This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I Am six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app kaf I Am six
forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show. I want you to sit back because for the next two hours,
I want to talk about your love life. Whether you're single, whether
you're married, whether you're living with somebody, whether you're breaking up with somebody,
whether you haven't seen the Barbie Movie yet, And I'm going to be
mad at you for not having seen it yet. Hey, just stay with
me, Okay, if you're new to my show, I have a PhD
in clinical psychology. I'm a psychology professor at cal State Channel Islands. I've
written three books on relationships and did a dissertation on attachment theory. Yeah,
love has a theory, not just a theory. It's got science, real
science behind it. Today in the show we have is the Barbie Movie causing
breakups? Well, some people say it is. And the wedding wardrobe.
Did you know the brides are now buying three or four or five dresses.
I'll explain. If you're thinking about getting married, I've got doctor Wendy's handy
dandy list of how to know when it's time and when it's right. Also,
are you in a para social relationship. I'm gonna tell you how to
dump that person because it'll be good for your mental health. And I've got
some scientific facts about love that you need to know. Also, I'll be
taking your calls and answering your social media questions, So stay with me.
If you are thinking about love. Do you know why I am so obsessed
with the science of love? Simply because our choice of romantic partner is not
lightweight. It is the single most important choice that you are going to make
for your financial future, for your mental health, for your physical health,
and indeed even in terms of your safety, life and death. Think about
it. If a woman gets murdered, who's the first person they think of
who might have done it. M just saying. So this week I got
a call from a producer at Inside Edition, you know, the TV show,
and she said, oh, we really needed to be on the show
to talk, which I did, to talk about a new trend on social
media that the Barbie movie is apparently causing girls to go home, have this
new awareness and break up with their boyfriends. Well, I do a little
searching online. I don't think it's a trend. I think a few women
have posted about this, and I think the media has seized on it and
made it a big deal. But I also think that there are probably a
group of women who did have this awareness, who did decide it's time.
I don't my can is not the kind of can I want, and did
break up, but don't post about it on social media. So I don't
have to tell you I love the Barbie movie. I've seen it twice,
but it's preaching to the choir. So if you're a good, card caring
member of the girls club, you know your job is to bring a man
to the Barbie movie. And if you're a man who wants to adapt to
this new changing world of gender roles, you've got to go see the movie
on your own so that you can have some empathy. So Barbie grossed five
hundred and two million dollars domestically one point one billion dollars globally. That's as
of yesterday, only fifty three movies have ever broken the one billion dollar earning
threshold. It's adjusted for based on time, But they include movies like Jurassic
Park, The Dark Night, The Hobbitt, Harry Potter, Alice in Wonderland,
Star Wars, Nemo Dori, all of them. Right, So a
lot of those are male dominated movies, men's stories told through a male lens,
often directed by men, often written by men. Four men. Now,
women of course attended those movies, those big blockbusters, but they were
often on the arm of a man. So my question is, why can't
we do the reverse. I was actually on an airplane this week and I
was sitting beside this guy. He was like, I felt bad for him
because the seats on airplanes just keep shrinking and shrinking and shrinking. And he
looked to be six foot seven, solid muscle legs like tree trunks. And
he said he was from Hawaii and but not from Maui and goodness, and
he is American military in our army, has been serving for five or six
years. Very high testosterone, hyper masculine kind of guy. So of course
I said right away, I'd like to stir the putt. Have you seen
the Barbie movie yet? And he said no, no, and he kind
of brushed it off. He goes, well, actually, you know,
I've been training a bunch of young guys in the whole platoon went out to
see the Barbie movie, and I was like, yeah, now, gentlemen,
if you're listening, you haven't seen the Barbie movie. I know you
saw Oppenheimer. Good, good good. The reason why I'm saying this is
because if you're if you're hoping in your life to bond with a woman,
to find a new woman, to keep a woman, whatever, this will
be this special peephole into a woman's emotional life. For Barbie, or for
many women, Barbie is a reality check and it's causing many women, supposedly
according to the media, to break up with their boyfriends. Do we have
some sound there? We can hear some of these women, women in China
breaking up with their boyfriends after watching the Barbie movie. The Barbie limpust Test
divis men into four categories. The first, if a man hates the movie,
wolves out, or criticizes the woman director, then he has classified as
toxic and misogynistic and you should probably not date that. The second type of
man is one who can't understand the movie and looks infused when everyone is laughing.
