Deborah, with her thirty years of being an entrepreneur and creating over seven companies,
knows exactly what it means to accept the mission. When you make that
decision, when you accept the mission to become a solopreneur, to take yourself
and your talents to market, then you embrace a life of not only unlimited
possibilities, but also the unknown. It's an elixir of fear and bravery that
only someone who's taken the leap really understands. On our show, deb digs
deep with her guests to highlight what you the listener wants to know, the
stories, the whys, and the hows to navigate the journey to success.
Get ready to hear from some of the most incredible mission takers from Generation Z
to boomers. So sit up, perk up, and get ready to be
blown away. Now here is your host, Deborah Drummond. Welcome to Mission
Accepted. Thank you so much for coming back. And you have not been
following the journey that we have been taking. Mission Accepted and Barbara Franson are
taking a journey to transform you into having an experience of joy like you've never
experienced. And we are uncovering, explaining, and moving through this incredible transformation.
The reason why is because when you take on a mission, stuff won't
happen. Mostly you're gonna meet you. That's what happens. You're gonna meet
you. I'm in a relationship with you right now. You're in a relationship
with me. Thank you for coming on to the show. And our relationship
is boundary list because we are sharing the inspiration and the motivation and really just
that stuff that makes things happen. And that's what happens on the Mission Accepted
podcast show, you know, because you come back every week and guess what,
so do I we have a relationship, we have an agreement. I
show up, you show up, I'm me, You're you. Those are
called media boundaries. And I'm just making this stuff off the top of my
head because I am so excited because you know what boundaries is something that I
personally full transparency, had to learn about. I don't know, I don't
know where you were. I don't know. I watched you know, I
watched my daughter, you know, you know, be the parent to her
daughter. And I see this whole experience of boundaries and whatever, and I'm
like, well, isn't that interesting that the evolution of how we learn and
how it passes on to other generations. But that just wasn't a generation that
I, you know, I was raised in. I didn't understand boundaries and
I didn't go and look and discover them until I was in so much pain
of people crossing mine. And then I had to realize I let them cross
mine because I didn't know that I was supposed to have any And so I
just love what we're going to be talking about today. So Barbara Franks and
motivational speaker, this woman plane, trains and automobiles herself all over given the
word, don't expect a PowerPoint because you're not going to get one. Don't
pull out your laptop right now and start writing. You better get a pen
and paper because she's gonna nail it down until you do. And she is
going to share with you in this journey of turning your pain and to passion
and how you can take that and just move your own internal mountains, and
if you choose and share it too, you can move others. Thank you,
Barbarke for coming onto the show today. I'm still looking forward to that.
Thank you, Thank you for having me. Oh Man Boundaries one of
my topics that I love and the reason why I love it. It took
me a long time in my life to understand boundaries or to create it.
I had to go back, you know. I always go back and revisit,
you know, to see what I've missed. And one of the things
I remember hearing all the time from my mom, children ought to be seen
and not heard heard, And I said what And I wasn't allowed to speak
right, And a lot of times when we're not allowed to speak, there's
things that we need to share, things that are happening that we need to
tell people about what. So it affected me, you know, and if
you don't know better, then you do the same thing. So remember one
of the things that I always say is this is that you have to go
back to your childhood because when you've tried, especially in a marriage, when
you try to put two different households, because that's what you're doing, you're
putting two different households. So they were One believes in this type of punishment.
This one says, no, I don't believe in punishment. I believe
in this linc His punishment just are And then one believes in putting the ketchup
in the cupboard and the other one believes in the refrigerator, or one has
miracle weapon, the other one says, no, it's a helmet. So
right, So you so I had to really go back there. And then
I said, wait a second, how did my treatment of me? How
did I learn how to treat me by how the adults treated me? Right?
So, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and physical abuse. Right,
So what that kind of does is That's why I said, we go back.
