WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:07.320
Welcome to round three of the Parenting
Roundabout podcasts for the week of May fifteenth.

2
00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:10.839
I'm Catherine he Leco and I'm here
with Terry Morrow. Hello, and

3
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:17.519
Nicole Arretics is not with us today. So we are going to do something

4
00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:22.760
that we maybe would have a harder
time doing with three la people. We

5
00:00:22.839 --> 00:00:25.839
are, as you know, moms
of teens and young adults, and when

6
00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:28.640
it comes to parenting, we've been
there, done that, bought the T

7
00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:32.320
shirt. But we're still waiting for
that day when we'll reach the finish line

8
00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:35.399
and have no further need to lay
down in a dark room with a wet

9
00:00:35.479 --> 00:00:39.880
rag over our eyes worrying about something
or other. Wednesday is complained day.

10
00:00:39.960 --> 00:00:46.600
Here I'm Parenting Roundabout, and today
we're complaining about parenting quizzes. Maybe what

11
00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:54.200
we thought we would do is we
have found a quiz at BuzzFeed shocking and

12
00:00:54.520 --> 00:01:00.679
it is titled how strict are your
parenting opinions compared to everyone else's? So

13
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:10.000
we've had this would be right for
our commentary, Yes, so we will.

14
00:01:10.120 --> 00:01:12.439
We will comment on the quiz and
then we will take it at the

15
00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:17.359
same time and see what BuzzFeed thinks
of us. Nothing good, I'm sure,

16
00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:22.280
right. So the first question is
what's the best age for a kid

17
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:26.159
to get a phone? And the
options are as soon as they can talk

18
00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:30.480
phones in the future, thirteen,
they're a teen, so it just feels

19
00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:34.400
right when they have to go to
school on their own, which okay,

20
00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:38.120
is that like three five, you
know, or well maybe it's like when

21
00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:42.879
they're old enough to when they drive
to school by themselves or walk, but

22
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:47.000
anyway. And then the fourth option
is when they can pay for it themselves,

23
00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:53.359
which is basically never. So so
yeah, so I definitely like them

24
00:01:53.439 --> 00:01:57.120
not to have to make this decision
because my cell phones weren't a thing until

25
00:01:57.159 --> 00:02:00.239
my kids were older, and I
think they got them in college mostly so

26
00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:04.319
I could I think I got my
son one just so I could set alarms

27
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:08.599
on it to tell him when he
needed to go to classes. But it

28
00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:14.319
would have been nice in high school. There was one evening when my daughter

29
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:19.919
needed to be picked up somewhere large
and my husband couldn't find her, and

30
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:23.400
she wound up walking to her aunt
and uncle's house and calling us from there.

31
00:02:24.439 --> 00:02:27.800
It would have been super if she
had had a cell phone and my

32
00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:30.319
husband had had a cell phone.
They would actually use, which is a

33
00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:35.199
whole other topic. They could have
found each other super quick, right,

34
00:02:35.439 --> 00:02:38.319
so, but they that wasn't a
thing then, or we hadn't given her

35
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:40.599
one then, and it wasn't as
omnipresent as it is now. Your kids

36
00:02:40.599 --> 00:02:44.879
are a little younger. When did
they get there first cell phones? They

37
00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:52.520
got them at like thirteen. And
it's funny because before that, my son,

38
00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:57.439
you know, was really angling for
a phone a few years, a

39
00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:01.719
year or two before that, and
I finally agreed to get him just a

40
00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:07.599
flip phone because I'm like, well, if you need it, if your

41
00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:09.719
argument is that you need it to
you know, be able to reach me

42
00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:16.639
or whatever, then a flip phone
will work for that purpose. And so

43
00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:23.319
I got him the flip phone and
he never used it. He just held

44
00:03:23.360 --> 00:03:30.479
out until he turned thirteen and got
a smartphone. Yeah, the smartphone is

45
00:03:30.520 --> 00:03:34.159
a game changer. My son was
not very interested in the flipphone that I

46
00:03:34.199 --> 00:03:38.080
got him first, but then once
he got the the iPhone, I saw

47
00:03:38.120 --> 00:03:44.159
a difference in his communication. He
just he just was completely unwrapped by it.

