Molly, will you come out and play you smile day? And this is
Molly May a bad pas pod another nice stuff with me, Molly me yeah,
hair, it's Molly Wally balls and weans. Today is gonna be like
a little a little story time. I will cry, which is normal,
um, and that's cute for us, but for starters. What I can't
take off this week? So I have my period. And I bet that
you know that I was gonna say that I ain't fucking like I don't know
why having your period in the summer is harder. It is. I mean,
I guess now that I think of it, I can name like three
reasons off the top of my head why having your period in the summer's harder.
There's swimsuits and shorts and like gentle linen fabrics and you know whatever.
Anyway, I'm not the woman that's like, my period is lovely and beautiful.
You've been on this ride, you know. My period is a temperamental
little bitch. It's probably my fault the way that I talked to her.
I should respect her more. And yeah, she's given me a lot of
trouble in the past, but I've really fallen in love with Nick's Underwear k
n i X is the brand. This is not an ad. Why when
we just caught my phrasing. When I get an ad, you fuckers are
gonna know because I'm gonna turn that ad voice up so hard. I want
to be like, Hi, have you ever tried this brand? It's great
for this And then back to the show. So the brand is NIXT.
Their their period underwear, and um, I like to wear them as a
backup, but I also like them so much that I wear them when I
don't have my period. And they're just like an extra crotch padding that you
wash, so it's easy crotch padding. I learned recently that Johnny hates the
word crutch. I'm so Johnny. I'm so sorry. They have extra padding
and the um, the gusset, I can't. I can't handle the gusset.
It's the crotch. I'll get you a case of bush Light for enduring
all the crotch. UM, love you so much. Um. But these
underwear come in a variety of cuts, and they fit my but and my
bell. You know, oftentimes when I buy underwear, the fit doesn't take
into account the folds of my bell, and I just I really love these
guys, and you know, they keep my sheets clean at night. Really,
they're good. My song of the week, so I was positive that
this was going to be me and Johnny's new karaoke duet jam, you know,
like when it's all clean and nice and safe to go out into the
world and karaoke again. Like I can't imagine going somewhere right now and doing
karaoke and feeling comfortable sharing a mic. Sorry if that triggered anyone dreaming.
I think that for me personally, if I go and do karaoke, I'll
have to bring my own Can I connect to the bluetooth to sing Little River
Bands? Lady? That's the song of the week. And so I was
really excited about the song and I shared it with my sister and I was
like, oh, listen to this. You know this song. This is
me and Johnny's new karaoke duet. She's like, Molly, what the fuck?
No crowd killer, No, just like that, And she's right,
She's absolutely right, it's you know it, just it hits different when you're
sitting in the car. Thank fucking God for sisters being in front of a
fucking crowd asking to plug in my You don't plug in your bluetooth, but
you understand. So I could sing this crowd killer awful. I really gotta
go on a good sister. I got a good one. Um. So
yeah, lady, a little riverband. Don't sing it karaoke, but try
it in the car maybe sometime. What brought me joy this week? God,
okay, this week I the honor of modeling Dallas. DAWs is inclusive
sizing line. And it was awesome. And it was the first time that
I modeled, um, like extensively, like a lot of pieces of clothes,
like a lot. That's what that's what they call it, a fucking
line. Um. And it was awesome, and it, you know,
a bummer to have to do it in pandy Land, um, because my
favorite thing about shoots is hair and makeup and high fives. Um. But
this was, you know, a lovely pivot that she made. And I
was like, hell yeah, I'll do my own hair. I haven't done
it in six months, but I'll fucking yeah, I'll put a beach wave
in it for you. Hell yeah. And I just I really do love
her line. Um. Everything that she makes is so meticulously detailed. At
the same time. It's like so simple, like she makes it look so
fucking easy, and she uses what to me I consider like pure like fucking
luxury fabrics, but like you can also wash and dry every piece in her
line, and it's just wild to me. She has like a silk flowy
dress, cammis fucking buttonups, like she makes her own fucking buttonups. They're
just so good, pleated pants. She made a trench She made a trench
coat. But I really think my favorites of all of it are the linen
pieces. So she made a pair of shorts, Like I squealed when I
first put these on. I haven't worn shorts in foever, And I clapped
my hand like a little tiny baby, like I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing
shorts, real good linen shorts. Who knew I needed those. Her latest
line is called Tear and it's launching end of the summer, and I'm so
fucking excited for her. We started working together like over a year ago,
and it just started with she just basically like interviewed me on what I like
out of a wardrobe and how as a fat woman, I want my clothes
to fit. And we regularly regularly cool. We regularly met up after that
and I tried it on her pinned patterns out of muslin, and then this
weekend we shot the entire fucking line and I'm just like to see it from
concept to finish and to be a part of that process. Oh so rad
and I'm just so proud of her. It's so magical, it's sustainable,
it's ethical. I just feel like I feel that there's like this momentum happening
right. Like we've talked about how hard it is to shop small and local
and sustainable as fat women, and I'm witnessing the shift around me. People
want to make clothes that fit people, and I'm excited that it's happening.
