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On today's self Core History, we talk about the sport that captivated a nation.
These were endurance athletes who needed an edge and got it anyway they could.
Cocaine and really gambling was a massive proponent of its popularity. In one
of the most exciting eras of American history, the country's most exciting sport was
none other than walking. So, without further ado, let's get into this
week's episode about pedestrianism. Welcome to Softcore History. Welcome back to soft Core
History. I'm your host for a week. Dan Chester has always by Rob
Fox, what's going on? And Late Night calling him out of the bullpen.
Scott Lopez, Hey, it's gonna be here again. Guys, you
were just you were at the studio, showed up and uh, we're doing
this. We had to cancel on a guest because Biden had to resign.
Yep, so are the people who own the studio had to do them pay
us had to do an emergency show bumped us and I just happened to sit
here and hey, Scott, you want to hop on? And I said,
yeah, why not? Yeah, it's like my wife and my wife's
bowl when they get bored and they pop out in the line room. They're
like, we need a third and I'm like, all right, well I'm
here. I guess I kind you're the only one here and uh yeah,
Like I don't really know what's gonna go on. Yeah, I'm not really
dialed in. I don't tend to be necessary in the end. Well,
how often are you needed? Every time? Every other time? It just
happened once. It was a bad example, to be honest, it's the
anomaly. It was fun though. Well, Scott, I didn't write this
episode for you, but I'm glad you're here. Oh thanks, man,
that makes you feel really good. Hey, this doesn't meant for you,
but you're heres. Oh we're gonna see. It's a weird enough topic that
it really fits anyone. I didn't really want to get serious today, do
we ever. Kind of wanted to get wacky, get back to our roots.
Everyone knows me. I'm a big wacky boy. I went real serious
with my topic for the Patreon on on patreon dot com slash softcore history.
Oh it's solemn somber. It's not all it's about a lady. It's about
a gang of ladies. Lady gang. That's not good. Were they successful?
Yeah? They're mean bitches? What oh yeah, cutting throats. Yeah,
I'm obviously did it because it takes place in London and like Victorian area,
so I could just do you mind? I didn't flog I man,
I appreciate it, don't. I don't have it yet right now, but
I'll have to tune in because I still don't believe this is real. Okay,
check it out patreon dot com. So softcore history, we already told
you about that. Well, today we're going to talk about a spectacle and
a sport in the eighteen hundreds. The day was September twenty first, eighteen
nine. This is We've said this before on the show. I think,
but I think my favorite time in history is the Victorian like era because that's
just when everything is in it's at its most insane. It makes no sense.
Yeah, you think things are nuts now modern times, that was its
toddlerhood. And if you've ever seen a toddler like they understand things, but
they will shove their whole fucking hand into a working garbage disposal until into a
fucking, worrying, fucking on garbage disposal. They will get it mangled because
I'm like, what is that? That's that is society in the Gilded Age,
just being like, what is this to everything? Well, I've never
been around a toddler. I don't think I'm allowed to either, to be
honest with you, one hundred feet yeah yah, I don't think it's even
like a normal thing for me to be around one. It's not legal for
you to look like that and be near a toddler. Yeah yeah, I
mean, and I accept that. And now toddler's fear me as they should.
And if you're listening to this, then you want to see what he
looks like. Go to his softcore history on YouTube. Dude, I look
fucking retarded. You said you've had that half for eight years. I've had
this half for eight years. The trick is just to cut the straw lining
around the side of it and just see what happens. He's lying. He's
been growing the whole time. That hats stayed the same size. Yeah,
when I had this hat, I didn't have hair, so it actually fit
me, and now it just sits on top and looks ridiculous. You look
like a Mexican city scarecrow. All right, I don't like that. I
don't like that one, dude. I'm only bronze because it's the summer.
I look pretty well, I look like you're I look like you whiteness in
the winter. I mean you look like Honestly, what you look like is
you, uh, just got in a fight at a NASCAR event and someone
fucked up your hat real bad. That is true. I did show the
guys earlier that I do have a legitimate fanny or not fanny, a crop
top tan line. It is. It is pretty sweet. I love that.
Yeah, you look like you lost your sticking bandana in a great dog
does have a name? Yeah, in the dust bowl. Pindle, the
bindle, the hope, damn it. I always forget the bindle, the
pantana on a stick, all your worldly possession. You had a child,
I was like, but that's so little. How nearly that can fit in
his pocket? Did you never run away with a bindle before? Yes?
A bindle? Yes? Who hasn't everyone? I went to my neighbor's house
immediately. But just take a backpack. No, what the Mexican and poor
I think he's affording a backpack? And Anaheim, did you take did you
take your like go to school with a bindle? Were you showing up?
No? I was that kid that had a binder in school. It's like
the little like white binder thing. You jammed everything in your binder. What
else do you need? I mean I had a backpack from kindergarten. On
a backpack. No, I had like a cool white binder with like stickers
on it and stuff with like pizzas of paper in it. And then if
I got like homework, you know, without the whole punch, is you
just like whole punch it yourself with the binder? Oh boy, Texas education
system. You're from Texas, right, No, he's from California. Oh
that's right. Oh boy, the California education is again Anaheim. Yeah,
seventeenth worst. I went to the seventeenth worst high school in California. And
there was and there was four high schools in my city. But I will
I will not say you're from Anaheim. I will only say you're from the
OC. I like that. I don't even like saying I'm from there,
dude, Like I'm a Texan, you know, been here for a long
time. I don't know. I like saying now. I like saying you're
from the OC. That's where you're from. To me, they should That
sounds like I should have a TV show like I called the OC or Yeah,
will you'd be like one of Ryan's like skeezy friends from back in Chino,
you know, in with my bendle, Yeah, with your Bandole Walking
twenty four seven, Goodbye Ben. It's Saturday night in Inland at Los Angeles.
We gotta do what we always do, break into cars. That's what
we do here. Got a bindle full of like drugs and booze. Yeah,
I'm going to watch the o seed night. You kind of almost look
like a specialist in a Wild West gang. Like you you're in charge of
the dynamite that derails the train. I like that. I have experience with
dynamite. But you're very expendable. No, no, like you're gone within
the first fifteen minutes. Now, I think he Well, if it's like
a series, I make it to episode two. You're a desperado. I
don't know what that means. I don't speak Spanish. It's okay, it's
desperate. Ho okay, that makes sense. Yeah, it kind of checks
out. Yeah, no, I'm still making it to episode two. If
it's a series, if it's a movie, twenty minutes. Fair enough.
