The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here welcome. This is
it, Chayo with you in jewel. We started him very good afternoon with
that comment of eating rich even opened my appetite. If you' re eating
very good profit. We have a program that' s gonna have everything.
We have cases that do me a favor. You sue, either in writing,
or through audio. So there' s going to be for everyone to
stay and let' s go straight. I decided to expose my situation to
you. I will be acting wrong when it is annoying for me to have
to attend the same meeting, where my husband' s son' s mother
will be present, When apparently, my in- laws and even my husband
do not see any problem, but for me I am uncomfortable with the presence
of that person, since from the eight years that his son had, that
woman gave it to my husband and she did not take care of his son.
And now that the son already has a family and he, a young
son, invites his mother to his meetings, Ask me how I can handle
that situation. I don' t want to attend the party my husband'
s son will be having this time and will invite his mother in advance.
I appreciate that you can orient me look. One of the great situations when
one marries a person or formalizes a relationship with a person who already has children
is to assume that we are going to have to deal with everything that happens
around that child' s experience, because the child is this non- optional
alternative that parents must adopt responsibly. Whatever happens to our personal life, that
is, if I continue with the mother couple of the child, well,
go ahead, because life becomes a little simpler. But if for some reason
a change in personal life is defined, because, as I have said many
times, children are no reason for you to stay in a couple relationship,
it has to be the couple and it has to be you to decide to
stay in a couple relationship. Otherwise, you leave, but there are going
to be situations throughout life that are going to change and they are going to
adjust sometimes within the same relationship with the former partner at first to the best,
the conflict is all that gives and then they are going to have to
go learning, to cope and to live together. And in addition, the
child, who is in a growing process, is going to go through different
stages in his life, which are going to re- accommodate him in front
of his parents at different times. And, therefore, none of that child
' s parents have to condition or determine the child. Ah no, if
in your teens you had crises with respect to any of the father or mother
figures, then you have to stay. All life does not work that way,
children are in a life process of change and can be determining different things
in the face of how they accommodate and how they mature. Even in life
situations related to parents. So, without a doubt, nothing else is I
have to relate to that son of the couple I decided to make life with.
I' m going to have some kind of role sometimes, I'
m going to even have to play roles that she didn' t do,
like in your case the mom. And all of a sudden, it turns
out there' s a reconciliation, a realignment, a realignment, and that
son has every right in the world to invite his mom to whatever she wants.
And you would then have to check what happens to you, because you
can have your opinion about it and it is very valid and can generate you,
as it generates discomforts and discomfort. But if you consider that you don
' t have to go to the party this boy is going to be,
because you don' t agree with the decision he made. Actually, the
problem is yours, not theirs, and you' re going to generate a
conflict at the family level, because being sorry is normal, but what do
you do with what you feel? That changes and there you do, you
have to show the maturity of recognizing that that woman is the mother and that
she does not take anything from you depending on what you represent this man and
by this man I mean this son of your husband and your husband and of
course they are right and it seems mature that both the in- laws as
your current partner say. We don' t have a problem with her going.
It' s that boy' s mom. And here it' s
funny because suddenly it seems even socially that there' s a certain permission and
I say it carefully and in quotation so that the dad is the one who
is not part of the child' s daily life when it separates who is
the one who leaves the house. But when this determination is the other way
around and it' s the mother who says the son lives with you,
I don' t know if he was seeing it or not, but the
son lives with you and I' m the peripheral. How hard we are
against women when, for some reason, they made that determination. We still
have the social idea that the woman is the one who has to stay there
full- time, permanent, available and the dad can get out, no,
he can come and go and nothing else happens. So I think in
him you need to review what your concepts are about but if this son is
reconciling with this mom if it ever caused him conflict. Hey, and this
mom' s gonna be a presence today in this kid' s life and
she' s gonna do her best. I don' t know. I
' m speculating to repair, to rebuild the relationship, to want if she
wasn' t a good mother, to be a good grandmother. There'
s every right in the world because it does, and you have to take
into account that if you adopt conflicting behavior about it, you can end up
paying the prices you regret. I suggest you go, work what moves you
and, in addition to everything, have the appropriate maturity at the event so
you don' t generate gross tensions, charge it and so on. You
' re free to decide if you don' t go, but there'
s no right to make this man not invite his mom to what he wants
to invite her because he wants to make her participate. That' s right,
that evaluates what this can bring you. So, before you make a
decision, just because your instinct moves you. Please, I need to know
what I can do for my niece is thirteen. This happens at home.