48
00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:47.080
Yeah, I'm not interested in paying
attention to anything else. It was

49
00:03:47.319 --> 00:03:52.560
scary, but at the same time, it was useful, and you know,

50
00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:57.560
the the child location features of it
is very very useful and comforting,

51
00:03:57.960 --> 00:04:00.800
and the ability to send them a
text even and they're in their room and

52
00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:04.080
you're in the living room instead of
yelling. It's very nice. So I

53
00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:09.759
think probably if I was moming right
now, I might say thirteen. All

54
00:04:09.840 --> 00:04:14.080
right, so let's answer. Should
we reveal what we're saying or just do

55
00:04:14.159 --> 00:04:17.680
it? Okay? Yeah, well
I'm saying thirteen. I am too,

56
00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:24.040
and we are. Forty seven percent
of busfeed readers agree with us, So

57
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:26.879
that's right. Is that comforting or
not? I don't know if I want

58
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:31.240
to be like busfeed readers. Dang, yeah, the one they can pay

59
00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:34.680
for it themselves. That still would
not be an issue case in my house.

60
00:04:34.920 --> 00:04:38.680
Yeah, and as soon as they
can talk. No, right,

61
00:04:39.800 --> 00:04:43.480
all right? Now here here we
go. Is it okay for a parent

62
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:47.279
to check their kids phone? The
options are, of course, how else

63
00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:51.079
will you know what they're up to? No, it's an invasion of privacy

64
00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:58.480
only if I suspect they're doing something
shady or I'm all about the phone tracking

65
00:04:58.600 --> 00:05:05.399
baby, So this is not you
know, having them on three sixty or

66
00:05:05.399 --> 00:05:10.800
whatever. So that you can track
their movements. This is actually looking at

67
00:05:10.839 --> 00:05:15.759
what is going on on their phone, which there are many apps that you

68
00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:18.480
can use for this purpose. I
think if you're giving it to the kid

69
00:05:18.519 --> 00:05:23.000
at thirteen, that's part of the
rule that I need to see what you're

70
00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:26.639
doing. Right, you need to
give me access anytime I ask for it,

71
00:05:27.079 --> 00:05:29.639
or let me put this nosy app
on or something like that. Once

72
00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:33.519
they get older, I still would
love to look at my son's phone because

73
00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:36.759
he's in his room with it a
lot for a long time, and I

74
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:43.040
worry, right, but he will
not, under any circumstances let me even

75
00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:47.680
lay a hand on it, So
I would have to really put a lot

76
00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:50.079
of chips on the table to get
a look at it. And even then

77
00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:55.959
he might call my bluff. So
of course it's an invasion of privacy.

78
00:05:56.000 --> 00:06:01.279
The question is how responsible are you
for that person, and right and how

79
00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:06.879
what is the expectation of privacy between
a parent and a child. And yeah,

80
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:13.040
I would say that at thirteen they
got a legacy. At eighteen maybe

81
00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:15.959
they can say none of your business. But even then, I mean,

82
00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:19.319
my kids I still feel responsible for
and if they're doing something you need to

83
00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:24.079
know about it. It's like I
feel like society says, how dare new

84
00:06:24.120 --> 00:06:26.040
parents try to look on your phone? And oh, by the way,

85
00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:29.680
look what happened? Why did you
do something right? Didn't you look?

86
00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:34.720
So? Yeah, you can't win. I would say, only if I

87
00:06:34.759 --> 00:06:41.399
suspect they're doing something shady, except
how do you know? I really wish

88
00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:45.319
there was an easy way to I
I tend to be I'm all about the

89
00:06:45.319 --> 00:06:47.720
phone tracking baby, but right,
I have not been able to do that.

90
00:06:47.959 --> 00:06:54.000
So yeah, my my answer would
be only if I if I suspect,

91
00:06:55.720 --> 00:06:59.759
that's a nice middle ground, right
right, And you know we're just

92
00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:09.720
now suspicious, and we are,
indeed with the great majority here, yes,

93
00:07:09.839 --> 00:07:15.040
of course. It is interesting that
the second most common answer is no,

94
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:19.920
it's an invasion of privacy. I'm
kind of surprised. Yeah, I

95
00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:24.439
would think that they yeah, for
BuzzFeed years old, because then maybe they

96
00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:29.079
are. Maybe at least eighteen percent
of BuzzFeed readers are young people with phones

97
00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:35.120
saying stay off my phone, mom, all right, their children are one

98
00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:42.560
year old, so they don't they
don't get it. Yeah, Okay.

99
00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:46.079
The next question is what do you
think about kids calling their parents by their

100
00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:50.439
first name and the choices are this
is so rude. Never it's their name,

101
00:07:50.600 --> 00:07:56.040
so why not? Or only at
home but never in public. I

102
00:07:56.079 --> 00:08:01.360
don't like any of these choices.
Yeah, which because no, it's disrespectful,

103
00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:05.319
but if it happens every now and
then, it's just as a joke.