Back to New York City, September twenty first, eighteen seventy nine. Ten
thousand spectators gathered at the relatively new Madison Square Garden. Had no idea msg
was this old? Well back then, it was a garden on an early
Sunday morning at one am Local time. The athletes were international superstars, and
no expense was spared when it came to keeping them at peak performance. They
rolled in with an entire entourage of doctors, dietitians, trainers, private chefs,
and messuss I feel like I hear about two seconds away from talking about
how the first ever sporting event at Madison Square Garden was a dogfight. I
was going more towards chariots. That's not the left turn. Okay, I
know that's not Pokemon fights now, okay. Corporate sponsors were sprinkled all over
Any serious New York reporter was in attendance. Thousands of wagers were taken on
site and a prize of twenty five thousand dollars and a solid silver championship belt
awitted the victor, You get a belt, You get a solid silver belt.
Damn that's cool. This was no basketball game, soccer match, or
fight. The city and world was in pandemonium over a much more physically intensive
activity. Please tell me walking? Hell yeah, fuck yeah? Is this
a speed walking race? Basically the sport was pedestrianism. Let's go and the
fans came to see their favorite jocks walk in circles over and over and over
again. What else do you gotta do at that time in a race that
would span over six days. Oh I love that. So it's like a
cricket match, like it we end when God decides this is the Iditarod before
the idit a rod. This is insane. The rules were incredibly simple.
Each contestant would jog, walk, mosey, or crawl horse. Are there
horses like canter lope something? Yeah, I've told the story before on the
podcast, I believe. But like in college, we used to have rehearsals
for our like Greek Week skits at this one place out outside of Columbia,
Missouri. And on the other side, of the wall was a horse arena.
They're walking for six days, I know, and we would get we
would get really high, and we'd watch these horse shows that were just happening
at the same time, and we were watched so long that we'd be able
to tell the difference between like a lope and a canter, and we're like,
oh, it's a shit canter. Horses points, So these are just
humans loping and cantering. Jogging jog is actually a horse term as well.
They were permitted to eat, drink, and sleep intense on the side of
the track. Boots. Did they have a pit crew just like put them
to sleep like a team. Yeah, they like, I need to sleep
for six hours. Someone just punches them unconscious. But the minute they left
the oval shipped venue, they were forced to withdraw, so they had to
stay on the track. Oh okay, So it was like a hand on
the car. Whoever wins it. It's like when a car dealership invites seventeen
poor people to compete for a Kia Hey I have yeah, shut up.
Essentially, what I do is how you win a car in the mall?
How long can you debase yourself in public? For sixteen thousand dollars. Yeah,
it's never a lot back then, twenty five's over million dollars. That's
insane. Yeah, this again is right after the Civil War. People do
that now for fifteen Wait after the Civil War. They're really good at walking,
or they're great at walking. The last era of Americans walking, I
think perhaps the last great era of American walking. Pedestrianism started with the fair
heel and toe rule, which meant your one foot could not leave the ground
until the other heel had landed, preventing athletes from running. So that rules
were modified and often jogging was permitted to fight off cramping. Okay, so
sometimes you gotta move it a little more. That was a plot point in
Malcolm in the Middle when how was a speed walker? We brought that up
off Mike. Yeah, I was telling them about the subject coming in.
But yeah, it's the first thing I went to, was the Malcolm in
the Middle episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he could. He analyzed
the videos Peter walkins. Also, I didn't know this a real sport in
You didn't know that. You never seen that. I thought it was kind
of a joke. No, man, it's hella real, but you don't
want to see it. That whole thing too. There's a lot of sports
the Olympics you don't want to see. Yeah, I mean it's incredible,
like they they made walking look so gay. Yes, they there's no cool
way to do that. Their hips are moving too fast, their arms moving
too like shallow now too, they all kind of walk the same. It's
the same stride, same technique back then though, everybody had their own kind
of style. Could you use like a an a like a walker or a
cane? I don't believe so. Well, all right, I don't think
that was permitted. I'm out. What if you were just very long legged
and you stood on a pony and let your feet dry against the pony walked
around. That's who they're betting on the most, that long legged fellow.
Yeah, being dragged by a pony. His feet haven't left it once.
This strange sport started as an attraction in Britain and England in a fixture at
fairs, with gambling being a massive component to its popularity. Foster Pale was
the first real pioneer of endurance walking. In seventeen seventy three, he walked
four hundred miles from London to York in seventeen seventy eight, pal walked one
hundred miles in little over twenty one hours. The press followed these bizarre feats
and labeled the act of this long distance hobby pedestrianism. This is when life
got too specialized, you know what I mean, This is what the Industrial
Revolution had really wrought upon humanity, asinine hobbies. What if you're the parent
that specializes their kid in speedwalking? Someone did it, Like what I mean,
they're speed walking in the Olympics, like truly, like you have to
master that, But they're not allowing their kid to play anything football, basketball,
Yeah, you're a speed walker. Maybe that's the way to go.
Smaller pool of competition. Almost none. What some would say, are there
scholarship opportunities for walking? There are not. Ah shit, that's it's like
it's really maybe by the time. But speed walking it's like tennis or gymnastics,
Like if you're good at it, you don't go to college. You
do it for the glory. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah,
And back then, the fame and the money they ask probably too so much
money in this was before there were real sports. This is eighteen seventy nine,
before the invention of basketball, I believe long before the invention twenty years
and it's like actually fifteen, because that's what was like eighteen ninety I think,
yeah, it was in the early to mid and then baseball in the
in eighteen seventy. What did three? Uh so baseball was invented by a
Civil War like captain. No, that's that's bull shows man. Before that,
that was all bullshit. Yeah, it's Avenuer double Day, it's all
bullshit. But that was just like a neat story they could do. They
were playing baseball. There's pictures of people playing baseball. Well there was like
cricket and British. Yeah, it was like, ah, there's reports of
it in the eighteen thirties. Why can't we claim a Civil War captain?
And then you can't and it's just bullshit, like American baseball. He didn't
modernize the game, no, not at all, Like he didn't do anything.
They just picked him out of a fucking hat. Basically, did he
play baseball? Yeah he did. He played it with his troops and shit
like that. Then I'm giving him credit. That's fine. But I was
gonna say though, I think baseball at this time had not even fully finalized
its strike and ball rules in terms of how many for each. That's how
early we are in the era of sports. The first college football national champion
and only been crowned what four years before this, it was eighteen sixty nine
Ruckers, Yeah, so what years it's seventy three, seventy nine, ten
years now, we're kind of going through the original start of the sport,
which was seventeen seventy three. Oh oh god in England. That's why we
revolted. Captain Robert Barclay Alerdice had ten thousand people follow along as he walked
one mile for one thousand hours in July eighteen oh nine. What he tried
to walk one mile for one thousand hours, so like he would sleep and
stuff, so he would make up time, okay, so he'd walk like
four or five miles and but he just wanted to be consistent and hit one
mile in every for a thousand hours, okay, which he did. George
Wilson attempted to do one thousand miles in four hundred and eighty hours in eighteen
fifteen, but was arrested for disturbing the piece three fourths of the way with
the crowds that gathered to watch. No people just like I'm wearing this hat
kind of with the beard to give off Gump a Gump vibe. Yeah,
that's kind of what happened with these people. They just had crowds of people
follow them. I just kept rod nag and then I imagine for as Gump
that scene is just based off fucking probably it's just kind of like a neat
Yeah, little kind of the Easter egg for you. I got to the
end of town, then I got to the end of the colony. Englishmen
and english women who would do one hundred miles and twenty four hours tried to
earn the title of centurion. Oh god, fascist walker in a day.