The mother is stuck, says she in the cabal and claims to be Jewish
now. Her mom' s holding on to taking her to an unconventional school.
Also, not affiliated with the Sep to be taught Judaism. As I
don' t understand it, they give them subjects in such a way that
they then apply an exam and in this way validate in knowledge. Her sister
a year older, anyway, takes her. But my niece, for which
I am writing to you, is not very late. As a result,
her mother is always being treated by her servant, not by cell phones,
not by television, not by buying anything new, not by clothes or toys.
Their sister, on the other hand, is filled with gifts and not
asked for something to do. The mom' s the one who sticks and
says really bad things and dad doesn' t say anything. Totally run by
his wife. My mom has told her to leave it to her, that
where she lives there are many normal schools and that the way school is not
for my niece to try. But they said no, because my mom professes
another religion and the mom doesn' t want to be taught anything else.
Time passes and this situation is getting worse every day. I told my brother
today that this was physical and emotional abuse, that it was not worth destroying
the child' s self- esteem, so that love and passion must prevail
in dealing with children, that this school system is not for my niece and
they could not have her punished for life, that if they could not give
it to me, he would take responsibility for the economic part and I would
take her to school and help her with her subjects that no one in my
house will impose on her a religion, which I consider a very particular matter.
What I can do can bring a complaint of abuse and violence to a
child son It is a very delicate subject. I think that, to the
extent that you' re critical, you' re just going to put them
on the defensive and, far from helping your niece at best, you'
re going to make things more difficult and you' re going to generate things
towards the girl, because often it gets more angry, because of course you
' re already going to tell the aunt that you don' t understand.
Anyway, you have to learn by respecting what they are doing and what you
can do is be close to your niece, be affectionate to your niece and
tell your brother to your sister- in- law no more than once or
twice hear just reconsider the treatment they' re giving her, because she'
s probably having difficulty learning and I' ll probably even dare to think if
she' s having any learning problems, I' d have it also in
the schools you call normal. I understand your concern for your niece, but
without a doubt the way we can support, suggest, recommend always has to
start from the basis that we respect the decisions they have. If the mother
is changing her religion, if she wants the daughters to learn that other religion
and your brother is not opposing it, do not create situations in which the
only thing that will happen is that they distance your nieces from you, because
you are not being respectful. Yes, there is no doubt that we must
accompany ourselves and we must be able to hear water. With this, you
may be having a learning problem because they don' t value and evaluate it
to know what it is that is costing you work, because otherwise the punishments
are clearly not serving. And then, if the punishments aren' t serving,
it' s that out there I don' t drink the matter,
but always respecting. And I' m telling you because, just as your
message is written, the derogatory way you talk about her and Dad, who
is actually your brother, you' re being disrespectful. If they' re
feeling that, the only thing that' s going to end up happening is
that they' re going to distance themselves as a family from you. And
so, yes, your nieces, both of you are not going to end
up enjoying the whole source of affection that everyone implies. Your mom already took
part and they already told her that you' re not upset and you already
told your brother. And yet, they, like dads, are making the
decisions they have to make or think are the right ones. So I think
if you change your strategy you' re going to be more listened to,
so you count things aren' t for a lawsuit, but yes, so
they learn that things have to work differently and that, maybe there would be
other methods that would work better. So, Aguas, we have our dear
Gaby here now more than ready or my dear Gaby' s inetry that gives
us February. Yes, today is the pylon of February 29th of February.
