where she lives there are many normal
schools and that the way school is not

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for my niece to try. But
they said no, because my mom professes

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another religion and the mom doesn'
t want to be taught anything else.

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Time passes and this situation is getting
worse every day. I told my brother

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today that this was physical and emotional
abuse, that it was not worth destroying

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the child' s self- esteem, so that love and passion must prevail

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in dealing with children, that this
school system is not for my niece and

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they could not have her punished for
life, that if they could not give

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it to me, he would take
responsibility for the economic part and I would

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take her to school and help her
with her subjects that no one in my

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house will impose on her a religion, which I consider a very particular matter.

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What I can do can bring a
complaint of abuse and violence to a

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child son It is a very delicate
subject. I think that, to the

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extent that you' re critical,
you' re just going to put them

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on the defensive and, far from
helping your niece at best, you'

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re going to make things more difficult
and you' re going to generate things

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towards the girl, because often it
gets more angry, because of course you

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' re already going to tell the
aunt that you don' t understand.

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Anyway, you have to learn by
respecting what they are doing and what you

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can do is be close to your
niece, be affectionate to your niece and

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tell your brother to your sister-
in- law no more than once or

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twice hear just reconsider the treatment they' re giving her, because she'

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s probably having difficulty learning and I' ll probably even dare to think if

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she' s having any learning problems, I' d have it also in

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the schools you call normal. I
understand your concern for your niece, but

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without a doubt the way we can
support, suggest, recommend always has to

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start from the basis that we respect
the decisions they have. If the mother

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is changing her religion, if she
wants the daughters to learn that other religion

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and your brother is not opposing it, do not create situations in which the

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only thing that will happen is that
they distance your nieces from you, because

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you are not being respectful. Yes, there is no doubt that we must

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accompany ourselves and we must be able
to hear water. With this, you

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may be having a learning problem because
they don' t value and evaluate it

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to know what it is that is
costing you work, because otherwise the punishments

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are clearly not serving. And then, if the punishments aren' t serving,

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it' s that out there I
don' t drink the matter,

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but always respecting. And I'
m telling you because, just as your

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message is written, the derogatory way
you talk about her and Dad, who

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is actually your brother, you'
re being disrespectful. If they' re

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feeling that, the only thing that' s going to end up happening is

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that they' re going to distance
themselves as a family from you. And

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so, yes, your nieces,
both of you are not going to end

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up enjoying the whole source of affection
that everyone implies. Your mom already took

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part and they already told her that
you' re not upset and you already

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told your brother. And yet,
they, like dads, are making the

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decisions they have to make or think
are the right ones. So I think

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if you change your strategy you'
re going to be more listened to,

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so you count things aren' t
for a lawsuit, but yes, so

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they learn that things have to work
differently and that, maybe there would be

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other methods that would work better.
So, Aguas, we have our dear

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Gaby here now more than ready or
my dear Gaby' s inetry that gives

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us February. Yes, today is
the pylon of February 29th of February.

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It' s good luck, by
the way, uh, yeah, yeah,

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I like it, I like it, I like it. So convulsions,

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Gaby, convulsions hear what this convulsions
is about, especially because there are

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all kinds of convulsions. Right.
I used to think that there was one

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that was the shaking of the whole
body, but there I learned that in

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time, that is not true,
that is correct, notice that now in

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class I was talking some historical gossip
to the students. And so we just

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talked about how he has evolved into
medicine and he and the convulsions were originally

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seen as demonic possessions. Blessed to
God that today we already see it from

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the medical perspective and you can intervene
instead of leaving it there that the poor

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little boy has already got the chamuco. How we' re gaining knowledge.

