1
00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:07,440
The Christmas Eve Burglary by Arnold Bennett. Lady Dane said, Gee, if

2
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,519
that portrait stays so much longer,
you'll just have to take me off to

3
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:16,640
pie Hill one of these fine mornings. Pie Hill is the seat of the

4
00:00:16,719 --> 00:00:21,920
great local hospital, but it is
also the seat of the great local lunatic

5
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:27,039
asylum. And when the inhabitants of
the Five Towns say merely Pye Hill,

6
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:34,679
they mean the asylum. I do
declare. I can't fancy my food nowadays,

7
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:41,200
said Lady Dane, And it's all
that portrait. She stared plaintively up

8
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:46,320
at the immense oil painting which faced
her as she sat at the breakfast table

9
00:00:46,359 --> 00:00:54,640
in her spacious and opulent dining room. Sir Gehosifact made no remark despite Lady

10
00:00:54,719 --> 00:01:00,679
Dane's animadversions upon it, despite the
undoubted facts that it was generally liked in

11
00:01:00,719 --> 00:01:06,640
the Five Towns. The portrait had
cost a thousand pounds, some said guineas,

12
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,560
and though not yet two years old, it was probably worse at least

13
00:01:10,599 --> 00:01:15,840
fifteen hundred in the picture market,
for it was a cressage. And not

14
00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,840
only was it a cressage, it
was one of the finest cressages in existence.

15
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:29,239
It marked the summit of Sir Jehosaphat's
career. Sir Jehosiphat's career was perhaps

16
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:34,799
the most successful and brilliant in the
entire social history of the Five Towns.

17
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:42,319
This famous man was the principal partner
in Dane Brothers. His brother was dead,

18
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:47,359
but two of Sir G's sons were
in the firm. Dane Brothers were

19
00:01:47,359 --> 00:01:52,640
the largest manufacturers of cheapers and were
in the district, catering chiefly for the

20
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:59,200
American and colonial buyer. They had
an extremely bad reputation for cutting prices.

21
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,000
They were hated by every other firm
in the Five Towns, and to hear

22
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,159
rival manufacturer's talk, one would gather
the impression that Sir G had acquired a

23
00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:15,800
tremendous fortune by systematically selling goods under
cost. They were also hated by between

24
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:23,560
eighteen and nineteen hundred employees. But
such hatred, however virulent, had not

25
00:02:23,879 --> 00:02:29,159
marred the progress of Sir G's career. He had meant to make a name,

26
00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:34,280
and he had made it. The
Five Towns might laugh at his vulgar

27
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:39,919
snobbishness. The Five Towns might sneer
at his calculated philanthropy. But he was

28
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:46,759
nevertheless the best known man in the
Five towns. And it was precisely his

29
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:52,800
snobbishness and his philanthropy which had carried
him to the top. Moreover, he

30
00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:55,840
had been the first public man in
the Five towns to gain a knighthood.

31
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,319
The Five Towns could not deny that
it was very proud, indeed, of

32
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:05,960
this knighthood. The means by which
he had won this distinction were neither here

33
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,280
nor there. He had won it, And was he not the father of

34
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:15,680
his native borough, had he not
been three times mayor of his native borough.

35
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:22,199
Was not the whole northern half of
the county dotted and spangled by his

36
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:29,759
benefactions, his institutions, his endowments. And it could not be denied that

37
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,560
he sometimes tickled the Five towns,
as the five towns likes being tickled.

38
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:42,039
There was, for example, the
notorious sneed incident. Sneed Hall, belonging

39
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,000
to the Earl of Chell, lies
a few miles south of the Five Towns,

40
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:52,759
and from it the pretty Countess of
Chell exercises that condescending meddlesomeness which so

41
00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:59,759
frequently exasperates the Five towns. Sir
g had got his title by the aid

42
00:03:59,759 --> 00:04:05,719
of the Countess, interfering Iris,
as she is locally dubbed. Shortly afterwards

43
00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:12,319
he had contrived to quarrel with the
Countess, and the quarrel was conducted by

44
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:17,720
Sir Gee as a quarrel between equals, which delighted the district. Sir Jee's

45
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:23,720
final word in it had been to
buy a sizeable tract of land near Sneed

46
00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:29,560
Village, just off the Sneed Estate, and to erect thereon a mansion quite