It' s good luck, by the way, uh, yeah, yeah,
I like it, I like it, I like it. So convulsions,
Gaby, convulsions hear what this convulsions is about, especially because there are
all kinds of convulsions. Right. I used to think that there was one
that was the shaking of the whole body, but there I learned that in
time, that is not true, that is correct, notice that now in
class I was talking some historical gossip to the students. And so we just
talked about how he has evolved into medicine and he and the convulsions were originally
seen as demonic possessions. Blessed to God that today we already see it from
the medical perspective and you can intervene instead of leaving it there that the poor
little boy has already got the chamuco. How we' re gaining knowledge.
Not so and you who are at home, for I warn you of a
convulsion. It can be very impressive, but there are different types. The
root is something in our brain. The brain is a wonderful organ and it
works like a microchip with electric current, but it is organized, I speak,
I raise my hand, I walk, I dance, all that is
organized information in my brain. But if something disorganizes, if something fails,
then uh all this information can lead us to move out of control of the
body. That' s gonna be a seizure. We don' t understand,
we don' t know, there' s no record, we get
scared and we blame it on the chamuco. But if we' re already
getting it in a different way, let' s get things straight. He
has attention if number one we are going to put a comfortable space to the
person who is suffering from the seizure. Let' s move things away from
metal glass corners that could hurt him and let him live in peace. His
seizure. Please don' t, especially when it' s widespread. Don
' t mean it. Sometimes it' s a hand, it' s
a hand that turns, takes it off, or it' s a leg.
No, but if we see a generalized convulsion where the whole body shakes
violently, I insist, it can be shocking, but breathe, move things
away. Don' t try to stop the person because you' re going
to hurt yourself. Or you' re gonna hurt the person in case he
' s gonna end up tired and then fighting with you, because it'
s not gonna be anything nice. Totally one of the things that normally worries.
I say um beyond that, then, stopping the person so that when
they fall off, I don' t know a major blow. Uh,
it' s got to do with this MMM language thing. Look at the
tongue in different situations can be e. We know our tongues speak now,
imagine yourself in a state of low consciousness, low with science, I speak
asleep, I speak of someone in a state of drunkenness or with substances or
in a case of epilepsy or convulsions like the ones we are talking about,
then the tongue is to be soft, you can go back and it can
make breathing difficult for you. What is recommended If the person is already lying
down, he or she is having his or her seizure in a chair,
on the floor, in some space, lay him or her well that he
or she does not hit, that he or she does not fall and turn
him or her from the side. Okay, so my head is looking sideways
at the ground and tongue by weight and gravity falls not outward or not backward,
where you can worship. Just like that. With that, we already
have enough caution. If you don' t already know that you have your
patient, you' re a wanted follow- up epilepsy, you probably already
have some knowledge about it. If they are surprised because they have a neighbor,
a student, someone on the street, some laborer gives him an attack
and they have no knowledge, do not enter fear, keep calm and follow
him. If you didn' t know you had epilepsy and all of a
sudden it gives you a seizure, because the first time we say it'
s right, no, eventually we' ll have to go to doctor ok
ok what' s common in terms of duration. I say to you it
becomes eternal, not when you' re seeing it, but that a person
doesn' t have to do anything, he has to wait for it to
happen alone, as you' re telling us. But the common thing in
a lifetime of an epileptic seizure looks will be a matter of minutes, of
course, five minutes up we' re already talking about something more serious than
something five minutes down, which then we' ll have to call a medical
service at that moment. So it is, or in any way, the
continuing medical stress is important. Yes, I insist, I tell you first
aid. No yes, when you' re not a doctor, when you
have no knowledge about it and you' re surprised what you' re going
to do. But eventually the doctor, the person who follows him, we
have to go. It' s not something that solves itself. Uh,
then in a row they say it won' t go away, you don
' t see the doctor. Please. Ok and if you have any doubts,
ask me search Facebook, find me on Instagram. We' re with
chis scha. You' ve got first aid. Send me a whats The
number is fifty- five, fifty- one, four, fifty- nine,
eighty- five so they can search for me and because we have a
website, we have mail. Gaby Ponte, Chispa Roba gmail com. All
your doubts comments are welcome. Perfect, perfect. Thank you very much,
Gaby, and I' ll see you on Thursday, which comes in a
hug and good benefit to everyone. My daughter is eighteen years old. He
' s studying the second semester of a degree in psychology. Just in the
week he talked to my husband and it came to me with the news that
he had sex for the first time with a boy. I know it was
his first time. It' s a girl. We' re going out
to parties. Don' t you have vices from school to the house?