I'm ecstatic to be a part of it. And if you're a designer that
happens to be listening to this, I'm super fucking excited to offer my services,
Like, let's keep this momentum going. So to Dallas DAWs, thank
you to Ripley Radar, thank you to wild All's Swim, thank you.
I'm excited to watch your continued success, and I'm excited to rattle off a
shit ton more names to that list. So, without further ado story time.
This is one of the reasons that kind of those my three favorite things
of the week are so important to me because it kind of I'd strive hard
to be a positive person, right and when I can center myselves in these
moments of gratitude and remembering why I'm here and why I'm sharing my voice,
it's it's a nice reminder that it's not all shit, and it it gives
me confidence. And that's you know, kind of what I talk about my
tool belt of gratitudes a lot, and that those three things at the beginning
of each episode, especially when I'm gonna talk about real hard shit, are
a lovely little practice not only of routine, but centering myself in gratitude.
So I was just going to start into the story time and even after you
know, sharing those three things of the week, I already feel more fortified
that I can deliver what I'm about to say without you know, just like
jumping right in. Like I said today, it's going to be hard and
I'm gonna cry, Yeah, so let's do it. Reminder to do your
gratitudes because they make you feel nice. So Storytime, I have put off
this episode for a year. I have tried to shuck it from my psyche
and I have tried to be above it. But if I've learned anything through
therapy is that I have to go through it to heal. I pretend to
stuff my emotions, I stuff my feelings, I stuff my voice, and
then you know, I could go back and revisited decades later. So here
we are, why not do it here with you? Last year, I
was just so fucking honored to be interviewed and photographed for a prestigious Minnesota publication
alongside other women in the body positivity and fat liberation space, women who are
making moves and changing the game in inclusivity for all bodies. It was also
the first write up and public acknowledgment of the podcast, so like, yeah,
it's fucking psyched, Like people listen to this, what the fuck?
And there was also you know, a legit like in studio photoshoot and you
know how hard we love that. The article was gorgeous. It was a
celebration of our community as well as a bonass highlight of the small businesses that
are true fucking crusaders for fat bodies in Minesota. It was awesome. It
was really fucking awesome, and then I read the comments. I was tagged
on Facebook by a past coworker who was hyped and was just like, oh
my god, Molly, it's you. And it was the first moment that
I had seen it shared on Facebook. Got fuck Facebook? What is it
about Facebook that just lets people act like losers? We'll get there, um,
Thank god I was already in the bathtub because there were comments, comments
that like hit the whole body, comments like so you remember in middle school
that feeling that you would feel in your whole body right before you are we're
gonna get in a fight with your best friend, like either you found out
she said something about you, or back and forth x y Z and it's
like your first moment of confrontation. I fucking hated that feeling. Or like
in high school when you learned there you know, was an embarrassing rumor going
around about you and you just like it's your whole body, or the feeling
of like right before you almost get into a car accident but you don't and
then it like radiates down into your heels. That was this, That was
this feeling, and it just kept rolling. It has taken me a year
to share this experience because these people made me feel ashamed. They took my
light. This article features photographs of fat, smiling, happy women sharing about
the joys of their life, and people on the internet didn't see that.
And what fucking kills me is like, especially on Facebook, I can see
the faces and the names of these comments, and I'm gonna it's important to
the story that I share the specifics of these comments. And this is not
to cause hurt or pain, but this is to educate on two sides of
this. It is to educate the perpetrators of these comments or like minded humans
of these comments to a moment of empathy, hopefully, And it is also
a moment of hopefully education for a fat women who hear these comments daily to
know that you're not alone and the feelings that you feel are valid, and
I fucking I feel you, and you don't need to let people dim your
light because of their insecurities. Some of these comments are as follows this verbatim
that looks so unhealthy. Lol. You can run, but you can't hide.
