WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:13.960 Molly, will you come out and play you smile day? And this is 2 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:23.519 Molly May a bad pas pod another nice stuff with me, Molly me yeah, 3 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:31.920 hair, it's Molly Wally balls and weans. Today is gonna be like 4 00:00:31.960 --> 00:00:38.280 a little a little story time. I will cry, which is normal, 5 00:00:38.560 --> 00:00:41.600 um, and that's cute for us, but for starters. What I can't 6 00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:48.159 take off this week? So I have my period. And I bet that 7 00:00:48.479 --> 00:00:53.799 you know that I was gonna say that I ain't fucking like I don't know 8 00:00:54.039 --> 00:00:59.679 why having your period in the summer is harder. It is. I mean, 9 00:00:59.719 --> 00:01:03.520 I guess now that I think of it, I can name like three 10 00:01:03.560 --> 00:01:06.719 reasons off the top of my head why having your period in the summer's harder. 11 00:01:06.719 --> 00:01:12.000 There's swimsuits and shorts and like gentle linen fabrics and you know whatever. 12 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:18.040 Anyway, I'm not the woman that's like, my period is lovely and beautiful. 13 00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:21.719 You've been on this ride, you know. My period is a temperamental 14 00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:26.200 little bitch. It's probably my fault the way that I talked to her. 15 00:01:26.519 --> 00:01:30.359 I should respect her more. And yeah, she's given me a lot of 16 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:38.519 trouble in the past, but I've really fallen in love with Nick's Underwear k 17 00:01:38.920 --> 00:01:47.680 n i X is the brand. This is not an ad. Why when 18 00:01:48.920 --> 00:01:53.640 we just caught my phrasing. When I get an ad, you fuckers are 19 00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:59.560 gonna know because I'm gonna turn that ad voice up so hard. I want 20 00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:05.120 to be like, Hi, have you ever tried this brand? It's great 21 00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:08.280 for this And then back to the show. So the brand is NIXT. 22 00:02:09.960 --> 00:02:15.919 Their their period underwear, and um, I like to wear them as a 23 00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:19.360 backup, but I also like them so much that I wear them when I 24 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:25.560 don't have my period. And they're just like an extra crotch padding that you 25 00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:35.479 wash, so it's easy crotch padding. I learned recently that Johnny hates the 26 00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:42.439 word crutch. I'm so Johnny. I'm so sorry. They have extra padding 27 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:46.800 and the um, the gusset, I can't. I can't handle the gusset. 28 00:02:47.240 --> 00:02:51.479 It's the crotch. I'll get you a case of bush Light for enduring 29 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:54.479 all the crotch. UM, love you so much. Um. But these 30 00:02:54.560 --> 00:03:00.479 underwear come in a variety of cuts, and they fit my but and my 31 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:06.240 bell. You know, oftentimes when I buy underwear, the fit doesn't take 32 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:09.199 into account the folds of my bell, and I just I really love these 33 00:03:09.240 --> 00:03:14.960 guys, and you know, they keep my sheets clean at night. Really, 34 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:21.560 they're good. My song of the week, so I was positive that 35 00:03:22.360 --> 00:03:29.159 this was going to be me and Johnny's new karaoke duet jam, you know, 36 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:30.800 like when it's all clean and nice and safe to go out into the 37 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:37.159 world and karaoke again. Like I can't imagine going somewhere right now and doing 38 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:43.400 karaoke and feeling comfortable sharing a mic. Sorry if that triggered anyone dreaming. 39 00:03:44.080 --> 00:03:47.800 I think that for me personally, if I go and do karaoke, I'll 40 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:54.919 have to bring my own Can I connect to the bluetooth to sing Little River 41 00:03:55.000 --> 00:04:00.759 Bands? Lady? That's the song of the week. And so I was 42 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:04.000 really excited about the song and I shared it with my sister and I was 43 00:04:04.039 --> 00:04:08.439 like, oh, listen to this. You know this song. This is 44 00:04:08.479 --> 00:04:13.240 me and Johnny's new karaoke duet. She's like, Molly, what the fuck? 45 00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:20.000 No crowd killer, No, just like that, And she's right, 46 00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:25.519 She's absolutely right, it's you know it, just it hits different when you're 47 00:04:26.199 --> 00:04:31.160 sitting in the car. Thank fucking God for sisters being in front of a 48 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:35.800 