From house to school? He has very little friends. She' s a
good girl, I consider myself well front page, educated, but she did
leave me when she talked to us half, as well as a cold in
the body that I didn' t know what to do. The only thing
your dad and I did was talk to her and give her some advice on
what I' m not gonna know. I don' t know what consequences
this has to have. If you give her a punishment, what else to
tell her how to act with her. This kid' s a short one
or two months old who knows him. He' s not even her boyfriend.
He simply invited him out of school to eat and from there he insisted
on taking her to a Motel he insisted and insisted and she felt pressured,
she tells me and agreed. I feel in her that her first time had
to be something special. To my point of view. Right, so I
don' t know what to do, I don' t know how to
act. Doctor, she sometimes feels sad, sometimes as if nothing had happened,
but me and her dad feel sad, frustrated. We don' t
know how to act if it' s a punishment, what consequences it has
to have. This obviously lost confidence, but we don' t know,
Doctor, we don' t know how acter needs advice. Doctor. Without
a doubt, it is inevitable that parents will have an emotional reaction to a
situation of this nature. However, this is not punished. This is important
for everything around what your daughter told them. First he congratulated them because they
must have a very good relationship with this daughter, that this daughter knows an
experience of this nature. I could talk to you about it. All in,
they have a very good basis of relationship and dynamics. Secondly, and
I repeat, we do not punish these behaviors, because sexuality should not be
punished. I think that here the issue goes more on the side of how
we focus on it so that this experience, since it happened, is educational
for her and don' t feel that from here she is already evicted,
because as she already had sex for the first time, then already we have
nothing to do about it anymore than to get angry, scold her or see
what happens. She started her active sex life. Yes, but I think
the important part here is not something he did to you, not something he
presented as a behavior of disobedience against you. He didn' t make it
to you He had an experience that' s not ideal. But eye is
not necessarily the ideal, because she has already had sex and is not married.
Or I don' t know what the rules you wanted to institute would
be, but it' s not the desirable one, because she reacted to
the pressure, because she herself recognized that she felt pressured by this guy'
s insistence, and that' s what does matter. From this, what
she wants for her life, how she wants to live her sexual experiences,
what happened, what doubts were raised. Because, ironically and this is something
that I always repeat before I had a first sexual relationship, what we can
have about sexuality is curiosity, specifically about sex. But when you' ve
had sex, that' s when the doubts really arise and then, rather
than thinking about what they' re going to punish you, what they'
re going to restrict you, because that' s not the point. I
think we need to talk to her about how she makes decisions and why she
can make such a meaningful decision in the face of pressure. What I wanted.
He liked to feel wanted and then he thought that if the boy liked
it, if I said no, the boy would no longer look for what,
what happened through his head. That' s what matters. And,
on the other hand, well, you have to go to the gynecologist who
asks all the questions she needs and considers about this, because sexuality is a
personal decision and the last thing anyone needs is to feel that, as I
decided to have sex, I failed my parents. That' s the last
concern and concern in your daughter' s head. So talk about it,
you solve it, what moved you and what you are questioning yourself. But
here what matters is to be a good companion around this process that your daughter
lived and remove in case there is in her head this myth of whether she
already had sex with this one. Then every time she goes out with someone
she' s going to have sex and then she' s going to become
a girl who has a disorganized sexuality. Because it' s not like that.