47
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,040
as imposing a Sneed Hall, and
far more up to date, and to

48
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:42,399
call the mansion Sneed Castle. A
mighty stroke. Iris was furious, the

49
00:04:42,519 --> 00:04:49,120
Earl's speechless with fury, but they
could do nothing naturally, the five Towns

50
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:56,800
was tickled. It was a propos
of the housewarming of Sneed Castle, also

51
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,759
of the completion of his third mayoralty, and of the or duration of the

52
00:05:00,879 --> 00:05:06,439
Dane Technical Institute. That the movement
had been started primarily by a few Toadies

53
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:14,600
for tendering to Sagee a popular gift
worthy to express the profound esteem in which

54
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:19,240
he was officially held in the Five
Towns. It having been generally felt that

55
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:25,160
the gift should take the form of
a portrait. A local Dilettantia had suggested

56
00:05:25,319 --> 00:05:30,920
Cressage, and when the Five Towns
had inquired into Cressage and discovered that that

57
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:35,959
genius from the United States was celebrated
throughout the civilized world and regarded as the

58
00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:42,399
equal of Vilaskis, whoever Vilaskis might
be, and that he had painted half

59
00:05:42,439 --> 00:05:47,519
the aristocracy, and that his income
was regal, the suggestion was accepted and

60
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:56,560
Cressage was approached. Cressage haughtily consented
to paint ser Gee's portrait on his usual

61
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,480
conditions, namely that the sitter should
go to the Life Village in Bedfordshire,

62
00:06:00,519 --> 00:06:05,560
where Cresige had his principal studio,
and that the painting should be exhibited at

63
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:12,839
the Royal Academy before being shown anywhere
else. Cressage was an ra, but

64
00:06:13,079 --> 00:06:17,160
no one thought of putting ra after
his name. He was so big that

65
00:06:17,279 --> 00:06:24,439
instead of the Royal Academy conferring distinction
on him, he conferred distinction on the

66
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:30,360
Royal Academy. Sir g went to
Bedfordshire and was rapidly painted, and he

67
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:38,519
came back gloomy. The presentation committee
went to Bedfordshire later to inspect the portrait

68
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:46,240
and they too came back gloomy.
Then the Academy exhibition opened, and the

69
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:51,160
portrait showing Sir G in his robe
and chain and in a chair was instantly

70
00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:58,759
hailed as possibly the most glorious masterpiece
of modern times. All the critics were

71
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:04,120
of one accord. The Committee and
Sir Gee were reassured, but only partially,

72
00:07:04,639 --> 00:07:10,079
and Sir g rather less so than
the committee, For there was something

73
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:17,120
in the enthusiastic criticisms which gravely disturbed
them. An enlightened generation thoroughly familiar with

74
00:07:17,199 --> 00:07:24,040
the dazzling, yearly succession of Cressage's
portraits need not be told what this something

75
00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:30,839
was. One critic wrote that Cressage
displayed even more than his quote customary astounding

76
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:39,360
insight into character end quote. Another
critic wrote that Cressage's observation was as usual

77
00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:47,120
quote calmly and coldly hostile end quote. Another referred to the quote typical provincial

78
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:56,639
mayor immortalized for the diversion of future
ages end quote. Inhabitants of the five

79
00:07:56,759 --> 00:08:00,759
towns went to London to see the
work for which they had seen subscribed,

80
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:07,560
And they saw a mean, little
old man with thin lips and a straggling

81
00:08:07,639 --> 00:08:13,560
gray beard and shifty eyes and pushful
snob written all over him, ridiculous in

82
00:08:13,639 --> 00:08:20,240
his gewgaws of office. When you
looked at the picture close too, it

83
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,839
was a meaningless mass of colored smudges. But when you stood fifteen feet away

84
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:31,519
from it, the portrait was absolutely
life like, amazing, miraculous. It

85
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:37,200
was so wondrously lifelike that some of
the inhabitants of the five towns burst out

86
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:45,080
laughing. Many people felt sorry,
not for Sir Gee, but for Lady

87
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:50,480
Dame. Lady Dane was beloved and
genuinely respected. She was a simple,

88
00:08:50,639 --> 00:08:56,039
homely, sincere woman, her one
weakness being that she had never been able

89
00:08:56,080 --> 00:09:03,000
to see through Sir g Of course, at the presentation ceremony, the portrait

90
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:09,080
had been ecstatically referred to as a
possession, precious forever, and the recipient

91
00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:16,320
and his wife pretended to be overflowing
with pure joy in the ownership of it.