104
00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:09.600
As a joke, yes, right. Otherwise I answer to mom,

105
00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:13.680
mama, mommy, Hey you short
lady, I answer to those things.

106
00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:16.279
You don't need to use my first
name. Yeah, I think it's not

107
00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:20.399
only respect, but it's just you
know, it's a special relationship and it's

108
00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:28.360
a special like there's only a few
people, yes that you like, your

109
00:08:28.399 --> 00:08:31.519
child only has a few people that
they can call by a special name,

110
00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.279
like mom or dad or grandma or
whatever. And likewise, you know,

111
00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:39.559
the adult only has a few relationships
that have that kind of special name.

112
00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:45.919
So I don't think it's necessarily rude, and I wouldn't say never. You

113
00:08:45.960 --> 00:08:50.200
know, it's just like almost like
it's a privilege that, yeah, that

114
00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:56.120
person is not using or whatever.
So yeah, I feel strongly that parents

115
00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:58.039
should kids should not call their parents
by the first names. I mean,

116
00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:03.480
of other families want to do it, fine, but I don't like it,

117
00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:09.240
right, I guess I'll pick only
at home or something. Well,

118
00:09:09.240 --> 00:09:13.200
that's worse. I'll pick it's their
name. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's

119
00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:16.960
rude, even though I don't really
think it's rude, although sixty four percent

120
00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:26.039
of BuzzFeed readers agree with me.
Where do you stand on answering back lip

121
00:09:26.360 --> 00:09:31.639
from the kiddos? Do we tall? Right? Oh? Look at that,

122
00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:35.600
they're expressing themselves. They had so
much speech therapy and now they're using

123
00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:41.320
their So I'm so thrilled. I
admit sometimes I feel right, honestly,

124
00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:45.799
but only when they're giving lip to
my husband. If it's to me,

125
00:09:46.080 --> 00:09:48.759
forget it, no thing. You
don't talk to me like that but him.

126
00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:54.200
Yeah, I should call Missy Lane
for preschool and dollar, Oh,

127
00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:58.399
well, you're expressing yourself. Often
have more than one said to my husband

128
00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:01.320
actually, very recently. Do you
know how many years of speech therapy they

129
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:07.120
had to get them to be able
to talk with that? Right? Please

130
00:10:07.279 --> 00:10:15.440
try to appreciate it. He does
not. I'm sure. So the answers

131
00:10:15.559 --> 00:10:18.559
are always so. I want the
kids to speak their mind. That's what

132
00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:24.320
you say about other people's to me, never darnstream. Children should be seen

133
00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:28.720
and never heard. Good luck with
that, and it's okay sometimes but only

134
00:10:28.840 --> 00:10:35.720
sometimes, So I would I would
pick that last thing, both because you

135
00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:39.000
know, if it's answering back to
my husband right kind of fun, if

136
00:10:39.039 --> 00:10:45.000
it's to me now, but also
because sometimes you're having a joke and around

137
00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:50.080
conversation and the kids talk back and
you're just all having fun together, and

138
00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:54.279
sometimes it's serious, you know,
So if it's serious, it's not okay.

139
00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:58.960
If it's if we're all kind of
being teasy with each other. But

140
00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:03.799
then is that because that answering express
yourself child? Maybe not sometimes, I

141
00:11:03.799 --> 00:11:09.159
mean we have discussions sometimes where we're
all joking around and the kids will say

142
00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:15.600
rude things that I think could be
considered talking back, and I don't know,

143
00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:18.519
I would say sometimes, but depending
on the degree of seriousness. If

144
00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:22.200
it's I mean, if it's something
serious that I need them to do or

145
00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:24.559
that I need them to understand and
they're giving me that, then it's a

146
00:11:24.600 --> 00:11:28.919
problem. If we're just having fun
together. Again, I say, as

147
00:11:28.919 --> 00:11:33.799
a mom whose kids spent many,
many, many years in speech therapy,

148
00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:37.840
thank you all the therapists who've gotten
to the point where she can give us

149
00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:43.360
a whip. Excellent money. Well
spent to be disrespected in such a way.