It is not, and we must be able to accompany it in this
process. I have a very important question. I have a son almost forty
and a failed marriage with infidelities and physical and verbal violence from both sides.
He is currently married to two girls and has again had problems. But I
saw information about the condition of a narcissist and was very concerned about which specialist
can diagnose this disorder and whether there is treatment. Please, I' m
listening to your schedule from Monday to Friday. Today. Well, I thank
you infinitely and notice that it' s a subject. Narcissism is a topic,
but it is a topic not, because clearly they will say chayo to
me, because everything is a subject. This is, in fact, all
a subject. But I mean that he is a subject because today he has
become almost a fashion that people, in the face of any act they consider
selfish or someone smug already say is narcissistic. And it' s not like
that. Narcissism is a personality disorder that has a whole series of symptoms,
a whole series of signals that must be gathered together to say that someone is
narcissistic. And here comes the case something very important. It' s one
thing to have a disorder, and it' s another thing to have traits.
If I told you here all the personality disorders that exist and the symptoms
of each of those disorders, you would all end up identifying with some part
of the different disorders and then you would say that barbarity. Then what happens
to me, I have all the disorders. We cannot have personality traits that
are included in the symptoms of a personality disorder, but not have the disorder.
And that happens a little bit now. With narcissism it is spoken so
much that it has already become part of people' s vocabulary and then they
pass it on. It' s not that I was married to a narcissist,
it' s that and where you got that, because narcissism is a
diagnosis that a psychiatrist has to make, and based on that, then you
can know that the person is narcissistic and from there, if the person wants
a treatment. Narcissism is a series of personality qualities that include having a very
high image of oneself, needing admiration, believing that others are inferior, and
not having empathy for others. So this is like a summary, but yes,
they say oh my partner, my son, my aunt, my brother.
There' s, yeah, that description suits you. Don' t
wait for me. There have to be difficulties in interpersonal interaction, because these
characteristics could be attributed to many people, but not necessarily as symptoms that give
rise to a difficulty in human interaction, which generates a problem in the different
areas of life, as for then to think that there is a diagnosis as
such. So to your specific question of who diagnoses him and if there is
treatment, a psychiatrist diagnoses him and the person has to want to go for
pleasure to see what is happening with his life and from there, see if
he requires or does not require help. Normally the person has to present difficulties
at work or in personal relationships and in that sense there are, therefore,
many causes, many circumstances that could give rise to this. And in that
sense, although it is a mental health illness they need and it is possible
that these people have problems in many areas of their life, because, behind
that mask of absolute self- confidence, they are not sure of themselves and
react easily to the slightest criticism. They cause many problems in many areas of
life. Nothing else is that he has not been able to maintain a couple
relationship. Don' t wait for me. There are many reasons why a
couple relationship cannot occur. There needs to be problems in interpersonal relationships, at
work if they go to school, because in school in financial matters at last
and they feel unhappy and disappointed when things don' t go as they like,
but in a consistent way, then abused because you' re asking me
about a forty- year- old son, about a former partner who'
s having problems again in his relationship. Well, there' s not necessarily
narcissism, but also, given the age, let' s say the problem
isn' t yours. In any case, you could advise, hey.
If you' re not well and things aren' t working out, why
don' t you pay a little visit to a psychiatrist, no, and
that person will see if he does or doesn' t. But nothing better.
I say goodbye for today remember that we' re going to have a
series of special programs from Tuesday to Tuesday surrounding the 8th of March, a
series of programs that are worth listening to because we' re going to have
forensic psychologist, we' re going to have Eduardo Calixto talking about what'
s going on in the brain in the face of violence. We will talk
to three different generations, also about women, and how they have experienced the
issue of violence with change in different ages. We' re going to have
one of the authors of not everyday micromachisms. We' re going to have
our trusted gynaecologist speak also based on women, and we' re going to
have a super special program with someone who' s lived very closely to the
seeking mothers. That' s right, that they are pending, because we
expect very interesting programs next week and you have to taste them end in February
in the best way possible. Until then. Audio Centre