Again, this is what happened, gross, This is what happens when society
gets too specialized. No one knows how to do anything anymore. You want
to walk one hundred miles for some reason. In like a weird way,
the intensive hobby became organized and competitive and grew into into a more digestible race
format. It didn't really captivate the US until around the Civil War, and
it all began with the unlikely unlikeliest of heroes, Abner Double Day No okay,
in eighteen fifty nine, New York Herald copyboy Edward Payson Weston chased down
a wagon across the city after missing a scheduled delivery of flowers for his boss's
wife. And he sped walked to he walked. He was like, he
didn't feel like running after it. He was just like, fuck, the
wagon's getting away. Excuse me, waving a finger up in the air.
Wagons, well, he took him all day. Yeah, wagons going like
thirty miles an hour. All he had to do was run once for thirty
seconds at the beginning. He was able to hunt down the wagon and get
the flowers around West seventieth Street. I disagree that he was able to hunt.
Was there traffic? Yeah? How does it work back then? I
don't think he did anything. And he was rewarded with the applause of his
coworkers upon return and double the pay for his efforts, even though he kind
of fucked up not being there for the delivery. He wasn't there for the
delivery. It took him probably three times as long to track down that wayagon
as it should have. He's doing it on company time. Yeah, he
should be fired. What gig did he get back there? And he was
like, gentlemen, you won't believe it. By the mere act of walking
quickly, I tracked down a wagon over the course of nine hours and was
his flower or like flowers, like a bouquet of flower flowers for his boss's
wife. Oh my god, Well, okay, happy wife, happy life.
Yeah. I did have to do that when I first started working at
Drinking Bros. For uh Chuck Leadell. That's right, we had to get
it. Didn't save his marriage though, it did not. No, no,
oh boy. She domestically abused him later, but yeah, not the
other way around. Yep, she hit him. Yeah. Not the right
color of flowers, dude, I know. But they were supposed to get
flowers delivered to the studio so he could take him to her because he's gonna
do a show and didn't have time to get it. And the Faedex asshole
just like showed up. They told me he was gonna get there later in
the day, shows up before any of us are there, leaves a note
bring it back tomorrow. It's fucking flowers, and I'm like, I call
FedEx. I'm like, you need to come back, you need to come
back. I I honestly I don't even know if this is a lie because
I had not worked there that long, but I told it anyway, thinking
it was lie. I was like, if you don't bring those flowers back
it is for an important client, I will get fired and they were like
sorry, So I had to walk down the truck. I walked after the
truck for ten hours. So you're just like Weston, Yeah, exactly left
for the day. No. I told him. I was like, I'm
gonna get fucking fired if you don't bring these flowers back, and like,
okay, we'll do our best. And the guy came back like right after
Chuck got to the studio. Damn. Yeah, all that all that drama
for a dying marriage. Also, I didn't even know you can order flowers
on FedEx. Yeah, apparently that's pretty cool. Like, what do you
mean you're gonna bring them tomorrow? They're flowers, you asshole. The asam
to leave them there. At least no one's gonna say would a simple of
their marriage, though it would have. Yeah. The next year, Weston
made a bet with his colleague about the eighteen sixty election. The loser would
have to walk to Washington, d C. To see the inauguration, Weston
faded Lincoln and put his faith in John Breckenridge. Oh not good walking roads
back then, either, ain't no interstate. He would pay off his debts,
making the ten day trick down to d C. The paper tracked his
voyage down through the elements of rain, mud, and snow, and he
was rewarded for his efforts with newfound fame and a handshake from the new president.
Upon arrival, Lincoln gave him a stiff shake. Where do you walk
from New York New York to DC? That took ten days? Send us?
I I I don't know, I've never done it. You're also mud
and snow. Yeah. At what point you're like fucking why you bet your
homie? Like how many of us have like bet three bucks to a friend
and just never paid him. And this dude walks too. I always paid
my debts. Oh you're a lanister. Yeah yeah. Let me let me
see how far the walk would be today? What do you mean today with
interstates and stuff? Yeah? I know that, but he's walking allegedly.
Actually, so ten days makes sense. If you walked today, it'd be
just how many miles is well, it takes three days it's uh, two
hundred and fifty eight miles, So two hundred fifty eight miles and ten days.
And he walked two hundred and fifty eight miles and ten days, twenty
five miles a day. Bitch, if you think about it, you're going
at a fifteen minute pace. If you're not actually you know, racing.
Yeah, it's four miles an hour. You could do better than that.
He's weak. But what shoes did he have on the roads between If there
were any good roads, it was between New York and it was on the
East coast in the United States at that time. Certainly like as far as
decent roads go. With the attention he received, it inspired Weston to embrace
walking and accomplish larger feats and bring the sport to the mainstream in the US
consciousness. Sure sport. This is how pickleball started. Man, this is
walking? Is this is terrible? I don't know. This seems more entertaining
than watching pickleball. And watching pickleball, but you don't play it. No,
I've never looked like a guy though I've never done it. That's offensive.
That is maybe the most defensive. Throw hands with you for saying that.
Have you played disc golf. Yeah I have. Okay, so pickleball,
disc golf, they're not one and the same. They are. No,
they're not very white, very fake fake. I am not going to
defend disc golf either. Yeah, nor high. And I hung out with
my friend before he left for Wisconsin's and he was a disc golf influencer.
Well that shouldn't be a thing, or was He just posted a the other
day, Hey is Jared Borslow. Yeah, he's an F one guy and
a disc off guy. Two weird things, getting weird, weird sports to
enjoy. In eighteen sixty seven, Weston walked from Portland, Maine to Chicago,
covering twelve hundred miles in twenty six days. Well that's impressive. And
I guess he just received a prize of ten thousand dollars. Just someone was
like, wow, God, damn dude, here's ten thousand dollars. No,
it's because, uh, people gambled on this shit, so hell yeah,
a lot of the bookies were taking action. And I think you get
cut a cut of that. Okay, I mean that makes sense. You
should get a cut of it. If the only reason anyone's gambling at all
is because you're doing something, you have to make it to a destination.
Yeah, Like why shouldn't you know, just for example, on a fight
like this is not not a real boxer really, but like Jake Paul,
right, why shouldn't he get a cut of everything that's being gambled on him?