150
00:11:43.799 --> 00:11:50.120
Go you, Well, I'm I'm
going with never. I mean,

151
00:11:50.679 --> 00:11:54.320
just because I think that I wouldn't
define it and as answering back in this

152
00:11:54.600 --> 00:12:01.600
in the circumstances that year explaining and
yeah, I can sit, but I

153
00:12:01.639 --> 00:12:05.879
also don't. I don't love to
me like it should just be never,

154
00:12:05.759 --> 00:12:09.320
Like I don't want them to do
it to anyone else for sure, like

155
00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:13.480
not to a teacher, not to
a grandparent, you know, a babysitter

156
00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:20.159
whatever. So yes, so I'm
going with never, even though that's okay,

157
00:12:20.600 --> 00:12:26.440
but I'm in the in the minority. Most people are with you,

158
00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:31.080
it's okay sometimes yes, okay,
so most people are namby pamby about yeah,

159
00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:39.679
excellently it Sometimes it's so cute.
Oh what about TV shows with swearing

160
00:12:39.799 --> 00:12:43.879
in them? These kind of shows
are not for kids, and that's not

161
00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:48.480
up for debates. Is the number
one choice define kids? Well? And

162
00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:54.519
also that's just sanctimonious, like come
on, yeah, well, but I

163
00:12:54.519 --> 00:12:56.159
mean for little kids. Yeah,
I don't want to hear in that stuff

164
00:12:56.159 --> 00:13:00.759
because they'll repeat it and then people
will make judgments about me. My kids

165
00:13:00.840 --> 00:13:05.440
absolutely would repeat it, and then
we're back to like, Hey, they're

166
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:11.639
using their words. I know exactly. Yes, this is my quandering speech

167
00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:16.799
therapist, say, missus Morrow,
Yes, what your son said today in

168
00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:22.320
speech? Where did you hear that? I don't know. You know,

169
00:13:22.919 --> 00:13:28.840
the streaming TV was online, don't
I don't bust into his phone phone to

170
00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:35.039
find Okay, So then they can
watch some stuff under my supervision, which

171
00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:39.440
you know doesn't really change their exposure
to it, to be honest, I

172
00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:41.840
mean you can talk to them about
it. But like you said before,

173
00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:46.200
good luck with that. Sponge is
still gonna be. So gonna write and

174
00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:52.120
then say similarly, only if they
get my special permission, that's the same

175
00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:58.399
answer. And then if they promised
to never repeat any of the words again,

176
00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:03.159
good luck with that. Yeah.
Well, I mean I would say,

177
00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:09.279
if we're talking about little kids,
maybe preteens, I don't think they

178
00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:11.840
need to be watching shows that had
that kind of language, although good luck

179
00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:18.200
finding shows that don't. It seems
to be more and more even on broadcast

180
00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:20.840
TV. Language that I don't like. My husband is very heppy, right,

181
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:28.519
but you know it's really hard to
find. Ian used to be Disney

182
00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:31.799
Channel stuff was pretty clean. I
don't know if it still is but that's

183
00:14:31.799 --> 00:14:37.559
the kind of well and some people
have a problem with like attitudes, not

184
00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:46.440
language, like behavior on sometimes are
they talking about their first names? Yeah,

185
00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:48.080
I don't care about that so much
because you've got to have something.

186
00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:52.399
But I don't think that they need
I mean the kind of shows that have

187
00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:54.679
a lot of cursing. I don't
know that kids need to be interested in

188
00:14:54.960 --> 00:15:00.759
anyway. But when they get older. I have to say, I sort

189
00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:05.960
of enjoy using curse words with my
kids now, my young adult kids or

190
00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:09.600
adult adult kids, just because it
makes them laugh to hear the old lady

191
00:15:09.639 --> 00:15:13.039
saying those things. And if I
want to put a point across, but

192
00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:16.679
do it in a non hostile way. If I throw in an elbow,

193
00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:22.720
yes, right, it diffuses the
situation while still getting the message through.

194
00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:28.120
So I am worse than the TV
shows, but I don't think they have

195
00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:31.720
a lot of interest in that kind
of shows anyway. Tried to get my

196
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:37.200
daughter to watch Shrinking. She was
not interested. And boy, that show

197
00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:45.720
had some math bone. It did
any much every couple of minutes. Yes,

198
00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.120
and as much as I enjoyed it, I'm still kind of why about

199
00:15:48.159 --> 00:15:52.399
it. But okay, it was
fun. I kind of enjoy that stuff.