But then I realized all those pain areas is for a purpose as long
as we look at them with different eyes. And when you're growing, that's
why you read books, y'all. I'm a true believer in read stuff wherever
you want to go, read it, read it. I don't believe in
that. Oh fake it till you make it. No, no, no,
read Whatever you read you can become because you're downloading it. You're downloading
it. You didn't even know it existed. One of the things that I've
done, And it's so funny that we're talking about reading. I volunteer every
Monday. I go in into the inner city and I read with a young
lady. And when I first started, she's only seven, And I said,
what do you want to be when you grow up? I'm going someplace
with this, and she said, I want to be a mother, and
I said, you know you can be more than that, right, So
we're going to fast forward. That's where she was This Monday was my last
time, so I remember this one clearly, and when I went back,
I said to her, And she always pretends she doesn't like me, but
I know she likes me. So when I went back this time, I
said to her, you know it's our last time together. And she said
really, And I said, but I thought you didn't like me. You're
okay. Let's talk about reading. She now wants to be a doctor.
Why do you like to read? Because it gives me wisdom, it puts
me into a different world. My gosh, she's seven and I only spent
the school time with her. And one of the reasons why I do that
is, I said, I always want to remember where I came from.
And that's why I do revisit to say what are my lasts? Because I
know I didn't go through all of that for nothing, and I refuse to
let that pain just hit me and I don't take it and make it something
good. Right, So it was important for me to go with the younger
kids. And then after I said to him, she's in second grade.
I said, do you have the program for third grade? He goes yeah.
I said, I want to be assigned to her. Yeah, because
I want her to see right, I want her to learn boundaries at seven
and eight years old. And what boundaries is this? You teach people how
to treat you respectful of time. When I have programs, I let them
know it starts on the hour. If you're not there, I'm talking.
I am talking because I show up at least by minutes early to see if
there's any type of technical issues, especially now if we're doing it that way.
So my thing was, I remember someone I jumped off of a zoom
call. After five minutes. She said, BARBARAE, I came there at
eight o six. I go, I was going at eight o five.
She goes, what boundaries? I don't care what color you are. I
don't care how much money you have. I don't care what language you speak.
We only get twenty four hours. I can't say, oh, Jake,
I'd like to buy an hour for five cents or two vowels. No,
we only have twenty four hours, and everyone's time is valuable. And
do you know why I know that because mine is. So if I book
something out, I've booked something out. This phone right here, do not
disturb. That means I'm busy, Barbara. Why are you always want to
do not to stir? Maybe because I'm always busy. That's what happens when
you find enjoy. And it's funny because I've had one of one of the
things that I've done to is is because like I said, I come from
humbly beginnings. I had foster daughters, and it was funny when we were
setting up appointment, they go, nope, uh, you can't be on
her. No one controls her calendar but her. They learned that, and
and and and that's what I'm saying. You teach it from younger. How
do you learn what do you mean you waited for him for an hour at
the restaurant? Are you kidding? Next time he's gonna let you wait an
hour and a half. Don't you create the boundaries. I had a best
friend, a male that said to me when I was dat, he said
men. I don't know if it's women, but he was talking for all
men. So I'm not taking I'm just quoting another man, and he said,
men find time for things and people who are important to them. So
don't ever believe I'm busy. I learned that from him. Boundaries. So
we have to create boundaries so people know, No, you can't be late,
because then if I'm late for if I stay for you, then it's
a Domino's effect for everything in my life. And that means that I've allowed
you to make me, my character, my integrity, because now I'm off
balanced. That is why it's so much I schedule time with me once again.
You learn how to do it for you, you can learn how to
do it for every and when you're talking about people, places and things to
change. When you start changing, guess what you know. They say.
There's a saying I love sayings. They say, if you're the smartest one
in a room, find a new room. But I say something else.
I say, find a room of where you think your purpose is taking you.
And when you're in there, you're like, oh my gosh. People
think like that. They did that and do that because before it's just a
dream or it wasn't even in your atmosphere. Books introduce you to a new
world. Come on now. Music introduces you to new It's a universal language
everyone. If you're on beat, you can dance together. And I say
when I talk to my clients, we dancing dancing because I'm giving you something.