It wouldn't even be happening if it wasn't for him. Why shouldn't a
football game? Why shouldn't the NFL get a cut of the money ambled on
the thing they're putting on the sanctity of the sport. It's over now,
Yeah, it's corrupt, it's all gone now. ESPN has their own gambling
app and they control the college football playoffs, so yeah, it's all Oh,
it's all over. Yeah. Like for example of ESPN's having a bad
a bad year financially and a real long odd team that you're going to see
a Georgia loss, is what he's saying. No, no, no,
I think you're going to see a long that that makes it less likely that
like just say like UCF, right, they don't want to lose money on
a hot UCF team getting in that Maybe some a lot of people bet on,
but it was longer odds, Like I don't know, call it five
hundred. Well, you're going to see a lot of like favorites that are
in parlays just like suddenly, Oh, Vanderbilt just took out Alabama. Oh
weird, weird. I went to vand it was great. It was not
great. I was there with you. Oh yeah, I got water boarded
there you did bylcohol. Yeah, which only makes sense when you look at
Mellgate seems not great. No, it was. It was one of the
worst. And I've been to a lot, easily the worst college football experience
I've I've been to. It was mostly Georgia's hands. Yeah, of course
it was. Now was Vandy worse than Baylor? Oh the Baylor tailgating is
better? But I could buy booze in Vandy, which is great. Yeah,
And like the crowded interaction there, like walking around like all like the
Tennessee like millfs, where's hitting me up left and right? So that was
fun. Baylor it's just terrible. And it was a Baylor b YU game,
so oh boy. Yeah. So the the whole I don't have to
say more, I think that kind of story, but the whole like last
row thing where where my tickets were was a Baylor family of like six kids,
and I swear to god, three of them had helmets on, like
like the not like football helmets, but like hat helmets. And I mean,
how old were they because my kid when yeah, your child a helmet
had a skull shaper. I don't these kids are deformed. I don't think
these these were those these were They were just wearing like just white fall swedie.
Yeah. And I couldn't. I couldn't do last stro next to these
kids. Oh so that's why. That's why if you see that video,
it's turned down around. Yeah. When I was I went to a Miszoo
by U women's NCAA tournament game here in Austin because it was hosted here when
I don't have to admit that. And it was fun. I don't care.
I had a great time. I got real drunk, went to the
game and I was like, right right, right, let's go. And
then I sat down and my seats and I was drunk, and then fucking
immediately right in front of me. I don't know why I didn't move because
it's not like it was sold out. Uh, immediately right in front of
me, a Mormon dad sits down with his two young children. I assume
he was a Byu alum one had down syndrome. I know they were fine.
The kids were Mormon, I guess, but otherwise fine, And like
I'm just sitting behind them, and I was like, I probably shouldn't be
such an asshole, but I was still just like breathing alcohol onto them.
For I mean, I was drunk, and it's just like three like milk
chug and Mormons sitting in front of me being like yay. But I was
still cheered and I got drunker as the game went on and would just be
like I'm God like that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry. So
as Weston walked to Chicago, he received several death threats and confrontations from people
who gambled against him, and was even attacked once in the process. Did
it say like, were like, was he almost stabbed? Do we know
the details on the on the attack? I think just fists were thrown.
But dude, when you're walking for it was like halfway your little Yeah,
yeah that's tough. I can I give you a way that I think the
Kentucky Derby should be could be improved if you could fight the horse close so
you you pick out what are there, like ten horses and it let's just
say ten horses. You pick out ten betters from the crowd at random,
and you give them weaponry from the time of the first Kentucky Derby, and
they are allowed to shoot and any horse they wouldn't shoot it there is obviously,
so they're allowed to shoot at other horses from a certain distance as the
race is going to hobble them and help their horse win. You know,
I thought you were gonna go where like hockey rules where they have a goon
horse and the goon's job is to fuck up other people. That'd be I
mean, if your horse has spikes on the side, dude. There are
times though, like legitimately, I think there's been times when there's been a
trainer with more than one horse in the race and you know, presumably one
horse has a better shot than the other. One's a stud ones not so
like the other horse. There's probably been a history of goon horses in the
in the race before where it's like your job is to box out, you
know, like an F one where they have teammates. Yeah, it's literally
kind of yeah, like are you is your name? Max? For stabbing.
Oh you don't get to win. I'm sorry, is it not?
I don't watch that one because of that. I think I can't get into
that. Yeah, I just there's too much going on. I can't.
I can't. I honestly like NASCAR more. And that's not just by going
off of looks. Yeah, I just I motorsports are hard for me in
general. I don't care. I just don't care. This man became known
as Weston, the Pedestrian and the Superstar grew around the nation as he would
compete in both indoor multiple day races and long distance endurance countryside journeys. It's
just hilarious to me that somewhere in Chicago, probably some chick got drilled by
Western, Like some chick gave herself up for a fucking power walker. She
was wowed. He lost a bet celebrity. Yeah, he like can't been
worried by losing a bet. Ever, the showman Weston would often play the
trumpet as he went with this dressed in a cape wait on his walks.
I guess he was doing the real walks. Sometimes he would play the trumpet.
I would you know what though, Like, honestly, like I want
to say that that's like a sign that it isn't a real sport. But
like baseball players are straight up like O ding on nicotine back in the day
on the field, just like Lenny Dykstra a fucking baseball sized thing at chew
and his fucking cheek O d on nicotine. I mean, they're just doing
so much. Well, yeah, that's cool. They're just like I mean,
it's just like a like a whole fucking side of their I mean you
literally as how old you were actually maybe too young to remember though, but
those ninety three Phillies, Yeah, I was like one and a half two
the carpet at the vet because it was played on astrof back then. I
went to Phillies camp one year and I went to the VET and I played
baseball at the vet on the carpet on the concrete. Yeah. Yeah,
that thing had soaked through with dipspit and tobacco chewing, tobacco spit. That's
gnarly. I say that as someone who, like my my previous front porch
had like a permanent dip stain from like spit. Just like it was like
a cool little like six inch diameter little you look like you were on the
ninety three Phillies. Truly. Yeah, I'm not even just look up the
ninety three Phillies. You look like John Kruk or Lencatcher for that team.
Yeah. I don't know what that means, but thank you. They were
awesome. They were They were like American as fuck. I don't know what
a bullpen cat it's the most American team practice. We lost to Canada?
What we lost to the fucking Blue Jays. Both of our teams gave Canada
World Series championships. Are great, our great. Shame that's disgusting. Yeah,
like wrap up the franchise if that has it's it's it's horrifying to let
happen. Weston was renowned for his wobble and was sometimes referred to as Willie
the Wobbler. He couldn't even walk right, Well, what none of them
can, right? They all have to keep one foot on at all times.