92
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,320
It had been hanging in the dining
room of Sneed Castle about sixteen months

93
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:26,440
when Lady Dane told her husband that
it would ultimately drive her into the lunatic

94
00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:31,639
asylum. Don't be silly, wife, said, Sir Gee, I wouldn't

95
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:37,360
part with that portrait for ten times
what it cost. This was, to

96
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:43,799
speak bluntly, a downright lie.
Sir Gee secretly hated the portrait more than

97
00:09:43,879 --> 00:09:48,679
anyone hated it. He would have
been almost ready to burn down Sneed Castle

98
00:09:48,759 --> 00:09:52,480
in order to get rid of the
thing. But it happened that on the

99
00:09:52,519 --> 00:09:58,679
previous evening, in conversation with the
magistrate's clerk, his receptive brain had been

100
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:05,320
visited by a lesson expensive scheme than
burning down the castle. Lady Dane sighed,

101
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,039
are you going to town early?
She inquired, Yes, he replied,

102
00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:16,200
I'm on the rotor to day.
He was chairman of the Borough Bench

103
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:20,879
of Magistrates. As he drove into
town, he revolved his scheme and thought

104
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:31,320
it wild and dangerous, but still
feasible. Two on the bench that morning,

105
00:10:31,879 --> 00:10:37,519
Sir g shocked mister Sherret, the
magistrate's clerk, and he utterly disgusted

106
00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:43,279
mister Bourne's, Superintendent of the Borough
Police. I do not intend to name

107
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,919
the name of the borough, whether
Bursley, Hanbridge, Knight, Longshore or

108
00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:52,919
turn Hill. The inhabitants of the
five towns will know without being told.

109
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:58,559
The rest of the world has no
right to know. There had recently occurred

110
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:03,000
a somewhat thrilling series of burglaries in
the district, and the burglars, a

111
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:09,320
gang of them, was presumed,
had escaped the solicitous attentions of the police.

112
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,799
But on the previous afternoon an underling
of mister Bournes had caught a man

113
00:11:13,879 --> 00:11:20,799
who was generally believed to be wholly
or partly responsible for the burglaries. The

114
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:26,360
five towns breathed with relief and congratulated
mister Bourne, and mister Bourne was well

115
00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:33,000
pleased with himself. The Staffordshire signal
headed the item of news smart capture of

116
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:41,399
a supposed burglar. The supposed burglar
gave his name as William Smith and otherwise

117
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:48,639
behaved in an extremely suspicious manner.
Now Sir g sitting as Chief Magistrate in

118
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:54,480
the Police Court, actually dismissed the
charge against the man, overruling his sole

119
00:11:54,559 --> 00:12:00,639
colleague on the bench that morning,
Alderman Easton. He dismissed the charge against

120
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:07,120
William Smith, holding that the evidence
for the prosecution was insufficient to justify even

121
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:13,399
a remand no wonder that mister Bourne
was discouraged, not to say angry,

122
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:18,759
no wonder that that pillar of the
law. Mister sherret was pained and shocked

123
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,279
at the conclusion of the case.
Ser Jehosifat said that he would be glad

124
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:30,360
to speak with William Smith afterwards in
the magistrates room, indicating that he sympathized

125
00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:37,279
with William Smith and wished to exercise
upon William Smith his renowned philanthropy. And

126
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,840
so at about noon, when the
court majestically rose, Sir g retired to

127
00:12:41,919 --> 00:12:46,559
the magistrates room, where the humble
Alderman Eastern was discreet enough not to follow

128
00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:54,440
him, and awaited William Smith.
And William Smith came, guided thither by

129
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,320
a policeman, to whom, in
parting from him, he made a rude,

130
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:05,080
surreptitious gesture. Sir ge, seated
in the armchair which dominates the other

131
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:09,320
chairs round the elm table in the
magistrate's room, emitted a preliminary cough.

132
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:16,879
M Smith, he said, sternly, leaning his elbows on the table.

133
00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:22,679
You are very fortunate this morning,
you know, and he gazed at Psmith.