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Not so and you who are at
home, for I warn you of a

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convulsion. It can be very impressive, but there are different types. The

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root is something in our brain.
The brain is a wonderful organ and it

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works like a microchip with electric current, but it is organized, I speak,

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I raise my hand, I walk, I dance, all that is

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organized information in my brain. But
if something disorganizes, if something fails,

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then uh all this information can lead
us to move out of control of the

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body. That' s gonna be
a seizure. We don' t understand,

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we don' t know, there' s no record, we get

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scared and we blame it on the
chamuco. But if we' re already

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getting it in a different way,
let' s get things straight. He

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has attention if number one we are
going to put a comfortable space to the

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person who is suffering from the seizure. Let' s move things away from

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metal glass corners that could hurt him
and let him live in peace. His

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seizure. Please don' t,
especially when it' s widespread. Don

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' t mean it. Sometimes it' s a hand, it' s

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a hand that turns, takes it
off, or it' s a leg.

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No, but if we see a
generalized convulsion where the whole body shakes

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violently, I insist, it can
be shocking, but breathe, move things

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away. Don' t try to
stop the person because you' re going

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to hurt yourself. Or you'
re gonna hurt the person in case he

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' s gonna end up tired and
then fighting with you, because it'

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s not gonna be anything nice.
Totally one of the things that normally worries.

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I say um beyond that, then, stopping the person so that when

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they fall off, I don'
t know a major blow. Uh,

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it' s got to do with
this MMM language thing. Look at the

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tongue in different situations can be e. We know our tongues speak now,

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imagine yourself in a state of low
consciousness, low with science, I speak

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asleep, I speak of someone in
a state of drunkenness or with substances or

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in a case of epilepsy or convulsions
like the ones we are talking about,

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then the tongue is to be soft, you can go back and it can

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make breathing difficult for you. What
is recommended If the person is already lying

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down, he or she is having
his or her seizure in a chair,

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on the floor, in some space, lay him or her well that he

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or she does not hit, that
he or she does not fall and turn

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him or her from the side.
Okay, so my head is looking sideways

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at the ground and tongue by weight
and gravity falls not outward or not backward,

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where you can worship. Just like
that. With that, we already

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have enough caution. If you don' t already know that you have your

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patient, you' re a wanted
follow- up epilepsy, you probably already

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have some knowledge about it. If
they are surprised because they have a neighbor,

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a student, someone on the street, some laborer gives him an attack

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and they have no knowledge, do
not enter fear, keep calm and follow

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him. If you didn' t
know you had epilepsy and all of a

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sudden it gives you a seizure,
because the first time we say it'

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s right, no, eventually we' ll have to go to doctor ok

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ok what' s common in terms
of duration. I say to you it

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becomes eternal, not when you'
re seeing it, but that a person

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doesn' t have to do anything, he has to wait for it to

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happen alone, as you' re
telling us. But the common thing in

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a lifetime of an epileptic seizure looks
will be a matter of minutes, of

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course, five minutes up we'
re already talking about something more serious than

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something five minutes down, which then
we' ll have to call a medical

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service at that moment. So it
is, or in any way, the

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continuing medical stress is important. Yes, I insist, I tell you first

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aid. No yes, when you' re not a doctor, when you

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have no knowledge about it and you' re surprised what you' re going

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to do. But eventually the doctor, the person who follows him, we

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have to go. It' s
not something that solves itself. Uh,

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then in a row they say it
won' t go away, you don

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' t see the doctor. Please. Ok and if you have any doubts,

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ask me search Facebook, find me
on Instagram. We' re with

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chis scha. You' ve got
first aid. Send me a whats The

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00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:26.279
number is fifty- five, fifty- one, four, fifty- nine,

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00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:32.039
eighty- five so they can search
for me and because we have a

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website, we have mail. Gaby
Ponte, Chispa Roba gmail com. All

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your doubts comments are welcome. Perfect, perfect. Thank you very much,

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Gaby, and I' ll see
you on Thursday, which comes in a

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hug and good benefit to everyone.
My daughter is eighteen years old. He

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' s studying the second semester of
a degree in psychology. Just in the

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week he talked to my husband and
it came to me with the news that

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he had sex for the first time
with a boy. I know it was

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his first time. It' s
a girl. We' re going out

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to parties. Don' t you
have vices from school to the house?