It's a goofy looking walk. Yeah. He started it. In eighteen
seventy four, he became the first man to walk five hundred miles in six
days during an indoor race in Newark, New Jersey. Sure, great job,
like the first man to do nothing like what? No, he was
the first man who walked five hundred miles in six days. I get that,
but and it just it just so happened to be in Newark, New
Jersey. It wasn't like the first guy to do it in Newark, New
jerl I know, I know, I'm just saying, like, I don't
care. It's not an accomplishment I give a shit about you know what I
mean. Like I'm the first man to eat a cheese burger from nine different
restaurants in one afternoon. No one cares that you did that. It's not
a thing that's like Joey Chestnut's whole career. Yeah, I know, but
it's just like I drove, I'd beat like or like I've eaten it the
most five guys and of anyone in the United Like, no one cares.
Okay, well, I do care about the elderly couple who's eating at seventy
nine cracker barrels across the country. That's it, seventy nine And he was
like years ago. I don't know. Actually, I don't know if they
died or if they completed the thing. They tried to go to every single
one of them they had dementia. They just kept going to the same one.
Oh yeah, that makes sense too, right, yea, our buddy
Jay Arnold tries to hit up all the best like Texas barbecue spots that are
ranked yearly. That's fine, that's like more like that's more like a pilgrimage,
right, And he's doing it for content, he's doing it for work.
This guy's right in the back, but he's not walking there, he's
driving. He's also not acting like it's an accomplishment. No, it's more
of just a goal. Yeah, this is this guys like I did it.
I did it. I've done what no one's done before. Well,
he's also winning money. He's going on tour in Europe. He's wearing cape,
he's killing it and challenging European champions. In eighteen seventy, Si Weston
went head to head with an English racewalking champion in a twenty four hour,
one hundred and fifteen mile race. Weston smoked the motherfucker good. I mean
for America and like for there's two things I will do, like for the
United States and for Missoo my alma mater. I will root for anything anything
like it does not matter what it is. I will get fucked up and
scream for it if it's for the country or for the school I went to.
So for that, I am like, all right, hell yeah,
it doesn't even matter how stupid it is. Like it's like the Olympics.
All the sports are stupid, but I'm going hard for it. The Englishman
actually dropped out as for fourteen hours bitch loser. Oh god, did it
complete? Did it super easy? But there was a little controversy. Okay,
Weston admitted to chewing coca leaves throughout the event. He was doing cool.
He was doing coke the whole time. This guy's getting better and better
now, all right, I'm all everything I said was a lie. I
was gonna say something earlier when you talked about the chewing tobacco. I'm like,
no, he choose cocaine. Yeah, which, by the way,
for the that's cool. That's awesome. For those who don't know, back
way back in the day, when the Spanish first came to the Americas and
just started enslaving motherfuckers left and right natives, they were like, yeah,
when we were baton death marching them to the gold mines that they weren't We're
not going to make it out of We noticed that some of them, when
they got tired, they would just grab leaves off these plants off the side
of the path and start chewing them and they get up and be good to
go again. And then we tried it and it was awesome. But like
so slaves, Indian slaves of the Spaniards when they came here would do that
when they were getting death marched to whatever, you know, silver mine or
gold mine they were going to go die in for the Spanish, they would
be like, I mean, obviously, if I'm going to drop dead if
I don't do this cocaine right now, I'd prefer to be hopped upon cocaine.
He's gonna die anyways. Can you imagine? Know You're just like,
hey, guys, we gotta we gotta kill these concuisitors that are enslaving us.
And they go, okay, but we gotta wait until we passed by
a cocaine plant. I just and then we'll all take the leaves and do
it. I can't do it now, I'm so fucking tired. Let's wait
for the cocaine plant. I would absolutely love to do that, and I
wish I thought of that sooner. What cocaine plant. Yeah, because I
once walked twenty six miles and I wish I had cocaine leaves in my mouth.
You walk a marathon? Is that how far that is? Twenty six
point two? Baby? Oh? Whoa? Really? Yeah? Oh shit,
I didn't even think about that. Yeah, you walk them? What
did you walk a marathon for? In the military? Oh? Yeah,
it was like I was like forced to for sure. I didn't want to
do it. Did you you had to march? Yeah? I forgot Wait
what you were in the army? Yeah? Yeah? How much do you
have to march? We don't really call it marching like it's like marching.
We call like when you're in a formation like four by like twenty and you're
like you left, right, left, that whole thing. Yeah. This
was just like a hey, guys, we're gonna commemorate the guys before for
you who walked seventy five miles into combat by doing like twenty six miles.
Yeah, And we were like, what's the point if we're not doing seventy
five miles, which also that sucks, But if we're not doing that,
we're like, we're gonna live up to the legend of those dudes. Who
walked that far to get shot at? Wait who? What war was that?
From? Uh Korea? God damn? Yeah, yeah, like it
was the ninth Regiment whatever manchew was their name. Okay, ninth Regiment whatever
I was walked it. Yeah, I was in second Battalion, ninth Infantry.
So ninth ventry Regiment was the guys that walked seventy five miles to like
go fight the Chinese. Where the fuck? Yeah, I didn't care.
That's nuts because I feel like it still happened. But a lot of marching
was basically dead from World War two on, maybe even World War one on,
but definitely world War two on because everything became like quote mechanized infantry get
on trucks. Oh dude, we were mech like we were we had Bradley's,
but like I was in like a light unit, Like we didn't use
the Bradleys, so we walked everywhere possible. But one of them was like
twenty six miles for like literally no reason. Yeah, it's a little literal
middle of the night, like hey guys, we're gonna do this. Okay.
Fuck that there was in the book Bander Brothers. They talk about it's
not in the show. But the Japanese like set some world record for marching
during World War Two, and the general of the hundred and first Airborne or
whatever, I think it was a general hum Singer Born who was like,
fuck that, we can beat that, and he just like made his troops
like march that same distance but faster to prove that American troops could march faster.
Which reading that book, I thought two things. One won a dick
yep, and two he didn't do it in combat. They were doing it
on the side of a road in Georgia. Yeah. It doesn't like boost
morale, it does nothing. And it was just like it's under different circumstances.
Like I was like, no offense. Like the Japanese suck obviously like
fucking Perial Japan, but like their's was more impressive. Yeah in war,
Yeah, you did it training in America and he went to go sleep afterwards.
Yeah, in a bed. But if there was ever a performance enhancing
drug for a sport, probably cocaine for walking. Oh oh yeah I do.
Yeah, that's what started the whole thing. I wish I had that
at the time. I will say, actually, to his credit, chewing
that cocaine, he was able to maintain in the discipline to not just start
fucking spritting, because you would think you'd be impatient. Yeah, if there's
one thing cocaine is bad at, or one thing cocaine makes you do is
lose all inhibitions and just run through whatever wall you're not supposed to run through.