This means he has no brain or culture. The third the man who
understands how's the movie's message, at least the theater thinking the movie is interesting
and good. He's the most likely a guy with normal values and stable immersions.
And finally, if a man loves Barbie and dress uphim pick to go
see the movie, he is most likely a ken. But some women have
literally broken up? Do we have that sound? This girl's gone viral because
of her story. Thank you, Barbie for empowering me, for giving me
the confidence, for making me realize that I deserve better. That you know,
I'm amazing and I deserve better. So it's making women assess some women
assess their relationships. My favorite Darwin quote. You know, I often look
at life through a lens of evolutionary psychology. I'm fascinated with the area of
evolutionary psychology. My favorite Darwin quote says, it is not the fittest who
will survive. It is not the most intelligent who will survive. It is
those who can adapt the quickest to changing environments. Think about it. The
reason why we as humans took over the planet and we're not being lorded over
by lions and tigers and bears or mice or fleas or anything else. Isn't
that we were the highest on the food chain. It's that we know how
to adapt. We can adapt to different climates around the world. We can
figure out how to pull resources and food out of land, even frozen tundra.
We have a way to solve problems, and we do it as a
group. The problem now is the changing face of gender roles. You see,
patriarchy was necessary during the Industrial Revolution. We were building stuff. We
needed guys with big muscles. There are also a lot of wars going on.
The wars are supposed to be done now. I don't know what's going
on over there in Eastern Europe there. I mean, I think we need
more women leaders and then we're going to have fewer wars, I think.
But we needed men for protection. Although my big joke about that is who
do you think men are protecting us from other men? But we needed strength
to survive. It worked out to divide our living situation into neat tidy domestic
gender roles. Women tended to stay at home, They tended to do more
of the caregiving. They didn't not all of them liked it, by the
way, They didn't like to be put in that box. Men were told
to go out and earn money, and if they didn't earn enough money,
they were a bad man. But not all men like that deal either.
That is a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure. But now we've
entered the information age, and in the information age, women are uniquely suited
to extract resources from the environment to surge ahead. We've got good social skills,
good verbal skills, good typing skills. I just want to say not
that some men don't have all of that. And I do want to say
plenty of guys because I went to the Barbie movie twice and I saw plenty
of guys there, some dressed in pink, some just being there as an
ally. Are amazing men, and there they are. They're adapting, they're
adapting. Now. One of the things I was asked by the reporter at
Inside Edition is if your relationship is on the rocks and it's vulnerable, should
you go see the Barbie movie together? And my answer was, any relationship
that's on the rocks should go see a therapist, not the Barbie movie,
that's for sure. But I did notice that women are now putting this on
their dating profile. What are your thoughts on the Barbie movie. It's like
some kind of litmus test because women are demanding more guys. You know what
adapting means. It means learning some wider emotional skills, relationship skills. I
love to teach him on the show. It learns teaching some empathy, some
understanding of what women are experiencing. Because guess what, guys, a lot
of women don't need you anymore. I'm sorry to break that to you,
but they really don't. I mean, they're making their own money, they're
buying their own cars, they're living in their own condos and houses, they're
building their own businesses. They don't actually need a man like they did back
in patriarchy. Look, I'm using past tents and so we have to find
a way to let men out of the man box like Ken did in the
movie He's Kinoff. He's kinoff, so that men can be human beings too.