134
00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:28,879
Smith stood near the door, cap
in hand. He did not resemble

135
00:13:28,919 --> 00:13:33,799
a burglar who surely ought to be
big, muscular and masterful. He resembled

136
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:39,399
an undersized clerk who has been out
of work for a long time, but

137
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:45,559
who has nevertheless found the means to
eat and drink rather plenteously. He was

138
00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:50,320
clothed in a very shabby navy blue
suit, frayed at the wrists and ankles,

139
00:13:50,399 --> 00:13:54,759
and greasy in front. His linen
collar was brown with dirt. His

140
00:13:54,919 --> 00:14:00,399
fingers were dirty, His hair was
unkempt and long, and a young and

141
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:05,000
lusty black beard was sprouting on his
chin. His boots were not at all

142
00:14:05,039 --> 00:14:11,159
pleasant. Yes, Governor Smith replied
lightly, with a Manchester accent, and

143
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:18,480
what's your game? Sir Ge was
taken aback. He is a chairman of

144
00:14:18,519 --> 00:14:24,440
the Borough Bench and the leading philanthropist
in the county to be so spoken to.

145
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:31,559
But what could he do? He
himself had legally established Smith's innocence.

146
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:37,200
Smith was as free as air and
had a perfect right to adopt any tone

147
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:43,080
he chose to any man who chose, And Sir Ge desired a service from

148
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:48,480
William Smith. I was hoping I
might be of use to you, said

149
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:54,480
ser Gehosiphat diplomatically. Well said Smith, that's all right, that is,

150
00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:00,600
But none of your philanthropic dodges,
you know, and on want to lead

151
00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:03,919
a new life. And I don't
want to turn over a new leaf,

152
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:07,039
and I don't want to help in
hand. No, none of those things.

153
00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:11,559
And what's more, I don't want
a situation. I've got old the

154
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:16,480
situation as I need. But I
never refuse money or beer. Neither never

155
00:15:16,559 --> 00:15:22,759
did. And I'm forty years old
next month. I suppose burgling doesn't pay

156
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:28,879
very well, does it? Said
he boldly ventured. William Smith laughed coarsely.

157
00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:33,200
It pays right enough, said he. But I don't put my money

158
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,919
on the back Governor. I've put
it into a bit of public house property.

159
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:43,159
When I get the chance, it
may pay, said saj. But

160
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:48,200
it is wrong. It is very
anti social, is it? Indeed,

161
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:52,879
Smith returned dryly, anti social is
it? Huh? I've heard it called

162
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,720
plenty of things in my time,
but never that. Now I should have

163
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:02,480
called it quite sociable, lie of
making free with strangers and so on.

164
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,679
However, he added, I come
across a cove once, as told me

165
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,799
crime was nothing but a disease and
ought to be treated as such. I

166
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:17,559
asked him for a dozen of port, but he never sent it, ever,

167
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:22,799
being caught before Sir g inquired,
not much, Smith exclaimed, and

168
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,320
this will be a lesson to me. I can tell you now, what

169
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,879
are you getting at, Governor,
Because my time's money, My time is

170
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:38,519
sair g coughed once more, Sit
down, said Sir G. And William

171
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:44,320
Smith sat down opposite to him at
the table and put his shiny elbows on

172
00:16:44,399 --> 00:16:48,600
the table, precisely in the manner
of Sir G's elbows. Well, he

173
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:56,320
cheerfully encouraged Sir G. How should
you like to commit a burglary that was

174
00:16:56,519 --> 00:17:02,519
not a crime, said Sir G, his shifty eyes wandering around the room,

175
00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:10,319
A perfectly lawful burglary. What are
you getting at? William Smith was

176
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:18,759
genuinely astonished at my resident sneed castle, said G. Proceeded, there's a

177
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:23,279
large portrait of myself in the dining
room that I want to have stolen.

178
00:17:23,759 --> 00:17:30,559
You understand stolen. Yes, I
want to get rid of it and I

179
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:36,799
want people to think that it has
been stolen. Well, why don't you

180
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:41,319
stop it one night and steal it
yourself and then burn it? William Smith

181
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:48,319
suggested that would be deceitful, said
Sir G. Gravely. I could not

182
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,720
tell my friends that the portrait had
been stolen. If it had not been

183
00:17:52,880 --> 00:18:00,480
stolen. The burglary must be entirely
genuine. What's the figure, said Smith,

184
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:04,160
curtly. Figure, what are you
going to give me for the job?