But he's probably already delirious from the lack of sleep. Yeah, he
maybe disot He got back to level, still wasn't. Continued his career and
became an advocate for exercise well into the nineteen hundreds, saying that automobiles had
made people lazy and sedentary. One of the episodes did a while back.
I forget which one it was, but it was like things that were blame
or things that like I think it was like all the times the youth were
said they were lazy or whatever there was. It was a big take in
the twenties especially. It was like the youth's legs were gonna like wither away
and become weaker because they all drove around now instead of like walking to school
and stuff like that. Like, are like the legs of America's youth were
going to atrophy because of cars. Yeah, he was one of those guys.
Yeah, he ironically and tragically would become paralyzed after being struck by a
taxi cab in New York City and died shortly thereafter. Inside job, Inside
job? Really? Is that what you believe? People? That was our
first nine to eleven they took out Weston. Not my boy? Are you?
Are you? You could tell me the guy who's anti car got cooled
by a car and he was just bacious dude. If he had his trumpet,
maybe the car would have like hurt him. Yeah, honk your horn,
baby, He didn't trumpet up that. Yeah, But back to happier
times for Weston. In eighteen seventy nine. In the original MSG for the
six day race, spectacular racers from all over the globe grace. The track
walkers were analyzed and critiqued by writers and fans alike. Some came in battling
foot injuries, like George Hazel. Others like Charles Rawl, may have over
trained and came in too thin. People were talking about how thin they were.
Well, you want to be gragile, You want to be light,
too thin back in the day when you couldn't have food. It's true,
you want to be light that's thin. That's like talking about we guess are
about alcoholics back then, Like how drunk were you all the time to be
called an alcoholic? How thin were you back then to be called thin?
Thin? Have you seen? The funniest picture of that is like the inverse,
so like this is how thin, how troublingly thin they must have looked.
There's a picture that goes viral every once a while, and it's like
a fat Man's Club from the nineteen twenties, and like they're fat, but
they're not that fat. Yeah, they're like a normal American nowadays on a
scooter at Walmart. Yeah, and they were like a circus. Yeah.
Like if that if some fucking rascal scooter with a basket on the front of
it Walmart person, yeah, rolled by them, those fat people, they'd
all vomit. Yeah, like it's it was, it's like, yeah,
fat, you're kind of fat. Boston's Frank Hart was of course doubted for
being too black. What does that mean? Eighteen seventy nine. Yeah,
fair enough, that's what it meant. It's actually like fucked up. How
many parallels there are to it? That sketch I wrote that should be out
on our Patreon soon that is just like things things were just insane. Thinks
were different. Things were in saying it wasn't much long after the Civil Wars
eighteen seventy nine. Yeah, life was man. I said it before on
the show. I used to like, my only answer for where do you
want to go back in time is the Gilded Age. It used to be
all kinds of different things. Oh, I woonn't seen Napoli an ancient Rome.
I just want to go far walk around in the guild, just see
the insane shit and orphans sucked into a textile mill machinery like dumb ass sports
like this what an alcoholic looked like? It was this black I did have
like too many bets placed on him to win that They're like, ah,
he's too black. No, I don't think that they had the uh stereo,
the positive stereotype of being good at sports. Yet oh okay, they
didn't have the good pot like, yeah, he's one of the first major
black athletes of the country. Actually, do you know who the first was?
If he's one of the first. Uh, there was a lot of
like early horse racing jockeys. Jockeys were so they would race the horses themselves.
Yeah fuck yeah. Like if you really go back into like the Kentucky
Derby history, it's one of the more it's weird to say progressive sports kind
of Yeah, it's actually wild. Which if you remember, like if you
know now, like a thing they get people get called race for all the
time. Is their their lawn jockeys, the little jockeys they have on their
yard. It is a whole plot point and curb Oh really where Larry buys
a black jockey. Yeah, whoa yeah, loon jockeys. I was just
represent well I think i's at one point representational of whom was in the profession.
Or no, I'm sorry. He buys a white jockey and has to
replace a black jockey that he broke, and he paints the white jockey black
faces. God, that's fantastic. The competitors all removed their coats and shook
hands, of course, other than the black man. Uh. The starting
signal sounded and the crowd erupted and shook the very foundation of Madison Square Garden.
Twenty four hours in and the man that was too thin, Charles Raw,
had secured the lead, a day one bonus and a few silver trinkets
for his efforts. He's busting his load. Thirty six hours in, Ral
had broken a record, and our guy Weston was being berated by angry fans
who backed him for being or for taking a eight hour break. Everyone knows
he breaks late. Not that type of break where you take a sleepwever,
but this everyone knows he breaks late. He slept for eight hours, and
the guys that bet on Weston were just like trying to like prod him.
Can you fucking imagine You're like, all right, he's going to sleep fair
enough, They're all going to sleep at some point. And then it's like
hour five and you're like, what's going on? And then it's like hour
seven, You're just pulling your fucking hair out like your mortgage paint. You're
sabotaging, like you're just yeah, oh, by our seven, you're throwing
fire bombs at his tent. It's like, you don't need to be well
rested, man, you don't need all eight hours. Just chew your cocaine
leaves. I thought you need a cocaine. Over the next few days,
several contestants dropped out and was all but the formality that Ral was going to
secure the wind. Look, man, it's a marathon, not a sprint.
That wasn't until the last day of the race when Ral's body turned on
him and he started to convulse. No, there are a few things,
few things funnier than and I highly recommend everyone searched these on YouTube. Then
marathon runners whose bodies just are like nope, it's like mile twenty four and
the body's just like I am done. What about marathon runners that like shit
themselves? That was the other thing I was gonna say, marathon runners who
shit their tiny little shorts that are not able to hold those types. I
mean, you're basically just like dying without dying, you're almost like physically dying,
you know what I mean, Like when you die, your bowels release,
Like your body's just expending so much energy in a marathon, trying to
keep everything else going. That's somewhere up in your brain, like it's the
movie Inside Out, except it's who's running the physical part, not your emotions.
They're just like, we gotta cut something off. We don't have enough
power for everything, and they're just like bowels off, and then it's fuck
dude. Marathon runners pooping themselves is chef's kiss. No, I would watch
that all day. I've never seen that. What I've never, I've never.
I don't want to. I don't think I want to see that.