Not everybody liked those old roles, And it's okay if you did like
him and you have a maid who likes them, okay, But the point
is all should be available to everybody. So, gentlemen, if a woman
asks you, what did you think of the Barbie movie. The answers shouldn't
be I haven't seen it. The answer should be it was great. It
made me help understand women a lot more than what they're going through. Oh,
good answer, good answer. All right, when we come back.
Is a wedding wardrobe actually a trend. Let's talk about what's behind it and
also a little later like how to know when it's time to get married,
Like I've been thinking about maybe getting married some day again, even at my
age. Yeah, I've been thinking about these questions. I'll answer when we
come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and kf I
Am six forty We Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I Am six forty. Kay Am, by
Am six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. I love that
song, Kayla. You know what we were talking about on the break?
You know, the best conversations on talk radio happened when the MIC's go off.
How did we even get into the conversation of all the ways we were
fired? Somehow we're talking about somebody being fired and it was like a tennis
match. I got fired for this fire for that one time I got fired
for. And Kayla and I both learned about each other that we've both been
fired like three times life. Yeah, and what do you think the number
one reason I was fired for one hundred percent of the time? My mouth?
My mouth, I said the wrong thing. You've always had it,
even when you were a student. You got in that mouth. Yes,
when I was in class, my guest that desk was out in the hall,
and I got in trouble for talking. I made a career out of
talking, Okay, radio, teaching, what have you. And that's why
you're so great at it. So I don't know if you know the story,
Kayla. When I was twenty years old in my second year of college,
because I took a year off, I was on a six year bro
I'm gonna talk a six year be a program. You know what that is.
It means you take a semester off to waitress, you take a semester
off to go travel, you go back, you take another semester. I
just dabbled through my ba okay in journalism, thank you very much. And
so during one of those whether I was in school or not, I moved
in with my boyfriend. It was really exciting. He was cute. So
I was always attracted to these strong stoic I called them the strong silent type.
But what that played into with my organism, my working model for love,
is that they were often emotionally avoidant, so I had that feeling of
longing. If you listen to my show long enough, you know I had
a dad in the Navy. He was gone a lot. He was a
great dad, and when he was back he was fabulous, But he was
gone most of the time and in a very inconsistent pattern of travel, so
I couldn't quite chart it or located. And I was home with a tired
single mom on basses, and she was busy smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee with
the other navy moms, and I was basically being beat up, beat up
by our brothers and no one to save me. Believe me, When my
dad came home in his white uniform and walked up in that navy uniform,
I was just so happy because I knew everything would be fine and I'd be
protected at home. So as a result, I loved either long distance relationships
or these what I called strong silent types, because their lack of emotion.
Well, they might as well not have been there right in the room.
It was like they were distant, they were gone, they were unavailable,
they were emotionally unavailable. That was my car. So I moved in with
this guy who tall, six foot four, Germanic, blonde, man of
two words, and my mother had a fit. She was hardcore Catholic and
she had a fit. This was nineteen eighty one ish, and I thought
to myself, you know, I've had this relationship with this woman for twenty
years. I've had this relationship with this guy for like eight or nine mounts.
What am I going to do? So I basically made sure that he
proposed to me. How did he propose to me? He said, oh,
all right, and so no, actually he wrote me a note and
said I'm weakening. That was his proposal. I'm weakening, like somewhere you
have to be strong and not. Oh thank God, thank God for this
to weaken for me. Anyway, So I had a big white Catholic wedding
at the age of I think I was twenty one by that point, and
I really had it from my mother, right, like, let's be honest,
we haven't a certain age, we have to stop doing things that our
parents want us to do and we have to do things for ourselves. But
in my day, I was very handy. Okay, I took two months
off work. At the time, I was working for the Royal Canadian Mounted
Police in their Historical Archives division, and I had a set of criteria and
I would decide if these old case files were historical, had historical significance.