Obesity is suicide. Obesity is a killer, no matter how much positivity
we give it. Nature isn't woke. Lord, spare us the sight of
this celebration of unhealthy dysfunction disgusting. Another reason this state is an embarrassment.
Doctors have coined a name for that diabesity. Death by diabetes is a slow
and painful one over a many year period. They are killing themselves and you're
encouraging them. This is one of the reasons I'm against universal healthcare. What
a weird euphemism for denial, nasty, not fooling anyone. They are miserable
and more more from doctors, more from women, more from fucking men who
don't know me, who don't know us. And the reason it's important for
me to share some of those comments is if you listen to this pod,
you do know me, you do know the fat community, You have fat
women in your life, and these comments are real, and they fucking cut
to read that I am dying a slow and painful death. To read that
I'm to blame, that some fucking dude's medical premiums are high, to read
that my self worth is zero and that my self respect is fake, that's
real fucking shit. For these people to take a fucking glance at my photo.
Oh my god, it was such a good photo as wearing a swimsuit
as an outfit, like, of course, of course I was, but
for people to glance at this photo and deduce me as such a fucking problem
in their lives. When this article was centered around how fat people are creating
joy and acceptance, was like getting a brick fucking thrown at my guts and
before I get just like completely negative. And of course also know that there
were some real deal angels going in and fighting these trolls with you know,
health at every size facts and just fucking bless them, look for the helpers.
I stayed out of that. I stayed out of responding. That's for
the real strong like Chrissy Teague in types. Afraid of what would happen if
I stuck up for myself. There was like a an invisible wall because my
photo was there, but I hadn't yet participated. I hadn't yet made myself
available to them, but I did because I was there, because I was
reading it. I was afraid of what would happen if I stuck up for
myself. I turned to my buddies. You know, I have a group
of girlfriends that you know, did exactly what I needed and started dishing shit
and like, well, this is on Facebook. I can see exactly who
these people are also well, being like you keep fucking going and reading this
shit made me want to hide. I was completely dimmed for weeks. I
wanted to stop. I wanted to not post on Instagram. I was like,
maybe I shouldn't do the spot. Maybe I'm a fake. And this
was my old wiring coming back into play, like these comments had reminded my
old demons of like, well, what voice does she have? Her worth
is null, She's just fat, she's gross. Who gives a fuck.
And then my thoughts went to, well, I have a podcast, so
I'm inviting myself to this criticism. No I'm not. Because there is a
discourse on the Internet does not mean you get to throw the fucking rule book
out of human decency. I want Jim and Leah and Corey and doctor Blenn
and the rest of these fucking losers to hear this. No, I am
human, I am fat. I have good days and I have bad days.
I don't hate my body. I also don't totally love it. Yet
thanks for fucking sending me back ten paces. My existence offends you, and
your hate offends me. And this is where I need to leave it.
You've been heard, if that's what you wanted. And it's a year later
and I just need to release the comments and that pull of not being enough
out of my heart. It doesn't work anymore. And I'm positive that they
are going to be many more moments like this one, because sticking up for
my body is truly just beginning. It's always been easy for me to not
take up space. I will not be thrown out of consideration, tossed aside,
what fucking belittled for my dress size, and I if you're listening to
this, I won't. I'll try not to let you be belittled either.
And giving you fucking advice now that goes against everything that you've ever heard.
I urge you to read the comments and use your voice, and stand within
the body you love, within the body that you're trying to love, or
even stand beside the bodies that you love, and also know that you don't
have to be fucking strong all the time. Being strong is not a prerequisite
to wearing a swimsuit. So hit me up, you know how to find
me, lean on me. Shitty days are fucking shitty, and we can
troll the haters together I'm Molim and I'm fucking fat. I love you so
much, smoochy, and if you got this far in the pod, I'm
impressed as book and really grateful to have you listening. If you want to
know more information about me or the show, check out the show page on
Matriarch dm dot com, where we host all of the what I Can't Take
off, our progressive Spotify playlist from the songs of the week, and obviously
the reminder of who to follow for the week, all in a nice little
fucking Matriarch Digital Media bow. Theme song is Molly May by Ben Karen Like
I'll never get oversang that so good? Right, Thanks for listening. You're
so cute.