And it's not like a log, do you know what I mean? It's
like a vaca full vacation. You know what I mean? Jel, they
ingest it's it is they have they vague power, they vacate it. It's
because you can't control to stop it. Yeah, everything drops out. Yeah,
it's not a log. Are boy though, somehow powered through after a
brief reset in his tent. Of course, he spend his whole time in
the tent, and he hit the five hundred and thirty mile mark with plenty
of miles of spare against his competition. He spent the last two hours of
the race resting and winning, much to the chagrin of gamblers who bet on
his daily over Oh yeah, the over underbetters not gonna be happy betting on
a winner. I'm sure already smoked the competition. So Charles Raul ended ended
up winning the competition by a lot, but the people that bet on his
daily over under not super thrilled with him sitting in the last two hours out
fair enough. Yeah, I would kill him. The fact that you would
gamble on this like to that capacity on a day to day it's not smart.
No, I'm surprised. I mean I relay with it a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's while there's even an over under on days.
I didn't know they had that, Like wherewithal back then they had props
at everything. Dude, Gambling's never changed. It's always been there to take
her ever. Yeah. The New York paper of the Sun even went as
far to say that it tarnished his victory as they believed he had more than
the tank. He definitely did, but also like season out, but also
like why even if he did? Though, why you got the dub right?
You're just kind of spiking the football at that point? Like how fast
does how fast does Michael Phelps need to swim if everyone else in the pool
drowned? Yeah? Like just you got it? Uh, real quick?
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Calm with Kaba purchase. Pedestrianism would continue as a popular sport until the invention
of the safety bicycle in eighteen eighty five. That is, the bike with
the two similar size wheels, not the comically large wheel on the front right
right right, and they called it the safety bicycle. Was compared to the
old school, but it's safer the other one was like then you yeah,
yeah, a bicycle you have to use a ladder to get on. Not
great, that's real, use a ladder. I mean, I mean,
I've never knew how they got on those things. And those were invented in
the early eighteen hundreds, I believe, like eighteen twelve. How did that?
Like what you couldn't make one that was same size wheel? I don't
know. The first guy to make it was John kemp Starly in eighteen eighty
five. So the fast paced bikes replaced the walking races with bike races,
okay, and we brought them back. We brought back the walking. Well,
it didn't necessarily go away altogether because like you said, power walking and
it. But this kind of iteration of what people get excited for with the
marathons kind of in a roundabout way, evolved into Olympic marathon format. So
the first bicycle actually was same size wheels, but it didn't get popular and
for some reason people wanted this fucking dufus machine instead. Why are the handlebars
like that? I don't know, I don't like that. God, this
is the this is what I want to go back to. I want to
see this clown. I also want to see those bikes race. I want
to see normal bikes race. I know, I want to see an alcoholic
on that. Yes, so yeah, I believe the first like marathon Olympic
race was eighteen ninety six, so this kind of that was the first Olympics.
So yeah, but I mean the format of like a marathon. Oh
okay, okay, marathon run the twenty six point two miles or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, and uh Yeah, that is the just a kind of
a brief overview and kind of the main attraction that the peak of pedestrianism sad,
So it's still going today though. I mean, it's speed walking now
right, well now I'm just going to call it pedestrianism. It should definitely
be called state have stayed pedestrianism. That sounds better than speed walking, know
what I mean? A little mystery to it, Yeah, because it's speedwalking
is it's literally an oxymoron, Like it is literally counterintuitive speed walking. Going
the fastest you can at a slow thing doesn't make any sense. Yeah,
do you guys learn anything today? I learned everything today. I actually learned,
like change. Wait, did he get in trouble for the cocaine or
was he just doing it? They kind of still give him credit for the
win, and I don't really think he faced any consequences. Athletes should be
allowed to do cocaine. I mean, that's what got the Mets through the
eighties. They want a goddamn World Series on cocaine. I mean, most
baseball teams got through a good portion of decades with greenies, which was math.
Yeah, just math. Yeah, But the Mets were like, we're
cooler than that. We're I'm goddamn Arrel's drop area. And Lenny Dykstra he
was on the team too, and Keith Hernandez. I don't know if we
should ever point to Lenny dykstras like a a reason to do anything. Landy
Dykester's problem in most of life is that he is too cool. He loves
too much. He's too cool, he's too awesome. He's overly awesome.
You can be too much of anything. He's too awesome. Yes, I
don't know if I agree with that. I learned that white people will do
anything when they're bored, watch anything and disc golf polo. I will say
to all the angry betters to your point, to all the angry betters here,
if there are angry betters now who are betting on pickleball, you deserve
to lose every fucking dime you have. Or I guess golf. What about
cornhole? Would you bet on cornhole? If let's say that's more fun to
watch, Then let's say it's a Sunday night and I'm down to my book
action Aaron, and you are, and it is and I still have little
credit. You know that I could bet that I could gamble to try to
you know, maybe less than the payment or you know, maybe get out
Scott free. Maybe a little double or notough in action and that's the only
thing on the board. Maybe. Yeah. I say this as someone who
once was doing so well on betting basketball unders that in the middle of the
day I was betting. This is not a joke, Scott, Like,
I know it's gonna sound like, oh, he took A and B to
make C to make a funny C, you know, like a little joke
equation that I'm just doing. I was straight up at one point because I
was up. I would not do this down. Because I was up and
I had money to play with. I was betting unders and winning on unders
for Women's Polish League basketball games in the middle of the day. Been there,
brother, live betting not during in the middle of the day, but
late night. So because we meet every Monday, right, so it's like
before the clock hits midnight, I need to get me out of this hole.
What's on the board right now? We got some tennis in Australia,
we got some yeah, we got some rugby maybe in New Zealand. All
right, how about some baseball in Japan. Yeah, I can get down
with that. Yep. I was just like Poland women's basketball. You do
a quick like your old research be like you talk yourself into it. You
never win those bets, no, you always lose. Now if you want
to win, you got a bet on the quadriplegic That is a professional cornhole
player. He fucking kills it. Oh okay, is he uses both of
his little nubs corn hole to chuck it as popular as darts. Now.
It's on ESPN, man, it is that, and you'd actually, you
know what else, it might be on Fox, but either way it's nationally
broadcast. Fucking acts throwing. Oh, I didn't know that was a thing.
I don't like that. I never want to go to an axe throwing
bar. I went to one on a hinge date. Had a blast.
It is fun. I'm actually like weirdly good at it. Dude. Same
the guy that's like the safety, yeah like, hey, you should come
like compete some time, And I was like, I really don't want to.
I don't. That's kind of weird. Man. Well, like join
it as a hobby. So yeah, that's a bit much. I'm good
after I've done it. I've done it twice. Courtney took me there once
my birthday. Like when we were dating early on, I would have probably
broken up with her. And then I did it on a work I did
it on a work trip. Well it's fun, but like if you're with
a group, they make you do like a competition at the end, and
I did very very well. I won one and got second in the other.
And I was like, this is it can't be difficult if I'm just
like crushing it. Yes, yes, I've never thrown an ax in my
life. And I was like hitting bulls and there, oh you can hit
the little green circle on the top right, and I'm like cool, I
would nail it. And I'm like, all right, that's yeah. There
are some sports that are just naturally easy. Lacrosse, yep, like lacrosse.
