Welcome to round three of the Parenting Roundabout podcasts for the week of May fifteenth.
I'm Catherine he Leco and I'm here with Terry Morrow. Hello, and
Nicole Arretics is not with us today. So we are going to do something
that we maybe would have a harder time doing with three la people. We
are, as you know, moms of teens and young adults, and when
it comes to parenting, we've been there, done that, bought the T
shirt. But we're still waiting for that day when we'll reach the finish line
and have no further need to lay down in a dark room with a wet
rag over our eyes worrying about something or other. Wednesday is complained day.
Here I'm Parenting Roundabout, and today we're complaining about parenting quizzes. Maybe what
we thought we would do is we have found a quiz at BuzzFeed shocking and
it is titled how strict are your parenting opinions compared to everyone else's? So
we've had this would be right for our commentary, Yes, so we will.
We will comment on the quiz and then we will take it at the
same time and see what BuzzFeed thinks of us. Nothing good, I'm sure,
right. So the first question is what's the best age for a kid
to get a phone? And the options are as soon as they can talk
phones in the future, thirteen, they're a teen, so it just feels
right when they have to go to school on their own, which okay,
is that like three five, you know, or well maybe it's like when
they're old enough to when they drive to school by themselves or walk, but
anyway. And then the fourth option is when they can pay for it themselves,
which is basically never. So so yeah, so I definitely like them
not to have to make this decision because my cell phones weren't a thing until
my kids were older, and I think they got them in college mostly so
I could I think I got my son one just so I could set alarms
on it to tell him when he needed to go to classes. But it
would have been nice in high school. There was one evening when my daughter
needed to be picked up somewhere large and my husband couldn't find her, and
she wound up walking to her aunt and uncle's house and calling us from there.
It would have been super if she had had a cell phone and my
husband had had a cell phone. They would actually use, which is a
whole other topic. They could have found each other super quick, right,
so, but they that wasn't a thing then, or we hadn't given her
one then, and it wasn't as omnipresent as it is now. Your kids
are a little younger. When did they get there first cell phones? They
got them at like thirteen. And it's funny because before that, my son,
you know, was really angling for a phone a few years, a
year or two before that, and I finally agreed to get him just a
flip phone because I'm like, well, if you need it, if your
argument is that you need it to you know, be able to reach me
or whatever, then a flip phone will work for that purpose. And so
I got him the flip phone and he never used it. He just held
out until he turned thirteen and got a smartphone. Yeah, the smartphone is
a game changer. My son was not very interested in the flipphone that I
got him first, but then once he got the the iPhone, I saw
a difference in his communication. He just he just was completely unwrapped by it.
Yeah, I'm not interested in paying attention to anything else. It was
scary, but at the same time, it was useful, and you know,
the the child location features of it is very very useful and comforting,
and the ability to send them a text even and they're in their room and
you're in the living room instead of yelling. It's very nice. So I
think probably if I was moming right now, I might say thirteen. All
right, so let's answer. Should we reveal what we're saying or just do
it? Okay? Yeah, well I'm saying thirteen. I am too,
and we are. Forty seven percent of busfeed readers agree with us, So
that's right. Is that comforting or not? I don't know if I want
to be like busfeed readers. Dang, yeah, the one they can pay
for it themselves. That still would not be an issue case in my house.
Yeah, and as soon as they can talk. No, right,
all right? Now here here we go. Is it okay for a parent
to check their kids phone? The options are, of course, how else
will you know what they're up to? No, it's an invasion of privacy
only if I suspect they're doing something shady or I'm all about the phone tracking
baby, So this is not you know, having them on three sixty or
whatever. So that you can track their movements. This is actually looking at
what is going on on their phone, which there are many apps that you
can use for this purpose. I think if you're giving it to the kid
at thirteen, that's part of the rule that I need to see what you're
doing. Right, you need to give me access anytime I ask for it,
or let me put this nosy app on or something like that. Once
they get older, I still would love to look at my son's phone because
he's in his room with it a lot for a long time, and I
worry, right, but he will not, under any circumstances let me even
lay a hand on it, So I would have to really put a lot
of chips on the table to get a look at it. And even then
he might call my bluff. So of course it's an invasion of privacy.
The question is how responsible are you for that person, and right and how
what is the expectation of privacy between a parent and a child. And yeah,
I would say that at thirteen they got a legacy. At eighteen maybe
they can say none of your business. But even then, I mean,
my kids I still feel responsible for and if they're doing something you need to
know about it. It's like I feel like society says, how dare new
parents try to look on your phone? And oh, by the way,
look what happened? Why did you do something right? Didn't you look?