200
00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:58.639
My husband is very very very very
anti that kind of language, which

201
00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:03.919
is why I'm the given them cookies. So what do you feel about these

202
00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:08.519
things? So I don't know.
I guess my answer is yeah, I

203
00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:14.440
mean again, it's certainly an age
thing, you know. Like it was

204
00:16:14.519 --> 00:16:18.279
kind of funny because my son the
other day we got I got a notice

205
00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:22.639
from one of his teachers that they
were going to be watching an R rated

206
00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:26.759
movie and like I had to,
you know, be warned about this,

207
00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:29.919
and I'm like, okay, Well, first of all, he's eighteen,

208
00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:36.240
and yeah, yeah, he's pretty
much seen everything, so I do not

209
00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:42.559
care if he watches rain Man in
psychology class. So yeah, yeah,

210
00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:47.360
I mean a kind of shows are
not for kids, right, It's it's

211
00:16:47.399 --> 00:16:52.480
an age thing. And and I've
never been super like I don't know,

212
00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:56.360
I don't want to say prudish,
but I've never been super like. Strict

213
00:16:56.559 --> 00:17:00.159
is the is the term they're using
in this article about what my kids to

214
00:17:00.200 --> 00:17:03.519
watch. So right, I guess
I'll just say they can watch some under

215
00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:08.640
my supervision. So what are you
going to pick? I don't know.

216
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:11.200
I think those kinds of shows are
not for kids, and not only because

217
00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:15.400
of the language. Yeah, just
because adults themes, as they say in

218
00:17:15.480 --> 00:17:21.279
the TV writing world, right,
um, adults may not even be ready

219
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:26.440
for adult themes. Now, So
what's the best way for a child to

220
00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:30.160
spend their summer halls? I'm assuming
that means holiday. Yeah, this must

221
00:17:30.200 --> 00:17:37.079
be the British buzz buzz feed.
I guess, okay, right, with

222
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:41.039
a summer job. It's the only
way to learn discipline inside the house in

223
00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:44.880
front of the TV. At summer
camp. Things have always got to be

224
00:17:44.960 --> 00:17:48.359
productive or out and about with their
friends. Summer is all about making memories.

225
00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:52.359
Could it not be all of the
other? Yeah, that's what I

226
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:56.200
think. Summer is a long time. You could have a little summer job,

227
00:17:56.279 --> 00:17:59.759
you could go to camp, you
could go do stuff with your friends,

228
00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:02.240
you watch TV. There's all the
time in the world. I notice

229
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:03.880
summer homework is not on you.
Yeah, no, I don't. I

230
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:10.599
don't appreciate the summer homework. I
have enough trouble with homework during the school

231
00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:11.920
year. I don't want to have
to deal with it in the summer either.

232
00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:17.000
Yeah. And I mean it's also
an age thing, because you know,

233
00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:19.559
I'm not going to give my kindergartener
a summer job. They should pull

234
00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:23.160
their weight to. You know,
my elementary school age kid can go to

235
00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:26.920
summer camp, my teenager. If
they want to be in front of the

236
00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:30.640
TV with their friends, they probably
also should work a little bit. It's

237
00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:34.880
I don't know. All of these
things can be about making memories, honestly.

238
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:38.240
Yeah, remember that summer we sat
in front of the TV and did

239
00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:41.920
nothing else. I loved that summer. Well. Also, the accompanying Jeff

240
00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:47.079
is from high school musical and they're
all at work. So that's right.

241
00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:48.880
Oh well, so I don't know
what do we say to that? I

242
00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:52.880
say, I say all to the
above and depending on age, Yeah,

243
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:55.759
me too. So how do you
app to this one? I'm gonna pick

244
00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:00.200
out and about with their friends.
Yeah, this assumes they have friends,

245
00:19:00.279 --> 00:19:03.119
which is not something that I could
assume with my children. Like ever,

246
00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.680
so that summer camp is not necessarily
bad. I'm just going to boot this

247
00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:11.880
one. Well, most, it
turns out, the most they agree with

248
00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:18.480
most people agree with me. Yes, all right, should strict bedtimes be

249
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:23.440
enforced? Well? And also,
okay, these questions are again weird.

250
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:27.559
Yes, once the lights go out, they need to catch those z's.

251
00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:34.240
What does that mean like mom and
dad are watching TV that has swear words.

252
00:19:36.079 --> 00:19:40.359
Um. I guess it means like, if you set a bedtime,

253
00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:45.319
do you enforce it? Um,
And then the next one is normally yes,

254
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:48.759
but if there's something fun happening,
it goes out the window. They

255
00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:51.359
have to go to their room at
bedtime, but I don't care what they

256
00:19:51.480 --> 00:19:53.880
do in there. Nah, the
kids will sleep when they're tired enough.