Because this is back in the day, we were putting them on microfilm before
computers. We had to know to save and went to burn. So I
took two months off work and I designed and sewed my own wedding dress,
a flower girl dress and eight bridesmaid dresses. Does it mean something? Do
you think this was a foreshadowing. All my bridesmaids wore black. I put
them in black dresses where they go into the funeral. And maybe I thought
a black and white wedding. It was an evening candlelight service, and I
thought a black and white wedding would be very cool. Sounds classy, Yeah,
it was classy. So anyway, for me, I did have a
wedding wardrobe in that sense, because I wardrobed everybody in my party. I
also sewed a going away outfit that involved a beautiful long some kind of blue
dark blue blazer and a black pencil skirt and high heels. But that was
it. Well, today it was in the New York Times. At Washington
Post, somebody at this article about Wall Street Journal. Oh, I'll get
there. One Washington had this article about a new wedding trend that brides are
now doing three to five wedding dresses for their weddings. Okay, so it's
driven by mainly social media. They hope they're going to go viral if they
take lots of different pictures of them in different outfits, which is so sad.
Ladies, I know you're barbees, but don't let yourself be objectified by
social media. The other thing is we're experiencing a post pandemic wedding boom.
Anyway, everybody who put theirs off during the pandemic, and so they wanted
to be bigger and splashier and greater than ever. And they've had three years
to look at wedding magazines and go on wedding websites. So they probably narrowed
it down to four dresses by now, and might as well wear them all
The other thing that's very popular right now our destination weddings. And I was
just at One End Tahiti a few weeks ago, and you know what they
involve. A Friday night cocktail party, a Saturday wedding, a Sunday brunch,
going away whatever. So you know bride needs an outfit for each of
those things. Also, let's be honest, it's a business. The wedding
industry is just trying to make a whole lot of money. But having said
that, people are also marrying much later. You know, in nineteen fifty,
by the age of twenty seven, eighty percent of people were married at
a mortgage and kids. Now the average age of first time marriage is around
thirty. That's just the first time marriage, not even house buying in kids.
What have you? Right, So they have these two good incomes,
they can afford to buy all these dresses. I also want to say this,
when your relationship is most fragile, more vulnerable, you want a bigger
splash, year public display of your love. You think somehow that if you
invest a ton of money and you have two hundred sets of eyes on you,
that somehow that will make the marriage last. Because I have known plenty
of happy marriages that get married in a tiny restaurant with just their close family
and friends with thirty people and they stay together forever. But I've been to
big hotel extravaganzas where they were divorced in a year. So I'm just anecdotal
evidence. It seems to me that's the way it is. So my two
cents is stop it, stop it, ladies. One dress, maybe one
going away outfit. You don't have to take two months off work and sew
at all. I was a little not so, but one dress. Come
on, this is not for Instagram. Unless you could get them for free,
that'd be really cool. Speaking of weddings and married I have certain this
is just my personal rules that I've come up with, certain things that people
should consider before they get married. So if you are in a long term
relationship, if you have a son or daughter who's in a long term relationship
and ready to propose, ready to walk up the aisle, let's go through.
When we come back doctor Wendy's criteria for it's oh, I will give
my nod of approval if you go through these ten things. You are listening
to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and kf I AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from kf I AM six am sixty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. You know, marriage maybe on
the decline, but it's not going away. It is still the best nest
we have for children. Now, hear me out. I'm not like praising
marriage and saying it's for everybody and everyone should do it. But until we
have enough social supports available for single parents, and I'm speaking as a single
parent who had been a single parent for eighteen years, unless we have free
childcare in every workplace, unless we give more family leave days, then marriage
is still the best deal we have for kids. The research shows that even
parents who don't like each other have more successful kids than single parents because when
parents divorce and kids are forced to move, they lose their village, They
lose their teachers and coaches and friends. The struggle, the economic struggle of
maintaining two houses instead of one, means that kids don't get as much money
for education and other things that they need. So marriage as a legal structure
for now is still the best thing, the best deal we have for kids.