So? Yeah, you can't win. I would say, only if I
suspect they're doing something shady, except how do you know? I really wish
there was an easy way to I I tend to be I'm all about the
phone tracking baby, but right, I have not been able to do that.
So yeah, my my answer would be only if I if I suspect,
that's a nice middle ground, right right, And you know we're just
now suspicious, and we are, indeed with the great majority here, yes,
of course. It is interesting that the second most common answer is no,
it's an invasion of privacy. I'm kind of surprised. Yeah, I
would think that they yeah, for BuzzFeed years old, because then maybe they
are. Maybe at least eighteen percent of BuzzFeed readers are young people with phones
saying stay off my phone, mom, all right, their children are one
year old, so they don't they don't get it. Yeah, Okay.
The next question is what do you think about kids calling their parents by their
first name and the choices are this is so rude. Never it's their name,
so why not? Or only at home but never in public. I
don't like any of these choices. Yeah, which because no, it's disrespectful,
but if it happens every now and then, it's just as a joke.
As a joke, yes, right. Otherwise I answer to mom,
mama, mommy, Hey you short lady, I answer to those things.
You don't need to use my first name. Yeah, I think it's not
only respect, but it's just you know, it's a special relationship and it's
a special like there's only a few people, yes that you like, your
child only has a few people that they can call by a special name,
like mom or dad or grandma or whatever. And likewise, you know,
the adult only has a few relationships that have that kind of special name.
So I don't think it's necessarily rude, and I wouldn't say never. You
know, it's just like almost like it's a privilege that, yeah, that
person is not using or whatever. So yeah, I feel strongly that parents
should kids should not call their parents by the first names. I mean,
of other families want to do it, fine, but I don't like it,
right, I guess I'll pick only at home or something. Well,
that's worse. I'll pick it's their name. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's
rude, even though I don't really think it's rude, although sixty four percent
of BuzzFeed readers agree with me. Where do you stand on answering back lip
from the kiddos? Do we tall? Right? Oh? Look at that,
they're expressing themselves. They had so much speech therapy and now they're using
their So I'm so thrilled. I admit sometimes I feel right, honestly,
but only when they're giving lip to my husband. If it's to me,
forget it, no thing. You don't talk to me like that but him.
Yeah, I should call Missy Lane for preschool and dollar, Oh,
well, you're expressing yourself. Often have more than one said to my husband
actually, very recently. Do you know how many years of speech therapy they
had to get them to be able to talk with that? Right? Please
try to appreciate it. He does not. I'm sure. So the answers
are always so. I want the kids to speak their mind. That's what
you say about other people's to me, never darnstream. Children should be seen
and never heard. Good luck with that, and it's okay sometimes but only
sometimes, So I would I would pick that last thing, both because you
know, if it's answering back to my husband right kind of fun, if
it's to me now, but also because sometimes you're having a joke and around
conversation and the kids talk back and you're just all having fun together, and
sometimes it's serious, you know, So if it's serious, it's not okay.
If it's if we're all kind of being teasy with each other. But
then is that because that answering express yourself child? Maybe not sometimes, I
mean we have discussions sometimes where we're all joking around and the kids will say
rude things that I think could be considered talking back, and I don't know,
I would say sometimes, but depending on the degree of seriousness. If
it's I mean, if it's something serious that I need them to do or
that I need them to understand and they're giving me that, then it's a
problem. If we're just having fun together. Again, I say, as
a mom whose kids spent many, many, many years in speech therapy,
thank you all the therapists who've gotten to the point where she can give us
a whip. Excellent money. Well spent to be disrespected in such a way.