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From house to school? He has
very little friends. She' s a

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good girl, I consider myself well
front page, educated, but she did

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leave me when she talked to us
half, as well as a cold in

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the body that I didn' t
know what to do. The only thing

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your dad and I did was talk
to her and give her some advice on

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what I' m not gonna know. I don' t know what consequences

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this has to have. If you
give her a punishment, what else to

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tell her how to act with her. This kid' s a short one

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or two months old who knows him. He' s not even her boyfriend.

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He simply invited him out of school
to eat and from there he insisted

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on taking her to a Motel he
insisted and insisted and she felt pressured,

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she tells me and agreed. I
feel in her that her first time had

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to be something special. To my
point of view. Right, so I

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don' t know what to do, I don' t know how to

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act. Doctor, she sometimes feels
sad, sometimes as if nothing had happened,

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but me and her dad feel sad, frustrated. We don' t

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know how to act if it'
s a punishment, what consequences it has

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to have. This obviously lost confidence, but we don' t know,

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Doctor, we don' t know
how acter needs advice. Doctor. Without

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a doubt, it is inevitable that
parents will have an emotional reaction to a

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situation of this nature. However,
this is not punished. This is important

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for everything around what your daughter told
them. First he congratulated them because they

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must have a very good relationship with
this daughter, that this daughter knows an

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experience of this nature. I could
talk to you about it. All in,

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they have a very good basis of
relationship and dynamics. Secondly, and

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I repeat, we do not punish
these behaviors, because sexuality should not be

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punished. I think that here the
issue goes more on the side of how

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we focus on it so that this
experience, since it happened, is educational

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for her and don' t feel
that from here she is already evicted,

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because as she already had sex for
the first time, then already we have

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nothing to do about it anymore than
to get angry, scold her or see

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what happens. She started her active
sex life. Yes, but I think

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the important part here is not something
he did to you, not something he

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presented as a behavior of disobedience against
you. He didn' t make it

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to you He had an experience that' s not ideal. But eye is

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not necessarily the ideal, because she
has already had sex and is not married.

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Or I don' t know what
the rules you wanted to institute would

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be, but it' s not
the desirable one, because she reacted to

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the pressure, because she herself recognized
that she felt pressured by this guy'

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s insistence, and that' s
what does matter. From this, what

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she wants for her life, how
she wants to live her sexual experiences,

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what happened, what doubts were raised. Because, ironically and this is something

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that I always repeat before I had
a first sexual relationship, what we can

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have about sexuality is curiosity, specifically
about sex. But when you' ve

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had sex, that' s when
the doubts really arise and then, rather

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than thinking about what they' re
going to punish you, what they'

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re going to restrict you, because
that' s not the point. I

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think we need to talk to her
about how she makes decisions and why she

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can make such a meaningful decision in
the face of pressure. What I wanted.

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He liked to feel wanted and then
he thought that if the boy liked

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it, if I said no,
the boy would no longer look for what,

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what happened through his head. That' s what matters. And,

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on the other hand, well,
you have to go to the gynecologist who

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asks all the questions she needs and
considers about this, because sexuality is a

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personal decision and the last thing anyone
needs is to feel that, as I

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decided to have sex, I failed
my parents. That' s the last

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concern and concern in your daughter'
s head. So talk about it,

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you solve it, what moved you
and what you are questioning yourself. But

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here what matters is to be a
good companion around this process that your daughter

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lived and remove in case there is
in her head this myth of whether she

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already had sex with this one.
Then every time she goes out with someone

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she' s going to have sex
and then she' s going to become

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a girl who has a disorganized sexuality. Because it' s not like that.

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It is not, and we must
be able to accompany it in this

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process. I have a very important
question. I have a son almost forty

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and a failed marriage with infidelities and
physical and verbal violence from both sides.

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He is currently married to two girls
and has again had problems. But I

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saw information about the condition of a
narcissist and was very concerned about which specialist

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can diagnose this disorder and whether there
is treatment. Please, I' m

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listening to your schedule from Monday to
Friday. Today. Well, I thank

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00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:37.839
you infinitely and notice that it'
s a subject. Narcissism is a topic,

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but it is a topic not,
because clearly they will say chayo to

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me, because everything is a subject. This is, in fact, all

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a subject. But I mean that
he is a subject because today he has

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become almost a fashion that people,
in the face of any act they consider

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selfish or someone smug already say is
narcissistic. And it' s not like

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that. Narcissism is a personality disorder
that has a whole series of symptoms,

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a whole series of signals that must
be gathered together to say that someone is

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narcissistic. And here comes the case
something very important. It' s one

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thing to have a disorder, and
it' s another thing to have traits.