You're giving me something bad. Come on now, we're dancing, right
people. If people do not add or multiply, if they do not lift
you up, but they put you down and they take away, they subtract,
they withdraw, and they divide from your peace. Babe, man,
you won't know that if you don't spend some time with you to say,
why is thing so hectic? What is going on? My cousin once told
me givers have to know when to stop giving, because takers never know when
to stop taking. Boundaries shirt, that's a T shirt moment. That's a
T shirt moment. That's a T shirt moment because you because the onus is
on you, this secret moment, because the onus is on you. It's
not it's not on takers to learn to stop taking. If they just this,
if my boss would just stop putting things on my desk, if they
would call me at decent hours, if they would if they would actually call
when they say they're gonna call when you put that they if you take the
onus on you, it's like there's no room on my desk for those papers
because they're still the ones from last week. So I'll let you know when
i'm done with that. Oh it's called overtime. Oh, it's called overtime
pay. Yes, you know what I mean. Like the renegotiation, I
don't think we realized we should renegotiate, or that we can renegotiate or we
can set new rules with old people. And I think that's why a lot
of times we don't go into those next rooms, or sign up for that
next program, or go by yourself because these people don't want to go or
whatever. I think, because we don't realize. But sometimes when you're at
the top of your party, you just forget because you're reading it. You
forget that there's another group, there's another this, there's another stage. There's
and your stage can be anything. Your stage can be a new job,
or it can actually be a stage where we sit there a rock. And
I just think that people forget they can renegotiate, particularly with people they've been
in the dance with for a long time. Oh, I'll do that with
my new clients, but I can't do it with her because I've been coaching
her for two years and she always shows up ten minutes late because that's just
to night. Yeah yeah, yeah, this is how you do it.
This is how you do it. Dat you say, all right, I
got my pen. This is how you do it. Penn moment, Penn
moment. Do not hold me in my past. Mm, don't hold me
in my in my past because when you say that, you're freeing yourself.
And then because I'm not holding me And that's why I said, people things
that have to change because people you've been around the past don't realize I now
know my value on my work. I now know my time is valuable and
it's worthy. So you don't get to show up ten minutes anymore. Yeah
I know. And I don't want extra money because you can't buy my time
back. Period right. Do not allow people to keep you in your past,
because people, especially when you start growing, because what's going to happen
is you got a circle, right, and then you start growing and they're
here, they're like, oh, you become snotty, you think you're all
that? Then they start, well, did you see her? Did you
see you know they start, Look who does she think? Because they like
the old person. Do you know why they like the old person? Because
the old person didn't know their value, they didn't know their worth. They
were able to control people, like control control you. How about that,
let's start there, control you, control you. That's why people, places
and things have to change. But guess what, when you change, it's
an automatic because you don't. You're like, they're still talking about high school.
I'm how old? Didn't that person die? What? What is this
adding to me? It's like they're speaking a different language? Or I don't
know my age? Myself again Charlie brown Man? When when? When?
Charlie brown is universal and it's never always always keeps it yet? So then
the places you can't go there anymore because guess what, you outgrown it.
You can't watch all those series anymore. You're too nancy more time. Yeah,
purpose you don't even like the TVs there? Let me remember, could
you clean it when you come in? Because it has Pablo or dust on
it? Because you're not even there anymore. Yeah, you are a totally
different person. And if you don't recognize that, and you go back and
you're sitting and having lunch with someone and they're talking and you're like, I'm
not even listening. I'm rude. That's because you're really not there. Yeah,
because even the conversation is holding you in your past. And that's what
we don't understand. Words are powerful, and don't feel bad for wanting more.
I have on on on my Facebook tonight. Yeah. Yeah, every
Tuesday night conversations on becoming dot dot dot and they go, what's the dot
dot dot for? I said, that's the it's always becoming. You're right
here, go up, you're here, and guess what happens with that?