185
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:11,039
Give you for doing the job,
said she repeated, His secret and

186
00:18:11,279 --> 00:18:19,480
ineradicable meanness aroused. Give you why
I'm giving you the opportunity to honestly steal

187
00:18:19,519 --> 00:18:25,119
a picture that's worth over a thousand
pounds. I des it would be worth

188
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:30,359
two thousand pounds in America, and
you want to be paid into the bargain.

189
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,359
Do you know, my man,
that people come all the way from

190
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:41,359
Manchester and even London to see that
portrait? He told Smith about the painting.

191
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:45,400
Then why are you in such a
steal to be rid of it?

192
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:52,559
Queried the burglar. That's my affair, said said she. I don't like

193
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,839
it, Lady Dan doesn't like it, but it's a presentation portrait, and

194
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:03,759
so I can't you'll see, mister
Smith. And how am I going to

195
00:19:03,839 --> 00:19:07,559
dispose of it? When I've got
it? Smith demanded, You can't melt

196
00:19:07,599 --> 00:19:12,599
a portrait down as if it were
silver. By what you say, Guvnor,

197
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:17,519
It's known all over the blessed world. Seems to me, I might

198
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:22,160
just as well try to sell the
Nelson column. Oh nonsense, said Sir

199
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:27,599
G. Nonsense. You'll sell it
in America quite easily. It'll be a

200
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:32,759
fortune to you keep it for a
year first, and then send it to

201
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:37,880
New York. William Smith shook his
head and drummed his fingers on the table,

202
00:19:38,559 --> 00:19:44,240
and then quite suddenly he brightened and
said, all right, Guvnor,

203
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,480
I'll take it on, just to
oblige you. When can you do it,

204
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:55,359
asked Sir G, hardly concealing his
joy. Tonight, no, said

205
00:19:55,400 --> 00:20:02,480
Smith, mysteriously. I'm engaged tonight. Well tomorrow night. No, tomorrow,

206
00:20:02,799 --> 00:20:07,200
I'm engaged tomorrow too. You seem
to be very much engaged, my

207
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:12,200
man, said, she observed,
what do you expect? Smith retorted,

208
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:18,440
business is business. I could do
it the night after tomorrow, but that's

209
00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:23,519
Christmas, Eve said. She protested, what if it is Christmas? Eve

210
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:30,680
said Smith coldly. Would you prefer
Christmas Day? I'm engaged on Boxing Day

211
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:36,519
and the day after. Not in
the five towns, I trust, said,

212
00:20:36,559 --> 00:20:41,720
She remarked, No, said Smith
shortly. The five Towns is about

213
00:20:41,799 --> 00:20:48,519
sook dry. The affair was arranged
for Christmas. Eve now said, She

214
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:53,440
suggested, Shall I draw your plan
of the castle, so that you can

215
00:20:53,480 --> 00:21:00,759
William Smith's face express terrific scorn.
Do you suppose, he said, as

216
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:03,640
I haven't had plans of your castle
ever since it was built. What do

217
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,880
you take me for. I'm not
a blooming excursionist. I'm not. I'm

218
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:14,000
a business man, That's what I
am. Sir g was snubbed, and

219
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:21,039
he agreed submissively to all William Smith's
arrangements for the innocent burglary. He perceived

220
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:25,839
that in William Smith he had stumbled
on a professional of the highest class,

221
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,839
and this good fortune pleased him.
There's only one thing that riles me,

222
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:36,720
said Smith in parting, and that
is that you'll go and say that,

223
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,759
after you'd done everything you could for
me, I went and burgled your castle,

224
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:47,720
and you'll talk about the ingratitude of
the lower classes. I know you,

225
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:56,119
guv'nor three. On the afternoon of
the twenty fourth of December, Si

226
00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:02,680
Jehosifat drove home to Sneedcastle from the
principle of the Three Dane Manufactories and found

227
00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:07,000
Lady Danes superintending the work of packing
up trunks. He and she were to

228
00:22:07,079 --> 00:22:11,519
quit the castle that afternoon in order
to spend Christmas on the other side of

229
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:15,480
the five towns, under the roof
of their eldest son, John, who

230
00:22:15,559 --> 00:22:19,680
had a new house, a new
wife, and a new baby. Male.