fucking crowd asking to plug in my You don't plug in your bluetooth, but 49 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:41.959 you understand. So I could sing this crowd killer awful. I really gotta 50 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:44.800 go on a good sister. I got a good one. Um. So 51 00:04:44.920 --> 00:04:49.040 yeah, lady, a little riverband. Don't sing it karaoke, but try 52 00:04:49.079 --> 00:04:57.439 it in the car maybe sometime. What brought me joy this week? God, 53 00:04:57.560 --> 00:05:03.920 okay, this week I the honor of modeling Dallas. DAWs is inclusive 54 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:11.519 sizing line. And it was awesome. And it was the first time that 55 00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:19.800 I modeled, um, like extensively, like a lot of pieces of clothes, 56 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:23.759 like a lot. That's what that's what they call it, a fucking 57 00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:28.360 line. Um. And it was awesome, and it, you know, 58 00:05:28.480 --> 00:05:31.360 a bummer to have to do it in pandy Land, um, because my 59 00:05:31.439 --> 00:05:39.240 favorite thing about shoots is hair and makeup and high fives. Um. But 60 00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:44.319 this was, you know, a lovely pivot that she made. And I 61 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:46.639 was like, hell yeah, I'll do my own hair. I haven't done 62 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:51.240 it in six months, but I'll fucking yeah, I'll put a beach wave 63 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:57.759 in it for you. Hell yeah. And I just I really do love 64 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:05.439 her line. Um. Everything that she makes is so meticulously detailed. At 65 00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:11.160 the same time. It's like so simple, like she makes it look so 66 00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:16.800 fucking easy, and she uses what to me I consider like pure like fucking 67 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:24.040 luxury fabrics, but like you can also wash and dry every piece in her 68 00:06:24.120 --> 00:06:29.879 line, and it's just wild to me. She has like a silk flowy 69 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:36.160 dress, cammis fucking buttonups, like she makes her own fucking buttonups. They're 70 00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:41.759 just so good, pleated pants. She made a trench She made a trench 71 00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:46.319 coat. But I really think my favorites of all of it are the linen 72 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:54.399 pieces. So she made a pair of shorts, Like I squealed when I 73 00:06:54.399 --> 00:07:00.560 first put these on. I haven't worn shorts in foever, And I clapped 74 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:08.199 my hand like a little tiny baby, like I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing 75 00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:15.319 shorts, real good linen shorts. Who knew I needed those. Her latest 76 00:07:15.319 --> 00:07:20.800 line is called Tear and it's launching end of the summer, and I'm so 77 00:07:20.879 --> 00:07:26.959 fucking excited for her. We started working together like over a year ago, 78 00:07:27.160 --> 00:07:32.120 and it just started with she just basically like interviewed me on what I like 79 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:38.439 out of a wardrobe and how as a fat woman, I want my clothes 80 00:07:38.439 --> 00:07:48.680 to fit. And we regularly regularly cool. We regularly met up after that 81 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:56.480 and I tried it on her pinned patterns out of muslin, and then this 82 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:01.240 weekend we shot the entire fucking line and I'm just like to see it from 83 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:09.279 concept to finish and to be a part of that process. Oh so rad 84 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:16.079 and I'm just so proud of her. It's so magical, it's sustainable, 85 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:22.959 it's ethical. I just feel like I feel that there's like this momentum happening 86 00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:28.959 right. Like we've talked about how hard it is to shop small and local 87 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:39.039 and sustainable as fat women, and I'm witnessing the shift around me. People 88 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:46.480 want to make clothes that fit people, and I'm excited that it's happening. 