Go you, Well, I'm I'm going with never. I mean,
just because I think that I wouldn't define it and as answering back in this
in the circumstances that year explaining and yeah, I can sit, but I
also don't. I don't love to me like it should just be never,
Like I don't want them to do it to anyone else for sure, like
not to a teacher, not to a grandparent, you know, a babysitter
whatever. So yes, so I'm going with never, even though that's okay,
but I'm in the in the minority. Most people are with you,
it's okay sometimes yes, okay, so most people are namby pamby about yeah,
excellently it Sometimes it's so cute. Oh what about TV shows with swearing
in them? These kind of shows are not for kids, and that's not
up for debates. Is the number one choice define kids? Well? And
also that's just sanctimonious, like come on, yeah, well, but I
mean for little kids. Yeah, I don't want to hear in that stuff
because they'll repeat it and then people will make judgments about me. My kids
absolutely would repeat it, and then we're back to like, Hey, they're
using their words. I know exactly. Yes, this is my quandering speech
therapist, say, missus Morrow, Yes, what your son said today in
speech? Where did you hear that? I don't know. You know,
the streaming TV was online, don't I don't bust into his phone phone to
find Okay, So then they can watch some stuff under my supervision, which
you know doesn't really change their exposure to it, to be honest, I
mean you can talk to them about it. But like you said before,
good luck with that. Sponge is still gonna be. So gonna write and
then say similarly, only if they get my special permission, that's the same
answer. And then if they promised to never repeat any of the words again,
good luck with that. Yeah. Well, I mean I would say,
if we're talking about little kids, maybe preteens, I don't think they
need to be watching shows that had that kind of language, although good luck
finding shows that don't. It seems to be more and more even on broadcast
TV. Language that I don't like. My husband is very heppy, right,
but you know it's really hard to find. Ian used to be Disney
Channel stuff was pretty clean. I don't know if it still is but that's
the kind of well and some people have a problem with like attitudes, not
language, like behavior on sometimes are they talking about their first names? Yeah,
I don't care about that so much because you've got to have something.
But I don't think that they need I mean the kind of shows that have
a lot of cursing. I don't know that kids need to be interested in
anyway. But when they get older. I have to say, I sort
of enjoy using curse words with my kids now, my young adult kids or
adult adult kids, just because it makes them laugh to hear the old lady
saying those things. And if I want to put a point across, but
do it in a non hostile way. If I throw in an elbow,
yes, right, it diffuses the situation while still getting the message through.
So I am worse than the TV shows, but I don't think they have
a lot of interest in that kind of shows anyway. Tried to get my
daughter to watch Shrinking. She was not interested. And boy, that show
had some math bone. It did any much every couple of minutes. Yes,
and as much as I enjoyed it, I'm still kind of why about
it. But okay, it was fun. I kind of enjoy that stuff.
My husband is very very very very anti that kind of language, which
is why I'm the given them cookies. So what do you feel about these
things? So I don't know. I guess my answer is yeah, I
mean again, it's certainly an age thing, you know. Like it was
kind of funny because my son the other day we got I got a notice
from one of his teachers that they were going to be watching an R rated
movie and like I had to, you know, be warned about this,
and I'm like, okay, Well, first of all, he's eighteen,
and yeah, yeah, he's pretty much seen everything, so I do not
care if he watches rain Man in psychology class. So yeah, yeah,
I mean a kind of shows are not for kids, right, It's it's
an age thing. And and I've never been super like I don't know,
I don't want to say prudish, but I've never been super like. Strict
is the is the term they're using in this article about what my kids to
watch. So right, I guess I'll just say they can watch some under
my supervision. So what are you going to pick? I don't know.
I think those kinds of shows are not for kids, and not only because
of the language. Yeah, just because adults themes, as they say in
the TV writing world, right, um, adults may not even be ready
for adult themes. Now, So what's the best way for a child to
spend their summer halls? I'm assuming that means holiday. Yeah, this must
be the British buzz buzz feed. I guess, okay, right, with
a summer job. It's the only way to learn discipline inside the house in
front of the TV. At summer camp. Things have always got to be
productive or out and about with their friends. Summer is all about making memories.
Could it not be all of the other? Yeah, that's what I
think. Summer is a long time. You could have a little summer job,
you could go to camp, you could go do stuff with your friends,
you watch TV. There's all the time in the world. I notice
summer homework is not on you. Yeah, no, I don't. I
don't appreciate the summer homework. I have enough trouble with homework during the school
year. I don't want to have to deal with it in the summer either.
Yeah. And I mean it's also an age thing, because you know,
I'm not going to give my kindergartener a summer job. They should pull
their weight to. You know, my elementary school age kid can go to
summer camp, my teenager. If they want to be in front of the
TV with their friends, they probably also should work a little bit. It's
I don't know. All of these things can be about making memories, honestly.
Yeah, remember that summer we sat in front of the TV and did
nothing else. I loved that summer. Well. Also, the accompanying Jeff
is from high school musical and they're all at work. So that's right.
Oh well, so I don't know what do we say to that? I
say, I say all to the above and depending on age, Yeah,
me too. So how do you app to this one? I'm gonna pick
out and about with their friends. Yeah, this assumes they have friends,
which is not something that I could assume with my children. Like ever,
so that summer camp is not necessarily bad. I'm just going to boot this
one. Well, most, it turns out, the most they agree with
most people agree with me. Yes, all right, should strict bedtimes be
enforced? Well? And also, okay, these questions are again weird.