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If I told you here all the
personality disorders that exist and the symptoms

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of each of those disorders, you
would all end up identifying with some part

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of the different disorders and then you
would say that barbarity. Then what happens

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to me, I have all the
disorders. We cannot have personality traits that

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are included in the symptoms of a
personality disorder, but not have the disorder.

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And that happens a little bit now. With narcissism it is spoken so

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much that it has already become part
of people' s vocabulary and then they

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pass it on. It' s
not that I was married to a narcissist,

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it' s that and where you
got that, because narcissism is a

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diagnosis that a psychiatrist has to make, and based on that, then you

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can know that the person is narcissistic
and from there, if the person wants

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a treatment. Narcissism is a series
of personality qualities that include having a very

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high image of oneself, needing admiration, believing that others are inferior, and

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not having empathy for others. So
this is like a summary, but yes,

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they say oh my partner, my
son, my aunt, my brother.

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00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:12.400
There' s, yeah, that
description suits you. Don' t

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00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:19.160
wait for me. There have to
be difficulties in interpersonal interaction, because these

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characteristics could be attributed to many people, but not necessarily as symptoms that give

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rise to a difficulty in human interaction, which generates a problem in the different

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areas of life, as for then
to think that there is a diagnosis as

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such. So to your specific question
of who diagnoses him and if there is

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treatment, a psychiatrist diagnoses him and
the person has to want to go for

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pleasure to see what is happening with
his life and from there, see if

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he requires or does not require help. Normally the person has to present difficulties

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at work or in personal relationships and
in that sense there are, therefore,

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many causes, many circumstances that could
give rise to this. And in that

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sense, although it is a mental
health illness they need and it is possible

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that these people have problems in many
areas of their life, because, behind

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that mask of absolute self- confidence, they are not sure of themselves and

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00:30:41.880 --> 00:30:47.880
react easily to the slightest criticism.
They cause many problems in many areas of

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life. Nothing else is that he
has not been able to maintain a couple

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00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:53.759
relationship. Don' t wait for
me. There are many reasons why a

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couple relationship cannot occur. There needs
to be problems in interpersonal relationships, at

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00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:06.039
work if they go to school,
because in school in financial matters at last

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00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:11.920
and they feel unhappy and disappointed when
things don' t go as they like,

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00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:18.599
but in a consistent way, then
abused because you' re asking me

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about a forty- year- old
son, about a former partner who'

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00:31:25.160 --> 00:31:30.680
s having problems again in his relationship. Well, there' s not necessarily

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00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:37.359
narcissism, but also, given the
age, let' s say the problem

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isn' t yours. In any
case, you could advise, hey.

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If you' re not well and
things aren' t working out, why

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don' t you pay a little
visit to a psychiatrist, no, and

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that person will see if he does
or doesn' t. But nothing better.

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I say goodbye for today remember that
we' re going to have a

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00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:07.799
series of special programs from Tuesday to
Tuesday surrounding the 8th of March, a

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00:32:07.839 --> 00:32:14.759
series of programs that are worth listening
to because we' re going to have

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forensic psychologist, we' re going
to have Eduardo Calixto talking about what'

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00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:21.799
s going on in the brain in
the face of violence. We will talk

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00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:27.440
to three different generations, also about
women, and how they have experienced the

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00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:34.279
issue of violence with change in different
ages. We' re going to have

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one of the authors of not everyday
micromachisms. We' re going to have

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our trusted gynaecologist speak also based on
women, and we' re going to

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have a super special program with someone
who' s lived very closely to the

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seeking mothers. That' s right, that they are pending, because we

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expect very interesting programs next week and
you have to taste them end in February

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00:33:07.160 --> 00:33:13.839
in the best way possible. Until
then. Audio Centre