89 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:52.120 I'm ecstatic to be a part of it. And if you're a designer that 90 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.879 happens to be listening to this, I'm super fucking excited to offer my services, 91 00:08:56.279 --> 00:09:03.559 Like, let's keep this momentum going. So to Dallas DAWs, thank 92 00:09:03.679 --> 00:09:09.600 you to Ripley Radar, thank you to wild All's Swim, thank you. 93 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:18.879 I'm excited to watch your continued success, and I'm excited to rattle off a 94 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:26.279 shit ton more names to that list. So, without further ado story time. 95 00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:33.279 This is one of the reasons that kind of those my three favorite things 96 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:41.879 of the week are so important to me because it kind of I'd strive hard 97 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:50.000 to be a positive person, right and when I can center myselves in these 98 00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:58.960 moments of gratitude and remembering why I'm here and why I'm sharing my voice, 99 00:10:00.120 --> 00:10:09.159 it's it's a nice reminder that it's not all shit, and it it gives 100 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:13.759 me confidence. And that's you know, kind of what I talk about my 101 00:10:13.799 --> 00:10:20.039 tool belt of gratitudes a lot, and that those three things at the beginning 102 00:10:20.039 --> 00:10:24.080 of each episode, especially when I'm gonna talk about real hard shit, are 103 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:33.480 a lovely little practice not only of routine, but centering myself in gratitude. 104 00:10:33.399 --> 00:10:37.919 So I was just going to start into the story time and even after you 105 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:46.080 know, sharing those three things of the week, I already feel more fortified 106 00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:50.480 that I can deliver what I'm about to say without you know, just like 107 00:10:50.559 --> 00:10:54.200 jumping right in. Like I said today, it's going to be hard and 108 00:10:54.240 --> 00:11:00.879 I'm gonna cry, Yeah, so let's do it. Reminder to do your 109 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:07.159 gratitudes because they make you feel nice. So Storytime, I have put off 110 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:15.080 this episode for a year. I have tried to shuck it from my psyche 111 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:24.159 and I have tried to be above it. But if I've learned anything through 112 00:11:24.960 --> 00:11:33.200 therapy is that I have to go through it to heal. I pretend to 113 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:41.519 stuff my emotions, I stuff my feelings, I stuff my voice, and 114 00:11:41.559 --> 00:11:46.200 then you know, I could go back and revisited decades later. So here 115 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:52.039 we are, why not do it here with you? Last year, I 116 00:11:52.200 --> 00:12:03.559 was just so fucking honored to be interviewed and photographed for a prestigious Minnesota publication 117 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:13.600 alongside other women in the body positivity and fat liberation space, women who are 118 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:20.960 making moves and changing the game in inclusivity for all bodies. It was also 119 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:30.559 the first write up and public acknowledgment of the podcast, so like, yeah, 120 00:12:30.679 --> 00:12:33.080 it's fucking psyched, Like people listen to this, what the fuck? 121 00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:39.799 And there was also you know, a legit like in studio photoshoot and you 122 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:46.759 know how hard we love that. The article was gorgeous. It was a 123 00:12:46.759 --> 00:12:54.039 celebration of our community as well as a bonass highlight of the small businesses that 124 00:12:54.120 --> 00:13:01.320 are true fucking crusaders for fat bodies in Minesota. It was awesome. It 125 00:13:01.399 --> 00:13:09.679 was really fucking awesome, and then I read the comments. I was tagged 126 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:16.279 on Facebook by a past coworker who was hyped and was just like, oh 127 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:20.679 my god, Molly, it's you. And it was the first moment that 128 00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:26.480 I had seen it shared on Facebook. Got fuck Facebook? What is it 129 00:13:26.519 --> 00:13:35.519 about Facebook that just lets people act like losers? We'll get there, um, 130 00:13:35.440 --> 00:13:45.039 Thank god I was already in the bathtub because there were comments, comments 131 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:54.000 that like hit the whole body, comments like so you remember in middle school 132 00:13:54.120 --> 00:14:00.159 that feeling that you would feel in your whole body right before you are we're 133 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:03.279 gonna get in a fight with your best friend, like either you found out 134 00:14:03.320 --> 00:14:07.399 she said something about you, or back and forth x y Z and it's 135 00:14:07.399 --> 00:14:13.679 like your first moment of confrontation. I fucking hated that feeling. Or like 136 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:18.279 in high school when you learned there you know, was an embarrassing rumor going 137 00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:24.919 around about you and you just like it's your whole body, or the feeling 138 