Dep You find new rooms, new people, new talk about fulfilly. Yes,
yes, everything becomes a T shirt moment, we're gonna have to go
into a merchandise business, right, If we're gonna have to go into a
merchandise business. I love this because it's a never ending conversation. I mean,
all that we've talked about is a never ending conversation. But there's a
lot of times like look at when I did this, stand up, speak
up and show up. That was the mandate of my first company. I'm
seven companies later, and when we decided to do this, we added the
YESU and the reason why we added the YESU is because sometimes we get comfortable
in our success and we're like, oh, just let the new ones come
in and I'll mentor and I'll coach, and it's like, no, get
on stage, share your wisdom and maybe shake out some of those cobhead you
know, those cobwebs you talk about, and you're gonna go to that next
place. The other one is yes you in terms of stepping up. The
first time you know, someone decides to step up and someone grabs their army,
they're like me, and you're like, yes you. They're like yeah,
but me, like, I'm gonna on stage with her. I'm on
stage with Barbara. Yeah, yes, you get up here. Because if
you don't have, if you don't move yourself to the new rooms, and
if you don't remind yourself to go to the new rooms or create in the
new rooms, it gets like a very stagnant. And then you don't mean
to get weak in your boundaries. You don't mean to get comfortable, you
don't mean to get compliant, but the voices can come in and you don't
pay attention to them as much because you get kind of groovy. And I
think it's okay to get successful, but sometimes we get into a groove of
success and it's it itself can become uncomfortable. It can be like and then
you hear things like is this all there is? Is this what I wanted?
This is what it was supposed to be? You know, And then
they go see you and they're like, oh that's right, there's more.
Thank you, becoming becoming, you always becoming coming. Listen, I'm always
becoming. Because if you have clients right and you're taking them to a level,
and then your lid becomes no always you are an example. It's like,
do you have a coach? Absolutely? And you can't afford because I
know that's what you're gonna say, how much you pay? And baby if
you know, because I'm just saying, we're not ready for that yet,
right, so big girl talk. So at the end of the day,
we we turn around and we pull people. Right. It's called what the
changing of the guards? Changing the guards? And I love that, yes
you, because you know what, they didn't even feel that they belonged in
that room. I remember the first time I decided to step into something and
and the person in the room says, cheer them and I stood up clapping.
I was like, oh, they're clapping for me because I didn't have
that set and some belonging. I've walked into rooms that they didn't they didn't
want me there, and I said, pooh, Now I build my own
table, I build a chair. I'm bringing in that door. I walked
in it. It's my door. Yeah, that's right. But then you
turn around and you say, I will never ever let anyone not have a
sense of belonging. That's where that stuff comes. When that pain area,
you remember that pain area, and you take that pain area to heal someone
else. M h, come on now, it's look, there's so many
things that are flashing through my mind that when you talk, and I think
that anyone listening to our conversation today is just gonna talk a little louder and
gonna speak a little stronger when you talk about that. This is why I'm
so why I'm so drawn to creating platforms for people to speak. Because I'm
in Vancouver. You know, you could be in Brazil right now, and
there's some woman in Turkey that needs to go and ask for some time off,
and she's scared to walk through the door. And as she starts to
turn the handle to her boss's door, she gets a whoosh of energy from
behind that pushes her through that she didn't know where it came from. And
where it came from was from you saying to a client, I need you
to show up on time. And it was from me saying as I walked
down the street and someone whistled, don't do that, you know what I
mean? Like, that's really when I think about boundaries, I think it
about it so globally, and I think about the things that we do different
now. I was raised in the same generation children shouldn't be seen and not
heard, and that's cool and groovy because a couple generations before that, we
were going up chimneys and cleaning chimneys and all that kind of stuff. Right,
So evolution happens, And I remember I did something with my kids when
they were younger. I don't know where this came from, you know how
you get those ideas and you don't know where they came from. I didn't
read about it in a book. I just knew that I had been I
had heard this. I'd heard the statistic that kids hear something like, you
know, twenty five thousand no's in one year or one month or something,
and they hear twelve yeses. I mean, it was just so obscure,
right, And I thought, well, there's got to be something because I
didn't live in an abundant mindset. Children. You know, money doesn't grow
on trees and blah blah blah, keep on funny, and I, you
know, I had to go through my personal you know, rebuild of my
philosophy around the relationship with abundance. And I thought, okay, now,
look at I did not have the money to do this. Straight up.