257
00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:59.519
Okay, that's that's a bad move. That's that is not going to go

258
00:19:59.640 --> 00:20:03.240
well for you the next day.
So no, no, no, no,

259
00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:07.039
no no. I would say I
was probably when my kids were younger,

260
00:20:07.599 --> 00:20:11.519
young enough to have a bedtime more
like normally yes, but if there's

261
00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:18.079
something fun happening, it goes out
the window. Yeah. Maybe, I

262
00:20:18.400 --> 00:20:23.359
would say. I remember if my
son was really, really little, it

263
00:20:23.400 --> 00:20:29.039
was totally we put him down in
his crib. But whether he slept or

264
00:20:29.079 --> 00:20:32.920
not, I have no idea.
He would just just amuse himself in some

265
00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:36.680
way, and the petition would pediatrician
would say how much sleep did he get

266
00:20:36.680 --> 00:20:37.759
a night, And we're like,
oh, I don't know. I put

267
00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:44.759
him down this right in between he
might be partying with the other babies.

268
00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:48.839
I don't know, but yeah,
I guess normally yes, but if there's

269
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:55.559
something fun happening, it's closest to
our kids. My daughter has always just

270
00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:57.599
put herself to bed. She has
a very strict biological clock, and when

271
00:20:57.599 --> 00:21:02.759
it's her bedtime, she goes to
bed. And my son again, he'll

272
00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:06.200
go to bed and not sleep.
So, um, yeah, it looks

273
00:21:06.200 --> 00:21:07.799
like we're in the majority there.
I mean, I agree that they need

274
00:21:07.839 --> 00:21:14.640
to catch those disease, but I
think they're There has to be some room

275
00:21:14.759 --> 00:21:17.839
for Yeah, there has to be
some flexibility, you know, they can

276
00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:22.480
they can participate in the setting of
the bedtime. Doesn't have to be the

277
00:21:22.519 --> 00:21:26.079
parents who just say you are going
to be sleepy at this time, right,

278
00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:30.440
and I don't care. Um.
Oh, curfews, I know if

279
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:36.519
I ever had a curfew when I
and eleven pm. Curfew must be enforced.

280
00:21:36.559 --> 00:21:38.880
No if, no, butts now, when they're going to be home,

281
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:41.720
when they've got to be home depends
on where they're going curfew. My

282
00:21:41.799 --> 00:21:47.119
kids aren't leaving the house in the
first place, or a curfew is important,

283
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:51.160
but it should always be later on
weekends. Um, I think why

284
00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:56.440
my kids aren't leaving the house,
They don't mean my kids don't have anything

285
00:21:56.480 --> 00:22:00.160
to do. I think they mean
like I am keeping my answer, but

286
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.559
I think that yeah, the implication
is I'm keeping them at home. I

287
00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:08.359
can't answer any of these because my
kids never went out by themselves in a

288
00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:14.319
situation that would require a curfew.
My my daughter in high school might have

289
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:17.359
gone to some banned parties, but
she always wanted to come home early.

290
00:22:17.880 --> 00:22:21.400
As you said, she has a
question when she wants to go to sleep.

291
00:22:21.480 --> 00:22:23.759
She wants to go to sleep,
so it wasn't an issue. And

292
00:22:23.799 --> 00:22:29.160
my son, you know, all
the moms would go with the kids and

293
00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:34.960
then all the moms would bring them
home. So yeah, I'm just gonna

294
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:38.519
have to skip that one. I
think it's probably when they've got to be

295
00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:41.960
your home. Depends on where they're
going. Like the least strict one,

296
00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:47.119
this one mine would My answer is, but that's not the number one choice.

297
00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:49.119
The number one choice is a curfew
is important, but it should be

298
00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:56.400
later on weekends. I mean,
I guess, should the kids do chores

299
00:22:56.440 --> 00:23:00.000
around the house, and the options
are, Dobie know the kids are free

300
00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:03.160
cleaners. No way, kids should
be kids. Well, that's the only

301
00:23:03.240 --> 00:23:06.960
way they'll get any money off me. So, yeah, they should have

302
00:23:07.039 --> 00:23:10.559
a few responsibilities here and there.
I go with the last one. Me

303
00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:14.599
too. I think responsibilities and contributing
to the family are good. Yes,

304
00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:21.880
and that is the most populous look
at us. Okay, sleepovers, where

305
00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:25.480
do you stand on sleepovers? Golly, I would have loved to have sleepovers

306
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:27.880
with my kids, but it didn't
really happen. I had a lot of

307
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:33.160
sleepovers when I was a kid.
Yeah, Adam went to them. It

308
00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:36.960
was all about them. This was
maybe the sixties was the high point of

309
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:41.319
sleepover in America. Yeah. I
mean, I'm a little bit younger than

310
00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:45.759
you, but I definitely had plenty
of sleep The options are I'm all for

311
00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:51.119
them. Got to get the kids
out of the house somehow. The kids

312
00:23:51.160 --> 00:23:53.519
can only stay at houses that have
passed my background check. If they want