So I will personal opinion here. I highly recommend that if you want
to start a family, that you get married. I didn't. That's how
I know. Okay, I had kids when I was living with a guy,
and the research shows that cohabitating couples have a ninety five percent divorce rate
before the first child turns twelve, so they generally have a much higher breakup
rate than even divorce. So I have a few other rules or things to
think about if you're thinking of getting married. I get asked these questions all
the time. People will write to me on social media and they'll say,
you know, hey, I've been with my boyfriend or girlfriend for this parent
I really am so in love with them, and I'm thinking of getting married.
Is at the right time? And I always answer this, you have
to be together at least a year before I'll let you get married, Like
I'm in charge of that decision. You got to see the four seasons,
Okay, you got to spend some time getting out of that early haze of
new relationship. Remember when you first meet somebody and fall in love, it
is a neurochemical cocktail that is so delicious and amazing. But you're not seeing
straight, you're not making good decisions, and so no matter how good you
feel, rushing into a marriage before you've been together at least one calendar year,
in my opinion, is not a good idea. Very clear about that.
Speaking of years, make sure that you have put twenty three years on
the planet at least. The research I'm just telling you the day the research
is clear marriage is under the age of twenty three. Eight the brider groom
is under the age of twenty three. Literally the highest divorce rate, the
highest divorce rate because your prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until you're at least
twenty five. Look at me. I got married at twenty one, was
divorced. By the time I was twenty five, I was a totally different
person. I was making different decisions for myself. So if you're at the
parent of a young adult who's nineteen twenty or twenty one or twenty two or
twenty three, time to wait. Wait. The average age of first time
marriage has been moving up and people are making better decisions and choosing better.
Also, make sure your education is complete, right, I'm telling you all
the things I didn't do, so I know I'm talking from the voice of
wisdom. So get through college. You know, a lot of the students
I teach, I teach at cal State Channel Islands, we'll ask me about
what they should study for, what job or what career, and I tell
them that community colleges or trade schools are places that you go to learn skills
for a job. University should be about taking any course that interests you on
any topic in the world. It's about growing your brain. It's about expanding
your horizons. It shouldn't be about just getting a skill to get the right
job, especially in undergrad I mean, really, if you want to go
to graduate school, that's where you can hone in on what you really love.
But get that education complete before you decide to get married. Also,
have the conversation about what's gonna Let's say you're all finished your education, you're
both in your careers. Have the conversation about what happens if one of you
gets offered a better job in a different city. Who gets we're not in
patriarchy anymore, folks, Well we are, But what do they say in
the Barbie movie, We just hide it better than we did. But basically,
don't assume that the guy gets to move the whole family because he's the
one who finds a better job or gets transferred. So you're going to have
to have the conversation before you get married, whose career takes precedent, why
and when. Also, make sure the bridge between your tribes has been well
established. Look, I used to host this show for Investigation Discovery called Happily
Never After about brides and grooms that killed each other, and one hundred percent
of the time, one half of the family was not supportive of this relationship
or either the brider groom's really the person who the person who got died,
the person who got killed, the one the one who's not with us anymore.
That person's family was not supportive of this union. I'm a little punch
drunk on diet coke. That's what's happening in Kayla. I can't talk.
You are the one who got died, the one who got died. What
you met, So listen to your friends and family. Okay, if they
don't like the person, pay attention because your hormones are making you not c
straight. Also make sure you've had the conversation about money. I know people
who have gotten married and they haven't even ever looked at their future spouse's debt,
their bank account balance, who they're paying off. Seriously, you got
to really open up books because you're making a financial union together and have the
conversation about kids. Don't say, oh, we'll get married because it's so
romantic and wonderful and I'm sure they'll want to have kids later. No,
no, don't be sure until you're sure. Make sure you talk to them
about it. Make sure you're on the same page because divorces happen all the
time because one person is ready to have kids and one I know somebody who
married a guy who said I'm not ready to have kids, hopefully I will
in the future. But she didn't nail them down to like, well in
two years or three years, when are we going to start, And she
never gave the ultimatum. Well, they went all the way till the end
of her fertility window and then it was too late. No kids happened.
Also, marriage is today often involve x is, step kids, blended families.