I want to give my brothers in the Northeast a little crowd it.
But I picked it up pretty quick, and I don't really Is there an
easier sport on earth to score in? No, Like it's a goalie like
in with no pads. You're whipping a pool ball at them. Basically they're
psychos. Yeah, and and like it's going so fast, it's going you're
the ball probably goes faster than a pitch, right, so it's going almost
like tennis serve speed, like one hundred and twenty miles an hour. Also
check it out. I played attack, which meant I just cherry picked the
whole game. Yeah, I'm on offense permanently. Yeah, I don't have
to go back and run. Yeah, you don't have to run that much
compared to the other people can shoot. Yeah. Yeah, it's like if
a go like a good defensive, like goaltending game I imagine is like they
only let in like twelve. Yeah, you go single digits. Okay.
Occas lacrosse scares me because my wrists hit the wrists a lot and that's an
Now we you can wreck some people. Yeah, I say, like they'll
just stick fight their wrist and I'm like, I'm good. Yeah, I
don't want to do that. I told Dan the other day. I was
like, I the main reason I want to raise my children in Texas is
so that they never play lacrosse. Yeah. Anything, good dad, Yeah,
it's a good dad. I went back to baseball after. Yeah,
I would do the same thing. I'd be like, I'm good. Played
for like a year or two and I was just, yeah, I'm good.
I almost got into it when I had like a friend from Boston's dude,
lacrosse is the coolest thing. I'm like, yeah, it's not the
same thing with rugby. I'm like, I don't care about this either.
There's some cool hits, but I have a lot of friends. I have
a lot of friends who played rugby. There are a lot of guys in
my fraternity who played rugby, and like, I can't get into it.
They were like, do you want to come to the thing, and I
was like, no, my mom played rugby in college. Yeah, yeah,
what's her wife do? My dad played Chucut baseball. That's really good.
I'm a product of a rugby player and a baseball player. Okay,
now you played disc golf once. No, No, I'm just really better
golf and I still got a sweet jumper, though I beat I can beat
a lot of people in basketball. I think I told you this before,
but if you're if you hadn't destroyed your leg, you would have been tall
enough to be a picture. I would have been six for you. Yeah,
I was supposed to be six four. Scott, what the fuck?
I broke my tibia amphibia his tibia on purpose. Yeah, it's like binding
Chinese ladies binding their feet. Yeah, he bound his legs. I broke
it at the growth plate when I was sixteen. The growth oh I thought
was actually the growth plate. I was rounding the growth plate. I was
like, what, my one was shorter than my other leg, So I
have to like overcompensate when I squat and do deadlifts and stuff. Have to
like take a shoe off. His bone shot out of his skin. Oh
yeah something, and I have brand new shoes on too. Cut off the
shoes. I was pissed about that my one of my left legs longer than
my right leg, only because my hips are misplaced. I got hit so
hard and shell to a fat asked John Jasper for breaking my leg. See
that's that's how I know that you're bonded to my second child, Finn,
because I just saw his bone the other day. So it's it's perfect.
I saw his skull bone. I wonder what he's up to. He like
changed my life, and I have no idea where he is. Your skull
bone like does nothing beide hold your head like everything else like has a place.
Yeah, he smoked his head on our firepluses and pipes where he smoked
his head on our fireplace and had a huge gash, and we took him
in and I was at one point when they're putting the stitches on, I
like then they'd wiped away all the blood. I was like, that's his
skull. What a fun time. Yeah, I was like, there it
is because I also thought of a window when I was like two, and
I like my lip kind of like hung off. Oh sick. Yeah,
So I kind of similar experience with the fireplace accident. Yeah, yeah,
perfect. Who's Hitler today? The guy with three names? Winking? She's
thinking, mindard. You know, part of me wants to say the first
guy that walked, not the guy that walked from New York to DC,
but the guy before him, the British guy. Yeah, fuck that dude.
And I mean the three named guy was Edward Bason Weston. Who's who's
an American hero? And I won't have you tarnishes? Oh never mind,
Weston's cool. I'll tell you who who Hitler is. Foster Powell though,
is here? You're thinking of Foster? Yeah? Fuck that dude. Big
car. Yeah, he took out our boy, big car took out our
guy, make you a bitch, and then big car said yeah, bitch
and hit him with a car. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but the
questions big Big Automobile killed like Henry Ford had him killed easily. Yeah,
Henry Ford is hitler. You don't have to talk me into it. That's
fact that. And since Henry Ford also wasn't a fan of Jews, perfect
it all adds up anyway, Scott, thanks for joining us. Last second,
Glad, I was just sitting down. You were just here. We're
gonna have you on again. We figured we spread it up. But you're
like, yeah, foret, why not? Yeah? Yeah, if I'm
here, Yeah, we'll do a show. Why not? Where can people
find you? Last ro Lopez on Instagram? That's all I do. Follow
that bad See my cool hair and my cool hat. He's beautiful. I'm
trying, man, I'm trying to grow the flow out. That's why I'm
I'm in hats right now. And in the are you gonna like mold it
up or just flow it up. I'm in a weird growth of ase.
I did muld it for a second, but it's going back to the flow.
I'm just gonna flow it. Well, the good thing that had to
do a good job shaping it. Yeah, because without the hat it kind
of looks like dog shit. Weirdly enough, when when you wear that hat,
it'll like poof up behind it, like kind of like curl towards what
you have. It's a really cool thing, ye know, get like a
baseball cut or something. Anyway, Rob, You're always here. I'm always
here. Uh you people you find folks. If you're always here, we
love you. If you're new to the program, please continue to listen and
find us on Patreon at patreon dot com slash softcore History. We get two
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And if you want to be a real gangster, a real g leave a
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It's not based on listens. No, the episode rankings I think are based
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reviews, reviews, and interactions. Yeah yeah, and YouTube software history on
YouTube. Just search it, search that you'll find it how it goes,
and you'll see our beautiful faces. You'll see Scott's beautiful hair, my you
know, growing out, weird face, and Rob's just pasty skin. I
am beautiful, white is right, and fuck you and buy some merch.
Buy some merchant dot com. Yeah, I got on the jab that says
catalog because Jake for man. We gotta pay the comptroller. Yeah, we
forgot to do that. Yeah, we gotta do that. We have to
do it by tomorrow. We'll do it tomorrow. Okay. It's a good
reminder though, Thanks Scott, I would have forgot that. I always think
of Topsy the Elephant. Yeah, we have a Topsy the Elephant shirt.
We got a couple of good shirts in there. I'm gonna try to revamp
the the store and get some new merch in there within the next month,
I think. Hell yeah, we'll put a timeline on it. That'll so
yeah, looking forward to it. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you
next week. And you just got saw served