313
00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:57.039
to sleepover, they can have one
at home or sleepover. Why would make

314
00:23:57.079 --> 00:24:00.880
keep go to someone else's house when
they have a free place to sleep at

315
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:07.720
home? That weird answer, stupid
answer. I think it's the kids can

316
00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:11.720
stay at houses that have passed my
background check. I mean, not that

317
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:15.160
I'm doing a background check, but
like you know, I want to have

318
00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:18.839
some comfort level with where they're going. Yeah, I think I would say

319
00:24:18.839 --> 00:24:22.000
they can have one at home,
just purely because I mean, I'm a

320
00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:26.039
control freak, so I would definitely. I would be all worried all night.

321
00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:29.480
So do it here where I can
sneak in and peak gun. Make

322
00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:33.680
sure nobody's putting your hand in a
bowl of water. Yeah, well,

323
00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:38.640
but we are both kind of in
the minority. Yeah, the most popular

324
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:41.720
answers, I'm all for them.
Get the kids out. Oh man,

325
00:24:42.759 --> 00:24:47.799
definitely not that one. That would
be my lowest ranked I think, yes,

326
00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:51.599
although why would they sleep at someone
else's house when they have a free

327
00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:53.759
place to sleep at home. It's
just dumb. Yeah, silly. Oh.

328
00:24:53.880 --> 00:24:59.119
Piercings in tattooercings in tattoos, go
for it. I'm all about self

329
00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:03.960
expression. Earings, Yes, tattoos
No, if I personally approve it,

330
00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:10.119
why not? And no way,
I don't like any of those. I

331
00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:14.680
would be fine with pierced ears,
pierced other things. I guess once they're

332
00:25:14.680 --> 00:25:17.480
an adult, do what you want
to do. If they wanted tattoos,

333
00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:22.519
I probably would if they were tastes. Fortunately, I squashed the tattoo thing

334
00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:26.960
early on. Bye and the piercings
as well by saying there's needles and balls

335
00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:32.279
and lots of needles, and you
know they who scream and have to be

336
00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:33.759
tied down to get shots were like, no, thank you, not for

337
00:25:33.880 --> 00:25:38.680
me, never mind, do not
want? But if they did, I

338
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.039
mean such a thing nowadays. My
husband, on the other hand, I

339
00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:45.119
could be as liberal as I want
on this thing, because you would say

340
00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:49.960
no, how no way, never
right, So so I can go are

341
00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:53.759
you sure? Maybe you'd be oh
no, no, you say no any

342
00:25:53.799 --> 00:25:57.880
will Pop says no, I'm sorry
nothing, I caple not have it.

343
00:25:59.440 --> 00:26:00.960
But my daughter could have got her
ears perst if she wanted to. She

344
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:04.559
didn't want to because sharp object through
your skin? Thank you? Right,

345
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.440
So the fact that I have them
meant nothing. What is your feeling about

346
00:26:08.440 --> 00:26:11.880
that? If your kid's gotten any
of these items? Um, my daughter

347
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:18.640
has several She has her ears pierced
multiple places, and she does have her

348
00:26:18.680 --> 00:26:26.400
nose pierced um. And I don't
mind the nose with like a little tiny

349
00:26:26.519 --> 00:26:30.319
stud I actually think it's it can
be cute. I don't love when it's

350
00:26:30.359 --> 00:26:34.599
a little ring, even if it's
tiny. Um, and she has she

351
00:26:34.680 --> 00:26:40.400
has done both. I okay,
I definitely prefer the little the little sneezes.

352
00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:45.119
What happens, nothing, it's no, Yeah, it's not painful to

353
00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:52.759
like blow your nose with something.
No, I mean it's I think that

354
00:26:52.279 --> 00:26:56.519
getting your ear pierced, like up
in the cartilage, Yeah, that can

355
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:03.160
be more painful. Like my my
sister has that and she still can't sleep

356
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:07.279
on that side of her head.
So I had two piercings on my earlobe

357
00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:11.720
at one point. That's as far
as I want. Yeah, that was

358
00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:18.440
my that was my dramatic stand of
piercing. And then I let it grow

359
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:22.440
over because it was too much to
deal with. Yeah, I mean,

360
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:27.640
I am basically on the side of
like I'm I'm about self expression. I'm

361
00:27:27.680 --> 00:27:33.240
like, yeah, it's it's your
body, and I write I don't necessarily

362
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:38.759
love it, but you know I
don't. I don't feel strongly enough about

363
00:27:38.759 --> 00:27:44.880
it too, yeah, to try
to forbid it. And it's also like