231
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:26,680
John was a domineering person, and
being rather proud of his house and

232
00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:30,920
all that was his, he had
obstinately decided to have his own Christmas at

233
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:37,640
his own heart, Grandpapa and Grandmamma, drawn by the irresistible attraction of that

234
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:44,759
novelty a grandson. Though Missus John
had declined to have the little thing named

235
00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:51,240
Jehosaphat, had yielded to John's solicitations, and the family gathering for the first

236
00:22:51,319 --> 00:22:56,240
time in history, was not to
occur around Sir Gee's mahogany. Sir g

237
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:03,079
very characteristically said nothing thing to Lady
Dane immediately he allowed her to proceed with

238
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:07,400
the packing of the trunks, and
then tea was served, and the time

239
00:23:07,519 --> 00:23:11,119
was approaching for the carriage to come
round to take them to the station,

240
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:17,440
when at last he suddenly remarked,
I shan't be able to go with you

241
00:23:17,559 --> 00:23:23,839
to John's this afternoon. Oh Gee, she exclaimed, really you are tiresome.

242
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:30,279
Why couldn't you tell me before?
I will come over tomorrow morning.

243
00:23:30,519 --> 00:23:34,680
Perhaps in time for church. He
proceeded, ignoring her demand for an explanation.

244
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:41,079
He always did ignore her demand for
an explanation. Indeed, she only

245
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:47,519
asked for explanations in a mechanical and
perfunctory manner. She had long since ceased

246
00:23:47,519 --> 00:23:52,759
to expect them. So G had
been born like that, devious, mysterious,

247
00:23:53,079 --> 00:24:00,000
incalculable, and Lady Dane accepted him
as he was. She was somewhat

248
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,240
surprised therefore, when he went on, I have some minutes of committee meetings

249
00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:08,880
that I really must go carefully through
wounds send off tonight. And you know

250
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,480
as well as I do, as
there'll be no chance of doing that at

251
00:24:11,559 --> 00:24:18,440
John's. I've telegraphed to John.
He was obviously nervous and self conscious.

252
00:24:19,279 --> 00:24:25,400
There's no food in the hearts,
sighed Lady Dane, and the servants are

253
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,279
all going away except Calier, and
he can't cook your dinner tonight. I

254
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:36,160
think i'd better stay myself and look
after you. You'll do no such thing,

255
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:41,559
said sa G decisively. As for
my dinner, anything will do for

256
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:45,480
that. The servants have been promised
their holiday to start from this evening,

257
00:24:45,599 --> 00:24:52,799
and they must have it. I
can manage here, spoke the philanthropist with

258
00:24:52,880 --> 00:25:00,640
his unshakable sense of justice. So
Lady Dane departed anxious and worry having previously

259
00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:07,440
arranged something cold for Sir G in
the dining room and instructed Kalier about boiling

260
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:12,200
the water for Sir G's tea on
Christmas morning. Callier was the under coachman

261
00:25:12,319 --> 00:25:17,160
and a useful odd man. He
it was who would drive Sir G to

262
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:22,640
the station on Christmas morning and then
guard the castle and the stables thereof during

263
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,839
the absence of the family and the
other servants. Callier slept over the stables,

264
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:33,200
and after Sir G had consumed his
cold repast in the dining room,

265
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,440
the other servants went and Sir Gee
was alone in the castle facing the portrait.

266
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:45,559
He had managed the affair fairly well, he thought. Indeed, he

267
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,880
had a talent for chicane, and
none knew it better than himself. It

268
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:55,240
would have been dangerous if the servants
had been left in the castle. They

269
00:25:55,319 --> 00:26:00,599
might have suffered from insomnia and heard
William Smith and into feared with the operations

270
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:07,039
of William Smith. On the other
hand, Sir G had no intention whatever

271
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:11,519
of leaving the castle uninhabited to the
mercies of William Smith. He felt that

272
00:26:11,599 --> 00:26:17,119
he himself must be on the spot
to see that everything went right and that

273
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:22,960
nothing went wrong. Thus, the
previously arranged scheme for the servant's holiday fitted

274
00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:27,200
perfectly into his plans, and all
that he had had to do was to

275
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:33,119
refuse to leave the castle till the
morrow. It was ideal. Nevertheless,

276
00:26:33,319 --> 00:26:37,920
he was a little afraid of what
he had done and of what he was