Yes, once the lights go out, they need to catch those z's.
What does that mean like mom and dad are watching TV that has swear words.
Um. I guess it means like, if you set a bedtime,
do you enforce it? Um, And then the next one is normally yes,
but if there's something fun happening, it goes out the window. They
have to go to their room at bedtime, but I don't care what they
do in there. Nah, the kids will sleep when they're tired enough.
Okay, that's that's a bad move. That's that is not going to go
well for you the next day. So no, no, no, no,
no no. I would say I was probably when my kids were younger,
young enough to have a bedtime more like normally yes, but if there's
something fun happening, it goes out the window. Yeah. Maybe, I
would say. I remember if my son was really, really little, it
was totally we put him down in his crib. But whether he slept or
not, I have no idea. He would just just amuse himself in some
way, and the petition would pediatrician would say how much sleep did he get
a night, And we're like, oh, I don't know. I put
him down this right in between he might be partying with the other babies.
I don't know, but yeah, I guess normally yes, but if there's
something fun happening, it's closest to our kids. My daughter has always just
put herself to bed. She has a very strict biological clock, and when
it's her bedtime, she goes to bed. And my son again, he'll
go to bed and not sleep. So, um, yeah, it looks
like we're in the majority there. I mean, I agree that they need
to catch those disease, but I think they're There has to be some room
for Yeah, there has to be some flexibility, you know, they can
they can participate in the setting of the bedtime. Doesn't have to be the
parents who just say you are going to be sleepy at this time, right,
and I don't care. Um. Oh, curfews, I know if
I ever had a curfew when I and eleven pm. Curfew must be enforced.
No if, no, butts now, when they're going to be home,
when they've got to be home depends on where they're going curfew. My
kids aren't leaving the house in the first place, or a curfew is important,
but it should always be later on weekends. Um, I think why
my kids aren't leaving the house, They don't mean my kids don't have anything
to do. I think they mean like I am keeping my answer, but
I think that yeah, the implication is I'm keeping them at home. I
can't answer any of these because my kids never went out by themselves in a
situation that would require a curfew. My my daughter in high school might have
gone to some banned parties, but she always wanted to come home early.
As you said, she has a question when she wants to go to sleep.
She wants to go to sleep, so it wasn't an issue. And
my son, you know, all the moms would go with the kids and
then all the moms would bring them home. So yeah, I'm just gonna
have to skip that one. I think it's probably when they've got to be
your home. Depends on where they're going. Like the least strict one,
this one mine would My answer is, but that's not the number one choice.
The number one choice is a curfew is important, but it should be
later on weekends. I mean, I guess, should the kids do chores
around the house, and the options are, Dobie know the kids are free
cleaners. No way, kids should be kids. Well, that's the only
way they'll get any money off me. So, yeah, they should have
a few responsibilities here and there. I go with the last one. Me
too. I think responsibilities and contributing to the family are good. Yes,
and that is the most populous look at us. Okay, sleepovers, where
do you stand on sleepovers? Golly, I would have loved to have sleepovers
with my kids, but it didn't really happen. I had a lot of
sleepovers when I was a kid. Yeah, Adam went to them. It
was all about them. This was maybe the sixties was the high point of
sleepover in America. Yeah. I mean, I'm a little bit younger than
you, but I definitely had plenty of sleep The options are I'm all for
them. Got to get the kids out of the house somehow. The kids
can only stay at houses that have passed my background check. If they want
to sleepover, they can have one at home or sleepover. Why would make
keep go to someone else's house when they have a free place to sleep at
home? That weird answer, stupid answer. I think it's the kids can
stay at houses that have passed my background check. I mean, not that
I'm doing a background check, but like you know, I want to have
some comfort level with where they're going. Yeah, I think I would say
they can have one at home, just purely because I mean, I'm a
control freak, so I would definitely. I would be all worried all night.
So do it here where I can sneak in and peak gun. Make
sure nobody's putting your hand in a bowl of water. Yeah, well,
but we are both kind of in the minority. Yeah, the most popular
answers, I'm all for them. Get the kids out. Oh man,
definitely not that one. That would be my lowest ranked I think, yes,
although why would they sleep at someone else's house when they have a free
place to sleep at home. It's just dumb. Yeah, silly. Oh.