364
00:27:44.880 --> 00:27:48.759
a choose your battles kind of thing. Absolutely, So that's something about which

365
00:27:48.799 --> 00:27:56.119
attitudes have changed, yeah, enormously
during our lifetime. Right, And my

366
00:27:56.319 --> 00:28:00.960
daughter also does. She has an
idea for a tattoo she wants to get

367
00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:04.279
when she's done skating. Because if
she would, if she would get it

368
00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:08.160
while she's skating, she would have
to cover it up. Yes, so,

369
00:28:08.759 --> 00:28:12.160
and you know, I know what
it is. It's small, it's

370
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:17.519
tasteful, it's yeah. Yeah,
I think I wouldn't freak out about something

371
00:28:17.599 --> 00:28:19.599
small. I think sleeves. We
would have to have a long conversation,

372
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:26.079
right, But you know it's I'm
trying to sort of be the one saying

373
00:28:26.279 --> 00:28:30.799
it's their body. They're adults.
They get to do what they want to

374
00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:33.319
do, even if we don't approve
of it. But did I mention their

375
00:28:33.400 --> 00:28:38.960
needles? I'm getting a shot over
and over and over again, right,

376
00:28:40.359 --> 00:28:44.839
I don't know if that's true.
But wow, well I picked I picked

377
00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:48.279
the go for it one, and
I that's the least popular. Yes,

378
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.200
oh wow, I guess I would
say I would see piercings. Yes,

379
00:28:52.400 --> 00:28:57.000
now I've how about if you personally
approve it, but I personally approve of

380
00:28:57.039 --> 00:29:00.079
it, why not? But if
I personally approve of it, and and

381
00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:07.680
Pop does not personally approve of it, assuming troubles so much trouble it's not

382
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:11.240
worth it? Yes? So what
that is the most popular? Gets some

383
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:15.039
easy to wash off marking pins and
just you know, have a little fun.

384
00:29:15.440 --> 00:29:18.160
Because they get those ear rings with
the magnets. You could probably use

385
00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:22.160
that in your nose. It'd be
okay. Yeah maybe no that I feel

386
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:27.119
would fallow were to come out when
you blow. Yeah. Yeah they have.

387
00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:32.279
They have not shown any interest whatsoever. So all kay? Finally,

388
00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:36.079
is this the last one? When
the best time to start relaxing the rules?

389
00:29:37.559 --> 00:29:41.240
Once they turn eighteen, we are
all adults. As long as they're

390
00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:44.480
under my roof, it's my rules. Never lol, They'll always be my

391
00:29:44.559 --> 00:29:48.160
kid. Yeah, as long as
they're under my roof, it's my rules.

392
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:51.599
We have used that trite and horrifying
as it is, we say that

393
00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:56.400
kind of a lot. Yeah,
yeah, I mean I put it.

394
00:29:56.440 --> 00:29:59.720
I put it a little more gently
as it's part of your rent. Yes,

395
00:30:00.960 --> 00:30:08.440
but the same diff I'm gonna say
that too. I mean, I

396
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:12.920
think, Wow, once they turn
eighteen, we're all adults. I gotta

397
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:17.839
wonder if the people who are saying
once they turn eighteen were all adults have

398
00:30:17.960 --> 00:30:22.799
children who were under eighteen. Yeah. Well, once they get there,

399
00:30:22.839 --> 00:30:26.920
you realize these kids don't know anything, and most of them are still in

400
00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:33.279
high school, you know, especially
with kids being red shirted and stuff.

401
00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:37.559
Yeah, all right, all right, so do we have a score here?

402
00:30:37.960 --> 00:30:42.839
No, there's no final score.
It was just perth. So yeah,

403
00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:45.720
so we will never never have stress
where we are. Of course I

404
00:30:45.759 --> 00:30:51.240
didn't answer once something that I'm just
gonna tell myself, that's why. But

405
00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:55.880
this was fun. Yeah, things
that parents are talking about, complaining about,

406
00:30:55.920 --> 00:31:00.839
and obsessing about right now in this
quiz. Yes, Oh, that's

407
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:04.519
it for our quizzical round three.
Tune in tomorrow when we'll obsess about take

408
00:31:04.599 --> 00:31:08.079
your child to Workday, and then
on Friday to see what we've come up

409
00:31:08.079 --> 00:31:11.799
with for our Roundabout round of picks
this week. Find all our episodes apparenting

410
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:15.640
roundabout dot com and talk back in
the comments there, on our Facebook page

411
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:18.160
or on Twitter, where you'll find
us at roundabout Chat