277
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:44,599
going to permit William Smith to do. It was certainly dangerous, certainly rather

278
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:49,880
a wild scheme. However, the
die was cast, and within twelve hours

279
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:56,119
he would be relieved of the intolerable
incubus of the portrait. And when he

280
00:26:56,319 --> 00:27:02,720
thought of the humiliations which that poor
had caused him, when he remembered the

281
00:27:02,759 --> 00:27:08,240
remarks of his son's concerning it,
especially John's remarks, when he recalled phrases

282
00:27:08,279 --> 00:27:15,000
about it in London newspapers, he
squirmed and told himself that no scheme for

283
00:27:15,039 --> 00:27:19,480
getting rid of it could be too
wild and perilous. And after all,

284
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:26,039
the burglary dodge was the only dodge, absolutely the only conceivable practical method of

285
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:32,960
disposing of the portrait, except burning
down the castle, and surely it was

286
00:27:33,079 --> 00:27:38,319
preferable to a conflagration to arson.
Moreover, in case of fire at the

287
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:44,079
castle, some blundering fool would be
sure to cry the portrait. The portrait

288
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:49,640
must be saved, and the portrait
would be saved. He gazed at the

289
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:56,039
repulsive, hateful thing in the center
of the lower part of the massive gold

290
00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:02,559
frame. Was the legend presented to
Sergeyhoseph that day night as a mark of

291
00:28:02,799 --> 00:28:10,039
public esteem and gratitude, et cetera. He wondered if William Smith would steal

292
00:28:10,079 --> 00:28:14,839
the frame. It was to be
hoped that he would not steal the frame.

293
00:28:15,839 --> 00:28:18,759
In fact, William Smith would find
it very difficult to steal that frame

294
00:28:19,079 --> 00:28:25,799
unless he had an accomplice or so. This is the last time I shall

295
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:32,200
see you, said Sir g to
the portrait. Then he unfastened the catch

296
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:36,279
of one of the windows in the
dining room, as per contract with William

297
00:28:36,319 --> 00:28:41,079
Smith, turned out the electric light
and went to bed in the deserted castle.

298
00:28:44,119 --> 00:28:48,480
He went to bed, but not
to sleep. It was no part

299
00:28:48,559 --> 00:28:52,680
of Sir GE's program to sleep.
He intended to listen, and he did

300
00:28:52,880 --> 00:29:00,000
listen, and about two o'clock,
precisely the hour which William Smith that indicated.

301
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:07,279
He fancied he heard muffled and discreet
noises. Then he was sure that

302
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:14,279
he heard them. William Smith had
kept his word. Then the noises ceased

303
00:29:14,279 --> 00:29:19,640
for a period, and then they
recommenced. Sir Ge restrained his curiosity as

304
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,319
long as he could, and when
he could restrain it no more, he

305
00:29:23,559 --> 00:29:29,319
rose and silently opened his bedroom window
and put his head out into the nipping

306
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:34,480
night air of Christmas. And by
good fortune, he saw the vast oblong

307
00:29:34,559 --> 00:29:40,119
of the picture, carefully enveloped in
sheets, being passed by a couple of

308
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:45,559
dark figures through the dining room window
to the garden outside. William Smith had

309
00:29:45,599 --> 00:29:49,440
a colleague then, and he was
taking the frame as well as the canvas.

310
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:55,240
Soir Gee watched the men disappear down
the avenue, and they did not

311
00:29:55,480 --> 00:30:02,119
reappear. Sir Gee returned to bed. Yes, he felt himself equal to

312
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:07,440
facing it out with his family and
friends. He felt himself equal to pretending

313
00:30:07,519 --> 00:30:12,359
that he had no knowledge of the
burglary. Having slept a few hours,

314
00:30:12,599 --> 00:30:17,960
he got up early, and half
dressed, descended to the dining room just

315
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:22,720
to see what sort of a mess
William Smith had made the canvas of the

316
00:30:22,799 --> 00:30:27,839
portrait lay flat on the hearth rug, with the following words written on it

317
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:34,720
in chalk. This is no use
to me. It was the massive gold

318
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:42,359
frame that had gone further. As
was later discovered, all the silver had

319
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:52,039
gone. Not a spoon was left
in the castle. End of the Christmas

320
00:30:52,079 --> 00:30:53,519
Eve burglary by Arnold Bennett