Piercings in tattooercings in tattoos, go for it. I'm all about self
expression. Earings, Yes, tattoos No, if I personally approve it,
why not? And no way, I don't like any of those. I
would be fine with pierced ears, pierced other things. I guess once they're
an adult, do what you want to do. If they wanted tattoos,
I probably would if they were tastes. Fortunately, I squashed the tattoo thing
early on. Bye and the piercings as well by saying there's needles and balls
and lots of needles, and you know they who scream and have to be
tied down to get shots were like, no, thank you, not for
me, never mind, do not want? But if they did, I
mean such a thing nowadays. My husband, on the other hand, I
could be as liberal as I want on this thing, because you would say
no, how no way, never right, So so I can go are
you sure? Maybe you'd be oh no, no, you say no any
will Pop says no, I'm sorry nothing, I caple not have it.
But my daughter could have got her ears perst if she wanted to. She
didn't want to because sharp object through your skin? Thank you? Right,
So the fact that I have them meant nothing. What is your feeling about
that? If your kid's gotten any of these items? Um, my daughter
has several She has her ears pierced multiple places, and she does have her
nose pierced um. And I don't mind the nose with like a little tiny
stud I actually think it's it can be cute. I don't love when it's
a little ring, even if it's tiny. Um, and she has she
has done both. I okay, I definitely prefer the little the little sneezes.
What happens, nothing, it's no, Yeah, it's not painful to
like blow your nose with something. No, I mean it's I think that
getting your ear pierced, like up in the cartilage, Yeah, that can
be more painful. Like my my sister has that and she still can't sleep
on that side of her head. So I had two piercings on my earlobe
at one point. That's as far as I want. Yeah, that was
my that was my dramatic stand of piercing. And then I let it grow
over because it was too much to deal with. Yeah, I mean,
I am basically on the side of like I'm I'm about self expression. I'm
like, yeah, it's it's your body, and I write I don't necessarily
love it, but you know I don't. I don't feel strongly enough about
it too, yeah, to try to forbid it. And it's also like
a choose your battles kind of thing. Absolutely, So that's something about which
attitudes have changed, yeah, enormously during our lifetime. Right, And my
daughter also does. She has an idea for a tattoo she wants to get
when she's done skating. Because if she would, if she would get it
while she's skating, she would have to cover it up. Yes, so,
and you know, I know what it is. It's small, it's
tasteful, it's yeah. Yeah, I think I wouldn't freak out about something
small. I think sleeves. We would have to have a long conversation,
right, But you know it's I'm trying to sort of be the one saying
it's their body. They're adults. They get to do what they want to
do, even if we don't approve of it. But did I mention their
needles? I'm getting a shot over and over and over again, right,
I don't know if that's true. But wow, well I picked I picked
the go for it one, and I that's the least popular. Yes,
oh wow, I guess I would say I would see piercings. Yes,
now I've how about if you personally approve it, but I personally approve of
it, why not? But if I personally approve of it, and and
Pop does not personally approve of it, assuming troubles so much trouble it's not
worth it? Yes? So what that is the most popular? Gets some
easy to wash off marking pins and just you know, have a little fun.
Because they get those ear rings with the magnets. You could probably use
that in your nose. It'd be okay. Yeah maybe no that I feel
would fallow were to come out when you blow. Yeah. Yeah they have.
They have not shown any interest whatsoever. So all kay? Finally,
is this the last one? When the best time to start relaxing the rules?
Once they turn eighteen, we are all adults. As long as they're
under my roof, it's my rules. Never lol, They'll always be my
kid. Yeah, as long as they're under my roof, it's my rules.
We have used that trite and horrifying as it is, we say that
kind of a lot. Yeah, yeah, I mean I put it.
I put it a little more gently as it's part of your rent. Yes,
but the same diff I'm gonna say that too. I mean, I
think, Wow, once they turn eighteen, we're all adults. I gotta
wonder if the people who are saying once they turn eighteen were all adults have
children who were under eighteen. Yeah. Well, once they get there,
you realize these kids don't know anything, and most of them are still in
high school, you know, especially with kids being red shirted and stuff.
Yeah, all right, all right, so do we have a score here?
No, there's no final score. It was just perth. So yeah,
so we will never never have stress where we are. Of course I
didn't answer once something that I'm just gonna tell myself, that's why. But
this was fun. Yeah, things that parents are talking about, complaining about,
and obsessing about right now in this quiz. Yes, Oh, that's
it for our quizzical round three. Tune in tomorrow when we'll obsess about take
your child to Workday, and then on Friday to see what we've come up
with for our Roundabout round of picks this week. Find all our episodes apparenting
roundabout dot com and talk back in the comments there, on our Facebook page
or on Twitter, where you'll find us at roundabout Chat