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:31.080 of like right before you almost get into a car accident but you don't and 139 00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:39.960 then it like radiates down into your heels. That was this, That was 140 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:46.440 this feeling, and it just kept rolling. It has taken me a year 141 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:54.360 to share this experience because these people made me feel ashamed. They took my 142 00:14:54.519 --> 00:15:07.039 light. This article features photographs of fat, smiling, happy women sharing about 143 00:15:07.080 --> 00:15:11.480 the joys of their life, and people on the internet didn't see that. 144 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:20.519 And what fucking kills me is like, especially on Facebook, I can see 145 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:28.000 the faces and the names of these comments, and I'm gonna it's important to 146 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:35.720 the story that I share the specifics of these comments. And this is not 147 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:45.360 to cause hurt or pain, but this is to educate on two sides of 148 00:15:45.399 --> 00:15:52.679 this. It is to educate the perpetrators of these comments or like minded humans 149 00:15:52.799 --> 00:16:00.039 of these comments to a moment of empathy, hopefully, And it is also 150 00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:12.600 a moment of hopefully education for a fat women who hear these comments daily to 151 00:16:12.759 --> 00:16:22.120 know that you're not alone and the feelings that you feel are valid, and 152 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:30.080 I fucking I feel you, and you don't need to let people dim your 153 00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:44.440 light because of their insecurities. Some of these comments are as follows this verbatim 154 00:16:44.519 --> 00:16:48.679 that looks so unhealthy. Lol. You can run, but you can't hide. 155 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:56.000 Obesity is suicide. Obesity is a killer, no matter how much positivity 156 00:16:56.039 --> 00:17:02.519 we give it. Nature isn't woke. Lord, spare us the sight of 157 00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:10.839 this celebration of unhealthy dysfunction disgusting. Another reason this state is an embarrassment. 158 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:18.559 Doctors have coined a name for that diabesity. Death by diabetes is a slow 159 00:17:18.599 --> 00:17:25.839 and painful one over a many year period. They are killing themselves and you're 160 00:17:25.960 --> 00:17:33.880 encouraging them. This is one of the reasons I'm against universal healthcare. What 161 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:41.000 a weird euphemism for denial, nasty, not fooling anyone. They are miserable 162 00:17:42.839 --> 00:17:56.039 and more more from doctors, more from women, more from fucking men who 163 00:17:56.079 --> 00:18:03.960 don't know me, who don't know us. And the reason it's important for 164 00:18:03.000 --> 00:18:08.799 me to share some of those comments is if you listen to this pod, 165 00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:15.759 you do know me, you do know the fat community, You have fat 166 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:21.839 women in your life, and these comments are real, and they fucking cut 167 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:32.599 to read that I am dying a slow and painful death. To read that 168 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.880 I'm to blame, that some fucking dude's medical premiums are high, to read 169 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:48.880 that my self worth is zero and that my self respect is fake, that's 170 00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:56.640 real fucking shit. For these people to take a fucking glance at my photo. 171 00:18:57.240 --> 00:19:00.680 Oh my god, it was such a good photo as wearing a swimsuit 172 00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:04.359 as an outfit, like, of course, of course I was, but 173 00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:10.680 for people to glance at this photo and deduce me as such a fucking problem 174 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:17.079 in their lives. When this article was centered around how fat people are creating 175 00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:26.759 joy and acceptance, was like getting a brick fucking thrown at my guts and 176 00:19:26.880 --> 00:19:32.880 before I get just like completely negative. And of course also know that there 177 00:19:32.920 --> 00:19:37.960 were some real deal angels going in and fighting these trolls with you know, 178 00:19:37.160 --> 00:19:44.720 health at every size facts and just fucking bless them, look for the helpers. 