I did not have the money and I didn't even know if I had the
bravery. But I told my kids and I said, okay, every once
in a while, and I probably did it about three times a year.
I said we're going to have a yes day and they're like, what's it.
I mean, I literally sat them down and I found it. We're
going to have a yes day. And they're like, what does that mean
that? I said, that means from the moment you wake up to the
moment you go to sleep, whatever you ask of me, I can't say
no, woo, I know, can you Can you feel the money draining
from my account as we say that, right, I haven't even had a
house. My kids would have taken my house. I didn't even know what
I was saying, but it was very interesting that, you know. And
even though they were raised in a the world is abundant and you can do
what you want and blah blah blah, they didn't even know what to do
with They're like really, I'm like, yeah, let's do it. And
I'll tell you. My daughter is thirty, my son's nineteen. I started
it when you know, my daughter was probably four or something. I've never
had the bank break. I can tell you that that day always included shopping.
And when it went from shopping at the Gap to shopping at the Apple
Store, I got to tell you I was shaking a little bit in my
boots, you know, from from Please Mom to Victoria's Secret. I was
like, okay, here we go, right. But never was it an
uncomfortable experience for me. But I always thought I can either pay now or
pay later. Yeah, I can pay now. Just teaching them that the
world is abundant and you can have what you ask for, and that sometimes
when you ask, you get a resounding yes. Right. I don't know
why I'm telling you about that story and relationship to boundaries. But I think
it's about allowing ourselves to expand allowing ourselves to have, allowing ourselves to be
and being okay in that space, asking and deserving and juicy. But part
of boundaries is saying unapologically yes, that's a boundary, yes to me,
and knowing you all right? And as Robin Armson and Peloton says, and
a boundary is sexy is she says, and boundaries as sexy as she's like,
put a boundary on it. Yeah, guess what when you put a
boundary on it, you say, my goodness, I have arrived to know
what my value and my worth is. When you did that little going that
exercise with you, I was right there with you because it took a lot
for me to speak up. Especially I was in a male dominated role at
my job, and I remember I had to bring in some trainees and I
told them, I have to tell you what my biggest fear is. And
I told them being a black female and being expected to you know, it
was a very hard thing for me in a white male dominated area, right,
So I had to But the way that I was thinking it is I
am not only speaking for me. I am not only standing up for me.
I am not only showing up for me. I'm doing it for every
woman. And until all women are free, none of us is free.
Sam, you might might drop class because there's gonna be one. There's gonna
be one, and it's going to be next month. Look at so we
are going through the transformation. And if you've been walking through the transformation with
us, you know you're as excited about next month as I am. Yes,
Barbara, you're dropping the mic in places that are just covering all like
if they're just making every part of my body sing. Look you, guys,
you know what to do. Share the episode, stand up, speak
up and show up. Show up at the stand up, speak up and
show up are going on. They're going on as we speak, and we'll
go on all the way till next year and five years toured after that.
So there's no way you can't find where we are. And if you get
lost, you can start at the hub and that's dev Drummond dot com.
Where can they reach you right now, right today. Bfrankspeaks dot com or
on Instagram, I am B Frank or Barbara frankson and guys, look out
for me because I have Gifted Warriors in training a boot camp coming up,
and if you don't know how to do it, I'll show you all right,
Gifted Warriors. I love it. Okay, look you guys. Also,
they did it tour dot CA. I got to mention they did it
tour. Music is a big part of my life. It inspires me and
motivates me. There's a lot of good stuff about boundaries and some songs.
So so go there and really support the music communities in a little bit of
pain, you know, and we need to support that, and we need
to change the numbers there as well, where ninety percent of them are not
able to pay their rent, and so we want that to be different.
So the way I put it is, every time you've ever heard a song
and haven't had to pay for it, just take that dollar and just run
it over there. We'll gladly take it, and we will we will share
it out from you, and we won't even charge any of the back taxes
on it. It's all free. You can hashtag clear your karma of all
the music you've listened to free. Let me be that person for you.
Go on over to they did It We're going to see you next month.
Until then, honestly be well and stay gruby and thank you for being the
best podcast ever. Set s