We got to talk about this. Everybody's got to be on board.
A marriage is a bridge between tribes, and those tribes involve a lot of
people. Right. Please remember, a wedding is more than a party.
A wedding is a legal contract. A wedding has tax consequences, learn them,
read about it. A wedding is more than a dress or a wedding
wardrobe. A wedding is about creating a legal union, hopefully to create a
family together, if that's what you're interested in doing. And all the discussions
you know when business coaches out there say all the problems that happen when startups
happen with partnerships happen in the very first contract. Oh, one of the
question people ask, what do you think of prenups? I think prenups are
amazing because they make you talk about all those things and keep the assets in
the right name. But if somebody's making you sign a completely unfair prenup that
seems really selfish, then don't sign it. You have the right to do
that, but at least it opens up the whole game board and you can
talk about all the issues. Alrighty, when we come back, let's talk
about people who are talk to people who are dating. Some red flags that
I notice a lot of you are normalizing, like you're thinking this is normal
and you have ways to rationalize it. Let's talk about these red flags when
we come back, and then I'm gonna be taking your calls and social media
questions. But let's talk about red flags. First. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AM six forty We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio
app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I Am six
forty km AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This
is the Doctor Wendy Weals Show. I'd like to welcome my Instagram audience.
If you'd like to come into the studio, just log on Instagram. My
channel whatever it is called. My account is called doctor Wendy Walsh d R
D Walsh. After this, I'm going to be taking your calls. If
you want to write down the number now you can. It's one eight hundred
five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five
three four. But first, I want to talk about red flags in relationships
that people normalize. I mentioned earlier in the show that I used to host
a show for investigation Discovery Network called Happily Never After about brides and grooms that
killed each other. Actually, the producers had to search very hard to find
brides who killed grooms. It was far more often the grooms killing the brides,
and I would so I made these series of videos called Doctor Wendy's Red
Flag Diaries, because they would ask me to comment on the relationship building up
to the after wedding murder. I mean, sometimes the wedding was, the
murder was a year later or whatever, and like a hundred percent of the
time, the groom who would go on to become the murderer asked the bride
to sign a life insurance policy one hundred percent of the time, Like if
that isn't a big red flag, Oh, gay, you're gonna marry somebody.
And like the night before the wedding, got the dress, you're not
going to cancel it for anything. They something, I'll sign this one little
paper. It's a million dollar life insurance policy. And then oh, let's
go whitewater rafting, let's go climbing on a cliff. Yeah, that's how
all those stories went anyway. But there are other things that are just a
lot more benign that people have kind of normalized. I call them red flags.
And who are the people that normalize it? Often people who have an
insecure attachment style, right, they fear abandonment so much that they won't allow
themselves to question the inconsistencies in the early stages of dating. So here are
some red flags that many people normalize. The belief that on and off relationships
are the most passionate, like how you're always having that exciting makeup sex and
then you're only fighting because there's such love and passion there. No, this
is dysfunction. You know what a healthy relationship? It doesn't it's not like
it doesn't involve no conflict at all, but it feels peaceful. It doesn't
have all those highs and all those lows. It doesn't feel like a roller
coaster. If you're in a relationship that's all about fighting and makeup sex and
back together and breaking up all the time, that's not love at all.
That's two people with poor relationship skills, and you should get out of dodge
seriously. Now, other people believe this red flag is normal, that if
somebody's jealous, it means they really care about you and they really love you.
No you know what jealousy means, the person who's jealous is very insecure.
Now we all experience a little look. With my boyfriend Julio, he
works with women. Sometimes I'm like, who's that who's that woman you're talking
to? What we do it as a cute little teasing each other, But
a little jealousy normal means you value your mate too much. Jealousy where you're
going, who you're with, what's happening. That means that person's really insecure.