179 00:19:45.400 --> 00:19:52.519 I stayed out of that. I stayed out of responding. That's for 180 00:19:52.599 --> 00:20:00.799 the real strong like Chrissy Teague in types. Afraid of what would happen if 181 00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:08.000 I stuck up for myself. There was like a an invisible wall because my 182 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:15.480 photo was there, but I hadn't yet participated. I hadn't yet made myself 183 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:18.480 available to them, but I did because I was there, because I was 184 00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:23.680 reading it. I was afraid of what would happen if I stuck up for 185 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:32.440 myself. I turned to my buddies. You know, I have a group 186 00:20:32.440 --> 00:20:37.519 of girlfriends that you know, did exactly what I needed and started dishing shit 187 00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:41.160 and like, well, this is on Facebook. I can see exactly who 188 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:48.759 these people are also well, being like you keep fucking going and reading this 189 00:20:48.839 --> 00:20:56.279 shit made me want to hide. I was completely dimmed for weeks. I 190 00:20:56.359 --> 00:21:03.400 wanted to stop. I wanted to not post on Instagram. I was like, 191 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:08.039 maybe I shouldn't do the spot. Maybe I'm a fake. And this 192 00:21:08.200 --> 00:21:18.079 was my old wiring coming back into play, like these comments had reminded my 193 00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:22.839 old demons of like, well, what voice does she have? Her worth 194 00:21:22.920 --> 00:21:26.400 is null, She's just fat, she's gross. Who gives a fuck. 195 00:21:27.799 --> 00:21:33.000 And then my thoughts went to, well, I have a podcast, so 196 00:21:33.079 --> 00:21:41.000 I'm inviting myself to this criticism. No I'm not. Because there is a 197 00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:48.000 discourse on the Internet does not mean you get to throw the fucking rule book 198 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:56.079 out of human decency. I want Jim and Leah and Corey and doctor Blenn 199 00:21:56.480 --> 00:22:02.279 and the rest of these fucking losers to hear this. No, I am 200 00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:11.799 human, I am fat. I have good days and I have bad days. 201 00:22:12.039 --> 00:22:18.240 I don't hate my body. I also don't totally love it. Yet 202 00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:27.079 thanks for fucking sending me back ten paces. My existence offends you, and 203 00:22:29.799 --> 00:22:34.680 your hate offends me. And this is where I need to leave it. 204 00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:41.559 You've been heard, if that's what you wanted. And it's a year later 205 00:22:41.839 --> 00:22:52.480 and I just need to release the comments and that pull of not being enough 206 00:22:52.400 --> 00:23:00.119 out of my heart. It doesn't work anymore. And I'm positive that they 207 00:23:00.119 --> 00:23:07.759 are going to be many more moments like this one, because sticking up for 208 00:23:07.920 --> 00:23:15.440 my body is truly just beginning. It's always been easy for me to not 209 00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:26.839 take up space. I will not be thrown out of consideration, tossed aside, 210 00:23:29.240 --> 00:23:41.079 what fucking belittled for my dress size, and I if you're listening to 211 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:47.200 this, I won't. I'll try not to let you be belittled either. 212 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:53.400 And giving you fucking advice now that goes against everything that you've ever heard. 213 00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:06.079 I urge you to read the comments and use your voice, and stand within 214 00:24:06.200 --> 00:24:10.400 the body you love, within the body that you're trying to love, or 215 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:15.839 even stand beside the bodies that you love, and also know that you don't 216 00:24:15.839 --> 00:24:22.160 have to be fucking strong all the time. Being strong is not a prerequisite 217 00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:27.559 to wearing a swimsuit. So hit me up, you know how to find 218 00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:37.039 me, lean on me. Shitty days are fucking shitty, and we can 219 00:24:37.039 --> 00:24:45.400 troll the haters together I'm Molim and I'm fucking fat. I love you so 220 00:24:45.519 --> 00:24:52.559 much, smoochy, and if you got this far in the pod, I'm 221 00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:56.440 impressed as book and really grateful to have you listening. If you want to 222 00:24:56.440 --> 00:25:00.200 know more information about me or the show, check out the show page on 223 00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:03.200 Matriarch dm dot com, where we host all of the what I Can't Take 224 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:08.519 off, our progressive Spotify playlist from the songs of the week, and obviously 225 00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:11.319 the reminder of who to follow for the week, all in a nice little 226 00:25:11.319 --> 00:25:17.720 fucking Matriarch Digital Media bow. Theme song is Molly May by Ben Karen Like 227 00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:22.160 I'll never get oversang that so good? Right, Thanks for listening. You're 228 00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:23.319 so cute.