And as an extension of that, some people believe that if the person
tries to control their time or what they wear. You know, when I
was a young woman, I look back at the life of patriarchy I managed
to navigate through. I can't tell you how many guys would tell me what
to wear on dates. Dude, listen to me. The only thing you're
allowed to tell a woman is something like, you know, hockey arenas can
get cold. You might want to bring a sweater, or we're going to
eat outside because it's really nice to eat al fresco, so maybe bring a
rap. That's all you're allowed to tell us about wardrobe. We all have
PhDs in fashion. We know what to wear we know what works. Okay,
you can't tell us what to wear. So if you're controlling what a
woman wears. I had a guy once who was on again again, that
passionate on and off, fights and break up and back together. And one
time, my hair is naturally currently and one time I wore really kinky hair
and he said, don't ever wear your hair like that with me. I
like it straight. And of course I was so young and dumb, and
I thought he was such a special thing. I was like, okay,
always remember to flat on my hair before I said, oh please, The
things that women put up with. Here's another So if somebody's trying to control
you, doesn't mean they're more committed. Again, it means they're insecure,
or they don't value you as an independent person, they think of you as
a sex object, et cetera. Here's another red flag that people normalize,
this belief that women are supposed to do most of the caregiving and most of
the domestic responsibility. What century are you in? We are both fully capable.
All genders are fully capable of loading a dishwasher. Putting in a load
of laundry just reminds me. I put in a load of laundry this afternoon.
I forgot to put it in the dryer. Oh, Julio is going
to be so mad. He likes his stuff to Okay, anyway, he
can do it. I know he can do it. He can get home.
If you're listening, honey, put the stuff in the dryer. Okay,
and when the buzzer goes folded because you don't like it to get wrinkled
in there, I know you. So. Anyway, this idea that men
must do this or women must do that, and I want to tell you,
like, I'm not perfect. I learned all this stuff because I went
through it right. I remember it's kind of embarrassing. I remember that if
a guy helped too much around the kitchen, I used to think he was
weak. I used to have this idea that I wanted a man to sort
of be served by me. Was awful. I felt like he was taking
away my female power. And forget it. I'm gonna sit there and be
served and I'm happy. Now. How about this one? A lot of
people say, and especially young women, because I had a conversation with a
young girl recently who said this. She's dating a new guy and they've only
had four dates and they've split every check fIF exactly and she likes that.
And I said, oh no, no, no, no, somebody needs
to sacrifice, okay. And when men at the very beginning sacrifice a little
bit financially, it's their way of showing you they like you and they care
about you. Splitting everything fifty fifty all the time is not the healthiest way
to go. Just let it come out in the laundry later. Let's figure
it out later, all right. Also, showing any sign of anger in
the first few months of dating, big red flag. Okay, people should
be able to manage their feelings and keep it in and control themselves a little
bit. And speaking of angry anger, if they give you the silent treatment
at any time and cut you out and stop texting or stop calling or just
not talk to you for a little bit as the way to punish you,
no, no, no, don't go forward. Okay. This is the
worst conflict resolution style out there. And here's the biggest red flag. Some
people think, oh, well, they don't really want to hang out with
my friends and my family because they want me all to themselves, because they
really like me and they want to in that cocoon with me. That's wonderful.
The little cocoon is great, but at a certain point you've got to
get out of the cocoon and meet all the friends and family. If you're
with somebody who doesn't want to meet your friends and family, they don't want
a real relationship with you, not a long term, committed emotional relationship.
They might want a situation ship with you, some side action. Sneaky link,
is it, Kuala Kayla A sneaky link? Yes? Doctor, When
all right, let me come back. I'm going to be doing my drive
by makeshift relationship advice. If you'd like to call in. The number is
one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one KFI. I'll also be going to the DMS and looking at your
social media questions. Reminder, I am a psychology professor, not a therapist.
This isn't therapy. This is life wisdom that I love to share,
So give us a call one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. You
are listening to The Doctor Wendy Welsh Show and KF I am six forty.
We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to doctor Wendy Walsh.
You can always hear us live on ka I Am six forty from seven
to nine pm on Sunday, and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app